Autism and Imposter Syndrome

[@jeskafm2929]

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I'm in nursing school and I had a meltdown in front of my clinical instructor. So I thought that would be a good time to tell her I just got diagnosed with ASD. She said "well you are SUPER high functioning if you are!" I had someone else tell me "Honestly you look normal to me". I guess I am just sharing that even nurses, medical professionals, do not have that much experience with interacting with autistic people. Because I was just diagnosed, I haven't developed a clever way to explain myself yet. It'll come to me someday.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for this perspective! Yes I have a friend who went to the emergency room recently and told the nurse she was autistic and the nurse didn’t change anything to accommodate her. We have a long ways to go. Sounds like you will have the opportunity to make some changes in your profession! Thanks for the work you’re doing. Nurses are saints!

[@jeskafm2929]

​@@MomontheSpectrum Yea I just watched your other video about that! I thought your card was really creative and honestly I kind of want to make one just for when people say "you LOOK normal". The card would say "just because I don't look autistic doesn't mean I don't have autistic problems". I can't ever come up with the words in the moment lol

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is a great idea! Thanks for sharing. It’s got me thinking. Let me know if you create one you’d be willing to share!

[@waterdragon5418]

@@MomontheSpectrum Can you please do a video on "I can't ever come up with the words in the moment" Is this an autistic thing as well?

[@lynns4052]

I know this is an older comment, but I worked in the medical field until a couple of months ago too. I also had a meltdown in front of my clinical instructor! I wasn’t diagnosed yet then. I really struggled with the significant load that school put on me, having to manage classes and the crazy amount of social pressures in clinicals. After 8 years, that continued social pressure became too much for me. I was always burnt out. Although I didn’t disclose my diagnosis, it is very clear that the medical field doesn’t accommodate well for neurodivergent employees. They don’t recognize it. Seeing your comment really validates my experiences as an autistic person with “low support needs” That still struggles with imposter syndrome.

[@mbm8404]

I’m a retired Naval Officer (Commander) and I just found out I’m autistic at the age of 52. That, alexithymia and other ASD related things. I always wondered how people can keep going given how difficult life was for me. It was while I was in therapy for PTSD and other mental health issues. I’m like so many who just thought life was terribly difficult, and fought and fought through life. I have 5 university degrees and I hate school! Always have but I did it because it was the right thing. I’m just glad there’s a support network to help me especially at my age.

[@GForce94]

I am in such a similar situation as you…same age, former USMC officer, and medical professional for the past 20 yrs. I feel like I’m in an existential crisis now. As much as I love learning, I am also feeling overwhelmed following my own PTSD treatment group and have only recently recognized that I am very likely undiagnosed ASD. Too much of what I have learned makes this too real. Once you know it, you cannot unlearn it-right? I am wanting to figure this out and I want to be a better person. I have to believe we can all figure this out, in our own ways. I don’t want to downplay this anymore, but I need to get back to being a functioning member of the human race.

[@CaroRoma95]

We're kind because we know way too much how deep things can hurt

[@pdpUU]

I grew up with an autistic sibling. Autism was right in front of me from an early age. But I was told over and over and over that it wasn’t my experience; my experience of distress was a choice (according to my mom). From my POV, my sibling and I weren’t all that different. I was always confused at why they were treated differently than me. Their meltdowns were understood, but I was “being difficult” when I had “tantrums”. As an older sister, I learned to mask and socialize like a “good girl”. I internalized all my autistic traits as things that were wrong with me. Meanwhile, my sibling was praised for their endless knowledge of special interests. They were accommodated at family gatherings; they could go into another room if it was too much. I was always supposed to be on my best behavior. The more I’ve grown to love and understand my sibling, the harder it’s been to ignore my autism. But the imposter syndrome is so deep to my core. My metaphor: It’s like I’ve been looking at my reflection all my life, but was told the girl in the mirror wasn’t me. Now I can see, I am who I knew I was. Thanks for giving us a place to see ourselves in this channel.

[@faeriesmak]

I am sorry that you experienced that. As a parent with 2 kids both with ASD and ADHD I understand how yours could have been overlooked. Outwardly to them I am sure that you were very different and therefore they thought that you either didn’t have it or that you didn’t need as much or any support. It doesn’t make it right, though, and I am really sorry that was your experience.

[@pdpUU]

@@faeriesmak hey thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful reply, I appreciate it.

[@Didi......]

I'm just like you!!!! I am an older sister with an autistic nonverbal and high needs brother. I feel the exact same way, you are not alone..

[@pdpUU]

@@Didi...... thank you dear, I needed that today

[@Cherylcoder]

Im 71, and didn't know i belonged to this community until a year or two ago.This video almost made me cry, it rang so true. I love you and appreciate what you are doing here more than you know. You are so insightful!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you’re a part of the community. 💓

[@Christine-gh9lf]

I self-diagnosed by watching your content. There's one in particular, where you mention that whatever the word, if ot makes me more compassionate, caring towards me, that's enough. I paraphrased here, your wording was much more elaborate. 😅 Since I made the following experiences: 1) with myself. A deeeeep sense of relaxation in every tissue cell. Relieve. I got to be me, not forcing myself into anything else. Very physical. 2) I shared it with an acquaintance when our conversation was about our perceptions of things, world etc. He was interested and surprised, asking how it manifests for me, that then led into deeper conversations. A very positive experience. 3) i shared it with a close friend of mine of 5 years- that responded: Yeah I have that too, I always suspected you too. :) it definately brought us closer as we discoered sharing so many more ways. Very loving experience too. 4) I shared it with someone I met on the train when meeting again for a coffee. We didnt have much time that day so went right to the matter of "who we are" 😂 I mentioned it right in the beginning and his eyes lit up - asking me how it manifests - and then confirming our experiences!! Because it turned out that has been suspecting himself to be on the spectrum for a while now! We spent about 30min with each other, listening to each other in awe and laughing hysterically 5min until the end. Felt like we've known each other forever, like, a deep recognition of being "of the same kind" :) This has been taking place in the course of a week - I watxhed your content some weeks ago and just came back to it last weekend after a very painful emotional experience after that I cried unstoppably for 4hrs. When I realised my true nature, there was a song playing, "the healing day" by Bill Fay. I felt coming home to myself, after 36 years and many tragedies, and have not left HOME since. The challenges changed, it's not rosy fluff 24h, but almost 20h and I feel deep peace for the first time in my life. ❤

[@meharmira]

It’s like you are telling me my own feelings that I have been burying all my life and invalidating.

[@Agate-e4o]

Thank you Taylor, I felt so much comfort from your video. I am 62 years old and in August 2024 I happened to read a newspaper spread about late diagnosed Autistic women and I was immediately drawn to it. I wasn’t looking for it but as I read it, it made so much sense to me. I’m 62 and I am self diagnosed. I have found that people’s attitudes towards me have changed. Awkward moments are more recognisable and I’m trying not to mask. I feel a bit stuck at the moment. But the videos are really helpful and very supportive. I just bought some Flare ear buds which are great. A while back I bought an adult pack of various fidgits for my son who has Down syndrome but now I can use them. It has that smooth double roller one like yours and I love it. I feel more in control of my feelings and better able to regulate my emotions now which is huge. I am so grateful for learning there are answers to my “whys?”

[@Summer-sc1ph]

This is the best. 2 years ago I told my very close friend that I was pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum and he laughed in my face. He said "no, you're not autistic. I've known a guy with autism and you are nothing like him". It hurt so bad and really damaged our friendship. and then it made me question myself so much that I stopped looking into autism at all. I thought that I must be being dramatic and attention seeking (how everyone has always referred to my behavior and sensory needs in particular). I'm so grateful to have found your channel because I know that I know that I know now that I'm on the spectrum. You have had an awesome influence on my life!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your kind comment! I’m so glad this video was helpful. Welcome to the community! Glad you’re here.

[@LaceyMyriah]

I’m sorry your friend made you feel that way! But I wish I didn’t know how it feels to be called dramatic and attention seeking :/ did you pursue a diagnosis?

