My Fiance's Family Think We Should Use Our Wedding Budget To Help His Family r/Relationships

[@MizTameRumors]

Not even married yet and he AND his family feel entitled to your parents money? Nope! Biggest gift OP's parents gave her was that money, she could have married this dude and had this behavior revealed 30 years later with inheritance.

[@judevalentine1487]

Yep imagine marrying into that toxic insanity.

[@pippo17173]

@@judevalentine1487 no less one who goes *WE WANT A BABY NOW WAH!*

[@brendaseidel9617]

I agree- God forbid her parents pass away..they would have there hands out wondering how much off HER inheritance they were going to get there hands on

[@Yunglou3000]

Not only that but the fiance was so easily manipulated! About multiple things in their life! Good luck with the house, even if its in OPs name you can bet fianxe and fam will try to get more than their share.

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: op wasn’t in the wrong when things got physical, she didn’t start she was defending herself.

[@maddy8328]

Ikr

[@00Katie00]

He’s wrong yes and abusive, but it reads as tho she escalated the situation when she threw the glass back. I think that is why she’s taking responsibility… but it also reads like a victim making an excuse for their abuser to me.

[@crem-crem4070]

@@dan_mer lol didn’t expect an incel to be lurking here of all places

[@streamerssaymyname]

@@crem-crem4070 lol oh they're everywhere on reddit stories about relationships, because they're never in one.

[@Alteusgirl]

@@dan_mer wtf is wrong with you dude. you need help lul

[@SheilaNorthcutt]

So weird to me that anyone would think other people’s money is their money.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Story 1: So the former fiancé: - Spent weeks cutting OP downand freezing her out over wedding plans. - Allowed his family to mistreat her over Christmas. - Told her that they find her basically unfit to be part of the family (brother is the last chance to pass on the name). And STILL thinks that OP would want to GIFT his family money at the expense of her own special event. What is he smoking? On top of that he: - Gets angry over her refusal to 'change' her mind about something physically impossible (having children). - Insists that OP should just KNOW that his family is in financial trouble (don't they live far enough away that OP doesn't see how they live day to day? How is she supposed to simply intuit that?) I'm glad that she got away from him because OMG, what a bunch of entitled wack jobs. She should have told the ex that lil' bro doesn't have to go to college to pass on his name so...

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

And to me, not being able to pay for son’s college is not financial trouble, that is most parents life! Financial trouble is being behind on mortgage payments, hospital debt from life threatening disease, repo’d car, etc. Even if her parents told her she could use any money left over however she wanted, I am sure she wouldn’t want to use it to pay for someone else’s college!

[@ditzyhere3138]

I might have misheard but was that Christmas the first time they met?

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 And a more expensive college in another state. According to the story the ex's family could manage a state college, but not an out of state college. A *lot* of people go to state colleges because it's what they can afford and go on to live happy, fulfilled, and prosperous lives. It's not as if not going to the more expensive out of state college means the brother is going to be living on the street.

[@oiwhathefuck]

Through the whole story she seemed like such a good person I was freaking out thinking she would eventually give off the money her parents gifted to their daughter knowing she wants and deserves a big wedding, off to this third rated shameless family. Ugh how did that disgusting man even land such a sweetheart

[@AuntLoopy123]

I suppose he wanted her to change her mind about adopting. She did mention adoption. But everything else you said is right on the money. He stewed over this for an entire month, without any communication, and she didn't SEE anything, because they were hundreds of miles away, and nobody TALKED to her! Also, ALL he needs to do to be the one to "pass on the family name" is break up with her and have his own children, either with another woman, or adopting them, himself. Which means that there are NO TEETH in his argument that it is HER fault that HE is not having children. He is ABLE to, but CHOOSING not to, to be with HER. NOT her fault. HIS CHOICE. And yeah, the brother CAN have children WITHOUT going to his DREAM college. He's still getting a degree, just not at his DREAM college. And you know what? IF the brother wanted it SO MUCH, he could do like OP and her fiancé were doing, and that is WORK for a few years and SAVE UP for HIS dream. LOTS of people take some gap time between high school and college, and WORK their way through college. Also, they WORK to get scholarships to their dream college. They know that it is THEIR dream, and therefore it is THEIR responsibility. They don't DEMAND that OTHER FAMILIES pay for THEIR dream. If all of this had been about an actual NEED, such as "Please help pay for your brother's surgery," it would be different. But it's just bullying one person to give up their dream to fund another person's dream. I'll repeat that. This WHOLE THING, was all bullying ONE person to give up their DREAM, just to fund another person's DREAM. It wasn't, "We can't afford to send your brother to college, at all." Just not his DREAM college. Ten to one that the brother is the golden child and the fiancé has always been a scapegoat for the family, who isn't allowed his own dreams. That still does not excuse his behavior to OP, the utter refusal to communicate ANYTHING with her, the transference of blame to her, when she doesn't even know what's going on, and then, the escalation to physical violence against her. Just because you've been abused does NOT excuse you abusing other people. You CAN break the cycle. My father broke the cycle, and proved that it can be done. In fact, if you've been abused, you ought to be MORE careful about not hurting others, because you KNOW how it FEELS! You KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS AND HOW MUCH IT DAMAGES, and how DARE you inflict that same pain and damage on another person!!! And once again, I need to get off the internet, because DANG! I'm so angry!

[@masterkyoogway3565]

God, the Peegate saga... It's like reuniting with an old friend.

