My Experience With Autism

Content warning; while nothing graphic or explicit is mentioned in this video, it does occasionally go to some dark places. I'd advise not watching if you want to avoid such discussion.
Here's a video about my experience with Autism. Growing up with ASD, and learning to live with it now in the years since my diagnosis.
Follow me at: / nocturnalfudj
/ nocturnalfudj
Support me at: / nocturnalfudj
Some (hopefully) helpful Autism resources:
What Is Autism Spectrum Disorder? - www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/fac....
How the DSM - 5 redefined Autism - www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/.... (from 2013)
About ADHD & Autism Spectrum Disorder - chadd.org/about-adhd/adhd-and...
Facts and Statistics about Autism Spectrum Disorder - www.autism-society.org/what-i... (last updated in 2015)
Conditions That Accompany Autism, Explained - www.spectrumnews.org/news/con...
The Horrors of Autism Speaks (by Illuminaughty) - • The Horrors of Autism ...
I own none of the footage used in this video. Footage came from the following sources:
Pokemon Gold footage from ZorZelda - / zorzxx
Spyro Trilogy Footage from TheGamerWalkthroughs - / thegamerwalkthroughs
Crash Trilogy Footage from GamerJGB - / gamerjgb
Sonic Adventure 2 Footage from SonicJGB - / sonicjgb
00:00 - 4:15 Intro
4:15 - 12:12 - What Is Autism?
12:12 - 33:38 - My Experience
33:38 - 39:35 - On The Bright Side

[@NocturnalFudj]

Hey all, I made a bigger, longer follow-up to this video. It can be found here; kzbin.info/www/bejne/aabch5mBbKief6M

[@shaquillecumberbatch6494]

I am also someone who is diagnosed with autism.

[@Uno6012]

@@shaquillecumberbatch6494 I am also someone who is diagnosed with autism

[@JJ-cv1qf]

Thank you

[@weepingdalek2568]

One way I've heard Autism described is like this: It's like you're acting in a play, and everyone has a script except for you, then everyone else gets upset at you for improvising

[@ELECTRICSHEEP94]

Working while being autistic I can say this is pretty legit.

[@NightSwamp]

this

[@porridgeramen7220]

Damn that's a good'un!

[@justsomeoneelse5942]

And everyone thinks you have the script in the first place.

[@arcata6612]

Holy shit iv never heard it summarized this well. Spot on

[@shynx6926]

"getting diagnosed with 16 is very late" *me being in the process of getting diagnosed with 23*

[@ginorincon9183]

*me being 26 and still not officially diagnosed because of being high-functioning*

[@MitsukiNeko7]

I got diagnosed when I was 28. It is never too late to learn more about yourself and the way your brain handles information.

[@smievil]

was trying to find some information about average age of diagnosis and gender differences in diagnosis, mostly find stuff about toddlers, but on webpage seemed to imply that majority of people of either gender was diagnosed during their teens, and surprisingly a bit of a spike somewhere after 50yo. but all attention seem to be put on toddlers or very early childhood, just makes it weirder. don't know if it was any accurate though, it's just the only thing i found about it.

[@JuniperMe]

Haha, yeah I got diagnosed at 33 so... To be fair I knew a long time ago but was working and "passing" at the time so didn't bother to get a diagnosis.

[@TheAtomvinternatt]

Im in the midle of the process right now at the age of 26

[@Casual_PKBeats]

This was a good watch. I briefly majored in Psychology during my short college stint, and even there I was able to grasp just how new that field of science was. Nothing was concrete like you'd see in Physics or Chemistry or anything like that. We only ever learned theories, saw changes being made in almost present time. This is probably the newest form of science out there, and it's also one of the most complex, having to do with the human mind. It's fascinating, but also frustrating just how uncertain everything is. But that doesn't mean we can't stay kind. It's very important for people to grow a sense of tolerance for things that are different than the norm they've been born and raised into, and the only way that sort of tolerance can be obtained is videos like these, where we see real people account their experiences, struggles, and benefits for issues that no one REALLY understands yet. Thank you for sharing!

[@highcaliber350]

Psych major here. I totally agree that it's a fascinating yet frustrating field to try to understand. And I'm only recently starting to realize just how important the stories we tell about ourselves and others actually are.

[@BBWahoo]

That's exactly what I'm saying, don't get too caught up on the small details and just live your best life

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

I'm not a psych student by any means, but I have studied a lot about the history of Autism studies starting from the 1920s (back when it was considered a form of schizophrenia), since that happens to be a disability I have. All I can say is good luck, because that field has a lot of bad baggage that needs unpacking. It's amazing how much of the junk science from back than is still considered fact today.

[@PUCCl_]

On a scale of one to ten how hard is physics

[@MADB0SS]

Never even went to college yet, but it seems so interesting.

[@goronbro7887]

I don't have autism but I find myself repeatedly coming back to this video because of the perspective you provide. I truly mean it when I say this video is inspirational for anyone, you are a seriously talented creator. (Sorry for using the word talented, couldn't think of another word to use lol)

[@autisticbluesloth5244]

what is you profile picture

[@mikuenjoyerXD]

@@autisticbluesloth5244 it's a goron from the Zelda series

[@pikajew3578]

@Raine Draa ''Pray for me, as I take this long and arduous journey to read this left wing meme.''

[@russianbigbird4161]

I'd say understanding is a talent, talent is just the ability to act on wisdom, so in a way I'd say that wisdom in and of itself is talent so I'd say talent is the right word

[@foddlestocks1045]

ive been diagnosed with autism for a while now and i thought a lot of the stuff i went through was unique to me. it turns out you also went through a lot of the stuff i went through, which wierdly makes me feel better. thanks man.

[@artlover9261]

@@Helicopter7 For this type of things, i hate kids. Please, don't use internet, clearly is breaking your brain...

[@joshshrum2764]

Your life was a personalized copy.

[@artlover9261]

@@joshshrum2764 dude, that was cold but true. Fuck, now i'm sad

[@xanethedarkwerehog]

I've been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder since I was 4. So I can relate to others with a similar disorder. People with autism function differently then what's considered normal in society. I've stayed true to myself despite the challenges I've faced in the past. Hope more people will be aware of autism someday.

[@ginorincon9183]

As alone as you sometimes think you are, remember you're not, there are many of us going through this stuff every day even if we don't immediately look like it physically... keep you head up, @Foddle Stocks :)

[@Cinnacal]

You were right: this needed to be made. I’m not on the autism spectrum, but being informed about your experience is invaluable. I think myself and a lot of other people needed to know about this. So thank you. Thank you for this informative, incredible video!

[@failedsocialexperiment2382]

The same should also be done about other neurological conditions, I am autistic from what the psychiatrist told me. It's only human nature to care about the disabled, Humans are and Neanderthals where the only species that shown compassion and selflessness to help members of the family and friend-pack; Neanderthals where not as brutish as what common myths have you believe. Through ecological restoration they've found bones in a cave somewhere in Europe, I believe in Russia, of said Neanderthals who obviously are physically disabled had been found; they cared for and helped the disabled individuals as much as they could.

[@theravenpirate4744]

mmhmm learning about how autism might effect those around me who I know are going through it is immensely valuable

[@spicybreadproductions1972]

Even has an autistic person (well, Aspergers at least) it's great that this exists. It's great to hear that my lack of attention span in schools is normal, it's valuable to hear that females also suffer through this, even if they try to hide it (which seems very uncharacteristic. Males are usually the ones to hide they're pain and irregularities, while females are told to blare out they're every thought. Knowing these irregularities are more valuable then a castle made of gold), it's nice that he's able to live with that fact, and it's also a nice touch that he added his childhood games in the background. A lot of games have effected me emotionally, even some that weren't even a part of my (ongoing) childhood, Sonic the Hedgehog being one of them. The DS is very also nostalgic to me, personally. That royal blue DSi...

[@rickygriffin5589]

Amen this comment right here. I was so uninformed about autism until this video. What an eye opening video. I am ashamed to say I was ignorant until now and will definitely do my fair share of research.

[@CForce]

@@failedsocialexperiment2382 yy⁶6

[@yoontoons]

I'm happy you're talking about this subject, I can tell you're going to help a lot of people who has autism and even those who don't to be more understanding. I haven't shared this but it's no secret, but I have a brother that has autism and when I was young I was rather confused why he did the things he did but as I got older, I tried to be more understanding. I don't get everything still since I haven't been in that situation. It's harder since I can't really have a conversation with him either, I can only really ask how he is and he'll reply with "good!" Or sometimes surprise me with other responses when I try to ask him things which makes me happy, but I wish I could have a deep conversation with him what it's like in his perspective. At least you're sharing your experience makes me understand a bit more even if it's not the same as my brother's, and I'm sure many people will understand better too. :)

[@LaPingvino]

I am pretty high functioning and because I lack reference for most things, I can often still not correctly explain things because things that you find weird are just normal for me. It takes a lot of time, clashing and insights to figure out what and how things are different, and then I need to find a hook, something we have in common, to try to convey it. We only find out through interactions that other people work differently... About having a conversation, I found that a lot of that depends on trying to work with natural elements of who someone is -- so try to hook into your brother's natural communication and you might get a lot further. Just acknowledging what he is up to can help a lot.

[@Hi_My_Names_Ryan]

My sister has autism. She's I guess what you would call high functioning. She just be vibing most of the time. She doesn't speak much unless its something she likes. If someone doesn't bring it up first she'll blurt out something about it lol.

[@abbyception0719]

As a highschooler with a younger sister that has autism and possible autism myself, im grateful for your video on this. My mother, who has an autism mask, sent my sister a very sweet note on her messenger kids about how she and I were the best thing thats ever happened to her. Thank you, mom. If you ever see this. I love you SO much.

[@turtleanton6539]

Great ❤❤❤

[@baglespelledwrong8159]

im autistic but im lucky to have gotten very self aware rather early on so i managed to hold back most of the things i did because of autism

[@om_1332]

Same here. I was always told that I am too quiet because I was so observant in social situations. It’s weird that I can be ahead of some people in some ways but far behind in other ideas of common sense.

[@oegaboy]

Same here, though i have the exact opposite situation as Om _ . I am way too energetic and tend to throw people off because i'm "oversocial". I just like to talk to people to discuss different points of view and i've made many friends because of that. Though i do regret some reactions of people i've talked to. I try to be less direct but it's a battle. I just hope i haven't caused people grief over some things i've said.

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

@@om_1332 same, according to my first year of college I’m pretty good at programming, but I’m horrible at social situations and anything related to reading or English Edit: except I didn’t know I had autism till I was 17 so I was always the “weird kid” until college

[@nabbitgohome9672]

Hi. (Same here)

[@gavin9088]

yep, bullied until highschool when I forced myself to "get it" in regards to social interaction. I still have the urge to repeat the last couple of words in a sentence. And I have to clench my hands sometimes because I hand-flapped when I got excited as a kid.

[@megmoore8681]

I'm autistic and this video nearly brought me to tears, I feel so understood. I think my biggest issue is something called executive dysfunction, and it's impacted my academic performance a lot. I understand the content I've been taught, but I cannot get myself to start or complete assignments on my own, so I've struggled with grades since middle school. I've never been offered any significant help. Everyone just expects me to "get better and stop struggling". I just feel 'broken' sometimes. What you said about "seeming like a normal kid who's just stupid or incompetent" (not exact wording) really hit hard- it's even worse if you are used to masking. That's exactly how people see me. Thanks for this video, it means a lot.

