How Do You Develop Real Confidence? - James Smith

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello beautiful people. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Intro 03:17 Are Healthy Foods a Form of Oppression? 11:17 New Things Learned about Confidence 17:12 The Power of Rejection Therapy 23:20 Does Fake It ‘Til You Make It Work? 34:40 The Matthew Principle 44:20 Relationship Between Confidence & Anxiety 55:10 Celebrating Wins Vs Maintaining Focus 1:03:50 Preparing for Fatherhood & Family 1:08:15 James’s Relationship with Alcohol 1:18:07 Imbalances in Self-Judgment 1:26:45 Bullying Chris into Writing a Book 1:37:00 Where to Find James

[@JamesSmithPT]

Thanks for having me!!

[@ChrisWillx]

Big love man

[@alexodonnal3352]

Definitely one of the best reoccurring guests

[@pil3driverwaltz164]

@@alexodonnal3352 definitely. Instant click.

[@RANDYFRANCISMMA]

I loved the part about jiujitsu. I always tell new guys at my gym you have to pay your dues of getting your ass kicked before you actually win because everyone thinks the same thing about winning their first comp. You either pay your dues in the gym or out in competition but the dues gotta be payed.

[@GetUnlabeled]

Thanks for you having your own back, and now for having ours

[@clark2109]

Always love the podcasts with James.

[@vadimmanuilov7401]

The more I faked confidence - the more life showed me I ain’t shit. The more humble you are - the more life shows you it appreciates you trying to stay humble by teaching you lessons that develop real confidence.

[@CONEHEADDK]

That's YOUR subjective experience - anecdotal..

[@luismoreno9633]

Life didn’t show you you ain’t shit, you formed that opinion yourself.

[@CONEHEADDK]

@@luismoreno9633 If enough people treat you like shit, and nobody treats you like gold, believing you are gold, sounds delusional.

[@luismoreno9633]

@@CONEHEADDK and yet that person who believes they’re gold despite never being treated like it will live a happier life than someone who believes they aren’t shit.

[@CONEHEADDK]

@@luismoreno9633 Does that "ever" happen? Don't they just find people, who act as if they are golden - narcissistic suply - and the moment they stop suplying, and start to doubt, they get switched with a new suply?

[@MeaningSeekerPod]

Two men. Two amazing attitudes. *This* episode is a breath of fresh air. Ridiculous amounts in this was so welcome to hear for so many reasons too.

[@Bloomer0609]

Confidence is the memory of winning.

[@KJC.91]

Your style is professional, witty & sincere; thank You for making a great show Chris & the whole MWP team.

[@josephKillinas]

THANK YOU CHRIS. This was fantastic. Was really struggling with confidence recently which is a battle I have too fight every so often. I used to deal with depression and lack of self worth for years, then it was months at a time.. than it was weeks at a time and then that turned into every so often I struggle for days at a time and sometimes only a few hours. This happened through rigorous personal growth which Chris has Contributed massively to.

[@vital.elements]

MIC DROP 🎤 @ 1:34:15 "Even though you could say family, marriage is socially constructed, people don't ask themselves the question enough, "For what?" - James Smith 💥🖤🎯

[@vagabondcaleb8915]

No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide (slide....slide....slide...).

[@thomascaldicott1891]

Stumbled across modern wisdom a few days ago. Top pod! Great conversations and insights 👌🏻 much love.

[@SarahBartlett]

Love this combo. Two absolutely stellar dudes. Thanks for the great content 😃

[@sierra_619]

As soon as Chris’s book on rules for life drops, were all going to buy it!

[@dommancini3812]

How has this man gone from love island to being so insightful….I’ve never hear someone speak so well. Great conversation between two brilliant people

[@tyrodgers6170]

Yet another helpful, impactful and insightful video

[@Ichmypuss]

You guys are a dynamic duo man!

[@DrKaill]

Thanks Chris, this was such a powerful and deep conversation. It's really hit a cord with my life at the moment and the challenges I face.

