Master the ART OF NEGOTIATION and WIN Any Exchange | Chris Voss

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/impact for 10% off your first month.
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.” - Chris Voss
Whether we know it or not, much of our success in business and in life depends on our ability to negotiate effectively. From buying a house or car to negotiating your salary to coming to an agreement with your partner - negotiation is a game-changing skill that everyone should master.
In today’s episode of Impact Theory, master negotiator Chris Voss shares some of the most important takeaways he’s learned over the years, both as a 24-year veteran of the FBI, and as the founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group - a world-class negotiation consulting firm.
Chris has been on the front lines of some of the most high-stakes hostage negotiations of the last 20 years, and the depth of his knowledge of human psychology is apparent throughout the whole conversation.
To learn more about the art of effective negotiation, I highly encourage you to read Chris’ bestselling book, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. amzn.to/356ckub
You can also find tons of free resources on how to reach your full potential as a negotiator at www.blackswanltd.com/

SHOW NOTES:
00:00 | Introduction
01:04 | When Lives Are On The Line
04:33 | The Dos Palmas Kidnappings
10:50 | Teaching Your Kids Resilience
18:36 | Dos Palmas, Continued
29:20 | The Best Hostage Negotiation Tactic
37:24 | The Biggest Driver of Human Decision-Making
45:04 | Chris’ Views On Human Nature
1:04:15 | What Makes Someone a Good Negotiator?
1:12:18 | Applying Negotiation Tactics To Everyday Life
1:26:00 | Anger, Emotional Control, And Flow States
1:33:12 | The Power Of Open-Ended Questions
1:44:27 | Black Swan Negotiation Strategies

QUOTES:
“When you're in the battle, you can't bail. People are looking at you to lead. There are people's lives that are still on the line.” [09:29]
“Negotiation is not what it is to you. It's what it is to the other side.” [25:13]
“Ultimately, people make up their mind principally on what they perceive the loss to be. And that's human nature - doesn't matter the scenario” [26:01]
“One of the crazy things that I learned a long time after the fact is, terrorists got moms. I mean, you'd be shocked at the emotional vulnerability across the board, to the power of a well crafted message from a mom.” [30:49]
“Loss is… the biggest impact on decision making of human beings across the board.” [38:05]
“You know, everybody's gonna do stuff where they failed themselves, where they were fragile, they made a bad decision. They were heartless, either intentionally or accidentally, like, how do you pick it up after that?” [58:59]
“How every negotiation should go: script out your first two or three lines, and then you're into an ad lib from that point on. You’ve got to prepare - it's a dance, let the other person lead. And they'll take you where you want to go.” [1:13:14]
“You cannot get to your peak performance in a negative state of mind. And anger is a negative state of mind.” [1:29:02]
“The more you encourage the other side to talk, the more likely it is that you're going to get to this moment of collaboration quicker. Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better. How do you get something better? You get the other side to talk. You spend a lot less time talking, and appreciate that they're bringing something to the table that you could use.” [1:46:52]

Follow Chris Voss:
Website: bit.ly/3LUTlU3
Twitter: bit.ly/3t4WTud
Facebook: bit.ly/3Hbawx7
Instagram: bit.ly/3hfKqye
Order Never Split the Difference: amzn.to/356ckub

[@TomBilyeu]

What is your most useful tip you can share that helps you get the upper hand when negotiating?

[@christinarainbow3115]

Use silence to your advantage

[@pinkdolphinllc4737]

Silence is gold …

[@robmoore6802]

When

[@fakecubed]

Thanks to Chris Voss, whenever I'm on the phone with somebody at a company, I try very early on to find an opportunity to say "seems like it's pretty frustrating over there" to build empathy, and if I'm not getting what I'm asking for, I say "seems like you're powerless to help me" which gets people to go above and beyond what they'd normally do for a customer. Both have made being on the phone (a task I hate immensely) go much smoother.

[@SamKhan-sr3vq]

In a negotiation, whoever cares less, wins.

