My beliefs are changing

[@asphaltpilgrim]

I am not questioning your own personal revelations - those are yours. These questions are strictly mine: Why would you think that a psilocybin experience is anything other than psychological? Could this be your old ideology resurfacing in a new (and to be clear, not necessarily harmful) way? Have you ever read the Bhagavad Gita? Or looked at other Eastern philosophies and religions? Either way, your personal experience is absolutely valid, and I am rooting for you to be happy, nothing more. 🙏☺️ - An a-gnostic secular Taoist ☯️

[@LloydEvans]

Those are excellent questions. Taking your last one first: no I haven't done much research into Eastern philosophies but I am certainly open to exploring these as part of my journey. I'm particularly interested in practicing mindfulness and seeing how far I can get with meditation. On your first question: objectively and outwardly I'm compelled to apply Occam's Razor and assume my brain chemistry responding to the psilocybin to be the most obvious and plausible explanation for these conversations. Subjectively, however, I allow myself latitude to indulge the possibility that there is more to it. And I find my trips are more meaningful and intellectually stimulating when I make these concessions. Also, it's hard to explain but during a trip everything that happens is my reality in that moment, just as responding to your comment is my reality now. In other words, when I am in that altered state there is no uncertainty or ambiguity: I am speaking to God. And ultimately reality is presented to us filtered by the way our brains have been tuned since birth to receive it (that's not woo or anything, there's some science behind that). It's not outrageous to me that the psilocybin might be unlocking a facet of reality that for evolutionary/survival reasons we tune out so as to be able to function, i.e. interact with our surroundings and respond to threats - which would definitely be harder to do on a trip when reactions are severely impaired. On your second question: I have no doubt that my religious background provides some framework for asking questions of "it" and guiding my journey, but nothing more than that. Put simply, atheism - not Jehovah's Witnesses - is my factory default setting.

[@asphaltpilgrim]

@LloydEvans Those are excellent answers (for whatever my layman's opinion is worth) 😁 The Gita and the Tao Te Jing are both quite accessible (i.e. short) although like all scripture, they can be ambiguous. And yes, our subjective narratives will always be crucial. Good luck on your journey. (I can vouch for the stabilizing effect of meditation, although for shame my own practice has stalled. Give it at least a month of daily practice - even only 5 mins.) Again, for whatever my opinion is worth. 🙏

[@tomesplin4130]

Taoism is the best ‘explanation’ of reality I have found 💕

[@marcelleheyman569]

@@LloydEvans If you haven't already, have a look at Sam Harris's book - Waking UP: Finding Spirituality Without Religion. An amazing read.

[@skyenyx8972]

@@LloydEvans I understand what you mean in terms of your experiences being compelling and the conversations you have in your trips being more meaningful if you allow yourself to accept the possibility that you might be talking to God. But I feel like there's something missing here: Why is this thing being god even a candidate explanation? What reason do we have to believe that gods could commune with people via psychodelics, and why would we conclude they'd be interested in doing so with you? I'm not really asking about Occam's razor, but rather how do we even know that what you think is happening here *could* be happening?

[@SaffronHammer]

My favorite quote about this subject “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. “ ~ Marcus Aurelius

[@maltesetony9030]

Yes, the Stoics are good on this, although Arthur Schopenhauer was unimpressed - "mere braggarts" he called them.

[@SaffronHammer]

@ haha! Can’t please everyone!

[@christinesotelo7655]

Makes sense though. Why worry? Rest from all that now.

[@davidshatusky8755]

I like your comment, so much truth. "It is what it is" until the sky opens and something miraculous happens. Till then we must live and make our own path back to dust.

[@SaffronHammer]

@@davidshatusky8755 that’s one theory!

[@VicDeLacross]

Im sorry bro. You were one of the first books and KZbin channels I discovered when I began to wake up, and you have helped me in so many ways that it’s almost impossible to list. Thank you for everything you’ve done to help all of us exit this high control religion, Life is incredibly hard and whatever brings you peace and happiness is a good thing. I wish you nothing but the best!

[@jennjohnsgaard7046]

Me to . Been watching him for years ❤❤❤❤❤

[@user-vo4wc2jz8g]

Through your videos - you stood by me Lloyd - now its my/our turn to stand by you. Stay strong, you got this! The universe is incredible, we can only get brief glimpses of it's awesomeness through a telescope and a microscope - beyond that - who really knows! Thankyou for sharing your experiences with us, as ex JWs we can all now enjoy this freedom of mind that we were once denied ♥️

[@LloydEvans]

Thank you for your beautiful words and generous support! ❤️

[@estebanjustinelias9541]

Don’t underestimate how drugs and hallucinogenics can mess with your mental health- hope you are ok and don’t get too lost in the fascination of those kinds of trips ❤

[@sandravalence9328]

This was my immediate thought too. I seriously struggle with my mind too especially after leaving the Jehovahs Witnesses after 46 years. But there’s no way I would mess with mushrooms or any other drug as I am sure it would just add to my confusion.

[@tomsheppard378]

I think micro dosing has been shown to be good for mental health. But the best thing is probably some kind of talking therapy and medication if required

[@jackpayne4658]

For some of us, drug trips can be an essential part of glimpsing a wider reality - but, 'When you've got the message, you hang up the phone'.

[@nitehawk86]

@@jackpayne4658 Its a hallucinagine. As in hallucinate.

[@41orchard]

You sound like someone who has never done mushrooms... for a huge amount of people, mushrooms are the cure for mental health issues.

[@techmom955]

Lloyd, thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and vulnerable journey. It’s clear that you’ve been navigating a lot-grief, existential questions, and the weight of self-discovery-and it takes courage to open up about those experiences. Losing someone close, like Mike, can make us question so much about life, our beliefs, and the meaning behind it all. It’s powerful that you’ve allowed yourself to dive into those questions, even when they’ve taken you to uncomfortable or challenging places. Your exploration with psilocybin and how it’s shaped your thoughts about suffering, detachment, and rest is deeply reflective, and it sounds like you’ve found insights that resonate not just spiritually but practically in your life-especially as a father. The idea of letting go, of finding rest in relinquishing control, feels like such a profound realization. It can be hard to loosen our grip on the things we care about most, but your perspective-seeing rest as a form of trust or surrender-has so much wisdom in it. It's a reminder that even in the chaos of life, there’s peace in stepping back and allowing things to unfold. I also really admire how open you are to exploring spirituality on your own terms. It’s okay not to have all the answers; just being willing to engage with the questions is a sign of growth and depth. Wherever your journey takes you, it’s uniquely yours, and it’s evident that you’re approaching it with authenticity and curiosity. Although I’m just a fellow patron, as a former JW, please know that if you ever need someone to listen (outside of your therapist) or just a companion to walk alongside you as you navigate this process, we’re here for you (and I’m here for you). The journey you’re on is important and meaningful, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

[@davidshatusky8755]

WOW, such powerful words. Thank you for sharing. Grief makes us all question things no matter the walk of life. You're an intelligent and open-minded person and that is obvious with your comment.

