MONTESSORI AT HOME: How to Handle Toddler Frustration

[@elfee7981]

A helpful phrase I always like to use is "when you feel ready". I find it helps to take away any pressure they might feel to perform well right away. For example, they have a hard time with a puzzle and start throwing the pieces. In this situation I might say something like this: "This puzzle feels so frustrating right now, doesn't it? That's okay to feel frustrated. You can take a deep breath and whenever you feel ready, you can pick up the piece over there and try it again" It also works magic when they feel anxious about something, for example: "You're a little scared to go up the slide today, that's okay. You can climb up there when you feel ready, but if you don't feel ready just yet, you don't have to" or "Sometimes we feel a little anxious about trying food we've never had before. If you don't want to eat the mushrooms you don't have to, we're gonna leave them right here until you feel ready to try them"

[@OurRussiaWillBeFree]

Love your comment! I should use these phrases with my son.

[@HapaFamily]

This is fabulous!! Thanks for sharing! 🥰

[@TJgrebdnul]

Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@dianeschmidt17]

My mom never let me struggle and always did everything for me. As a 29 year old woman that has very little patience when things don’t go my way, I hope to use this method for my future kids.

[@Yogagirl0717]

Same

[@chouchouchouchou155]

Same 😔

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

Oh my god you just dismantled exactly why i am so sensitive to my own mistakes and overreact to things going any user easy than i imagined. But since i gave been going through my childhood traumas i gave been better at it however i didn't make this connection such a helpful realisation thank you.

[@calipigeon]

Thank you for these videos ❤️ I’m raising my son (Mia’s age) living with my mom who consistently tells him he’s not actually hurt/sad/frustrated/angry but instead tells him he’s just tired or just being manipulative. Once I started acknowledging his feelings his tantrums stopped escalating (I guess toddlers don’t like being gaslighted, go figure). A lot of times I can redirect or work through the issue by just saying “we can’t do blank right now but if you want you can help me blank” and he seems happy to do something besides cry. Sometimes I feel like our parent’s generation had no idea how capable children are if they just feel safe and seen.

[@kcl060]

Omg, I cannot stand that about that generation.

[@elfee7981]

So helpful! Yesterday toddler was trying to load the dishwasher but put the plates in the wrong place. Instead of just letting him have a go at it and figure it out for himself I jumped in way to quick. He got so frustrated and said to me: "I don't like your hands on the plate" (he's a champ at figuring out what bothers him and communicating his needs!). This video was such a good reminder of how I should react next time a situation like this comes up. Thank you!

[@ashleybeazley]

I have a sassy 19 month old who is showing her will and her little temper lately so this video timing couldn’t be more perfect! Toddler is still sleeping so I’m going to enjoy a hot coffee and watch! ❤️ ☕️ Thank you Ashley for all that you do!

[@Songofthestitchblog]

This is so timely, thank you! We have a rule at home not to step in unless my 3yo asks for help. The challenge we have at the moment is how quickly his frustration escalates to shouting and throwing things, which is one of my big parenting triggers, but what I have observed is that in those moments the frustration is rooted in something else like being hungry or tired rather than the activity itself. What person doesn't get cranky at the fundamental laws of physics when they're hungry!

[@tkj793]

The timing of this is perfect

[@kynialikethecountry2036]

I'm not even a parent, but I LOVE Montessori. So grateful to have found your channel! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us! ❤️

[@natalieeuley1734]

I am autistic and sometimes my motor skills are better on some days than others. I'm also 26. Whenever I visit my parents, ie multiple times a week, my mom will try to help me with super basic tasks that I obviously know how to do, like put on a jacket or my socks. Like, yeah, I may not have the best motor skills today. But I have been doing this all by myself for many years; obviously I can do it. I get she just wants to not see me have any trouble but it's like, I don't even make a noise and she'll try to help me. I can tell she's trying to do it out of love for me, but it sure doesn't feel like love. It instead feels like she doesn't value me as the adult that I am. I pay bills, have stocks, have a job, drive a car, live alone, etc. I don't need your help to put on my own jacket 🙄

[@kcl060]

Wonderful to see your perspective. I definitely see the value in letting people do the things they can do on their own, regardless of age.

