Making Friends in Your 30s as a Gay Man, Preference vs Prejudice & Body Image Issues | S2 E4

[@ashp5597]

Thank you for having Arpan on the channel. It was really good to hear from another South Asian gay man. I am gay, south Asian and visually impaired, a triple threat LOL. thank you for showing diversity and representation on the podcast, I really appreciate it.

[@gregap8282]

I'll be Debbie today, but this topic would be very interesting with someone that does not look like Arpan. 100% sure he doesn't experience rejection as a lot of us do in the gay community. And when you're on the attractive side of the spectrum, some behavior is downplayed in the name of a "hot body". What I want to say is that a racist might say "This will be a snack, but never the main course" if you know what I mean, but for the rest of us, that behavior is not downplayed, so we get the full slap. It's like I made a podcast about bodyweight and my guests were Victoria's Secret Angels and we talked about the struggle. Girl, what struggle?

[@roystonphillips2235]

Yeah this is what I hate about this podcast. They speak from their privilege

[@alanaban1840]

Happy unhealthy homo😢 / put u thing in the correct places not in wrong places / the lifestyle cannot be healthy/

[@alanaban1840]

Happy unhealthy homo😢 / put u thing in the correct places not in wrong places / the lifestyle cannot be healthy/

[@alanaban1840]

Happy unhealthy homo😢 / put u thing in the correct places not in wrong places / the lifestyle cannot be healthy/

[@alanaban1840]

Happy unhealthy homo😢 / put u thing in the correct places not in wrong places / the lifestyle cannot be healthy/

[@ingaborlowski1536]

Another awesome episode 👏🏻👏🏻 I’m a 50something heterosexual female who enjoys listening to your show. I found it through Joel’s channel & originally when he was with Lia. Anyway, your topics are universal, gay or not. I’m drawn to your open honest straightforward discussions. I have a partner but always enjoy listening to intelligent, logical, open minded and inclusive conversations about humans & human interactions. A great platform for the gay community. Many successes to you both. 🙋🏼‍♀️😊

[@jeromemcintosh3609]

This has been the best episode so far. I live in the south of the United States and gay men more specifically "white gay men" here still haven't realized the difference between Preference and prejudice. It's quite annoying and I'm glad you had someone on to speak of it and break it down for others to understand.

[@honestlysmoothcreations]

Thank you so much for this video. I am just a year into my fitness journey and am about to turn 32. I was starting to feel alone. This video made it a lot easier to breathe. Thank you so much for the amazing content

[@happyhealthyhomo]

You're so welcome! Thank you for your support - it means so much 💛

[@ajaxon319pldunbar]

BRAVO! This was yet another wonderful podcast. This one hit home with a bullseye because as a Black American male who is 60 years old, I have been rejected blatantly in apps and in person by other gays usually of the White persuasion who have stated unequivocably that they were not interested in Black men. I try not to take it to heart but it's such a egregious, hurtful and callous energy aimed specifically at you. It's disheartening and harmful. However, as Whitney Houston sang in the song, I Didn't Know My Own Strength, "I was not built to break." So, I keep pressing on. Fortunately, I have made friends across all groups of people and of different nationalities by joining charity groups and going to events I enjoy and sometimes exploring things that put me in a less than comfortable state of being, such as skiing and helping at a physical & drug abuse rehabilitation center. I figure if I keep myself out in the community that I'll find someone compatible for a lovely adventure in love. Again, thank you for this fantastic podcast.

[@br-nosilva2997]

Man, I know what it's like to feel this way. I'm black, approaching 30yo and even though I take great care of my health and fitness I also feel the pressure of not being a standard white gay man. For years I felt that being gay was a disgrace because of the countless conditions imposed. Now it's not much different, but learning to be strong every day and not depend on anyone, nor need anyone. I would like to meet more people like you than the futile and arrogant people we meet within the community every day. Sorry for bad grammar =/

[@TomMelton-yf7zr]

This was fantastic! I’m always impressed by how positive yet realistic your content is. Thanks!

