I've Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking & It's Time For Change

[@LoneVaultWanderer]

To everyone asking, Matty is just taking a break, which is why he hasn't uploaded. Don't stress :)

[@nateb4758]

Thanks Lone, lol, just asked you on your channel.

[@ravenvane2227]

LoneVaultWanderer Thank God.

[@LoFiSymphony]

Thanks. I was sliding all around his video looking for what the actual announcement was and couldn't find it.

[@JuiceHead3]

This is really interesting. I haven't been doing it quite as long as you, but this past summer for 3 or so months I was like okay I'm going to do KZbin full time. Leading up to it I thought "hell yeah this is going to be great, my content will improve etc." In reality by mid-July I was miserable and I feel the exact same way. Doing KZbin and nothing else was really unhealthy for me and having something else (for me school atm) creates a much healthier balance.

[@iv_9996]

JuiceHead hi juice

[@Glen67z]

I am really considering making a KZbin side career, what was it that made you feel this way? Just too much of the same thing?

[@BlahDeBlah]

JuiceHead 2

[@cooperjones7206]

tell us everything you know about F4NV project right now.

[@projectvzero]

JuiceHead I've been watching you both since your beginnings, mostly do to fallout... but fallout kinda fell out. Make this out as a learning experience. You guys are young and are already ahead for the average person your ages.. don't think of us as your priority but as your friends who like to hear your run down on topics. Like you said matty always set higher goals, never settle for less. I know you want to make us happy but I'm not happy if your not. Bella ciao .. your agony is your triumph...

[@w1zdum914]

we need animal rescue vlogs matty

[@whiteout0111]

Ricky Spanish idubbbz already did it

[@itkermit0074]

Username- unknown so? Just because one person does it “first doesn’t mean others can’t.

[@whiteout0111]

It'Kermit 007 because they aren't good? The only way it works is if they're gag videos, similar to idubbbz. And even those are mediocre. Mrmattyplays isn't a comedy channel, it wouldn't be entertaining.

[@w1zdum914]

don't be such a negative Nancy

[@itkermit0074]

Username- unknown this feels more like an opinion.

[@thecapacitor1395]

Been here since Survivor 2299, do what you need to do. We'll still be here to support you mate :)

[@jeverlastgaming8092]

That's what drew me here as well. It was spreading and I wanted info on if it was true or not. He has been fairly accurate.

[@brandonabrego8073]

Oof it's been that long. Matty's been with me since Elementary now almost into college.

[@FalloutNerd27]

Crazy how long it's been. I started watching then too and I was still a kid. Now I'm a grown ass dude in college. I basically grew up alongside this channel.

[@josebolivar1112]

Oh the memories

[@fernandobarragan8074]

Same

[@Krongfah]

You’re a transparent content creator? Why can I still see you then?

[@ritterderkokosnuss9468]

Krongfah Mahankalarp wtf

[@BlueBeetle1939]

You can see him!?

[@freejones9129]

Krongfah Mahankalarp wtf are you talking about I mean it's an ambitious decision to film an empty chair with a voice over

[@racaldana1922]

worst joke ever

[@Krongfah]

king doms Holy shit, does this mean I have a super power or something?!

[@Saint_Ixtab]

I wish i had your ambition and energy, personally i'm lazy and i just want to have a peaceful easy quiet life.

[@CPTNmonotone]

Man, I feel you, I dropped out of college after a year of not taking it seriously, and ever since I've just been dragging along , working my job and playing video games, but it's just not satisfying, you need to find something to occupy your free time that makes you feel like your accomplishing something, keep it up Matty, you kick ass!

