Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Ep. 50 - Bert's Guide to Surviving Prison [Oct. 12, 2017]

[@JJJackson777]

this gotta be a top 5 MSSP episode

[@cheetonation]

ive finally listened back this far and i must agree.

[@BreakingNooz]

Bro we need Bert back on the cast. All I’ve heard is Matt say he got out of jail again he was in for all of Covid and he got a hella good job making 55 bucks an hour changing led lights all around the country hahaha

[@Knuckleheaded76]

Straight up. Where's burt

[@Anouyz]

"""changing """led""" lights""" "across" the country my man is performing a tomato plant moving service

[@jmh31890]

If this is true then good for him. This dude is a G and I wanna see all of them succeed

[@T_D_B_]

Fuck yes would love to hear what Burt has been up to

[@mattgussie]

😮😮😅😅😅

[@katery28]

My cousin took a 14 year “vacation” at MCI-Shirley in Massachusetts. This dudes outlook on life and story delivery reminds me of the time my cousin opened up to me about his prison experience. He hit the nail on the head, us “free” people take so many things for granted. A safe bed, decent food, AC, normal human interaction etc. BUT most importantly, hope. 10/10 cast

[@gordon7454]

Assassin's Creed?

[@tylerberg4832]

@@gordon7454 yup

[@christophermurray2442]

​@@gordon7454slater

[@MilesWilliams88]

Having your freedom taken away from you is the worst part. Being told when to wake up, eat, sleep, etc. That's the real punishment, in my opinion.

[@Stonewall29]

Shirley is super max for Massachusetts. What were doing there as a 14??

[@sixburgh64ss]

The "wutter" count is through the roof this episode.

[@booognish]

Bro I grew up in Jersey and then moved to Florida when I was 15 and everyone made fun of me for saying wooder, only time in my life I’ve consciously changed the way I said anything and it kinda bums me out these days...

[@teddyhammer2558]

It’s more like warter. It amazes me how my Philly friends think there’s two R”a in water.

[@antonlifer4449]

In Philly we spell it wooder lol

[@katery28]

Eeatalien 🇮🇹

[@hydropeppers]

md nj de pa rep

[@flowerasteroid6241]

This ep made me super grateful for not being in prison

[@jakewilson5962]

“Now the rape’n ain’t like it used to be”

[@Cobbido]

bastards put tiemtamp or timestamp

[@spaced0tghost339]

One of the better casts, this guest ruled

[@Nab00theEnigma]

Ok cool, not Bert kreischer

[@evergreenrider]

Never the habitual one upper.

[@Brandonthesnifferofall]

h8burt

[@davidperez5089]

The ole Bert get a shirt guy...

[@wisterV]

Take it easy on Burnt Chrysler, his laugh is strange and he does a good walrus bit

[@rdel2007]

That old bert screecher

[@CameronStevens-cr5pg]

Matt saying “you get a couple soups for a stick of k2!? jail sounds awesome” gave me huge Ricky from trailer park boys vibes lmao

[@Mac73492]

"Don't be dissing jail. We've had some good fucking parties in there. We got friends in there. I mean, they fed you. You used their gym. Don't be dissing jail. That's not fucking cool." - Ricky

[@P_steez]

Bert NEEDS to come back on. He had so much good shit they had to breeze past

[@CleanseTheSoul]

Shane was on his phone too much this ep. “Oh fuck, I missed that story” like 3 times at least 😆

[@JuPac420]

Twice, but yeah I guess 2 too many times lol

[@loydchristmas23]

He's always on his phone. It's fuckin lame. Narcissist shit.

[@bickyboo7789]

He was texting some thotty smh

[@Ryaneli10]

⁠@@JuPac420no he said at least 3 so it can’t be 2 it’s either 3 or more than 3

[@monadamus42]

Man, it's so sad how exciting prison stories are. Great stuff

[@T_D_B_]

How's it sad? Take of imprisonment are a classic archetype at this point.

