MTG's Gazpacho Police | America's Queasy Feeling Is Not A Super Bowl Hangover

A day after the LA Rams prevailed in the Super Bowl, America woke up to news that Putin may invade Ukraine at any moment, and a bird flu outbreak could impact the poultry industry. Luckily, we can still enjoy a chuckle over Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene's soup gaffe. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@marks4745]

Actually the bengals WON the Super Bowl and we could prove it if it weren’t for Mike Pence.

[@paulorganisation1]

You stole that joke.

[@mercenarychef9465]

I have the emails

[@marks4745]

Actually I think Mike Pence must be the kicker for the Bengals? I think I heard people chanting ‘Hang time Pence, Hang time Pence’.

[@connierichie5336]

That's right! Why are WE always the ones who must separate fact from fiction? 😁

[@zaprowsdower9471]

It's troubling the likelihood some of my fellow citizens would have eagerly hung Mike Pence from a gallows on the Capitol lawn had they been able to find him.

[@charlesstuart7290]

If we get the Gazpacho police, mark my words, we will next get Sangria Law.

[@inko9nito]

This should have more likes!

[@abigailhowe8302]

@@inko9nito DAMN STRAIGHT

[@12345663484]

It was only posted an hour ago, but this is already the best and most underrated comment we've got here.

[@elenachristian9860]

Damnit, now I'm hu guy. And thirsty.

[@gggnumber1]

@@inko9nito YUP. shot Johnny got 2k plus for a comment that is F-ing stupid. This is actually funny.

[@stevencahn4019]

"Schindler's Bisque" - the BEST pun of this decade, so far...

[@anonymusum]

AOC´s comment : "MTG leads by example. She banned all books from her home." But I really doubt if she ever had any.

[@jetta2134]

When friends and family gift her a book from Barnes and Noble,she asks for the receipt to get her money back!

[@dracoargentum9783]

No, she needed something to shoot at.

[@ivanivonovich9863]

Perhaps all of them were about the Donald? Or just MEIN KAMPF. (Translated of course).

[@shotjohnny]

Motto of the Gazpacho Police: "Justice served cold." 😂

[@huh2495]

Very well played

[@jessmason2112]

Awesome.

[@Turtleproof]

Laffo, I remember the soup gag being when many people got cantankerous and turned against the Simpsons because Lisa was trying to get people to switch to it. She's always been the annoying hyper liberal, what's the problem.

[@Lonewolfmike]

MTG = what you get when use way to much bleach when dying your hair.

[@shithoagie]

That's pretty good

[@Craig496]

I'm surprised by Marjorie Taylor Greene: I assumed "Gestapo" could be pronounced by all Nazis.

[@RabblesTheBinx]

Nah, most of them are too stupid.

[@larryborsa4396]

Very very good.

[@petermatthews3729]

That's overestimating their knowledge of history. Add history to the list of subjects conservatives stop children from learning. She referenced the soviet gulags and mispronounced the Nazi gestapo as a Mexican soup in the same sentence to slur capitol police the house speaker has no control over.

[@abigailhowe8302]

@@petermatthews3729 "to slur capital police" a year after she gave RECON TOURS to some of the people who later bludgeoned a CP officer into a fatal TRAUMA INDUCED stroke.

[@delawareperformancetrainin307]

Is this where all the Fed traitors and Chinese/Russian bots are?

[@mpool4210]

mtg is PROOF that "IDIOCRACY" IS A PROPHECY, NOT just a comedic movie.

[@MegaKat]

Prophecy (sorry) It's got what plants crave.

[@joanhoffman3702]

We need better prophets.

[@mpool4210]

@@joanhoffman3702 may not help. People can't seem to see what's in front of them. Instead, believing what Carlson and hannity and My Son sell.

[@sberke]

When they said "democracy", the Republicans thought they said "idiocracy" and said, yes, lots of THAT, please.

[@jetta2134]

Never thought I would see the day that our country,s leadership would be invaded with 'idiotcracy'!

[@christinevr7698]

Aaaah. The relief of finally getting to hear Stephen’s take on Mad Marges’ finest dumbass moment. It was like an itch I couldn’t scratch all week and it was driving me (and Stephen!) crazy. I feel comedically sated…

[@USMCR]

Now I wonder when he'll take on Joe Biden and Kamala Harris?

[@cathywethington5913]

USMCR, oh geesh give it a rest troll

[@MeinGottHatDenLangsten]

@@USMCR he spent a decent amount of time making fun of biden just in *this clip*. harris is just boring. having said that, Greene is so comically stupid that she provides better (and plentiful) material. Funny is funny. Why bother watching things you don't like? Trolling, masochism, both, neither, or....?

[@USMCR]

@@MeinGottHatDenLangsten Harris is just incompetent and should have never been VP...

[@cathywethington5913]

USMCR, says the person defending one of the stupidest congress members in history

[@KRyan-gn5uw]

Arrested Canadian truckers facing stiffer consequences than the thugs trying to overthrow American democracy.

[@daemenoth]

also none of the nut jobs involved would have a shot of being voted in during an election

[@opencommentsbbcnewsnight1704]

@K. Ryan That's because Justin Trudeau has stated that "basic dictatorship" is his preferred form of government.

