Love Is Blind S3 #64 - (Cole Interview #14) - Therapist Reacts

[@Nunofyabizzzzz]

At this point Dr. Kirk is watching these for himself 😂

[@muresanana-maria1050]

Not another Cole interview 🤦🏼‍♀️ this guy has been getting so much attention from Dr Honda

[@mojo782]

Yeah he's not ready to move on 😂

[@gdjwarren2]

This is the nicer way of putting what I was thinking. mmm

[@vajolinda]

I am still interested 🙈

[@Ola_Stawinska]

There is like over a thousand views om this video, so im not sure if you are right... Also im still interested in this and waiting for more Cole videos, on the other hand i dont like Natalie videos or the ones with Elizabeth amd Andrei, so i just don't click on them 🤷‍♀️

[@Lynsey17]

I wanted to comment on this when you were reacting to Colleen talking about Matt in the pods - the show edited it to have a very linear story where she connected with Brennan, he turned her down, she connected with Cole, he turned her down, she finally connected with Matt as her options were dwindling. That works for the narrative they want to create but it couldn't happened that way based on how the pod dating is designed. She had to have had Matt at least in her top list from the start, we just saw it out of order. As a general rule when watching reality shows - if you didn't see it completely unedited then there's a good chance it didn't actually happen that way.

[@connie27100]

Exactly. The way the format works then there's no way they wouldn't have always been in their top in some fashion or another. Otherwise they wouldn't have had any further dates let alone had the opportunity to get engaged.

[@melissadanz9521]

"just leave the DSM out of it!" good t shirt quote!

[@Bethany218]

I understand the sentiment but sometimes when dealing with people we have to be able to say “this seems pathological.” And exploring what the label could be is just being thoughtful. It can be frustrating when doctors expect lay people to not explore the root cause too. Again, I understand the concern but I think there has to be a place for respectful questioning.

[@gangewifre]

I've watched the infamous cutie scene a few times now -- my best guess is that Cole was actually telling her to not fill up on snacks because they'd have a big dinner later. As soon as Zanab told him that she'd only had a banana that day he seemed taken aback, and I read it as him shutting down when he fell silent because he didn't expect things to suddenly escalate. I've only seen clips of the show though from various therapist reacts videos though, so I might be totally off base!

[@ms-corleone]

In my experience 🤩, insecure men make me walk on eggshells. In my experience, it’s universal when dealing with insecure people, especially if you’re in a romantic relationship with them. It’s friggin’ exhausting.

[@acd1168]

Exactly.

[@goldenoreo6699]

Watching Cole can be frustrating. He seems to have had a lot of hurt in his life, but he seems unaware how much more hurt his generalizations and sexism are causing for himself and the people he tries to pursue romantically (and honestly society as aa whole). I am curious to know If he has brought up these views with his therapist? Also I wonder if these views was the result of deeply being hurt by Zanab, and as a defense mechanism he is trying to look out fo signs of being hurt by other women and has resorted to generalizing to distance himself. Definitely not a healthy cooping mechanism, and I hope he gets help, or at least matures enough to know that Zanab does not represent all women.

[@poponachtschnecke]

I think the show made all of this gendered stuff worse, since they divide the groups along gender lines, and the two groups seem to have got rather tight-knit (except for maybe Cole).

[@SemmelOff]

I'm pretty sure his overgeneralization about genders stem from his evangelical background. Evangelicals tend to have very strict roles and gendered expectations for women and men. Due to the strict rules/expectations they already generalize a lot about genders. It's not untypical for them to go from "I'm a guy and I do this so that means all guys must do that since we have the same role to fulfill" same goes for "The woman I was dating did that, or I was unsatisfied with something this means all women probably are like that" Also in evangelical contexts men and women don't interact much with each other especially when they are single. We can assume that Cole probably didn't have a meaningful relationship with a woman before his ex wife, we don't know if he had other relationships with women in between the ex wife and zanab but his limited experience could also add to the overgeneralization.