[@passaggioalivello]

Thank you Tay, perfect timing, I needed this video. Impostor syndrome is a serious thing. Next week I'll finally have an appointment for the first step to legal recognition. But now my mind is filled with doubts: maybe I'm not autistic, maybe I'm just a weirdo, or possibly my traumas made me the person I am today and, in that case, maybe I'm overreacting. And also if I'll have the diagnosis I'd think I'm not autistic enough. I'm just a fraud. And also very scared for this appointment.

[@whitneymason406]

Good luck pass! ❤

[@passaggioalivello]

​@@whitneymason406 Thank you Whitney, you're so heartwarming.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad you left this comment! I know it will help others who see it feel less alone. Next week sounds like an important week! I am sending you good vibes. I know that at least through this channel you communicate very well, and I feel you will be able to use this skill to advocate for yourself in getting the recognition you need. Trust in yourself!!

[@passaggioalivello]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you Tay. My speech communication isn't as good as the written one. And, most important, I never was able to stand up for myself. It will be a very hard week I guess.

[@Robin-kd7qu]

I can relate to having trauma and feeling like an impostor. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18. For a long time that took precedence in my mental health journey (I suspsect this contributed to my lack of ASD diagnosis). But there have been so many things that seem "stuck" and I've yet to understand. Things that seem completely unrelated to my PTSD or trauma because they've been around for longer. I think I might be autistic, but I'm financially unable to pursue a diagnosis. I feel like a gigantic impostor - especially this early into my journey - but so far I resonate with this community. I just hope the different outlook (of perhaps being neurodivergent) will help me better understand myself so I can function better, regardless of diagnosis. Wishing everyone peace and happiness 👍

[@robtooley4002]

I'm a 56f and was studying autism to relate to my diagnosed nephew as he becomes an adult. He's had strong support needs at times but is going off to college so doing well. I was surprised to discover so much of myself in what I learned. My brother gatekeeps autism - no one else in the family could possibly also have issues because that somehow makes his son's struggles less. So I haven't shared this with anyone. I took all the tests on my own and my scores were pretty solid indicating autism. So I worked up my courage to reach out to my sister who tends to get me. Her response was 1. No. You are just quirky. 2. You are like the biopharmeceutical engineers I work with. It's just a personality type. 3. I know 2 men who are autistic. They have a sort of vacant-ness about their look. You don't have that. You know, but talk to a doctor if you want. I was crushed. She was the only one I thought might get it. Thanks for letting me vent.

[@loripage7734]

I’m 65, autistic, I’ve just hit my one year anniversary of diagnosis. I feel what you talked about. I want to say that I gaslight my feelings and needs surrounding needing security from my life circumstances. We talk about moving, and we have moved 5 times in 5 years. Very much too disruptive and yet when hubby gets it in his head to move again, I have a hard time standing my ground to advocate for my need to stay put and not go through the trauma it causes me to go through each move. He says I’m trying to get my way (as if I’m a spoiled brat) and I feel bad to force him into my need to stay put, when he has a need as well. Who gets their need met? I feel I have to give in. I always do to keep peace. But the real me knows I need stability

[@Eli_the_fiend]

I remember when I was younger when I'm struggling with things like school or chores and I very clearly need a break and I only can get the words " I can't do normal stuff." My mom would say "You're normal enough. " And that still messes with me as a recurring intrusive thought that comes up a lot.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing your experience

[@joycebrewer4150]

Wow, me too. Only when I said it, Can't DO normal was emphatic! The frustration, decades before I knew my dx!

[@buffalocrackerdong6978]

The worst thing about imposter syndrome is that I'm questioning my intrusive urge to break into singing Mr. Roboto by Styx

[@missyrissy1110]

I definitely feel like I identify with the Autistic community. I have always felt like an outsider, yet everyone seemed to like me, the first video I watched of this channel was about being homecoming queen and Autistic and that video was really eye opening because you described an experience that I could never put in to words and nobody seemed to grasp when I tried. I have been Diagnosed with ADHD and Diagnosed with OCD. Both of those disorders explain very significant aspects of my experience but not all of it. I often gaslight myself and talk down on myself about the things I struggle with, that I’m not “X - enough”. I worry that I’m making up the parts of my experience that resonate with autism but the more I learn just gives language to so much of my life

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Keep following what helps you feel more fully seen and alive! 💞

[@LaceyMyriah]

ME. TOO. The more I learn, the less I doubt it, however. It feels like it’s just “me”, and to doubt it is to doubt myself. The masking is what feels so bad now! (Edit:this comment made no damn sense)

[@whitneymason406]

My son is autistic, preverbal, and he has higher support needs. I think I often compare my autism to his without realizing it and convince myself that I don't really need support or that I should be able to handle everything since I don't have his challenges. I'm definitely a caregiver by nature too so it's hard for me to put myself first. I moved just before getting my diagnosis and haven't been able to put myself out there yet to find friends in this area yet, so the autistic community online has been so very supportive! Thank you for making this video! I know for me just having words for the things I've experienced like "Imposter Syndrome" "gaslighting" and "comorbidities" has really helped me understand and be more compassionate towards myself. Great video, Taylor! ❤️

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I have such a similar experience with my nonverbal son. I think his more obvious autism is also contributing to other people in my life doubting that I am autistic too. They look at him, with his hands over his ears all the time, chatting incomprehensibly to himself, unable to respond to "hello" and they think, "Well, SueAnne doesn't do any of those things so she's not autistic." Not that I'm blaming my wonderful boy... But it does make it harder to make my case, even to myself. But, given the fact that autism has such strong generic factors, it makes sense that he inherited it from someone. It didn't just spring up out of the ground. The fact that my brother's daughter is also diagnosed autistic helps me realize that yes, it is in the family on my side. This reply is longer than I thought it would be. All I wanted to say was i relate to your comment 🙂

[@whitneymason406]

@@sueannevangalen5186 My son is the 1st and I'm the 2nd one diagnosed in our family, but I now suspect many others are in my family tree. Our son was the first with high support needs and more overt stimming. Finding out he's autistic helped me see myself on the spectrum. I haven't shared my diagnosis with many extended family members in fear of their potential dismissive comments. I tend to write lengthy, thought out responses too so no worries!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for sharing this Whitney! I think many will be able to relate. I do feel that my son has more needs than I do, too, at least from what it looks like on the surface, and I play the comparison game a lot.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yep it's definitely hard to communicate that autism presents in many different ways for different people. It would be nice to have more resources for this... you've got my gears turning.

[@dustistreet5108]

@@sueannevangalen5186 I have a grand daughter with Classic Autism like the boys have. She just turned 20 and is nonverbal and still working on getting out of diapers. I went to visit for a week last November and one day she had a very bad meltdown and was getting a bit violent. She came up to me, biting her hand and I whispered to her “Nana is Autistic too. I understand your pain and frustration.” She smiled and rubbed my face with the back of her hand. She was the first person that I ever told that I’m Autistic. She knows she’s not alone in this struggle now. But they live in Texas and I’m stuck in South Carolina. That’s the sad part for me.

[@katbos4995]

Thank you for talking about how you are unable to stick with one thing. I have felt a lot of shame, and not being on a stick with one thing. I’ve been a nurse, a dental assistant, an 18 wheeler driver, a school bus driver, a public school teacher, an Uber driver, got my masters in divinity, to be a chaplain, now I’m doing a masters in behavioral therapy, and I start a job in a month in that field. I get upset that I can’t just stick with one thing. I feel a lot of shame in that. I am almost 57, and just took a bunch of tests online, and realized I’m a high masking autistic woman with ADHD. One thing, I am proud of though, as being able to break free from a cult, I was raised in, leaving, an abusive marriage, and marrying a woman, that’s the love of my life. I’m a woman too, we’ve been married 13 years. I am also proud of the two kids that I’ve raised. They’re both very successful. My son was born low functioning autistic, I homeschooled him, and now he’s very high functioning. He’s a manager, married and has two kids. My kids are my pride and joy. As are my five grandkids.

