Making sober less shameful | Clare Pooley | TEDxNewnham

Clare Pooley gave up alcohol in March 2015; months later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She told everyone about the breast cancer, but, ashamed, kept her decision to stop drinking secret. Now, three years later, she has given up anonymity, and is on a mission to make sobriety less shameful for everyone. Clare Pooley describes herself a ‘a middle aged, over educated, over privileged, (formerly) overweight Mum of three who had a long love affair with high priced, good quality wine until she realised that the relationship was going nowhere.’ She studied at Newnham College at the University of Cambridge, and was an advertising executive in London before becoming a full time Mum. In 2014 she started a blog called 'Mummy was a Secret Drinker' under the pseudonym SoberMummy, and has now published a book, 'The Sober Diaries', with Hodder and Stoughton. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@tomdixon1213]

‘One drink is too many and a thousand is not enough’ was my experience.

[@supernova11491]

Wow! Same exact thing in America: I quit smoking (congratulations); I quit drinking (Silence)! CONGRATULATIONS 💯 on both points.

[@annjay2581]

"Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not taking" summed it up perfectly. Why am I the crazy one for deciding to not consume poison anymore? Society is insane

[@bitchnutzmcgee5895]

7 months no alcohol. Finally got over trying to convince myself that moderation is even remotely possible for me. I feel free and so much better mentally and physically. 😁

[@beans06]

I will be 8 months next week, if you told me last May I would never believe it was possible

[@bitchnutzmcgee5895]

@@beans06 that’s awesome! Keep it up!

[@beans06]

@@bitchnutzmcgee5895 thanks, too far to look back

[@davenova850]

@@beans06 Keep it up! Cheers!

[@irvingr.fatback886]

Turn yourself in to the police.

[@kristendawson5395]

Today I am 1 year, 2 months and 2 days sober. I was stunned in the beginning when people would encourage me to have “just one.” Just one doesn’t exist for me. Now people tell me, “if you can go over a year without drinking you’re not an alcoholic. I am all for making it less shameful.

[@andyhanrahan]

Good on you. Hope you're still off it. If not, hope you're well. All the best

[@bhags59]

Fantastic speech. I’ve been battling addiction in my late 20s and been off an on sober the last year. Got 30 days and hearing this speech just further validates my path. Acceptance has been a huge, monumental breakthrough in my logic and thinking of alcohol. I don’t have shame admitting I am an alcoholic anymore, it simply is a fact and I cannot consume alcohol. Simplify my thinking, a mentality of change and to relinquish myself from the grips of the drug that owned me for so long. Surrendering but proudly. I am a better man for it and I hope I can help others like you, Claire. One day. Thank you.

[@scottsheff]

Page 417 😃

[@adrianacooper459]

Hope is so powerful! I gave up alcohol because it became a problem in my life. It was the shame and the desire to "fit in" that led me to delay the courage to ask for help. It is the bravest thing I've ever done in my life.

[@nazurahaziz1424]

Drinking alcohol is forbidden in Islam.

[@lauraanncallaway4057]

God she is f*cking brilliant. This talk made a huge difference to me - an addict at the deepest of addiction. Pride and strength is the right approach. Much love to her xx

[@regijaynes]

You should read (or listen to) her book: The Sober Diaries. It is so very good.

[@Heather_T]

I quit drinking. If someone offers me a drink I say no thank you, I do not offer an explanation for not wanting one.

[@karenkaren3189]

I got sober over eight years ago. Best thing that I ever did. I was a similar kind of drinker. Never drove drunk, etc. However I had also gradually increased my alcohol intake over the years. Many people are very dependent on alcohol.

[@emilyturner5037]

Amazing! Looked this up after listening to you on the OTI podcast. 2 months sober 🎉

[@hwatret]

Your book was the second quit lit book I read after stopping. I am now approaching a year sober and my life has improved so much. Thank you

[@anewhorizon5622]

Great talk. My sobriety journey started 11 days ago...

[@cynfll]

Where did you go? I tried to find your blog?

