Madame Web - Nostalgia Critic

[@ChannelAwesome]

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[@BLMT-df4on]

hi

[@havdroid9769]

Pretty please, it is the day 241 waiting for the ,,G-force " movie review by the ,,Nostalgia Critic" himself! Please see this Doug!

[@havdroid9769]

I would kill to see a review made by my choise!

[@havdroid9769]

Please don't let the dust touch the comments of your fans!

[@air03man]

& my spider sense is off the charts!

[@koneheadcokehead4981]

Fun Fact: According to Dakota Johnson in an interview with The Wrap, the screenplay underwent extensive rewrites, saying, "There were drastic changes, and I can't even tell you what they were". The original screenplay, which was described as darker and "very 'Terminator' inspired," would have seen Madame Web and the Spider-Women trying to protect a pregnant Mary Parker from a time-traveling Ezekiel Sims, who wants to end her life to prevent the birth of Peter Parker. Johnson further said that the film she shot was "unrecognizable" from the version of the script she signed on to make.

[@AshParth560]

Was that part of the original script from what I've read? It just feels like it.

[@JacksonLane02]

And apparently but not official yet somehow that Terminator like plot will be used for Venom 3. Should've kept it considering that sounds more Madame Web then what is actually in the Madame Web film

[@jasongradyphstiger6179]

Also I want to see if they can work on their magic on what if Madame web was better by using the original script of Ezekiel Simms going after Mary Parker to kill her and the baby who we identify as Peter Parker Spider-Man and have Madame web and the three spider girls trying to protect them.

[@davidstone281]

Jesus christ someone needs to step in and tell Sony to just fuck off and let the director do what they want. Stop interfering so much

[@scotttrail522]

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT OF, TOO!

[@trinaq]

"He was in the Amazon with my mom, when she was researching spiders, just before she died." A line so infamously cringy, that it didn't even make the actual film, and John Mulaney gloriously roasted it at the Oscars.

[@ribottostudio]

Here's how you fix that line. "He was in the Amazon with my mom. They were researching spiders. He came back. She didn't." This version adds a layer of mystery, another of tension, another of uncertainty. Cassandra would be an unreliable narrator, because this is her mother, she would be biased. By saying "he came back, she didn't" it leaves things up in the air as to what actually happened, creating mystery. It adds tension because you WANT to believe the protagonist, but to accuse someone of murder is a high accusation.

[@ninjanibba4259]

Trying to understand why that went viral in the first place, I don’t get it

[@matthewjarek3026]

I honestly wasn’t expecting the line to be in the movie anyway. It was so dumb I thought it was just added for the trailer.

[@bt3743]

@@ninjanibba4259 I think its the phrasing. If the line was "He and my mom were researching spider's in the Amazon, just before she died" it would have been less clunky

[@liamhill4679]

It’s just like “it’s morbin time” despite not being in the film it’s the best part of the entire film

[@DanGamingFan2406]

"When you take on the responsibility, great power will come." Uncle Ben is turning over in his grave right now. You can't just swap the order of a famous quote around and call it clever writing.

[@watershipup7101]

They were probably so proud of that one.

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

Meta AI says theres some positive points about that line

[@tylertilwick6852]

I apologize to Amazing Spider-Man’s - "If you could do good things for people then you have a moral obligation to do those things! That’s what’s at stake! Not choice, responsibility!"

[@TheAlps36]

What about "great responsibility comes from great power"?

[@waterbullstudios9195]

So hilariously awful.

[@benderbendingrodriguez420]

Gotta love how a wanted kidnapper somehow manages to fly from the U.S to the Amazon going completely unnoticed. *in 2003*. The most paranoid time for Air travel in history

[@Blast2224]

Kid's these days don't remember the COUNTLESS rules and paranoia that controlled the airlines from 2001 to 2006. You had bombs hidden in underwear. You had TSA making people get naked in public. EVERYONE got molested.

[@jonathanmarkoff4469]

Actually, Cassie Webb isn't specifically wanted. The only description they had of her was a 30-ish female with brown hair, which is hardly useful in North America's largest city.

[@haze4622]

@@jonathanmarkoff4469 had this exact argument with my girlfriend during the film

[@pk5727]

“As you know” A teacher telling that to her students, might actually work. It implies the students SHOULD know this information.

[@artistic_0ddball793]

Thats true, I actually have heard uni teachers say that

[@el-kiote]

@@artistic_0ddball793 uni?

[@davisphillips993]

There are at least two good movies where that phrase is used Dr. Strangelove: “As you know, the premier loves surprises.” The Dark Knight: “Madness, you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!”

[@sagebaca2013]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1208">20:08</a> you know a movie makes your blood boil when Doug returns to his old ways of screaming and ranting so much he turns blood red due to insanity

[@garrettschnaufer9983]

He does the exact same facepalm after that line since that “Frankly my Dear, I don’t give a SPAM” line from his Foodfight! Review a decade ago.

[@colbystearns5066]

@@garrettschnaufer9983 I remember that review like it was yesterday. God I'm old...

[@kdusel1991]

​@@colbystearns5066 I might have to rewatch that review! Thanks for reminding me of it!

