Masochistic Covert Antinarcissist

[@borg-borg-2015]

Is there an exit from this quagmire - all I see is: Narcissists everywhere...myself including

[@SantaCruzMountainGoat]

There’s so much crossover with all the cluster B personalities. How is anyone ever accurately diagnosed?

[@pjspov647]

Thank you!!!

[@tyd8077]

@@GingerDrums this exactly!

[@alisonmadden6471]

They’re going in the direction of just diagnosing B

[@alisonmadden6471]

Also I like vaknin describing borderline as failed narc or failed psychopath

[@chaos-ku4vw]

Over time in an inpatient setting with much interviewing and observation of the patient from my experience. Well that is the only way to accurately diagnose. I was given this form of indepth accurate diagnosis myself of borderline personality disorder.

[@KristinaUSA-x5n]

Blaming victims is what Narcissists do.

[@KristinaUSA-x5n]

@@charlesiei6831 I was held hostage and libeled for reporting abuse and war crimes and witnesses killed and war criminals rewarded.

[@Nevaehh5000]

Are you saying sams blaming you? There’s no victim blaming in psychology aha it’s just sheer facts

[@Somero5115]

@@KristinaUSA-x5n **victim mindset** and it's fine if these videos aren't for you. Try Dr. Ramani

[@KristinaUSA-x5n]

@@Somero5115 I have had enough experience being gaslit by Narcissists. He spent time in prison for securities fraud and has Balkan Sephardic Jewish Mossad ties like my mom's side of the family that abused me.

[@Somero5115]

@@KristinaUSA-x5n I understand. I'm not trying to diminish your experiences. But I find this particular channel to be more of an universal model of the brain. Dr. Ramani is more validation and building. Neither are wrong, but people need certain perspectives at different times. Ramani is who I go to when I need validation and support

[@jonathanbuckenmyer4888]

I just finished with the narcissist Mary Poppins and all I can say is..... Supercallousnarcissisticexgavemepsychosis! 😉

[@jonathanbuckenmyer4888]

I'm the greatest joke narcissist there ever was. 😉

[@Thepinkxx]

Genius 🌟😂

[@mrsherwood2599]

Ha ha very nice.

[@nw3949]

Ha! That's clever

[@RedRiver-l1i]

Just Wow! Stunning video for me. Another spot in the nature of narcissus is filled. For a long time I pondered the nature of the anti-narcissist, but I could not formulate and fully understand.. Everything is very accurate and understandable, thanks to Sam. (It looks like Sam is back in the cerebral.. - a somatic narcissist is not capable of such fundamental understandings, it seems to me)))

[@sandranikolvlckova6560]

I love Sam Vaknin. It gives me something to hold onto. I deal with all kinds of people at my job on a daily basis and the information he puts out helps ground me. I have BPD traits myself, it is eye opening and anxiety relieving.

[@musicmadness8700]

I feel the same!!

[@coldwarnightlife]

Very interesting presentation. "Need hugs!" is their social media signpost. "Why aren't I recognised for the good things I do?" is their whine. The siren's song for rescuers.

[@fredchandler2847]

Well what I have discovered is that you don't get a pat on the back for doing the right thing or working hard to make yourself a better person. Moraware more grounded excetera... I have made significant changes in my life for the better and not one person has said good job

[@sporogymno]

ive never felt the "weird" parts of me so understood before

[@kriscg6788]

Professor, I've been watching your videos a while now. While I've been able to associate some of the characteristics of the covert narcissist to my husband, they didn't all apply to him. This lecture hit it home for me. This is exactly who I am dealing with. I now know for certain. Thank you very much. 🤯 My mind is blown.

[@Heathers-p8m]

same. I feel like videos have been narrowing things down more and more and this video was sobering and familiar. It helps me ground in reality of what I was looking at and watching while I'm processing and healing from the aftermath.

[@MegaJonkelly]

We're lucky this information isn't behind a jstore paywall. Seriously, thanks🙏 😂 BTW. Developing a healthy sense of humor is adaptive AF. I love this channel💯

[@ChariotOfFaith]

So in summation its 'proud of being as low as you can be' LOL. It sounds paradoxical and contradictory in nature.

[@zensurf2709]

I am so aligned with wanting to be nothing & zero. Nature helps guide this ideal as healthily as possible. Flagellation & masochism are integral parts of my existence, especially raising children & married to a NPD. Definitely witnessed myself doing self trashing virtually. I appreciate awareness about an empty core. I am trying my hardest to be a good person despite wanting to not exist. I go to Amor & Psyche by Erich Neumann it really helped me understand a woman’s individuation. The resonance is profound, and frighteningly accurate. Wtf can they do?

[@stevelichtwark4041]

Fear not fair also check out Simon parkes peace out

[@dontthinkso6873]

thanks for the book recommendation! are there any other books that could help a person in this situation?

