MSSP - Matt's Shoplifting Scams

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From Matt and Shane's secret podcast ep 67 71 26
Support the boys: / mssecretpod
#MSSP #MattAndShaneSecretPodcast #ShaneGillis #MattMcCusker

[@RagingOatmeal]

I find it so entertaining how Shane travels the country touring with his standup. And Matt does nothing but still keeps it 50/50 on the pod for ridiculous stories every week

[@chuckseasel9505]

People use podcasts to sell tickets on the road. Matt is helping Shane sell tickets on the road.

[@sealife12]

@@chuckseasel9505 yeah yeah, that’s why they started the podcast to help sell tickets for Shane’s road tour.

[@neerajtatikola4797]

he wrote a book thats actually pretty entertaining. It's call "Overlook", i recommend it. fun read

[@chuckseasel9505]

@@sealife12 Correct. They worked hard and gained alot of fans with the podcast. Thank Matt when you see him

[@hasancasperlabuschagne7579]

Matt is a special angel from our Lord above. Dawgz gotta love and protect our Shaman.

[@PutonyourSundayBests]

I love that Matt is probably easily clearing like $500k a year from Patreon at this point but you know he's still skimming 10 dollars from Walmart everytime

[@btsnake]

Just for the love of the game, you gotta admire that

[@joecobb7153]

is the patron number an active patreon number or just how many they have had bcz im sure alot of these numbers are inflated

[@jakeinthehouse9370]

​@@joecobb7153wouldn't you like to know fatty

[@justincraig398]

No way he’s pulling half a million a year lol. Maybe in total … but no way he’s consistently bringing 42k a month home lmfao

[@joecobb7153]

@@justincraig398 that's still really good even half of that is but yeah people get confused about how much ppl make online

[@bryona5271]

I gotta say I love Shane, but Matt is what makes the cast for me

[@trel9388]

Yep. Feels like I’m back in a 2010 Xbox party chat listening to him

[@rigget86]

@@trel9388 I felt head phones on my head when I read your comment

[@bigbromiki1]

Opposite for me, Matt is a poser hangeron. I left the paytch because he gets old fast

[@dontpanic9261]

👍👏

[@montanac223344]

Came for Shane, stayed for Matt

[@Dom-mw8gk]

"I stole my dinner tonight"is such a funny sentence for some reason.

[@SoulshineWavy]

😂😂😂😂

[@get8bit]

Free food always tastes better and it's healthier too.

[@Hoodlum728]

@@get8bitbro it’s always better when it’s taken that’s facts lol.

[@knoxynyr87]

@@get8bitthe calories don’t count

[@ChrisF-jt1qf]

Modern day hunter gatherers

[@joenichols3901]

Matt's legal defense is something exactly what me and my stoner friends would have said at 16 baking out the car. I love it

[@FumblsTheSniper]

Did you ever figure out getting high in the parking lot of church during a service? No cop will EVER randomly catch you and you’re almost guaranteed an hour to chill, then you just melt into the traffic* when service ends.

[@joenichols3901]

@@FumblsTheSniper Yes a couple times, but its kinda sketchy because old ladies see you and they tend to call the cops

[@btsnake]

Best defense after the classic Chappelle "I didn't know I couldn't do that"

[@BumCucket]

@@FumblsTheSniperor just drive around and smoke lmao pus

[@FumblsTheSniper]

@@BumCucket dude this was 2010 and you would be arrested in handcuffs for any amount of possession.

[@Sprite_525]

I love Matt’s duality of ‘shaman’ and ‘shoplifter’ - half the time he’s talking about Buddha, the other half it’s about stealing being ok 😆

[@Sprite_525]

@@drderelict7987 shoplifting and uplifting brother

[@JJJackson777]

yeah but he's stealing in 432hz so it's okay

[@la9425]

I went years without paying for groceries when i first moved out. You get a bunch of bags from the store on a separate day, load up your cart and take it to the garden aisle so no ones around. Quickly bag everything up and walk out confidently through an empty checkout lane. Never got caught. I stole a rug one time, figured they wouldnt expect someone to be so bold as to steal a big ass rug and i was right. Had that rug for 5 years

[@lukep757]

Lol, that's so funny. It's very true, though. Just keep a straight face and look like a normal guy, dressed OK. No one will care.

