The science of love | Dr. Helen Fisher

We all want to have a good, stable relationship with somebody, says Dr. Helen Fisher. So it's important to understand how intense romantic love affects our long-term goals.
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Intense feelings of love shut down the parts of our brain involved in decision-making. This is why, according to Dr. Helen Fisher, you should spend a lot of time with someone before marrying them.
Dr. Fisher believes that one-night stands, "friends with benefits," and long-term cohabitation before marriage are signs of a healthy change in attitude toward love. People are so afraid of divorce, that they want to experiment before settling down.
While marriage was once the start of a long-term relationship, today it is the finale.
Read the full video transcript: bigthink.com/the-well/the-sci...
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[@The-Well]

What do you think is a good way to have strong relationships?

[@HarshSharma-uf8jc]

Being honest to your partner, trusting your partner, and by not being selfish. This is what I think it is. This way is mutually beneficial.

[@nataliablake6643]

Acceptance and compromise

[@kathyalex778]

Forgiveness and self sacrifice for the good of the other (in a balanced way)

[@after5.livemusic]

Being trustworthy, respectful, vulnerable, empathetic, and reflective. If both people are willing to grow, there’s hope and health. 💕

[@Invisibility397]

Maybe we are going to a population collapse and an genetic diversity extinction event. I don't have children nor will I. Good men are walking away from getting used, abused, & abandoned. Then Women are picking men who raised their anxiety and stress. Creating mental health issues and broken heart syndrome. Plus what are we at now used to be 40% of men reproduced. Top 10% or is it 1%. DNA adapted to their environmental issues. Autism in younger children on the rise? Ignorance is not an excuse. Brutal rejection from me is all Modern Women will receive. I survived slashed right jugular I was commanded that "This is not allowed" just before I face planted my tile floor. I lost 5 days before I woke up. There's no hope for a better tomorrow anymore. 5200+ hours of psychology including subliminal and hypnosis for this infj-t with severe BPD and 30/42 years living in isolated solitude and celibate. Society is shit and humanity is not much better off. Women are going to need a good job in the future cause 35+ nobody will want anything long term with them. Like financial resources they have destroyed all of their value in Character, Morals, Standards & Principals. There is nothing special about a woman who has been with everybody in the village plus 4 other towns as well. Oh and no Accountability, Emotional Ignorance, & lack of Feminine Traits is the main 3 I have dealt with in my short time in society. Good Luck I would rather maim a permanent side slut then spend more than a few minutes with her retardedness.

[@selvamthiagarajan8152]

"Marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it is the finale". Good point.

[@althea1315]

Its almost like dating is not even an option 😂😂😂 I dont understand this doctor tbh

[@selvamthiagarajan8152]

@@althea1315 She comes from a culture where too many marriages end in divorce, so she is right in suggesting that people live with each other for a good period to know each other well, before they commit to a marriage, so they will not have problems coming up later that could end in a divorce.

[@anjaliawate1734]

There should timeline for everything

[@anjaliawate1734]

Emotions/ love is not static n permemet

[@anjaliawate1734]

😭

[@Leo-mr1qz]

"We're built to love." ❤️ That's a very nice sentiment. 💜

[@Mrjudsonjames]

And a fantastic fact! Gotta love something that’s doubly positive!

[@Angelicaarchangelica]

I think that we come into existence to be loved and to love in return. We just need to overcome the darkness in between.❄️

[@TheOcean777]

I'm not in favor of hook up culture since it's more about lust than finding a partner, just my opinion. However. I'm def in favor of spending years together with a significant other before marriage. In that matter, what she says makes total sense. There's so many people that hide their emotional baggage and don't show it until they're married, and then it's too late, breaking all trust and the bond between partners, and ultimately leading to pain and divorce. People can only hide their true self for so long, so extended time spent together will show the true colors of your partner. Of course, if people like the hook up culture, that's up to them, not for me to judge.

[@yousraab1568]

YEA not if you're schizoid

[@Angelicaarchangelica]

@@yousraab1568 what is that?

[@nicky_bee]

This is so much better and more optimistic than all those relationship advice gurus telling us to keep our cool, only give when they give, etc.

[@yassersato4977]

This.

[@koala2464]

Anyone listening to advice “give when they give”, shouldn’t be listened to. If you are kind, generous and empathetic you give. What they other person does is their issue. If it’s not reciprocated, it’s up to the individual to decide if that matters or not. Some people love being givers, with no expectation of returns.