[@homegrownchildmindingsenmu7552]

Our daughter is Kylies age, she has gdd from a rare genetic syndrome and is around 12 months developmentally. Shes non verbal and getting better at communicating in other ways but frustration has especially became more apparent lately. The biggest thing ive learnt from having a child who has additional needs is patience. This video is really helpful, thank you for your brill content x

[@DaniOchannel]

Once I accepted motherhood as a lifestyle, it got easier. It's about adjusting to the little one, including them in activities we're doing and then life gets easier (even when she wises up to the fact that she doesn't need to tidy after herself 😄) Thanks for the video, Ashley xx

[@gracewang809]

My 18-month capable child asks me for help for everything recently. Thank you for telling me it’s not the end of world. I think I need to learn more to understand her feelings.

[@milenas3797]

Ashley and other FT at-home moms, there are opportunities ALL throughout the day for my 22mo toddler to do things herself which is GREAT! However, how do you all manage to get things done when each task they do themselves (all day long) takes a while and you need to be present/close by? EXAMPLE: dressing self, using the potty, then putting on shoes/jacket to go for walk, removing shoes/jacket post walk, washing hands, drying hands, getting items for snack...etc.. These things could take an hour+ (not including walk). Sometimes I feel I sit around a lot of the day waiting for my daughter to do things by herself!

[@nicoletrys]

You are so easy to listen to and follow. Just found your videos recently and am so grateful for the content you create. THANK YOU! This video is much needed

[@YoursAndTheirs]

Wow. Just wow. I'm 35 and this was not only helpful to me as a first time parent to a remarkable 17 month old, but this helped me as the adult. I am very impatient and this was so incredibly helpful.

[@mollyj9684]

This is the exact video my husband and I needed right now. We are definitely doing our best to practice positive parenting, and doing a lot of reading on the subject, but this is such a good accompaniment to what we've been reading. Bless you lol

[@ranjitatalukdar7321]

Thank you. Please make a video on the topic, how do we let our child know that we are angry, Happy, upset. As parents how do we express/ present our feelings and situations.

[@gracemugauri4043]

This is such perfect timing as my 30 month old son has just been getting more frustrated by small things like doing dishes or moping. I lost my temper the other day because he threw a brush at me when he could'nt scrub the pot properly and i felt so awful afterwards so i'm very grateful for this video. I look forward to taking your positive discipline classes when i can afford them, i think they would really help me out too in learning to be more patient. However your videos have helped me so much that i can't possibly thank you enough.

[@Yogagirl0717]

Singing little songs or saying little short poems about the task or activity is often helpful!

[@shelleyknightley2674]

I’m going to show my colleagues at work this video! We work in a 1.5yr-2.5yr old room in a child care centre and I feel like this video will rly be an asset to our practices 💓

[@philippapay4352]

It's good that you are reminding us all that frustration, stress, and struggling are part of life and we need to learn how to deal with them to achieve the goal or learn the practice. And we all recognize the times when we just need to struggle our way through it. You are importantly reminding us we are all human with the same feelings, even though differing talents, abilities.

[@AkmalGhani]

This is what I need. My three year old very verbal toddler is handful. My wife and i felt clueless most of the time, especially when she's acting out around bedtime because she didn't have her day nap. (when she had an exciting day, she tends to go on and on) Thank you so much!

[@TSCStag]

Wow I need this video right now the last few days have been hard!! Thank you!! Will watch soon. Been feeling like she is crying so much and what in the world am I doing wrong I must be an awful parent. Need this!

[@andreammg]

Amazing advice! I feel bad because now with a newborn I don’t give my 2 year old the time/patience that I used to. This has helped me remember how frustrated I get when I can’t get something to work and relate more to her.

[@Liz514]

I can see how my mom raised me and how challenging it is with my twins. Never let me cry or struggle which is probably why it’s sooo hard for me. I have pretty much no patience for anything and really trying to work on letting things go so I can let me toddlers figure it out. Whew being a mom is hard!

