Missing Girl Probably Raped

Local police say they have absolutely no information about a missing college student. Alan Fisher investigates the possible rape.
More coverage at: www.onion.com

[@David_Axelord]

What a bunch of hacks. They didn't even MENTION the possibility that there were multiple rapists!

[@fenriz218]

Which may well be a positive thing. "The more, the merrier" as the saying goes... and nine out of ten people involved in a gang-rape, did describe it as a very positive experience. Gotta look at the light side of things...

[@baldoggie]

@@fenriz218 lmao

[@luketufts6827]

fenriz218 for a second I didn’t get the joke 😅

[@TapoutTanK52]

Hahhahhahahahahahaha

[@varp4557]

@fenriz218 you animal. Couldn't stop laughing

[@ila9091]

When they cut off the parents at 1:04 I've actually seen that happen on my local news station about a girl who was found dead Horrible.

[@bobobsen]

Was she raped?

[@isaacbruner65]

@@bobobsen probably

[@alexboy2111]

@@bobobsen dismembered then raped

[@frankyu553]

@@alexboy2111 Remember 30% support for that.

[@felixgutierrez993]

@@bobobsen I refuse to like your comment but you get this ghost like +1

[@ember2.031]

"With a daughter so pretty, one can only assume she's being raped." My sides are GONE.

[@sockosophiequattromob6248]

I thought she gonna say "adopted".

[@ronniejdio9411]

Reaptedly

[@bellhel227]

666 like-

[@swedensy]

Me as a previously rapist totally agree.

[@Blade.5786]

@@swedensy Top ten rapers Eminem was too afraid to diss

[@AgentCreeperTV]

Trying to watch video while reading the other news at the bottom. *SURGEONS SUCCESSFULLY SEPARATE CONJOINED TWINS JOINED AT THE HAIR*

[@diabl2master]

The wonders of modern scissors.

[@OphiuchiChannel]

@@diabl2master CRISPR

[@pegatrisedmice]

@@OphiuchiChannel aww man

[@Captain_Irrelevant]

Women are meant to be seen, not heard.

[@ParanormalandCryptidsChannel]

Lmao

[@Supremeteamcaptain]

Nobody’s talking about the poll they put up that said dismembered *then* raped?

[@BingBong67489]

Well your victim can't claw your eyes out if she doesn't have arms.

[@fenriz218]

Well, being dismembered doesn't imply that certain part can no longer be put into purpose, does it? It's like tossing your wife out of the window, and some creepy guy downstairs is yelling up, "hey, why are you throwing that away? Technically, she still functions..."

[@ArchangelExile]

@@fenriz218 He wasn't implying that. He's was bringing it up because of how disgusting it is.

[@shinobix4925]

Meh, I'm still leaning to the idea she was just raped and tortured

[@Turtle9815]

ever heard of wound fucking and necrophilia?

[@bothejack5929]

Imagine pitching this skit.

[@GreenGoblinCoryintheHouse]

This is very dark humor,too dark.

[@user-qv9ho1lj3z]

@@GreenGoblinCoryintheHouse it's funny

[@skooptywooop1030]

Easily.

[@manuelsputnik]

This skit is so close to real life that it hurts. Seems like a no brainer to me.

[@dr.zionsson]

Fr😂 whoever did was probably shitting their pants hoping no one would think they're sick or a sexual predator

[@EtzEchad]

The Onion is like a regular news channel except they don't sensationalize the stories quite as much.

[@MrTwo-yv2up]

"Raped to death by her merciless assailant"

[@cooltwittertag]

@@MrTwo-yv2up ...that's the joke

[@sublimesense7761]

They do sensationalize it that’s part of the satire

[@samueldaddo8182]

Societal Deformity fucking hell, you’re stupid 🤦‍♂️

[@MrTwo-yv2up]

@@cooltwittertag I'm well aware. Just I'm joking abiut "not sensationalizing the stories as much"

[@satire9298]

I love how she interrupts him.

[@lakshyachaubey307]

Womansplaining

[@Arkain89]

@@lakshyachaubey307 she didn't really explain anything, but man what a funny joke boi

[@Arkain89]

@@kfcadvocate7583 do you insecure little boys take classes to be this unfunny? or is being cringeworthy the best kind of entertainment you can provide?