[@timvapid]

Shouts out my youngboys

[@codytaylor1824]

Young and wild boy

[@iaminvisible2889]

Shout out to my old heads

[@SuperRespect88]

need me an old head fr

[@Cobbido]

we are not black people don't say things like that "youngboys" this is not chicago or atlanta or detroit or baltimore we don't talk like that here

[@randomdude189]

Lol I’m just imagining a guy in a jumpsuit getting so high he packs his stuff up and says goodbye while still locked in a cell. Like bro we just did mind altering drugs... sit down 😂

[@alextownsend9260]

This is going to be hyper specific but will be an absolute home run for anyone familiar; Bert’s laugh is almost exactly that of the guy smoking a cigar during the peanut butter asscrack scene of training day.

[@1stTimeCaller]

Hotdog day must have been lit

[@AudibleVisibIe]

This dude is 100% locked up again 😂

[@blameks9136]

The dawgs need to know

[@FlyingTurtleDog]

Apparently he was locked up all through Covid

[@TrevorScanlan]

Lol! "They was giving me shit in court saying I'm lying and shit... well yeah I had violated parole had a bunch of sanctions, showed up on drugs"

[@tysmith5268]

Idk how I haven't heard this one yet, shout out to bert. Hope your life has come together for you brother

[@patricklynch6787]

Hey I’m his brother…thank you for the kind words he’s doing great actually…hope you are well too brother 🤘🏻

[@brianmayer702]

I’ve listened to every episode and this is the best one

[@Fourteener]

Hottest ep. This was super informative and really interesting to see a different perspective on things

[@brick.415]

this video made my computer hawt

[@lindboknifeandtool]

Colorado dawgzz!

[@cocorkiller2322]

Colorado ped patrol

[@brandonray6749]

Saw a couple "this guy sounds like " comments. He just sounds like he needs water to counteract the weed

[@chumfartlin9963]

huhuhuh i didnt notice that

[@doseferatu]

Bro how is everyone not talking about this. I don't think I can finish the episode it's so bad

[@Isvvx]

Sounds like he’s got a mouth fool of paste lol the fuckin ASMR in my ear is driving me insane..

[@kylemcgill2966]

*I did 5 years (08-13) and it gives me anxiety listening to the process. Good story teller tho. Good ep.*

[@wickedillusions1]

I don’t know if I’d tell people you held someone’s pocket for 5 years.

[@kylemcgill2966]

@@wickedillusions1 good one

[@wickedillusions1]

@@kylemcgill2966 just fkn with you. Lol

[@mikeb9667]

No joke. Good ep for sure.

[@DildoBaggens]

Were you up state in pa?

[@islandtidesislandvibes422]

Shane: An you can just leave? Bert: Yea you can just leave l, but you gotta run from it cause of they catch you it's bad LMAO 🤣

[@MilesWilliams88]

I'm from Southern Illinois, and my ex's dad was a guard at a local prison. He said they have a fence that is 4 foot tall with signs on it that say "this fence is 4 feet tall and 7 years long" 😂 I'm guessing if you try to escape its another 7 years on your sentence. I don't know how accurate that is, but that's the threat at least.

[@shalakabooyaka1480]

@@MilesWilliams88 yea, fuck that 4 feet, not worth it lol

[@MilesWilliams88]

@@shalakabooyaka1480 Haha, my thoughts exactly.

[@owengray3785]

@@MilesWilliams88which prison? My Grandpa was the warden at Vienna Correctional Center for 30 yrs

[@michaelditto5469]

This was a really good podcast episode. Couldn’t stop listening.

[@monkeyearcheese420]

"So I had to kick alot" quote of the year

[@KyleKennedy-mw6pf]

This is one of the best casts i love this dude

[@jpprice14duh]

This dude is awesome! Let's get him back on!