[@KopiTheKitten]

I see exactly where you’re coming from. In a sense, you’ve already accomplished the goal of having KZbin as a career. Something a lot of people, which I’m sure includes yourself, would yearn to do for a long time. When you’re going after a more traditional job, you don’t find yourself in the ideal position you want until later on in life. In KZbin’s case, you’re just going up but it’s all the same in the sense that the only challenge (besides rolling the demonetization dice) is keeping a schedule in uploading. You’ve done a great thing in accomplishing something as fulfilling as establishing a career for yourself, which is a general goal for anyone. I can understand how, when done at a younger age, one can feel unfulfilled, simply because there is so much free time to do more. I can relate to your situation somewhat, as I have a lot of things in mind as to what I want to do. At the same time, I feel like time is being taken away as I sit in my room waiting for time to pass for whatever reason, whether it be for a new game to come out or to get out of school. I feel like I’m waiting my youth away. With all that being said, go for it Matty. You should find a new challenge and goal to accomplish. Why stop at KZbin? Sure, you’ve established yourself here. Now go do it somewhere else.

[@jarrubber]

Very well said.

[@joechinchar9833]

You're completely right about everything but you have to realize that even normal jobs can leave with the same feeling of under fulfillment. I just graduated high school and chose to, instead of going college, to enter the work force. So im no where near top of the rung in my construction job, but I still feel like everything I worked up to in highschool has been accomplished and that alot of the time im being useless. I've watched alot of jordan Peterson videos lately, I highly recommend you check him out. I think alot of us feel this burn out, especially creative people who's jobs aren't really creative. Like matty alluded to, you do need a balance of schedule and creative outlet. Watching youtube and playing games is fun but if you do what ive been doing for the last 8 months, basically work and play games/ youtube in your free time, then theres no creative outlet. It may sound corny, but setting goals, and setting aside time for relationships is really important, it gives your life alot more purpose, even if you're religious (as i am). But i think the most important thing that I've learned from any of this is that you cant half ass a decision to do something. If there's someone you wanna say something to or something you know you should be doing but aren't, itll just eat you up inside until you do it.

[@jeromecrum5713]

I remember finding you in 2014 cause of fallout 4 rumers

[@jaredsullivan9101]

same here lmao

[@mudcrabmenace8534]

I found the channel through an AC: Unity review in December 2014

[@jeromecrum5713]

Supertoaster Toasting yeah remember the survivor 2299 thing

[@mudcrabmenace8534]

I remember YongYea covered it too

[@jeromecrum5713]

Mudcrab Menace who is yongyea

[@That0neGinga]

This video really made me realise how long I've actually been subbed to you, I remember me and my best friend watching every single episode of your Legendary Weapons series back when Skyrim first came out.. I've been there for all those rants about your ex and how it affectes you, the rants about skipping school and how its a slippery slope and even all those videos you made talking about just feeling depresses in general... I hope you find something that really makes you feel fulfilled again man because you really do deserve it

[@Nomads_Respite91]

The only thing I can say, is make sure you still have lazy-days. Don’t over work yourself and remember to relax. I’ve personally almost died because of over working myself and exhaustion on a couple of occasions, and now, my health is nothing close to what it was. As I tell my other friends, “Your health comes first”. Good luck in this new venture my friend. I look forward to seeing what happens in this new year.

[@carthonasi9374]

Tell the truth Matty, you are planning to join the Sith and destroy a planet in all seriousness I understand, do whatever makes you happy

[@RK9ify]

*Carth seems like he wants to talk about something* "I don't wanna talk about it."

[@WatersAbove77]

RK9ify lmao

[@alanbeer117]

I really liked this video Matt, it's really good how you are being transparent with us and you are being very honest, happy new year Matty :)

[@Oplic296]

Thanks for sharing Matty. I'm sure a lot of people in their 20s feel the same way. I've also started writing a novel and boi is it a challenge, you'll have a blast with that. Happy New Year, here's to 2018. Hope you and everyone down here in the comments has a good year and pushes themselves!

