Menendez Brothers Murder Case, Ethics, & Mental Health

[@JenniferSmith-is8mt]

Sometimes the mothers are MORE guilty for letting it continue. My dad abused my stepsisters and is now in prison. When my dad told me and my sister he was marrying a woman who had small girls my sister and I went to warn her. We told her about his history and she married him because he provided financial security and adopted her daughters. Then he proceeded to sexually assault them for ten years and she acted like she knew nothing. I think she should be in a cell right beside him

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

I think you're right. 😔🙏🕯

[@lindabordeaux6814]

For sure she should!

[@gazXspace]

Oh my god!!!!!

[@b.mcleod4872]

You're saying that the person who is not fulfilling her obligations as a parent is MORE guilty than the person who is sexually assaulting children?

[@MinkytheMinkY]

@@b.mcleod4872 just guilty in some way, enough to be locked up. Mother was warned and then proceeded to ignore the abuse.

[@gingerztube]

When the other parent does nothing to protect the child(ren), there can be just as much anger & rage toward them as the abusive parent.

[@sydney58279]

Yes and I’m surprised Dr. Grande wouldn’t think of this.

[@sycamoresally6303]

gingerztube At least.

[@annied4084]

You've saved my comment. I am positive she might have suspected. Since she tolerated other abuses she made a blind eye to this. She was as guilty, and justice was shady.

[@adrienneadetti1223]

I agree

[@shirleycole7854]

Yes..the mother knew

[@meris4880]

"I felt betrayed. I had always thought that she was on my side and that I was helping her by not telling her, and protecting her by not telling her. And now she was saying she knew" - Erik Menendez

[@jessmccauley7254]

Ya that's the ultimate kick in the chest! As someone who wasn't believed but knew they actually knew and just stood by and hated them for it, THAT'S why she got the rage kill... This guy actually saying she didn't do anything for it.. that's right she DIDN'T do ANYTHING. I think it was the unprotected child in them pulling the triggers not the actual young adult.. tbt

[@GateKeeper36]

Of course, she did their laundry and the sex in their relationship quickly faded away. Men like his father got married for the sake to not be a loner and fit in with the rest of his friends or social lights. My question was he even into older women or was a sexual pedophile sadist. Their dad was a power hungry man and always got his way. Their dad had a insatiable hunger for power that's why he was rough at times and gentle. I hate our world, in my 8 years of learning about all the injustice that goes on in every part of the world made me depressed. A photographer takes a picture of a starving 3 year old with mom not around but a vulture cause the vulture knows the infant is close to death and the vulture has a meal soon. Sadly the photographer committed suicide 3 months after.

[@VintageVera]

Yes, I agree that the mother was killed because she didn't protect her children when she obviously should have.

[@GateKeeper36]

@@VintageVera There's tons of families out there just like this family we see, especially the foster care system is so corrupt. That's why homelessness is raising. You got the mentally ill, abusers and abused, and other factors like housing. Now owners are very careful who to rent out to.

[@fire12731]

That is a gut- wrenching statement by Erik. How sickening

[@nichole8030]

If the Mom knew the abuse was happening and did nothing to get her children away from it, she's just as guilty.

[@MindyBeee]

She was an abuser too

[@agnesdorling5736]

but she wouldnt have posed a threat without the Father, thinking about their argument of self-defence.

[@1969ilovebritain]

She not only did that. She participated in other types of abuse and allegedly also sexually abused Lyle.

[@MsSilverTulip]

@Annette Johnson or both

[@hannahfitch8977]

She molested and abused them too, according to the brothers.

[@coleyamos]

I was abused by a VERY close family member. I've only ever told a handful of people that and when I was well into my 30's. I didn't even tell my ex fiancé of 7 years. So in terms of them withholding that information I would say it's much more probable than most would realize.

[@SethMacLeod95]

God bless you

[@sarahadair5890]

Same

[@44nk96]

Yep! So many men never tell a soul about their abuse.

[@GateKeeper36]

My cousin was my abuser and one day I'm gonna ruin his image and his dad but everyone will hate me cause I'm breaking the peace of the whole family. Family functions will never ever be the same again so I must suffer in silence.

[@saracurrens2651]

So true

[@BunnySlippers82]

The Menendez brothers stated that right before they killed their parents, their mother told them that the family was ruined and it was their fault by not keeping silent about the se*ual abuse they suffered. It was at this point they could no longer deny that she always knew. I firmly believe this is what pushed them over the edge as I've been there too.

[@Bob-jm8kl]

She knew. According to court testimony, when he was a child, Lyle told her about the abuse. She told him to shut up.

[@angelwings7930]

Yes. They need to be released from prison.

[@sheilarough236]

There is some evidence that the mother abused them as well, and she knew that their father was sexually abusing them

[@BunnySlippers82]

@@sheilarough236 How tragic! I think they've done their time and should be released from prison.

[@jstephenj]

@@BunnySlippers82 Hey, let's release David Berkowitz and Leslie Van Houten too while we're at it. They spent well over half a century in prison. I think they serves enough time as well, even longer than Lyle and Erik Menendez.:-/

[@Ad_Astra_321]

I can understand why they would have killed their mother. If they were abused by their father, isn't there a possibility an enormous amount of resentment & bitterness toward her would be present, due a lack of her protecting them or preventing it? Thank you for the video!

[@sycamoresally6303]

Ad Astra Yes! The feeling of betrayal and rejection is difficult to explain.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

Yes. In working with these families, that was often the dynamic.

[@Ad_Astra_321]

@@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 Thanks for some confirmation ;) Keep good!

[@Ad_Astra_321]

@@sycamoresally6303 I imagine it really would be

[@valeriyav2149]

@Layth Adrian their cousins and jose's sister confirmed the father was sexually abusing them from the age of 8, maybe earlier. the cousin also confirmed that the mother knew about it because an 8 year-old lyle went to sleep with her and said that the father comes to his room and asks to touch him down there, that he's aftaid and doesn't want to sleep there. the cousin who wasn't much older said this to kitty but she just ordered erik to return to his room. many relatives said nobody was allowed to interrupt his "alone-time" with sons even though it was often in the bathroom with a locked door. there was a letter about the abuse that erik wrote when he was 10 to his aunt. there were pictures of them naked and the reports of lyle's injured throat, etc. some of these evidences and testimonies were present in the first trial but were dismissed in the second (we can only guess why). many other people who knew jose also called him an abusive person. i'm not even talking about his company producing child pornography once (that is known of. and he got away with it too). so it's not just them telling about the abuse, there are other things and witnesses that confirm it. i'm just appalled that none of these people did nothing to warn someone of his pedo's behavior, but again, not surpised, it happens all the time in hollywood - jose was a powerful man and people feared him. as for everything else, women are not a rare cover-up for a lot of rich pedos. giving sons money and letting them go to a therapist is actually kind of a "payment for silence". if you saw the brothers' first trial, they said that they would never have told about the abuse to anyone and they also felt threatened by the father's criminal connections. erik even said that he had hoped he would die without anyone knowing what was done to him. many victims of sexual abuse can't talk about what happened even to therapists after many years and rarely report it to police due to psychological trauma and shame. when i watched them talk about the abuse, i thought that they'd had to be the most talented actors to show such clear signs of ptsd (and it's obvious that they're not good actors because that call to 911 after the crime was badly acted). but considering all the other known things about jose, it was most likely a real ptsd. if the trial was fair and the influence of sexual and physical abuse on the children's brain was to count, they'd get 20 years max for manslaughter not life sentence without parole.

