How To Overcome An Emotional Affair // Relationship Radio

Now we've been talking about emotional affairs for the previous two episodes of relationship radio. So if you have not heard those, may I recommend that you might want to stop this one right here and go back and listen to the previous two. In the first one, I talk about the difference between an emotional affair and a sexual affair. And through those two episodes, we talked about the stages people go through when they get involved in an affair.
How can you overcome the emotions of an affair? We've discussed some of the points in the other two episodes. Firstly, you can't change emotions just by sheer willpower. If you think that somehow God's going to make that happen, if you're a religious person, I'm going to tell you right now that typically that's not how that occurs. Here we use the social sciences. And in the social sciences, I'm going to tell you that no one else, including God, if you believe he exists, is going to step in and rip those emotions out and change them like that.
But there's some good news in this; time changes emotions. If you had a good relationship with your mom or dad or both, what you felt about them when you were three was love, and it was an intense love on a three-year-old level. And what you thought about them at 13 was much different than that. It's still love, but it has many other things and nuances that weren't occurring at three that do happen at 13. And if you're 33 and you love your parents, even now, it's different than when you were 13, because emotions change with time.
I've been married to my wife at the time of this recording for over 50 years. Do I love her? Yes. Is that the same kind of emotion I felt when we were 18 when we met each other? No, the intensity of what you're feeling toward the other person will evolve with time. Look at the people in your world, in your life, that you know that those emotions evolved into something else. So whatever your spouse is feeling towards somebody else right now will not be the same thing they feel three years from now. And that's why people often look back on something they wanted with all of their heart that they gave up everything to have and realize they don't have the same intensity of desire toward that thing that they once did.
We've been working with marriages since 1994. Now, at the time of this recording, it is 2021. So that's a whole lot of years, about two and a half decades, that we've worked with marriages. And even last year, we had 10,000 couples involved in some of our programs. And more than a quarter of a million people have been to courses, workshops, and seminars that we've written and developed. So we've had enough exposure to enough people over a long enough period that we have some understanding as to what people are going to do. And while we can not make the exact prediction for you or your spouse, we're telling you that human nature's pretty consistent.
We've already said you can't fix it by using willpower. We've already said that time will change things. But what you do determines how time changes things-the things that you do that are positive and the things that you don't do. And so, the actions you take, the behaviors you put into your life working with time speeds the time process up. So we hope that you take from this not that we're trying to discourage you but that we're trying to give you hope. The hope is not in control; the hope is in understanding human nature and that people continue to change. And in the next episode of Relationship Radio, we're going to demonstrate that hope for you.
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[@MarriageHelper]

Need help overcoming an affair? Consider scheduling a free marriage strategy call with our team to learn what we have that can help: your.marriagehelper.com/meetings/marriagehelper/connect We look forward to speaking with you. ❤️

[@jamesmolina1923]

Where can I find a video of what to do if my wife is having an emotional affair

[@Mamaohhh04]

How can you trust your spouse ever again after they lied?? It was a quick emotional affair that started harmless and didn’t last long… but the lying and sneaking for that time period baffles me. How can u trust this person ever again??

[@hb9018]

Forgiveness. And communication - vulnerability from both sides.

[@banderson5676]

I tried this and gave her a second chance. Nope, it happened again.

[@Mamaohhh04]

@@banderson5676 sorry to hear that. My husband claims it want even an emotional affair. Because it was a legit reason he reached out to this person and needed continued contact for a period (which he did) but they developed a slight friendship during this time and some things I saw said i felt was flirtatious. One thing I saw was a private matter brought up which really ticked me off. So although nothing huge, no plans to cheat or stuff like that it was stiii imo wrong and crossed a line. He apologized and said he really didn’t think it was bad but recognizes that the secretive nature was definitely wrong. Whatever…. Lying and sneaking no matter the reason is wrong and it’s now his fault I’m leery. I truly hope this won’t happen again because it really bothered me a lot. If it did idk if I could forgive again…. That would shows pattern of poor judgement and poor behavior as a spouse. Might be hard but gotta draw the line. What are you doing abiut your wife having done it again? How bad are her emotional affairs??