[@cpreid]

Hahaha I love it, a W for the dawgs.

[@davedavid7061]

I bet it really tied theroom together

[@hopoff9968]

There's nothing like shoplifting. I only did it when I was a kid, and it was the best. Some of my fondest memories as a kid were getting on my bike and going around stealing snacks from various stores😅

[@justinsevers329]

Around here they just make a note of maybe save the footage until you rack up enough theft to make it a felony. Then the day your feeling yourself while your walking store they call the cops and confront you as your walking out

[@ChamonixHouse884]

I can imagine Matt smelling bad using natural deodorant, brisket crumbs falling out of his mouth, trying to explain how he’s to ignorant to use a self-checkout to the cops while he’s getting tazed.

[@mr.smithgnrsmith7808]

Self checkout is such bs…sometimes I “forget” to scan an item…or 5…Fuck em…I’m not on the clock

[@iaminvisible2889]

@@mr.smithgnrsmith7808 tell em... Cheap fks can't pay a cashier

[@SaLaDmAn.]

@Mr.SmithGNR Smith cutting out the inconvenience of sitting in a line and having to cut social interaction for those who want is such bs yea sure bud.. gl with that

[@SIMUL4CR4]

It's "too ignorant". Ever heard that saying about stones and glass houses?

[@HighEnnui]

@@SaLaDmAn. fucken rat pressing buttons for pellets

[@thepopeofkeke]

Matt’s the reason they been putting the anti-theft tags on the slim Jim’s by my house

[@cloudbloom]

Damn that's trashy

[@Big_AlMC]

@@cloudbloom shut up

[@954buggy]

Anti theft tags on slim Jim’s is absolute lunacy 😆

[@raydraiz1859]

No that would be the over zealous negros!

[@raydraiz1859]

They are so slim, they say steal me all over the package.

[@chawveldatsyuk7882]

cant wait until matt gets arrested for a 10 dollar conditioner

[@katery28]

He’d get a citation for that. It’s petty theft. $250+ is deemed as felony theft. Keep it under $249.99 lol

[@WHDRWN]

@@katery28 tell em fuckk off and they all pedos and walk out.

[@analbumcover7889]

@@katery28 loss prevention can build a portfolio if they notice you stealing repeatedly til you cross the threshold for a felony.

[@prometheusjackson8787]

​@@analbumcover7889Don't rob the same place over and over

[@chunkygaming8464]

​@@analbumcover7889 and him bringing it up online lmfao, saying he steals just about everytime

[@Squashylemon]

Matt would be one of those people who would make it if the world ended.

[@sqaure4175]

Matt “el cucaracha” McCusker.

[@TimmyMcGowan]

You’d lose your entirely family and barely luck out for years just to run into Matt casually walking down the street with a wheelbarrow full of nuts and old electronics

[@AstroJenkins]

He’d basically be Mcbride at the end of This is the End, completely in his element.

[@nicholasthomas4382]

Note to self: sending your kids to church and Catholic school can't make them moral.

[@BikingVikingHH]

Just like putting third world “people” on our soil or in our colleges can’t make them act like us or succeed like us…

[@Verbose-ir7sf]

I always thought that Catholic school was just to get your kids out of shitty inner-city public schools and not for religious education.

[@horny4violence]

wdym? Shoplifting at Walmart is a moral obligation, removes a year off purgatory for every $150 you steal from them.

[@adrienne4213]

Note to you: no shit

[@TimmyMcGowan]

the years of mandatory khaki shorts bring out your inner shithead

[@Meekmillan]

When I was a 20 year old drunkard (homie had a gas station and was the plug) I’d only go to Walmart if I stole something too. I built an entire Blu-ray movie collection that year. Had to calm down after getting caught taking a knee a chugging brew between isles. Had a good run though.

[@Mannydamon]

You must teach me how to take from the Corporate Overlords

[@Alex_Penjamin]

Pounding brewskies between isles sounds like a rush lol

[@rodleypumpkins4174]

We did that kind of at Best Buy. One summer and me and my buddies had a 300 plus cd collection.