[@connorbrough7166]

This was really enlightening and inspiring, thank you Arpan for sharing your journey! So sorry to hear that racial prejudice has been prevalent in your dating experience. I am just starting out my health journey now, finding it hard. Hearing your story has inspired me to keep going. Thanks so much :)

[@kev2020]

This was a great episode. Arpan is a real sweetheart. Loved his energy and insight. You both had some excellent points regarding healthcare and making friends. I have definitely dealt with prejudice masking itself as preference but would like to mention being fetishized as well. I had been chatting with a guy who seemed very enthusiastic about going on a date. He started disregarding what I was saying and correcting me about what black guys like and how he knows what to do. Things ranged from having lotion on hand because we "love lotion" to types of food and activities that were the opposite of what I'd mentioned while breaking the ice. He sounded more like he'd caught a Pokemon. Another guy was excited about being able to "let loose" in a way that was only possible with black and latino guys. Sent graphic links depicting what he'd wanted to try. His profile was all about going on dates and not moving too fast. It can definitely be difficult to make friends at 30+. I've met really nice guys and have watched the sparkle in their eyes dim the moment that I mention doing something with my partner. I'll name-drop my partner in the beginning and see who's still standing afterwards. It saves everyone involved from having hurt feelings...mostly. TLDR: Representation matters. Treating someone differently based on race/ethnicity/presentation+ isn't cute. It is okay to state your intentions regarding the type of relationship that you'd like to develop.

[@joemalick]

Good episode, I really like Arpan, he brought a very interesting perspective being both a doctor and an Asian. It is amazing that in 2023 we still have people that carry those prejudices, when as Arpan pointed out several times - he’s the same person before or after someone discovered that specific aspect of him. Hopefully we learn to do better in the future. Great job guys, keep those conversations going! 🙌❤️

[@kathleenchild]

Thanks for sharing your experience Dr Arpan! Joel and Keegan keep choosing interesting topics and guests for your podcasts.

[@darkzomb]

we always talk about racismand ageism in the gay community, whiich are importan, not saying otherwise, but why never sizism? Some of us can't help being bigger. why do we always say its just about work and you get results? I am SO TIRED of trying to be fit. I have had a life long battle with my weight, and it sucks. I heart pretty healthy, few sugary sweets, high protien, almonds, greek yogurt, chiken, eggs, an i work out 3-5 days a week for over an hour. and I get no results, its so defeating. I am a very healthy individual, but I am not small, slim, or fit. do you know how much rejection I get? A lot. no one cares that i am kind, considerate, funny, nice, etc. its just like, nope, go away. its depressing...

[@devconley9483]

I don’t know if you’ll respond but for anyone who sees this, you’re beautiful. If you wanna work out, eat right, and change your body up it’s gotta be cause that’s what you want for yourself. People are fickle and beauty standards change every 10-15 years. Fuck them, it’s your body, only your opinion actually matters.

[@jalenxeno5027]

You guys are doing great work! Keep it up!

[@JamesWood-ef1rg]

Fantastic guest my fav so far! Nice guy but straight to the point on certain subjects, I hope you have him back on sometime, any one who is racist or has a problem with any ones colour or looks or body shape are people you need to keep away from. Love yourself, love your body.

[@candidolopez1131]

Fantastic job guys! - it only gets better week after week! It's time again for a HHH binge marathon. Can't get enough.

[@Nick-zr2rp]

I really enjoy the weekly program you put out but something grates with me and gets my back up it's when you talk about going to the gym keeping fit watching your diet. If you want to increase your viewing figures you need to widen your subjects and include other LGBTQ... people who are every shape and size and age and are perfectly happy with that. Otherwise i think your preaching to the converted!

[@Not-Ap]

❤ 100% 🎉

[@ijansk]

T has nothing to do with LGB. Leave gays alone.

[@BOTUS_2024]

@@ijansk tf? There are gay and bi trans people. You not understanding intersectionality is a problem when this community has and will always stand for inclusivity! Shame on you!

[@richardnault9493]

Standing ovation !!!!!!!! Great job guys and thanks to your guest too !

[@PaladinesAngel]

My favourite times of my life is when you move to a new city, and no one knows you, and you just can be. For the first six months it’s just amazing. And then you start to meet people and form relationships and it all goes down hill from there. But those quiet first six months. Ahhh. Heaven. But it’s weird that people think being a friend is less status than being a lover. But I think being friends with someone without the sexual stuff is purer and more intimate. Because it’s all about who the person is, and you love each other genuinely without ulterior motives. Being lovers is a step down, not a step up IMO. Only into white guys. Man that is so fucked up. Missing out on a great guy because of the colour of their skin. Like white skin is ever a determining factor of a decent human being. Madness. Humans really do suck.