[@suras8984]

@Dr. Todd Grande. Kittys niece also testified that when Lyle was 8 years old he told her that his dad touched him down there and asked her if he could sleep in the same room as her because he was scared. She then told Kitty and Kitty dragged Lyle out of her room and it was never spoken about again. This made the niece think the mother stopped the abuse after she told her about it. She also stated that when the dad was upstairs with the boys no one not even Kitty was allowed upstairs. Kitty's sister and nieces do not forgive Kitty and Jose for what they did and they do forgive the brothers. Also Jose's sisters also testified that her brother was abusive to his sons and she also forgives her nephews. She claimed that Jose was badly abused as a child.

[@kimwarner1681]

I read that as well. Diane was the cousin and Andy was the other cousin Erik wrote the letter to. The judge wouldn't allow the letter as evidence because he could not determine the actual date it was written.

[@suras8984]

@@kimwarner1681 I think the fact that the siblings of Kitty and Jose corroborate the abuse and forgive the brothers says a lot. And I think they have paid the price already.

[@kimwarner1681]

@@suras8984 I have always been on the fence with this one but yes, I know, the Aunt seems very sweet, I feel so badly for her..can you imagine your brother being killed by his own kids because he was a child molester? I can't imagine. The brother of Kitty, I think Milton? He denied it but I think her sister supports them. The whole family destroyed. Very sad.

[@simoneseiami5938]

the circle of abuse goes on and on and on......How the 2nd trial just ignored all the circumstances. How can this happen? It´s arbitrary not justice. Justice should ALWAYS be ruled by consistant essentialls like any other case. Justice has a blindfold that should guarantee a human in court that there is no preocupation. How all the abuse, covered by the mother, was left out it is not explainable. It is like the jugde was not willing to pay attention to the true reality , they wanted the brothers in jail, period. It is traumatic how uneducatiated judges and society is concerning sexual abuse. It´s a complete failure of justice and society.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

It seems to be very uncommon (not unheard of, in cases of brain injury, chemical imbalance, etc) for abusers/perpetrators not to have started out as victims. It muddies the waters, but that's the messy, broken reality 😔.

[@karinpienaar7315]

As a mom myself, hearing about the abuse they went through and how their mom knew about it and didn't protect them from it, I view her equally as guilty for the abuse.

[@tutoriart1562]

I totally agree! Not only that.. this "mother" sexually abused Lyle as well... both parents were a team for evil.. both were monsters...

[@catsberry4858]

She also abused at least Erik.

[@AsWeSpeak154]

​@@tonyanzalone384 Thank you. People will believe anything without question.

[@hopeausbyn1734]

The brothers needed help. Some knew, and said something, but Mrs. Kitty would not help, and allegedly engaged in incest with the oldest son . The Parents taught the brothers this "Dominance without mercy." They got no mercy; they give no mercy. I would give them their freedom at this point .

[@mohammadazam7743]

It's nice to know that they didn't accuse their mother for any wrong dooing .

[@gauloise6442]

Back in the 90s, sexual abuse of kids, esp boys, and esp by parents, was often looked at with eye rolls and mockery. There was also the sentiment of "the parents took care of them, how could they air this dirty laundry in public." I dont think people realize today how embarrassing and taboo it was to speak of these things.

[@RhinocerosProductions]

yes...people were very unsympathetic to them at the time....and people pretended they had never heard about sexual abuse within families until the 1990s....

[@lynnv8501]

Even worse is that people's lives were being destroyed as children were being abused, as if it was ok. I don't get it. My best gf was ruined. Suicide sometime in her 20s. And so many others I know never recovered.

[@mike04574]

@@lynnv8501 they still deserve the jail time

[@lynnv8501]

@@mike04574 Indeed.

[@Muirmaiden]

@@mike04574 Most of the jurors in the first trial who didn't vote for first-degree murder wanted to convict the brothers of a lesser charge - second-degree murder or manslaughter - which is an important thing to note.

[@anniek5880]

When they were buying Rolexes and cars two days after they killed their parents, I thought that meant they were definitely guilty. However after their testimony of abuse came out, it changed the context for me-I now viewed their shopping spree as a “We are finally free!” moment. I could be wrong. Thanks for your analysis of the case Dr. G.!

[@mehdistravens7183]

I feel like it was a coping mechanism for them, the shopping spree, (that’s me trying to understand their psyche) because of their privileged upbringing, it was the only thing that brought them happiness, to a point…i.e. spending & buying things

[@mehdistravens7183]

The mental state of their psyche at the time must’ve been all over the place

[@paulajohnson139]

There also seemed to be a lot of coaching going on from Lyle, the older one, to Eric. This made Eric look less than truthful and Lyle to be cold and calculating. It was difficult seeing them as sympathetic figures.

[@anniek5880]

@@paulajohnson139 true indeed.

[@anniek5880]

@@heathermallory2096 I am so sorry you had to endure that kind of trauma. I hope that you were able to find peace and healing. ❤️

[@zzulm]

The father was an executive at a label where the boy band "menudo" was and one of boys has reported to be a SA victim of the father too, giving more evidence of the abuse of the brothers, and a letter has been discovered where one of them writes of the abuse to a cousin. Hopefully now their abuse becomes part of their case.

[@francoiseamethystebosshard5207]

I am very thankful that my mother believed me and dumped the boyfriend. It has taken me many many years and wonderful therapist to say I am free of any guilt, shame or anger xx

[@VregathfulMovies]

What are you talking about

[@mistressflame2223]

Sexual abuse as a child obviously

[@lara4life656]

@@VregathfulMovies really? Context clues. Learn them.

[@AwfulDog1]

It is really awful that even as an adult you are programmed to feel guilt and shame… so not your fault. Hope you can come to terms with what happened and put it behind you to relax and enjoy the rest of your life 💕

[@beanyboomer5391]

I believe their claim of sexual abuse, and your comment that they wouldn’t have told their therapist . Dominic Dune writes about being in court the day the boys testified about the sexual abuse. He writes that the feeling in the court room was that the boys were credible, believable and that several of the jurists and reporters were crying.

[@DrGrande]

I saw that several observers in the courtroom felt the same way. They said earlier in the first trial the brothers appeared to be lying, but not later when the were recounting the abuse.

[@beanyboomer5391]

You can watch them testifying on you tube. I believe they are telling the truth, both boys look absolutely devastated during this part.

[@beanyboomer5391]

I was born and raised in Southern California and I know how messed up Hollywood’s values can be Especially for the children of these Wealthy families. (I remember the day the murders hit the news.) ....Their personalities would certainly have been damaged considering their father’s sexual abuse and their mothers alcohol use....I have seen interviews of them in prison and I believe them when they say they regret it and that their parents didn’t deserve it.

[@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098]

The lack of disclosure to the therapist, as well as the pain of the testimony, would likely have been intensified by the degree of taboo that accompanied the sexual abuse of boys several decades ago -- more than now.

[@aprilsilvers381]

I agree. Because if they weren't assaulted they wouldnt ha e been able to do it. It's hard even when it actually happens, especially for men It's hard for women too. Many times a women will keep it a secret because talking about it is hard and embarrassing

[@feelthejoy]

Several of my teachers taught the brothers and actually testified as character witnesses in the trial, called by the defense. Even if you don’t believe the molestation aspect, their father was definitely abusive in other ways. Yes he spoiled them in some ways, but he was also extremely cruel and they seemed to be living in a state of fear when around him.

[@feelthejoy]

@Marsha Mack where did I say what they did was ok?

[@AsWeSpeak154]

I was physically abused (beatings) by my mother but guess what? She died in her 80s of cancer. At no time murder was on my mind.

[@feelthejoy]

@@AsWeSpeak154 where in my comment did I condone their actions?

