Why Do Women Have Male Friends?

Watch the full episode here - • The Hidden Motives Beh...
-
Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com...
Listen to all episodes on audio:
Apple Podcasts: apple.co/2MNqIgw
Spotify: spoti.fi/2LSimPn
-
Get in touch in the comments below or head to...
Instagram: / chriswillx
Twitter: / chriswillx
Email: chriswillx.com...

[@ChrisWillx]

Watch the full episode here - kzbin.info/www/bejne/o2baYaZ3gdujprc

[@mleys3248]

I would like to have male friends for 1) going out or on vacation and to travel in safety, thus for protection, 2) asking for advice when I don't understand the reactions of a male romantic interest, 3) or when I am single to introduce me to his friends that he knows are reliable and have a good heart, 4) ask him for advise on how to do things around the house and perhaps borrow some tools (I like DIY but lack experience and do not own all of the tools ... yet), 5) going on a salsa class etc etc I have a lot of reasons to want to have male friends. And I would be a great friend as well.

[@sathyapriyanmohan6211]

​@@mleys3248So all reasons/situations which can be fulfilled by having an actual male partner except for #'3)' - but even then it'd be more about actual compatibility hey. Re. reason #'2)' It's best to talk about it to your actual male partner.

[@mleys3248]

@@sathyapriyanmohan6211 Your reply supposes that 1) all men know how to do all of the things. Which is really not the case. I know a lot of men, who are not able to do any DIY even if their lives depended on it. Not all men are interested in traveling and even fewer men are interested in dancing. 2) It also supposes that all women have an actual male partner. Which is not the case neither. So there is that. Furthermore, you can not expect that your partner shares all your interests and fullfills all of your needs. That is just not realistic and puts too much stress on the relationship. What those needs are is different for everyone. If you can find a partner that you agree with on what areas are exclusive to each other, I don't see an issue with having friends, male or female, to cover the other areas.

[@sathyapriyanmohan6211]

@@mleys3248 Sorry I'd said 'can be', 'can' and 'will' just aren't the same I'm afraid. It's more likely than not that your male 'potentially will be your partner'/ "romantic interest' is capable of protecting and make you feel safe when traveling or on a day/night/evening out, has some handyman/DIY skills/would honne 'em just by learning how to fix any specific issue around the house etc., (going by your earlier response - your question could be answered on forums or through educational videos on the internet even from just kind, helpful strangers - for you to do it yourself since you like DIY). With Dance, I'm sure most might be willing to attend a few classes to see if it's their cup of tea. But you'd make male friends just by going to classes naturally anyway, it's then a question of what the agreed boundaries are between you and your "romantic interest". No you don't need to have the exact same interests but seeking advice from another re. your date/male interest's reactions probably isn't as good an idea as just communicating with your rom. interest directly. The 'covering the other areas' just makes it seem and sound very transactional. Although all relationships are transactional to a degree, I reckon the importance of the connection you share should be outweighing the significance of the actual transaction. As long as it's that, it's a healthy human relationship.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@sathyapriyanmohan6211 bottom line is that women just want the ego boost of friend zoned losers comming at their beck and call and they will die on that hill, playing naive just to keep them. She is not looking for a solution to her problem ("needing" male friends) , she is looking for justification for her poor behavior while in a relationship

[@davidbooher5559]

My take..... Men and women have 1 thing in common. They both prefer the company of men.

[@kanyewest3811]

Well said 👏

[@PolishBehemoth]

Lulz

[@ev6402]

Lol

[@river_in_red]

Not really but sure.

[@nimsaywafa8571]

Nope - a woman

[@michaelanthony4750]

Saying there is only 1 reason is stupid. There are also different degrees of friendship.

[@CatsCantSwim]

Your comprehension, interpretation, and dissemination skills are sorely lacking. There is no mention that there is only one reason. In fact, there were several different ones given in this clip!

[@darkvalkyrie5366]

That's because this is is a stupid conservative chanel with the mission to keep people stupid.

[@CatsCantSwim]

@@darkvalkyrie5366 So it's working in your case, huh?

[@andziagreen4922]

Yes, it can only work if both sides are not attracted physically or emotionally to each other... Otherwise one or both sides want each other but for some reason (ex. one is in relationship) are waiting for a chance, giving each others small gifts, doing things behing that partner's back especially if they work together... I have example in real life... Both of them holding to one another pretending they are only friends but they were involved before emotionally and keep this "friendship" coz they like each other and they have past and they have memories etc and both of them are attracted to each other and they behave like they are flirting and I am observing this and thinking if her partner knows about this, she keeps that guy in her circle because he is attractive and she got a boyfriend coz that "friend" has other plans for his life in different country... It looks like lost opportunity love story... Both don't see what they are doing energetically 🤷‍♀️

[@spacemanspliff7844]

You must be the guy who gets always friend-zoned.

[@deanmccrorie3461]

This is very Freudian. I prefer a Jungian interpretation. Not everything is sex and animal instinct. It’s fundamentally why we are different than animals.

[@codectified]

I’m not sure if backup mate is really very accurate or how that would be measured effectively… more often than not it just seems that ppl in general like the attention of the opposite sex even if they don’t consider them potential mates.

[@rockyblumble]

We're not different than animals. We are a species that is a lot smarter than the rest... But we're still animals.

[@RajarshiDatta-e7d]

We are basically smarter animals , but still animals .

[@Heccy_weccy]

​@@rockyblumble But we are not smarter, we're just different. I think the problem with the word "smarter" is that you're saying that as a human; the definition for intelligence was decided by a human and so was based on what a human would consider smart or important. For example, to a sea horse would think that we are stupid for investing so much energy into raising offspring via R-selection instead of having loads and hoping you get lucky via K-selection. Or how a solitary species would find it stupid to rely so heavily on our communities. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

[@DelFlo]

It’s not Freudian too see sex as an animal instinct… the whole point of Freudian psychoanalysis is that sex is an exclusively human thing. Animals mate, people have sex.

[@seven92023]

Women have male friends because of backup plan and because they receive all the benefits without having to give sex. Attention, validation, chivalry, etc.

[@alinastefana4138]

Maybe immature women…

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@alinastefana4138 Saying "immature" and "women" is redundant.

[@alinastefana4138]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 :))) What a "mature" little joke... Time for a nap.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@alinastefana4138 how was your nap?

[@thankyoujesus2836]

Men shouldn’t withhold love unless they get sex. It’s manipulation.

[@blueanima8623]

This is because people are living with a lack of community. In a community, where everyone knows everyone, you can naturally gain familiarity and affection for members of the opposite sex without having to - romantically or platonically- court them. You get to know them within a specific context, in a group, and the context justifies the interaction. This takes a lot of the pressure off and gives people the socialization they crave with less sexual tension built in.

[@Jakearrian]

wrong

[@ericcollins6231]

100% All of the dysfunction we are experiencing is because of the breakdown of the family and community.

[@06rtm]

I think thats mostly true. But even in a tight community you need boundaries. Your male neighbour shouldnt be best friends with your wife.

[@DivineLogos]

There is still s3xual tension. Maybe even lots of it.

[@innermeetme]

@@DivineLogos Boundaries. If you know yourself and know what you want, especially if you are deeply committed to your partner, you can have friendships with members of the opposite sex. And yes, these friendships can be very very platonic. They can be forged in mutual interests and care for one another. We all love sex, but it does not have to constantly come up. If you’ve mastered yourself, you’ve mastered your urges and you can direct them (and not involve them) where necessary. A conscious human being integrates their instincts into their higher faculties.

[@sugarhigh55]

If you don't want to be in the Friendszone, don't be. Move on. If you're sticking around in the Friendzone, we're assuming that's exactly where you want to be.

[@Kumari_44]

Facts. Only a simp stays there. Simple block and delete will easily set every man free of that friendzone nonsense. But alot of men are weak+ cant get regular sexual access to women because women consider them unattractive. So they willingly cuck themselves and hang in the friendzone out of hope that one day they’ll be chosen by her. It will never happen. Pretty pathetic of them tbh. No wonder the women dont respect them.

[@Deeredman4]

I agree that is the appropriate way to handle the situation except; it isn't always that easy meaning that we should acknowledge; some women can be vindictive and spiteful and do not respond well to rejection, even if they rejected the guy first, and that men are capable of being victims of coercion too.

