Mastering the art of the uncomfortable conversation | Winter Wheeler | TEDxSurreyUniversity

[@damianreed1959]

"Discomfort births breakthroughs" I can relate to that. Whenever I've experienced discomfort and continued having an uncomfortable conversation with my boss or my spouse the breakthroughs have been profound

[@winterwheeler3765]

I'm glad! It's always worth getting through the conversation, because no matter how it ends, you've learned something.

[@sandynharris]

I never realized the power of uncomfortable conversations until now. Sitting with discomfort and engaging in open dialogue can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships.

[@claire-mortimer]

Having uncomfortable conversations is an excellent way to challenge yourself and check that personal growth. Can't get anywhere new if you're staying in that comfort zone.

[@maddoxreynolds]

That's a really good way of looking at it

[@avagrutel]

I've always found it so interesting how quickly people point fingers instead of trying to compromise or collaborate.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely! We have to end that practice.

[@olanik2061]

I used to view uncomfortable conversations as something to be avoided, but now I embrace them. It's amazing how breakthroughs can happen once we confront our negative feelings.

[@peytonkreese]

Most people don’t tell you how they are feeling because they don’t know how to describe their feelings. This is such an important point to consider

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you, Peyton! I think that's a crucial piece of this puzzle. I appreciate your comment.

[@karakims8239]

This presentation has reminded me of the importance of expressing our feelings and truly listening to others, especially when we disagree. It's through these uncomfortable conversations that we can find resolution and move forward.

[@aubreyzwayse]

Genuine empathy is something we should all strive for. It's incredible how much difference it can make when we genuinely listen to others and try to understand their feelings.

[@janegeegeehogge]

The world needs more of this concept - open conversation and different opini0ns do not need to lead to argument!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Definitely! We can disagree and still come to a conclusion we can all live with!

[@0sapnachouhan0]

I think the key to having those chats is to just be open minded, empathetic and kind. Discomfort is an emotion, and it can be chosen, just like all the rest of them

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you for your comment!

[@arnafieldsteen]

I have so much admiration for this woman. I've seen another of her talks and just the way she holds herself is enough to warrant respect.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment and that you've watched both talks!

[@alextwarburton]

this starts with so many important truths. Winter is right, the only way to ensure we have healthy connections and don't resent is through these hard convos!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thanks so much for commenting! I appreciate your kind words!

[@blueangel7998]

Easier said than done

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@blueangel7998 It's certainly not an easy process, but anyone can learn to do it!

[@katiaromanow]

Winter you're an inspiration to all, a skilled negotiator, a lawyer and an engaging speaker.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@littleblossomtoday]

Communication is always key, and I've always found that if it's a topic that makes you feel strongly, it's a topic that needs to be discussed.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely!

[@TheJDNation]

Wonderful talk, Winter! I love how big your smile gets when you talk about how you’re now a mediator-it’s clear you’re doing something you love and it’s no surprise you’re such an expert!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you, Annie!!

[@bilbobiggens2104]

Clear way forward, love this woman...

[@tobiaskulik]

if you wait to talk, then it gets more uncomfortable!

[@bilbobiggens2104]

@@tobiaskulik Yes it does.

[@poojadelinaer]

Agree

[@-joanna-wang]

Emotional intelligence is so key to all this and something we must work on

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely! Thank you for commenting!

[@-joanna-wang]

@@winterwheeler3765 👍

[@acciaisardino3470]

'They were cases, essentially just pieces of paper.' I think it takes a lot of courage to be this honest, good on you Winter.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your words!

[@stanzdumas]

Oh my God, this speaker has 4 kids! Amazing! How does she manage to be a mom and have such a versatile personality

[@skyec8562]

Foundations for uncomfortable conversations. This is wonderful.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@raulcassanova]

Conversation in general is so important and something I've found that a lot of people, especially younger people, are struggling to do.

[@winterwheeler3765]

It's hard for many! Thank you for commenting!

[@EcoBurstSocials]

Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in navigating uncomfortable conversations. It's about being aware of our own feelings and using that awareness to interact with others effectively.