[@HappyHealthyandFree]

Helping when they ask for help. I needed to hear that. My 4 yr old asks for help from me a lot. I know he can do it. I’ve been asking him to try on his own but I’m going to try helping a little

[@christinadaum3420]

Thank you for this video. I have a 3.5 year old and 22 month old so frustration is a very commonly expressed feeling right now on all our parts. I lack patience and get frustrated very quickly as part of my nature or how I was raised so this is helpful to approaching things differently with my girls!

[@alyb3366]

If someone jumps in everytime someone struggles we can develop "learned helplessness" Marsha Linehan talks about this in DBT. But too much can lead to the same effect. It's definitely a balance!

[@koellekind]

This video is gold for me from start to finish. Thank you so much. I will put this to my favourites so I will watch it again so all this wisdom can settle in my brain. :D

[@swetha769]

All doubts solved .. my major concern was the last one u addressed, helping kid when we are in a hurry .. thanks for the video

[@alemasogolj9293]

This was sooooo needed! Thank you! I’ve been meaning to look up strategies for handling toddler frustrations for months now, and I love your approach so this is absolutely so useful! Question for ya: have you talked about addressing fear of the dark or general fears in young toddlers anywhere in your other posts? Thanks again and please know that you are an invaluable resource. Now I’m going to rewatch this with my husband ;

[@HapaFamily]

I have not yet, but I’ve noted it for a future video! :)

[@yahamo2598]

Thank u this is what I need to watch

[@ashgreenspinner1503]

Thanks for this! Perfect timing. My tween likes to watch as well, it helps her be a better big sister. (A ten year gap with our kids)

[@nandhinikp9035]

Thank you for your videos. I am unable to spend on books you suggest in ur videos but still I get some idea that I should change myself first from our parents to get connected to my child. But it is very hard to implement for me. But surely I will try again and again to give her a good mother🥰

[@JodeneGray]

This video could not have been posted at a better time. My 18 month old has started on the path of crying for everything. I’m totally clueless and I know he’s only frustrated.

[@bbenagni]

Perfect timing!! Thank you!

[@anchanereed294]

Love your channel and the videos you upload, my daughter just turned 3 years old, she is very adamant to do everything herself, which I encourage to most people's disgust, who tell me I shouldn't let her do certain things especially helping around the kitchen or helping me with her baby brother. Most of the things she does out of her own by observing me doing the things, not forceing her to do anything she doesn't want to, She does ge frustrated when she can't fasten her shoe or put her dress on back to front, things like that, she does very well with most basic skills but for the last few weeks she'll throw a toy from an activity if she can't fit it in its correct spot or struggle to open or do something she knows how to or shell just give up trying all together. We have been going through a really thought family issue so not sure if that's the reason for her extra frustration, she is very energetic, strong willed and my wild child 😂 love that about her just want to help her get through whatever it is that's she's going through. I know she's not herself and would like to help her cope with what is bothering her. Thank you for all the tips you share. You really have a wonderful family, 💖

[@jordanburkitt906]

Thanks for these tips! My nanny kid is the age for the “I want to do it myself” type behavior, but seems too timid to try anything himself. I think he lacks confidence after not being allowed to do anything himself. I’ve been trying to be super supportive of everything he tries and I think it’s helping but we have to work on it!

[@ANC_505]

Something I've been wondering: Was your husband completely on board from the very beginning with raising your children the Montessori way? I have implemented bits and pieces but know that my husband thinks that other things are a bit ridiculous. (It's just vastly different from his upbringing.)

[@Eveholstein]

Me too.

