My Adult Son Is Severely Overweight (Should I Help Him?)

[@Candles1111]

I lost 120lbs. No amount of talking about my weight with anyone who was concerned made me anything but embarrassed and stonewalling the other person. It was deciding to love myself that ultimately made me change

[@veracityhunter7777]

Hate to say it, but there is nothing that she can do until he gets sick and tired of his food addiction. All she can do is unconditionally Love him, exemplify healthy habits, and hope he decides to take control over his life. This is one of the difficulties about parenting adult children; like she said in the beginning she can't just put him in the car, and make him go to the doctor. This is what is so painful about addiction, there's literally nothing you can do for the person until they want to do it for themselves. It's got to be heartbreaking as a mother to accept this reality. He's a grown man, and only he controls what he puts in his mouth. Sorry to hear about it.

[@ChurchofCaboose]

Could be. Could be a symptom of mental health such as PTSD or depression

[@rustyshackleford6637]

A while back I was at an Arby's and some big fatass came in and ordered 3 entire meals all with different side orders. He went over and doused the entire tray indiscriminately with various sauces. Then he sits down and loudly devours the contents within about 30 seconds. And then get this. He stands up, burps loudly. He goes to ring the bell for good service, and then he turns around and takes a bow!! I'm telling you this man had to be around 500 pounds. The employees knew him by name too, and said "we'll see you tomorrow." !!!

[@rkk2606]

@@rustyshackleford6637What does that have to do with anything? You seem to be getting some perverse pleasure in fat shaming this person. Yeah we get that he probably eats a lot. But why cast judgment? You don’t know anything about his life. He likely struggles with food addiction. But you don’t know anything of what he’s dealing with in life. He may have had early life abuse or adversities and never really learned how to cope with distress and food has played that role in his life. He may be depressed and trying to do his best to get through every day. I don’t get people like you who approach people with contempt rather than compassion.

[@hobojungle1]

@@rustyshackleford6637edge lord edges.

[@DrPhilGoode]

@@rustyshackleford6637 Umm…I think I’m too late but is this where they are shooting “Mrs Shackleford 4….by 4? Wheres Paul? Hi Paul 🤝 I’ll be fluffing you today.

[@knaudi86]

People will not change their ways when it comes to health and eating unless they truly, deep down want to do it internally. No outside influence (other than maybe a mortality scare) can make them do it.

[@probablynot1368]

My sweet,beautiful, kind daughter-in-law was morbidly obese when my son married her. She knew she was fat, but bought into the belief that she was one of those large girls who claimed to be absolutely healthy, even though she took insulin for Type II diabetes, and had high blood pressure. We accepted her for who she was, knowing only she could make a change when she was either ready for the change, or a health crisis would force the change. A change in insurance provider at my son’s work place forced her to change primary care physicians. She insisted to him that she was very healthy, that everyone in her family was large (true), and that she’d been large since she was a child. He ordered up a number of blood tests, had a cardiologist, endocrinologist, and a pulmonologist run tests and provide their input. Within 6 weeks, he presented all the results, laying out a bleak future if she continued gaining weight. He immediately placed her on a highly monitored Keto diet, and she immediately began losing weight. Within 6 more weeks, she discontinued insulin injections! I cheer her on and make sure that whenever they’re at our house for a meal, I cook foods compliant with her eating plan. I’ve learned to cook some very tasty no-carb and vegetable entrees, too. She’s lost nearly 100 pounds and is learning to clothes shop in stores she could never imagine entering before the weight loss. I’m just thankful that her doctor was compassionate enough to care about his patient that he wasn’t afraid to hold her feet to the fire and tell her to stop making excuses for being fat.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Let's face it, DIL had crappy doctors before her current doctor. Any of them could have suggested a Keto diet to at least improve her Type II Diabetes but they just didn't give a sh*t. Glad to hear of her success getting off insulin and loosing weight.