[@BENR8108]

A lot of women dangle the possibility of a relationship with their male friends. Laughing at his jokes, light touching of the arms, calling for advice etc are all signals to a man that a girl likes him. So when she does those things and then goes out with another man; it confuses and frustrates men. Remember, most men do not have the mating opportunity that most women do. So unless he’s a chad with girls throwing themselves at him, average men are starved for female attention. And when a female does that and plays “games” and friend zones him, he’ll either stick around trying to slide in when her relationship fails (not realizing she has zero interest in him in that way ) or he becomes bitter and ends the relationship. I swear women and men live in the same world, but our realities are so much different.

[@bensheard3969]

Maybe you should do less assuming and more thinking

[@DamianSzajnowski]

Yup. Some false hope most of those men feed themselves, sadly.

[@miklimecat9636]

What on earth is this? The lady makes me think she’s never had male friends. The number of male friends I’ve had at various points in my life were NOT back up mates. I liked them for them, and we shared interests and had many fun conversations and co-ed group outings. Guys, when a girl sincerely befriends you, but doesn’t want to go out with you, it’s because she likes you as a person. Period. Even if you’re not her type. You’re not an object. You’re a person. Allow yourself to be liked.

[@jessica5624]

Truth 💯

[@miklimecat9636]

@@richardlanier2113 don’t paint us all with the same brush. Don’t make us all into villains. We aren’t. You deserve a loyal partner and I hope you find one. I hope she will be honest and doesn’t confuse flirtatiousness with friendliness. They are NOT the same. I hope you and your future mate are wise enough to know the difference. Both men and women have made this mistake. Clear boundaries do need to be set and agreed to.

[@BrokenFingersProduct]

That's what my ex told me as well. It was a lie.

[@volix333]

Exactly, so what exactly would this lady call my friends that are girls? Back up mates? I also think with male or female friends their appearance varies a lot and personalities vary a lot, if you are friendly. There is this level of micro analyzing that eventually starts to look like subjective bull, and the perspective in this video is trying to make something perfectly normal look completely weird

[@miklimecat9636]

@bina nocht I think it might be a consequence of their “hookup culture”.

[@HolyMith]

It's pretty rare for there to be no attraction whatsoever from either person in an opposite sex friendship. This is where problems occur, and it's almost every time. If you are both mutually unattracted to each other but enjoy each others company then all power to you. But I don't believe this is the case most of the time. So suspicion is warranted on behalf of partners.

[@alinastefana4138]

I think you don’t have to be a horse and have your eyes covered in order to instill trust in somebody. People will always find other people attractive, friends or strangers, sorry to break it to you. The assumption is that we are adults and have moral codes that surpass attraction. Suspicion is not warranted in any situation unless the person is very insecure and that’s a personal problem to solve in therapy. It is the most disgusting and degrading thing to be “suspicious” about a person that you supposedly love. If they are to cheat, they will cheat with anyone and there is nothing to do about it apart from either forgiving or moving on. Jealousy is truly a mind parasite and I think this is the first thing they should teach the young ones in “sex education” before putting the condom on a banana…

[@cas1652]

@@alinastefana4138 sorry no but no moral code overcomes attraction. Attraction is a force of nature that'll tear down anything in it's path The only way that works is to not let it get that far which means "the old way" ie either with partner or segregated everything. Who knew that culture we used to have was actually good for something?

[@alinastefana4138]

@@cas1652 You’ve seen too many movies and you have scary opinions…

[@bensheard3969]

​@@alinastefana4138 see, so many people believe this way until someone who says EXACTLY what you are saying betrays them. A skilled manipulator knows exactly what to say and how to say it because they are an EXPERT and most likely are not new to suspicion. You can't bully people with your words into believing everyone is Mr. Rogers and your delusional thinking otherwise because words mean nothing. It's actions that show someone's true character and an intelligent person who has been through a toxic relationship knows this like they know how to breathe.

[@alinastefana4138]

@@bensheard3969 An intelligent person who has been through a toxic relationship should not come out of it more toxic and paranoid themselves. You can’t manipulate someone who is confident by having confidence in yourself and in them. You sound like a religious zealot and I feel this is KZbin 200 B.C. Get a cave. Bye.

[@h.l.malazan5782]

Girls with hobbies like board games, roleplaying games often end up in a group where there are men because those hobbies are male dominant.

[@Anotherguy1st]

True I think this could be a valid argument. I find myself in sort of the same situation, most of my interests do not include things women typically enjoy and my job is basically male dominated so I really have to go out of my way to meet women period.

[@abbyxiong3931]

I have enjoyed board games, cooking, cleaning and organizing as well. Many women in my family actually do not care about this at all. Not to say they need to have similar hobbies but I was told that I am not feminine for not doing my nails and my hair. As in having spa days or girl days. Am I missing on being feminine?

[@aqua6613]

Archery, Bowling, Ax throwing, jousting at the Renaissance fair...would I be expected to go there by myself for lack of female friends who are interest in those things? I'm a truck driver...another "male dominated" profession...those are friends and acquaintances otherwise I'd be a total loner. Male friends are also great to help move stuff around a woman's house or do repairs in exchange for a hone cooked meal still comes out cheaper than flipping a movers or plumbing bill. I don't stay friends with my exes...so if we're friends we're not intimate... Well, kinda breaking that rule at the moment cause I did have to afford myself a friend with benefits before my well dries up at 44 😆. I'm not good at tinder hook ups for the reason of 70 hour work week...so I have a "friend" who is currently on the same schedule and stops by to check pipes and the fluid levels on my engine 😆. So yeah, I'm a hypocrite...

[@scottbarnett3566]

Yep

[@talisman006]

@@Anotherguy1st Same here. I'm a woman, been a hardcore gamer for the most of my life, D&D player, prog metal listener, my career is in one of the most male-dominant niches in high-tech, and the list goes on. I pretty much have about 3 female friends, 2 of which are lesbians.... All others are men. None are "potential mates" by far.

[@prettyboyjeremy]

Simple reason: social groups are important. Even more platonic relationships do serve extremely important functions like emotional support, physical protection, and help or in group preferences Sometimes, it's just that simple

[@Jakearrian]

nope

[@dreamchaser7603]

People with low emotional intelligence and porn conscious will never understand that.. These guys watch porn and then objectify everyone.. Then they’re unable to have real emotional and intelligent connections.. They think everything revolves around sex ( which they have really low understanding of) That’s extremely sad ((

[@aeganratheesh]

@@dreamchaser7603 it's not men profiting off of onlyfans

[@ct00001]

That is true, and underneath all that still lies the sexual dynamic. It's never not there.

[@tuinov6286]

​@@dreamchaser7603The second a man gets emotional he is losing women and friends. You will never understand because you are a woman who can cry and 1000 people will jump to help. You women ignore and hate emotional men. Stop lying. And p*rn is popular because women are picky. The guys who watch p*rn are not attractive for you so stop crying about it. You have no life experience or any intelligence.

[@kevinc1457]

Attention and options.

[@Jenn_KittyThe3rd]

Yup.

[@KARRMA333]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 sad little insecure, man

[@Midlifecrisis666]

They usually get bored so they keep their options open even if they have a boyfriend.

[@leeolie3728]

Exactly. They have a desire for excess male attention and act like its all non seggsual

[@avgjoe5923]

Period

[@reallysmallguy3871]

Glad to see for once all the KZbin comments aren’t being dumb calling women whores for having friends well done guys

[@evanblythe2283]

Lol he's calling her out

[@flipsidetruly1669]

I'm a gay woman with both male and female friends. I don't class any of either as back up mates. I'm sure some people do, but I don't think this is a universal truth. Friendship is just as important to social cohesion as mating is - I don't think we need to reduce every relationship to sex in order to make it valid.

[@Kalex-xe5wc]

That is called lesbian mate not gay

[@tardooayua6195]

What kind of completely insane sh** is this?!!!! NEWSFLASH!!! People can become friends because they have similar interests or just enjoy their company!!! Not every male/female dynamic has to revolve around sexual relationships! What's wrong with people?!!!

[@zytakowal1542]

Well said.

[@Dana_inc]

That’s what I thought! But it’s true for most people! I now consider that I have 1 maybe 2 male friends. I say maybe because the 2nd wanted to date me but by the time I met him I was sick of men!

[@justsamwu]

What if I don’t want my gf to enjoy the company of other men?

[@imapiratearr]

@@justsamwu Too bad? You don't own your girlfriend buddy. People can make friends with who they want, not your choice.

