Loving yourself does NOT make you a narcissist - hating yourself DOES make you depressed

When real psychological conditions are applied to people without those conditions because of pop-culture-misappropriation, bad things happen.
Case in point: the terms "narcissist," and "depressed."
These terms are real, valid, and define actual psychological conditions. However, they are being blatantly misapplied at an alarming rate, and causing an increase in ACTUAL psychological conditions.
I'm going to tell what these things are AND aren't, and what the misapplication is doing to our culture.
My hope is this will help you see yourself in the right light and keep from that downward spiral of self-hatred, low self-esteem, and poor self-concept.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.

[@DrScottEilers]

Please enjoy the accidental behind the scenes look at me getting frustrated with myself around the 4 minute mark 🤦‍♂️

[@waynet285]

Thanks for another wonderfully insightful video, Dr :) Was wondering for a second what had happened while watching that part 😄 Good to see a glimpse into a part of the process that creators normally just edit out.

[@kathrynarnold1966]

I hope what you were saying to yourself in that moment was loving! 😏

[@rhianndarroch4228]

I did notice that and told you it's okay, you are doing a good job. Which you are 😊❤

[@kingsolomon4553]

Nihlism is such a dark and tragical place to be. Imagine a living body without living idea, I would choke my words too if I were to describe such anguish.

[@bobc4d]

I like that you did not edit that part out, it shows you are human and are caring.

[@kentuckyroads6053]

If you’re worried that you are a narcissist…you are definitely not!

[@zahadou]

or a sociopath...only a psychopath would call you a narcist

[@stephanieweinberg9633]

Exactly

[@mariatsipe2763]

100%

[@jennyrauch2676]

100% TRUE!

[@ggstylz]

True, however, sometimes trauma responses take on a life of their own, which blurs the line between someone who’s a narcissist, and someone who’s not. I guess it’s a spectrum.

[@_Lord_of_Misrule_]

I once read a quote that really hit home. It said: "You can't hate yourself into a version of you that you love." Or something along those lines.

[@HellaJ77]

FINALLY a professional addresses this issue. My mother is a diagnosed Narc with Histrionic traits. It’s not child’s play or trendy to slap this diagnosis on anyone with good self esteem. Growing up with a parent like this is BRUTAL. I refuse to self depreciate because it has become socially expected due to the overuse and abuse of the term “narcissist.”

[@jessicam3707]

Yeah seriously, there is a huge element of harm that is very much missing from the confident people who show self-love, that is present in narcissists. Like I’m sorry to people who feel personally attacked by people talking about their accomplishments but it is nothing like narcissists manipulating and controlling you just to gain narcissistic supply

[@aniE1869]

I was alone so much, even around people, growing up that I started feeling invisible to others. Even now more than two decades after leaving I'm surprised whenever someone acknowledges my existence. I'm surrounded by good people now who want to include me in things, but I'm so accustomed to just watching from the outside.

[@gazelle3635]

Dr Scott, i wish you were my therapist. I dont have one because most people just dont get it. You are so wise and insightful. This upcoming topic is exactly what I need. Im living with my father who is the most evil, toxic, malignant narcissist. I already suffered from depression and anxiety but the verbal and emotional abuse i experience here has widdled away the last of my self esteem. Father does the gaslighting, smear campaigns, he has a couple of flying monkeys. I have no other family. Grew up with my mother. She died of cancer 22 years ago. No siblings. Friends and boyfriends were never there for me. Never married. Im alone now. Have nobody, no support system. Financially i feel stuck living here as things are just so expensive. Im in California. Same job for 26 years but i never bought a house. Depression and anxiety and trauma held me back. Still holds me back in life. Thanks Dr. Scott and everyone in the comment section reading this for letting me vent or share a little. Maybe someone else here will relate to me. Wishing everyone well.

[@judisterlynn7896]

He is amazing

[@MarciaB12]

I finally found a good therapist. I swear it was a miracle.

[@MarciaB12]

I understand 😢 I really do.

[@MarciaB12]

I relate to you more than you will ever know

[@MarciaB12]

I replied to u 3 times. I'm marcia.

