My Sister In-Law Is Turning My Boyfriend Against Me Because I Exposed Her Racism r/AITA

[@HackiePuffs]

This reminds me of a story where OP heard her boyfriend’s parents be racist behind her back and when she told her boyfriend he was so mad he went off on his parents and apologized profusely to OP. THATS what this bf should’ve done.

[@zachf748]

So, the BF blamed OP (the victim of racism) in this situation… and not his sister (the actual racist)?… Dump him immediately.

[@k70freeman]

Rude? yes Racist? no. She just doesn't like Op.

[@faceofvision]

@@k70freeman what race are you to judge whether something is racist or not? Excluding someone specially because of their skin color is RACIST.

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@k70freeman found the centrist

[@hi_stranger9156]

The bf is coward.

[@viciousrape]

@@faceofvision k70freeman probably has a similar background to mine. I'm a black man in my 30s. imagine you're me, having a random spat with some white boy. at some point, cause he's mad at you and he's fed up and wants the fight to happen, calls you the n-word, hard -er. it will come out his mouth. it's not that he wants to enslave all of your people and he hates everyone with your skin color with all of his heart and soul. he's just mad at *you* in that moment and he wants the fight to happen. that's how people are. we don't recognize that as racism what we do recognize as racism is when you have a consistent issue with someone where they're the aggressor, bullshit that no one else has to go through, and they refuse to change their behavior even when you set traps for it woman said the girl's skin is too dark and then stopped answering her. she wasn't being racist, she was being a bitch. trust me, a racist would've sent her a fucking answer and wouldn't be embarrassed by any blowback

[@devchekhov7512]

OP, find a bf who's got every bone needed in his body--including a spine

[@rogueshark23]

A spine and some balls of steel.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Hell, even if she finds someone with JUST a spine she’ll be better off.

[@tie5360]

Yeah ops boyfriends needs to grow a back bone and dump her dumbass. Id hate to be in a relationship with someone that gets this mad over literally wanting her wedding pictures to look how she wants them to.

[@lindah3803]

Story 1: Unfortunately this is a regular occurrence. A guy I worked with had a similar situation. He had been married for awhile. He knew her family wasn't happy with him. None of them had made comments or done anything like photoshop that he was aware of. Their toddler came home from staying the weekend with his wifes parents. They had left her with them to go to a funeral. Wife picked her up, had stayed for awhile to visit. That night he was bathing his daughter, she started calling him racist terms. When he asked her where she'd heard them from, he found out that her entire family referred to him with these. He asked if mommy also did this, she said no. He didn't confront his wife immediately. Next they went to the parents home. He brought up taking pictures. His daughter automatically wanted to see, then she asked to see MILs photo album. Not thinking, they brought it out. He discovered that he was cut out of a lot of them. While looking at them, he turned to his wife, gave her a death stare, told daughter it was time to go. Left the wife there. He said the look of guilt on his wife's face while he stared at her told him she knew about it all along. When she finally came home later that night, daughter was asleep, he simply handed her divorce papers, brought her bags out of the bedroom, told her to get out and don't bother contacting him. Talk to his lawyer. Her family tried starting off all sweet, but showed their true colors. He was able to get full custody, restraining order's for her family so they wouldn't have any contact with his daughter. Wife got supervised visitation. The judge did that because the daughter had a talk with the judge. He asked her about mommy and her family. His daughter told the judge even more than he knew about. The judge was pissed at everything he learned from her. At the hearing he reamed her and her family members that were present. The judge even said he wished he could slap hate crimes on them. Last I knew, he and his daughter were doing great. The thing that got to him was that he thought her family wasn't happy with him because of job. That was the only thing they would give him flack for. He didn't make enough money in their eyes. He wasn't poor, they were living comfortably. He jus figured they wanted her with a doctor, lawyer,ceo type. I was shocked when he told me his story. His wife and family did pay quite a price, not near enough though.

[@Ebbagull]

I'm so happy the judge saw what was going on, and removed the child from what must have been an awful situation! Well handled on the husband's part, too. A good father, that one!

[@brianaschmidt910]

Please tell me that they didn't do more than slurring at a child?

[@lindah3803]

@@brianaschmidt910 All I know about was the racist slurs. But your question does remind me about a talk with him. He was showing me pictures of his daughter, posing( playing model) I remember him noting that MIL didn't allow those outfits at her house. I recall commenting, OK,thats wierd( type of comment) looking back the outfits were what I would best describe as being stereotypically black styles. I don't know if they said anything to his daughter about the clothes being" slur" clothes. I wouldn't put it past them though.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

That poor kid. I hope that doesn't end up being one of her earliest memory type deals. Just imagine her hanging out with her mom and suddenly getting a flashback of all the terrible racial slurs her moms side used to call her and her dad when no one but her enabling mom was there to protect her.

[@LexTime89]

I don’t understand the people with extremely racist families marrying people of that race while still wishing to maintain a relationship with said racist family. Like, how exactly do they think that’s going to work out? What kind of mother would even WANT to bring their child into that kind of abuse. Disgusting. If you want to enable your racist family, then enable them by marrying someone they’d approve of and stop dragging innocent people into your bullshit.

[@owl7072]

"Boyfriend thinks it was a low blow" I think her racism is one of the lowest blows possible and _significantly_ outweighs what Op did 🤔 Edit: "She probably doesn't understand" she is a grown ass _adult._ She _knows_ what she said was wrong and she knows exactly _why_ it's wrong.