[@DukaanTheSnowLord]

​@@imapiratearrAnd that friend happens to be a hypersex guy, yeah bud asking the significant other not having male friend is illegal huh

[@sybersandy]

My best friend is like a big brother to me. After 30 years of friendship even his parents and wife treat me like family.He is Muslim, I am Christian. When I was a teen he gave me the best tips for dating, tought me how men think, spared me a lot of trouble and unpleasant experiences.And vice versa. Having a male bestie is the best that can happen to a woman! An honest pure friendship is very rare, an exception.

[@caravanlifenz]

I've got a male bestie. He has a lot of health issues that most male friends don't have the time or patience to deal with, so he appreciates it that I care about him. He encourages me and is glad when I'm out living my life. I also know lesbians who get on well with straight men because they can talk about dating women.

[@folkert2938]

Please don't make these exceptions the rule. Because if it's true what you're saying, you'd be the 0.01%. Then again we don't even know your guy friends real feelings.

[@athanasioskosmas3915]

​@@folkert2938 30 years friendship and he hides feelings. Nah

[@aurothelarper]

Ew 🤮

[@delightschwartz2155]

It's great to have friends of both genders, when it's an honest conaraderie and there's zero undercurrents on either side for backup dates. I value a male work friend's inout on topics, but I'm careful to not ask for input on risky topics or situations, or anything that would send mixed msgs... as almost all my men friends are all either on a longterm relationship or married, amd ive been married over 20 yrs. But that isn't always the case lol. I do wish for more collaboration between men and women as fellow humans, and without all the potentially destructive undercurrents. It's not written in the stars for us to be each others' enemies, or the source of each others' downfalls.

[@innermeetme]

This shows a really bizarre need to polarize the sexes. I can only imagine it is because you two don’t naturally connect with members of the opposite sex, except when you are seeking a partner. I genuinely enjoy my male friendships because I love people and do not demarcate them so easily. This line of thinking just gets to be too much, and an obvious problem with it is it ignores the higher faculties. I enjoy friendships with all types of people. I can’t imagine having only female friends.

[@Mistyfaery]

Same here. Also inquiring minds want to know; So if heterosexual men and women can't be just friends...does that mean bisexuals can't have friends period because they're attracted to both? That alone should demonstrate the flawed logic behind the "men and women can't just be friends" arguement. 😅

[@asparrow9876]

Liar.

[@alshaifhir]

I think this just gets back to the fact that any straight healthy male that's giving you social attention is 99% willing to have sex with you, and in most cases just looking for the opportunity

[@queenbettyboop33]

Yess! And i have heard from a lot of women that male friends are a whole other vibe than female ones, some of the girls in a so called friendship try to make shreds out of their friends at first chance, while talking to boys you can be goofy and show yourself however you are. And i have a friend, for reference, that at high school was hanging out with a big group of dudes 24/7 (big like 10 or so) she was the only girl never got approached romantically by any of them and his best friend was also in the group( still her best friend nowadays)

[@alshaifhir]

@Sonia Md interesting- in a large social circle like that with only one girl I can see the guys forming an understanding for sure. But one on one it's almost always implied. And as said above - girls are all back biting and drama, something guys are allergic to

[@kms4124]

So don't be a woman's platonic friend because she's using you? Bet. Continue to avoid the friendzone.

[@brownie315]

​@@Ryan-wx1bi but the girl has to be smart. You can't pull it off with someone who doesn't understand how it works.

[@James_36]

@@Ryan-wx1bi are they heck, they sabotage it, you maybe a lucky exception but dont go around public spaces talking this kind of claptrap

[@bigbone1369]

In my experience, all a female friend does is cockblock you. She'll act like a jealous girlfriend when you approach another woman, because that other woman is getting your attention while she is not. It's better not to make friends with women at all. You get more peace and quiet, and no drama.

[@James_36]

@@Ryan-wx1bi rubbish lol, you clearly have zero experience and how are they your friend if they decide this for you? I am in an LTR and I am experienced and successful because of what I know, perhaps you should get some more experience before talking rubbish

[@James_36]

@@Ryan-wx1bi yes you did, my BS chord radar... you literally defined someone who is not your friend in the first comment, now realising your mistake are trying to change it, if she fancies you, she is not your friend.... dear me you are lost

[@jessica5624]

My male friends are ‘people I like and have good banter with/enjoy the company and perspectives of.’ That I don’t have sexual attraction to or could see our lives being compatible. They are NOT back up mates as neither sexual attraction or compatibility would change even if all other dating options fell through. They are someone I like as a person anyway - regardless of gender. They are a friend.

[@DesiCat789]

@@richardlanier2113 Your wife lied - doesn’t mean it applies to all women. Same logic that you apply to men’s behaviour should be applied to women. If a man cheats, it’s not because men are cheaters. It’s because HE cheats. Hence if a woman lied, it’s not because women are liars. We are humans and as humans we have a VARIETY of people in our midst.

[@talisman006]

@@richardlanier2113 Obviously she specifically was lying for a reason. What reason would women here have to lie about this? People lie to lovers, people cheat in tests, and some people manipulate just for fun. But not all people do.

[@whatsinaname2706]

@@richardlanier2113I have only observed that with women who say they are friends with their ex!

[@SnailHatan]

In other words, you don’t understand anything about evolutionary psychology. You don’t know more than science. You don’t understand humans or their history at all.

[@BENR8108]

Do they see it that way? I bet a bunch of your male friends would be eager to start a relationship with you if given the chance. Don’t be naive, friendship and desire lines blur very easily. Just because you saw them as just friends; they may secretly want to be with you and are waiting for your current relationship to fail. Don’t believe me; ask your best male friend for coffee ; and tell him you and your current boyfriend broke up. Then ask him if he ever saw a future for you and him…

[@josueveguilla9069]

The Friendzone. 'Nuff said.

[@susanplatt5331]

There's no such thing as a friend zone. You're either a friend or you're not.

[@alyonaa8788]

Friendzone doesn’t exist

[@aprils.r8418]

"friend zone" You mean a fake term made up by lying men to make women feel bad for wanting to have a friendship with them?

[@christianhenry4173]

​@@susanplatt5331friendzone does exist. Lets see if that woman still be your friend if you admit feelings or so? Most women i know either ghost you or leave if she says your her friend 😅.

[@bm.6349]

Women see men as people. Not just things to potentially fck someday.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

women also generally see men as a resource they can use (use his time because you are bored, use his money when you two are out to lunch or movies, use his skills when you need your car, appliance, or whatever looked at, use his strength when you need a couch moved, etc) and they use men under the guise of "you're such a good friend!!" but when it is time for the women to pick up the lunch bill or help him move, or drive him to the airport, or......most women reciprocate WAY less than a man in a "friendship". That is why most men look at platonic friendships as a net loss, while women generally view it as a net gain.

[@1kevinson]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 very well explained

[@Midlifecrisis666]

Thats why women's nowadays have more body counts compared to men

[@imari9997]

⁠​⁠@@nickdipaolofan5948 Not every women is like that. Instead I end up being more like emotional support/ free therapy. If men do not benefit at all, then why are there still flocks of men out there with female friends?

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@imari9997 yes, we know that you are "not like the other girls"...... BTW I never said ALL women. It is just generally true. And the reason why men attempt to be friends with women is usually because those men are attracted to those women but they have no game so they try to friend zone their way into her heart. It never works.

[@Lucasvoz]

So men and women can't be friends unless there is some evolutionary reason to explain it? It would certainly be scientifically convenient to be able to have all these answers but guess what: human beings are complex, and some of us have friendships with both sexes without considering the opposite sex friends as 'back up mates'. Do not let your biology limit your potential meaningful friendships and emotional connections, people are way too fascinating for that.

[@alinastefana4138]

If we would let biology do the talking we would mate with our parents… Stupid video 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@krolessa1]

Not true, I have plenty of male friends that I would never date and they don’t look like my husband at all, I happen to enjoy politics and philosophy and for some reason or another there is more man into this subjects than woman.

[@tuinov6286]

How come these friendships only benefit women and men get nothing just some boring woman who ruins the atmosphere?

[@krolessa1]

@@tuinov6286 Im very funny man, my guyfriends love to come around to try my DMT and my home grown weed while we talk about many interesting topics, on top of that Im a professional cook, so we eat very well in my house that is cozy and clean in a swiss mountain, now that I have described to you the atmosphere, how my very female presence would ruin the vibe? I think all the woman you know is boring, maybe you should travel and get out of your neighborhood a bit.