[@IllyDragonfly]

As soon as my mom found out of my adult diagnosis she suggested me to apply for a special law which would give me disability helps like leaving the office a bit earlier. I have to deal with a very loud and not always well organized workplace, with many annoying things happening (angry customers, screming kids let run around, technology which malfunctions because it's old, used all day long by many different people, no right to take off days during December) and it would be cool to be able to leave when it's getting overwhelming. BUT the process of asking for disability makes me very anxious, especially going to the place and ask for it, the idea of having a committee looking at me, judging me by my still youthful and 'health' appearance makes me want to cry. I'm afraid that i won't look enough 'sick' to even dare asking for help and that I'll have to EXPLAIN why I need this help and that they will just raise their brows and think I just don't want to work and I want everything laid on a silver platter for me T.T

[@shannantreasure]

As someone who just recently realized I was Autistic and sought an official diagnosis at the age of 44, I cannot tell you how much your videos mean to me and have helped me on this journey. The metaphor you use in this one of the key and the heart speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you for all you do!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your very sweet and kind comment!

[@stuckinchaselandia6427]

I have major imposter syndrome. My family and friends laughed at me when I said I was autistic. I feel all those things like I'm not autistic enough, and feeling guilty if I do call myself autistic because I have it so much better than others. Great video. Diagnosed at 48 two years ago

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for sharing! I You're not alone.

[@AProbablyPostman]

Therapist just told me I'm probably on the spectrum, and I didn't tell my family because of similar comments.

[@stuckinchaselandia6427]

@@AProbablyPostman I understand. Good luck to you!

[@lurecourser]

My husband won’t respect my autism. I discovered it when I was researching autism for my grandson. I am 72 and just now figuring it out. I am so autistic I check nearly every box. It explains so much of my life where I have been considered weird and just not able to communicate “properly “. My husband says we are one bunch of screwed up people. To put it nicely! He uses the f word to describe us. I try so hard everyday, have had successful meaningless jobs to help support putting 2 children through college. I have succeeded in life but am not respected. And it hurts so much as I do everything for everyone. I don’t know which way to turn as my family will not acknowledge my condition. They say it’s just an excuse to not answer “properly “. I’m at a loss on what direction to take. They make feel terrible about myself. And my husband basically says I am the most irritating person he knows. Do sad😢

[@riccardoneri2037]

Jesus Christ, what a wonderful husband you have

[@ammitthedevourer7316]

I’m so sorry to hear that your family won’t acknowledge your struggles or what you’ve done for them. For the people you love and trust the most to invalidate you that way is a uniquely painful thing. It’s much easier said than done, but try not to let their insults and dismissal get the best of you. Their refusal to acknowledge and accept you for who you are is their own loss and reflects poorly on them. You seem like a lovely person and it’s a shame they won’t see that for themselves! It isn’t quite the same because the emotional bonds aren’t there (at least not at first), but I’ve found that finding community online through social media can help with the need to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Communities focused on autism and those with many autistic individuals seem to be more understanding and/or accepting of differences in social mannerisms and behaviors. After all, they know what it’s like too! If you can find local groups in your area, prefer real-time communication, and can find a way to attend physical or virtual meet-ups, that might be worth looking into as well. I know for me personally there are a few groups and clubs in my area dedicated to my own interests such as art, book reviews, gardening, and activism, among others. Perhaps there are groups in your area that focus on your own special interests? It’s been a few months since you posted this so I hope that you’re doing alright these days. Remember to be kind to yourself, you deserve it! ❤️🧡💛

[@lurecourser]

Thank you so much for your input on my dilemma. Since my family and husband won’t acknowledge my ASD I’m going to take your advice and reach out to some autistic groups to try and find some understanding and solace. I do appreciate your taking the time to try and help and I will certainly give your recommendations a try. Have a nice holiday and I really appreciate your input. Thanks again. 😊

[@lurecourser]

don’t know if you saw my reply as it looks like it went to the general comments. Thanks again

[@ammitthedevourer7316]

@@lurecourser Best of luck to you! I wish there was more I could do to help. And you have a wonderful holiday as well! ☺️

[@nellyefron]

I really relate to everything you’re saying. I’m not diagnosed yet, waiting for my assessment. Just like you said, I go back and forth between being in tears from feeling so seen and understood by the autistic community to feeling like an imposter. It is exhausting and confusing. If my struggles are a bit more manageable one day, I start doubting myself being autistic / thinking I won’t qualify for a diagnosis. But this exact gaslighting of myself has already caused me to delay pursuing an assessment for many months, and it pushed me deeper into burnout.

[@GenVNight]

You said SO much of what I went through and still go through. Exactly.

[@texgibson3062]

I gave up on fitting in a long time ago, and instead look to belong. I distinguish between the two as- fitting in is being/thinking/looking/acting like those around me; belonging is being accepted/invited/included/valued as my authentic and unique self. With that goal in mind I can unapologetically be the real me, and surround myself with people that don’t demand that I be someone I’m not. I like the real me, and the communities I belong to do, too, and they’ve got my back in a world that would demand conformity. Looking to belong rather than fit in made it possible for me to feel free to be me. So far, so good.😅

[@evelynm.8967]

“By breathing, by existing, you matter” - this got me 🥹🌼

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

For my psych eval I was told that my feelings/symptoms of ASD... are truly JUST CPTSD/childhood traumas... I feel like it was more like, I've always been experiencing symptoms related to autism but ALSO on top of that, EXPERIENCED the trauma that shaped me even further

[@kendrasue7265]

I am attempting to find out about me, finally, after 43 years. I am a Mom of an 18 year old girl with epilepsy, a 14 year old girl with ADHD, a sister with epilepsy, a nephew with autism, and I watched my Mom struggle undiagnosed and untreated. Feels good to share as I cry, binge watch your videos, and wait for my appointment Tuesday. Thank you for helping the most when I most need it. 🦋

[@faeriesmak]

I relate to your experience. I have 2 sons with ADHD and the youngest was just diagnosed with ASD. I know that the older one has it as well. I am now positive that I have it and that my elderly mother, who lives with us has it as well. She has some major executive functioning issues and no drivers license. Now that I know a ton about ASD I know that I am surrounded by undiagnosed family members and that it goes back generations and generations. It’s so obvious to me now. I am unsure of whether or not I should get a diagnosis. It’s super expensive. That is 3 to 5 grand that I could spend elsewhere. Would it benefit me as a 47 year old women in the US? That’s doubtful. I wish you well on your journey! Good luck!

[@starfoxloves]

My own therapist even told me I wasn't autistic after I explained how literally everything fit, because I'm too high masking. IDC if I am or am not but this framework explains literally every single second of my entire 40 years in this body. Say I'm not, say I am, but I understand myself now and that's more than 99% of the "neurotypical" people I know can say. Thanks Jen, for doing what you do. It helps a lot of people a whole lot! 🩷

[@JessicaSmith-of2uj]

This was a much needed video! I was diagnosed my first month of grad school and had an older autistic peer in my field rant at me about how I'll never make it in this career as a an autistic woman and to just quit now. So the imposter syndrome and doubt in myself as an autistic woman AND a grad student has been debilitating the last six months and particularly hitting me this week. Thank you for this video!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Goodness! So sorry you had to hear that. Glad this video was helpful! Please let me know if you think of any other topics I could cover that might be helpful.

[@drakesmith471]

If you have the gumption, the will, and the passion, there is little that will stop you besides means. I hope you get everything you want from it, not to show them up because that level of dismissiveness is grotesque, but because your dream is worth being allowed to breathe and become and be realized. I wish you the best.

[@steveneardley7541]

Academia has a very high level of "acceptable" emotional toxicity. I had the head of my department scream at me because I suggested that we had treated an invited speaker very impolitely. That teacher was mugged while I was there, and had his jaw broken in the process. Everyone was absolutely delighted. What kind of a place is that?