[@Arkain89]

@@kfcadvocate7583 omg lol you not being funny is just FACT and LOGIC nancy stop projecting chill dude bro

[@benciccarelli6486]

@@Arkain89 Yeah when you say someone is "unfunny" you really just mean they are unfunny to you. Judging from the ratio of likes on the comment you argued against and your own comment, you are the one missing out on the joke.

[@sdedy379]

This incident happened 12 years ago, I hope she's okay and happily live with her child.

[@nyaasar]

@Deep Inside Aw ... 'kay then.

[@bricenweber2533]

I love this comment

[@fatygalonenuno9315]

they found her raped and dismembered body in a trashbag and the culprit was never found, the dad is still hoping that is daughter will come back

[@nordiknight9042]

Yes except the dad is in prison for rape. Such a bittersweet fate for the family.

[@justinmix143]

Pretty sure this dude isn’t joking w/ this comment lol

[@alexboy2111]

"A smile so pretty one can assume she's being raped." 💀

[@Infinite_Jester]

@CATHY B Because there are sometimes alternative reasons for kidnapping. Just because someone is ready to harvest your organs, it doesn't necessarily mean they'd be ready to rape you. It could be a strange moral compass or being compelled to kidnap for financial reasons or an attempt at ransom, in which case raping her would only aggravate the crime.

[@dexboat1733]

@@Infinite_Jester True. Personally, when I kidnap and dismember someone before I dump them in Biscayne Bay, I never rape them. That would go against my code.

[@Infinite_Jester]

@@dexboat1733 seriously though, a lot of kidnappers are pretty much normal people, even if we aren't talking about the scenario where you're kidnapped by a parent.

[@deivisony]

@@Infinite_Jester Yeah sure. Where do your cool kidnappers friends usually meat? Just asking... _yes we got him, white shirt, gay hair_

[@Infinite_Jester]

@@deivisony surely you can imagine a case where somebody is kidnapped without being raped. For example, parents kidnapping their own children is fairly common. I don't see why a parent would be fine with raping their child even if they did commit a kidnapping. This counterexample should be enough to prove OP's claim is false.

[@FortPeckNDN]

When we return: computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like.

[@anuradhajaishankar7903]

That’s actually a separate report by the onion. Check it out.

[@aturchomicz821]

@@anuradhajaishankar7903 bruh

[@golucid745]

Here comes the spam links...

[@John-cp6qp]

That's how CNN reports nowadays! Lol!

[@immortalsun]

@@anuradhajaishankar7903 Pretty sure they were referencing it.

[@alsan550]

I died when she said "Correct me if I'm wrong but this doesn't necessarily mean there wasn't a rape" and "Would that give you comfort?"

[@epichandel]

the onion used to have it

[@horsepower523]

This is so wrong but so funny. The thing is that this sketch actually isn't far from the truth, journalists always try to over-dramatize and sensationalize stories and it doesn't matter who gets hurt.

[@bonjoviwankenobi8533]

If it bleeds, it leads.

[@kolapse320]

The news literally turn tragedy into entertainment, this video shows that truth through metaphor while also being funny.

[@moefromdagrieve]

That’s not the point of the video. They are trying to show how news channels try to make things over dramatic so that they can get views. Understand before you comment.

[@greyk610]

It's not wrong at all, just very funny.

[@ElusiveTy]

@@greyk610 Of course it's wrong, wtf? Just like making jokes about terrorism, racism, genocide and other horrific things are wrong. Doesn't make the joke less funny but it's definitely wrong.

[@Mikeyalbum]

"Would that give you comfort?"

[@LordZero666]

That was my favorite part

[@notholdini2740]

Lol

[@obama-bin_laden]

Reporters in third world like India ask such questions on national television lmao

[@NimanyuRajAgrawal]

@@obama-bin_laden bruh

[@allahmotherfooker5593]

@@obama-bin_laden what the fuck no reporter has ever asked this type of question like "your girl is going to be thrown off in a lake is that going to give you comfort". Keep your bullshit to yourself

[@Thisisahandle701]

This kind of dark humor actually makes the world feel less dark and scary.

[@DiamanteDea]

Frr

[@efebrahim]

this.