[@charlesgallagher1072]

5 days :)

[@rodybaron4439]

Mine started 9 days ago - congratulations

[@jenhasken]

I am also a “high bottom”. I don’t know if I was outright addicted to alcohol, but I could not control my drinking and that was finally enough for me. Sobriety feels great.

[@HoraceGold333]

Exactly what this conversation needs right now. Thank you!!!

[@africanvikingmakers]

Great summary - I’m 3 years sober too - and still feel regarded with suspicion or concern instead of positivity- when I recently posted on Instagram my recent ‘soberversary’ my family’s concern was that I would be generally perceived negatively... that ‘it would seem as if I had a problem ‘ - I whole heartedly agree with your analysis... being sober should be perceived as a healthy response to engaged and hopeful, healthy living... not an admission of not being able to ‘handle’ booze - best wishes xx

[@traceyrohan-irwin1469]

WOW amazing talk well done - I started my recovery this week . Im one week sober - on way to AA meeting

[@mumsy54]

Tracey Rohan-Irwin Sending courage to continue on the journey !!!! I have 7 1/2 years and life was never more fulfilling. AA showed me HOW to live a life that I do not want to take escapes from

[@karenkaren3189]

Good job! I will be seven years sober in June. I was not driving drunk, or going to work after a binge. But I was up to 2-3 glasses wine almost everyday, sometimes more on the weekend. Moderation was not working either. I am so glad I quit.

[@gerardjones7881]

Don't listen to non alcoholics. These Ted talks are not alcoholics.

[@kristendawson5395]

It’s a Blessing you saw this the week you started your recovery.

[@patrickbutler165]

I wish beautiful women like yourself actually went to AA. Fact is they dont.

[@terrysm467]

I really enjoyed your talk! 19 years sober and I just tell people that "I don't drink." The word "alcoholic" does have so many images and preconceptions like pouring vodka on your Cornflakes! Love it! I was drinking too much for me and the example that I wanted for my daughter.

[@nazbrit]

Great talk! I'm almost 3 years sober too - quit because of the damage it was doing to my mental health. Feel soooo much happier, have a group of new friends and spend the money saved on booze, on going to gigs instead. Great fun!

[@johnseaton]

i relate so much to this comment. thanks for posting Annette

[@nazbrit]

@@johnseaton, thanks John. I'm now 6 years almost 4 months sober (I just remember 01/05/15..... Yesterday, I met up with a new sober buddy and we had a fab day out, walking, talking and sharing the utter messiness of life. Joy, not hangovers, nor cynicism!

[@alyssarose5188]

Almost 5 months sober and couldn’t be more happier and grateful !

[@qeproductions1]

Im 27 years sober and never suffered shame about it,not once!! I got my sobriety and my good life in the rooms of AA, the 12 steps and the grace of God, as I understand God.

[@ToniPalese]

Just read your book and reading your blogs. Thank you for your inspirational story that gives me hope. I related to much of your journey. Day 17 and counting.

[@172Break]

Are you still off it?

[@susanpfeil5152]

What a wonderful, informative and entertaining talk. Thank you, Clare! I’m six months sober and cannot believe the positive transformation to my body, mind and spirit!

[@natejo82]

This was so good to hear! I have been fixated on saying I am an alcoholic. It feels so much better to not use negative phrases. I am working my way to being alcohol free! I think this was the boost I needed!

[@millerconsult]

Wow well done, love your talk so much! Three weeks in sobber and feel amazing, whish I would have parked the shame way earlier! Your talk gives hope to hopefully many more sobber warriors! 😄👌🏻

[@geoffreyirvine]

Thankyou. Overweight, insomnia, anxiety attacks......😕

[@staceytaglieber7301]

I have been sober for 11yrs

[@HealWithRRR]

Amen! Thank you so much. We can be proud of our transformations. In my day 2 of sober experience. I’m happy to have found the optimists version of being alcohol free. It’s like being vegan or something. We can be proud of our choices and to know people like you are alive and well!!! . let’s promote the benefits. So grateful for you!!

