Love Is Blind S3 #17 - (Cole Calls Zanab Bipolar) - Therapist Reacts

[@sxyteesa0890]

I’ve noticed people need a victim and antagonist and neither one is a victim they both were Annoying af and quite frankly both need therapy Cole needs help with empathy & how he communicates his feelings and Zanab needs help with her self esteem and how she’s interpreting his words

[@BorisMiljkovic]

Well said.

[@christinecobb9103]

Agreed!

[@beatrizgoncalves2044]

Literally ! Everyone is like Cole is terrible and Zenab is perfect and then after the cuties thing it full on switched. They are both really bad for a relationship, she gets hurt and distort words and the meaning of things and he is a man child that can’t express himself

[@Nina-nm8ti]

Seriously! I'll go further and say any contestant on this show needs therapy 😭

[@shadowpuppet0312]

Thank you! This is what I keep saying and people keep getting mad at me 😂

[@g.a.mendoza1064]

Love is Blind should have a family therapist or psych during the entire process before the altar situation. That’ll make the relationship stronger and save them bridal/groom/wedding expenses if in case it didn’t work.

[@etheln8392]

I have been thinking the exact same thing. Like how wonderful would it be if Dr. Honda could be there!

[@rebeccab.8189]

That’s essentially what happens in Married at First Sight.

[@icanrelate]

Exactly

[@tiemarie6027]

Literally I thought that since season one ….and would help so much especially with like peoples communication styles …because once they see each other in person for some reason things get lost in communication

[@Sproutlings]

Can we just take a minute to appreciate how often Dr. Honda uploads 🙌

[@LaylaRazavi]

See I’m annoyed he recorded it in a batch but only dribbles out one each day to keep up his ad revenue but I guess I can’t hate the player so I will hate the game 🙃

[@andra9601]

👏 he is amazing but I hope he is not getting/ risking burn out.

[@zv7588]

Yesssss 👏👏👏

[@alisonc6100]

Yes!! He and whoever does the editing must be exhausted.

[@etheln8392]

@@alisonc6100 Dr. Honda himself does it, so yeah

[@PENH5428]

The things they liked about each other are the things that are breaking them apart . Zainab liked Cole’s honesty and directed ness … but not anymore. Cole like how serious and mature Zainab was but not anymore

[@MayceTorres]

Vulnerable soul lot of life lived. Give her benefit.

[@MayceTorres]

You seen worst on the shows you watch. 😂

[@couch_philosoph3325]

Yeah i think so! Cole said in the pods that zay felt like the woman he needed. The reason he split with colleen was because he said he wanted a very deep and serious relationship. Yet afterwards with zay, he is anything but serious and deep. Which of course is fine to be fun and make jokes, but it seems like he aspired an ideal that wasn't really what he would do

[@duskyjackal1699]

I am so confused about that finale where Cole was reduced to tears. At the wedding Z said horrible things about him, in front of his family and friends. How can she say "you're the most wonderful man" and look happy, and directly thereafter to go to "no one has ever broken me down as much as you". Then to go back on the finale for her to continue saying he's such a horrible person, and there was a point where every single one turned on him. That's lonely as hell. It makes no sense. The whole thing is confusing as hell.

[@couch_philosoph3325]

@@duskyjackal1699 yeah that was not okay of her at all. If you look at other contestants, most of them that said no still said nice things about their partner. I think zay was very triggered, but cole also had his faults. They didn't work well with one another at all

[@AlyssaBergland14]

I have the same hypothesis that the show forces people to go to the altar. Love is Blind Japan had several couples break up after engagement but before the altar and I liked that format much better!

[@michelleapril3098]

SAME! I just commented that too! I wonder why the US LIB are contractually obligated to go to the altar but Japan isn’t 🧐🧐

[@jeremysmith9694]

I love Japanese love is blind! I love the respect they have. Japanese seem to have a lot of stuff together.

[@CarrieArt7]

Yes, I find the aspect of expecting people to get married within a month unrealistic, I also think it adds a layer of stress that causes more issues.

[@marybaksheeva2874]

I liked LiB Japan for the realistic break ups too. But living here I also can see where it's coming from. People not communicating their feelings like...never)), and only steadily showing respect for each other (because it's what a society wants and expects, not because it's what you are feeling in the moment). Picture looked cute, but also very lonely, people failing to connect even when they are right in front of each other. Pet peeve of mine, sorry for the long whining. I just wish that those people could talk. Really talk. Would be so much healthier.

[@dazedconfuseds]

Shania didn't get married. I think it's a contract. But if they break it they may not show your journey. They don't film all couples that get engaged. And those don't get filmed, never follow through with their relationships. Why? Because people love the limelight

[@agingknees6188]

Although I'm glad Dr. Honda analyzed Cole's behavior here, I think it is a missed opportunity to skip over the cooking scene. It was a good opportunity to point out Zanab's repeated criticism, Cole's vulnerable attempt to express how her words hurt him and then the ensuing response from Zanab to rewrite his reality. Another psychologist wrote an article on Psychology Today just about this scene/episode. It's good that we can talk about the lack of knowledge about bipolar disorder, ableist microaggressions and more but there are other dynamics at play that are interesting as well Adding: Mature? I mean even the statement of "go find a woman who will be sweet to you" should remind us what Cole had said earlier. He expressed to Zanab that she was rude to him and that he wishes she would be sweeter, kinder. And she turned it into, I'm always sweet. How could you ever think that I'm not? I'm a catch. I'm a great girl. Is that not gaslighting? Legitimate question. Very surprised by this reaction.

[@ryebreadreid1942]

I think that the cooking scene directly influenced Cole's hostility in this scene, too. NOT saying that what Cole said or how he behaved is justified. Just recognizing that the cooking scene where Zanab puts down Cole most likely had a direct influence over this scene. Just wish that Dr. Honda walked through that one, too. I feel like the context is missing for this, but looking forward to seeing his reaction after the reunion and cuties scene. I remember the first time I watched this scene I hated Cole too!

[@msmendes214]

Exactly this... The people that are angry at us wanting that scene analyzed because Cole *is* usually an a**hole don't realize it's OK to look at a relationship from different angles. Including ones where we may have some understanding/empathy towards the a**hole

[@lbbrown9663]

Exactly! I was so surprised. I wonder if Dr. Honda is actually triggered by Cole. Maybe Cole reminds him of someone. I can’t imagine he had nothing to say about Zanab in the cooking scene. But maybe not? I watched the cooking scene feeling very bad for Cole. Who probably lashed out and got back at Zanab in a mean spirited way. But the cooking scene was the catalyst there.

[@dirgemage]

@@lbbrown9663 I feel like he favors women more. And this is coming from a woman.

[@everythingshareable]

Exactly! In a recent interview he also said that she was the one who first called herself “bipolar” in a conversation prior to this scene, and that he was repeating it. Obviously it’s was wrong for him to say that but people are not looking at this front his perspective.

[@vkatelyn09]

It's not that he was just being hostel, it's that he was taking delight and enjoying himself while attacking her.

[@psicologaanaalice520]

22:15 for me the kitchen scene she is a little bit (at least) unaware on how her critics affect him, but dont justify the way the he responded to it

[@malglove]

I totally agree!

[@ezzb]

Yes! I didn't notice he felt like she doesn't like him and thinks he is inferior, until that moment. And is completely understandable that he feels that based on her actions in the kitchen. I think she was just "let me do it, is easier", complete clueless about talking down to him. Actually both of them seem pretty clueless about how they hurt each other.

[@ClintSevilla]

Thank you! I think we should talk about this more. Her condescending tone and ease of her doing it is an indication that she does this pretty often. I think this would wear down anyone. I think it he was really frustrated the first day.

[@kaimcdragonfist4803]

I’m watching this video and I’m really surprised that Dr. Honda seems to have missed that. Like sure, what Cole said was 100% in the wrong, but being nitpicked like the way Zay was nitpicking him would really do some damage over time

[@helena5442]

Ouch the bipolar thing triggered me. So toxic when people use mental illnesses and personality disorders as slurs in time of conflict. Stop with the labels already, also way to dismiss someones feelings and opinions.

[@lavinder11]

Well, the cooking scene was skipped, but it was definitely a "cut it on the bias" moment where one person micromanages the other into a childish response.

[@TheMaltebella]

The commentary on this scene has left me feeling like I'm in the Twilight Zone just as I did with Jesse and Jennifer on that vacation. He blamed everything on Jesse and even ignored the obvious lie that she had been telling.

[@TheQueenrevolution]

Yes! I agree

[@TheQueenrevolution]

@@TheMaltebella same. I'm sitting here wondering did he watch the same scene we did? I'm really confused.

[@lavinder11]

@@BonnyT They took a look at his dirty apartment. I don't think he was weaponizinh his incompetence whatsoever.

[@dassijes5943]

I've never heard 'cut on the bias' used outside of a sewing context. That's clever, I like it!