[@quantumgelato4787]

In my alcoholic days I'd steal a bottle of fireball and a ribeye steak every single day between 3 different wal marts every day for years. Never got caught. Good times.

[@Shlogger]

c'mon bro. use your head. take that shit to the bathroom and guzzle glug it. lol

[@joeegrimaldi]

Sticker swapping the $70 60lb dog food bag with the $6 plate is my go to. Saves me a fortune.

[@EWNOREVERSE]

Peepop. Your channel is special because it’s not a highlight channel that rips from a podcast for views, but more of a forum for the dawgz to talk about their fav eps etc. A true king you are 👑

[@buhshmuh]

Nah, it's just like the other channels, the only true channel is the official channel and the Patreon, don't get it twisted.

[@buhshmuh]

If you really respected the dawgz you'd pay for that and chat on the Patreon.

[@EWNOREVERSE]

@@buhshmuh I do. Pee Pop has a totally different vibe and actually is a fan and interacts with the community, Hes a dawg not an Asian bot like every other channel except shanegillisfan who has a botty name but actually makes good edits.

[@danmurawski5790]

@@EWNOREVERSE as someone who's just started to delve into the MSSP canon as a cum town/tafs fan it's wild that the viet cong are doing this type of shit to MSSP too

[@californianightmares6463]

@@danmurawski5790 hello fellow gay man, I've taken a similar homosexual path

[@Cpt.Andy2]

I’ve been doing the same kitty litter and kibble scam for years. In my defense this scam takes place while buying a $150 in groceries. Wow I’m really trying to justify stealing sand that my cat shits in. This just gets worse and worse the more I type.

[@cloudbloom]

As a cat owner you might just be on to something

[@Big_AlMC]

Why did you write this you schizo

[@954buggy]

Brother at least you powered through it.. I started typing a comment about my Walmart heist days and it was too sad to finish it 😂 My justifications worked better in my head lmao

[@claytonmccoy8849]

The only problem with that is when they catch you & you play dumb and have to pay for 50 dollars of litter

[@mve8625]

@@954buggy 😂😂

[@judgeholden6761]

I used to work at walmart.....you aren't exactly up against the A-Team if you are looking to steal. Our electronics tard forgot to security wrap the 500 dollar TV's, so some heroin-addled hillbilly ran out with one. He got chewed out, went back to his job. Day 2: he STILL hadn't wrapped them, the same drug addict came in again, went straight to that location and stole ANOTHER TV. Surely the back-room loss prevention team would recognize his face and arrange to bust him somehow....oh wait, that guy was high on meth and got sentenced to 40 years in prison for trying to light the walmart on fire by soaking tons of cloths in the clothing section in acetone (in the hardware section!) and lighting it up. Working at a non-rich area Walmart will give you stories for the ages, man.

[@DH-rm3ib]

Incredible

[@Shlogger]

sounds awesome

[@furee4221]

Wild guess is WV, OH, or KY?

[@beefox406]

The managers of every dept get these quarterly "shrinkage" reports. It's basically a document stating how much shit was stolen or damaged in each dept. Wasn't supposed to but I think out of pride that our dept (auto, so expensive tires and shit) came in lower than half the store he showed me. The gd fabrics dept somehow lost like 80k a quarter and electronics was roughly double that iirc.

[@Shlogger]

@@furee4221 I was thinking Alabama. lol.

[@spencerludman3915]

I work in courthouse and someone tried Matt’s legal defense. It did not work.

[@btsnake]

I don't know what's funnier, Matt describing the ridiculous plans with full confidence or the fact that they're actually not half bad

[@phanatic215]

For Chipotle, if you want real double meat, you have to pick the meat first, then after they scoop it, ask for double. Their standard "double" is only a spoon and a half. Asking after the fact gives you two full scoops

[@Blandco]

​@@phanatic215 it's insane the training that they get. If you ask for vegetables at the same time that you asked for meat then the one place literally gives you four pieces of onions and peppers. The real trick is to ask for meat and then after they've done giving you your meet then you asked for the grilled vegetables.