[@DietlindeJanssen]

❤❤❤Thank you for these wise and lovely words! We all need to hear that!❤❤

[@robinrobyn1714]

To quote the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle:' It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it '.

[@ascotinva]

I'm listening to your video and amazed at what you're saying. I feel the same way. At 74 I now have more questions than answers. Such a change if you knew me many years ago. No labels for you for you are unique and show great insight. Your feelings on suffering, life would be fine without serious suffering, is what I wrestle with. For my depression I eat healthy, alcohol and drug free, I'm a recovering alcoholic, good rest, exercise and spend a lot of time helping those less fortunate than myself.

[@ascotinva]

I believe the rest meant a change of attention or as one commentary said ceased (creating). I was thinking of John 5:17.

[@christinesotelo7655]

Rest is a ceasing of creating. Then back to the healthy cycle: Create. Rest. Rest is also sleep in right amounts. This is where we replenish energy.

[@voiceofwisdomcriticalthink3222]

It's good you are having a change in your views, however if God is resting, can we see it as God allowing time to prove Satan wrong who challenged God's universal authority and when God eventually fix the suffering of man, no creature will ever question God's sorvernty not after all we have experienced while God was resting.

[@christinesotelo7655]

God doesn’t have to prove Himself. What do you do when you rest?

[@ascotinva]

@@christinesotelo7655 actually He does 'have to prove Himself', like anyone else has to prove what they are, otherwise it's blind faith. My rest and God's are two different things.

[@mikekent1490]

Lloyd. Thanks for the video. I left JW's 2 years ago. I refuse to be controlled by anyone or any group or anything anymore. I am a free man. I came to the conclusion there are no answers. We are here on this earth. It's irrelevant how or why, no one has those answers and once I accepted that I reached contentment. There is no such thing as "absolute Truth", it doesn't exist. I believe in logic. If it's not logical it's not true. I think I have always been that way. That's why I first became a JW. I thought it was logical at first. That was in my younger days. I started to ignore or bury the illogicalness of it at first when my doubts first started. I tried to walk by faith but some things weren't adding up anymore. This built over the years until I finally couldn't ignore the inner doubts. Now I am back to living by logic and I am so happy. Please don't take offense but be careful with those mushrooms. Seems they're plunging your mind into communicating with a deeper more hidden part of your mind. What they're doing and the thoughts and experiences they're producing are to me totally illogical. Please don't take what is happening while using them as "Reality". You are also taking antidepressants if I understand correctly. Again be careful. I don't know who Mike was, but obviously you loved him very much. I am terribly sorry for your loss.

[@omarseneriz5577]

I had the same experience. I grew up as a JW and finally figured it out in my 40's. Eventually I also realized that there is no absolute truth and religion has been engineered to control humanity. A great movie to watch is HERETIC.. surprise this movie is available to everyone.

[@mmhca357]

@@mikekent1490 excellent post, I agee 100%. He ido talking about Mike Rinder, an ex-scientologist.

[@mikekent1490]

@@mmhca357 Thank you. I don't know Mike Rinder. But whenever we suffer the loss of anyone or anything that we love and cherish it has an emotional impact on us. Our hearts are broken and need time to heal. We can complicate the healing process or just get through it as best we can. I have lost all my family and one of my hardest recent losses was my "best friend" my dog after 15 years last July. I miss him terribly. I know to some it may sound silly but for me it's reality. We also expeience grief when we find out we were decieved for years, either by religion or another person or even society. Life is a learning curve each and every day. I refuse to use substances to mask the reality. I want to remain logical.

[@catherinemason6820]

Your comment has really touched me. I lost both my parents in the last several years. Loss of loved ones is very hard. I wish you all the best. ​@@mikekent1490

[@christinesotelo7655]

I think we need the Balance between logic and creativity-by-“feeling”. Creativity comes fro logic if you’re the builder, but from architecture and design if you are the planner. You need both logic and Imagination. I agree about the mushrooms, I’d be too scared to dabble in that, though he seems to be in a therapist’s care and therefore, hopefully, receiving good professional counsel. Thank you.

[@pecky88]

"It" is of course, just you. Trips are an interesting thing, it's a freeing of yourself to properly reflect. There's no outside influence acting on or speaking to you. It's very much just an alteration of your own neural pathways. It makes sense that you would have the conversations you did, as these are areas you already struggled with. The answers were always within you, your mind just puts up roadblocks normally. At any rate, I'm glad you found something to ease your depression. I've struggled with it, and it's been meditation that has alleviated things for me.

[@LaineyW1983]

Came here to say this but I think you said it better.

[@ronburgundy4282]

Appreciate the video Lloyd! We’re all on a journey and it’s nice to compare notes once in a while, so thanks for this.

[@jannewton5951]

Totally understand how you feel at the moment, I my opinion I think it's natural for our brains to want to opt out of reality for a while especially after being brainwashed by a religion, let go of the sin of being a human being, much love xx

[@deanraffenaud2455]

Lloyd one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn is to do nothing, as from every pile of shit grows the most beautiful flowers. Patience dear sir.

[@diana7915]

Missing you and your videos. Please keep yourself healthy and strong both mentally and physically.

[@MaryThelen-x9j]

Thank you Lloyd. Your sharing your vulnerability is why you are so loved by people. Its a brutal job dismantling cult beliefs.

[@LloydEvans]

Those are really kind words, thank you Mary!

[@SheepDog1974]

​@@LloydEvansLloyd, suppose you do not take hallucinogens and you saw what Isaiah saw in chapter 6, would you then believe in the Christian God, Jesus Christ? Or is it because you now consume a mind state altering substance that you are wondering about the supernatural?

[@ZeEduardo95]

Hey Lloyd, Hope you're doing well. You had a huge impact on my life from 2015 to around 2021. Back then, you inspired me to study and help my girlfriend at the time step away from the JW religion-even though I wasn’t a JW myself. Thanks to your guidance, she was able to leave that cult and start living up to her potential (even though we’re no longer together). What you did for JWs was incredible. The hours of content and rebuttals you put out helped so many people, including me and my ex. Your videos made such a difference, guiding so many "lost souls" and showing them a better path in life. I hope you can take time to rediscover yourself and find your reasons to keep moving forward. You made an impact, and I’m grateful for everything you did. Take care

[@motorway2roswell]

Amen to this. I would still be PIMO if it wasn't for finding this channel just before covid hit. Lloyd's videos helped me muster just enough strength to walk away. The best decision I ever made. Now my oldest son is totally out, and I'm working on the other 2 kids. It will be a struggle because my daughter is being pressured to get baptized this year so this is the next challenge I need to try to overcome. Thanks Lloyd for all you've done! You have helped me claim mental freedom and the hope that my family and friends will exit this cult in due time !