[@brandastout228]

I’ve found it helpful to explain to my husband why I do certain things with our kids. When I started my toy rotation and got rid of toys that I didn’t agree with, he was very confused. I explained to him why I was doing it and over time he has come to see that the change has been life changing for ourselves and our children. Maybe try explaining instead of just doing, and it might help him under

[@ImInLoveWithAllocos]

Same here

[@kamyllem4867]

Same. I think it was helpful for my husband to see how well the things I have implemented work and the change/difference we notice in our daughter as a result. We still have our differences but I’m hoping with time he is more on board by what he sees. Also, I notice him doing little things that I do or say so I know something is sticking hehe

[@Kiwiyumful]

This came at the perfect time! I have a feeing i’ll be watching this a lot as a reminder on harder days. Thanks so much for creating and sharing this with us! 💜

[@jessaleeb198]

This was much needed for our family! My little one has many emotions right now. We both have been frustrated. It's hard to know exactly how to handle it some times I think I should do it one way and other times another way. Thanks so much for this!!!!

[@raincloudz]

Just what I need. My little one has been declaring his independence lately and throwing things a lot.

[@maggierose7689]

Ashley!!! This is such a great video!! Thank you so much! You are such a wise momma and I’m so grateful for your content ♥️

[@TrangTran-ph1zy]

I’m sooooo excited for this video, getting my popcorn.

[@HapaFamily]

🍿 yessss!! 🙌

[@TrangTran-ph1zy]

@@HapaFamily you’re a life saver!!! Ever time I struggle with my baby and needed to get on ahead in the game I go watch your video and take notes! Thank you thank you!

[@acubanfamily]

Very useful, as always, Ashley... ❤️

[@fosterfamily8235]

I feel so seen because we had the pajama pants frustration LAST NIGHT! I think a big piece is that I as the parent have to be *present*, not thinking about the dishes I have to do or extra work that’s waiting because then I just rush through and don’t allow her to practice.

[@marie-louiseweerheim4224]

Exited to watch tonigth! Much needed.

[@MissJuliesMontessoriMinutes]

Yes this! So important to work on our own mindset!

[@bugalowSK]

Great topic again!

[@highestapril]

Thank you for this. Perfect timing

[@haniyyahahmadbonvini1980]

That mental rewiring and implementing these best practices as a parent is such a challenge sometimes. You’ve touched on these life-changing tips in prior videos and they have worked without fail! Thank you. I do have a question, have you come across anything related to “developmental leaps” per the literature in The Wonder Weeks book while researching Montessori philosophies? I have found that my daughter was spot on with “leap behavior” which entailed increased fussiness, crankiness, clinginess, irrational behavior etc. I wonder if Dr. Montessori touched on these particular developmental leaps (10 in total).

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

Oh snap hey! Just returning to this vid and saw your comment ahahaha. This sounds like a cool and important aspect of development, of which to have a better understanding. Going to look into it when I can. :)

[@nataliem.2651]

This was extremely helpful. Thank you!

[@carolinegibson2475]

Love this advice! It is so helpful and a good reminder. Thank you!

[@AnikaL0vesCotton]

I've always done this with the kids I baby sat and my mom who to this day does everything for me. Called me mean for letting the kids struggle.

[@jennyeng1229]

Yes yes yes!! Love this thank you Ashley!

[@ahmedelsemary4163]

I haven’t been around toddlers throughout my life and I’ve been watching as many of your videos and they’ve helped me a lot. I don’t follow the Montessori approach but barely, and there are several reasons, but one of them is that my 21-month-old is incapable of focusing on something for too long. I know this is normal for her age, but I feel I may have not helped her develop that ability to focus on things long enough to gauge an interest. I’m finding this very difficult to get around when trying to get her engaged in anything. I’m not sure I’m making sense… but I just feel I’m failing with my daughter to develop her life skills or self care of anything that involves her handling a task independently.

[@poojashah2267]

I really wanted this video as my son is getting frustrated frequently

[@patislittlenest]

Thank you so much, Ashley. But what if the tantrum has nothing to do with a task which can not be completed by the toddler? What if the toddler is having a meltdown because you can mit carry him anymore and have to put him down or if she can mit get a toy she wants ...or sweets? What if the tantrum is immediatelly so intense that he is not hearing what you say or doesn't want you to be near? Or hit and kick or is even about to hurt himself? This is something i really would like to know because the mentioned advices are not new to me but seem not to work. Would love so much if you could offer some advice.