[@teencrisis4750]

EXACTLY THANK YOU 💗

[@marychoppins8140]

As a WOC that’s been in a situation similar to this, the bf’s complacency with his family’s racism is perpetuating racism towards the BIPOC community. Instead of taking full accountability, he made excuses for his behavior. There’s no way the relationship will continue as he purposefully engaged in racist behavior towards her. Trust me, I was married to a man whose family was like this and he did the same thing. We are now divorced and our daughter has ZERO contact with them.

[@pippo17173]

Can I ask why these people even date POC if they hate it? Seriously that is just fucking shitty

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

The BF was so quick to defend their hypothetical future children, but won’t stick up for his girlfriend who’s right in front of him? I call BS.

[@MrJaytwooh]

You divorcing is proof that you're a shit person, hope the kid's resentment breaks you.

[@marychoppins8140]

@@WaitingxInxSilence exactly! The sad thing is that there is a part of him that agrees with their ideology. My ex-husband fetishizes black women which I did not see until after we were married and had a daughter. He loves everything about my culture, but allowed his family to make derogatory comments regarding POC.

[@MrJaytwooh]

@@marychoppins8140 I'm sure your family NEVER said anything derogatory of Whites.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 The boyfriend is a coward. People need to realize that when they enter an interacial relationship, they will have to step up in defending their partner. They HAVE to be advocates for their partners and potential children. If they are too scared or lazy to do that, or they are only dating the person for the exoiticism-then kindly gtfo and take a bath in hot lava.

[@fjnxtgdjsjeeh6073]

How is the boyfriend protecting her in these situations?? he's only protecting his family :/ bringing her around racists constantly, defending his sister's actions and calling ops response a low blow. It's weird he calls it passive.

[@raeishimura]

Story 2: That is incredibly illegal. You cannot fire a worker for discussing wages. Don't just file a complaint, SUE! That is wrongful termination, and you can absolutely destroy that company for what they did. I'm sure an investigation would pop out a lot more, and a lawsuit would royally screw that company over. Employers like this never learn their lesson if you don't actually hit them where it hurts. And the only way to actually damage them is to hit them in the wallet

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Actually, that's not necessarily true. In many states and some countries, employers have the right to fire their employees for ANY reason. If your boss doesn't like the color of your shirt, they can fire you. Given that, many employers have it written into Contracts and Policies and Procedures that you cannot discuss certain aspects of your job with others, even co-workers and a big one is usually the salary and bonuses you might get paid.

[@jessicaparker2011]

@@thomasjoseph5876 www.nlrb.gov/about-nlrb/rights-we-protect/the-law/jurisdictional-standards Only really small businesses can fuck people over in the US. Which isn't surprising bc they are just as bad as big businesses.

[@goddessmelanisia]

@@thomasjoseph5876 Except for certain protected things like, talking about forming a union, discussing wages, race, gender, religion.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@goddessmelanisia Sorry, but things like discussing wages, race, gender, and religion are NOT protected in nearly every state. In fact, I don't know any state that they are "protected speech". However, forming unions is. Most employers, especially in today's horrific economy, won't fire their workers for most discussions about anything UNLESS it becomes an issue with getting their work done or disruptive to the company. Something that would hurt the company's reputation would probably get them fired as well. Given that, if a company has policies in place saying you can't discuss your wages with other workers, you can and probably will get fired if you do it. Most businesses have a 3 strike policy where you need to get written up for 3 company violations before you are fired but that isn't always necessary.

[@raeishimura]

@@thomasjoseph5876 actually, you are the one who is wrong here. It is in fact protected by law. NLRA section 7 prevents employees from enforcing any rules that would prevent employees from discussing wages. See, NLRB v. Brookshire Grocery Co., 919 F.2d 359 (5th Circuit, 1990) This rule was extended even to federal employees in 2014 whereas before it only applied to private sector employees. Under NLRA section 7 employers are not legally allowed to prohibit discussion of wages nor can they punish employees for doing so. They can have policy stopping employees from doing so SPECIFICALLY during work hours, but they legally cannot stop any discussion of wages and cannot punish you for discussion of wages, as demonstrated in the case referenced above which took place in Louisiana, an At-Will state. Despite being such a state, the employer was sued for firing the employee over wage discussion and lost. Even in an At-Will employment state, that is one thing you CAN'T be fired for. There are in fact exceptions to At-Will, and firing employees for wage discussion is one of those things that will make a company lawyer cry.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

The big issue illustrated by story 1 is that you should never rely on someone saying "I will" do this or that. You have to see a history of them actually doing it. So if OP's BF says, "I will stand up to my parents, I will protect our mixed-race children" etc., you have to ignore it and only move forward after he has a history of actually doing it. Same with other stories where people promise to do this or that (spend less, do more childcare, whatever) and their SO relies on their talk (to their detriment) instead of acting on their actions.

[@harley5.7bviews5secondsago6]

This is a really good point. Not enough ppl understand this.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

@@harley5.7bviews5secondsago6 Thanks. I'm in my 60s. Took me about 50 years to figure that out.

