Love Is Blind S3 #52 - (Alexa Interview) - Therapist Reacts

[@Halbmond]

It’s interesting how being told privately that someone else is more attractive is such a total dealbreaker for Alexa, but at the same time she saw no issues with gossiping with the girls about Brennan’s subpar bedroom performance. I get her insecurities but it’s striking that she doesn’t extend the same sensitivities to other people

[@heidibennett6622]

Great point

[@bigal1870]

Cleaning my house, listening to the pod, I hear Dr Kirk mention his childhood and feel compelled to check the video for whatever fun pictures Stacy cooked up. The editing on the pod has only gotten more delightful over the years. Thanks Stacy, we love it!

[@msmendes214]

If the Cuties scene was the bottom of the list of examples, how come at the reunion it was literally all they could bring up, several times, as If that was *the one* thing that would prove their theory?

[@pearlosibu]

Exactly. They keep referencing the “mountain of evidence” a la Amber Heard.

[@02biddle]

It's the example Zanab brought up not "them". No one was asking for more examples then. They didn't see the video at that time. Zanab may have chosen that incident because it was one she was certain was on film not because it was the most eggregious. Point is Zanab certainly had her distortions but Cole is not a victim

[@msmendes214]

@@02biddle go back & watch the reunion, they ALL chimed in "oh yeah, the Cuties thing!" when they were asked for examples of how Cole was food shaming Z. And to be clear, in no way does my observation include dismissing cole's idiocy.

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

@@02biddle Raven brought up the cuties scene.

[@mimiad397]

Lol interesting when Alexa was asked to give an example she failed to, that's when Raven stepped in and said the cuties scene and all the girls including Alexa agreed with that. If there were so many examples then why did Alexa fail to even list one of them? And why did she and Brenon high five each other after Raven mentioned the cuties scene? Soooooo many accusations yet the cuties example was the only one they could mention? Used as an example for when Cole was apparently the absolute worst? Makes no sense to me how much these women are now backtracking and going back to saying "oh there was more" when cole literally asked them to name examples over and over again so that he could understand

[@ashleysmith1369]

I dont think Alexa really saw anything, I think it was just based on what Zanab told her otherwise she would have brought it up at the reunion.

[@Confettifun]

Exactly. I feel that aside from cole confiding in her about Zanabs attractiveness, she didn’t directly see any of the things she is accusing him of doing. I bet Zanab said that he did those things and Alexa just took her word as bible. But now she is backtracking and doubling down at the same time because the cuties scene makes her look like an ass

[@lanagustafson2905]

I don’t understand how the participants could expect their “fiance” to be completely head over heels and 100% devoted to them from the start. It’s a TV show, it’s obviously not the same as two engaged people who have been dating for years.

[@Zelomakitoko]

Yeah. Literally mere days ago you were spending hours and hours building an intense emotional connection with a person, and then you're just supposed to forget about it?

[@margotgrey1006]

I agree, it is kind of part of the show to see what their reactions to everybody is when they finally can see them. Z has a right to be hurt, but she signed up to be on a reality TV show involving thissort of thing, so I don’t think she can blame Cole.

[@lanah.5741]

Exactly! The point of this show is that you’re making a connection not based on looks. So it’s not that crazy that he’s more physically attracted to other women in the group.

[@violett874]

It's really annoying that Cole is the least problematic of the guys and somehow he's getting the most hate from the cast. Let's go down the list: Brennon - he has 1, maybe 2, domestic abuse allegations against him. The one I saw had a police report and pressed charges, yikes. SK - was dating multiple women during the show while swearing up and down he was super duper monogamous. Even if Raven knew, really? He couldn't wait at all?? Bartise - worse comments than Cole on how hot he found other women directly to Nancy multiple times, blamed Nancy for how not attracted he was to her, pitted his family against her unprompted on abortion. I still think it's bad taste to hook up with someone the next day. These men seriously need to learn timing. Matt - borderline abusive, actually scary. Cole - told everyone he was more attracted to another girl, did not reassure Zanab's insecurities, called her bipolar Am I crazy here to think he was the least problematic guy???

[@juliagulia9224]

Yes, yes, YES!!

[@jeans0130]

Agree with you 💯. I think they made Cole the scapegoat for everyone else's actual poor behavior.

[@sophielesher8002]

I think they tried to make him the villain and failed. I’m thinking majority of people are team cole here but maybe it’s just me hoping

[@hamidnandha7351]

I agree what I would add is Zanab asked him to rate the women and he did so without tact which was wrong, also he did reassure her multiple times, the scene when they ate cheesecake he kept telling her she is very beautiful, lastly about the bipolar comment, apparently its what she would ask him when she was hot & cold with him so honestly he could have been more tactful and more thoughtful but it stems from Zanab to be honest at least in my opinion and I may be wrong.

[@MarcelaRS6]

He could have been more tactful, but when you ask something like “rate me”, you risk hearing something you don’t want to. I’d never ask that because I am afraid of the answer 😂.

[@reneerevolinski4822]

Alexa came off as the ring leader of the mean girls. She wasn't expecting this back lash from the cuties video clip. I watched her in a different interview where she had a condescending attitude towards viewers who disagreed with her.

[@Sough]

Yep now she's trying to do damage control while maintaining her previous positions.shouldnt be surprising from a rich dramatic gossiper

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

@@Sough is she wealthy? She does have a "never faced any consequences" vibe to her for sure

[@raimeepigsley5140]

@@Aaron-kj8dvs her Daddy is rich and she is a Daddy’s girl. I don’t know for sure, but I think he gets her whatever she wants.

[@saltandpepperandmint]

EXACTLY!