[@choosnau]

I personally provide support through the tantrum (sit them in a safe space to cool down usually for my 5 year old) and then come in after a few minutes after he is able to cool off and talk

[@MonniqueSaoPaio]

My baby ir not quite at that age yet, but if you practiced sign language with them before I heard it works very well if you try signing with them. They may be to loud for you to talk to them, but the visual effect of seeing you sign apparently helps them snap out of it easier. I'll have to try myself in the future for now I'm still working on signs with my 4mo.

[@HapaFamily]

I think the question you’re asking is more so about tantrums in general and how to help a toddler learn to cope with their big feelings (and not so much about frustration with a task, specifically). And in those cases, I always divert to positive discipline and respectful parenting strategies. I always try to validate those feelings and remain present (or at least nearby if they don’t want my physical presence during the tantrum), while holding the space open for them to process their emotions in their own time. We must remember that it’s okay (and healthy!) for them to cry when they need to release those big feelings, and there’s no need for us to do anything to “fix“ it - only to remain present to support them through it. And when the tantrum is over, and they are back to a calmer frame of mind, only then is it appropriate to address the situation and try to coach them about what happened or to redirect them to a new activity. I go into a lot more detail about this in my positive discipline videos, as well as in my e-course. Links to all of those things are in the description box! :) Hope this helps!

[@patislittlenest]

@@HapaFamily Thank you for taking your time and answering. I know you are very busy. I actually have seen all your videos because I really like and appreciate them. It was good to remind me about the techniques. But I don't remember any advice about hitting or kicking others or hurting themselfs during a tantrum. I don't understand that behaviour because we NEVER spanked or so our child, never used any kind of violence against him or anybody else ( I mean being a bad model/example ) Maybe I need to watch them again. Also thank you to all the others who let me know their ideas...i also had the idea to try sign language with my second child which is just a newborn right now. And hopefully my toddler will also pick up a bit of it even if it's maybe a bit late.

[@DarlingKaya]

omg i cant wait to watch this ive been waiting for more vids lile this , tips on life like serious toddler life, about sleep problems, poop problems dispers heeeelp

[@racheleschoellhammer5850]

Thank you, Ashley! Very helpful video-once again! My 24-month-old gets easily frustrated when she can’t complete something on her own right away. She acts determined, but then easily gives up. I try to encourage her and give her materials that are not too challenging, but I also try hard not to step in to help right away. Any advice on how to build patience in my little one?

[@gabriellegb6922]

Great timing - I have a toddler exactly Mia's age! What I struggle with is that my daugther doesn't talk very well yet, she would much rather practice her motor skills than talking. And, they speak English at daycare while we speak French at home, which means I often have to think in both languages to figure out what she says! And she gets frustrated because we don't understand what she's saying :( I also don't know how much she understands when I talk to her, because she can't reply. It's hard to explain to a toddler that's it's ok for them to be frustrated when you have no idea if they understand!

[@sirdidymus6209]

Hi, just want to assure you that she understands everything. Believe in her and she should believe more in herself, xx

[@zhyldyzkypchakbaeva8574]

Thank you for this video. Other day, my 3 years old daughter wanted to wear tights. I put on her one leg and other leg she wanted to put on herself. I let her to try, she was not able to wear and got frustrated and started to cry and scream. I offered help, I showed her how wear by putting on my own tights, nothing worked. She was too upset to do anything, she didn't want my help. It was heartbreaking. So I stepped in because it lasted for about 20 mins or more. I felt bad, but later my daughter said she cried because she wanted to put her tights herself. I explained her that next time she will do it by herself. I really hope this will not happen again.

[@vivianpolikar4446]

How to incentive that your child tries by herself instead of giving up or immediately asking for your help? Thank you for videos!!