[@bnsgokugreat]

Chris Voss is beyond awesome. Because of his techniques I have interviewed over 60 plus world experts including Chris himself. He’s Tony Stark of negotiation 😊

[@siddharthaneupane3721]

That's so cool! I did check your profile. Amazing results!

[@TeluguSuperhumans]

@@siddharthaneupane3721 Thanks! This is my main one though :) But it is in Telugu language

[@noadshsbcjgorh]

[0:00:23] Introduction [0:01:12] Chris’s book: never split the difference [0:02:07] Training from FBI [0:04:22] Best chance of success when there is a hostage situations [0:06:45] The first case where somebody got killed [0:07:05] The Black Swan Method: universal priceless in negotiation [0:07:56] Sponsor-break [0:08:06] When the first body came out [0:09:32] When you are in the battle, you can not bail [0:10:16] Character or learned traits? [0:11:00] Teaching son on what it means to be a family: storytime [0:12:25] Not getting a ride to work: learn to depend on yourself [0:14:28] Everything is and can be learned [0:15:37] Leading by example is not enough [0:16:01] You have to find a mentor to sharpen your skills better [0:17:05] POST-TRAUMATIC-STRESS-GROWTH [0:19:06] Back to the Philippines story [0:21:51] Worst moment in his career and personal life [0:22:58] Why did you volunteer? [0:24:36] The power of words [0:25:18] Negotiation is what it is to the other side [0:25:29] No such thing is logical. Only what matters to you [0:26:05] People make up their minds on what they perceive the loss to be [0:27:36] Hostage negotiator real job [0:29:26] The process to success in such situations [0:30:56] Terrorists have moms - the emotions they have are essential to the success in negotiating with them [0:37:16] Common humanity threads in all of us [0:37:44] The sense of loss [0:41:31] Anatomy of terrorist groups [0:45:08] What do these situations reveal about humanity? [0:46:02] Optimism and relief [0:47:47] Predatory-wolf [0:48:58] Contained and uncontained cases [0:51:26] What are humans like [0:53:10] Sponsor-break [0:54:23] The dark impulses in human beings and the gulag archipelago book by Solzhenitsyn ------------------- For the full timestamps note and more visit learning-gems.ghost.io/art-necessity-of-negotiating/ 💎

[@TheOlgaKay]

Chris is one of the most fascinating people on the planet. Love how genuine he is and his human psychology insights!

[@bboydevs03]

What’s strange is that I use these tactics. I’ve helped a couple dudes in Seattle get out of a fight, well they weren’t going to be doing any of the fighting lol. I came in and changed reference by praying on the predatory types ego. I was like “this is the guy you choose to fight tonight 🙄. We know these dudes ain’t built like that” they instantly laughed with me. I was able to do that because i have similar background, but i don’t start fights, but more about finishing them harshly. I changed that by keeping my confidence and channeling that energy with positivity. I also do the “how’s your day going.” The random act of kindness, the shock factor, the non bothersome, and the genuine care really takes the situation somewhere different. I call it MOMENTUM, and it’s part of my personal trainer/lifec coach model. I think I developed it from being a salesman and SERE school when I was in the navy. But yea, great episode on communication.

[@bassemeskander414]

I personally hate it so much when the guest is talking and Tom's excitement makes him interrupt them but not once, not twice but not three times but not four times... Still an excellent man and that's why I watch his channel. Thank you Tom

[@ckniffen7111]

This guy's book helped me smash through 6 figures in my sales job, and even get to multiple 6 figs where my company is asking how in sustaining such continual results! Deeply Grateful for this guy!

[@victorramzie9305]

Name of the book?

[@paulduggan2]

Never split the difference. It’s a really good book.

[@zentzu4003]

‘remember who you are’ Big up to Mufasa

[@CarbideGuy]

'Never Split the Difference', a great book thanks for bringing Chris in. I still have the black shoe & brown shoe analogy in my head. Great Interview, what great personality. Thank you

[@ritacummings804]

Chris Voss has so much excellent information for us.