[@aliciacoble7854]

My so and I r working on this right now ,trying to overcome , BUT the thing that s is we actually do want to work on it and THATS the trick that's helping us ...you have to WANT to fix it to actually fix it ,

[@Stephen_Jabs]

Im in a dire situation right now, Im in emotional affair with my co worker,but hearing your advice gets me to my feet and I feel I could conquer the intensity of the emotion, thank you thank you and thank you

[@MarriageHelper]

steven jabs, Thank you for your comment. One thing that would be extremely beneficial for you to do is to consider our Marriage Foundations Course. It is over 3.5 hours of guided content from Dr. Joe & Kimberly Holmes. You will learn how to identify pushing and pulling behaviors working on you and your spouse. You will learn the proven LovePath™ to falling back in love with one another, and you will achieve peace by knowing you’ve done the next right thing for your marriage. We would love to see you in that course if you are serious about saving your marriage! You can find the link here: bit.ly/3xySqD4

[@arthurbalcita4851]

When the cheater is a narcissist, even time CAN NOT change the narcissist. By Amelia

[@azeemsarfarazlexicon101]

Oh God. You stole my words.

[@azeemsarfarazlexicon101]

I hope doctor can take this question up in one of the future episodes

[@Fairgreentube]

I was thinking just that. A narcissist can hold a mask up pretending to be someone else for years or decades if they have enablers to protect them from being exposed. I believe this is first and foremost the most important issue to investigate before deciding to work on the marriage. If you feel like things get better and then revert back to the original norm, that’s a behavior pattern. These tend to always repeat based on supply and demand. Narcissism is personality trait that usually will revert back into its comfort norm. This applies to everyone narcissist or not. It’s just our comfort zone. Some stuck in a relationship with a narcissist could relate to this trauma bond. However, this content is relevant for someone that recognizes their narcissism thru self reflection and awareness. Takes responsibility for their words and accountability for their actions. Takes the time to figure out they’re utilizing their child mindset to make adult decisions. Then understands how they got to this point. Understands behavior patterns replay like cycles until you address the motive. Then meditate and pray and consciously work on a plan to result in a different outcome. Here’s the problem, this takes time and effort, and a lot of work with a lot of people do not have in this day and age.

[@JRWatchman85]

Thank you. Your videos have been helpful to me. I have been in an emotional affair with another woman, been on dates and we have kissed. The other woman also thinks I am separated from my wife, which isn't the case. I am lying go both of them because of the intense emotional connection formed with the other woman. I feel the constant battle between logic and my emotions.

[@TomikaKelly]

Hopefully your wife will muster up the courage to leave and find a husband who will truly love and respect her.

[@melindabates2863]

It's more like i don't want to put up with them! Rather be alone a few good years happy . I like your video s. Helpful.

[@azeemsarfarazlexicon101]

Me too my friend. Sometimes enough is enough. Right?

[@niemi5858]

While respecting the education and experience of marriage counsellors, I think it's foolish to try and save a marriage when your partner has an affair. Can a bell be unrung? What's the point of living in fear of a repeat occurrence and constant paranoia? The person the has the affair has already abandoned the marriage and if you still love them, then give them what they desire - a release from a marriage bond so they can live unfettered to a committed relationship. If there are minor children in the relationship, then having an affair instead of getting a divorce or separation beforehand, to my mind, is a form of child abuse in that they certainly weren't the first thought when the affair first began. Being from a broken home is less traumatic than living in one. If you fear leaving a cheating spouse, always remember, they will eventually leave you if they predecease you and you have to learn to start over anyway. If you don't love yourself, it's hard to love anyone else.

[@FreeSpirit47]

Just say, "NO". Having done it, I know it can work.

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Brenda, thanks for sharing. Are you saying that you have had an emotional affair but ended it? We appreciate your transparency regardless. Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help you!

[@beulahmoses12]

My lover loves my elder sister but he says he doesn't and that he loves me only. I can't leave him nor can I stay without him

[@mariaboll5596]

My husband drinks every day and is emotionally abusive calling me names making me feel worthless saying that I caused him to you yell at me we we have been separated for two weeks now and he wants me back, but I am not ready to have him come back. What is your thought on that thank you.

[@FunkyChichi]

@@mariaboll5596 unless he is going to dump the drink, I would say dump him, but I know firsthand that this isn’t necessarily an option, especially if you’re dependent upon them with small kids 🤯

[@deliagonzalez1044]

😢

[@bethbluett4211]

Limericks? What is that.

[@plgrey]

I think he’s saying “limerence.” It’s like obsession, hot and heavy emotions, fantasies, unrealistic expectations and lust (contrary to true long lasting love, where you overcome and solve problems together and grow despite ups and downs).

[@pocatelloman51]

MISSED One Very Important Point here . If a Person is Getting Feelings from Someone in a Emotional Affair , It happens for ONE REASON = They are NOT Getting them Feelings AT HOME . -------------- Your Partner is Talking to Someone , Guess what ? That is Because YOU ARE NOT TALKING AND SHARING WITH HIM . BOTTOM LIKE FACT .