[@roblloyd335]

This was amazing! It really hit home with me. Thank you.

[@andrewleavenworth2309]

Great sharing and exploration of important topics. Arpan didn't mention any of the South Asian LGBTQI organizations, so I was wondering if he had explored participating in those as a source of support and friendship at any point. Thanks. :o)

[@adam4180west]

great episode what a great guy the Doc is very handsome as well lol why do you guys think that we are loosing our gay clubs and businesses ?? would love a podcast on this guys ..also how do I get one of those coffee mugs :)

[@davidjefferson8023]

I've just found your channel and it's great listening and watching intelligent conversation about gay lifestyles, thank you.

[@ala9961]

As a not white man, I'm against calling anyone racist base on their preferences. Yes I got the : ''I'm not dating non white dudes'' comment. Did that hurt my ego ? Yes. (Some seems very funny dudes before.) But at the end of the day, everyone is the ''hero'' of is own story. I dont see why that is different from people complaining that there are not enough ''gay power couple of colors'' e.g. Prejudices are all over, and we all have at some point some. Calling out those of others are useless. Honestly, I want as a partner someone with who I can be my more unmasqued version. That can mean, sometime being really stupid. Today, as a generation more concerned and more political than ever, every single thing can became viral and call for cancel, so people tend to go with those who are more likely to them, to share their life. Calling someone vain because he want a partner who understand why he is not taking dessert and going six time per week at the gym is absurd. We don't have to wait validations from others. Just focused on trying to be your best version for yourself. And no, Arpan, you where not the same. You probably look more confident and less dependant and THAT is a massive change. Anyway, as always, a lovely podcast with an awesome guest😊.

[@willpembroke9944]

Almost every male friend I've ever had, I've ended up developing romantic feelings for. It's really bad. All my friends are women and I intentionally distance myself from men.

[@monk3yboy69]

I have a large circle of gay friends all with different interests and backgrounds. I have never had any feelings for my friends and that might be because I am not friends with the types of guys I am into. I’m very into muscled guys . I only have 4 muscled friends , the rest are all just nice, normal grounded men who have zero interest in the gym . So for me hanging out with normal guys gets me away from the muscle crowd ( who tend to be extremely bitchy and ultra boring ). I am not comfortable hanging out with women at all. I just cannot find common ground 🙂.

[@SuperExtrovert]

This was a refreshing story. Thank you Dr. Ar pan for sharing your relatable story and experience. Joel & Keegs keep these guest coming‼️

[@orielwiggins2225]

There's definitely a difference between preference and Prejudice. It's about the intentions and raisins inside our hearts. It would do us all some good to at least check with ourselves to see when we think something is a preference what is behind that preference and why. Thanks again for a great episode

[@pppexplorer]

This was an awesome episode, guys! Your guest was fantastic and interesting.

[@kezananafleur8480]

I am glad he is a Doctor🎉🎉

[@davidharry9390]

Another amazing guest. 🎉❤

[@alanaban1840]

Like charges repel each other / men body was design to fit woman body not men to fit men / the pluming do not work

[@Yadayadayaya]

When it comes to preference vs prejudice: I think it’s wild to dictate someone who he/she should be into. If you need certain features to be attracted, that’s on you. What I consider problematic is when preference define someone’s value. You cannot be into me but still treat me with a minimum of respect. Thinking one could change his/her preference purposely is delusional and nothing but putting one’s own frustration onto others. Rather focus on people who value you and are attracted to you. HOWEVER: if you feel the need to write down everything you dislike, it won’t look cute on you for sure either

[@hoangvu3121]

tysm for this episode, as a queer south east asian person i feel seen!

[@omegazerotg17]

I find it funny how the Asian guy was talking about being "discriminated" against for being South Asian, but immediately went into his preferences, the whole "no fats, no fems" stuff. You can't have it both ways Dr. Either it is all preferences, or it is all prejudices. As an overweight gay man, I know what the answer is. Do I like it? No. But I live in reality, unlike the good Dr. Glad he finally found someone that loves him for him, not his physical attributes.