[@Freetoliveasyouplease]

Perplexed by the fact that Kirk didn't react to her attitude towards Cole in the kitchen. The controlling micromanager in her was hard to watch. I'd be beyond hurt and frustrated if I were Cole

[@ixizn]

Because she’s a woman and sadly he often minimizes the impact this behaviour can have then and rather focuses on a man’s reaction to it, especially if the man isn’t perfectly understanding and rational about things despite being the one who was hurt. It’s disappointing every time it happens but doesn’t even surprise me anymore at this point. 😞

[@Freetoliveasyouplease]

@@ixizn can I ask if you are male? I totally see how Cole is being a jerkface and how he can be arrogant and misogynistic, but I agree with you, that the actions and attitudes of women can definitely go under the radar. I believe she has been super mean to Cole, her sarcasm, her tone, her superiority... And it's not OK for her to act like that. Both people should be held accountable for their behavior. It does make me sad, because usually Kirk and I are on the same page with things, but this one we are way off

[@ixizn]

@@Freetoliveasyouplease I am. I grew up with an abusive mom who also abused my dad. To clarify I absolutely agree about Cole’s behaviour too though! I definitely think that deserves to be talked about as well and didn’t mean to downplay it. It’s just been frustrating how much of Zanab’s behaviour and even what led up to a bunch of their arguments have been ignored by so many people, in favour of ONLY going in hard on how awful Cole is, while disregarding any surrounding context. Zanab set me on edge from the first day they spent together after meeting. I can understand how the regular viewer didn’t pick up on it back when almost everyone was still (only) hating on Cole and rooting for Zanab, but it’s disappointing that someone like Dr Honda doesn’t seem to see it. I guess the big thing about their dynamic for me is that I didn’t get the impression that Cole was intentionally trying to be hurtful or wouldn’t care if he made someone upset. That doesn’t make some of the things he did or said magically okay, but it does mean at least there’s possibility for growth and change if someone made him aware of his behaviour and the impact it had. Meanwhile I suspected Zanab was not willing to admit fault or communicate openly about any issues and would bottle things up until she exploded. We did see Cole at least try to tell Zanab how she made him feel and she deflected about how great she is. Her ego seems huge and at the same time incredibly fragile. Then the wedding, reunion, and how they have each behaved respectively after all this just confirmed things for me. It’s been incredibly sad to see and I honestly do wish that Zanab would realize there’s help to get if she’s open to it because she’s clearly hurting a lot on the inside. Sorry for the long ramble! I agree Dr Honda is great in many ways, I think that’s part of why it just makes me feel extra bummed out seeing him gloss over problematic behaviour once again when it’s from a woman.

[@Freetoliveasyouplease]

@@ixizn couldn't agree more. Very sad. I've seen him call out the behaviors of women before, he can get really worked up when he sees sarcastic superiority. Not sure why he's not seeing this in her. Sorry about your dad. That really sucks.

[@ani989]

It was a little frustrating to not see your commentary on the kitchen scene before this, as I think that’s what started this fight in the first place. I understood the events that led to Cole lashing out at Zay. He dealt with it wrong, but I saw what he meant and how it made him feel. Cole and Zay are so opposite, that everything was misunderstood between them. Cole was trying to be lighthearted and Zay was trying to be serious. I myself would’ve been very emotionally upset if I was in Cole’s situation in the kitchen, where the one I love told me I’m cooking wrong, I try to fix it but now I’m seasoning wrong, then I try to break the tension by being playful and I’m treated like a nuisance…

[@DodoToutDoux]

THIS. I feel Dr. Honda only sees Zanab’s side. She awful, is always belittle him, and hot and cold towards him.

[@catherineshines]

AGREED!

[@johnwesely]

He always ignores zanab starting it lol.

[@catherineshines]

@@johnwesely that’s odd, like how can we fully trust his analysis when it’s biased?

[@meizumi]

@@catherineshines I mean everyone is biased even if you're educated on the topic. He doesn't claim to be speaking the absolute truth just how he sees it, but you should always form your own opinion on these things regardless of what he says.

[@DeannaTroyTravels]

"Usually I'm not a fan of that kind of talk, like 'don't be an asshole', but that is a very good description. What other word would you put to it?" LMAO LOVE THIS GUY

[@m_piper]

The kitchen scene before this was very telling though. I would have been upset as well. He tried to make her a dinner and she walked in and immediately started critiquing him and making him feel like he couldn't do it right. He tried to lighten the mood and she snapped at him and got angry because he was being childish. I think knowing the context of what happened before them sitting down to dinner is important.

[@letzsnuggzz]

After a long day, I would be annoyed if my fiance was cooking unseasoned food. And then came in with a nerf gun and started shooting it as I was at the stove trying to properly fix the bad food. His immaturity and foolishness set her off.

[@catherineshines]

I totally agree 😫

[@pinsandneedles3]

I can understand both of your viewpoints - and both of Cole and Zanab's annoyance in this scene. I don't think either of them is really the "villain" or anything, their personalities just don't seem to vibe.

[@catherineshines]

@@letzsnuggzz if you’re only seeing what you’re partner isn’t doing rather than appreciating the thoughtful gestures they are doing, than any relationship you get into will be miserable 😖 she is generally just bitter and can’t handle laughter or fun- this is in every single scene with her an Cole, she is perpetually annoyed at his existence.

[@onk1110]

@@letzsnuggzz can't just put it on a long day since that applies to him too. Upset over inadequate seasoning? yikes

[@erglove]

Dr. Honda! Thanks for working so hard to put your reaction videos out for this season! Just wanted to say when you watch the finale, make sure to watch the post-credits scene - I’m dying to hear what you think.

[@14DANESSJ]

You will probably be disappointed

[@thelastoffluffs6755]

@@14DANESSJ I certainly was. Zay clearly has some issues, but after the bi-polar question I don't have any sympathy for Cole, cuties being denied or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@therabbithat]

He didn't even watch this scene. I think he skipped the kitchen where Ze attacked Cole and just jumped in because he was bored. I was team Ze up until that point and then I almost cried at how she treated Cole and how hurt he was

[@EFFTrudeau-001]

I agree this guy hasn't watched anything and only watched this scene

[@nicky132]

One thing they can't fake is body language. Whenever Cole is praising Zanab and talking about loving her, Zanab continuously displays disgust and disbelief on her face. She always looks like she's smelling something bad.

[@EmpressEllie]

That’s true! I’ve noticed that

[@noiya.r.n]

1) body language analysis is inaccurate because there are many people (e.g., neurodivergent individuals) whose body language is not congruent with their speech / intentions according to typical standards. 2) assuming you’re right, it’s because she doesn’t believe him. And I can relate to her. If one of the first conflicts I had with a partner was him finding me less attractive than someone else and being so blatant about it, I probably wouldn’t be able to believe a positive word he says about me after that either.

[@nicky132]

@@noiya.r.n OK, but there is a scientifical background to body language interpretations. Check out Behavior Panel

[@TheMaltebella]

I said the same thing about her face always looking like it's smelling something bad a few times.

[@andedom]

@@nicky132 body language science is about as real as astrology. A broken clock is right twice a day.

[@MissRG_THFC]

Uh, I cringed at this scene! Cole overall is something else. But, Zanab is not innocent. Both are incompatible and need a lot of work. What happen to the cooking scene? As someone who grew up around a negative mother that nickpicked, showed little affection and put me down at every moment, I found Zanab in that scene and throughout the show triggering. It broke me down and made me a nervous wreck. Thankfully I am in therapy and working on myself esteem. I now can stand up to my mother and people like her effectively. But, in the past I would shut it all in (for months and even years), and blow up. Both of them, are neither saints or villains.

[@ArijanaLukic]

So many kids end up in therapy because of parents like this... :(

[@angiep2229]

I feel like they're both nice people with flaws they need to work on, and as a pair they brought out the worst in each other.

[@foo614]

Agree completely!

[@macarmenadoree]

Exactly. Absolutely agree

[@asunnywebb]

That's so often the case.

[@shakebuttercup]

Part of me feels she is less triggered as opposed to the other times because she was already falling out of love with him. Perhaps its the way I think but I don’t tend to take things personally when they come from people I don’t care for if that makes sense. She may have already been over the relationship by this point but if the show is discouraging breaking up then she may just be trying to hold on till that final stretch.

[@rainbows5232]

and also realized whats hes like when arguing. this one was really bad

[@ezzb]

I also have this feeling that she was more in love to him before, and ironically, he seems to be in love to her now versus the beginning. He looked pretty in love at the altar :/ meanwhile she have this always annoyed/I'm done face since middle of the season

[@cryptjoi9194]

they were never in love😂🤣

[@therabbithat]

she's less "triggered" because she started it by berating him and she's waiting calmly for a chance for him to fuck up and say the wrong thing because he's so hurt (which he eventually did by bringing up her previously saying she might be BP), so she could have something to be angry at him about and pretend like she didn't decide to pick a fight with him and degrade him. I thought Cole didn't know what passive aggressive was, and then finally they caught it on film and I was like "holy shit" and my whole perception of the two of them changed.. and then dr. honda just didn't bother watching it and just laughed at the victim whose on the point of tears

[@bananawammabama]

@@therabbithat She previously brought up that she might be bipolar? When? Funny how she says "I've given you no reason to think I'm bipolar" ... And he doesn't dispute that. Doesn't align at all with your claim.

[@hollyblair5778]

I totally agree. They could get rid of wedding part entirely and I wouldn't mind. It seems like forcing the archaic idea that marriage is the ultimate happy ending etc. of every fairy tale, movie ever.

[@oisheesen7949]

YES! This part is so weird to me-- I get that love is blind but why does that have to mean love is permanent? It's such an artificial deadline that's obviously designed to up the drama, not to help anyone strengthen their relationship.

[@tuulialanara4477]

Yes so many times! It just makes me sad how much pain these weddings might bring to everyone involved, including the families. I just don't get pleasure in watching people sometimes even get shamed in front of their loved ones. Oh well I find the whole premise of the show stupid, but I can't help but watch

[@ashalily5]

I agree. I actually hate the wedding day. I skip the whole thing and just get to the "do you take this man.."

[@ixizn]

The show would be so much more interesting and fun if there was more time spent dating in the pods, and the end “goal” was whether they will propose or not. Forcing a marriage after speed dating in a way that also makes it impossible to know what your relationship is actually going to be like once you’re back to normal life is at best absurd and at worst dangerous. It’s so clearly only done for the drama of it all and honestly just exhausting to watch. 😞

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Same for the Bachelor, they should still have stakes but the engagement thing is just tired

[@TheSuefriend]

As a person with bipolar, what Cole said was offensive on a couple levels. The worst being that he implied that bipolar would make her a lesser or bad person. Not worthy of him. Flawed, broken somehow. Dr Honda was right, Cole used it as an accusation. Eff that. Being bipolar doesn't make you less than anyone else. You're still a valuable, worthwhile, good person! Don't let them talk down to you like that!