[@3milyjonez]

That makes sense why they went on a shopping spree, that was the only form of love they knew :(

[@lolab2896]

@@AsWeSpeak154 many dv victims cannot leave bc their financially bound as these boys were it seems they thought them dying was the only way out

[@DLIELCLackland]

It's heinous for a mother to stand by and allow abuse to continue over years.

[@planeoldsimp272]

it's shitty in genral

[@MeganVictoriaKearns]

My father didn't SA me or my brother,but physically abused us. Until I was 9 and my brother was 7. The same year my dad quit drinking the abuse stopped. It never resumed, the abuse or the drinking. It was easier for me, as an adult, to finally and completely forgive my father than it was for me to forgive my mother for allowing it by staying with my dad. Just a point from a onetime kid's perspective.

[@greg6122]

No evidence...

[@Barbara-jq2se]

Re: comment: 👆She too was very mentally disturbed as well. I seriously question whether the boys really had a chance of getting away from them (without feeling they had to kill them to get away) or even getting away from them in a physical sense where the parents couldn’t find them at all & without any repercussions whatsoever. Doubt it.

[@cynthiarogers3178]

I'm recovering from my Childhood of Rape - molestation from my Step Father. I had a lot of resentment & hurt that my Mother chose him before us. I don't know for sure if she knew about the sexual abuse but She watched him Beat & Abuse us tremendously. So that may have been the reason they had Rage for the Mother.

[@coolcat6341]

Every women know deep inside what's going on,,,,,, i worked in retail I seen women bodies brushed beaten bite marks,, sad

[@tjburr1968]

Do u still talk to them?

[@francesbernard2445]

I once worked with someone who had gone through the same. After she left home in her late teens and well into her early 20's it still was affecting her health and her social life too.

[@cynthiarogers3178]

@Jay Jammer I also got beat with a 2×4. This is not a competition Mr. Jay Jammer.

[@pgyt5548]

@Jay Jammer wow. You're disgusting.

[@agrizzle4313]

As a mom, my number one priority in life is to protect my child. I left an abusive situation and got a 2 year protective order to do just that. It was hard and scary but my child was worth so much more than the love I had/ have for her mentally ill dad after our 20 year relationship. Nothing should stop a mother from keeping her kids safe. I feel the mother was just as guilty if she did not protect her children.

[@catsberry4858]

🙏👍🏻👍🏻🙏🙏💯

[@sharongannon-rp1cp]

She should have taken the boys and gone to a shelter. And reported Jose to the police.

[@letticia2024]

​@@sharongannon-rp1cp that's correct, but evidently she preferred to live in Beverly hills, that's why she ignored her sons

[@Curtis69213]

Cool story

[@KungPowKatie]

I’m a mom too and I would love to get my hands around the throat of any mom that would allow such things to happen. That being said, you’re absolutely out of your mind if you think a mother not protecting her kids is just as guilty as a dad actively abusing them. My mom failed to protect me in horrendous ways leading to traumatizing events I will never come to terms with - I never murdered her. And even if you can get over the murder of the father, the matricide was overkill and clear cut first degree murder. They both were imo regardless of what happened before. These boys were adults at the time this happened. They could leave albeit they would lose daddy’s money.

[@alicehardy1668]

I remember watching the FIRST trial in 1989 on Court TV. It was spellbinding & ended in no verdict (hung jury). Both boys testified to the childhood sex abuse. I thought at the time that if battered wives were forgiven for killing their abusers (the "burning bed" trial in late 70's started that process), then why on earth wouldn't children who had been abused from childhood forward be given leniency? The abused wife suffers mental abuse but was an adult at the outset. A child is so much more likely to suffer severe mental damage due to their age. I felt that the convictions after THREE trials and especially the fact that the abuse was NOT ADMITTED INTO EVIDENCE was/is a travesty and a tradegy. I don't know what, if any, punishment should have come about, but I am sure life without parole is overkill.

[@lauratroxel24]

Shooting their mother in the head 7 times with shotguns is overkill.

[@cindyrhodes]

I always felt sorry for these brothers. What a horrific childhood, and what horrific memories they must have - not just for what they suffered but also for what they did. Thank you so much for your always-classy analyses!

[@karenking5357]

I definitely felt like the abuse was real because I've been molested as a little girl and so I know that feeling I know the look on the face of a person that's happening to it's just it's just a good thing and there's a certain look I've seen it in many situations and every one of them turned out to be true that the child was being either molested or when a father doesn't come around much the child will act a certain way when the father is there and I saw my own son go through it and I absolutely I despised it that my child would act differently he was he really wanted his daddy to love him you know there was a certain little look on his face he talked a different way excuse me spoke a different way and while it's not the same kind of abuse his daddy wasn't abusive but he wasn't what he should have been if that makes sense

[@cindyrhodes]

@@karenking5357 it makes all the sense in the world. We KNOW. ❤

[@frankpaya690]

It's never been proven that they were telling the truth about the alleged "abuse."

[@streaming5332]

@@frankpaya690 no one believes your truth either.

[@sheilarough236]

Weren’t their cousins ready to testify about the abuse that they witnessed?

[@jaybee2051]

According to some psychologist, the brothers may have saw their mother as a threat due to her enabling, protecting and sometimes assisting their father's acts of abuse. The boys may have viewed her as Dad's partner in crime. Maybe not (as) threatening, but definitely an extension of their father.

[@MelonySmith-rs5vi]

Oh so that thang they call MAMA didn't care about them being abused as long as it wasn't her. OMG. I'm so sorry Erik and Lyle went through that inhuman unbearable trauma in that loveless house.

[@Fucoc]

In some cases, abuse-victims are more angry at those who just watched the abuse go on, than they are at the abuser.

[@iEatBigTitss]

I think in this case it’s true as the mother was even shot more times

[@leamacleod2688]

Lizzy Borden is an example of that.

[@xino_z]

Fucoc some become angry with themselves for doing nothing - the effects of that are truly deleterious

[@Alfakkin]

true, as a mother she didn't protect them...it was her primary duty...what a failure of a human being

[@francesbernard2445]

Most of all at eye witnesses who did absolutely nothing to help or who refused to believe an eye witness and brushed it off as only another one of the fam damily.

[@amicamio2435]

My friend was abused by her father for a long time And she said to me that she is more angry an hurt by her mother because she knew And didn’t do anything about it Maybe that was on their minds as they Killed her ..

[@SmallBobby]

Amica Mio so once again, we take it easier on the man than the woman. He’s the actual monster here. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@mgal6234]

My situation was the same. I hated my mom because she knew better. My abuser, in my mind, had been abused himself and didn’t know any better. It’s difficult for people who were never sexually abused as young children to understand.

[@paintinganimalsonrocks7633]

I've heard that exact same sentiment. More angry at their Mother.

[@deirdreevangelista856]

@@paintinganimalsonrocks7633 problably resentment and rage at her not divorcing him and protecting them.....

[@mgal6234]

Jennifer What’s interesting to me is the typical reaction of a man whose daughter has been sexually abused is...I WILL KILL HIM. Recently a man was acquitted in TX for killing his daughter’s molester. Yet we imprison for life two extremely young men for killing their abusers. Had I been on the jury, they’d be free. But again, that’s just me.

[@paperchaser29]

With the new information that’s come to light, it would be great if you’d take another look at this case and the growing support for re-examining the case and the sentences they received now that there is a better understanding of consequences of long term abuse.

[@douggief1367]

I love Dr Grande's fair, measured, probing and humble approach. Thankyou.

[@kensyskye8965]

Douggie F me too.....

