Setting Boundaries in Your Most Difficult Relationships (Part 2) - Lysa TerKeurst

Relationships-with your spouse, with your children, with your friends-are some of the most rewarding connections this side of heaven. But challenges can pop up in any relationship. And those challenges need to be sorted out to maintain peace and harmony.
On this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Lysa TerKeurst reflects on the death of her marriage and how she had to place boundaries in her life to protect her own mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. She offers insight, biblical wisdom, and encouragement to those needing to establish boundaries with others. By helping another person understand how to treat you, you can improve the quality and health of your relationship. It’s a powerful conversation you won’t want to miss.
Get Lysa's book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: bit.ly/3hrgEK8
For more resources on this topic: bit.ly/3TltFCC
---
Check out Focus on the Family on social media!
Facebook: / focusonthefamily
Twitter: / focusfamily
Instagram: / focusonthefamily
Pinterest: / focusonthefamily
---
#FocusBroadcast #LysaTerKeurst #SettingBoundariesinYourMostDifficultRelationships #GoodBoundariesandGoodbyes #FOTFBroadcast #FocusontheFamily

[@beverlypasco262]

“There is a difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive marriage “. -Lisa Turkhurst Thank you for your wisdom. ❤

[@brennakohlhase4194]

A much needed response to what happens sometimes when all efforts have been exhausted. Thanks for not leaving poor folks at the divorce lawyer in shame. The Bible contains all we need for life and Godliness. He wants us to thrive. We will not stand before Jesus someday with our spouse (or ex) at our side…we will be alone when He asks “what did you do for me?” There will be no codependence in heaven…hallelujah!

[@marihgator]

Thank you for this. I needed to hear this! 🥰

[@whenyourgone1994]

I feel Lisa’s pain in this interview. She is a strong, beautiful, knowledgeable woman of God. God bless you Lisa, you are an inspiration for many women. You will be truly be happy again, stay strong, and uphold your boundaries.

[@jukes243]

I'm so sorry, Lysa. Thirty years is a long time. You've been an encouragement to me. I thank you.

[@angelr9096]

This is such a weird coincidence. I am literally renovating my daughter's room while listening to this AND simultaneously trying to navigate a partially toxic marriage where my boundaries are not respected. This is definitely the episode for me.

[@anneswatzell5115]

😊

[@kimberlyjennings618]

Pray pray pray. Divorce is not an easy way out and most cases don’t allow for Biblical remarriage. Don’t give up easily 💖 War Room is a great movie about fighting in prayer (I need to rewatch myself) Marriage Helper is also a great resource. They have a workshop that really really helps couples in crisis!

[@reneechadwick1411]

Lisa, I am sorry that you had to go through such a challenging time in your relationship with your spouse. I listed to Part 1 & 2 of this and it made me think a lot. Thank you for sharing this and for writing your book on this topic. A lot of us need help in our relationships. Prayer and hearing from the Lord is key, opening up your heart so that you do not carry bitterness is everything.

[@kayakins3051]

Lisa is so beautiful inside and out . She seems genuine and authentic. Love listening to her, reading her books and doing her Bible studies!

[@braelanzone]

Stood for my marriage for 5 years during the same time Lysa fought for hers. The boundaries I learned about at that time led me to protect my children amidst fighting for my family and ended in a divorce. I still pray for my former spouse, now brother in Christ, and his return to faith is in God's hands no longer on my plate. I had to place those boundaries firmly and learn the hard way. I have grown is SO much health though through the process.

[@ladykatietx]

So appreciate this woman and what she has to share!

[@karleneflores9300]

Lisa, because you fault so hard for your marriage is the reason mines is working out, from learning from such a wise women. Thank you 🙏🏼 I

[@lindabentley6351]

Thank you Lysa for your ministry!!! You have helped me heal and establish healthy boundaries myself. I am so sorry for what you've been through.

[@teriwade3504]

I can so relate to her story. I love her explanation of saying goodbye to a spouse. Wow! I believe I made the right move and thankful that my ex and I are amiable with eachother.

[@yvettebennett6170]

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Healthy boundaries are so important. Blessings to you all. 🙏

[@consejosdemama6084]

Intension of the statement that matches body language and voice tone as well. 👍 such great interviews! So blessed to hear them❤

[@thyblessed162]

Lisa thank you for sharing your brave and courageous journey.

[@gailmitchell5101]

She doesn't bash or discredit the person but sees them through the eyes of Jesus!!!!!