[@greenAbbot]

That’s wonderful for her. But for every (secondhand) story like this, there are 100 firsthand stories by people whose doctors shamed and alienated them by “holding their feet to the fire”, and ended up causing more harm than good. You can’t just extrapolate from one situation that you only got someone else’s version of to begin with.

[@nleem3361]

She's lucky she found a doc who not only ran all the test & explained the results, but also believed in keto. So many don't, but it's the only diet that has ever worked for me. Also, it's wonderful how you supported her too. My family didn't until I had good results and then would support it, so it was so hard for me to have dinner with them and not break my diet. Now they know and make me keto friendly meals when I come to town, but it was rough at first.

[@jakes658]

​@@jeromehenry4484Don't blame doctors...

[@Cafeallday222]

@@nleem3361it’s because the science shows that most who go on it, gain it back. If its done right and it works for you body, it works very well. My in laws did it for 4 months and it worked well for them but longterm keto diets tend to end up with weight gain at the end of the day. The main thing for this girl is probably caloric restriction and changing from processed to real foods. That’s where keto really shines - taking out the crap.

[@ineedhoez]

Fasting broke my food addiction. Once I broke the addiction, everything else was a cake walk. No excessive exercise. Just walking my dog. My body was able to use the stored fat for fuel, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! Once I that happened, my body did all if the other work. My appetite decreased. My body wanted to move more. I didn't have a massive shift in my beliefs or get extreme will power. I just lowered my insulin levels, decreased my insulin resistance, and decreased my leptin resistance. Easy peasy. Down 80lbs. 50 more until my ideal ex model weight.

[@sandrab.3538]

Folks get frightened by the word, "Fast," but I find fasting to be an easy way to maintain a healthy weight (or lose weight). I simply delay my morning meal. Also, recognize that snacking or grazing all day long is very likely to keep the weight on. Three separated meals a day seems best.

[@sarcasm2960]

@@sandrab.3538 I used to be able to fast when younger lol I'm 35 now and If I don't at least have a protein shake to hold me till lunch, I will smack somebody 😂 mood swings ya know.

[@Upstream5402]

​I gained weight when I switched to working from home. My desk was near the kitchen, and when I was bored or frustrated with my work, which was often, I'd grab a snack, and usually not the healthy kind. When I did see other employees who also had switched to working remotely, I noticed they were gaining weight, too. Grazing all day long makes it way too easy to overeat without realising it until you've packed on ten, twenty, or more excess pounds.​@@sandrab.3538

[@emmawilkins5755]

I 'm in my 40's and my mum often comments on my weight. She tells me I would feel better, look better, be healthier. She has also told me I owe it to my husband and compared me negatively to her friends slimmer daughters! All it does is make me feel down. Most kids seek their parents approval. I know I'm fat. Feeling my mum is ashamed of me has just made me feel less like tackling my weight. My advice is dont mention it again. Let your son know you love him and are proud of him and its not conditional on being a certain body size.

[@Ben-zr4ho]

Like a heroin addict right? Just leave them be. Don't judge. It just makes them feel bad. They know they are heroin addicts. Theyll come to you when you are ready. I'd do almost anything to have a mother to tell me what your mother tells you. She loves you and wants you to have a better life and not die before 50. She sounds AWFUL.

[@sunnyday4055]

@@Ben-zr4ho Dude she’s comparing her to other girls I’ve never heard anyone say to an addict Can’t you be like your cousin steve he’s never taken drugs 🙄

[@RadCenter]

The first step should be for this young man to get professional counseling for depression.

[@razmiddle9410]

It was my uncle expressing the importance of exercise on your mood and aging process that got me to really prioritize my health and start working out regularly. I may have known that exercise is healthy, but it's easy to tell lies to yourself that everything is fine until someone actually talks about it with you. We're all taught to mind our own business and bodies, but it comes at the cost of watching someone that you supposedly love and care about kill themselves with their own actions.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Did it ever occur to Mom to ask son how his life is going? like his career, dating, hobbies, etc.? Her son would have been 24 or 25 years old at the time lockdown started, that might have derailed many things that were going well at that time. Things haven't gone back to normal for a lot of folks. Mom is too focused on the food, not on circumstances that might have contributed to the sudden weight increase. Maybe it would be better for Dad to have buddy time with his son, find out what's really bothering him.