[@tedulegloyd412]

Lol u said measured probing

[@leamacleod2688]

Low key too

[@aryebognar6663]

He's a twit for seeing the mother as uninvolved in the abuse.

[@nancydutt1492]

@@aryebognar6663 I would not call him a twit but I do think if she saw abuse and did nothing, she is complicit. I heard the father was pretty brutal with his sons. I dont know about the other allegations.

[@kj-sf4md]

The mom didn't protect them. The mom was also unstable, and maybe added years of early neglect. Again given the lack of knowledge era, and all the early unkown factors no one can say. Prisons are full of mentally ill /traumatized adult kids. Another factor, who do you think paid for the boys dr visits? Ummm the rich and influential father. The boys may have known the score of that situation.

[@sogno_di_carta6430]

k j premeditated murder is never the answer.

[@julit7304]

The mother abused them too! For christ sake stop listening to this moron and RESEARCH.

[@EDeeDeeS]

@Chipmonk kitty was abusive too. Jose's sister testified that she would throw things at the boys when they were younger. I also seen on a article somewhere that she lost the boys in the mall once and didn't seem to care that they wondered of. When they were found and she was called to come get them over the speaker, she continued shopping and waited 45 minutes to go get them. Erik also said she always said she wished they were never born. I think she didn't protect them because she resented them and leaving Jose would mean she'd be left with no money

[@Loulydollx3]

@@sogno_di_carta6430 IT WAS NOT PREMEDITATED

[@yessie4001]

@@emilykayton8568 I'm very curious on what your reasoning or explanation is for these parents having nude photos of their children's naked bodies?

[@joyandrews3804]

I haven’t revealed to any therapist that I caught my father watching me through the window getting undressed for bed when I was a young teenager. After that I undressed in the dark. I told my mother several years later worried he would do that to my younger sister. It seemed to be news to her, however 50 years later she admitted she already knew. I was angry with her for not making sure my bedroom had decent curtains so he and all the neighbours couldn’t look into my room. My father thought as long as he didn’t rape me he could do anything thing he wanted to, to me. He thought he could do anything he wanted to me because I had no rights until I was 21 years old. I was ashamed of what he did, so didn’t tell anyone, not even my mother, until my sister was reaching puberty and I was worried for her welfare. I’ve suffered from depression for many years but still couldn’t tell my therapists because of shame.

[@wanderingfree149]

Speaking from expereince, when you are a child living under the roof of a sexual preditor, you are always in danger. I have always beleived the Mendez brothers and think it's time for them to be paroled. They killed parents becuase they were always in danger as long as they lived under that roof, and therefore self defense. This case was a miscarriage of justice.

[@Galworld761]

I believe they were abused. But, they could have moved out and called the police. This murder ruined their lives.

[@beanj580]

I think the abuse claims were nonsense

[@veronicaserrano8071]

Exactly!!!!

[@Muirmaiden]

@@beanj580 Yeah, and that's why family members, teachers, and coaches confirmed the parents were abusive and why there were medical reports to back it up. It boggles the mind that people don't take the time to find this out BEFORE they start spewing.

[@melissaandrews8446]

@@beanj580 and I think you’re ignorant! Don’t judge unless it’s happened to you.

[@deena7155]

I have been in an abusive family by the father. The reason why the mother got it too is because she allowed the abuse to go on and continue. She did nothing to stop it or protect the children. I completely understand as my mother allowed the abuse of my father to continue too.

[@melissastewart9842]

Absolutely brilliant analysis, Dr. Grande. Fair, impartial, balanced, thoughtful. And extremely courageous to admit that you simply don't have any easy answers.

[@audreyw8521]

When I was considering shooting my father with one of his own guns when dealing with my own PTSD from abuse in the family, my thought process led me to the easy decision that I would have to kill my mother, too, because they are married and thus go together. That was my reasoning at the age of 17. Interestingly enough, it was right around then that Lyle and Eric showed me what a bad idea it is to shoot ones own parents.

[@sophiesmom746]

😥

[@foreversuffering4713]

hope u r doing better now ❤️

[@Ad-Lo]

Oh dear!

[@calboy2]

Wow I had a similar experience with an abusive dad. I knew from a previous case of a son killing his dad that the law wouldn’t protect me. It would see the son as the perpetrator and the dad as the “victim”.

[@karenking5357]

Young lady you were definitely saved from a horrible destiny prison is about his disgusting as it all gets and I have never been in jail but I have a ex-husband who is for horrible crimes and his son my son who was at one time and Navy SEAL is also in prison and it was something we talked about I really thought my son would do everything he could to not do anything that would lead him to go to jail but when you have PTSD you don't think straight but course that wasn't even considered because we didn't have money for any no big lawyer but nonetheless true in my humble opinion

[@coinkydink]

If the abuse did occur, the mother failed to protect them. Ultimate betrayal.

[@1234cheerful]

It used to be said (decades ago) that a lot of the time, wives don't report SA or DV by father/husband because, assuming you are believed and he is successfully prosecuted, when he goes to prison, the financial status of the family falls (related to women not making as much as men even for the same kind of work). And if the cops don't believe it, or he is acquitted, you go through all that for nothing. It's hard to understand the mind set if you did not live in such a situation. But law enforcement has changed its approach in these areas after a lot of lobbying to change laws and a lot of high profile cases.

[@lucidity_world]

I'm sure many others have said the same but in my experience, having been raised by a father who physically and emotionally abused me and where my mum would stand by and watch him beat me sometimes, or not be present but i could hear her come to the door to listen in in secret, or tell him that he had done enough and should stop (in that's session), but she herself rarely laid a finger on me, i saw my mother as guilty as my dad. In fact, even more so because while i understood that once dad got started he was in his own world and out of control, offloading his range on me, my mum was the one who enabled it by not standing up for me, and could stop it. She was complicit. I saw her as guilty as my dad. I felt more let down by her because of it and hated her more for it. Her influence in it was more chilling for me, more callous, than my dads. Even if she was helpless to do anything, i was her child and she was the only other adult who i would expect to help me. She was a traitor. I feel sorry for my dad now. But not mum. I still despise her for it.

[@monickalynn4365]

Same story as mine. Difficult to experience.I'd never have killed them though. They are both better now (parents).

[@lucidity_world]

@monickalynn4365 I'm glad your parents are not like that now. Mine still are I believe but I'm no longer a child living at home with them. I cannot imagine the full extent of what these brothers went through but have been listening to the hearings and it is clear to me that they had it much more horrific than many people, not that it's a competition but when your life is threatened then how you may respond is not predictable. I can understand that taking the measures they did could eventuate. I wished and prayed for my parents to die many times as a child and I was not abused as horrifically as these brothers were.

[@KimChi-iy7jd]

Dear Dr. Grande, a mother should protect her children, if a father is abusing her children she should do everything in her power to save them, even from him. I guess, the sons had a tremendous amount of destructive feelings for their mother, if abuse has taken place. In my opinion the heinous acts they commited against her are maybe an indication, that the allegation of abuse might be real. For me, it would explain their hatred. Still, a lot of people suffer terrible abuse and become very good human beeings, so for me, it is absolutely just, that they have to serve their time in prison. I cannot say anything about manslaughter versus murder in the first degree, because I am from Europe and think, I do not know enough about the distinction of these two different charges in the US system. Thank you, for your very educational and highly sophisticated videos!

[@alexandraschuster9700]

We all react differently how trauma shapes us as human beings. Yes, you are correct other abused children become adjusted, empathetic and successful... but it is impossible to gauge trauma by measuring abuse to abuse and coming up with a size fits all. We all are universes apart but the same

[@paintinganimalsonrocks7633]

@Lydia Nevins Both.