[@naimasophie]

​@@koala2464that's actually rare. Reciprocity is respect. Giving to people while getting absolutely nothing , no gratitude, nothing in return is disrespectful and shouldn't be normalized

[@luzgallegos6779]

Trust, acceptance, respect, admiration, commitment, knowing how to forgive and ask for forgiveness, constantly working on personal development, growing together, doing things together, etc. In my particular case, my partner and I have to spend most of the year physically separated because he works in another country, we try very hard not to stop feeling close and something that has helped us in this is reading together the same books.

[@Maroongov-hy5ne]

Wow 😳❤🥰🙏

[@user-bn5pq7bh5g]

Wow. It sounds very wise

[@carmenacevedo7573]

There's much more than this... Spiritual connection, beliefs, values, knowing when to negotiate as changes comes... One key...peace is there within storms

[@rickholland6695]

This is very interesting information, and I agree with it. Relationships take a tremendous amount of work on both people's parts. It was 1977, I was 16 when I met Penny. She was 14 years older than me. We eventually became EMT/Paramedic partners working on the ambulance together for many years. In fact, we worked the vast majority of our EMS careers together (we considered it more of a calling than a job). We were a great team on and off duty. Suffering/sacrificing and building a successful life together. I knew Penny for 43 great years. We lived together for 30 years, married 15 of them (I was her second husband). Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly in May of 2020. I can tell you they don't women like Penny anymore. I love and miss you, my wonderful wife. But life goes on.

[@sarahsouza5768]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your history with her was beautiful

[@cristinaevans139]

And they don’t make husbands like you.god bless you and yours❤from Australia

[@AnaLu07]

That's a beautiful story. I hope i can live something like this one day

[@petekdemircioglu]

Hope every man finds a Penny and Every woman finds a you.

[@fatimayahia3522]

She was lucky woman to have you as a husband

[@chelsea7755]

My husband and I were highschool sweethearts and were together for 17 years before getting married 😅. Best. Decision. Ever. We grew a lot throughout those years and frankly, we know eachother very very well. Highly recommend you get to know who you and you're partner are before getting married.

[@jameshall7048]

Agreed but don’t think majority of ppl need to wait 17 years. I think 3+ is enough depending on the maturity of those ppl.

[@jameshall7048]

Wishing nothing but happiness for y’all tho

[@Roni5]

@@jameshall7048 agreed

[@comojuntardinheirofacil]

Is an open relationship?

[@Roni5]

@@comojuntardinheirofacil I'm not sure if it's impossible to be happy in an open relationship. All that I'm sure of is that it's very difficult to sustain one and come out of the other end better as partners. Lines should be made and never crossed for a chance of it being better, it's essentially a dance between comfort, desire and discovery

[@FreedomUninterrupted]

Sounds like empathy, grace, & accountability are what keeps a marriage going based off of their research.

[@TheSkystrider]

I think this is a very good video. Eloquent, practical and likely very good advice esp the last half talking about how to invest in each other. Of course I enjoy hearing how it ties into the science of how our brain chemistry works. It helps to understand and value how important it is. Can't just think "ya that would be nice" and then not do it, like I can think I could eat more broccoli and then not do it. It's more fundamental stuff than that, which we can get because it's supported by science.

[@TheInfinite444]

Love is a universal connection between you and the light of the universe! We all share it and that's how relationships gets connected!

[@narcissism-masterclass]

One of the best ways to get to know someone is take a road trip with them

[@askew9976]

Ha! That’s nothing. Watch them use dial up internet.

[@cinnflowergirl]

My boyfriend and I were together six weeks last summer, mostly on the road. We were both pleasantly surprised at how well we got along. Not one argument. But we are big on honesty and communication. We also have similar values and have fun easily. Now we are planning much more travel together. 😊

[@md.yasinkhan984]

I love how specific she is!

[@LeeCarlson]

Maybe people need to recognize that Love is a verb and that the only way to make it last is for both people to recognize that they have to put in the work.

[@askew9976]

Love is both a noun and a verb, but ok.

[@positivevibesonly4426]

Very well said! I couldn’t agree more with everything you said !