[@Psyminds]

how? the stuff poled for example really does happen to people

[@harshjain2047]

​@@Psyminds it gives you hope that atleast some people recognise the wrong here.

[@tigertycoon1430]

I think a lot of people are missing the point of what this video is making satire of. It's not that people are desensitized from rape and people should be more upset about it, it's making fun of the the mainstream media and media in general's habit of sensationalizing news and fear mongering, because in the end the only thing that really matters is they get views, and this is a proven and effective way to do it.

[@charkee167]

Tiger Tycoon those people who sensationalized black lives matter were rich white men or affiliated with Russian entities such as Black Lives Matter Inc. Or Russian Times. It's not so much they cared about black lives as much as paving a way to create views and profit.

[@kelvinpang438]

Tiger Tycoon Wonderful,I didn't thought of that until I saw your comment.

[@crackerjoe5068]

No shit sherlock

[@SchroMan101]

It's satirizing the fact that people generally assume the worst about the unknown.

[@lenonel3286]

Thank you! That's exactly what I was thinking this was about. The way the news handle these situations (discussing every single possible grizzly detail) is disgusting

[@felixgutierrez993]

Any signs of "FORCED ENTRY?!" ....which one?

[@dsandoval9396]

Or as Sseth puts it... a snuggle with a struggle.

[@felixgutierrez993]

@@dsandoval9396 oh shit lmao

[@CaveyMoth]

Forced rear entry

[@saiga8598]

@@dsandoval9396 Prepare for trouble and make it struggle As a common way for impregnation We use the strategy of penetration Men And women and your child We are rapists and for this cause our bodies unite

[@rahmathkakkotkallery854]

Likes currently at 911, can't like now

[@joeypoil9370]

I couldn't imagine living in a world where someone can be kidnapped and murdered without the common decency of being raped first. That is just sick and wrong on so many levels

[@toocool3125]

lol

[@jesuskvistus929]

It’s satire.

[@romanvolovik6495]

@@jesuskvistus929 so is his comment, you moron

[@Faherd]

@@romanvolovik6495 so is his comment, you moron

[@obviouslygenius8791]

@@Faherd so is his comment, you moron

[@anjopag31]

"being dismembered then raped" in that order, or...?

[@mr.meeseeks5127]

anjopag31 how else are you supposed to do it?

[@AL-sd7uz]

I'm not a monster I won't rape living women

[@smitty1647]

don't be stupid. women don't have to die when you remove their limbs if you know what you're doing. what are you, 13?

[@jacobbarbulescu6654]

Drew Kangaroo you are on an onion video! It’s all jokes and stupid satire, even in the comments

[@blooblerdoobler]

Holy shit im all for dark humor but Christ this is dark

[@R5H4D0W]

As evil as it is, I can't help but laugh seeing those choices as the only choices in the survery

[@SalvableRuin]

What’s a survery? Is that like a survey about surgery?

[@constantinosschinas4503]

every survey on this planet.

[@Paqcar]

@@SalvableRuin “We have recently learned that surgeons often leave medical equipment inside patients’ bodies. Which object would you rather have left inside you during a surgery? - Knife - Needle - Surgical mask - Hospital bed”

[@punu3675]

💀

[@SalvableRuin]

​@Paqcar Definitely the hospital bed.

[@miavelletri]

Every time I watch a segment of news or read an article that uses horrific and unnecessary detail about a crime against a woman I think of this parody. Too true.

[@fenriz218]

Keep in mind, that news articles should also be stimulating in nature, and should be a source for both information and entertainment... but there are also news outlets for women. "The Mary Sue", "Tumblr" and "The Sun" (where I've read that Queen Elizabeth may be pregnant again... happy circumstances!)

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@fenriz218 No, the purpose of news articles is to INFORM not ENTERTAIN. Those who want entertainment should find it elsewhere. Besides, anyone who is entertained by such details of an ongoing case is sick and should not be enabIed

[@anastasiaekimova5101]

​@@botanicalitus4194 i mean ppl watch news about things that doesn't affect them mostly for entertainment

[@avelynn5976]

​@@fenriz218 low iq take

[@thedropoutbear4606]

Bruh calm down she's just at Starbucks.

[@Nullllus]

Being raped. Typical situation.

