Master your Mindset, Overcome Self-Deception, Change your Life | Shadé Zahrai | TEDxDRC

What differentiates those who are the happiest, most successful and most fulfilled, from those who aren’t? Having spent countless hours with hundreds of teams from startups to Fortune 500s globally, Shadé Zahrai has observed clear behavioural and cognitive patterns that distinguish these two groups of people - and the ‘culprit’ is closer to you than you think. This talk is a powerful call to action to overcome the self-deception that holds you back, to reclaim ownership of who you are and to commit to changing your habits to ultimately change the quality of your career & your life. Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning leadership strategist and global peak performance consultant to Fortune 500s. A former commercial lawyer that transitioned to a successful career in banking and strategy consulting, now with her husband she runs Influenceo Global Inc., a leadership development, consulting & research firm that works with some of the world’s largest organizations. Widely respected for her though leadership and actionable bite-sized personal and professional development content on social media, Shadé has amassed a global community of over 2.1 million followers across platforms and her content has been viewed over 50 Million times. Her and her husband Faysal are passionate about empowering individuals to overcome their self-limits and confidently create a life worth living. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@lovelyandeo4362]

5 Archetypes of Inner Deceiver and How to Overcome Them Classic deceiver - the inability to acknowledge anything positive about yourself • Call yourself out and practice psychological distancing, which allows you to think more rationally The victimizer - thinking that the universe is conspiring against you, fills your mind with excuses • Practice cognitive shifting, focus more on what you can do and what you can change Misguided protector - protects you from possible risks of failure by keeping you paralyzed from making actions, keeps you safe but stuck • What's the worst that could happen realistically? Just do it, take action. The ringmaster - the unhealthy drive to keep going because you feel guilty when you stop; it's a toxic productivity, the unfulfilling treadmill of achievement addiction • Stop wearing busy as a badge of honor. Change your narrative. Set healthy boundaries. The neglector - seeking validation by prioritizing the needs of others more than your own; drives you to give more than your capacity • Realize that your value is not linked to how others view you

[@oduwoleabimbola6126]

Thank you

[@artianvisingh6386]

Thank you I was also not understand ing her pronounciation

[@mitrabavandpouri3758]

Great job you did 👍

[@damiakinlaja6164]

Thank youuu

[@luffypunch6516]

Thanks

[@sohammanna7929]

I need to rewatch this video again. And I'm gonna focus on her words and speech too, the next time.

[@argha-qi5hf]

lol

[@mnr6445]

Ufff , that means u focus on her beauty in the first time right😂😂😂 , but her words are way more beautiful than her👍👍

[@kapilabalansk7280]

🤣🤣🤣

[@sohammanna7929]

@@mnr6445 💯%!

[@stranger2371]

It's hard to focus on the words she is a beautiful lady.

[@user-dl9vo6gx7l]

"If you let others perception of you dictate your behavior, you will never grow as a person" Masterpiece! Great one ❤

[@user-is5ij6zn5w]

This is the most mind-changing ted talk I've ever seen. She answered all my intrusive thinking, habit, and behavior. Years by years all the voices inside me control me but watching this I start to raise my awareness and take action. I hope 5 years from now, the future of healed version of me will see this comment and be proud of how far I've grown and heal.

[@dramabuzz4205]

Yeah i think so. 🤗🖤

[@hassanfaizan5831]

Have you improved yourself after this video?

[@angeljoyb.purawan9453]

yeah (#)

[@upinbahlul5287]

mang eak

[@TalkSmall]

Don't make perfection, be consistent and be open to growth.