[@tuinov6286]

@@krolessa1 What makes you think that normal men would want to get wasted on drugs with a woman?

[@krolessa1]

@@tuinov6286 As 40 years old woman with many guys friends a husband and a son, I would say I got my conclusions from my personal experiences. In all 5 countries I lived I encountered males that enjoy my company as a friend. I never livid in America or have American friends, so maybe in your culture woman is different. All the best to you.

[@krolessa1]

@@tuinov6286 and we don’t get wasted here we enjoy ourselves like adults, me and my friends are too old to get wasted and we have many businesses to run, hangovers are not something we want to handle.

[@AutumnLocks]

I was a female on a mostly male team at work. We were all friendly and still are even though I'm no longer in that position. I was the manager and I found my place among them socially by taking on the "mom" role and dressing as modestly as possible including no makeup. There's room for friendly male female relations, but boundaries and clear non-romantic roles are a must.

[@InbredSpanishKing]

Wow u missed the point badly

[@farihaahmed4790]

You're just not that attractive judging by pfp.

[@aurothelarper]

So you're the mommy of a bunch of dudes at work... right...

[@tonyshine89]

Is this a US thing... to be strabge to have friends from the opposite sex. I live in Bulgaria but did quite some traveling around Europe. It was never a problem to build a close friendship with someone from the opposite sex. My two best male friends, we know each other for many years, we gave each other courage in hard moments, we were to each other weddings, now all of us are parents, our spouses know each other, our kids are friends, we go to family vacatons. There was never such romantic energe between us. It is totally normal for me and the people around me.

[@dahliafiend]

Let’s hear their perspective as well..

[@tonyshine89]

@@dahliafiend I can ask them. But I highly doubt any romantic energy ever occured for them. My husband and I are together from when we were 18 yo both. So through all these times of having male friends I've been in a commited relationship, so it is obvious there was no intention of persuing romantic interest. But me aside, this is what I see pretty much everywhere around me, older generations included.

[@alinastefana4138]

I think it is a US thing… I’m from Romania and I’ve also kept all my male friends since almost childhood, without any romantic entendre. Funny how poorer countries have more common sense sometimes…

[@Mansory811]

​@@tonyshine89I bet my hand that as you were 18 and you confronted them that you want something from one of them, they would have jumped on. Without hesitation.

[@tonyshine89]

@@Mansory811 , safe bet, there is no way we go back and check that out ;)

[@ak-zxr0358]

Because male friends are everything you get from a boyfriend without needing to give back commitment or sexual gratification

[@elise9537]

yeah making friends is bad stay away from ppl.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@elise9537 nice straw man. The point was that women like male "friends" because they get most of the "boyfriend" actions from the man (listening to your stories and office drama, going to chick flick with you, going hiking with you, going out to eat (and usually paying for you), "helping you" with your car and house maintenance, and on and on) but you have zero expectations of providing girlfriend benefits (sexual acts, cooking or cleaning, back rubs, etc). Your fake naivete is comical.

[@aprilf3243]

People don't usually "seek" friends...friendships come about organically. My male friends I met through work or being in the sam club or activity. Weird take

[@Josh-fp2qn]

As a woman, do you find yourself or female friends attracted to guys who have female friends?

[@Not_A_CIA_Agent]

Listen, men are very straightforward. If a guy is talking to you he wants to bang you. If he isn't talking to you he wants to bang you but he doesn't think you're very attractive. That's it.

[@ElleS572]

A lot of my friends were gay males, I could be around male company without the pressure of having sex. They were the most fun people I've ever been around in my teens and early twenties.

[@anthonylipari]

Because gay males are females really

[@ChickFenwick]

Same.

[@Kalex-xe5wc]

"Gay males".Girl of course MALE gays there can't be gay women cuz that is called a LESBIAN

[@killkoala]

Who is this toxic woman? Has she never had a male friend? You can be female and just enjoy men as people. I have a lot of interests that are typically considered "male interests" and I enjoy doing them with my male friends. It's not weird. I really hate this narrative.

[@elise9537]

dont worry its the red pill narrative. sane normal ppl dont talk in those terms relooping them over and over making the red pill guys crazy and going on mass shootings.

[@aleio8233]

Or... you can just enjoy somebody for their mind and shared life experiences? No wonder you aren't able to relate to the opposite sex platonically if you always focus on the differences between them

[@blaizet7600]

Best comment here ! Agreed

[@KD400_]

Way to attract women to ur comment. Listen we know the reason y women have male friends and the lady explained it well

[@KD400_]

​@@blaizet7600 its because u want people to agree with what ur thinking that's typical female nature. Biology is biology and that's lady explained it well.

[@mirianakovachevic748]

Yes, men enjoy women's minds and experiences 😅

[@annahasket7247]

@@KD400_ sure, why would you listen to women about what they think and feel if you can just stick to a convenient way of thinking

[@pnwlady]

Ya that’s just bs. Try working with other people. You end up with male friends. This idea that everything we do is about mating is dumb. It’s a hang up that some people have that they project onto everyone else.

[@alinastefana4138]

Exactly! But there is public for such a stupid message, unfortunately.

[@elise9537]

its just red pill desperate pervs

[@johnsonjj117]

yet most people can’t find that line in the sand on what is appropriate behavior around people of the opposite sex. I worked with a woman 1 on 1, just us, sleeping in the same room at night for 13 years. Never once criticized my wife to her, never once complained to her and never once let our conversations turn flirty or sexual in nature. Most people don’t do that though, thus the reason people are skeptical about it.

[@pnwlady]

@@johnsonjj117 I have way more respect for people who keep good boundaries, protect their relationships and prioritize their commitments. Good behavior is as contagious as bad.

[@josephhenry879]

These comments are pathetic lol. Just be friends with people you like being around.

[@alinastefana4138]

😂😂 There is a public for this content, unfortunately…

[@Sanakudou]

Maybe due to growing up with only brothers played a role in separating the idea of thinking of men as solely sexual/romantic partners and was why socialising with males was easier. Growing up my niche interests were only shared by male classmates (it wasn’t until college I found female friends with these same hobbies) and so I became friends with them. There’s literally nothing else to it. As far as romantic partner selection I’m very rigid, there’s no such thing as a “back up mate” with male friends, not even a bout of singleness is going to induce attraction to someone there previously wasn’t attraction to. I won’t say it NEVER happens tho, I remember one of my brothers having a female friend who wasn’t single, but was leading him on even tho she INSISTED they were friends. Without a doubt it was just for her own ego to be able to make people want her. But I’ve seen men do this to women too, it’s definitely not a gender specific behaviour nor the norm. The topic of the “friendzone” fascinates me mostly because of how it’s defined as a male exclusive experience that vilifies women, when I’ve seen countless females friendzoned by men, but the female response tends to be more self-blame, that they’re at fault for not being attractive enough. The ensuing niceness/friendliness from the guy who isn’t into them is seen as the guy being a considerate person for letting them down gently. Which only improves the rejected females perception of him, that he’s kind enough to not want to hurt someone even in rejection. Where as men who are “friendzoned” seem to see it as a fault with the woman rather than themselves. I don’t know if that’s an ego-self-defence mechanism, and if that explains how when some women reject men they’re suddenly met with hostility and hate. A fear of that response is actually what influences so many women to hint at disinterest instead of overt rejections. Alongside not wanting to humiliate someone, there’s often nothing wrong with the guy that is rejected beyond no sexual attraction, it’s never a pleasant experience to encounter someone who likes you in a way you don’t reciprocate. But it seems like men really hate the indirect rejection method too. It’d be very interesting to see a discussion on how men want rejections to occur instead, or if it’s ultimately the indignation of rejection in the first place that’s difficult and/or the lack of dating success that makes the “friendzone” something they talk about with such scorn compared to women who are friendzoned. Whether it’s a defence mechanism to avoid the self loathing women typically endure from the same kind of rejection is also an aspect I’d be very curious to see explored.