[@arnox4554]

As someone with high-functioning autism, after a shitload of struggling with this same thing (and still more to come in the future! :D) I've finally identified what the hell this is. People who suffer from ASD are said to not handle change very well. This can vary with every person who has it, but there is always that problem in some magnitude. Hence, if something breaks routine, breaks habit, breaks out of your established pattern, or even the threat of it is there, it will cause anxiety and will make you want to avoid that activity or thing. This is personally why I value drive as such a valuable personality trait. It's something I struggle to have and keep and I CONSTANTLY have to kick myself in the ass to do stuff. EVEN SOMETHING I ENJOY. If it's different enough from what I usually do, I get at least a little bit of anxiety about starting it. So, as Raz says in Batman Begins... "Training is nothing. Will is everything." It's amazing how sucky your life can get without that drive. To everyone else who isn't on the spectrum and you have that drive, CHERISH IT.

[@blazefactor6849]

As someone who also has executive dysfunction, I understand so well. The inability to bring yourself to do things despite actively wanting to do them with your entire being is so incredibly frustrating. I'm very lucky in that I'm naturally skilled at schoolwork as a whole, so I didn't have to handle too much academically until the middle of high school, but it's still plaguing me to this day. I've been wanting to take a few classes on music theory recently, but the program I'm taking them through hasn't processed a document that is necessary to start work. It's taken me a full week just to sit down and write a single email to get this shit fixed.

[@AmberyTear]

I am 100% sure that I have that and have been wondering if I am a high-functioning autist for a while... We'll see.

[@pridecat]

i am both autistic and have adhd and i absolutely relate to your experiences!! although i don't mean to undermine them, the executive dysfunction does sound more to me like the latter. i understand there's a lot of overlap so i'm not telling you anything concrete but i just thought i'd mention it. i'm not doubting your autism btw, it's very likely you just deal with both like me and that's cool!!

[@dmgroberts5471]

I feel for you, I can rarely do things until they REALLY need to already be done. And every time, I kick myself: "You knew this was important, you knew bad things would happen if you didn't do it" etc. I have found that the best way to get things done is to focus on how, once it's done, it won't be a Thing I Need To Do anymore, and I won't feel anxious about not having done it. It doesn't always work.

[@alyssav2124]

My husband and I were just recently kicked out of a d&d group, basically, for being autistic. We were acting in ways unintended that we weren't even aware of, and rather than talk to us, everyone went behind our backs and asked the dungeon master to essentially just... get rid of us. I hope this video reaches a lot of neurotypicals and changes their minds about that one weird person they know, or that individual whom they just think is cold or rude. I'm not even 30 yet but I'm just so tired. Living like this is so hard and it's comforting to hear from others who have struggled too. I was so fortunate to have the support of my family, and it's tragic to think that some autists don't even have that. Thanks for talking about this. Best wishes to you

[@robinhoodproductions5102]

that's so evil. D&D is one of those places where you'd at least expect people to have sympathy for neurodivergents and yet here we are excluded from one of the only environments we can try and thrive

[@crimsonlanceman7882]

@@robinhoodproductions5102 the people who were discriminated for their interests discriminate others for their personality. TIME TO RESET THE GENETIC CODE OF MANKIND! EMPEROR, PERMISSION TO FIRE THE PURIFIER. GRANTED. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[@heehokuzunoha7757]

Were they complaining that your acting skills weren't animated and enthusiastic enough or something along those lines? A few of the people I play D&D with like to go really hard in the roleplay

[@pikajew3578]

I think being autistic should be reason enough for forced euthanasia by the state to minimize the suffering on both sides, you are not built for this world and we have no other choice.

[@pikajew3578]

@@crimsonlanceman7882 I hear that a lot when people talk about so-called ''bigoted'' people in nerd spaces and how they were once discriminated and therefore shouldn't be against LGBT or forced diversity diluting their community. It says a lot when you are so insufferable and toxic that even other social outcasts don't want you, maybe have some self-reflection?

[@sunflowersoda58]

As someone that hasn’t been diagnosed but would like to pursue a diagnosis, I just wanted to say how much this video helped me feel better about my struggles, because it helped me see I’m not alone in these struggles I have. Much like you mentioned, the first time I got a job, I could only hold it for three days before I broke down and quit and I felt like such a failure at the time and like there was no way I could survive in this world. And the ‘I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you,’ line was used so many times on me as a child, particularly by my dad and it always upset me. In any case, it’s nice to know there are other people out there that have had some similar experiences and struggles as me and are successful and happy despite or even because of them. I really appreciate you sharing your story. It really does help people!

[@jonahhoward5109]

Daniel Radcliffe (of "Swiss Army Man" fame) is something that i imagine daniel radcliffe would really like to hear

[@raioh4747]

best laugh I had all day lol great movie too

[@EthansSpace]

Great film

[@asakurawhyte4320]

Swiss Army Man is my loveee

[@kingpotato7183]

Great film

[@brandonw6139]

Of Harry Potter fame*

[@Aidenkun64]

Thank you. As someone with Autism, I'm very glad to have heard about your experiences.

[@joshshrum2764]

Sometimes i feel like i have it to, but i have never been diagnosed with it, though i have muscular dystrophy, and possibly some OCD, so if i have it i am really fucked up, which i am okay with if I’m honest i would rather be autistic then being muscular disfunctional.

[@acheronXcomplex]

We share a lot of subs.

[@Aidenkun64]

@@acheronXcomplex Holy shit we do

[@lukemayes5007]

As someone who's undiagnosed, but certain they're autistic, it's nice to know that there are other people with similar experiences out there. In fact, half way through your video I was wanting to leave a long comment citing my own experiences and thoughts, but you covered everything I have to say. I think I'll use this to explain things to those who are close to me. This video is sure to be impactful to many people, and I'm at a loss for words at how much I appreciate it. Thanks for the video.

[@dontspikemydrink9382]

how do you feel about their views on self diagnosing

[@inzomniacZz]

I'm 23 and still need my mom for general things like going to stores etc. I struggle in paying attention to my surroundings or with directions. I need someone to walk me through things thoroughly or I get lost and frustrated. So I obviously had a hard time in school. I had trouble talking to people, I had to get speech therapy and it didn't help much. So other kids and people generally looked down on me, I ended up having to be put in different "special" classes due to how I am. I grew up feeling stupid and the reaction of my environments fueled that, school, family, etc they pushed me out. I ended up closing into myself, depression and anxiety set in and did everything I could to get out of things. In the end I ended up dropping out of school and gave up on myself. There were attempts and thoughts but finally I got the help I needed and they finally diagnosed me. I've gone back to school and graduated, recently got surgery to help my health. I've finally accepted who I was and found ways to work around it, I'm living again.

[@paidi855]

God same. Fucking same. I'm glad it's getting better for you though man, I'm glad you feel alive and like your own person now. I desire to get to that point.

[@bobfranklin8898]

Godspeed. You'd be surprised how remarkable that feat alone is, even to those without autism. You should be proud of yourself fam fr.

[@notaurea]

Despite thinking I'm a neurotypical, I really relate to the first half of your comment; so, my entire heart goes out to you. You can do it!!!!

[@NocturnalFudj]

Hi everyone. I hope the fact that this video is monetised doesn't prove to be a point of controversy. If I could afford to not have done so, trust me I would - but eh, your boy's gotta make a living somehow, especially when the almighty algorithm doesn't seem to be his biggest fan lately, lmao This was originally going to be the topic for my eventual 75k sub special some day down the line, but I figured the topic was a bit too important to "wait" for a certain milestone to talk about, especially considering that that milestone seems a fair way away. What will that eventual sub special be about now when that day comes? Who knows? At the very least it seems I've got more than enough time to figure it out Not much left to say for now other than that I hope this video achieves the desired effect. Back to the gaffes next time :) As always, Song List: 00:00 - 04:14: National Park (Pokemon Heart Gold/Soul Silver) 4:15 - 7:47: The Village Without Memories (Opoona) 7:48 - 12:12: Turbine Trouble (Tidal) (Yooka-Laylee & The Impossible Lair) 12:13 - 19:20: File City (Night) (Digimon World: Next Order) 19:21 - 24:29: Valak Mountain (Night) (Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition) 24:30 - 29:05: Corridors of Time (Chrono Trigger) 29:06 - 33:37: Seashore War (Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze) 33:38 - 39:35: Forest of the Noppon (Night) (Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition)

[@playboigecko983]

Even though you are on the spectrum, you are one of the smartest youtubers I know

[@baukevankampen782]

Well I couldn't get through the first 3 minutes because of you stand against autism jokes. they are funny jokes edit: I'm getting a lot of hate but I do self have autism

[@usernamesarestupid]

Just starting out the video, and as recommended I did put this on in the background whilst doing chores - I did notice glancing to my phone half way through to see some text to further explain or clarify statements, and I do wish this was brought up prior. Regardless, I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of what you have to say here P.S. get that bag

[@NocturnalFudj]

@@baukevankampen782 Haha wowee please never watch any of my videos again!!

[@Ramzienator]

@@baukevankampen782 Mafkees

[@nerdymidwesterner3662]

This video means so much to me as a 17 year old high schooler with autism. I've always been pretty decent academically, but keeping up with my school work has always been a struggle. Socializing has also been a struggle, I've had my friend group, but I still have had thoughts of how weird I was that I can't control. I also had that condition where I'd repeat the last word of every sentence in a dialogue, and I felt so insecure about it. However this video really puts my mind at peace, knowing that I'm not alone, knowing that someone out there has had similar social problems as I do. The last section of the video is what I really needed, I cried listening to it, feeling a great glimmer of hope for the future. Thank you Fudj, this was truly a beautiful video to listen to, I look forward to watching more of your exemplary videos in the future.

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

Hey, I’m 22 and lemme tell you, everything gets so much better after high school. Like, high school was so horrible

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

Yeah I’m actually more close to my high school friends now than I was in high school. It doesn’t help I was in an abusive relationship for the last 2 years I was in high school, where I was not allowed to hang out with anybody at all. Now I still really struggle to make friends but it’s nothing like being a kid. I would say hi to someone and they would say I was weird and straight up refuse to talk to me or purposely tease me for being alone. Now people think Im ok looking so they usually at least listen to the first thing I say even though they usually don’t care. I got called horrible names all the time in person and online by random people AND people who I thought were my friends in school but I now realize just liked to make fun of me and take advantage of me. If I could change one thing it would be that I wouldn’t have let my loneliness force me to hangout with awful people, I am permanently scarred from what they did.😞

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

@Matt I’m glad high school wasn’t bad for you, I wish I could say the same lmao. I’m sorry college wasn’t as good, I go to a college that specializes in having students with disabilities so that makes a huge difference, both academically and the people who you meet are more like me and you. Congrats on getting your license! People act like it’s no biggie but that’s a huge deal. That’s awesome you got it. (I don’t have mine idk when I’ll ever get it)

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

@Matt yeah I only use KZbin now people on twitter and Facebook are mean, I used Instagram when I was a teenager and it brought down my self esteem due to all the perfect girls and being directly compared to them constantly in real life by any guy I was interested in. Like litterally being shown a picture and saying "you need to look more like her" when in reality the girl in the picture doesnt even look like that in real life. But that's not to say Instagram is bad, I just have never been able to use it again after that. Glad we can have a conversation, staying at home 24/7 for a year and in lonely as hell to be honest. Dont know a single person in any of my zoom classes

[@angelwhite7722]

I'm also 17 and autistic too!