[@Daniel-qv6fp]

I definitely know how you're feeling (I run my own businesses from home). The problem is that making videos for you has become so efficient that it feels like you're working a normal, robotic job. I wouldn't recommend going back to school and spending thousands of dollars just for something to do, but it would be beneficial for you to find some other things to do to fill your days more. If I were in your position, I would learn a skill that will actually benefit your channel, for example, graphic design. Find other things to do that will benefit your current career, which is KZbin. The things you need to learn however, cannot be directly linked to creating content, because that will be self-defeating for your situation. This is just what I would do if I were in your shoes!

[@lonepaladin1934]

I really commend you for speaking out on your mental health and being honest with your viewers. I'm in a similar situation right now, being on nearly month long break from college where I've formed bonds stronger than most all of my friendships in high school. You do what's best for you Matty, just hope we'll be able to see whatever the next chapter is in your life.

[@ethan-scott]

Hell yeah brother. I know exactly how you feel. Striking a good balance seems to be the key to enjoying life in my experience. I've struggled with it too. I actually quit school for awhile due to depression and stress, but then I realized I'm my time off that I was miserable with nothing to do. Excited for you, and I hope you find some awesome new ways to spend your time off of KZbin! Best of luck in the challenges ahead. You kick ass Matty. Love listening to your thoughts every day, and will continue to do so.

[@yeppumm1192]

On a side note, I think ever since you've started the podcast, you've gained a lot from a wise Karak, I can sense it in the tone of how you speak about games and other things, it's really cool!

[@whereta3097]

It's all over, but the crying

[@ardentparagon159]

I totally understand what you’re going through. I graduated high school early last week. No I’m not an overachiever with insane grades. It’s a long story but, I’m starting school in the fall so I got like 7 months until college. I thought this would be awesome at first but, it’s awful. I hate it and I’m only a week in. I’m trying to get a job to occupy my time and earn something for myself. Do what you need to, hell, take days off if needed to fulfill your life. I totally support youtubers not pumping out videos like they are entertainment slaves for me.

[@ipolarisi2381]

I feel you Matty. At the moment I'm in my first year of college and it's a real struggle, doing all the work and having enough spare time to spend with friends and on video games. It feels like I can't do anything to change it and I'm trapped in this constant, repetitive cycle. Hopefully it gets easier.

[@mudcrabmenace8534]

I’m a very small time KZbinr and I announced my retirement today, I’ve been on KZbin for about five years (inconsistently I might add) and even as a smalltime KZbinr you get burnt out on making videos so I completely understand...I never planned to do KZbin full time (its always been a hobby) and expected to quit around this time, but honestly announcing my retirement was a bit freeing lol...there is this pressure to make videos, and it does get repetitive... Completely understand where you’re coming from making this vid, I graduate from college next year...and feel I’m in need of a big change of pace honestly, gaming has disappointed me in recent times and is not what it once was and I’ve come to realize that I’ve become jaded with the whole cycle of gaming, a hopeful rumor ends up being false and then we often wallow in nostalgia to counter the disappointment, my fave developers arent what they once were (I’m looking at you Bioware and your decision to make Anthem...), I don’t think I’m going to outright quit gaming...but honestly 2018 is not going to be a gaming heavy year for me unless BGS release TES VI or some other game, or old Bioware or Obsidian somehow make a new Star Wars RPG, truth is most games these days are filler in the wait for these godly games lol, gaming for me has become what KZbin has become for you I guess Anyway, good luck to you in the future...maybe for 2018 you could start a Kotor 3/Star Wars RPG wishlist or a Battlefront 3 wishlist (revival)?

[@vault4054]

Great Video Matty As a person in their early 20's I totally understand the desire to follow your heart and passions, and the gift that all humans possess which is the art of reinvention

[@macklilley2242]

Never settle Matty! If you feel dissatisfied with your current lifestyle, make all efforts to change that, your loyal subs will be here for you all the way!

[@grimsleeper5945]

I completely understand what you are going through man. I also feel unhappy and unfulfilled when there is no challenge and variety in life. Being a student, I often look forward to the holidays, but during them I feel a sense of boredom and sadness that is only relieved when I go back to school where I can manage a balance of home life and life at school.

