LOSING MY PARENTS | GRIEF | MENTAL HEALTH SERIES | HOW ARE YOU *REALLY* Ep. 01| Kelly Mataure

Hi everybody.
I am starting a new series on my channel called "How are you *really*?"
In this series I plan to explore the various mental health challenges we are facing today. I aim to demystify and remove the stigma around speaking about issues that affect us as Africans. I'm kickstarting this series with a topic very close to my heart. Grief.
TRIGGER WARNING: If hearing me speak about grief/lose/cancer is going to put you in a bad space, please don't watch this video. Protect yourself and your peace.
This one was tough. To this day, talking about my parents is one of the hardest things for me to do. I didn't want to initially but I've had quite a few people reach out to me who are grieving and I was moved to tell my story. I don't have any solutions for the pain but hopefully someone out there will feel seen and know that they aren't alone.
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🌺Get to Know me🌺:
Name: Kelly Mataure
Spouse: Mandla Mataure
Children: 1 year old boy called MJ
Location: Chimanimani, Zimbabwe
Socials:
Instagram: / kelly_mataure
Twitter: / kelly_mataure
Facebook: / thekellymataure1
Business email: [e-mail]

[@KellyMataure]

Fam.. I have no words. All your comments have me balling my eyes out. I'm just so moved. Thank you to all of you who are sharing your grief with me. Your stories are heart breaking but at the same time healing. Reading so many of your stories shows me that I'm not alone 😭😭😭 I'm especially encouraged by those of you who lost someone decades ago that say the pain still feels fresh. It makes me feel normal and validated. Thank you all. I usually try to reply to most of my comments on my videos, but for this particular one, it's very painful for me to do so. Please don't feel like it's because I dont care. I care too much and speaking about it more for me by responding to comments is too much for me. Speaking about it in this video was already so difficult. Please give me a bit of grace on this one. I am reading through every single one of your comments and my heart goes out to you all. Please do keep sharing with me here and on Instagram. It means so much to me when you do. I love you all for walking this journey with me. May God bless and comfort us all.

[@hannahl1387]

😘

[@chionochiono7086]

My grandma died 35 years ago when my mum was in her 40s. Even now in her 80s there are moments we catch her crying and all she says is I miss my mum. We all carry it differently. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your parents. God bless you!!!

[@ruthpartridge6210]

It's so important to talk about mental health families need to talk about grief children grieve as well it's such a hush hush in our culture openes is needed

[@zakaroyalty62]

Kelly, your grieving experiences totally resonate with mine😭! We lost our dearest mommy in ‘04 on her way to see a specialist in Harare ! Home has ne’er been the same again since her enterrement at our homestead in Zaka, Masvingo! Woke up the following mornings thinking mum would get us up for breakfast as usual or would call me from the kitchen, the usual mommy stuff etc..! The pain & agony I endured and the void I’ve persistently felt not having her around the homestead was an endless abyss! I’m still waking up in tears to this very day many years after she’s been gone …may their souls rest in eternal peace 🕊.

[@lovefromdrey]

I’m sorry for your loss may God continue to comfort you.

[@zakaroyalty62]

@@lovefromdrey Please accept my gratitude 🙏

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious mum continue to rest in eternal peace.

[@zakaroyalty62]

@@chiyenyumba7135 Thank you so much for the condolences 🙏

[@lululunga3519]

I can relate. May your Mum's soul continue to Rest in Peace!

[@esierayner533]

I lost my dad when I was 6yrs .Now I'm in my 40s i still think of him very much .I understand your grief 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@jay02021]

I’m literally going back to 10 videos in May 2023 to comment and spread love. Just to remind you that whenever you post new videos again, we’ll be right here to watch. I hope you are okay, keep well❤️ Love from South Africa 🇿🇦

[@lizziemusekiwa9119]

Sending you a big virtual hug beautiful lady.

