Matteo Lane Roasts The Mall Of America

[@matteolanecomedy]

Im on tour! Come see me! www.matteolanecomedy.com/tour-dates Follow me on all socials! linktr.ee/MatteoLane

[@angelkatlife7772]

😂 the sharks have to move to stay alive.. so they are probably as bored as the other fish but have to move to stay ALIVE

[@mr.daniel_rosen]

Was there a Cinnabon?!?!? 😆😅 P.S. can't wait to see you in Phoenix!

[@kuchomoza]

I wish you would come to Germany, love everything I have seen of you so far and it never fails to cheer me up :)

[@starryusagichan]

Please come to Toronto Canada!! ILU

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

Just a heads up: you don't "see" a Cinnabon, your nose floats you over to them.

[@ll4680]

I would of gladly watched 40 minutes of Mateo roasting this mall. Can this be a series please?

[@louiearmstrong]

KZbin has plenty of abandoned/dead mall content. I want videos of Matteo shitting on the biggest and best malls in the world

[@jujub4553]

Would HAVE

[@anonymousfox7219]

Honestly in that outfit I'd watch him do anything for any amount of time.

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

@@louiearmstrong No, don't send him to the abandoned malls. The ghosts of Waldenbooks, Casual Corner, and Chess King would drive him out.

[@alejofrancomiami]

Yes!!!!! Please!!!

[@Bonsoirmonamie]

“This aquarium sucks” “It’s nice to hear kids enjoy themselves like they don’t hate life yet” Proceeds to enjoy himself immensely like a child

[@markt2202]

Loved that comment

[@Bonsoirmonamie]

@@markt2202 I loved you… once

[@shellyhill6804]

Exactly what I came to say. I love him.

[@shellyhill6804]

Exactly what I came to say. I love him.

[@shellyhill6804]

Exactly what I came to say. I love him.

[@thedavidj1996]

Alternate Title: Matteo searches for a Cinnabon at the Mall of America while being moderately disappointed

[@Wyvernnnn]

I miss Gene Takovic

[@christoferrodriguez7147]

There is a Cinnabon there it’s in one of the corners - I think the northwest corner on the second floor? It’s been a while since I’ve been there

[@reashondra3991]

​@@christoferrodriguez71471st floor, it has always been on the first floor. It hasn't moved... like ever.

[@meganking5710]

There’s absolutely a Cinnabon in the sears rotunda. across from deb, glamour shots and build a bear.. under Claire’s and next to Victoria’s Secret. I was raised in this mall 💖🥹

[@EricaGamet]

I love the energy of going from, "Ugh, this aquarium is lame" and immediately into, "OMG a SHARK!!!" Great content... agree with others, please make a series of rating mundane places that anyone can go to... no more of these adventure travel series!

[@maartenaalsmeer]

What's even funnier (to me, at least) is that the 'shark' he pointed at was in fact a sturgeon.

[@Lukathesnowmew]

@@maartenaalsmeer I was hoping someone else noticed.

[@askthefrog]

The mall dad impression was the most accurate thing I've ever seen. It was also eerie how all of your gayness (and that's a s*** ton of gayness, let's be real) just vanished. I don't know if it was the dad part or the expression of a complete loss of all will to live.

[@notleonard]

I def know some gay dads who would strike that pose 😆

[@davidmorris8319]

As a european, i'm just impressed they have a whole ass theme park inside the mall. Yes, we do have malls as well, but i've never seen anything like this before. This is WILD (bob the drag queen voice)

[@predragkardashian3730]

As European too I hope this doesn't come here ever!

[@bluewescott4631]

i can hear bob saying the last part 💀💅🏻

[@cosettapessa6417]

@@predragkardashian3730 lol

[@SSugarFishy]

It's wild to everyone, the Mall of America is the only place in America that has it so

[@metsarada9787]

@@SSugarFishy Not true. The West Edmonton Mall (in Alberta, Canada) has an amusement park inside of it as well. It used to be bigger than MOA too, but not anymore. Still has more stores though (800 vs 520).

[@geoffgraves2780]

As a resident of Minneapolis, "Cinnebon, H&M, PacSun, Diarrhea" is pretty much the proper way to refer to the Mall of America. The fact they had mini-golf in there for a while was kind of a mindf#ck.

[@gkat8058]

Still there! We went yesterday! Third floor, across from the food court Edit: Should specify the food court above the butterfly exhibit, not the one looking over Nickelodeon Universe

[@sparklynights8413]

@@gkat8058 theres actually two of them

[@MexicanAndaJew]

I still remember when the theme park was Camp Snoopy

[@lar_s]

@@MexicanAndaJew Me too... I was so sad when they changed it

[@lar_s]

Apparently the Daytons originally planned to build a huge indoor lake in it as well!