[@ermacohen]

How well did Winter articulate this. I think EVERY ONE I know could take some advice from this amazing human.

[@winterwheeler3765]

You are very kind! Thank you!

[@dannyordtil]

I must have been on another planet when we were taught to avoid confrontation - I love them! They mean letting go of resentment and having clarity! Who doesn't want that?

[@lamarjacobs]

You need to bottle that and sell it!

[@winterwheeler3765]

A lot of people don't naturally have what you do!

[@turkvestule1668]

There's so many good things on the other side of having uncomfortable conversations - stronger bonds, self-assurance, understanding. Thank you for this one Winter.

[@winterwheeler3765]

I agree with you wholeheartedly! Thank you so much for your comment!

[@thenextbigthingishere]

Yes! The cultural differences in communication are fascinating! I am an Anglo-Saxon Australian and my ex-husband was Anglo-Saxon English, you would think we would have no cultural differences but the cross-cultural gaps were pretty astounding. This really opened my eyes to just how much variation there was across cultures.

[@winterwheeler3765]

That's a great observation! Thank you for sharing!

[@makiweshter]

I am working with people. I have my own business. So the most important thing I have learnt during these ten years: always listen to people!

[@lamarjacobs]

Solid life advice!

[@winterwheeler3765]

It's so important!

[@margotaylor-ritchie5937]

Thank you for the advice Winter, couldn't agree more. Life isn't always comfortable and our conversations shouldn't be either.

[@Bubbly-Snowflake]

Damn Winter legit one minute in and she's already like, yup, I didn't even see my clients as people, it was all about the money... I respect that shhh so much! Good on you for being so honest and candid, it's a really great demonstration of how people can grow.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! It's been a phenomenal and positive shift for me in every aspect of my life. That it was one I didn't know I needed made it even more meaningful.

[@zionwashington3rd]

Sitting in discomfort and engaging with uncomfortable conversations can lead to personal growth and understanding. Expressing our feelings and actively listening to others can free us from prior pain.

[@barbarajoyjones]

Wow 🤩 she looks beautiful in that cobalt blue. I’m a tough conversation avoider. This is a subject much needed.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you Barbara Joy!

[@miriamhilley]

She is just gorgeous!!!

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@miriamhilley Thank you so much!

[@alexleister]

Brilliant young woman!

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@alexleister Thank you!

[@janiceglanders]

Her message here really resonates with me, I think it's important to have those uncomfortable conversations because there's something incredibly realistic about it.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you for sharing! I'm glad this resonates with you!

[@rontjacks]

Hearing that you made empathy a strength just gave me so much comfort. I am always told I am too sensitive and it is goof to hear it seen as a virtue for a change.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely! Empathy is so important for our ability to relate, understand, and get along with those around us. Thank you so much for commenting!

[@dextersalinas]

Adults are just like kids, and kids are like adults! We all need what little kids need: to be listened to and cared for.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Great point! Thank you for commenting!

[@lacylahoma]

Couldn't agree more Winter, if a conversation makes you uncomfortable it's probably worth having!!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely! Thanks for commenting!

[@themarybasse]

Man I wish everyone I knew would watch this! I love to talk about literally anything, and it's super rare that I find something uncomfortable or even 'controversial' really... but obviously that's not the case for everyone.

[@janetsplace1953]

love this.......so much

[@winterwheeler3765]

Please share the video with your circle! I think many have interpreted the need to avoid people's triggers as the need to avoid communicating.

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@janetsplace1953 Yes, it's a great comment!

[@janetsplace1953]

@@winterwheeler3765 we are!!

[@billconconi3996]

I really respect how honest she was about the way she used to think of people when she was a lawyer, I imagine it's not something she's too proud of but the fact that she can take about it with that kind of ease definitely helps prove the point she's making with her overall talk.

[@winterwheeler3765]

It was a necessary shift for me. I appreciate your comment!

[@moniquerussell]

Fantastic job Winter! You have laid out the blueprint to have uncomfortable conversations. No better example to see how this works in such a "logical legal" field as law and how the importance of emotional intelligence, cultural competency, and empathy is essential. Understanding high context and low context cultures are key. By the way, you are rocking this blue!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you, Monique!