[@bernstock]

Profoundly correct as always. Thank you again, Helen 🙏🏼

[@lananhoan6616]

It's a very advantaged video. I wish all people in the world who are going to get married could watch this video to get any moral compass for their relationship. Thank you so much, Dr. Helen Fisher.

[@cleokarma7818]

This is amazing and much required information. Thank you Helen

[@shrihari4788]

So we just need to have our cognitions and emotions harmonized💕...and that takes time

[@npsck1802]

This video is insanely informative. Well done!

[@regina_filange2.0]

This is all really good advice for couples that want to be together... I wish I had this wisdom with that one person I drifted from years ago❤

[@dennyvachhani5501]

Excellent level of analysis have done by you. Thank you very much for sharing deep knowledge of relationships. ❤😊

[@ASHLEYANNZYGAR]

Great advice!! Totally agree 👏

[@jeimmybernal1119]

Amazing!!!! Thx a million Dr Helen!!!❤

[@libidese]

i wanted the like this video 10 thousand times! she’s so amazing!!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@lrzleeromanovski8714]

Hooking up is exploring ? When half the single people are afraid of committing and hookup culture is ruining these peoples emotions… makes no sense

[@YooBro219]

This 💯

[@captainaryan26]

West has gone bonkers in social and political sphere.

[@simie8412]

Very well thought

[@karlijnhtc]

Indeed... people have no self respect, morals, dignity anymore. Merely following their lust through ego and not letting their soul lead

[@benzle93]

Yep...not good for the spirit

[@dorothykaffjamboe6808]

I’m in a of almost 13yrs now,living with him with 4 kids but not legally married. And anytime they whispered to let him marry me I tell them to hold on! Real relationships are not easy to maintain at all it takes hard work,discipline and persistence to keep it still standing, and I tell no matter the hurts,arguments and misunderstandings I will still stay with my partner or choose him over others because I have lived with him and I know him inside out then someone I have no idea of,so very soon I will being getting marry❤😊

[@tomlong5561]

this was beautifully stated

[@DanielVargasE84]

Thank you very much!

[@yosoyroman875]

Good stuff to think on and implement in my relationship

[@e.z.t.1514]

very informative, great video!

[@saraloughman7257]

It so true. Thank you so much.❤

[@The-Well]

Glad you liked it!

[@amtrips]

Positive illusions part is so nicely explained. I always believed it and now someone so well-researched affirmed it for me. We are definitely built to love. This is an eye-opener. A must watch for everyone who are deep into practicing love daily and for those who think love is just a word. Even self-love needs a lot of work. Love is a verb and one of the most novel feelings associated with rewards at various levels and for overall well-being as eusocial animals, and it has its magic. Love is the only powerful medicine for anyone to heal perhaps. Two people need to practice and work on it daily, just like we get ready to go to workplace daily. Only if most humans understood the relationship dynamics (of any form) and put genuine efforts, it would have a better place to live in this world.

[@yasssssss420]

She was a frequent visitor of Epstein's island, so much so he knew to keep avocado sushi rolls on hand for her. I would be weary taking Advice from someone like her

[@shrushti5830]

the only part of the video that made me smile was the thing about couples doing stuff together that just sounds so fascinating and nice :)

[@LinhLolly]

These can't be more true.

[@sohinisaha597]

Maturity comes with spirituality and that is the basis of a strong foundation in any relationship. You have more happiness with bliss.

[@genwill7677]

How to Help Your Brain Sustain a Happy Long-term Deep Attachment for Your Partner: •Overlook what you don’t like about your partner •Express empathy for your partner •Control your own emotions •Have sex (the more the better) •Do novel things together •Stay in touch (Kiss, hug, hold hands, play footsies) •Say several nice things each day to your partner

[@carolina_di_biase]

Great Video!

[@carriekaskiw4781]

Being together for years before marriage still isn’t a guarantee that your marriage will last. There are no guarantees. Both partners need to WANT it and WORK on it. Regular sex and romance are essential!

[@phoebe_ouma]

Exactly, otherwise Indians wouldn't have their marriages lasting much longer than most communities. Their courtships aren't that long but their marriages last longer.

[@clearcoast4454]

​@@phoebe_oumaIt doesn't mean that their marriages are always happy. Even today, Indian people stigmatize divorce, especially in the cases of women. Most of them continue their married lives even when it is toxic because they want to keep their reputations intact

[@alleyneT]

Exactly right. A good marriage requires investment from both partners. Why do women initiate 65% of divorces? Because they’re tired of carrying the relationship and making most of the effort. Men need to step up and be good, committed partners, not just passengers going along for the ride. So many young women and mothers are frustrated, including my daughter. Her husband is addicted to gaming…so many women complain of this now.