[@lenawade3014]

I'm very sympathetic. We are in the same boat. I can't stand religion either. I think we may be almost in the same boat. Nothing is what we were raised to believe. Not even close. Stay encouraged.💛

[@JustWakeUp2704]

Stay strong and take care of yourself. You are amazing and you have helped thousands. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Being vulnerable and authentic is always a gem which leads to deeper understandings on emotional, spiritual, and intellectual matters.

[@dogwalker338]

I’ve watched you for a long time, and though I’m not a JW, I was influenced by family members of a very restrictive religion. My life began to open up the day I made peace and accepted that I didn’t have to believe what the others did, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t believe in what felt right to me! I’m not “religious” but I’ve found peace in Spirituality. I’m so happy you are making n effort to find the beliefs that fit your heart, mind and soul. It’s hard work, but try to enjoy the journey too! Thank you for all you share!

[@christinesotelo7655]

“Spirituality” is free, isn’t it? No more religion and groups and sects and cults and churches...ahh, what a relief! I was a Catholic, a JW, a Christian, an agnostic, a SDA, a Science of Mind, nearly atheist due to the constant fighting of Christian sects over doctrines-all that arguing. Now I’m letting go and am going to deeply think about Lloyd’s concept of: Create. Rest. Create. Rest. Even “God” needs Rest. How long can we war? I’d rather be creative and oh yes-rest!!! Sounds like Balance to me! ❤

[@dogwalker338]

@@christinesotelo7655 “Amen” 🥰

[@thunderstyx362]

Hi Lloyd, thank you for opening up about your mental health. You're allowed to question your beliefs and I'm absolutely rooting for you. Take care of yourself first, and do what is necessary to find happiness in your life.

[@chettmanly2014]

The Search never ends. There are those of us that need it, the Search. Some can ignore it completely. For those fresh out of a cult, the freedom is all that matters. I envy them. Most times it doesn't matter what is out there, if anything. What has mattered to me, since leaving the JWs, thru all the depression, thru all the sleepless nights, is what is next and do we take anything with us. I want to think that all this pain and learning and journey means something... Thank you for all you have shared over the years

[@Oldman_Gamer2]

Yeah, The Search - I like that name. I've been balancing myself between that and trying to just live. I've realised that just by living, the lessons come. And I've watched enough NDE stories (and sadly youtube is littered with bogus ones now, but when you hear a true one, it hits hard) to know we do go on. So I still Search, but I also try to find something special out of all the small, seemingly mundane aspects of life. I do believe its all about becoming perfected in Love.

[@polletpower]

Lloyd, the elders have heard you were having some doubts about atheism and want to invite you to a judicial atheist meeting. They need to know if you’re going to abandon atheism or if you’re going to stick with it. On a more serious note “suffering makes it real” deeply resonated with me when you first said it. Honestly, my first thought was “Lloyd is having a small peak into the quantum realm!” I had a weird experience in 2019 when I asked for a sign from God and got into a statistically improbable car accident that broke my neck and then suddenly made my life massively wonderful-finished college, great job, got super fit! A year later, I accidentally fell back at a restaurant and hit my head and got knocked out on cement. I had an entire series of dreams and saw an angel reaching out to me and then I opened my eyes and paramedics were there. Then on this past New Year’s Eve, I actually had a dream that I wrote down on the same night as the big terrible incident in New Orleans. I had a dream about a car driving like crazy in New Orleans and all the police were chasing it and there were explosive devices. (I am originally from New Orleans, but don’t live there anymore) I even dreamed about two police officers and found out that two were shot during the incident. Our reality is weird.

[@rennaew]

Sometimes God reveals things to us ahead of times so we can pray in accordance with his will. My sign came from a bee when I asked God to show me from an actual sign bc I needed it. If I should return to the Kingdom Hall. A bee stung me on my neck during the beginning prayer and I never returned.

[@trentcoleman8240]

I am sending you so much love, Lloyd. Your courage to speak about your personal experiences of growth and change is beautiful. I feel honored to be included in these discussions. Sending love, Trent ❤

[@CoralQuintyne]

Take this from a place of love. You are VERY confused. I left the JW religion, but I still believe in the ruler of the universe. You don't have to believe, but please love yourself.

[@traci105]

​@@CoralQuintyne Your comment is VERY confusing, ha ❤

[@christinesotelo7655]

Oh he DOES love himself. That is WHY he is seeking and sharing. He no longer wants to be pent-up, shriveled up like a bitter sour prune-faced religionist who can’t allow people the freedom to BE. Lloyd is not confused but making decisions.

[@traci105]

@@christinesotelo7655 The quest for knowledge can be perceived as self-love in some angles, I suppose. I wouldn't do shrooms because I'm a weenie, but I do seek knowledge via shared vulnerable experiences, as seen in this video. We're in this together! Much love! ✊️

[@christinesotelo7655]

@@traci105 nothing wrong with loving self.

[@_lak3rs_211]

Don’t do drugs kids

[@okarifox]

Yeah kids, stay in your box, never question authority or explore reality. You are free to do as we tell you.

[@rogermoore3843]

@@okarifox explore reality?! With drugs??

[@Gil3490]

Too late LOL

[@Maknassar]

​​@@okarifoxread philosophic books, read hegel and marx... then if you have a headache, you might want some weed... 😂😂😂 but its not the drug that make you disobidient, its the knowledge

[@SaffronHammer]

Your mental health is most important. You do not need to justify your beliefs or feelings to anyone, ever! Your life is yours. Your health, mental and physical is the most important thing.

[@GeoffreyRicketts]

Sending love your way Lloyd! The journey is the thing. I feel that’s the nature of personal spiritual awareness.

[@Oldsoul4]

After reading many old writings predating the Bible, I do not worship/obey. My belief system grows/changes. In my opinion I think it is mentally healthy to be open to information new to you. I believe in your basic goodness Lloyd. And I enjoy the level of your intellect; your courage warms my heart. I wish we could visit.

[@leslieperkel5594]

Stay strong. Ex JWs have a higher rate of mental/emotional health issues than the average person not raised in a cult. Its impossible to make that drastic of a change without it having long term effects on your life. I left over forty years ago and still have moments, (very rare now) when I realize something from that time is still an issue for me. I plan to try the psilopsybins also. I use cannabis and have found that with certain strains it opens up my mind and my heart to hear what the universe is trying to tell me. It helps me get out of my own way so that I can see forward and keep a balanced perspective on things. It also can put me in a deeply spiritual state where I feel a connection to the spiritual world.