[@karenkaren3189]

Good job. My last glass of wine was May 31st, 2012. So now it’s eight years and almost five months. Feel good, helped me keep my weight down! ( I am postmenopausal and don’t have the thick waist most of my friends do). Went through all kinds of personal difficulties without getting drunk. Life is good without booze.

[@joannerodriguez4977]

I'm a year sober

[@brendancoul]

well im 3 years Sober and never cease to be impressed by poeple like you claire thank you.poeple should be proud because it is such a killer I wouild be dead now if i had not taken that step

[@abrahimgamil7664]

العاب3

[@Ezoseafoods]

Many good insights, especially that when we drink we not only blur the rough edges of life but also the good parts.

[@rebeccaadorni1862]

Well done, and a wonderful talk! I stopped drinking 5+ years ago. Feeling much better about that and myself since watching this so thank you.

[@lg898]

1 year 4 months sobriety still going strong

[@scottfisher5303]

This is a great speech! And she hits the nail on the head when saying anonymity should be gone! ❤ Don’t be afraid to tell your story. It will help others.

[@evelynbaron2004]

Great informative talk from an articulate brilliantly engaging human being. I would argue however that binge drinking among young women has skyrocketed in the last decade, certainly in the UK. And for genetic or social reasons this either falls away or escalates. The Ted talks I have listened to all describe high bottom quitters who despite the prevalent stigma haven't lost jobs or joined what used to be called the submerged 5th, the pariahs and the homeless. After the death of my parents in my mid-forties that's what I did. I was a University tenure track prof; fired. Law researcher; fired. I slept in bank machines, and on Sundays when there were no security guards in a well known hospital, on the floor of a lavatory. I slept with anybody who wasn't overtly terrifying and had a bed for the night. This led to experiences I don't need to describe. I am in recovery, do a lot of volunteer work etc. am a grateful member of the 12 steps; this is not a contest, just a reminder that you can stop no matter what you've lost. Alcohol withdrawal can result in seizures; I've had 2. Sometimes the organizations meant to help you demonstrate overt contempt. Don't give up.

[@margaretcooper797]

I very much identified with this talk.All the social hurdles to overcome in staying alcohol free.Listening to this has been very very helpful and confidence boosting,to know I am not alone.

[@timway6963]

I really need some help, can't seem to get by My family depends on me

[@davidcowley]

Very inspirational, well done and even more so spreading the wisdom most eloquently. 👍🏻

[@emmarenton9010]

I have just 'celebrated' three years sober. Thanks for this great talk. Xxx

[@lefse2278]

The stigma around alcoholism is so strongly negative. I’m so proud of myself one of my greatest accomplishments.

[@piehound]

Excellent, an advertising specialist who cares about people's health and happiness . . . REALLY !!!! Instead of only the bottom line.

[@catrionawoolner]

Thanks Clare for being AF Loud and Proud, for giving a voice to the many of us sober freaks! I am grateful for you and very happy for you too. Treen xx

[@arthurekman9939]

I will be celebrating 27 years of sobriety and your talk helped me remember my 1st 3 years that I never want to forget.

[@Lolafizz]

Sober since 29/10/2020🎉❤

[@kimcarling1816]

OMG I love her she is such a trail blazer, I'm so grateful for such strong women like her to do what she has done, to help change the way people are "perceived" that drink too much or too often. I found her book on Amazon and couldn't put it down. Her book made me feel like i wasn't alone, a functioning mess. I'm still working on my sobriety, this time I was able to do 5 days.... yes in a row. Its books like hers and people like her that we need more of. Clare Thank you for being so brave I need your messages and I know tons more do too.

[@carriebashak9905]

I’m reading her book too! Feel exactly the same as you!

[@karifike2049]

You are truly a ROCK STAR and I so appreciate your bravery and honesty and willingness to share. You make those of us who have gone through a similar situation realize we are not alone and give us the courage to be honest and as courageous. SOOO grateful to have found your book....reading it now!