[@bernadinenewland5100]

I've had people say that i'm lying. And yet I am so certain. It just makes my whole life make sense.😢

[@nasihamarie]

This is truly one of the most VALIDATING and ILLUMINATING KZbin channels I've seen on women with autism. I was diagnosed early but it was sort of glared over because I was "high functioning" and considered "gifted." I learned to mask at an early age with a special interest in behavioral science and psychology, so I was able to adapt and get by, but I was just barely surviving and not thriving. I thought since my support needs weren't the same as others, that I had to just suck it up. I suffered though so much adversity. And at the time of my early diagnoses there wasn't any resources. I'm 46 years old now and lived my life as though I wasn't autistic. I am going to retest again simply because times have changed and there is far more resources now than ever and I want to learn more about myself. It's like discovering my TRUE self for the first time. Your KZbin channel changed my life. Thank you for this

[@amandamandamands]

Imposter Syndrome has happened to me a couple of times since my diagnosis last year. The most recent one was a couple of weeks ago when my OT sent me a quiz to fill in (I didn't know that she was going to so there was that too) and I knew that the way that I was answering wasn't 'correct' for someone that is autistic (it was a quiz about social interactions, practicing facial expressions, using scripts to interact etc) and so had a meltdown that I wasn't really autistic or not autistic enough. Thankfully I did reach out to my OT that I was going through that and she reassured me that me scoring low on this quiz doesn't change how autistic I am, just that I didn't feel as much a need to fit in when I was younger.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this!

[@moontraveler8954]

I just discovered your channel a few days ago. You articulate what I have been feeling so well! Thank you for creating this channel. I am 55 and just in the last few years began to realize I have a lot of autistic traits that really explain struggles i have had my whole life. For the first time in my life I feel there are other people out there like me. Having learned to mask for so long, I find it is really hard to stop doing it. Imposter syndrome is so difficult to navigate bc I feel trapped not being autistic enough and at the same time not being neurotypical enough.

[@nerdtubewtf]

same(but 52) My life made SO much more sense. It allowed me to forgive myself and learn to start loving myself. I can't begin to describe my self hatred. I hated no one more than myself. I'm learning to love myself via recognizing my autistic self dx self. Funny thing, I also imposter syndrome my autoimmunities. I have to read and see my lab results to show myself, that I'm not faking. That the pain in my guts(crohn's) and I don't even believe this dx until I either poo blood or I'm in hospital. I think it's the intermittent nature of my systems, both autism & autoimmunities. Oh, also ADHD and also T1 diabetes. My brain gets overwhelmed just trying to live to see tomorrow.

[@ZeatherMusic]

I am awaiting a diagnosis but I currently feel like I wouldn’t be brave enough to disclose a diagnosis to many people. People seem to think I’m trying to collect diagnoses, despite the fact that the physiological diagnoses I have are co-morbid with autism! I also already feel quite socially isolated and feel like it would alienate people from me further. Many people have called me weird over the years and that still hurts. I would love to feel brave enough to shout out my diagnosis to the world but I just don’t think I could and would still prefer to mask so that I don’t get rejected by people, who aren’t even that important to me (I know, it REALLY doesn’t make sense). My son is on the spectrum and is already not getting invited to parties and it makes me so sad and question if it’s me the parents don’t want there, or my son. I then question, ‘Am I not masking well enough?’ I have taken myself off Facebook and am so much happier not seeing what I don’t get invited to any more. I’m also happier with only a few people in my life but struggle when they are busy as I’m not as big in their lives as they are in mine. I guess, I feel like if I had more choice of like-minded people, I would feel less worried about being rejected by the ones who aren’t like-minded and not feel the need to mask so much.

[@boxleyBox]

hello.🙂 I just wanted to say I see you. I'm so sorry you've encountered so many unkind people- and watching your kids hurt and be hurt is excruciating! Especially when you recognize yourself in them (ask me how I know!). Getting off of Facebook years ago was one of the best decisions! I am still trying to balance being too isolated and choosing out of spaces that are likely to cause overwhelming distress. I have had many negative social experiences because I chose the wrong people to trust, the wrong time to share things, shared too much, too little...gah! It can feel like such a maze and conundrum to connect sometimes- but I really believe for us, it's about finding strength in connecting with the right people. I am just now starting to put feelers out for online communities of other autistic individuals. Anyway. I just wanted to send you lots and lots of virtual support! Don't stop reaching out- and I promise not to either. 🌻

[@matthewcruz1709]

Hey, pausing the video at 12:48 to write this in the hopes that someone hears me... I'm trying to get a diagnosis. I spent $1500 and have been waiting 6 months only to find that my mum is one of those people who really doesn't know me and so she has essentially stuffed the developmental part of the assessment, so now I'm $1500 down, 6 months later with no diagnosis despite the psychologist telling me verbally that I'm on the spectrum and the observation part indicating 'moderate to severe concern'... I've just come out of a year in which I've been completely broken professionally, with stuff happening in my extended family, financially and psychiatrically. I desperately want to love and accept myself, but I just can't get to that place. I'm trying to follow the drug advice. I'm doing the therapy and group therapy. I'm also now on a carer pension as my wife has chronic health conditions and we have 3 boys (6, 4 and 2), two of whom are definitely on the spectrum, but only one disagnosed. Anyway, that's way more than I intended to share, but man, is this tough. I have this constant, seething fear that says if you're not autistic, what the hell's wrong with you, you loser...? Man, it's rough. Hopefully you understand. Thanks for reading this.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Matthew, it sounds like you're in a tough place. I'm sorry to hear about the troubles you've been going through. I think it is encouraging that you have the self awareness to realize that you WANT to love and accept yourself, but realize you might not be where you want to be yet. That is a big step toward healing and the self love you're looking for. It sounds like you are taking positive actions towards better understanding and caring for yourself. Hang in there! You are not alone.

[@martinhughes007]

I made a decision while watching this video Taylor; I’m no longer going to try and justify that I’m autistic when people say “Oh you don’t look/seem autistic”. I had a conversation this week when someone said just that and then later in the conversation the person told me that they didn’t know anything about autism. Such ignorance. I’m also going to be super careful about who and how much information I give people. I don’t need the approval of others (I’m working on that..). I learned so much watching this especially as I found myself thinking “Oh I do that - that’s an autistic trait”. Last part of my assessment is in 3 weeks time.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sounds like a super important decision to make!! Yes it's true, many people who say comments like "you don't look autistic" probably don't have much of an understanding of autism at all. It is important to only share this type of information with people who will truly listen and do their best to understand, and only if you feel safe sharing it!! Thanks for your comment.

[@HaiOrchid]

This is a great video 😊 I struggle with my diagnosis a lot. I often feel like I’m not autistic enough. It has been over 10 years since my diagnosis, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I keep trying to expose myself to different people on the spectrum to see that we all present differently even while having similarities.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Good reminder to experience different viewpoints! Thank you for your comment.

[@robertwarbrick7560]

Brandy, you are not the only one that feels this way. It's like having a foot planted in two realities but not feeling fully accepted/defined by either reality. It used to make me feel so isolated, until I realized that "high functioning" ASD is an opportunity to bridge gaps in neurodiversity. I am glad to hear that you can be around other members of the tribe. Good luck out there!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

“High functioning is an opportunity to bridge gaps…” love this! Thanks for sharing your perspective.

[@princesspikachu3915]

@@robertwarbrick7560 I ended up in a “human bridge” role with a family who had a level 3 non verbal son. He was 5 at the time and took a liking to me. I find I can “read” emotions better with others on the spectrum regardless of where they fall than I can with NT people. I ended up being a bridge for the kid. He had to sit with me at church and it shocked his family because he never took to “new people” as quickly as me. I ended up moving but I still worry about the kid. He would be about 10 or 11 now.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

We each have our own path that we take. My first evaluation came back inconclusive because of my OCD and ADHD. So, when my life started to fall apart again as the result of trying to mask all my waking life and it's not working. So, I'll get the formal diagnosis, but being "inconclusive" as a diagnosis does not mean that there aren't severe challenges. When I do get my diagnosis, I'll have already taken a bunch of the steps that would otherwise have happened afterwards.