[@nnn9122]

@@SemmelOff But I thought Cole said that dating in high school and college was easy because there were babes everywhere?

[@SemmelOff]

@@nnn9122 I totally forgot about that. Well then maybe scratch that part about him probably being inexperienced. Evangelical dating and "normal" dating is very different tho so I'm not sure how he was dating.

[@ki-rj2fh]

If I’m being completely honest in the real world, coke is a normal guy with lots of friends.

[@missmosa]

I would looove to see you interviewing one of the contestant. I think it will be a good conversation to watch and learn from

[@yarenismorales8981]

I am glad that someone mentioned Love is Blind Japan. I loved the show and I feel it was way more exciting than Love is Blind USA and Love is Blind Brazil. I would love you to make content commenting on Love is Blind Japan.

[@stephaniea1097]

The second season of LiB Brazil is really good too! Less dramatic and sexist than the first season. It’s more low key like the Japan one.

[@n.t.495]

I thought Love is blind Japan was perfect and was interesting, respectful and everyone had a lot of depth. It was fun watching them try to work out their partnerships.

[@keiyoshiki]

It’s clear that Xay has a difficult temperament and some attitude that Cole didn’t click with 18:31

[@amandajo340]

I feel like a lot of people have a misunderstanding of what bipolar is. I think there's this misconception about emotion vs mood. Since I always hear people saying "they're bipolar because of the quick changes and it's totally opposite how they act one moment to another." So yeah ... unfortunately I think it's really common to misunderstand the condition. As for the names of the men on this show I found it really funny too that Matt Barnett and Cole Barnett had drama in similar ways. And Cole's name is Cole Brannan Barnett so he just has all the other men's names 😂 Even though I think the Brennan is spelled differently.

[@realhouseknives5095]

"leeeeave the DSM out of it!" 2023 is hitting differently.

[@travistwitter4545]

Hahaha I laughed so hard when he actually grabbed the dsm 😂

[@thebowandbullet]

In my experience, people who generalize to _all men_ or _all women_ have very little understanding of human nature, let alone themselves.

[@violett874]

It's immaturity; that's how kids talk. Once you have enough various experiences and/or your brain develops, you understand that it's not accurate to speak that way.

[@ginodc5944]

Correct, but he did not generalize at all in this interview. Listen to the words he used. He referred to a specific type of man being with someone (not even saying woman) that happens to be insecure is a bad mix.

[@BananaTPie]

If he truly believed “all” he’d be single forever and not have female friends. That’s not the case as it seems he has plenty of female friends. Unfortunately, the people that do use all, I believe, hate and will never trust that particular gender.

[@jeans0130]

Well, you're also generalizing people who generalized in your statement. Isn't that ironic?

[@mariajenkins943]

"Men who want to be themselves *today*" = Men can't say sexist and misogynistic things like they could in the past with out being called out for it anymore. That's why the sentence feels ick. It longs to return to the former status que when men didn't have care weather or not a woman was insecure because *her feelings didn't matter*. They could say whatever they wanted and still be in a relationship. 💅

[@immadfedup]

And this is why men can't say their feelings

[@ginodc5944]

I think you totally misread what it means to 'be yourself'.

[@BananaTPie]

Uh, absolutely not to everything you said. You sound exactly like what was expressed here. “Some people think that feminism is encouraging women to hate men.” Yeah, obviously it is. What Cole meant by being himself was him… being himself… believing the person before him is healthy unless otherwise expressed - treating them normally. Being honest. I live this way as a woman. I expect that the people I come into contact with are healthy enough to set their own boundaries with me. The suggestion that Cole was being insensitive and naive was hugely unfair. It’s exhausting trying to decipher everyone’s insecurities and sensitivities. The things that Cole did and said would NOT have triggered every woman in the same way. Having to deal with narcissists in my life has exhausted me to my limits, to be honest. I’m honest to a fault and that’s just the way I’ll be forever. That’s me being myself. Unless the sensitivity are obvious enough, I won’t assume they’re there. Zanab gaslighted him the whole time. Cole was right about feminism. As a woman, I abhor modern day feminism. It’s making lots and lots of women hugely unhappy in relationships and giving them the green light to behave like brats. It’s annoying.