[@ky9530]

It’s doesn’t make her lesser than it’s an explanation to her behaviors and weird change in emotion and demeanor. It’s an explanation maybe if she is bipolar he’s know how to navigate through her disorder that’s all. If anything maybe once you feel soooo small you start to make others feel that way. All she ever did was act superior to him and belittle him and parent him around. and don’t go and say well Cole is childish so yeah. Cuz no, she knew from the jump behind the walls when they started talking that he was childish and that’s what she supposedly “fell in love” with so don’t get from behind the walls and complain about him behind childish. Worse, don’t go and belittle him and berate him every moment you get because of it

[@TheSuefriend]

@@ky9530 the thing is, I never defended her. And also nothing you said about her indicates bipolar. Also, if they knew each other so well in the pods, and she WAS bipolar, guarantee he'd already know she was. He wouldn't be asking this late in the game. Are you actually familiar with bipolar in real life?

[@ky9530]

@@TheSuefriend lol you don’t know how bipolar works then you can have long periods of being “happy” and then moments of depression or other negative feelings. What she exhibit isn’t bipolar however to a person who doesn’t know shit about bipolar aka Cole, her behaviors and demeanor can make him think that. It didn’t hurt to ask. Just say no and move on. Plus what y’all FAIL to realize is everything he says to her is something she has once said to him. She said herself she think she has bipolar prior to this conversation.

[@TheSuefriend]

@@ky9530 bipolar isn't mood swings darlin. I won't defend myself to you. Even though I 1) am bipolar myself (you'd know that if you read my original comment). 2) have multiple family members who are. And 3) WORK IN A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC. so just stop, you're so eager to defend him you're embarrassing yourself.

[@ky9530]

@@TheSuefriend highlight where I said mood swings?

[@TheIsaNva]

Dr. Honda I trust your judgement, but I think that her horrible behavior needs to be pointed out too. Both of them made terrible mistakes and said horrible things to each other (the bipolar comments was a supreme level of yikes). But,for the most part -asides from him being attracted to Colleen- I think his concerns about Zanab are valid considering how terribly she treats him. She overfunctions, criticizes him for every single little thing, she shows a lot of contempt and explosive behavior towards him. He seems like he lacks maturity, but I would rather 1000 times be in a room with Cole over Zanab because at least I would feel safe (perhaps irritated, but safe). She seems to struggle with her grief, which makes me feel sad and compassionate for her, but I don’t like her behavior and I think she needs therapy to address how her hurt hurts others.

[@chloecoto1911]

Yes! Exactly. I’m kind of surprised he didn’t mention any of her criticisms during the cooking scene.

[@BNJ24]

Why wouldn't the awful comments just before this conversation be relevant? Very strange to not mention.

[@TheIsaNva]

@@BNJ24 maybe he thinks she is rightfully reactive or triggered by his behavior. To be clear I don’t support either of them, but I don’t think Cole seems to have malicious intent with the stupid shit he said. I think he was an immature boy and his behavior was reflective of that. But she triggered the heck out of me, she sounds abusive, manipulative, vindictive, highly insecure, and purposely hurtful. I hope they both work on themselves because they deserve to find the happiness and connection they seek. I feel like people that join this show feel very lonely 😞

[@marisaaav]

Oh Dr. Honda, I really wanted us to agree on this one haha. You've got Zanab pegged completely different than I have, and I think it's because I see myself as very similar to her in terms of insecurities and attachment style. If left unchecked, I would probably act like Zanab, but I work really hard to not do that. But anyway, Cole is definitely not blameless in this relationship and I understand the bipolar comment is really offensive, but I definitely think you were on the right track when you said he might be using it to say that he really doesn't understand why Zanab is so up and down with him, happy one moment and then upset and attacking him the next. All I saw from Zanab the entire show was nitpicking, criticizing, and talking down to Cole. It really is a shame, because I think they both really wanted it to work and could have been happy together, but I felt like I was watching her sabotage their relationship the entire time.

[@ixizn]

Spot on. I definitely took it as Cole incorrectly using it to ask what is going on with Zanab’s behaviour towards him because he couldn’t make sense of it, not trying to use it to call her “crazy”. That doesn’t excuse that it was a shitty comment to make, but given the circumstances, it’s an explanation for where he’s coming from and I can understand it. Just like I can understand where Zanab is coming from with all her hidden insecurities without thinking it excuses the way she’s acting. I think it’s odd for people to act like Cole is just being cruel for funsies and to mess with Zanab, while Zanab is completely innocent. Cole deflects from going too deep about his emotions by trying to joke about things and Zanab does the same but by being passive-aggressive. If Cole is in the wrong and immature for that, so is definitely Zanab too (even at this stage, before all the bigger drama happened).

[@ArielLVT]

"We haven't seen anything on camera like that since"... we literally saw Zanab putting Cole down and correcting his cooking in the previous scene.

[@therabbithat]

Yes!

[@Catsheal]

I’m glad you mentioned that the way Cole is treating her could be due to sexism, and I think it is. When he said “except for when you have a bad attitude” that already was so messed up for me. One, because when women display anger even if it’s just on a complete normal level, we are labeled “bad, too angry, hostile” and on top of that? Zanab is South Asian& many times non-South Asian men expect us to be quiet and shy, and more people pleaser like because of the stereotype of us being submissive. So when someone like Zanab is the complete opposite of that, men will call her hostile because she is not the submissive stereotype they have in their head. And most of the time it’s subconscious, you can’t run away from these stereotypes. And also when non-white women display any bit of emotion/anger when it’s justified, we are labeled as aggressive.

[@carolinaavila7587]

Exactly! Totally belittling her concerns

[@popperpoppler4569]

Why did we skip over the cooking scene? It’s the whole reason why Coke is asking her if she’s really a yes, without that context this loses a lot of its meaning.

[@honeyryderchile]

Yeahhh....I was disappointed.

[@iammage2493]

Netflix has crazy copyright rules. I forget how long, but a while back he mentioned he can only show a small amount of seconds from each episode.

[@popperpoppler4569]

@@iammage2493 He didn’t necessarily have to show it but he’s reacting to it as though it never took place. He conducts his assessment of Coles behavior seemingly unaware of the events which preceded it so I question if he actually watched it.

[@belindaswain7008]

I was confused right off the hop when this therapist says Cole made comments on her attitude which we seen a little bit the first day after they woke. But we haven't seen anything like (her having an attitude) that since.... WHAT?! Has he been watching the whole show. Heck, even the dinner scene minutes before in this episode?! I have lost all respect for this Therapists videos if he can't see how toxic she treats Cole as he tries to cook for her. Yes Cole is immature, but she is harsh with him as soon as she walks into the kitchen. Disappointed to say the least.

[@honeyryderchile]

@@popperpoppler4569 right, if he had at least referenced it, that would have made more sense to me.

[@user-jo5mp5jk6o]

wait what happened to the cooking scene? i felt like that was so important in terms of context of their fight and i was looking forward to your thoughts on that. to me it felt like Zanab was being really unreasonable during the cooking scene but you seem to not see it that way and im wondering why now

[@Lilyrose23]

I think they were over the moment he told her she’s not his dream girl. It’s one thing to say a celebrity is hotter than your woman, and another to point to the girl next door and say she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve seen.

[@ironphill911]

Also a complicated situation when you had a real connection and dated that same girl a week ago and turned her down.

[@happyhiro]

I wonder if Zanab’s personality just puts me on high alert?? Dr. Honda seems to completely gloss over the signs and big red flags for me about Zanab’s behavior. From my pov, she has consistently been passive aggressive and at times demeaning towards Cole. I agree that Cole has been dismissive and minimizing at times, but beyond this scene it almost seems out of a genuine lack of awareness. Part of me thinks he really just doesn’t see the subtle signs she gives him. Zanab’s behavior, on the other hand, always seems so deliberate.

[@PENH5428]

Zanab reminds me of some ex friends that I know . They have some type of attachment injury that makes them extremely sensitive to rejection and are ALWAYS on high alert / extremely sensitive/ suspicious / passive aggressive and see problems where no problems exist … I’ve always gravitated to those types of people cuz I can recognize that they’ve been deeply hurt and need love . However - in trying to ‘heal’ them with love and kindness , they will lash out at you/ attack you / and treat you like the enemy. When you try to leave them, they will cry and beg you to stay. I’ve learned that I can’t make it my job to heal people and only through self awareness and therapy can they learn how to overcome their trauma .

[@shescalledirina]

Zanab reminds me of my mother. Her facial expression are my mother to a T. Also, as a child I saw my dad exploding and banging doors after she said something to him and thought, naturally, that my dad was the problem in their relationship. But once my dad finally left and she made me her punching bag, I saw it. The constant put downs, passive aggressiveness, twisting every word I said into an attack against her... even me vacuuming one day was me trying to stop her from working. I moved in with my dad the first chance I could and he did say I was very volatile for the first year or so. Fun fact, probably coincidental, my mother did get diagnosed with a mental illness at some point, however I personally doubt it was the correct diagnosis. All those Zanab apologists (sic! Apparently not liking her makes you a Cole apologist or a Cole stan), really don't understand people like me have seen it from the beginning and got triggereddddd. And that's without going into that hypocritical prayer cause I have traumas around religious people who will big themselves up for being so religious and righteous and treat others like sh*t!!

[@4ledki]

100% agree with you. I think , he ( Dr) also doesn't acknowledge Cole's feelings. Her tone and attitude shows she isn't giving her all in the relationship too.

[@shescalledirina]

@@4ledki I think she decided to leave him at the altar loooong before this scene. In the cuties scene you can tell she was done and I suspect that was before this scene. Cole even asked at some point if she still wants to marry him and she said "1000%" so to give that reply knowing you're lying...ugh. It did help her case a lot all the stupid things Cole said and him having internalised misogyny, being uneducated in certain issues and ignorant, but to go through all this process *planning* to hurt someone.... I just, I can't!

[@pineapplebanana11]

This is 100% the problem, its annoying when people say “they were both wrong” its not the same intent.

[@saiprasannabaskaran9038]

I love hearing your thoughts, but I was really looking forward to your thoughts on the kitchen scene and to see you completely skip over that, straight to the bipolar scene was a bit.... disappointing.