[@daemenoth]

@@opencommentsbbcnewsnight1704 no most canadians agree that holding the whole country financially hostage to protest the opinion of a minority is not a peaceful protest. these people are extremist nut jobs that do not speak for most canadians :P

[@rsteeb]

@@opencommentsbbcnewsnight1704 Actually, that was Trump.

[@flackstar007]

@@opencommentsbbcnewsnight1704 Actually that was never stated and making things up means you are either disillusional or are a straight up troll bot. Also arresting people for committing a crime is not a act of a dictatorship but a act of a healthy justice system enforcing the law equally and not just when it suits the people in power.

[@dallasl3688]

"Martha Stewart's friend and the headphones guy." Perfect.

[@victoriabaker4400]

Jon Batiste was like, omg

[@christophersimons128]

It's only 10 minutes, but somehow Stephen's monologue lifts my whole day. Glad you're back.

[@Wedgetail14]

As soon as that "Gazpacho police" statement was made, I couldn't wait for Stephen to tear into it!

[@ldfreitas9437]

As Bugs Bunny would say about Majorly Traitorous Greene: "What a Maroon!"

[@hoptoithymie]

What a Nin Cow Poop...

[@Echo81Rumple83]

@@hoptoithymie aw, dang, ya beat me to it 😆🤣

[@jb888888888]

Fun fact, Nimrod was a great warrior in the Bible but after Bugs kept calling Elmer "Nimrod" sarcastically it became a synonym for dummy. (I know that's not terribly relevant but I'm probably never going to have another chance to drop that bit of trivia in a conversation so...)

[@abigailhowe8302]

I've said "maroon" to MAGATS before and they straight up started multi-post arguments with me calling me stupid for "mispelling moron" I had to launch into the full Bugs Bunny slur-flurry to get the point across XD

[@carlosspeicywiener7018]

In my hometown, the catholic school sports teams are called the maroons. I always thought it was fitting

[@JenMistress]

Well, from what I hear, Gazpacho Police much like revenge is a dish best served cold. 😉😂🤣😂🤣

[@ronnietarnacke5153]

Mic drop.... good one .

[@leonellimon969]

FAF

[@leonellimon969]

"Funny as Fu@k." #1

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

😂😂😂😂

[@icreatedanaccountforthis1852]

I hear they specialize in cold cases

[@sarahlanthier1727]

As a Canadian and a heart transplant Survivor with no immune system, the convoy is not about freedom it's about a bunch of Karen's,that yes do exist in Canada, getting their panties in a twist because they had to do something they didn't want to do. We have just as many entitled uncaring people up here as anywhere else in the world.

[@mariag.8242]

Sarah, this is overwhelmingly men, white men. Let’s not call them Karens or talk about their panties when it’s really a bunch of Tuckers intimidating and assaulting women and others they see as vulnerable

[@karend.9218]

As a person named Karen by my parents, not to be abused as a meme, these protestors are a bunch of aggrieved entitled people removing other’s freedom of movement because they don’t know when the protest is over. Protests require permits, locations, times, contact persons. Go ahead and protest, then go home and come back tomorrow, then the next day. Blockades are illegal.

[@suzannarobinson4726]

Same here in australia. But our state is over 90% vaccinated. USA has highest death toll in the world.

[@tanknickles2159]

@@mariag.8242Astounding, can you point me to some footage or police reports of them assaulting women? I couldn't find it. Is the media surpressing this?

[@caroljo420]

Canada just hides them better. The SA (formerly known as the USA) has elevated them into positions of power.

[@kerorogunsou78]

She just made an honest mistake. Are we really going to split peas..er, I mean 'hairs' over this? It bothers miso much that we're making such a big deal over such a lentil slip of the tongue.

[@sshza2143]

🤣🥂😁✌😎

[@dracoargentum9783]

careful, your bias is leeking.

[@keirfarnum6811]

I would bet MTG is stewing at being made fun of for her mistake.

[@nfspbarrister5681]

Alright...alright, take my likes and get out of here, you dirty punners!😂😂

[@daniloschoop9443]

"A Terminator sent back to make sure Americans are too dumb to invent skynet" this cracked me up.😂😂😂

[@CHR588]

That was my favorite one tonight

[@adamkalb1]

That is the first thing I would want powerful people to be too dumb to do - not someone who is too dumb to be a responsible governor and accept the truth that Vice Presidents can not overturn fair and free elections, but not too dumb to stage an effective coup that almost succeeded.

[@numberMX]

@Alam natural Can you stop spamming links to your video under every single comment?

[@suehowie152]

😂😂

[@alaiaomanu6318]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gJ2QlpKNlNOhpZY

[@saltysleigh7838]

As usual I'm ahead of the trend. I was widowed 10 yrs ago and the only guys that hit on me are supporters of dolt 45. I'm going solo for the duration.

[@plaidpanda]

My sympathies, on multiple levels.