[@davidhale4647]

She said he is depressed She might not have wanted to say why

[@davidhale4647]

I know she is worried about health problems from the weight she said

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@davidhale4647 Yet caller was solely focused on son's weight, not his depression, in her mind these are separate issues. Sounded like she was more concerned that others would take his weight issues as a reflection of her parenting skills, which is ridiculous because that ship sailed when he graduated from high school. He has been an adult for last 9 years. Sometimes a guy needs a buddy or father to confide in, not mother or girlfriend.

[@davidhale4647]

I disagree My thoughts

[@sarcasm2960]

@@jeromehenry4484 I agree there's a time that mothers are needed and then there's also a time Dad or Big brother need to come in with tough love. This is what happens when kids get spoiled rotten , they grow into adults who still need their hand held when crossing the street. Grown ass man , not a baby in diapers.

[@loventa]

I’m obese. If some family member or my future in-laws kept bringing up my weight that would strain my relationship with them. I grew up with an eating disorder and even when I ate next to nothing and worked out relentlessly for any calorie I did eat, I was still overweight. My mother still would threaten to lock up the fridge. My mother still locked me in my room without food or water. My grandmother would force us to eat a ton of food before being allowed to leave the table even if we were full since we didn’t have food at my mother’s house (we were poor) and I gained weight rapidly. My other grandmother still every time she saw me told me how fat I was when I just wanted to ask what hobbies she had been up to or her favorite food lately. My mother, my other grandmother, my father, my siblings, my aunts and uncles… all told me how fat I was or brought up my weight in some way. My mother wouldn’t buy me new clothes because I was fat and one day when you “get thinner you can have new clothes.” My grandmother would buy me new clothes for the holidays but it would be four sizes too small and would tell me I needed to lose weight to wear them, but oooh look how pretty the sparkles on the pants are. When I did ask about going with my dad or stepmother to the gym, they told me no and I wasn’t showing I was serious enough to lose weight but every other person in the immediate family (even my 5 year old brother) had a gym membership - the rest of them were thin or average weight. My mother wouldn’t let me wear certain colors and when I tried wearing a white spring dress at 15, she refused to take me to where I needed to go because I looked like a “big white cow” and made cow noises at me. I’m getting married next year and those experiences with wearing that white dress at 15 makes me not want to wear a white wedding dress since I feel ugly in it and a “big white cow”. I had wanted to wear my grandmother’s wedding dress that all my aunts and mother wore to their wedding too, but my one aunt cut up the dress into a baby outfit for her granddaughter and then told me I was “too fat anyways” to fit into the dress. Like I can go on but I’m trying to say is not only would we get commentary from our mother, but everybody else under the sun has commentary to make about how we look too. And sometimes we just want someone to look us into our eyes, genuinely ask how we are doing and we want to feel loved no matter what our size is. And it turns out a lot of my weight gain was also because of untreated celiac disease and as soon as I went on a gluten free diet I lost 30 pounds and am less bloated. I was also in horrible pain before being GF and would vomit blood, cry from pain, vitamin deficiencies, nausea… then being dismissed by doctors because of my weight and that I’m a woman. Felt constantly like I was being stabbed and shards of glass through my intestines. Sometimes I collapsed from the pain and doctors kept telling me it was “normal.” When finally one doctor did an endoscopy they found three ulcers with active bleeding, five GI conditions, and celiac disease too. I was physically sick but everybody kept ignoring me because of me being obese and I’m a woman. Kept getting prescriptions for birth control pills for an autoimmune disorder (celiac disease). For me it was hard to want to work out when I was in so much pain and nausea. For a bunch of other reasons too I don’t speak to my birth family anymore. But one of the reasons I don’t speak to them is because of how they treated me with my weight. I know I’m fat and I don’t need to be reminded every time I see someone like my mother or grandmother. My dad would make fun of my weight then would tell me I “didn’t know how to take a joke” or I was “being too sensitive”. We just want people to treat us like everyone else and be loved. If he asks you for help or ideas, then say something. But if every time he sees you and you say something about his weight instead of being present in the moment he’s going to remember that. People remember how they feel around you.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Keep distance from your birth family, they knew better, bet they wouldn't have said anything that insulting if it was someone at work or church or hobby circle, etc. They chose to be verbal bullies. Please do not invite them to your wedding, it's YOUR big day, don't let anyone in that will try to upstage you. If you don't want a white wedding gown, then pick a different color (white isn't that flattering on most people anyway). Congratulations on your future marriage, focus on that and leave the past life in the past.