[@QuietSpacePhotoStudioLLC]

Hmm, I feel like maybe you need to have an interview with someone who has been abused by a narcissist. Then, discuss how to survive living with one, healing WHILE living with them & after. How it can affect your everyday life & future. Discuss the traits of a narcissist & the relationship with codependents. Self love & self care are soooo much different than narcissism. I've dealt with all of this.

[@trentperiod]

The narcissism awareness is a double edged sword. I was diagnosed with ptsd because I was abused, stalked, and threatened by a boss who was DEFINITELY sociopathic and narcissistic, but those ACTUAL npd ruin your life type folks are very few and far between…and although there’s more of it now than in the past, the truth is, most people are good, and most of the narcissistic things they do (which we all do) are just forms of depression, anxiety and insecurity. The biggest thing that has helped me move on, as well as armor myself against actual narcissistic ppl is absolutely having self love and an appreciation for myself. It’s a very very different thing. There’s a lot of “narcissistic behavior” that can be symptoms of adhd, autism, depression, etc. which are in no way actually narcissistic because the functions and thoughts behind them are completely rooted in something else not narcissistic.

[@user1.8.2.]

No, they aren't few & far between.

[@MarciaB12]

Thank you

[@trentperiod]

@@user1.8.2. there’s lots of narcissistic people and our society and system upholds very narcissistic values, so people act accordingly. But true, clinical, narcissistic personality disorder is definitely not even a plurality of folks. Many people without NPD exhibit narcissistic behaviors but are not themselves narcissists.

[@trentperiod]

@@MarciaB12 🖤🖤

[@MarciaB12]

@@trentperiod awwwwww thank you

[@jeankipper6954]

"Self love.". I've heard this for many decades--as admonition, and accusation. My narc folks would say that any such thing would take away my energy from them. They were the rightful recipients of any care. If I had any energy for self love, I was selfish. Bad. Legitimately punishable.

[@ioanadaraban7953]

4.18 GROUP HUG PLEASE!!!! for our amazing Dr. Scott! You make our lives better by exposing your true self! You are GREAT, EMPOWERING and more than ENOUGH! Thank you for all of your precious time!

[@labradormcgraw]

Why do I always cry at Dr. Scott's videos, yet always watch the next one? I've said it many times before, but it never grows old: Damn, he's good. Love from London. ❤

[@Morgan313]

My POV is: =Others =Self We are all equally important (and unimportant.) We are all sentient beings who have value. That said, we live on a pale blue dot in some corner of the Milky Way. Once Earth is gone in half a billion years after the Sun swallows it up, it’s gone, and the universe will go on.

[@kyfra5257]

What is the difference between the self-deprecator and vulnerable narcissism? As I understand it, vulnerable narcissistic people see themselves as suffering more than everyone else. That's their "special thing". That's where my fear of being a narcissist comes from; am I just a vulnerable narcissist or someone with low self-esteem and a lot of self loathing? Can other people relate?

[@velevetyy]

yeah, i feel like insecurity blinds me into weird narratives and im very self absorbed, like i feel like im a covert narc sometimes like the reverse narcissism and i get so scared of that and feel really guilty

[@peaceofleather]

I belong in the big circle but it's the little circle that's killing me because I care too much what others think and can't focus on myself... ever.

[@rhianndarroch4228]

I feel this so much right now, i am unwell and I know that. Things aren’t adding up. I believe there are different standards for me compared to other people, I’m not one of them you are spot on. I am reaching out for help in my city. I don’t feel like myself at all I feel like someone has taken over my body. Because I have been working so hard to improve my mental health, I am losing track of me. I think everyone around me is a narcissist including myself, even though I have been told I’m not. Social media I feel is playing with my head. I just want to be me again, without the brain running a million miles a minute. Thanks Dr Scott you are a blessing ❤😊

[@karencrecco2922]

Thank you sooo much! I am so sick of hearing that everyone is a narcissist! This is causing so much pain and separation in families!

[@El-wc5hl]

Absolutely sick of it too. Just another divide and conquer strategy from those who promised to destroy the family unit.