[@ladyleah9166]

My sibling is always playing the victim when talking about things that have happened to her even though she is the one that puts herself in the damn situations she gets in. Never her doing -- so exhausting

[@jamiesunnysue3728]

Relatable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how I can go on. I have seen it my Whole life. My family buys into it. They’re deceived. Moved 900 miles away and still getting calls from cops about self humiliation behaviors/ defiance behaviors excusing the behaviors with a spiritual explanation 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@tonnikala9368]

well... I recommended reading Millon. The victimization is meant to be saintly never overt. They do not complain but you may see their nonverbal suffering. You see they do not seek direct pity. There are pity seeking individuals but their masochism is different than being a saint. They may enjoy degradation but self self-destruction is not their goal. Degradation in a masochistic needs to have something else it as it needs to serve the other party too. Jordan Peterson is sort of a masochist. His self destruction seem to be quite rare but magnificent. Quite interesting is that Adolf Hitler was also a masochist while Stalin was a sadist - they had quite a party together. So to pity seekers, they are basically in many cases depressive personalities. A close cousin to a masochist whereas hypomanic is a close cousin to a narcissistic.

[@orange-cat00280]

It is scary how closely this describes me. I am trying to recover from this destructive mechanism. I rejected the idea that I am a narcissist for a long time, despite continuously using people to self-trash and prove just how mentally "strong" I am. My childhood sexual trauma is clearly manifested by this. Thank you Professor Vaknin for your work, I have never come across to such helpful information. Does anyone know strategies to overcome this/ specific types of therapy?

[@Everah.Snow.]

IFS therapy!

[@toddkingery9951]

Very interesting and captivating lecture. I’m a newly diagnosed codependent with the same partner for 30 years. I can relate to period in my life 12 years ago where I was behaving exactly like anti-narcissist. Destroying my life emotionally and physically. I was hurting myself to the point of hospitalization because it was the only thing that felt real. I was unmotivated at work my friends relationships. It actually felt good and was only thing real going on around me. Can a codependent experience anti-narcissism?

[@jasminthestrange]

Dear Mr. Vaknin, could you please create more content about the specifics of the histrionic personality disorder? Thank you.

[@amanda1838]

I’ve seen a lot of talk recently about people saying cluster B’s, specifically those with NPD, shouldn’t be “demonized”, claiming most people with any cluster B disorder aren’t abusive. There seems to be a new movement of people defending narcissists and trying to protect them even. Could you touch on this sometime maybe? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[@chandmoon9526]

It seems to be a thin line between someone who took years of abuse from a narcissist and chooses to set aside humiliation to vehemently warn others to watch out for the signs of a narcissist vs the masochistic narcissist who hates seeing themselves in others, like a reflection of them, and so they proceed to point these figures out via attacks. But nonetheless they are different correct? Victims of narcissistic abuse tend to point out the Narcissistic behaviors to look out for in those exposed with patterns of the behavior, such as Derrick Jaxn the relationship coach who was publicly exposed for a string of extramarital affairs. He does videos in third person trashing cheating men and it turns out he is in fact the cheater he’s talking about. Sounds about masochistic Narcissist to me.

[@DeChihauha]

From what I've been gathering, the saying ” the abused become abusers” is really, really, I'd say, in overwhelming majority of cases - true. It's been repeated many times - narcissism is a defence mechanism initially. Unfortunately. t. Diagnosed schizoid, and from the described traits in this video, likely an antinarcissist.

[@unknownfem9450]

What Is the outcome of someone healing from this? What is their personality like after they overcome/heal from this?

[@AsociacionLibreAL]

This is so interesting Prof. Sam, thank you! I was wondering if you could make a video about Neurosis. I'm a Clinical Psychoanalyst as well and i feel me and others could really benefit from your point of view. Big hug from Buenos Aires, Argentina

[@samvaknin]

Good idea.

[@mohamadnassif1218]

Amazing description 👍🏻

[@Somero5115]

This guy is the Oprah of Narcissim

[@enoshkazem2325]

I find this relates to your video on satisficing narcissism as well.

[@cristinaitc8938]

There is nothing you can do to be Free from this disorder? Or at least to ameliorate it? Is a psychosis?

[@benzonovastar1508]

This is totally me. Also I'm the lord & master of the Vulnerable Dark Tetrad. Positive Tetrad: Factor I Psychopathy, Grandiose Self Structured Narcissism (which is a dissociated Defensive Reaction Formation), Machechevillianism, Ego Syntonic Sadism. Negative Dark Tetrad: Vulnerable Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Factor II Sociopathy, Ego Syntonic Masochism. I'm also a Cerebral Narcissist. I describe my Self as "Dissociopathic," because of how derealized & discombobulated I am.

[@pietpost1433]

Is it possible to overocome this disease?