[@alexisv9387]

He skipped over that because it showed Zanab in a really bad light. He's very biased towards Zanab, that much is obvious.

[@dirgemage]

@@alexisv9387 he definitely is.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Im disappointed too :(

[@eileenmacias7186]

He can’t go over every single scene in every single episode

[@Ola_Stawinska]

@@eileenmacias7186 why not? Its not like there is a limit on KZbin :p But seriously, he doesn't have to go through every scene, but it is surprising that he skipped one scene where Zanab was nitpicking and nagging and then say that there wasn't much evidence of that O.o like, it just happened!

[@marthac8529]

I definitely didn’t interpret this scene the way you did, so now I’m questioning my own thoughts on the matter. I didn’t see Zanab as being mature or differentiated - she WAS being super obnoxious, naggy, and mean in the kitchen when Cole was being chaotic. I feel like if I were Cole I’d have some hostility. I don’t think I’d be THAT bad because he was being hostile and petty. It’s just a reason for his behavior, not an excuse. But I guess I’m just not that emotionally bothered by Cole but Zanab irks me. You say “what is it about Cole?” But I feel like saying “what is it about Zanab?” That irritates me so much.

[@DodoToutDoux]

THIS! This analysis has triggered so much.

[@mimidf7505]

Your thoughts were correct. Dr. Honda is extremely biased towards Zanab.

[@jillianj310]

Exactly, I see it this way as well. His attitude is totally understandable. To be fair, he doesn’t handle it well… but Zay didn’t handle the whole day well. Lol

[@filmgirlLisa]

@@mimidf7505 I think the COLE-een thing had him triggered...or he hates someone that Cole reminds him of.

[@annab8317]

"She comes across as way more reasonable than that first day"... huh? Did Dr. Honda watch her condescend to him the entire time he was cooking? Cole's reactivity in that conversation is childish, but it's directly in response to Zanab shitting all over something nice he was trying to do and rejecting his playfulness when he tried to de-escalate what he was perceiving as a bad mood. Wish I had the article on hand from a couple's counselor that pointed out the four horsemen of divorce in that interaction.

[@ryanmarquez9404]

Lol he we go with these tools. Cole's a dumbass who got what he deserved. He deserves brownie points for making plain ass chicken and playing with toys like a toddler? What lol. He's a child and a grown ass women wouldn't put up with his bullshit. Which she didn't.

[@-NiamhWitch-]

💯 Exactly!

[@oc2538]

I like that Dr Honda isn't doing this after the audience reaction. Because I agree, Cole was very abusive, condescending and cruel. It wasn't funny to call a person Bipolar. I've seen viewers take him asking her multiple times if she's diagnosed as bipolar as him caring. Yes once they get to the alter she goes for the jugular. BUT I don't blame her acting this toxic because he has been consistently and methodical about hurting her. And he does it with a veil of "I'm the goofy lovable guy, she's mean and harsh." They both are emotionally immature but Cole has be Machiavellian about it. He's trying to control his image, he's only there to be famous. He was provoking het to leave so he doesn't have to do the dirty work. This couple aggravates me because I see a lot of hurt or trauma in her. Whatever her past was, I can see she's struggling with her thoughts and doubting but then still trying to be with him.

[@jeans0130]

How come the kitchen scene before this wasn't analyzed? It's very important in terms of context. It's evidence that she feels superior to Cole and triggered their argument.

[@filmgirlLisa]

Because I think Dr. H doesn't like Cole.

[@reyfin4922]

Defendant: Hey, that's just me. Judge: Thanks for letting me know. You get life without parole.

[@Wc7823]

😂

[@poponachtschnecke]

It's funny how times change, and we're talking about Shaina as having unusual integrity

[@lavinder11]

Yep

[@feelingscheck405]

I was just thinking about this. How did I go from not really liking Shaina to being like, “damn at least she had integrity and walked away BEFORE the altar”

[@oisheesen7949]

People can have and not have integrity depending on what they value or want. For example-- Chik Fil A doesn't have integrity when it comes to not being a dick to queer people. But they lose out on around $10B a year by not selling on Sundays-- pretty high integrity there. Shaina might have monetary integrity but be find with lying to get what she wants in a relationship.

[@ezzb]

She literally said yes just to be on the show and persuade Shane cuz she couldn't believe he was more into Natalie than her lol she tried to sabotage them, and even introduce Kyle to her family whit no intentions to move forward. But yes, she had a minute of "integrity" and after getting her tv time and realizing Shane wasn't going along with her, decided to quit 🐒

[@keegankupcakes827]

I’m kind of surprised you didn’t react to her criticism while he was cooking, or that you don’t see that as the recent example of him feeling attacked or inferior. I think the reason he asked her if she was bi-polar (not that it was appropriate) was because she comes across as so hot and cold. The night before they were feeling really close and then the next day he’s sensing her annoyance/agitation with him and it causes him to think she’s not into him.

[@naomidavis7118]

I agree. He may be reacting in real time tho. I know first watching this season I was looking at Cole sideways/ immature. I looked at Zanab's nagging as just that, nagging. It wasn't until the altar did I start looking at Zanab differently.

[@keegankupcakes827]

@@naomidavis7118 I could totally see that. I guess we’ll know when we see his reaction to the reunion. I think it also surprised me because I feel like I’ve seen him be able to point out each persons issues (regardless of who is most at fault) before. I also wonder if something about Cole really just triggers him and causes him to not focus as much on Zae.

[@naomidavis7118]

@@keegankupcakes827 I agree. I definitely think the "are you bipolar" comment and facial expressions by Cole rubbed him the wrong way...which makes sense considering his profession. I did like his attachment/dependence analysis on Zanab - I think it gave me a new perspective on her...which was that she probably shouldn't have signed up for the show lol. Cooking scene, for me, solidified that they aren't a good match at all. Their communication styles are way different, Zanab is overly critical and she doesn't even see it.

[@abbys.9233]

I appreciated the take on men treating women's emotions as pathological. I think my dad did this to my mother, sister, and I. It was/is infuriating. Ughhh.. sexism is so pervasive and insidious.

[@linabella1218]

It's scary how many woman are screaming in the comments "team Cole" , Zanab is a narcassist etc. Wow,just wow. Thank you dr Honda for these videos!

[@richarddawson5836]

Are you for real??? Women manipulate, gas light and abuse men too? It isn't a gender thing...or are you the type of person that always takes the woman's side? You can be a shitty person in either sex. My guess is you applauded Zanab's ruthless wedding speech along with her idiot friends...Or you were ok with Zanab making up lies about Cole and getting all the other girls to gang up on him at the reunion. Zanab is an angry, insecure person that needs to portray herself as the victim. You are probably an Amber Heard fan too I'm guessing.

[@magrathea23]

@@linabella1218the hate towards Zanab is just so baffling and triggering. This video gave me a little bit of hope.

[@jannellemoreno4799]

@Magrathea just wondering did u see the entire thing, including the reunion?

[@kweenz600]

@@jannellemoreno4799 I did and I feel the exact same as the comments above. The instant the internet saw that scene, she was called every derogatory code word for a Women with Emotions under the sun (bipolar, nagging, abusive, etc). Zay may have misread the situation, one could argue that, but the immediate sexist comments she’s been getting are not even subtle. It’s really upsetting to see.

[@aileenubs]

I don't understand why Dr. Honda would skip the part where he was trying to cook.

[@alexisv9387]

Simple. Because it doesn't show Zanab in a good light.

[@2daFull]

@@alexisv9387 agreed. I think there is some bias going on here?

[@dirgemage]

@@2daFull there 100% is

[@mimidf7505]

Bias

[@naomidavis7118]

@@alexisv9387 I don't think he's bias, just reacting in real time. I watched the whole season and I didn't think much of the kitchen scene except that Zanab is uptight and Cole is annoying lol... it wasn't until the altar that I truly felt she was completely out of line. Dr. Honda is good at correcting himself when his initial analysis is wrong. I'm interested to see how he reacts to the wedding day... that's when I started looking at all of her actions/ words (in retrospect) differently.

[@Ro-cs8fn]

The “bipolar” comment was completely uncalled for, petty, sexist and totally out of order, but I feel there was a missed opportunity in not showing the cooking fight scene. I disagree with Dr Honda that Zanab has not shown any aggression or hostility since that first day after the pods. She was indeed very passively hostile during the cooking scene and it obviously wounded Cole. In retaliation, he went for the lowest blow he could think of: questioning her sanity. It would have been nice to analyse the cooking scene to learn ways to de-escalate an argument like that or to communicate suggestions and feedback ins more positive way without recurring to passive hostility like Zanab did.

[@therabbithat]

He didn't question her sanity. People with BP aren't known for being insane and they aren't insane. He asked a stupid question while hurt because her anger had come on so out of the blue and she had previously mentioned wondering if she was bipolar. Bp is famous, completely inaccurately, for sudden mood shifts and Cole isn't a psychologist he's a 25 year old who was just badly hurt by someone he loves

[@kro0018]

Seems like he was trying to figure out WHY SHE'S SO WEIRD!! doesn't have to do with patriarchy

[@hafsamumtaz1]

I don't think your coverage of this fight was fair. Cole tried to tell her he didn't appreciate her constant nagging and criticism of him and she was very defensive instead of listening to him. When he said he would like a sweet happy girl she used those words against him later and told the girls that as well. She wasn't willing to listen to her partner or his needs when he tried to communicate them. He got frustrated and then lashed out with that bipolar comment.

[@feelingscheck405]

Yes this

[@keegankupcakes827]

Completely agree

[@marthac8529]

I agree. I love Dr Honda’s videos, but it sort of seems like he’s really biased against Cole and carrying a torch for Zanab and is ignoring what she’s done.

[@hafsamumtaz1]

@Martha C yea I was actually looking forward to his commentary on the earlier part of this convo but he skipped it entirely!