[@markkrull556]

Time to move

[@Washougalite1]

I was widowed 9/13. He would have been appalled by all this. My current husband went off the deep end in 2020. I don't even know him anymore 😔

[@saltysleigh7838]

@@Washougalite1 I was dating a man who died a few months before the 2020 election. He was driving me crazy with the Q crap so I know the feeling. Yes I have an alibis. Run while you still can.

[@Washougalite1]

@@saltysleigh7838 I don't know what happened and I would if I could, trust me.

[@speckdratz]

While I don't exactly sympathize with those truckers or really anyone _still_ acting against vaccination, I find it appalling that those guys face 100k charges and a year in prison while Marjorie Taylor Greene can still spout off her endless stream of bullshit and mislead thousands if not millions of people without any real consequences.

[@lruddy8820]

Different countries, america being the worst one of them all

[@firstwave1890]

They don't all have to pay that. Only the truckers who are blocking trade between our two Countries. We have lost more than 500 Million dollars in trade so far because of them. Frankly,I don't think 100 thousand is enough of a fine for people so Selfish!

[@ericminch]

It's not so bad. That $100K is only in Canadian dollars. And the year is only a Canadian year.

[@mariag.8242]

No one has been charged with a serious offence yet. This is a bunch of white men so the cops are very hands off and I see nothing. Several border crossings and the centre of the capital city, Ottawa, have been blockaded. In Manitoba, there was a good time being had by some of these white guys as they blocked the crossing, but the cops managed to find one (1) Indigenous man holding a sign a few metres away - and arrested him for blocking the street. Sound familiar?

[@ealexander71]

She's worse than the corona virus, her lies have cost lives & republicans love her hateful messaging of crap.

[@normalityrelief]

My god, it's happening...she's bringing the Soup Nazi episode to life

[@williamk70]

This Superbowl was a total fraud. So look, all I want to do is this: I just want to find 4 more points, which is 1 more than we need, because we won this Superbowl!! Fellas, I need 4 points. Give me a break.

[@sshza2143]

🤣🍻😁✌😎

[@FirewindII]

Exquisitely played on so many levels.

[@williamk70]

@@FirewindII There are reports of a massive dump of some illegal 7 points in the 4th quarter. This was a fraud on the American people! you know it and I know it and everybody knows it.

[@FirewindII]

@@williamk70 😄

[@jessicak2811]

"We went from winning by ALOT to losing by just a little..."

[@a.s.3567]

my gosh, life is so dull without this show. Been in the dumps for the last week, thanks for coming back. best valentines ever.

[@jollyrodger5319]

💯 love 💕

[@SurrealEdifice]

that awkward cutaway to Jon Batiste's face during the "martha stewart's friend" joke at 3:55 made me spit my drink out of my mouth. Unintended comedy gold

[@melodiesoasis]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who caught that🤣

[@CrazyAuntVal]

Aw, c'mon folks, y'all are being a little harsh, don't y' think? It's not MTG's fault that she confuses gazpacho for the gestapo. When one has an ice cold heart and soup where one's gray matter should be, *nothing* that comes spewing out of her uneducated mouth should surprise us.

[@dracoargentum9783]

Oh, I don't find it surprising at all, though, I still mock her blatant stupidity.

[@CrazyAuntVal]

@@dracoargentum9783 I share your mocking, while still being horrified - especially horrified that people actually voted for this (and other) soup-brain twats.

[@xerothedarkstar]

It wouldn't matter if I agreed with you or not (I do), but that wordplay earned my like.

[@SuperBC1975]

Marjorie Taylor Greene's soup gaffe. Gazpacho Police. SMH. No Soup for you!

[@charlespeakjr2168]

At least MTG didn't say that Gazpacho was Pinocchio's brother.

[@jeepdude7359]

@@charlespeakjr2168 ^Dad

[@jessmason2112]

The soup Nazi has spoken. 😆

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

@@charlespeakjr2168 😂😂

[@shotjohnny]

You mean ... "Gazpacho Police. No *coup for you!" 😆

[@katiefromcolorado4972]

Oh, thank God! You late night people can’t just take breaks like that. We little people almost lose it every time you go.

[@jamilahana1728]

Katie, you are sooo right! 😉😊God bless you.🙏

[@dimitriosdesmos4699]

wot in the heil????

[@adamkalb1]

But Seth Meyers has to take a break for the Olimpix. His talk show is on the same channel as which they are being broadcast!

[@peanutbutterdragon4105]

I live to wake up and watch this funny stuff in the morning on here. Best morning news coverage

[@midi789tb]

Mtg is in the soup. Watch - kzbin.infoptq4Eg8uMwg?feature=share

[@briangruenewald7536]

On today’s installment of “Republicans Say The Darnedest Things” 😂😂😂 So good to have you back, Stephen. Hope you and Evie had a wonderful holiday weekend :)

[@danielochoa8025]

They have no brain's all they do is violence, asking their followers to get weapons and fight for something they can't, this idiot never present nothing to help his constituents. She just bark and make commercials asking for violence against democrats, the problem she doesn't know that many of them have weapons too.

[@bonniepoole1095]

A morning with Colbert is a good morning!

[@CaptWesStarwind]

As a Canadian I am both ashamed and embarrassed at these antivaxers, but also entertained whenever another country makes fun of us. Can't wait for the South Park episode.

