Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident

After a small train derailment in Delaware, Americans all across the nation are senselessly fearing for their loved ones' lives.

[@Hamza.Deniz.]

1% in hospital, but because they work there

[@SunflowerSpotlight]

Hamza Deniz Oh my God, I KNEW it! That’s my boyfriend RIGHT NOW. I have to go see him. Get him out of there!! With all the horribly mangled thousands of people from the train wreck flooding in, its his only hope. It may be too late. We needed more time together! We deserved more time.

[@PaleBlueDott]

As a med student that one got me pretty good

[@user-vi4xy1jw7e]

We watched the same video. Congrats.

[@Mario_1611]

Workplace accidents are a major cause of death.

[@thezestyman9159]

Yeah I watched the video too

[@moccamonster]

My heart goes out to all the people who have a minor chance of being deceased.

[@iscreenshotnfts7954]

A 10 year old comment with no comments weird

[@Mohammed-2338]

@@iscreenshotnfts7954 10 years and only one comment reply...weird!

[@einarreriksson4598]

Where did they bury the survivors?

[@Oscar4u69]

100% of Earth population runs that risk lol

[@goodstuff8156]

You think people are immortal?

[@ianmoyron3919]

What if I'm dead on the train.....

[@johnsmith-jz6my]

If you're dead then so am I

[@joshuaanderson2185]

Close the app. Pull the battery.

[@wsphh2692]

john smith 666 likes

[@plokijum]

Very unlikely. Please stay calm until all the bodies have been identified.

[@aqib360]

It wouldn't matter considering this is a simulation

[@learnedhand7647]

I haven't seen my wife in 7 years, before she left she said she was going to the store to get cigarettes. She likes to ride trains, what if she was on the train?!!!

[@provolonewashingtoniii1366]

She's on the bbc train

[@MastaSmack]

Are you kidding? Haven't seen the wife in 7 years? Sounds like you won...you still have the house?

[@OfficialKMAClub]

@Toori Baba All aboard!!!

[@goyonman9655]

I'm sorry man Have you found her?

[@scottvelez3154]

Speaking of trains, we've all been running a train on her.

[@JayDonagh]

This video is from 2011 and I don't live in America. But I think I'm dead on that train.

[@steezburger609]

You never existed at all

[@HandlelessTML]

I'm like 98% sure you are

[@PuadafaProductions]

Jay Donagh sorry for your loss

[@Sindraug25]

Well, you are a ghost after all.

[@galekFE]

Try calling yourself! You always answer your phone so there might not be any reason to worry if you answer.

[@Thrifty032781]

As a man who lived in Delaware for most of my life and has ridden trains many times, this terrifies me.

[@flagflow1232]

You might have died there in that train.

[@ItsOnlyJustMe]

By the time you get to Slower Lower Delaware you will pray for the sweet release of death.

[@Thrifty032781]

@@ItsOnlyJustMe I find Sussex county to be pretty quaint. And I love the beaches. I prefer the wild waves of Cape Henlopen to the Rehoboth Beach boardwalk.

[@tuc-kaankaraayan]

Yes same. This happened to me once. One day I was packing my stuff to leave my grandparents and come back home but decided not to because my cousin begged me not to leave and spend more time. When night time came I heard the news of the train crash that happened. My grandpa and his friend went there to look what happened and when they come back they were talking and I happened to catch what they were saying... Foots,Heads and bodies. Had a existential crisis for like a whole week. Kept thinking what if I was there. ( ; _ ;) The media was not clear how many people has died and didn't touch on it too much other than 2/3 times since it was the governments fault. They made the tracks on loose dirt with rusted rails. Thinking back to it still terrifies me so much.

[@MisterSpinalzo]

I myself have also ridden one or two trains in my life. Now I'm not American, in fact I have never been outside of Europe in my life but still, I could've been in that train, I COULD'VE BEEN IN THAT TRAIN

[@monal9918]

As a man who has heard of Delaware, im terrified that i am on that train and could be dead.

[@yeezuschrist420]

Underrated

[@einarreriksson4598]

I'm sorry to tell you, you are dead. I see KZbin posts from dead people!

[@jffrysith4365]

As a man who has never heard of Delaware, I am truly terrified that I'm currently on that very train.

[@mikearchibald744]

PLEASE RESPOND! Its been three years, were you on that train and are you now deceased.. Or do you just wish you were.

[@jakefromstatefarm9507]

@@mikearchibald744 hes dead, how is he going to respond? He was on the train!