[@TheQueenrevolution]

Totally agree

[@Tupelohoney1692]

I hate seeing so many people try to absolve Cole and villainize Zanab. The thing about the Zanab and Cole situation to me is that her being insecure and “nagging” or miscommunicating how she was feeling doesn’t negate the fact that we also saw him repeatedly behave in ways that were emotionally harmful to her (hitting on other women in front of her, making her feel less than because of her looks, telling everyone he wasn’t attracted to her at a cast party, labeling her as bipolar instead of just communicating how he felt as an adult). Neither one is a victim or a villain. They are just two adults who need to work on themselves and their communication skills repeatedly triggering one another 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@TheMaltebella]

Literally no one anywhere has tried to absolve Cole of anything.

[@jamiehershon]

@@TheMaltebella There's a whole Justice for Cole thing all over the internet! Nearly everyone loves him.

[@TheMaltebella]

@@jamiehershon how does that equal people excusing the things that he did wrong? It does not.

[@NawiTheCore]

Their actions post show have shown us who is the real villain here. There's a reason MOST viewers side with Cole.

[@regularity2556]

Well then she should have walked away, instead of stringing him along to get revenge at the altar. Crazy

[@da31133]

I feel like her taking over the dinner and being mean was attacking him as well

[@ezzb]

I'm so tired of the "naive inocente boy not measuring his words" bs, people saying he NEVER did anything to hurt her and minimizing his actions. THAT RIGHT THERE IT WAS TO HURT HER! The smirk on his face, and the way he asks over and over and even say he's not joking. "So you are right? Bipolar? Huh?" Jesus, cole himself said he was ashamed of his actions but the public is Justifying and giving her the "crazy woman" title

[@inswidh770]

Right!! Like people defending Cole despite his horrible actions is baffling to me. Like did we watch the same show??

[@AliciaAmbrosia]

It is possible the public is justifying Coles actions, but I have not seen that in the majority of the response. What I’ve seen is cole is immature, untidy, & hurtful… however, people also agreed Zanab was destructive with her insecurities, negative interpretatio, etc. Just not a good match. Neither party deserves humiliation.

[@inswidh770]

You’re not alone in getting fed up with Cole. As someone who IS actually bipolar, it was so harmful seeing him weaponize the stigma and and misunderstanding of BD to hurt his partner. Thank you for dragging him **respectfully**

[@meinefantasie]

oh come on!

[@TripleBWow]

I'm sure you would understand, as someone who IS actually by bipolar, that it doesn't give you the excuse to be toxic, negative, and belittle someone 24/7. And I'm sure you can understand if you were such a terrible person, aka Zanab, expect someone to call you out on it.

[@meinefantasie]

Nowadays every other person feels something harmful in every other comment

[@Daymjo]

She brought up the bipolarity first, by saying something like 'you probably think i'm bipolar or something' which caused him to ask 'ARE you bipolar?' which makes the situation much more understandable, if not justifiable.

[@inswidh770]

@@Daymjo I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. Even with the context of her inappropriately joking that she might be bipolar, he still brought it up with the intent of one-uping her in fight. I don't blame him for retaliating when he felt attacked but that doesn't make it justified. Just because it's understandable doesn't make it acceptable. We can condemn harmful actions without character assassinating a person.

[@mcedwards]

I am so glad so many people are calling Dr. H out for not bringing in the cooking scene as context. Not an excuse for Cole's comments, but definitely an explanation. I'm honestly getting a little triggered by what feels like his favoritism for Zanab. It's like he's excusing her extreme nit-picking, distortion, and condescension. Am I wrong? Am I overreacting?

[@DodoToutDoux]

No, you are not. I agree.

[@__Queen_of_Hearts__]

Seeing this reaction, I would HATE to have him as my therapist. I mean, we all would have personal biases, but it's your job as the professional to not show. Completely eliminating the cooking scene says a lot about his credibility.

[@abbys.9233]

@@__Queen_of_Hearts__ Geesh. That criticism is so harsh. Even if he is somewhat biased against Cole, in favor of Zanab, I think he still had interesting points regarding the way Cole was depicted by the edit as communicating here which I found valuable.

[@emilydriedger4840]

Am I the only one who thinks Cole genuinely can not tell if Zanab loves him or not because when he tries to do something sweet with her, she criticizes everything and does not show any affection at all?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of Cole. I think he has done a lot of wrong here, but I don’t think he’s just pestering her to be a bully. I think he wants a genuine answer of whether or not she cares about him because he can not tell based on their interactions..

[@garovera]

His brand of hostility is particularly disturbing because it shows INTENT to gaslight, and to hurt, rather than doing those things subconsciously like the majority of us.

[@carolinaavila7587]

I honestly don’t think he was trying to gaslight her in this particular scene, but he was definitely trying to hurt her. I don’t really think that he thinks Zae is bipolar, but he knew it would be a comment that would irritate and belittle her.

[@filmgirlLisa]

@@carolinaavila7587 Probably because he felt she belittled him.

[@dianabarakhoeva958]

We should watch the full scene from the beginning where he is making her dinner, and she is making constant remarks to him about how chicken is not seasoned, how he didn’t prepare potatoes right away. Who does that when someone is making you a dinner?

[@ClintSevilla]

Exactly! It is very rude to be criticizing someone when they are doing something for you. I think he reached his limit on frustration, and, unfortunately this is how it comes out.

[@therabbithat]

@@ClintSevilla she was so mean to him and he was so hurt. He chose the wrong word. Meanwhile she wasn't talking about feelings, she didn't name any feelings. Pick up a towel is not a feeling. Being angry and resentful and trying to hide it is

[@Stormy575]

Did Dr. Kirk see the dinner scene? He's not talking about it.

[@dianabarakhoeva958]

@@Stormy575 he is not, but somehow he started saying she is very mature, and he was wrong saying she has some attachment issues. But this is false, once you see the full picture. So this whole psychological view on this situation is kinda flawed.

[@dianabarakhoeva958]

@UCX4fVhfDvQJTfYYDqHxop3g I agree with you. I was saying that Dr. Kirk said after this situation, that he was wrong about her and she is very mature. And it’s not the case. That’s why it was important to see the whole picture, even at the bar when he brought her flowers, and was apologizing to her and she looked like she hated him. And then this dinner thing. Out of nothing. Well I have my theory - that she just really started to hate him slowly.

[@vanessabiggs4369]

Dr Honda- did you miss the cooking scene that devolved into this argument????? She was awful to him, when he was trying to be vulnerable. She baits him into these arguments 😮 she came into this with zero self-a-steam and leaves saying Cole was the root! Guess Cole hits a nerve for Dr Honda!

[@Ola_Stawinska]

1:50 we saw a bit more of that actually, for example during the time he was trying to cook for her (that you didn't show) and she started to nitpick it amd completely took over... There was also the moment when he was unpacking and she ask if some cloths are dirty and said "do you know where to put them?" like he was a child.

[@onk1110]

I'd go a step further, we saw a lot of it just before this scene, so I'm a little confused at dr thinking it only happened on day one?

[@sophiademure]

I think her nitpicking might pale in comparison to Cole’s behaviour. That’s probably why Dr Honda isn’t making a big deal of it.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

@@sophiademure maybe, but saying that we never see its just not true.

[@rubiirae]

@@sophiademure Several couple therapists on youtube pointed out Zanab's behavior and constant nagging is very toxic. If Dr. Honda didn't pick it up as problematic or worth mentioning, maybe he shouldn't be a couple therapist since he can't maintain an unbias point of view.

[@TheMaltebella]

@@kweenz600 she never said only. Smh.

[@branatma5442]

Doctor H can become bias with certain individuals. Let’s just say he doesn’t like Cole. Oblivious to Zays antics. Didn’t dissect the scene that led to this. Highly doubt he’ll talk about the cuties scene. Both cole and Zay have big issues.

[@ixizn]

Sometimes it seems like Dr Honda forgets that most people don’t have the education and experiences that he has, and he takes greater offence at partners not knowing how to handle themselves in the most graceful and understanding way possible in situations like these (like Cole), rather than considering that the other person who are behaving in ways that won’t even always make sense to the people around them is being hurtful because they’re operating from a place of being triggered instead of seeing what is actually happening in reality and communicating their feelings about it (like Zanab a lot of the time). Right from the start Zanab wanted Cole to just automatically understand all the complex things that made her who she is, while never even giving him a proper chance to get to know her. He would never have been good enough for her, no matter what, because he’s human and no one is perfect.

[@letzsnuggzz]

He's asking her if she's bipolar. While he's smirking. And knowingly doing so on camera, with the intention of embarrassing and humiliating her in front of the production crew in the room. And eventually the audience at home. Imagine today there are people who are angry at Zanab for her words at the wedding and staunch Cole defenders because he cried at the reunion. This man is a manipulative troll. And people have bought his act hook line and sinker.

[@DodoToutDoux]

You should add SPOILER ALERT.

[@jessicaweatherspoo2774]

👏👏👏👏

[@letzsnuggzz]

@@DodoToutDoux Spoiler Alert. That episode came out weeks ago. Stop being ridiculous. Do you want me to put a spoiler alert on JAWS too?

[@bobococo89]

She asked first and started it. He shouldn’t have asked back. But the crazy bitch started it.

[@thewishjar2241]

In interviews he said he only mentioned the bipolar thing because she joked about it first, I am surprised you didn't cover the part she was being SO MEAN to him in the kitchen . Look for this article "Will Zanab and Cole from "Love Is Blind" Stay Together?" from Psychology Today, they covered this scene and how much contempt she showed Cole there.

[@Bea_22]

+1

[@SuperNerd528]

People “joke” about being OCD all the time. But that doesn’t mean in an argument with your partner that it’s appropriate to push their feelings against a metal illness. Even if she does have bipolar disorder that’s not an appropriate comment at that time because it’s not something said out of concern it’s to cut her down. He felt inferior so he is purposefully undermining her to make her feel small. They’re both a mess and none of their actions are ok because the other did this first. It’s just childish.