[@WizzySquirrel]

''what colours do you want me to use?.... Paris!" that's funny af😂

[@alfonsotapia8202]

Mateo please please please for the love of God, do more of this content. Like I get your busy and all, but you’re saving lives. My life specifically.

[@dereklwashington1132]

Yeah I agree! Maybe a travelog

[@aihristrothchild3602]

A travel vlog while throwing shades at people/place/history. Its very authentic and a prestiged talent.😎🍾

[@stevenhetzel6483]

I thought you misspelled 'bussy' for a moment

[@obatalaosun2222]

@@stevenhetzel6483 🤣

[@cynthiahusband106]

@ Alfonso “ loved your comment , Matteo saving mine” love this guy just love him

[@LucasFontanillaManjarres]

How can this guy be so funny just describing a mall lol

[@richgebbia3594]

“It’s kinda cute hearing kids have a good time like they still enjoy life” I laughed so hard but it’s so true lol

[@jeremyross9698]

I love how he's just was like "Where's a Cinnabon? Every mall has a Cinnabon." like it's imperative that he finds one and then once he does he's like "There's a Cinnabon" in the most bored voice possible.

[@agitationfree5980]

how does Nick still have the best punchline in a video he's not even in. You lanky legend.

[@jb8331]

"A shark!" points to a sturgeon :/ "I found a boyfriend!" points to a female shark. "It's hard to hug him, he's so square." - my boyfriend

[@msteresa653]

How did you identify the sex?

[@tic-tacdrin-drinn1505]

@@msteresa653 the curves?

[@msteresa653]

Ah, male sharks have two penis-like "claspers" extending from their cloaca

[@Anony_Mice]

@@msteresa653check the shark’s pelvic fins, I don’t think the one in the video has claspers (claspers = male)

[@quartz9049]

As a white girl with black dyed hair who loves nightmare before Christmas and also shops at hot topic all the time.... You're not wrong.

[@furlycee]

Matteo trying to be cynical but legit in awe of the sharks was so wholesome

[@ThePsychicGamer1]

being a minnesotan and as a young gay boy stormed the mall the day it opened, im like "Bitch, the damn cinnabun is on the first floor"

[@esverker7018]

I know right it was so painful watching him like MATTEO IT'S THERE. USE THE FUCKING DIRECTORY MATTEO

[@theblackestdove]

FIRST FLOOR ON THE CORNER BETWEEN THE ROTUNDA AND THE NORTH FOOD COURT.

[@theblackestdove]

That corner that smells like Cinnabon and Doc Popcorn at the same time.

[@Buffaloreplaced]

As someone who spent 2 weeks living in the mall when i worked for H&M and they paid for me to stay in one of the hotels attached to the mall. I was screaming the same thing since all I did for those 2 weeks aside from work was walk around the mall. I didn’t leave that fucking building for 2 weeks I know it like the back of hand

[@IlaughedIcried]

Same (except not a young gay boy)!! I shouted at my screen, "First floor! First floor! It's there!! I promise!!"

[@teralmiles]

Us gay guys are so for the moment. The only excitement we find in a mall is crayons.

[@pheba100]

Matteo is The Lady Gaga of men... He is Italian from New York and he won't stop telling everybody... Love him!

[@moonlike19]

He is every Italian and every New Yorker together or exclusively for doing that

[@joyanna9433]

Except he's from Chicago

[@marciamcdevitt964]

He is definitely not from New York, or he wouldn’t say CRAYUN and CINNABUN. It’s CinnaBON, peasants!

[@dominusstyx]

He's born and bred Chicagoan.

[@saltydog7038]

He says he is from Chicago twice in this video

[@Timathos]

This needs to be viral! Somebody show this to your teen daughter and get this shit going! I need this to be a reoccurring series

[@christinehottinger5791]

That mall used to have a Bloomingdales, but Bloomingdales never updated it after it was built like a maze in the 80s, so it closed in 2012, when I worked there. Our managers gave us all as many hours as we wanted during the close, so towards the end we'd be like 12 people in an area, rather overstaffed. Best day was when half a dozen of us went to Buffalo Wild Wings and got drunk. I will never set foot in another one because there will never be a better experience than getting drunk with your retail coworkers on the clock.