[@kevin.skorupa]

Naming the last chapter "Bullying Chris into Writing a Book" was a brilliant move

[@moregold]

Hello Chris. I vote for your first book on human relationship dynamics and solutions.

[@sabr8399]

We need more men like you two, hats off.

[@Smitch2909]

Thank you so much guys. Since seeing James on this show only two months ago he's now my favourite on my insta feed - too funny (and right). So nice to hear a long conversation like this again - such a bonus when two faves on the same video! I don't have people around me at the moment to have this kind of conversation with so being able to explore new ideas and discover new people through your long format discussions is invaluable. I enjoy modern wisdom, triggernometry, diary of a CEO, JP etc.- any more to recommend? I love to work (architect sole trader) so keen to learn more about contentment, balance and how to feel peace ans satisfaction. Thanks again- thoroughly enjoyed X

[@lordofgingers]

It would be more insightful to see a Subfive talk about it….imo. Everyone else passes the looks test, meaning nonphysical compensation works or halo effect is in play.

[@ChrisWillx]

This episode is 90 minutes long and you've commented after 17 minutes. This channel is not for you.

[@lordofgingers]

@@ChrisWillx you’ve spoken with William Costello. So you’re aware of the situation. I’m just saying a Subfive against all odds somehow exhibiting confidence would give those particular guys a moment of pause. A good looking man will not. I may watch the whole thing. Haven’t decided yet. Still, I enjoy most of your interviews. Most. Even checked out your list of 100 books you recommend. I am not your enemy

[@ChrisWillx]

Would you say that the strategy is the same even if the starting point isn't? Competence drives confidence. Outworking your self doubt is available to everyone?

[@lordofgingers]

@@ChrisWillx of course. But we must also acknowledge the distinction between internal and external locus of control. I’d be the first to admit there is no shortage of people who overestimate external locus. Attractiveness plays a huge role in how you are perceived and that in turn can either magnify or cripple confidence….if you let it. But there’s only so much fight in a person before they break. And when they break, they get stuck in a nihilistic valley. They need empathy first to process and accept what their lot is. THEN, with a clear mind in acceptance, they can move forward. Telling a broken man to buck up does nothing. Understanding him does something. A Subfive man has much more to contend with. I generally recommend they make money first then address the physical stuff above the neck, then go from there (a further back starting point if you will that we’d agree is harder to start from). These guys need empathy the most and they receive little to none. And we can’t figure out why 85% of them on the forums contemplate self deletion? An average man can honestly go to the gym take care of himself and so on and he’ll probably be okay. This is MOST men and for them this information is no doubt useful. And those guys overestimate their external locus of control and need help. Nobody would disagree with you on that. But halo effect is also real and cannot be ignored. I personally am indifferent to that. It just is what it is, but appreciation for our strengths has a humbling element to it. Super short version? I get what you’re trying to do and deeply appreciate it or I wouldn’t be here, but there’s no one size fits all on this stuff

[@CONEHEADDK]

@@ChrisWillx Sam Harris - "The illusion of free will". Nietzche - "Man can what he will, but he cannot will, what he wills" - or something like that..

[@brossphysique1247]

Thanks for this discussion fellas. When James spoke about seeing himself in the younger men that would seek him out in public, and the encouragement he would give them, it resonated with me a lot. I find myself looking for others to tell me what I want to hear because I guess I don’t believe in myself enough. I’m starting to realize who fucking cares what others think , and that life is far too short to not go all in for what you envision in your highest self. Cheers.

[@itshayleybrown]

Write the damn book! I would preorder today, no matter what the title! Love your content, your videos, your emails, I really hope there is a book soon!

[@hannahsmith6388]

Absolutely loved this episode 👍

[@hannahsmith6388]

Oh and Chris you definitely need to write a book!!