[@unclemandragon5670]

New episode with him just dropped on patreon

[@jpprice14duh]

@@unclemandragon5670 fuck yeah it did! 👍🏻

[@hiimharvey4191]

@@unclemandragon5670what episode

[@MuddyGamingLive]

Bro he's not joking about K2. I watched normal fit dudes get addicted to it. Next thing they were having seizures, getting carted out in an ambulance. Which also means goin down the road to prison.

[@MilesWilliams88]

Yeah, my best childhood friend got on it, and it fucked him all up. He was never the brightest anyways, but he was hilarious, and had a lot of energy. Now you can't barely even hold a conversation with him because he sounds like he's cooked. Still love him to death, but being around him now just makes me sad.

[@shalakabooyaka1480]

shit was fun when it first dropped, before it went cat and mouse with the govt changing the chemicals every month. Shit went from "oh it's like weed but no hot tests", to "hey anyone wanna smoke a panic attack?"

[@whiskeyandcigarettes2785]

I witnessed my brother have a seizure off of it. His addiction to it caused his schizophrenia. Nasty stuff.

[@ENSYYSNE]

@@shalakabooyaka1480nobody talks about that. Shit was like tea leaves when it came out. Well said man.

[@ryanrobinson191]

fascinating ep. Whoever says MSSP isn't a good pod, this some insightful deep shit. GOddamn best guest

[@beefyronin]

I'm not just being hyperbolic this cast is literally my favorite of all time. I found The Young Bull from him being on The Bonfire but this is the cast.

[@spiralbones]

@@beefyronin same especially as bad as Bonfire has been for months now.

[@familylivesmatters]

There’s only two types of people. People that love the cast and people that haven’t heard the cast

[@FartsTasteDelicious]

MSSP is easily my fav cast ever. I have never gotten so into a podcast before haha these guys are fucking great

[@T_D_B_]

@@spiralbones sad but true... Bonfire seems weak lately

[@ypsilon.6167]

Was expecting a typical hot cast and got high level informativecast!

[@j0sh707]

I'm having some good ol fashion county flash backs listening to this!

[@hewasagudboy9079]

I did the same thing, agreed to be a CI after getting caught with 300 oxy 30mg, blew the cops off for 6 months, the detective who I was supposed to work with gets caught stealing money from drug dealers, I get sentenced and get less time that what my deal would of been as a CI which was also less than the detective I was supposed to work with got.

[@blameks9136]

Holy FUCK you got lucky as shit

[@blameks9136]

You snaked your way out of being a rat 😂

[@hewasagudboy9079]

@blameks9136 they pressure you real hard and I just wanted to not have to be around those people anymore. Never had it in me to actually tell, I was just trying to stall and gain about 20lbs before going to prison. My lawyer ended up filing continuance and stretched it out to about 14 months of court dates. Started out looking at 7 years, ended up with 2 years, got out in less than a year.

[@Cocoa1million]

Bert’s got a classic case of mouth goo

[@Fat_Obama]

Get this man a water in the first 10 seconds

[@DTTWOPP]

Its the suboxone

[@GrrillaFinger]

@@DTTWOPP suboxone doesn't really do that

[@MilesWilliams88]

​@@GrrillaFingerThey used to dehydrate the fuck out of me.

[@closcer3950]

That's what percs do to you

[@lunchbag_larry]

kind of sounds like telly from KIDS

[@nathanempty]

lol I thought the same thing

[@NunzioBustacucci]

No but I seen that porno with Sun Doobiest!

[@beefyronin]

I have no legs, I have no legs

[@davewatne3374]

Straight up I thought it was Leo Fitz from Bully

[@dukstedi]

sick reference

[@bsteadham7683]

This Ep is goated.

[@loydchristmas23]

Oh God I avoided this episode the whole time because I thought it was annoying ass not funny at all Bert Kreisher.