[@dadadodo7455]

Glad to witness the connection that you both had and the flow of the conversation, thanks to both of you,

[@NelsonConroyRealtor]

Tom I have been a student of Chris Voss’ using his techniques in my real estate brokerage. You did a fantastic job on this interview bringing out the emotional & personal side of Chris! Thank you Tom

[@ashcassjimenez3026]

Really grateful to hear Chris’ perspective on parenting. A lot of my friends who are parents, take a very soft approach when it comes to directing and guiding their children. I on the other hand, parent similar to Chris. It’s validating to hear his principles when it comes to such a massive responsibility. Thanks for this conversation🙏🏼

[@renaissancestatesman]

Do we know anything about his relationships with his kids? Wife? Etc. You've confirmed a bias, not been validated.

[@anishamm685]

Great Guest!! Thanks and Bravo Tom!

[@drelenashirleydvmcvama8517]

Tom you are correct they really work. I did deploy the tactics I bought the book in 2017 I applied it I kicked ass in business and my real estate negotiations and restrictions with my husband and my kids it really does work

[@Devibaba]

Awesome interview. Many thanks to both of you for this!

[@lilamnbdh967]

Great conversation Tom, thank you so much🙏❤️

[@o.s.s.fitnessandgrappling1052]

ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES!!! LOVE THAT BOOK.

[@AkshatKumarSrivastava]

I really don't understand why so few people are following his teachings

[@zaferozveren1244]

46:14 Tom mis-quoted Solzhenitsyn. It should be: "The line separating good and evil passes... through every human heart". Completely different meaning!!

[@arvinsenglishph2293]

Nice convo. Philippines is mentioned! I'm fr. PH btw

[@youtubait1]

Chris is one of the best story tellers, his style is almost hypnotizing. Tom’s interviewing is impeccable!

[@sheeraz_]

Chris Voss is amazing. Everytime I listen to his interviews I learn something new about psychology. His book Never Split the Difference is the best book I have read.

[@mike_strong]

I have been waiting for this interview for years!!! So pumped!!

[@tarikaiesec]

Yes, finally!! Glad to see Chris on your show

[@thomas.leitner]

Since I read his book, I heavily use labeling on social media, which makes your statement perceived less offensive/personal/passive aggressive. And allows space for clarifying reactions instead of counters. 1. Write your destructive "punch"-line if it makes you feel better. 2. Rephrase your blurt into soft generalized labeling/perception, bevor sending. 3. And just let the other guy feel stupid if it turns itself out to be the way you describe it. Triggered some apologies as well in certain cases. And with the current situation with Putin, >it seems like< the "art of negotiation" reaches its limits as well.

[@ottoohno1431]

I think I’m going to make the statement that Chris Voss is brilliant. Literally brilliant. His vocabulary is simple. Because of that his ability to communicate and educate others on highly complex ideas of human nature can n a digestible manor is second to none.

[@susanthursdays5008]

I find Chris Voss as a Man of: High Quality, who’s a forever loving experienced father, and, who deserves to enjoy his day job. I wish him to have all the friends who live to care for Chris, in gratitude, and brotherhood, nd just simply by being your are own-self , to support Chris or his family and whomever else Chris needs or wants to walk with him, as he faces his struggles, OR to be with him Form there for all celebrations, as they arise , and be always present, attentive persons - moved to do so by your love for this one special man. Pay this man ATTENTION & Love & Tenderness, forever. 💕 ♥️ 💜 🥰 🥰 🥰 💜 ☀️ ⭐️ 🌙 💫 ♾ 🌏 BLESSINGS & GRATITUDE!!

[@travishalvorson6377]

I am the complete opposite. I have no issue with confrontation. I am always focused on the result, even beyond myself. The idea of self goes out the window, and I only want to win. The issue though, if I am forgetting about myself, I'm not thinking of others necessarily, and it doesn't occur to me that others can decompartmentalize and deal with confrontation, because I don't work that way. My goal with reading Chris's book, is learning how to pull back, think about the position of others, and break down wall of confrontation by being more positive and by effect draw the other person in. Not easy to do, since that isn't my personality.