[@mariajenkins943]

To clarify, I wasn't speaking directly about Cole and Zeas' relationship, just why this statement *feels* off. I should have started with my personal experience, in my cultural pocket based on interactions with the men and some women I've met. People will say things sexist/mysoginist (pick any -ist) undertones and when confronted will reply they are "just being themselves". When others are offended by their speech and actions, they blame people for being too insecure rather than reflect on if they are, in fact being offensive. I advocate for men to be able to freely express their feelings ,but* if those feelings denigrate an entire group of people, they should expect pushback. When you say your feelings, you are sharing them with another human being. They, in turn, will share their feelings with you. *Everyone* has to consider the other person's feelings.

[@nanablooms]

Another great episode ☺️

[@marisamartinez1477]

the backing out earlier element of LIB: Japan is what I love about it! It makes the people on there seem more realistic and relatable

[@zararashid5827]

Cole says the same thing in every interview "all girls do blah blah but all us men are so reasonable/great, Zanab is a insecure pathological liar, every negative thing you saw me do was Zanab's fault or down to editing, poor me, woe is me"......I really don't understand why people all of sudden think he's a angel all because he cried at the reunion, was he treated unfairly by Zanab? Yes, but he didn't exactly treat her with much respect or consideration either 🤷‍♀️ why are people forgetting that?

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

This, I think the initial backlash to him(before we got the reunion/cuties scene) may have set him in the incel direction. I don't think he's a full blown pos but he's definitely feeling a bit vindicated after the majority of public opinion flip flopped. Just two unhealthy people barreling headlong into a relationship where they hurt each other SMDH..

[@vajolinda]

👏👏👏

[@zararashid5827]

@@InThisEssayIWill... all the excessive and undeserved online praise he got has definitely inflated his ego. Makes me frustrated how Zanab has had to take all the online vitrol/criticism for the downfall of this relationship when he was clearly at fault too. Neither of them were perfect in that relationship and both of them made mistakes and did/said hurtful things. I hope they BOTH learn from it.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

For me I don't believe that he is am angel, but just the way Zanab treated him at the altar and the way he was treated at the reunion was just cruel and in my opinion way to harsh comparing to what he did, that was wrong. So i felt a need to defend him for some kind of balance. Maybe other people felt simmilar to me. I actually didn't see much of praising him, loke he did no wrong (bit of course it doesn't mean, that it never happened), mostly I saw comments with opinion simmilar to mine - that he did some nad things but didn't deserve what he got.

[@zararashid5827]

@@Ola_Stawinska defend him for balance? It's already been more than balanced since 99% people have bashed Zanab but felt sorry for Cole. Someone needs to balance things out for Zanab as I have seen no one defend her. And personally I think getting another girl's number/trying to kiss another girl, calling someone bipolar whilst mocking them, constantly comparing her appearance to another woman's and making jokes about food like "your fattening yourself up" .....all this seems equally just as cruel to me. Zanab was never unfaithful, never questioned his mental health or mocked him and she never said anything disrespectful about the way he looked.Zanabs faults were that she exaggerated some things and didn't handle things privately, but she never said anything demeaning, she just described how she felt and how she remembered things. There was no rude insults said. Cole did that.

[@MyEyebrowsAreMyEnemy]

And, SK said in the reunion he was happy that all they guys were there for each other, he wasn't use to that... So

[@poponachtschnecke]

I liked the tenor of this particular talk about sexism.