[@mjfan653]

And it’s really not the employees fault. It’s the old trick of seperating the ones responsible from the servers. As in, the people who inventory the stuff and chew out the servers are never there if you want to complain about their shitty tactics. The server trying to skip meat is not your enemy, they’re trying to just not get written out for “unaccounted” ammounts. The real enemies are sitting in some office, talking about how the servers have to cut portions or get in trouble.

[@cm5891]

Holy shit that image is gold. All of them are. But this one is too.

[@hasancasperlabuschagne7579]

I'd love to see an animation of Matt explaining to Shane how to court chicks with Downs Syndrome by assassinating their loved ones so you become their whole world.

[@eatass5627]

used to hate on shoplifters and scammers but now at 29 i realize im to dumb to ever make 100k a year and need tips like this to live ok

[@RC-hv1yx]

@Eat Ass Same, at age 28. It’s liberating to accept the fact that you’re useless to society and will never make a liveable income

[@zacfromArkansas]

😂

[@DeezNuggz]

same brother 😂

[@williambathwise9997]

Cops should just run a podcast to get confessions

[@aniquinstark4347]

They already do. He's call DJ Vlad lol

[@lakeflaccid8054]

@@aniquinstark4347 dude is sucha informant lol

[@azarules69]

‘She probably dressed your salad’ was the fucking funniest line, Shane skated right past it

[@theempirestrikesback]

My favorite was a coworker who lived at an extended stay in the part of town with the hotels. He'd go to a few different hotels for continental breakfast. He found a hotel near our office that gave free lunch. There was a few hotels with nightly spreads for dinner. This was this dudes daily for like the nine months I worked with him

[@MrJimtheRooster]

I thought I was the only one. Thank you Matt for telling everyone the Ancient Chinese secrets of the self check out squack

[@peachmelba1000]

Seven years ago, my ex and I lived in Montreal and by then most of the Walmarts up there had a self checkout system. We went in to buy some big Rubbermaid storage tubs because we were getting ready to move out of the city, back home. We grabbed a stack of the tubs and the lids thinking it was all one package. Went through self check. Scanned the tubs, scanned the lids, $35, out the door. It wasn't until we got home and started unnesting the bins the we realized that each bin and lid was $35, and it wasn't a set. Gf was mortified like how most dogbrained idiots are, but then I said we just got $300 worth of product for about 10% of the price. I totally played on her female deal demon haha I also explained and showed her just how plainly evil Walmart is as a business, and from there on out we were Bonnie & Clyding that place three times a week. They didn't use attendants at the self check at that time, so it was a massive free for all. We were broke, looking at $$ moving costs, and didn't gaf about Walmart. That was the coolest that ex ever was btw lol Edit: I still have unopened t shirts, socks, and underwear from that glorious run haha

[@kingkev6338]

I could just imagine Matt thinking he’s slick getting a free water everytime he goes to the gas station and they’re just adding it to his sub total everytime😂😂😂😂

[@T_D_B_]

Our God is an awesome God

[@alberthogg49]

Amen brother

[@yourdadsotherfamily3530]

@@alberthogg49 Amen

[@jakehockenberry6342]

Hallelujah

[@yoda9518]

Mine is awesomer

[@smithjohn3080]

He reigns from heaven above

[@lyricjesus6499]

LMFAO that lady who gave Shane free shit 100% thought he was touched

[@BrandonP43]

Every time I go into Walmart I grab a wrapped sandwich from the deli and go to the beer aisle to unwrap it and eat it while I walk around shopping. No employee has ever said shit to me. I just nonchalantly munch while I shop.

[@mr.smithgnrsmith7808]

A sandwich from wal mart? Wtf

[@bunwithgun1587]

@@mr.smithgnrsmith7808 What is shocking about this?

[@zerocool5395]

@@mr.smithgnrsmith7808 The chicken sandwiches are fire.

[@beefox406]

I used to do tires and oil changes at Walmart. Apart from taking tires that I was actively installing, I wouldn't do shit about anyone taking anything in there. People would steal candy while I made copies of their keys or looked up their tires, could not have cared less.