[@evanhines3812]

Thank you so much Taylor. This video had me in tears. That’s been happening a lot lately. The more I learn, the more I cry away all the years of struggle.

[@AH-auDHD]

I don't usually remark on people's appearances but I love the tie, bow and sweater combo. You got a style that you pull off really well. :D

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Haha thanks!! 😎

[@brianforster2430]

Hi, I am a 61 year old man, when I was about 30 years old I started to suspect I might be autistic, but it wasn't until November 2023 and was telling a life story to my daughter that she said "Dad do you not know that your Autistic". That started me thinking about it, I have now been referred for testing but here in the UK it could be 2 to 3 years before I get a diagnosis (but we get all our medical needs for free). I am learning alot about myself watching your videos. Thank you the imposter video is one I relate too the most. I don't like the word diagnosis, I am different not I'll, I think of the identification like people have different colour hair ginger people are not just different. 61 years of masking is very difficult to work out in my head. I seem to have alot to learn.

[@wtfhappenedtome]

Hi Taylor, this video (as all of your videos do) speaks to exactly where I'm at right now. It's so incredibly helpful thank you. At 55 I'm going through the joy of understanding myself for the first time ever, the peace of things finally making sense, and the grief of so many past lost opportunities. But not dwelling too much in that. To comment on something you only mentioned briefly... I've listened to other Autism channels and find them difficult to follow or understand for various reasons. I know they are great for some, and it's just a personal preference, as we're all different. For me, you explain things in a way my brain finds so easy to understand and very relatable. I also appreciate some of the accommodations you've made in more recent videos for us your subscribers, like dropping the music, and being aware of avoiding distracting noises that the mic picks up. Thank you from my heart... all of it, not just the bottom… your channel continues to be so affirming and life-changing for me, you have no idea HOW life changing in such a good way.

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

I was going to leave a comment but it was turning into a short story and I can’t put my thoughts into words so I’m just going to say Thank You so much for this video 🥰

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're very welcome 🙏🫶

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

@@MomontheSpectrum 🥰

[@mortenle]

I don't have a diagnosis, and I'm already dealing with medical people more than I want to be. I've joked about being on the spectrum, but I never believed it at all until February when my wife said she thought I was on the spectrum. She wasn't joking. It was during a very, very stressful hiring committee search where I found out someone in my department hates me. I've gotten hate all my life for being a fat, queer woman, a formerly religious woman, and now a handicapped person. I just wasn't expecting it, and with all the online teaching stress, I had a serious meltdown. I casually watched one of your videos, and I knew then that that was me. Me!? Me. I have a legal MMJ card because of my back pain, but MMJ has made a huge dent in my anxiety which has always been off the charts--if my pain stopped, I would have to get a diagnosis so I can keep my card because MMJ is the only thing that seems to give me a true break from all the thinking and planning and masking and script writing and self-judging and "burnout."

[@WaterFor3st]

The side-hustle issue is real. That is something I would love to get settled.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me. Too. 😅

[@gentlygrace]

The mantras made me cry. Thank you, Taylor!

[@jessaphillips2846]

I’m undiagnosed but I have been really working on looking at myself and my life, I score very high on every autism assessment I have found online (I know these are not the only factors in getting a diagnosis) and have come to the conclusion that I definitely am autistic. I am not in a financial position to pursue a formal diagnosis and it seems resources are limited (although I am continuing to look into help with getting a diagnosis, it appears that Autism Speaks *ugh* does have some resources that could help- for those who don’t know there are some negative stories in the past about Autism Speaks re: speaking over/for nonverbal autistic people and I’m not a fan of the organization because of it) and I am dealing with imposter syndrome a lot as I am working to unmask myself and figure out who I really am. It’s especially hard when someone outside of the community tries to invalidate my experience because I don’t have a diagnosis, it can cause me extreme anxiety trying to deal with people like that.

[@addi2578]

I'm also ADHD and autistic, diagnosed at 23. I think something that's really helped me with imposter syndrome is realizing that every person has a different set of experiences, abilities, and challenges. Comparing one of those sets without considering the others will only lead to an incomplete assumption, which is neither helpful nor truthful. When I stop to actually consider my full story, I know my diagnosis was 100% correct and I belong here. Loved this video. Tay, thanks for being an encouraging and supportive voice for autistic women 🙏

[@MomontheSpectrum]

PREACH! Love what you're sharing here. Thanks for watching and for the comment!

[@piixeltune]

I’ve been kind of spiraling with impostor syndrome since getting my diagnosis just a couple of days ago, and this is the only thing that has actually made me feel a bit better. Thanks so much for this

[@Pamsywhamsy]

Yesterday I spoke to my parents a bit about me getting this diagnosis a month ago and they still aren't convinced that I am autistic, this made me doubt myself today so I really needed this video to remind myself that I am not the only one feeling his way. So thank you so much! I am 32 years old and I got my diagnosis this year along with ADHD, so I can really relate to all that you're saying in this video. It's very hard knowing what to do next. Fortunately I have a lot of things planned with my psychiatrist so it can only get better from here on. It just makes me a bit sad that my parents might never believe me...I hope they will understand someday but I doubt it...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad you’re looking into support for yourself. 💓

[@maartjehuisman2558]

Thank you so, so much for this video. This is the first ever comment I have ever posted anywhere on the internet, but I felt I had to. I found your videos two days ago when I was home from work because of an autistic melt down. Ever since a psycologist said I must be on the spectrum (not diagnosed yet) I have struggled with imposter syndrome. I have watched so many videos and read so many textst about autism in females and every time I found myself questioning whether or not I am alowed to call myself autistic, I am actually physically unable to say that word to describe myself because of my doubts. Everytime I found myself thinking: I do not have the same experiences as she does, therefore I am not autistic and this is not 'the answer' for me, I'm just broken. I do, however, feel that autism is the answer, but everyone around me seems to think "allright now you know, keep calm and continue as you did before", and I just can't. Thank you for telling me that this is not proof of me not belonging here. I have a long way to go yet, but now I feel a little less alone :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your comment! I can relate to so much of this. It took me such a long time to be able to use the term for myself, because I didn’t want to take attention away from others who really “needed” or “deserved” to use the label. I didn’t want to overreact or make things more problematic than they were, because I had masked for so long that I was gaslighting myself about how hard life actually is for me to navigate. Sounds like you are slowly finding the pieces and putting them together to build an understanding that better supports your needs. It’s a challenging journey but so worth it. Here’s a post about the stages of autism realization that I really resonated with: instagram.com/p/Cbdlsv5MPmb/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

[@exploringdimensions4all853]

I'm 59 and started looking into this recently after a new friend, (2 years ago), asked me if I was autistic; and another new friend (recently) assumed I was autistic. I told them both: NO, I HAVE OCD! I took some online tests recently and came up very autistic. (85% of my answers on one test.) I felt greatly relieved to have a name for all of these things I've been experiencing. Before exploring what Autism really was, I had wondered: "Does everyone feel like an imposter (related to nearly everything - mother, student, boss, friend)?" Thank you so much for helping to raise awareness about this! (I'm an English-speaking person in a rural area of Ecuador. Professional diagnosis would be super tough). My special interests are: Microscopy research, Remote Viewing, and Metaphysics.

[@annsaugustine1956]

I've recently found your channel after doing obsessive research for the last few months on Autism, as I'm positive I've finally found what makes me "me". Though I didn't realize what I've recently been struggling with has a word- imposter syndrome. I've found myself questioning my thoughts, actions/reactions, emotions, etc.. especially since sharing with my husband my self diagnosis-- things like "am I faking this?" , "am I over thinking this?" , "have I always done this?". But, my biggest anxiety is what my husband is thinking. But, then I remind myself that these parts of me have been present my whole life but I am JUST NOW (nearly 29yr old) paying attention to these "things" being "unusual" Lol! Stemming has been my biggest hurdle realizing I do nearly nonstop. & just how down right awkward I am 😂 All the "quirky" parts of me I've insecurely laughed off about myself are merely parts of this bigger picture I never knew existed truthfully. I'm in awe daily at how fit I am for this amazing community & how badly I've longed for what's felt like this endless need to "fit in". Plus, I can't mask online 😜

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hey anns! Welcome to the channel! So glad you’re here. I also love interacting with people online because I don’t have to mask! It’s awesome. In many ways I feel like I’m truer to myself when I can communicate in writing. I can relate to many of the thoughts you shared here! Please let me know if you have suggestions for future video topics and again I’m so glad you’re here!