[@jaygee5693]

No need to feel embarrassed about the stupidity of a tiny minority of social media dupes. 90% of Canadian truckers are vaccinated, that says it all.

[@CaptWesStarwind]

@Tlotlo Thari Sorry, but I don't click on random links with no context.

[@CaptWesStarwind]

@@jaygee5693 Yeah, these folks are basically a bunch of Wexit separatist nuts and white supremacists masquerading as truckers. One thing to notice with these "truckers" protesting is that in Canada something like half our drivers are Punjabi Canadians, which are all notably absent at these "trucker" protests. They aren't even protesting for anything that would actually help truckers, like more money for cleaning public restrooms in the budgets so they can have a clean place to go, safer parking, better wages or any of that stuff.

[@CaptWesStarwind]

@Tlotlo Thari Next time you could provide context, or just upload it to your channel and I will watch it there.

[@Echo81Rumple83]

I haven't seen South Park since the episode where Stan essentially sees and hears everything is shite, so he copes with alcohol. As someone who struggles with depression and addiction to unhealthy coping habits (video games in my case), that hits too hard for me...

[@ella17734]

I was kind of half listening while getting ready for bed when the MTG joke stopped me cold...."Wait, did she just call a Nazi police force soup?" It's so sad that she represents what American politicians have devolved into.

[@selalewow]

Just remember, she was voted in by Americans. Kind of sad really. At least Tucker was hired by a single mainstream media outlet whose goal is to deliver misinformation and destabilize governments around the world.

[@cindypomerleau950]

She ran unopposed. Classic case of Americans asleep at the wheel.

[@Dragonsamuari]

@@cindypomerleau950 It was because people harassed and threatened her opponent to the point of making them drop out.

[@pauly5418]

No, she meant to say the Soup Nazis are coming after us.

[@streamylc]

You guys are fools... if you had any sense to look deeper than entertainment value and ridicule, you might learn some interesting things from "idiots" like MTG (or Massie) about how corrupt our career "representatives" truly are in the place you don't think she belongs (hate to burst your bubble but she's not alone on either side, she's just one of the only ones not afraid to lose her political career by speaking in depth about it) "By the people, for the people" is close to dead, and here you guys are cheering on it's murder 🐑 happily being led of cliffs because you enjoy entertainment more than truth.... meanwhile the people 99% of you blindly vote for (solely because they have a D or R next to their names) are literally milking the system into nonexistence for their own gains. Your willful puppets stuck in immature bigoted cliques.

[@kepler186f4]

In the Flambé times of the feared Gazpacho, S. Gherkin demanded the Head Cheese to be a Peach....

[@xanatax1844]

minor correction: there isn’t exactly a “new policy” preventing trucker, preventing unvaxxed truckers crossing the border. No unvaxxed people have been allowed to cross the border for quite a while. Except truckers, there was a special *exception* for truckers, which expired in January. They’ve had at least 6-8 months warning. 🤷‍♀️

[@mariag.8242]

And it’s in place in both countries so these yahoos can’t get into the US first, which is required in order to be prevented from coming back and being quarantined.

[@tanknickles2159]

It is anti mandate, the vast majority of truckers are gasp, vaccinated.

[@douglaslowe5]

First they came for my neighbors Gazpacho, and I did nothing....."

[@Oneshot8242]

Ohhhh..

[@nevrtrumpr5962]

Apparently MTG's "gaffe" was so ridiculously stupid that it took Stephen a week to control his laughter!

[@Echo81Rumple83]

Just like with the Daily Show, Colbert Report, and Last Week Tonight: soon as they take their well-deserved break, more material comes from these so-called "leaders" being idiots. It's right up there with planning a trip to the beach ahead of time, despite Mother Nature moping epically over losing at a bowling match with a mortal girl at that time.

[@Link_T179]

Mtg is a card game not an insane politician who doesn't know the difference between cold tomato soup and the nazi secret police

[@trowawayacc]

You mean marjorie taylor green?

[@cindypomerleau950]

And yet she's given a microphone to push their perceived grievances against "the others".

[@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980]

I can't blame him for it though. A week later & I'm still laughing at her idiodic "Gazpacho Police" gaffe. 🍅🥣👮‍♂️🚔👮‍♀️ 🤣

[@glennbundesen3439]

Here in Australia “I’m rooting for you” has a different meaning

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

😆

[@TheCanadiangirl4]

I was wondering if someone was going to mention that. It still works though since he was talking about Valentine's day

[@Hammyann]

“Men’s Súper bowl” you rock Stephen.

[@michaelcoe9824]

The Gazpacho... It has gotten a little colder over the last few days... But it still warms my heart and brings a tear to my eye. The sudden silence from that great voice of 'warnings from history', has been worrisome; as though she had been incarnated in a consternation camp.

[@ealexander71]

She know's nothing about it & shouldn't use it as a political point, she's a disgrace.

[@victoriabaker4400]

😀 nice one -- best one in all the comments

[@cathywethington5913]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@magpie1744]

I see what you did here, 😄

[@michaelcoe9824]

@@magpie1744 Perhaps she should be called 'Malapropism Tailor Green'?