[@NickyNicklass]

I don't have autism myself, but i have multiple friends who do have it. So I'm watching this to try and understand them more. I sometimes feel like i'm criticizing them for something they have no power over, and i really want to be a good friend. Props to you for making this video!

[@Xeromm]

To those of you who were diagnosed early, I envy you a little. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 19 (this was 2004, when it was still Asperger's), and even then, the full gravity didn't start setting in until I was in my early 30s. My parents were trying to help, but mom has her own health problems and my older sister has Down's Syndrome. (I have joked that some doctor somewhere might love to study our family). Transitioning from school to work was the hardest thing in my life, and the Bachelor's degree I got a little later didn't help either. I spent years living with my parents (paying rent!), trying to get enough income to move out. And often I have felt like I'm perpetually 10 years behind in life. However, I finally managed to get a job that's a good fit for me, it pays well, and I moved into my own house two years ago. (An apartment was a disaster, but I won't bore you with that story). To those of you who are younger, and either know or suspect you have ASD, now is the time to prepare. Learn about yourself, your limits. Learn what you can push, what you can adapt, and what to avoid. Life can and will be hard, but it's possible to become better, and to become more than what we or others might think of ourselves.

[@wolfiethehedgehog3900]

Thank you! I will try to remember this, as someone who has Asperger’s. =) Take care.

[@om_1332]

I have autism, 16, and I used to do the “last word of a sentence” thing too, when I was excited!

[@marz8386]

Are you talking about palilalia? I've had that issue for my entire life as well. I'm not diagnosed, but I display a lot of symptoms that make me think I might be autistic.

[@THEGREATMAX]

90% of the people on the internet outside of social media are autistic.

[@rhettmitchell]

Same omg I thought it was just me

[@THEGREATMAX]

@Miranda cutie animations KZbin works backwards. If you come to the comment section, there's actually MORE chance you're autistic lmao

[@theentiretyofisis912]

@@THEGREATMAX powerful

[@mitchellmdl7278]

This is very enlightening. As someone who has ADHD, hearing someone with similar mental related issues has really been a real learning experience. Thank you for sharing this

[@EpicPrawn]

You cried at having to move up to secondary school? Well I cried at the end of a Fudj video. This really meant a lot to me, and the ending was something I didn't know I needed to hear. Thank you.

[@gorboobus9292]

Yeah, I got diagnosed with high-functioning autism around 1st grade, along with ADHD. It's got it's pros and cons, but the number of people that take certain mannerisms like short-term memory loss, which I sadly have to deal with, is appalling. Imagine struggling to pay attention, remember things, or find the motivation to do things, and then be dismissed as lazy or uncaring. Also, it turns out that I either have symptoms of autism that appear to be OCD, or I have undiagnosed OCD. And on top of all of that, my dad just dismisses my disorders. Most of it has to do with him being a conspiracy theorist that doesn't believe in mental conditions, so that sucks. Anyways, I'm glad that people like me are addressing this subject. Not only is it cathartic, but hearing about other's experiences with autism is surprisingly engaging. P.S. So, I finished the video. Nearly every point that you stated in this video, whether it be an experience, a symptom, etc., I can point to at least on example in my life where I had the same thing, especially near the end. P.P.S. (ha, pp) Also, more people like you need to address autism. You have the right amount of humor to it, while also just having a good voice for this.

[@gganbp]

As far as I know I'm not autistic, but this video was very eye-opening. It's really nice to see content creators like you doing this effort to help people understand more about it and to relate to autistic people. Love your channel, amazing work as always dude

[@captainhades1583]

While I haven’t been diagnosed I think it’s important that people with autism speak for themselves, thank you for this video.

[@BramLastname]

You don't need to be diagnosed to say that, In fact I prefer to not know wether you are or not. But I'm obviously aware of why you said it this way.

[@smievil]

"speak for themselves" but it's not like people listen...

[@murphycreationsvideos]

So true, I too should share my autism experience on KZbin, it's gonna be a long one.

[@murphycreationsvideos]

@@smievil So true

[@CoolWeegee123]

As a person diagnosed with autism and ADHD, it’s not an easy life but I have a lot of friends who still accept me and treat me the same way they do with everyone else. My medication helps me focus and stay that way.

[@tenderchris]

The paranoid feelings you described of "not looking autistic" to a neurotypical person is something I've felt so much since my diagnosis, and I appreciate you explaining your story. It's so important for people to understand that Autism looks different in many people. Just because you can't "see" someone's disability, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Sometimes people on the Autism spectrum with the best "masks" are covering up the deepest suffering.

[@tf2_engineer_real]

Can we take a second to appreciate how well edited this video is? As an amateur editor I like to pay attention to how a video is edited and this is really well edited

[@oktopud606]

Engineer gaming

[@die-go0394]

I’m glad you made this video. I got diagnosed with autism when I was 13 and I always knew there was a something weird about me. I was extremely insecure and I’d get mentally drained very easily and I was forgetful and had anxiety. I talked to myself a lot and would often run a lot for o reason.I was called weird and stupid throughout middle school. My mom desperately wanted me to do sports and go outside more but I was too shy and scared of being judge to do so. I felt suicidal and wanted to die everyday. I wished I didn’t have autism and was “normal”. And Covid made it worse for me. But fortunately I learned to except myself (somewhat) and love myself. This video gave me hope and made me realized that there are more people like me and that I can do this. I’m 17 now and I hope I get a job. Thank you🙏🏽

[@stoneapollyon8313]

you deserve a hug.

[@JersAltAccount]

My experience with autism has been similar. I was diagnosed at age 11 or 12 (I don't recall which), in part because I tended to be a bit reclusive and avoid social situations and the outdoors (not to mention a myriad of other somewhat odd behaviors, such as an obsession with playing with stuffed animals). For a long time (since age 5, if I'm not mistaken), I'd frequently become depressed to the extent of being suicidal. I'd also talk to myself, have panic attacks where I'd repeatedly hit myself in the head while sobbing uncontrollably, nervously pace around a room or tap my fingers on a desk, and exhibit other signs of some mental condition with which I wasn't familiar. It was incredibly remedial to learn that this amalgamation of symptoms from disorders I was aware of, such as depression/bipolar disorder, actually had a name. I still experience these same symptoms occasionally, but I've improved quite a bit over the past few years. Anyways, I hope your job search goes well!

[@die-go0394]

@@JersAltAccount thanks! And I hope you learn to control and improve yourself more!

[@thelittlethings-establishe245]

Good luck man. You'll need it.

[@cobalt7248]

Congrats on discovering your levels of self-awareness.. Oh, and good luck, you'll need it!

[@PixelaGames2000]

As a 21 year old woman with autism I can totally relate to some of the stuff you’ve said about your experience Like this one time I was in church and there was so much noise of people talking and laughing it got me so worked up to the point we’re I had an anxiety attack so my mom took me into a quiet room to cool down Also all my life I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in with the rest of the world So I pretty much just stay in my own bubble my own little world this is why I play video games and watch cartoons and animation to escape from reality not only because it’s sad and cruel but also because I just feel like I don’t fit in Also I have dyslexia and epilepsy So I often had trouble reading And I wasn’t able to look at flashing lights for very long because that would trigger a seizure At some point I wanna make my own sort of animated videos talking about my experience with autism and epilepsy and dyslexia along with other things so basically like a story time animation kind of thing Also I my be 21 but I still have yet to learn how to cook I don’t have a job because people with autism have trouble finding jobs that suit them Heck I can’t even drive a car because of my epilepsy Also I too had trouble in secondary school or middle school in 5th grade my teachers we’re just terrible to me it got so bad to the point we’re I almost committed suicide without even knowing what suicide was at the time luckily my dad stopped be before I could do anything and so my parents dropped me out of school and from then on I was home schooled I’ll get into more detail on these stories in my own videos For now all I can say is thank you for video my friend and thank you for sharing your story

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

I’m 29 and was diagnosed at 2. I don’t have epilepsy or Dyslexia but I do know what it’s like to not fit in and to have a reality crisis that makes me wanna stay in my bubble. Herpetology was one of my biggest fixations growing up and I never really had commonalities with my peers and friends back in school because my interests were so peculiar. Thankfully, I can carry a conversation with more people now because my spectrum of interests and fixations is a lot broader. I love video games, superhero movies, Hentai/Harem/Fantasy Anime, reading epic romance/fantasy books, Pokémon, zoology, paleontology, astronomy, astrophysics, omniversal theorizing, dimensional/quantum physics, set theory, colors, and above all... writing and the concept of omnipotence. I’m a creative writer who writes about omnipotent gods and goddesses of my own making, Deities who possess the capacity for universal, eternal love. I didn’t like going to church either for the same reason. I get easily overstimulated if there’s a lot going on, I struggle with maintaining my hygiene, controlling my impulsive behaviour, and managing my finances. I’ll completely zone out into my own lala land if I find my current settings to be boring, and spend nearly every waking hour completely immersed in my epic power fantasies, stories, and characters. So believe me; I know how you feel and want to reassure you that you’re not alone. If you ever wanna talk I’m always willing to listen.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

Oh! Forgot to mention I have the weird textural issues as well! 😅

[@ReagwinplaysRPGs]

You should’ve continued with public school so that way you had a place to make friends. You don’t make any friends while getting home schooled. You should’ve just kept going to public school.

[@MASTEROFEVIL]

What would your cartoon be about?

[@coffintears5821]

@@ReagwinplaysRPGs i dont need friends they dissapoint me

[@PigmanMovie]

I grew up diagnose with autism, however before I was 15 years old, I never really been told that I had autism, so I spend 15 years growing up trying to be like neurotypical People's, and I often hate Myself when I wasn't able to be like Them, before My Mom randomly said to Me when I was 15 that I had autism. After learning that I had autism, it feels kinda peaceful, because I no longer call Myself an idiot when having difficulty on some aspect that neurotypical People's find easy, I'm not an idiot, I'm just built differently.

[@avocadeous]

Similar story honestly. For the first 3 years of my school life I observed people to see how they worked, and slowly built up a fake persona and added to it as I grew up. I’m 13 now and only 1/3 of my friends know I have it because “I hide it so well”

[@unusedaccount6720]

I relate to the story. I'm a night person, i can't sometimes understand some stuff and i am really bad at sports (i also inhereted this from my father), etc. I thought i just was an extroverted enthuastic girl nothing else, and i believed i was nt. I always had to go places (therapy) and i didn't knew why, i stimmed "too much" until i was told i had autism and it was time after ppl bullied me in hs. I know do anything to gross out or make people laugh, i don't have more propose honestly.

[@BigBait12]

This hits really close to home. Thank you for making this video. I'm not officially diagnosed with autism, I have been diagnosed ADHD, but I've been told by a few different specialists that they believe that I have autism. The part where you talk about other people's perception of autism, especially people thinking you're faking it for sympathy because you look otherwise ordinary is the most relatable frustrating thing. The more you try to improve yourself the more it feels like you're faking it, it really makes you doubt yourself. I'm just glad I'm not alone, thank you.

[@smievil]

maybe it's just neurodevelopmental disorder with slightly more focus on communication or attention

[@parlinmains]

ADHD can present very similarly. It affects the same areas of the brain.

[@littleleakyleakythere]

adhd and autism are cousins :) they present similarly and have some overlapping symptoms. they also show up together quite often! im autistic and have adhd, and everyone other autistic person i know with the exception of 1 also has adhd.

[@bamboy420]

I'm glad you're helping bring out autism awareness! I've lived with high functioning autism, and people online using autism as a slur really grinds my gears.

