Living Your Life on Auto Pilot: Disconnected, Depleted, and Denying Self-Care

Hello. Thanks for checking out my KZbin channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Living Your Life on Autopilot: Disconnected, Depleted, and Denying Self-Care
In this video, I talk about getting stuck not taking care of ourselves. This has to do with little self-regard. We really have to be honest with ourselves, look in the mirror, and notice how there's a quality of being a hamster in a wheel.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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www.alanrobarge.com/everydayr...
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Living Your Life on Autopilot: Disconnected, Depleted, and Denying Self-Care

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZbin. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZbin. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

[@penelopelambson9128]

Many of us are subconsciously waiting for “permission” and/or validation to be rather than do, to choose for ourselves, to take self care seriously.

[@marlenaeva3813]

A major reason for not living life is due to being trauma bonded with narcissistic parents. They made my life their life and it is sad how many are in my situation. But cutting ties with these people will truly give us our life back and allow us to nurture and care for ourselves. Thank you so much for this channel 🙏

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this video sparked some reflection for you. Good for you allowing in self-care. Thank you for valuing this content. You may find more helpful insight from the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. We can be proactive on how we need to take care of ourselves when we understand our relationship triggers.

[@jessenoelle262]

I'm saddened and ashamed to admit that one of the initial thoughts to cross my mind as I began watching this was, "But I want someone else to care for me!" 😞 I guess some of that is b/c it's getting late and I'm tired. But I recognize the frightened little girl inside. The one who was neglected and abandoned, who genuinely needed someone to care for her back then. And who doesn't trust grown up Jesse very far, cuz after all, it's not like she's been doing such a bang up job at self care lately.... Thanks for the call to real honesty and self love, Alan ❤

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad you connected with this one. I hear you about tapping into the feelings. I'm reminded of how important it is to talk about slowing down and acknowledging the feelings. Good job reconnecting with self-care. Thanks for commenting. Also, if you aren't already aware of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community based upon your comment you might be interested in learning more about it. This is the type of content we explore in the community.

[@yourenough3]

Apathy? Beyond depressed. I have been trying to work on myself and i have so many ups and downs. I want so badly to really feel better. I almost fake feeling better just to realize i dont really feel better. I have one life and i am wasting it. There are people out there with cancer or that cant walk. I almost feel guilty because i am not feeling like life is a blessing.

[@svenloach7323]

An existential crisis following a narcissistically-abusive entanglement a couple of years ago brought me to the very painful realisation (as you say) that so much of my life had been wasted in mindless distraction. Much of it is now being cut down or cut out of my life. I suspect many friends and family think I'm going mad which has already happened, but only because I understood that a large part of our angst and anxiety is being amplified by all these brain-dead pursuits we are constantly using to dissociate with.

[@Misslotusification]

I can relate to that.

[@gamayun1224]

In my case taking care of myself oftentimes means I need to pick up work and stop procrastinating.

[@kerry378]

I'm there...affecting everything, my work and my health. The struggle is no energy for years on end. Thanks for the advice.

[@Trailblazers323]

I am that friend that does see others living a distracted, disconnected, depleted life. It frustrating to witness. The women I know have phds, law degrees etc and it’s insane to me to have all of that education and good pay, only to neglect yourself a d your health. These folks look a mess and are a mess and for what?

[@adiroots]

Thank you! Your work is compassionate. This feels like you are talking about me personally. Got to a point where I felt like I was sleepwalking through my own life. Making an effort now to be more intentional; stopping my incessant people pleasing, learning to spend time alone and trying to learn healthy boundaries.

[@im19ice3]

human-doing rather than human-being 😧 i'd never heard that before. it's impactful.

[@ernestinemorrison2799]

Yes, Alan, the tears are falling. Once again you've tapped into who I am today. Breathing, exhaling, letting go of my childhood caretakers who needed someone to show them how to appropriately, lovingly and kindly nurture and nourish themselves in order to have been physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually capable to willingly give me and others like me what we all unknowingly needed and wanted. Alan thank you for being the blessings so many of us deeply wounded adult children need and want. Your own transparency gives me what I most need to be seen, heard and validated. You are freeing me fron the childhood belief that I must hold painful secrets within my body, my soul, my spirit that have eroded my sense of self for over 6 decades. FREE at last. FREE at last. Thank the forces, in the Universe, Greater than myself, for leading me and others like me, ever so gently, ever so slowly, ever so kindly out of the darkness of low self worth into the light of self-care, self appreciation for holding on so long, and out n out gratitude😂. From nay😢 generational self-hatred to YAY😘the evolution of tender love of self.

[@fuzbugg]

💞

[@dharavasishth]

🌟

[@luckyhatzipantelis4261]

You spoke to me. Thank you.

[@KK-gi3wt]

Thank you Alan. Because of you and this video I felt loved and seen because of the way you addressed us. It feels like you understand and you care. It's been four years and I have isolated and shut down. I honestly felt like there is no point or hope. You helped me. I am grateful for who you are because of your special way of talking to us I feel you so understand so much that so many do not

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Yes feeling seen is so important. It helps to nurture more vulnerability and connection. These are just a few of the topics we talk about in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. How to learn new skills to navigate our healing and explore mutually supportive relationships is our focus. We want more relationships where we feel seen. Here is the link to learn more if you are interested in joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@VictorYamaykin]

Thank you for your support. Can't pour from an empty cup! :D I see self-care as part of being a parent to my inner child. Parenting in this way is an act of love towards oneself and for others and trusting that the universe is unfolding as it should. I heard from pastor Andy Stanley that, in this process of starting over, that "Time is your friend."