[@OPULTV]

i watched this video near my mom and she said “i hope that’s not the train that goes to new york, my friends always ride that train” LMFAO

[@blcklstd6156]

LMFAOOO

[@Leolm037]

LMFAO

[@b__c7538]

No she didn't

[@leavemeout4987]

@@b__c7538 Ok buddy.

[@daiel1360]

@@b__c7538 not everything is fake

[@FruitsAndLeaves]

My friend rides that train to work everyday at that exact time. I haven’t heard from them in 8 years. But I‘m not stupid enough to have any irrational fear. I’m sure they’ll return my calls soon.

[@Sophiebryson510]

Oh god

[@iamlrrrruleroftheplanetomi1799]

Did you change your number? I've been tryin to return your call for 6 years. Hope all is well you sounded worried in the voice-mail. I'll try you again when I get to my stop.

[@frostywing8941]

Stage one: denial

[@NJ-wb1cz]

I haven't heard from you for over a year but I'm sure you're all right

[@muhammadthefabulous]

@@frostywing8941 what's that taste like?

[@AINGELPROJECT667]

I saw a train once. Should I be worried?

[@nekozombie]

most definitely.

[@DiamondSG]

@@nekozombie there's no point in replying they're dead. But then again, we are too

[@AINGELPROJECT667]

@Matricx700Oh no

[@laserdragon1253]

Yep. You died in the train crash while you were thousands of miles away in Europe.

[@AINGELPROJECT667]

@@laserdragon1253 oh no!

[@zer0_cool]

You can't believe the relief I felt when I finally found out my sister hadn't been in the train accident but had just drowned in a capsized boat.

[@Sleestiq]

My prayers go out to you for the grief you must have felt during your time of worry.

[@clyde__cruz1]

*1%* In Hospital, but because they work there *11%* In Shower *13%* Hands Full *15%* Charging Phone *20%* Asleep *40%* In a Meeting

[@lordofthecats6397]

But what if they were charging their phone ON THE TRAIN?!?!

[@MegaBallPowerBall]

@@lordofthecats6397 There are charging outlets on trains?

[@kidz9499]

@@MegaBallPowerBall There are portable chargers.

[@taliesine.8343]

@@MegaBallPowerBall yes there are

[@ralanham76]

100% covered it

[@adh0c468]

“No Tracy, some people are definitely dead. Bodies are still being pulled from the crashed train”. Video title: Minor train accident.

[@GreenLightMe]

More and more limbs are being found in Boston but officials can not find the people these parts belong to, people are not sure if their legs are among the missing ----- hospitals are flooded with calls with people looking for body parts, not remembering if they should have 2 hands or 3. This crisis is spiraling out of control.

[@roguishpaladin]

GreenLightMe I'm shipping up to Boston to find my wooden leg.

[@whade62000]

Police so far have identified 2 arms, one pair of legs, both ears, and 9 fingers, and one kidney, forcing them to assume that there at least 16 people missing various body parts out there

[@xyannail4678]

To be fairly honest if we started finding corpses with 3 arms or legs I would be terrified.

[@cmilla111]

My wife just keeps telling me I'm stoned as fuck but she also makes fun of my bad memory all the time. Maybe I lost my third leg on that train and the surgeons just did a really good job of hiding the scar.

[@6023barath]

I know you said this 8 years ago...but are you saying that the situation is getting out of hand?!

[@genericallyericli4648]

0:57 "entire us population may be believed dead"

[@FriscoX]

how can I get a job at the onion?

[@mousedev7141]

gotta get a degree in not giving a fuck

[@Ben-rz9cf]

and graduate as valedictorian in being savage af

[@seekerotruth4963]

Probably you've to be so smart that you could cut an actual onion without "crying"

[@ZImpresive]

You can't because I'm already applying for the Job. Fight me.

[@ryanmathis8286]

Seeker O' Truth lol that isnt that hard

[@ZuluWarriorz]

"Before crisis is over,Entire U.S poppulation may be believed dead" LMAO!!

[@48956l]

It's more likely than you'd think.

[@hairyputter5363]

I love how carefree people were 9 years ago

[@Tricia_K]

Funniest line!

[@sebastiansullivan6450]

Pretty much yeah

[@Kattalanonyt]

@@48956l Dude, this comment was 8 years before coronavirus.

[@bp56789]

"There is nothing beyond this, to believe otherwise would be folly" hahaha

[@supermarc]

hahaha.

[@doctorhealsgood5456]

hahahaha.

[@52flyingbicycles]

That’s EXACTLY what the DHS wants us to think 🤯

[@joyphobic]

@hi there you would disagree with reality

[@edwardadams1024]

@hi there What makes you think that any human can even begin to scrape at the surface of reality? I'm certainly not saying the hindus are right, but to be certain about what reality is is very naive and completely unscientific.