[@michaelprost6130]

he really needs to return to his old ways. His pain is what made him entertaining

[@DiceFTW273]

@@colbystearns5066 So you're getting... Nostalgic?

[@trinaq]

It's wild that Sydney Sweeney's character is supposed to be 14 years old, yet she very much her actual age, which is mid 20s.

[@newhybrid101]

Sydneys a trashy

[@Ringleader3791]

That's what makes it fit in with 2003 movies lol

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

One way I look past it is I think about the stage plays where adults played children, even babies

[@marclewis5505]

The only thing I was wondering was were they trying to make her not look hot and failed epically at it.

[@kdusel1991]

I hope she gets better work after this abomination

[@KaponoMonster]

This is no movie. This is a Pepsi commercial.

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

Literally.

[@98953812]

And I hate Pepsi

[@Supherodude]

A really bad Pepsi commercial

[@genkaiba15]

Pepsi for Pizza. 🌏

[@chasehedges6775]

Pepsi has more dignity than this movie

[@seirramoon388]

Joan Lee (the wife of Stan Lee and ORIGINAL VOICE for madame web from the 90's amazing Spiderman TV show) would look at this and go, "What did you do to this character?!"

[@Evilriku13]

When I first heard there was going to be a Madame Web movie, my inner child was having a cry of laughter... and then I saw the material, read a summary and thought "this is no where near what I was expected from neither Marvel, nor Sony, nor Madame Web to be portraited like. They did know that madame Web is basically an ancient entity right?" :(

[@leviticusprime4904]

@@Evilriku13 you assume Sony read the source material.

[@Evilriku13]

@@leviticusprime4904 dont blame Sony themselves. Sony Pictures for example are not directly on the same level and mindset as the people who develop games or take care of their network of developing hardware or localize their products or other companies products! There is a HUGE difference between those parts of their company or their branding! So judging one thing like their movie production the same as how they produce games, or their social media accounts or other hardware etc is very unjusticable and unappropriate!

[@lyokocomicdubs]

In my opinion, she's the only actress to portray that character perfectly.

[@patrickzalatoris3206]

Who could forget the famous scene where Madame web sent spiderman to see stan lee, stan lee tries hitting on Madame web, and as they leave, spiderman and web give a heartwarming dialogue "That stan lee, he's quite a guy!" "I think, he is truly special!"

[@WatcherXel]

The bad lip syncing in the beginning is a top notch jab.

[@keefriff99]

I didn't even know that was a rib at the movie...I kept thinking, "What the hell did they do to Doug's A/V syncing??"

[@alexwright5419]

@@keefriff99Yeah I was really confused why Doug sounded like he recorded his dialogue in a different roof, until I realized that was the joke

[@mckinniesmovies3598]

0:26

[@javelinmaster2]

Not just that. He also spoofed the not opening of the can

[@Jonathan_Collins]

I genuinely thought that Morbius was the worst spiderman-adjacent movie that Sony could possibly release. Sony just has to keep proving me wrong.

[@crazycockatoo5816]

What if Kraven or Venom The Last Dance somehow manage to be worse?

[@zacharybartolo5111]

Is that upping the ante or downing the ante?

[@chasehedges6775]

@@zacharybartolo5111 Both.

[@MichaelAarons1701]

This said, “hold my Pepsi”.

[@kdusel1991]

​@@crazycockatoo5816 luckily this whole Spider-Man adjacent universe is dead because of this trainwreck

[@gamerkane1813]

For those who don't know there is a flawless and phenomenal version of Madame Web that is funny, interesting and faithful.... The problem is she is in the 1997 Spiderman Animated Series which has the pacing of Road Runner on speed.

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

And that show already has one of the most faithful versions of Madame Web from the comics. And I love that show. Even with its fast pace.

[@allanorme2093]

Road Runner on crack more like it

[@adamj.cuthbert7528]

(Ezekiel gets crushed by Pepsi sign) AVGN: "Pepsi for funerals."

[@genkaiba15]

Pepsi Man commanding people to DRINK has never been so relevant. Or necessary.

[@adgdrgar]

Gonna have "PEPSI MAN" stuck in my head for hours now, thanks.

[@HJ-ek6hn]

Pepsi for TV game

[@gamewiz720]

100th like

[@joshslater2426]

Pepsi: Delicious and Healthful

[@AubreyTheKing]

The BEST line in the trailer is: "He was in the Amazon with my mom, when she was researching spiders, just before she died." The BEST line in the actual movie is: "I hope the Spiders were worth it, Mom." LMAO Remember guys, "professional" writers got paid to write these!

[@ShadowSonic2]

It was the same guy who wrote Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter and Gods of Egypt, IIRC.

[@dubstepbee6892]

Yknow, maybe theres some poetic justice in that line "I hope the Movies were worth it, Sony"

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

I don’t see a problem with “I hope the spiders were worth it, Mom” She knows before she died, her mom was in The Amazon researching spiders and she thought she liked doing that more than being a mom

[@Assimandeli]

"These writers should go on strike to get paid better" - OneyPlays

[@chasehedges6775]

@@ShadowSonic2 Dracula Untold is OK/decent, tbh. Gods Of Egypt tho? Laughably bad.