[@michaellasfetto5810]

1:15 "Okay, so they got a Caribou Coffee, but at Mall of America, we gotta a better coffee place than this, right!"--It must take some giant balls to walk around the biggest mall in Minnesota and roast the local coffee chain. Hahahahaha

[@elduderino007]

Roast Caribou all you want but calling Starbucks the best coffee in Minneapolis is just inappropriate. I almost spat out my hot dish.

[@AllHailZeppelin]

Caribou may be headquartered here, but it’s not “local” by any stretch of imagination.

[@toxxicx]

@@elduderino007 i assumed that was a joke

[@elduderino007]

@@toxxicx it is. My response is, too, what with the hot dish and all. Check out Nina's in St.Paul for the best coffee in MN.

[@lar_s]

@@elduderino007 Lmao yeah I know he was kidding but I was like "someone needs to get this man to a Dunn Bros"

[@dianedewindt5083]

Holy crap, now I want to go to the Mall of America, and I'm not an indoor-mall person and I live in New Jersey. An aquarium? Park rides? Rainforest Café? You could take a mild hallucinogen and stay there all day, probably burn like a bajillion calories just walking around gawking at everything.

[@samuelalexander2992]

Have you been to American Dream mall? Isn't that comparably large as MoA?

[@sambrownsings]

I worked there. It was definitely like a bad acid trip. Every day.

[@AllHailZeppelin]

Aside from the mini amusement park, it’s just a giant mall with tons and tons of stores. I live 20 minutes from MOA and the only reason I ever go there is it has the closest Apple Store to me.

[@iheart801]

@@AllHailZeppelin so true. As a fellow Minnesotan there are really only 2 reasons to go to MOA. 1 it is the closest location for the store you are shopping at and 2 you have relatives from out of state who want to go there. Back when it opened I was in my teens and we would go hang out there but I don't think that is really a thing that teens do nowadays.

[@adamlewis7224]

After going there like once you don’t ever want to go there again trust me…. I used to live 15 minutes away from the mall

[@musics4me]

I love how the aquarium, as basic as it is, was still beautiful that it melted your cynicism away at the end :)

[@UniMagik]

Bless you for giving me some much needed serotonin after arguably, the worst depressive episode of my life. You are a gift, good sir. FANTASTICO! TI VOGLIO BENE!

[@OpenGateSchool]

This should be a ‘Mateo Lane & Kathy Griffin roast middle America’ regular series on Netflix. Pitch it already!

[@jbaby362]

Okay how the hell has Matteo Lane been running a main quest life?? He's done opera, he was a storyboard artist, and now he's a stand-up? How has he been doing so much art professional?

[@chrisgrant9916]

OMG you just $hit on that entire mall lol 😂💀. From now on, we’re sending you to national parks. I think maybe you’d feel better in the wild with foxes wolves and the occasional bear. You’re the best M.

[@taylorh1020]

Laughed so loud and then sent it to all the friends I used to hang out with at the mall. So spot on

[@afnwc]

"Look at this shark" and shows a sturgeon, lol...this was fun to watch 😂

[@ClownScreams]

I love how every ounce of cynicism disappeared the second he saw a turtle and it went from fuck this restaurant to the magic and whimsy of our aquatic brethren.

[@spencerwillits2766]

As a Minnesotan, my man's sleepin on Caribou Coffee. Starbucks my ass

[@joyanna9433]

I don't know why, but that interaction with spongebob had me rolling. Absolutely hilarious

[@gabrielsj365]

The fish aren't even doing anything they are bored out of there minds "just like the employees" 😂

[@jenk7138]

I absolutely love this dude. Fellow Midwesterner here and I grew up loving both Hot Topic and Pacsun 🤣 And I think I could watch Matteo read War and Peace and love every second of it lol. ❤️😍🤣

[@MissThaaang]

“It’s nice to hear kids having fun, like they still love life”.

[@DapperZach]

5:55 "We're not in France" ... Too funny!

[@jaytops]

6:52 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Seriously I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit after.

[@englandportugal91]

This was fun to watch! You`re so funny Matteo!

[@jelfamily]

“There’s a lotta kids which makes me want to run far away”…. I died!!! No truer statement. You are so dang funny! I ran upon one of your video and I was sold. You had me at “Paris. That’s a city” the art person inside me snickered and then I shared you with my daughter. We love you! (You should come and roast Utah! We even have a stand up place. You would sell out! (My daughter and I have first dibs on tickets)

[@jenc925]

Matteo named so many of my favorites at a mall. Auntie Anne's, Cinnabon. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

[@ZordracProductions]

Matteo is filling a Coco Peru-sized hole in my life that has been there since her last shopping video over 3 years ago! 😍 Thank you Matteo! Come back any time to fill any hole you like 😂

[@lemonmart7793]

THIS 💃tame my tension mr lane

[@AurumEtAes]

I was thinking about Miss Coco’s shopping videos too. Can’t believe it’s been three years already and… that bothers me 😂 Was looking forward to seeing her show in London, but it was right at the start of lockdown so of course her trip to England had to be cancelled. I didn’t even get sent a panettone by the venue to commiserate 😄

[@theRMYdaily]

*THIS NEEDS TO BE A SERIES* 😭🙌

[@jeanineross8457]

Is there anything you can’t do. Opera singer, storyboard artist and FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!