[@TRquiet]

I respect Stephen for not going with the low-hanging fruit of “Soup Nazi.”

[@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980]

"No Soup For You!" 🤣

[@AllPileup]

Good soup - Kylo Ren

[@raggedcritical]

Happily, plenty of us aren't so highbrow.

[@last7509]

Schindlers bisque 😄

[@trishhunt4085]

But you did.

[@kylestubbs8867]

“If you have to tell everybody that you were just being sarcastic… _you’re doin’ a great job. Really good.”_ -Stephen Colbert, 2022

[@GarthTheDestroyer]

You guys laugh at MTG now, but I feel her pain. I'll never forget when I had the temerity to heat up my tomato soup, then the Gazpacho broke down my door and beat me to within an inch of my life.

[@catherinekinsella3372]

You were lucky, Putin would have had you thrown into a goulash

[@mjfor-short4844]

😆😂🤣 y’all too much in this comment section.

[@catherinefisher8534]

@@catherinekinsella3372 Slick & quick come-back - email your resume to LSSC immediately. 🤙

[@GanjaGirlSF]

🤣🤣🤣

[@USMCR]

Hey Stephen... If you think this one word slip-up is so dumb... What do you think of every. single. speech. and interview Joe Biden and Kamala Harris has had for the past year? 🤣😂🤣😂

[@migmit]

Fun fact: president Zelensky is ALSO a professional joke teller. Seriously, he was a comedic actor before becoming a president, and his filmography includes a TV series (again, comedic) where he plays a president of Ukraine. Not making this up.

[@michaellarsen2187]

True and kinda sad.

[@christinevr7698]

That is correct. He seems to be doing something right. He managed through the IQ45 years when Trump was licking Vlad’s boots. Russia has been offensive (in all aspects of this words) for so long and Zelensky has maintained his cool and his mission. His current situation is no joke. He’s got Ukrainian grandmothers agreeing to taking sniper lessons at the border!!

[@ericminch]

"They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now!"

[@deborahfreedman333]

Since he played the PM, in "Servant of the People", so well, the Ukrainian people gave him that role. He has been a great reformer. Making a comedian the leader, has worked better than making a reality TV star the leader.

[@kieragard]

Comedians are normally quick thinkers and very intelligent people.

[@dav0n]

Why does the convoy have stiffer punishments than the capital rioters?

[@shelabrooks3741]

@Davon Lloyd Maybe the Canadian judicial system means real consequences when dealing with (especially when bullshit) lawbreakers 🤣🤣.

[@mariag.8242]

Those punishments are possible but in reality the cops are treating this gang of angry white men in a hands off, I see nothing style. The very few who’ve been arrested have been charged with misdemeanours

[@Twinklestar932]

The talkies. I was on the floor

[@ellistarceansa8182]

*"Schindler's Bisque"* 10 / 10 !!!!

[@acountryforwomen]

MTG: "And what can we serve you this evening . Do you prefer the Hungarian Gulag or the Gazpacho Police?'

[@katherinecompton6591]

So very glad you're baaaack! ❤️. Happy Valentine's Day! 💗

[@maysawilson423]

I have missed watching this show! One week is too long to go without it

[@gus.smedstad]

Stop calling those idiots “truckers.” Blocking a bridge with your pickup doesn’t make you a trucker. Yeah, there are a couple of semis involved, but not that many.

[@thisbushnell4824]

Hearing maggie the mare say with such venom "gazpacho police" will never fail to make me LOL!.

[@denisefoxcroft8920]

She's a hungry horse. An EmpTy GG.

[@paradisepipeco]

*Gazpacho Police and Cilantro Troopers are brainworshing our childernz behnd their ears. They're teaching Crinoline Racing Theory to turn our ankle biters into petticoat wearing NASCAR drivers and Marx Brothers. Trump is our Emperor Daddy Bear Blimp Messiah, and nothing Georgia Saurus or any other dinosaur can do will change that diaper. **_"Let's Grow, Bananas"._*

[@abigailhowe8302]

@@paradisepipeco I love you so much right now XD

[@paradisepipeco]