[@64hypershadow]

As I watch this video, i think more about how my teachers in school might have known I was autistic, but never said anything. Just quietly accommodated to my needs. I feel grateful for them trying to help me, even though I might never be able to thank them for it.

[@cheesewrap]

As a female who’s been dealing with aspergers for 18 years so far, (as I was diagnosed when I was little) I relate with so much of this, I was forced by teachers to act “normal,” I was yelled at for a year by an assistant teacher (in middle school) because I told her how aspergers is different from reading disorders (she couldn’t grasp that concept I guess??), I didn’t learn how to take showers and put on clothes by myself until I was in high school, I have to move and do things with my hands all the time, I could never pay attention, I had experienced so many sensory overloads, I shut down all the time and stare into nothing while kids laughed at me, I would act weird on purpose to get attention at some points as kids would laugh, I barely had any friends throughout elementary/middle to chill so I did anything to garner attention. I didn’t go to school for two years because of the anxiety I got in middle school, so I’m still in school for two more years and my friends have all graduated or are all in college. Registering people and expressions was also something that was tricky, I’ve gotten better about it, but it’s not definitely not easy, it’s also hard to know when people are upset, or angry at me until they actually say it out loud, I still deal with that, but surprisingly it’s easy to tell if I can trust someone or not. My older brother actually has autism and was diagnosed very young as well, he couldn’t stay in pe, he ran away from school, he still needs help getting the bath ready, he can’t take showers, he can have conversations but it has to be about things he’s interested in like plants and video games, and I can tell he’s a lot more delayed than I am since his is more severe. This video hit me so hard by the end, I honestly started writing this at the beginning as I was watching and started to cry when you got to your experience. I don’t know what I’d do if my family didn’t completely understand or didn’t have autism at all because my family is all on the spectrum including my mom. Knowing you can’t do almost anything a neurotypical person can do, such as work or be able to do school hurts and I feel so much guilt for it, I feel like I’ll let my parents down for doing nothing but draw, play video games, and collect stuffed animals; sometimes I’m scared I won’t be able to live by myself, and I often times have troubles communicating to the people I love including my bf, I always shut down for no specific reason and can’t speak to him. I make him feel worse due to my shutdowns, I can’t speak, my minds racing and I start crying, my mind pins me down and forces me to shut up. There’s so much more I could say, but Thank you for making this video. Whenever I feel sad, I’m going to rewatch this video just to remind myself that I can make it through this and accept myself.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

I’m 29 and was diagnosed with high functioning autism at 2. I know what it’s like to not fit in and to have a reality crisis that makes me wanna stay in my bubble. Herpetology was one of my biggest fixations growing up and I never really had commonalities with my peers and friends back in school because my interests were so peculiar. And holy crap, I did that same weird shit to garner attention for the exact same reason! Thankfully, I can carry a conversation with more people now because my spectrum of interests and fixations is a lot broader. I love video games, superhero movies, Hentai/Harem/Fantasy Anime, reading epic romance/fantasy books, Pokémon, zoology, paleontology, astronomy, astrophysics, omniversal theorizing, dimensional/quantum physics, set theory, colors, and above all... writing and the concept of omnipotence. My IQ is off the charts, I’m hyper-aware, hyper-empathetic, and hyper-fixative, I have ADD and OCD as well as slight depression and anxiety. Despite my struggles however, I have managed to maintain my sunniest optimism for many years now and am at a really good place in my life. I don’t know if I’ll be able get a job and hold it but I’m going to try once Covid is over with. I can’t drive, but luckily I have people in my family who can and who are very accommodating to my uniqueness and special needs. I’m no good at understanding social cues, am unashamedly true to myself and my heart, and overshare to the point of embarrassment for others. My general mood is really, manically happy, but being around negative people can and does effect my mood because of my hyper-empathy. I’m extremely impressionable and gullible, often too quick to trust, and have been taken advantage of because of it. I get stuck/hyper-fixated on the people I’m closest too in the same manner as my fixations, and while I’m the most loyal friend you’ll ever know because of that trait my overzealous tendencies have cost me certain friendships in recent years causing me to develop abandonment issues with the friends I have now. I’m a creative writer who writes about omnipotent gods and goddesses of my own making, Deities who possess the capacity for universal, eternal love. I live and love vicariously through my stories and characters and have never known romantic love IRL, so you having a boyfriend is something you have over me, lol. I get easily overstimulated if there’s a lot going on, I struggle with maintaining my hygiene, controlling my impulsive behaviour, and managing my finances. I’ll completely zone out into my own lala land if I find my current settings to be boring, and spend nearly every waking hour completely immersed in my epic power fantasies, stories, and characters because reality is shit. So believe me; I know how you feel and want to reassure you that you’re not alone. If you ever wanna talk I’m always willing to listen. 😊

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

I also have deeply rooted textural issues.

[@cheesewrap]

@@ThomasCurrie1024 I fucking feel so much of that! Especially the hyper fixation on r34 and all that, I’m an artist who draws my emotions out, but sadly I wish my bf lived close to me as he lives a whole country away.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

@@cheesewrap Cool! I would give anything to be able to draw tbh! Sadly, one of my autistic traits is that I have fine and gross motor impairment, so while I loved drawing as a kid I could never get my hands to work for me.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

@@cheesewrap I love r34 tbh, and have thought about commissioning artists to draw hentai for my characters. :D

[@Owencoylemusic]

Hey buddy. I just wanna say well done. As an autistic person myself, I can relate with your struggles. When I was a kid in primary school I was almost always punished for being too loud in class (laughing, yelling etc). I got diagnosed at age 10 and attended local social groups in my area. When I was around 11 years old I met this kid from a completely different primary school as we were given a tour of the new secondary school we were going to. That kid was my friend for about 4 years until one day from 5th year all the way until the end of 6th year, he would bully me verbally and call me retarded. He evolved into not liking me for some reason. It was like an anime arc to me. Here's the plot twist: he had Asperger's! As I left for college, I cut him out of my life. As for where I am now, I'm currently working with fellow young adults with disabilities teaching primary school children music. I am really happy with the person I am and I'm also happy you are too!

[@gozillatheape2461]

I’m also autistic and was diagnosed at around 10-11 years old. I had a couple of “friends” from around 1st grade to 5th grade who randomly started horribly bullying me (mostly verbally, but they’d occasionally hit me, too). It was really painful and hard to accept that they weren’t my friends anymore, especially since I’m not very social and have only ever had a few friends at a time, so they were basically my entire social circle. But since cutting them out of my life, I’ve made new friends and I’m generally much better off. I’m sorry to hear you had a similar experience, though. (Also, while I don’t think either of my friends turned bullies had ASD themselves, they did both have family issues going on at the time).

[@repulsethemonkey1396]

I also have experienced at school classmates who started out friendly towards me and then suddenly turned on me. It was really confusing. I always wondered what I did to make them suddenly dislike me. Especially cuz it seemed to come outta nowhere. To this day I still don't know what their problem was. Elementary to high school i have always encountered at least one of these people.

[@Trianull]

I'm currently in the place where a good amount of guilt has set in. I'm almost an adult yet have put off getting a driver's license in fears of somehow seriously hurting myself while driving, which leads to even more fear of not being able to properly live on my own, and it's a downward spiral. Being told so much to not make excuses when I was younger got to my head and now I've got a pretty low self-esteem, where any kind of self-praise feels egotisitcal and immoral, which makes it hard to keep hope. Around once a year I'll also get burned out on things like schoolwork which again makes me fear not being able to sustain a job as an adult. I hope that I'll be able to use my creativity and skills to good use but it's hard to believe it'll be a reality.

[@SantanaBanana47]

Just keep working on improving. Mistakes are part of the process. Failure doesn't define you.

[@rarewaffle3531]

I'm not diagnosed as autistic and I don't think I am, but despite having a driver license the thought of driving around and risk hurting someone terrifies me. I think it's common among people

[@princesspiranha]

Don't worry too much about the job thing! School is really different. I myself had a hard time with school and college, exhausted, migraine 3 times a week was normal. But at my internship I got the space to experiment with time schedules. I worked for 6 hours a day, for three days in the week. Not much, but hey, it worked perfectly for me! It might still be a struggle and long journey to find the right job for you. So if you can find your strengths or weaknesses, it will be easier to find the right job. For example: Less hours a day, but still 5 days a week. Or 8 hours a day work, but for 3 days in a week. Office environment? Or do you need to be seperate sometimes? Or maybe you need to be outdoors and do physical work. Long story, oops! But my point is: Don't worry about jobs and work too much! Because I did, but it's not fair. I'm 30 now, did find my place. It's all about finding the right place (maybe with help from others!) so that you can enjoy and sustain a job without being tired/burned out/depressed. I wish you best of luck!

[@repulsethemonkey1396]

My first real job was as a temp for holiday seasons in a warehouse. Holidays = overtime so almost every day I did work, it was 10 hours shifts. My knees weren't the same after that. Honestly I stopped going, i was afraid of making my knees even worse. As for driving, I am terrified of it and have not been able to find a teacher. I'm also afraid of hurting someone or getting hurt myself. People in my life have tried to teach me by suddenly pulling over just outside my neighborhood and forcing me to drive the rest of the way home. I couldn't bring myself to accelerate to a normal speed or sometimes at all. Didn't help that when I didn't have the steering wheel straight enough and drove just a bit too close to a parked car, I'd get "WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?", (from my sister) even after they assured me before setting off that they were right there to help steer or whatever. It was already stressful without the yelling. I won't say how old I am but I am embarrassed that I can't drive at my age.

[@MASTEROFEVIL]

Same

[@SnowWolfAlpha]

As a fellow weird kid and weird adult, I can relate. I was an extremely quiet kid who was easily overwhelmed and was eventually diagnosed with Aspergers at thirteen. It was like everyone was passing a secret rulebook around about social interactions and I was the only one who didn't get it. I remember a Monday at school where everyone was talking about a party and at first I wasn't upset because I was used to it until I found out a former friend had been invited. A friend who was moved to a different class after a series of violent angry outbursts and yet he was still more socially acceptable than me. That brought me to tears. I also had to take rescue remedy due to anxiety. I understand the guilt all too well as an adult. I've struggled with depression most of my adult life after my Mum's husband ruined any self-esteem I had by calling me worthless, my mum constantly questioning why I'm not over this and that I have nothing to be depressed about, my dad telling me to ask if the doctor has any new medication for Aspergers. I applaud you for having so much empathy for your family and for forgiving them, which is something I struggle to do.

[@repulsethemonkey1396]

In my early and mid 20s i had a friend group of 3 other people. One was my OG best friend from elementary, one was my good friend from junior high, and the last was the one I was least familiar with/close to so we were more like acquaintances. (We hung out in hs too among some other people but eventually it was down to the 4 of us and I was just glad to have that many) At some point they would start to make plans without me with each other and sometimes along with others, and when they mentioned things like going camping or just chillin at each other's houses, I was jealous and hurt. Honestly it still hurts to think about even though i haven't been friends with them since 2018. My best friend eventually split from them too not long after I did, thank God. Now in my late 20s I just get left out of whatever plans my mom makes with her friend and my sister (her fav). I don't like spending time with them anyways but i still wanna be thought of, yknow? Secondly, i have also been repeatedly called worthless by my mom's husband (mainly because I didn't do the dishes). It's an oddly specific thing to relate to

[@megamillion5852]

​@@repulsethemonkey1396It may be odd, but as an odd person, I can relate. For me, it was most recently the backyard. Got dehumanized something fierce for that one, and by the same culprit, no less. Mum's husband, always.