[@naimasophie]

​@@phoebe_oumait's cause they can't divorce and they don't need romance. They literally have 40+ mariage with the woman cooking and the husband on the coach , no talking nothing.

[@swapna4117]

This is a very logical explanation on relationships, positive ofcourse. I have had many breakups...may be it's destiny and it has been more than two years now that I am separated.I am 45 and as explained by Dr.I am still craving for the kind of love which I expected to have from my teens. I agree with the brain information and the three nodes about the intense feeling of love for your partner.I have gone in depression and was in rehabilitation for three times...the research is appropriate because when I analysed I got correct answers.

[@tessarae9127]

LOVE her! So validating to hear someone from an older pick up on the fear of intimacy / wish to have stronger relationships as being a driving factor in hook up culture… Helps me make peace with it more (though it is sad how often it can have the opposite effect of finding a long term partner)…

[@Srilankan2024]

I like this slow love process

[@bigafrogirl5509]

So true

[@cowcs4131]

amazing!

[@btsmochimi7924]

Infatuation, Passionate, Commitment, and Consummate

[@sultanadacosta5]

What should one do for distance relationship. Please make a video on this topic 😊❤

[@LunawillWilliam]

I love this ❤

[@anilgujarati7991]

Woww this is so true 😊

[@noazucar519]

I have friends who've been together for a whole decade, but are not married. It's like she says, we younger folks think of marriage as the finale because of all of those social and legal implications that it has. It's the combining of two families, children are expected to soon follow, and (usually) the couple has decided on where they'd like to settle down. It's actually kind of frustrating how serious everything is. Like, it's normal to date for 2-3 months before deciding to become an official couple, but that's honestly a long time to obsess about whether or not someone likes you. (And in the meantime, they could be getting to know their other options if they're using the apps??) It's maddening.

[@priamgupta7020]

Very well explained. But my question would be what happens in the case of arranged marriages? People don't get more than 6-7months before they are tie the knot.

[@bharathsurya7327]

The video is very useful

[@equipadont]

I cant imagine finishing a video about Mrs Clause persuading me to get married ..or let alone have a relationship

[@rocren6246]

I wish I married someone as wise as this lady.

[@BellaEstrella7]

We’re built to love, but WHERE HE AT? I need some serotonin compliments 😭 willing to give some back as well.

[@theturnup9671]

Love this

[@reza2kn]

Ok! I don't know to feel consoled with this or continue with wallowing in my pit of loneliness and depression. EVERY.SINGLE.THING that she mentioned would be present in the perfect relationship for me. I would even love to be the person who gives all of these types of support, and caring about their SO's cholesterol levels, etc, let alone be on the receiving end of it! But, me wanting these things has been called "Having too high of an standard or expectations". And now, I don't know if I should be happy to know what I crave is not absurd, or to still feel shitty about not having it, or having had it.

[@zhayengshiu2031]

Happy long-term is Gift

[@nosxing]

Love is not about finding the perfect person, love is simply loving. This video contradicts itself.

[@TheLoveMiku]

why? When did she say that it should be the perfect person? She just said that you should know each other well before marying someone so you know how they are and behave.

[@rajeshpersaud820]

Make a lot of sense

[@DroolingMukbang]

Totally agree

[@xegabberihu5778]

she is so beautiful. i been looking her more than listening her.

[@atuleazipira2089]

Appreciated

[@davidjohn9006]

"Sleeping around" or one-night "hook-ups" are not about "getting to know each other" as such … in most cases, it’s lust and hormones, combined with elements of "power" and control … lol … and take your time getting to know someone "digitally," via apps is not how one gets to know each other … lol

[@amandabracaj2989]

Okay and when you get to know this person and they can’t satisfy you sexually, this imbalances a relationship. What are you gonna do? What are u gonna do? Masturbate more? Pleasure is stated as a necessity in all philosophy. It’s actually u that is soooo caught up in the elements of power and control! Stop projecting and live ur life dude

[@marykravchuk9985]

I agree with a slow and steady approach. Not rushing. However, casual sex and "friends with benefits" is not a "cautionary phase" in which a person obtains knowledge on how to treat their future partner with love, respect, kindness, understanding, etc. A person is not a car. They shouldn't be "tested" beforehand. Marriage has a purpose and a role. It is a binding contract in which each individual sees the other's flaws and they stay together.