[@notsocrates9529]

@@zerocool5395 Why would I want to eat "fire"?

[@tobias4283]

Stealing at the grocery stores is the best thing that happened to me for a long time. I'm eating better than ever

[@Larsonaut]

Does it still work?

[@voiceofreason2674]

I was a chipotle worker and it’s the worst job of all time cuz you wanna hook it up but the managers get on your ass if you do hook it up. After I lined up a new job I was hooking it up tho.

[@dhvmpyr]

Just a tip for people: Shoplifting is very useful but avoid Targets their LP is very very good

[@akchris8092]

"Go to Walmart [and steal] before they go out of business". Literally the reason they may go out of business 🤣

[@DeezNuggz]

GOOD

[@nickyp1435]

Lol they’re responsible for the highest % of American gdp of any company. They ain’t goin out of business

[@chocoflavoredcookies5649]

I work at Walmart and do nothing about the people stealing, in fact sometimes If they're nice to me I help them.

[@billgatesleavingyamomshous8177]

😂

[@rishishard4742]

Good shit dude

[@KillYaEgo]

“I’m living in a whole new digital world where I just help myself” man that’s like Shakespeare

[@sabu1378]

Holy fuck WalKanda killed me

[@UncleHashy]

My all time low scandal was walking in hotels in PJs like I just woke up and getting free breakfast

[@J.13333]

i WILL try this before i die

[@demond2134]

Why’d you quit doing it..Sounds like the life lol

[@UncleHashy]

@@demond2134 work 12 hours now

[@BwsHD]

PSA: you don’t have to stop and let them see your receipt. Just keep walking 😂

[@aquaticnuke]

You actually do

[@nickhewes6860]

​@@aquaticnuke Incorrect. They WANT you to, big difference.

[@lindboknifeandtool]

@@aquaticnukeor what

[@047Kenny]

@@aquaticnukeI worked the door as a greeter for a summer no you can’t stop them it’s a courtesy by the customer

[@bracksampson1]

Shane slips into full regard like a pair slippers. He opens his hands real wide and walks like he's carrying an invisible briefcase

[@jordanarthurs5617]

The ultimate Rogue Scholar tricks the system once again. Never change Shaman.

[@wetblanky7125]

Shane and Matt like pb and j, great together, great separate

[@jerryfromtheblock6463]

self-checkouts rule. matts doubling-up method is easy. or so theyve told me. not pigging out, small amounts frequently is the way to go (is what a criminal would say). maybe you accidentally place a bag of chips on top of something small, which you mindlessly forget to scan. I of course would never do crime, but i assume its all about plausible deniability. pro tip: continuously stay drunk for maximum plausible deniability

[@worldlycashmoneyenterprises]

that could never go wrong

[@JonnyFoxx]

My girlfriend works at Whole Foods and can confirm how easy it is to steal basically whatever you want from there.

[@iaminvisible2889]

I used to walk in a fill a whole cart and walk out load it in my trunk and put the cart back and drive away. 0 problem ever done it over 100 times. Btw was a bad heroin addict at the time selling the stuff to the bodegas in the hood. 2 years clean now

[@user-pc9xc4ib5o]

@@iaminvisible2889 hahaha damn a heroin addict eating organic food. Who do you think you are, Jerry Gracia? Jk. Glad you’re doing well bro.

[@iaminvisible2889]

@@user-pc9xc4ib5o 🤣🤣 I was selling it just was an easy store to hit. This was towards the end I been to the other places to many times and was getting desperate. Also thanks

[@michaelj6392]

The workers at my nearest Whole Foods all look clinically depressed. I can’t see them confronting anyone about anything.

[@tubeofnoob4683]

Funny thing is walmart is creating a profile on every customer. They track everything you stole until you steal over 5 grand and you get charged 😂

[@WestvirginiaWes]

Wrong

[@Ryan-vb7zz]

That’s what they want you to think…

[@tubeofnoob4683]

@@WestvirginiaWes right.

[@lesbiansaregoodandch]

One of the best scams I learned is to take a barcode of something really cheap like $2, then hold it over the scanner at self checkout. I haven't paid full price on prime rib in years

[@TheRealDarrylStrawberry]

i had a sneaker scam at urban outfitters. Walkin out with cripsy jawns every friday on some shifty nifty, you five'me?