[@Azad_07650]

""When you prison yourself,You are limited.When you break them Your thoughts become limitless,You become limitless """Great speech Shade Zahrai...❤️

[@anshjain9978]

How. To do that, that's not easy I always feel in everything i can't do this, and also people many times critize me for everything

[@johnvonmartin7501]

It's mind vs mind. Choose the right from the wrong mindset. Know your instincts

[@shashanksharma5375]

And thanks for articulating all the insights you gathered, you are God sent ❤️

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

I totally agree with you. I really love her all videos

[@drimbesatsyed]

The beauty of Shade's speech is to say more in less, less time and less words. Ever word is calculated

[@pathikdesai5853]

It’s literally funny how it took me years to learn this via self experimentation and she put everything in this video. This video is a goldmine. 🔥

[@BetheChange80]

If you are over 40, you get this kind of wisdom from life own experiences. The same thing that you perceived diff in 20s,30s.

[@pathikdesai5853]

@@BetheChange80 I don’t think you have to be over 40 for that, but surely, I understand your point in relating experience, time and wisdom.

[@Maryam-om7gt]

same here bro🥲🥲.My life was just a mess but since a month ago I get to know all these things by myself and I am practicing to overcome them and now I'm feeling better but I think there are lot more things I need to know😔its really painful when you do all these things alone by yourself.

[@pathikdesai5853]

@@Maryam-om7gt I don't really see it as a painful experience mainly because of the reward of learning (self growth). It means everything to me. Yet, this doesn't overlook the fact that it does get hard sometimes but it's always fun to deal with it. Kudos to you for how far you've come and wishing you the best on your journey of becoming the best version of yourself. Just remember what your going through is a new phase and just don't see it is a form of existential crisis.🥳

[@Maryam-om7gt]

@@pathikdesai5853 thanks

[@diyagoyal295]

Everytime I have to watch her videos many times.. first two times watch,, I concentrate only how beautiful she is!! then two times how beautifully she is speaking ..next two times her English and thoughts 😂😂. Lots of love....God bless you.

[@randeegrant2437]

Me also!!!

[@saisriangajala8399]

My Inner voice keeps me limiting myself, by saying that you can't do it, it's not for you, you are too late or too early etc. I used to listen to them and missed many of the opportunities thinking that i am not potentially enough, but ended up watching people who are less potential than me grabbing those opportunities. I am not aware of these self-deceivers. I believed that the inner voice tells always me what is right for me. Today I came to know the reality of these deceivers. From today I am going to push myself harder, and not going to listen about what deceivers say. Thanks for bringing me out of this misconception.

[@Kamly_kudii]

Found this video in 2024, can highly relate with all of it, and I have spent years dealing with my deceivers it and the game is still ON and would have been great I would came across this video years before. Leaving this comment so that one fine day my healed limitless, confident and powerful version would see this and smile back at me, appreciate me for not giving up. and be proud of me for figuring out that things are not my fault, I deserve to take more power and space, not play victim in my own head and not fearing judgments and most importantly healing. I know future me is proud and super successful. Rooting all myways to her she deserves so much more and beyond. 🧿😇🥰🥳🌟

[@thepluralist5856]

"When you ruminate on past failures with an unforgiving lens." Awesome quotable quote. A reality many people have to deal with. Thank you.

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

❤❤🥰🥰

[@Muqadas-cu9mb]

Could you explain this quote for me plz😢I'm have presentation tomorrow I didn't get it's meaning

[@duraivengatesan9674]

You should write a book about it with practical solutions.. Wonderful observation!! Thank you ☺️

[@mehboobalilalani180]

I find it extremely interesting. We all encounter these obstacles but do not recognize them. Thank you for describing the same.

[@aashni23]

Shadé never disappoints, she phrases things so concisely and meaningfully! I came here as soon as I saw her name. I think my strongest deceiver is the misguided protector - I'll be making an effort to live out of love rather than out of fear, and giving myself permission to take action even when it feels scary ❤

[@reazulislam46]

Correct

[@chetnagupta7115]

A

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

Hi I love u I like u I m alone 😍😍❤❤🌷🌷👧👧

[@2212booboo]

So, so easy to understand for a 17 year old to a 70 year old!! Very eloquent and simple!!!! Which is what is important in these types of discussions. You are gifted!

[@xllms]

I wish i hear all these when i was in my teens, but it’s never too late to start. Thank you for breaking down into such succinct explanation. Quality work.