@@abigailhowe8302 Yes, but we have to stop meeting like this, _ma chéri._. You-know-who will begin to suspect.....and we must think of the children. *_"I love you too, but I told you to wait in the truck."_* ~~ Dolly Parton *_You faint me with damp praise, M'Lady._* On behalf of myself, the entire tireless and dedicated gang in the front office, the boys in the band, and all the ships at sea, I humbly accept this symbolic highly coveted _Clinton-Lewinsky Soggy Cigar Award for Velour, Valium, and Valor._ I would like to thank Mom, Dad, the academy, Santa, Uncle Grampa, all the dogs in heaven; and of course my dear old Aunt Teefa who continues to slave over a hot oven, baking her legendary rib-smacking stick-to-your-lips ricochet biscuits that shall surely slap and tickle your taste buds and tonsils, and play grab-ass with your palette. Yes indeedy, O ye of little stash, dear Aunt Teefa arises each day at the kraken of dawn; venturing forth into the wild outback out back to whack those pesky and elusive moles, that we may savor her rubber biscuits with a bit of mole-asses. And believe me, it takes a lot of moles to make up a good serving of mole-asses. *_"If you could reason with Trump supporters, they wouldn't be Trump supporters."_* ~~ Wanda Slappem-Sully *_"We have met the enemy, and he is us."_* ~~ Pogo (Walt Kelly) *_"I am not nearly so interested in what monkey man was derived from as I am in what kind of monkey he is to become."_* ~~ Loren Eiseley Yes Virginia, this does indeed bring to mind a story that happened to me long ago; in a Ford Galaxie far far away..... _Once upon a time, when I was born, I was very young. Then I lived happily ever after._ The End. *_"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes."_* ~~ Jack Handey Oh my, look at the time. _(Please pardon the pustulant pusillanimous preposterous pontification of the pomposity of my verbosity monstrosity atrocity.)_ But before I turn my coat-collar to the wind and head down that long lonesome highway until the break of day, fading ever so slowly into the ethersphere amongst the eiderdown and the edelweiss, I feel compelled to caution you regarding the seldom seen missing link _(the poolroom stink)_ that lurketh in the shadowy mire far below the felonious felicitous fetid folderol formulating random acts of reprehensible rhymefication that you shall encounter looming menacingly below. at the very bottom of this bombastic balderdash. Should you cast caution to the wind; choosing instead to approach and perhaps pursue the uncharted nether-world of nefarious nincompoopery linked by this gateway into the danger zone that is this aforementioned missing link _(the poolroom stink),_ please be advised that it may not be all that it appears to be; and although not required, full hazmat gear is highly recommended. But alas, I am now compelled to take my leave, for I must needs go see a Pleiadian about a plesiosaur. So as the sun pulls away from the shore, and our ship sinks somewhere slowly in the west, I bid thee a fond _adieu._ May the schwartz be with you, Young Jedi. Namaste *_"Trump is a Cloroxymoron."_* ~~ Mr. Clean *_And now, for something completely different:_* *MAGA* _again some more right now again already_ MAGA in the kitchen MAGA in the hall MAGA in the springtime MAGA in the fall MAGA on the mountaintop MAGA on the beach MAGA tail a wagga Just like a Georgia peach MAGA in the Kremlin MAGA by yourself MAGA with a gremlin or with a tiny elf. MAGA 'til next Tuesday MAGA 'til next June MAGA all around the block Or maybe on the moon MAGA on Uranus or Jupiter or Mars MAGA in a aeroplane and MAGA in your cars. MAGA MAGA MAGA no matter what the cost. because we're all too stupid To accept it that we lost. *_Old Wack Donald had a farm_* *_L-G-B-T-Q_* *_And on this farm he had a horse_* *_Who left a pile of poo_* *_With horseshit here, and horseshit there_* *_Here a tweet, there a tweet_* *_Everywhere a mean tweet_* *_Old Wack Donald bought the farm_* *_L-G-B-T-Q_* *_DOWN IN MAGALAND_* _pollution creators and corporate raiders_ _who under-tip waiters and live with the 'gators_ _there's salvation healers and overweight squealers_ _who hire young peelers for their dirty dealers_ _there's fanny pack rangers, adult diaper changers_ _and funeral arrangers who fear any strangers_ _they're covered in cankers and love their big tankers_ _and worship the bankers and tallywhack wankers_ _these red hat collectors are haunted by specters_ _of russian defectors and hannibal lecters_ _there's grandmas in slacksez with access to vaxxez_ _who don't want no blacksez in their anglo saxxez_ _they worship and wallow while kneeling, they swallow_ _they know they are hollow but know they must follow_ _they're lost in the foggo while humping the doggo_ _with hate from their bloggo from here to chicago_ *. . . . .* _and bow to the demon who haunts mar-a-lago_ _Top 40 from the Back 40 (playlist)_ kzbin.info/aero/PLOhxuTxNTwnF5AVaTbLaK2rHPXHAM_ORU 🙈🙉🙊

[@paradisepipeco]

In all fairness, Margarine Trailerpark Groan has been working very hard on her education. Many people say she can now count almost all the way to ten by stomping her hoof.

[@seraphonica]

I'm still laughing that MTG was comparing people to the gestapo (or, well, trying to) because people looked at her social media pages. If she wants assistance in preventing people from looking at her social media... well, twitter figured out a pretty good solution for that, didn't they?

[@Mr._Sandman]

Yeah. Fire soup critics.

[@slcpunk2740]

Leave Magic The Gathering out of your politics! The Llanowar Elves have enough on their hands already this winter without having to respond to these comments from every Tom, Dick and Harry .... err uhh seraphonica.

[@RabblesTheBinx]

@@slcpunk2740 it's too late, she wanted to be the right's AOC, so she ruined my favorite card game. MTG forever has a new meaning: Margie The Goosestepper

[@Roseclan24]

Nancy Pelosi sent the Spanish Soup Nazis after her to throw her in a Gulag from the USSR. The irony. I can't believe people elected this fool.

[@SevenHunnid]

I review weed products from cali on my KZbin channel lol🙏

[@CHR588]

That was a Great Opening!!!! 👏👏👏

[@vickystrudwick3939]

OMG "Gazpacho Police" - I laughed out loud, and it wasn't at Stephen!

