Mountain Bike Trail Names Are Weird

This is why I don't ask for directions.
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Closed captioning (CC) available in English, French, German, Spanish (Latin) and Chinese (Traditional).
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Directed by Matt Dennison
Written by Jason Lucas, David Wiggins, and Matt Dennison
Edited by David Wiggins
STARRING
David Milchard as Hiker
Jason Lucas as Biker
CREW
Cinematography & Colour: Leo Hynes
First Assistant Camera: Roshan Beaven
Sound Recordist: Alonso Recavarren
Sound Designer: Charlie Hernández
Tags: north shore, mtb, mountain biking, funny, trail names, how to be a mountain biker, Mahalo my dude, double black diamond, bike trails, mtb rider, comedy video, single track

[@ifhtfilms]

Name your trail below. 👇

[@SYSSMouse]

*looks for the trail names in Trailforks*

[@kaeptnjoker]

Trail names around here aren't as creative, but we do have one called "Canadian", thought that might be interesting to you ;)

[@Vanadium]

DarkStone, Skull,Farytrail, Borderline and a lot of German names :D

[@donaldolucianolopez]

Tower 5, Four and a half and amphitheater xD

[@Witeout88]

Let's be honest, Severed D was the inspiration for this vid

[@BoxCarBoy12]

The most hilarious trail name I've seen is a double black down in socal called "Six Kids, No Brain"

[@mtbohana]

I ride that trail in San Clemente

[@thundercarrot179]

Oh no

[@jackboswell99]

There’s some history there

[@haiironezumi]

Make an extreme/double black+ and call it "Size kids, full insurance"

[@Mikesonbikes]

Orinoco flow is one of my favorite names lol

[@aurieamoore5823]

I think one of my most ironic moments mountain biking was when i went out on a ride with my boss and coworkers down a trail called unemployment line.

[@ThePACman69420]

one of the best blue flow trails ever.

[@jonatanperez9389]

currently riding that one myself and I love it

[@michael.finally]

The "Therapy" trails on Eagle Mountain fit right in. Couples Therapy, Shock Therapy, Physiotherapy, More Therapy, etc.

[@TheGeoffreyDyck]

dentist

[@xColter]

Raging river in washington we have a trail called Physical therapy

[@cbailey2376]

Sounds like mtn bikers have a lot of relationship issues...??? 😮

[@martinsavard42]

The most unrealistic thing about this video, is a hiker being friendly to a biker.

[@SnootchieBootchies27]

And the hiker knowing all the bike trail names!

[@LongLiveEnduro]

Unbelievable for non Canadians, but quite common in BC, as I can tell from personal experience...

[@Finnspin_unicycles]

@@LongLiveEnduro BC rules. I should move there, fantastic trails, chill people, only complaint is the rain and I would learn to live with that.

[@SsmAnyfeSt]

​@@Finnspin_unicyclesand grizzlys. And cougars. But not the good one! ;)

[@connorrobinson5107]

I’ve only ridden the North Shore in BC, but I haven’t encountered an unfriendly hiker or trail runner in almost a year of riding.

[@crazycjk]

So which trail leads to the good type of cougars? Asking for a friend..

[@magnusstuff]

I meet a lot of people when biking... Nurses mostly. 🤔 So... Double diamond trails?

[@MatveyAndreyev]

Tell that friend that riding bikes > good cougars

[@gammelgemse]

@@magnusstuff how do you know? Do you stop every time and ask random hikers what they do for a living? 🤔

[@comeridewithmeAE]

The Forest service is trying to change it, but one of my favorite local trails is Death Crotch

[@ifhtfilms]

Sounds flowy!

[@paulkahlke2291]

I would like to get familiar with that trail

[@cbailey2376]

Time to see a doc... that sounds nasty, ms Jackson. 😂

[@mrvwbug4423]

@@ifhtfilms It's a tight, techy, somewhat steep jankfest best ridden on something with less than 29in wheels. Assuming they're talking about the one I know in SE Wyoming.

[@mrvwbug4423]

Are we talking about Death Crotch in Medicine Bow in SE Wyoming? On that subject, is Goat Trail finally going to get grandfathered, someone went to the trouble of rebuilding all the woodwork and building an exit line last year.