[@jacobtosh]

I admire Winter's perspective and capacity to master these things....

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@andrealfifi]

Being able to regulate and control your own emotions is a whole skillset in itself. This kind of self-awareness is so difficult to attain and is also invaluable. If we teach this kind of awareness starting in childhood, the benefits to society would be indescribable.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Yes, I agree!! Thank you for sharing that!

[@stanforeman3951]

Have an open mind and an unjudgmental heart- wisdom that is timeless.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you, Stan!

[@MicheleAlise]

Just absolute truth here. The entire world would change if we could only approach all of life this way.

[@suebakernottly]

Her work could transcend arguments, and I dare say reduce legal costs.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! Michele!

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@suebakernottly Thank you!

[@alanpotsypotts]

Having Winter facilitate an uncomfortable conversation would be emotionally rewarding experience. She would make everyone feel "heard".

[@winterwheeler3765]

I appreciate that! I am grateful to be a mediator and to help people with the hard conversations everyday. It's very rewarding!

[@hubert-olszewski]

I agree with this talk and also with a lot of these comments. It is a choice, to be comfortable or uncomfortable. And if we have chosen uncomfortable, why? It is just self-limiting, and often the best thing for us is a thing that makes us a little scared or uncomfortable!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much for commenting! These are interesting points!

[@jettseverson]

Looking forward to a time when I too can say, "I love uncomfortable conversations" and it will be due to this remarkable woman, thanks.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! You'll get there. The methodology I discuss definitely works.

[@msamymorin]

Open listening skills!! I learnt them at uni and they have been utilised over and over again! Let’s get this message out there, it would make it so much easier to have these conversations if we all knew these methods!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much for commenting!

[@stanchance]

This is so important hey, we dont even realise.

[@msamymorin]

@@stanchance exactly!

[@adminconsciousthrive3139]

These are tools that we can definitely use in other areas of our lives. This is how we create conscious interactions and relationships.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Yes, they really are! I absolutely love that I am sharing such helpful information and giving people tools to improve their lives.

[@gabor-kantor]

This woman is so well put together, what an inspiration.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@valarchavez]

There is so much that can be considered 'uncomfortable' in a conversation. Sometimes just having a language barrier or accent is enough to make some people 'uncomfortable' - though they try to hide, we can always tell 😉

[@winterwheeler3765]

Language barriers are certainly add an extra layer of difficulty! Thanks for commenting!

[@mangocantu5382]

The points she makes about cultural connection is so very relevant in our modern age. The non verbal cues we subconsciously look for don’t hold up across all cultures. This is so important to know.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@miatta6299]

This is the second talk I've seen from Winter and once again I'm blown away by her honesty and her ability to be so truthful about things that aren't all sunshine and rainbows.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! I appreciate this immensely.

[@camerongdowd]

Thank you Winter for giving me a road map with clear instructions on how to have uncomfortable conversations.

[@marietteclardy-davis7193]

Your speech is so powerful!!!! Many people want to avoid discomfort so your practical tools for change help show others what is possible.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!!

[@colincampbell5068]

Thank you for the advice here Winter, conversations like this can be very tricky top navigate - especially these days. You never know what's going to set someone off or get an adverse reaction.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Absolutely! Thank you for commenting!

[@grantrylan]

This is an awesome talk Winter, not enough people know how to do this.

[@alecbaen]

I did the same with my 2-year-old daughter. I never reacted with a shout. I always kept silent. It worked! We overcame the hard 2-year-old period easily. I am sure that it works with adults in the same way.

[@thecryptichatter]

Thats the way!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Yes, it can work very similarly with adults! We all want to be heard!

[@hilum9397]

A great explanation of empathy- we hear this word so often that we forget what it really means.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! I appreciate you watching and commenting!

[@erynsee1319]

Can't we all just learn that, generally speaking, every one has a different idea of how something could be solved? And being honest and open is so key in meeting each other half way.

