MSSP - Secret Guide To Surviving Prison: Contraband and Goofin'

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From Matt and Shane's secret podcast ep 50
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#MattAndShaneSecretPodcast #ShaneGillis #MattMcCusker #MSSP

[@NotoriousPeepop]

This is the conclusion to the Secret Guide To Surviving Prison, hope you all took notes as there will be a test at the end of the week. Some of you have commented that Bert has unfortunately gone back to prison. I pray it is not true. On the bright side I await his return to MSSP

[@pumkinmuscles1104]

Damn sad news for the Dawgz

[@aaroncardenas9062]

I wish him well

[@zz-ps5vw]

been waiting for this one, saw there were 3 vids in the playlist/only 2 visible for a while now thanks king

[@T_D_B_]

They can't keep our man down

[@jeffreymckinery4627]

Dude eats dick like it's a living....totally believable

[@richardhejde5390]

MSSP on JRE was epic. The moment Matt hits rogies with the wild supernormal stimulus I fist pumped the shaman was in full effect

[@stevenash621]

This guy has a skill for telling stories. He can tell so much without rambling unnecessary details.

[@deadarmd]

Jail will do that.

[@reidsimonson]

Never mind this was 31minutes of rambling.

[@jakebaker4066]

Except for his dry ass mouth

[@Fartagnon]

​@@deadarmd its like having a tight 15, those crowds can tear you apart.... your butt

[@frankstraub5245]

Who is the guy talking about jail? Anyone know?

[@hossbonaventure]

Love that Shane is always an ethnic character in these thumbnails

[@nathansimpson2363]

He’s a revolutionary

[@Mark-jr6ld]

Shane X

[@jackanghoff8320]

He’s the type of dude who vaguely resembles every non-black races.

[@ItsToColdInMN]

Shanes one of those white boys that starts out racist and then goes to college and plays soggy biscuit with his black football teammates and that gives him a new lease on life He’s about as big an ally as they come

[@poindextertunes]

@@Mark-jr6ldTalcum X

[@Hats502]

Whenever I need an extra fix of the dawgs, I know Peepop got me

[@geofox9484]

He’s the only MSSP clip uploader worth a damn Makes good thumbnails too

[@Hats502]

@@geofox9484 his thumbnails are always bangers

[@MilesWilliams88]

I was on Drug Court in 2015. That shit sucks, but it's better than jail. I failed for Methadone, and the lady asked me why. I said "because I'm a fuck up." I think she felt for me after that, and was way less strict. I've been clean since.

[@joshb6993]

Mah man!

[@michaeldooley6804]

Dude sounds just like Jackie Jr . Great storytelling too!

[@Chungskingi]

He's only on this podcast outta respect for his fawthaa

[@bigkingspeakerdwestemperor5068]

@@Chungskingi You know who my Fawtha was? He killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator and had the makings of a varsity athlete. He did 20 years in the can with the Shah of Iran. Made shineboxes in the prison work shop. Made Tony Soprano a bust of Gary Cooper!

[@fintanfitzgerald]

This guy sounds like Bubbles' mate from the Wire

[@chadgrov]

“That there is the dumbest white boy to ever shit between two shoes”

[@randylahey8101]

I can't unsee it now 😂

[@cdr861532]

You’re talking about Johnny!!! Guy who got the HIV from needles and got stomped out by the barksdsle crew.

[@hjkl44132]

He sounds cooler

[@JP-mj8ih]

I got the bug bubs

[@BryceChillis]

lol matt would be used as currency

[@T_D_B_]

Those sweet cakes and lady hips would be popular

[@NoNameNo.5]

This dude needs a glass of water....

[@GrimaceTheCat1]

God I hate that fuckin sound. Shits driving me nuts

[@nastradumbass]

You can tell them your Muslim so you get peanut butter sandwiches instead of bologna and trade your PB for 2 soups 😂

[@Red.Thing.]

Business minded

[@nastradumbass]

@@Red.Thing. sigma grind set 😂

[@T_D_B_]

@@nastradumbass "SG!"

[@FumblsTheSniper]

Damb

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

​@@nastradumbass Inshallah grind

[@TheJq32]

9:16 Shane: “that seems pretty unconstitutional” 😂

[@T_D_B_]

2020 said 👋

[@robluxipiech4033]

This guy sounds like the main character in a movie called "kids"

[@soep2dfg620]

he sounds exactly like the dude Robert Paterson kidnaps in Good Time

[@BigFarts0]

MATT IS THE GAURD!???! He’s the worse offender of them all

[@DirtSpud]

I laugh at the image of McCusker trying to heal the inmates with his flute while sipping twisties.