[@keithp6056]

I really enjoyed all the topics discussed. You also presented everything in a friendly and easy-to-understand way. But I do agree with @gregap8282 about having some people on the show who are clearly not a 10 on the attractive scale. I'm a gay male in the middle of getting my therapy license, so I understand how obsessed everyone can be with appearance and how damaging it can be. But sex sells, and in our culture, people like to see fit and attractive people in the media. This makes me think about Troye Sivan's "Rush" video. Someone criticized and ridiculously denounced him for only having attractive men in his video. I agree it would have been nice to see a more extensive variety, but come on now, we all know most of society wants to see fit musclebound people in a music video. So I'm just saying I understand the podcast's desire to have attractive people on the show because it draws a bigger crowd and keeps the channel alive. But occasionally, it would be nice to have a massive bear of a guy on there with no body issues! Once again I am not criticizing the show, just offering some ways to improve. Thanks!

[@Bkool2007]

Please have an out gay black on here, so you can hear our perspective! Great episode tho!

[@silverstitch28]

What about those who are really struggling with their weight (obesity) and how much harder it is to make friends with gay men. Its extremely hard to make a friend. Every single one thinks I want to sleep with them and i make it clear that i don't. I say to them, don't worry about your precious ego, I'm not here for that.

[@Not-Ap]

Gay Men tend to want to be friends with those that they have a sexual interest in. This is not always the case but it is in many cases. That's the ugly truth for those on the receiving end of such friendships and for those excluded who actually want to form genuine friendships.

[@saeefa]

Well why don't gay obese men make friends with other gay obese men? lets be real here, you only want to be friends with those you're attracted to?

[@simongoodwin5253]

Great episode guys.

[@bikerpaul68]

What was the insult Arpan's patient used? - it sounded to me like "Absalom" but that doesn't make sense. When I was a practising doctor myself (retired now) I never wore any kind of gay insignia, but that was just a personal preference, and it certainly shouldn't lead to being abused by someone you're trying to help.

[@dubon9999]

Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@daniellaplume3840]

This site is so important

[@happyhealthyhomo]

Thank you!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Yes to South Asian Gay Rep ❤

[@br-nosilva2997]

Come on, three guys within the standards talking about meeting people... In the community, if you meet the standards physically and in terms of beauty you are automatically accepted. As a black gay man, I can honestly say this. Let's see what this channel proposes in relation to the exclusionary lifestyle of the gay community.

[@silverstitch28]

Why is the gym so important in a gay mans life?

[@Not-Ap]

Because men are more visual. Gay Men judge each other the way straight men judge women. If you watch a red pill channel and listen to the scathing criticism and commentary levied against women, that's what gay men levy against each other, as result we are prisoners of our biology. This extreme conformity in some cases leads gay men to live at the gym or appear too and ostracize those who don't along with sexually excluding them from the dating pool. That said not everyone follows this and there are exceptions like the bear community for instance.

[@Ri57490]

​@@Not-Ap women like fit men as well. Women are not attracted to chubby guys or overly skinny guys. However, women settle more regarding looks because women are expected to marry and have kids by a certain age, and a reliable loyal partner with decent income and fit body is more difficult to find

[@benjaminreyes3624]

@Ri57490this is true but women are more mental . Where as men are more visual. We gay guy go to the gym because we date men and men are attracted to beauty

[@Tripper111]

Good topic, good video.

[@happyhealthyhomo]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@ricardoclavel7170]

This episode hit it right on the head for me. I’m 33 in the US and I’m what you would call straight acting? No one knows I’m gay unless they are or I say something lol. I’ve tried to make gay friends and have them come to events but unfortunately it’s always been they want to flirt with my friends and since they aren’t gay they ask I never bring them around again. Makes it awkward, wish there was a gay friends meet and greet 😂. Anyways thanks for the episode and keep up guys.

[@pridan94]

👀👀👀

[@LexFlexxx]

This ep was not really focused on making friends. It was discussed 5 minutes and the rest was Arpan's experiences. He's fun, but bring him back for another actual episode on how to make friends in your 30s please! :)

[@lee9650]

No it's not racist if you only like white guys or only black guys, it's just what you like, it's preference. However, if someone says all white people are such and such or all black people are such and such therefore I don't like them or therefore I do like them then that is racist. It's like saying i'm not attracted to women, that's not misogynistic. However, if someone were to say I don't like women because they are all such and such then that's misogyny.