[@pickledherring8759]

Wow! I'm glad you talked about this! I understand the difference between the two bottom quadrants now, and it makes sense. I don't hate myself, but I do have issues with self-esteem and not LIKING myself at times, especially when something triggers feelings of inferiority. I am working on liking myself more with all the tools you've given us. Over the weekend I went to a baby shower for my niece. I've avoided anything to do with babies for a long time in my life because I felt less than not being able to be a mom. I actually enjoyed it and felt so happy for my niece and her husband. Trying to rejoin the big circle. Thanks so much! 😊

[@Peace4NJ]

Keep going. Together we shall stand against the malevolence that wants to destroy us from within with the help of God!!

[@BubblGrl]

I sat with this one for a while - especially the last 2 mins. I am definitely in the self-deprecating quadrant. However, I wonder whether self-awareness is a step towards self-love? I hope so. “Baby steps” as they say.

[@bobc4d]

I have a genetic condition called neurofibromatosis. I have thousands of bumps all over my body. I try not to look at myself in mirror. when I shave or brush my teeth, I turn my back to the mirror. I hate myself, I see myself as hideous, I keep isolated as much as possible aside from going to gym and grocery store and pet food store. but I love others and believe they should be loved but I do not believe I should be loved or have compassion directed my way.

[@pickledherring8759]

This is a good topic! That word narcissist sure gets thrown around a lot. I don't hate myself, just have insecurities. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Also, I'm glad you have the link to shortform here. Thanks!😊

[@karamveersingh2217]

This video, as usual, was pure gold Dr Scott. When you said if we do forgive people we love, why can't we forgive ourselves, it hit me. Also, don't be frustrated with yourself in the behind the scenes stuff, it proves it's okay to be imperfect at everything, we enjoyed it.

[@auntyshakira747]

Congratulations on learning to use overlays. Thank you for showing deeper insight than the 'normal' therapist. It is hope-restoring having a Doctor that actually knows/understands what it really feels like in this crazy head of mine❤😊❤

[@Edwiz]

Thank you for the wonderful video, I do remember feeling like if I gave myself praise I would be narcissistic, when actually it's a healthy way of living

[@desireelevesque634]

I struggle not only with loving myself, but also allowing others to love and care for me. I isolate myself b/c I feel like I bring everyone around me down. Whenever someone offers me help or shows me kindness, I feel undeserving. I suffer from imposter syndrome and feel like I'm a failure and a disappointment to others. I really want to be a part of the big circle, but I don't feel like I belong 😢 Thank you for helping me understand myself a little better and giving me permission to be a bit kinder and less demanding and resentful toward myself. Also, congratulations on learning a new skill 🎉🎉🎉

[@user-hl7ne9lp8e]

Much love to you Dr. Scott for revealing the truth of anxiety and depression and explaining the topic that is not commonly talked about. Your presence comes from a place of compassion and that draws us into listening to you to the end. Thank you!😊

[@spooneythebadger]

You can easily end up in the self-deprecating basket via rejection. When you get rejected enough times (particularly in the romantic realm) a logical mind will eventually come to the conclusion "there must be something terribly wrong with me". Self-hatred is then right around the corner, as is self-deprecation. Sadly it is very difficult to convince such a person otherwise, as they have "proof" of their lack of value based on prior rejections as well as ongoing rejections. It really is a miserable place to be.

[@karamveersingh2217]

As quadrant 2 and quadrant 4 are opposites, and reverse logic should apply- when I feel regret/guilt for being a narcissist, I should feel pride/honour for being a self-deprecator, but I don't because I'm too harsh on myself.

[@katherine5340]

This is the most helpful mental health channel for me, thank you so much!

[@andriyt23]

Scott, your thoughts are so sober as always. Thank you 😊

[@michaelpipe5488]

Your videos are always eloquent and super helpful! Thank you so much.

[@marmaniac]

As usual, a little circle is very thankful to you, Dr. Scott!🙏 Have a great day!

[@katherineprice96]

Dr. Scott, this is such great advice and so well explained. You are great! Thanks!