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

No one ever pointed out she laughed at Cole while he was breaking down at the reunion. It was when Cole said she called him evil. You can tell it was trimmed, so some may not have noticed. Now, she may have been laughing at the irony that she called him deceitful and he misheard or misrepresented what she said (on the final edit anyway). But I still found it contemptuous.

[@SheLovesFubu]

This season was an eye opener for me because I was just like Alexa, and trusted my friends to be telling me a very accurate story about their experience when in reality all of us are a bit bias. In my opinion, Cole did not deserve the backlash. Zanab distorted several stories and her buddies just blindly believed her. Never again.

[@vajolinda]

I think that in general you should believe your friends when they say they were harmed by someone. The mistake that Alexa made was that she publicly went after Cole without evidence

[@Shontay06]

Wait, so you’re saying you’ll never again blindly believe your friends based off of what you saw on this highly edited tv show with people you don’t know?

[@SheLovesFubu]

@@vajolinda Alexa also dates someone who has been accused of domestic violence so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Jack-oz7wb]

I love that you included your pics :)

[@kayqew]

Zanab asked him to rate her and asked which girls he rated higher. He literally answered her questions. He was naive to think being honest wouldn't have consequences but she should not have asked

[@morganc0]

I saw that! She pressed and pressed and asked and asked and pulled it right out of him EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. He was immature and naive, absolutely, and he was not/is not perfect. But she manipulated and used every single thing he said against him in the end, in very calculated ways at times. It was kind of frightening IMO.

[@heidibennett6622]

Agreed. She asked. He answered. He was honest. She didn't like his truth and chose to believe only half of his answer. She blames him for her insecurities and doubts. He's realized that you can be honest in a more diplomatic and considerate way. Or, at least, I think he has!!

[@lanagustafson2905]

So her point is basically that people should be careful with their words because words can hurt. But she doesn’t acknowledge how badly Zanabs and her words hurt Cole. He was falling apart at the reunion! (I didn’t watch the whole interview though so maybe she did say something about it)

[@morganc0]

No she definitely did not. Nobody cared that Cole was absolutely ripped apart at the reunion except for some of the fans. The day it aired, Twitter was like probably 60/40 in Cole’s favor. I was surprised because the truth was right there after the credits in the Cuties scene, but still, somehow, people want a bad guy. It’s wild, they totally skipped over BaRiStA - the actual worst - to go in on Cole! lol

[@TheGamingFilly]

If she had examples, we all know she would give them. She's doubling down to try to save face. I think the "uncharitable" scenario is exactly what happened here. She overshot by defending her friend, realized after that her friend was distorted af, and doesn't want to look stupid by full on admitting that she was wrong.

[@reneerevolinski4822]

💯, her and her husband had so much to say during the Tell All and now all of a sudden she doesn't want to start anything 🙄. If she could throw Cole under the bus again, she would. Alexa and Brennan have already shown who they are on the tell all.

[@ness0388]

I can kind of see why Alexa feels the way she does because Cole directly told her that he was struggling with the physical with Zanab. That was on camera on the show. It was weird af that Cole said that to Alexa. And she came onto the show having had her own body type rejection experiences. Then throw in Zanab having some body and appearance issues and telling the girls what he did through her filter. Yeah I can see why she'd be apt to believe the narrative.

[@pearlosibu]

He said in his interviews that they are prompted by production. He wasn’t just bringing it up

[@ness0388]

@@pearlosibu I'm commenting on the specific scene where he was having a convo with Alexa. Prompted or not she got a first hand conversation with Cole about him not being attracted to Zanab. Even though I think Zanab is super distorted and insecure--and I thought that before the cuties scene--I do think Cole did not help himself. He told the guys and he did specifically tell Alexa that he was "struggling" with the physical.

[@pearlosibu]

@@ness0388 well, he WAS struggling with the physical. Do we want these people to lie? Didn’t they call it an experiment? Why do we judge people on the results of that their findings. It seems we’d rather people lie and pretend right up to the altar rather than be honest and say hey, i guess love isn’t blind for me but I’m working on it.

[@ness0388]

@@pearlosibu no but telling another one of the women how he felt was not the best choice. Especially because he didn't seem to be blatantly saying that to Zanab. He was telling her "9/10." Which she ironically found insulting. You don't struggle with attraction to a 9/10. Those 2 just weren't on the same page and were a really bad combo.

[@maddyG7414]

@@ness0388I agree with you completely. Cole had poor communication and was shallow and immature. Not saying Zanab was problem free, but I do think he was inconsiderate and deceitful in lying to her about his attraction to her.

[@wonderbabetv5014]

I cannot get enough of your reactions to their interviews!!! Thank you Dr. Kirk Honda ❤

[@MammaMidnight]

Bahaahah! the shirtless photo of teenage Dr. K was a gem. It was like seeing a picture of a cool older cousin you really respect when they were young and wild... mildly embarrassing but altogether amusing. I am guessing The Pod Wife added that and please, send her my thanks LOL.

[@ohisee9173]

Dr. Honda, Alexa and Raven never said they saw anything off-camera. They literally only used the two examples that Zanab described happening in private (mandarins and phone number). The fact that they both were the FIRST to bring it up before Zanab probably made you think that they were listing things they witnessed. They did not. They have nothing else.

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

I say Alexa is someone I woulda clashed with in high school, and I would have done absolutely nothing to her. I just don’t sense a nice person, or even a mature person. Whole reunion felt like high school drama, grown-ass adults ignoring that there’s two (or 3) sides to a story, all of them caught up in GOSSIP. The way she rubs me the wrong way is probably like how Cole rubbed her the wrong way, except she decided to proceed with publicly shaming him with little to no firsthand accounts to prove he deserved it.