[@jackie4114]

I had the same issue where my little one wasn't interested in trying. You could try asking things like, "Who should take off your socks, Adam or Mama?" but another phrase that worked well for little tasks was, "Mama can do it. Can Adam do it?" And I'd be saying that while doing the thing. This second phrase came from an Eric Carle book where different animals were doing actions then it asks if you can do it. Ex. Gorilla thumps his chest. Can you do it? And we would say, "Gorilla can do it. Mama can do it. Adam can do it." as we're each doing the actions. Hope that helps!

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

The general advice is to offer as little help as possible like getting the tips of her feet into the legs of the trousers then its her turn to do the rest until she needs another small bit of help until she can do the next step. So you do only a little bit to get started and then saying you can do the next part then I'll help with the back of the trousers. Another tip from me is to say you can do it and if she looks at me give a hint but don't do it yourself. Also try these things for the first time when they are interested and najee it part of the routine that you offer help partially only.

[@ashleyw7718]

our toddler is 17 months, and has been throwing these types of frustrated fits since she was able to do anything with her hands... It started making me so anxious early on that I would manipulate the game in order to make it slightly easier for her (which I wish I never did), but it's literally like the SECOND she tries to pull something and there's even a slight resistance (like toy rescue with painters tape etc.) she looks at me with a worried face and says OH NO!!!! and then cries out hysterically and turns her back to it. If I say "that's ok, let's try again!" and it gives her resistance again, she REALLY gives up. This is not a scenario where the games are too hard. It's ANYTHING that isn't immediately easy. It could be opening a door that gets caught on a rug. It could be a toy not being at the right angle to fit into a box. It's so hard because sometimes I let her fail 3 or 4 times and by then she's in FULL meltdown mode and she won't touch the toy again. Like ever. I don't know what to do to support her!

[@JL14858]

Thanks for this! I get frustrated with my 4yo who still wants me to do a lot of her cares for her (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc) while she is independent with other caregivers. Also she flat out refuses to go to the toilet at home. For other people she is fine. Thanks for explaining that!!! Could be she's jealous of the attention her 18mo sibling gets.

[@XXValiuXX]

You read my mind!!

[@lazybonesolga]

My child is almost never frustrated with doing activities, because he usually drops it after two failed attempts. So it is always very tempting for me to help him, hoping that maybe he will get into it, if I help him along the way.

[@JessiBubble]

I seem to have the opposite issue. My 34 month old just gives up sooooo easily - if she can't do it immediately she just yells at me that she can't do it and that she needs help. And I don't want to ignore her asking for help but gentle ''I believe in you, lets have another try together'' just gets met with a sour face and a whiny ''I caaaaaaaan't'' I spend my life frustrated.

[@angel-vu7ff]

Please reply to my message. My daughter is 2 years old. I have tried my best to let her do things her way. But since a while now she gets frustrated over little things very easily and throws a tanturum. For example she wants to cut salad and the cucumber falls she cries soo much and keeps asking me to fix everything. Even if I give her space and let her solve things she keeps saying mum you do it on everything. She wants to colour I get everything ready she says mum you do it. She wants everything perfect and her own way even if the curtains are moved and she doesn't want her she throws a tanturum. When she is crying I ask her if she is ok she screams more.I don't know where I am going wrong and how to deal with her. :(

[@tlllastars]

Hi Angel, if you’re really looking for Montessori aligned advice / opinions, can try joining the Montessori fb group for 0-3. It’s a wonderful and interactive global community. All the best =) For me, when my toddler is in “Mama do it” mode, I will make it into a taking turns thing. Eg. Mama take yellow crayon, what color do you want? Mama draw a line here now your turn. Then I’ll praise her for her effort. or, oops the cucumber fell down, can you please pick up for mama and mama will put it back? If she ask me to fix sth I’ll ask her to let’s fix it together. If she is in a meltdown for a ‘failure’ I will just tell her it’s ok lets fix it together. I’ll mostly take the lead and i let her observe. Basically to me, modelling is key. I’ll just do it but encourage her to also join in. One day when she’s ready, wallaaaahh she just started doing =)

[@angel-vu7ff]

Thank you soo much for sharing some amazing advice. I really appreciate it. :)