[@xino_z]

Kim Chi this is a great comment!

[@brownleaf_o1]

@Chipmonk Ever heard of stockholm syndrome

[@YaraPNdeSa]

I’m a mental health counselor studying for my licensing; so glad I found your KZbin channel :-)

[@CarmenGonzalez-i3o]

Please don't use this guy as an example

[@RA-zj3vs]

I'm watching this in March of 2024 and I just want to tell you that you have really come a long way as far as the quality of your videos😀

[@pezeron24]

One important aspect is that the family lived in Beverly Hills and seemed to have no moral compass. The combination of financial affluence and low morals is always a bad combination.

[@Dhruv_Dogra]

Very true!

[@charleshildebrand9300]

So if a person or family lives in Beverly Hills and is also affluent this causes low morals?

[@jamesshaw6363]

Can't comment on the case but it's great to see the remit of this channel expanding. Lord knows where you find time to do all the research

[@katkatkatkat463]

He did not research this well at all.

[@feurigerStern]

The mother was "involved" because according to the Menendez brothers she was aware of both the sexual and emotional abuse, yet allowed it to happen. They saw her as equally guilty.

[@Anascissors]

You are 48???? I wouldn't give you a day over 35.

[@DrGrande]

You are too kind - 47 technically :)

[@floratink]

Agreed. I wouldve guessed mid 30s.

[@DheerajKattula]

Absolutely. I thought you were my age 38.

[@Ruffiansea]

Same here, Anascissors! Does Dr. Grande have a portrait in his attic? ;)

[@lynnfowler1784]

I would've though around 38. You do look very good for your age. Genetics?

[@calebdallas5643]

watched every day of both of those trials. A number of family members testified. Only ONE testified for the prosecution and that was Kitty's brother. He may have stood to inherit, as the boys, if convicted, could not. Every other family member testified to abuse and neglect of the boys going back when they were toddlers. At one point, before Jose was successful, the family lived on the same block as one of the parents' siblings. That woman testified to Erik walking to her house with a dirty diaper and unfed. Kitty would take them to a shopping mall and when they were not looking, she would duck behind a clothing rack and leave them in a department store. The kids would become terrified and in tears and store security would keep them until Kitty showed up a few hours later. "Oh, thank you! They slipped away. I've looked all over for them." Horrible emotional abuse and it started when they were very very young children. This was all revealed in testimony from family members who knew the whole story. After a tennis game on the family's court, one of the cousins walked into a guest bathroom and found Jose in the shower with Erik. After a hung jury, there was a second trial. The judge kept all the abuse testimony out. And without knowing the entire story, the jury decided on the limited facts that were allowed by the judge. Hollywood protects its own and that is why it is never mentioned in documentaries that Jose Menendez has been accused by other people of sexual abuse, was possibly linked to a pedophile ring, etc. Another thing that is NEVER brought up in these documentaries is that Jose and Kitty owned firearms themselves - they kept two loaded .22 rifles in the master bedroom closet, but that's never talked about in the media. Gee, I wonder why. I mean, if people feel that them breaking into houses, taking stuff and putting it back (when the parents were alive) is relevant to the case. So is jose having previous sexual molestation ties BEFORE the brothers. That's more critical. This is the media and hollywood we are talking about, jose was one of their own, and to expose that would be exposing that part of hollywood and the industry. And its hollywood themselves making these specials. To expose more of jose's past as a holywood exec is to also be outting themselves and their own industry, something they already try hard not to do. They know what they are doing when they ONLY tell convenient parts of their boy's past but not the convenient parts of their parents' past

[@csloane4129]

well said! Jose also drugged and raped one of the boys from Menudo named Roy.

[@estrelladelamanana2416]

I totally agree, the Justice system fails to the Menéndez brothers they were terribly abuse by Jose and kitty .

[@maisonleigh4724]

They killed their mother (in my opinion) because she allowed the abuse to continue. She even allegedly admitted to one of them that she’d known the whole time.

[@jimmytwostones]

Hardly a reason for murder. They could have just left

[@sharongannon-rp1cp]

@@jimmytwostones I think that after suffering years of abuse, the boys were suffering from PTSD. You're right, they could have left, but they finally had enough and decided to fight back. It's very telling that Erik and Lyle have 24 family members that love and support them to this day.

[@Curtis69213]

You can’t leave a witness dummy

[@LivingLifeWithLisa]

I'm old enough to remember this case very well. I felt at the time, they blamed their mom for not protecting them from their father.

[@commonsense2680]

Dr Grande, you are so logical and clear thinking, thank you!

[@gingermoore3201]

The sons said that the mother knew about the abuse. That made her guilty as well in their minds.

[@lynn2574]

A cousin even testified in the first trial that While she was staying with them for an extended time, Eric disclosed the abuse to her. She went and got’Aunt Kitty’ and told her. The cousin said Kitty because extremely angry, called Eric a liar, grabbed his arm and led him to his father.

[@thomasjmitchell2306]

Doesn't give you the right to commit murder!

[@thehighpriestess8431]

Because she was.

[@Marie-yr9vt]

made her as guilty in their minds, and as guilty in reality. If you are aware of a crime but do nothing about it, that makes you (legally, and morally of course) an accomplice to that crime. You can be legally charged with being an accomplice to something (usually its something like knowledge of a murder, but you don't inform anyone)- so it should be the same in this case, while she may not have committed some of the crimes, her knowledge and inaction make her guilty in reality as well

[@doctorposting]

@@lynn2574all the adults in the family failed them☹️☹️☹️

[@lynnpurcell7583]

When one parent becomes an abuser and the other looks away the one who ignores it becomes the more hated. And plz don't tell me you don't know that's why they went out and got more ammo for her.

[@lynnsmith399]

She was also a witness to them murdering their father. No choice at that point.

[@pamelawalton1643]

Ohh Dr. Grande...... I am a Incest Survivor just like the MENENDEZ Brothers. My Father was the PERPETRATOR from the time that I was a little girl, and it went on for years with my oldest sister, and I. Just like with the MENENDEZ Brothers, my mother knew about the sexual abuse from my father, and was allowing it to happen ‼️‼️. This was late '60's into the '70's. Several of my relatives knew it was going on also. Just like the MENENDEZ family ‼️. Multiple people are coming forward saying they knew it was going on, they told Kitty, and they would give the account of what she said, and how she did nothing ‼️ Kitty was also extremely, severely, physically, verbally, and mentally abusive with the boys. She would lock them in their rooms, etc. There have been numerous accounts of Kitty's horrendous abuse ‼️‼️. Not to mention her not protecting them as their mother. Plus, Jose was threatening to kill the boys if they told anyone ‼️‼️‼️. There are a lot more details, but I think that's enough. They will serve a life sentence within their own minds with PTSD, and other Mental Health Issues. I'm 64 yrs old now. I go to counseling regularly. Trust Me. It's A Life Long Healing Process/Journey, Dr. Grande. Let them out, so they can help other people on their journey. You don't know unless you have experienced it ‼️‼️‼️. Free Them Now ‼️‼️‼️

[@kimryan8574]

Hello Pamela ,am so sorry what happened to you,my story is very similar to yours and we are of same ages,though in my case the abuser was the mother .it took many many years to find the right metal health practitioner, once a woman physicarist told me woman don't molest children ,i froze in disbelief in the office ,have a ok mental health.worker now, some days are good some days are rotten, I really feel bad for the 2 brothers ,they were very young and confused ,truly wishing they have another trail. Stay well ,thanks for sharing , We are more than what we had to endure ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[@pamelawalton1643]

@@kimryan8574 Hello Kim 👋👍🤗 Thank You for Replying. I am Sorry you had to go through your traumatic experience, also. Your Right..... some good days, some not so much. But it's made me a strong person. I'm sure you are a very strong person too. I feel bad for the brothers too. I hope and pray they get a resentencing, and they don't even have to go through another trial. Because if they would have been allowed to talk about their sexual abuse in the second trial, the charge would have been manslaughter. Then they would have already exceeded the number of years of incarceration required for manslaughter ‼️. So, I hope they get out and are able to go home and celebrate their Aunt's 93 Birthday Celebration as she requested, and have Thanksgiving with Family at Home this Year. 🙌👍 It was nice meeting you, and chatting with you. Take Care of Yourself, Kim. 🤗👍🙏👋

[@mbd6054]

There was ample evidence, from multiple relatives, of abusive physically cruel parenting adduced at the first trial. It was clear that the boys were subjected to mental and physical cruelty, throughout their lives, by both parents, quite aside from the alleged sexual abuse. These accounts make it clear that they had very good reason to fear and dread their parents.