[@mahdiekriel919]

DAMN...👍 that's my second like, brilliant pod

[@ariesstage2188]

Very genuine conversation

[@stephenodey5147]

Happy stuff 💪fun and educational 😁

[@CasualViewer768]

Shit the bed!! I’ve been waiting for this for a looonnnggg ass time 🥳🥳🥳 Thank you both! Big love from an avid Modern Wisdom listener and JSA member 🙌🏻💪🏻

[@kimberleypowell7719]

Enjoyed this 👌🏽

[@fideliayt1853]

WHAT A GRATE PODCAST. I LOVE IT

[@Ihfmpw8]

Hi Chris, I’ve just read your story on my iPad on the BBC page. Glad you’ve found yourself. You had a brilliant and highly enquiring mind that was going to waste being on dating shows and the mind and brain numbing shows like Love Island. Jordan Peterson a brilliant human being to listen to and talk to is a really brain stimulating person to be with…….so too Joe Rogan( love his guests on his programme…..and he never interrupts ,he lets em talk. I’m 76 and I’m just learning that for years I’ve just trumbled along…I began my epiphany moment about 4 years ago.) never too late to learn eh? All the best.

[@conororeillyy]

Would love to see you talk to Ryan Holiday some day! Amazing as always! 👏

[@AForEh]

Chris’ audio is always solid

[@hajvan92]

Chris, besides the portion size I think that the availability and quality of public transport is another thing that quite impacts the BMI. In the US, only NY, SF and Boston are cities with good public transport (I'm not from the US, so please correct me if I'm wrong). Add to this that US are quite big, meaning you have to use your car a lot and you get a population that rarely walks. In Europe, most if not all countries have somewhat decent public transport so lots of people walk to the closest bus/subway stop and from the there to their work/school and then the same route back at least 5 days a week. It may not be a lot of exercise but it adds up over time. Keep up the good work as always

[@ceciliasanchezpardo6941]

James, I could not agree more ❤

[@CONEHEADDK]

Easy to say - most of that fuel won't have the engine to turn it into drive, and usually will result in burning bridges and doors - I would claim..

[@Nah-ah]

I enjoy the camaraderie and banter between you both! Fantastic interview and topics discussed. I always go away with a different perspective! PS- the coffee is phenomenal here in Australia ☕️🙂

[@chasecentario5308]

Read about you on BBC so thought I should check you out !

[@Ken_sky]

Great video as usual, Chris.

[@henrykkaufman1488]

The discussion about diet opression was very surfaced. If someone wants to make a sacrifice to be healthier thats ok, and its ok if they wont or cant. Its about lack of judgement, especially group judgement. Its about letting people make the decision by themselves instead of some sort of social coertion towards some ideal. The same goes for other choices, or features. Its about not judging someone for being short too! I know its idealistic, but this is the only way we will stop hating ourselves and eachother. If you admire someone of something, tell it to them in private, if they ask, or if the subject comes up. Dont impose your view of superiority, even if its psychobiologically justifiable. We live in society in which we dont have to be slaves even to the psychobiological facts. Maybe its the way for humanity to become more humane and less animalistic?

[@ChrisParlett]

I do use failure as fuel. That's why I have a fuel gut.

[@simpbeforeusleep]

Lol

[@addersdewinter7495]

Yes its amazing these two beautiful men have confidence. 😆. I love the podcasts but also love reality, but have to say that self improvement is always a good goal.

[@ChrisWillx]

A big chunk of this episode is spent with me explaining how I was chronically unconfident. I'm getting super bored of comments discounting life insights "becuz halo effect pretty privilege bro". If you don't believe you can impact the outcomes that you get in life then you're on the wrong channel.

[@lordofgingers]

@@ChrisWillx you absolutely can have internal locus of control. But that also involves conceding that not all people are equal. It’s meritocracy by definition. Some people are going to have fewer cards to work with and steeper slopes to climb. This is reflected in human history and the plights of many marginalized groups. Unattractive people is just one of those groups people don’t pay attention to. I am grateful every day that I am 6’4. We are not saying that attractive people can’t have low self esteem. We are saying that when it comes to likelihood of obtaining a positive Matthew effect loop that gets you back on the horse…the concession needs to be made and there’s no point getting angry about it but there’s also no harm in acknowledging it so a man understands where he fits relative to the rest of the picture and moves accordingly. We are not trying to attack your character. We simply wish to point out that not all experiences are equal