[@Ben-rz9cf]

Lmao i love that episode of the onion where the middle aged black dude is missing and everyone points the finger at the young hot girl nextdoor because girls her age are always sick and sexually depraved and then the dude calls in later being like "why is my face all over the news? i'm just with a lady friend, please stop because my boss thinks i'm taking a sick day"

[@everyonesaidmynamewasstupi3713]

Ben Hinman link?

[@don8799]

Bruh moment

[@Baconator2558]

@@Ben-rz9cf link?

[@omegaparadigm8693]

I love how they go from kinda harmless satire to dark satire! Lol..They have one of the best channels on KZbin!

[@bhatkat]

Taking some well deserved wacks at the sensationalizing media.

[@JimBobe]

lmao for real

[@Don.Carnage]

Greetings from the now (2022). Sadly KZbin has taken such a stance that its become nothing short of a blessing that this video isn't taken down.

[@halneufmille]

Like their Gap kid story

[@savagesavant4964]

had

[@xkdjdnskdnscndjdj984]

Jokes aside, this is a great satire against the reporters who don't show any humanity for the victims of crime or any tragedy. They just interrogate till the victim is squeezed dry.

[@grrrrrrr0]

I love how this is rated with "no mature content"

[@samueldavis6191]

I noticed that too. Every onion video I've watched, where they swear, talk about school shootings, whatever. It all says "no mature content". Just that right there is a blazing satire of the "actual" news.

[@fenriz218]

Well, Megan was still rather young, when she was most likely dismembered and raped... wouldn't use terms like "mature housewives", "MILF" or "gushing grannies". Just wouldn't sound accurate....

[@ArchangelExile]

@LagiNaLangAko23 No Mature Content means immature. Real news videos wouldn't be labeled as immature.

[@HJules-cw6fb]

Right?!!!

[@xl000]

why would Talking about rape is not " mature content" Using the same logic, a dictionary special book that helps you find the meaning of words. It's like having a friend who knows a lot of words and can tell you what they mean ) could be banned because it contains definition of such terms, and so to law texts...

[@shystudyspy]

“When we return: Computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like”

[@buckplug2423]

*unzips pants*

[@rainerwahnsinn9585]

Show each Hentai...

[@danltg]

you literally copied a 6 year old comment word for word

[@shystudyspy]

Nerdspawn ? It’s just a quote from the video (at 2:27 I think). I quoted the video just like the other comment did (which I didn’t see). That’s why it’s in quotation marks.

[@abrahamgonzales1888]

Nerdspawn ? When you so dumb you don’t even reply

[@1shyy524]

“A smile that may not be smilling right now”

[@cadewarrencns]

Still one of the darkest, most hilarious things The Onion has ever done. And it only gets more and more applicable every. damn. day.

[@kee7374]

Aaron Warren hilarious?

[@bobobsen]

Yes hilarious

[@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316]

Coronavirus

[@InternalxHD]

@@kee7374 yes hilarious

[@thorodinson6649]

How does this get more applicable??

[@TimeandMonotony]

1:05 Oh my God I fucking died at the poll!

[@MegaChildstar]

so did Megan, apparently

[@ImALefty08]

@@MegaChildstar And raped. You can't forget that fact. And possibly dismembered too, allegedly.

[@simonbarsinister8854]

"For all we know she could be alive.....but barely."

[@vicegirlsusa]

This is so fucking dark and I love it

[@jonathanmercado9965]

What's wrong with you

[@Crustiecricket]

@@jonathanmercado9965 snowflake

[@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316]

Are you still around

[@vicegirlsusa]

@@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316 maybe

[@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316]

@@vicegirlsusa its amazing to see someone from the good old days of the tube. Now the censoring is off the charts

[@Shamus8b8]

You both missed the point, the report is about how news stations will sensationalize events and free-associating things that COULD have happened without one shred of evidence that it in fact DID happen. That's the whole point of the story, not about tact or respect, and not about how they're stating the obvious.

[@hdhshdhs5503]

“You both”? Who are you talking to. I imagine you were directing that at the voices in your head? (Don’t care if it’s an eight year old old comment BTW).