[@gamerk1058]

“Seriously did anyone read their lines” Should have added: YOU DIDNT GIVE US ANY LINES

[@ADRickCarlos]

Soo... I worked on the stunt unit for this. What was supposed to be 7 days shooting for us turned into 36 days. The amount of script changes were outrageous. It wasn't a bad script when I first read it..

[@kadosho02]

To you, and everyone that worked on this, you did all you possibly could. 7, into 36 days? 😱

[@ADRickCarlos]

@kadosho02 yeah. First unit was so behind we had to help shoot scenes out. It was a nightmare. Fun... but a nightmare

[@kadosho02]

@@ADRickCarlos the patience your team has, to support the other crew. Jeez I believe it

[@ADRickCarlos]

@kadosho02 6 weeks of overnights. Pretty proud of what we accomplished. It's too bad most of it was changed and left on the cutting room floor. 😪

[@kadosho02]

@@ADRickCarlos no way. I can only imagine what was left out. I feel for you, and the entire team

[@koneheadcokehead4981]

To quote the late great Norm Macdonald and something i'm sure Dakota Johnson might be thinking about right now is "The Statue of Liberty is setting a bad example for young women. When times get tough, you can't just stand motionless for centuries holding a torch."

[@powerpointropolis8014]

Double whammy considering this is a Columbia film lol

[@Senkoau]

I'm not so sure about that. The statue of liberty is still around all these centuries later but a lot of these IP's are busy nosediving into oblivion over the course of a few years.

[@Deca777-g3o]

Dakota Johnson is a sex bot and nothing more and is creepy as hell

[@rhysthomas1699]

Sydney Sweeney: You definitely did not see me in Madame Web. 😂

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

I did!

[@timothymorris157]

Clearly someone saw Sydney Sweeney in Madame Web because there was that story about a guy being removed from the movie theater for um… chocking the chicken. Honestly I’m still kinda laughing about that incident. 😅🤣

[@rhysthomas1699]

​@@timothymorris157 The people in charge of Madame Web didn't want to show a hint of Sydney Sweeney's natural beauty, & I respect her for speaking her mind when she roasted the movie.

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

@timothymorris157 I think I know what you mean by that. Just comparing two images in my head and making that connection

[@theweysermanisback5205]

I didn’t. You look cute, Sydney Sweeney.

[@klimmr]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="301">5:01</a> Warner Brothers had a spectacular 100 year anniversary thanks to Barbie.

[@ChrisWolff2013]

And even that movie sucked

[@INoahGuy1]

@@ChrisWolff2013you're an idiot if you think that

[@tgiacin435]

I would argue that with Dune

[@mechmaster315]

Also he’s ignoring Elemental

[@jeremiahhester6408]

​@@mechmaster315That didn't do well at the box office at first

[@101Draico]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="684">11:24</a> why would you talk about dying during childbirth at a baby shower? Who in the writing room read the lines of this character and said “Now this is a hero!”

[@billjacobs521]

I think they were trying to make her awkward for...reasons.

[@Assimandeli]

As a dynamic character, she should've just ripped the baby out of the mother's stomach and put it in a blender.

[@Nasser851000]

Even Morbius is looking at this like "You Ain't right!"

[@Zombiesnyder13]

I still blame Avi Arad Even though he wasn't even involved

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

This movie is already making Morbius look like a masterpiece. And that's saying something.

[@tylertilwick6852]

Even Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze is looking at this film like "WTF🤨"

[@SlyCooper1920]

​@@jeuryrabassa4724 Even though some say it's a bad film, it was still entertaining

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

@@SlyCooper1920 Yeah, it is. Even my mom enjoyed that film.

[@claytonrios1]

"You know the best thing about the future? It hasn't happened yet." Yeah. Because there's no way in hell you're ever getting a sequel Madame.

[@crazycockatoo5816]

More like: "The best thing about the future? It won't ever happen" Because the movie got such bad reviews Sony won't even want to make another one, especially given its the lowest grossing Spiderman movie ever made.

[@paulshawn3345]

Velma 👀

[@NJGuy1973]

The best thing about the future is that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

[@johnnysparkle]

Hollywood in a nutshell if they keep making crap like this

[@chasehedges6775]

@@johnnysparkle 💯

[@KingOfMumbles485...]

This is the strangest origin story of Pepsiman I've ever seen.

[@mintyaquagreen1675]

Indeed it is Waddle Dee.

[@johnroark9568]

This will be the closest I'll ever get to actually watching this movie. I've never even seen a trailer.

[@CrypticCharm]

i think the best part was when the Pepsi sign collapsed and blinded Madam Webb, not only ripped from Highlander with the exploding sign, but it was hilarious and when Dakota Johnson thought this was the worst mistake of her career...and this is the woman who was in 50 shades trilogy!

[@kurtwaldron-e4e]

To be fair those movie's made her a recognizable name.

[@colbystearns5066]

Superman II also had the exploding Coca-Cola sign after Zod was thrown against it.

[@koneheadcokehead4981]

Another Fun Fact: While hosting Saturday Night Live, Dakota Johnson advertised this movie saying, "It's called 'Madame Web', It is in the Marvel Universe and it also stars Sydney Sweeney. So its kind of like if A.I. created your boyfriend's perfect movie."