[@muzerhythm2242]

This is THE MOST clear way of explaining differences between self love and narcissism. Thank you! Will share with people in my support group.😊

[@carlorizzo827]

Pretty Great! TY👍so grateful to the great therapist who explained (when i expressed fear i was the narcissist, he wasn't enthused) explained there is a healthy narcissism: self esteem, self respect... My personal theory is that self hatred is narcissistic, cuz there's excessive preoccupation w/self image

[@mariatsipe2763]

Thank you for that, you’ve been very valuable to my understanding of myself ❤

[@waynet285]

Another great video full of insights. Have struggled with self-deprecation and valuing others opinions, etc. over my own as long as I can remember (so can easily identify myself as currently residing in the bottom-right quadrant). I know that it doesn't make sense intellectually, but it's another story emotionally.

[@Geekygirl860]

Spot on, as always! Thanks so much for sharing your point of view with others, Scott! I wish that other therapists were as discerning and as approachable as you are, but I live in the UK, so I may as well simply continue to carry on dreaming, as the most prevalent form of therapy that’s available to the public here is based on CBT, which I am not a big fan of as how can you possibly even begin to quantify your emotional states? greetings from London to everyone, especially all the Brits who are watching this channel!

[@JemRochelle]

Thank you so much for your videos. They are helping me and others in my life so much!

[@ericar2856]

You are so real Dr. Elliet. I so appreciate Eilers

[@klpuhelin2816]

Such an important subject. I hope those people from the comments of another video will see this. ❤

[@Crazydoglady.]

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT 👏🏻

[@labradormcgraw]

Congratulations on your new overlay. It was totally the highlight of the video for me. 😂 And on behalf of absolutely anyone who has ever watched your channel, thank you. ❤

[@cindyhalpern3187]

Very informative video! I am good to other people, not so good to myself in put downs!

[@treasureandasong]

I was watching a breakup channel that also has a fb group and although his advice is good, he's not a therapist. The message to the dumper is terribly depressing. The channels and groups that are telling people to leave toxic people are being treated horribly by the groups who are catering to the ones who were dumped *which would be that channel/group. Run by marketers whose jobs are to manipulate markets. Has left a terrible mark on me and the way I feel about KZbin and social media in general. I managed to consume a KZbin video on the making of a cult and 🧐🤔 That's what I believe is swaying everyone into major anxiety and depression. I appreciate you honesty and wouldn't be surprised if they kept this video from the algorithm.

[@user-mk4nh1of1c]

I think this video and share is full of great information. Some excellent examples and use of terminology that is very useful

[@skjelm6363]

I am aware that I isolated myself over the years. I try to get back in the circle you mention and observe that I don't have someone to return to. There is no one for feedback and no clue where to search for someone. Caught in old coping strategies. Aware that at least I should be in that place to return to and I wish to reconnect to my loving inner self, but I observe that I don't care about me anymore that much. Seems I wait for something in the corner of my mind. Can't grasp it. Can't force it. Feels like the motivation is gone. Gladly not in the dark numbing and blinding cage of depression, but still going nearly every day through hurting memories since over a year now, stopping me from every progress. Maybe I am impatient. Seems I want so desperately stand on a broken leg without waiting until it is healed... and get more scars when I fall again... but so many years now - maybe I should learn to crawl faster? I don't know.

[@MonicaMartella-xq7wf]

Looking forward to this. I just saw my dr today, and you only have the same color hair. And similar dispositions. I associate both of you in my mind with pain management. I hope I didn't creep you out by commenting that you look like him. Before I got old, people said I looked like Jodie Foster. I was grateful, even though they were full of it.