[@cathydyer3774]

❤😢❤😢. Kelly you were brave talking about this publicly. I think the more we love someone the harder the grief. Also as you say our parents are always there, our protectors and our supporters. Of course when one or both go it is a terrible loss and a huge change to the life you are used to. I am of your parents' generation. We have an innocence before loss. We are different afterwards. We can never be prepared for how it will affect us.Crying and talking about it is important.... as long as it does not make you ill. It is so lovely that you have your 2nd Mum and Dad.❤❤

[@nolavout9094]

I lost my dad in 1987 of lung cancer so totally understand, he was 68, then lost my mam in 2005 from old age she was 94, it does get better but you always find yourself talking to them, so sorry for your losses xxxxx

[@tendaimadhlangobe3321]

Awww thank you, l lost my 2mnths old son last month. Wounds are still fresh but we know God is in it, he will surely wipe all tears. Let's take this opportunity to grow spiritually like you said.

[@chiyenyumba7135]

Oooo dear darling no words can say how much I felt for you... may your little boy rest in eternal peace.

[@tendaimadhlangobe3321]

@@chiyenyumba7135 thank you

[@tryphineshumba1181]

💜💜💜💜💜

[@munhumutapa1330]

Kelly, thank you for sharing such a personal story. Similar to your experience, I lost my parents within a space of two years and it's true that you don't know what you have until you lose it. I miss them so much but to touch on a very important point you mentioned, a lot of suffering happens just before death and after death. The pain, stress, and confusion (kepererwa) of looking after a sick person and trying all you can for them to be comfortable is unimaginable. And then after they die, you know our culture, there is always that crazy relative that tends to make the grieving even more painful through selfishness and greed. It will seem like some people were waiting for someone to die just so that they gain property and material things and to make matters worse a lot of these people are absent when our loved ones were at their lowest. There are so many nuances and painful things people go through in grieving loved ones but thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You have given some of us the platform to also share our grief. Perhaps you can expand on this topic and talk about your experiences with relatives or estate issues etc. You don't have to if it's too much for you but would appreciate hearing your experiences.

[@rachealcee]

this is so true. I tell people when I lost my father, I also lost a lot of other family members (they are alive), but from funeral and estate shenanigans they are dead to me. It's quite sad. Pfuma yenhaka inoparadza ukama, no truer words have been spoken.

[@ceemu3966]

May God comfort you Kel. I know what you mean, lost both parents(2006 dad & 2017 mum) too and everytime I do something I wish my mummy & dad was here to see and say a lot about it sing praise. They live through us. personally I had to be strong because panga pasisina anondirwira. I have suffered 5years of abuse by someone who was meant to mama me but instead she has hurled all sorts of abuse and I decided to cut them off. No More!!! Kwakutogozvimiririra. Thank God for supportive spouses and all other nice fam. Pama achievements is the worst times kani vachiti huya mwana waKeletso. But your inlaws are just lovely. Love and strength to you!!!!

[@Life_invested]

This video made me find your channel, had just lost my dad last year and you popped up . Thank you for sharing. And I’ve been following you ever since then 😅 I love how real you are in your content , you inspired me to be myself

[@Mancube-Sokolate]

Thats the worst so sorry my love hugs hugs hugs 🤗 May her soul continue to rest in peace 🥰💞💞

[@munyaradzidube4391]

Thanks Kelly, I really needed this. Lost my mum this last December and I didn't believe it, didn't see it coming at all. Tough times, those are really tough times!

[@KellyMataure]

I'm really so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum is an indescribable pain. May you find comfort and peace

[@kwarummond77]

Hugs hugs Kelly. 😍😍God blessed you with a loving husband and parents inlaw who adore and love you so much . And we can all see it on your videos

[@hannahl1387]

This is so true. It may be small comfort, but he gave you a loving, soft place to land in what appears to be a loving new family. Take my word for it, that is a blessing. The pain of grieving alone....wow...that's another pain I imagine.