[@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316]

@@hdhshdhs5503 bang bang skeet skeet

[@hdhshdhs5503]

@@helpabrothawithasubisaiah5316 all day baby >:D

[@hdhshdhs5503]

@Almonso sure were, which….still

[@Blade.5786]

@@hdhshdhs5503 You're replying to an 8 year old comment, back when the KZbin comments section didn't have a separate reply system due to being geared for individual criticism rather than group discussion. But people tried communicating anyways, and this is the result.

[@hanzfranz7739]

This is so good and shows exactly how borderline pornographic news stations report about such cases

[@mercster]

This one is pretty dark. I like dark, but damn.

[@LeWildSister]

Ikr i wanted to laugh at the jokes but i couldnt even bring myself to

[@zad_rasera]

They're parodying news channels who over-exaggerate anything just to get more views.

[@Automatonable]

Dark but actually a good parody of mainstream news. Anything to get viewership.

[@AleQuag]

Pussy

[@purplecxcx5791]

What do you mean by dark? Dark, like her attacker?

[@hjmobercgaming1209]

“Computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like” 💀

[@pepps779]

This level of dark humor just makes me nostalgic for the previous decade.

[@vilmossandor9605]

So no one noticed the text at 2:28 about "computer simulation shows what potential rape may have looked like"

[@SkySaito]

@Timothy Bryce I saw a few years old comments about that tho lmaoooo

[@thegatorhator6822]

Comments are almost 100% complaining about people complaining and 0% complaining

[@jlupus8804]

Literally all comments these days. Hate it.

[@aniketanpelletier82]

Are you complaining about people complaining about people complaining?

[@Arkain89]

@Neurotica Combustion they "exist" but we don't see them nor do we read them, so it is truly vital to respond to these things that don't exist

[@ddebenedictis]

The complainer complainers just assume the complainers exist. I think they need to stop their baseless whining and complain instead about the poison in our water supply.

[@mikei6605]

Autistic Aniki really? Because for me it’s the opposite.

[@TomO-nx1bd]

The Onion isn't satire, it's simply an accurate portrayal of what everybody is actually thinking.

[@Tofu00]

actually, you have. the onion is playing on the idea of how many news sources often times cover horrible, tragic events and possibilities without any tact or respect for the victim. the brutality of news reporters focus on cases that will attract more attention, even if it means attacking those in a moment of crisis (the poll shown over the parents talking earnestly and visibly shaken when discussing the subject of their daughter missing), like say, questioning family immediately after a murder.

[@dylanlucas3397]

True, but not the point of the skit

[@caleb-ct5vi]

It was Chad Thundercock.

[@Mecha_Hitler]

Anne Frankly Frankler Another Jew...

[@HarshRajAlwaysfree]

Oh hey anne I know its sudden but Can u help me with studies I'm bad with concentration

[@anti-punkaction5428]

I'm literally crying and shaking right now. Chad Thundercock would never do this

[@TheReaverOfDarkness]

Chad Thundercock is a decent human being.

[@Abeni28]

“For all we know she could be alive, but barely” Underrated line😂😂

[@AnEveryManJack]

I hate that whenever I hear a story about a missing woman, this video comes to mind.

[@ssgpizzalover515]

Same i see a news report and i just assume they were kidnapped

[@londreslocacoesevendasdeim2783]

0:46 "Maxim Magazine announces queen Elizabeth II has topped annual Q.I.L.F. list". You naughty Onion!

[@rainerwahnsinn9585]

What is naughtier? This announce or that everybody directly knows what Q.I.L.F. means?

[@ethanbottomley-mason8447]

@@rainerwahnsinn9585 What does it mean, I am confused.

[@rainerwahnsinn9585]

@@ethanbottomley-mason8447 Queen I Like to Fuc* like Milf...

[@ethanbottomley-mason8447]

@@rainerwahnsinn9585 I should have thought of that. Thanks.

[@ThisHandleIsInteresting]

“I don’t believe anything like that has happened.” I literally lost it there 🤣 I don’t think the actors they cast even have a clue the production is this ridiculous. They seem so serious and committed to their performances you can’t help but feel like they’re being duped.

[@rugia813]

my country's media is only slightly better than this...