[@thewishjar2241]

@@SuperNerd528 I think he was asking genuinely, he was not joking

[@thewishjar2241]

@@ania5038 He was clearly upset after she showed contempt towards him after he tried to cook for her. Obviously they were having a fight

[@bobococo89]

I mention that on my comment. I said if that did happen he shouldn’t have taken the bait. This woman is so manipulative she plays the victim role too well.

[@evertt7326]

It feels like all the people banging on about "the cooking scene" are forgetting how they initially watched the episode. The cooking scene seemed to be something that happens in dysfunctional and healthy relationships. It's not a provocation that would need clinical analysis because Dr Honda has already said- they don't seem compatible. However, the entire dynamic of that scene changed when he brought up a clinical diagnosis. As that is in Dr Honda's area of expertise, the use of "bipolar" in a disagreement is of more interest than two people clearly displaying their lack of romantic compatibility. I don't see why anyone would want to analyse that scene, especially when it could also be a cultural difference when there is a chance to gain more knowledge about a widely misunderstood diagnosis in this scene.

[@MBeano]

NO. The cooking scene aligned EXACTLY with the 1st Morning scene & the outdoor games & great vs so so so good. Which is Zanab taking something innocuous or positive, reading into things, adding meaning that is not present, riding on assumption, and taking negative action based off this, while rattling off an abundant amount of cutdowns. She is condescending, annoyed, critical and coming from a place of superiority. He is doing something for her. She is obsessed on the outcome/results. That cooking scene was horrendous. Also, if we are going to toss around the phrase "toxic masculinity" (you didn't, but it relates to how people are reacting this scene), some of the cornerstones of this is Need for Control, and Stoicism, which Zanab put on full display. She did just critique, she took over. Same with the towels, they both left towels around, her way was correct, his was wrong.

[@filmgirlLisa]

It was a problematic scene even when I first saw it. When Cole expressed how she makes him feel she dismissed it out of hand. That should've been shown too.

[@SEOshogun]

Cole literally says, 20:00 "dont walk out and say it's because I said a line". What an interesting way to say it. Like acting, right?

[@mikasazoldyck2482]

So interesting, well spotted!

[@Tonks989]

The thing I enjoyed most about Love is Blind: Japan was the fact that they didn't all make it to the alter. The way they parted as soon as they realized it wasn't a good match was very respectable.

[@soclose2her]

Is that on Netflix?!?!

[@laflaf125]

@@soclose2her yes it is

[@roses.9181]

I'm so glad you watched the first bit. I was just as shocked when Cole asked her if she was bi-polar, because my mom and my sister are bipolar and he says it in such a condensing tone that further stigmatizes people with psychiatric diagnoses, and makes bi-polar people seem like bad people. It's way out of line in my opinion, but I am probably more sensitive to it because of my family situation.

[@ilovetosweetthings]

I’m disappointed to see you didn’t include the scenes that shows Zanab’s downfalls. It seems like you are going to a specific narrative, without seeing both sides. I expected more from this podcast.

[@vulpitzza01]

Im very curious to see Dr's reaction at the wedding and reunion. There Zenab is not empathic and differentiated anymore... lets see...

[@bluaurora8635]

I completely agree with you on the having to go to the altar. I would prefer a real story. I don’t like wondering if what I’m watching is all fake.

[@elzeses]

I disagree actually. I’m not sure that they are 100% aware of their own wants and needs. I feel like it’s possible that they were so caught up in the good moments, the connection in the pods, in their desire to be “in a relationship,” and maybe don’t understand what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship. Their relationship especially this fight actually mirrors me and my ex fiancé, but it took YEARS these exact kinds of arguments before we FINALLY understood that we should not be together.

[@bluaurora8635]

@@elzeses I actually relate, me and me ex fiancé were super super similar and it took me ages to end it 😬 but idk, with these couples it seems that they truly hate eachother and don’t have tooo much invested, and it’s odd how all of them stuck together when almost none of them should

[@abbys.9233]

Same!

[@RedBunni1024]

As someone who was married in the past and my husband thought I was naggy, I can see how Zanab’s constant pestering and belittling comments several times a day can wear Cole down. I’ve seen it from their time in Malibu. And just in this same scene he was cooking for her and she had NOTHING nice to say about it. The whole time was “I’ve been waiting for you to do this forever, can I have a stemmed wine glass please? Fun fact white wine goes in a stemmed glass (you stupid boy), why don’t you use tongs?, season the chicken, that’s too much, you’re supposed to be cooking for me…” all which probably happened in less than 30 minutes in real life. And that’s probably every day for him. He can do NOTHING without constant criticism. The minute they got home from Malibu and he took his dirty clothes out of his suitcase and laid them on the floor she said “do you know where dirty clothes go?” Imagine the thousands of unkind snarky critiques the camera didn’t film or show. So while I agree Cole was being very hostile and mean in this clip it was after all this when he tried to have a nice dinner and she came in hostile and criticizing every move he made. And when he tried to speak to her about it she doesn’t even acknowledge how she is being or apologize to him for making him feel that way, it turns into an argument of facts and what happened. I don’t blame Cole for not wanting to be with someone that treats him like that for the rest of his life, and don’t blame her for not wanting to be with him. But I think a lot of his behavior is a response to her attacking him.

[@ClintSevilla]

Exactly! If she was doing this day one and found this surprising, his poor reactions kind of stem from her actions.

[@Ununpentium]

Yes, agree! That takes a toll!

[@rainbowdragon9497]

You should have analyzed the cooking scene. Zay comes in and immediately gives a backhanded compliment... oh you are cooking for me finally...you've been promising that for a long time. Then Zay proceeds to pick apart how he is preparing the food, the timing of the food coming out, the lack of seasoning, the way he flips the chicken. How she doesn't like Brussel sprouts. All that leads into Cole's responses to her. Granted he should have said that she is up and down or had mood swings instead of bi polar.

[@BonnyT]

It's hard to know what really happened in the cooking situation without seeing the uncut version. Zanab definitely spoke down to Cole and shamed him, but I also wonder if Cole was weaponising incompetence in order to get out of cooking (not uncommon among boys and men in the home). I get the impression that Zanab has had to adult since childhood and struggles to be around Cole's carefree childishness. They could both benefit from learning to be more grown up or playful, but as a couple they're just utterly incompatible. And calling someone bipolar, crazy or psycho is inexcusable.

[@bellecs324]

Loved what you said! Agree 100%

[@BonnyT]

Also, Zanab could have been justifiably worried about badly cooked chicken...food poisoning is real and could have been a deal-breaker for the show! I say this as someone who's gotten food poisoning from an ex when he cooked for me the first time 🤮🤣

[@ironphill911]

I'm totally team Cole, but you're probably on the money.

[@couch_philosoph3325]

I mean zanab literally had to raise herself as both her parents died. Honestly, even as someone who has not had that kind of trauma, I'd be very annoyed at a guy/boy like cole. But of course the way she treats him is not okay, but the people act in the comments as though she was nagging at his 5 star meal when in fact he lives in an apartment with insects in the toilet cooking undercooked chicken...

[@Catsheal]

Yeah I was thinking that too! With the cooking situation I mean and that’s a good hypothesis, that since she has to be the adult since a young age that she struggles to play along with the playfulness. They definitely are incompatible

[@ezzb]

I feel you dr Honda, It was the smirk and sarcasm "are u? I'm asking a serious question". Cole said Zanab call herself bipolar "playfully" before, BUT he clearly tried to call her crazy and wasn't being playful at all. To me, is even worse. Is very different you call yourself something jokingly and than the person uses that on the middle of a fight whit a SMIRK on their face to try to get under your skin. "So, you are actually bipolar huh? I'm not kidding. You are aren't you?"

[@Mfchannel1001]

Dr. Honda, are you watching the whole episode lol? It seems in this reaction you claim you don’t know where things come from but if you watched the scenes prior to the one in this video you would understand even though it’s wrong why Cole asked that.

[@charlize9341]

This is a rare miss. I don't understand this reaction if he'd seen the previous several minutes.

[@thebowandbullet]

Seems bipolar gets confused for "hot and cold" a lot.

[@helloleesh]

I’m picking up something very different and far less sinister from Cole. I see a guy who feels so beat down, he broke, and his patience is worn thin.

[@Confettifun]

Im really disappointed that Dr Honda didnt show the whole scene before this conversation. I feel like he has some bias towards Zanab and against Cole tbh

[@EmpressEllie]

Thank you for saying “has bipolar” rather than “is bipolar”. So many people say people are bipolar. Bipolar isn’t something people are, it’s something they have.

[@shadowpuppet0312]

This is so important. I have Bipolar myself and I used to say I AM bipolar but I'M me. Bipolar is something I have and something I deal with. I'm so glad someone is saying this.

[@zozoafrica4908]

That's so interesting because as an ADHDer it feels more affirming to say 'I am ADHD' instead of saying 'I have ADHD', because as someone on the internet so eloquently explained, it's not something I can put down and forget about like a hat or any other object. Instead, it's part of me and influences a lot more of my life than I'd like to admit. That really helped in me accepting my diagnosis. I hardly considered that people with other diagnoses would view the language differently and prefer other phrasing over others.

[@shadowpuppet0312]

@@zozoafrica4908 This is interesting too! My daughter (10) and my mom have therapy sessions because it bothers my daughter so much that my mom says she's ADHD, not that she has ADHD. It has caused horrible fights because my daughter feels like it's just part of her ... Like "I have blonde hair. I have brown eyes. I have ADHD". I never thought about it when my mom said I was ADHD after my diagnosis

[@EmpressEllie]

@@zozoafrica4908 interesting! I guess it’s person to person. I also have ADHD and don’t say I am ADHD… I have it!

[@dirgemage]

I don't think I have ever disagreed with Dr. Honda as much as I do about his take on every Cole and Zanab scene.

[@DodoToutDoux]

Same, it’s incredibly triggering to watch, but I’m happy to see comments like yours 😩

[@couch_philosoph3325]

Calling someone bipolar in a way to tell them they are crazy in an argument on national tv is absolutely not okay. Honda might have some bias against cole, but since the beginning he did adress the attachment issues of zaneb...