[@BloodRider1914]

I personally am traped in school and I just feel so trapped that I can't make any real difference in the world because I'm just a kid and I have to struggle through subjects I know I will never use (as well has being in numourous classes that are too easy but I have no option to get out of) but I have to learn to get a good job in the future. Meanwhile I feel that I am lacking new fulfilling experiences and that I am trapped in my hometown. I understand exactly what you have right now and I hope for the best

[@jaredsullivan9101]

Understand completely Matty. You do what you gotta do to be happy

[@JackdawYT]

I totally get you Matty! I'm only a small content creator on KZbin, but I too sometimes feel that dissatisfactory aspect to KZbin, fortunately for me I'm still in school/university, so I do have that element of challenge quite frequently, however it's great to hear how you're finding a way to work around that, that's something I'm going to be considering greatly when I finish school soon.

[@MikefromTexas1]

Jackdaw Journalism "Only a small content creator" Dude I've been watching you for so long! Love your vids! Super excited for the rest of this year!

[@JackdawYT]

Hahahaha! Thanks Stone Bull! Humbled by your words! :D

[@MikefromTexas1]

Jackdaw Journalism Thank *you* for your vids man!

[@crzces7500]

Jackdaw Journalism You want a challenge? Just keep trying to make your Mass Effect: Andromeda character look like you. I’m not sure if that’s a challenge or torture... “No no no, the face is too round, it looks like a deformed Ed Sheeran” *3 hours later* “Wtf, now it looks like Rick Astley”. Make sure there is plenty of liquor and no weapons in the house before you start.

[@JackdawYT]

My New Year's resolution was to never talk about Andromeda again, even in general conversation, seems I've already failed haha :D

[@Ahmed---f9291]

Hey man, I completely get you. I'm still in school, but even during 2-month summer breaks I feel really unproductive and that I could do more for myself and the world. Doing the same thing for a long time is also depressing for an ambitious mind like yours. Even if you decide to dedicate your time more to what makes you happier (i.e. decrease uploads) I say go for it. Best of luck, love you Matty

[@RVNT-XV7]

I've been through the same problem, so I fully understand where you're coming from Matt. Especially during December, where I was forced to take a break from work and the projects I liked doing, and it drove me crazy because I wasn't doing anything worthwhile or productive, and thought that I was just wasting away, stuck in one place without making any progress in my life . Still, I've finally been able to get back into doing the things I enjoy in life, so things have been much better for me now. Hope your situation will get better too.

[@repc465]

Smart choice Matty. We'll await you back full time while leaving vault 222 on 02-02-2020, after Fallout 5 launch ;-)

[@pumalicious9347]

I've felt similar in the past Matty. For me, something that helped me feel a sense of accomplishment or challenge was running. Its a high intensity activity that you need to work hard at in the moment, and once your run is over for the day, you feel great. I'd recommend you give that (or something like it) a go :)

[@Saved-by-Grace]

I know how you feel Matty, I'm not a person who can sit still. I am always working no matter what because its fulfilling, exciting.

[@ghostguch1007]

I can relate to this on a deep level. The only difference is I don’t feel like I’m working towards something I truly care about in my studies right now. I wish there was some goal I could genuinely be passionate about so I could work towards it while not feeling like I’m working towards something pointless. On the flip side sitting around doing nothing is just as bad

[@xmechaxdragonx]

Matty, thank you so very much for this video. Your problem (?) is a good one to have, and I can relate. I've been out of college for going on 5.5 years now, and I completely understand the place you're coming from. I wish you the best of luck in finding out what it is that will both challenge and encourage you to better yourself. I hope you share the results, and I enjoy it when you make videos like this on an occasional basis.

[@ArienDrakon]

Deffinately relate! I'm working to not feel worthless myself. We will get there! You will always have online friends here! Enjoy yourself and fight for whatever you are passionate about!