[@harley5.7bviews5secondsago6]

@@twentyfiveyears5010 I know what you mean, although I'm only 17 and still have a lot to learn about the world in general. It's good to remember the points made in your comment to avoid being taken advantage of by crappy ppl. Thank you for sharing! :)

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

@@harley5.7bviews5secondsago6 I think a lot of wisdom can be gleaned from short pithy statements (like the above). I actually learned a lot of "Life Lessons from Reddit" lol that are wise, and I wish I knew them when I was young. Would have saved me a lot of mistakes. --"No" is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify your decisions. --When someone tells you what you should do with YOUR time, money, house, car, etc., they are the AH. --When someone sends Flying Monkeys, they are the AH. --When someone shows you who they are, believe them. (pertinent to this story). There are more, I just can't think of them right now. Best wishes to you for a long and healthy life.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

People lie for various reasons, sometimes good, sometimes nefarious, but we lie, that is a simple flaw in our human nature. That's why actions really do speak louder than words. I doubt this dudes words, and without actions, I would serious re-evaluate my life goals with him in it. Let's take the dude out of the situation altogether. Would any of us really want to be "linked" to that family thru ANY means, especially marriage??? I sure wouldn't. When you consider marrying someone, you have to take EVERYTHING about them into consideration and one of those things is their immediate and extended family and their relationship with them. If their family sucks but your fiance doesn't have strong ties to them, then it may not be a serious consideration. But if they are tied to that family strongly, then you can rest assured it won't change for any reason in the future. I would personally be running away from this dude and his toxic family. Are they racist??? I don't know but they sure are Grade "A" A-holes that the OP doesn't need in her life.

[@potatoempress5731]

Soooooooooooooooooo the BF just zipped his mouth and allowed his family to continually be racist towards OP as long as she doesn't know? QUALITY BOYFRIEND RIGHT HERE! Only apologizing after thousands of people called him out. Yeah no.

[@MrJaytwooh]

Yeah 'cause removing her from pics is so proof of Racism SMH 🤦‍♂️. Just forget the rest of the time they treat her as an equal and never were Racist at all.

[@JohnnyDominion]

Some people need a wake up call and I think this was one for him.

[@amandasunshine2]

I'm sick of people thinking ultimatums are bad. THEY AREN'T. They are given by someone who's boundaries aren't being respected to said boundary stomper to respect said boundaries or gtfo. So it's a win win win from all sides. You either get your boundaries respected or the problem removes itself. They are effective and good. What people are mistaking for ultimatums is manipulation. If you're using an ultimatum to manipulate someone, not get your boundaries respected, you are the asshole. But you can use LOTS of different things for manipulation, not just ultimatums. Ultimatums are tools, just like couples therapy, that can be turned against a victim by an abuser. That doesn't mean that either of them are bad. Feeling guilty for enforcing your boundaries is what abusers WANT. Don't give them that power. Make all the ultimatums you need to be safe and don't feel guilty about it at all.

[@addicted2mako]

“She’s so beautiful and successful…” There are a metric buttload of racists who are beautiful and successful, and there are plenty of people who have none of what SiL has and aren’t racist. NTA

[@CaulkMongler]

I think it’s more of OP providing context before commenters could say things like “maybe the SIL wanted to edit you out because she’s jealous of your success or felt she’d be outshined by your looks”

[@cianap.281]

The prospect of biracial kids being treated badly or dismissed by family is horrifying, and on top of that what happens if some of the biracial kids look more white than others? That would be particularly devastating and destructive if they're treated differently. I'd be "petty" about this, too.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I can tell you firsthand how horrible it can be. My grandfather extremely disliked two different races of people because of his negative interactions with them while he was a young man. My father ended up marrying my mother who was a member of one of these races and thus had my 8 sisters and me. Thankfully, our grandfather was able to re-evaluate his beliefs and decided he had been wrong for many years treating entire races of people a certain way for the actions of just a few of them. When he passed, my grandfather considered my mother to be the daughter he never had and his bi-racial grandchildren (except for one of my nasty mean sisters lol) to be the future of "his people" and a "proud legacy" to his namesake. We heard even before the wedding my mother was beginning to wrap my grandfather around her pinky lol. She is a good and loveable woman that everyone likes. My grandfather even liked my wife who was the same race as my mother but then again, my wife holds high-degree black belts in 3 different martial arts and can kick the ass of pretty much everyone we know including myself who is 6'7" 265 lb of all muscle with some MMA and Military training LOL.

[@knowmyhustle]

OP's bf really said he didn't tell her for her own good. not b/c he's secretly racist or that he's too scared to stand up for the person he chose to date. No, it's for her own good.

[@WobblesandBean]

Right?? God, I hope OP wakes up and dumps that worthless man before she gets pregnant.

[@kateemma22]

'Don't worry, I'm not blaming it on jealousy or fear of being outshone... it just screams 'racist piece of crap'.' Markee, mate, you're meant to throw the prawn on the BBQ, not this witch.

[@msredux]

Op really needs to break up with the boyfriend, he is gonna stand by while she gets attacked, he has no spine, and he will do the same if they have kids, op get out of there. Don't have kids with him ffs

[@nkoistrash]

Was in a similar situation where bfs (now ex) family would say racist stuff all the time (im black hes white) and id be the only one to stick up for myself. Never again. You dont shut down racism, im not going to be with you.

[@roserussellperry1719]

Story one. Her brother did not stand up for his girlfriend he is just like her and feels the same way. Kick him to the curb!

[@bricksloth6920]

Yeah I'm not feeling super confident about title OP's boyfriend, his protestations of love and support notwithstanding. I think he's an invertebrate.

[@GiordanDiodato]

Story 2: sue the fuck of them.

[@Tyggs42]

Dear OP: Ultimatums aren't always bad. In this case it was more than justified.

[@thanos8077]

Story 1: "I've never thought of myself as someone who's petty or makes ultimatums" that's not being petty that's just op not taking any racist bs from people and holding them accountable also the ultimatum was warranted also ops bf is shitty and is an enabler of his family's behavior he's a coward.

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

Yup, there r times when ultimatums aren’t good but there’re also times when it’s absolutely needed.