[@crazycockatoo5816]

Even Dakota knows its bad.

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

​@@crazycockatoo5816And I feel sorry for her for that.

[@emperora9]

I was just about to mention this!

[@massgunner4152]

I was gonna say the movie certainly looks written by one, but if you replaced upper management with robots production would have actually improved.

[@starsiegeplayer]

I wouldn't be surprised if the movie was written by chatGPT.

[@Nasser851000]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="0">0:00</a> When the making of this movie is more terrifying than the movie itself O.O

[@monobro141]

"When you take the responsibility,great power will come" Stan Lee and Steve Ditko are raging in their graves right now because what the fuck was that 🤦

[@rusteddenial453]

Stan lees alive lol

[@CyberKn1ght]

@@rusteddenial453 Stan lee is dead. He died in 2018.

[@rusteddenial453]

@@CyberKn1ght …..what?

[@SinisterBlitzo9]

​@@rusteddenial453I'm sorry you had to learn it this way young one..

[@TheZeroNeonix]

I'd honestly take a Pepsi Man movie adaptation over this.

[@genkaiba15]

I think I may love you. 😂

[@TheZeroNeonix]

@@genkaiba15 - I'm single. Let's get married. lol In Minecraft.

[@joshslater2426]

Who wouldn’t rather have Pepsiman back? He’s an awesome mascot, and since he can’t say anything he can’t deliver terrible dialogue.

[@BC92Se7en]

​@@joshslater2426He could be the Superhero version of Michael Myers

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

What’s the plot? Is he Pepsi personified kinda like an epic version of Food Fight?

[@gm-le6fy]

Doug was watching this film in the Amazon Prime right before he died of laughter from this.

[@lucas_foxx7048]

"But the chart says..." Madame Web in one sentence.

[@garrettschnaufer9983]

I just noticed that during the opening monologue, there was a lot of lines being dubbed because the mouthing of their ADR is completely off, Just like Ezekiel in the movie.

[@briankaslewicz6130]

I thought that was part of the executive meddling joke, but it doesnt really happen anywhere but that one part.

[@Zimmy_1981]

ADR?

[@FourthStreetSaint]

@@Zimmy_1981 Automated Dialogue Replacement. It’s when they have the actors record their lines in a sound booth and dub over the movie. They usually use it to make dialogue more clear for the audience

[@nahor88]

I didn't notice the mouth thing cuz so many scenes were so darkly lit, but I did notice how weird as fuck his voice sounds. I saw that he has a "foreign" name and didn't want to be mean, but now knowing about the ADR, it really is BAD.

[@SammEater]

​@@briankaslewicz6130It happens for most of the film. There is even a video that goes very deep in how much of Ezekiel's dialogue is ADR.

[@maravreloaded]

*_"He was in the amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died."_* I need a t-shirt with that phrase.

[@cosmicking5024]

This has a lower IMDb rating than Batman and Robin. People hate it more than the Bat Credit Card

[@robertlemond371]

It’s lower on RT too, Batman & Robin has 12%, this has 11%

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

The Bat Credit Card is brilliant, can’t use Wayne Credit Card for Bat stuff

[@sydneyslaughter7163]

Yyyyyyyyikes

[@rmsgrey]

Hey, ya gotta respect the bat nipples!

[@gregorykeithmorris3970]

Joan Lee will forever be my Madame Web. Rest in peace. What an exotic lady.

[@danielsantiagourtado3430]

Congrats on the cameo Daniel the Demon Slayer!❤

[@dubstepbee6892]

I kind of wish he wasn't in "Jump Scares The Smiling Friends Episode" but that's just a personnel preference and the cameo was still fun

[@chrisdonovan9872]

He and Melvin, the brother of the joker, are mortal enemies

[@theanimeunderworld8338]

Doug is clearly not done kicking that dead horse after the Wish review

[@chasehedges6775]

I don’t blame him.

[@erichfiedler1481]

Honestly it's more fun mocking Sony's Spider-Man movies that don't star Spider-Man than it was to attack Disney at a low point in their history...again

[@AshParth560]

Who doesn't? It's the internet, so who cares, really?

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

​@erichfiedler1481 So, Morbius, This movie, and the upcoming Kraven The Hunter movie. Understandable.

[@erichfiedler1481]

@@jeuryrabassa4724 that and also there are people who actually enjoyed what Disney gave us last year, it's true, I've met them, they're nice people who gave me their positive opinions while giving legitimate critique of their favorite movies from the house of mouse, it wasn't hard to find them, dealing with toxic people who want the mouse to die are more annoying

[@HallofFamerMichael]

So, for those of you who don't know, which is Doug and two other people, madam Webb is an interdimensional being who orchestrated Peter Parker become a Spider-Man in the first place. At least, that's what the Spider-Man TV show told me. I barely remember her from the comics.

[@UnwantedGhost1-anz25]

Madame Web in the comics is a oracle for Peter Parker. And probably represents a trope of Marvel in the 80s-90s using old people as guidance to famous characters.