[@jerilwaxman]

LOL

[@clarrie93]

An unwanted old friend that you just want to forget for me 🙃

[@jerilwaxman]

@@clarrie93 lolol right?

[@TheScorpion0081]

"Friend" is a stretch...

[@Jasonfallen71]

Must wash hands after that reunion!

[@wendyhadley2764]

So the groom to be parents thought it was perfectly all right for them to expect strangers to foot the bill for their son's college as I understand it they never met. Why on Earth would they accept that money even if it was offered.

[@ditzyhere3138]

Especially after being extremely nasty when they met them?? Like, you want her to basically do this huge favor for you but you’re snide and bratty to her???? Huh?????

[@BossyMafia]

@@ditzyhere3138 Entitled people in their natural habitat.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@ditzyhere3138 these people are delusional and entitled.

[@murielross9288]

Got to add this his "dream" college he can't afford

[@libertyblake873]

@@murielross9288 I can't remember--was he even accepted to his dream college?

[@SeraphsGenisis]

Story 1 - last comment from OP: I hope she realizes that that regardless of whether they both were physical, he started it and was worse in regards to violence, she was only reacting in self defense.

[@streamerssaymyname]

And it is a bad sign for the future, as he already feels he can just get violent over an argument - that doesn't just stop/disappear. And assuming he could make her change her mind on kids, likely planned to babytrap her and likely would find ways to make her financially dependant on him so she couldn't ever leave. He had plans alright.

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

I know. She only returned what he started and the second action was self defence after he THREW HER ON THE GROUND

[@bonniea8189]

​@@streamerssaymyname Except she couldn't have kids now. Idk what his long term plan was - did he think his super sperm would convince her body to make a baby?

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 1: Ex hoped OP would "change her mind" about not being medically able to have children.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Yea! How did he think that would happen? Make a wish on a genie bottle?

[@thehaveninthehand]

I think he might've been hoping for surrogacy.. not that that wouldn't have come with its own set of problems

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"Story 1: Ex (...) to have children." No, that was prior to finding out she wasn't able to.

[@BritInvLvr]

Damn. I think the fiancé should go back to his family and have them pick out his wife. Poor OP. Run, girl, run.

[@TheNormExperience]

Hospital Emergency Room’s SHOULD have valet options. It’s literally the ONE time it makes sense.

[@PrimateProductions]

Some do

[@PrimateProductions]

@those replying to this are trolls I disagree and Healthcare most certainly should be a right if it is not

[@wmdkitty]

@those replying to this are trolls *_Healthcare is a basic human right._*

[@sharosudo]

The one in my city does

[@Tijggie82]

@@melodyharpole8272 yes they are. And I have no idea what you mean by 'free'. Most people needing health care have jobs and even many of the homeless. So they're already working.

[@maddy8328]

Story 1, so...your parents gave you tons of money for your wedding. For he purpose of the wedding. Not using that would be wasting, spending it would use it for it's intended purpose. NTA, his family sucks, who cares if they feel out of place. That's Thier problem. EDIT: so...the family is trying to steal from your parents. What the fuck. He also started the physical abuse, and you fought back in self defense.

[@AndreNDP]

Like, why is the brother so special that he doesn't need to get student loans like the rest of us? You want the nice school, great, but it's nobody else's obligation to make that happen for you.

[@maddy8328]

@@AndreNDP yeah agreed

[@Taecoconut]

Exactly - his family is very entitled for wanting that money

[@Russman67]

Story 1: I am unclear as to what the ex-fiance's end game would have been if he was able to take the money from his wedding and send his brother to the college out of state. Unless the brother was doing a less than one year certificate program, he would need a fresh amount of money each year for the next 3 years beyond that. And that's assuming he gets through and 4 years. Was he expecting an annual scholarship from his wife's parents?

[@gregbasore2108]

Maybe he was planning to give it to his brother in a lump sum and assume the brother would be responsible enough to save it all and use it over a 2 to 4 year period... even that's being generous. OP's ex clearly had no real skills at thinking things through. When faced with "my parents would rather we spend the wedding money on helping my brother go to college" he jumped straight "I'm going to be pissed at my fiancee for not offering to do this thing she hasn't asked or been informed about and making me have to get all devious and manipulative because she refuses to act on knowledge that I'm withholding from her!" Dude is an idiotic, emotionally reactive person who does everything on impulse and feeling, because he doesn't understand concepts like knowledge not being universal, or it not making sense to blame people for not being psychic.

[@Mimikinn]

Right, I was wondering the same thing. If the college is of elite status than the whole wedding budget might only cover a full year. And that’s not even considering housing, daily living expenses, bills, text books, other school supplies, etc. This whole family are idiots.

[@murielross9288]

When you can't afford it you go to state college, not attempts to guilt your soon to to be wife into supporting your brother to go to his "dream" college

[@janicevango5791]

@@murielross9288 : I’m still trying to get my head around the gall and bare faced cheek of the fiancé’s family expecting OP’s family to bankroll the fiancé’s brother going to college. I sincerely hope OP has formally dumped the fiancé, since this would be a sign of things to come in the future. I certainly wouldn’t want to be associated with the fiancé’s family anyway after the bile it sounds like they’ve spewed to the fiancé.

[@carlrood4457]

@@gregbasore2108 I'm wondering if that includes his originally being for the wedding. She wanted it. She was the closest person around and he went with that because he literally has no emotions of his own. He's like an emotional mimic and leaches of the strongest group at the moment.