[@annienolen8175]

Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. The stock market has plenty of opportunities to earn which I myself took advantage of. I made my first million from going diverse, mainly ETFs(stocks, bonds etc), bitcoin, and gold. Investing in any of these should be in everyones mind.

[@franknedu1957]

True, With the current problem around the world today I think it's best everyone invest more in digital asset than Saving in banks and real estate. Just my thoughts

[@alexgorham7464]

@@franknedu1957 yeah , imagine what will happen to the banks and houses in Ukraine due to the bomb blast from Russia, It's better to keep money digital no one knows tomorrow

[@daothai5056]

@@alexgorham7464 Speaking of digital assets do you mean bitcoin?!I don't think investing in bitcoin now is a good idea, i'm currently running on huge loss the market is crashing

[@ulysseslargay1933]

@@daothai5056 this is more reason you should invest with an expert, even with the fall in price I make good profits weekly from my investment in bitcoin. Last week I got a profit of $56,000

[@ulysseslargay1933]

@@daothai5056 digital assets are actually the best way to save money cause you are earning will you save unlike banks

[@organizer14]

Both of you are truly awesome! So enlightening! Many many thanks! ❤🎉

[@joangriffin9746]

Great discussion. Some parallels with Frankl's Man'a Search For Meaning, as the questions delve into What are humans like. Then I shifted to thinking, how do we hold ourselves hostage and how do thoughts of my mother trigger change in thinking. Yes, also the Jordan Peterson awareness of who we are and what we are capable of, and what could shift our frame of reference. That 'gimmick' of yours Tom, is so powerful.

[@oznetyoutube125]

Chris is a Game Changer in All facets of Life. TY for the insight !!

[@mike_strong]

Loved that this was so long. But when is he coming back?!?! 😍

[@organizer14]

Thanks so much for sharing your unique gifts with your fans! 😅

[@whatsilviadid3993]

I listened to Chris book in Audible and i highly recommend it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@thechancellor-]

To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.

[@soulstreams333]

🙏🏻

[@tangokaleidos1926]

thank you

[@sandytw5229]

Great interview & love how Tom was so into it! Good Job 🎉

[@stephennaj3409]

Great video ! Thanks Tom for Job and help !

[@stephennaj3409]

What ??

[@jfilm7466]

13:00 My kids have always got right up, even if they were crying, they were up and ready just like dad and grandpappy.

[@feyolopez2520]

Thank you👍 It is very compelling 💎

[@StevenBB222]

Love that opening line and follow up. ✊🎯🔥❤🙏🤝👍

[@stephanieog974]

Holy crap. This dude is awesome!!

[@PedramNG]

fantastic epison!!!

[@fdre3wsd]

good interview that guy is the hollywood action movie hostage negotiator archetype, definitely gonna try and get that book

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

Thanks 👍

[@rachmanurhuda3220]

I love all your videos!!!❤️

[@user-cz9dh4yy3g]

Chris is The Man, I love his brain and empathy! On the other side: the host's hair is triggering my OCD uugghhh!!!!!!!!!!!

[@skylernova489]

wow, 3 comments? I came here early! I started reading his book yesterday, what are the odds!

[@JustBeWell]

If you always win then there’s no consideration for the other party. Which means you’re not negotiating your bullying.

[@pradippun5801]

Great conversations tom

[@NathalieLazo]

Incredible person who is reading this. Want to let you know that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. Blessings upon blessings come to you daily. Everything you need it’s on its way to you! Be ready to receive! You are healthy. You are strong. You are capable. True wealth is coming for you. You are blessed beyond measure. You are loved so much by many. Receive this TRUTH! Bless you always with everything great you deserve. You are greatness! ~❤️Nat

[@soulstreams333]

❤️

[@lyndelo3174]

Right back atcha!