[@dontthinkso6873]

Professor, could you recommend books on this condition? Therapy made me realize I had masochism but I had to cut short psychotherapy due to financial issues caused by reluctance to work. I'm moderately well-read on narcissism and an objectively well-educated person overall(hard for me to accept although I'm definitely a compensatory narcissist). One of the commenters recommended Amor and Psyche: The Psychic Development of the Feminine, which sounds like the perfect book for me and I also read your book on narcissism (which I'll definitely revisit). Thank you for sharing this, life-changing!

[@samvaknin]

Nearly all my videos contain references to literature (also in the descriptions). search the channel.

[@dontthinkso6873]

@@samvaknin Thanks a lot, will do!

[@Mabtr_662]

​@@dontthinkso6873hey, is the masochism in an antinarcissist genetic or nurture??

[@deejay7352]

Definitely about being crushed and smashed to create a black hole

[@kenjones102]

Not to be confused with auntie narcissists.

[@hellawitzgerald7530]

Lol

[@ricofreako5971]

Funny

[@burninsince87]

Most narcissists that I have known do this self destructive spectacle somewhat often.

[@spy7061]

Is this the only type of narcissist which solely gets it's supply from itself?

[@carlosbeauty]

it’s all about how and when humans using ours capacities like the love and the hate with constantly improving both antagonist feeling behaviour skills...?

[@ebmwo212]

Where can I learn more on anti narcissist?

[@ru.m.6119]

Am I a masochistic person to a narc? I was told that I enjoy his rants, screams, rage, insults from him.... Why do I allow this to happen? I feel love for him and hate his actions, he labeled himself "Demisexual" I think cause I said I enjoy being with him sexually cause I have love for him. But why do I accept the torture from him?

[@armeniansdoitbetter]

I wonder if this absence or void and the antinarcissim could be seen in BPD and if there's an antinarcissistic mechanism at play in this also.

[@samvaknin]

Yes, there is. But intermittently and reactively.

[@AntonioPandolfo-wf6pf]

Can a covert grandiose narcissist become an antinarcissist after collapse upon becoming self aware? I feel this has happened to me

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@GlenGGonsalves]

In a marriage who is the narcissist and who is the victim? It seems like fragments of each enter both people. I want to fix my part in it. Thanks!

[@VishwaMedagedara]

You're talking about Jesus, no?? 😂

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel.

[@NikolaCelan]

Touche

[@cdiegorodriguez]

Is it possible to be this kind of narcissist in everyday life, but to sexually be a sadist?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@QwQw-g9e]

​@@samvaknin Does masochism affect on the life of job? I feel that I am very happy when I serve a girl at work and not exhaust her and help her instead of herself..while with myself I do not feel this pleasure... I mean that I work for the service of girls more than I serve myself...with Knowing that I am a masochist

[@Wcnd]

Idk if this is off topic but I have NPD or atleast many traits and I am a suffering from masochism I think that‘s quiet rare/ uncommon? Is there anyone else? Im wondering myself

[@royalveofficial]

How common is anti-narcissism?

[@samvaknin]

Rare.

[@011silbermond]

Oooha, I got a very very bad suspicion... 🙈🙈By the title I wondered if this could apply to one or both of mmy mother and/or brother. And I think, it´s my brother. At an early age became sadistic towards me (exclusively I think), emotionally parentified by both parents. At an age of 15 (me 14) our father died of cancer, mother became a caretaker in hospice. My brother became an self-employed undertaker, in the eyes of the family the calm, serious, hardworking one with dark humour, the man you can rely on. Doing this work is his masochistic punishment. The blindness was around the aspect that my mother build this emotional incest bond with him, I got the snapshot treatment. There was no way she would react on my attempts to tell her about his abuse. Oh God (I would say if I could believe in any god)..... 🙈🙈😭😭This is why they could let me go, noone ever held me back

[@011silbermond]

Pheeeew, I´m not quite sure... this sounds so much more fitting than the other types. First I thought, no, he doesn´t do the sexual selftrashing, but this isn´t necessarily a part of this, I think? He isn´t this communal narc type with social media presence and whatnot. No, I always wondered where has this selfhatred stuff vanished, this old poem that he wrote probably at the start of secondary school where he described himself as weed. That I only know because my mother realized she had to give me SOMEthing that would make me have empathy and pity for him again so she wouldn´t have to face herself. Maybe I´m wrong, but I think this is where his attitude comes from, he found a way to feel unique, he´s the one who buries all the dead people.🙈🙈

[@thehousethatjackbuilt3422]

Sam, everybody talks about the "Sigma" male, can you explain from your point of view what is really is to be a sigma and his traits in a deep way?

[@samvaknin]

Nope. I don’t waste my time on nonsense.

[@katrinamuser458]

😄14:36