[@LoveableLadyNo1official]

The biggest thing for me is that constant what if in the back of my mind, there is so much evidence to the contrary, but being in close to 30 year's, as someone who still wants a relationship with God, the am I doing the right thing is sticking. I would consider myself spiritual rather than religious since most religions if not all has been defiled by human interpretation. As for JW I have prayed so much in this regard, I cannot subject myself to the mental abuse I endured for YEARS I was NEVER good enough, and since marrying a man in a love triangle so to speak I was as good as treated like a apostate even though I did NOTHING wrong, I was discussed rejected told in my face I'm not welcome at get togethers ,my husband invited without me. So I'm honest when I say to God I cannot expose myself to that anymore. They were actively looking for a "official" reason to get rid of me.

[@brianharris7243]

Mushies can be fun but not evidence of gods or the supernatural mate

[@LloydEvans]

I literally said my experience wasn’t evidence.

[@Phil.mingue]

Have you spoken to Matt Dillahunty​? @@LloydEvans, i would like to know what he has to say. Take care pal❤

[@cliftonmiller7967]

@Phil.mingue You know and damn well Dillahunty would lambaste him for this

[@LloydEvans]

That's possible. Although I'm not pushing deism, and I'm most definitely not pushing any form of theism. I'm simply sharing a personal journey. I'm also not making any outlandish claims based upon which others should make their life decisions. If that makes me worthy of a lambasting, so be it.

[@Phil.mingue]

@@LloydEvans then so be it. You're the one posting.

[@matthiasfreiburghaus4202]

Embracing the spiritual ambiguity of our mysterious reality is a very good thing in my opinion. This is what I am trying to do, altough not always successfully.

[@SaffronHammer]

Your trip sounds like You talking to You. You are letting yourself know what you need to know / what you have learned. And what a powerfully healing experience.

[@tiiatuuli339]

Yes I think that too. Talking with your inner "god", yourself. Praying is the same talking with your inner god.

[@christinesotelo7655]

The Kingdom of God IS within you. And as in any “Kingdom”, there is a need to protect, to nurture, to battle when necessary, to negotiate peace...we are indeed, a Kingdom within.

[@majafleur9646]

God help us all who leave, are shunned, and attempting to survive in the hereafter. Nothing easy about it. Warmest love to you and us all.

[@HerefortheLove]

I love you all and want nothing but the best for you. I wish you peace and contentment in your new lives, and peace in your mental struggles after leaving the org. Never doubt your strength and ability to grow and make the world a better place. I am proud of your strength and courage it requires in leaving and staying true to yourself and what you believe to be right and true.

[@shell.Menara]

Très bon commentaire !!

[@moniquedelaney7958]

@@shell.Menaratrès jolie langue !

[@raindance1962]

Regarding the bible I find Paul Wallis and Mauro biglino give fantastic explanations and ties in with some of your thoughts on the bible. I myself have been on a journey out of Religion ( in my case it was Mormonism )and have had to question everything, in fact your channel drew me in a few years ago as you journey paralleled my own in many ways. I’ve realised it’s OK albeit unsettling to not know all the answers. I think we are all part of the whole I call source , we are creators in a symbiotic relationship with source I believe. I agree with what you said about the bible. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and willing to be Vulnerable and honest, I really appreciate that. I am trying to just be, in each moment and letting go of control and outcomes.

[@thomaslance5428]

There's a very good scientific explanation for what mushrooms do to the mind. All respect, it hasn't opened some door. It's changed your brain. That's all.

[@lemongrabloids3103]

Love you Lloyd and I missed you! ❤

[@McLatino51]

The club of I don't know is the best place to be until further notice.

[@garryiglesias4074]

So you don't know if Santa Claus exist neither ?

[@andrewbradice8916]

I'm sorry to hear the mental struggle your going through. I too am a former JW. and can sympathize what your going through with. I will pray for you, and there is life after the org,

[@Willow4253]

Hello Lloyd, thanks for being brave with your story. Your experience just proves to me that we are always learning, growing and changing. A couple years ago my husband lost a friend hes had since 5 years old (he's in his 50s). That was s catalyst for all sorts of changes in him. He grew up in the JW system and this friend's death caused him to question all sorts of beliefs. He's still on his journey and thats perfectly okay. Good luck to you on your journey. ❤

[@barbdowns1]

Grief is hard, and you’ve seen quite a bit of it over these past few years especially. Depression and questioning your beliefs is such a natural outcome of these things. Thank you for your vulnerability. What you shared here shows some level of growth and healing to me. Hang in there ❤ We are cheering you on.

[@BeboldMichael]

Lloyd I will forever by thankful for what you done to help me and you can count on unconditional love. Be honest & vulnerable is part of life and shows you are a humble person. Be well and I will be here supporting your channel. Regards.

[@L8BLUUMR]

You probably have lots of life left to figure things out. Why even have a label?

[@hadzhere]

it's not a "spiritual experience" if you're on drugs, it's an altered brain state. also, looking at you lloyd, you don't seem well...mentally. sorry to say, drugs will only make that worse. i'd go off them altogether (not incl the mental health drugs) and also talk to someone about your mental health, if you're not already doing so.

[@SatansSimgma]

So sure are you? You think he should be like you?

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

I've had life changes experiences on plant medicine. It absolutely was a spiritual experience. Just because Western culture decided to demonize and label it a drug doesn't make that truth. Cultures around the world have been using plant medicine for thousands of years.

[@FracturedParadigms]

What defines a spiritual experience if not an altered state of mind?

[@AdamTorkelson]

Exactly. How do you go from a drug to...spiritual or supernatural experience? What is the process? And how do you know? How does a chemical affect the supernatural? At what point?

[@AdamTorkelson]

​@FracturedParadigms and how did lloyd rule out all other explanations?

[@stevendouglas4437]

Altering the brain chemistry can cause one to see and hear things that are not there. I know this through my niece who is experiencing depression and bipolar mood swings. Chemicals try to reduce the number of active neurotransmitters when she is on a high, and try to stimulate neurotransmitters when she is depressed. Please be careful Lloyd, as use of the mushrooms may end up misbalancing the brain chemistry so that you may require drugs for life. I don't want you to go down that path in the same way that my niece will need drugs for life. Take care

[@ScarletEyeMoon]

Hi Lloyd, sorry to hear you're not feeling your best, sending you some healing wishes right now!