[@addersdewinter7495]

@@ChrisWillx fair enough and it was a flippant remark I made, but I did add that all self improvement is good and most people do enjoy watching attractive people, as Joan Rivers used to say " I would sooner see a pretty face get out of an old car than an unattractive face get out of a new car.' 🙃

[@lordofgingers]

@Arbane's Sword of Agility perhaps you may think that, but believe me when I tell you there is definitely a universally accepted looks test range and if you fail that looks test, get ready. Life’s gonna get hard. So a man or woman from that lot of life talking about confidence despite the whole deck stacked against them would be compelling stuff

[@ChrisWillx]

@@addersdewinter7495 ha! I get you. Tbf Joan Rivers didn’t even lift tho. Disregard cars; acquire muscle mass.

[@emanuelgomez1623]

Man, this topic of discussion is much needed! Thank you guys!

[@Dmountaingoblin]

You can tell I’m not social media and been living under rock first time I’ve heard of James Smith 🤣🤣🤣

[@nunchukGun]

I was raised in a Fundamental Baptist church and it was a requirement for me to go to their school to do "soul winning" which is handing out brochures for the church and asking people if they know where they are going when they die. Let me tell you once you do that a few times, you can do anything 🤣

[@something-unique]

Fair play for the forthrightness about the drug use James!

[@kwhin9292]

Write the book!! 💪💪

[@Physionic]

If this is the same James Smith that releases fitness content, I have to mention that he was caught plagiarizing a nutrition book (and by “plagiarizing”, I mean he stole the entire contents of the book) written by a less famous author, Lyle McDonald.

[@enum01]

Him getting pissed at a guy complimenting him on writing a book is hilarious to picture 😂

[@Influences]

Yessss!!!

[@animandros]

Does anyone know what the intro song to Chris’s podcast is called? Gets me so hyped every time 😂

[@StefanKostka137]

How to be confident: Step 1: Look like one of these guys.

[@maxtheawesome4255]

Cope harder. Quit hating on others as an outlet for self hatred. Appreciate excellence when you see it, you'll appreciate yourself more. I used to be jealous of archetecture and furnature, so trust me, I've been there.

[@simpbeforeusleep]

@@maxtheawesome4255 what? How’s he hating? He’s just making a point he didn’t say he hated anyone. You’re coping and defensive, relax

[@Meta4Monky]

"Fake it til you make it" is better said as 'Practice until it becomes fluent and natural.'

[@pedraumpt]

You should definitely read Think Again by Adam Grant...

[@paraworth]

James be sure to talk to Chris about why he promotes AG1?

[@boyunderbridge]

$

[@yadn.2355]

8:17 why did he even ask then?😂

[@0ptimal]

Michael Jordan used failure as fuel. To an astonishing degree. Even if there wasn't a literal failure, he would construct a perception in his mind to "see" something in a failure like way that provided fuel. In 2002 Ronnie Coleman almost lost his reign as the top bodybuilder, after which he turned into a determined machine committed to do anything in order to crush the competition. And he did, his 2003 Mr Olympia physique surpassed anything anyone thought possible in human muscular development, and still stands at the top. There are endless incredible stories of failure fueled determination. It's a source like no other.

[@SwopetheDope]

Red and Blue Pill together.... That's the God pill my friends 😁

[@MrTkennedy14]

You’re incorrect about the black pill ideology Chris. Watch Wheat Waffles last video. Please stop giving out misinformation to your audience.

[@TheBuffaloSamurai]

In Italy they use pure real olive oil for cooking, no industrial seed oils.

[@benjaminandersson2572]

"MD", does he mean MDMA? Around 1:17:50

[@boyunderbridge]

Yes

[@HyperHyena88]

1:15:19 - they been chewing coca for thousands of years bra. What you talkin about mate ? LOL

[@slaydreamer]

I always tell men asking for dating advice to become someone they would consider to be a good father... Simple as that and eventually women will notice you as someone that would make a good life partner.

[@jamesgrey13]

I'd probably try standing on the shoulders of "giants", too, If I didn't like being carried by the crowd so much...