[@jerilwaxman]

My heart breaks for Ellie. And it doubly breaks for Ted because he will look back when she finds someone new and realize he lost the very best human/relationship he ever had. She would’ve supported him. Helped him grow out of this. His cowardly actions will haunt him always. And that’s so very very sad. As for her… she’s pretty amazing. If you’re reading this OP, you got this. And this internet/virtual Mama Bear is very much in your corner. You are the very definition of a strong woman. And give Tortilla a scratch under their chin from me.

[@aluralovell6829]

And I see we still have victim blamers here, so I'll assume everything she said went in one ear with you and out the other Ted is by no means a coward, sometimes things just don't work out and it's for th best but you wouldn't understand that maybe instead of pretending you give a crap about Ted which it's clear you don't despite you tried to start this the fact that you called him a coward shows you still do not and refuse to understand his situation.

[@Daredevil-vb5fy]

@@aluralovell6829 Cowards are cowards regardless of their issues. People always have a chance to choose, and if they choose to cave/run away/hurt someone else's feelings to salvage their own, they are cowards. Don't be salty about it, lol.

[@jerilwaxman]

@@aluralovell6829 also… you clearly don’t get the nuances of her post. Whether that’s by not being fluent in English, or (god help me) culture, you aren’t getting it. So sit the fuck down. Don’t come for me unless you are called.

[@emerystheimmortal417]

@@aluralovell6829 It is cowardly to not want to move on from something when the other person is willing to

[@PrimateProductions]

@@Daredevil-vb5fy yep

[@MaresBarres]

Mark and Ellie being mutually weirded out by the situation makes me think of the two spidermen pointing at each other for some reason. Wish all the best for Ellie and Tortilla.

[@jessicarichards6796]

I remember the story of “the pee man”. The op went through a lot. I’m glad she doing better. And tortilla too.

[@DerekScottBland]

I still despise Ted in Peegate. This wasn't about what was best for OP, it was him avoiding responsibility for his shitty family. But he keeps OP hanging on for his own self-gratification whenever he needs a pick me up, even though it obviously destroys her seeing him.

[@ThatRedhedd]

Doesn't sound like it "destroys her seeing him!" What she actually said was that it was nice seeing him and she still needs him. She is aware that it may be for the best to sever those ties over time, but for now, they're honoring the fact that they're best friends and a source of support for one another.

[@eyesonly5494]

Story 1: press assault charges and inform his family they will need a good lawyer to keep him out of prison. So put his brothers plans on hold further. Also protection order to keep him from contacting you. Teach them all a lesion.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: I haven't even gotten to what he wants to do with the money and it's clear his family wants it. OP needs to leave. Edit: what a coward. He actually expected her to let him have the money after THAT? Hes not only a coward...he's an idiot.. Edit 2: how was OP supposed to know ANYTHING? Something every person on earth needs to learn: if you need help, you ask for it. He didn't ask. He jumped straight to abusive manipulation. Edit 3: and there it is....

[@devegas4910]

I remember story 1: I hope that guy is kicking himself over and over and that OP found somebody ALOT BETTER Peegate saga: I wish OP would stop trying to justify and defend herself to redditors. Some of them obviously will never be satisfied and don’t deserve to be. I don’t even think OP and Ted should’ve divorced anyway. I wish they had gotten back together because while they do need to heal, neither of them were responsible for what happened. That responsibility falls on the evil brothers and Ted’s parents.

[@CN-yb5gn]

I think they needed the space to heal, but Reddit saw that ted ‘hurt’ his exwife and pushed for nc, and OP just took Reddit advice

[@floraposteschild4184]

When someone says it's not about the money -- it's about the money. Personally, I think lavish weddings, with multiple events before and after, are a materialistic and ostentatious waste of money. That said, it was the couple's choice; or it was until the groom's family got at him. The wedding should be called off for now, money returned, and the couple work out their money and family issues first BEFORE they even think of getting married.

[@maryfrancesobrien2420]

the only good thing about lavish events is that they cause a lot of money to get used in the community. money and fertilizer (bullshit), neither does any good until it is spread around. paraphrased from barbra streisand.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Story 2/peegate update: OP and her ex were deeply traumatized by their ordeal, maybe, in time, they can heal but nobody gets to judge them for how they cope as long as they don't hurt others.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 1 - 9:52 - Fiance screaming at OP and storming out every time she tries to talk to him about the problem is just bullying and emotional blackmail. OP should give her parents back their money before the asshole fiance can get his hooks into it. Then she should call off the engagement. She does NOT need a lifetime of this shit. Update - He seems to think he can just promise the money OP's parents gave them without discussing it with her and then bully her into putting up with it? Update 2 - What does OP mean, ex-fiance has nowhere to go. Let him go stay with his parents since they're so much more important to him than OP. Thank God she called off the wedding!

[@tinywaterdrinker5136]

OP of peegate is blinded by her love for Ted. Ted was the one who chose to be alone since he was the one who dumped her and contact with him will just make it harder for both of them to move on. Usually, I'd say that staying single for a bit after a crazy relationship is the best thing, but she should start having small casual relationships to keep her from continuously going back to hang around Ted. She needs to move on with life before she starts to REALLY feel the amount of years wasted on someone who doesn't want to be with her.