[@marigoldmusic33]

My entire family laughs at me all the time they also say "were laughing with you" so dude thank you it feels amazing to know i can relate with somebody this well

[@emilegoulard265]

I don't know how you do it. You seamlessly, time after time after time, touch my heart in wondrous ways with your insightful words. Your cheekiness mixed with your more intellectual videos just inspire me on many different levels that I can't even fully explain yet, to be honest. All I can say is you make my day better in some capacity, it doesn't matter what video it is, it is the heart that you put into it which makes my day better. It proves that you have become one of my favorite people on this soggy, disingenuous, bloated mess of a platform. Thank you for this video, I will definitely let other people know about this video so they can have a look (even if they're not into video games lol)

[@NocturnalFudj]

This might be my new favourite comment I've ever received, thank you so much :))

[@PhantomBunny888]

Doctors: let's tell the people with the disorder that makes them dislike ambiguity and need very detailed explanations/instructions they have a vague, all-encompassing 'spectrum' disorder, I'm sure they won't spend their lives questioning every second of themselves This is a fantastic video that's just a great primer in general on autism and I'll definitely be sharing it. I related so much with your experiences in working it made me kinda emotional; I'm sure most autistic people have thought "everyone else can do so much more, so why can I barely do anything?" at some point. Your ending message is something all of us on the spectrum should hear.

[@elijahechicagobearsboyd5734]

A doctor told my parents when I was 3 that I was a vegetable and would never fit in...

[@vvd_]

As someone who was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (and ADHD) in 2010 at the age of 6, I'm glad more people with this kind of platform are starting to discuss such a nuanced topic in a more candid and down to earth fashion. Thank you Fudj, this video is one that I've personally connected with more than anything on this platform in a long time.

[@rubensdungeon8171]

Thank you Fudj, I’m currently 16 and I’m being tested for autism. If I were to be diagnosed I am very high functioning but when I was first told I might have Aspergers I felt so validated, angry, sad, happy I felt so many emotions hit me at once. A rush of bad and traumatic experiences kept hitting me and it just felt like all the puzzle pieces fit into place. For once in my life I have felt understood. A lot of other things have been going on with my life and you are someone I aspire to be like one day and you posting this video really helps. Thank you

[@mitchlmitten5874]

“I come up with about 30 or so jokes every video and none of them have to do with making fun of marginalized people. You should try it sometime. It’s not that hard when you have even the most basic understanding of what comedy really is.” Cannot be stressed enough, lol. As a fellow person with ASD, thanks you! These kinds of videos always make me feel less alone.

[@rhettmitchell]

That part was fucking legendary

[@dutchdykefinger]

true, but calling someone a sperglord for giggles can still be funny i call myself a sperglord and a spastic all the time.

[@jorgem1195]

I mean comedy is subjective so... he has a point, but so do others as well

[@BitterTast3]

I disagreed with that part. Autistic people have the right to be made fun of just like everyone else.

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

As a girl with autism, I’m gonna have to correct you: Girls don’t “show less symptoms” or hide them better, the diagnosis process is literally made for men. They have not taken women into account at all when making the diagnosis guidelines and they don’t give a shit about educating people about it, so majority of women and girls with autism are NEVER diagnosed or get diagnosed in their 30s. I’m lucky to have gotten mine at 17 I don’t mean to sound angry at you, this is a great video, but the sheer amount of sexism that negatively affects my life is infuriating

[@NocturnalFudj]

I do apologise, it's the one thing I'd change about the video atm if I could. I had read from multiple sources that Autism in girls is 4 times less common than in boys, but knowing numerous girls with Autism - I should have been able to pull the subtext out of this stat and said "it's much harder for girls to get diagnosed than boys for numerous reasons, and so currently Autism is 4 times more common in boys than girls according to most records, though this is very likely to a biased diagnosis process and not due to as many girls as just not having it." I don't know how or when, but someday down the line I'll brooch this subject in another video so that people don't have to feel excluded, you have my word

[@failedsocialexperiment2382]

I got diagnosed at age 18 with high functioning autism. When I was 13 year's old I wanted to try out babysitting, as a male, these strange interests confused me. I enjoy videogames, digitally painting and as I been discovering throughout I can confirm that I fall romantically and other emotions towards 8 year old characters in fiction, fantasy and suchlike; I always thought my deep, affectionate love towards the cute and adorable was the most girly thing a boy could experience though as I am about 22 years old I have been figuring out that many men in a gay relationship take on the mother role, essentially. My first big, fantasy crush is 8 year old Nick Wilder; I don't know why he just is significantly better as a child, adults don't interest me hardly to none-what-so-ever.

[@theentiretyofisis912]

@@failedsocialexperiment2382 So being a shotacon is a sign of autism?

[@zaarongaming8174]

There is a diagnostic bias, but that doesn't refute the notion that girls show less symptoms of autism than boys. There's good evidence that this is the case, as children inherit autism from non-autistic mothers more often than non-autistic fathers, and it takes more neural mutations for girls to develop autism. It seems that girls are better than boys at minimizing the effects of autism.

[@smievil]

think professionals may just be bad at diagnosing it in general. or anecdotes seem to imply guys tend to have issues getting diagnosed as well but people don't seem to make a big deal out of it. or i don't think girls should be harder to diagnose, and people speculating that they would be better at masking, when people get dismissed cause they made eye contact or have friends seem like complete bs..

[@poombly4352]

I am also on the autism spectrum and I greatly appreciate this video. I'm 19 and participating in a post education program to make up for credit which I had missed in secondary school for personal reasons. I'm not really sure what I want to do yet but your words gave me hope for my future.

[@sabbyblue]

I can relate to a lot of these, while I've never been officially identified in the spectrum I'm most definitely trans. The way dysphoria has creeped through every aspect of my life, and the identity/paranoia/guilt aspects really resonated with me. Amazing video!

[@bilong92]

I'm 28 and female and just now looking into getting an autism diagnosis and it's been quite the journey. The dyspraxia stuff is interesting and also seems like just another off shoot of asd. Self diagnosis is definitely not ideal but professionals aren't perfect and there's no magic test or brain scan that will tell you definitively what you have, so I don't think we can throw out self identification to some degree as long as the systems we have are so flawed (and they're also inaccessible - my assessment is thousands of dollars and only partially covered by insurance). In any case, really great video, the spyro stuff was very soothing, also a game of my childhood.

[@taothekoraenchanter1503]

im 27 and have a lot of these signs. i might go to a specialist myself

[@theentiretyofisis912]

LONDON O N D O N

[@jackadamson7441]

This video is so therapeutic to me just hearing someone else’s unique experience on there life with autism and me seeing what one autism person as in common to another Thank you

[@joshshrum2764]

It’s literally better than seeing a actual therapist.

[@cathrsys9584]

@@joshshrum2764 cheaper too

[@ryanleatigaga7596]

This popped up in my recommended, and you seem like a really cool guy, AND I'm on the autism spectrum, so I'm gonna share my experiences with autism! Growing up, I felt envious about how people knew stuff that I just didn't know. It's like everyone had the instructions to build a Lego set and I didn't. I was in sessions with a therapist all the way up to middle school to improve my social skills. It wasn't until I was around 15 that my mom told me I was autistic. All of a sudden, everything made sense! My mom always told me I was "sensitive," and I was. I cried more often during my elementary and middle school years. I was able to handle it further into my high school years, and I made very few (we're talking about single digits here), but great friends. Now, I'm in my third semester of college. I am working on improving on my drawing and my writing skills (which actually made me win two writing contests!) so I can make a cartoon about robots-beings with built in scripts, and who are thrown away or dismantled for parts if they act in the way they're not supposed to. Sound familiar? I have had dark thoughts. Why am I here? Why do I need to be here? Why was I born like this? And even if people would even care if I left one day. All of those thoughts were because I was built different. Assembled incorrectly. Assembled in a way that I pale in comparison to my peers. I don't think I changed that much. But I'd say that I'm glad to have lived the entirety of my life so far with a handicap. Because God didn't want me to get good too quickly!

[@tooky1341]

This is genuinely one of the most relatable and profound videos I've found about Autism. I don't usually comment but I just wanted to thank you for talking about this. We went through some of the exact same stuff, and some different stuff too. I feel like hardly anyone ever talks about these sides of it. I'm sharing this video with the people around me to help understand what I go through better. I'm glad that your mark on the world is making KZbin videos. That's the perspective you were meant to share. Thank you.

[@CeeCeeismadYT]

I fully respect you for talking about this topic. I’m autistic with severe learning difficulties and I’ve been diagnosed with it when I was 5 years old. So I understand how difficult it can be to talk about it. However over the last few years I’ve been able to deal with it so well that people often don’t know that I’m autistic until I tell them. People like to shit on autistic people for whatever reason which makes it difficult for people such as you and I to talk about it in public, but it really shouldn’t be the case. It’s not something to be ashamed or ridiculed over, in fact I think it should be something to be proud of especially with our obsessions which keeps your mind set on what your doing until you reach your accomplishment.

[@SporkyMcFly]

If you feel like the fun is at your expense, I get the frustration. But the fun is at the expense of your condition, not you.

[@qm3634]

@@SporkyMcFly Yikes.

[@elijahechicagobearsboyd5734]

@@SporkyMcFly 🖕🖕

[@avocadeous]

@@SporkyMcFly I get what you’re tryna say but that was pretty poorly worded

[@Killerdp234]

I have ADHD and sometimes it really feels like it would be more useful for myself and everyone I interact with to tell them that I’m autistic. There’s a very large discrepancy in the difference between how people view ADHD and how they view autism compared to how big that difference actually is. People seem to have a huge separation between the two disabilities in their minds when really they’re incredibly similar. I’m waiting for the DSM-6 to incorporate ADHD into the ASD diagnosis as well. When you described your symptoms and experiences growing up there’s a lot of parallels and similarities which is nice to see someone have a similar neurology to me :) I also want to add that I also struggle with knowing just how many of the other overlapping conditions there are. Ive just assumed that these terms we use for all of the different disabilities and conditions that all seem to be related are all different ingredients of our neurological soup. And that trying to separate them into “you have this list of disorders, conditions, and disabilities” is like trying to figure out what ingredients are in each millilitre cubed of the soup. This helps me as I can use the term “ADHD” as my identity and tell people that’s what I have and for myself I can understand that I have been given the word ADHD where others may be given Aspergers or ASD, etc. This to me takes significance away from the terminology used to classify these neuro-developmental idiosyncrasies (to put it lightly) and places the meaning more on my experience with having a fundamentally different brain. I explain this to people who I can be bothered explaining it to but if it’s just a casual acquaintance then to them I’m just “ADHD” but to my friends and family I inherently process the world differently and that will come with a seemingly infinite number of scenarios that will make them see me as different based on my behaviour/reactions to the world but that’s kind of what makes me me and I’m happy with that.

[@4thanonymousperson]

Honestly you might not be far off-- ADHD and Autism are often comorbid (which is a lot less grim than it sounds-- it just means you have both) so it's entirely possible you may be on the spectrum, but simply have never looked into it.