[@tinamenon1593]

I do applaud the idea of a third wave of holistic gender introspection being articulated. If you feel you can, i wish Chris would have Evan Stark on the podcast as many of the men who perpetrate DA are fuelled by these zero sum ideological wastelands. The outright venom which appears is terrifying. Especially if you both are moving into the arena of contemplating children. As a woman, a survivor of DA and a mother of young sons,

[@simpbeforeusleep]

Your father grew up in a different time and culture

[@GetCaught]

Called Chris two times John !? What is this ?

[@CosmicQJ]

If we have the attitude that it's going to be a great day it usually is-Catherine Pulsifier👁🌟

[@joshuacrowther8404]

Love your podcast Chris, but your thoughts on caffeine come from your own perspective. A single mother of two, working two jobs is most likely going to be a better functioning member of society with CAFFEINE. You have the luxury of living a life on your terms. Many people due to upbringing, bad choices at younger stages in life are now paying the consequences of the way of the world. Abit of caffeine shouldn’t be demonised as such, if it significantly improves there life quality

[@theteenageexperiment1356]

How do you know if you truely need it when you're addicted to it? Also, your brain literally adapts to it and up-regulates adenosine receptors in order to compensate for the blocking effects of caffeine. It's like any other drug, initially it's nice, but then eventually you're using it to achieve your previous baseline state.

[@turhaturpa8186]

Listen to Huberman podcast about caffeine and it's effect on the body and mind

[@sportgamer5853]

Hi Chris, I’ve noticed a few “snarky” replies from you or at least the modern wisdom account. I’m not attempting to deny your insights on the basis of your genes or face structure but curious as to why that may be. What pops into my mind is insecurity regarding the quality of your arguments or perhaps a desire to see your fans back you up? Regardless you’re a great podcaster and up there with my favourites though just wanted to let you know that often when I see such comments (particularly the “then this podcast is not for you”) it rubs me the wrong way. Keep at the good work anyway!

[@ChrisWillx]

I understand how it could be interpreted that way. I’m getting super sick of seeing victim mindset comments, knee jerk reactions within minutes of publishing, boring accusations about my guest’s intentions or credentials without any grounds, straight up childish behaviour and insults being throw around. I have no other way to discipline the audience directly other than making an example out of comments who typify the kind of community I don’t want. Many times these users aren’t bad people, they’re just mindlessly commenting, I don’t want that. Sometimes the comment section looks like a cesspool. People who refuse to learn about dating dynamics from a woman regardless of whether she’s been a premier researcher for decades, people who can’t bare to take responsibility for their own development without blaming it on immutable characteristics of me or the guest, commenters who will not bother to watch a 90 minute episode with Ryan Holiday about courage but will jump on to spout a half baked insult about Trump Derangement Syndrome, people who will disregard an entire episode with a leading geneticist because one of his views on virus origins doesn’t align with theirs. I’d rather have 10 million fans who contribute to a positive community than 100 million who are permanently judgemental and negative. That’s not my message and I don’t want those people in the audience. If I make the environment unwelcoming to that vibe then it’s purposeful; they need to either improve their behaviour or stop watching.

[@sportgamer5853]

@@ChrisWillx Thanks for taking the time to reply! I absolutely understand what you mean. I didn’t mean by my comment to say the clap backs weren’t without good reason. Often they have a valid basis. I agree with you re the comments not essentially stemming from bad people. I believe it’s Peterson who regularly bangs the mantra of “don’t attribute to malice what you can attribute to ignorance” I also get that when you make the content and are years down the line it could be mega frustrating to see such comments. My view would be that a more understanding or nuanced reply such as “perhaps you should watch an episode or two of the show and then review your comment” would be more effective at eliciting the kind of commenting behaviour you’re after. Alternatively maybe a short video addressing the issue comprehensively would be superior to comments with an ambiguous interpretation. Nonetheless thanks for elaborating the rationale for the comments and maintains contact with the audience. Even if the comments persist the explanation makes them easier to appreciate :)

[@CONEHEADDK]

@@sportgamer5853 Makes me think of the good old "No winner believes in coincedences".