[@lanagray6588]

I'm only 15 (yes I know, im sooo young), but I have a problem with alkohol. I told my teacher the other day, because I also gett ptsd panic attacks, and I had one at school so we sat talking for about an hour. it was the most scary thing I've ever done, I thought she would blame me and so on, but she actually mad me feel better, told me it's not my fult. she actually understands, something I thought no one ever would.

[@sobermummy1599]

Hey Lana! Well done you, asking for help! Learning to face your fears, without numbing them with alcohol or other drugs, is the most valuable lesson you can learn in life. It took me until my mid forties, and you are only 15! Alcohol feels like it’s a friend and is helping you, but actually it just makes anxiety worse. The best thing you can do instead is to find a community - ask for help, find other people struggling with the same issues as you, find better, healthier ways of dealing with the anxiety - like exercise, creativity, yoga... Sending you huge love for your awesome future! Clare Pooley x

[@kellyclark2806]

I had an eating disorder for 10 years and see tons of similarities. Love your talk so much Clare. Thank you Sober Warrior. xo

[@jenny8226]

Thank you for your talk, Clare! You are inspiring and everything you say is true. There has to be a way for non-drinkers to not feel ashamed or left needing to give explanation for their choice in life.

[@ladyjatheist2763]

its 1-11-20, I'm on day 11 of a "dry january", I'm lucky enough to have been able to enlist several of my co-workers to do the dry january with me, just to start the year with a whole body detox. I don't know if I'll stay sober, but at this point I plan to drink on feb 1, then take the rest of the month of feb off again. I'd like to think I can do that for the majority of the year, but until I get there, I won't know. On a lucky/positive note I'm grateful that I don't think there's anyone in my life who'd be so crass as to ask, "are you an alcoholic?" or "do you have a problem?" ... of course even if any of them did my response would likely be something that would make them sorry they asked. Mostly though I'm a control freak, and alcohol wants the control... it's not allowed to have it. For everyone who struggles with sobriety (yes I've found myself struggling at the trigger moments like at the start of the weekend, or after finishing my to-do list as a reward), thank you for your stories, thank you for sharing your experiences and making sure that those of us who seek sobriety for whatever reason, know that we're not alone! Thank you for leading the way for the rest of us!

[@julie8234]

Just finished reading The Authenticity Project, loved it, thank you

[@kamugishathierry7653]

The TED I wanted before joining 2022. Thank you Clare. I am an alcoholic myself, and I wanna quick 100%. 2022 is my year.

[@lucimorr]

Give people hope and help in developing support. Love this line "When you drink to blur all the edges of life, you blur all the good bits too".

[@ernarc23]

Clare is very brave. Such a strong woman. xo

[@lovellpartyof7]

So so good! Thank you for sharing your story! I am reading your book and you are like a virtual friend taking me by the hand and helping me do this sober thing. Thank-You! :)

[@Lucypearla]

Wonderful talk Clare 🙌. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️. Very inspiring xx

[@stevenredpath6397]

Brilliant Ted Talk, fantastic 👏

[@daddoesntdrink674]

What a fantastic talk Clare! A true inspiration.

[@susanclare5475]

That was brilliant Clare, very relatable and inspiring. It's my second attempt, I will replay this a lot, it makes so much sense. Thank you.

[@cynthiacollins3041]

Susan Clare I’ve just seen this talk and your comment. Because this isn’t about me I won’t go into detail. I just want to thank you for being honest about needing a second try. Just know you’ve already helped someone else. May you be blessed in your journey.

[@itsmejerkface]

Joy and Pride and Freedom!

[@jonathand3044]

Thank you. You are a brave person. Your honesty is comforting to me.

[@libbybeck6458]

Thank you Clare , inspiring , really enjoyed your book . Happy to have found you and listened to this x

[@jenniebradford1380]

Brave lady. Well done

[@ashleymcclure3774]

This video needs more views

[@supernova11491]

This is an excellent presentation! Concise; short but sweet💛

[@haleyledesma23]

Beautiful story. Thank you so much.

[@msladartandlearning7250]

Fabulous Clare thank you! Love your book also.