[@penguinpolo]

Lloyd, I wouldn't take them too often. And remember, it's like dreams. All the voices you're hearing are from your subconscious. I know they seem external and feel very real - but they 99.999% unlikely to be. They're just your deep, unconscious thoughts of how God could respond, filtered through your brain and shown back to you.

[@iamrambo99]

how often do you do mushrooms? What was your experience like?

[@neenee6393]

Lloyd, You are worth every ounce of effort you’re investing in this battle!! You are correct. You only owe explanations to yourself & your girls. I also took an online mental hiatus. So, I understand its value. But I’m relieved & happy to see & hear from you. Keep fighting … There’s only 1 of YOU & many are rooting for YOU!! 💪🏾

[@JenniferVentola]

LOVE LOVE LOVE! I am so proud of you on your journey! Thank you for sharing!

[@MyLovelyvoice]

Thanks for sharing. I was raised catholic & while I don’t attend church regularly now due to the bad experiences I had in catholic school (only a couple of times a year) I do like to believe there is a higher power but I think that this higher power is more concerned about what’s in my heart & my actions rather than if I’m sitting in a church. I do pray still. But I do recognize that others can believe what they want.

[@leicafox4403]

Questioning your beliefs is entirely consistent with the message your channel has always delivered, my friend. I'm a message away if you ever wanna talk ❤

[@LloydEvans]

Thanks so much Amanda! ❤️

[@MaryeGreenup]

Hello Lloyd! I listened to your video this morning, and I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. I too have issues with depression and feel much better on my medications. I left the JWs over 1 year ago and you helped me with that with all of your videos. I was an atheist that became a JW in 2013 then back to atheism after I left. Now I have begun to believe there might be a God. I struggle with this but have no desire to join organized religion. You are not alone in your struggle and you have many supporters. Please don't be afraid to ask for help with your depression. This world is just not easy for any of us. Mary

[@firecox8753]

Absolutely support you Lloyd. Seeking answers is what all of us do, you’re not alone by any means. How you try to reach answers is to each individual. I am proud of you for opening up to us!

[@annakasiann]

Dear Lloyd, sending you my love and pray you will find your answers 🙏 you are a kind, generous person and you deserve happiness. p.s. new haircut looks great 😊

[@PracticalDailyWisdom]

I grew up a Jehovah Witness then went to Atheism, then Buddhism and have finally Settled on Advaita Vedanta. They teach there is only God appearing as the world, the fabric you and god are made from is one and the same just appearing separate and playing different roles of course. Love is the absence of separation, there is no separation between you god in this teaching. God is pure being, pure knowing, pure intelligence, it’s an impersonal, personal god, appearing in any form you wish to visualise it in. I can’t do the teachings justice in this comment, but I’ve found peace with it. “ However many people there are that’s how many paths there are to god” - Sri Ramakrishna.

[@bob-e5z]

So you never quite made it out

[@PracticalDailyWisdom]

Haha I guess not but I’m at peace that’s all that matters to me, with no hate or judgment of others in my heart 🙂

[@bob-e5z]

@ similar to what i hear from some JW the truth maters regardless of your feelings, a comforting lie is still a lie . And often the "peace" people claim to have could be acquired without the cult

[@BasedLifeGuru]

Why would you skip over Jesus?

[@PracticalDailyWisdom]

I have nothing against Jesus, my partner is a Christian, I just resonate with eastern teachings now.

[@ITALJUTE]

With love and respect, one does not have spiritual experiences on mushrooms. One has cerebral experiences. It genuinely does not matter where the mushrooms take you, they cannot bring a spirit into existence. They can only give you a bridge between your conscious and subconscious minds. Stay firm, brother. Your brain is a wonderful result of many, many millions of years of evolution.

[@matrixnavigator6669]

Millions of years of evolution as are mushrooms. Even a bit of a million more years of evolution under their belt.

[@ITALJUTE]

@@matrixnavigator6669 Were you making a point? If you were, I didn't catch what it was.

[@mikeheath8318]

Best of heath to you!

[@melindeeecrafts]

I’ve followed you for nearly a decade and have always loved your insights. I’m happy for you and wish you nothing but the happiest most fulfilling life. ❤

Thank you, Lloyd, for your candid expression, and your honesty. I loved listening to your experience. I’m so sorry to find out that Mike Rinder passed. I can understand why that would be so hard. I had a brief exchange with him on social media and found him to be kind and gracious. His passing is a loss to us all. I am so grateful for the gift that he was to all of us. In spite of the horrors that brought him to us as ex acolytes, he was indeed, a gift. Take care of yourself. I look forward to your future content. Thank you for all you do.

[@elizabethyoung4900]

Wow, what an honest and heartfelt video. You have helped MANY people Lloyd, me included. You were the first person I watched talking about JW's and how you "woke up" and it's wonderful that you feel able/want to share your journey and where you are now. It's good to question what you believe now, I'm sure it's part of the healing and moving on. Thinking of you, stay strong and keep on keeping on. Best wishes😊

[@AngelofAnimals111]

Loving your journey brother, I have been on it too from 17 years as a jw to disfellowshipping and the dark night of the soul that followed. Cutting a long story short, God connected with me and it was beyond anything I can describe. God is all love and there is no religion that does him justice. Please keep sharing your journey as and when you can and know that youre in my prayers. Love you brother

[@SPDATA1]

You seems to me as a very genuine, outspoken, outgoing and very sincere person. I wish you all the best.🎉❤

[@TheHaroldSleeper]

I'm so glad you shared your experiences and afterthoughts. The themes you've discussed - suffering and God resting - reminds me of an explanation Alan Watts gave to the question, "Why doesn't God grant me a miracle?" Just imagine that you're God, and can have and do anything you wish. You'd have a blast for a very very long time! Then, you'd get bored, because everything that happens, having wished for it, you know about in advance. So you'd wish for a surprise. You could keep wishing for surprises indefinitely, and go on more and more far out adventures. Eventually, what would happen, is that you'd wish for a surprise and find yourself in the situation you're in now. Reading this comment and in some sense, back where you started - not knowing that you're God. So, having everything you wish, you eventually find yourself in the same situation as before you started. Was the trip necessary?

[@Yoparada]

Love Alan Watts 🥰

[@okarifox]

I really appreciate you opening up to us like this. It's very interesting and insightful. Psychedelics fascinate me, especially psilocybin mushrooms. I took a very small dose of them once back in my late teens (I'm 34 now) - not enough to "trip" on, but it did make me feel different and somewhat "powerful" in a way. I'm definitely open-minded to try a larger dose in the future. When I was around 21 I tripped on 2C-E a few times, and the last time I did was a moderately powerful dose and experience - I saw the bedroom walls breathing, patterns on the bathroom towels fractalizing into themselves, reality itself "resonating", the difference of air pressure between inside and outside the house (almost like a translucent bubble in the open doorway leading out into the backyard), and music was super intense (we watched Pink Floyd - The Wall film). It was a really intense experience, but I'm interested in having others with more natural medicine, like mushrooms. Terence McKenna and Bill Hicks talked a lot about it. There's so much we don't know, or do know and have forgotten, and can (re)learn. :)

[@matrixnavigator6669]

I appreciate you and support you on your journey. Truly, we are all trying to figure this human experience out. Psychedelics have given me the most answers that make complete sense than anything I've ever heard from religion.