[@codak604]

First trail I rode when moving to the North Shore was Severed Dick, and the first trail I rode in Nelson was Legalize It!

[@loisbeigli]

Is severed still there? Used to ride it in the '90s alot from Lynn valley and the cove

[@cbailey2376]

Probably how they got that condition....too much legalize it. 🤪

[@JT_16]

I guess some buddies built a trail and didn't know what to call it, so the sign at the top reads: "I Don't Know" (double Black)

[@distinguisheddjentleman8081]

Shoutout to Eric Clapton for being so kind as to play the hiker in this sketch! Absolute legend Edit: He looks good for his age.

[@ifhtfilms]

He wouldn't stop playing Layla between takes.

[@andersonsridebikes]

@@ifhtfilms It eases his worried mind

[@DavidMilchardandKenLawson]

Thank you! I actually i have a music comedy act called Citizen Hurricane!

[@CaliradoKid]

"8 year olds do that trail." 😂

[@mrvwbug4423]

8 year olds ride Dirt Merchant too haha

[@NeillNorcal]

Severed Dick in North Van is my favorite name of all time.

[@ifhtfilms]

Severed Dick was the inspiration for the video. That and c*nt buster!

[@missiontwa8340]

This is a certified instant classic. Best part, it's real.

[@williamtroost6663]

Great video and concept. I think my favorite name is a trail at Whistler called "Why Johnny Can't Read".

[@johnnydoe66]

My favorite trail name to this day, "Your Mom." Just saying, "I'm riding Your Mom" is so childish, but so funny.

[@gravityjunkie47]

There is a pair of trails near Marquette, Michigan that are named Your Sister and Your Mom. Yeah childish but also quite funny.

[@Twowheeledchaos]

Jimmy’s Mom

[@cbailey2376]

How abt a trail called your brother &/or your dad....something for the ladies? Just saying. 😂

[@ThePACman69420]

@@Twowheeledchaos I rode Jimmy's mom.

[@megavore97]

Some of the trails at my local network are called “Harry Dimeslot”, “Flowjob” and “Dixie” (short for Dixie normus)

[@gregonater]

Got to thank the Cove bike guys for paving the way for not only the sport, but great names of trails and bikes that will never be repeated.

[@JohnDeere165HydroOfficial]

This explained life better then school ever could...

[@ianzinnerphoto]

100% 🤣

[@justmakingtea1352]

Double Black DH run - “Pillowfight Giggles” Green flow - “Accidental Castration”

[@oscarpreuss2347]

I love some of the trail names over in Wellington NZ. Yea Gnar Wha Out Deliverance Chur-No-Bull

[@daltonknapton]

Theres a trail in Kelowna called Therapist or The Rapist, depending on who you talk to

[@joshuawrigley9059]

“8 year olds do that trail” is a phenomenal line in this video 😂

[@Mikesonbikes]

One of the ones I built at work this winter is a green called Orinoco flow, and the other is a blue jump trail called Renegade Gulch lol. The names come after weeks of slapping dirt! lol

[@NoBrakes23]

"Sail away, sail away, sail away!"

[@atikinvokamre3356]

I'm riding Austrian trails so they're usually named something like 'Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän'

[@jinngeechia9715]

There is a cycling ramp that is purposefully built to cross a major highway in Singapore in the west. The ramp was nicknamed the Dildo Ramp on Strava. 🤣You got to see it overhead on the maps as to why it is so named.

[@rutlandcitybikes9729]

That was a great laugh before bed!! Thanks!

[@DavidMilchardandKenLawson]

Thanks IFHT! It was super fun making this vid!

[@ifhtfilms]

Thanks David, you're a shining 🌟

[@bolillo5013]

Love this throwback style

[@carlholman2993]

Favorite trail (decent name) is kissing booth in Duluth mn. Minneflowta (referencing hockey hair) is one of my favorite names up here!

[@GrafRamolo]

Near me is a jumping trail called Porco Rosso. If you know you know.

[@gkornelson]

There's a trail behind an oil pipeline pump station called Stinky Dick where I live. Trails became sanctioned and they changed the name to Smelly Richard, which might be better.