[@michaelschwartz8730]

And just like that, I got a craving and set out to learn how to make good gazpacho. (Mission accomplished!) Arguably the only good thing MTG has ever done

[@shithoagie]

Hey, good look! 👍🏾

[@Ansible1000]

Wait until summer when The Good tomatoes and cucumbers are ready.

[@annettepiff9759]

I concur! I was shocked she had even heard of Gazpacho! There is something significant that she shares with Gazpacho -- they are both served very cold!

[@gayahithwen]

@@annettepiff9759 She knows about it not because she's actually cultured (if she was, she would know the difference between Gazpacho and the Gestapo), more likely because it was part of some fancy dinner she had with "lobbyists" as they bribed her to continue undermining American democracy.

[@kathleenkilcline7303]

You win the Internet today..

[@daniadventure-dog3649]

Maybe it's just me, but that monologue was really well done 👍

[@PluribusProject]

Wasn't just you.

[@tyronevaldez-kruger5313]

It was great but I couldn't hold back laughing because it was quite kinky as well.

[@anonymusum]

They had one week off. So no wonder they had some ideas.

[@victoriabaker4400]

Fired up. He needs these recharge breaks. He's just as worried about the state of things as any of us are, he's just doing his best to help, and caregivers need respite.

[@ghill88]

Finally, an MTG tangled up so funny I loved it, what a card.

[@joannejohnson7006]

Hahaha, Hope you and Evie had a wonderful Valentine's Day ♥️😘

[@DeepThought420]

Happy Valentine's day to all of you without a Valentine! Like me! 💝

[@SonofTuscon99]

Same to you, fellow single person!

[@icreatedanaccountforthis1852]

Thank you

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Revenge (and Gazpacho) is a Dish Best Served Cold!

[@saltdaemon4453]

GOOD! if they had a RIG in that mess then I say Give them the max fine & time they deserve!

[@Mkwaa]

February 15th is Susan B. Anthony's birthday which should be a national holiday. Talk about the perfect day not to have to get up and go to work after a night of romancing.

[@istdochallesegal3427]

The "soup nazis" riff was one of his best ever! An Guaten!!!

[@insightoftheages5571]

It was her idea

[@istdochallesegal3427]

Just too good to leave off here: what's the best after Pelosi's gazpacho? Nothin' beats a generous helping of Luftwaffles!

[@MissLedZeppy]

MTG walks into a bar, bartender asks “why the long face?”

[@adamchristopher6917]

CLANG. But Pelosi ducked. ^^;

[@RabblesTheBinx]

I actually had to say that line in a play. I did Canned Hamlet and played the king. The opening three lines to my first scene were: King: "Hamlet, my nephew, my _son,_ why the long face?" Hamlet: "I'm upset about the death of my father." King: "No, I mean, 'Why is your face so much _longer,_ in _length_ than other people's?'"

[@ldfreitas9437]

She answers "I'm the missing link between Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals.

[@WiLDCHiLD.]

@@ldfreitas9437 💀🤣 I snorted. Thank you!

[@sheilascanlon4928]

Her nicknames Winny...

[@nicolebrown1927]

Stephen had me weeeak when he showed THE RAMS QB post game interview!!!💙😂😂😂💙

[@id10t98]

"Schindler's Bisque." Elaine Benes approved, because "It was a bisque."

[@parrisprice5892]

Welcome back Stephen!!!! Missed you dude💜

[@michaelcase8574]

Interesting that truckers entering the USA must already be fully vacinated before they enter. Truckers strike indeed!

[@jerseygirl3822]

He rules late night tv on monologues alone, and there are many close 2nd’s. Thx for making me laugh out loud - literally! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@laureltown9929]

Thank you for the laughs😂💞👏👏👏💖

[@claramartinez2137]

Best presentation of MTG EVEEEER!

[@elanacurl]

Ty for my Valentine's gift 💙 love this show

[@wednesday8397]

ROFLMAO! I am 49 and live in Toledo, Ohio. When we were 19 my friends and I used to go to Windsor to drink because it's one hour away and the drinking age in Canada was 19 (I'm not sure what it is now) and we didn't need passports to go to Canada (or Mexico when I lived in Texas). We LOVED a little basement blues bar called "The Aardvark...(Cafe maybe?)". I love Canadians and hate to think they've lost that kindness that made it a pleasure to visit

[@mariag.8242]

Please don’t judge us on the behaviour of a few pissed off white guys organized by our homegrown fascists and haters, supported by their American counterparts

[@TheCanadiangirl4]

We haven't lost our kindness. Many of us have just lost our patience for the idiot protestors in Ottawa. Idiots tend to annoy us.

[@Herkimer_Snerd]

If we let the Gazpacho Police run riot, what's next? Sangria law?

[@davidshulimson9491]

Brilliant as always, but I have to take exception to dissing Windsor. That is a great city to visit and in which to live. Best line of the night: "...a comment so stupid, we almost went on live to talk about it."