[@observer299]

@@DirtSpud I'd get that shit framed

[@LogosRenaissance]

That's what you think, Matt sedated one of the guards with a high thc hight cbd edible he slipped him, took his uniform and is on his way out, the power of the shaman can't be contained by any federal institution.

[@T_D_B_]

Sounds about right then

[@acs78393]

Matt would be a Super Troopers officer. Shane would be Stone Cold from the Longest Yard remake

[@steviet5643]

Wellbutrin and gabapentin jail house speedball lol

[@jt5604]

Him and Hausley's relationships sounds like a prison Jim and Dwight

[@ricardosalazar420]

WINE! NOW WE CAN EAT

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

Don't put too many onions in the sauce!

[@J_Games_1996]

1:53 "You're out of jail, but you're not really." That's the exact same way that I'd describe being on DOC. "They violate you." They're literally called, 'DOC Violations', and refer to you as, 'Violators'. Anyone want to back that up because of how absolutely ridiculous that sounds? They could come to your house, or any house that you're in, (same with any car, even if it's not in your name and even if you're not driving), without a warrant and search your room, along with any common room in the entire house. Lastly, when it comes to taking a UA, there's a mirror in front of you, and an officer standing right behind you; an officer is inside of the bathroom with you. You do not know, 'stage fright', until you've been forced to pee in front of someone that's about to lock you up. I've been completely out of any form of incarceration, plus any type of probation for a few years now. I'll be 27 this month, and I'm glad that I figured that stuff out before my 30's...

[@J_Games_1996]

I'm from Washington State and I've only ever done time here. Never once have I heard of, "The Max Button". As a first timer, I had no felony points. The maximum time for my charge was only 9 months... I was sentenced to 6, but after goodtime, I served a total of about 4 1/2 with a year of DOC tacked on. When you're on DOC, if you don't show up, or realistically, if you do literally anything wrong and they find out about it, then they'll put a warrant out for your arrest. Once that happens, you're on what's called, "warrant status", and that literally stops your time on DOC. I was on the run for roughly 6 months, so my year of DOC ended up being 18 months...

[@SchizoReviews1599]

Aw jeez, it's almost like you were being punished or something. Like you wouldn't have had to deal with all that shit if you weren't a fuckup who did something wrong in the first place 🤔

[@DirtSpud]

Got these three cousins who are all brothers who have all been to prison, big coincidence there, and each has at one point given me the same advice. If you are turning yourself in over a warrant, DOUBLE UP. Double up on boxers, socks, and if you can an undershirt. Cause apparently your ass will be waiting in county for a minute before going to prison and the extras will help a lot. Luckily im the "smart cousin" and chose right path aka I got a job. But the advice stayed.

[@dannyk1289]

Is the doubling up bc its cold or you take off the inner layer once you stink it up?

[@DirtSpud]

@@dannyk1289 from what they've told me its both and something about the extra layers not counting as contraband? So you can keep the extra layer and still get issued whatever clothes they give you. Might be specific to my county but thats one of the tricks.

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

@@DirtSpud Most places let you do this. Thermals are money. And usually they have to be white clothing only.

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

@@dannyk1289 It is cold, and it will save you money. Most jails will overcharge for those items like they do for all items. It will also take some time to get your money set up for commissary sometimes when you go in, and it helps to have the items that'll help you out already on you. Most jails also charge you for intake and will take money off your books the first time you get money put on. Not only are you cold, but the jails feed you the bare minimum of calories that they're required to if they even do that, so it's harder to keep your body temp up. Most people will lose weight in jail unless they have commissary.

[@WHDRWN]

@@dannyk1289 They get sooo cold and germy in winter. It's considered a pretty solid deed if you can sneak your blanket to someone staying when you get processed

[@justinfusco9624]

Which episode is this?

[@nintendoROX121]

We need another Bert cast

[@T_D_B_]

He's back in the system unfortunately. Maybe they can do a zoom cast? 🤔

[@rustyshackleford525]

Bert Kreischer? That guy is ass, straight up. He looks like a out how he smells.

[@MattH-wg7ou]

The system is such a corrupt trap it is infuriating.

[@AWOL401]

It helps if you don’t commit crimes though

[@aaroncardenas9062]

@@AWOL401 🤙🏻

[@MattH-wg7ou]

@@AWOL401 youre right. But also not. You commit crimes every day. It's just a matter of which ones, and upon whom they are enforced. There's a book about this called "7 Felonies a Day". There are literally hundreds of thousands of laws on the books. You really think you never run afoul of them? Not to mention corrupt cops can and have been demonstrated to plant evidence, etc. But yes being a generally law abiding citizen and avoiding stupid people in stupid places doing stupid things can certainly reduce your likelihood of getting stuck in the trap. But even then, if you have committed a crime and done your time, is your debt not paid? Why so much parole probation etc all set up as a trap. If you are rehabilitated enough to be in public you should be as free as everyone else. If you arent then you should stay incarcerated. Thats just my opinion. Have a great day.