[@Dabyrdman17]

Matt literally just "discovered" what every junkie has been doing for 15 years lol...ive had junkies offer me random walmart items for half off atleast once a week in the parking lot or (adjacent parking lots)...

[@civilsocietyprivateinteres1711]

Lol yeah or 50% off food for straight cash, pretty good deal tho win win

[@Nunya24567]

It’s the combination of Matt and Shane that makes this podcast great. Other podcasts they do alone / with other people just don’t hit the same.

[@braintonguefb8775]

"I'm under the amnesty of the sample cup."

[@John-mf1sz]

Dude these thumbnails are absolutely off the hook. Insane how great they are 😂

[@jprz3837]

Wait til Matt learns how to steal from Amazon and do the returns lol

[@iaminvisible2889]

Explain please

[@preg13]

Matt might hear these clips again in court one day

[@theonetrueleaftheonetruele5781]

Funniest part is the Walmart does use facial recognition and waits till you steal enough to report to police.

[@mtchll_chndlr]

Didn't this saga end with Matt getting in trouble at Wal mart?

[@blakedavis4649]

i literally do the same thing at the scanners lmao if they want me to work for free then im gonna pay myself somehow😂

[@KidCorporate]

Literally every time I walk into a store I pop a Red Bull, I’ve been doing this for 20 years at this point, I’ve drank $1000’s of free Red Bull.

[@alexcoyg3281]

That Chipottle talk is Gary V level of maximizing your life potential 😂😂😂

[@heavyweight8854]

I've calculated that I've stolen 60k from Walmart by swapping tags over the years. It's literally paid my bills.

[@rch5991]

$60k worth of junk you didnt need. did you sell it?

[@RolanStraw]

Matt is so funny bro😂 im livin in a whole new digital world i just help myself💀

[@ramsnation196]

insane human

[@bjornbuckley]

The eighth commandment is only thing still preventing me from shoplifting.

[@lilmac4202]

These keep getting better and better

[@aogly]

Taking the $1 clearance stickers off of plastic bowls and putting them on everything I wanted in target was a peak experience ngl and I technically paid for it all

[@zachvaught1558]

Matt has straight up encouraged me to steal. I ENDORSE PETTY THEFT

[@WalkingPaceWP]

I use self checkout daily and have never stole once. Yet I somehow still look up to these 200k a month podcasters

[@413XAj0n3z]

Hope you’ve started taking what’s yours buddy

[@MrBmantheman]

Virtue boasted of is just pretentiousness in disguise. - Lao Tzu

[@WalkingPaceWP]

@WitlessOneEye stealing when you aren't dirt poor is the height of being pretentious. Bragging about stealing from a business, oh you're hard mate.

[@WalkingPaceWP]

@H nope and never will. Its called a moral compass.

[@typingwhilepoopingLOL]

@@MrBmantheman Matt alt account

[@fjduucudjdeididi287]

You'd think Matt's supporting a heroin problem

[@iaminvisible2889]

Been there done that and that's exactly what it sounds like 😂

[@colinclapper3245]

That it does!!! Did tons of greasy shit myself in my addiction days! Take the shit get the gift cards and a place in milwaukee would give 60 to 70 cents on the dollar for any gift card!

[@EVAASIVEOne]

Keep up these videos King, especially in the 15-30 min mark!

[@mbaron4311]

Makes sense Matt is really into “spiritual” stuff but would never touch Christianity most likely. He’s part of the shoplifter class - it’s a certain type of sociopath.

[@cloudbloom]

It's crazy how many people have written off Christianity simply because they grew up with a catholic upbringing, they were never exposed to the higher consciousness of the scriptures

[@wendigo2442]

Wahh he stole from the Walmart wahhh that's 10 more years in purgatory Mr man

[@Big_AlMC]

@@cloudbloom for real. We used to be so connected we would cum onto certain proverbs in the Bible to show God we were his war Dawgs for life.