[@thanos8077]

@@Loaves_of_Cat agreed sometimes ultimatums are unreasonable and sometimes they're justified

[@untitled-gv3qp]

I wouldn't even call it an ultimatum really. It's just her putting her foot down on the way his family treats her.

[@thanos8077]

@@untitled-gv3qp exactly

[@incineroar9933]

No one should protect a racist's feelings.

[@RJLiams]

Unless the race is a group you don't like. In which case it's OK.

[@incineroar9933]

@@RJLiams get out of here with that nonsense

[@RJLiams]

@@incineroar9933 oh so you don't support hatred being aimed at any race?

[@incineroar9933]

@@RJLiams quit trolling this is dumb

[@RJLiams]

@@incineroar9933 I'm not trolling. I legitimately asking because the past few years have proven that many anti-racist people don't actually believe what they preach. From even my own personal experiences.

[@fnjesusfreak]

Some people say that evil prevails when good people do nothing. Good people do not do nothing. Those who do nothing are not good people. Inaction in the face of evil is not only an acquiescence and acceptance of the evil, it is a participation in the evil.

[@kristinewatson3702]

No way I could trust this BF. Words don't mean shit. His actions or INACTION speak as loudly as his overtly racist sister's words.

[@MrJaytwooh]

Yeah 'cause removing her from pics is so proof of Racism SMH 🤦‍♂️. Just forget the rest of the time they treat her as an equal and never were Racist at all.

[@DrownedInExile]

Story1: OP is NTA, but she is a fool for not dumping her b/f. Bad enough his first action was to side with his racist sister. Now it turns out he was hiding his family's covert racism for who knows how long? What other dirty secrets has he kept? His excuse that he "did it out of love" is just nauseating. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time! Plus is he really going to risk alienating his super-rich uncle? Nope his promises are worthless. Dump and move on.

[@maddie9531]

“..on the BARBECUE for those Americans” lmaooo

[@ghostdragon5735]

1) Op needs to leave this family. This is sadly common. He did it out of love? Boy bye.

[@GeorgeGiann]

So… the boyfriend takes NO real accountability and passes on the issue AGAIN to his fiancé to make the… decision to forgive them or not!!

[@teencrisis4750]

1st story: “strong girl, never let petty things hurt me” omgg NOOOO, god why do people think this way. It is not being strong to not call out people for their racism. you not protecting me is not me being strong, it’s me hardening to the stuff around me. Why are black women always told to be strong, when we should be protected and have someone looking out for us like others. It’s so tiring

[@Only1199]

End it with him and inform her foreign clients.

[@CaulkMongler]

Story 1: coming at it with the most understanding POV possible - this is one of those “hard moments” any long term relationship will face through time. I feel like he really approached this issue of race from a whitewashed perspective. Aka “pretend there are no issues and there are no issues”. Because of his whiteness, he’s never been put in a position to take a stance and to lose something because of it. I’d say give him one last chance, and see how he moves forward from this point on. It seems like they talked about a lot of stuff and it seems to have finally gotten through to him everything that she’s been putting up with.

[@itzlexxii]

OP run, he’s a spineless boy. If he’s always chose you, you would be having this issue

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Story1. Wow I will say it was good OP saw SIL's message and called her out but also OP learned SIL'S real feels about her. Also finding out how bf and his family and relatives think about her (OP). It is truly disgusting and bf looks even worst in the situations because he did nothing. He even got mad at OP Truly I hope the place SIL is working at hears and they decide to change their relationship with her. No one wants a racist model. But truly OP, since he is only a bf kick him to the kick and let him keep his racist family. Go and find a new guy who loves you and wont let that crap fly.

[@malindacombs8609]

I’m confused. He loves OP but allows his family to bully, be cruel & hateful to HIS future wife & mother of his kids? That doesn’t add up. I’m actually laughing at the Sister for crying that HER life is ruined & her career but can’t comprehend why OP was upset & hurt?! I pray OP runs far away.

[@Lillypop93]

Story one NTA cut contact a crappy friend. My personal story: Every race has their own issues with photography for instance if I'm not in the right light I look washed out. My senior year of HS seniors are supposed to wear all white the prom it's a tradition where I'm from. The town I grew up in was a good mix of black ppl and white ppl. Do to the decorations lighting and outfits all our "professional" photos looked wild. Either the black kids looked like floating heads or you could properly see the black kids but the white kids looked like ghosts in the background. I didn't buy the pictures when they came out but looking back I wish I had they were funny.

[@TheIronwil]

I agree with the majority - the BF will not suddenly find his balls and stand up to his family. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian all-white family and married into a Thai family. My fundy family and I haven’t spoken for over a decade. Good riddance!

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

Ah, Christians lmao Why am I not surprissed 🗿

[@mandeemorris2835]

Dump the bf . If he doesnt reject his sisters racism and support his gf then he supports his sister and her racism. Simple.

[@ThirteenAmp]

Really it's only some Americans, in the south BBQ is a food and it's cooked in a pit, yall use BBQ as a name for a grill and some people use BBQ as the name for a cook out

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Some of us use all 3 terms equally

[@ResidentMilf]

From my understanding, barbecue is a style of cooking that uses a grill and a tomato and molasses based sauce. When someone invites you to a barbecue, it is an outdoor party where barbecue-style food is served. I've heard that some people call a grill a barbecue, but I've never personally met someone who does; it's always just been a grill.