[@Killerdp234]

@@4thanonymousperson when I was assessed for my ADHD I was also assessed for Autism because of their comorbidity and because I was an adult diagnosis they needed to screen for both. There are a few common symptoms of autism that I don’t experience. However, I have just made an edit to my original comment talking about how it’s kind of a fools errand trying to categorise these kinds of things purely because of how entangled everything is with each other. Idyllically I wish there was a device like VR goggles that let you experience the world the way someone with a different neurodevelopment does and for it to be common place or taught in schools. So people can just realise that the way I interact with the world isn’t bizarre or strange. It’s just different to how they do, and because people without neuro-developmental disabilities will always find people they relate to their view of the world becomes the norm. Anything that differs from that majority perception of the world or anything that prevents someone from functioning under the logic typical of brain functions that we do not share become labelled as having a disability or a disorder or condition or illness or they’re cursed or are possessed or whatever arbitrary term your culture designates to someone who’s brain drives on the other side of the road. I’m definitely rambling here and you’re getting the bulk of it haha sorry.

[@marzipancutter8144]

Yeah, it's pretty crazy how much overlap there is between ADHD and Autism. There's more to it than that though. ADHD doesn't just have a lot in common with Autism, most Neurodivergences I know come with a side of ADHD. That means if you treat those two as the same thing you would eventually end up having to merge all the others as well. It's pretty cool to think that all kinds of Neurodivergences might be different expressions of the same spectrum. Like a huge network of interconnected neurological symptoms with ADHD as the very center. That said, it is useful to still be able to classify them separately because different expressions still have drastically different needs, so we should maybe stick with calling them different things even if they're all connected.

[@parlinmains]

I have the same problem. I feel very autistic sometimes, but it's much more likely I have ADHD and/or anxiety.

[@joeshmo7858]

I am also autistic. I really loved hearing all of the points this video brought up. This video not only affirmed some of the things I’ve already understood about autism, but it also gave me some useful personal advice for how to take some of my differences and challenges. For example, I agree now that I shouldn’t try to get diagnosed with as many conditions as possible for the sake of understanding myself, as it’s not worth the time and I feel that I accept myself enough already and don’t need more complications to that. Hearing about your experiences was a rollercoaster of emotions. There were parts where I felt great for you, there were parts that I felt horrible about what you had to go through, and there were many parts I could relate to. All in all, this was a great video, and I just subscribed to see more of your usual content as well as any of these types of videos you make in the future. Please remember to keep your head up and know you should be loved and accepted for who you are

[@syrupmancer]

This video is such a breath of fresh air. I relate to so much of it and to see someone else out there with similar experiences really validated my whole experience so far. I got diagnosed at 20 (🙃) and life before then was so confusing, but ever since then i was able to seek better help, find so many better friends than I had before, and my adjustment to my own life has been going so much smoother. This is a heavier paragraph but: The idea of "curing" autism scares me so much because not only it's impossible and causes more harm than good, it just speaks to how much people are more willing to get rid of a perceived problem instead of listening and respecting our boundaries. I've been belittled repeatedly by psychiatrists who denied to see autism as a valid issue... but once i found peers who respected me i could actually cultivate a self esteem. we need autistic people to speak up and lift each other up, and your video gave me so much hope for me and others. Ty so much :]

[@bradensmith8682]

Thank you for making this.

[@PurpleFreezerPage]

Future teacher here: I was that kid where stuff went over my head up until I was much older (like, 20). So whenever teachers ASSUME a kid is being intentionally rude, or lazy, I usually take the alternate approach and give them the benefit of the doubt. My first assumption is that the kid is doing something wrong by IGNORANCE, not attitude. I've student taught for less than a year, and I've already seen this really pay off with a few students. My experience as a dummy child taught me to empathize with the dummy children lol.

[@marzipancutter8144]

Good thought. I forgot who said it but I've heard the phrase "never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence", and even though it sounds a bit harsh I think those are words to live by.

[@bonelesspizza3726]

I have ADHD but I seam to have something more. My mom, dad and I think I have something more but we don't know weather I do or not or what it is if I do have something more than just ADHD. I have always been slow at learning new things, and had challenges socializing with others, and staying on task even with my medication. This video has reminded me to look on the bright side of my mental challenges, and not just see them as weakness.

[@Lara-rm3gs]

I’m a high functioning autistic woman. Whenever I tell people about my diagnosis (because of hypersensitivity, anxiety issues, the need for specific instructions and trouble understanding social cues), their first reaction is “really? You don’t look autistic”. I only got diagnosed at 16, and I didn’t even go to therapy for autism, but for clinical depression and suicidal feelings. I truly believe that female autistic people mask their signs more effectively. Also, when you talked about feeling dumb for not understanding instructions if they weren’t extremely specific hit home. I just realised, whenever a teacher would point at something and I wouldn’t see it, it’s not because my vision is bad. It’s not because I’m dumb. It’s because my brain needs those extra instructions. This was a super helpful video. Thanks for making it💜

[@JanembaJanemba]

'I've done enough work now to think I'm more emotionally intelligent than most people' 'it got to the point people thought I was faking it' Rings so true man, I find it easier just to not tell people and most just say 'you're so mature for someone in their mid 20s' starts to feel like a backhanded compliment since they don't know the context but take it in stride. Anyway great video man.

[@RedVelvetUnderground333]

Exactly, seemingly normal on the outside cuz it’s worked on so much to blend in

[@DrWiley-fm3ik]

I was diagnosed with adhd and I find myself relating to a lot of your struggles. They have to be extremely related if not on the same spectrum.

[@joshshrum2764]

Hummm i see, but the only difference is your able to take meds for ADHD, and Bipolar, but nothing yet to calm Autism, really.

[@thanoscube8573]

@@joshshrum2764 That's most likely because high functioning autism is a different way the brain precieves things differently. There can't be just one medication to solve autism. That is a good and bad thing by the way, it depends on who has it.

[@despina2898]

Yes they actually do have a lot of similaritjes.

[@acedelta12]

As someone with High Functioning Autism, I greatly respect you for being so open about who you are.

[@BountyPoints]

I'm currently trying to get diagnosed myself and I'll be 33 the end of the year. Been on the waiting list for over 3 years now and I've kinda given up hope. So much of what you said in this video I related to so much. And I can see a lot of myself in younger family members who have luckily got diagnosed at a young age. Thank you for doing this video and sharing you experiences.

[@HaydenTheEeeeeeeeevilEukaryote]

I wonder if most people had your conditions and a few had what would be considered “normal,” would people say shit like “You’re not very good at basic english and math skills, are you? Oh but you are exceptional at shutting up, focusing on your work and doing what you’re told!”?

[@nicholasgutierrez9940]

I've only had people mock me for having autism when I was in the army. I shut that down immediately. Insulting trained killers is not smart.

[@HaydenTheEeeeeeeeevilEukaryote]

@@nicholasgutierrez9940 That’s good, nobody should have to deal with that. I’m glad you’re badass enough to shut it down, I hope others who don’t will learn to.

[@elainefreckleton822]

As an high-functioning autistic - thank you for this video. Especially for mentioning 'masking symptoms'. I cannot tell you how much I felt seen during listening to your thoughts.

[@maluridae_]

This video really inspired me and made me feel better, when not many things do these days. I wish I could talk to you or someone else whose had that journey through it, and has that accepting attitude about it. I'm female and that makes trying to get anyone to take me seriously 100 times harder and I'm getting really frustrated that the mental health system where I am is ignoring me, quite frankly. I have gone through all the paper work just to get referred to see a psychologist (after the last one abruptly left after I finally started to open up to them), and then they put me off and never called back when they said they would, and then finally admitted they weren't accepting any new clients and that I might be able to fit in the cancellations list around end of June, months from now. I don't need support three months from now, I need it now! It takes a lot to even admit I need it at all! I shouldn't need to scream it from the rooftops!! I'm honestly a bit boggled that I'm always left to deal with my own complexities and deep darkness entirely alone whilst there's an entire industry that apparently is specifically meant to help address this stuff that just never actually links up to the people who seem to need it most! I feel like I almost don't suffer enough to get in! It's ridiculous!! I don't have any support network, or mentor like figures, and I struggle immensely to hold myself afloat whilst I wait for any kind of support to arrive. I do a lot for myself, keep meeting new people, self reflection, journalling, self care, physical activities, new and varied hobbies, self skilling, striving for more work, removing people from my life that need to be, setting boundaries, trying to work on my self talk and so much more, but it's not enough if I have to battle this avalanche alone! That's overwhelming! I'm sorry to leave such a cringey and personal rant on a random's youtube video that will just be buried anyway, but I'm seriously feeling like I'm just screaming into the void whilst trying to bail water out of a leaky boat with a spoon, let alone a bucket. Just because I do that, doesn't mean it's enough.

[@asdfghjkl6438]

Thank you, so very, very much for making this video. This isn't the first night i've sat watcing this video, and it sure isn't the first time i've shed tears over it, since first watching this video over a year ago. You put so many of my thoughts and feelings into words, which i myself have never been able to before. It makes me feel understood at times when most people in my life don't seem to be able to relate to my struggles. It inspires me with so much hope for the future, that it is my go-to for whenever im feeling down. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

[@alturius4]

Normally I'm not the kind of guy to respond on a video, let alone a whole wall of text. But this hit hard, cause I'm going through nearly the exact same thing. I've been diagnosed with ADHD 4 months ago. At the moment of writing, I'm 28 years old. I had a job I loved as a paraveterinarian, but I made mistakes. I was chaotic, handled stress poorly (god know how stressfull it can be), gave a confused impression towards the customers etc. I tried Relatine, mindfullness therapy, vitamen supplements, breathing exercises, fuck I even followed courses and read books for people who struggled with PTSD!! Then I went to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD. And during one of those sessions we talked about my relationship with my parents etc. Long story short, the memories I had at the moment weren't nearly as close as to what actually happened when I was younger. When I talked to my parents about this, they told me there were SOOOOOO many other things I just.... forgot! Memories of my childhood, memories that would shape me how I would be and looked at the world were just.... gone! And that was one of the typical symptoms of ADHD: selective memorisation. But there were so many other things I (unconciously) struggled with. Projects I picked up but never really pushed forward, like learning to play the guitar. Being very exhausting around people because my brain was scattered all over the place and I switched subjects every minute. Struggling to remember things friends told me, so I seemed either inconsiderate for forgetting impotant things or gave the impression I simply didn't care and never listened (also because I tended to switch the subject). I gave a nervous impression because I always had these sensory impulses. Best way to describe it, is that I always was a bit itchy somewhere. I was always scratching my scalp, rubbing my eye, rubbing my knuckles etc. What you said in the video is sooo true to me. The thoughts of "Is this me doing this or the ADHD?", "How much of an influence has this..... thing exerted in my life, and how much lasting impact did it create?" and the biggest kicker of all: "Who would I be without it?". In your video you mentioned you struggled with figuring out who you were at a younger age. Sadly, I did figure that out. Or at least I thought I did untill recently. My world collapsed when I heard I had ADHD. I had everything figured out before: Get a lovely girlfriend, maybe work a year or 3-4 as a paraveterinarion before switching jobs to either a more administrational function for a big pharmaceutical company or maybe switch to IT, buy a house and get a corgi (I mean, it's a bloody corgi! Why wouldn't you want a corgi?!). But everything came crashing down. I'm single during a pandemic (so dating is nearly impossible). Since I'm rather exhausting, scatterbrained and give a nervous impression it's tough as F to avoid giving the wrong impression (especially in these times where people tend to be rather shallow. But that's another story), I quit my job as a paravet because I couldn't handle the stress, I'm scared to go back to school to study IT because I struggle to keep my attention to my books when studying so exams are going to be a bitch and I'm struggeling with who I am. What memories did I forget? Are the memories that I have actually real? Did it really went down as how I remember it? Right now, I'm going through the exact same proces as you did so many years ago :) And I'm not gonne lie, but as a 28 year old it's fucking scary. There, had to vent that :) What I'm trying to say is this: Amazing video. You really expressed how I feel right now. I hope to reach the point you're at now soon. I have no doubt I will, never had. But I'm sure the road will be rough, the question is how long and how rough it will be :) Seriously, from the bottom of my heart: Thank you so very much! Stay funnym stay awesome and above all: Yea, fuck pufferfish!