[@juliagulia9224]

So well-said - I totally feel the same

[@MarcelaRS6]

I don’t think she is a bad person at all. But I get this vibe that she doesn’t admit fault. And she dismisses people when they don’t agree with her. She seems a little too spoiled. If that makes sense.

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

@@MarcelaRS6 that wouldn’t make her a bad person, just an irritating person you’d keep your distance from. But ganging up on someone to the point where he’s questioning his own sanity is not ok. I think she made some mistakes and you’d respect her more if she could admit fault

[@MarcelaRS6]

@@AnimalsDressedasHumans What she did in the reunion was appalling. And I saw an interview that she said Cole was ok because his videos on Tik Tok were popular. So she obviously doesn’t care about his mental health, because a popular video on Tik Tok doesn’t mean he wasn’t hurt. Anyway, I think she has a lot of reflection to do, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon because she has a very protected life.

[@ShipFantastic]

Always enjoy Dr's opinions on anything. Happy to be a patreon 😁

[@stellannie86]

Wow. Can you imagine shooting a dramatic reality-tv show and then having to wait a year and a half for it to come out..! You don't know what your edit's gonna be like, or what the audience's reaction gonna be to you - is everyone going to hate you.. I'd be so on edge the whole time! O__0

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Or think about Cole where if they didn't decide to show a 2 minute clip he'd be biggest villain. The editing actually let's awful people get away with saying "it was edited to make me look bad" because it's plausible.

[@Constantin9va]

No one is more attractive than Dr. Kirk.

[@joxa1013]

There is always going to be more attractive. What matters is how my partner makes me feel and treats me.

[@Billiedakid]

Cole never said that it didn’t happen. He said “I can’t believe you are saying this”. Everyone seems to believe he said “it didn’t happen at all”, but he never actually said that. He also never said he was more attracted to Colleen, he said she was more of the type he usually dated, then she asked him to rate them. And he actually said twice he was more attracted to her than anyone else, but she of course ignored that since all she care was what he said before.

[@TheMaltebella]

It's exhausting. Smh. She also said she's not going to believe anything that he says after that.

[@jdelgado1557]

You are definitely correct. People are are adding words that are not there (Unless there was more stuff that we didn’t see). Alexis mentioned that you don’t say that to your partner, when talking about finding other people attractive. But, a partner shouldn’t bait another partner the way Zanab did. To give someone a damned if you do or damned if you don’t style question.

[@asunnywebb]

Agree. This whole situation is really gross and problematic on so many levels at this point. Even Dr. H seems to be getting off track and giving way too much grace. It happens.

[@adaceline1740]

Even if he did say that, he would be correct. It did never happen. The cuties scene was used as an EXAMPLE for when Cole controlled Zanabs eating. THAT did not happen in the scene though

[@adaceline1740]

It was also used as an EXAMPLE for when Cole made fatphobic comments about Zanab. That also did not happen.

[@Sough]

Her defense of Z is just so weak. This seasons cast has a way of doubling down rather than adjusting, and now most of the women cast members who heard Zays horror stories and shat on cole are in a spot of adjusting and aplogoizing, or doubling down and looking worse. They are choosing the latter. Alexas probably the worst here because she stirred the pot so much at the reunion.

[@reneerevolinski4822]

Alexa's attitude is just so gross. 🤢 She came across extremely arrogant. She was proud to state she never wears the same outfit twice.

[@pearlosibu]

@@reneerevolinski4822 because she wears then returns to the store which is just so gross

[@lavenderangel2655]

Alexa is so full of it. Dancing around the fact that Zanab distorted the situation and has witnessed nothing firsthand. She was ready to say a lot and destroy someone's reputation until she's asked for her firsthand knowledge. Poor character.

[@andra9601]

This is the speculative analysis of Cole that I’ve been waiting for, for more than five weeks now lol. Ty!

[@shiningarmor8709]

Cole didn't know about her insecurities or relationship with food,she didn't tell him, to blame him for not being sensitive to a problem he didn't know existed. Most of us realized that zay had a problem after the cutie scene ,how exactly was cole supposed to realize this In real time.

[@andedom]

Zay had been showing red flags for controlling her food intake, body image issues and possibly an eating disorder. And that’s just accounting for her behavior on camera. For Cole to constantly compare her to a much skinnier woman, then tell her that she’s fattening herself up, then try to help her lower her food intake when she is already clearly doing that herself is reckless at best.

[@Confettifun]

@@andedom stop assuming every has the tools to recognize said “red flags”. For me, she has red flags for being insecure around her looks, but I had no clue about the eating disorder. People need to stop acting like everyone can read your mind and make assumptions. If you want someone to be sensitive to your needs, you need to VOICE THOSE NEEDS. Thats like me getting mad that someone made me pizza for dinner when i never told them i was lactose intolerant. It’s ridiculous to assume someone can read my mind and understand that, especially if they have ASKED YOU TO EXPLAIN YOUR BEHAVIOR and your responses are “oh nothing, you wouldn’t understand”.

[@andedom]

@@Confettifun I’m glad that you’re getting better educated on mental health now. Perhaps it’s not a good idea to go on a nationally televised show and marry someone who you never met before in a month if you have fairly low emotional intelligence?

[@Sultryweather2410]

P

[@iamnainai]

Right up until Zanabs wedding she cried multiple times about not feeling deserving to be as happy as she was but moments later said he had completely destroyed her. Was that whole happiness speech before the altar just for the cameras or was she happy to finally be able to give him a piece and then cut him loose??