[@loventa]

@@jeromehenry4484 Thanks. They definitely aren’t invited to my wedding! I haven’t spoken to them in almost 10 years. I’ve also legally changed my entire name in an effort to move forward and create more of my own identity without being reminded of them so much. I was probably going to wear a red dress for my wedding which I’m excited about! I think hearing this caller talk about weight like this brought up some of my own memories surrounding weight. I sometimes wish people like this would see us / hear us / be present with us instead of trying to constantly fix us like we’re broken. Also it seems odd for her to not ask her son about what his hobbies are, friends, job, shows he’s watching, or other things going on in his life and seems to keep focusing on the weight.

[@kaylong6755]

Very wise advice. You were abused by your family. You’re right that most families don’t approach this issue right, but your family was extreme and abusive. Your advice is awesome. Be present and love and LIKE the supposed loved one with a weight problem.

[@vickijacobs1853]

I'm so sorry for all you've been through and wish you a wonderful life!

[@hadenanderson563]

TLDR

[@jime19911]

I was that kid at one point. There was nothing anyone could have done to make me loose the weight. One day I just got sick of it and went through with eventually having bariatric surgery. I went from 370 lbs down to 180 lbs and healthy and have kept the weight off for several years now. My mom was supportive my whole life and she was there throughout the whole process. My weight gain was due to depression and an addiction to food. My dad passed away when I was 20 and a lot of the weight was put on after that but I always struggled my whole life with my weight but that just put me over the edge. But it all came down to me to make the decision to change. Maybe give him some ideas like this and show your support but you can’t force him to do it.

[@kimdramas]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@paolaristori6179]

Excluding physical malfunctions, eating too much and being obese is an addiction. As for any addiction it can be fought only by the person who is prisoner of it. And only if the person in question is motivate and willing to face sacrifices to get rid of it.

[@franziskani]

Actually it is not always an addiction it can be quite often also (or even solely) be a malfunction of your metabolism. If your body stores away all sugars / carbonhydrates and your bloodsugar is low (despite just having eaten) your brain will send you in search of food. Good luck with resisting a survival mechanism your brain is ordering you to follow. (Malfunctioning metabolism - the only chance is to eat low carb) Or take it that way: In modern society we eat a lot of food we are not supposed to eat and the metabolism of some people deals (children !) deal better with it than that of others. And the metabolism of children is being messed with already which sets them up for problems later. The allegedly "food addicted" people do not always eat _more_ or _different_ than the slim people. But the slim people that are judgemential or use simplistic explanations (food addiction) in many cases are just lucky. there have been studies where they let people take notes of everything that they ate for 2 weeks. Surprise, suprise the people with normal weight eat as much or even more than the obese folks. And they also do not eat healthier. Some folks have their metabolism working against them (part of it is genetics, and likely childhood also sets up a person for later problems to keep the weight off. How much excercise the child gets and how much of the standard American diet they eat may play a role. it is even possible that the effect of industrial food, too much sugar, corn syrup COMPOUNDS over generations, that there is an epigenetic component). Also: a highly competitive society, where people stress eat (or do not have time to cook, because they are worn out when they come home. Stressed, sleep deprived people also have a hard time losing weight.