[@annsaugustine1956]

I wanted to share this link! It feels like a more "socially acceptable" stemming object. I had one similar to this years ago that I constantly spun on my finger. Ordered myself one last night now that I realize im constantly stringing a necklace or opening/closing a hair clip nonstop Lol

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I do not see a link on my end. Does it look like you posted it from your side?

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I love what you said about how we are writing the narrative about autism right now. I also feel like it's an important and exciting time to discover you're on the spectrum. Revolution is in the air. One of my goals for this year is to write my autism memoir with a view to publishing it. I want my story out there because we need as many autistic voices as possible to be heard right now. I also thought about making KZbin videos but writing is more my thing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Would love to read your story! What an awesome goal.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@MomontheSpectrum I have just started. And I keep thinking I need a diagnosis before I can even think about approaching a publisher. But I hope I'll have my appointment date soon 😊

[@staygroundedinchaos]

“Special interests may be a weeklong or monthlong” -purple Ella !! Omg 🤠 thank you very much for this video and for your channel, this space

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're very welcome. Thank you for your comment.

[@leslietinyhousebuilderwann3851]

My family does not believe that I am on the spectrum. I think they don’t want “that” for me. I’ve had this for 53 years. What is another 50? But then the imposter syndrome comes rushing in and the copacetic feeling flies away. I need to give myself some grace. Thank you for understanding me. I needed this.

[@theloudpetite]

Thank you so much for doing what you do. I truly appreciate it. I haven’t been diagnosed, but know 100%. Just moved to Thailand and definitely don’t trust the doctors here when it comes to diagnosing autism. It’s either anxiety / depression, which is not the whole story…I’ve always felt different from everyone and masking / being a chameleon to fit it. I tend to get along better with others who are neurodivergent or from the LGBTQ community. In school, I was painfully shy, hated eye contact and suffered from selective mutism. Teachers didn’t pick up on this. I was the ‘good’ girl. I also didn’t understand how girls play with each other naturally. I wanted friends but didn’t have the social skills.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your comment. Yes it's very easy for autism to be misdiagnosed, which is frustrating, invalidating, infuriating...

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

What you said about finding your true self is so accurate-I am in my 60s, self-diagnosed, and I have masked so much for so long, I don’t truly know who I am, or what is really ME and not the Academy Award performance.

[@orionkelly]

Great insights Tay. It’s comforting and reassuring, even if I’ll never truly be able to shake the imposter feeling.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I feel that some days the imposter feeling is stronger than others. Totally felt like an imposter in my dance class this week! I feel so awkward and... socially unskilled and like I'm just going through the motions.

[@anmask865]

This perfectly sums up my thoughts since hearing last year I might be autistic from my psychologist who isn’t an autism expert and cannot give diagnosis. Thank you for the video, you said what I really needed to hear. I so often feel like my struggles are not enough

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're welcome and thank you for your comment and feedback

[@skybright9447]

Thank you for this video. Never has a video so deeply resonated with me before. I got diagnosed quite early for a girl (14yrs old) and am nearly 20 now. I still have imposter syndrome. It is very hard. Unfortunately, especially for females on the spectrum, it is a very hard mindset to break away from.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

definitely a daily challenge that i continue to struggle with! but i feel I'm getting better at recognizing it. so glad to hear you got a diagnosis pretty early on. thanks for your comment!

[@alanguest1979]

I experienced Imposter Syndrome inbetween getting my verbal diagnosis and receiving my written diagnosis. It was no doubt caused by the anxiety produced by not believing what I had heard and waiting for confirmation. It got to me so much that I had to email the psychatrist who saw me, to be reassured of my diagnosis.

[@amandamandamands]

That was a big one for me too, that it wasn't real until I had it in writing. I kept questioning if I had heard him correctly even though I knew that I had. I told the people that had helped me get to the process of getting diagnosed but outside of that it wasn't real until I had it in writing

[@lauraam406]

Thank you very much for this! I've been struggling a lot with imposter syndrome, but watching your video has helped. I really liked the mantras.

[@rhomboman]

Don't pay attention to fools, you're doing such an amazing job!

[@tezralazenby]

I can’t watch the rest. I have grand children in the spectrum -and two daughters. My dad had dislexia & drank to hide his feelings. My mom said it was PTSD from the war. I’ll be back. I need this. 😮

[@ianthistlethwaite]

The thing you said about gaslighting yourself because other people have a greater support need resonated greatly. Also, I realy like the look of your piano :) Have a lovely day

[@MomontheSpectrum]

the piano was my grandmother's and she won it on an ABC radio broadcast as a honeymoon present in 1949!

[@lisawillis3]

Not officially diagnosed but I am sure identifying with a lot of these autistic traits, and we think my son is Asperger’s, late diagnosed. This one really hits with me.

[@andreaharmon8931]

Amen to everything you said. Also thank you for mentioning the gaslighting yourself portion. I've been questioning this for awhile and wondering if I've been doing it. Even now I feel big time imposter. I am currently going through the assessment. There are so many variables in my life that could rule out autism. Also pretty sure there are one or more comorbidities. And lots of holes in my childhood memory. But your video really resonated with me. Thank you for making it.

[@whitneymason406]

I know the diagnosis process can be a very stressful time and the waiting is excruciating! I had a lot of childhood trauma that doctors over the years chalked my behaviors up to. Finding the right professional really helped and she was able to see that I was like this before the trauma. Good luck on your assessment!

[@andreaharmon8931]

@@whitneymason406 thank you for your kind words and encouraging. Yeah lots of childhood trauma here as well as learning difficulties.

[@whitneymason406]

@@andreaharmon8931of course! I had to do speech for s, th, and z sounds. I've also never been able to read aloud without stopping and tripping over words. I think there is something going on with processing but I've looked into it. It's a lot to detangle but I'm hopeful you'll get the answers you need. Hang in there!! ❤

[@andreaharmon8931]

@@whitneymason406 thank you. I'm actually doing the Embrace Autism assessment, thanks to Taylor who have talked about them. I'm glad I don't have to drive anywhere and can go at my own pace in the comfort of my home.

[@whitneymason406]

@@andreaharmon8931 awesome!! That probably makes it a bit less stressful doing it from home.

[@dianahiggins9385]

Another eureka moment, thanks Tay! I have shared that "I can be autistic" with closest friends and family: "you cannot be autistic, you are "normal". All change the subject.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sp frustrating. Keep leaning into your truth! You don’t need approval from others to know who you are. 💓

[@allisonyoung5626]

I haven't finished the video but I got excited and wanted to mention how not feeling your needs physically and emotionally is an autism trait so when it comes down to it, I will always choose not to spend money, time, or energy on my needs because I don't understand that I am important the way I think everyone else is. I know better but still struggle to take that step without a lot of help.

[@roxanes43]

Word 💯 challenges behind the scenes that makes it harmful to compare with others. A struggle is a struggle. At 54 y/o finding this to define my experiences is such a positive thing for moving forward with information. Imposter syndrome is no stranger in so many aspects of my life. This is such a relief and motivation to not gaslight myself.