[@dirgemage]

@@couch_philosoph3325 he could have said it differently without the knee-jerk reaction but I think he was asking an honest question. She was always going from happy and everything is fine to being very defensive and irritable on the fly. At least what they showed on the show. I would be wondering what their issue was too.

[@couch_philosoph3325]

@@dirgemage yeah okay, but bipolar literally isn't what that is. Ans if he had really been concerned about her mental health, you do not bring it up in an argumetn against someone on national tv. You sit down eith thr person in a calm moment amd say something like "hey look, i sometimes feel like you an be so sweet and then i do something wrong and i feel like i am being punished. I have heard therapy can really help, especially with what you went through with your parents. We could also try couples therapy together" By being accusatory in an argument you literally are pushing a person further away from seeking treatment

[@dirgemage]

@@couch_philosoph3325I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 15 y/o so I am aware that there are many misconceptions of it and his comment was ignorant. I can understand in though, because it's often portrayed wrong in media and Pop culture in general. I'm not disagreeing with you about how that response would be better, but I know humans are imperfect creatures and if you have been constantly lashed out at on live TV as well, you probably won't have the model citizen response. I totally get why he said what he did.

[@erazaqi]

Doctor, my dude, you skipped some key moments. The kitchen scene, Cole telling her that she makes him feel inferior. I’m a fan of your commentary, so please do a re-do with this scene.

[@abbys.9233]

Yes, please redo!

[@2sadlilmexies]

As someone who actually has bipolar, I was really annoyed at the way Cole used it as an insult. So many ppl have this misconception of what bipolar is and use it in this way, as Dr. Honda said, as a shorthand for ppl who get angry easily. Not only is what he said ignorant to bipolar ppl, it was also used to put down Zanab.

[@rainbowdragon9497]

In an interview Cole says Zay referred to herself as bipolar. Then he asked her if she was bipolar, like are you really? Editing?

[@rainbowdragon9497]

In an interview Cole said Zay referred to herself as bipolar first. Then he asked her, Are you bipolar? (Like he is saying, "really are you?")

[@lavinder11]

I don't think he was using it as an insult. Seemed like it was a genuine question.

[@2sadlilmexies]

Even if he was just genuinely asking, which is not how I interpreted it, it's still an inappropriate time and place to ask. If she really is bipolar, it's her choice whether or not to broadcast that on TV.

[@inswidh770]

@@rainbowdragon9497 It’s still hurtful regardless. Bipolar is incredibly stigmatized and misunderstood. In layman’s terms, it’s shorthand for calling someone crazy.

[@habeashumor9814]

Zanab saying that she's a great, great, girl and a catch of the century, and so forth sounds to me like she knows she should believe that about herself, but she doesn't really believe it. If she really had all that confidence and self-esteem, she wouldn't be looking so worried, and frankly, I don't think she'd want to be with Cole.

[@EmpressEllie]

Yeah she’s like’ I don’t have to explain’ and then says that. It’s unnecessary and came off weird in my opinion.

[@mch3j]

There is nothing wrong with asserting your worth to someone who continually tries to make you feel less than.

[@MistressElf]

@@mch3j She wouldn't stop there. She would criticize him to get back at him or because she genuinely doesn't like him.

[@andedom]

Yeah, I thought the same thing when she was saying. It’s like when Trump calls himself a “very stable genius”😢

[@andedom]

@@mch3j there’s nothing wrong with her saying that. But a lot of her actions seem to imply that she doesn’t think very highly of herself.

[@-NiamhWitch-]

Why did you completely skip over how much of a jerk SHE was when he was trying to make dinner for her? I will grant that Cole is freaking dumb and doesn't think about how his words affect others, and I was also appalled at him calling her bipolar and yeah, being a jerk to her... but this didn't come out of nowhere for him, she came in while he was trying to be romantic and sweet and make dinner for her, and she was condescending and mean and acted like his mother. The only thing I agree with her on with the dinner situation was that Cole should be seasoning the meat lol. But she is just SO awful to him ALL of the time. I'm just kind of shocked that you completely skipped over what led up to this argument. They were BOTH being jerks.

[@BruceWayne-eh4im]

Not wanting to eat poorly seasoned chicken doesn't equate to using "bipolar" as an insult. You women are sad sad human beings justifying abusive because it's coming from a decent looking white man.

[@-NiamhWitch-]

Dr. Honda: "She's being extremely mature here" WHAT?!?!

[@NawiTheCore]

Because he's biased towards Zanab. He won't react to anything that paints her in a bad light.

[@sgolomer]

Thanks!

[@sgolomer]

This is such a great analysis, had an epiphany about the way toxic masculinity also informs the way women talk about their own emotions, because we’ve been labeled for centuries as hysterical, unstable, bipolar, crazy, we grow up believing that our hormones and our emotions are wrong, something to be ashamed of and controlled, for fear we might be incarcerated (of old) or have our children taken away, or our partners leave us etc etc..

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Thanks!

[@TheGamingFilly]

You make such good points, and yet at the same time, I also feel like we were watching two different shows. Zay is SO critical and nitpicky and cold and just mean. The "bipolar" comment was asinine and ridiculous no matter how you slice it but she triggered me and my mom way more with the constant belittling and criticism. Watching it, we felt as if it was no wonder that Cole hit a breaking point and said something stupid ("are you bipolar") when he was like "I don't even feel like you like me [with all this criticism you are always flinging at me]" and then she tried to play the victim like *he* was the a-hole of the century for saying as much. He's telling you he doesn't like how you talk to him and treat him and somehow YOU'RE the victim in all this, Z??

[@ayeeshahm9078]

Wow, not sure I've disagreed with Dr Kirk as much. I think that they both triggered one another's insecurities and need some self work, Cole with his immature and frankly rude comments about not being attracted to her but I also feel like Zay was constantly put him down. Recall that the evening started with him wanting to make her dinner but she basically belittled him and criticized his every choice. He was out of line asking her if she was bipolar, but his comment about wanting her to be sweet was grounded in her constantly needling him. It was also super disappointing to see her take zero accountability at the reunion. I hope they both get the healing they need, I do wish that people would stop throwing so much hate at Zainab.

[@ericbelmonte9730]

I'm confused when you say we havent seen any of Zanab attacking Cole and making him feel small on camera, if you watch 5 minutes before the clip you are showing it's literally 5 minutes of Zanab doing that while Cole is trying to make dinner. Did you even watch the whole episode? I felt like you've been somewhat unbiased in your videos until right now.

[@ixizn]

Yeah right from the start when they met she was mad at him for ridiculous things like “so good” vs. “great” and that he let her sleep in (and instead of just telling him to come back to bed because she likes cuddling in the morning or whatever she went ahead and assumed his intent)... +__+ She has been constantly talking to him like she’s a bitter mother scolding her disappointment of a son.

[@at-ul2ub]

I find it interesting that at @19:58 he asks her to tell him why she's walking out and "don't tell me it's because I said a line". "A line" is a really odd choice of words here, unless he is saying that production asked him to say that to her. It actually puts him repeating the question in a different context, he said "Wait I just asked you a question? What did I ask?" and then repeats the question when she tells him what he asked. Was that in response to production asking him to repeat the question? And then they edited it to make it look like he was asking multiple times without influence? It seems to line up, in an odd way, but it would be very strange for Cole to have taken this much heat for saying it and used excuses that Zay had called herself bipolar before but never say production made him ask again if that's what happened.

[@abbys.9233]

I'll echo others that I'm surprised and a little disappointed that the cooking scene was not covered. I had been looking forward to your commentary on that cooking scene more than maybe any other scene this season. I was very curious about your commentary regarding Zanab's criticism of Cole's cooking. Please don't take it hard that I said I was a little disappointed. I love and appreciate the work you do and still very much enjoyed this video.

[@Jill-ih9dq]

As someone with bipolar II, this moment made me audibly gasp. It was very hard for me to have any sympathy for Cole after saying this.

[@raina4732]

He said in an interview that she was the one who brought it up in the first place, before this scene she had told him something along the lines of “you probably think I’m bipolar”

[@LK-oq5sx]

@@raina4732 yeah so nice to know he uses it against her when he’s not pleased with how she’s acting. That’s even worse.

[@thewishjar2241]

@@LK-oq5sx Or maybe he really wanted to know since she was joking about it first

[@a.5326]

@@thewishjar2241 There are so many other ways to ask. When he asked this, he really seemed to be antagonizing her instead of actually coming from a concerned place.

[@raina4732]

@@LK-oq5sx That’s not using it against her though. She wasn’t seriously confessing to him that she “is” bipolar. She said it to imply that she’s aware that she comes off as crazy with her mood swings, but she used bipolar incorrectly and offensively in the first place. He was just repeating what she said because neither of them know any better.

[@isabelneal428]

I can’t wait for him to react to the cutie situation at the end of the reunion!

[@filmgirlLisa]

Haven't seen it yet but it's probably along the lines of "yeah she did, but COLE!"

[@GabriellaLascano]

THANK YOU

[@lea8532]

Why did you skip the dinner scene 🙃

[@annieadderall]

I wish you'd shown the first part of the scene where she's belittling him with every comment

[@dirgemage]

Literally every scene they had together she was belittling or criticizing him. But he never covers that...

[@thebowandbullet]

I want to break up with several of these people, and I'm not even dating them.

[@dassijes5943]

😆 same

[@badgaltinginnit]

The bipolar statement was the only statement cole made all show that I 100% objectively could not see a reason for it. That being said, kinda disappointed DKH didnt take the opportunity to talk about the kitchen scene leading up. Of we're gonna discuss behaviors then that was a significant one for zanab imo

[@laalchimista23]

He had so many statements that were objectionable, from the makeup comment, to saying she was a 9 out of 10, apparently he told other people she was the biggest girl he has ever been with. He's an asshole. She needs a lot of therapy but he's def no saint

[@STasugx]

Seriously. I’m surprised he skipped it.