[@brackattack9513]

"Those with the ability to take action, have the responsibility to take action." Comes from national treasure, and is a better line than the crap they gave us.

[@eyeseer1]

Ironically, National Treasure is also a Disney movie correlated with Marvel Comics which had Nicolas Cage who was a better Spider-Man Noir in the Spider-Verse movies than Madame Web.

[@goreycinema]

In most of the other media I've seen her in, Madame Web only exists to introduce the concept of time travel or the multiverse. She's more of a plot device than an actual character so that begs the question as to why anyone thought she would make for a good lead in a feature film.

[@dreamlandnightmare]

Yeah, a J. Jonah Jameson movie would have been more interesting.

[@DracoMagnius]

I mean realistically it might be an interesting movie to see how Madame Web came into her powers. When I first heard there was going to be a Madame Web movie I was some what interested until I heard how awful it was. If done well seeing a young woman turning into the powerful mentor character could be a fun ride.

[@mityakiselev]

The first review of this movie I read started with the words "I have to make an apology to _Morbius"_ that's all I needed to know

[@Palidor]

People got paid to act in this movie, write this movie, and film this movie.

[@KimTaeHwan114]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="159">2:39</a> What day is it? *GARBAGE DAY!* You're damn right......😏

[@guillermosierracuellar9812]

Ben: oh it’s my nephew his name is his name is Audience: it’s Peter Parker but simingly doesn’t have the rights to said the name

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

Me:Poor Peter.

[@KurusuPanda]

They own the rights to spiderman, they are actively choosing to exclude spiderman from their spiderman cinematic universe

[@hunterolaughlin]

(Cue Krusty Krab training video theme)

[@FallenA1]

Honestly, the famous quote from one of the worst horror sequels produced, Silent Night, Deadly Night 2, is the best way to describe Madame Web.

[@dylansharp8471]

Garbage day?

[@FallenA1]

@@dylansharp8471 of course

[@artistic_0ddball793]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="684">11:24</a> 1) She's a dick for saying that at a baby shower. 2) The audience already knows this, so I don't know why it's being expositioned so hard. 3) How does SHE know this? It just draws more attention to the fact that we, the audience, still don't know wtf happened to her after she was born in the Amazon.

[@DracoMagnius]

My first thought hearing that line was "Jesus lady read the room"

[@Foreststrike]

"WhY dId YoU hAtE mE sO mUcH?" "WhY iS iT sO mEaN?" "What's a paladin?" These quotes have relevance across time, hooray!

[@NickOswald218]

I’m pretty sure this movie will be the new “The Room” experience, but instead of throwing spoons at the screen they throw Pepsi cans!

[@genkaiba15]

Pepsi for Irony Watching. 🌏

[@sdsign4229]

That would be a redemption arc for the ages!

[@davisphillips993]

“I did naaaaht! Oh hi, Ben.”

[@JakeDaSnake54]

I especially love how hours after the girls get “kidnapped” it’s already front page on the newspaper that guy reads in the diner! The Bugle is truly the fastest at getting the news out pre smart phones 😂

[@cyber-thundr_]

This is a movie where Disney should look at it & finally tell Sony “that’s it! No more with Spider-Man characters after Beyond The Spider-Verse. Give them back to Marvel, you guys suck now.”

[@manuelalbertoromero9528]

They have no say on what Sony does with these characters. It's only when it pertains to Spiderman where they seem more involved.

[@CineMasterDamian]

Like they're doing any better

[@malikpierre-louis3343]

TBF Marvel and Sony are equally bad at handling this franchise

[@manuelalbertoromero9528]

@@malikpierre-louis3343 ...-_-

[@dylansharp8471]

@@CineMasterDamian Excuse me?

[@tonybippitykaye]

I do find Madame Web to be an interesting character in the comics and even the Spider-Man games. I don’t think it’s impossible to make a movie about her, but it would be extremely difficult and you would need people who genuinely love the Spider-Man lore. This movie felt like it was solely created to please the suits who green light these films and they hired people who have absolutely no business scripting for films. This film is definitely in need of a fanscription

[@bluestreaker9242]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1216">20:16</a> Why do I feel like this wasn't even part of the script? This really just felt like Doug was just getting something off his chest that's been bugging him since he saw the movie and was like "Ya know what? No! I need to rant about this!" I mean...I get it, changing the order in which the words of a famous quote are arranged doesn't make it clever writing: in fact, it can actually retroactively change the meaning of the quote in its entirety. What my mans is basically saying by his quote is that "Oh yeah, you didn't actually receive the power to see in to the future, you were just imagining that until the plot decided you took up the right moment to take up the responsibility and then poof there's your powers." Except...she kinda DID take responsibility so like...wut...? 🤔

[@billjacobs521]

After she was already seeing into the future. So that line makes no sense in this context, and it also makes no sense in general.

[@bluestreaker9242]

@@billjacobs521 Right? My thoughts exactly! XD

[@anthonyalfaro9420]

HISHE couldn't come up with an alternative ending with this film, it just shouldn't have happened: The End.

[@jasonpeet6198]

They actually did do a hishe on it

[@ShadowSonic2]

I love how the animator for that video went out of his way to give Julia Sydney Sweeneys'....assets.