[@drts6955]

I think it's just the rejection point blank. Women do this too but it's rarer methinks. I think the friend zone thing is perhaps felt more as person had fed hopes for a time. I also think there's sometimes a sensation with men that actually getting to know a woman more instead of being aloof is actually damaging to prospects, which would be frustrating. Though as a man I'm really not sure how true that is I'm not sure there's any way to successfully reject emotionally immature people

[@innermeetme]

People who don’t want to take responsibility for themselves, who have strong emotional reactions they refuse to deal with in a healthy way (a lot of men who cling to the “alpha” thing have this issue), will always project onto the women who have rejected them. It is beyond their capacity to handle in a mature, reasonable, and respectful way. Deep down, they don’t like themselves very much, and they certainly don’t accept themselves, so they can’t accept the situation at hand. It’s called an ego projection; we are all mirrors for each other. We all project, but many of us are wise enough and have way too much heart to blame 50% of the population for our problems. No man in a healthy relationship with a woman, who truly knows himself and truly knows his partner with whom he shares a profound love, would speak about women the way some of the commenters on this channel speak about women. I think the term for these types is “man-child”. They also don’t seem to realize how varied and truly diverse the population is regardless of sex. People are so different and capable of so much depth in consciousness. Anyone who makes blanket statements about men or women must not be deep enough to see the world for how layered it truly is.

[@monikap8777]

I think your reasoning is very very interesting and seems right to me. Thank you for sharing your conclusions

[@BethanyGuajardo]

Well said! And that was really insightful. I’ve had platonic male friends where there was nothing romantic that ever happened and while there’s a level of attraction simply due to the fact that there’s even a friendship chemistry, it’s easy to separate it as platonic if both parties have it clear in their minds and even in the lack of sexual tension, that friendship is all that there is, and sometimes simply enjoying a person for who they are is all that’s there and that’s enough.

[@zahiauro]

This is the best explanation/breakdown of the myth of the friendzone that I have ever seen. I always thought it was kind of dumb because if a girl is interested in a guy from the get go, why would she be like, ok I chose to keep him as a friend only. I see friendship should come first before a more serious relationship...if you see you and the person are not compatible you just stay friends or not in some cases because the guy may get mad at you and not talk to you anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️ for me, when I was single if I hung out with a guy was a couple weeks and I still wasnt feeling it in that way it was never going to happen. And I definitely did not want to date that person because I knew we would end up breaking up (I hated breakups) and the friendship is gone forever 😭

[@JM-mh1pp]

How about...you share similar interests and find each other fun to be around but do not want to have sex? It is possible to not be romantically interested in a woman.

[@snorttroll4379]

Only if she isnt attractive

[@elbowstrike]

Because we’re social animals meant to live in groups of 15-150 people so it’s important to have social connections with the people you see every day. It’s important for everyone to have both male and female friends because in that ancient environment if you died you need people who loved you and missed you who would be willing to help protect and raise your children you left behind.

[@nishapanchal5608]

My male work friend is far away from who I would choose for a spouse and there's no way he'd care about me saying that!

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

yeah, you just use him at work to "help" you with your tasks and occasionally take you out to lunch.....

[@nishapanchal5608]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 😱😱 how did you know?!

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@nishapanchal5608 We all know. Women generally use male "friends" and reciprocate very little. Nothing new. That is why I don't have "office buddies" because you are all the same.

[@nishapanchal5608]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 oh 100% - I reciprocated NOTHING hahaaaa how womanly of me. We are ALL the same, you are so right. What smart men you are 😍 Want to be friends? You so sound so useful.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@nishapanchal5608 you can drape your comment with sarcasm all you want, at the end of the day it is all true. And no, I'm good. If I wanted a friend like you I'd just buy a couple leaches.....

[@lwedel3361]

Nearing 40, happily married with soon to be 6 kids. I have a twin brother whom I loved growing up with and doing all sorts of sports with. As I got into my teens and twenties, I started to realize how impossible it was to be friends with members of the opposite gender, especially considering I was kinda cute back then (pre-kids lol). I constantly had to reject guys who I thoughts were just my mates. It took a while to work out that it probably was not possible or wise to keep close male company. I think the last time I hung out with a guy 1 on 1 who was not my husband, was a very long time friend who I met up with to say goodbye before moving overseas. That is it. I do not text men except my husband. I know many, but do not have personal chats with that my husband is not aware of.

[@jaaptendijk7192]

Man + woman + time = sex + reproduction Put me and a woman alone on an island even if I hate her, eventually my survival instincts will kick in. With enough time every man and woman will sleep with each other

[@Kumari_44]

Youre a real one! ✅ God bless you both & your marriage!

[@BENR8108]

Smart lady!

[@alexanderg5386]

You're husband allowed you to meet up with that guy that went overseas?

[@lwedel3361]

@@alexanderg5386 Of course. He was a brother in faith who I had known for over a decade. There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing people of the opposite gender.

[@Handle18880]

It is very very important that both men and women cultivate friendships, relationships with people from the opposite sex that they have never and will never have any physical intimacy with, it improves our understanding, empathy, kindness, comfort, knowledge, and wisdom. I do not want to be with a man that doesn’t have women in his life that he cares for not because he has or wants to sleep with them, but because he respects women and understands he can learn from them.

[@alexforce9]

Vast majority of women have nothing to offer that you can learn from them. Just like majority of men. But with men at least we share the same interests. And I'm saying this as a person who HAVE female friends. But I KNOW a lot more women than I'm friends with, exactly for that reason.

[@DrDeuteron]

So…you just described a woman.

[@zalitosway8419]

There’s nothing I can learn from a woman. I am a man. We live completely different lives.

[@johnsonjj117]

WTH are you on about man😂. Enriching your life by hanging out with “girl besties”….there’s no need for it. Men learn how to be men by hanging out with men.

[@rileahangelaweston]

​@@zalitosway8419 ignorance at its finest, who the hell gave birth to you 😂

[@mhcmhco]

Because it’s sad and not practical to have to disassociate from every man I’m not related to once I’m in a relationship

[@obviouslyasockpuppet]

There's a difference between being cordial to people around you and actually being friends. Most people are cordial to several hundred acquaintances but are actually friends with a handful of people.

[@skepticalbystander]

The practical part is that they're potential future mates, and is technically a slap in the face to your current relationship. If you ask your dude "what, you don't trust me??" he should be wondering the same thing about you and your male friends. Should men have backup female friends? Women just refuse to believe men about other guys because it's convenient for you to ignore. It all falls within the plausible deniability excuse, and if you're not that kind of girl, those kinds of girls ruined having male friends for you, because you're asking your dude to be ok with walking a tight rope with severe possibilities for bad things when you expect him to accept your male friends, he can't be inside your head about what your intentions are, and this stuff is baked into our psyche by evolution, so it's smarter for us to assume the worst in that case, there's no peace for a guy in knowing his girl has dude friends, cuz it doesn't matter if he wants to trust her, there are too many examples and incidences of someone trusting someone who said they were trustworthy, but them cheating and lying anyway. You want to be trusted, but trust has to be practical, true trust comes from observation of choices, not from someone telling you to trust them. If you doubt this, remember male sexuality is always on 24/7.

[@skepticalbystander]

... besides, men and women live in totally different observations of the world, we really don't have much in common aside from intimate wants and needs anyway. Even the things you think men and women have in common, they're into for completely different reasons, we are not the same.

[@cae2525]

@@skepticalbystander A whole paragraph full of insecurities... Lmao

[@skepticalbystander]

@@cae2525 ya, we're aware of women's insecurities about always keeping options open, and how despairately insecure it makes a woman to not have sexual options, or to only have one or two makes her feel real uneasy, because then she'd have to settle like men do instead of having her pick off the litter if she ends up not liking this guy or that guy, so we're practical and cautious of their insecurities and when a girl has an incessant need for validation. Women who use those tactics lose their power when guys are aware of it, and to not have control of the situation freaks controlling people out, so they resort to shaming, insulting and guilting the other person into public scrutiny and hand waving your biological insecurities and needs as if it were our insecurities. The winning of one sex's strategy means the losing of the other's sex's strategy, it's a competitive game, we know girls are competing to have control over their situations when they say men are insecure for knowing things about female nature that don't benefit girl's dating and mating strategies. See how insecurity is misinterpreted, if the insecurity has logic and reasons behind it and example after example, it's not so much a "silly pathetic insecurity, teeheehee," it's more of a learned understanding, it's more like wisdom to one side, and a vulnerability to the other side. You're being manipulative by using the word "insecurity" in the context women have carved out in society to try to shame men of their strategies, we just know better now. It's not that we're not "strong enough to handle you," it's just who the fuck would want to date a liability who isn't actually into you, and just testing you out til a better option comes along? The hypocrisy of how you'd feel if the shoe were on the other foot is pretty staggering and ridiculous.

[@sweetpeaxh]

Males are humans. Sometimes they are cool to talk too. Sometimes they make me laugh.