[@Threadworxs]

yes, THIS. I kinda wanted to go 'I call BULLSH-T!' on peegate update - a year on and she's talking about getting Ted a cat?!! A permanent presence in his life that represents HER actually?! .. OP has NOT let go, she has NOT moved on - at all. IMO she's stuck in the classic 'as long as we're still friends there's still Hope' delusion, which is only wasting more of her Life. And Ted? ... don't get me started. He doesn't want her for himself, but keeps dangling enough carrots to ensure she stays around as his safety net. ... grrr.

[@Catilena1890]

I was the one who sent the video to her, Mark lol. Glad you guys are happy to hear from each other :) . EDIT: After hearing it, I still think Ted make a giant fucking mistake. Like, I don't honestly understand WHY they had to divorce despite caring about each other.

[@audreym3908]

Ah thank you Catilena! You're a legend! Also, agreed. He shouldn't have but maybe it's for the best that they stay single and get to know theirselves more as just Ted and just Ellie. Hope we can hear what's his side from it all and his thoughts on his family matters and his current thoughts one day.

[@Catilena1890]

@@audreym3908 Yeah that's true, thinking on it, the story reeks of codependence.

[@politereminder6284]

He probably needs to recover from his lifelong abuse, and he wants to shield her from his pain and from his family

[@AndyyWithAY]

The money from OP's parents probably earmarked the money for wedding/honeymoon. I don't think it's just a do with as you want to gift.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Right? If they don’t use it for what they gave it for, they should give it back, period. If anyone is snobbish, it’s his family. And she is supposed to just give them money?

[@aikikaname6508]

Exactly! My parents generously gave me ten grand to go towards a deposit + furniture. They wouldn’t be pretty livid if I spent it on strippers and coke. No way would the parents be happy to see their hard earned money go towards some guy they never even met

[@mkuti-childress3625]

There _are_ gifts like that-when someone gives you money and says, “Do what you want with it!” When someone gives you money for a specific thing, you either use it for whatever that is or give it back, period. You can ask if you can use it for something else, but a lot of people would consider that rude. You certainly don’t take that earmarked monetary gift to put someone else’s kid through college. Especially when that family was absolutely horrible to you!

[@dataweiss3756]

Answering Marks question at the end of story 1: There is a toxic family dynamic that is incredibly common in low income families with multiple children. The parents and other family members make plans for the younger ones paychecks or other money. And if someone comes into money, the family makes plans for that too. I experienced this personally and one of my friends experienced this in regards to his discibility checks. The family is struggling and the all hands on deck mentality is normalized even when the reason the family is struggling is poor financial decisions that never gets fixed because the person making those poor decisions suffers no consequences because every member of the family is expected to pick up the slack.

[@cronchycatmom]

I'm so glad Ellie is healing. In her case especially, but with relationships in general, there's so much pain and grief at the end. Someone commented on your recent community post about your dad that grief is a box with a button and a ball in. Every day the ball gets smaller, but at first it's always pressing that button. As time moves on the ball presses on it less and less, until it only hurts sometimes. I think she's at the point where it's still pressing a lot, but sometimes the ball shifts and she's ok. I'm glad for her. I've got mixed emotions for Ted. There's no reason his brothers should hate him as he only screwed up in regards to his marriage. I get the feeling that their family system elected him to be the new scapegoat as Ash has such severe mental illness that he's no longer (if he ever was) all there. Deciding to cut them all off was his best bet. As for staying no contact with B6, I get it. I'm very low contact with my sister as interactions with her keeps old traumas fresh. Ted and B6 both have to be in a good place to be able to maintain a healthy relationship. I hope he gets there one day as he deserves it.

[@maggpiprime954]

I like that ball/box/button analogy, I hadn't seen it. Also, you put into words what I was thinking/feeling about Ted, far better than I could have. I hope he can heal as well; that maybe he and 6 can get together sooner rather than later. I think it may help each other heal.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

OP basically destroyed the relationship Ted had with his brothers that weren't directly involved in the disaster and then she bailed on Ted. OP is a sh*t stirrer and I am not surprised she has no friends. Look at how she destroyed all the friendships Ted had as well. Ted must have no self-esteem left after being married to an abuser, control freak, and manipulator like OP that he ended up gravitating back to her during the holidays. I bet she just laughed her butt off to still be able to have that much control over Ted.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@thomasjoseph5876 You should stick to buying mushrooms at the grocery store rather than eating random ones from your backyard.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@maggpiprime954 Yeah. I still think he's a bit of a coward and don't get why he left OP like his mother wanted if he was just going to cut contact, anyway, but I have trouble understanding people because of my Asperger's.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@brigidtheirish I'm ASD too, and I do understand his actions even tho I don't agree with his decision: I've been in horrifically mindblowing inter-personal situations, and the only way I've been able to process the whole thing was to cut loose entirely-- but haven't always had the luxury to do so and had to figure shit out on an uphill obstacle course (in the dark, with hibeams in my eyes). 😬

[@ohnooffwego]

Thought Ted sucked the first time around. Nothing has changed my mind. I hope OP manages to detach from him and move on with her life. She deserves someone that gives her the loyalty and love she gives them.