[@beverleybarnes5656]

@@tlllastars o

[@yamunajolicoeur2807]

When my son was 2 I was at a dog beach and there was an elder woman with dog throwing a ball .My son grabbed the ball and wanted to throw it but was holding on to it for some time I grabbed the ball from his hand and threw it for him and the elder women said with anger I hate when people don't give the chance he was just about to throw it. I was very embarrassed and checked myself not getting angry back to her and told her ,im so sorry you are so right what was I thinking the elder was surprised I checked myself and became very nice friendly to me I felt bad and I will always be grateful for that elder and it taught me to really listen to elder advice. What your saying here is VERY IMPORTANT ADVISE my son is now 9! 😃🥂❣💃

[@konstantinblok503]

Ashley, you had a great video with some real life examples on how to handle tantrums and frustrations. Could you make another video like that ?A day in the life that would show us how you handle some specific difficult situations?

[@practice.montessori.athome6933]

That's was extremely helpful ashley... Now a days, I have started to notice my 14 month old has started creating more mess at home, always pouring the water down, throwing food or biscuits around.. Always moving and moving, pulling all things down.. Also when he is not getting what he wanted, he keeps on shouting and making so much of noise.. He stops at times when he is diverted, but many times he keeps on crying until he is given .. The same thing happens for going out.. He points his fingers to go out many times in a day.. When he is not taken, he keeps crying.. can u suggest few ways how to handle such feelings?

[@constancemaymiller]

Such good advice but so difficult to follow! 😂

[@fatimazehralilani1525]

Hi Ashley! I have a 23 month old who is showing tantrums lately. I try to keep my cool and distract her when she asks for things that are out of a yes zone or sometimes it is just not ok to be done. But she has started hitting me and throwing things around her as a way of showing her anger. I am so confused and out of options as to how to deal with this new behavior politely. Any advice or ideas will be highly appreciated.

[@MonkMaxwell]

Thanks for another great video! I wish I watched this video a few months back because I may have stepped in too fast for a while now. Now whenever my 17M old daughter (also a hapa kid 😊) can’t complete or make progress on a task, she immediately says “Mama” and asks for my help, even before she shows frustration. I now try to help as little as possible but she asks for my help again the moment she gets stuck. And she also gets frustrated if I encourage her to try again or try different ways instead of helping. Do you have any advice on how I can slowly adjust this habit of asking for help? Thank you!

[@carole5648]

i have the opposite problem, my toddler won't do anything by himself, he asks for help immediately even with things i know he can do. i feel like i messed this up early on, and now i don't know how to fix it.

[@inouk_hay]

Hi Ashley! First of all thank you so much for sharing basically all your life with us and helping us with ours 😊 I've been thinking about emailing you but I'll try here first. Our daughter is 21 months old and whenever she gets angry, she starts throwing everything that's under her hand. Honestly we don't know what to do anymore. I can't even put my thoughts together right now to give you more details. Yesterday she did the same become she didn't want to finish her food and she started throwing it. We had a very frustrated evening and it's hard to recover after those moments. It's like you feel that you fail as a parent. Will you please share any kind of information that might help us? We would've forever greatful 🙏🤍

[@jingxu3192]

if she doesn't want to finish her food, and throwing the food, it normally means that she really done with the food, and it might be easier to just let her leave the food.

[@sujugurung3781]

Dear Ashley, My toddler asks for help but when I help, he starts getting frustrated. He is just about Mia’s age and he says as much as Mia. What do I do then?

[@moonwvr7252]

She answered your question at 10:11.

[@sujugurung3781]

Thanks! That’s exactly what I noticed whatever she said!

[@jinawatts666]

Hi I had a question of how to teach a adopted 3 year old to stop swearing that they learned from someone else raising with them then being giving a Montessori parent and wants to stop them from doing this?

[@crydropsonroses]

What do you do if the child insists on you doing things for them, that you know they can do by themselves? Or if they ask for your help with a task, but really just want you to do it for them? How do I encourage them to keep trying to do things by themself?