[@jamesmidgley7450]

Thank you.

[@OuranMom101]

good info!!

[@zacharydunn6577]

I normally like what you put out, but I was disappointed with this episode. Much of the discussion was good, but the discussion related to fitness made it sound like there's only one proper way to be and everyone is either there or on a journey to be there (ideally). That will do nothing but exacerbate the already rampant problem of body shaming in the gay community.

[@shadowdragon1248]

I don't quite believe that it is racist to just not date people you aren't physically attracted to. I would prefer the honesty of someone not dating me because they don't find me attractive compared to someone dating me anyways.

[@simonfriend839]

I’m sure Joel is super protective over Keegan maybe being fancied by youre guest !!! Underlying vibes

[@johndixon6998]

Another excellent episode guys ……. 🌈🏉🌈

[@vitrock1]

Excellent episode guys! Having come out later in life and learning to navigate my way through the gay community, I have seen firsthand the superficial prejudices such as body shaming, racism and ageism. I understand everyone has preferences, but to exclude groups of men based on one quality is so shallow. I have met men of all ages, races and body types with the most beautiful hearts and souls. There is someone out there for everyone if you just keep an open mind and get to know them. Love you guys! 💙💙

[@frankgyure3154]

I like talking about apps. It is what it is. The apps are not evil.

[@bridgetisjonesing5007]

Practice what you preach… we all still do confuse prejudice with preference … gay guys are just very picky and it’s mostly prejudice.

[@alankanen1052]

How about Gay men like myself who are over 60? We need friends too.

[@tareeqbrown6724]

I feel like if a guy dosent want to date outside of his race it does not mean he's racist, if he was being desparging towards other races then i can see where your coming from, but i feel like we gotta stop saying someones racist just because they want to date their own race, you cant force people to date you

[@monk3yboy69]

It’s not racist to say you are only into White guys. If that is your preference, that is your preference. If he were to go on and list vile reasons why he is not into other groups, that becomes racist. There is a major difference.

[@elijahshort1590]

If only you lived in a world that subconsciously taught that white people are inferior and ugly. You’d feel out pain. But, you don’t and for now never will.

[@alexmarsh5951]

Nice episode 👍

[@simonfriend839]

Great chat do you initially think who’s the hottest , the most masc ?we have a closed couple relationship ! You’re not invited ! We are the dom couple and better than you ??????

[@richardlong4706]

Wondering if racial prejudice, extreme preferences, is a form of internalized homophobia? Obviously, we have lots of work to do if we, the gay community in general, is this preoccupied with race and body preferences. Really good conversation, thanks for continuing to shed light on what it means to be a happy, healthy homo.

[@LittleMissPyeWacket]

Don't think it's a gay issue , straight people have the same prejudices and preferences.

[@jamesmidgley7450]

What’s even is extreme preferences? People can like what they like. So long as they’re not and absolute arsehole to people who they are not attracted to, I don’t see the problem?

[@Not-Ap]

I don't see how the two issues are connected at all. Honestly I'm curious as to why you think so.

[@Zanuka]

I'm surprised there was no mention of guys who exclusively go for a specific race that is different to their own race.

[@happyhealthyhomo]

Well that's the same concept isn't it - exclusively going for one race at the exclusion of all others is racist.

[@paulwj62]

B4 this starts just asking joel did you find your suprise in the "saying i love you" vlog ? Lol

[@vr6gls]

In my experience, most gay Asian men only want to date White men. Especially East Asian men. As an African-American gay male, I have found several Asian men attractive. However, because I’m not white, they won’t even give me the time of day. I have witnessed gay Asian men even reject other Asian men as potential partners. I find it ironic that a lot of gay Asian men complain about racism when White men reject them. However, they don’t keep that same energy when they frequently reject Black, Latino, even other Asian men. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to all Asian men but the majority of east Asian men seem to be this way.

[@chrisstapleton7317]

I love when yt gay men say they would date Trans Men or BIPOC but then you always see them dating their twin. I have more respect for a yt guy who says they want someone more like them rather than what society expects from them or politically correct.