[@AF-gy7vu]

There are so many points about chemistry that you made that are correct. I have met men in my life that I find really physically attractive, they are good looking and for most ppl would be considered easy on the eyes , butttttt the romance chemistry isn’t there for me at all and I can’t even enjoy kissing them. It has nothing to do with how they look like at all I just simply don’t have the chemistry with them to see them in a romantic way I think this can happen to men and women regardless of gender and no one can control it that’s why it’s called “chemistry “

[@anavillar8807]

Podcast "Game of roses" calls those who aren't featured "the forgotten". Lol

[@bellabella1670]

Zanab is extremely insecure with herself and that set the relationship up to fail right away. Coupled with Cole's insensitivity / ignorance with how to treat a woman, did not make for a good match. What's important is understanding who the true abuser was. Cole never meant to hurt Z, and he tried rectifying the situation many times. Z gaslit and straight up was abusive towards Cole for the remainder of the show. Was a perfect karmic match for both of them to grow. I personally am rooting for Cole as he's a good person, whereas from everything I've seen from Z, she is not. It's never ok to make someone question their own reality and f!ck with someone the way Z did with Cole. Super abusive, shame on you z.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

In new season of love is blind Brasil and in love is blind Japan it was possible for couples to split before the wedding. So i start to believe that they are allowed to do it in USA version as well, but maybe just choose to go till the end or they get convinced to stay? It's hard to believe that they would have different rules in different countries... Or maybe the law in that countries won't allow for a contract where you just have to stay on the show? That's also a possibility...

[@BananaTPie]

They ARE allowed to split early. It happened twice in season 1 and once in season 2. It’s the couples. What I noticed in Brazil was that one person was at least being obvious about why they stay together. It’s for fame. It’s either for fame or ducats or both. I forget his name but he was like, “I know we’re not together anymore, but don’t, you know, want to see it through to the wedding 🤦‍♀️.”

[@Ola_Stawinska]

@@BananaTPie but in States version on they only splited during the "honeymoon", if they left it together they went through with the wedding. I remember after first season Jessica was saying that she wasn't allowed to quit before wedding even though she wanted to, but maybe she wasn't 100% honest. Maybe she was just convinced to stay, not forced. And in Japan and Brasil they could split even very shortly before the wedding, like ine or two days, that never happened in States. I know who you are talking about - Guilherme - he wanted to continue even though he told Maíra that he doesn't want to get married. I think he was hoping to continue relationship, as just dating, but she couldn't agree for that. He was sending her mixed messages the whole time. :/

[@BananaTPie]

@@Ola_Stawinska I even think he used the word benefit. But hey, don’t you remember season 2 with Shaina and Kyle? They didn’t go through with the wedding but they did go home and meet parents. It seemed/felt like she dragged it on. I think she was hoping for more time with Shane and then realized she didn’t have to do all that to show up randomly and shake things up with him and Natalie.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

@@BananaTPie i remember everyone 😆 they didn't left thw honeymoon together, she left herself after just one night, then they met lile one time and Kyle met her parents. After the meeting he was asking her to move in together but she didn't want to and broke up. So they didn't really spend timw together in person, even at that one night on honeymoon she went to sleep in separate room.

[@rosemercer7159]

Wouldn't that be something if they had therapists involved in the process of Love is Blind. Would certainly help to navigate and have better success!

[@julimej8516]

Love your Videos 😊😊😊

[@MyLifeAsDele]

Have we got through the first 10 minutes of this interview??

[@thisismyinferno]

Not even a minute for this section of the interview he showed.

[@nanablooms]

The thorough commentary is amazing. Love it! Love to hear dr K's educated thoughts.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

He's basically just saying "the patriarchy hurts everyone" .. he just hasn't drawn the line from a to b yet... 😑🤷

[@kaybmagic12]

Nothing starts the rambling from Dr Kirk more then Cole generalizing genders. I wonder why it triggers him so much? Half of every video is about the same thing. I know cause I watch all of them

[@immadfedup]

I love Dr. Kirk but it started to get old. There's always some pushback on men's feelings.