[@violett874]

I think my issue with the whole Cole/Zanab situation is that as Dr. Kirk said, their issues as a couple were pretty mundane. I feel like it all got blown out of proportion when Zanab dressed Cole down at the altar and seemed to encourage all her friends to bully him while pretending that she's done absolutely nothing wrong. Like they both had issues! If Zay had just let it go and moved on we all would likely be on her side saying Cole should've been kinder to her, but nooo, so here we are.

[@rachelechols5041]

I think the communication issue with them that broke the camels back is that neither was capable of voicing their needs for reassurance of security. She wanted to know if he was really attracted to her and asked very probing questions based on insecurities. Was he insensitive? Sure, but it wasn’t clear to him what she needed. You can’t test people this way and get mad when they failed.

[@Gchili]

Dr Kirk keeps summoning the Alexa in my car every time he says her name 😅

[@asunnywebb]

I'm eating cuties while I listen to this. Not just two.

[@poponachtschnecke]

🤣 same

[@EmpressEllie]

I’m gunna go have some cuties right now!

[@Evie534]

Lol I keep seeing them at the grocery store and think of Zanab 🙄 I’m gonna buy a bag and eat like 10 😂

[@jclyntoledo]

I wouldn't be surprised if cutie sales went up 😂😂

[@Asdfghjkl-ee3zw]

Better save your apetito!

[@Evie534]

Damn, Dr. Honda showing us his football pics. Handsome guy then and now

[@BrookeInProgress]

Alexa really rubs me the wrong way. I also think the seemingly outsized emphasis she places on sex is interesting.

[@OscarTheGreat2022]

She gives me the ick. Did u see how she was with those male strippers. Yeah, she is most definitely going to cheat on any man.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

I think she's probably the worst of the cast members but she's smart enough to hide it. I always got that feeling from her. Like so self satisfied but also awful.

[@QurVgn]

@@Aaron-kj8dv Her father set her up to be a Princess. I mean, never re-wearing an outfit? 🤐🤐🤐 I thought Brennan might actually say no at the altar, because the expectations for him are 🤯🤯🤯

[@pearlosibu]

@@Aaron-kj8dv very awful

[@ohisee9173]

She clarified that she meant she never puts her clothes together in the same way, or at least tries not to. And I don't think its right to criticize her sex drive or openness about it. It is what it is and there's nothing wrong with it. But yes, I understand her being a "princess".

[@lynnd5342]

I don’t believe Alexa personally saw anything except her convo with Cole in the pool. If she had and didn’t want to bring it up, she wouldn’t have said anything but she did say something in an attempt to persuade the audience to believe her and Zanab. It’s quite manipulative to infer something but withhold receipts to let the audience decide for themselves. That’s just my opinion.

[@Evie534]

Alexa leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She acts like a know it all and like she’s “above” everyone else. I don’t like her.

[@irenalovesart4064]

Cole is 27 i believe and once married. Barti is 25.

[@poponachtschnecke]

Lol at the idea of having relationships in high school.

[@adaceline1740]

I personally think Alexa and the other girls know Zanab is wrong BUT they arent going to admit it because they are probably responsible for everything Zanab said and has been saying since the reunion. I can 100 percent imagine Zanab talking to the "girlies" lol about her and Coles situation and everyone overreacting to it (especially Alexa) and giving her ideas of certain things being fatphobic, racist etc... I feel as if some "issues" werent actually problems for Zanab until she spoke to the women about it and heard their opinions. They probably all prepared her for that reunion and teamed up on what Zanab and them would say. I could see Zanab telling them the cuties scene because it might have triggered her (not Coles fault) and the women telling her how problematic what Cole did was. I also imagine, that since they knew Cole wasnt being well received by the public that they all wanted this to be some kind of "yassss" and "progressive" moment, expecting viewers to react to everything the same way they did.

[@poponachtschnecke]

Yeah, they also made it seem like Matt did the same thing, which seems like a passive aggressive way of striking out at someone he may have felt competitive with.

[@andra9601]

I would not be surprised if Alexa played the biggest part in influencing Z to sway all the way out to where she eventually ended up. I could see how someone like Alexa, who unapologetically flaunts a facade of power and authority, could be absolutely charming and mesmerizing for someone like Z ,who yearns for a deep sense of security.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

The irony of it is that they all come out looking stupid too. They most likely went in trying to be "empowered" and it backfired.

[@jeans0130]

And here I am thinking that it was zanab influencing the girls. Didn't think that it might have been a toxic symbiotic relationship between the girls. That Zanab fed them these exaggerated stories and them getting their moralistic high by influencing Zanab with these extreme girl boss behavior. I'm all about girl power but there are some people that take it to the extreme that it becomes toxic.

[@amandajo340]

From my recollection the women never said they witnessed things behind the scenes. I remember them saying something along the lines of they know things behind the scenes that he did. I think that "knowledge" was based on what Zanab told them. I think because they saw Cole being insensitive with telling everyone how attractive he found Colleen and because Zanab is their friend they would believe Zanab's accusations of Cole at face value. I don't know maybe I missed that if they said they witnessed stuff. But I agree with your theory that if they said they saw things perhaps it wasn't as much as they made it seem and it was mostly based on Zanab's word. I also think Alexa is between a rock and a hard place. Assuming that she wants to maintain her friendship with Zanab and if she realizes the way Zanab phrases things isn't totally accurate then her saying something like "I said I know things Cole did because I based it on what Zanab told me and now I see she wasn't framing things completely accurately" could cause Zanab to feel thrown under the bus and possibly cause an issue in their friendship. On the other hand if Alexa were to have as strong of a stance against Cole as she had at the reunion after everyone has seen the cuties scene then I imagine she'd get a lot of hate online. So I definitely understand her not wanting to get too involved while also trying not to throw her friend under the bus.