[@narendramartosudarmo6112]

At least they made the Ghostbusters run over her before having Godzilla stomp on her afterward.

[@BugsyFoga]

Great to see a new review from Daniel the Demon slayer .

[@stewarthowell6781]

He took some time out of his busy demon slaying tutorials, to slay Madam Webb.

[@koneheadcokehead4981]

You know it's bad when Venom diving into a Lobster Tank feels like a sane moment

[@chasehedges6775]

Venom 2018 is looking pretty good right now, tbh. Tom Hardy at least gave a memorable performance

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

And I actually like Venom (2018). And Carnage in the sequel.

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

That would be awesome

[@chasehedges6775]

@@jareththegoblinking3191 😂😂

[@massgunner4152]

To be fair venom is always goofying on his road of unjustified violence.

[@jackmack4181]

I find it hilarious that the actress that played in three 50 shades of gray movies, considered this spiderman flick to be her worst and regrettable one

[@BlueDog241]

I hate that they made Ezekiel a villain in this movie. In parts of the comics he seemed more morally gray but he wasn't a villain.

[@mikolenoel8310]

If Morlun was the villain it would have made more sense and given the movie much higher stakes

[@zigslotheon]

This Ezekiel bloke should have been replaced by Kaine from the Clone Saga because that looks too much like his personal Spider-Man costume.

[@ShadowSonic2]

They'd have had to explain how he was a screwed up clone of Peter thought

[@scotttrail522]

My mom and me were watching this sometime two weeks ago, and. . . I looked up Ezekiel's name, and-- "Ezekiel, in his 50s, contacted Spider-Man explaining to him the nature of animal totems: people who gain supernatural abilities from a mystic link to certain animals. He suggested that the spider that bit Peter Parker was not mutated by the radiation, but actually trying to give Peter its powers before the radiation killed it. This meant that Spider-Man was now part of the supernatural food chain, and became a target for other totems and beings who feed on totems (Thus why many of Spider-Man's foes were based on animals to some level; they 'sensed' Peter to be a true totem, thus motivated to destroy him as they were merely impostors." I got this from Wikipedia, but still!

[@ThisAdamGuy]

And he helped him fight (imo) the coolest villain Spider-Man has ever faced, Morlun. Fun fact: Spidey took one punch from Morlun and said that even the Hulk had never hit him that hard.

[@zacharybartolo5111]

I read the same thing before watching the film. I was like, "This guy doesn't look like a good guy, but he doesn't seem as bad as the movie makes him out to be."

[@tonyjackson4078]

I hate the Spider Totem stuff. It takes away the lovable loser aspect of Parker and inserts "grand destiny" into his story.

[@dreamlandnightmare]

@@tonyjackson4078 Yep, just more totally unnecessary, completely contrived metaphysical nonsense.

[@ShadowSonic2]

He actually turned out to be a villain in the comics too though, he had taken the power of the Spider Totem for himself when he was younger and thus was doomed to be killed unless he could find someone to take his place. He wanted Peter to trust him so he could sacrifice him, but when the sacrifice was going to happen he saw all of Peter's memories and realized how he'd wasted his gifts on himself instead of helping people so he decided to free Peter and accept he was the sacrifice instead.

[@deshawnedwards6412]

It Madman Webbing Time. 🕷️🕸️

[@1heKing]

damnit you made me web all over the place

[@wesleyoldham4222]

My favorite part is where Ezekiel's assistant says she doesn't know how much to de-age them, so she arbitrarily chooses 10 years. Then she sees the results and says "I didn't know we'd be targeting teenagers." Also, the line "I might walk the dog" at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="437">7:17</a> is really bothering me. She knows her only pet is a cat, right?

[@AntediluvianRomance]

She might walk someone else's dog. Just like she gives rides across the city to someone else's kids.

[@sannicfann3338]

I saw this film with 2 friends right after we finished school we were still in our uniforms in the theater. The saving grace was that we kept making web puns throughout the whole thing and because we were like 3 of 5 people in the theater we could be as loud as we wanted to.

[@Operstanks]

Saw the new Smiling Friends episode 😏😏

[@akirayamaguchithekitsune4010]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="444">7:24</a> Peter Parker: (cries) Uncle BENNN

[@nathanjereb9944]

"Uncle ben what happened?!" "Madame... Web.."

[@dragondaveltd1992]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="396">6:36</a> Aah, good ol' Blockbuster Video... GOD WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! COME BACK FROM THE DEAD FOR US, COME BAAAACK!!!

[@Coolcoolcooldude]

It's a law when you set something in the 80s, 90, or early 2000s, you have to show a video rental store. Stranger Things, Captain Marvel, and now Madame Web.

[@genkaiba15]

I need to play as the special Clayfighters.

[@gabrielmurray929]

I think we've been a bit too harsh on some of the MCU's recent offerings. Also poor Disney a lot of people think everything Marvel is the same company.

[@IgnatiusBlaze4]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1357">22:37</a> ah yes the hero this movie and New York needs, the hero it doesn't deserve... but needs, Pepsi MAAAAAAAAAAAN! (look I can rephrase a catchphrase too, did I do good random Spider Tribal dude in Madame Web?)