[@michellesamkange7899]

Thank you for sharing ♥️

[@lovefromdrey]

I struggle with grief and comforting others while they’re going through their grief 😭

[@LifeOfAnOvercomer]

Very sorie for your loss Kelly. Sending you hugs💗💗🤗🤗

[@tapiwatmatambanadzo491]

Grief!!!!!. I really don't know how to put it across. We in the same boat hunnay. Lost mom when I was a year old, lost dad in 2006. Lost my one and only GrandMa the one who took care of me 2017. My head spins everytime. I look at my son and I'm like Lord the only thing you can give me is life so that I can be there for him. I'm lost and shattered. But I wake up everyday thanking God for he knows better. Never feel lost or apologetic for grieving. It's called being human. Feelings!!!!. Pain never goes away trust me. Just learn to live with it❤️

[@ayandancube5832]

Thank you so much for sharing. I lost my grandmother in September of 2020, she was the most important person in my life, she raised me and I am who I am because of her, and because of Covid, I couldn't even be home for the funeral. I have never felt a pain deeper and my God, it's difficult to this day. I went home mid December and I only went to her grave 3 weeks after getting home, that's how bad my anxiety was about seeing her grave but ultimately, I'm glad I did. And I absolutely agree about people telling you not to cry when you're grieving, it's such an awful thing to say. Crying and expressing your pain out loud is part of the healing process, we definitely should allow ourselves and each other room to grieve however we need to. Love to you and your family ❤❤

[@siphiwethebe4686]

Hey Kelly. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing about your loss/grief. I lost my father in 2015 and l miss him terribly. Let's continue praying for each other and for the Holy Spirit to comfort us. God bless. 💕

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace

[@taaas6]

I can relate 😭😭, my dad died when i was 9 years and mom died when i was 14. It was tough, and now that I'm grown and unmarried I feel the gap. During holidays I go to an empty house only memories.

[@chiyenyumba7135]

Ooo darling may your dear precious parents continue to rest in eternal peace

[@hazelelizabeth8881]

Sending you Love and hugs❤💗

[@michellemukwa6520]

My mom was a twin passed away 1999 when I was 21 with 4 siblings, dad left us 1993. Only this year was I able to speak to my mama ie mom's twin sister without crying. So it's taken me that long to deal with grief, I found it difficult to connect with her siblings as they reminded me so much of her. Some years are harder some are not. Time is the greatest healer but the pain never goes away Sending you love and light (((((((hug))))))))

[@chipochiroorwa]

Hi. I was the same. I could not connect with my father's siblings after his death because they reminded me of my loss and it also made me feel guilty because I always would think, why are they alive instead of my father. Now the grief and guilt is piling up as l continue to lose my uncles and aunts to the Covid virus. I feel like l am in a hell hole and there's no way of coming out. I am drowning in my own grief noone knows. I can't even get out of bed to save myself.

[@chiyenyumba7135]

@@chipochiroorwa ooo dear sister may you find comfort in knowing you are not alone... The grime ripper is out there at each and everyone's doorstep. In your own time may you find peace. May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace. And sorry for your loss. Please do not feel guilty all your feelings are normal and natural.

[@chipochiroorwa]

@@chiyenyumba7135 Thanks, it means a lot to me.

[@Patriot20143]

Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes loss actually brings us closer to that person we would have lost. We think about them all the time and value them more than when they were alive.

[@nolavout9094]

And this is why I lost my faith, not one single person I have prayed for has survived, so much for a loving God, sorry, don't believe there is one xxxx

[@rutendosarahgukwa1516]

Don't apologise for tearing up Kelly, you have to let it out

[@hannahl1387]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grief is palpable. May their souls rest in peace and may God comfort your family in your loss. Thank you for sharing...When my grandfather died decades ago, I witnessed my father break down and become a child. He kept saying he was an orphan. He was the oldest son, a husband, and father to two university age children, but he was distraught. I remember being so shocked and frightened, but also the deep compassion I felt to see him in that state. May God comfort us all. You are in my prayers.

[@sithabelamandlawenkosiwodu6298]

I held off not watching this for so long for this exact reason. I don't do well with these stories. This was really really sad. Feels so good to know you're doing better now and you have a loving family. Another thing people don't understand is that you are not me and I am not you. You can't put us in the same race to "get over it". I was lucky to have received counseling from a very gifted and patient healer. Lots of hugs from this end.

[@tshiamoshilowa5492]

Your story resonates so much with mine. The trauma of taking care of my dad, then having to plan his funeral with so much family politics. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You might not know it but you sharing helps us heal. Thank you so much once again 💕.