[@pearlfeather9326]

Yeah strict parents!

[@mbd6054]

@@pearlfeather9326 No. Strict parenting is desirable. There should be more of it. This was abusive parenting at the hands of sadistic parents. There is a difference.

[@LoriGarry]

​@pearlfeather9326 there is a very big difference from being strict and being abusive.

[@Emeraldcity70]

Dr. Grande, the most impressive thing about you is that even though I have followed these criminal cases for years- you know details that I didn't know. You do your homework. Impressive.

[@horsesrivers3368]

Horrifying all around. I do think, like numerous other posters, that if their abuse claims were true, that we can be near certain that the mother knew about the abuse. The fact that they included her in the plans, suggests that she knew and was complicit. The fact that they acted callously towards her by wounding her and returning to finish her off, may indicate a role reversal; they now were in a position of power and did nothing to exclude her from the event, exactly like she had done to them during the course of their childhood abuse by the father. Definitely could not simply be about getting hold of Daddy's bank cards. Sorrowful that the system failed these boys.

[@josievanotterlo5191]

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and discovered that it has components of physical, emotional and sexual abuse encased in shame. I was fortunate to find an outstanding therapist. My truth came later in life andI feel I was reborn into my authentic self, not who I was led to believe I was. I feel sad that these men could not break through their barriers and that their story had such a tragic ending. I can understand their emotions and actions. Your explanation is on point. Thank you.

[@roxannemoser]

There's a picture where Jose's hand was inappropriately placed on Lyle's leg. I believe they were abused because family members corroborated it. They deserve a new trial, with the possibility of release on time served. Kitty was emotionally abusive, because she stayed drunk and let the physical and sexual abuse continue. I would've been angry at her too. If she had lived, she would never have admitted her own shortcomings as a parent. However, instead of murdering both, I wish they would've taken charges against their father, or, just moved out and started their own lives without them.

[@machineofadream]

Be careful overanalyzing pictures like that. I do believe the abuse allegations, however, holding your kids on your lap to take a picture shouldn't be interpreted that way. If it were anyone other than Jose Menendez in that picture, I would not think anything of it.

[@sallyann985]

@@machineofadream the hand wasn't on his leg, like this person said, Jose actually has his hand on Lyle's crotch and the boy has a very uncomfortable look on his face. The picture get very conveniently cropped up in every documentary I've seen. It's difficult not to see the connection with the abuse allegations.

[@sharonwilfong503]

You reap what you sow. I appreciate your evenhanded analysis. I have greater insight into this case now.

[@adventurebabyboomer7318]

People purport the mother Kitty knew about the abuse for years, and enabled it. So they had extreme resentment against her......... She defended Jose at any cost. Sad.........!

[@Ad-Lo]

@Catherine Cote she wasn’t “allowed” to go upstairs when Jose was upstairs with the boys, alone. But she stayed downstairs - as ordered - and *_did not_* call the police. No wonder she died.

[@MindyBeee]

She abused them too

[@SuperDuppydoo]

Probably drank to ease her own pain and guilt of staying w a bisexual abusive, philanderer, and became abusive to Lyle bc that’s when she found out their dad was bisexual n it ruined her life... likely stayed for the money, no matter what... a failure all the way around, of the government not allowing the defense. Those boys have paid more than enough for their crime. God will take care of the parents.

[@Patriot842]

I think he is just brilliant. He definitely puts an inordinate amount of research, into every case we ask him about.💕

[@AMM3.]

I appreciate the fact my childhood abuse wasn't perpetrated by a family member. Being a victim of those people ment to protect you must be an extra level of devastation, even though I doubt that was a huge factor here...

[@thinktank8389]

What does an adult man do with daily memories of being sexually assaulted by a (friend) who was supposed to protect you. You end up a broken, pissed, angry, vengeful man. Who will never get justice. There's no way possible, that piece of ones heart never returned. Not a nice way to live. Assaults, rape etc. Must carry a death penalty. Or allow revenge. Or you get this...

[@karijaneify]

Sounds like that "friend" set you up; I'm incredibly sorry. A violent revenge doesn't heal the brokenness or anger, but healing does defeat what he did to you. That healing will remove the power (hurt, anger, self loathing) his crimes have over you. Please try talking with someone, finding a counselor of some type. You don't deserve to carry this with you any more. In the beginning of my process, I resented and hated the fact that I, the victim, had to be the one to go through counseling (it's not always pleasant)....but after a while my opinion changed and I found I had taken control of my life....ripping it away from them and what they did. I wish that for you. I don't know what your finances are, but if challenging, there are organization that can help you find resources....be persistent. Life can be better for you!

[@sherryfaye6262]

Me, too. An emotional connection to the person(s) who deliberately set you up and prey on your body, feelings, and trust twist something in your head. In my experience, females may turn that inward at first, and males may turn it outward. Still, many years later, paranoia resides in that twisted spot in my mind. I don’t say anything, but I watch out for the vulnerable around me.

[@optimalwebsite]

Sounds like you're suffering from CPTSD, there are books / youtube channels about it. Others have recovered. So can you.

[@bruh-wc1gs]

This case makes me so mad. I can’t believe the pain, shame and frustration they must have felt being abused and assaulted by their own father 🤮 and now they are spending their life in prison for it.

[@connieflores3841]

And they also went on a million dollar spending spree..

[@edwardwong654]

Erik mentioned to his therapist that he killed his parents but not the abuse? And there is no evidence of the abuse other than a letter? What was in that letter? The confidential information really messed up the verdict, but in the end "justice" was probably served. This is one of the most interesting cases of parricide. And I thought I knew everything about the case, but Dr Grande introduced new knowledge, insight, and perspectives.

[@jennifertaylor2893]

If the mother covered everything the father did to "keep up appearances" I could understand their hate for the mother.

[@mmarciniak]

Is pre-occupation with old murder cases considered a mental health disorder?! I’m beginning to question my mental health....

[@jashnchahal7544]

What where did this theory come from

[@Vcarr12]

🖐🤣

[@jashnchahal7544]

@@Vcarr12 lol seems like you’re really enjoying yourself

[@Vcarr12]

It’s funny that I’m not alone in my mental illness

[@mariee.5912]

🤣🤣🤣I don't think so, I hope it's not.

[@Pisti846]

I thought it was telling that Jose's brother and mother stood by the boys during the trial. Jose and Kitty Menendez were monsters, and the boys were railroaded.

[@Crimson11100]

I thought they killed their mother, because she knew about the abuse and did nothing about it.

[@lynnsmith399]

Or because she was a witness?