[@haleeisener]

Communication is something we use daily yet rarely know how to wield well.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Teaching communication skills should be a greater focus in education. Thank you for commenting!

[@devodevoo3627]

I've always struggled with emotional intelligence, but this presentation has inspired me to work on it. Being more aware of my own feelings and using that awareness to relate to others is a game-changer.

[@veronicacanton9233]

I’ve watched this talk several time. Great strategies on how to have uncomfortable conversations. Highly recommended!!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Awesome! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

[@evanmosk]

When I was at school we had a "word of the month". I think "empathy" should be the world of the year. Each of us striving to add empathy to everything we do, work, play, driving or shopping.

[@idanowser]

So many of us could really follow Winter's lead here. Incredible talk!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! I appreciate your words!

[@deepfocus1540]

I really needed this today, divine timing one might say!!

[@samanthaabadi]

I think 'uncomfortable conversations' is also up for interpretation. Some people are very comfortable talking about things that other people would shudder to even think about.

[@winterwheeler3765]

You and the person with who you are speaking get to decide whether you're uncomfortable. Thanks for commenting!

[@zackpinonet]

I love how matter of fact Winter is about how she regarded people in the past, says a lot about her journey and I have a lot of respect for it

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that!

[@chesterwatson2387]

Couldn't be more timely! I am so frustrated by the fact people think that just because we have differing views, opinions, means we are bad or wrong or whatever. I miss the days of a solid debate/argument, and even if there was so resolution there was still respect for each other.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much for commenting!

[@kristianzlee]

Anger can be valid and important in a conversation

[@rapid-transit]

What she said about society teaching us that we need to be nice, even lie, to protect the status quo really struck me. Very true but not something I've thought about before.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! I'm glad that struck you, and thank you for bringing it to our attention here!

[@valeriedijkstra]

I'm here after watching Winter's talk "Confessions of a Mom who has it all" and I am once again floored by her self-awareness and intellect. What a phenomenal woman, she has so much to teach us!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@maverickvassallo]

I love the title and I love this talk even more. So many people have their head in the sand these days and would rather turn a blind eye

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much for your comments!

[@beverlystillwater]

What a force! Powerhouse! Thank you Winter!!

[@donald-hamilton]

I’m getting ready to have a hard conversation at work. This has been really helpful in some perspective. Thank you Winter

[@hudsonhalloway]

about time right?

[@winterwheeler3765]

I'm so glad this was helpful to you. I hope your conversation went as it needed to.

[@ashleygreynolds]

Love the title, because knowing how to conduct ones self in such a way is an art! Winter, your way of explaining this an d the tools we need to be aware and do better... If I hadn't had such a big weekend I would have more words. I am saving and coming back to this because I neeeed it.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thanks so much!

[@josiemartaine4743]

How interesting that when the parties involved are open to talking about their negative feelings their discomfort give birth to helpful breakthroughs.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thanks for watching and commenting! Much appreciated!

[@valentinalatonia]

Genuinely listening to responses, that's the key!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@petraroulhac2384]

Excellent talk Winter! I don’t work in the legal field, but I’ve found it’s really an art to uncomfortable conversations. You’re talk is a must see for all early career professionals.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@jakobdewl]

I replayed this talk at work and had productive discussions on how we could incorporate Winter's strategies into conversations with our clients! My staff responded really well to the points Winter makes.

[@winterwheeler3765]

That's wonderful!! I'm so happy to hear this!

[@yolandast]

It's encouraging to hear that Winter's technique has had a positive impact in her personal and professional life. We can all benefit from engaging in uncomfortable conversations with an open heart and mind.

[@gabriellehalette]

It's inspiring to see how Winter has transformed her career and personal life by embracing uncomfortable conversations and prioritizing emotions. It's a reminder that growth often lies outside our comfort zones.

[@berlindabernard]

This is such a powerful message and necessary art. It is great to know that this can improve our relationships with others. Winter, thanks so much for breaking this down so eloquently, in an easy-to-understand manner, to make it relatable and applicable in various situations and settings.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much!