[@platinumaether8198]

Story two, my opinion on the husband leaving still hasn’t changed. He left her at her lowest point too, at his lowest point. Now he’s regretting leaving and coming back to her, because he knows he can come back. I think it’s best they stay apart. What if another family drama happens (with his family it’s most likely) he’ll bolt again.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Honestly, Ted proved that he wouldn't stand up for her when he insisted to have Ash in their wedding years ago despite what he did. OP was Ash's victim and when she wouldn't let him in her house and all hell broke loose as a result Ted let his family, particularly his mum, talk shit about and bailed, wedding vows be damned. OP mentioned that Ted likely doesn’t think the divorce was a mistake on his part. Then he needs to leave her be so that she can heal and eventually move on. Stalking socials and "checking in" isn't fair to her. All it's doing is keeping him on her mind for when he decides that HE'S ready.

[@maleandrolemale9467]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Agree

[@NottyAries]

Agree. She said we should have empathy because he lost his partner too. Uhmmm, no he didn't. He didn't lose his partner, he left his partner. There's a difference.

[@MsBELLE7]

Awh that compliment for Mark! Melted my heart that he got to read what we all think. Just really love this channel.

[@audreym3908]

Was looking for this comment! He must've blushed from all the compliments 😊

[@jack0f4lltrades28]

Sigh. I can't give the ex husband sympathy for being alone when he chose that. He chose to cut off his family which I believe is for the better, but he also chose for a divorce which many comments and myself agree was rather selfish and possibly cowardly. I think OP is slowly growing but she definitely has a soft spot for her ex and is very kind/lenient on his actions. She doesn't have to explain her choices, but she should ask herself why so many people believe that way about her ex and if there is validity in those beliefs. She really needs to work on herself big time, I feel like there is a possible codependency that OP struggles with but I am happy for her going this far. If it is too painful to cut off Ted, at least start forming some distance from him bit by bit.

[@Azulakayes]

💯 She has a toxic co-dependency thing going on. I wish I could shake her from it. It makes me sad.

[@pippo17173]

The ex husband want to forget everything the family did and his sad brain included the love of his life because potatoes or something. It's legit so dumb that I really just can't feel anything for the guy :/

[@kathydurow6814]

I had something traumatic happen to me once and had to cut ties with some family because being around them triggered my grief and hurt by just being around them. Fortunately we weren't especially close, unlike Ellie and Ted, but sometimes it's simply self-preservation of one's mental health to leave. Continually returning (like Ted) seems counter-productive though.

[@jessicamarsh9779]

13:57 ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Why should YOUR parents pay for HIS brothers dream college?! Make it make sense?

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - So glad that OP is finding her way. Who am I to criticize how she goes about it? If she feels good, that is all that counts. But she should NOT purchase a pet for anyone! That is just not a good idea. Unless it is someone in your house, whom you've discussed the pet with in detail, just do not do it. Ted might like older cats, but actually having to care for one by himself might trigger something akin to PTSD and that is not good.

[@ThatRedhedd]

I was gonna say..."If he really wanted one, he would've gotten one himself." Pets make TERRIBLE surprises!

[@lilolmecj]

Peegate was one of the first Reddit stories I ever listened to. I found it completely traumatizing, and I applaud how strong Ellie is to get through it mentally sound. I truly hope the mentally damaged brother spends his entire life in a comfortable, but locked down space. I wish mental hospitals were better in every way, but either way he needs to be where he, and others are safe.

[@danishaussie63]

S1: You know as soon as the fiancé said his parents said they could use the money for 'better things', they wanted it and sure enough they did!!! It will never cease to amaze me how so many parents think it's other peoples responsibility to pay for someone else's kid and put them through school, and then wonder why those people refuse, then have the actual nerve to get pissed off when it doesnt happen. I mean come on now, how stupid and entitled are you to even think it let alone act on it. Meanwhile, my parents had a different way of dealing with the wedding business. They always said if we lived at home at the time, they would pay for a lot of it, and if we didnt, they wouldnt, simple!!! We all knew this growing up and it was never a problem.

[@crystalmorgan8039]

And another classic where "compromise" means "I get 100% my way. You do what I say, even if you don't know what I want you to do."

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 2: Glad to hear Elle is doing better! Also, she doesn't have to justify whatever relationship she chooses to keep with her ex to anyone. I think the people who care about her will continue to worry because he's proved himself to be unreliable when she needed support in the past, but she's an adult and if she wants to keep him in her life as a friend that's her decision :)

[@imperialspacemarine1539]

Story 1: Conditional gifts exist. in some states they are regulated. If he just wants to spend the money given soley for wedding related szuff on another cause op's parent may have grounds to sue for the full ammount back.(same goes for proposal rings btw. If someone keeps a conditional gift although the condition is no longer met it will be regarded as theft in states where these things are regulated) A tid bit of trivia for y'all *DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!* IM *NOT* A LAWYER AND THIS IS *NOT* LEGAL ADVISE

[@mcruz2357]

Peegate saga. OP needs to go NC with ex. His keeping in contact seems to be self serving. She can't move on if he is in her life. What I really don't like about the story is the brothers don't seem to have suffered any consequences. Only OP, her ex & Ash. Everyone else just moved on with their lives.

[@louisejohnson6057]

Like she said, her life, she can figure this out. She's in therapy, she's learning to be independent, and seeing her ex once, and answering a merry Christmas text isn't going to derail that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Just break up in story 1, you've unfortunately discovered after nearly half a decade that you're incompatible. If someone wants to have a big wedding, that's their perrogative. OP is already feeling like she has to defend how she spends HER money, very bad sign.

[@dustysimpson7864]

S1-So if you get married, his pay check will go to his family and you can support him with your money. You don't want him.