[@NathalieLazo]

@@soulstreams333 😘😘💗

[@NathalieLazo]

@@lyndelo3174 thank you Lyn! You’re the best! 😘❤️

[@strokesidedesignsllc4969]

What's the name of the book Tom mentions at 54.15 mins ? I don't understand

[@stavroulapapadopoulou9033]

1:02:02 I swear what I heard was "two lines of coke". 🤣🤣

[@laneythelame]

So glad i found this :)

[@pinkdolphinllc4737]

Voss made me a better sales person. Must read.

[@williamkreth]

This is amazing

[@tiffanymarks4577]

Amazing! 😊

[@christinarainbow3115]

Wow Tom, what an interview, Thoroughly enjoyed that. Be legendary

[@JohnJones-dc2qw]

Remember who you are. Interesting. 1:02:39 1:02:39 I learned we are a perfect spirit living in human experience and our spirit will empower us when we call upon it. I do it everyday and it has changed my life in the past year

[@Theodora937]

omg finally chris voss

[@tomjeff1743]

Lou Holtz would say that people are born with a certain amount of talent based on their genetics, which is obviously beyond our control. Then he says there are two things within our control. our motivation which is self discipline and our attitude

[@michaelcbyers]

Around 1:15 in this video @TomBilyeu. I have a story so similar that I tell all the time. It's my friend's story not mine but great none the less. He was at a Wendy's here in Canada with his now wife. They are goofballs and laugh a lot and act silly. They were apparently doing that at the time. My friend went to dump his tray out in the garbage. He was met at the garbage with some dodgy looking dude (my friend's words not mine). The guy immediately asks my friend in a gruff way "What are you laughing at?" My friend responds with "Nothing what do you care?" Something like that. The guy immediately goes "FUCK YOU" to my friend. In the same aggressive intensity my friend responds with a "I LOVE YOU" to the guy. The guy was SO disorientated because I think he was expecting a confrontation. He responds with "UH I got problems." My friend said "we all have problems do you want to talk about it?" The guy just grunted sort of a no and left. I swear the I love you was what changed this from what could have been an intense maybe physical interaction. Anyway.

[@user-ri5id7dk2l]

📥📩👆🏻

[@PuntOnFourth]

The FB helped me out a TON of times…

[@SOSM209]

I used to have a Really Really bad Gambling Addiction/ i found a negotiation tactic to resolve this mad thing. Today im Free! On to the Next 1!

[@MindNow]

*Its not that they r against u, but at the end of the day, everyone wants to win* 🙏❤️ The best scenario therefore is to achieve a win win situation. _maybe captain obvious should be my middle name_ 😂

[@ARYUSops]

For the first time in 5 years of listening to Tom’s outstanding interviews I felt like some questions he was asking here were inadequate or kind of pointless 🤔

[@theEdwardKosmo]

Finally man! Let's get Naval Ravikant on the show as well!

[@motivationeyes2852]

As-Salamu-Alaykum 5:33am, can't sleep, brother in law sent me this. Thank you, God, for all that you've done in my life. Just watched it and now I'm lying here crying. Thank you, God, for finding me and saving me. Thank you, God, for the way YOU keep sending me messages to remind me that through YOU all things are possible. Thank you, God, for loving the totally imperfect me.

[@andytalk.1781]

He looks like Dr. House!

[@petejones5016]