[@timberwolfdtproductions3890]

Wow, I understand how those people feel. I heard about a multiple bus pile-up in New Delhi this morning, and it scared the shit out of me! Just last night I was talking to my Sister, and she had Indian food for dinner! Naturally, I frantically tried calling her right away, but got voicemail. My nephew said he thought she was having a root canal, and since 1 in 2,700,000 root canal patients die during the procedure, that didn’t make things any easier. It’s been a rough day….

[@carlosvalois8966]

Oh, my god, is she okay?

[@Door227]

She died twice

[@pxlarxid]

Instead of watching the news I now only watch the onion

[@mafiabrett]

Be careful.. I do the same. Then recently I had a psychologist tell me I had "unrealistic views about reality"

[@tomlxyz]

Is that bad?

[@drollfurball2863]

@mafiabrett You know, that could be a good name for another Onion video.

[@DoneDragon1]

What's the difference lol

[@MCMaterac]

And You're better informed... or less misinformed at least ;)

[@barfyspitz]

I'm worried that he went to Delaware and got on that train....Brilliant

[@solaramedina7804]

😂😂😂

[@sarcrazy530]

I took a train to Delaware a month ago and I give condolences to myself and all the other victims of this horrific tragedy 🙏

[@lewiszim]

I should send this to my grandmother. The other day she sent me a text that read, "I heard that there was a crash on I-90. Are you okay?"

[@nekozombie]

*In hospital, but because they work there*

[@iinferno2010]

When that dude started rattling off all the other ways a loved one could have died I just lost it. I was howling with laughter, so well done.

[@ChamChamRealSmooth]

The one that got me the most is "poison accidentally ingested".

[@coralline5980]

I was so hoping the punchline would be the nation descending into anarchy due to widespread panic and everyone believing their loved ones had died from one of those causes 😂

[@npip99]

Let's not ignore the fact that 40% "in a meeting" means 40% "doesn't want to pick up and giving you an excuse"

[@pandemicphilly60]

You sound like someone hurt you

[@DrMelvinCromwell]

@@pandemicphilly60”pandemic Philly” you sound like you have an iq of 40

[@timesnewlogan2032]

Something like this actually happened to Amtrak. As I recall, a train hit an empty bus, and people sued for injuries. The judge threw out the case and called for the lawyers to be disbarred.

[@redshuttleredacted6422]

gold

[@hkchan1339]

Good

[@toujours4390]

The one about her brother leaving in California yet stating that he likes train and somehow that makes it possible for him to be on the train accross the country was just brilliant ....

[@dervakommtvonhinten517]

as a german who has never been to delaware and learning of these news 11 years after they aired i fear i might have been among the victims and just not known. ignorance is truly bliss, now i have to live (or not) with that fact.

[@pisces2569]

As a rail enthusiast from Wilmington who was alive during this crash, I’m terrified I might be dead

[@lillieo4650]

As a woman who has never been to Delaware but has ridden a train twice in her life, I fear I may be dead.

[@mabrurh]

"Smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor" AHAHAHAHHA

[@lillani4527]

skOsH Awww 😭😭😭

[@JasonKaler]

"Such a shame since this is reality" - The Onion

[@LeviAckerman096]

I love how it escalates from "oh no, my family might have been on that train even though they live in Korea" to "my family never existed in the first place"

[@karterk2050]

I live in Nebraska, which is only about a 3 hour flight to Delaware. What if I’m dead because I’m right by there?

[@depurasangre86]

walked around the streets naked because i was convinced i was the last person alive that day. god! how embarrassing.

[@Bluespicygreen]

Help! It's 2018 and if you are seeing this message in 2155 I'm dead by now! Invent a time machine and rescue me at once!!!!!

[@seamoose9039]

Mmmmm...

[@seamoose9039]

Nah.

[@davidh6868]

mao zadong yeah, rescue me too please

[@firemonkey1015]

mao zadong - Sorry but I’m from the future and KZbin became obsolete in 2154 with about 0 users.

[@metalema6]

Me too thanks

[@UCannotDefeatMyShmeat]

“There is nothing beyond this, to believe otherwise is folly.” Amazing

[@3v3rythlngsc0nn3ct3d]

''There is nothing beyond this, to believe otherwise would be folly'' Jim Haggerty is a legend!🤣🤣🤣

[@dorkmax7073]

"We heard there was a tornado in Kansas. Is that near you?" "I live in California"

[@HansLemurson]

I'm from California and once there was a tornado which touched down in my area which was strong enough to break a couple tree branches and tangle some tennis nets! Pretty scary stuff.