[@margaritajohns7907]

Thanks for the wonderful discussion and awareness. We need to be aware that not all people are in the same level of maturity and we have to put boundaries before the imbalance takes the other one down ⭐️❤️🙏🕊

[@ma.elizabethcanlas8283]

Boundaries are truly impt not that we dnt care but that avoiding conflicts is more impt so that we dnt lose our testimony. This is the part where im always misunderstood by my very own Family.

[@ma.elizabethcanlas8283]

❤❤❤

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

There’s a fine line between helping and enabling.

[@cassandrachavez6501]

This was life changing for me. Now to put into action.

[@nancydrew1102]

Good conversation. DR H Cloud book on Boundaries is excellent resource too.

[@mischelemiller5020]

Thank you for focus on the family! The part about normalizing the bad!!! Amen how to keep the boundries!?

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

If you have toxic family members limit time or cut them off . Make them leave of they disregard your boundaries or make you feel less than

[@arp5843]

Yeah it takes time to get there but it is so worth it because healing and freedom follow.

[@michellesalinas3419]

2rutrtrh tug CFL​@@arp5843

[@TheCreoleMagnolia]

“That’s a statement.” No! That’s the truth! Bravo, Lisa!

[@melnelly5918]

I've recently discovered Lysa. I quite like the simplicity of what she teaches. Very valuable information.

[@phyllislovelace8151]

Thank you to all for this very helpful & insightful segment

[@1948rambo]

If you don’t know n learn you can’t choose a different path!!!

[@kelliworley1229]

I love the phrase she said of we can not confuse loving with enabling.

[@nickigary836]

You are speaking "my way"... this is my address completely. You are a great teacher and Sister. Your word pictures complete your teaching for me. Such beautiful difficult pictures. Now to take a step. 💜

[@elizabethturner6362]

My husband dropped his clothes in every part of our dwelling on the way to the shower. He refused to put them in the hamper. I finally informed him if I picked them up I would put them at the end of the driveway. If anyone asked me about them I'd say, ask ______. It was amazing. All his clothes immediately ended up in the hamper. It wasn't a surprise but I got closure and he dealt with it.

[@sherrisharp9807]

needed this thank you I will order the book

[@1948rambo]

Toxic behavior like Narcissistic personalities especially the Covert Narcissist “ the subtle type” needs to be identified and understood or people will go crazy trying to “manipulate the manipulators or what I did…. Forgive them n turn the other cheek! Hoping something will change!

[@jeffreybate1901]

Focus on the family were supposed to be started at 6:00 p.m. But unfortunately, I still have not to play, I still listening to it at night!!

[@LifeGetsMossySomethymes]

Do everything. I whole-heartedly agree! Divorce is the very last resort.

[@irenechavez3455]

AMEN, I DESIRE WOMEN LIKE YOU!!!!!!!💓⚓

[@EVELYNEMMITT-zv4zx]

Wow! This is Hope Therapy!!! Bless you!!!🙏

[@annatevesbanzon1359]

Preach Girl!

[@docb1844]

Needed to hear this

[@h3bysuzanne184]

Beautiful, so helpful, thank you ❤

[@tenenaengland5719]

Great content and so helpful. Thank you

[@krisstrombeck]

You are such a blessing Lysa. Thank you for sharing.

[@jessiemadanat5455]

Excellent topic

[@aaronjeb2683]

Thanks for the clarity.

[@peggycuomo1877]

I've gone from 8 and homeschooling to just me. But I will never get a dog 😂😂😂

[@susiemccoy7]

Me either

[@lindaberg9161]

This is what I have just been going through for 3 3yrs I am so down and lo ely I have changed so much it's sad been alone I have Jesus ....

[@elizabethryan2217]

Lysa, you're amazing. ❤❤️‍🩹💜

[@1948rambo]

Yes dysfunctional dances unidentified!!!! Normalizing like what is happening in the world today’ n we get accustomed to it!!!!

[@jadeangel000078]

"Look at me before life wrote all over me." This. 😢

[@traceyburroughs1111]

Tracey Burroughs from South Africa 🇿🇦 watching this episode

[@elizabethryan2217]

Wow, Lysa. Wow. 💓🫂👏👏👏👏

[@rachelsmith7654]

18:38 it is simplified for sure! Some couples do not have two vehicles or the funds to pay the gas for two trips. Some couples have kids and there are complexities involving who would do the work to bring them to church. Perhaps one of the two would simply quit going to church without the accountability of the other couple. I'm sure I am showing my ignorance by making these comments, but this is why I struggle to understand the concept of forming boundaries. Also, when I try to have a "simple" conversation like this with my spouse, there is always a fight - I'm accused of being a manipulator or trying to control my partner. It doesn't matter if I start the conversation with "I" - taking responsibility as suggested.