[@couch_philosoph3325]

Has dr kirk ever shown us his dogs?? I request a video just about the dogs!

[@bun0428]

I would love to see a reaction from you to the Colleen interview, which is as well from Anthony Gilets podcast

[@Billiedakid]

Let’s talk about the fact that her husband had 2 different police reports of two different females, talking about abusive behavior and the police report talks about horrible violence that allegedly Brennon portrayed. Yeah she doesn’t talk about this but she likes to judge others.

[@TheMaltebella]

I'm surprised we haven't. ..And weren't there two separate situations?

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Well the case was dropped so its all alleged. Of course it happens a lot that victims of abuse don't want to continue with police and court because its reliving the abuse or they are scared of abuser, so its better for them to just drop it and forget about it. Its possible some like this happen. But there is no proof of that sadly.

[@asunnywebb]

I totally missed all this. I have to stop working so much so I can get back to focusing my attention on this kind of important stuff.

[@andedom]

I’m sorry but is that a fact? Weren’t charges dropped? Sorry if I’m wrong but you stated it’s a fact like this is proven

[@TheMaltebella]

@@Ola_Stawinska it's the twice and two separate individuals that has my eyebrow all up in my hairline.

[@juliamuffinmonster1838]

When I initially saw the whole series and the Cuties fiasco I was very much in a place of thinking both sides had a point and I wasn't really "team" anything besides Team These Two People Are Really Bad For Each Other, but the longer this goes on and the more people pile on Zanab the more I realize that while I stand by my initial "team" and think neither of them was morally worse than the other, I do think Cole bears more responsibility for letting the situation get so toxic in the first place. Regardless of how you feel about Zanab, she was very upfront from the beginning about being insecure and needing reassurance and security. Not only was she herself clear about it, it was something her stepmom also really stressed to Cole as an important thing to consider. Meanwhile while Cole never seemed to have a single malicious molecule in his body, he did seem to have this very stubborn belief that if he just had good intentions and said things like "I never want to hurt you" that would erase any hurt he caused so long as he didn't "mean it". We as outsiders could all sit here arguing about if it was "right" or "fair" for Zanab to be hurt, but the fact is that if you're hurting your partner with your behavior, even if that hurt is irrational it's still you job as the person causing the hurt to either change your behavior to stop hurting them or, if you can't change or don't want to change, end the relationship. I get why Zanab is easier to pile on (she's a woman, her experiencing things and reacting to them from a place of hurt makes her seem irrational, because she seems irrational it's easy to project bad intentions on her), but I think it also bears examining why we as viewers are so much more willing to let men who are as emotionally underdeveloped, oblivious, and walking advertisements for weaponized incompetence as Cole is get away with a pat on the head than we are to have any sympathy for women who seem "irrational" and "emotional" and don't or can't accommodate their male partner's emotional failures.

[@ohisee9173]

The difference is that I trust that Dr. Honda could sit down with Cole and leave feeling like Cole actually understands and will take the advice and grow to be better than he was yesterday and acknowledge that some behavior is objectively wrong. I don't have that same trust with Zanab. That's what it comes down to for me, a woman of color that would never be objectively rated a 9 on looks alone and still manages to find partners who adore me and would swear I'm a 10 😂

[@sandrareyes4081]

Thisssss!

[@ginodc5944]

Cole should not be walking on eggshells being worried how certain words may or may not be interpreted by Zanab. Thankfully, he was true to himself and got the best possible outcome. Can you imagine them being married? Actually, I cannot imagine Zanab being happy until she figures herself out. For me, the first yellow flag is being in the hot tub and not wanting to get her hair wet. I was like 'what? you just met the love of your life in a fancy location and are worried about getting your hair wet?'

[@asunnywebb]

You and her friends give Zay way too much grace. We all know that often we can choose whether to accept something our partner says the way it was intended or twist it into something hurtful. It's often a choice. You can see the wheels turning for her. She chose to twist it over and over and then manipulated and misled others to think he was a horrible abusive person. She was the abusive one. She caused permanent harm and then played victim.

[@jclyntoledo]

She definitely distorted reality but I disagree that she could help it. You have to have a certain level of self awareness to do that and she didn't. If she did she would have actually spoke to him and said how she felt about stuff instead of being passive aggressive and setting him up with her terrible questioning.

[@nnn9122]

Is there any particular reason we would assume Cole has no dating experience just because he was 27 during the show and that he saved himself for marriage? Didn't he say something along the lines of dating in high school and college was easy because there were babes everywhere? 🤔

[@poponachtschnecke]

He could have had only chaperoned dates. That's a lot different from being alone with a person you're dating, and getting intimate without having sex.

[@rmh8940]

@@poponachtschnecke how do you know his dates were chaperoned?

[@jclyntoledo]

@@rmh8940 No one knows for sure but some religions where they hold sex for marriage sometimes have chaperoned dates. I really don't think that was Cole's case. I do think he had less dating experience altogether than others bc his most significant relationship was the one where he was married and that was about a yr from dating to divorce.

[@ness0388]

Yeah and having a school gf you're not really allowed to be alone with, and maybe mainly see at school or in a group is different than a gf you get to have an independent experience with. I think he grew up Mormon and was a virgin until he was 25 and married. So that's a whole different experience than people who date and explore their sexuality from the time they are a teen.

[@nnn9122]

@@ness0388 Is physical intimacy a condition that must be met for a relationship to be considered a real/serious/mature relationship? I'm pretty sure Cole did not grow up Mormon.