[@Love-np2rt]

I agree, she's wrong about this. In those situations and they're rampant and common now, the partners aren't dedicated to each other nor invested emotionally or the relationship/building the foundation for long lasting love. Men are getting their cake and eating it too/ if non monogamy is a preference for them. I don't know of any situations where casual sex/fwb turned into a loving, committed relationship. It may happen but it's rare, I'm pretty sure. I would love to see a study on this phenomenon....

[@laurafrancois4825]

Omg yess that is how I feel as a single woman

[@sharathramachandran4025]

How do you explain arranged marriages?

[@saumyaraj3689]

Although, I and my partner are deeply in love and happy together. My partner is a very mischievous person, he always cracks these jokes and doesn't say anything to appreciate me. This is making me feel detached and unloved. I tried raising these issues, but he again skips them and jokes around.

[@jeanjasmine]

Guess I need to learn how to love someone from scratch

[@billpetersen298]

I love your advice. What does one do? When their partner has early trauma, that causes them to reject affection, and sex. And no, they don’t want to talk about it.

[@laurawalker546]

I would ask them to go to counseling to get help changing. They need to see how it makes you suffer too. That monster is too big for them to fix on their own. Otherwise you'll have to live with how they are as it takes courage and work to overcome and understand and find peace to transform.

[@Angelicaarchangelica]

Maybe they are just not attracted to you.

[@billpetersen298]

@@laurawalker546 Hi Laura, we have gone to two therapists. Both times we went together on the first visit. So it wouldn’t look like a set up. She felt threatened, and only went once or twice. Recently, and previously, I’ve asked her to find anyone, of her choosing. Nothing happens. Our modern culture, has lost the wisdom, that having elders gives.

[@laurawalker546]

@@billpetersen298 that is very sad. Both of you are in a tough place. She doesn't feel safe moving it, and you are living the lasting consequences of her trauma

[@SDW3-6-9]

If there's a fundamental mismatch like this, the only way the relationship can survive, is if the couple get counseling, if that fails, then agree to Polyamoury. If the affection denier says no way...then the sooner you hit the highway the better, if you want love and kids?

[@katemunro2579]

Care and respect has to be reciprocal, otherwise get out, work on your childhood trauma(s) then you’ll sub-consciously attract a healthier partner !

[@coolaa7]

Connecting and then disconnecting, intimately, multiple times, is sure to lead to a dysfunction when actually trying to do a permanent connection for marriage.

[@cimimimi8529]

They love each other, they will make a relationship. When they dont match each other anymore, they will make a deal to walk away

[@Sassy004]

Hooking up, FWB and casual sex are loveless stuffs so there's no question of exploring things in them. If you're in a romantic relationship with someone then you should explore everything but how can you explore one's personality in hookups? These stuffs are the part of lust so there's no feelings in that, it's a sort of deal of lust between two people and in the bedroom, they're partners and outside the bedroom, they're strangers. These stuffs not only develop trust issues but attachment and commitment issues too. So these things doesn't make any sense

[@pinkrose2062]

Hmmm, everybody’s different, meet my husband from tinder in our late 20s Got married in a week , 1 week I said !! Lol Been married for almost 2 years now ,💕🥰

[@username_creates6991]

Its optimistic but I think what Im witnessing online is also just people who don't want to make much of an effort. Cus if someone isn't abusive, you can pretty work through anything with them. Yet people seem to be counting red flags that aren't even negative traits. The amount of times people on social media made me feel like I wasn't in a great relationship with all the genral opinions on relationships and what red flags are. I got off it and my problems I thought I had seemed to dispear with it too. Idk I think people are becoming to much of a perfectionst and aren't promoting communication enough and not giving up on someone just cus they can't read your mind. Also I think it has everything you mentioned and now that I got off of socials my stress and anxiousness has kind of steadied... making it easier to enjoy life and the relationship too

[@naimasophie]

I agree but where is the line between true red flags and fake one ? Yes with love you can work things out but for how long ? My ex was impulsive and impatient , are those type of men the kind to actually be patient in the long run? What make a red flag a true red flag?!