[@parlinmains]

I hope things get better for you soon.

[@SpicyButterflyWings]

My mom had suspicions of me being on the autism spectrum when I was a toddler. She'd thought about bringing it up to my pediatrician, taking me to specialists, but ultimately didn't. Her mother was a kindergarten teacher, and she claimed that there was no way I could be autistic because I didn't behave the way that autistic children in her classes acted. That's a whole thing all on it's own to unpack but what it meant for me is that I never got the help, support, or information that I really needed growing up. Looking back through my childhood now it's very easy for me to see where the evidence of autism presented itself, even for being high functioning. It's kind of astonishing honestly that teachers never approached my parents about the matter, but I know they aren't exactly trained how to properly deal with people like us, so I can't fault them entirely. I suspect that me being a woman had to do with that as well, especially when in my elementary school years there was a particularly infamous autistic boy. I'm 24 now and it's only been in the last few years I've begun to understand where my "eccentricities" come from, and I have a lot more to learn still. I don't know how much of who I am is actually me, the autism, or another condition that I don't know about yet. Between that and the lingering guilty sense of being a burden to everyone around me, it's been a hard road. The world wasn't designed for us. But despite that, we find ways to persevere and flourish. :) Thank you for making this video, it's so important for people to be able to seriously talk about autism and how it impacts the lives of those on the spectrum, and being able to hear someone else's experiences makes me feel a bit more validated with my own.

[@philjoseph6748]

Such a touching, informative, funny and interesting video Fudj. It felt like a rollercoaster of emotions. I love your videos, and I wanted to thank you for giving some insight into the very personal and somewhat sensitive side of you, so that people like me can learn a bit more about autism from first hand experience. It's somewhat sad to hear all the bad things that happened to you throughout your childhood and early adulthood, but also so inspiring to hear how proud of yourself you are now... and you should be! Thanks again for putting a smile on my face.

[@kokepasu4583]

Having autism isn't the problem, it's that other people aren't patient and accommodating and understanding

[@2stepinmidair199]

As someone diagnosed with ADHD as a child and never really treated for it at all, this video hit me in ways I haven’t been hit before. I remember being laughed at for my speech impediment, I remember being sent to speech therapy, I remember that overwhelming feeling of sensory overload (even if I was never given a name for it, and was ignored), I remember feeling like the world I was put in just wasn’t made for someone like me to fit in. Thank you for this.

[@dquade]

I apologize for this huge wall of text but this video is so relatable. I might not be diagnosed with autism but I was born with hearing loss in both ears. In 2015 and 2016, I had ear surgeries that returned my hearing to normal. The surgeon inserted a tiny piece of titanium into the middle ear section where the tiny bones are located, as that is where my hearing problem is. Basically like connecting the middle portion of a broken bridge. I'm currently a senior undergraduate on the last semester of college. Let's just say that from my freshman year up to now, I've been noticing oddities related to my hearing. From restless sleep because there were cars driving on the road (home), airplanes flying (home), dog barking in the middle of the night (college), sounds from the laundry machine (college), to finding that it is harder to multitask. While hearing other things with background noises has improved, I still find things aren't easy. Probably because I had hearing loss for a long time and having normal hearing is new. I'm not really good at following conversations and remembering conversations. Actually, I would say that I might have trouble processing and remembering information long-term. Obviously processing auditory information is worse than processing information some other way, such as in written form. What that translates to is not able to remember what the professor said in lectures, for example. While I may have the highest chance to remember stuff in the PRESENT, I have a very hard time remembering the past. I stopped taking notes because they don't really help anymore. If taking notes is supposed to help you remember something, like a trigger for some particular memory about whatever lecture. What's the point of taking notes then? Notes only use what you think is the most important info to direct to some aspect of the lecture via your mind's memory. As a computer science student, I was able to solve this by writing some programs that help take screenshots and convert these screenshots into a pdf, for example. I do better with words + images than words alone. On another note, I had experienced several consistent scenarios: 1. I meet someone and they act like we've already met or something. Well that's obvious but for some reason I don't remember them or the events of the meeting and stuff. I'm also terrible at remembering names but I think faces might be easier. I always ask them when and where. The when part can be as short as 1 year ago to as far as 4 years ago or more, which was literally when I began my freshman year. 2. I don't remember conversations and past actions and events, as short as 1 day ago. I don't remember what things I did yesterday. But I find repetition of some form helps; it's still not easy however or may not work as well like it did for other people. Though, who would want to repeat a conversation 100 times? Also, as an example my dad has mentioned that on some particular day (I don't remember anymore), he remembers exactly one year ago that it was snowing. I don't remember unfortunately. Another scenario is Disneyland. At some point I saw a picture of my younger self with my family at Disneyland. I think to this day, I'm the only one who doesn't remember anything about going to Disneyland. 3. As I mentioned before, I had trouble multitasking. I often find myself overwhelmed easily. It's better for me to focus on something for a long period of time rather than try to divide my time up into doing several tasks on shorter periods of time. Before covid happened I thought all these issues was just me not being used to having normal hearing. So I shrugged them off as simply symptoms of hearing loss, whether they're affected directly or indirectly. But I'm seeing the same thing happening with class meetings on Zoom and whatnot so I think there's some neurological or psychological thing going on here. I recently messaged a friend who had a different form of hearing loss. He mentioned "auditory processing disorder" but never have I mentioned it explicitly. So it might be fair to assume that I have auditory processing disorder. In fact, the first time I know about this disorder was an article about it, released November of 2020. It is a huge shock to find that my experiences are pretty spot on with the symptoms and description of the disorder. Even though I had taken hearing tests, I wonder why I wasn't told that I possibly could have this disorder. Next thing my friend mentioned addressed were my memory issues. He says it sounds more like mental trauma, where the brain blocks some information or something. He says this is something that can be healed in time. Though how long I need to wait I don't know. I really don't remember my childhood, high school, and college. I'm sure I will have a hard time remembering work. But maybe after a decade or so maybe things will change. I don't know. On another note, I want to talk about languages. Most students at my college would need to take 2 language courses. I found out American Sign Language exists so I took ASL 1. Unfortunately, it seems seniors go first in being accepted into ASL 2. So I ended up waiting until senior year. However, I had difficulties in the beginning because ASL really makes you remember the language using imagery, remembering the shape and form of your hands and fingers and facial gestures and expressions. I decided to withdraw and take Spanish instead. Though it's still not easy. Apparently struggling with learning a new language is a symptom of auditory processing disorder. I'm using programs I wrote to help make notes of things, using screenshots so I can see both words and images together. I'm taking Spanish 2 and obviously the professor says not to use google translate or any internet translators. I'm sure learning new languages in aural form is really useful but that is probably more stressful for me than other people. Stressing out my brain would just make things harder. Plus, I'm not really fit for learning languages in college. I would prefer a more gradual method, learning in the actual environment. Learning a new language in school or college is more like learning in a simulated environment. Another thing. I have been experiencing continuous suicidal thoughts but I really don't know why. They've been there since freshman year and I don't really know why they keep coming. If you've read to the bottom, thanks for taking the time. Appreciate it.

[@DanielLudwig-uw6sb]

I hope that you keep powering through. Everyone feels hopeless and awful about themselves, and its up to people who are in a good spot to support those who are struggling. Just know that there are always people who care about you, even if they far far away on the internet. :)

[@lndiqo]

It’s so nice you took the time to share this personal bit of your life with us, you know, what your friend said about trauma and not be able to remember may have some association with having those suicidal thoughts and not be able to determine the reason, perhaps you could seek some help in therapy, I heard hypnotherapy proved to be useful to some people, to dig memories that go back to even childhood

[@doublinx2]

Thank you for posting your experience, it's bringing a lot of moments in my life to mind; I think I'll research auditory processing disorder now

[@dquade]

I appreciate you all. Thanks for the positive support. @Indigo I would like to address some more things. First are my suicidal thoughts: As an analogy imagine an alarm clock that plays an automated message. It plays a different message everytime. Obviously there would be a set limit on how many different automated messages it can say. Now imagine the alarm clock in a bugged or broken state, that keeps ringing nonstop and keeps repeating messages nonstop. Of course it will reach a limit when repeating messages but it will repeat the first automated message again and the loop continues. Second is another thing I never mentioned in my comment. In thinking about myself regarding before and after ear surgeries, I noticed I have a dramatic increase in self-awareness. What self-awareness means to me is that I become more aware of myself, my own surroundings, and my own thoughts. As a result, I'm smarter than my past self and am able to learn faster from my mistakes in that regard. I also feel like I became more independent and more reliant on myself. If I'm being brutally honest, to describe my past self, I would be naive, innocent, and ignorant. It is not easy to pick up on new things when you have a hearing loss, maybe even more if you have a hearing loss for as long as you lived. As an example, back then, I honestly thought exercising was a hobby, just like how people treat videogames as a hobby. I didn't know how important physical health is. Anyway, I didn't realize I had suicidal thoughts until after I had my ear surgeries. It just felt like they just suddenly appeared like Boom! Maybe I'm biased, but I think suicidal thoughts grow at a gradual pace and don't suddenly appear out of nowhere at some random intensity or something. This thought has popped up in my head since making this observation: Maybe I had suicidal thoughts for a long time and I was just unaware I had them. Anything addressing my mental health would take time though. These are huge changes and these issues have been a part of my life for long enough. @Mr. Cool Thank you for the encouragement. Wonder if it's ok to set up a discord server or something for casual chatting? If that's okay I'll post the invite. @Doublin I'm glad my experience helped.

[@parlinmains]

I'm glad to know someone's had the same experiences as me. I've also started suspecting I have APD. When I watch TV with my family, I use closed captions and I constantly need to rewind to properly understand. Noises in the background keep distracting me. I also always need to ask people to repeat what they've said, otherwise I'll comically misinterpret what I hear.

[@stephenmsf]

New fan here. Found this video in my recommendeds. I was diagnosed with ASD about 5 or 6 years ago now, and I wanted to say: Thank you. Thank you for putting your experience into words for those of us who just can't. ASD is such a confusing thing to live through, and it's comforting to know that it's not just me trying to hold it all together. I've not watched your other content yet, but I'm about to go watch your whole catalog. Please never stop making videos.

[@santa5628]

Thanks for this video. It’s nice to hear the perspective of someone else on the spectrum, and one who’s been able to manage it for years to the best of their ability. Our experiences obviously won’t be the same, but this is still helpful regardless

[@herobrans7594]

(as an autistic person) This is so emotional and close to home almost cried so I'm gonna blow of some steam by ragging at autism speaks reader your welcome to join in.