[@katiemspragg]

This was giving me Coco Peru at Walmart vibes. This botttthers me.

[@saltydog7038]

That is the ORIGINAL Rainforest Cafe, the first one ever was made for the Mall of America in the 1990s

[@OuchMyNardz]

Wow. All those descriptions of businesses are 100% accurate. Thank you, sir.

[@RalphNardell]

This was so much fun, Mateo - made me want to go there for some reason! And Iloved when you did the "angry dad" statue there was a "Celebrate Dad!" sign right over your shoulder. Perfect timing. :)

[@Richard-wz3nl]

You are fantastic ! I'm from Chicago too but living in Florida now. I wish the guys here were as handsome and have a personality like you. I wish you much success and hope to see you perform sometime. You're the best !!!

[@carolannhook554]

I'm so sad that you were in Minnesota 6 weeks ago and I only realized how hilarious you are like 3 weeks ago!!! Damn my slow response time! I hope you're coming back again soon. And, trust me, Minnesotans know that the MOA is just a really big mall.

[@Pogicentral]

Love it! Can’t wait for the next mall episode(s)! Thanks Mateo.

[@jamestnov41945]

Matteo as a new sub I love your comedy. These types of Malls do nothing for me except make my feet sore.

[@takeitorleaveit7927]

“Look at this shark!” [points at a Sturgeon]

[@TL-mc6lz]

This is definitely my kind of travel show! haha.

[@matthewnour97]

Was so underwhelmed when he found Cinnabon 🤣😅

[@phthisis]

"It's kind of cute to hear kids having a good time, like they still love life." Ah yes, those halcyon days before entering the hellish landscape of the American educational system, when fish were fish and not pelagic organisms adapted to their unique biomes that are regular victims of our destructive fishing and tourism industries. Matteo should make a children's book for adults "Untuck It!" XD

[@thomassantillan2194]

"My friend Nick sounds exactly like Squidward" I must be old. My first thought was Templeton the rat from Charlotte's Web, voiced by Paul Lynde.

[@thomassantillan2194]

For clarification, I mean the 1973 animated version. Apparently, they did a 'live action' remake in 2006.

[@sambrownsings]

While I was working there a few years ago, we found mice in our restaurant’s neon sign and throughout the employee back hallways, birds frequently got in somehow and would fly around the mall and the glass ceiling of the theme park, a young boy was thrown from a balcony by a crazy man, we locked down due to terroristic threats and were verbally abused by tourists almost daily. MOA is like Times Square for Twin Citians - we don’t go there unless we have to/are showing it to out of towners. Although I must say, I love bar hopping at the MOA and riding the rides after dark!

[@LookNBeef]

I love Matteo. I would laugh all day. It just comes out naturally and as funny as ever.

[@Dezzz241]

The Poison Ivy Part Killed me hahahaha 🙏🏾🤣👌🏾 so on point

[@ClaytonDerby]

This was hilarious!! I enjoyed every second haha

[@StephsScary]

I'm crying. So funny listening to all the dead on roasts of everything in the mall. My daughter couldn't even go into a Rainforest Cafe. The talking tree freaked her out. So good!!!🤣😂🤣✌️

[@boyo2012]

Hahaha Matteo roasting my childhood hangout...priceless!

[@poptart6662012]

fun fact you can rent out the aquarium tunnel for overnight sleep overs with the sharks! and no they will not let a bunch of 25-30 somethings on acid do it.

[@erichampton6492]

Well, that's disappointing. 😆

[@ZarcosGeneral]

You could be called the best natural prozac ever ;) so uplifting all the way!!! Love your witty honesty ❤

[@saramulry]

Mateo admiring sharks made my heart grow three sizes 🥺

[@ChubbyUnicorn]

Loved how the undersea tunnel eventually won over Matteo. He was a joyful kid in wonder over sharks and saw fish. 😯

[@growingheart8039]

"That butterfly is basically a cousin to the rat at chuck e cheese"😂 Great video!🎉

[@TguyMTL]

This could easily be a weekly series hahaha :-)

[@eggarts9562]

There is such a wild difference between American malls and UK shopping centres. I thought they would basically be the same

[@lauraw289]

I could never place Nick's voice, but, yes, Squidward!