[@Not-Ap]

I agree. Cultural differences play a huge role and to lesser degree sex. Some people are very very afraid of certain cultures for different reasons and all of those reason maybe 100% valid for them. That doesn't mean that they can't be overcome but it does require hard work and compromise on both sides to make it work.

[@PTRAINBOY]

In a world striving for body autonomy , wouldn't it be my choice with whom I want to sleep with ? I shouldn't have to have sex with someone for societal pressure. Seems to contradict my body , my choice . We are not " entitled" to have everyone attracted to us .. Maybe I like type A because of similar cultural interests . Maybe I like B because of shared fitness lifestyle. Should we need to explain ourselves ?

[@DiamondFlame45]

No one is pressuring you to date anyone kid. They are just educating people to know the difference between preferences and prejudices because some people say they have a preference when they are in fact being prejudiced

[@Magnocalabro]

@@DiamondFlame45 There is not a person in existence entitled to anyone else’s sexual consideration. It doesn’t make the least bit of difference if the standard in question is race, sex, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, or anything else under the sun. If your thought process leads you to the conclusion that a person is a “bigot” for not wanting to date you OR if you are so “offended” on behalf of others, you have the thought process of a sexual predator or someone who wants to gaslight others into questioning their perception of reality and their mental sanity, as well as believing that they have a wrong way of living their sexuality, if it's not the type of sexuality you want them to live. And no, it's not about "educating people", it's about shaming people, pressuring them and mentally manipulating them in order to jump to certain conclusions.

[@SoCalDogDad]

Had Apran not been British and I knew this was taking place in London I would have sworn he was talking about West Hollywood. Sounds like two very superficial gay communities. And if you think making friends over 30 is tough wait until you're 50+. People don't give you the time of day let alone want to be friends with you. Unless of course your loaded and they can elevate your status level.

[@Not-Ap]

Honestly I heard it's more or less the same in pretty much every country. It just depends on the cultural lense or particular biases that gay men of that culture come from. Being nasty, prejudical, and ageist transcend borders.

[@jonpeaden314]

I have been loving this podcast for awhile now This episode however has triggered me with people being referred to as racist for not being attracted to another race. Am I willing to be friends with people of other races? Absolutely Am I willing to stand up for and/or defend them if the need is there, Absolutely Do I believe that anyone of any race should be given the same pay, or higher position based on their know-how and such of a job title? Absolutely Do I believe that interracial relationships are okay for society? Absolutely if that is what makes you happy in life then go for it. I have been called racist by primarily black guys when I told them that I wasn't interested in dating/hooking up with them. They end up using racial slurs towards me until either I or them blocked the other. I'm attracted to chemistry between me and another guy If that chemistry happens to be primarily from whites, Latins, middle eastern, then how does that make me a racist? If I'm racist because I have little chemistry attraction towards 1 or 2 races Then gay men are prejudice towards women for women aren't sexually satisfying to gay men (to those who've never been with one)

[@kevinwilson555]

Thanks for making a 60-year-old heavier man feel like crap. This conversation reinforced the gay stereotypes that I thought this channel was attempting change. Dr Arpan wouldn't even reveal his age? The fitness industry feeds of the guilt that many people have about age, weight and looks, particularly the gay scene. I thought I was a healthy happy homo until I watched this episode.

[@andreid.8568]

What part made you feel like that? Was it only him not revealing his age?

[@LittleMissPyeWacket]

Didn't he mention he's in his thirties same as Keegan? I know he made a throw away joke about revealing his age but that was just a joke. I think you're being a bit sensitive and taken something as not intended. His intentions were pretty clear imo.

[@kevinm-py1nt]

I'm older than you and didn't get that impression. I hate giving my age because I hate reminding myself that the end is a lot closer now! Maybe I'm too self-centered. Their opinions are their business and well, it's not about me, so I don't concern myself. Please don't let this video make you feel bad, that wasn't the intent.

[@panagiotis6019]

I heard again this statement about the fitness industry's being forced as good, but I think every person decides what is good for themselves. If you don't like exercising good for you, but you have to accept the fact that you can't have a fit body without exercise. If you value a fit body more than you not liking exercising then you have to accept that you are gonna work for something you want. That's life. I think you and others feel bad because you want a fit body without the pain of exercise, or you think toy want a fit body l, but you just don't. Find the truth inside you. I speak with love:).