[@AbiyeKetema]

The struggle is real, it's better late than never.

[@lauragodines8939]

Same here...

[@juliushmushahary9358]

14 mins of Shade's tedx speech felt like an audible podcast

[@Sneha-is8rz]

I could listen to her all day. Her voice is so soothing! ❤

[@priyankachoudhary3694]

this video has changed my life, everything that's wrong with me and why and how do I fix it...eternally grateful for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@IdkIdk-ju9hm]

Inner Deceivers ------------------------- 2:40 ~The classic judge~ Judges you and blames you for things outside your control, prevents you to learn from failure 3:33 ~ The victimizer~ Fills mind with excuses and decreases willpower 4:10 ~The misguided protector~ Tries to protect you from failures by keeping you paralized 4:59 ~The ringmaster~ Creates a trade mill of achivement addiction, which never brings satisfaction, creates productivity guilt on your mind Solutions- 1.choose not to listen. 2.take responsibility of things within your control. 3. Donot hear to misguided protector. 4.remind yourself of your qualities,the value you add to the life of others.

[@abdessamadchafik9410]

Astonishing explanation you get to the point there is no self confident, no productivity, no progress within self doubt and self deception. You are the only one who responsible for the personality you will become. Success is something you attract and do not to pursue and regret

[@janekoay6560]

5 most common archetypes:- 1. Classic Judge 2. Victimizer 3. Ringmaster 4. Misguided Protector 5. The Neglector

[@gurmukh6850]

I appreciate the way Shade Zahrai has put forward her point. I may add here that if one is able to control the flood of thoughts and ideas emerging in mind, one can very well decide about actions to be taken which help growth in professional life. Everything emerges in mind and if one is able to win mind, one can win the world.

[@nirmalanagalingam3190]

Eloquent speaker educating with so much power. Spoken at a limited time with limitless teachings in her content. Thank you so much for the profound input that broadens one's thoughts.

[@colingibson8930]

This juxtaposition between the protector and the ringmaster is is a very nice, clear and memorable aid. The 'ringmaster' in particular is a new idea for me. I have been viewing your short tiktok videos for some time now. It is not surprising that you have been successful since you come across with the ideal combination of warmth and proficiency, by virtue of your subject mastery, excellent voice tone and physical beauty. Very interesting however that you mention experiencing your own self doubts despite all this.

[@drseven1275]

Shadé is such a tremendous gift for us! I'm really happy to live in the same time as her. Everthing what this powerful woman says is worth gold. Love you Shadé .. you always encourage me and enhance me with your positive energy 🌹

[@ShadeZahrai]

What a beautiful comment! Thank you for your very kind words Dr Seven 🙏

[@ambujapandey1083]

WOW. I think I realized all of these deceivers at different point of time in myself, as well as others. Once there was a time I failed an exam. There was nothing worse that had happened till then in my life, but somewhere I felt as if this is the worst that could've happened. What to fear now? What stopping me now? Going back again and again to the subject I failed, telling myself everday how much I'm growing to love my life. Letting any regret go and making space for encouraging myself to get over this self-deception I gave myself in lockdown. I took the control of my life and stopped Media, Internet, Music, News, etc. Honestly, I became the best version of myself.

[@shradhamantha2799]

i am 15 and yes i have faced every archetype she explained and yes they are making me so insecure and i am so grateful for youtube to recommend me this video when i terribly needed it

[@elenatan3441]

Thank you Shade for this message. Very clearly explained. It would be great to have a program of small daily practices for people to master their mindset or cultivate awareness, as these concepts take time to sink in properly. Really happy to see how your desire to serve others has blossomed so much particularly in the last 2 years. God bless.

[@nickrobinson9486]

Incredibly well spoken and broke down all the points in a very clear and concise manner. Bravo, this was a great video!

[@nagsen4921]

Her pronunciations are very good. She speaks with great confidence.

[@mohammadshan4700]

"First time i feel freedom from inner and it was pleasure for me to listen . these are moments of inner felicity and happiness,also proud to listen the true guide."