[@lruddy8820]

Windson is a drivethru town

[@gomezaddams4347]

I love the fact that Marge doesn’t understand the meaning of the words “social media”.

[@dracoargentum9783]

Hell, she probably still thinks that the government runs social media.

[@dizzyspinner2205]

thank you so much for adding the option for closed captions!

[@solderbuff]

God bless "Stay Human".

[@CaliforniaBushman]

Stephen must have been bursting at the gazpacho all week to get some MTG jokes in.

[@relagro]

I’ve been waiting all week to hear what he’d say about it, lol.

[@danielochoa8025]

On Michoacán México we called gazpacho to mix of different fruits mixed with lime pepper and salt.

[@TheRealLeesyKate]

Not the first time gazpacho soup has caused someone mass embarrassment. RIP Arnold J Rimmer.

[@BaldwinBay]

Support The Arts America! 🎼🎭

[@heathermorrison1674]

When I heard what Greene said, I thought, "And Colbert's on break! Oh man!"

[@WiLDCHiLD.]

10:03 I was already imagining what kind of Terminator joke Stephen was going to say before he even said it. 😂🤣 Like drumpf and the repubes, they _LOVE_ the uneducated. They are the majority of their voters and supporters.

[@scottnunnemaker5209]

Soup police, sounds about right for the average age of our politicians.

[@CloudsGirl7]

Margie needs to be inundated with letters bearing the simple message; "NO SOUP FOR YOU" 😆😂

[@contractorwolf]

"if you have to tell everyone you were being sarcastic, you're doing a great job!" had me rolling

[@aokigaharakomorebi]

The Ivermectin insurrection has nothing to do with truckers and provincial mandates and everything to do with American alt-right lunacy - A concerned Canadian

[@insightoftheages5571]

You are nuts.. why disregard what 100% of the participants are saying?

[@tomasmondragon883]

@@insightoftheages5571 If 100% of the world's billionaires say that they are billionaires, does that mean that everyone in the world is a billionaire? Well, no, that hypothetical is a bit unfair of me. How about this: If 100% of the world's billionaires say that they need taxbreaks and slaves, does that actually mean that billionaires need taxbreaks and slaves?

[@lookwhatshappeningnow8974]

@@insightoftheages5571 because 3/4 of Canada doesn't support it?

[@rogerrabbit8756]

@@donofon101 55% also wants the mandates ended.... and sure as shit Trudeau support must be in the low 20% at best.

[@rsteeb]

@@rogerrabbit8756 I 100% want the mandates ended-- just as soon as COVID is *EXTINCT*.

[@KittyCatComa]

Whoever said the 80's was the best time for sex must have forgotten about AIDS.

[@elenachristian9860]

Well that might have been why AIDS spread.

[@maxryder995]

Steven said "POOTIN" LOL!

[@blessedwin888]

The Clapper king!😂🤦‍♀️😅

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

Gazpacho soup! - Arnold J. Rimmer's last words

[@VitalyGutkovich]

Zalensky is a professional joke Teller, his former job was a late night talk show host 😅

[@DeniseBrown-voteblue]

LOVE YOUR SHOW STEPHEN 🤗 You always make me laugh 👍🤗🥰

[@stephenslack1181]

LMBO. She's feeling the heat!

[@daveyboots79]

Anyone laughing about the Gazpacho police has never taken bread stick to the knee... they don't play

[@adancer3592]

I'm confused I thought Gordon Ramsay was the gazpacho Police 🍲 🚓

[@tookitogo]

Jose Andres, probably the most famous Spanish chef in USA, posted a hilarious reply to it!

[@mirna-garcia]

@@tookitogo I'm from Spain, laughing at all this, so funny. We love gazpacho over here, by the way! Where can i see that reply from the chef?

[@fr3ddog]

colbert will always be the best.... by far!

[@amberts180]

I miss you, Stephen. Please give us more seasons!

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Looks lie the book burning has finally taken a toll in the form of Gazpacho police.

[@ruckusrevolution9475]

As a Canadian I appreciated the Canadian jokes😂💖🍁... even if the audience didn't get it 🙄

[@playnicechannel]

We dear upstairs neighbor we get it, but we simply don’t know if they have a Hallmark card to say “sorry we poisoned you with misinformation, encouraged you with right wing state media, and financed the whole lunacy on social media”….. ironic these are the exact things we accuse Russia and China of doing to us and we call it state sponsored terror. I’ve long maintained there should be official Geneva Conventions against annoying any Canadian to the point they act like their down stairs neighbor mea culpa “the lower 48 eh?” 🇺🇸❤️🇨🇦

[@robertspringer9477]

It was over their heads.

[@markwilliams2620]

@@robertspringer9477 We don't get that quality grade 13 education in the States.

[@ealexander71]

We do make handsome Ryans don't we???

[@playnicechannel]

@@ealexander71 👍 if only for your maple syrup perfection and hunky Ryans, the world owes Canada an eternal debt. Please keep both flowing though at times it seems we are undeserving.

[@bluekitty3731]

Aw Stephen I'm spending another valentine's day evening with you and 4 hundred of your friends.

[@tcatl2603]

I like how he banters with Jon Batiste during the monologues. Good stuff.