[@Foodfast123]

"What Americans are doing instead of dying in a train accident" haha

[@warrensmith8161]

I am still waiting to learn who got killed in the Bowling Green terrorist attack.

[@stevekillgore9272]

And the motive ...

[@warrensmith8161]

@@stevekillgore9272 That should be obvious; to stoke irrational fears.

[@ChamChamRealSmooth]

"It's much more likely that someone you love died from medical problems, car accidents, being shot, freak acts of nature, poison accidentally ingested, falling down a flight of stairs, electrocution, accidental strangulation, random organ failure, drug overdose, surgery gone wrong..."

[@Dextline]

"Report: Almost no plot on TV makes sense if you remember that Internet exists" True story!

[@DougWIngate]

Im from New Zealand but when this report came out you wouldn't believe the stress i went through making sure none of my friends or family had recently flown to Delaware

[@TheChewanater]

I'm in Connecticut, which is only, like, a few hours from Delaware. OH NOES! WHAT IF I WAS KILLED!??

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

TheChewanater oh hi, chewanator

[@Adama.1]

oh hey oatmeal

[@clyde__cruz1]

Oh hey Super Fantastic

[@-xxxuchihacion-9047]

Frog Prince oh hi, frog prince

[@dontaejones7419]

As a young man in the UK who used to ride trains to work, this news story terrifies me. That easily could have been ME in that train!

[@uwlwsrpm]

Uh oh, my brother just went on a business trip to Denver, whose name begins with a D, just like Delaware! I think he might be dead!!! NO!!!!!!!!!

[@gabriels335]

"David Koch's severed hand regenerates" Calling out the Koch brothers as reptilian, lmao Onion, very under the radar putting that joke in the headline section.

[@Artyomthewalrus]

It's not a joke, they are using their platform to sneak in little bits of truth that no other news organizations dare talk about.

[@gregorymalchuk272]

We need the government to fund tissue regeneration stem cell research and life extension technology.

[@Adhjie]

@@gregorymalchuk272 self preserve bilek and the lodged bully maguire ship in suez just got r34 to oblivion just read it from meme channel comun post here we go pennile nocturnal tumescence dysfunction

[@the_advocate42]

@@Adhjie What the hell kind of jumble of words is that?!?

[@domoisawsome123]

@@gregorymalchuk272 Uh your channel is quite the mess, perhaps you should find another thing to uselessly obsess about.

[@AliAkkan0217]

ROFL look at the pie chart,, IN the hospital, but b/c they work there. LMAO

[@cooldude2106]

Hi you alive bro?

[@coffin7904]

Hahahaha

[@thomabb]

Reminds me of a story a couple years ago about a Cessna that crashed nose first into a large cemetery. Investigators identified remains from hundreds of crash victims.

[@hangoutwithme346]

Everyday when you have generalized anxiety disorder 😂

[@jjwashington3872]

I pray that I wasn't on that train.🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@anondimwit]

same

[@max010113]

that looked like the train from gta sa, what if CJ is dead? :(

[@max010113]

oh its fine he'l respawn in the hospital

[@untrust2033]

*entire us population feared to be dead*

[@Darkmatter105]

This spiraled into some real existential crisis shit.

[@Lightshockie]

Well this is reality. To believe otherwise is folly

[@mr.e4902]

“In a hospital but because they work there” on the pie chart killed me

[@ashliebelle]

I called my mom to tell her I was alive so she wouldn't worry, but she didn't answer.... Now I'm worrying if SHE'S okay. :( :( :(

[@defyyourlogic487]

My friend hasn't been online since 2015. He would always steal the train on GTA 5 so I fear he invented a time machine and went back to 2011 to ride this train.

[@johannes4123]

one of my coworkers was on a trip to the US once, what if he's dead on the train?

[@goyonman9655]

"Random organ failure"

[@evelynivy6124]

Watching this as a railfan means I keep thinking about how there's no way that Amtrak equipment would be operating anywhere near Wilmington because all of the trains through Wilmington have to deal with low bridge clearances and therefore can't use superliners. Which means that this could have been a train from somewhere else that was flung all the way to Delaware when it derailed-even people on trains elsewhere could've been hurt!

[@katzea.a7880]

How do you know all this

[@redshuttleredacted6422]

This makes it even funnier.

[@redshuttleredacted6422]

The fact that there isn't supposed to be a train like that in the area of the supposed accident makes worries of loved ones having died in the accident more improbable.

[@bugno9969]

I also know that the only Amtrak line through Delaware has three tracks and a catenary

[@DecisionPlay]

As a Czech that rides train to university daily, my family was terrified that i might have been in that accident..