[@woogj]

Rugia L. its the onion it’s satirical

[@woogj]

@Lord Royce how tf was that supposed to be a joke

[@geyboi4831]

Alfredo r/woooosh

[@woogj]

woah there you dont have to be toxic

[@azyjmexcuseokstop924]

alfredo r/woosh

[@aurorasun-qs1pg]

When the Internet used to be good

[@williamwoolf8072]

computer simulation shows what rape may have looked like

[@yazanhussam8182]

They did that skit too.

[@jonathan1391544]

I love the onion at the best of times but I've just suffered a great personal loss and these videos have brought a smile and a sense of normality, even if only brief, to what otherwise feels like depression and dispair on steroids

[@samualjohnson5450]

I hope you're feeling a bit better. God bless.

[@VenomousCarnage69]

I trust the Onion more than any news source on the planet.

[@jessebissen6528]

I refuse to believe this still exists on the internet

[@okamiamaterasu1873]

"Often, the most satisfying element of a good parody is seeing others mistake it for the genuine article."

[@jesse4550]

I loved the caption at the end, "When we return, a computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like." Man, this news is like a snuff film channel!

[@damainman652]

“ Being dismembered and raped” my God I can’t even imagine the trauma you might receive from that

[@honkwonk6975]

Its a joke

[@theironglitch9268]

Imagine if they though this was a real news place

[@etalex7074]

Youd… you’d be dead…

[@kevintrang6447]

Only corporal trauma though

[@Psyminds]

Not necessarily. You can survive amputations @@etalex7074 There is cases of women being found without limbs and were being raped.

[@warewolf435]

1:57 "Mathemeticians unveil new, harder math" ...God help us all.

[@theironglitch9268]

Whoa this comment is ancient

[@JohnDoe-nf6yk]

leaving my mark on history

[@HJSDGCE]

I'm still waiting for that simulation.

[@dsandoval9396]

Any Japanese rape hentai game could be a substitution for that "recreation".

[@Baconator2558]

@@dsandoval9396 I knew she was kidnapped by a tentacle monster!

[@the1ne6ix9ine]

Sameeeee

[@RafaelParraRibeiro]

Here in Brazil, a sensational TV show showed the moment when the presenter informs a mother that her daughter had been murdered :(

[@RafaelParraRibeiro]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/iWnEiqqjntSAo9k

[@fenriz218]

But did she also get dismembered and raped? Any spicy details, bro...?

[@eggmorp5326]

This is the only news source I trust

[@evelynwaugh4053]

Me too, and I totally rely on their atlas, Our Dumb World, for information about other countries.

[@vexillethepretzel9086]

Wtf.... yall get the hell out my damn head. This is exactly the kinda shit I think of when a girl goes missing.

[@tekajikuyalkrul5111]

Its always the first thing that comes to people's mind when it's a girl

[@mina86]

This sketch would be even better if at the end of it the cut to her walking on the campus confused why there are all the reporters and it would turn out she was just over at her friend’s.

[@mikewade777]

Comforting words for her parents in these dark times.

[@TimSlee1]

"Serial killers and rapists are reaching celebrity status in record numbers!"

[@postpvnkk]

“would that give you comfort?”SOBBING

[@SkylaneMusic]

I thought I was watching CNN there for a second

[@nealswanson8684]

Your picture is perfect for this story, NDT's asstrology class was her last known sighting 😁

[@SuperPussyFinger]

Sky Lane - Clearly, you think that FoxNews is truth, and not at all shameless, right-wing propaganda. Try reading a book once in a while, Inbred.

[@fenriz218]

@@SuperPussyFinger Yeah, I'd rather go with CNN myself. They've assured, that the president only stands a 9 percent chance of winning the election against Creepy Uncle Joe... again. And I love their "Fly QatarAir" commercials. Heard that there's a 25% discount on slaves this Ramadan... Inshallah!

[@firerocket7343]

I was wondering why they keep mentioning how pretty the girl and the girl might be rapped, but then I realize that what the real news doing for this kind of news.

[@TheFrigginDevil]

Can I just appreciate everyone in the comments? Very few people get this kind of humor and it's just so nice that I'm not the only one. Thank you all for existing.

[@NightmareGanon]

Guys, who let Nancy Grace upload a video to The Onion's KZbin account?

[@jeffreyswiderski]

NightmareGanon good one

[@bhatkat]

They might consider doing a parody video of shitloaf grace being abducted, raped, mutilated and then have her failing at repeated suicide attempts.