[@andra9601]

“Um, I’m not an expert” - indeed Alexa is no expert on relationships and far from it. Thanks to her for acknowledging that.

[@andra9601]

Ps, “I’m not an expert.” is perfect, chef’s kiss, muah xx! “I’m not an expert, but,” is gross, no thanks Alexa!

[@xojacquie7356]

You good?

[@andra9601]

@@xojacquie7356 lol I’m fine now, thanks. Alexa’s hypocrisy triggers me, can you tell?

[@xojacquie7356]

Haha yes I agree! Your edit made me giggle. I’m glad you’re doing well! XO

[@Evie534]

@@andra9601hahaha - I find Alexa so obnoxious

[@margotgrey1006]

I think that Cole probably should not have made The comments that he did about Raven and Colleen, but I feel like people are not factoring into the situation that it was reality TV and a social experiment, so Cole might have felt compelled to say what he thought physically of the other woman in the show is part of the experiment. And, according to Cole, the producers were trying to get the guys to talk about their feelings for the other girls. And he might’ve done that because he thought if that’s what the producers wanted then that’s just part of the show and he may have thought that Z would understand and not take it personally. when you are a contestant on a reality TV show, I could imagine that it would be hard not to get caught up in the production of it all and and act in ways that you would not normally act in any other circumstance. I could be wrong about my reasoning of thinking that people might behave differently on reality TV shows than they would in real life, but that’s just my two cents. Also, love is blind is supposed to be an experiment, so I can see why the contestants would disclose how they feel once they see people in person because that’s one of the things that the show is meant to explore. In an interview with The Bey’s TV, (starting 26 minutes into the interview) Cole said how beautiful he thought she was upon meeting her for the first time and even after seeing Colleen in person , he did not want to date her and he said that he wouldn’t have dated anybody besides Z and he wasn’t even that attracted to Colleen. He says that he regrets making the rating comments, and 31 minutes into the interview, he says that the producers had all the guys on the show talk to all the girls and say what they thought of them after seeing them in person and they only showed Cole having that conversation.

[@nnn9122]

And Cole also accused the other guys of lying when production asked them about the other girls.

[@unicornL]

Also I always think it's weird how ppl on the show expect extreme and total commitment right off the bat. I think that's why I really liked watching SK and Raven- they built their relationship and that's what made all the accusations after the show so sad to me.

[@AnimalsDressedasHumans]

Has anyone seen Brennon do an interview by himself? Is he allowed to lol

[@grim524]

He has nothing to say on his own.

[@jefftallaksen3189]

She should have taken the 5th before she reiterated her accusations. It isn't right to make very alarming aspersions to someone's character and then refuse to give any evidence to back it up. Either shut up about the whole thing or back up your accusations. She's just a flat-out liar who wants it both ways. He is way too charitable to her.

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

Cole said that he was emotionally attracted to Zanab and rated her a 9 out of 10 in one scene on the show. Even though he found Colleen more attractive, he chose Zanab because of the emotional attraction, which is according to the principle of the show, "Love is Blind." Due to his emotional connection, he was devastated when Zanab harshly blindsided him at the altar. So, I disagree with Dr. Honda's perspective about Cole's attraction to Zanab being an issue for him because Dr. Honda's discussion focuses too much on his physical attraction and understates the more important emotional attractiveness that Cole had with Zanab. As for Zanab not feeling a secure attraction, Cole did give Zanab a romantic boat ride and they did a "lock" ceremony on a bridge to confirm their love. Apparently, these gestures didn't help Zanab develop a secure attachment. While Cole was disrespectful at times, Zanab needs work on being open to a secure attachment. As for Alexa's account, Alexa is on Zanab's team and has a bias against men, saying to the females on camera: "All men are stupid." Personally, I don't believe Alexa because she doesn't supply specific examples.

[@nnn9122]

The lock that he pretended to drop in the water? 😬

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

@@nnn9122 The lock that both of them secured together, not the one that he accidentally dropped into the water.

[@nnn9122]

@@EnjoyLife-op5rn That was an accident? I thought he had planned that.

[@brielax4441]

19:22 Alexa is speaking in a woman’s tone verses a man. Men usually don’t speak that way.

[@Evie534]

I was wondering what felt so cringy about that and that’s exactly it. Men don’t usually talk like that. Also her dictating how he should phrase some thing is kind of annoying. What makes her the expert?

[@lailaalanna315]

Alexa saw nothing 😂😂

[@paulinahorton8038]

If they have evidence of how terrible Cole is why dodge the question asking for said evidence??? Seems sus to me…the math ain’t mathing

[@kristindewey2400]

I neeeeeeed you to watch Love Is Blind Japan!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@morganc0]

Alexa is just spinning it at this point. Zanab did press Cole about who he found physically attractive more than her. I think he only brought it up to her once to be open and honest then her insecurities stewed in that and she KEPT ON bringing it up through the season after that. I think she pressed him til he kept saying things she could weaponized against him. It’s so unsettling to watch the season back now, knowing her distortion and exaggeration of the Cuties scene at the very end of the first viewing of the full season.

[@zararashid5827]

I may be in the minority here but eventhough zanab has her fair share of issues and toxicity that she brought to that relationship, I still believe that Cole was horrible to her behind the scenes because if not just one but ALL of the other girls are saying they saw/heard him do and say degrading/disgusting things then surely there is no smoke without fire 🤷‍♀️ like we all saw glimpses of Cole's less charming and more nasty side with his taunting demeanor when he asked if Zanab was bipolar, also allegedly according to Zanab in a podcast interview Cole's ex-wife has had a similar negative experience with him hence why she reached out to Zanab ..... obviously we will never know for certain what actually happend but that's just my personal opinion on it.