[@Mewse1203]

Mark getting shout outs from OP's is wholesome on another level of awesome. Grats Mark

[@amazinglynn]

In story 1, if OP’s ex was smarter he would’ve waited until after the wedding to show his true colors. He could’ve asked her for money to help his family after they were married, and he wouldn’t have been wrong to ask since they would be her family too. Also I don’t remember her mentioning a prenup so he could’ve divorced her and used the split assets to help his family. I’m glad he did it before the wedding so OP didn’t have to waste her time and money but wow her ex and his family were dumb

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

Narcissistic attitude plus being not the brightest bulb in the box.

[@jayne5375]

I’ve just binge rewatched the peegate saga and the second time around I’m still mad at the husband. He was a coward and should’ve stuck by the supposed love of his life. I’m so glad op is doing better, how she can move on and get him out of her life. Also yes the family should block him. Cut all ties it will hurt but essentially help with the healing process.

[@Torichan888]

I think giving the ex gift cards for a shelter and a pet store would make for a better gift than adopting a cat for him. That way, he can chose his own cat, which is critical to bonding with the animal.

[@ThatRedhedd]

Absolutely! You and your pet choose each other. Plus, there's a reason he hasn't gone out and gotten a cat for himself yet...

[@itrasheditgood]

I think the most hurtful part about peerage is that OP’s husband chose his loyalty of family over that of his wife. In some ways he made her the villain, that’s where the outrage stems from, he didn’t fight for her and in the end abandoned the relationship.

[@madisonl3401]

Wow, the entitlement of these families is insane! What is wrong with these people???

[@dragonetafireball]

Offering to pay the adoption fees of an elder cat of his choosing would be fine but getting one for him that OP choose without consultation would be terrible because. A)never buy someone a pet without consulting them full stop and even then be careful. B) she’d be permanently tethering the cat to her in his mind in a way that probably wouldn’t be healthy C) elder cats have more vet bills you can’t just drop that on someone especially if they didn’t get to ask questions before the adoption

[@dragonetafireball]

@Gi Gi it’s still not her place to make decisions on his behalf and the initial grappling with the emotions of that situation could taint his bond with the cat. It’s making him powerless in a situation he theoretically enjoys. He might be fine but it doesn’t seem like a risk worth taking to me, if they where still actively dating I might feel different.

[@hiphopapotamus6913]

First story: To think he blew up his future over his brother going to a more expensive college (no where did I hear “only” as in, he had other options just not as prestigious). This story had me scratching my head

[@danime35]

Story 2:All the best Ellie! It helps to hear/remember there is a healing process - step by step. Story 1: OP did nothing wrong. Ex-fiance doesn't know how to have an adult conversation and he got physical first and laid hands on her when she reacted in kind. Nope. Nope. Nope.

[@lina9535]

I'm just sitting over here, living in a country that pretty much (commonly) doesn't do any engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette party, or rehearsal dinner. It's very often JUST the wedding, and then reception. The other things aren't really necessary. If there are bachelor/bachelorette parties, they are usually just a dinner at a restaurant or a night at the bar. Very simple things. We don't really do bridesmaids or groomsmen either.

[@faithvonhandorf1991]

I'm so glad to hear Ellie is healing no matter how. The end of a relationship is always really hard and shes doing well with little steps.

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

Oh, Lordy. Unreal....give wedding money to his BROTHER?! That is NUTS. Sheeeesh the nerve os some p;eople never ceasesw to amaze me. Gad!

[@masterq134]

OP continuing to attach herself to that dude is absolutely insane. Choose happiness and minding your business over convenience.

[@doggolovescheese1310]

Wow Story One...leave him. Just leave him. I really hope he wakes up with self understanding someday knowing he completely blew his great relationship over money

[@kc.p2003]

Story 1 update: love that the husband said that op can now get his side of the story and they can compromise...... by doing everything the husband wanted to do. When the husband and the wife started getting physical with fighting that's where you split off. Cancel everything cause if the guy keeps walking out and then initiates physical fights that's one of the most obvious red flags....

[@judevalentine1487]

1st story: wow the freaken entitlement. The nerve of the fiancé and his family to expect OP’s parents to pay for their son’s college. Who wants to put someone else’s kid through college unless you love that person or um, even know them. The nerve of that family to treat OP like trash for being spoilt and entitled. I’m so gobsmacked.

[@joannentwistle-cruz1800]

Why should her parents pay for his brothers college? What is wrong with his parents?

[@Me-wk3ix]

Story 1: Guy is not communicating. He's letting his family into the marriage, and he feels entitled to OP's parent's money. He's not the one.

[@MoxieSong]

Be grateful that your parents gifted the money. It made your bf reveal his colors. He was likely brainwashed through his parents but somewhere we have to start making our own sound decisions.

[@melodymagickal6508]

First story- Struggling... Needing money for sending a brother out to his "dream college" is not 'struggling'. Glad she ended it with that manipulative pos. If they were about to have water or lights shut off- loose a car or their house/land that'd be different. But then he didn't even consider what she said about helping with their own money. College, until it can be free, is a luxury and I can't believe that could be considered a "financial problem".