[@T_D_B_]

@@AWOL401 you sound fun

[@cheapskateaquatics7103]

Maybe don't commit crime?

[@jacobh771]

I need to know what this Phil gentleman looks like bc I have an image in my head

[@Jack-do7ke]

It’s episode 50 Bert’s guide to surviving prison

[@mikeperry7335]

How'd they get telly to do an interview?

[@schmo49]

"He is a revolutionary"

[@lilmac4202]

I said the same shit to myself 😂

[@marcuss4808]

Respect to ppl like Psilocybe Fanaticus (for sharing pf-tek) & those who explain & share things like CWE & harm-reduction info, but there’s no need to share certain things… how do u think CO’s get wise to it & now it’s gotten hot (“they’re hip to it now”). Either way, shout to my fav pod!

[@jessop-]

You keep topping yourself with these thumbnails

[@chadgrov]

At first glance I thought this was some kinda GTA5 video lol

[@NotoriousPeepop]

Haha I was getting Vice City vibes from it myself

[@xanaduse]

I’m pushin P (pop)

[@T_D_B_]

RIP to all the good dudes wrapped up in a corrupt system, and of course to those that never made it out. Wouldn't it be great if everyone screaming about BLM in 2020 actually gave a shit about criminal justice reform now?

[@markw110]

❤❤❤

[@jacobh771]

Is this only on patreon

[@the_dallasdollas]

TC Tigers sounds like it should be the college mascot equivalent for this show

[@JuggaloRue]

Shout out to camp hell and captain slaughter.

[@undeniablyfunk5497]

More like contraband and goopin, amirite fellas?

[@nickfontano9890]

Reminds me of Florida

[@NoFrontinRadio]

Bert sounds like Skweezy Jibbs if he was out of character

[@BoyGeorgiaX]

My buddy was about to go to drug court but he died. RIP

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

He beat the system the hard way.

[@Snak3Bit3]

Drug court is like easier probation…

[@stoptrackingourdata8158]

For real. They give you so many chances compared to probation.

[@NoFrontinRadio]

The Wild Wild West

[@T_D_B_]

Wicky Wild

[@FD_and_B]

Sounds like jackie junior

[@jackiechan8840]

Real NB

[@biterface03]

Prison Break starring Matt & Shane

[@crucify9631]

Guy sounds like Jackie Jr

[@bobbyk2147]

"it's basically the same thing as jail you just get to go home".... Bro that's not the same thing lol

[@danp6504]

The way this dude says “blahgh” makes me want him back in prison

[@chadconway927]

I completed drug court. In 2015. 4 drug screens a week for 2 yrs. Completed it with no issues. I got sent there for 5 felony counts of forgery. Over $109000 in checks lol😊

[@thismothafuckasaid7304]

Matt's wrong about Wes Watson "Dago" stomach tattoo..it's not bc he's Italian, it's nickname for San Diego. (Plus, most West Coast people don't even know Dagon is an Italian slur)

[@mealinja5997]

Nice recess kid

[@boatdoctor8419]

Texas state jail gives to 5 years tx we got more prisons any state no staff so they pushed state jail to 5 but now it’s 2 to 5 . GTA chill and do 80 percent for parole eligibility new laws helping for that long ass the do classes and stuff still crazy tdc you can do a third and get out

[@Jack-do7ke]

Which episode is this

[@Truffle_Pup]

MSSP 50

[@ashchaya7676]

This guy smashes his words together more than Matt. I still have no idea what a "meh'ed cuuh" is.

[@Uncle_Houndy]

I tried looking it up but couldn't find it. Melting cups ?? I thought maybe it had to do with failing a drug test, as in what you peed into the cup was strong enough to melt it, but I'm really not sure. I'm Aussie so we have a completely different set of prison lingo and slang over here. I'm sure some of them would make Americans laugh their asses off coz we're a different fkn breed Down Under !!

[@ashchaya7676]

@@Uncle_Houndy It's a better explanation than anything I could attempt. I'm Aussie too (cunt) :)

[@Blexg]

@@Uncle_Houndypretty sure it’s failing a drug test. In the military we’d call it “pissing hot” for something, so I’m assuming that melting the cup means you failed for multiple drugs or had a ton in your urine

[@deadlyvicinity]

FIRST LETS GO YE 24

[@T_D_B_]

YE yeeeEEE

[@meloactive9957]

Every state prison is wildly different

[@Blexg]

Yup, had a buddy do a year in a Florida state prison and he saw maybe 3-4 dudes get killed in front of him. He said a dude got nicked in the throat and was using his hand to apply pressure to it, and when guards showed up he begged them not to handcuff him because he’d bleed out. They cuffed his hands behind his back and my buddy watched this dude cry and beg as he bled out and died face down in the quad He said dudes were spraying sheets of printer paper with bug spray and rolling them up and smoking them and giving themselves brain damage

[@meloactive9957]

@cook7973 damn dude.... I met a man who was 6'2 230 pounds. Who murdered his parents at 16 and went on to commit other acts in there. He's facing the death penalty now. Man, was he a sight to see.