[@RC-hv1yx]

@cloudbloom Oh please, most Protestant denominations are a joke too.

[@michaelj6392]

@@wendigo2442 even if you take away the Christianity factor, he’s not wrong. There are people that steal and people that don’t.

[@WHDRWN]

Matt unknowingly amidst kleptomania and I love it!

[@clayrester9342]

so close.... but i think ya meant "admits".

[@WHDRWN]

@@clayrester9342 That's not what I said officer

[@HistoryWithJerm]

Thanks Dr. Peep

[@VagPoop_]

Matt has kleptomania.

[@derrickrischman9300]

“Oh my god I’m gonna go steal from Walmart right now” 😂

[@ongoinstrugglex8210]

"I got beffudled by the machine" killed me 😂😅

[@greyfells2829]

Matt brushed over Shane saying "Walkanda" way too fast

[@0ater]

I live right down the street from a Walmart and I put it to excellent use, Matt has never once steered me wrong

[@nbaez]

I used to go to school with this guy that would just load a whole grocery cart full of shit, and walk out lmao

[@shadowaccount]

🤣

[@pepipopa4701]

it is SO funny to hear shane talk about"when did we decide its okay to steal from stores" recently on the cast lmao

[@josephpossanza5022]

When I moved down to the bay area in 2009 I went down with about 200$ to my name. It was going the first night from lots of booze and OC. I stayed across the street from a store called Nob hill which was sort of like a whole foods, anyways, every day I would go in, have a sandwich made then tell them I still had shopping to do. From there i would grab a few pints of some Pyramid beers or whatever else I felt like that day and then just walk out. That went on for about two months every day until I became more bold and I would get a sandwich, a bunch of beer and candy. Last time I did it I had a basket full of shit and they were on to me, so I made my escape only to hit a small rock on my way out while on my skateboard and spilled the entire basket all over. Never showed face in that store again but more due to embarrassment after just eating shit and having my stolen goods strewn across the parking lot. Thank you Nob Hill for providing me with lunch and booze every day for a few months when I was 22.

[@C.U.N.Tahiti]

Did u at least pick up yr loot and take it home?

[@vinnieladders3470]

I don't stop for those receipt checkers. I just can't on general principle. I just dog face 'em and keep walking.

[@ignaciomartinez4863]

The early day MSSP where wild also love the thump nail art! 👍

[@meema844]

I worked at the service desk for like 5 months at walmart and lowkey, EVERYONE does this shit lol

[@KinoTechUSA69]

Any vid that starts with "Matt's" is gonna be a banger.

[@vashlash6870]

Everyone thinks they're the first with the scanning trick. It's the most common way to get caught.

[@brendandarcy8188]

I'm Australian and first time I was wver forced to use a self aetlrve checkout was when I was in Texas. I definitely forgot to pay for the case of beers at the bottom of the the trolley in protest.

[@MEXICANxGRIZZLY]

The shaman has come with holiday blessings

[@vmonroig21]

Next thing you know we gotta run the forklifts at Walmart for paper towels 😅

[@BillShatner31]

Companies like target will build a case against shoplifters and wait until they steal $2500 so they can hit em with a felony. Just a heads up 😂

[@californianightmares6463]

I've stolen well over that from my target over the course of 5 years. You're not fighting the CIA my guy

[@nickhewes6860]

Bill, that isn't true. You can relax.

[@clikzip]

Felony in most states is over $250. At what hes admitting to wouldnt take long.

[@Perkeletricksterservantofrher]

@@clikzip not commiefornia.

[@ML-kx9gz]

lol this reminds me of the bill burr bit where he waits a few mins at the self check out and then just rolls on out lol

[@zackcraft7204]

i need to listen to the old test

[@tylerstrow811]

Matt's the kid that traded you stolen pocketknifes in elementary school.

[@Prnto44]

"Putting on a clinic over there at the trader joes"😭😭😭

[@C.U.N.Tahiti]

I didn’t get that phrase. What does it mean?

[@customerguy8581]

@@C.U.N.Tahiti It's most often used in sports, basically if someone says somebody is putting on a clinic they mean they're doing so well at something that it could be used to teach others how to do it. Like "LeBron was putting on a clinic against Golden State" or whatever.