[@nikkiwhray1598]

Wow!!! The Official Spokesman of the PeeGate Scandal! Mark has finally made it! Congrats!🎉

[@rylashadow18]

S1) Once you made the agreement that was what you agreed upon. Letting anyone else have a say over money that they either didn't pay for/ give as a gift is just selfish. Yeah that update just shows that as soon as they heard how much was being given they instantly went to greed mode. I'm glad the relationships over. S2) I'm hopeful the OP doesn't blame themselves for something beyond their control. One can't blame anyone who wants to take their time to heal from such devestation.

[@carlrood4457]

This is why it's a bad idea to just gift a lump sum. The parents should just pay for things as they come due. However, there may be a slight legal/tax issue if they gave the money to both of them and who it's technically from, assuming it's in the US. There's a limit to how much you can give to a person in a year without having to pay gift tax. It's dependent on what year this happened, as well. Essentially there's a limit on how much one person can give another without incurring a tax. With couples involved, there's a way to increase that amount. Mom and Dad can each give up to the limit to daughter and the same amount to her fiancé. If that's how it was done, then some of that money could be legally his now. That amount was $16,000 in 2022, so if they gave more than $32,000 and didn't pay tax on the difference, it's probably legally his money.

[@sherlocksteve9109]

in story one..OP.. get a lawyer.. your ex is a massive POS. he's got something planned. get a lawyer. you'll need him!

[@amberleeannalee1999]

OP from peegate commenting on Mark and his kindness made me cry. It’s acknowledging positive qualities in each other especially empathy and kindness that is what will make a difference in the world and the internet. Thank you for your daily dose of Reddit. IMO it’s therapy for me

[@mysticaccy]

story 1: Her parents were very smart their money gift strategy 🤓 to find out if her fiancee was the right one for her...

[@whiskeyontherocks]

The Peegate Saga is one of these stories that will stay with you forever. I sincerely hope Ellie will find happiness, joy and peace in her life. She truely is worth it

[@sabrinahinton1774]

He should've never discussed money that your family contributed. Not his money or coming out his pocket. Leave him and his family wherever they came from. If his family wants and need money they should get a job. If you want a big dream wedding have it with someone else. Run i pray you ran fast!

[@00Katie00]

Mark! You perfected “Tortilla”! I smiled every time you said it in the first video… but that was a CRAZY saga so the unintended comedic relief was great! #torillagate

[@helenlewis2510]

Before update on the pee saga: I really hope things got better and not worse for op After the update: bittersweet but I’m glad at the steps op has taken. One day at a time.

[@cocoidiea8643]

Story 1 fiance seems to have spent the relationship being a 'yes man' and not actually communicated what he thinks, feels or wants until it all came out here.

[@AnnaK101]

Story 1. Good on OP for kicking out that useless guy. Not quite the same, but one guy I dated. I told him that mum gave me a small amount of money after selling one of my deceased father's boats (for the aussies - a tinny), and it was to go towards my future wedding dress. And he got soooo furious with me! Expected me to give HIM all that money because it's "not fair". This is probably a good test for people. Just say that your parents have some money aside for you for your college, or wedding, or house deposit, something that usually costs a lot and see how your partner reacts. It's a good test. If they get angry or defensive because you have some money coming, then get rid of them right away.

[@innochantheumbreon]

Oh my god, the Peegate saga!!! So glad to hear from her and Tortilla and hear that they are progressing in their healing! I hope it gets so much better, best wishes to you both!!

[@oldgreggsmadmemes4431]

Hopefully op learns to stay away from him once an abuser always one

[@jfcfanfic]

That first story is beyond terrible...but the guy is stupid if he thinks it's just a gift. Her parents can actually sue them for not using it as it was intended to get the money back if not asked first.

[@tinkrebelle]

Story 1: Fiance's family sounds manipulative as hell, and he's such a coward he might as well be considered an invertebrate lol. It sucks that it had to have an exploding end, but it's good that she was able to dodge such a massive bullet. Story 2: I was completely surprised when you mentioned there was more to the pee-saga, but I'm glad that she was willing to give a final update. I get what you mean, about the raw emotion from the post cause I could definitely feel a sort of bitter-sweet feeling while listening. It's a shame that Tom felt like he had to self isolate so much, I hope he and the rest of his family are eventually able to make peace with what happened, and I hope for much happiness and health for Ellie and Tortilla

[@WolframKKM]

Story 1: I love and greatly support education, but damn, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black. How is paying for a fancy out of state school not a huge waste of money? It's ok for them to waste a complete stranger's money, but it's not ok for their son to do it with a big wedding? The fiance is going to stay a miserable twat so long as he let's them treat his SO's like their personal cash cow.

[@corlenajames1381]

Story #1: OP fiance's was completely BATTY! Wow, she dodged a HUGE bullet there!!

[@OriginalAsherella]

OK first story… I am super super close with my family. There is little that I would not do for them. That being said I would never ever ever ever think it’s appropriate to expect my fiancé‘s family to be financially responsible for any needs of my sister. Nor would I ever think to take a gift of money that is earmarked for something specific to use for something else. If the brother or the family is having issues perhaps ask for some financial support in the form of a loan. It just makes me mad because the dudes family is too proud to be forthright about their financial struggles but they aren’t too proud to basically steal and sneak money because of their financial struggles. Pee Gate: WHO THE FREAK IS CRITICIZING OP’s WRITING?!?! This is an excellent story and very well written. OP could write this into a novel and I would pre-order it right now.

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

Woa he throws a glass at her and then throws her on the ground???? Her kicking him was in self defence yikes. Just when you think he couldn’t get worse.