[@focusonthefamily]

We understand your questions and concerns, Rachel, and we’re sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having communicating with your husband. We strongly encourage you to speak with one of our Christian counselors (at no cost to you). Just dial 800-232-6459 weekdays, 6 AM - 8 PM (MT). The staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a callback. We hope you'll call us soon.

[@brendabates4983]

Yes he did and I love him

[@IMISSYOU261]

Love you . Strong like a rock 👊🔥☝️✡️

[@marieestelle709]

Great ❤🎉😊

[@PecJay4106]

This is such a blessing. I love the physiology of goodbyes

[@jamiesavell7501]

Are there any resources with real life examples of setting boundaries? Like concrete examples. Not in a marriage relationship, but with other family member relationships.

[@aleciawimer8506]

Boundaries book by Henry Cloud

[@nancydrew1102]

@@aleciawimer8506 Agree his books are excellent with a Christian perspective.

[@TheEllaTB]

Yes! That book is awesome and full of great examples!

[@focusonthefamily]

Hello, Jamie. In response to your inquiry, you may be interested in the book Boundaries (bddy.me/3hkmj4L.) Also, if you’d like to discuss your personal situation with one of our counselors (at no cost to you), you may call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). They would be pleased to offer encouragement and any helpful information they're able. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able. May the Lord's wisdom and hand of grace direct your steps in the days ahead.

[@sarahs7253]

@@focusonthefamily can anyone else call

[@margaritajohns7907]

I believe in working through difficulties I like to hear what where the marriage difficulties that could not get resolved for Lisa ?! ⭐️❤️🙏🕊

[@AK-ci5eg]

if you google it, it says he was a chronic adulterer and cheated often, as well as had drug addiction issues

[@CherylSStone]

I get a lot out of all your videos -! May I suggest you turn on the CC function for these videos? I have a toddler and I watch these videos when she is napping and so I usually have the volume on very low- I rely on captions to pick up what I don’t hear . Thanks again for all these wonderful resources!!

[@focusonthefamily]

Hi, Cheryl! We're sorry we don’t have the resources to add captions to most of our videos at this time. Our digital team is working on this. In the meantime, please know that there are written transcripts for most of our programs here - bit.ly/3N9BcC9. We hope this is helpful. Your kind comments about our resources are greatly appreciated. Blessings!

[@CherylSStone]

@@focusonthefamily thanks for the response!! I believe KZbin generates auto captions for all users. So it may just be a matter of tweaking the settings when the digital team uploads! I’m not 100% sure, but I know the average KZbin user has captions on their videos…so it must be KZbin that generates it for them . Hope that’s helpful and thank you for letting me know there are written transcripts, I will check them out!!

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for your reply, Cheryl. We'll forward this information to the right people here at our ministry in case it's something they're not aware of. Blessings, friend.

[@CherylSStone]

@@focusonthefamily yay, thank you. Thank you

[@lynnefetsko3562]

Beautiful..I wonder how she feels about remarry to same spouse

[@yondrusek]

She did remarry her husband only to be hurt again 😔

[@lynnefetsko3562]

@@yondrusek yes, as I think about the reality and look for signs in him and it's not much, really communicating Im concerned. I feel he did not have that model, but only to tolerate and not communicate.😔

[@brendabates4983]

Hi Lysa

[@robinjohnson5014]

W Maybe afraid rejection . Did we all ... Miss you

[@evelynjohnston712]

I would like to get a copy of this book. My husband and I were in a divorce process due to destructive relationship and a third party please let me know how to get this book I really need it .

[@bojos5]

❤

[@Ale69899]

What do we do when people choose not to respect our boundaries and they continue to be abusive/toxic?

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for your question, Vanessa. To discuss your specific situation and receive solid advice from one of our caring Christian counselors, please call us at 800-232-6459 to set up a callback. In the meantime, we hope this resource page will offer some hope and direction - bit.ly/3KJgpXK. May God give you strength and guidance in the days ahead.

[@1948rambo]

Boundaries are just “limits to what you won’t stand for” not be able to qualify the situation - it’s like saying you can hurt me but not that much!!!! Oh great I have limits!!!! Nope not with this people!!! Sorry! You can have healthy relationship with people playing by their own dysfunctional rules!!!

[@tljrow5702]

Where do you get help for the ones being accused of bad behavior?

[@focusonthefamily]

Hello, friend. In response to your inquiry, we'd like to encourage you to call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT) to speak with one of our counselors (at no cost to you.) Blessings!