[@harinisridharan1899]

We as humans are used to such emotional setbacks. It is very difficult to be aware of these feelings within ourselves, in the first place. But you have analysed, researched and found a solution to these bottlenecks. Hats off to you.

[@dhruvikasoni4692]

Young ,positive,confident and courageous

[@mnpirater]

After becoming a college dropout, I decided to do what i really love and strive for my own definition of success without following the crowd.

[@chandrashekardharmendran4244]

I love how she elaborates each voices and helps to get over them. It helped me reconsider how I react to my thoughts and make decisions. 😊😊

[@SanthoshKumarGHCUD]

The smile that you constantly have in your face through out the video just gave one positive feel while watching. It doesn't mean that you are overdoing . You constantly maintain it in a consistent way . I just learnt from you.

[@CALEBIR]

"True spirit of service"

[@o.abdelaal3355]

from LinkedIn to Twitter and now on youtube, I can tell that every word you are telling is loaded with the required energy, and always hit the point, Salut and keep going, you are a total inspiration.

[@sheyda22]

Shadé~ how fortunate I feel to have You popping up on my feed today. I immediately became a big fan and am really astounded to see a living proof of a beautiful soul as Yours that is ever evolving in all areas of Your life ❤️🙏🏻 Not only a super smart Woman with immense beautiful appearance but also a super kind soul with immense beautiful inner world ❤️🙏🏻 God bless You 🙏🏻

[@ShadeZahrai]

I'm so grateful you're here! Thank you for your very generous words Sheyda - I'm so happy you find value in what I share. Bless you! 🙏

[@emranjuma9072]

Can you please give me her Instagram

[@emranjuma9072]

@@ShadeZahrai Ms shade I want to follow you

[@maxd3028]

The most profound yet simple illustration of the psyche movements within each one of us

[@A300Bowl]

Shadé, you have a bright light because you radiate! Thank you for your selfless message!

[@iiamrohit]

I love her voice and the way she speaks.

[@learnscientifically7291]

What a speech, full of energy remarkable. She discussed mind deceiving that stop us from every thing we want to perfom.

[@abdifatahabdulldayib3748]

I watched this today and I will start translating and putting it into practice. I hope it will work and take me out of the obsessive prison of self. I'm leaving this comment as a premise for my change and growth towards this self-awareness. Thank you so much for this life-changing presentation. 9/5/2023

[@ArifAli-hg1eq]

I wish you good luck and pray for your better life.

[@whatsup5355]

How's it going, mate?

[@itskrishnancostan9068]

you're all I need to hear rn. it's amazing how you gave me clarity. my mind is so chaotic not knowing what should I do despite trying so hard to address my thoughts and questions. literally an ANGEL.

[@tayyabiqbal71]

Thank you Shade! May God bless you!

[@shashanksharma5375]

Thanks for articulating your thoughts it might be a crutch for someone to hold on to. Your energy is uplifting. Big love 💜

[@azad7157]

Cognitive shifting, -where I am where I have to go and that's the thing I have to do for. Excellence love creativity courage service

[@namrota23]

I watched this, and it seems to me the one I wanted so long. Her confidence can change lives

[@cuttingchaiandsamosa]

I am awestruck by the way you've articulated your thoughts

[@ina12404]

Undoubtedly one of the best talks i’ve heard so far! 👏🏻

[@hiba2366]

This is a really eye-opener talk, it's so relatable and i guess it really deserves all the veiws, thank you so much shadé for this one ♡

[@MrFinancialWellness]

Confidence, love, empathy, service, growth this is the limitless mindset ❤

[@Yochumee]

I'm extremely delighted 🇸🇸 I eventually understood every single word you have uttered 💯 From South Sudan 🇸🇸

[@maxwellkona]

Loved this! Thank you Shadé.