DEFINITELY something I am grateful to learn how to practice. Thank you!! 🙌🔥🙏

[@ytpah9823]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🤝 Chris Voss discusses his approach to initiating a negotiation, aiming to ensure safety and dignity for the person involved. 01:28 👊 The FBI's intense training methods for negotiators are revealed, including the philosophy that hostages are never killed on a deadline in the United States. 03:49 🔄 Discussing the emotional toll of a failed negotiation, Voss explains his focus on ensuring the highest chance of success and the mental preparation required for facing adverse outcomes. 04:30 🔁 Voss provides a case study of a prolonged hostage crisis in the Philippines, illustrating the complexity and longevity of certain negotiation scenarios. 07:03 🌐 The universality of hostage negotiation techniques is emphasized by Voss, explaining how these methods can be adapted across different cultures and situations by coaching a local negotiator. 08:15 🧠 Voss discusses his mental state when faced with the death of a hostage during a negotiation, emphasizing the necessity to remain focused and suppress emotions to continue the work effectively. 09:36 👨‍👦 Chris Voss emphasizes the importance of family identity and value systems, highlighting his and his father's role in teaching resilience and strength to his son. 10:17 🤝 The ability to handle conflict and discomfort is crucial in negotiation, as illustrated by Voss's extreme examples from his experience. 12:11 🚴‍♂️ He shares a specific example of his parenting approach, describing how he instilled the values of self-reliance and hard work in his son. 16:21 🌱 He touches on the idea that foundational values imprinted in childhood will guide individuals as they navigate challenges later in life. 17:05 💪 Voss cites the concept of post-traumatic growth, using the example of an athlete who turned a severe injury into an opportunity to improve himself. 18:42 🧘‍♂️ He contemplates the mental processes involved in coping with stress and trauma during high-stakes negotiations, stressing the importance of maintaining focus under pressure. 19:39 🏈 The difficulty of maintaining team success post-victory is compared to the reduced cooperation Chris Voss faced in a negotiation case after an initial success. 20:06 💔 As the situation worsened and lives were lost, Voss felt increased responsibility and pressure in the case's outcome. 21:04 🚨 Voss experienced a professional low when a pivotal subject in a negotiation was killed, reflecting a deeply personal impact on him. 21:48 🔄 He shares a moment of perspective-shifting, realizing his personal grief doesn't equate to the loss felt by the victim's family, highlighting the emotional challenges in crisis negotiation. 28:12 🏦 He draws an analogy to bank robberies, where the goal is to ensure enough evidence is left behind to pursue the criminal after the immediate threat is neutralized. 29:19 🔄 Voss explains the technique of devaluing hostages as bargaining chips while simultaneously humanizing them to their captors to discourage harm. 29:48 💡 Engaging with the human aspect of an adversary can disrupt their patterns and invoke empathy. 32:24 😕 Simple, humanizing tactics in negotiation can feel counterintuitive but can be surprisingly effective. 33:50 📞 Invoking the concern of a hostage's mother can cause even a terrorist to respond with reassurance. 35:39 🌐 Terrorists' connections to their mothers can be a powerful lever in negotiations, a trend supported by data. 37:20 🧠 Common human desires, like being heard and feeling in control, are effective negotiation points. 37:50 🔄 Loss aversion is a key driver in human decision-making, a concept utilized in negotiation to influence behavior. 39:58 💲 Entrepreneurs may risk future gains for immediate payoffs when influenced by examples from their peers. 40:44 🔄 Reframing a loss as a more significant future gain can be a powerful negotiation tactic. 41:15 🧠 The universal driver of human decision-making is the avoidance of loss. 43:20 🕒 Perceptions of a large payoff can keep individuals committed to a cause for extended periods. 44:15 🕵️‍♂️ Covert operations may involve the use of informants and tracking devices to influence outcomes. 45:10 🌍 The nature of humanity is viewed optimistically despite evidence of manipulability and potential for violence. 48:25 💔 The psychological state of hostages is crucial for kidnappers to manage logistical challenges. 50:02 😮 Interrogation is exhausting for investigators and cathartic for hostages. 50:32 😕 Hostage bonds with a sociopathic captor due to occasional acts of kindness. 51:27 🤔 Discussing the complex nature of humans and the potential for both cruelty and care within individuals. 