[@kikikungfukakes6639]

BBQ for the north is anything we toss on a grill half the time there's not even BBQ sauce

[@kateemma22]

To BBQ in Australia is the same - to BBQ (cook) BBQ food on a BBQ grill. We also use 'chips' for two different things. We like to recycle words.

[@co7314]

Barbeque: 1. Verb (the act of cooking on grill) 2. Adjective (flavor of typical tomato based sauce used on barbecue chicken... ex, barbeque chips) 3. Noun1 (the actual equipment used for barbecuing) 4. Noun2 (a get together, usually outside, that includes at least one food made on the barbecue) There are probably more definitions too. We also say grill for Verb & Noun1

[@ergotempusvernum]

No, it is professional to stand up to racism and not photoshop a poc out of a picture. She needs to also ditch that "friend".

[@roboticfish317]

No it isn't that literally the opposite of professional all a professional does is work for money unless their job is to stop racism take on the chin and move on its what everyone that has ever done customer service understands you sound incredibly privileged

[@wisebumblebee]

Thanks for the shoutout but Americans don't eat prawns. We have shrimp and crawfish. The amount of crap POC women are expected to deal with because we're "strong" is enough to break a person.

[@LisaApril]

Stories today about very important topics in our lives. A woman who is marginalized in her boyfriends family due to her appearance, with no support from her boyfriend. Why bother staying around? Leave this racist wasteland of a family! Live in the light with people who judge and love you by your character and your heart. An employer stealing from his employees, the most disgusting thing that has been going on since the practice of farming out work to others started. Maybe you don’t even take a settlement, take it to court so all the world can see and this employer be branded as the exploitative Devil he is. Sometimes money doesn’t matter, the shaming in public and the knowledge that the exploiter has their face shown to the world is what is needed.

[@___LC___]

Second story: I would go scorched earth.

[@annegrey6447]

We were taught in school not to tell coworkers what we’re a paid. Does that mean our teacher was setting us up to not question our wages?

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Firing someone just because that person talked about wages sounds wrong and it also sounds like wrongful termination.

[@TarynBell]

I don’t want the bf to stay with OP

[@FreeTans239]

“Of course the boyfriend thought it was a low blow! Odds are he’s racist like his sister” uh…. Isn’t he the one dating the dark middle eastern?

[@beachgirl8420]

I'm sorry to say but I agree she needs to dump him. Sure he loves her but she has unknowingly been around his family members who clearly want nothing to do with her. I think things would get worse after having kids. And even worse yet if they have children and later divorce. My biggest issue is he knew it and kept taking her around them. I was in an interracial relationship (I'm the brown one). We moved to an area where racism is worse than anywhere I've lived before. I knew that it would probably be a challenge for me but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it is. He promised me early on that he would never have me around people who he could tell were racist. That was a lie. It affected my willingness to go anywhere with him. It was really bad at church and I stopped going after a year because I felt so unwelcome there. It's really given me a bad taste in my mouth about attending church here at all so I've hesitated to find a different church, instead just watching my prior church's services online. I asked for a divorce recently and the racism thing isn't a main reason but it certainly didn't help. The funny thing is, to many I just look Caucasian with a beautiful tan. But if they ask I'm not going to lie about my nationality. And that's when the dismissiveness begins. One lady who had been talking my ear off for an hour literally got up and walked away after I told her. In addition, when out in public if I ran into any of his friends without him, they wouldn't acknowledge me so it became glaringly evident that indeed we've been hanging out with racists the entire time. He continued/continues to go to the racist church btw, because surprise surprise, they're nice to him.

[@noydb-1]

Look OP, just leave him, he doesn't disagree with their attitudes, he agrees wholeheartedly. You are not his long term plan as a wife and mother to his children. You are just his exotic fantasy before he goes off to marry Karen Whitebread and have his lily white children as he is expected to do. Just dump him now before he gives you some story about how your disrespect for his family values is forcing him to have to break up with you. Don't waste any more of your time on a relationship that has zero chance of being long term.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

So glad the co worker helped. I bet the boss thought if I fire the person who makes 15. Then we might have more money to fix the other co workers wages. Also bet they didnt want your wife to tell more co workers about how company isn't paying minimum wage or found more coworkers in same situation

[@renawhitlock6752]

story 1 is a textbook case of the white women tears phenomena 🙄she says something BLATANTLY racist, gets called out on it, and then cries herself into becoming the victim... which always leads to the victim of the racist comments being gaslighted and called the asshole in the situation where they were clearly just defending themself. NTA in the slightest, always embarrass racists

[@ashcreekAER]

Markee thank you for the American barbecue shoutout, I didn't want to appropriate the prawn barbie chucking

[@doyoumissming]

OP is slow. Your BF didn't defend you because he is a racist too like his family. Oh my goodness, he thinks it's normal behaviour.

[@oldwoman5942]

My friend was a waitress at a pizza restaurant and the owner was stealing all her tips. Another place the owner made the staff put 15% of the orders total in a jar even if the customer didn’t leave a tip (common because of being close to a school and lots of high school customers). One night she ended up owing more than her wages. She quit then and there.

[@stormtellier3804]

this sounds awfully like that one restaurant on kitchen nightmares called Amy's bakery which was part pizzeria and part bakery. where the one dude owner was stealing the tips of the sixteen girl and then later on in the episode the female owner fired her

[@danisonice.]

Okay but... No to the "keep things professional and keep your values out of it" BS. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE AN ARTIST OR DESIGNER. but I think this goes for any other profession as well. Like bro, if you were hitler's campaign manager judt for the money, you're still a bad person. If you're helping create racist or sexist content-- you're the same as the person asking you to do it. Stand up against ableism/sexism/racism/xenophobia etc in your work. ESPECIALLY if you are a creator/maker.