[@rileahangelaweston]

And sometimes they sexually harass and assault you.

[@COOLSAUCE21]

A woman can have male friends for the same reasons she has female friends. We need friends... Just people we enjoy being around, share hobbies with, people who you can learn from... And gender doesn't matter here. Not everything has to be romantic / sexual. It's only a problem when both aren't on the same page... One wants to be just friends, the other has a crush (i.e; the 'friendzone')

[@hbkgreatestever]

Typically, a guy who is friend-zoned by a girl, has strong feelings for her. The Girl knows this, and will continue to give the guy hope of “what if she breaks up with this guy, I’m here.” Woman usually aren’t friend zoned by guys, because most men have no interest in playing games with girls who have feelings with them. Also it just natural that woman have way more options than men. If a man is friend zoned and continues to hang with her, his options would have to be pretty limited. A Friendzoned guy thinks “she’s an option, she’s perfect, I just have to make her see it”

[@Josith13]

When the man friendzones, I think it's more the fuckzone

[@bigbone1369]

The friendzone is hell.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

That is because most guys only become friends with women because they think they are attractive and hope to get sex or a relationship.

[@misuterinaso]

What's funny is that a girl tried to friendzone me, then I really treated her as a friend. Then I ghosted her when I realized that she wasn't up to my standards for a friend lol

[@Josith13]

@@misuterinaso they tend to just be shitty fair weather friends anyway. That's what dudes are for

[@happystar7777]

I have male friends because females never seem to want to be friends with me lol

[@LetsAvYa..]

Let me guess… You have all these guy “friends”but have never slept with any of them? I’ve never met a girl who has all guy “friends” and hasn’t fucked at least 1 or 2

[@aprils.r8418]

Was a tomboy, still a tomboy. Me being friends with mostly guys only became a problem when i entered high school. Never was i attracted to any of my male friends but i ended up being a loner because of the constant gossip of me "sleeping around" by the other females trying to ruin me. Its rather sad and frustrating. Its still kind of like that now in my 30s

[@Josh-fp2qn]

There is a girl I like at work and I think she likes me too. But, this is another guy at work who has female friends that he hangs out with on breaks. I think my crush is interested in him and it makes me sick. Do girls fall for guys who have female friends even though he smells bad and is not handsome at all? Is it that social proof? He is very talkative btw and I am not.

[@matthews.9464]

Aldo, for attractive females, finding other ladies that are chill and not envious or insecure can be difficult.

[@kms4124]

To the point you called out, why would I want a female platonic friend if they are going to be so difficult?

[@johnthechosen1123]

I think it’s ok and normal to have friends of the opposite sex. But I think it’s kind of rare because most of the time there are usually feelings involved. If one party has feelings for the other party it will never work. The friend zone is a real place and nobody deserves to be there

[@alyonaa8788]

If there are feelings then it’s not a friendship

[@RecoveringHermit]

She's describing why SHE has male friends, not why all women have male friends.

[@tuinov6286]

You want the boyfriend without being a girlfriend. Male friends give you all the benefits while they get nothing back. Men dont enjoy your company im telling you. They might tolerate you.

[@RecoveringHermit]

@@tuinov6286 I made no reference to men's motivations. I commented from the female perspective only. Women are capable of platonic relationships with men, even if you are stating the reverse is not true.

[@col.strayga1389]

She studies this for a living, that came from her data set.

[@cotovantre]

Guy friends are nice because things can just be a lot more casual with them. Hearing something like 'backup' coming from another female makes me almost incredibly offended. The casual felt amongst female friends and male friends is different, and its nice to be able to have both.

[@dahliafiend]

Nice. For you. Any other people in your life who also find it “nice”?

[@aprils.r8418]

For real. That woman has a high schoolers mentality about this topic.

[@evasccl7846]

There are two sides to every coin and each side has its uniqueness ... I think it is wise to have a quick look at the history of each individual, since that has some impact in how and what decisions are made later on. In my case, for instance... i grew with brothers only and been friends of their friends through childhood. Most of my friends were males as a result of that which, once i reached certain age, i became a threat to their girlfriends due to their lack of understanding of our friendship AND their very own insecurities as a woman. I never had close female friends, and any female friend that tried befriend me, was to get close to one of my male friends... I am the kind of person that dislikes and does not partake into any kind of drama, gossip, nagging, etc... which i only saw and see women doing among themselves... so, out of respect for my male friends I decided to distance myself from them as i realized not bein accepted by their halves... and i dont enjoy being where i am noticeable not welcome or wanted by someone 😂 So yes... most females are cruel, love gossip, drama, nagging, backstabbing... manipulators and jealousy runs deep as a result of their very own baggage! I'd rather be on my own for a while longer, than in the company of any of the above described. Men need to go beyond the physical, which by the way, wears off innevitably in every single being... the process in which wine is made is a good analogy of what really matters i life and what gets better and better with time ❤

[@bigbone1369]

I don't make friends with chicks. If I want friends, I'll go out to meet dudes.

[@MichelleAntonia]

So women aren't worthy of being friends with. Got it. You're really not get anywhere with any woman with that kind of attitude, so good luck.

[@bigbone1369]

@@MichelleAntonia Honey. I got tired of being the friend, and never the lover. I'm tired of these broads coming to me to crying about these dudes they are fucking. I want to be they guy they are crying about. At least those guys are getting laid. Believe me. Getting friend zoned gets old.

[@alinastefana4138]

@@MichelleAntonia These are the men-children who start every sentence with “duuude…”. It’s because females are rare in their lives so thay get a boner every time they see one.

[@alinastefana4138]

They*

[@sodakk17]

​@@MichelleAntoniaSome men are not interested in friendships with women. Nothing wrong.

[@shannonpickens7695]

No we as a society are integrated. We are friends because we work together/ we have known each other since high school/ we have mutual friends etc the list goes on.

[@Omguserr]

Get all the profits as having a boyfriend without having one and without having to provide what a girlfriend should that is why they want male friends and in most cases male friends are much more useful then female friends.

[@AGameCharacter]

1. They are more interested in how the world works than women 2. You want to understand whats up with cheating and the hook-up culture 3. They often have cars since they’re 18 4. It’s 10 times safer to walk on the street near a man than alone and it doesn’t matter whether you hold hands or not 5. The game of friendzoning them is quite empowering

[@tuinov6286]

So women benefit from a friendship and men are used. Thank you i hope men will never make female friends.

[@AGameCharacter]

@@tuinov6286 did i write about their benefits from women? The question was the other way around. I’m still friends with those people and it’s been more than 10 years by now. They have a brain of their own ;)

[@tuinov6286]

@@AGameCharacter I dont care what you write about. Im talking about reality. Women benefit from a man's friendship. Men dont benefit from a woman's friendship.

[@alinastefana4138]

@@tuinov6286 I wrote all my male friends’ application letters to jobs or uni so I guess they do get something out of it 😅

[@taniabras2357]

I have had good male friends my whole life. Still do. They good people. Nothing to do with sex

[@06rtm]

Ask them if they want to hang out alone

[@06rtm]

@joceja23 Women dont realize how long men will secretly pursue them

[@06rtm]

@joceja23 Yep. Women dont see it

[@06rtm]

@joceja23 They often act oblivious. My gf had a male best friend when I met her and I told her he was in love with her. She didn’t believe me until he finally confessed his love to her a few months later.

[@cae2525]

@@06rtm Or maybe they just want to be friends. Not everyone is like you.

[@mattroid2955]

my gf of 2 years had a male best friend. over the course of 3 months she would tell me she didnt even wanna talk with me and would go hang out with him. she cheated on me with him, and less than a week after we broke up they also broke up. yet she never apologized for what she did she doesnt feel that she did anything wrong. she literally could not have wanted anything more from me, yet still i wasn't enough and left me for someone who treated her like shit. i just don't understand. i want answers but i don't think they'll ever come

[@RatetheDebate]

Wow, I’m sorry, that’s terrible. It has nothing to do with anything you were lacking- cheaters have a lack in themselves that they are trying to fill.

[@DivineLogos]

When men and women are not family and didn't grow up together, they can't be true friends. Because there are always romantic or sexual feelings involved for at least 1 party. Biology wins in the end.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Yes and those feelings can change and people can realize that friendship is more important and things can evolve.