[@paranoidandroid9979]

I’ve heard drug court is almost as bad as jail. I’m on probation and only have to report once a month and keep a steady job. This shit sounds awful. And why not just go to suboxone clinic? My parole officer is cool with it and I’m prescribed benzo too

[@sobahoe6890]

Im on suboxone😫. Don’t do drugs kids

[@ECPlex]

yea dude, drug court was the worst

[@dookiepost]

Who is this guy? Is he a comedian or a personal friend of the dawgs?

[@T_D_B_]

Matt's buddy from childhood. Listen to more of the cast. Many stories reference Bert.

[@ColoradoKeith]

It's boofin not goofin

[@Skeeskeeskee]

I thought it was called hoopin

[@chadgrov]

@@Skeeskeeskeewas literally gonna type that. Here in Canada it’s Hoopin.

[@deafgordon2187]

Most of America calls it boofin

[@modestgrower2017]

@chadgrov haha hoopin makes more sense but I always heard it called boofin. To be fair goofin works in a way

[@chadgrov]

@@modestgrower2017 I think I’ve heard boofin’ too you know how words and phrases change depending on state/country but hoopin’ just sounds the funniest. I never don’t refer to my butthole as my hoop. It’s hilarious

[@billzsigray1504]

Why doesn’t he ever drink water?

[@bigkingspeakerdwestemperor5068]

Water? Never touch the stuff, fish fuck in it...

[@OG_Dropbox]

salam alaikum peepop

[@DavidTanner-pz8sw]

Non Violent Junkie Talk.

[@johnjohnjohnjohn921]

bro talks like telly from kids

[@johnjohnjohnjohn921]

lmfaoooo saw somebody else say Jackie from the sopranos too

[@mattbauer6242]

This guy sounds so fuckin familiar, who is it?

[@dannyk1289]

Joe Deroza

[@RatsnRods]

The guy I bought mr first motorcycle from gave me some suboxone, worst high I've ever experienced.

[@stabes2075]

So yall kept listening after his magic shit bender story within the first minute or two?

[@greanskull7981]

So wait, Suboxone is meant to treat opioid addiction, but it also gets you high?? ...tell me the system isn't rigged lol

[@mvmusic8467]

It gets people with no opioid tolerance high but if you have even just the slightest tolerance built up from opioid use then it does nothing except stave off withdrawals.

[@chadgrov]

Wonder why suboxone, you don’t really get high off it it’s really for people addicted to other opioids to help get off. So unless dudes are just clamouring for that shit to fight withdrawals which would make a ton of sense, kinda surprised suboxone is popular inside

[@dirtyjerz9734]

Subs get you fuckin ripped especially if you don't have a tolerance to opiates , it's government made pharmaceutical opioids

[@iaminvisible2889]

If you don't do opiates Suboxone will put you on your ass

[@chadgrov]

@@iaminvisible2889 even tho it’s mixed with naloxone? Seems impossible but maybe.

[@chadgrov]

@@ump1nen just seems odd since subs have naloxone in em which you’d think completely negates any high which is why they prescribe it to opioid addicts over methadone these days. but maybe if you have absolutely no tolerance they’d hit you idk

[@iaminvisible2889]

@@chadgrov I can promise you it's will you don't even need much 1 mg you will be high all day and probably throw up a few times

[@CornPop2]

drug court some bs

[@Triumphant144]

yea stay off drugs people

[@lslice5283]

For a guy who spent all his time talking, he can’t annunciate his words worth anything

[@Naltddesha]

He certainly loves to talk. That accent slowly got on my nerves to the point I had to stop listening

[@kevinkropkowski9368]

This dude is a freaking liar. Subs stay in system for weeks not 3 days

[@Josh-ew1le]

Boring af. Only lasted 5 minutes.

[@JK-ni1qe]

What does melting cup mean..?

[@T_D_B_]

Pissing hot. Failing a piss test.

[@Uncle_Houndy]

What's this shit about "melting cups" or whatever he's saying ?? Not familiar with that term

[@jimmcphearson7252]

I'm assuming it means he kept failing the piss tests. As in, his piss was so toxic it melted the test cups

[@kainepercle4549]

Pissing dirty for a drug test

[@tonythetiger1600]

Yo question 4 my american brothers ?? Do ur subby have blockers in...??

[@Slothian]

It’s boofin not goofin