[@S2I2]

The sub-stories at the bottom of the screen are spectacular

[@creative.lights]

This skit is brilliantly written to show how journalists try to create the news rather than just report it.

[@r3b3lvegan89]

“A smile that may not be shining right now” OMG 💎

[@thedistinguished5255]

"have the police found any evidence of forced entry"

[@justincarnes1553]

"Computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like."

[@pvt.prinny759]

i think this counts as dark comedy, i love it

[@stargazerAPRL]

2:06 Perhaps she was merely wrapped in plastic and tied up with duct tape and thrown into a nearby lake … will that give you comfort ?

[@NimbleBard48]

Thank you Onion for telling me what possibly happened or maybe unlikely could have not happened to her.

[@radscorpion8]

"when we return: computer simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like" XDD

[@giovannivejar4769]

KZbin recommending this to me again in 13 years

[@miurtouissi1093]

2:16 The way the anchor cuts them and squints and nods is so real the actors are really good

[@hunterj5697]

“When we return: Computer Simulations show what potential rape may have looked like”

[@ComradeStiv]

Damn. 14 years later and *_still_* top contender for most side-splitting bit that causes the worst guilt laughing at

[@davidpugh8772]

15 years later and we're still sitting here waiting to hear the outcome of this story....

[@tacobell7679]

"So this doesn't mean there was a rape!" "Gina, I'm afraid not!"

[@DynamicGracer]

She said wasn't

[@Minx420]

This feels like a news sketch out of South Park itself

[@chrisg4rr377]

I thought fucking hell, then i realised it was the onion

[@huytranvan2754]

I like how The Onion could pull off so many 'uncomfortable' comedy skits. One after the other...

[@lenefyecak9024]

The fact that they zoomed in on her underwear for a couple seconds lmao.

[@KAMIKAZE_PLAY]

😋

[@ThatGuy-nc8nf]

"Perhaps she was merely wrapped in plastic tied up with duct tape and thrown into a nearby lake." Yes, officer she's the one.

[@soltyler]

“Fathers plea to rapist” 😭

[@goodstuff8156]

Let’s be honest, this is probably what happened.

[@Anonymous0996]

It’s crazy how far we’ve come. I had to see when this was posted bc there’s no way this was posted in 2022. Lol everyone on KZbin censors themselves so heavily that even the word “rape” is often censored. I miss when everyone wasn’t so sensitive to everything.

[@BuddhaSunn]

Comedy died the moment people started getting triggered

[@Anonymous0996]

@@BuddhaSunn very true.

[@josedorsaith5261]

I miss the old Onion. Their new "material" is weak

[@Anonymous0996]

@@josedorsaith5261 that’s bc everyone’s afraid to be cancelled. Lol I’m sure the writers still have the same talent as they did 10 yrs ago, it’s just no one is safe from being cancelled.

[@josedorsaith5261]

@@Anonymous0996 Cancelled by who? I think I remember Ye mentioning something about that

[@netecrivernetecassassins2945]

I'm seeing this title in 2020 and I'm shook. Nothing this good ever happens anymore :(

[@songbird7450]

"After the break: Computer simulation shows what potential rape might have looked like"

[@ultimobile]

missing girl:- 2:19 "the details of her grisly murder and rape at the hands of a crazed psychopath may never come to light ... we'll keep you up to date on this horrifying case"

[@shylockshekelsteingoldmanb763]

Please stop triggering me.

[@animetrix8582]

Leave then.

[@omiorahman6283]

bang bang bang pull my devil trigger

[@km1dash6]

The Onion did this joke before about how media often has no information, so they just make shit up. What's sad is that they needed to make two of these shows because, in 2023, traditional media still does this stuff all the time.

[@epsilontiger]

The last image is the darkest of the entire sketch, it says: "When we return: Computer Simulation shows what the potential rape may have looked like.

[@arcticwind1368]

12 years after and she is still missing

[@gorillamane13]

Its fake, its a jome

[@daydodog]

It's just like CNN!

[@bombgiggity1460]

This is refreshing in a world where you can't even say the R word anymore on message boards.

[@matheusg1473]

This video is a proof that you CAN joke about rape.