[@DynamicistDante]

"Ruptured Rectum"... Holy Shit!!! hahaha 🤣

[@Pyjamas22]

There was a jump trail at a park I used to go to called "Sofa King"

[@ifhtfilms]

Sofa King what?

[@sixty2612]

Best ones I can think of are Baby Jesus, Cow Pies, Hernia, Prison Camp, Cowboy Slickrock, and Dog Food. Also randomly got a 4th place on a Strava segment called Gravel Stripper’s Club the other day.

[@PeterCPRail8748]

That was a mastery of storytelling 😅😂😂😂😂

[@DanArnets1492]

Most trails in the bikepark in Les Angles are named after Lord of the Rings stuff including Frodo, Aragorn, Gandalf and Isengard

[@ZeeBri]

We had one in Les Arcs called Axe Wound

[@mtbohana]

I love how the trail names are telling the story of some guys' horrible life. I hope one day he gets to build a trail called "She likes to blow me daily and pays for all my mountain bikes." My trail system would start off with AM boner followed by Quick Fap and lead into PRD. That's pre ride dump for the people that don't know.

[@squarelanguage]

Widowmaker and Prenup at Lunch Loops in Grand Junction would have fit perfectly into this story.

[@ITCHI2K]

IFHT WITH ANOTHER BANGER VIDEO

[@TFossett]

It's about motherfuckin time you guys made another video!!!

[@avocadotoast9489]

You guys are so lucky to be in B.C. A true MTB paradise

[@ryanlafferty9874]

Not for long, we are rapidly losing all of our trails in the lower mainland and the only protected trails seem to be in very high col locations where a small home will easily run you over 1m. In the next few years we are going to lose multiple trail systems for mc mansions. Ledgeview, most of cypress, a solid chunk of Burke to name a few on the chopping block. Seymour and Fromme are protected but good luck battling shore traffic if you want to hit those. Nothing like a solid hour to clear a single exit. Interior of BC seems a lot better but then you’ll have to deal with fires constantly. Island is also solid but then the ferry becomes an issue if you can’t find local or remote work. Washington definitely seems like the better place to be these days. Still PNW but life is far more affordable and they seem to care a lot more about their trails rather than bulldozing them for vacant vacation properties and trading assets.

[@seagulls4life12]

Human bean sauce is a classic in Santa Cruz California

[@nyswbbullpenboy]

So Vancouver it’s time for PLAYOFFS!

[@mattwest2391]

Bloody classic!! You guys are good! “Throw The Goat” is a classic! 🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽

[@TinyTrailsedits]

There are 2 funny trail names in my area one is a double black called monkey spanker and the other is called pickle tickler

[@MrFreerideForever]

That was awesome!! 🤣 A nice hiker!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@gravelben]

One of my frequent riding areas has a couple of good ones, Moist Groove and Sphincteric Fortitude.

[@alejoush]

we need more of these awesome videos !!!

[@dimensionsofearth]

He lists so many trails just to get to easy peasy! I never thought about trail names being wierd... Names like ripped nipple, satans crack, mach chicken, sphincter, predator, dirty deeds, elaphantitis, hand grenade and Janets jungle.

[@bermchasin]

i dont think it is actually a real trail system

[@paigeturner4425]

Close to a mental hospital is a trail called Borderline, we hiked up there just to take a picture with the sign 😅

[@karlosxzy]

A trail in Western Australia is called "Busted Nuts" 😂

[@bestdayevermtb2]

We have lots of creative trail names in NZ, but they are now sanitizing a lot of them. For example, Booty Call, One night stand, Hand job, G banger and two hoes have all had their names changed.

[@shamewizard3187]

I can't think of a reason why they would do that haha

[@cbailey2376]

...and those are tame names!

[@MTBBradley]

Made my day, 100%. Haha

[@dandup570]

Let's not even get started on Strava segment names. Like one around where I live that passes by a dozen wedding venues called "Don't get married".

[@joeytrimble21]

There’s a trail in Cameron Park Waco, TX called “Erect”

[@kayakingisnotacrime]

Can't beat the North Wales classics - Jizzlobber and Pink Sick Bear. But does anyone know what GMFB stands for?