[@simpbeforeusleep]

@@ChrisWillx but, are the people suffering from TDS?

[@ginrummy3996]

One day the world gives you something, the next day the world removes you from that very same thing, what do you feel about that? 😆

[@gautamantil7899]

1:06:30 hahahaha

[@ryananthony407]

Tops

[@Madelynvaldez23]

❤❤❤

[@louisbrown4620]

I think life has fucked with me a little too much. I need a hole to crawl in to.

[@lukaszklopotek]

8:08 - No! Every wave of feminism goes against the biological sex roles & responsibilities. ... Sorry, I meant roles only, without responsibilities.

[@hermitpermit2553]

Lol yeah women were better off with no vote no education and no choice in whom they married, had sex with or how many kids they had. Gender role goals ?

[@paulmurphy3922]

I'm 6 minutes in and there have been SOOOOO many words and explanations for this - "Someone in America thinks it's OK to eat junk food regularly..." It fucking isn't. If you disagree, you're ignorant of science. Moving on.

[@sydneymav]

why he tell the dude he’s wealthier than him😂 like how did that come up

[@choktmusic]

Please have Rollo Tomassi on Chris! I feel like a conversation between you to would be great

[@toomuchsugar5051]

Dude watttt Sneako… I feel like you’re too good for that person to be a guest

[@MitoVault]

Men might be doing very little to develop themselves, but women do even less because they have an easier life.

[@simpbeforeusleep]

@@AmeliaBodilia he’s right, you’re quote is meaningless. Women and family used to be a driving factor for men actually giving a $hit. Now that it’s being slowly removed, men are looking for peace and freedom instead of improvement for women, children, society in general.

[@wenesgaps]

I'm an Italian from Rome who has lived in the States and you saying that we have smaller portions is absolutely bollocks; you obviously went to eat to the wrong, overpriced touristic places. Our food is much more varied and healthier - I suffered like hell with the over-manufactured shit you have in the States

[@AberrantArt]

Chris has a very skewed idea of the "low bar" of competition. Perhaps because he's had success doing the same thing that millions of others have done, it may contribute to this biased perspective. Podcasting for example. How many people put out daily content and give all their effort, with nothing to show for it after years of trying. The bar is not low. Competition is more fierce than ever.

[@GE0attack]

Using your failures as fule is like running car on dirty patrol. It works but in longer run it damages car more. I haven't listened to episode fully yet but reading that title just got me irked.

[@CONEHEADDK]

Me 2 - uninformed..

[@petrzajic4945]

Sorry, but the exposure therapy 100 days challenge sounds more like they are just asking you to be an obnoxious asshole for 100 days straight, nothing more. I don§t think that most people are scared to hear no. They fear what the other person will think and remember about them once the interaction is over. Hearing no isn§t dangerous; having some person walking around with a memory of you being a dick is. If people think you are an idiot, asshole, etc. they are more prone to treat you poorly or unfavourably in any subsequent interaction and that is a problem, maybe with the only exception being life in cities the size of London, New York, Toronto, etc.

[@ElroyMunson]

Um... Sugar is really bad when over-indulged...

[@0ptimal]

How about bulls milk, brother Munson

[@jgdecaro1]

Repent and turn away from your sins. Admit you are a sinner in need of a saviour. Admit your sins and ask Jesus Christ for forgivness. For the sins that you know of and the sins that you don't. John 1 9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Believe that Jesus died died on the cross and rose again after 3 days as a payment for your sins. John 3 16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life. Confess that Jesus is Lord. Commit yourself to a life of following Jesus Christ. Romans 10 9 - If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved. Romans 10 13 - Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

[@celesteschacht8996]

Anyone who hates on anyone is a Loser 😘

[@ryansm3417]

Chris, any chance you could get Count Chocula on the podcast? You can ask him what his deal is with Frankenberry and Boo Berry because I don't think that they have been friendly with one another for quite a spell now...thanks in advance! 🥣