[@argoneonoble]

I'm 47 and I can clearly say I am ready to get married.

[@mjama1256]

Good lucky

[@ashishgr8764]

Why are you getting late?

[@nataliaheartcoaching]

Yes!

[@YuliaGrushevskaya-bi6he]

Don't analyse just love❤❤❤❤

[@amitmamgain6357]

Quality of a person is important for a relationship. If both people are actual good persons, then they can keep on loving each other. If one or both are a**holes (which is a high percentage of our global society), then they can listen to your advice for 10 years, they will still be a**holes. 🙏

[@amitmamgain6357]

also thats the reason i don't do online dating. And keep me safe from identity fraud, etc.

[@Naiaakash]

Step 1: Get a Partner

[@carmenacevedo7573]

This is it it is a healthy relationship... Nowadays relationship "seekers" seems to be afraid of commitment even to try a relationship and it's a lot of sex with often breakups... doesn't seem to connect/attached but to the sex part. Get attached, and if after two years is not the "right one"...how do you manage that?

[@EllePlowPlow]

@5:00 - how to sustain a long term partnership

[@suesmith9665]

Love has no method

[@sahar1usa]

At last I heard it from the scientist I always though of LOVE as the most important foundation in human kind in any type of relationship but unfortunately today's society makes you believe that money is far more important than love and if you are a lover, you are a loser

[@IvanHadlich]

Cool one, made me think lol

[@fleshanthos]

Married 20 years. Needn't have bothered with the scrub broads before. Wife is great. Don't want anyone else. Too true: ignore the flaws. Focus on the positive. Be kind to them. They are the FIRST person to show patience to; NOT strangers. They are the LAST person to take out your negative emotions on.

[@dorleecollins4971]

"Make. Marriage. Great. Again!"

[@fatimayahia3522]

And what about those who don't love each other from the beginning??

[@ladolcevita5582]

5:15 🎁 thank you

[@askew9976]

No stability since I was 19. 47 and done.

[@varunv2584]

I'm in love with shit. She has a great personality.

[@heleneelf7454]

What do you think about dejtingsites... start something backwards?....

[@dranjali1]

where are the books i see no special books in so many places i have been

[@nyssatang1173]

things faded away within a year or two top, no matter whoever im with.

[@cinnamonrussell6153]

I truly believe this is great advice for married couples, for unmarried couples this can be dangerous especially for a women.

[@elenasanz1985]

how can this be dangerous for a women?

[@ratelhoneybadger]

Women generate far greater levels of oxytocin than men from a sexual encounter. It's from evolution because we are the ones who carry and raise babies whilst men just plant and go. So if we are constantly attaching and detaching, it damages our ability to form a solid bond... and it HURTS LIKE HELL!😂

[@Love-np2rt]

Because we're in the Tinder generation/ hook up culture/ ..... I know so many men who have a rotation of sex partners... women are guilty of this as well (no one cares about STDS... and these are peoplein their 30s and 40s). Make sure you're giving a ton of sex to someone you're in a monogamous elationship with first!

[@charlita25]

I only needed 2 months to see that my first love ❤️ wasn’t worth marrying. If he was more respectful and not a cheater he would have been a perfect mate.

[@Xudoyberdi_Ismoilov_777]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@AnaLu07]

Last time i feel in love was with Jungkook of BTS😂 it was half an year ago, i did my best do "defall in love" with him because it hurt like hell and it worked. You can really fall in love with anyone😂 I'm quite a lonely person so i get why this happened. I just wanna fall in love with someone real the next time😢

[@user-cx5wn9nj9j]

I understand everything you're saying. I just need a partner. Some people will ask: Why don't you look for it. Couldn't find it. And then nothing and then nothing. You'll find that the greatest doctors in the world can't do anything about it. That's why the world can be so boring

[@sukumarmurugan7641]

It's not relationship, it's situationship 😮

[@MariaMartinez-researcher]

7:10. "Positive illusions." So... Is lasting love self-delusion? At what point not wanting to see other thing than the positive in the partner turns a lasting love into subservience, or enjoying (so to speak) an abusive relationship?

[@Roni5]

it's a hint to her either not knowing well about the subject of love and what it is biologically, or she poorly explained the questions and her points to a relevant degree

[@2126Eliza]

Because being abused feels like shit.