[@sergiotagle6027]

I hear you, in my case the older I become the bigger the need of transcending, for becoming wiser. Going even further. Thank you for being so honest with us

[@spectreofathens]

I know switching things up can be scary. At 30 years old, I'm about to leave six years in the military (I did random temp work and college before) to go back to college to get my game design degree, but as scary as the change is, I'm freaking excited too! It's yet another new place to live and I genuinely feel this is the path my life needs to take. I hope you feel the same pride in yourself and find what you are looking for. Also don't be afraid to take time off if you don't feel like it. The fans will still be here. The worst thing you can do for yourself and the fans is force out uninspired creations just because you feel you have to. Not that you have, but if you feel a burnout coming, take a breather.

[@renierschoeman421]

I’ve been struggling with major depression for 20 years and I know what if feels like to feel worthless. It takes a lot of effort to wake up everyday and having something that challenges you is the best way to get around it. Good luck and go for whatever you need to do.

[@someweeb4110]

Man I appreciate the video and your open minded/honestness. Seriously, do not let your ambition fade, not even that just your self happiness and fulfillment. You seriously helped so many people with this video man, take it easy easy everybody and happy New Years!!

[@TheSupremeSkill]

Maybe leisure doesn't suit you, or anybody, but I certainly don't feel too bad about it. Leisure makes you think and thinking is tough, but after a while you start to appreciate some very minor things in life. Working hard or having a job can also be fun, but like you practically said, it is so circumstancial. I went lazy somewhere in the end of elementary school and I'm still quite that. I really enjoyed my time in vocational school, but I was pretty lazy there aswell and had the same realization as you after it ended, that it was good for me to just be there, or so I think. Nowadays I don't care. I think we don't have to proove anything. Sometimes we do nothing special and sometimes we work hard. Neither make us worthy or deserving anything. What we happen to do in the end is intuitive. Worrying about stuff like this is bad though and there is a very thin line between planning and worrying. PS. Interested to see what material you bring up in 2018.

[@FishObreedy]

Dude everyone has that time to time. I have. You just need more variation. I've traveled a lot and had lots of experiences but I have also had moments of months of doing nothing... Just gaming and being bored at home etc without uni ... I understand. This year I want to do even more thrilling things to feel alive. I'm going around Europe 10 different countries and am worried and excited. I wanna rock climb. Build more money go to school etc etc you just need more of what gives u a purpose and living full. So don't worry dude. Also a girl helps ;)

[@ncrtrooper346]

Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter

[@Roarshyne]

This is great news. I've been a silent subscriber for awhile and I just want you to know that this is very good. I support your decision to further your life goals. Don't stop driving and striving. The HAM podcast and your reviews/news are my favorites and I hope you can improve those while also working on your personal goals (school, book, career). Have a great and ambitious 2018 Matty.

[@exiled5160]

matty gonna be prankin' homeless people

[@MapXilla]

I'm well aware of that feeling of being worthless that can creep in or totally take over. No one can give that to you, but just know that most of us think you're doing a great job and providing a positive and imformative atmosphere that's just really nice to see. Thanks for being you and sharing this with us.

[@grefsteel3989]

man, your situation sounds similar to mine and you word your thoughts crystal clear. I'm looking for new avenues and distractions so I won't feel worthless spending leisure time on something I generally like.

[@ianconnorlinnabary387]

IM LIKE THIS TOO!!! i thought that i was weird because i missed school because i was just gaming and going to the gym

[@forkyspoon2769]

I had the same feeling of worthlessness when I didn’t have a job or was at school. It’s a terrible feeling, like you’re just wasting your life away each day. I’m glad you’ve recognized how to get rid of that feeling Matty, here’s to to what the future holds 👍

[@JudgeDredd35]

I completely get you Matty, you do you! I have also felt very unfilled for a long time, hopefully this year when I start college, I will get that fulfilment. I hope you find yours in 2018!

[@Chilla221]

Fulfillment>>>>free time. Humans are meant to work and find meaning, that's when we function best. I'm much happier when I'm active and then able to feel like I earned my free time, much like you said.