[@amydoran9987]

He has to want to change the situation himself. She can’t do it for him.

[@dking1362]

It is hard to parent adult children....the toughest years of my parenting journey! I am working on the concept of "pray, don't say." There are many things that it is no longer my place to comment on, but I sure want to because I love my kids and sooooo want to help! But that is no longer the role I play in their lives...so I try to life them up in prayer and keep my mouth shut (...more-still working on it!)

[@alleykeosheyan4779]

Ooooh, "pray, don't say"-- I like that!

[@sandrabrislin4526]

Thank you for sharing “pray, don’t say”

[@dking1362]

@@sandrabrislin4526 Easier said than done! But it struck me, too....I'm working on it! Great book to checkout:: Empty Nest, Full Life, by Jill Savage.

[@ericasmith7871]

Wow. Pray don’t say! Perfect!

[@imveryhungry112]

invite him on walks with you. Cook dinner with him. Once they turn into adults you gotta be their friend like, how youde help your buddy. You cant direct a 25 or 35 year old to do stuff anymore. Gotta talk to them like youde talk to your bud who is 100 lbs overweight and has diabetes. Like hey brother, lets do something about this i need you to be my friend a long time.

[@jackidezell3401]

When I was 22 and had a six pack, when I used to workout heavily, I dated an 18 year old who was over 450 pounds at 5'6" not much taller than me. Now he's almost 40, and is STILL that overweight. He lost his dad when he was 18 from a massive heart attack. I don't talk to him anymore but I still worry about him.

[@maybelikealittlebit]

Kinda creepy you dated a child at 22 lol. Couldn’t find anyone better? Perhaps you didn’t help his case by being predatory…. Sorry not sorry to judge but sheesh, people are unintentionally predatory. 👀

[@jackidezell3401]

@@maybelikealittlebit lol he was an adult. Over 18. No I doubt I could've found someone better, because he was a WONDERFUL person, and mature beyond his years.

[@Victor_Victory]

​@@jackidezell3401so did you become a lesbian or something now

[@hannahwinterhalder741]

​@@maybelikealittlebit It isn't a child

[@deusexmachina9776]

@@jackidezell3401 an person who is 450 pounds is mature? come on... dude wasnt mentally healthy

[@Dwights_trash_can]

I'm overweight I can assure you we are aware we are over weight. Im working on it and he will never work on himself if he doesn't want to. In my case I had to see a professional to help me becauae they have the knowledge and the actual facts not that fad diets crap. Everyone thinks they are a health expert. But the actual experts know how to successfully guide you.

[@Ja50nkAt]

It's not so complicated to need an "expert', that's probably why people fail because they believe their is some magic formula to lose weight when there isn't. Move, burn calories, restrict calories and eat clean, it's all on the internet, it's really that simple but requires discipline most people don't have these days.

[@Dwights_trash_can]

@@Ja50nkAt I didn't say it required an expert but I did need one. There is an overload of misinformation out there so for me it was overwhelming because everyone was giving opposing advice. Going to a wellness center and some classes to find actual good information helped me a lot. The point I was making is that as a bigger person everyone wants to tell you what to do when they have no qualifications to do so.

[@Dwights_trash_can]

If you would have told me to "eat clean" I would have no idea what you're even talking about. Nutritionist and wellness experts break that down for us. I was lazy and we know it we don't need ppl like you telling us.

[@sandrab.3538]

This is great advice. I have a young co-worker (male) who went to a nutritionist for his weight issue. I was actually surprised by the advice he was given by the professional, but it made sense and totally worked for him! He was accountable to the nutritionist via on-line conversation. Now, he has all the correct information going forward.

[@sarcasm2960]

@@Dwights_trash_can I agree , too many gym bros channels on KZbin who think they have a PHD in Medicine because they "look" healthy. My doctors are my source for accurate information. Been on DASH diet for a while and my BP numbers have dropped in conjunction with exercise. Feel great.

[@LKauf279]

She hasn’t built the relationship with her son that she needs to have to have the influence over him like she wants.

