Masochism: Borderlines, Psychopaths Self-trash

[@didilina4305]

„They feel bad when they feel good and they feel good when they feel bad.“ Wow. So accurate.

[@vickiewatson2878]

Woe to those that change bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.

[@Azucardesserts]

The change is abrupt, so quick you do not realize one person has left and another has taken its place. The eyes and face change, vacant, dark, tortured features take hold. Someone you know is another being entirely, this realization is terrifying. This person doesn't love you or even know you and they want you obliterated, just as they had been. All the while to know you are a mirror image of this dysfunction and hell truly is a cherry on top. To end the addiction one must leave. if you continue to play with a predator, eventually it will end you.

[@TheGuy-lt6lm]

Incredible comment! I know exactly what you mean, unfortunately.

[@damiendalton8397]

pro tip: watch series at Flixzone. I've been using them for watching a lot of movies recently.

[@boonerowen8127]

@Damien Dalton Yup, have been using Flixzone for months myself :)

[@cheriweber1900]

Wow so true exactly

[@vickiewatson2878]

What do you mean that you are a mirror image to the dysfunction?

[@armeniansdoitbetter]

Bpd with masochism... So very on point. The unattractive mates and depraved acts followed by shame and the acting to pursue relationships destined for abuse and or failure.

[@mariavalverdeboutilier7370]

I adore being a sub. Love it with someone who I can trust.

[@thaLAangel]

this all reminds me of the song "I'm only happy when it rains" by Garbage. These are some lyrics: Pour your misery down on me You can keep me company As long as you don't care I'm only happy when it rains You wanna hear about my new obsession? I'm riding high upon a deep depression I only smile in the dark My only comfort is the night gone black I didn't accidentally tell you that I'm only happy when it rains

[@defaultuser7777]

Love this ❤ thank you

[@dale5144]

I got to know a BPD the stuff that went on shocked me from old men to spas with multiple people and dangerous situations that would frighten most women . If her friends didn’t have big mouths I would never know , Yet she was a loving mum attractive and had a good job ! Every now and then she would cause a fight and go missing for a few hours or sometimes days 😢 you can’t help someone that won’t drink from the help tap

[@kyliesmith9782]

That explains why he said to me "Thank you for hating me" Sad af

[@aurakl2407]

I came upon this and I knew something was oddly connected about these behaviours . The confusing part is that you wouldn't think that someone with ASPD would choose degradation, but more likely sadism. It is in the abstract and uncomfortable you discover it is all weirdly connected, yet opposite to what most would recognize or imagine. Thank you for breaking it down, it has helped me process this odd feeling that somehow they were connected, such a bizarre thought to have with out the proper data. I now have more knowledge and tools to navigate. Also I came across some information that Hitler was very much this type of person. I won't get into details because it makes me sick to think about and/or write.

[@MatimoreAgain]

It's also a behavior that's the hardest to rid off. Bc BPD/ED may at times self resolve or calm down with decades of comings and goings, self trashing is a behavior that's definitely like self medicating. A castigating of low self regard, avoiding lonliness, guilt, or whatever it may be. BDSM is a great segue. At least for me. It's great revisiting these posts.

[@theblendedborderline]

This one hit hard on that truth scale. I have said for a long time that shame and negative emotions were very much tied into my sexual expression and the whole self trash thing makes so much sense! I am not a cheater tho... Not physically anyway.

[@humanoidbastard673]

Don't kid yourself. Emotional cheating is just as bad

[@theblendedborderline]

@@humanoidbastard673 I actually agree. I was just disagreeing with his view. I have made emotional connections in the past outside of relationships that lacked healthy connection that I understand it would have been better to just walk away instead of wait for something to change on the other person's end.

[@theblendedborderline]

@@z32luvr And I have.

[@defaultuser7777]

Enriching video, this helped me so much. Thank you

[@wachtraum9961]

Every human being is an abyss, it makes you dizzy when you look down.

[@tofayte]

This lecture is so insightful. Thank you!

[@fettarmemilch6117]

Dear Mr Vaknin! I heard some of your lectures about different topics, where sex is mentioned from a lot of different angles. They are very intersting and I learn a lot. I never though heard even one word of prostitution which I believe plays a big part in modern society and probably in some personality disorders I could imagine. Could you make a lecture about it or mention it in a future lecture. What kind of people work as sex workers, what kind of people go there ? Especially in this lecture I feel it could have been mentioned. Has it nothing to do with self trashing ? Thank you !

[@vickiewatson2878]

Jesus went to the prostitutes and the sick, just a thought

[@crisl3557]

When i was still pretty little (12 maybe) I decided that if I would ever turn out like my mother, hurting people, I would kill myself. I built an enormous emotional muscle, and learned how to dissociate and withdraw in time. If I lost it, I had an overarching filter over what I said or did, no matter what state I was in. I found people that support me and I can run reality checks by. I healed enormously in time, reparented, been though mortification twice (it is just by chance I didn't kill myself the first time), and I am pretty sure I recovered my real self the second time, after days of excruciating pain. Personal decisions matter, persevierence pays off, and when you look hard enough, you find both answers and your own inner lost children. I learned that all the split fragments just need love and acceptance and never flinch anymore, no matter how twisted they look and feel when I unburry them. The more you practice going through the pain to find parts of yourself, the easier it gets. Or at least, you know this time is the last time for that pain to happen. And all this process is worthwhile, and the alternative is to sleep with death and feel you live on borrowed time anyway...