[@timothymccray6034]

​@@sarcodonblue2876only women thinks the friendship is more important

[@rileahangelaweston]

​@timothymccray6034 so women see men as people but men don't see women as people, hence why you don't value friendship

[@DivineLogos]

@@rileahangelaweston No. Women are less likely to want to fuck their male friends but more likely to keep them around as backup-boyfriends in case she isn't happy enough with her relationship anymore and the backup-boyfriend offers more as a package. The truth is that we see each other often as objects but in different ways. Question to you. Lets say you are 13 years old again and you live with your parents who have a relationship together. Would you like it if your mom had male friends?

[@nicolasacosta1673]

If she hits you with the "I prefer guy friends because women are too much drama" your internal red alert should be sounding off and gtfo 🚩

[@vivvo8883]

Sorry, but this is bullshit. I have some male friends and they were never some kind of backup mate. It's because I got to know those guys and liked them and shared some interests with them, just like with my female friends. Stop thinking in stereotypes and you will see, that we are all just humans in the first place!

[@tuinov6286]

Stop thinking in stereotypes and accept the fact that all of your male friends would fck the sht out of you the second you would give them a chance.

[@vivvo8883]

@@tuinov6286 haha, nope! I'm not that pretty/ fuckable, but thanks for your valuable input 😉

[@blah914]

.... Or maybe their personalities are compatible with ours on a platonic level, sharing hobbies and interests?? ppl need to not be so sex obsessed.

[@TheSpecialJ11]

As a dude with female friends, I think this is a gross generalization. I think it's true for plenty of people, but for a lot of us, you can have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex if neither of you really want to date the other but enjoy each other's company. With one of my female friends, I used to have a crush on her after reconnecting after some time apart, but after seeing her in a relationship with her current boyfriend, it's pretty clear to me she's not what I want in a girlfriend, but still has what I want in a friend. So we're great friends. I almost need to hang out with her less, because she satisfies enough of my need for feminine energy in my life that I have less motivation to find a girlfriend. All I would "need" from a girlfriend right now is sex and intimacy because that's what's not included in our friendship. A lot of people are unable to separate their sexual needs from their relationships, so I can see why this arrangement would be impossible for them. But for me, I can set a pretty clear demarcation in my head. The "She's like a sister to me."

[@MichelleAntonia]

Exactly. I can't believe how hard it is for people to grasp this.

[@JRJR-ex6th]

Your doing mental gymnastics. You had a crush on her, that what drew you to her in the first place. Once she got a boyfriend you realised you had no chance. You still get the dopamine from conversing with her, if she looked like Susan Boyle you wouldn’t wana be friends with her. That female energy your talking about only comes from women you are attracted to even if it’s only a little bit attracted. I know because I’ve been there.

[@KD400_]

Lol ur just in the friend zone and u have no standards

[@monikap8777]

"i used to have a crush on her" "she's like my sister" you're doing something wrong

[@OoO-rf2gt]

Lol. Ok back up.

[@hurrifanc.3434]

Womans friends: simps. The only way you can have a platonic friendship with a woman as a man is if you friendzone her.

[@Bashbekersjiw]

Or of younare not attracted ti women

[@cae2525]

I have several female friends and it's all alright

[@devin9205]

​@@Bashbekersjiw sounds like a friend zone to me

[@elise9537]

@@devin9205 sounds like you cant control your impulses

[@devin9205]

@@elise9537 sounds like you jumped to an insult for not apparently justified reason

[@talisikid1618]

I’ve had female friends before. Never did date them. They were just friends.

[@Yaya-cl3tu]

This is all true. My male friends have all been attractive, tall and someone I am okay with being mistaken as dating, lol.

[@PolishBehemoth]

Thats not genuine. That means you dont like them for exclusively friendship.

[@Yaya-cl3tu]

@@PolishBehemoth No, it means I'm not blind.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Who cares if people mistake you for dating or being in a relationship ? That is very shallow.

[@xejelah]

Not all of us live in the days of cavemen where all we think about is mating. A friend is a friend, someone you can talk to isn't about making certain they have a vag or a peen first.

[@minah6535]

I want friends that has the same intrests as me etc. Idc about their gender or sexuality 🤨 I would assume and hope that most people is like that...

[@economicallyshort5184]

Why do people have friends in general? For companionship, love, protection, etc. sure, some women do this to monkey branch, but not always. Men shouldn’t assume and project their expectations of sex, neither should women. When sex isn’t a foreseeable expectation, the relationship and bond is better. Many people who are friends are able to get to know each other long enough and end up having the best romantic relationships because of it. It’s not necessarily a malicious strategy, it’s more of actually getting to know someone, letting them see you succeed, fail, cry, laugh, and grow. These are enriching relationships, not superficial that go straight to dating and sex. There are two strategies at play: sex/mating in the short term (2-5yrs), or a long term friend and companion whom I need to get along with and spend most of my time with.

[@ev6402]

I have 5 brothers so men friends are like more brothers to me.

[@sugarhigh55]

I grew up with my one year older brother having to keep an eye on me. Makes no sense. But I learned how to climb trees, jump a fence to run from cops and hold my own in a mosh pit. All while wearing a skirt. Girls seemed like a lot of drama. But now that I'm older I have more female friends.

[@06rtm]

Brothers don’t want to have sex with you though.

[@ev6402]

@@sugarhigh55 same here. older woman aren't the same as younger woman when it comes to friendships.

[@foreverseethe]

It's amazing the mental gymnastics women will do to maintain the attention and options of keeping the opposite gender on retainer. My theory is the average women don't actually notice they're doing that but the intelligent ones not only know but make peace with it but they turn off the light bulb when questioned about it.

[@sarahsbakingcreations]

Yeah, when I have male friends with no intention of dating them, that's what they are. If they express interest and I'm not interested, I tell them "Sorry, no thanks." If they continue to express interest and don't back off, I end up going off on them.

[@thatexcalifornian6124]

I had a lot of guy friends because I got along with them better. Plus I like things like video games. I know either sex can like video games, but when I was younger, I seemed to find more guy friends that liked it. Then later on it became political memes. I found a lot of them liked what I had to say, but then that’s when I noticed some were interested.

[@janetwhite7786]

Why was "sex", as in "opposite sex" bleeped out? Good grief.

[@llspeziale8844]

In childhood, growing up in a ‘co-ed’ environment made making friends of both genders easy however it was exceptionally difficult to become an adult and find being friends with the opposite gender is ‘inappropriate’ because they think it’s showing romantic interest.

[@Ariennon]

Bro I’m a women and that is absolutely not the reason why I have friends of the opposite sex. I just like joking around with boys, and talk about things that I probably can’t talk to with women since there not interested in that kind of stuff. Like memes or video games, the girls at my school don’t like that kind of stuff. And I’m not saying I don’t hang out with girls. I love talking and relating to my same sex and I’ve probably made life long friendships with them.

[@terrybeasley5931]

I am female. When I was in the Army, I had lots of male friends and did not consider them "mate material". I liked their company. I learned from them and they learned from me. Simple as that.

[@snorttroll4379]

Yes but unless you were unattractive they did not think of you the same way. They wanted to fuck. Unless they all were swimming in stank otgerwise

[@markuchiha7737]

They're not your friends, they're just interacting with females. And being closest to a girl doesn't really benefit us men and is a huge red flag.

[@mairedaly4926]

I've no brothers & a fairly absent father, so I have always have a good dynamic with male 'mates'. They gave me insight into myself, good honest opinions, & in the end, I married a good guy, who'd have not made the grade if he hadn't been able to be friend material. He always had women as friends, no jealousy between either of us, indeed, we've introduced our 'opposite sex' friends, to our partner & they've become friends to us as a couple

[@mystrength5640]

What about the opposite.. When some men insist. On Being a person.. Who reaches out to every Damsel in distress. They are Married! Unacceptable behaviour. NOOO Boundaries…

[@Reshme77]

Or some have us have grown up without siblings. And we like having the feeling of brothers and sisters

[@caem3603]

Wtf y’all complicate everything lol A person can just like being in someone’s energy or presence.

[@PatriciaDeAnna]

I like men as friends because they offer someone different than I have and they stimulate me intellectually in a different ways than my friends that are women. They’re not back up mates more like. Can I bounce this off of you?

[@PeterZeeke]

This is BS

[@tarp11z]

This is more KZbin poison. To take this short seriously, a person would have to be both shallow and naive. People have friends. They don't always choose the time or the place... or even the person. It just happens.