52:35 🚫 Differentiating between captors’ motivations, contrasting sadism with practicality. 53:05 💆‍♂️ Promotion of mental health awareness and the benefits of therapy. 58:12 🔬 Discussion of the spectrum of human capability for both good and evil actions. 59:09 🔄 The importance of self-reflection and aspiration after personal failure or moral lapses. 59:50 🔄 Our self-perception as capable or good influences our actions and outlook. 01:00:44 🧠 A personal mantra can alter one's mindset and neurochemistry quickly. 01:02:09 💭 Deeply ingrained beliefs or "two lines of code" in our psyche influence our identity and reactions. 01:03:03 🚀 An optimistic core belief can helpone overcome defeat and learn from it. 01:04:17 🤝 Understanding core values is key to becoming a good negotiator. 01:06:35 🔍 Recognizing patterns in communication is crucial for negotiation strategies. 01:07:43 💣 High-stakes negotiations may involve complex scenarios requiring careful de-escalation. 01:09:06 ⏳ Understanding an adversary's personal background, such as religion, can be pivotal in negotiation. 01:09:47 🗣️ Effective negotiation requires strategic communication; anticipate the other party's responses to guide the conversation. 01:10:16 ✝️ Utilizing cultural or religious symbols can be a decisive factor in influencing the opposition's decisions. 01:12:12 🧠 Identifying and leveraging 'unknown unknowns' (Black Swan events) is crucial in high-stakes negotiation. 01:14:26 🗨️ Scripting the opening lines of a negotiation while being ready to improvise can set the stage for a favorable outcome. 01:17:33 😌 Persistently offering gestures of goodwill, even when initially rejected, can eventually lead to a peaceful resolution. 01:18:02 🧘‍♂️ Empathy for others' struggles can lead to more compassionate interactions. 01:18:42 💬 Engaging in confrontation may serve a personal emotional need rather than just being about the issue at hand. 01:20:20 ⚖️ Belief in karma and positive energy influencing interactions and life outcomes. 01:20:47 🗣️ Assertiveness is a natural response to confrontation for the speaker, aiming not to escalate but to improve situations. 01:21:30 🚂 Intervention in public disagreements can prevent escalation and help reframe the conflict for the individuals involved. 01:23:06 🤝 Using polite approaches such as apologies and introductions to de-escalate tense situations. 01:24:55 🧠 Emotional intelligence involves recognizing when someone is acting out due to their own issues and not taking it personally. 01:28:29 🛹 The state of flow can empower individuals to surpass physical limitations and perform unprecedented acts, like skateboarding over the Great Wall of China with a broken ankle. 01:29:49 🔮 Preparation and practice are key to harnessing emotional control and achieving one's ideal state of mind, even under stress. 01:30:46 🤥 Handling negotiations with people who have opposing values can trigger negative emotions, which hampers preparation and cognitive function. 01:32:26 🧠 Humans have a default negative circuitry, a survival trait inherited from ancient ancestors. 01:34:05 🤝 Deferring to the other party by asking how you can meet their demands invites collaboration and helps identify the feasibility of the situation. 01:34:47 🔍 Strategic use of questions in negotiation helps diagnose the situation without triggering defensiveness. 01:35:57 🚫 Letting out 'no' gradually in a negotiation prevents blindsiding and allows the other party to adjust to the refusal. 01:36:52 💡 Calibrated questions are used to create a state change and promote thinking. 01:37:19 🚦 There is a progression of ways to say "no" that allows for gradual escalation and maintains collaboration. 01:37:52 🤝 The goal of negotiation is collaboration, not rushing to say "no" which may shut down opportunities for better solutions. 01:42:33 🧠 When mentally exhausted, people find it easier to say "no" than "yes," which can still lead to closing a deal effectively. 01:43:16 🕳 Saying "no" feels like there's no obligation, leading to more open and honest dialogue. 01:45:21 🏷️ Use labels like "seems like" to acknowledge and validate what the other person is saying, encouraging further conversation. 01:46:19 ❓ "How are you?" is often not a genuine inquiry into one's state but a gauge of their readiness to engage. 01:47:00 🎁 Be open to better outcomes than what you initially want by letting the other party contribute ideas. 01:47:15 🕊️ Triggering the "black swan", a small but pivotal detail, can lead to making great deals. 01:47:30 🔄 The negotiation principles in Chris Voss's book are worth revisiting and can be applied in various high-stakes situations. 01:47:44 💡 These negotiation techniques are versatile and applicable in personal, team, and even marital discussions.