[@zararashid5827]

@Ruth all 5 of them? I dont think all 5 of them would be bothered to do that

[@zararashid5827]

@Ruth not really girls stick together but a whole group won't compulsively lie for another girl they have known for 2 months, if they're all saying Cole is shady then I believe them but I'm not going to argue that's just my opinion and your entitled to yours.

[@zararashid5827]

@Ruth she said that to try and be nice because he was literally crying his eyes out and she didn't want to make him feel worse after what she did at the alter, it's just my oppinion you don't have to agree.

[@antoniaalcala9064]

Zara I agree with you. I will never forget the nastiness of the bipolar conversation.

[@zararashid5827]

@@antoniaalcala9064 I felt like she may have told him something in private and he used it against her infront of the cameras, like I felt so uncomfortable watching him ask her relentlessly whilst smirking ....she looked like she was going to cry, in the scene you could see her eyes filling up with tears

[@hamidnandha7351]

Dude she attacked him she called him deceitful, also she says it happened how Zanab said well no here Alexa is choosing blindly following her friend over the truth. Zanab kept asking Cole do you find another lady a 10 over me, she insisted and he sadly was honest. Now Zanab said Cole never apologised, he did over and over again thats the second instance that proves Zanab is a liar, also why is it that here they felt it was ok to bash and attack Cole yet her saying her finace at the time was not satisfying her in the bedroom. So what this tells me is as long as they critique men its ok but heaven forbid they are critiqued all hell breaks loose. Also the worst of the lot is Nancy she was calling out Cole for responding to Zanab asking a question when Bartise made that statement of his own accord where was the anger towards him.

[@QurVgn]

Bought cuties last night and thought of this Zeneb and this channel. 😂

[@poponachtschnecke]

Lmao, I just ate a Cutie that I bought while thinking of this show. 🤣 I've always preferred their brand, but now I think about them more often when I'm in the produce section.

[@QurVgn]

@@poponachtschnecke They’ll Never just be Cuties anymore for us. 😍

[@DodoToutDoux]

“Alexa, stop lying.”

[@stanley3384]

Liar liar Alexia’s pants is on fire. Not that it matters since she doesn’t re-wear outfit.

[@asunnywebb]

A six pack situation? 😂

[@caitlinlangelier1771]

I'm honestly done with all these videos debating whether Cole/Zanab were fair/right. I had skipped all the last videos about it and was so relieved to see an Alexa interview for a change, and it's just more of this. Can we all please move on? I miss hearing about psychology

[@andedom]

I don’t understand. You really don’t think that these videos are related to psychology? If you’re tired of the content, no one is forcing you to watch….

[@abbys.9233]

I'm enjoying all of these videos. Different strokes for different folks.

[@caitlinlangelier1771]

@@abbys.9233 Of course 😊

[@unicornL]

I mean this is going to be interesting because A- Alexa swore her and Brennan were the top couple and B- she came after Cole majorly, and somewhat for Bartise- but not in the same way as they all should have for Matt. Seriously..so she's gonna have to do damage control.. I didn't like what Bartise did to Nancy, but the reunion I liked that he drew a boundary when it came to his 'sex life'/dating life..I mean...he wasn't wrong

[@ohisee9173]

Question: Should it be a responsibility for therapists to gather publicly available information on their client's social interactions? Can you argue that a therapist is not doing the best they can do to help their client by not watching videos of them interacting with others and explaining their behavior and mindset? I think you've talked about it taking a long time sometimes to find out that a client was being abused or was lying, if you EVER find out.

[@Asdfghjkl-ee3zw]

Absolutely not. Therapy is driven by the individual seeking it. I would argue it's unethical to dig up any info on their client without express permission.

[@ohisee9173]

@@Asdfghjkl-ee3zw what if what they're trying to get help about is something you know you can get the direct data for? Like if a reality tv star tells their therapist about their experience on tv and about interactions that were caught on camera, should the therapist feel compelled to ask to see that data or explain at least that getting that information could help them refine their approach and if they don't, the client may be losing out on valuable feedback.

[@Asdfghjkl-ee3zw]

Should the therapist feel compelled? No. It doesn't really matter whether it'd be more helpful or not if it's not within the patient's wishes because that relationship and consent are far more important than any data that could be received. And framing it as a missed opportunity could be manipulative or harmful to the patient. It's the same concept as a couples' therapist only seeing one of the individuals in a couple alone for sessions -- Dr. Honda recommends against it unless it is specifically stated in the treatment plan and even then advises for a separate therapist for the individuals because of the potential turmoil it could cause to the therapeutic relationship or couples' dynamic. If you imagine the tv show as its own entity in a relationship with the patient, then it'd be the same circumstance.

[@asunnywebb]

This is so problematic because Zay absolutely smeared Cole's character. She made him look horrible and abusive. The fact that anyone is standing by Zay after seeing how she distorted what happened, manipulated everyone's perspective and went on a campaign to make everyone despise him is surprising to me, I have to admit. I tend to ignore what incels and their ilk tend to say online but this at least lets me see their point of view. It wouldn't be surprising for Cole to walk away from the reunion experience with that point of view. This gives them data to back up their claims. That's a much bigger issue going forward.

[@adaceline1740]

Part of me thinks Zanab mostly smeared him because of the other womens reactions. I feel as if they are all siding with Zanab because they are probably partly responsible. They probably all had an opinion to anything Zanab told them and i reckon that certain stories maybe only became a big deal to Zanab because of how the other women reacted to them.