[@AD-tu2pc]

Hello Ashley, thanks for these tips! I’m a mother of 2 little girls, 2 and 4 years old. My younger daughter was always quite needie and demanded more attention, she takes her time learning new things. My older daughter was always very independent, but since the arrival of her sister she tends to ask for a lot more attention, and demands my help almost all the time. She feels very frustraded when she doenst fulfill her tasks and asks for help immediatly... i try to reassure her, and propose alternatives that i know she can do on her own. But either way she wants me to do it with/for her. How do i break this chain of dependency? Do you have any tips?

[@AB-yy9iz]

So if my toddler ( 22mo) throws the toy/block I don’t have to correct that? Whenever they are frustrated they trow something, is it a phase? Or should I teach a better way to express frustration?

[@tbwhisperer]

Thank you for your vidoes. I have a 3 year old (and 5 yr old) who ive tried to give her patience and let her do things, but probably not as much as i should have. Lately she has been very clingy and refuses to do most things, insisting she needs my help even with the most basic tasks and refusing help from anyone else. Im feeling lost and not sure how to respond to her fits if im not constantly helping her/holding her hand. Thank you for any advice!

[@tbwhisperer]

Also I feel like I've gotten pretty good at validating her emotions so I'm trying to continue that... even though it doesn't seem to help.

[@radiumtam]

What if they turn to you for help in the first instance? We try to encourage him to try again if he doesn't succeed the first time but he would insist on asking for help.

[@kirairizarry]

Idk, sometimes I feel like nowadays these things are thought over way too much. I hardly remember my life as a toddler, and don’t think these little nuisances would have affected me that much. Now when a child is older I can understand. Following these ways does not guarantee a good adult. All children are different and take different influences in life. Some from parents and sometimes through piers. As long as you’re trying your best, I wouldn’t put this much pressure on yourself. It’s content like this that adds on to the mom guilt. Just want to note that I do enjoy these videos and I keep them in mind, but overall I don’t feel as this is not best for all.

[@andreeaaladu9728]

I don’t know if I can remember most of this... I wish I would

[@gucia86]

When my 2 years old toddler approaches me and says "mommy help please" I know I'm in trouble. Whatever I do with her toy (she handled me) she starts screaming and jumping with a tantrum. I have no idea how I should handle this and how to answer to her request to avoid the tantrums.

[@roosal729]

You don't need to avoid tantrums, they are normal and a good opportunity to accept their feelings and feel closer afterwards. Ik I fail at this when I feel tired but when I do it's great. She might have things building up and how you handle the toy has nothing to do with the need to let go and cry. "The more we welcome our children's displeasure, the happier everyone in our household will be."

[@austincombs4521]

How to you handle when kids throw things out of frustration? Also, how about when they want to for example “click themselves in their high chair” and don’t want our help, but they giggle and make it a game but intentionally delaying clicking in

[@adinaciudin326]

How about the situation when you let them try to do what they want to do themselves (put pants on for example) and they get so frustrated that they begin hitting themselves? 😞 I feel like I cannot just let my daughter do that for the sake of avoiding to interfere..

[@Moderne.husmor]

Just wondering, why do you use pictures of other people in your thumbnails? 🤔

[@bhavaninataraj1031]

Ashley, your videos are always so timely honestly.. it's creepy. I feel like you're in my head 👀

[@bhavaninataraj1031]

But it could also be the fact that everything you post about is so relevant and so helpful. You're amazing for sharing all of this with us here so clearly and concisely. Thank you so so so so much 🥰🥰🥰

[@t0ast_164]

Haha I’m late this time :p

[@Taylor-xo8nv]

Toddlers are actual cavemen 😂😂😂 as a nanny I mirror emotions and speak more simple and repeat verbally his frustration until he knows I seen him. Then I redirect. “Frustrated! Frustrated! Mick want book.. mick want book..” he now can name his emotions and we get to lol at be acting like a caveman after it’s over 😂😂

[@Taylor-xo8nv]

Used voice text but I think the point is clear