[@kavertia6261]

Story 2 is so illegal I can’t believe that company has managed to survive this long. Paying under minimum wage is illegal. Firing someone for discussing their pay is also illegal. Go wild. Sue them into hell. I wanna watch them burn.

[@damienhailey118]

Story #1: The Boyfriend suffers from, as MLK Jr. put it, "White Moderate" Syndrome. He values a "false peace" of people not raising a fuss over a truer peace of not having the problem at all.

[@mikeremski2102]

Wages it always sucks to hear someone you think is a slacker is making more than you, but talking about it is never/should never be an issue. Employers discourage it because they don't want to deal with "I've been here 10 years, I run the place when you're not here but the attractive blonde you're trying to date is making more than me?" I may be odd, but if you think you are being paid a fair wage for the work you are doing, does it really matter what someone else is making?

[@kezmet5998]

Yes, it matters because if you don't know how much someone else gets paid for doing exactly the same job as you, how do you know that what you "think" is a fair wage, really is fair? Maybe the guy getting paid below minimum "thought" it was fair and I'll bet was even told by their boss that it was more than generous, and no-one else will pay that well...

[@ItsYaBoiV]

I'm of two minds here. Do I think BF is protecting his racist sister? Absolutely. But did OP need to IMMEDIATLY go to insta instead of discussing that with bf and the family? Nah. Going directly to blast your personal stuff just gives the person on blast a chance to use the sympathy card. You gotta go to family first, get the narrative straight, and don't let the offender twist the story for sympathy.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Their family is all racists and enablers. That wouldn't have worked. Going to them would be what gave them time to twist the story and gaslight the OP.

[@IForgetWorlds]

Early! Thank you Markee for the great content! Have a great day everyone!

[@civivva4501]

POC NEED TO HAVE THE RACISM TALK with their white partners at the beginning of the relationship and continuously throughout the relationship. If white ppl are not prepared to do that work why bother have a relationship with a POC?

[@KJ-sp9jq]

Fellow American here. I can't believe you changed your intro. Did people really need that clarified?

[@Markee]

I'm just messing around trying new stuff lmao. Fun seeing the reactions :D

[@KJ-sp9jq]

It doesn't sound right. Please go back.

[@phantom-pr6op]

Honestly I want to trust that this is a huge wake up call to the husband of the first story.

[@AuntLoopy123]

IMO, OP SHOULD apologize. Post a new insta story, with ALL The informormation, including the story of the uncle, and the ENTIRE FAMILY keeping the secret, and say, "I am SO SORRY. I am SORRY that I got involved with an ENTIRE FAMILY OF RACIST ASSHOLES. There. I apologized, just like you demanded. Happy now, MIL, oh woman who raised the woman who did THE THING in the first place? Are you happy that *I*, the victim of the racist attack, apologized? GOOD. Now that you're happy, I never want to have anything to do with you, your brother, or your daughter again. And I am SERIOUSLY RECONSIDERING being with you SON, who DID NOT HAVE MY BACK, because he thinks I'm strong enough to take it, and don't NEED support, EVER. What an unloving idiot. Oh! But he DOES say that he'll protect OUR CHILDREN from your racist attacks. Good to know, right?! And he knows that I WILL stand up for myself against your racist attacks. Now YOU know, too. I'm SOOOOOOO Sorry that you are a racist asshole, who raised another racist asshole, and a weak-willed, namby-pamby, uncaring son, who only thinks CHILDREN need love and support."

[@theroyalbugness]

Hurray! Good morning Markee!! Best Saturday ever!

[@Qwerty95ish]

Ultimatums are only bad if they are a bluff. If there honest it's fine. For example if I cheated on my wife she would leave me. So I have an ultimatum put on me to be faithful, that's a very reasonable ultimatum.

[@cade5782]

Markee you gotta stop changing the intro I’m getting confused!!!🤣🤣

[@Thegamingg00bers]

Idk story 1 I hear a bridezilla not a racist she’s didn’t uninvite op or ask for her to be removed out of every picture. Most likely the lighting on the photos probably threw off the photos but can’t say without seeing them

[@Safaridor]

It’s one thing to call out a racist. It’s another thing to see racist behavior and reply with a racist statement like “white people want to be racist behind closed doors”. The don’t know how they lie to themselves to stay blind to the irony.

[@xirochamber5863]

I honestly don’t find it racist for a photo touch up if the color was off. But the way she acted seemed racist.

[@drkatbun8566]

So initially I thought it was like a very stupid misunderstanding, with the whole “she’s too dark in the pictures”, and op just took it the wrong way and immediately going to post it on instagram, but that whole “apologize to me” is kinda telling. Also the 60 year old uncle pictures, it could just be cause it’s op is just a gf, and nothing someone else but hiding it from her just gives the same vibe.

[@Whistlesonthewind]

As a person of color, you HAVE to vet the heck out of potential whyte mates AND their families. The fact that her boyfriend didn’t take her side is aiding in the validity of my comment. Love who you love, sure, but VET VET VET!!! He’s so nonchalant and it makes him just as bad as his family. Btw, racists date and marry POC… it doesn’t make them less racist.

[@MrJaytwooh]

That vetting is just making you sound more Racist. Wait did you spell White as Whyte, yeah you're a major Racist!

[@lauracottom7425]

Sorry you may have a problem. I have worked at a couple of businesses and have always been told that discussions about salary is a no go. I live in Pennsylvania. Did your wife sign a contract? Is that a part of the contract?

