Match.com Researcher Talks Limerence, Love, and Mating

Unlock the mysteries of your heart as we traverse the captivating landscape of love with the guidance of Dr. Helen Fisher. This episode promises a profound understanding of the intricate dance between brain chemistry and romance, as we delve into why we fall for the partners we do, and whether that intense spark of new love can blossom into a lifelong flame.
Join me in this heartfelt conversation with Dr. Fisher, where we dissect the essence of limerence and its metamorphosis into enduring love. Ever wondered if there's a science to staying happily in love? We've got you covered, sharing secrets on maintaining passion, the art of emotional regulation, and the magic of 'positive illusions'. Prepare to be enlightened by the anthropological undercurrents of relationship dynamics and practical strategies for rekindling romance, armed with wisdom from both Dr. Fisher and relationship expert, John Gottman.
As we wrap up our journey with Dr. Fisher, we shed new light on how novelty, personality, and even the biological forces at play shape our romantic relationships. Explore the four personality styles that dictate our love lives, and understand the profound implications of love in our later years. We'll also unveil the biological patterns that often lead to divorce and why long-term commitment holds the key to a healthier, more fulfilling life. This episode is not just a treasure trove of insights-it's a roadmap for deepening the connections that mean the most to us. Let's dive in!
Today's Guest: Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropoligist
HELEN FISHER, PhD BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGIST, is Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute; and Chief Science Advisor to Match.com . She uses brain scanning (fMRI) to study the neural foundations of romantic love, attachment, rejection in love, love addiction and long-term partnership happiness. She has written six internationally best-selling books on mate choice, romantic love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and the evolution and future of the family in the digital age. Her books include: ANATOMY OF LOVE (2 ND ed); WHY WE LOVE; and WHY HIM? WHY HER?. Fisher is currently studying the biological basis of personality--using her fMRI data and data collected from her questionnaire, the Fisher Temperament Inventory, now taken by 15+ million people in 40 countries. She is currently writing her 7th book, applying these data on four foundational temperament dimensions to business and personal living. Her personality questionnaire has been called “a disruptive technology” and “the next Myers-Briggs.” Helen is the co-founder of a business consulting company, NEUROCOLOR. She is in the media regularly. She is a TED All-Star with over 21 million views of her TED talks, a recipient of the American Anthropological Association’s Distinguished Service Award for her work at presenting anthropological data to the public; and chosen in 2015 by Business Insider as one of “The Fifteen Most Amazing Women in Science.”
LINKS:
helenfisher.com/
theanatomyoflo...
helenfisher.co...
Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships
Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 200,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.
Website: www.kimberlybeamholmes.com
Thanks for listening!
Connect on Instagram: @kimberlybeamholmes
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#Limerence #Love #Mating

[@abnvella7527]

I really love this woman 😍😍

[@johna30]

My wife met someone and claims within 3 weeks she fell in love. She seems ok leaving me after 12 years of marriage / 15 years of relationship and 3 kids. How is it possible to give up everything for someone you just met!?

[@kodeh7931]

Bro, rejoice in this. At least you know where you stand. Let her go. As far as wanting to know how it’s possible, that’s just biology and nature. You can’t fight it. And questioning it won’t do anything for you. You won’t like the answers anyway.

[@anarchsnark]

I read Tennov's book and besides what Fisher called the sad component, I can't explain what is the difference between romantic love and limerence. I think Fisher is right they aren't really different

[@hennore]

I think we need to be careful not to confuse “limerence” with “madly in love.” The former is destructive, eventually ends, and gives the standing spouse hope. The latter is healthy, essential for a healthy relationship, and takes work. Didn’t agree with a number of her points, but there were still golden nuggets found within this episode.

[@shiverypeaks]

Nobody has ever produced any evidence of any distinct phenomenon at all. There's just one fringe author (who has never published any research at all, nor has he ever presented any evidence ever) who published a fringe theory and people repeated his empty statements. In reality, romantic love has been compared to OCD since 1998 and Albert Wakin just stole this analogy and argued that being madly in love is 'really' OCD. That's it. Actual experiments are not consistent with OCD theory (see Bode & Kushnick 2021 'Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love' and Bode 2023 'Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding' for discussions of OCD theory), but Wakin simply ignores this and does not engage with contemporary love research. A 2024 study by Adam Bode has also found that SSRIs did not have an effect on obsessive thinking associated with romantic love. If limerence is some other thing, then we're just talking about neurodivergent people or something and excluding them from the category of being in love, or we're saying unrequited love is OCD, or some nonsense like that. There's literally no legitimate science at all behind the idea that limerence is different from romantic love. The people saying this just haven't done proper research, don't understand the material, argue by embellishing things, using analogies, etc. The only "study" (Lynn Willmott's paper) isn't even a scientific study by standard definitions. The authors just talk about text and loosely associate concepts. Many love researchers have referenced Tennov besides Fisher, for example Elaine Hatfield & Lisa Diamond also reference Tennov's work and simply consider limerence a synonym for romantic love, passionate love, infatuation, whatever you want to call it.

[@kadiebeazer6931]

How do I find the questionnaire!!!?

[@shareenchoudhury-leighton1748]

I like u Dr.Fisher, your're fun ❤

[@andrew.kusuma]

I really love her research but, hearing about the whole trying out when younger and marriage later, I rather be the man who women try out with. I don't know how many men would consciously accept this. I hope someone talks about this even further because this seems kind of an empty way of being.

[@justinhauber8851]

Does anyone know if she has any videos or publishings about attachment theory? Sometimes I wonder if the idea of being “madly in love” and all these crazy intense feelings of love are being mistaken or are synonymous with an activated attachment system? Anyone have any thoughts about this concept? I wonder what her perspective on this is.

[@emmadedic4483]

No - the way limetance is being presented in social media is as an obsesion

[@shiverypeaks]

Being madly in love is an obsession. kzbin.info/www/bejne/l6Cuk4CGrqeqfJo Madness is a synonym for insanity.

[@stephenwooten6413]

Somehow she knows we lived a certain way millions of years ago. yikes!!