[@mariagoodey1153]

Thank you😊

[@lailanitukuafu]

I've reached the point in my mental health journey in which I have my lifetime's worth of negative habits and thought patterns fighting against my fairly extensive mental health knowledge. Both voices are strong (although the negative voice is unfortunately still somewhat stronger) so I can end up overstimulated from the struggle. I switch back and forth so quickly, I just get confused. Some days I like myself a decent amount, and some days I dislike myself (to varying degrees). At this point, a lot of it depends on more external factors such as stress, other people, and the state of my body. I'm still working on it, but I've come a long way from where I used to be. As of late, I've been painfully insecure about how much I express myself in any way. I really just have a lot to say about things, but I feel a lot of shame whenever I go on a tangent or when I talk about a niche interest I'm excited about. If anyone relates to this, here's a reminder to myself and others: it is okay to be excited about things. Your interests are valid, and expressing them does not make you boring/annoying/[insert any other negative adjective here]. Go on that tangent, tell your friends about that cool book, show people your new hobby, and have some self-compassion when you get embarrassed again because breaking cycles of insecurity is a difficult thing to do. Have a lovely day :)

[@roseyc.5846]

Dr. Scott: You're fantastic. I've been suffering with depression and generalized anxiety disorder, on and off, for YEARS. I'm a youthful senior now (73), and my anxiety is VERY much "on". I take two meds, one is an antidepressant, and, one anti-anxiety. Even though my son and his wife/child live right downstairs, I feel totally alone...which REALLY puts my anxiety over the top. Feeling like I have no one. I know, a therapist, but, it's so hard to find a good one that your insurance will cover. My psychiatrist is not good with talk therapy, just meds and recommends meditation and yoga. I sometimes have suicide ideation, too. ANY suggestions would be extremely welcome. TYSM for all you do. Rosemarie

[@timmothycopeland4866]

Everytime I see you have a new video I think, "Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky!" But in all seriousness, I value your videos very much, and appreciate them more than you could know.

[@user-ci4bh5mx1n]

As a child who grew up in a Christian household, I was told that the key to a happy life was JOY: Jesus first; Others second; and, Yourself last. Religion aside for the moment, let's just say that this order or prioritization in the real world has not served me well in life.

[@vincentw4881]

Wow. This one hit home!

[@francine6485]

🎉When I used to work with addicts as a therapist they would ask me if I ever smoked cigarettes a lot of them were pretty involved with cigarette smoking. I would always reply and say oh no I don't smoke I am way too vain to smoke. I think it used to take them back a little because it was sort of a double message. I care about myself enough that I am not going to risk my health or even my looks to smoke cigarettes but I'm telling you and admitting to you it's because I'm vain. Which rings true to me.

[@maliniatb]

sometimes I believe I am a narcissist BECAUSE I hate myself and instead of helping others or get my life together I chose to lay around all day daydreaming etc... :D

[@tishamonroe7418]

good job on overlays💪

[@kiyalee4921]

I’d to add another one. I matter ( but in the big scheme of things.. I’m just like anybody) and I get to choose what in others matters to me( again.. everyone exists and is important but I don’t have to spend my energy on everyone around me)

[@ripple_on_the_ocean]

Damn this one hit hard. I'm not crying, you're crying 👉😢😢😭

[@etripp111]

Dr Scott, how in the world do you see right into my soul as if right on que from the universe? This video could not be more relevant to me right now. Namaste.

[@ramenaddict1676]

This is EXACTLY why the saying "you can't love others if you dont love yourself" DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

[@roseyc.5846]

P.S. Dr. Scott: I should addd that my narcissistic daughter and I are semi-estranged. She also stopped speaking to her brother since Christmas, 2021. That's when I REALLY started going over the edge. TY. Rosemarie

[@andriyt23]

Dear doctor, please take a look at the microphone quality, because the sound cloud be clearer. Thanks, take care 😊

[@lonestar6325]

Hey Dr. Scott, I've been having some depressive episodes due to the fact that I'm single. These thoughts tend to get triggered when I see couples in public. Can you make a video on navigating through that potentially? Thank you!

[@along9971]

Like most things the subject has been beaten to death by the media, I immediately delete videos with that word in the title

[@EricMHowardII-yh1rn]

Dealing with people who display indifference concerning grief, sadness and heartache does not help matters period.

[@brianbrenton1025]

I'm having a hard time taking the word of a man who would not let his own dog on the couch.