[@blameks9136]

Why would you think Bert Kreisher would know anything about surviving prison? Lmao

[@adammcfarland3060]

What’s up all my dawgs who are here after the patreon update from Bert

[@BrickTop06]

Absolutely. Need more!!! 🐕

[@closcer3950]

He sounded pretty rough...

[@hydropeppers]

get Bert back on here he's one of your best guests

[@jeffreysousa1104]

"I've never been in the hole, I've been in hole-like situations""

[@samdamico6903]

Lmao

[@bluedragonrob1]

Bro HOW GREAT IS THIS EP????!?!?!?!?!

[@Roberto-de8xv]

Completely different pod now 😢

[@brandonklein1526]

I’ve always avoided this episode cause I thought it was Bert krischer lol

[@tonychopper3751]

Damn this intro caught me off guard 🤣

[@rikihawk8927]

Bert sounds like Red from Pineapple express

[@elguapo4268]

Certified hood classic episode

[@coryp164]

People say this guy still hasn’t taken a drink of water

[@Scott-Tim]

Bring Bert back! The funny Bert

[@SteveyW0nder]

Bruh I live within 10 miles of George hill and the stories I hear about it absolutely line up especially as far as the suicides go.

[@kevinhallnoates5593]

This guy kinda sounds like Robert whittaker

[@codytaylor1824]

That’s pretty great. Minus the Aussie accent you’re totally right

[@dudeman9119]

I'm trying to remember the episode where they were talking about brat correction I know it's been in several episodes

[@lindboknifeandtool]

I’ll come back if I figure it out. I’ve heard them mention it too lol

[@blameks9136]

You never came back.... ​@@lindboknifeandtool

[@alextownsend9260]

@@lindboknifeandtoolyou never came back man what’s the deal

[@DipCityDerp]

8 mins in and I’m lovin the episode already but take a drink of water my guy, god damn… dude’s cottonmouth is vicious

[@teddyhammer2558]

I used to be a corrections officer and I it’s funny hearing an inmates perspective vs an officer. I can attest that all he’s saying is on point. Crazy world corrections is. And yeah we hide a lot of stuff to the public. Especially suicides and other “mysterious deaths” ( officers beating inmates to death totally is a thing, that’s all I can say about that. My first day on the job I had a swinger where I was blowing air in a dead body for two hours until we could get a security clearance for a doctor to pronounce him dead because we can’t do it. Rougher job than even being a combat soldier. Crazy life. Good times. That was my first real job after college and boy did I grow a thick skin real quick.

[@Jimmy2Times777]

Where did you serve in combat?

[@WhoopityScoop726]

Where did you serve in combat?

[@lesliesanchez971]

Such a good episode. County sucks 😂

[@EVAASIVEOne]

Bert and Tommy together on MSSP would be the craziest episode fucking ever. They sound damn near the same

[@LiterallyGod]

Going to prison gives you amazing stories

[@jamescoay]

Bert is the man

[@CS-oh3sx]

Good episode

[@jonathanrodriguez1098]

Not me looking sideways at my Wellbutrin bottle after hearing this cast 👀👀

[@albertocaraballo9861]

As a fellow Bert I approve of this fella. Bring him back

[@dabsindeeddabsindeed7205]

I was a rat but hey they got nothing outta me 😂😂 wtf lol

[@laflame7338]

Anyone thinking this guy sounds exactly like Jackie Aprile Jr?

[@sooperfly88]

Bro!!! Take a sip of water🤦🏼‍♂️

[@doseferatu]

Someone get bert a glass of water

[@lw3894]

Bert sounds normal until he gets to the drug court stuff 😂 I been through the system and its straight savage stupidity to get 13 sanctions in 28 days with years on the line

[@closcer3950]

He was outta pocket bro

[@bonnjohnson5189]

Dudes dry mouth is killing me

[@MichaelDeFillippo8889]

I was literally just thinking that. Grab a drink my man, damn.