[@yovalgo1]

Just want to take a moment to thank Tom for separating the video in different parts labeling them. Saves us all time :)

[@karengates925]

Tom is a great interviewer! Thank you.

[@goodchinyin]

I gave you a thumbs up! I am dropping 1 song a week for the next 3 years straight. It has never been done in music. Come along for the ride if you want. Stay blessed ! - Bryan

[@yesitstkm]

Good interview. Didn't see the need to focus on the guy's color at about 1:15 though!?

[@user-zb5jp4ti1d]

The quote is: The line dividing good and evil runs through the center of every heart... And not, evil runs through the center of every heart.

[@PuntOnFourth]

“That’s Right!!”

[@michaelcbyers]

FUCKING Love Chris Voss. I've been meaning to use his tactics on my wife and my five year old. I've used mirroring quite effectively on my kid. HOwever then sometimes I get stuck after that. Wish me luck.

[@dariusd2003]

First 30 seconds I legit thought this was coming out of the closet...🙃 You had me in the first half...

[@mattscott7037]

Ask questions. Get answers. Then ask questions about those answers. Then ask questions on those 3 answers. Now you have a better understanding to deliver a solution that they gave you that you can present a solution. 3 answers will give you the real answer to uncover the truth.

[@spacecowboy3035]

Waaayy too many ads on this video. Besides that the video is very insightful

[@PuntOnFourth]

Agent Voss “put me back together.” He has changed the way I deal with “People”. This ONLY works with “People”. 🤓

[@valister9697]

The amount of stupid questions and reactions that you have is out of this world. Thank god Chris goes in depth with the answers

[@RealandOfficialDeanRaza05]

I like the topic. I want to learn this. I want to negotiate with my crush. I think she have a boyfriend.

[@shamaniworld528]

❤❤❤

[@sgct89]

Will this work with Ukraine?

[@martinj4256]

5 commercials 15 minutes in crazy

[@everydayfinance3512]

Great content but you have so many ads…

[@drelenashirleydvmcvama8517]

I just had a thought: Chris said, everybody’s human. So the techniques are universal. Makes sense. Until, what happens when we have humanoid robotic combination beings? As we move into the future things may become a little more complex which obviously he will also evolve to address it, but man that’s scary

[@dermadawg]

Hey, quit butting in with your input, just ask relevant questions and let Chris talk

[@SOSM209]

Mentoring is Less Messy. Invisible Software that goes into your mind, MUST BE Reputable Early on…

[@ottoohno1431]

Tom I have to say… you find unique ways to make these conversations about yourself. Your questions are not as profound as you think. The vocal fry you add does not make you sound as intellectually curious as you think it does.

[@keithburt7874]

Would stopping by for the Wife's meatloaf be out of the question?!!?

[@VladyslavKL]

🐬

[@zackzoe3541]

Too much ads, I'm distracted

[@phoustonnow]

Wait, you don't know who Cooper Kupp is?

[@gilbertwilson3948]

Fighting 7.5% inflation (more like 15%) with a 1% fed funds interest rate is like stopping a Forest fire with a bucket of water. Folks prepare accordingly. Make investment in other not to depend on the government for funds

[@carrieeveritt9702]

I agree with you and I believe that the secret to financial stability is having the right investment ideas to enable you earn more money, I don’t know who agrees with me but either way I recommend either real estate or crypto and stocks.

[@malkasettlemires4327]

Most new traders make the mistakes of trading on their own without having the required skills to help them benefit from the market.

[@garlandmcright5628]

It's surprising to know that "99.9% of billionaires are secret investors in bitcoin!!! It's where they grow their billion dollars portfolio. The rich does what the poor is scared of doing!!!

[@copland558]

After what has unfolded in 2020 I no longer view btc as speculation. more so an inevitability. Even if it takes 10 years to get $100k that would mean the average rate of return with a daily $100. Over a year is 100% what asset class out there today offer that type of opportunity?

[@oyeearthur8094]

I completely agree with you considering the market sentiments and how complicating the Market can be. An expert is essential for a lucrative investment in the market

[@mildly_autistic]

Get the moms

[@dr.debbiewilliams4263]

Coming out of what?