[@FrankieTravale]

Matteo looks like a discount version of a Comic Book rendition of Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark

[@rogersfuller4797]

Yeah, this was beyond hysterical. I went to the Mall when I was at a conference in Minneapolis, because, you're in Minneapolis and aside from Mary Tyler Moore tossing her beret in the air, what else is there to see? Of course, I have always hated the mall scene, working retail in college, so the more that get roasted the better. Anyway, great job and enjoyed the tour. For the record, I'm not crazy about Caribou, but I have had worse.

[@anthonyrau5313]

I am obsessed! Do more of these please!

[@Fabdanc]

I feel so vindicated on my pronunciation of crayon (5:55). I am from Detroit and pronounce crayon as kran. I have been ROASTED my entire life for this pronunciation and no one ever believes me when I say it is a regional pronunciation!

[@cahinton.]

We pronounce it "cran" in Minnesota, too. Clearly an Upper-Midwestern thing.

[@e2theoc]

"Its kinda cute to hear kids have a good time, like they still love life" hahahahah genius 😂😂😂

[@seaduce737]

"What is the ocean?" Had me dieing 🤣

[@candylove1234]

I want you to have your own travel show!!!

[@DNGR369]

Matteo would be the ultimate travel buddy. Anything is boring or underwhelming he just breaks into song and turns your life into a sarcastic musical 👌🤌🤌🤌

[@christinescott5002]

I didn't think you'd be old enough to know about 80's malls!!!! You look so young! Your observations are so spot on!

[@hjdt1]

Thank you this is the light hearted content there should be more of

[@RevdUp.Art.Fotografer]

'UntuckIt', 'I wonder how big he is...', 'He's so square'.... Matteo you never fail to be yourself...and keep at it. BTW Crayola...that is a long 'o' sound... Thank you for showing us the Mall of America. It's interesting...even without Cinnabon

[@rydbthatsme]

Kids having a good time cause they still love life💀

[@saltshaker6552]

i like how this video is 9 minutes long and a solid three minutes on the aquarium

[@markmulac954]

Always enjoyed your honesty about EVERYTHING! SO CUTE TOO

[@dl2725]

If I was a spongebob mall person, I would totally ask everyone to (awkwardly) hug me 😅

[@arthurbridges6155]

Mateo you are really witty funny 🤣 and talented. Your one liners just flow from your mouth naturally. I would watch your show.

[@MyMagic111]

Matteo, this is the crassness that materialism has become. They don't even try to hide it anymore. Thanks for the fun tour of which you were the highlight. Cheers, mate!

[@DeclanWilde10]

Love you. Please continue to make more content. I'm here for it.

[@bigbobut0]

OMG those commercials..."Mom, guess which hand had the newest in disposable douche!"

[@MrThedon11]

“I’m watching a murder mystery and if you call me again you’ll be the next mystery” Lmaoo

[@drewhuso9496]

I'm so mad you made it to my state and I missed you, btw A+ on the roasting of MOA. I would've gay gasped if I saw you (i wouldn't have cause no minnesotan ever goes to MOA) . Good luck on tour!

[@scottgreenberg551]

The snark….the cynicism…..hilarious!

[@EphemeralProductions]

Love it Matteo! This was cute and funny! Do it again sometime. :) 🥰😘😘

[@christopherknight8906]

I love the Royals shirt. I'm from Kansas City I live in Southern California now, and Mateo has to be one of my new favorite. He is absolutely hilarious and very smart.

[@ajmarsh99]

70% of this video: Mall of America sucks the other 30%: LOOK SHARKS!!!

[@Silent_Norseman]

Thank you for roasting my mall, I worked as a janitor at the theme park in high school, so I'm sure you can imagine all the pleasant memories I have of that place. I probably cleaned up a pile of puke by that TMNT ride. Anyways, love your comedy!

[@glennjoselane1690]

I'm a native Chicagoan, and I am addicted to you, Matteo! You are absolutely brilliant, and your humor is priceless! After watching this video, I kept thinking that you remind me of someone, but I couldn't think of who. In bed at 3:00 AM, it hit me! You remind me of Jeffree Star without the wigs! Security!!! LOL!!!

[@KaiLucasZachary]

"It's kind of cute to hear kids having a good time, like they still love life." Hell yeah, if that isn't the truth....