[@bikerpaul68]

Speaking only for myself, I've just turned 70 and I've never worried about my age. I'm in good health and I feel fine. About 30 years ago my partner and I went to a gym for a few months just to try and get a bit fitter, but we gave it up because we preferred mountain walking in the fresh air to doing boring repetitive exercises in a sweaty gym. I don't care about gay stereotypes, I'm happy with myself as I am.

[@Stonehengoo]

At first I thought he's Arab like me but then he's South Asian given his name Arpan. He's hot

[@Not-Ap]

Not all South Asians are look like Apu from the simpsons. India was invaded multiple times by people from the middle east including Arabs.

[@saeefa]

​@@Not-Aphe doesn't look Arab to me, tou cab tekk the dudferwnce between Indians and Arabs for the most part

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Dr. Arpan really said: “Stop trying to make Goctor happen. It’s not going to happen.

[@ster2600]

That's exactly what a Goctor *would* say

[@chrisstapleton7317]

Don't most gay men consider open relationships standard and monogamy outdated thinking? When I am hanging out with gay friends, most of them are flirtatious and sexual within our group, I see this as the norm. Any boundary conversations were met with being uninvited the next time.

[@happyhealthyhomo]

That's a very limited view of gay men

[@Not-Ap]

I think that pov is very widespread but it's not the only pov within the community. It's just those who parrot it are the loudest.

[@PatrickHenry-yl7ql]

I totally disagree with the discussion on what constitutes racism. If you are not attracted to Asian men it doesn't make you racist. I am not attracted to Asian men sexually but have had many Asian friends and colleagues. It is my preference. I have no issue with Asian people apart from not being sexually attracted to them. Every person gay or straight is not attracted to every race or colour or religion and that is their choice.

[@LittleMissPyeWacket]

I initially thought the same as you, that it's just a preference and isn't racist. However, it made sense when Dr Arpan said dismissing 900 million men because of skin colour/race alone is racist and put like that, I have to agree and think it is too. I don't think it's racist to generally be more attracted to some races more than others, it's not all down to skin colour. Some races have certain features which might not be a preference. Someone Asian or black might not be keen on blue eyes as a choice or blonde hair etc, I think those are preferences. To demonstrate this, I'm not attracted to albino or red heads, neither of those attributes are race driven.

[@vanguard696]

Totally agree. I see it like colours or flavours and spices. It's instinctive and there is no malice behind it. I've had friends from many backgrounds, but physically Im only attracted by primarily European descendants for physiognomic reasons I won't elaborate on. I assume Keegan and Joel are being disingenuous. Wonder how many ethnicities they've dated or slept with. Since the PC tyranny we live under, ACTUAL honesty is in short supply.

[@LittleMissPyeWacket]

@@jackslater5699 Firstly lets keep this pleasant there's no need to be rude. Neither Joel or Keegan are children, it's a differing of opinion. In regards beards I understand what you're saying. However, all men or majority can grow a beard so that's not be exclusionary because of someone's race. To exclude because of skin colour alone and not be open to the idea that someone of that colour out of millions you could be attracted to, seems at odds don't you think with race?

[@andreid.8568]

"prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized." Therefore, it's racism

[@LittleMissPyeWacket]

@@vanguard696 I don't think you have to have slept with someone or dated someone of colour to prove a point. But as you mention it I think Joel did date someone who was of Asian origin, I recall from one of his videos from a year or two back. That aside, ofc you can have a preference. Wouldn't it be better to say, generally I prefer caucasian men but I have seen the odd Asian or black man who I thought was very attractive and would consider dating. It's the all or nothing bit that seems to make it have undertones of ( to use todays terminology) unconscious bias.

[@vicwilder2524]

Girls are treated by the way we look too..

[@vikavoltisepic3507]

Yes, and there are places you can go to get help with that. This channel is for gay men, you can’t blame them for not being completely open about everything when their literal point is to support gay people

[@vicwilder2524]

I wasn't blaming them for anything. What do you mean can't blame them for nit being completely open about everything. I said nothing about that. Also, I see nothing on this channel that says only certain people can watch. I happen to like these two and I figure maybe I would learn something. I try to be diverse and inclusive.