[@saskiaviking9447]

Thank you for making this. Even though I was never diagnosed myself I can deeply relate to many things you've said in this video

[@jakereid5329]

I honestly can't put it into words how much this video meant to me as I'm watching it now, I'm 17 and have brothers cousins and other family members with autism. In the past year or two I started to notice these things in me and over the past 2-3 months it's basically become concrete. Thank you so much for this video it really makes me feel better

[@dipshitsiclethemighty3054]

This video is extraordinary, the amount of times you said something that made my pupils enlarge and a million thoughts fly around in my head with a spark of familiarity or self-questioning is in the double digits. I’ve never been able to slap a label on myself, and the closest thing to what you talked about I’ve been diagnosed with is Asperger’s, but you’ve really made me think hard, and a lot of times that’s nasty but this time it’s interesting and in a way, comforting. Thank you for this video, it’s very well put together. Must be a relief to have finally pushed it out there. I wish you what you deserve mate: the best.

[@poacherthenn]

I can't thank you enough for this video, it was really comforting for me. Currently I'm growing up with autism, adhd and anxiety (I was diagnosed with adhd when I was around 6-7 and diagnosed with autism and anxiety a few months ago) and it was really nice to see somebody else who has these exact same issues and to know that I'm not going through all this alone, thank you.

[@wes1070]

as someone who got diagnosed last october, when i was 17, i’d be lying if i said this video didn’t make my cry a little. coming to terms with my autism from when i first learnt i may have it at age 14 has been such a journey but i’m so glad i managed to do so. i don’t necessarily love this disorder, it causes a lot of issues for me, specifically with the way society treats me, but i love other autistic people and the comfort and community i can find when speaking with them or hearing their experiences. thank u for posting man, this video was just... reassuring in a way i didn’t know i needed

[@ginorincon9183]

Crying can be sometimes cathartic when you finally feel a bit better understood :)

[@WafflesX3XD]

as someone who is also neurodivergent (adhd and epilepsy), this video really resonated with me, especially the part talking about having trouble with instructions and learning simple tasks years later. i’m still learning stuff like changing lightbulbs and ironing clothes to this day. people who act a bit different are just “weird” to others, like the video said, and are assumed to be idiots, and because your problems are not particularly physical but rather mental, support and understanding is hard to come by. it’s nice that in recent years i’ve seen a lot more autism awareness, particularly on youtube, and it’s super helpful in understanding what my autistic peers might be going though. great video dude

[@nottucks]

As someone on the ASD, I agree with everything you’ve said here. It’s incredible how hard it is to understand myself when it seems like all the information I’ve read and learned is so outdated almost immediately. Thanks for sharing this, it matters a lot to me.

[@Beefaroni69]

i don't know how to put it into words but from the bottom of my heart thank you for making this video

[@Squibbling]

I think no video has ever made me just sob this hard. I got finally diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum about a month ago, after... Countless years of therapy and 3 specialists finally agreeing on my diagnosis. Being an 18 year old girl, feeling like I should have finished school at this point, gotten a driver's license, gotten a job, fallen in love... Yet feeling so incapable my whole life, knowing I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for years yet knowing there's something else "wrong"... It was a relief to finally get the diagnosis. I'm still having a difficult time accepting it, it feels like I'm just being given a reason to just be worse than most people... I feel like I have no reason to be so "touchy" or "weak", no right to need more help than everyone else around me, but this video... This video finally just made me feel so accepted and understood, thank you, I can't even put into words how much it matters to me. I hope everything goes the best for you! And I'm gonna strive to be the best me and work hard no matter what. Thank you once more for finally giving me the strength I needed. ❤️

[@cortomaltese5206]

A phenomenal video. The fact you managed to be honest about some of the bad things that happened to you and that you managed to end all this on a happier note is trully something I admire.

[@Horsaz]

30:52 This! I'm 26 this year and was diagnosed when I was around 8 years old. I've never had a job because I also get those intrusive thoughts you talk about. Fear and anxiousness and a sense of losing my sense of self when I think about getting a proper job still haunts me. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be useful to my mum whom I live with and who still financially support me but also loudly blames me for "doing nothing with my life" and "only sit in my room playing video games". I desperately want to be normal and not feel so drained from the mere thought of getting a proper job. But then I hear in my head "Is this going to be my life from now on? Feeling shitty each and every day? Feeling like I constantly want to run because I feel like something is leeching my energy away? Cry my eyes out everday because I feel so exhausted?" I don't want to feel like my emotions are running my life for me.

[@nicholasgutierrez9940]

I still have those feelings. It's something people can't relate to easily. There's pros and cons to everything. Focus on the positives and brace the negatives. My time in the army taught me how to cope with difficulty. Finance wise, I set myself up to never have to work. I trade stocks and invest in things. I would recommend you look and ask for help. People will understand if you explain and are nice about it. Or be like me and embrace your hatred. Fun times either way.

[@nesswednesday2976]

I can relate to the "What if I didn't have autism?" question. Throughout middle school, I was bullied constantly and even seen as nothing more than a 'runt' by everyone. This school is part of a district that tries to apply protocols that seemingly help me learn. However, instead of helping me learn independently, I was being taught to become even more dependent. Throughout that time, I kept thinking my days sucked been because of my autism. I've been to two high schools, one that's part of the district and another that's inclusion. Near the end of the first high school, I learned someone hated me because I have autism. This was the same year when autism was becoming more common as an 'insult' online. Personally, I never cared about them, but hearing someone nearby hated me for it was an experience that was new to me. Throughout the first half of my second high school, I became very antisocial. In the second half after a huge incident, I healed after an apology to someone who I still have guilt for lashing out at over some silly rumor. I learned it wasn't because of my autism, it was because of the world's "system." I knew some people who were supportive, but they weren't in the district besides a few paraprofessionals. The other staff who are part of that district tbh made things worse. One I'll even say went really far and screwed up with my mentality. A paraprofessional who helped me during that time told me this: "The only one that can determine what's best for you is yourself." This didn't mean I could avoid accountability, if I did, I would still think poorly of someone I lashed out at and more. What I'm trying to say is, I learned how to cope with it, and as you say, look for ways to "cheat" the system. If they give me a plank, I'll build a bridge with it. If they give me a small tub, I'll dig a swimming pool. As an autistic person, I appreciate the video and your attempt to bring more awareness about it.

[@parlinmains]

Well said at the end. If you can't go through something, just get around it.

[@TageM_Official]

The reason as to why the autism spectrum was introduced was because the initial forms of autism weren't that different at all and mostly just differed in the way they were diagnosed. For example the difference between infantile autism and aspergers was the age at which the person began to speak. Based on that people were classified as either mildly or severely autistic, which in many cases actually led to people who were considered mildly autistic having problems getting any sympathy when they would need help in certain situations. (With the terms high- and low-functioning autism it is the same). The thing is, the reason people are actually seen as either mildly or severely autistic, are certain attributes that aren't even part of autism at all. For example, being mute isn't a part of autism, rather something that can come in combination with it. But it doesn't make you more autistic. You can't be more or less autistic, you can only be autistic. You have to imagine the spectrum as a honeycomb. Any single honeycomb is one individual on the spectrum. And any single one is unique but also a little bit similar to the next. Even if all of them have the same shape, their position as a whole is different. For example there could be a row of people having difficulties with sound, but the more you go to the right side of the honeycomb, the less they have problems with it. The spectrum helps to see people as individuals, rather than putting a certain label on them and treat them exactly as any other with the same label. As someone being diagnosed with aspergers, people considered me to be able to do more and that led to me internalizing that. "I have to do this. I'm not allowed to say no." And that led to many moments in which I would just break, as I knew I couldn't go on, but also wasn't really allowed to say it was too much. It would always just be considered as me making a fuss. And it is exactly that point in which these labels can lead to people not giving you enough empathy to understand that there is a certain point at which you can't go on anymore.

[@gottfriedsolle9808]

I always thought of the spectrum as a circle with many little points at different places of it, but in a way both analogies go in the same direction.

[@kentheg7368]

Thank you for making this video. It means a lot to me as someone who is about to turn 19 and has been diagnosed with autism since I was like 6,7, or 8. I am the only autistic person I know, so having someone else who can relate to my struggles really helps me with everything I went through in the past and gives me hope for the future.

[@JoStro_]

I was in tears at the end. I didn't know I needed this, but thank you nonetheless. I feels so liberating to hear from someone else who went through some of the same things I went through and be able to relate with someone in such a deep way, as well as be able to see the ways in which I was luckier than others. Thanks from the bottom of my heart, and I'll look to see what other content you've got, as I do quite like games. As a side: this was actually quite a good way to get my emotions out, good job me!

[@River_StGrey]

"It would be nice to coast and not have to think about these things." and "It feels like I'm being punished for growing up"- Yuuuuup.

[@gommodore6441]

I was diagnosed at age 3, and my mom sheltered me from knowing until 5th grade, so that I could feel normal. I didn't quite know what it meant though until 7th grade when I felt more self aware. When I start looking back at decisions I thought were awkward and/or regretful. I then took on a study of some sort, and they were able to help me to go from moderate (which was straight down the middle of the spectrum) all the way to where I'm not even considered to be on it anymore. I could pass for a normal person and I'm very grateful for those that helped me, and I hope those that have it can achieve something similar.

[@NyxTheNerd]

This.. may just be my favorite KZbin video I've found. I feel so much of what you talked about here. From the organization issues, social issues, to the mockery I've seen. I've sent this video to a few close friend, and it's helped me so much to help them understand how I view the world. Thank you, seriously.

[@funnyvalentine175]

As someone with ASD I can relate to this video ALOT, particularly in that I cried my way through middle school and my first year of high school. I'm currently in a weird place because I've been trying to find my place in this world only through conventional means and that hasn't been working out. Knowing someone else has lived through this and come out of it ok is something I needed to hear right now. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@imaok10]

The brain of a 'normal' human person is so vastly complex, that the most capable neuroscientists and doctors have still only begun to understand it. The genome of a 'normal' human person is so vastly complex, that most capable geneticists and psychologists have still only begun to understand it. There will always be uncertainties in this world. It's a shame that accessibility and understanding mostly stems from the lack of education we have as a whole on topics like autism. Even though people are doing their best to gain knowledge through research, there will still always be a platforming issue of helping those who seek answers to find them, let alone those who are oblivious to such topics. Such is a result of the human mind's complexity. I have a younger cousin with autism, and one with severe ADHD. Brother and sister, respectively. I rarely get to see them because their family lives in a neighboring country, but I'm always happy to see them grow. They have their strengths, and I always hope that they realize them. Thanks for making this video. I think it is a (very) good one.

[@segirly]

I finally got around to watching this video, and I have no idea why it took me so long The ending has *really* resonated with me. It's like questions I never thought to ask are being answered I'm different, and that brings potential My place in this world will be unconventional, and difficult to find, and even more difficult to reach But I owe it to myself to live in peace I'm currently striving to be an author, something that not a single person in my life has ever taken seriously. Despite all of the jokes at my expense and the overwhelming lack of support, I've been working on this for four years. I knew I had a story to tell, and I've learned how to write a novel through pure trial and error over these years. Every second I've spent living and breathing over the past four years have been opportunities to give up. But I've held on, because I know that the only person who understands my own potential, who understands what I have... is me. I don't think I would be happy or comfortable or fulfilled living any other way Thank you, Fudj. As corny and cheesy as my comment is, I truly mean it. I feel like I can make sense of myself and my strange goals just a little more. My life seems.. just a tad clearer

[@Athesies]

Thanks for making this vid, its really nice to hear someone else's experiences with the condition i have. It feels a lot less lonely hearing someone else falter or greatly struggle through situations i have but most people havent. Awesome job getting through it and getting to where you are now

[@TheShanicpower]

This is the second time I’ve watched this video, and both times I’ve seen it I’ve started sobbing uncontrollably for the last 20 minutes of it. Thank you so much.