[@agentwalrus3446]

@@lynnsmith399 they didn’t kill her because she was a witness they killed both out of fear there is no separating either parent out. She obviously was an abuser just like Jose just Jose was at a greater extent and Kitty threatens to poison the family multiple times. They knew kitty was very powerful just herself not mentally but able to work her way around things. That night they saw kitty as Jose.

[@lynnsmith399]

@@agentwalrus3446 They were still scared of her after she was crawling away an bleeding out? 🙄

[@agentwalrus3446]

@@lynnsmith399 they didn’t wanna be caught especially at their age and mental age. They just decided to finish her because what was the point of making her suffer. It was a moment of shock like “ oh I just shot my parents”

[@lynnsmith399]

@@agentwalrus3446 The didn’t want to be caught... but at the same time they didn’t kill her because she was a witness? Forgive me, but I’m confused.

[@a_lucientes]

Excellent analysis. One of the brothers (I think Kyle) had mentioned the sexual abuse to a cousin years earlier, asking him, if his father would come into his room at night. I cant even imagine what that does to a kid's head. It's a real shame the way they handled it, but then again, they are their parents children.

[@lotuspoints]

So nice to get these old videos in the algorythm. Dr Grande back in the making ❤❤❤

[@allisondoyle5488]

Your videos are always well researched and concise. They never seem scripted but seem carefully worded with minimal editing. I’m curious about your process and how much time you devote to each video. Absolutely love your channel!

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much - perhaps I can record a video soon about the process I use for each recording -

[@thomasjmitchell2306]

Keep it up Doc! Great overall analysis!

[@dthilgen855]

Some of your statements are wrong.

[@angelas2395]

I was scrolling through your videos hoping you had done a video on the Menendez brothers. This case has always fascinated me.

[@Maya-vs3ox]

I believe that Erik and Lyle really did love their mom and I feel like when they “officially” found out that their mom knew what was going on the whole time and didn’t protect them from it could have made them go into rage

[@amyhenningsgard8618]

@@denisequinn9015 I agree. Anyone who knew about the alleged abuse should have reported it to the police and child protective services.

[@shhhquietplease6264]

their trial videos always make me cry they are so haunting. its extremely painful to watch and if i do, i do not sleep for several days. its among the worst cases of child abuse because the children are still alive and old enough to tell their story. but most people, did not believe them. i dont think they deserved life sentences. i think they should have been at least on parole by today. they should have had a retrial. how trapped would a child have to feel, that they figure the only way to escape their parents is to kill them? their mother protected their father and refused to believe the boys when they tried to tell her about him. so basically she enabled the abuse by turning a blind eye to it. so because of her, the boys felt completely unsafe because neither parent was doing their role in protecting them from harm also just wanted to state that i think its awesome that you followed in your parents footsteps as a career

[@vivek264bit]

Great video! I searched your videos and was wondering do you have any videos about hoarding. I have some family members and no idea how to approach the issue of their hoarding.

[@DrGrande]

I will be recording a video on hoarding soon - I don't have one published as yet - thanks for commenting!

[@k.ambriz9789]

I second this. I know people that struggle with this as a result of growing and living poverty.

[@gnomesb]

Hoarding is a major issue for my father and his siblings. I have ‘saved’ my father on several occasions for no result but now that he is elderly and immobile he needs rescuing again. I guess I contribute to the situation.

[@juliedurden1320]

I would also be interested in this subject. Ever since my husband became disabled 16 years ago he sits in bed all day and collects “antiques.” The clutter is unbelievable and I feel trapped. Don’t even like being in my home anymore and would rather be at work or church.

[@ybrueckner5589]

He recently did a video about hoarding it was superb

[@paulajohnson139]

I'm a retired MH professional. You have to know he was giving his girlfriend a vicarious thrill when he let her eavesdrop. He should have been sanctioned by his board the minute they found out. Good God.

[@aidasjournal]

I am truly impressed by Dr. Grande’s way of being objective and see way more than just one side of things. Really love the videos in general and is of course subscribing and liking ALMOST every video I watch. Love Ida, Norway

[@cereneryilmaz6715]

I watched on another KZbin Channel the same story with full of drama, some court footage and it was in a way very much romanticized. And I was deeply effected and sorry. Then I came here and watched Dr. Grande. And I realized facts and science should be our only base while judging such cases. I am now more clear about how I should feel about this whole case. And although I am still sad, I gained a more realistic and informed look! Thank you Dr. Grande 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@scottbaxendale323]

Dr. T, your presentation has come a long way since this video.

[@existenceispainforameeseeks]

as disturbing as these cases always are, Dr. Grande’s approach is fascinating to listen to.

[@asmith2406]

Their parents are not here to give their side of the story. You can say anything about somebody when they are dead.

[@hli1787]

Hello, just wanted to say that this was the most intellectual and well thought out discussion on the Menendez brothers. While I do believe they should be set free because of the severe mental trauma they endured as children, I found this very enlightening from all aspects. Thank you!

[@ahmadebadi6187]

I understand why the Menendez brothers felt trapped, afraid, and unable to just walk away from their situation. Abuse, especially at the hands of a parent, can psychologically imprison you, making you believe that there’s no escape. It’s easy to ask why they didn’t simply leave, but when someone has a grip on your mind and life, leaving doesn’t feel like a real option. The fear of retaliation and the mental conditioning abuse creates can make you feel powerless, even when freedom seems within reach. In my own life, I remember feeling this same paralyzing fear. When I was 25, I wanted to move from the U.S. to Austria for my spouse’s job. I was financially independent, married, and a university graduate-yet when I told my dad, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I dare you.” He even threatened to come after me if I moved, as if there was no way to escape his reach. Despite my accomplishments and independence, his words instantly made me feel powerless. The mental hold he had on me was so strong that I felt terrified to act against his will. Growing up, my father physically abused me and my siblings, creating a constant undercurrent of fear. Though he didn’t sexually abuse me, the physical violence and psychological control he wielded made us feel like we had no autonomy. My father came from a prominent family, and he maintained an outwardly respectable image, but behind closed doors, he was a different person. I know firsthand how abuse becomes a hidden weight that others don’t see or understand, trapping you even when you’re physically free to leave. I understand what it’s like to feel rage mixed with fear, to feel unable to confront or stand up to someone who has tormented you. Abuse shapes you in ways that only those who have experienced it can fully understand. Despite my strength and success now, I know that without my mother’s influence, I might have reacted differently to the years of abuse. The fear that an abuser instills doesn’t just disappear; it’s an invisible chain that holds you back long after the abuse ends.

[@lauriebryant520]

I appreciate Dr. Grande's approach in evaluation of the case

[@rachelsmename]

I really enjoy your videos. I just subscribed to them. You have a kind thoughtful way when you discuss topics. Your voice is warm and makes you more trustworthy and approachable too.

[@aarondavis8943]

"They had difficulty with impulsivity" In other words, they liked to break into people's house and steal their stuff.

[@fanny3942]

Thank you Dr. Todd Grande. It was a great analysis.

[@fire12731]

Hi Dr Todd . This is a complex case for sure . Just so you’re aware , a female cousin corroborated the horrible abuse inflicted by José, the father . I think they murdered Kitty , the mom, due to escalating resentment that she didn’t protect them as a mother should

[@catsberry4858]

Corroborated the sexual abuse, too?