[@tshiamoshilowa5492]

I cried my eyes out watching this. Cause you really shared so much that resonates with a lot of us. 💕.

[@jeannemuchinadzo3526]

I lost my mum to cervical cancer in 2017 and my dad to kidney complications in May this year.After watching this episode,I just teared up .I really feel like a part of me will forever be missing.

[@tanyanamagonya3762]

You have articulated grief in a way no one has been able to, it’s been 24 years but sometimes I just breakdown thinking about my dad

[@zimshadow1980]

Kelly, you and me both and i believe there is more of us out there who are trying to cope . Of all most, thank you for sharing. I for one thought I was strong, having witnessed death in battle and so on but when its on your door step and so close to you it is a hard lump to swallow. Losing both parents is a blow. It has been a year now since i lost my mother and it still feels like yesterday. i suppose, we just have to be strong, PRAY and share when it gets too overwhelming.

[@MaiNasheWashe]

30yrs later I still cry my eyes out on some days. The wound will never heal 💔😪 but God has a way of making the pain better. Hugs sis❤

[@sigmatau8231]

,,,there they go, cutting onions again...

[@lindanincube4280]

Oh Kelly, im crying right now! I lost my dad in 2015 and l felt the luggage analogy! Im so sorry for your loss hun! But thank you for your courage to post this, it helps to know someone else understands ❤️

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace

[@ptgwanzura8191]

Thanks for being so brave and sharing this. I can’t imagine your pain but I admire your strength. Mental health is something we need to talk about more as Africans.

[@hazelelizabeth8881]

Sending you love and hugs KELLY❤we love you dearly

[@mutsawashe1369]

Am first today. Am sorry to hear this asi Mwari vanoramba vari Mwari. Sending you guys and kisses. Good topic.

[@lizmah168]

aww Kelly sending u hugs 😍I lost my dad 20 yrs ago I was a young woman it’s like yesterday I totally understand u girl but always remember they are watching over u hugs ))it’s ok to cry bless you u will feel better after crying 😢

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace

[@Gugucha]

That first time you wake up the next day and realise they are actually gone,and you were not dreaming is sooo hard and painful.Hugs❤

[@mugovewashenhau4684]

This touched my heart Kelly. Much love and hugs to you. I'm blessed to have known and shared some beautiful moments with your parents. We hold on to those precious memories.❤❤

[@ronakio]

Not easy. May their souls rest in peace. God bless you.

[@Auntie134]

I lost my mom when I was 17 and it broke me. My heart was shattered💔. My best friend was taken and I had no reason for living. Thank you for sharing your story💕

[@rachealcee]

Thanks for sharing. My parents, like yours, died in close succession too. It's crazy. I loved both of them dearly and was the closest a child can be with a parent. It left a hole in my heart. The dreams are the worst. You're right though, it gets a little better with time, but we'll never be completely healed. Wishing you love, light, and success in everything you do.

[@lovefromdrey]

Also Kelly thank you for sharing your experience with grief. Your story will encourage many. May God continue to strength you and comfort you. 😘

[@mildredmoyo]

Hugs to you Kelly,I also lost both my parents in a space of 4 months and this is 21 years ago and I still grieve

[@rachaelrae4532]

I am so sorry for your loss Kelly. To be honest, I was avoiding watching this episode because I knew it was going to get me emotional. I did watch it eventually and yes, I teared up because I can’t imagine the pain of losing a parent. We go on with life in the hope that we will see them again in glory. Without that belief in our Lord Jesus, life would be much harder and the grief so unbearable… remain blessed till that glorious day…huggsies🥰🙏🏼

[@msla7623]

My dear Kelly. I wasn't a minute in and I was crying so hard hei. I miss your parents all the time

[@barbaratigere4041]

Strength and love to you Kelly. Thank you for being so vulnerable. May God be with you through it all. ❤️❤️

[@bigshow4790]

You are very strong to come here and talk about it for me that is my biggest fear don't even know how I will survive without my mom.