[@traci105]

I'm right there with you, Lloyd! I'm confused, too, and we may never know for certain. I heard someone compare it to an ant trying to understand how a cell phone works. One of my favorite quotes, "A man who knows something knows he knows nothing at all." I surrender to these concepts, ha. I choose to play this life game not knowing why "the grand architect" created everything. I'm here doing my best; being kind and expressing gratitude, with the occasional critique of their work. You're a good human, Lloyd! Keep up the good work! ❤

[@shell.Menara]

tout à fait d'accord

[@paulrichards6894]

think we pretty much know when you close your eyes for the last time that's it..

[@RIPHezzyNoBollahs]

Hell yeah! Lloyd you woke me up 6-7 years ago and I was hardcore athiest up until my “spiritual awakening “ about 2 years ago now I am a believer in some sort of quantum spirituality, There is definitely something more we have to personally experience for ourselves, There is more to us than just the physical aspect!

[@b4ph0m3tdk9]

I believe there is no God, the one you are speaking to in your mind is yourself. You have got god in yourself, it is all you. I know you will end up in balance with yourself. You get strength from speaking out. Thanks!

[@lemongrabloids3103]

Your mind IS god Look up the work of Alan Watts, or even Neville Goddard ❤

[@Oculoustuos]

Lloyd, I am sorry to hear about your struggle with mental health. I myself am a Catholic Christian and I will keep you in my prayer. I understand the pain of your struggle. I wish you well.

[@jenniferstieglitz4645]

Be gentle with yourself Lloyd, maybe we don't need to know all the answers. Understanding facts and truth are important, but clearly it's not all revealed to us. I've recently been enjoying studies coming out of the University of Virginia...studies on reincarnation- specifically past life memories of young children- very compelling, and also near death Experiences. I believe we are on a souls on a journey here on the planet, to learn. That inspires me to be a kinder person in many ways. It just makes life easier. I'm a little afraid to try the mushrooms. I like to think of god as a bright light sent through a prism and we are all the colors. Peace brother, and thank you for all you share..

[@maribeltalamantes3166]

I understand what you are going through as I suffered with mental health at one point in my life. I was taking Xanax for 19 years and could not function without them. I ran to the Lord started a relationship and I prayed, fasted, cried, kicked, and screamed for God to deliver me and He did. I have not had an episode for 9 years. Praying for you.

[@mz7cz]

Thank you so much, you said so eloquently what I feel.

[@lorenaakehurst9984]

Thank you Lloyd for sharing your journey!!!! You’re an amazing human being!!!May you find peace sending you good vibes and a lot of love!!!

[@lorelieweir4477]

I left the JWs when I was 15 and spent the next 35 years wondering if there was a God. It was through a mushroom experience that God came to me and all he asked of me was to acknowledge Him. That was good enough for me. My favorite quote is "There are many paths that lead to the top of the mountain. But who is the fool? The person who tells you which path to take." I like to add that once you are at the top, the view is the same for everyone. I really enjoy your videos Lloyd and please keep them coming.

[@edarnold1647]

I like your spiritual aspect...

[@eileenwhite352]

@@lorelieweir4477 it’s all about Jesus he want to be your Lord and Saviour. Acknowledge him as such today and he will come to you. The god who came to you was a false god if he did not point you to Jesus as Lord and Saviour

[@lorelieweir4477]

​@@eileenwhite352 Thank you. I am on my own path as you are on yours.

[@strappedfatman7858]

People are false God's. Even Satan quoted the Bible to Jesus. Satan knew Jesus was the Son of God YHVH. Matthew 4:5-10 Satan quoted Psalm 91:11-12 Mark 1:23-24 One of the things that we will see again and again in the Gospel of Mark is that the demons know who Jesus is: He is the Son of God. The demons know he is more powerful than they: He casts them out, and they obey his commands. Jesus is stronger than Satan, and he can defeat Satan and his demonic cohorts. Luke 4:41 Demons also came out of many, crying out and saying: “You are the Son of God.” But rebuking them, he would not permit them to speak, for they knew him to be the Christ. James 2:19 You believe that there is one God, do you? You are doing quite well. And yet the demons believe and shudder.

[@georgeponiris9525]

I bet it was not god but a misfiring of the brain

[@semanadidier7899]

"My brother, I completely understand you, as we share similar experiences that led me to question the existence of a loving, powerful, and all-knowing God who allows suffering instead of removing it-or at least alleviating it. Let me share a bit of my background. I am from Rwanda, in Central East Africa, and I was born in 1990. I am the only child my parents had. During the tragedy of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, my father was killed when I was just four years old (If this is the first time you’ve heard of it, there is plenty of information about it online). Later, in 1996, my mother died due to the torture she had suffered during the Genocide. That’s when my suffering began. My grandmother took me in after that. She was a devout Muslim and very strict about Islamic doctrine, but she was also poor and destitute. Sometimes, we could only have a meal once every two days. Often, we’d only have beans and water, then go to bed. When I was about 12, some Jehovah’s Witnesses came to our area, dressed in ties and suits, and left me a Bible. I didn’t realize it would cause problems with my grandmother. I hid it under my bed. We didn’t have a mattress-just dried banana fibers, with a mat made of papyrus and sisal on top. I would cover myself with another mat. When my grandmother found the Bible under my bed, she kicked me out of her home. She said she couldn’t stand living with someone who had books from infidels (non-Muslims). A Jehovah’s Witness family adopted me, but they were also poor. I dropped out of school many times but kept believing that Jehovah was with me. Later, the family sold their property and moved to a village far from our hometown, Kigali (we had been living on the outskirts). I was adopted by another family, also made up of orphans from the Genocide. We continued to struggle until I finally graduated from high school in 2014. My brothers and sisters, during COVID-19, I began reading the Bible again after hearing reports of thousands of deaths, including Jehovah’s Witnesses. It made me wonder how and why God couldn’t protect us-those of us who remained loyal. I started to question why I didn’t die with my father in the Genocide and why, now, I am still alive, facing death. This led me to begin changing my views about God (Jehovah). NOW I AM AGNOSTIC, I was disphelowshiped, I decided to live after a 4 hours debate on hopeless doctrines with elders. I was judged to be an apostate. Now nobody greats me including ones of my remanent of my family who became Jws. I am alone with my wife who is also a genocide orphan, however she believes in God but she also respects my standpoint. I also don't bother her.