[@sierrafirerider]

If they make you sign a contract saying you’re not allowed to discuss wages, then that’s illegal and a red flag bc they know they’re underpaying some of their staff and are trying to get away with it by gagging you with NDAs

[@jayjaytaylor565]

Hello, Markee! I hope you are having a wonderful day, today!!

[@bobhunter2516]

Not going to lie I'd reverse uno them and then use their same arguments when they tried to make an issue about. But I'm a petty person tbf.

[@itazuranakisu]

Yikes I feel sorry for any future children that are brought up in that family especially if the boyfriend has a child/children with a brown or black woman in the future because he's a wild card with a pattern that wouldn't make me feel confident he would defend his partner and future children. He is indeed a coward. Words are nice (especially those used to defend your image while trying to look apologetic/humbled/enlightened) but actions to reinforce such words and keeping the pattern means more. Even if racism wasn't involved, the fact that he didn't stand up for his girlfriend when the photoshop situation happened the first time speaks on his lacking in one of the worse ways and his cowardice of hiding behind "act of love". In his view of the world being excluded wouldn't have anything to do with his race but for others it can be the sole reason and he didn't want to confront that. The boyfriend is a racist person's best ally because they see the racism (or at the very least something that is wrong and so wrong they know it would upset the other person) and say/do nothing and just further enables the racist because their ally doesn't "want to rock the boat" or lose out on the relationship with the racist. Even when they don't want to engage with the racist to call them out they don't warn others. Their silence enables racists. It's worse when they behave as such with family/friends. For someone to not to racist it's isn't enough to claim "I'm not racist" it means confronting racism especially when faced with it. Even when it's uncomfortable and especially when you're in a relationship/friendship with a minority regardless of if you have children or plan on adopting theirs/another child. His children will learn by example and to have parents who are racist allies potentially doom the children to do the same. I don't feel confident in this boyfriend's resolve so I wouldn't be surprised if he will one day resents OP for his children having to be supervised with his family or being LC/NC as a means to protect their children because "it's been years and they apologized" because again maintaining the relationship with the racist they've enabled on one way or not becomes more important. I hope OP isn't blinded by his lackluster kindness and flowery words that she continues to stay because it's a gamble that could mean wasting her time.

[@tamsel814]

Story 2: I guess the story is the USA and I'm not from there. But how is it even possible to hire someone for lower then minimum wage. How could the contract be filed witouth anyone noticing, how could their work hour and payout strip not be flagged and how did the employee themself not notice.

[@Draggonny]

Not everyone gets the memo when there's a minimum wage increase. Either payroll were incompetent or they were in on the scam. On my employment contract it doesn't even give my rate of pay. That's on a different document so it's possible that's how they managed to slip it past HR.

[@Athlynne]

The BF's comment is hopeful, if a bit naive. I hope he means it and he and OP can make it and stay together, but I think in order for that to happen, he's going to have to let at least some family members go. Good luck, OP and BF.

[@telinhajp]

Hi Markee! おやすみ！❤️😴

[@TraceyBoyland]

Good morning

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 Ha ha ha. Get fucking bent company. Get fucking bent.

[@katie6731]

So, OP's boyfriend planned to stand up for future children, but not for their mother? That sends an interesting message to the children: "I only love you because you're half my DNA, not because of the full person you are. It's okay for people to be outright racist to your mom, because she isn't worth the discomfort I would feel if I were to confront them." Edit to add: Good for boyfriend and the way he took complete responsibility for his actions. I have a lot more faith in the boyfriend than the other commenters. He needed to be jolted into reevaluating how seriously racist the behavior of his family is. I think he needed to recalibrate how serious the behavior of his family is. His initial reaction made me think of the people I know who come from ab_sive homes. They know that their childhood was abnormal, but it's harder for them to identify an individual example of the ab_sive behavior and to react appropriately to how truly terrible it is.

[@brightonbabe2139]

On story 1 remember racism isn’t only colour of skin, so people with the same skin colour can also be racist when they come from different cultures. My suggestion is to not marry or have children until you are sure that the BF has grown a spine and sorted out his family. Once you have children racism can be directed at the children and be severely damaging. The cost and energy to extract yourself and your children out of this situation is very high.

[@viciousrape]

people today are sure different from when I grew up. when I was a kid, if someone said some rotten nasty shit, you just acknowledged them as a rotten nasty person and you stop engaging with them less. they know what they did to make that happen. you're not gonna be a super hero, only thing you can do is stop something really bad from happening as it's happening nowadays people want you to call out everything horrible they see going on right then and there, calling it "having my back". that ain't having your back that's just protecting your ego. boyfriend handled the situation wrong at first but that's only because he didn't have the right frame of mind at that time you're not supposed to "stand up against racism every single second, racism is always appropriate to stand against" or whatever nonsense because you're a super social justice warrior who's gonna right all the wrongs. no, you let people do a little bit, you protect your partner's sanity, and you live your life and they live theirs. if they're truly racist you're not gonna change their mind by embarrassing them one time on the internet

[@rainbowdino9310]

Simply deciding to not interact with a racist, is not going to change a racist. They will still continue to be racist, and if they have children teach them to be racist as well. They do not know that their racism is what was the problem. They may speculate it was such, but they will not think it was the end all be all. Calling it out anytime you can makes them actually think, understand what it was that was wrong, and even if they don't suddenly change or have a realization, they know their behavior just isn't acceptable. It's bullying, except calling out actual stupid and harmful behavior. It makes them either hide or stop doing said act they were made fun of for. Sorry not sorry but it's not the same as when you were a kid. People have different methods for dealing with certain issues and you simply have to accept that.