[@florencezhande9218]

Thank you for sharing hun, mental health is something we need to talk about more, you are one strong lady. Sending loads of hugs ❤️

[@S24-x1u]

Big bear hug from Harare. You truly are blessed to have mom and dad

[@nolavout9094]

I often question why we are born in the first place, we knew nothing before birth and it wasn't a problem and then we go through all this pain?????

[@kudzienicolle]

Sorry for your loss Kelly. Thank you for sharing your very sensitive and emotional experience with us and opening up this important conversation ❤

[@munesumangava9751]

Its painful.....I'm an orphan too!!! I go to the graves with flowers as much as I can. I'm too far but I try my best!!

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious parents continue to rest in eternal peace

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your parents continue to rest in eternal peace...there is no words only time will heal you. Sad for your little boy not having maternal grandparents ❤️.

[@lovefromdrey]

We appreciate you for sharing this story!

[@SportsSeeker]

I lost my cousin in 2019 in September that same year I was involved in an accident that almost claimed my life. I spend 69 days in the hospital struggling it wasn't been easy even counselling is not working. I don't know if I will ever be able to move on with love

[@janett8616]

Hey Kelly, sending hugs to you. Thanks for being brave and sharing your story! I can relate to your story having lost my parents so when i was young and it took years to be open about it and i still grieve whenever i need to.

[@edlanemhariwa282]

I love the progress you have made. God is truly good and he does stand by us through the most difficult times. It does get better indeed and there are days which really make you want to disappear into thin air but you lift yourself up and keep moving. You are made stronger in your weakness

[@justkeepdriving6927]

😔😔😔 I totally understand that loss of ambition. Took a long time for me to get back on track in that area.

[@plaxedesgono410]

True sometimes some experiences bring us closer to God.

[@oliviervanhove3024]

My goodness I had no idea... Soo sorry Kelly😔😔 you're doing great

[@nyaradzosasa9343]

Hugs to you Kelly... May the Lord continue to comfort you.... Thank you really for sharing with us. You indeed are a strong woman and may the Lord continue strengthening you

[@rumbi28]

Hearts and thoughts with you Kelly. May your sorrow lighten with each passing day. And may the memory of your parents bring you peace 🕊️ You are loved by them, near or far.

[@mimijustin4296]

Thank you for this Kelly,lost my dad when I was 9 the pain never leaves

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace

[@Halfsaladzw]

Thank you for sharing, intense, but real. Won't say much, but this helps.

[@henrykakopa2963]

Thank you very much Kelly for sharing your story. Be strong. I am happy because you have a good relationship with God.

[@lululunga3519]

I love this! I have had to cut off close family who chose to disregard my efforts towards mental health and boundaries. I also lost my parents and had delayed effects. Hugs Kelly :)

[@munhumutapa1330]

I totally agree, some relatives are so toxic and deserve to be cut off totally

[@chiyenyumba7135]

Mmay your dear precious parents continue to rest in eternal peace

[@lululunga3519]

@@chiyenyumba7135 Thank you. I pray so too.

[@esthertizirai270]

Thank you for sharing. You're a strong woman Kelly.

[@leeleemoyo7907]

Sending love and hugs💚💚💚🙏

[@kuechik]

Thank you for sharing, it's not easy at all. The pain never goes away but you learn to live with it. Lost both of my parents within a year and a half. 2014 & 2015. It hurts so bad and being an adult orphan is no joke especially in the African culture but that's a topic for another day. Sending you hugs Kelly ❤️ PS: Don't let anyone dictate how you should mourn. No one will ever understand your pain until they walk in your shoes.

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious parents continue to rest in eternal peace

[@sandisiwendwalaza3237]

Oohh Kelly I know the pain you get heartbroken to pieces. Losing my father yes it was painful but my mother yoh I was shuttered till now it’s been 16 years but yoh it’s unbearable..

[@rozey86]

Am sorry for your loss love 💔 I can not fathom the pain you went through💔.

[@mudiwac]

Thank you for sharing, sending cuddles. xxx

[@Naniso]

I lost my dad at the age of 13- 14years ago. I still grieve randomly. Like you, I don’t listen to some songs that remind me of him. Random dreams too. I just cry sometimes too.