[@badgaltinginnit]

@@laalchimista23 did I say he was a saint? Imo the makeup, the good vs great, and the rate me, comments were hurtful to zanab, but she initiated those situations. She asked him to rate her. She made depreciating jokes about how different she looked in make up, to which he also joked about (and then later kept reaffirming how beautiful she was without it). I'm not saying hes 100% absolved from the hurt the comments made, rather, I'm saying I can understand where hes coming from and how those instances are moreso a show of his immaturity and joking manner - not him being intentionally malicious. The bipolar comment, however, was. I can't comment on things not shown, so whether he said that or not is hearsay and I'm not taking it as truth as we have seen from ep 1 with zanab and the reunion how things can get distorted

[@jclyntoledo]

Thank you!

[@charlize9341]

Someone commented elsewhere that she had joked earlier (not shown) that he must think she's bipolar - as self deprecating humor. I haven't heard that elsewhere, but maybe Cole is going off of something she said previously (again).

[@spiderfeeling]

totally agree that they don’t need to force the couples to pretend until they’re at the altar, it’s crazy! it makes me a little uncomfortable because watching them not working, and still saying they might go through with it doesn’t make sense

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

Shake & Jessica said they are contractually obligated to make it to the altar. We’ve had two couples not make it, so idk how they were allowed an out. But there is probably something there as to why all these couples actually wait until the altar

[@butterflygirl141]

They’re not obligated if they break up on the couples retreat portion, like Carlton + Diamond and Shaina + Kyle. They also had five couples this season instead of six, so I wonder if that’s a factor.

[@bigwhy6845]

This is such an important thing to consider when analyzing scenes of this show and forming opinions on the people. They are essentially forced to stay together right up until "I do" or "I don't." They're often not staying together because they're seriously planning to get married.

[@vajolinda]

@@butterflygirl141 i have heard that there are usually a lot more engagements than how many they end up showing.... maybe there were more couples at the retreat as well but they broke up or were too "normal" for reality tv? i havent thought of that

[@jclyntoledo]

@@butterflygirl141 Exactly! I've noticed that too, you can breakup at the honeymoon phase or at the altar. The one's that had to go to the altar wanted to breakup when they had to live together in the couple apt and meet each others family.

[@michelleapril3098]

What’s wild is that Love is Blind Japan, a lot of couples ended it & didn’t have a wedding! I wonder why in the US, they are contractually obligated. Smh anything for views I guess

[@rayahayes-mora2796]

Dr. Honda I’m so surprised you skipped over so much of Zanabs behavior. I was cringing the entire dinner and couldn’t wait for you to do a reaction. I’m not a cole fan either but I felt he was being vulnerable when he said ‘ i feel inferior” . She’s taken zero accountability for her role in their arguments.

[@Manu-dc5wb]

I totally agree.

[@c9luv]

“What is it about him?” Cole: “Cole-leen” Dr. Honda: 😬

[@Manu-dc5wb]

Dr Honda, why did you skip the dinner scene when Zanab was being totally agressive towards Cole when all he was doing was trying to make dinner for them?

[@felesnigra]

If I were in his place I would have reacted differently and become very aggressive against constant criticism. Since he's calm and collected he comes across as an a-hole. We would have seen a totally different scene if he started fighting back by being more vulnerable.

[@AWDTH1111]

Because Dr. Honda is a virtue signaling simp

[@Ilikefrogs..]

She wasn't being aggressive she was nitpicking the way many women do when they're dealing with a child who can't take care of themselves. Would I have done that if someone was making me dinner? Absolutely not, but calling someone's nagging "aggression" is overdramatic.

[@Bexisnuts]

He was literally doing nothing and goofing around, and she had to pick up and make herself the dinner he had promised to prepare. She found herself taking care of a child instead of being cared for by her potential husband and I don't know many women who would've responded to that without a bit of nagging at the very least. Also expressing frustration is definitely not outright aggression.

[@barbara_rocas]

oof what honda is talking about at 17:00 is that scene from Bojack Horseman where they flashback to his mother receiving a lobotomy because of his abusive father's accusations of her behavior mostly due to depression. I know its only a cartoon but I do think BH is a great show that touches on psychology and it would be awesome for Honda to do reaction videos to certain scenes ! Especially Diane and the dynamics of other character's relationships :)

[@Nikki-lr5jn]

Also I feel like Cole's reaction has alot to do with the fact that he was trying to do something kind for her and she came in and completely tore him down, insulted him, and took over his dinner.

[@therabbithat]

I've literally never downvoted a psychology in Seattle before but seeing Dr h rip Cole apart for being hurt and vulnerable and expressing his hurt and his needs and asking for reassurance after being criticized and attacked.. it's heartbreaking

[@msmendes214]

Did I miss Dr Honda watching them cooking in the kitchen?? Her nagging at him despite him trying to keep it lighthearted?

[@CatEyes1993]

He was being a pain in the ass. The way everyone’s jumping to defend this man is so fucking gross. I’m glad dr Honda is addressing how disgusting his behaviour was.

[@msmendes214]

@@CatEyes1993 I don't excuse him at all for the things he's said in the past. If it were me, I'd have walked away the first time he talked about Colleen. But it's disingenuous to pretend she has been without issues herself. Watching this scene in the kitchen was the first time I was like "ugh, stop now" about her.

[@agingknees6188]

@@CatEyes1993 she was contemptuous and critical to a fault. The way you're jumping to defend her is disgusting. They both have fault in why their relationship did nof work out

[@aymenbouallegue6906]

Why should he make a reaction to that? There was nothing out of the ordinary other than a goofy guy trying to probably have fun and a woman after maybe a tiring day ,not in a good mood, being naggy.. Tbh.. it's something that happens with me and my wife often..and it doesn't necessarily mean that's something is wrong.. we actually have a lot of fun most of the days ..🤣🤣 and don't forget..it's an edited show..and regarding this "subject " Cole himself in the reunion said that they tried to portray them as goofy Cole and nagging zanab..and that they actually were something in between and that she was alot of fun to be around..😉

[@msmendes214]

@@aymenbouallegue6906 because it is a more balanced view of their relationship. It *does* show a little hint of what Cole has been trying to explain about her & how he's confused about her feelings towards him.

[@suicune95]

Omg the way Dr. Honda's head moves perfectly with the music after the "Are you bipolar?" comment

[@hafsamumtaz1]

You didn't cover her nagging while he was cooking. That occurred right before this fight. He told her he didn't appreciate the constant criticism and negative attitude and she wasn't listening to any of it

[@abbys.9233]

Can we please stop using the sexist term nagging? Instead stick with less loaded synonyms like nit-picking, criticizing, etc.

[@abbys.9233]

Hey fellow commenters, instead of using a sexist term like "nagging" could we please use a less loaded synonym such as criticizing, micromanaging, nitpicking, etc.?

[@faithtvonline]

No comments about him attempting to make dinner for her, and her giving a condescending and bland reaction? No comment about him trying to converse and be playful with her, but she responds like she's his mother? OH . . . okay. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@-NiamhWitch-]

Yep, I agree.

[@ryanmarquez9404]

Lol you people are legit stupid. She doesn't owe him any grace for plain ass chicken. He was playing with a toy like a toddler and that was all after this happened. She doesn't owe this child nothing lol.

[@faithtvonline]

I absolutely feel like it wasn't Cole's fault. I see this completely differently from Dr. H.

[@ohisee9173]

Sigh. If he really did not even mention this then I won't watch this. That scene had me so anxious and I'm not going to subject myself to going through it again if he can't differentiate what they are BOTH doing wrong

[@alexisv9387]

Obviously he won't comment on anything that makes Zanab look bad. He has an agenda.

[@l.1088]

As a person raised by an abusive parent, and another one who tried to manage, I know first hand how easy it is to come off as the "good guy" when you push the other person's buttons all the time while making sad faces and say things like "But I didn't mean it like that", "it's a joke, don't you get humor?" "Come on, now you look *insert psychiatric label that has nothing to do with it but makes the person seem unreasonnable". We don't talk about it enough be some people are just really good at being abusive, whether they mean it or not, by just making sure the other one looks unreasonnable and nagging in public. Of course, no one is perfect and Zanab sure has shortcomings, but no one deserves to be belittled like that. There's a difference between someone not being considerate enough and being a bit nagging sometimes, and someone commenting your weight, the other women, your mental health every day until you can't stand it anymore and feel terrible about yourself. If you look at Zanab expression on the wedding day, you may see (i'm not a pro but I saw) anger and disgust, whereas Cole is just, there. My father did things that should have at least allow us to not see him anymore -if not prison for him-, we had proof, but since he cried the day of the trial, and my mother got angry and scared for my sister and I, she came off as the unreasonnable bad parent, when she was just sick of not being heard, and scared for us. It was easy for my father to cry fake tears and say he didn't understand. That's why I'm very triggered by people saying they want to forgive him because he cried and Zanab wasn't nice once or twice, without considering how tired she may have been with him around, forced by production to stand each other until the wedding. My mother could be nagging too, and it did some damage, but it didn't do nearly as much damage as what my father did. I soooo want to ask some of the people who are, as I've seen, "anti-zanab" what triggers them so much in her behavior? Cause I know what triggers me in Cole's. Why are you so adamant in saying Zanab is toxic? (BTW any therapist that labels a behavior we barely see on TV, as toxic is a red flag to me. You don't diagnose, or say "this person is def toxic" when you're a "pro" and you see an edited version of someone's behavior, where you miss sooo much info from behind the scene. Saying "this behavior here is not good" or "I don't like that, if he were/she were my patient, I would say this and that. But saying, as I saw "this woman is toxic, here's why and I know cause I'm a licensed therapist" is one of the biggest redflags of all, for me.

[@bbygyal2180]

Thank you!! Cole just starts crying and suddenly he did nothing wrong? Did we not see him disrespect Zanab the moment he saw Colleen? Idk why people are just like, he's young he doesnt know how to cook chicken or at least let him learn and im just !!! He is an adult?

[@inswidh770]

This!!