[@viciousrape]

@@rainbowdino9310 people have the capacity for thought outside of being attacked for being racist

[@pansprayers]

In 'your day', were they still turning fire hoses on POC? Or are you just telling us that you're totally fine with continuing to allow this bigoted bullshit to go on if it makes you uncomfortable, but in a super rambling, multiple paragraph format? You call out this garbage when you see it, your five minutes of discomfort are NOTHING compared to what the person being targeted feels.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

sure lol 🗿

[@psygaud]

Did you also walk to school in a snowstorm, uphill both ways without complaining? You know how things change in society? By people being loud and showing what the issue is. One time might not make the racist change, but it may cause them to think about it a bit more. It might show someone else that that behavior is not ok. Being passive doesn't solve problems.

[@claytonlovendale2021]

Partassipant 2, I'm calling you out on that comment about white people, I'm white, and I'm American, your comment in itself shows that you are racist against white people. I have a number of friends that are of different races themselves, I value my friendship with them, and just treat, and respect them as people.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

Well, not really racism. My interpretation of the comment is as follows: You do see a lot of white racists, not white people in general, try to cover it up and then make themselves to be victims. Haven't we heard a ton of stories with white racists specifically that try to cover everything and then play victim? Like in this story??? It's not about *all white people* but rather *the* few white people that do this. Don't get me wrong, racism can go both ways but this ain't it. Also don't take this as an attack on white people but instead of racists in general, white or otherwise. Or at least that's how I see it.

[@claytonlovendale2021]

God doesn't judge people on the color of one's skin, just on the color of one's heart. I've done massage on many different people, and I've been quite successful at it, all muscle lays the same, though some muscles in the same groups depending on people are thicker, some thinner, some show development due to exercise, some not because of a sedentary lifestyle. the point I am making is that color is only skin deep, all people feel pain, and all have right to be treated with compassion, we're also human, and so very prone to make mistakes, therefore if, and most likely when you make a mistake, wouldn't you want forgiveness? If so, then forgive, be the bigger person, else this poison is going to ruin two lives, not just one. I always felt that racism was dead, but apparently it isn't. All white people aren't racist, and other peoples, can be just as racist, why can't we as the human race just be people?

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

When the entire family has been racist for so long and they will not come clean, much less apologize? They don't deserve to be forgiven, cut that "bigger person" crap. Why wasn't the SIL the "bigger person" and overcame her racism then? The SIL deserved to be called out.

[@Post.nut_Clarity]

4:16 is that exclusive to white people?

[@brandonshelp4682]

Ah yes, the old "racist in a relationship with another ethnicity" trope 🙄

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

👋👋👋

[@trevie7589]

Fake.

[@fletcher0411]

Minimum wage has caused so many economic problems. Drive up minimum wage you drive up cost of operations which causes things to cost more.... Common sense 🤷

[@pansprayers]

Well, that's not how minimum wage, inflation and labor laws - especially in the PACNW - work. It's more complex than that, and you need to actually educate yourself on this instead of listening to talking heads who try to reduce a complex issue down to a run-on sentence for you to regurgitate.

[@fletcher0411]

@@pansprayers oh internet stranger... I have. Try reading Thomas Sowell you might learn a thing or two.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

@@fletcher0411 lmao I'm sure you have buddy

[@co7314]

Honey it just means that the 1% dtop getting away with murder

[@fletcher0411]

@@co7314 oh how uninformed you are

[@richardblack290]

Fake story

[@axepagode33626]

"Racist" Not Sister in law Story: I kept wondering why OP was so pissed off about this. It is not like it was her wedding or her pictures or her business really. So why the fake outrage? OP spills the beans. "She never liked me ... She's competitive and territorial with her brother. So ... OP, do you think this will make your relationship with your boyfriend stronger or weaker now that you have attacked his sister publicly and embarrassed her? So now what? 1. She feels humiliated for a day. 2. Your images are still highlighted or removed altogether from the photos. 3. Her family and friends continue to support her. 4. They think you are a crab. 5. Your boyfriend leaves you. What was your end goal here? If it was to call her a racist publicly, them well done. If it was to make a positive change, you failed.

[@Hexie094]

cringe take lol

[@teresafinch7790]

So you think she should out up with racism?

[@potatoempress5731]

What are you smoking? Can I have some?

[@faceofvision]

It's not POC's job to educate racists

[@teresafinch7790]

@@faceofvision it's everyone's job.

[@dream6562]

Please explain, I'm kinda missing context, as far as I know she was asking on a touch up on some photos of with op and her sister with asymmetry, I got no inclination of racism from the request as it was worded

[@nyxx5357]

How is "Can you remove this person from the picture? Their skjn is too dark and it's ruining the color palette," NOT racist?

[@dream6562]

@@nyxx5357 is that what they asked for? From what I remember hearing it was just to edit it, not straight up remove op

[@nyxx5357]

@@dream6562 Yup. SIL asked for both, edit the flower arch and remove OP from any pics SIL is in.

[@tanyam8163]

@@dream6562 The photographer was asked to lighten OP’s skin color. It later came out that OP was removed from other photos from family events over the years by a racist uncle.

[@dream6562]

@@nyxx5357 I didn't catch that part honestly I just assumed it was the archway and change lighting of the photo

[@Some_Idiot_on_the_Internet]

It kind of irritates me when people refer to their partners siblings and family as in laws when they're not married. I guess it's for the sake of brevity but it still shits me.