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious dad continue to rest in eternal peace.

[@bbsisi]

Thank you for sharing it's going to help alot of people. It took me a while to realize that the Sitho who existed before my dad passed on, is no longer there. My biggest struggle was trying to look for her, i prefer to be alone and meet up with people once in a while.... i can also relate about not going home, I'm actually scared to come back to Zim because this time around i won't be busy arranging a funeral or a memorial il have alll the time and the reality that my dad is not there anymore is gonna hit me. I pray il get strength to come back home one day. Love and light to you❤❤❤❤

[@bbsisi]

OMG personally i hate the dreams, i had to ask God to pleaaaase ensure i don't dream about dad. It wears me down so much because when i wake up he's not there.

[@angelamachengo8475]

wow....wow. I have no words. All I can say is thank you for sharing this. Sending you so much love

[@TheWoolfordFamilyLove]

Hugs to you grief is a strange thing to deal with and it is painful and I totally understand what you mean by its up and down dealing with it. May God continue to give you peace lots of love.

[@enithalovejoymakaza2431]

Touching story. Thank you for opening up Kelly. Hugs🥺🥺🥺🥺

[@nolavout9094]

Good example, it is a piece of luggage, well put

[@ruru764]

Sending hugs Kelly. I relate so much, I lost my Dad in 2014 and it feels so fresh not a day goes by I don’t think of him. The grief is worse when I’m going through a difficult period I’m life I just feel like my Dad would understand and know exactly what to say to me, and noone will ever cheer for me the way he did. My biggest fear is losing my Mum, it’s a very real fear that would break me. She’s currently unwell so the stress is just out of this world.

[@luvlay1]

Wow Kelly thank you so much for this my mum died in 2004 . I was still in school. It’s been 17 years and like you said you just learn to live with it. Mother’s Day is difficult especially now with social media. I resonated with so many aspects you shared in this video. You are not alone and I’m sending you love. I truly understand ❤️‍🩹❤️

[@chiyenyumba7135]

May your dear precious mum continue to rest in eternal peace

[@luvlay1]

@@chiyenyumba7135 thank you dear ❤️‍🩹

[@nolavout9094]

You need to focus on the fact that due to your parents, you now have a husband and a beautiful little boy, the next generation, it's good to look back but you need to focus on looking forward too, easier said than done I know darlin xxxx

[@mamakai9315]

Thanks for sharing this .. sending you love and light

[@sibonganimalumo2675]

I commend your bravery and vulnerability on discussing this topic ,looking forward to the other episodes - keep shining your light ! xoxo

[@roseb.5367]

♡♡♡♡ sending lots of love and a huge qarm tight hug.

[@GeorgePapaya]

Wow!!! So much to talk about and share!!! I love the topic, i can relate though have not had someone close to me like that but its true we are all going through some sort of mental health issue!!! KUDOS, and may God keep giving you strength to tackle each new challenge that you may go through

[@tauya80]

Oh man thank you for sharing your story I know it took a lot of courage to do so...I totally relate also lost my dad. Like Oprah said when someone close to you like a parent passes you now have an angel you can call by name in your case two and I know they are proud of you keep on keeping on God bless

[@ch1na174]

im so sorry 😞

[@GireMbowa]

Hugs to you Kelly ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏾

[@lorrainepenyayi4720]

No words spoken 😭😭..((Hugs))🕊🕊

[@faithtendai9923]

Urs is a heart of gold Kelly♥️ thank you for being selfless enough to share your vulnerability

[@emptyyourheart9086]

Sending you some love.I understand you well.I have gone through this pain.Lost my mom and sis within a period of a month.. I thought I was not going to survive it.

[@mirandamubaiwa5356]

Hugs and kisses to you ❤️🙏🏽

[@LoveRaeH]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Sending you so much love and hugs❤️❤️

[@relllove3813]

This one really hit home, it's almost 8months since I lost my mum, and I still cry weekly. Thanks @Kelly Matuare

[@claumut18]

Interesting topic...well articulated Kelly

[@violetnkomo8962]

Virtual hugs x