[@BE_KIND_TO_ALL_KINDS]

Thank you for sharing your life story. Your struggle is heartbreaking but your resilience is inspiring.

[@felixgodden5455]

I always find it so baffling when someone who does a substance that changes the chemical balances of your brain, and you're aware of this, that people can post trip rationalise something magical into it. It's just your brain. That should be magical enough.

[@bowntown1909]

The sharing of your experiences is really good therapy for me, because it causes lightbulbs to pop on regarding my own life and experiences. Because you’re such a gifted communicator, you have helped me to understand and identify some of my own internal struggles to find answers to the truth. So for many of us listeners, we enjoy hearing your testimony and simultaneously reflect inwardly upon our own lives, and our own spiritual journey! I can’t begin to tell you how helpful this video is for me! Thank you!

[@LloydEvans]

That means a lot! Thank you! ❤️

[@dzb1198]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think all of us who step away from a high-controlled religious experience are wary about being fooled or being guided into a situation where we might be controlled again. I think agnostic deism, for me, makes me think of how some of my more "woo-woo" friends relate to "Source" or some kind of "universal energy" that can be tapped into in some manner (most would not identify as agnostic deists but some might if I were to enter in a deeper philosophical conversation with them). As messy as it can be to wander through murky ideological thoughts - there is some relief? or freedom in knowing that it is our right and ability to do so. We are all on a journey in this life.

[@jannewton5951]

Thanks

[@LloydEvans]

Thank you so much for your kind support!

[@jackpayne4658]

Thank you for sharing so openly. It's fascinating to hear a mature, intelligent person grappling with these Big Questions. As a 74-year old ex-hippie, I've gone through phases of psychedelic use (LSD, in my case), dogmatic belief (Buddhism, of a kind) and materialistic scepticism. You might find Iain McGilchrist's channel useful. He's a psychiatrist/philosopher/cultural historian with some interesting ideas about the human brain and its different 'takes' on reality.

[@michikosandman7821]

Thank you for ur humanism! To know that u struggle as well with ur mental health comforts me.

[@AnayhiasMimi]

Im sorry you are struggling. Please get well we miss you 😢😢😢❤

[@michellejordan627]

Thank you so much for sharing ❤. My husband and I left the organization 3 years ago. The journey is a wild ride. We can relate to a lot of what you are talking about. Awakening, learning, growing has some beautiful stages and some terrifying ones. It takes great strength so please don't dismiss how strong you are. Again, thank you for sharing something so personal 🤗

[@stoptheshunning]

Thank you for sharing Lloyd. I will never forget your impact on my waking up process in 2017. I appreciate the variety of exjw voices, but you were the most instrumental voice that made me feel safe on the other side.

[@LloydEvans]

Wow that’s really sweet of you to say. I so enjoyed our conversation. I hope you’re doing well!

[@wodewick11111111]

Agnostic Deism is a phase i went through many years ago. However, over time, i began to realise it was just a way of rejecting organised religion but not really fully considering the impact that has on whether God exists. The fact is, without religion there is no god, hence if you reject religion (irrespective of the flavour), you are by definition rejecting the concept of a deity and that's what led me inevitably to Agnostic Atheism. On a final point, taking mind altering substances is probably not a reliable nor healthy way to explore the concepts of god and religion.

[@michaelwinkler7841]

I love listening to your exploration and i share your stance about spirituality having to be something that is experienced, not something that is just believed because some charismatic guy is able to sell their „spiritual hustle“ in an impactful way. currently exploring tantra, because it has a similar approach, very experience oriented. I love how „divinity“ is found in things that religion is demonizing.

[@anitaknights6512]

Fully support you Lloyd in opening up to consideration and exploration of life, beliefs and understanding. I feel like the older I get, the less I’m sure of but I have found it freeing to accept that I don’t have to ‘believe’ anything; that way I can be open to considering other ideas and experiences. That doesn’t mean I just accept anything and everything, far from it, but suffice to say, it’s really lovely to hear your experiences and see that they have helped in your journey of discovery. Don’t worry about the possible judgement of others, this is your journey and it’s good of you to share it with us. Much love and support, Anita

[@holmesmcgee9024]

Lloyd, thank you for sharing. Your feelings (whatever they may be, or what they may be evolving into) are extremely valid, and most importantly they are YOURS. I think it is wonderful that you are questioning things and taking what appears to be a hard look at your beliefs - this is such an important thing for all of us to do from time to time, if for no other reason than to reaffirm what you already believe (or change, too!). After all, isn’t that precisely the action that you (and myself) took when beginning to wake up from JW indoctrination? I am happy that you seem to be doing what you need to do for yourself, and I hope that your journey takes you to happiness..whatever that may end up looking like. Isn’t that what life is all about, really? I have been a follower for many years and will continue to be there for you, just like you have been there for me all along the steps of my journey. Sending you love and health and happiness ❤

[@DietlindeJanssen]

You woke me up during the pandemic almost 6 years ago! At an age sv 65+ I have managed to fade succesfully..and no one are fussing or pestering me anymore. 4:08 . You have stood by 25/7 to help and support others..in possibly the worst time ever for the WT. A lot has happened! A lot has happened in your own life too...which requires your attention and care. Take care dear Lloyd! We all really love you dearly! ❤❤❤❤ 

[@Monika-uy9cd]

Lloyd, you had a serious glow up. You look healthy and present. I wish you more and more appreciation of life 🌷💚

[@eileenwhite352]

Lloyd I’m an exjw. It’s all about Jesus. He is everything to me and I see God through him xxxx

[@Chriliman]

If you can find moments where you’re sober and at peace with yourself and your inner thoughts, that’s a good healthy place.