[@stevenkovler5133]

Dr. Scott I married a real narcissist! She calls me one ( we are divorced now). Everything is about her. She started with the verbal and eventually physical attacks 6 months into the marriage. By 18 months into the marriage I had a serious panic attack. I have never gotten better. I have terrible anxiety and mile Depression. She bankrupted me and to this day if I said I need brain surgery and she wants a dress for $10,000, she would tell me her dress is more important. She only cares about herself . No one else at all. I need about $200k to get my life back in order and I believe my anxiety may go away. I need her out of my life. Despite spousal support being done she still takes thousands a month from me. She cares only about her needs !

[@Geekygirl860]

I am about to watch this video, but before I do, can someone let me know how can I become a an official “member” of this channel? I’ve been wanting to do it for some time, but I couldn’t find the relevant option. Your suggestions would me much appreciated! Thanks!

[@homiekeen23]

If you're already subscribed, on the channel's home page you should be able to see a "Join" button 🤗

[@Geekygirl860]

@@homiekeen23 thanks so much for replying! :) unfortunately this button doesn’t appear to be available to me for some reason. Funnily enough, I can easily become a paid member of some of the other channels I’m subscribed to, so I’m not sure what has gone wrong here 🤷

[@craigslist6988]

I think an important aspect of why a lot of people confuse what narcissism is is that the "self love" and "other love" are not on off switches, they are 'spectrums' or gauges. How much more 'self' is needed to qualify officially? Certainly not 100%. In reality it's drawing a line when there isn't a real line - but clinically the line is actually not a line, it is when it "significantly impacts" your life. In practice that means there doesn't have to be the same cause to be NPD, but this kind of extreme, clinical NPD, has been observed to most often stem from severe (often from childhood trauma), subconscious insecurity reacted to unconsciously with an over compensating ego. No matter how much self love they have, that insecurity is never relieved so they are consumed by the need to make themselves feel better by 'proving' they are important and focusing on self love and tearing down others (emophasis that this is subconscious, they don't have thoughts of being insecure, just feelings). It's like they always feeling like they're literally starving so they overeat all the time. So it helps to have explainer videos like this, but some people are not good at percieving nuance so they will still take this and 'misdiagnose' people who by their own standards are too self loving. People being selfish is still a bad trait, and a problem even if it falls short of clinical NPD, and yet is it NPD? Usually people just say it because it's a lot more satisfying to take any selfish behavior and toss them in the 'you have a disorder' bucket. Which does harm by both using and reinforcing stigma against clinical NPDs. I think the separating factor for an NPD that I use is if i can step away from the situation and look at their life objectively, without considering how they negatively impact me, and actually find that I feel very sorry for them because their own life suffers as a result of the behavior - for ONE example like they are lonely and have zero real connections or friends (even if 'popular') because they cannot form them. Of course that is still subjective, which is why people will continue to 'misdiagnose'. But maybe it would be helpful if there was some 'official' label people could use for unusual but non-clinical narcissistic behavior. People looove labels.

[@Morgan313]

Unless you’re a psychologist or psychiatrist, you can’t diagnose at all. Throwing clinical terms around like “narcissist” only undermines your personal credibility. Source: my psychiatrist.

[@daniellanders5794]

This is brilliant. The culture is fixated with “narcissism”. Statically it’s really rare. I’d definitely be amenable to what you’re calling Nihilism…except that you’re using the word “deserve” inappropriately. Love is a personal brain state. We colloquially define it as an emotion. Generally speaking, human beings find the experience of love desirable. But the word “deserve” Shanghais in that having that emotional brain state is in some way an intrinsic right. It’s true that no one matters. We ourselves imbibe meaning to our lives and the lives of others. Overall though, this is really well done.

[@Invading-Specious]

Stop hate learn to love.

[@santtu07]

self deprecating about the overlays 😅

[@kirkwhite1736]

I gave up on loving myself because no woman ever loved me. Love = Narcissism

[@24tommyst]

I think psych 101, phil 101, and mindfulness need to be taught in every high school. This population is ill equipped to deal with the whirlwind of change modern society places at their feet.

[@rawganic5183]

I think people who think “loving yourself” is narcissistic have lost the true definition of what self love actually looks like. It DOES include eating healthy, getting enough sleep, excercise etc. IT DOES NOTlook like taking 5 identical photos of yourself and posting to Instagram for self gratification- this is narcissistic behavior.