[@AJARyan-yn2uv]

In the cinema I work in here in Dublin, we have a Bargain Wednesday where every ticket is cheaper on said day. Madame Web released on February 14th, a Wednesday. So did Bob Marley. Bob Marley blew this movie out of the water. The biggest screen for Madame Web was about 40 people. Bob Marley nearly sold out three screens. Those three screens can hold about 200 people each.

[@kadosho02]

Bob Marley film is excellent Madame Web.. .. not so much

[@ulises4241]

My local theater legit had to take off madame web cause so few to no one was seeing it that they were loosing money showing the film to no one

[@AJARyan-yn2uv]

@@ulises4241 Big surprise

[@AJARyan-yn2uv]

@@kadosho02 Ye Bob Marley is not bad.

[@Depth217]

Oh noooo… anyway, Jeremy Irons reprising Scar to sing all of Be Prepared was AWESOME. He was clearly out of his comfort zone plus he’s old, and he did keep it lowkey to save his voice and you can tell why they gave the finale to Jim Cummings. But hot damn it was awesome, especially when he was more comfortable on the second night!

[@dylansharp8471]

The hell does that have to do with this? And when did Irons do that?

[@narendramartosudarmo6112]

@@dylansharp8471The Hollywood Bowl that celebrates the Lion King's 30th anniversary.

[@Depth217]

@@dylansharp8471 it’s a joke on how nobody gives a f about Madame Web, but this happened over the last weekend.

[@Depth217]

It’s also a reference to the “oh nooo.. anyway” meme

[@aronthedev3074]

Wait, you mean they didn't use the "beep repair" guy for that?

[@thedisneynerd7866]

Ladies and Gents... This is the review we've been waiting for!

[@trinaq]

Yes, this is the greatest show! I was honestly anticipating it more than the actual movie.

[@Depth217]

WHOA-OHH-OH-OH OH OH OH OH *stomp… stomp stomp****

[@Double-R-Nothing]

​@@Depth217 And buried in your bones, there's an ache that you can't ignore Taking your breath Stealing your mind And all that was real is left behiiiiind

[@drcowbell]

As a balloon artist… I can get over just how ugly and over inflated those balloons were. The balloons in 2000s television were terrible but the price of helium was also so cheap that you usually saw HUGE bouquets of them all over the place. And they weren’t overinflated they were just like 17in balloons with some of the ugliest sprayed on imprinting for some of the dingiest colors. Go watch some episodes of Friends where they are having a party, you’ll see what I’m talking about. As bad as they were, with the quantity and usually decent arrangement of the bouquets they looked SO MUCH BETTER than this.

[@jackhageman9983]

Fun fact: there’s a guy on the subway playing on a Sony PSP and this movie is supposed to be set in 2003. The people who made this movie didn’t realize that the PSP came out in 2005. They didn’t care enough to get the product placement dates right

[@geardog24]

“This dude’s voice sounds like a Captain Planet villain.” If only he was like Looten Plunder he’d be 50% more competent.

[@wolvepotter5858]

I know this dead horse has already been kicked enough, but Madame Web is the only horse i know that was kicked before production even began so I think it was a given

[@jessedellross3245]

The idea behind the movie wasn’t a bad one. Three spider women destined to be hero’s defeat a villain, villain sends message back to early self, early self tries to take out said hero’s before they can stop him. It’s terminator so we all know the idea is sound. Just the execution didn’t work.

[@ninjanibba4259]

The idea is still terrible

[@erickamakeeaina1649]

I can see that working

[@retsaMinnavoiG]

@@ninjanibba4259 it's not though. Two amazing movies used that exact concept.

[@ninjanibba4259]

@@retsaMinnavoiG except Terminator didn’t rely on the future to tell it’s present story, not to mention the threat had actual reason to target the victim

[@retsaMinnavoiG]

@@ninjanibba4259 that's exactly what Terminator is. We see the apocalypse future and Skynet starts to lose, so it goes back to stop the person it thinks will prevent that. In this movie we see the future of this guy getting killed so he goes back to stop the person he thinks will prevent that. The only difference in this movie is that the time travel is in his mind and not a physical thing. Taking action because you know the future from a vision and taking action because you know the future because you're from the future... is more or less the same thing. It's boils down to people with future knowledge taking action to prevent a future they don't want. That in no way means this movie is good like Terminator, just that the concept can be good like it was in terminator.

[@LeeroyTheWrathBear]

I think the last time I ever heard the “Why is it so mean?!” joke was in his review of “The Tommyknockers”

[@sashasavira4404]

The most infuriating part is that it has such franchise potential, but it just didn't live up to it.

[@louisduarte8763]

OOOOOOOOHHHHHH boy, it's THIS one! And at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="72">1:12</a>, I just noticed Doug's dialogue being ADR'ed in. <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="428">7:08</a> That hidden talent? Having at least 1 already-famous parent. <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="641">10:41</a> GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="830">13:50</a> I can only guess that the moviemakers were trying to convey she has trouble telling the present from flash-forwards to the future, but that's giving them too much credit.

[@jonmorris293]

Anyone else notice the Spider web had the Assassin's Creed emblem in the strands at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="302">5:02</a> ?