[@fire12731]

@Marsha Mack the cousin gave a sworn statement / testimony . I don’t know what evidence there was , especially back then. I believe there was another family member , a relative who was the same age as Lyle and Erik and he said the same thing. I don’t agree that they were just evil brats at all. Do I agree with the murder ? No, of course not. I was a teen when this happened and it was well documented on the news and all but it’s not something I’ve followed over the years. I know reporters who have devoted their careers to this case and were at the trials day in and day out and believe 100% that Lyle and Erik were victims of abuse . The judge didn’t allows certain evidence to be entered or testimony to be heard so I really don’t know

[@tishcortez3716]

Wait, how can you say that you don't see how the mother was involved? She was complicit in their abuse, and she neglected them.

[@RayneGraceK7]

I believe, in one of the brothers' testimony, they alluded to the fact that the mother very much knew and was allowing the abuse to continue. Somethung along the lines of after an instance of abuse, one of the boys was crying and the mother said "remember how I showed you not to cry". In that case, I believe the mother would be just as guilty and merit the same treatment in the boys' eyes.

[@Anastashya]

Goodness I thought you were about 32 🥺. Very interesting case, and now I’ll have to look it up because I don’t know it! Thank you for an informative video, Dr Grande. Your professionalism is admirable when speaking about others. Have a beautiful sunny day! ☺️

[@rickECU]

This was very informative and thought-provoking and while I go back and forth I do tend to more steadily stay on the side that Justice was served and your point about the mother's murder being incredibly heinous above and beyond their frame of reference is so true

[@pammf9391]

Just watched this video though posted months ago. I originally watched the case on Court Tv and listened to court experts at the time..During the first trial, family members were allowed to discuss their feelings and observations as to whether or not there was possible abuse..-- but in 1993, people still did not want to discuss possible abuse whether it be a priest or especially by a parent (look how long it has taken to address female abuse in work place). No one talked about it but they expected these boys to openly talk. I do not remember you mentioning that their retrial started just 8 days after OJ had been acquitted - the judge changed the rules- no live tv viewing plus no mention of the abuse which meant no family member could bring it up...it seemed at the time like one person got off and the next person was going to pay. I think it should have been manslaughter or murder with possible parole..I agree there was planning and as far as their mother goes--- maybe seeing their mother laying on her husbands lap- still like protecting him- where she should have been protecting her sons from abuse...maybe a part of them snapped... Note: Though my grandmother raised me , my mother was abusive- even in later years I tried to tell my Dad- but to his dying days would defend her and totally not believe me.

[@camuscat123]

I suspect their anger against their mother may have been consequent to her knowledge and perhaps witnessing of abuse. Her bystander stance may have elicited more extreme anger, as she could have defended them. There is no way to determine this, as they murdered her. Clearly, this was carefully planned. But...I wasn't at the trial...I cannot speculate

[@SmallBobby]

Wendy Mcreynollds how is it that the mother deserves more anger when the father is the actual monster here? We’re taking it easier on the monster than the woman in this case. Unbelievable

[@marilynwagers786]

THEY NEED TO BE SET FREE THOSE CHIDREN WERE ABUSED NO ONE CARED

[@Loulydollx3]

the murder was proven in the court NOT planned at all

[@moomama217]

When I was in highschool I was part of a LARGE youth group. One of the junior high students was being severely abused by her stepfather. I know the following to be true because I was part of the testimony and one of my parents worked for the pastor. Her mother knew and told her that she needed to cooperate and be a good girl because he was paying the bills. She even blamed her daughter for the actions of this man. The senior pastor of this very large Church sat down with her and explained that she either left him or the church would be calling the authorities. He assured her that the church would help her financially and help with housing as well as finding her a job. She tried to explain to the pastor that suffering is godly and that this girl was learning a valuable lesson for later in life. The pastor was true to his word. He called the authorities and gave testimony as did the youth workers and her daughter's closest friends. In the end mom did 6 months with 18 months of probation. The stepdad went away for a very long time and the child was moved out of state and became the ward of one of her aunts and her family. While mom was not the one perpetrating the abuse, she was absolutely the one turning her head and allowing the abuse so that she had financial security. Last I heard she and this man never did divorce. 30 years later, she probably wonders why she doesn't have a relationship with her daughter.

[@rullmourn1142]

TY, I appreciate the ones you do on crime, a lot.

[@19katsandcounting]

I always felt they were abused, killing of the parents was enough proof in itself for me. But at the same time, I don’t think they should be permitted to walk freely in society without an extraordinary amount of rehabilitation. That’s unfortunate that they were set up for some sort of failure in life. They probably didn’t think anyone would miss their parents anyway, especially if they didn’t.

[@donnaross5105]

I started out "on their side" but now, these many years later, I suspect they are sociopaths. They may have been abused..in some way...but society's rules are that you don't get to be judge, jury, and executioner of your parents. You LEAVE! Jose' wouldn't have KILLED them! He would have sued them for defamation of character. They needed them DEAD before they had time to change their wills!!!

[@Clintsessentials]

The brother's psychiatrist was a quack!!! He was sooooo unethical!

[@__SAK__]

Please look into Jennifer Kszepka, 1992 killed her father and sister when she was 15 years old. She was sentenced to 40 years in prison I believe. Later it came out she was abused by her father.

[@merricat3025]

Imo, kids who kill their abusive parents get less sympathy than wives who kill husband's,. I think it should be other way around

[@shoelace7160]

It's interesting to watch your older videos and notice how your delivery has evolved. Definitely much more calm and confident now, plus you let your sense of humor shine more, which we all appreciate! Good job to both past and present Dr. Grande :)

[@ShesGottaFastCar]

This popped up in my algorithm and I agree with your assessment and perspective wholeheartedly.

[@JansViews]

OMG!! This was soo interesting! I love the way you describe everything so clearly that even I can understand! I watched the entire video. I personally think they deserved their sentences for their heinous crimes and enjoyed your explanation of what drew you to come to the same conclusion. Please do more of these types of videos!!

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much - I am so glad you enjoyed the video!

[@LauraVee63]

I agree! Very interesting; love Dr. Grande. Unsure if you're old enough to remember this trial, but look at the case online. Back in '89 (at least in Los Angeles where I live) was huge news. The whole case is super interesting. Like the Watts case, no one could fathom that two rich boys could murder their parents. Unreal.

[@raybankes7668]

I didnt enjoy this video at all. it brings up lots of shit

[@ivdddoxiemama7275]

I always believed they did it because they went through so much and either their mother abused both of them or one of the brothers or she at least new whay their father had done and ignored it.

[@sherrykhelawan3047]

19:15 YES! I strongly believe that people who believe they "deserve to rot in prison" are the people who either: 1. Never experienced that level of abuse for that long or just no abuse at all AND simply refuse to educate themselves on how that type of abuse and trauma the brothers endured could affect someone for the rest of their life, 2. Currently are or have been abusers themselves so they don't see what Jose was doing was something wrong because they don't believe/ want to accept what they themselves as an abuser is doing is wrong. OR 3. Still unfortunately believe that males can't be sexually abused or if they believe the were, then they have a "they're men. They need to get over it" mindset towards the brothers. Because I would genuinely like to know from someone who is fully aware of all the evidence and witnesses of (only a fraction of) what the brothers went through and still believe they deserve to spend the rest of their lives there. How? Why? Yes, yes, yes murder is wrong but so is abusing and violating your children like that while they were still basically BABIES and not to mention, those are the most important years for children or humans in general. In childhood is where you mold your child into what they'll become in the future, in terms of their mental health by what you say to them and how you treat them. Do you really expect to treat someone like a punching bag or your sex slave for yearsss while they're helpless and expect them to neverrrr reach a breaking point?

[@Griffindor1955]

Mom did not protect. Children do have enormous anger for that-maybe even more than for the perpetrator. But even if the abuse occurred, I do think Justice was done. They are dangerous. Thank you for the excellent analysis!