[@thelittledancingwolf863]

I like the trail name "slim shady" up here

[@splooshmtb]

We've got a local trail named David Hasselhoff's Balls, so there's that one.

[@aguywhogames1696]

There is one at my local called Happy Yummy Fun Trail

[@svenjamsa1824]

Best trail names are Jugs and D-Cups (Right next to eachother in Santa Cruz)

[@fangxx456]

A local favorite: Swam Pass

[@ridesingletrack]

I think he missed Angry Pirates in there somewhere, but otherwise that guy knows the whole trail network.

[@Bjjmtb]

I’m dying! So dark, so funny

[@gopro_vlogs]

there is this little under cover thing we made with some sticks, rope and tarps and we call it the crack shack

[@maxromney6585]

Vasectomy ridge is a good one

[@roamtim]

Haha, nicely done!

[@atraildog]

Slappin Backside Trail in Michaux State Forest PA

[@jprelock]

Apparently there's a segment around here called Crooked Hilary. Thought that was funny regardless of opinion. I thought of this topic a little while ago when I mused it would be "funny" if a trail was named Changed Feature.

[@n.b.6175]

Cannot forget Dead Campers.

[@muhammadfarisbinmohdharis6707]

Trail names that i've come across : boner, clenched sphincter. The name boner is not what you think. It's short for bone rattling 😂

[@cbailey2376]

Is there one called 'last will & testament'? 😮

[@jonathanmatthews4774]

EPIC.

[@jan_bsk3087]

The official Trails in my Area all have boring normal names (Germany, northern Black Forest)

[@sethcollins7717]

There is a trail at the local hill called commitment issues

[@noahray1496]

We have Sofa Kingdom. So fa-king dom Say it fast My name is inigo Montoya Prepare to die Bent femur Easy Monday Little moab

[@grizzkid795]

Gosh, I thought Obliterated Scrotum connected directly into Ruptured Rectum. I'll have to check the park map again.

[@grizzkid795]

I checked the maps. I was wrong- It's Mutilated Nutsack that ties directly into Ruptured Rectum.

[@1212dsc]

Back Door to Berth Canal to Big Bertha. 😂

[@chimps4gimps]

Brilliant! 😂👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@KahluaBomb]

"Heart attack Hill" "Cardiac Bypass" "Thrillium" "Bad Motor Scooter" "Spaghetti Factory" "Sister Wife" "Toilet Bowl" "Quid Pro Flow" "Two Turn Tables and a Microwave" "Little Monkey"

[@porta_patrols]

yeah!

[@shadowhunterevil8214]

Best trail name so far was "Ü30" which means über 30 , or only for ppl over 30 was pretty funny

[@lux-3001]

tell me you're from Deister without telling me you're from Deister.

[@shadowhunterevil8214]

@@lux-3001 yoo awesome! Im not directly from there, but my uncle lives in barsinghausen, so whenever we are there, we ride together!

[@johndavis3938]

Amazing trail!

[@BigWarningSign]

At Hartland we have one called Organ Donor 💀💀

[@Yhigma]

I do enjoy Predator near Seattle

[@JB50713]

"Your Mom". Let's ride Your Mom. Your Mom was fun to ride. Riding Your Mom was rowdy.

[@nichivaikuse890]

it's pretty much the exact same thing with climbing routes haha

[@NoBrakes23]

Would love to make a trail deserving of the name Gnarnia, but they beat me to it up in Exeter

[@cornishcactus]

No Angry Midget? Punniest trail near me is Bermiture World, a play on Furniture World.

[@jaxwagen4238]

What a glorious day

[@DarwinHorvath]

not gonna lie this seems like a great trail system

[@ethanrevitch]

So true

[@electrontube]

is this guy giving me directions or my horoscope?

[@ickypolarbear9155]

LMAO 💀😭

[@lewiscaple466]

Looks like a session

[@3than369]

A few of the trail names near me in maryland: pantyline, blue balls, creampie

[@jbdbsb]

The names are weird because, we, Mtn bikers are adolescence at heart. So, yeah......weird names

[@donaldolucianolopez]

Tower 5, Four and a half and amphitheater xD

[@frank7328]

When will how to be a return

[@D00MER_]

Wait till you find out about the French trails that use play of words 😂