[@colonel1003]

Epic eye

[@jonmorris293]

@@colonel1003 The Eagle's Eye

[@jeuryrabassa4724]

I see it.

[@genkaiba15]

😂

[@Artimidorus]

Still amazes me that someone heard the name "Ezekial" and just thought: "Hrm.. older white male? Let's make him the murderous villain!!" Clearly they didn't ever actually read the comics. You're telling me that out of everyone in the Spider-man universe, they picked the one older guy who was nice, used his powers for wealth, and acted like a mentor for Peter and others with spider powers? The guy who was willing to give up his life to give Peter five more minutes to come up with a plan?

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

Excuse, different universe

[@PeterHanson-c3e]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1542">25:42</a>. It's already gotten 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. No joke. EDIT 12/14/24: Now I have heard that Kraven underperforming at the box office so far has a good chance of killing the SSU. Nothing's in stone yet, but I would not be surprised if the SSU is over.

[@bjayhoward]

Remember signing the poster for this movie at MGC? Glad you finally got to feel our pain! -Vertical Slice

[@Harmonmj13]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1275">21:15</a> this moment legit almost made me choke on my gum from laughing

[@dante_0962]

That’s probably what happened.

[@christianruffin1342]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1209">20:09</a> "When you take on the responsibility, great power will come." *insert sigh from CinemaSins* Seriously, I groaned at this part when I watched it in theaters. I mean how original can you be.

[@genkaiba15]

Someone better grab Great Power a towel or a sock or something. 🎉

[@Rclarke115]

I swear it sounds like they partially edited in Cliff Robertson’s voice in that line.

[@blueraccoon1088]

Hey DougI'm going the store anything you want? Doug: <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="143">2:23</a> Okay I'll be back

[@dolphincrescent54]

1. When you grasp power, responsibility will follow you. 2. Responsibility is the love child of power, and you are the parent who must pay child support. 3. If someone is not going to take responsibility, then they must already be in power

[@zonesproductions]

When you gain the power of greatness that comes to you, then great responsibilities will follow you that you must adhere to, no matter the outcome, as responsibility and power go hand in hand when you have them come to you.

[@dubstepbee6892]

are these actual movie lines or did you just make them up

[@dolphincrescent54]

@@dubstepbee6892 I made them up.

[@DracoMagnius]

Power corrupts so it's of the utmost importance you use it responsibly otherwise it will consume you.

[@calvinmatthews1527]

The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Morbius, & Madame Web. The trifecta of Sony's failed attempts at a cinematic universe.

[@kingsleycy3450]

I thought the film would reveal that Madame Web used time travel to bring all the girls to the same location, therefore setting a trap for the villain. The film doesn't do any fun thing with the time travel. I went into the film knowing it's bad, and the film overdelivered in that sense

[@patrickg2162]

I’m surprised that Doug didn’t bring up Sydney Sweeney’s inclusion in the movie, considering how she’s a humongous star now. I felt like he could’ve done a joke kind of like the one in his “Smurfs 2” video where he realizes that this apparently bad actor is doing a lot with their career.

[@BroNovaGaming]

Doug being dubbed during the entirety of the opening sketch is Everything XD

[@micahcaraballo5917]

Pretty clever having the dialogue not match the movements of Critic’s mouth in the intro, I see what they were doing there 🤣👍

[@GilliganKrueger0829]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1041">17:21</a>-<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1044">17:24</a> So that radio bit mentioning Brittany Spears sounded so unnatural and forced that, and I swear I’m not making this up, I thought it was a fake one that Doug put in as a joke at first! It was only after that I realized it was a natural part of the film! Good God, This Movie!

[@karelsmith-sx4qn]

With corporate incompetence, comes Sony's Spider-Man Cinematic Universe.

[@OmegaX9]

As poorly as most of the characters were mishandled in this, I feel like Ezekiel got the shaft more than anyone else. This is a character who in the comics was trying to help Peter Parker deal with Morlun, an enemy who was basically Morbius if he was almost Hulk-level strong and Terminator-level obsessed with killing Peter. Hell, Morlun actually KILLED Peter at one point, and he came from an entire family of people who hunted Spider-people across dimensions. This was the original Spider-Verse, and they could’ve used this movie to connect their live action to the Miles Morales flicks. On the other hand the comics also made Aunt May Peter’s biological mother, so I guess this movie could’ve actually been worse? Unless that’s Peter’s superspy sister…comics are weird.

[@dylansharp8471]

"On the other hand the comics also made Aunt May Peter’s biological mother" Trouble?

[@benwatson6729]

CRITIC: "If you make a 100th year logo for your studio, you're gonna have the worst year." ME: Only except both Universal and Paramount has their list of very good movies during their 100th anniversary back in 2012.

[@WolfRamAndHart]

Doug's Madame Review/Sketch, makes him a worthy addition to my Pitch Meeting/Honest Trailer/Cinema Sins cavalcade of making fun of terrible movies.

[@findyourcenterbbc8483]

If your all wondering why this was set in 2003, its literaly so they could have toxic by Britney Spears, play digetically.

[@ReynaReactsandReviews]

The dead horse from the wish review