[@therealjuanschmidt]

Using the cornerstone technique with my children has been invaluable. Even at a young age, they can understand and regulate their emotions better when we engage in uncomfortable conversations.

[@roscojustrosco]

Genuine empathy can be a powerful tool in resolving conflicts.

[@mariannemortimer7724]

So excellent to finally see someone talking about this! Such an important part of our growth as individuals and as a society.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@mariannemortimer7724]

@@winterwheeler3765 👍

[@dreamyboyd4588]

You are so right, sometimes we just can't identify our feelings.

[@ashleygreynolds]

It takes a lot of awareness and practice to be able to I think

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@ashleygreynolds Yes, definitely!

[@dreamyboyd4588]

@@winterwheeler3765 You are welcome!

[@jacey-morgan]

Solid and informative and actually am going to be using a lot of Winter speaks of here

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! That's so kind!

[@bettamargot]

There is a lot of similarity in your methods to mindfulness practice. Just sitting with things non judgmentally and allowing them to happen rather than reacting to them is a large part of what I have learnt through mindfulness.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you!

[@magdaselenski]

My formula will always be: describe what happened (facts only!), express how it make me feel, assert why it's an issue, reinforce why finding a solution is the best for all parties while practicing mindfulness, appearing confident and negotiating if need be.

[@iamtheunusualsuspect]

Timely. I feel as if we are very quickly losing our ability to change our perspectives and have hard conversations

[@winterwheeler3765]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. We are losing this and need to work to get back to real conversations.

[@elliotnesster]

I'm impressed by how the speaker applied the cornerstone technique in various aspects of life, even with their children. It's a testament to its effectiveness and the positive impact it can have.

[@westhalbrook2472]

Doing an essay on pretty much exactly this - the patterns that have lead us to be so assured within our views that we are unwilling to even hear other possibilities - it is dangerous and we need to be more open. Winter gets it!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thanks so much! I appreciate your comment!

[@averyrothschild]

My ah ha moment - ask questions and listen with an open mind and non judgemental heart. Thanks Winter for sharing that with us.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you! I'm so glad the talk resonated with you!

[@alanwoopchuck]

I applied the cornerstone technique during an argument with a friend, and it transformed our conversation. Instead of quarreling, I listened with an open mind and resolved the issue more effectively.

[@immayasass]

I think it's actually really interesting what happens when you're outside your comfort zone, some really cool stuff happens there and it makes sense that that would also be true of uncomfortable conversations

[@winterwheeler3765]

Yes, definitely! Thank you for commenting!

[@jennick4311]

Great talk Winter, I'm all for things that put us in a state of discomfort, it's a really good way to jolt yourself out of autopilot

[@iamsamfemia]

The call for embracing uncomfortable conversations and viewing each other's perspectives is timely. In a polarized world, it's essential to seek common ground and work towards understanding and unity.

[@gerdefrederick]

Yeah girl power! Love that she's made a whole system.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! I appreciate you!

[@1edty]

The only way to learn and grow is through such conversations

[@winterwheeler3765]

Definitely! Thank you so much for commenting!

[@aurorafontez]

What an excellent speaker with such as important message for all of us, I look forward to sharing it with work colleagues.

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment and that you're sharing the message!

[@selitudenow]

I believe transparency is the best way to go about any difficult conversation. We are all human, we all make mistakes, being honest about the BS and the resentment as it comes up can be so empowering while fostering amazing connections.

[@riddermartijn]

I remember when I was growing up being told to never discuss politics because it's "rude". Thanks societal conditioning for ensuring that we don't know how to communicate about what we believe in! Brilliant topic Winter, I couldn't agree more with everything you've laid out here. Thank you.

[@thereallyreallybigpicture]

I'm glad we are past that now. Much better conversations!

[@winterwheeler3765]

Thank you so much, Ridder!

[@winterwheeler3765]

@@thereallyreallybigpicture Yes! Definitely!

[@gracefairbank]

Engaging in difficult conversations not only helps to resolve conflicts but it also improves your relationships! When people feel heard and understood it really helps to build that trust and respect, especially when the other person knows that it was difficult for you.