[@poponachtschnecke]

Yeah, I'm sick of it. I really wished after the Depp Heard trial that there would be more sensitivity to men's feelings too. I'm not a man, but I can relate to feeling misunderstood and sidelined.

[@rachelreynolds0430]

nothing to do with this video, but Dr Kirk can you do a video on Andrew Callaghan apology?

[@acivilright]

So they are speed dating.

[@ohgeez3794]

Add "touch grass" to the Honda Out Of Context video And, obviously, "leave the DSM out of it" It's no "bitch you scheisty" but it's good

[@papaya3874]

Some of the things Cole has been aying sound real Tate-y. Makes me uncomfortable.

[@laurdunf]

Watch Japan as others have said!

[@jigglehugs]

Dr Honda gets triggered by the gender generalizing. I don’t think Cole is meaning disrespect by it. He’s just trying to express his feelings and his view points from an identifying man’s perspective on his experience with women. I think we tend to generalize things from our perspectives without meaning disrespect. I, as a female don’t get offended when he makes generalizations because I understand he’s speaking on his experience. The way our minds work is to generalize thing based on our own experiences. Cole seems open to learning new things, I don’t think his generalizing is a huge issue

[@ginodc5944]

"It's sad to me that most men who just want to be themselves today, if you're with someone who is insecure, it makes them feel like you're walking on them". - I do not think this is a generalized statement at all. He is specifically talking about men that want to be themselves and people that are insecure. He does not even say women who are insecure, let alone all women. How is this a 'gendered statement'?

[@BananaTPie]

Exactly. I don’t want to say he’s trying to cater to as many viewers as possible with that one, but it’s difficult, probably, to be a therapist observing others all the time in this political climate. It’s become hugely popular and accepted that as a society we are in a period of dismantling the patriarchy. Especially as every year gen z grows into adulthood hearing that the patriarchy is toxic and the reason for all our woes.

[@ginodc5944]

@@BananaTPie I have trouble with some of what I feel are logic inconsistencies as I try to make sense of things. How can someone want to dismantle the patriarchy if implied in that term is that we know what is a patriarchy. I can only assume that patriarchy refers to men. How do we know what is a man if there is trouble defining what is a woman? I guess different people are fighting different battles in these 'good' times that allow time to do so.

[@msad7716]

I think Kirk's OCPD makes it pointless to comment about how excessive doing multiple reaction videos on Cole when cole's stopped giving new insights :x

[@samanthas8340]

Kinda of weird to me that it has to be about Dr. Honda's OCPD that he hasn't been dx with and has only claimed to be on the spectrum of, mildly. I think he does these reactions to interviews because fans ask him to, not really his fault that the content/interviewee tends to be repetitive and thus his reactions might be. If it feels redundant I'd probably just skip the reactions to Coles interviews 🤷‍♀️

[@poponachtschnecke]

I think it's actually more likely that it's pointless because of his batch recording. So whatever you say now, it won't have an impact until weeks or months from now. Depending on what topic or show needs to come out soonest.

[@emiluontube-you]

Day 15 of asking Dr Honda to watch Change Days on Netflix !

[@zoehepburn]

Well no, most women watch the program so most women conpained....

[@domm5715]

Bro... You can't deny how easily ladies call all men evil, and say that they are constantly worried about being attacked by men, whenever they walk outside.....i think that is a very irrational an sexist take...plus when it comes to fights men are always seen as the aggressors and will be arrested by cops even if she admits to hitting him first, and not being hit back

[@stefanelisabethgabriela4259]

Most women I know have been victim of sexual agressions at least once in their life so far including myself. We actually also had a conversation about this between coworkers recently too. Aggressions happen literally all the time. I'm not saying that all men are are dangerous but our fears are legitimate. So yeah, we are afraid to walk outside 😂