[@jmang5953]

Ty for writing this, it helped ease my sorrow. This is alchemical writing ❤🌹🦄

[@PrigthaiKaitun]

sounds so heavy to bear, but for them it is euphoric. will they ever burn out, can they?

[@aalves9453]

Best example of borderline switching is Amber Heard. Especially her facial features.

[@jS-jn4uc]

If the borderline reaches the age where their disorder is no longer diagnosable, no more bpd, does the masochistic side of them described in your video completely go away too, or will they always be cheaters, always put themselves in risky situations with the wrong type of people, always do drugs, always cut themselves, etc.? More specifically, this is an exgf who is an escort, heroin addict, a cheater, a cutter, who seemingly thrives on conflict and creating drama, has no accountability nor integrity, and of course lies anytime she communicates.

[@Orisitdonald]

All shame is self shame

[@deothang]

I am Borderline and was married for 27 years with 4 children...I have never cheated in my whole life..... but my partner did, twice infact .....I don't think I have masochism at all just pure love..like deep love is what I like to feel...but I have always used substance abuse...I don't know but maybe my marriage lasted so long is because I was not diagnosed BPD until I was 50 and I am now 55...I hardly leave my house and numb out so I do not have to think...I am finding it hard to forgive my parents as they do not believe I am mentally unwell..thats just another stab in the heart...I wonder what is worst, finding out you are BPD at a young age or when you are older? To look back at fifty years and to see it is extremly hard to get your head around...Life changing.....I would really be interested to what you think about the age you find out? I have not slept around either....really interesting stuff thanks...

[@deothang]

p.s I definately self trash..I do not take care of myself or my home...the guilt/shame I feel is hugh and that leads me to self isolate..

[@deothang]

@@KingEdwardMD I dont lie!...Not everyone with Bprderrline are the same...Tell me your story? Why you so angry? You dont even know me!

[@wzlkk3ghlf091]

​@@deothangSame... I'm totally isolated, I have no friends, no partner (never had actually) just keep in contact with close family, I'm in my mid 20 and I'm looking to get the diagnosis, I fit the criteria so much but it's hard and scary... I feel so hopeless

[@cadyjohnsonwins]

My fiancé can now tell when I’m splitting based on my facial changes and I’m Not happy about it. “your eyes are getting squinty, uh oh.” He says my forehead furrows and I squint my eyes... little does he know my whole body feels like it’s on 🔥

[@samvaknin]

Switching, not splitting.

[@summerbreeze6259]

@@samvaknin Can you explain differences between the two because I got them mixed up too. Splitting compartmentalizes and switching changes entire personality I believe?

[@radioog6945]

Omg

[@kyliesmith9782]

Ok, so they will sexual self trash by being degraded and used. What about the male? If he's usually a sadist? He's not being sexually trashed?. Would he pick up junkies and hookers?

[@pertonos3851]

i am curious what distinctions could be made between these self-trashing self-annihilation tendencies and spiritual paths of surrender and devotion. i am unsure where to draw a line.

[@marki57686]

I don’t get it, what they have in common?

[@pertonos3851]

@@marki57686 the practice of many spiritual paths is something equivalent to ego-annihilation...to willingly surrender....im wondering if there is some virtue to the pathology. isnt self trashing essentially surrender

[@christinapaterno1132]

@@pertonos3851 Ego annihilation comes from self awareness, among other things like meditation and many other practices, eventually leading to unconditional love for oneself and for everyone else and the world itself. It has to do with the energy of life. It has zero to do with a personality disorder that leads to negative and skewed self-speech and destructive behaviors, and which Sam himself described as arising from the energy of death. They are not trying to dissolve the ego for enlightenment, they are trying to temporarily "medicate" their disorder by behaviors which hurt them. Striving for ego death in a healthy manner is quite unlike striving for actual death in a destructive manner.

[@sabelafidalgo3023]

How is it that self trashing leads to sexual arousal ? Sex is a biological and violent reaction to avoid physical dead? ( I mean biological sexual arousal)

[@mattwillis1568]

Will only a personality disordered woman sleep with a man quickly? Such as on a first date, or a couple of hours after meeting? Or will a promiscuous, non-disordered woman also do this? Thank you

[@samvaknin]

Promiscuity is correlated with dark personalities. But dark personalities are SUBclinical (insufficient to diagnose with a personality disorder).

[@mattwillis1568]

@@samvaknin Thanks for the quick response. Working on figuring out my post divorce dating experience (the last 4 years) and your videos have been very insightful.

[@paulaokane5088]

women aged twelve? really!

[@marysmith801]

I know, what a disappointment to hear Sam say such a thing.

[@swjbzelndkpac1265]

@@marysmith801 maternal enmeshment results in most narcissist men being misogynists

[@sneak9407]

​@@marysmith801 why are you disappointed in him. What you said makes no sense. It happens... he is just stating what he has heard of. Or do you expect him to hide the truth that the behaviour is not age restricted?

[@marysmith801]

@@sneak9407 I was only commenting on Sam referring to a twelve year old as a woman. I guess the real issue is that it is so disturbing that a twelve year old would have gotten the message that she was nothing but a piece of trash deserving of abuse. And that there are people who would abuse her in all kinds of ways. I respect Sam, I wish I hadn't made the comment.

[@loyalmary27]

are there any books where we can read abou this?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.