[@nelsonraley]

Damn, this actually clarified a lot of what I’ve been trying to figure out recently. Thanks Matty, props for doing what you need to do and sharing your journey with us.

[@curvingfyre6810]

this was the most inspirational "work hard" shit ive heard outside of media/entertainment/fiction, or political leaders. noice.

[@vgJunkyard]

Do what you gotta do Matty. Happy New Year, take care.

[@imperator692]

Just rediscovered your channel, I was subbed since the beginning of the Fallout 4 speculation, do what you need to do man. Your fans fully support you.

[@spawncap9009]

School always seemed such a breeze. I'm old so there weren't many computer classes. While I was learning electronics, calculus, and engineering in school my hobby outside of school was teaching myself how to program and writing utilities and game software. The work (for me play) that I did outside of school was way more challenging than the classes in school. ENJOY school while you can, things can really go down hill after your out.

[@njnothere]

I feel you, but it sounds like you have a good plan, volunteering is a great idea, as well as expressing yourself in new creative ways through writing. It is a good way to vent, as someone who loves writing can confirm. Glad to hear your not leaving youtube as well, as i found you when the fallout craze happened, and you have been one of my favorite game news related youtubers to go to for the past several years! Go and find those challenges man! Fulfill that itch!

[@annajohansson3554]

If you’re looking for a sense of pride and accomplishment I know a game you can play... ;) Naah, all jokes aside I think most of us know the feeling you’re having, at least I do. That part about leisure vs work I really got where you’re coming from, working from home as a self employed web developer I came to the same conclusion a while ago. Best wishes for 2018, hope you find that something that’s missing for you!

[@Krongfah]

So, if understand correctly, you’ve been so successful with your KZbin goals to the point where it doesn’t fulfil you anymore. So now, you’re looking for a sort of an escape, something that can let you achieve a more fulfilling goal and also make KZbin more of a challenge to do in the meantime. Is this correct?

[@bigtownbiwwy509]

Yezzir

[@EoghanMcCarthy900]

After finishing college this summer and now looking for a career, I can relate to this man

[@raider6714]

Like holy shit, I've been following you for awhile and I must say, you're a true inspiration. I remember my friend and I would always ask each other if we'd seen your newest video back before Fallout 4 came out. The simpler times.

[@Soul_ant19]

I get you matty, at the moment i'm studying Games Art in uni (its one of the hardest things iv'e ever done, but it sure is rewarding) and i love to play video games. but now that i'm on break (3-4 months) i cant enjoy my leisure time because i don't feel like iv'e earn't it without the intense uni work. do what you have to do bud, find something you enjoy doing that's challenging enough to make youtube feel like a treat again :)

[@StraightUpIrishJames]

I believe in you man, your an awesome KZbinr and one of my favorites. I'll stand by no matter what you do.

[@rizey542]

i feel the same. whenever i have a lot of free time for a while(like semester break) i get depressed so i fully support your decision and i hope everything works out for you

[@actual_john_doe]

I feel exactly like this with my job. After school I got so fired up to finally work the job. The passion itself hasn't gone anywhere but I definitely need new challenges. I've got art and gym at the moment that give me sense of achievement, but I definitely need to start feeling that with the job as well. Maybe 2018 is time for some changes.

[@humpymcsaddles3696]

i am going through something similar myself at the moment. i've been stuck in the same position for the past 4 years. drinking, working, video games, porno. i've gained 15 pounds and my cholesterol is *not* freakn good. i moved back into my parents house in my late 20's and instead of saving money i basically squandered it so i am in almost the same position as i was then. i've got to do something different even if it means doing something drastic.