[@LeslieMillerJewett-f6n]

I’m 53 and have just recently realized that I may be autistic. I check so many of the boxes. I found you here and have resonated with so much of what you say. I’m watching and going “Yes. YES!!” I have an appointment in October for neuropsych evaluation and have been doing tons of research. I see myself in a lot of it. I’ve experienced imposter syndrome my whole life and this situation is no different. It’s really difficult in this limbo of not having an official diagnosis because even though It’s pretty obvious, I don’t trust myself to self diagnose. Even though medical professionals can be quite flawed and misdiagnosis happens all the time, I still feel like their opinion is worth more than my own. Anyhoo, this became quite long winded, but I really just wanted to say thank you! So…thank you! 💜🙏🏻💜

[@JennyHogan-h9u]

So do i

[@trinabrettnell]

Ugh, yep, I have a channel where I share INFJ and autistic INFJ life "things". I'm an autistic infj. And I struggle with imposter syndrome....not as much as I use to. Most people have been amazing and I love them but there have been a few that are hurtful. Especially when they call me a liar and tell me to stop spreading lies when I'm sharing my real life experiences, because infjs are high empathy and autism makes us even deeper with empathy and there is the misconception about empathy and autism. But when I get called a liar it feeds my imposter syndrome drastically and makes me second guess my life experiences 😢

[@chloebunde4455]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your videos. I am a self-diagnosed 24 year old woman and your videos have brought me so much comfort and hope in this process. Sharing your experiences and wisdom from all of your engagement with the autism community has helped me immensely in understanding myself. Thank you!!

[@robertnewberry7799]

"A lot of times we can be really empathic and can pick up on what other people are thinking and feeling...." And sometimes, we don't realize that thoughts or emotions we are thinking or feeling are emanating from an external source which can be confusing to you and people around you. See Taylor, I totally understand and can relate to everything you're saying about your experience, and also every other autism KZbinr I have watched so far. I think one of the issues is, both autistic and non-autistic people are on a spectrum. And, autism is not a neurological disorder, nor is it a psychological disorder. Autism is a different physiological brain type, with different physiological architecture, and with a different physiological way of processing both external and internal information, and which has abilities and capabilities that non-autistics do not, and cannot, possess I believe the non-autistic brain has a sort of physiological bottle neck, and cannot, sense, intake, process and analyze nearly as much information about their surrounding world on levels THEY cannot even perceive. The key word is SUBCONCIOUS. These processes are taking place on both a conscious AND SUBCONCIOUS level. A Day in the Life is SUCH a great song, the opening piano is simply the best EVER! It's just a few keys, and so subtle, absolutely haunting and otherworldly.

[@radiumtam]

It took three assessment sessions for them to finally come to a diagnosis (usually it takes one where I am). After the first two times they told me the result was 'inconclusive' (just the right thing to tell a potentially autistic person right?). They also told me that I scored nothing on a test that was designed for children. They wouldn't come to a diagnosis initially because of that, which to me sounded like they just didn't believe my lived experience. I am also still learning to fight against the imposter syndrome after my diagnosis, especially when I am trying to ask for reasonable adjustments at work, or when someone says 'I would never have known', or 'everyone is on the spectrum' (no they are not!!).....

[@MissBliss818]

Hi there.. could you by chance do a video on how someone on the spectrum can both be an empath and pick up on others feelings -- but at the same time, not understanding social cues? I feel like I know how someone feels through subtle cues, yet I have a delayed reaction to recognizing facial expressions, yet I can pick up on someone's feelings without interpretating it through their tone or facial expressions.. it's difficult for me to explain to others because I feel like I'm contradicting myself. 🙄 . BTW, I just found your channel and I love it! You seem like someone I'd want to be friends with.. haha

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi! Thanks for your comment! I'm so glad you're here. I do have one video already that might be more of what you're looking for... I believe it's titled Empathy and burnout. Thanks for your suggestion! I'll do my best to make more content about this topic in the future. It's definitely a commonality among autistic people.

[@pncast]

I found out after a lifetime of struggles, misdiagnoses, and terrible insomnia, at 59, that I'm autistic/ADHD/OCD. This was March 2023 and I’m struggling so hard. I don’t know why I’m writing this…i have NO support. And nothing makes a difference. My 7 siblings don’t believe me and passive aggressively hurt me. My two adult children deserted me and actively persecute then ignore in a cycle. My counselor missed all this, until she answered my question last March, after 6 years of therapy, “do you think I’m autistic?” Her answer, “Oh, yes, you are.” I have no friends… I’ve come to realize this past year that I just creep everyone out. No one enjoys my company. And I’m deeply caring and empathic. So much confusion. Oh and at the same time my husband, at 60, found out he was autistic at the same time. Thank you, this was so hard to watch.

[@Beafree1975]

LOL! OMG! yes, "enlightenment" pegs it perfectly. It so felt like that when I got my diagnosis last week. I think I already worked through all the negative emotions while I was self-dx'ing and going through imposter syndrome for 1.5 years. It was extremely frustrating to get that feedback from family.

[@JadeAislin]

I had a major imposter syndrome episode while being evaluated. When I began the process I made lists of my traits and watched videos on adult female diagnosis. When the first doctor said he would not diagnose me as autistic I was devastated. As I went for a second opinion with a more thorough evaluation, I clung to the fact that the first doctor told me he couldn't say I wasn't autistic. Then I had to wait weeks for the results. My mind started thinking it might just be in my head. Could I be projecting the things I had learned on to myself? Was I seeing things that weren't there? I had to talk with my sister many times because I was so stressed out. I can't described how relieved I felt when that doctor confirmed that I was autistic.

[@redtree732]

I love the positive light you bring to the autistic community.

[@Alicia-cq9si]

We were at a holiday dinner one time and my mom sarcastically announced that I thought I might be autistic (during a time in my life when I was obsessively researching autism). A cousin said, "Oh I like to spend a lot of time alone too" trying to rub it off as me overreacting. I also used to label my boyfriends as Asperger weirdos until I realized why I was probably attracting them. Trying to diagnose them, I ended up diagnosing myself. I do not dare tell anyone. My best friend's sister is profoundly autistic, practically mute, on disability, and can barely take care of herself, so I constantly compare myself to her. I gaslight myself daily because I am damn good at masking most days and on others I shut down and won't leave the house for up to a week, or more. I tell people I have "health issues" when I don't show up. Knowing there will be a big party/family gathering I will literally make myself sick dreading the event, so I have an excuse not to attend. On facebook, you would never know I am autistic from all the activities I do with my son. I am even starting to think my son's dad, who is quite extroverted and quirky, may also be on the spectrum along with my little social butterfly son. Just realizing you don't have to be introverted to be autistic. Also, one thing I keep reminding myself is that you can be suicidally depressed or just mildly depressed and can still call yourself "depressed." Just different levels on the spectrum of depression, as with autism. People are not educated enough. I honestly think most of my friends and even family members are autistic but never knew.

[@jennbridgman]

Thank you. "I am here". Gave me warm fuzzy tingle/chills..I'm going to remember that the most out of every helpful thing you said today.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Imposter syndrome always comes back to haunt me. It's a roller coaster of doubting and doubting myself and then one day, I'll do something totally autistic and I'll be like, "Okay, it's real." Like the time I didn't recognize the nurse who had given my daughter her flu shot ten minutes earlier (I wish I could blame masks for this but face blindness is a significant part of my autistic experience and I knew about it decades before I knew I was autistic). Or the time I experienced a noticeable verbal processing delay when this receptionist I was talking to went off the medical office script. Or yesterday when I was watching a KZbin video on eight dead giveaways that someone is on the spectrum and one of them was tip-toe walking as a child/teenager/ youth. I did that all the time when I was younger, especially if I didn't have shoes on and it was a hard floor. I didn't even realize it was weird until a college flatmate pointed it out. I hope this is going to help someone with imposter syndrome today: there are not many conditions associated with tip-toe walking. It is a definite autism marker. Not that every autistic person does it -- you absolutely can be autistic without having done it. But you know what I mean. IF you do it/did it, you can have a bit of assurance. Anyway, what I'm saying is, we should remember that imposter syndrome comes and goes therefore it is not to be trusted.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Very helpful info!! Also my son walks on his tiptoes all the time. And a new autistic friend I met recently does the same thing too. So interesting.

[@katbos4995]

I am excited to hear your one about religion and autism. I keep getting pulled back into the cult I was raised in. My parents were military, so the only consistency I ever had was this cult, everywhere we moved we joined this, same cult. In this cult, there’s a lot of perfectionism, and earning your way to heaven, and so my PDA autism, with its natural need for perfectionism, has made me have a lot of self hate my whole life. When I finally broke free, it took more than 10 years of vacillating back-and-forth, between activity in this cult, and being free, I started becoming mentally stable.