[@sharong3999]

Love you to bit's Lloyd ❤

[@KYRA_FX]

Thank you for sharing, Lloyd. The depths to awakening are endless. And whoever takes the journey towards Truth is brave. I too grew up as a JW, left and started my awakening journey when I was 16. I was an atheist, I was an agnostic, and at this point I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t need to be defined to a term. Practice that same grace with yourself. The process of death and rebirth is a continuous one. We die and are reborn everyday, every time we shed a part of our ego and choose to follow what our inner-most and Highest Self wants - which is what feels good, we find the glimmers to life. I sense that your old beliefs and perspectives are falling away and I want to remind you that it’s a beautiful thing because we are never meant to remain the same as we grow in awareness of ourselves and what is. It is a process of development of our psyche, which is the journey to self-realisation. God cannot be defined, contained or quantified which is why it’s the one thing that drives all of our questions that we just cannot put our finger on.. It is pure and infinite intelligence, pure awareness, omnipresent and embodies more than what any book could put into words, artist could paint, musician could record, chef could create.. it is an experience, an energy, a frequency which resides in absolutely everything.. the Absolute.. the All.. Mind.. it is both masculine and feminine. And it wanted to experience itself and learn how to love itself, and split itself up into infinity to do that. Follow love. There’s truth in all teachings, find the golden thread and connect it.. you’ll see that it’s been about you all along. And what are you ? Consciousness. Where’s the one place God would hide if it was playing hide and seek with itself ? Inside itself. As within, so without. Sending you all Love ❤️ PS, a fellow Truth Seeker ✨

[@serafin1352]

I left jw in 2018 and have been on quite the journey since. You took part in helping me wake up. I am a believer in Christ as God (Trinity) at this time. I do not belong to a “religion”. I refuse to ever do so again. I feel that being a true Christian is a way of life, not a “religion”. What I wanted to say is that. Keep moving forward. Keep searching. Thank you for what you do. Appreciate the sharing.

[@mateoruales9120]

Christ is king amen

[@terrysbookandbiblereviews]

I was never a JW but I was LDS for half a year. Some suffering in this world is caused by ourselves and some is just because we don’t live in a perfect world or a perfect universe. Without suffering how would we learn compassion for each other and all of the creatures around us. I don’t like myself or anyone or anything to suffer but it does teach most of us to have compassion. I hope your journey you are on helps you no matter where it takes you. I am glad I watch your channel, I am learning a lot of things from you and the people who contact you.

[@ryderkreutzer8859]

As a former JW myself I find myself spiritual not religious I believe and respect all Gods even Jehovah though I will never follow the witnesses version of Jehovah he made me bisexual he made me love my fellow man the way I do he also put in me morals and justice. May you my friend be at peace in mind and heart I know your pain of loss and I give you all my loving strength to help you stand up and make each day slightly easier. Much love

[@spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

Congrats!!! You have begun your spiritual journey! Religion is our first step when seeking inner truth and authenticity. Plant medicine is a great way to open up your experience and give you space to deconstruct what you've been told to believe as opposed to discovering what actually rings as truth for you. I spent my life as a Christian but never felt it was the whole story. Psilocybin was very helpful in helping me to heal from years of chronic depression. I've been on this journey for 8 years. I don't have a label and that is so freeing. My beliefs are my own and i am free to evolve as i learn. Allow your ego to transform and trust in the process. You are exactly where you are meant to be. You got this!!

[@Mary-t2p6p]

Lloyd, the jws mess with God, Creator, how we got here and how we end up after death. It’s soul murder, it really is. You are a survivor of all this, you have a beautiful soul. Don’t get ocd about labels, you may be a flowing person whose beliefs can’t be defined by labels like many musicians and artists are. If there’s one thing I learned from your channel is not to define myself by being an ex jw, a cult survivor, or anything at all. I’m just me experiencing life on this beautiful planet. And I’m free of the labels I took on I this cult thanks to your channel.

[@ChurchTrauma-gp2zf]

After many years of wrestling with God and moving from one religion to the other, and then moving away from religious institutions all together I have also experienced moments of spiritual bliss just by listening to Christian music and being deep in prayer. The thought of a benevolent loving God listening and one day responding to my prayers used to give me comfort. However I have come to believe that this is a lie we tell ourselves. We live in a state of false hope and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. Unfortunately when we search for God other negative emotions come flooding back i.e. guilt and shame. These negative emotions that comes with the hope cycle, cancels out the thought of a loving God which in turn results in more questions and doubt. I have called out to God and asked for forgiveness of my sins for years. I have placed Facebook ads and Gumtree ads looking for Ex Jehovah's Witnesses to study the Bible and to talk about God. I never get a response from any human being or God. After decades of guilt and shame and wondering if there is a God I am now also comfortable with the idea of labeling myself as a Deist. It feels safer and more logical and just easier to believe in a creator that does not interfere with the universe and a God who allows the universe to be governed by natural laws. I realize I am in a perpetual cycle of going from being a Theist to an Atheist to a Deist. This constant cycle of belief and doubt, hope and disappointment, feels like a prison of my own making. I yearn for a definitive answer, a sense of peace, but I'm trapped in this loop, swinging between theism, atheism, and deism, never finding solid ground. Perhaps one day I'll break free, but for now, this is my reality.

[@MoiraB853]

I think you've made a fundamental attribution error. What's the good reason for supposing that a human with altered brain chemistry actually interacted with some divine entity? Not to denigrate your experience, but a drug trip is a drug trip, no? What's the evidence that you interacted with anything that existed outside of your own brain?

[@human-beingggggg]

You're right that there is no evidence. And I think him saying he's "open to it" reflected that - a possibility, something not proven. I don't know what kinda trips you've had, but the only one I ever had that really qualifies as such to me, was... Compelling. From that perspective, the question that arises is: Who says our brains aren't part of the divine? At least my trip "revealed" to me something of that nature. Since that "deity" it's not a theistic God, calling it "divine" seems arbitrary in an objective sense as it's based not in any observable fact, or even related to any specific religion, but on how it made me feel (awe, curiosity, apprehension, elation, acceptance, serenity, inexplicable extrasensory perception etc) subjectively, and nothing more. This also made me scratch my head about deism and defining the supernatural or paranormal. But how I feel is pretty significant to me. And that's ultimately all we've got. Scientific discovery makes us feel similar things. We search for objective answers, a more accurate understanding of reality, for the sake of our subjective emotions regarding whether we survive or thrive, our quality of life. Perhaps, sharing something, relating to others on the human condition, experiencing and picking it apart together, or in his case, on a trip, is what is divine. The language of divinity may seem obsolete, but there are some experiences too large for words. This to say, even if everything was a product of his psyche, oh, what a marvel it is how gracefully his subconscious (or some collective subconscious of repeated memes, if you wanna go the that route) captures the pain of creation, (including as a parent, in his case) and pain and as something more complex as an evil to be thwarted.

[@Jesus-Is-Lord--Romans-Ten-Nine]

Hi Lloyd. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandads death and your mental health. I'm also an EX-JW, and I use to watch your channel a lot, long before you changed the name from John Cedars. I had these similar experiences, although they were more Christ orientated. I had these experiences whilst using cannabis and also when completely sober. It was quite a journey/awakening and I was eventually Born Again shortly before my dad died in 2021. I 100% believe your experiences. I wish you all the best in this Journey. I don't feel the need to preach to you, but I am excited to possibly hear a new Testimony from you in the future. Keep searching/seeking... All the best, Darren.