[@spacecanuk8316]

Hey Matty, it's all good man. When I got back from the army the first month or two was a much needed vacation but after that I struggled with the same issues while trying to find work, and probably will again once this temp work I'm doing now is done in a few months. We all need to do something hard to make us feel like we earned our time on the couch, I completely understand 100%. It helps to have something on the horizon as well like it sounds like with you, I'll be going to uni myself within the next couple years and I've got some exiting plans thereafter. It'll all work out sooner or later, in the meantime hopefully we can see that starfield game or something to help break up the slog. :D

[@IOeigo]

Awesome vid, man. I can completely relate. I experience the exact same kind of guilt during leisure times if I know the work and other interest parts of my life aren't moving along at a nice clip. Stay ambitious, dude. You're obviously a very mature, sharp guy and will do great things!

[@proxel96]

I can definitely relate to what you're saying Matty, as I'm sure many of us can. I'm in the final year of my undergrad degree, and in the summer I did allot of voulantry work. Just so I was not bored, and because it gave me some purpose. I'm carrying on with a job for the organisation I worked for now, during time when I'm not at uni (uk) and it's definitely worth the fulfilment. So I say go for It!

[@xNutted]

That means your an ambitious man matty I feel the same way you do from time to time . You just gotta keep yourself busy

[@Dowop]

matty everytime i see a video where you get personal with us you spark the ambition to get my channel on its feet. we look up to you man, thank you for your hard work.

[@jaynaylor3248]

I literally have a similar problem. Work so hard for my end of semester exams and pass then feel guilty the whole holiday after when I can relax and don't have to work because I just feel unproductive at not working.

[@Stellos812]

The best feeling you can get is the feeling from doing something you enjoy and overcoming challenges. Matty, you do what you need, man. I can understand, in a way, how you feel, and I won't stop supporting you. Do what you need to do, man.

[@joshuapeacock6507]

Man that's my biggest fear when I finish college is to get bored. Do what you got to do brother!

[@michaelreynolds8604]

You are an incredibly well spoken individual and I envy that as you have zero cuts in your video. That is pretty impressive to me. Keep doing what you're doing Matty.

[@6Tainted1370]

Just want to mention that I can't help but notice that absolutely bad ass Darth Vader poster on your wall.

[@SoilentBeef]

Hey Matty I have been a subscriber of yours sense I believe 6 years or so? It was back when you were doing Skyrim Videos the first of your I ever saw was the DawnBreaker video. You were in the Solitude dungeons or something I vaguely remember it. Anyways I graduated from High School in 2015 I attended College for around 3 or 4 months and decided I needed to take time off to rethink my life goals/strategy etc. Since then I sat around learning to play guitar and I am trying to finish 3 books to be a novelist. For some writing that much at the same time is overwhelming but for me its just difficult trying to put down the massive ocean of ideas I have. But once I have these books written I'll probably try to get them published or do it myself via website. But one thing I have learned in all this time is that thinking too much about what you are going to do is often harmful. Just put yourself out there and do it its all about learning and failing at this point is part of life. Were both young so getting a feel for multiple projects is important and while I feel its great to give things a chance. Sometimes you just need to say "Fuck it" when doing certain volunteer activities or jobs (Within reason of course). Any way just keep walking tall and take care man!

[@Morgan_Blackhand]

Hey man, I've been subbed since 2013, and I'm not going anywhere. Do whatever you have to do to be happy, most of us are gonna support you no matter what. You're my favorite KZbinr, and you seem like a really great guy, your content is always genuine and transparent, that isn't something that people take lightly, you know? Good luck, man.

[@nayranahallaca]

Just wanted to drop in and say that you should do whatever you need to do man! I love youre work as I'm sure everyone else here does as well but being happy with yourself and who you are is always the most important thing

[@kiprasmedeisis5159]

The only medicine to this is more different activities. For example start excercising, go out, hang out with your friends. And yes, I had this thing too, but all of the things above helped me out. I didn't try volunteering, but I know that you can meet many nice people (because c'mon, jerks ussualy don't go volunteering). Stay safe Matty and may Moons Shine upon your way :)

[@angelulloa7407]

Happy Nee Year, Matty. This video resonates with me in so many leves, for I find myself in a similar place in my life. Glad to hear you say that you've got a plan going forward. Keep up the good work and succes on everything!