[@ScribblyPoppo]

Dr. Eilers, I believe you missed an edit, 4:15 to 4:25.

[@DrScottEilers]

You’re right! Oh well, just gonna roll with it

[@ZOEZ03]

dang

[@pinarppanrapir9489]

What if you hate Life itself? Asking for a friend

[@joeldosramos8450]

Maybe I'm wrong but it's usual to see people operating in open ambivalence with narcissism and self-deprecation depending on the situation they're involved. It reminds me of Jewish Kapos during WWII.

[@torkgems]

What does it mean when I think everyone else is stupid

[@adamswierczynski]

So, the "reverse narcissism" is usually classified as vulnerable narcissism.

[@inesborstel5592]

👍❤️

[@homiekeen23]

What if you actually are a narcissist AND depressed, how does one navigate that 🙃

[@fredphipps9452]

It a shame the word 'narcissism' has snowballed out of proportion, it's only a word not a person

[@Judg2]

You are handsome thanks for being there ❤️

[@ashleypearson7848]

Everyone is a narcissist or sociopath nowadays lol

[@coltthestarsheriff3544]

I can't love myself no matter how mucj I try. I can't even number 5 qualities about me, I think there is non.

[@kirkwhite1736]

You really don't know people like me. I've been alone and isolated.

[@philipholding]

Are we going to see another subset of OCD now! Narcocd

[@Troy-ol5fk]

I'm a nihilist

[@theconversationalpainter2020]

I hated myself before it was cool

[@akivify]

Can I see this person with an average amount of self love? I don't think they exist.

[@josephthunstrom1942]

Bottom left: watches too many clips from True Detective Season 1 on lunch break.

[@DrScottEilers]

😂

[@donovangray4246]

I agree in theory about this, however, I'd argue that being stigmatized by addiction, being part of the LGBTQ community, racism, misogyny, or even for your mental illnesses can be a reason for thinking that there is something wrong with you rather than others, because this is what is being told to your consistently by family, friends and sometimes religion or political parties. I know you have to pull yourself out of thinking bad about yourself, but it's hard when everywhere you look you're are told you are wrong makes it more difficult than if you had the majority's support.

[@codeman55555]

You are getting narcissism wrong again. Narcissism is defined by an unstable, often low self-esteem that is tied to external validation, sometimes paired with low empathy (but this is not required by the DSM-V's alternate criteria for NPD. The grandiosity they experience is from a false self that functions as a defense mechanism. Underneath that is a fragile ego with the potential to collapse. This is how contemporary research understands narcissism, and it's how "self-aware" narcissists describe their experience. It is NOT characterized by excessive self-love. I know you are trying to help depressed people avoid thinking they are narcissists, which is very important, and I have gone down the rabbit hole myself. However, it is also important to offer an accurate picture of narcissism that fits both with expert opinion and the experience of those who have the condition.

[@DrScottEilers]

I appreciate what you are saying. My use of the term “narcissist” in my quadrant graph is not describing individuals who meet diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (which is quite inappropriately named since Narcissus, the namesake of the disorder, did in fact fall in love with himself) but individuals who would be socially described as “narcissists.”

[@codeman55555]

@@DrScottEilers Ah I see. Well, that makes sense then. It might be helpful to stipulate that thought if you make more videos on it since people might become confused if they go on to research NPD on their own. Personally, I find that the similarities between NPD and some aspects of depression and anxiety (e.g., low self-esteem, sensitivity to criticism, etc.) can be alarming, and in the right setting or person (like myself) can result in an obsession that's hard to find your way out of. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on how these are different, and when an unstable sense is part of depression vs. when its indicative of NPD.

[@discr1709]

I usually like your stuff, but this take is pretty much BS. Narcissistic behavior is rampant thanks to social media.

[@kirkwhite1736]

Self Love is Not Narcissism? Obviously you don't live in America

[@Intensive_Porpoises]

I was worried that I was a narcissist. I took a bunch of narcissism tests and it turns out that I'm about as far away from a narcissist as it's possible to get... yet somehow similar