[@teamaden2185]

Such a great way to rethink how we see the narrative with oneself 1. The classic judge: Inability to acknowledge anything positive 2. The victimizer: Everything bad happens 3. The misguided protector: Keeping you paralyzed, safe & stuck 4. The ringmaster: Productivity guilt; never be good enough 5. The neglector: Seek approval/validation by prioritizing others' need

[@udaaybagade343]

She is the most deductive person about the inner and the outer world about the person and always has a nearly perfect solution for nearly each of those. Her even small talks have a billion meanings. I really love her preparedness for the hardworking research she does before giving a talk. Thank you so much Shadei and the Ted agency

[@exoticpash8823]

"make process the goal" best advice ever. Thank you for remaining Positive!!!

[@patriciacadogan2335]

A very impactful presentation of what we all experience privately but is manifested in our behavior, I can relate to what you shared. Shade Zahrai Thank you.

[@hectormaureira393]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 Recognizing *and overcoming inner obstacles like self-doubt and criticism is crucial for personal growth and success.* 02:28 There *are five common inner "deceivers": the judge, victimizer, misguided protector, ringmaster, and neglector, each impacting thoughts and actions differently.* 06:56 Using *third-person self-talk can help distance oneself from these inner critics, empowering rational thinking over emotional influence.* 10:59 Overcoming *these inner critics involves taking action, challenging limiting beliefs, valuing oneself beyond achievements, setting boundaries, and not seeking approval at the expense of personal authenticity.* 13:00 Embracing *one's higher nature, motivated by excellence, service, love, and courage, while consistently practicing mindfulness, leads to transcending inner limitations for a more fulfilling life.* Made with HARPA AI

[@user-dp6nu9ie7k]

I am strongly thankful for each and every decent word from you that inspires me and pushes me to change my thoughts about my self and the whole world.🙏🏻

[@beatriz1163]

Thank you for making us aware of our inner deceivers and how to overcome them to be who we are and make life worth it. 😊

[@damienabbott9805]

That was absolutely amazing Shade - thank you very much!!!

[@SongsBySteph]

What a fantastic speaker and practical content, bravo!

[@dusev1]

What a wonderful speech explaining general challeges of people and how to get mitigation and overcome. Thanks @Shade Zahrai.

[@angelinastephani9845]

She's so good at delivering the messages & I got every points well. God bless u!

[@fazalkhan1391]

Incredible! Thanks for sharing and explaining so well 🙏🏽

[@analuciavillavicencio]

I'm so grateful for having found this TED talk! Thanks for the advice Shadé!! I'll start working on everything you mentioned ❤

[@alaaahmed6514]

Hi

[@mdsalimullahmiah9831]

That’s good

[@traderabdii9203]

Shade show me the way. She is the light at the end of the tunnel 🕯️ Thank you ❤️

[@mukulthakur2322]

believe it or not but she is the reason that I got a job in a reputed company with senior profile, followed her instruction and listened to her carefully. Thank you Shade..... god bless you.

[@GrowingGarrisLLC]

I love it! So glad that I had a chance to watch someone explain me to me. The video almost put me in the mindset of a sermon but from a different perspective. This was great. I love how she took the time to show how we could be limiting ourselves. Then gave us tools that could help us see ourselves as limitless. Exceptional!

[@ACraigBarnettMEd]

I am making this a sermon. Very good analysis

[@Minemasters3]

This video looks great! 🙌 Got to respect the effort Shade put also into the production side of this 🤩

[@deutschmitpurple2918]

I am the biggest fan of Shade Zahrai. When I watch her videos, I feel myself so comfortable. Thank you Shade ❤❤

[@odiwaopar4859]

Don't forget to add meditation, journaling, prayer and time to reflect ask you confront the voices. Well said Shadé

[@adip9213]

Very clearly explained. An eye opener. Will implement this in my life

[@steveballes5396]

Very well said. Thank you 😊

[@himel6053]

Omg how soothing her voices. It's really mesmerising speech I ever heard. Thank you

[@healthywealthyethiopia7849]

Thank you so much. It is really inspiring and you showed me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.After twenty years of employed life, I am just starting to work for myself and was confused and lost. your speech gave me hope that I can make it. Thanks again. Abdulfettah Mohammed From Ethiopia.