[@anthonydelgrosso4818]

Hot dog day must be lit

[@LiteralApe]

Legendary cast. Of all time

[@patricklynch6787]

Thanks man that’s my brother. He’s doing great

[@Jameis1of1]

Great ep

[@Taco_ocaT]

Yoooo more burt

[@UserName-pi1ml]

Fuckin locked up intro goes hard

[@frankobd]

All time ep

[@jacksonzante5817]

thanks you for chastising us matthew😎😂

[@gagekelly1051]

Been there done that. Will never never go back again. Btw in florida they call it "family meal" and yes it does taste great

[@iaminvisible2889]

In Jersey we call em hook ups and I still make them at home 😂

[@1der607]

Hahah Matt is great, but for this kid being his boy, and knowing the story, he was butchering it, having him skip over so much of his story by saying “so fast forward”. Thank God for Shane on this one

[@videowatcher7777]

Been going through the old test lately. Funnily enough the first two times I heard him say fast forward he literally said “fast forward back” and went back in the story 😂 I remember that cause I will be trying to add it to my vocabulary

[@ryanloane6588]

I could have sworn there was video for this

[@ENSYYSNE]

I feel like I would remember that. But hmm 🤔

[@dominicdeluca6378]

So glad it's not Bert kreischer

[@isaacjimenez9453]

Fire episode

[@beelbrother1648]

haha I used to do the drug tests for guys that were in drug court and all that court-mandated treatment.

[@aquinnessential]

I fucking love this guy

[@Joelontugs]

He was basically John gotti lol

[@TheGlobalForce]

Why was Matt kinda trying to rush this conversation & constant interruption 😭

[@A6Legit]

1:47:23 lmao. Dude wasnt even away that long but probably never heard of GOT. Imagine dudes doing years... Come home with smart phones and internet like its 2055

[@iaminvisible2889]

Even getting locked up in the 80s and coming home now would be wild af

[@FarmerJimbob]

Stingin up some chi chis

[@gitman3486]

53:28 "My young boy in the county was gonna pluck me" "plucks are expensive" What is a pluck in this context?

[@ENSYYSNE]

He did explain it about a half hour before that but I’m falling asleep lol from my brief understanding it’s like a patterned stick and poke tattoo done with a paper clip or something.

[@ENSYYSNE]

I assumed it was patterned like a mandala or something but He mentioned it again at the bart Simpson tattoo saying it was plucked too. So it’s just a form of stick and poke tattooing. Like without a machine just one dot at a time.

[@gitman3486]

@@ENSYYSNE Thanks mang

[@CloveCoast]

i wanna go to prison because i need a boyfriend, help

[@Ryan-yy3yq]

MAMA TRIED BY THE DEAD FOR EXIT MUSIC!!!

[@PurpleHazeVanNederlands]

When you get there you are on 22 and 1 which means the gov steals an hour of the day from you and the other one you get to spend showering, whatever

[@knoxynyr87]

1:50:24 😂😂😂

[@Bluecat33]

Interesting shit

[@estebanlopez3207]

He sounds like Christopher Walkin with street reputation.

[@dannygonzales8309]

Half baked Kenny

[@godsplan9578]

Real shit

[@robgarcia2217]

This is fucking amazing.

[@AGIOS_]

Where’s ep 51 at dawg?

[@RadioDAWGZ]

lost to the nether

[@starvalentino]

RIP 51 😓

[@pauleberly3296]

Fuck!!! That Was Hilarious!!! These Young Bulls grew up thru this cast!!!!!

[@Heffy_Boi]

Wooder!

[@SMOKEY-sm7kg]

So much soul in this story so much hardship, the journalist will ignore Phil’s troubles dealing with the crooked system and all they will take from this is Matt saying “muslim bitches” are you okay?

[@ricardocardenas6555]

Bro the guy who ate his shit was this guy on tik tok

[@leapyear9460]

Awesome

[@monsoonspoon]

Soup dawgs