[@Sough]

No need to bring in the incel "pov". They comes about from low self esteem and propaganda, not rational decisions around personal experience

[@showorchid2641]

The other woman he rated 10 with Colleen was Raven.

[@thatissocrazyomg]

for me i just feel like you should never compare your partner to anyone. at least like unprovoked. like if someone asks you to then sure i guess. but on your own, yes you can be attracted to someone else but comparing two people’s attractiveness i think is just asking for problems. also to me, beauty is something that just can’t be compared. flowers are pretty and sunsets are pretty but they are not really comparable and i think that’s the same with our partners and others. i would never compare my partners looks with anyone else no matter what.

[@morganc0]

But Zanab provoked him, time and time again.

[@thatissocrazyomg]

@@morganc0 yeah ik, that’s why i’m saying for this case it’s rare and i think cole was just doing the best he knew how when zenab literally asked him. bc at that point there’s not a lot of options. i don’t think we should be asking our partners in general to compare us to others. THAT is there zenab went wrong. but just in general like for example bartiste. or even out of contexts of the show. i just don’t think it’s appropriate especially when not asked.

[@zazubombay]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I believe Cole is on the Spectrum. People on the Spectrum tend to be brutally honest due to not understanding social cues. The empathy is there -- he's no narcissist.

[@indiefairy09]

This makes sense bc I never fully got malicious intent from him

[@zazubombay]

@@indiefairy09 Thanks! I wish Dr K. would think about this/educate himself on this issue. ; )

[@jclyntoledo]

No he isn't 😐 can we please stop generalizing this just bc someone isn't the best in social situations doesn't mean they are on the spectrum.

[@zazubombay]

@@jclyntoledo It doesn't mean they're not either. The truth is, we don't know. I'm just saying what I've observed, based on a lifetime of experience. And BTW, being on the Spectrum is a positive trait, not a negative one.

[@02biddle]

I didn't see any empathy. he just doesn't think about other peoples feelings before he speaks.doesn't make him a narcissist either. It's a pretty big leap to go from he's inconsiderate to he's on the spectrum. People throw that diagnosis around too much these days and it is disrespectful to people who actually are on the spectrum

[@misstakenbelief]

Even going solely off of what was aired from the show, Cole said multiple times that Colleen is his type, and how attracted he is to her. He even said "physically in love with..." We watched him go on and on to Alexa about how attracted he is to Colleen. I don't care how secure you are, that is going to sting. Now add in the fact that you know that your man, i.e. Cole, and Colleen are going to interact and be around each other and they had a connection...of course that would make it worse! I feel as though no one is being objective or putting themself in Zanab's shoes. Cole should not have done that. Why is everyone giving him a pass for that behavior?

[@iamnainai]

I think even Cole would agree with you that he went about that whole scenario the wrong way but to directly turn this into body shaming though…?🤔

[@margotgrey1006]

I think he was wrong in the way he went about it, but can you blame him when the producers apparently we’re trying to get him to talk about how he feels about the other woman physically?

[@misstakenbelief]

@@iamnainai If my bf said this to me, knowing I had an insecurity about it (everyone has insecurities), it would be detrimental. A partner who uses your insecurities against you is not a partner.

[@Confettifun]

@@misstakenbelief when did he use this against her??? She literally asked the man to rate her and compare him to the other women. The bipolar comment is the only time i could see him using her own self-deprecating comments (that she repeatedly made herself) against her as a dig post her nagging, disrespecting, demeaning, and disregarding him in the kitchen.

[@Samariz24]

So basically love is blind does not work the couples who do make it ARE attracted to each other when they meet.

[@Halbmond]

Alexa is wrong when she claims Cole listed two women he was more attracted to. At least from what was seen on camera, when he had that talk with Zay, he *only* mentioned Colleen. But during the 10/10 discussion, it way *Zay* who said “and Raven’s a 10, obviously”, which Cole handwavingly agreed to. But he never mentioned her himself, he only ever mentioned Colleen. This is yet again a narrative Zay created and then fed to the other girls.

[@maimayme]

You can't accuse someone of doing something multiple times and not provide either strong examples or more examples of how it could build up. I was understanding of it till the end when she couldn't share more. Then how can I believe her stance

[@mariahburns1900]

Cole said that both Raven and Colleen were 10s

[@asmrmimir]

Please watch love is blind brasil

[@jeans0130]

Alexa and Brennan should just shut up. Brennan is so much worse than Cole. He actually has domestic abuse and assault charges that happened just before they started filming. So hypocritical for her to criticize Cole when her partner is arguably worse.

[@emakesmusic]

This was the first cast interview where I had the thought that maybe Zanab does have a more serious accusation of Cole that she’s scared to come forward with because it was off camera and she’s worried about not being believed. Especially after she was treated after the reunion. I really don’t know what to believe.

[@morganc0]

Zanab isn’t the kind to leave a serious accusation unsaid. If there’s one thing we learned about that woman, it’s that she’s gonna give a speech and loves to down Cole 😂

[@ClintSevilla]

I don’t think she knows anything.

[@02biddle]

I disagree with Dr Honda blaming Cole's attitude on his religion. Not having sex does not prevent you from being able to have mature relationships and consideration for other people's feelings. As a matter of fact Christian values should have stopped him from saying those things. I'm sick of the religion shaming.

[@violett874]

He's mormon, practically a cult

[@nnn9122]

@@violett874 He's not Mormon.

[@abbys.9233]

I'm okay with religion shaming where shaming is deserved, like in cases of sexism and homophobia.

[@hollyblair5778]

Betrothed to Matt....controlled by Matt... same same... lol