[@vasantkumar6407]

Truly an eye opener

[@barbarahoon9321]

Absolutely brilliant. 🎉🎉🎉👏👏👏 I'd love to hear more about this. Incredibly helpful 👌

[@jarekgorak942]

Yes I agree 👍

[@febfabulous9391]

Wow! Thanks for this inspiring talk. The world is full of internal and external decievers. Make your mind you own field of plantation and plant only what you would like to harvest

[@wallysilva6937]

Her English is so pleasing to listen to. She sounds so clear and persuasive!

[@beler1766]

Beautifully explained.

[@StefyRP]

Really liked how it was developed. And totally agree on the first step of having awareness. Without it nothing will change, even if someone tells you, all comes from within. Really enjoyed the talk. I think a have a couple of those, and funny enough I had already identified one "deceiver" about a month ago, but did not know how it was called (lol) or if I was crazy, and even less how to change that. So, thank you! ;) Worth the watch.

[@ShadeZahrai]

You're definitely not crazy Stefy! :) I'm so happy you found value in the talk, and I hope the guidance will help you transform your relationship with any lurking 'deceivers' in future. 🙏

[@sharpmails]

Shadé this is your Master Piece I love it

[@yogeshhh5519]

I'm still wondering how did she manage to put so much in just a 15min talk. It's so on point

[@mehaknaferia681]

Amazing and powerful 👏💜

[@stoneshadow07]

Wonderful talk! Been a fan of you, Shadé ever since I started following you on Instagram (definitely recommend it to everyone). I've shared your clips with friends, and they have seen the benefits following your simple but life-changing advice. I will strongly encourage you to write a book about the same, so that I can reference all the points at once (going through videos is a bit time consuming). Keep up the amazing work, you have no idea how many lives you touch by simply being you.

[@emranjuma9072]

Can you give me her Instagram?

[@palakagrawal3535]

What an eyeopening speech! Genuinely a value addition to life!

[@fantasy007ify]

You always speak about very significant points. May God bless you and your family. Amen!

[@marygrace5054]

@shadé this is so amazing. You always did it. I inspired a lot.. Thank you for so much empowering, I really feel this way, I love it more. I remember how you started when pandemic arrived and you brought a big impact to our community, to our lives and even to all over the worlds. You are so incredible.

[@mdsalimullahmiah9831]

Exactly

[@schetan190502]

This has been a great video to watch. So eye opening and inspirational. I have been long tormented and I could recognized each of the 5 deceivers in my mind. This change in mindset inspires me to confront my deceivers and escape from the prison of the self. Thank YOU, Shade. I am grateful for running into your channel. You are doing great work!

[@ShadeZahrai]

This is so wonderful to hear Sebastian! Self-awareness and identifying these deceivers is a wonderful first step. Wishing you all the best on your journey of growth and healing, and thank you for the beautiful words 🙏🙏

[@AbiyeKetema]

I recognize my archetypes and want to change my mind set so bad but as I think about them another archetype is creating a doubt in my mind. God help me to overcome that archetype that sucks the energy out of me.

[@AbiyeKetema]

Yes I can't be any greatful for finding this video and for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the knowledge you are sharing to the world. Thank you!

[@amitjain1231]

Thank you Shade for this message. Very clearly explained. It would be great to have a program of small daily practices for people to master their mindset or cultivate awareness, as these concepts take time to sink in properly.

[@francobettalemmi1320]

Big admiration for this incredible human being. Thank you! Thank you!

[@jayaseleanjayaselean3565]

Very good message.

[@user-cu1gw4kd9u]

This is very inspirational 👏 🙌

[@nano9433]

She is so true. I always hear the voices she is talking about and I never ever separate them from myself... I thought those are my inner voice and Max time they lead me in the verge sadness and doing nothing. I thought I was trapped in a never ending trap, but thanks to her she opened my eyes and helped me to understand my issue from a different point.

[@mohammadsanad4441]

This girl is soooooo amazing. Best wishes for her.