[@kitkat9091]

I had to go back to the LONG story to refresh my brain - but this update - someone is chopping onions here Ellie & Tortilla are so kind & generous. I wish her & Tortilla only the very best for ever & happy times - they deserve to be happy.

[@steph3098]

I love that story 2 OP called out Mark's narration, kindness, and soothing voice!

[@ThePurple628]

I had to listen to the whole first video so I would remember what happened so all of that awful is incredibly fresh in my mind and if Ellie sees this, I just want to let you know regardless of what should or shouldn't be done, I'm incredibly proud of you for being so insanely strong through all of this and taking care of yourself because really at the end of the day we should all be our first priority and make sure we're good before helping others. I hope you continue to heal from all of this and whatever you decide to do, I hope it's nothing but good. Much love from this internet stranger!

[@pambarab5506]

Peegate? One of the wildest stories ever! Can't wait! OP/Ellie sounds like her world is getting better, even if it's slow. I think about Peegate every so often, because it was so horrible and heartbreaking, and wondered about Ellie and Ted. I was so glad to hear from her, not just to satisfy my curiosity, but because I connected with her story. Life isn't perfect, and people certainly aren't, and Peegate was like that. It didn't end up perfectly, but it ended up good *and* bad, which is how life is, I guess.

[@novabrilliant4510]

I listened to the entire "pee gate" story and it's very intense and sad. I'm happy that she's healing and Tortilla is doing well.

[@rustypotatoes]

i just watched the peegate saga not even a week ago, I'm glad there was an update and she's doing well!

[@juliethompson2903]

Story 1 is a prime example of how poor people can be greedy. Whatever happened to people getting scholarships, grants, work study, and talking out loans for their college? That's what I did. My parents set me up with some dorm furnishings, and much of those came from my mom saving up S&H Green Stamps, a grocery store rewards program. That was it. If the brother wanted a high-end school, he should have worked for the grades to get the financing necessary.

[@hirohiroarikawa6806]

I’d say that’s self defense and she should press charges against him, also he shown his true colors with the money. He’d probably do this down the line and go into debt just to appease his family

[@sylviareta6697]

Sad. That shouldn't escalated that far. Shame on his family. Shame on him. She was right to let it go. This marriage would have failed if there was no trust and a sharing of minds.

[@robertcohen1888]

It sounds like the fiancé in the first story has been in a emotionally and psychologically abusive situation his whole life by a group of people that said you do everything for family no matter what it takes. To the point where he didn’t understand that taking money from somebody else to give to his family was still wrong. He was a victim here but he’s also on victimizer.

[@youarehere594]

Its so nice to get a final update on Ellie, I'm so glad things are working out for her. Ellie, if you read this, I wish nothing but the best of things for you and Tortilla. That is, incidentally, an adorable name for a cat.

[@Grace_x68]

S1 I wonder what amount of money has OP spend on her fiancé's family without her knowing...

[@Swnsasy]

Woohoo! Reddit Brew just posted and MARKY MARK!! Got my double shot of Jameson and grapes, Nadia, my cat so now life is EVEN BETTER!!! LET'S GET MARK TO 100K!! 😊♥️

[@Ziyanani]

"one person at a time we can leave this place better than we found it." sad that that line came out of such a rough experience but I agree, wholeheartedly. If I can do nothing else in this life than make someone else smile on a gloomy day I will consider my life fulfilling.

[@itrasheditgood]

Excuse me, it was both our fault? Wtf! He attacks her and she kicks him as a defence, how is that her fault? That dude has shown his true colours. He is abusive. What other things has he done that Op claimed was her fault, that was clearly manipulation? She needs to get a lawyer to figure out the house and they need to officially call it quits. Aside the mess of the family, his idea of her wearing makeup and getting nails done as being excessive is very telling. He wants control, he will try to isolate her if she does Marry her.

[@FanFicnic]

Awwww mark got a shout out! It’s true Mark. You are very calming and extremely likable. And I super appreciate the TWs you do.

[@Droptheworldghost]

Love how they gave mark props and marks voice is relaxing like if he has powers haha

[@RevWarRev]

Story 1: "He has nowhere else to go..." He can go to his entitled family without your family's money.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️Dude for Pee gate saga OPs exhusband is TERRIBLE. The real reason he abandoned OP after all this happened was because he knew he would have to cut his pee-boy brother and lying mother out of his life for the sake and safety of OP. And he didn't want to do that. He would rather have pee-boy and Mommy then support his wife during the worst time of her entire life even though all that trauma was caused by him and his family. There's clearly some emotional in c est going on in this family. And I am still disgusted by every single member of that family's behavior including the husband. The fact that he abandoned OP in favor of pee-boy really makes me mad. Pee-boy did what he did because he was jealous OP was getting OPs husbands attention. And OPs husband would rather cut OP out now that he knows that. That guy literally deserves a medal for worst husband of the year. HIS family caused OP a lot of suffering and trauma, and then instead of protecting her, her husband decided to abandoned her when she needed him the most and when she was at her lowest, in favor of protecting the pee boy who traumatized her.

[@ThatRedhedd]

Nope, he cut ties with his entire family.

[@babyfaceweeb8937]

Story 2: I glad she's doing well and if she and Ted feel they can keep a friendship for now it's not our business. If you're reading this Ellie, you got this and even if people on Reddit are disappointed in you, I'm not. I'm proud of you. ❤