[@papsphin]

Just so you know for you boys know before following Matt's insanely rad advice of stealing from Mr. Walmart, they will film you and create a file on you till you have enough stolen goods to charge you with a felony (class 6 or 5 depending on how much you steal)

[@booognish]

That sounds like a laborious task to keep up on, especially if you switch stores.

[@JJEERRPP]

@@booognish or if what you’re stealing is fake mustaches and you wear them out of the store every time

[@anxietyonline1947]

No they don't lmfao.

[@Waawaaweewaa_]

@@anxietyonline1947 there are literally ongoing cases and a line in their yearly revenue statements for money recooperated from thieves via the legal system lmfao you moron you seriously think they don’t know people are stealing… there’s this nifty thing called CCTV ya idiot

[@anxietyonline1947]

@@Waawaaweewaa_ No.

[@beholdapalehorse7700]

Lol. Wait until he experiences the machine beeping and showing you a video in real time of you not ringing up the items on the screen you’re checking out on😂.

[@KillyJoe]

Then the clerk will just come over and scan their card and let you carry on because they assume it’s the machines fault

[@karenamyx2205]

What kinda psycho is "fake scanning" the item? You dont mime it, you just dont scan it at all. The 15 year old supervising doesnt care, i assure you.

[@beholdapalehorse7700]

@@karenamyx2205 lol yeah. The only reason I know it exist is it can be falsely triggered. Just ringing up stuff fast brings it up apparently. And it starts playing a video of directly overhead you scanning the items. They just come over and type in a code to clear it.

[@1995abv]

Matt's unhinged 🤣

[@tobin440]

Reminds me of a young Carl weathers . “I buy all my cars at police auctions”

[@yakivpopavich]

I straight up get a 60 cent gravy packet for every item I checkout with. When I'm done with the self checkout machine it's total will be $5-7 bucks and I will easily have 10-20 or more items that probably a value of $50-70+. I even jack all of my vitamins and nutrients and other stuff from there too. Don't let the cameras intimidate you. What Walmart/Target and large chain stores won't tell you is this. The cameras are primarily there for intimidation to make you feel watched. Nobody watches or reviews the cameras at all, unless there is an incident that gets reported to the Police/Security. And even then they only pull video from whatever camera was closest to the situation reported. It's easy to be intimidated by those high-FPS 2k/4k/ cameras that are in your face at the machine. But what you don't know is that they have to PAY to store all that video. And they only store 48-72 hours worth of it, and then it automatically deletes. Meaning if you are never caught in the act itself, all of those recordings are meaningless to near or future potential charges. And if you live in a state like CA or NY etc even if you get caught it doesn't matter. At all. The judges here in my county won't even prosecute anyone for theft under $1,000. Hundreds and hundreds of cases in which someone is blatantly caught stealing food/groceries and they just shrug and go " I'm poor and hungry " and it instantly gets dismissed with either a verbal warning or small citation. There is practically no ramifications for stealing and shoplifting anymore. So you might as well do it. I've stolen probably thousands of dollars from Walmart and Target and various local grocery stores. Also Dollar General. I've been doing it since 2019 and it's only gotten easier and I have tons more money to tuck away into my savings now and or spend on cool stuff. Do it up dawgs.

[@wendigo2442]

Best advice I can ever give is to get ebt and do this at Walmart buying huge amounts of food at a time. You end up not scanning any of the actually expensive shit so that you can make subsequent trips off the ebt for the whole month and you eat like a king 100% free

[@Big_AlMC]

Thank you Mr. Wendigo. Big fan. Love when you fuck them Indians up in the forrest.

[@hits509]

Me and my friends used to do this at Round Table Pizza, they had a buffet once a week and we each had a gallon size zip lock in our backpacks

[@steamedyam]

I had been stealing cat litter for years from Walmart. Last week something felt odd like I felt like I was being watched extra close at the self-checkout. I got stopped by the greeter who checks the receipts and I played it off like I forgot to scan the box of cat litter.

[@MrGMT1992]

It's a sinking ship😂😂😂 matt is the funniest dude ever.