[@shellyfuquay8538]

Thank you for this video. I've been watching tons of your videos lately and downloaded some of your resources. I'm an RBT (ABA therapist for autism) and I have autism. I am not formally diagnosed yet so I don't generally disclose because I fear people will judge me both in the community of neurodivergent people (like they'll be like "you're not actually autistic because you're not diagnosed" Again I emphasize YET, I'm working on it and it's a tough process due to finances and because I live 500 miles away from my childhood hometown and don't speak to my parents due to abuse so getting someone who can report childhood symptoms will be hard) and because I have low support needs I worry people will think I'm seeking attention or something. I also sometimes feel like I may be harming people with higher support needs somehow by seeking the help I need.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re here.

[@45jayster]

I struggle with this so much. In Canada it is very difficult to get a diagnosis as it is not covered in our public health care and we are super poor. 12:36 I mask really well and don’t feel like anyone will believe me without a professional label.

[@princesspikachu3915]

I haven’t been to therapy in years. There’s nothing really for adults. And the last time I was in therapy I had a therapist guilt me into feeling awful about “wearing a label”. Went on a rant about people not saying “I am cancer” so why are you saying “I am autistic”. I’m autistic and I’m proud and I don’t need anyone contracting it. I embrace the label. It is part of who I am. And to be told not to wear the label fills me with sadness. I find community and acceptance with my fellow autistic folks and to take away my label is to take away my only human connections with other autistics. It’s such a shame. I’m glad I’m not alone in wearing my autism even if it’s only from the safety of a screen.

[@coreference]

Taylor, thank you so much for being here! Your videos were the ones that made me think about whether I’m autistic. You opened the world for me and continue doing so by publishing these supportive videos and advocating for high-functioning autistic women. How you put these experience into words resonates with me a lot and makes me feel seen and not alone (as I can’t disclose my asd to my family because of cultural preconceptions, rejection and invalidation). I’m so grateful for the opportunity to dive into your content whenever I need support. Please please continue your work and bring us more light! I extremely appreciate you putting so much time, energy, effort and heart into what you’re doing and want you to know that it has more impact that you could imagine ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. 🥹💓

[@montanaisnotreal]

You have no idea how badly I needed this video. THANK YOU so much. You helped me with the one thing I struggle with the most when it comes to being on the spectrum. I can easily manage in life when I allow myself to do things the way I know I need to do them, and when I listen to my body and my unique needs. The one thing that causes me to completely ignore my needs, giving me loads of mental and physical illness, is the imposter syndrome. Our bodies are so particular and function in such a unique way, if we don’t allow ourselves an environment and routine that works for us, we struggle immensely. But once we find what works and stick to that no matter what anyone else says, we flourish.

[@patriciagarrity8220]

Again, thank you for what you are doing, Tay. It is so, so, so needed & is truly groundbreaking.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! Thanks so much for this very generous comment.

[@sCaryMusik]

Im 31 and have been trying to figure myself out after my divorce last year. How was I able to live so unhappily for so long? Why did I put up with it? I feel like the whole time I was married I was playing someone that I wasnt and I finally snapped. I am also a private music teacher and I am so happy with what I do, but then sometimes I feel guilty that I have such a great career? I am also a mom, so I am figuring out how to cope with these sensory overload situations that happen with raising children. Obviously Im still trying to figure myself out, but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEOS! I cant express how much I relate to your situation and it has helped me realize so much about my self the past few months that I have been thinking that I am autistic. I have only talked to a few of my family about it, and of course they seem to deny that I am autistic, so I am contemplating whether to seek an official diagnosis. Sorry for a long story, but in short, thank you for validating my feelings and my life makes so much more sense now.

[@molliegrrrr]

I’m a mom and a Christian. I am working on getting a diagnosis. I write poetry and speak life into my children daily however, at times I have made mistakes. Your videos have helped immensely, thank you.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're so welcome. Thanks so much for sharing this with me!

[@Tbrettingbaby]

This. All of this. Someone finally put into words how I've been feeling. I haven't gotten a diagnosis from s doctor, finances are a huge factor, and part of me is like who am I trying to prove it to? But in the same breath I'm like but am I for sure? I've also had close family tell me I was lying. So tough

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It is definitely a tough spot to be in. Be kind to yourself. Pay attention to your intuition and take things one step at a time. You're not alone!

[@Tbrettingbaby]

@MomontheSpectrum did you feel any more secure in your diagnosis after a medical professional said it? 🤔 I don't think it'll make me feel any different and if there is not much they can do then why waste the money? I'm in texas and it is thousands of dollars to get a diagnosis. Why is insurance not covering this? So frustrating

[@chloebenson8849]

This video is so helpful!! Thank you for making it. I've been thinking I'm autistic for almost a year now, after a lifetime of wondering what's "wrong" with me. I just got my ADHD diagnosis last month at age 30, and the doctor told me she agrees and thinks I'm autistic too, but that the assessment criteria for autism is intended for children so she couldnt formally diagnose. That sounds like a bit of BS, given how many people online I've seen get diagnosed as adults. But anyway, I've been trying to mask a lot less in my life recently to be more true to myself and I definitely feel the imposter syndrome. Thank you so much for this :)

[@Jas-zzz]

Thank you . I have not been doing good for I don't know maybe 3 weeks! I've crashed and been burning. You ate one of my representatives. So glad I have found another woman and mother who expresses things I have not been able to fully understand or articulate. Your existence has made a huge impact on my life💗 as well as so many of you in the community. We exist and our experiences are real. We are not bad or just trying to be difficult like many others who have different issues which is everyone. We also a wonderful addition to the human race and the more society is educated about people like us the better the world could be for everyone. Everyone needs to be more aware of diversity and artful uniqueness of people.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your kind comment! I hope you are able to recover and get the rest and support you need. Sending love.

[@kylejuve5494]

Thank you for these words. I was diagnosed at 45, and haven’t been able to explain it to myself.

[@imlds231]

I have not had an "official diagnosis," but a psychiatrist resident i saw for med managment and therapy gave me "permission" to say i have it. She saw it. Her classmate saw it too. But being students they did not have training to diagnose ASD I was always told it is Borderline personality, depression, anxiety and "attention seeking." My Dr asked if my treatment would change. I told her no, but maybe i would have people in the medical field to have more compassion and understanding. I literally have been saying to myk care givers that being able to say ASD that it has been so freeing. I have more compassion and understanding from most others. I have noticed i have more SELF COMPASSION and understanding that i am not crazy and if i am unable to sleep i used to OD and Self harm. Instead i tell myself it is my ASD and that i will get sleep soon and to just relax and accept what is and not fight it.

[@cherrystoltz1557]

I'm a self-diagnosed 73 year old woman who is vision-impaired and only discovered I was autistic a year ago! Almost veryone tells me I'm imagining things, except my sister, who loves me unconditionally and knows me better than aznyone else. Sometimes, I feel so helpless and lost and I'm sooooo tired of pretending to fit in. If I don't, people closer to me are sometimes shocked or confused by my weird behaviour, comments or spoken thoughts. I wish I could speak as well as I think or write. Sigh ......

[@RyanDickey-lp3sn]

I got diagnosed last September and have been questioning it recently. I needed to hear this.

[@camiscreatures]

I’m in tears because today has been so hard and I can’t seem to sleep and I live with my partner and I don’t think I can live here because my needs are not being supported. I’ve been gaslighting myself and definitely feeling like an imposter but I just want to feel like I have some grasp on reality. I miss when I lived with my mom and we had some sort of routine. I have nothing but chaos it feels right now and I’m worried the only way to start to honor myself is to completely break free of my relationship and living situation. It’s not a terrible situation but I do feel disregarded when it comes to understanding my sensory needs and why I struggle the way I do. Without an official diagnosis it feels like nothing I experience is real to anyone but my mom and my therapist