[@midnight_magnolia9700]

Boundaries can look an awful like ultimatums; and ultimatums can be manipulation. I believe Lysa had biblical standing for divorce; but some may not have that biblical permission for divorce. Just a reminder that you need to be sure. Your vows are "for better or for worse 'til death do you part". The marriage covenant is a picture of the covenant between Jesus and His bride, The Church. I married a man who divorced on grounds of the wife's infidelity. He refused divorce for two years before taking that step. He wnt through Bible school and boot camp to train to be a foreign missionary. The circumstances prevented him from being supported by the church as a missionary, deacon, or elder. We married 8 years after their separation and have been married for 34 years. We have 3 children by birth and 1 by adoption. God gave me peace about marrying him; however, we have faced so much adversity, it has seemed as though our marriage hasn't been blessed. We have had a lot of conflict and chaos, not at all what a Believer's household should be. I believe in boundaries. He is an enabler and is driven by false or displaced guilt. I am interested in reading Lysa's book.

[@littlepixel1650]

Thirty years is too long I’m so sorry

[@gracechen2081]

Tom

[@robinjohnson5014]

Ask

[@bpeters6704]

Hi! I know I don’t know the whole story but I keep wondering- by the way this is coming from a stay at home mom and wife) I keep wondering if Lysa would’ve sacrificed her job and being busy with helping others if she could’ve had more time at home nurturing her marriage if some things could’ve been prevented- I know this is so not American thinking and VERY old fashion but I saw her still very busy and I know some people cope that way(& we all cope in different ways)that’s why I am not wanted in any way judge 😢I hurt for them🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@littlepixel1650]

Her husband continually cheated on her. There’s no way to “nurture” that. Sorry.

[@bpeters6704]

@@littlepixel1650 I know it’s personal but where in their marriage did the cheating start? What’s his story? Like I’ve said before I don’t know their story but just curious if she had fully quit her job to be a total wife & mom would that have helped in any way🤷🏽‍♀️

[@littlepixel1650]

@@bpeters6704 people stay in marriages with abuse for ten years and don’t cheat. A cheater is always a cheater and it’s a matter of character.

[@bpeters6704]

@@littlepixel1650 that is so sad

[@alisonbell1481]

@@bpeters6704 cheating, particularly repeated cheating isn't an accident caused by someone else's behavior. It's willful, flagrant sin. A sin that he chose to commit repeatedly. This is in no way her fault and it's shameful that you would even suggest such a thing.

[@nancygibson4380]

I want my daughter to love me again. I told my friend love is an action word and the word love requires action. So, I'm going to write her a letter and have her list why she doesn't love me. Maybe it can be fixed. I sure pray it does.

[@mandadean9365]

Didn't she remarry her husband?

[@cynthiafisher9907]

They renewed their vows a few years ago, but he kept being adulterous.

[@arp5843]

​@@cynthiafisher9907 wow how sad!!! She must have been really really wounded to have trusted again for nothing

[@klawony]

It is funny how Christians justify their actions by providing the original meaning of the scriptures. 🤣. Because you know it is different from the latest translation. How about everything else in the Bible? Was it translated the correct way?

[@ica-do9ij]

is she divorce?

[@suzannegerster839]

Yes, they divorced

[@heatheresteubing-fisher9729]

So funny how the program "has the guest back" when they actually record both at the same time, obviously, as they're wearing the same clothing. Why not just say this is a 2-part segment, pre-recorded???

[@tiawright9682]

I feel like she gives people “excuses” to not work on relationships.

[@alisonbell1481]

Such as? I see nothing of the sort here.

[@tarawitt505]

Lysa has poured everything inside of her, for years working on her marriage. But it takes both people to work. Brush yourself up on her entire story and you will see giving people an excuse not to work on their marriage is the complete opposite of what she's doing!

[@Andthereyouhaveit]

She took him back after he cheated for years and she renewed her vows with him and he continued to cheat. I think 30 years is enough time given to an unrepentant spouse. He has to suffer the consequences of his own actions eventually and she is allowed not to be a doormat for the rest of her life. The Bible teaches that marital unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce.

[@kevibushi6664]

Samthik ata for ifremsh are you

[@kevibushi6664]

Facy jezuze merdaata viktim muhameti nevre

[@kevibushi6664]

Are ata eniglish catry merda you camra ok gloze dero for publig

[@kevibushi6664]

Ok samthik corrysathik for lidreshtipi are ok no are sathik lm difrese

[@gracechen2081]

Tom

[@gracechen2081]

Yea