[@rodaojakob]

I'll stick by and support your channel no matter what man. Hope you find that golden balance brother. All the best.

[@LJofSpadesTV]

This is a very relatable video, Marty - looking to implement similar changes myself (not a KZbinr). Aside from everything else, your video content is worthwhile - it provides entertainment and discussion for many of us (worth is subjective).

[@CaptainPerfect]

I feel what you feel, kinda. Graduated from school and finished my military service. And after that Ive Been working shift work for like 4 years now. I have so much free time and videogames dont feel like a reward anymore. Just sometimes I just feel worthless. You do what you do.

[@joemarshall4254]

I'm glad you were able to gain clarity on this issue you've been affected by for what sounds like a while. I wish you the best with your ambitions and that you'd gain more clarity going forward. :)

[@nathanperoceski5356]

As a full time auto body student with one more semester to go and a 40 hour a week internship coming up i empathize. Still don't know what im gonna do.

[@ivanrigney2993]

Happy new year Matty! Once again, you’re one of my favorite KZbinrs and the channel wouldn’t be the same without you, do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, I support you all the way!

[@TrueVaultEscapades]

I’ve been at your side since before you took off Matty, and I totally understand what you’re feeling. Even I feel like I’m wasting away when I keep at what I’m normally good at doing. So sometimes you gotta break out of the box. For me, I keep dreaming of at least minor success on one of my platforms, so since it hasn’t happened (yet..hopefully), I just continue to exhaust myself to no end with more and more of the same content. Can’t be good for me either. So I definitely need to do what you’re doing - at least a little. Best wishes to you Matty :)

[@masonbay9945]

Matty, I 100 percent support you on this decision, you are a truly good person who has the potential to do great things. I believe you can inspire your fans to go above and beyond than what they are already achieving. 👏👏👏

[@jarmalmartis4050]

Good shit man, congrats for figuring this out. Let us know what you've decided to do :). I'm definitely curious to here!

[@TELEthruVOXx]

Your a good tuber, you play the games you review ALL the way thru. And I have seen a few game channels guys need to reformat. I’ll still watch when you do post! Have a good New Years!

[@Hippieranger]

Never knew matty liked Daredevil! Instantly have more love for muh boi matty!!

[@ParkerH2020]

DanThePatheticGamer MrMattyMurdock

[@Ola-ws4jg]

Subscribed. Seen a few of your videos here and there on youtube and always been impressed by your content. Good luck in the future my dude, you got a new viewer

[@rockandroll3671]

Thanks for all you do Matty. Do what you need to do to stay sane, energized, challenged, and fulfilled. We'll be looking forward to the new year, new content, and new Matty.

[@TCTAkilla187]

I know what you mean about "earned time". I used to work 12+ hours a day six days a week, and those few hours a week I got to play games felt like it was never enough. Nov 2016 I was diagnosed with sinal thrombosis, a blood clot in my brain which has required me to take time off of work. At first the free time was a welcome change, but now that I have so much time, gaming has lost its appeal. Like it doesn't feel special anymore. Hope you find that feeling again with KZbin and all other endeavors in life.

[@gunnargrubbs3123]

You were one of the first KZbinrs I watched religiously. I’m really happy you’re making changes Matty.

[@ElzWicked]

Wow this video hit me personally cuz I feel the same way. Better keep us updated on what you choose to do. What do you guys do when your kinda feeling worthless

[@camelx162]

I'm good with anything you want man,you're one of my favorite creators

[@kirby5329]

good luck matty. i'm personally still stuck in collage with only a vauge idea of what i want to do so i'm still in the search and disovery phase of life that isn't going to well so i dont think i know what your going through but still i hope things work out for you.

[@jaydee6357]

Do what makes you happy dude, nothing worse than doing something full time that your not completely happy with. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :-)