[@livingfortheplot]

My high school was 80% guys and the girls shunned me bc I was pretty and bc guys liked me and the girls who did befriend me did so to get close to my guy friends, not to be my friend. Girls are not nice to each other. My guy friends were my only friends until I got a job and made 1 girl friend. However once you leave that forced social environment, it is mostly about mating. When my boyfriend complains about taking the trash out I will jokingly remind him that when I was single I had an army of men willing to do my bidding, now that I’m with him, he is my guy and he shouldn’t complain about getting that spot. (Just like I don’t complain about doing every other house chore.) I’m joking but it’s also true. When I was single and lived alone I had guy friends that would come over and fix things in my apartment, we would go out together and I would know that I am going to get home safely even if I drink. I never lied to them, treated them badly or led them on. Were they hanging around in the hopes I would look their way? absolutely. If you make it clear that isn’t going to happen, it does not change that. They will disappear when they get girlfriends but that’s ok, if their your friends you should be happy for them. I’ve now been in a relationship for 7 years, all my friends are women who also have long term partners.

[@bsepide1]

I grew up an only child, I love my friends so much! They're not back ups, they're my friends.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

you use them, most likely

[@genevieveaniko6492]

Or maybe she has a platonic like towards him as a person? Does there need an agenda?

[@BreaktheKarmicWheel]

Male friends are the affection and protection of a relationship without the sex. The equivalent of men having women they sleep with but don’t want a relationship with. That’s all it will ever be. Not backups just snacks on the way to the one they actually want. The thing that makes it messed up is if a man or woman tries to trick the other person into thinking maybe they can have more if they stick around. Men will let women have the idea that if they have sex with them enough then maybe they can end up in a relationship with them just the same as some women keep men in the friend zone thinking that maybe one day they will get to have sex with them.

[@zahiauro]

I had male friends growing up. It seemed normal. I didnt have hardly any girls to play with. But I liked playing with the boys because we go to do fun stuff like fishing, hide and seek, run around like we were crazy, climb trees, or just talk and laugh and joke. After I got older, teenager and into early adulthood, there were times I was lonely. Didnt have a boyfriend because I couldnt find someone compatible. Having male friends who at least seemed like they werent interested in me helped dull the bite of loneliness. Plus they were fun to talk to.

[@___solar___]

Literally any guy I’ve known is fun to talk to. It’s vice versa with women. There are maybe 1 or 2 women IVE SEEN that have been interesting to talk to, and they seemed smart. Maybe there’s a correlation with intelligence 😂👍

[@zahiauro]

@@___solar___ Dont get wrong, growing up with almost all boys there were many times I wished I had a girl to play with. There were times I did get to play with girls but wasnt all that often. I cant complain though I had good kids to play with, its ok they were boys. They are a fun bunch. 😊

[@___solar___]

@@zahiauro The homies really are fun to hang out with. We can take a boring ass situation and turn it into the funniest thing ever and make up some sort of drinking game to pass time on. Nothing is ever dull. I mean, hanging out with women is also beneficial too cause I like when girls gossip and open up to their day to day life (though they like talking about themselves, A LOT). Men are just more straightforward and I can’t really philosophize with men as much because that’s just not normal. Both got their niches. Though, I absolutely LOVE working with the nerds. Doesn’t matter if they’re man or woman. Everyone should be friends with a nerd. Hell, I am one and happen to be in a stem field 😂

[@zahiauro]

@@___solar___ yea nerds are fun too because you get to learn stuff from them. 😊

[@annahasket7247]

I grew up in a similar environment, and I had a male best friend as a child. We were virtually inseparable, our families had been friends before we were born, so it was almost a brother-sister relationship. Then one autumn when we were around 9 other children started making fun of us, saying we’re romantically involved and are a couple. As kids, we didn’t know how to deal with it, felt embarrassed and eventually drifted apart. I still feel sad and angry because there was nothing romantic there but we were just broken up by people who think boys and girls can’t be friends without an agenda.

[@Iamam313]

And the reverse is also true, no man actually wants women friends, their just backups

[@expex3230]

Wrong

[@Amira-z6k]

Why are these people always assuming everyone else shares their experiences??

[@seintmike7907]

the fact you have to censor the term sex is ridiculous. What a great conversation though!

[@blockpart2184]

I preferred it tbh

[@seintmike7907]

@@blockpart2184 can you explain why?

[@AG-nn8lp]

Ummmm what? I don't have back up mates, I have male friends who genuinely care about me for a person. They HAVE a partner. They are literally friends who have same interests, I can't talk to most women about my vmcate or home improvements. They're literally like brothers and uncles. This is such ridiculous bullshit

[@alinastefana4138]

I like the part where he mentions women talking about “that guy at work” because what else could women talk about with their friends? 😂😂

[@stellareeber2753]

When I was in college I hung out with a mixed group of friends. Some of us worked together, some of us attended the same church. We remained friends into our late 20s. I just remember enjoying them so much. We read books together and drank a lot of coffee. Things began to change when people got married. We tried to stay in touch but the different lifestyles drew us apart. Now we are all in our 50's. I get Christmas emails and family photos. One friend moved to New Zealand, a confirmed bachelor. He calls me a few times a year. When I was young I was so close to these friends I imagined we would be in each other's lives forever, but it just couldn't be sustained.

[@mkayokay3192]

I felt this comment ❤

[@stellareeber2753]

@@mkayokay3192 Thank you!

[@dahliafiend]

“The bachelor still calls” Of course he does.

[@lafunk1978]

So people cannot like just like each other ? Sex isn't always a factor..

[@user-ez2ze8dr1n]

Friendship between men and women exist and it is true. There is not backup, you simply like the company of each and there is sincere friendship. She clearly has no idea what she is talking about as she never had a real male friend. Do not buy on her bullshit.

[@justacoginthefkery]

I hate this take. I like video games. I'm a low-key nerd. I like playing hacky sack. I'd rather be building something with my hands than shopping or sipping wine. I don't want to talk about TV shows & what so-&-so did or wore or new rumors & such. I just naturally get along with men better than women. I do have female friends, but they're very chill, not catty & enjoy nerdy conversations. Hanging out with men is not because they give me male attention or are trying to sleep with me or vice versa. It's actually been because they DON'T objectify me & treat me with respect.

[@JNiina]

Why do we want friends in general? There doesn't have to be more to it than that.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

there does when there is a sexual component involved.

[@scottiemomma2314]

From my experience, it’s nice having guy friends because they aren’t catty. I have had female friends divulge my personal stuff to others, start rumors, try to steal my love interests, and the list goes on. Talking behind my back or when they think I’m not looking is my favorite. There are just things that men don’t do that SOME female friends do. As an adult, my female friends are not like this, but they are always talking about people who still start drama. I recoil at friends that do hurtful things like that, and I haven’t encountered these kind of behaviors in male friends. It had nothing to do with flirting or attraction. If a guy wants to sleep with his friends, I guess it could be an issue.

[@DavidW-ng5zv]

If a vvoman tries to friendzone me, my go to response is "I see no benefit to being your friend." I leave it there.

[@josie5599]

I think they're over-complicating something that is actually very simple. Humans are social creatures that live in groups. Having many friends in your tribe, whatever their gender, is going to help you survive and thrive. We can be valuable to each other for a huge array of different reasons which may or may not be about mating. Being unable to form friendships with people of the opposite sex isn't advantageous from an evolutionary perspective.

[@kwakuklaus951]

Beautifully said!

[@missp498]

Yes but Chris has to keep his Tate loving minions happy.

[@alinastefana4138]

@@missp498 Hahaha! Well said! 👏

[@elise9537]

@@missp498 hes just a Tate tribute band but he doesnt want to take it too far

[@sookibeulah9331]

I’ve two close male friends for over a decade who are most definitely not back up mates. I like them and really enjoy their company but I’ve NO sexual or romantic interest in them. I’ve have stayed with both of them many times over the years and for convenience slept in the same bed as them multiple times, and nothing happened. One I dated for a few of weeks (over a decade ago) and realised a relationship would be a disaster as he doesn’t do monogamy (and hearing his dating history has validated that for me) The other I’ve never dated and he’s one of dearest friends but I can’t spend more than 48 hours with him without getting so infuriated with him.

[@msdm83]

A member of the opposite sex can provide non relationship friendship values.

[@luckas221a]

this is so shallow and narrow-minded. reducing all human relationships to sex. gross.

[@ratsandbats]

well idk about ya’ll but the gaming community is so heavily male dominated that it’s rare for me to even come across a female. let alone those that want to be friends. so yes i can have completely platonic male friends that aren’t anything like my ideal spouse.