[@001vivianne]

I followed your blog from the early days - you've come a long way :) What a great talk x

[@manxqueenofcraft]

Perfect! Thank you so much. Exactly the clarification that I needed that I don’t have to keep wondering if I am an alcohol to justify giving up the booze- my life would be better without it- the end. 😊

[@dinodude1100]

you are SO inspiring, so human

[@lisajmarino3104]

Such great wisdom thank you!

[@aamirmirza4619]

Bravo lady maybe i will do the same being grateful of my sobriety and recovery

[@djssquibbs3295]

Thank you so much for bringing this content to people we need it!! I am going to try the Sinclair method. AA is great for a lot of people but it didn't work for me. This gives me another option where I do not feel shameful or a failure. 👍 I don't expect a pill to solve all my problems I'm going to try this method as well as other things to change my life and make myself a better person.

[@lislstobel256]

Yes sister, one of the best talks ever!

[@SnorriGylfasonGoi]

30 years sober

[@217789jimbo]

Your so dry your a 🔥 fire hazard!😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵

[@rachaelbonneau363]

Clare, you are truly wonderful and inspiring! Thank you!!

[@littlegg2591]

Thanks so much, very helpful!

[@kerra2092]

I genuinely loved this talk! Thanks Clare!

[@markcarey8426]

Excellent. I am reading the book which is why I'm here. TY Clare, well done.

[@carolinamontoya6029]

I love her book!! so inspiring and funny and just amazing.

[@tarawasinger]

Thank you!

[@npurkis]

Amazing Clare, thank you

[@jillytiffen6305]

Great talk!

[@NH-tg1rb]

Smashing talk! Thank you

[@rhook88]

Love this woman. What an inspiration. ❤️

[@edlong1466]

Thank you and congrats

[@MaryUnderwoodeastbayarts]

Thank you ! Very helpful

[@laurahansenzii6362]

Thank you

[@noelgibson5956]

I live in Australia. I'm not embarrassed about being a teetotaler. I just...... don't drink, and never feel the need to justify myself. I'm not looked down on. I'm admired and respected. If you're friends can't except it........ find some new ones.

[@sobersherpa]

Respectfully; one of the things that we learn in recovering from alcoholism is to cease fighting what we cannot control. To put any effort into other people's opinion about shaming is silly and a waste of time. God grant us to serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference. We don't give a f*** about people talking s*** about us.

[@herbiegobananas1744]

That’s powerful, thanks Clare,

[@sarahleamyawandererwriter6040]

wonderful thank you

[@susanb1394]

Thank you for this video. Important information.

[@feistyunicorn1855]

I told a doctor of mine I didn’t drink anymore… She said… oh… I’m sorry to hear that. WTF?! I’m 4 months sober now and feeling fantastic. I feel sorry for that doctor and have not been back to her.

[@southcountysue3811]

Very good video. I stopped yesterday. 30 plus years. Sick of this drunken life.

[@PPP-tb2cp]

Thank you! ❤️

[@westkootenaywild7658]

Excellent

[@steveharris4343]

Cambridge University have done a study recently proving there is no safe level of alcohol but why do people pretend it's safe? Alcohol is so unhealthy it's actually scary.

[@skinrg]

Going to find your book. Still fighting

[@shannonh8697]

"They would assume that I was pouring vodka on my cornflakes"🤣🤣🤣

[@HealWithRRR]

I liked that too! Haha

[@roseannatidiman]

Amazing! Ty ☺️ 3yrs 10months free of being a major booze-hound 😉 x 👋🏼🇬🇧

[@user-ph2ye2xs9j]

Enjoying this APP

[@twinkletoes7185]

Twenty months sober now and I still don't know how to say why I quit.

[@isabelledeb9508]

Twinkle Toes just say you became intolerant for alcohol, like I really did. I’m now thinking about quitting all together because my body really is not feeling it

[@silkegehtyoutubegarnichtsa892]

"I just wanted to try, and I enjoy it actually!" Truth btw., I still have no stigma experience about it though, my guess, most people are just like me, subconsciously aware it's an unnecessary and rather silly habit (at least), and just ending it, is the right choice.