[@kxmode]

Even though this video is 11 years old, if you've thought, "I hope..." It's too late. They're a goner.

[@Shamus8b8]

omg lol ever since my sister passed away I get this irrational thinking when loved ones are gone for an extended period of time and this video pretty much hits it spot on. Don`t mean to bring anyone down but ahahaha oh fuck I love you onion news network

[@nqrtzy8765]

sorry about that :(

[@marif2993]

“gigantic bowl of fruit makes man want to be the type of person that eats fruit” BIG MOOD

[@honkinbubbafulton8791]

Those guys were just brilliant, someone needs to fund them again. All the money they need.

[@jatticusfinch9015]

It’s been twelve years, and all of my loved ones are accounted for, but, well, I still have this feeling that one of them might be lying about not being on that train…

[@sevencolours5014]

This is brilliant, deserves more views.

[@EnhancedNightmare]

This is reality.

[@Cicada2204]

As someone who has never neen to delaware and has never ridden a train, i have died in that train incident

[@DanBlabbers]

It’s like Schrödinger’s cat. Until we open the train, we are all simultaneously dead and alive

[@antenant9294]

I am concerned that I might actually have been one of the people who died on that train, 11 years ago, as I was in Delaware in 2013 and that is pretty close to when the accident happened. It would explain a lot.

[@SAVINGEZRA]

Well this aged well

[@mannymarotta]

My mom freaks out whenever a minor accident happens halfway across the country, thinking I was somehow there

[@SuperZardo]

40% of those believed dead are just in a meeting, whereas 80% of those believed to be in a meeting are actually dead.

[@lafther210]

At first I thought they might have gone a bit too far but when I heard them say that 200 people were on the train all my doubts went away. Good work as always Onion.

[@pausetv5639]

This concept is so realistic, it happens all the time, the number of people feared dead is always higher. Brilliant work, Onion, enjoyed this one.

[@kellygirl26]

I’m in awe of this video.

[@Smickster01]

oh no, im from australia. this news story just got to my you tube feed and its now2024. im so worried my dead parents may have been on that train. ive contact the australian embassy for help but there doesnt seem to be any answers as yet. my aunty assures my parents both died in seperate medical episodes in our local hospitals, but i just dont know. im still waiting for the truth to come out. we all just want answers

[@SauceYaHoo]

Am I dead?

[@Georg3e]

We all are.

[@joshuasearor2686]

FEMA's resurance shelter made me feel better.

[@Dtitilator]

I went to six flags in Southern California and got on a couple of roller coasters, but my friends and I weren't aware that we almost died when we heard about the Delaware derailment.

[@LostUntilTomorrow]

I live in London and I heard about a train in Delaware derailing... I hope it doesn't come into London and take out more people.

[@Nutty_By_Nature]

"One of the worst disasters this country has ever seen in terms of unfounded concern." Why are almost all of these more relevant today?

[@andrewwilmshurst2350]

"What people are doing instead of dying in train rubble" 🤣🤣🤣

[@DJMeku]

As a Tanzanian in Tanzania, I'm worried I might have been in the Delaware train

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

I was two states away from this accidents. Such a close call. Goodebumps

[@tobers_j]

I think 2020 literally is that train

[@Karll541]

Pretty much

[@alexbombbird353]

“My brother lives in California but he rides trains all the time, so I’m worried he went to Delaware and got on that train”

[@ayyjsanders9319]

I know all this for what it is, but when he said there is nothing beyond this the way he did so matter of factly in that tone with that smirk just really upset my system

[@k0valus585]

this incident happened 12 years ago, but i'm worried that my mom who i saw 10 minutes ago might have died in that accident, i'd better go check on her

[@PilgrimNinja]

My cat has been missing since breakfast. What if she got on that train???

[@CHINitA007]

This happened 10 years ago but i fear that my mother who happens to be sitting right next to me is trapped and possibly dead in that train 😰 prayin as i type this 🙏

[@hondaaccord736]

"Such a shame since this is reality" forever iconic

[@animacionesamericanas272]

I do live in America, but nowhere close to the US. still, I hope i didn't ride on that train unknowinglly

[@myblacklab7]

I know this news cast is from eleven years ago, but I lost touch with a friend about 12 years ago, and now I'm worried he might have died on that train. Was there a follow-up to this with the list of victims? I can't remember his last name, but his first name was "Eric."

[@acethenuthead8340]

“There is beyond this, to believe otherwise is folly”

[@hotelmario510]

"There is nothing beyond this and to believe otherwise would be folly" is such a hilarious and kind of quietly bleak quote.

[@chrisschmid5212]

this piece is absolutely genius. kudos to the writer(s)