[@lindamccaffrey3156]

I have listened to your videos for a while now. Very uplifting and awakening. I was ready about 18months ago to get to a higher level of self care. Been on this path many years and exactly where I needed to be I realise that now. but this past while has been extremely hard at times, but I never gave up on myself. Stayed with the pain, pushed and learned so much. I'm ready and did'nt even realise it. Then one day it fell into place. I've stopped old habits of victim, poor me etc. Life can bring a 'trigger'and Im off in that pit again. The difference today is I go with the inner pain and learn something and get a wonderful 'aha' moment. before I would run from the pain with do do keep busy or wallow in poor me. It can still happen of course but I'm aware and look for a healthier way. some things about me will never change and I embrace them cos they are part of my uniqueness, I don't want a completely new me just a better me. Thank you Alan. great work and so kind of you to give this service.

[@shirleymoore8775]

Thank you Alan that was like getting a big hug ....I don't get alot of support in my life...and yet iam very supportive of others.. .Because of the lack in my life I understand how important it is . ...to support others . .iam a giver rather than a receiver ...

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Alan: Bullseye! You hit me right where I am. Thank you for your wake up call.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate you letting me know this is helpful. Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it delivers benefit. Also, this comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@lamaelcharif1523]

So true! Setting the intention! Thank you!

[@sophiea1351]

I really needed to hear this. Thanks

[@Swansue]

This is so hitting home. Exactly.

[@debbiedowner8636]

thanks Alan ! Much Love !

[@laurapiovan]

Thank you Alan. This helps

[@guava111x4]

Great vid Alan!!

[@johngallagher72]

❤ Really needed to hear that this morning . ❤

[@viviennepastars1975]

Great video thanks Alan, how did you get so wise :-) Today I finally heard what I needed to hear after listening to The False Self and feeling fake, phony, or like an imposter. No idea who I am but that's fine too...let the adventure continue...

[@dianesiguenza6308]

Thank you Alan, I needed this, today was a hard day! Tomorrow will be better!!:)))))☆♡☆

[@KandyKoatedKrafts]

Alan, you're the best, thank you!! ♡♡

[@debrasellitti3006]

Alan this is a clarion call and you are a light on the hill.

[@palmamingozzi5736]

Alan you are inspiring, thank you so much

[@liliana6149]

Love this Alan. Feel like you’re directly speaking to my experience.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this spoke to you. Thanks for the feedback. If you like this content then you may like joining in on the conversations on topics like this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@karenrobargemacon68]

Wow, I so need this! I'm joining your community. You popped up on my KZbin feed and the only reason I watched your video was your last name. I've never met another Robarge outside of my small family. Thank you for offering an opportunity for growth and change!

[@undefineddesign9792]

I'm really grateful to find this channel.its so refreshing.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for your supportive comment, I'm so glad to hear that my content is beneficial to you. If you enjoyed the video, consider taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses quiz for a good introduction into learning more about this topic. Here's the link: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@sharonhibbs7972]

These are very good thoughts. I go on adventures and realize they are fun but not really restful.

[@jenc.7097]

Thank you for, even though you don't even know me, calling me out I needed that. I have been i living in this state 4 a while now. If nothing else you gave me something to think about.

[@creshawndo]

I needed this

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Music, Isn't it great to see that? If this topic is interesting to you, you’re invited to join us in the online community I created. It takes the same topics that these posts are create from and expands them. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@ginas3051]

Great info thank you!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad my work brings value. Thanks for the comment. This topic also comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@aleclamb-venecia4838]

Damn you and thank you.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

lol glad you like this video. You might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz. We have different ways we deal with disconnect. Check it out. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@evelynavanti4201]

Thank you for this. Going through the motions would at least be sustainable even if empty. The stakes are even higher for me. I have been on the Titanic. On a crash course. Self-destructing and getting even more bankrupt physically and emotionally and spiritually. Self-care is imperative.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this video spoke to you. I agree, self-care is imperative.

[@rebeccajones8628]

I have been stuck in this since birth. I will work on this from now on. Thank you Dr. Alan.

[@donpeace894]

Alan I really connect with you and I will take the advice you suggest. I pray you are well and happy.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this resonates. Thanks for valuing my work. And thanks for the kind words.

[@jennyleuttner]

Thanks for making this point, Alan. I have slowed down and try to take good care of myself. Only problem is that it repeatedly causes emotional flashbacks because I feel like a loser and that I am losing time. Any suggestions to deal with this?

[@kareemmohammed5270]

resonate

[@johnsmith7622]

I think I'm on auto-pilot... after a girl I love.... stopped loving me back... I don't know how to get out of this mode......

[@oopsidazy143]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@krish.5823]

Stop trying to be friends with people that keep ghosting or ignoring me.

[@MariaLuiza-re4wr]

Happy Groundhog Day, haha

[@MA-un1mj]

What is self care anyway? Probably why I had a few 'crash & burn' years.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for the question. Many people ask similar questions. Answering the "how to" is complex and rooted in many things we do on a daily basis. I'm wondering if you've heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community This is the type of content we explore in the community. You're welcome to join us.

[@aleclamb-venecia4838]

How to not work so much when you're broke?

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you.

[@noodilious1610]

I kinda wana hurt myself as punishment cus i let ppl use me cus im desperate 4 love n it makes me feel so pathetic Thank u i do feel better after listening 2 u. Gonna eat some pasta n drink water

[@johnsmith7622]

Why is a 3 yr old video .... in front of me right now???

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

You wouldn't have listened 3 yrs ago.