[@traviscase415]

🎯

[@georgewagner7787]

Some people can't do it without help but that doesn't mean mom. Bad bacteria in the gut craves sugar and carbs. I had 1 neighbor who thought he could do it alone and ate himself into a nursing home. Another neighbor went to a naturopathic nutritionist and got tested for food allergies and got on an eating plan. Six months later she looks fantastic

[@57_Triumph]

The Steve Martin album in the background is interesting.

[@MultiArtmom]

Thank you for your compassionate treatment of a difficult situation on this episode. 🎉 As a mom, I’ve tried various solutions for my weight issues and my daughter is trying to figure hers out. She does not want my solution and I’ve encouraged her to find her own. It is painful to me, but she knows I love her and respect her choices. Lord knows I’ve done some off the wall things to get stability in my many facets of health and weight. 😊

[@andrewheffel3565]

I am overweight. It started when I was in my mid thirties. If my mom, who totally screwed her own life up, told me to lose weight, I would feel like telling her to mind her own business.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

LoL, if I told my mom that she'd call me disrespectful or that it's my own fault if I get diabetes and die.

[@lisahinkofer2085]

Mom it’s so wonderful that your trying so hard to talk to your son about losing weight. You love him and want what’s best for him. As much as you want him to lose the weight it’s his call. He has to want it and he has to need the changes that it takes to lose weight. Diets don’t work. Keto is how ever one way to go to take the weight off but it should not be a long term life living diet to use. He needs to move and move everyday. Walking is fantastic but I’m not talking about getting on the tread mill. I’m talking outside enjoying nature or the city life or just walking in the neighborhood doing at least four miles a day. He should go twice a day. Lifting weights is good because muscle burns fat. But I’ll tell you it’s up to him. He has to show up and counseling is a good thing because he’s probably depressed.

[@Lkb190]

I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life, since I was 4 years old. Conversations people had with me about my weight were not well received. I distinctly remember my grandmother sitting me down and making suggestions like “walking up and down the staircase” and saying she wanted me to have a good life. I found it patronising and absorbed that she didn’t love me as I was, unconditionally. Fat people know how to lose weight, we just have mental health issues, irrepressible “food noise” in our brains, sometimes genetic predisposition, an upbringing that taught us a restriction and binge cycle rather than moderation. I have lost significant amounts of weight throughout my life and it was always off my own back, at a point where I decided to or had a catalyst moment. Honestly, you can’t force someone to do it. You can raise children with a balanced attitude to healthy eating, you can serve them healthy food in your home, you can do active things with them without framing it as an intentional weight loss attempt. But the moment you say “you’re obese, I’m worried about you, I want to take over your autonomy and plan out your redemption for you”, you’re going to lose that person’s attention.

[@fire12731]

Hope this caller sees your comment and other comments too

[@jakes658]

Honestly, you're just a weak person...

[@Cafeallday222]

I would never talk to anyone about their weight! My friend left her extremely toxic husband and lost like 100 pounds with ease. You never know what’s keep their weight on! Sometimes the body don’t let it go because of the environment.

[@jakes658]

@@Cafeallday222 You're not a good friend if that's the case.

[@Lkb190]

@@jakes658 wilfully ignorant.

[@jennifert2953]

Just love your kid. I put on 40 pounds during the pandemic and divorce, I could see my mother look me up and down. She actually offered to give me money to loose weight. (I told her we were finished discussing it). I did loose it. But because of her.

[@frankalmanzar3492]

Make it about yourself first. I agree with that.

[@whitneyparis24]

He wasn’t just “stout” as a child. This woman isn’t taking responsibility for how she and her son’s father exposed their son to poor eating habits in childhood. Now she’s seeing the problem manifest as an adult and she’s wondering why he has a hard time losing weight? Need to take the blinders off lady.

[@sitcomchristian6886]

I don't think it's that simple. Growing up, I was on the verge of being underweight, while my sister starting putting on weight around the age of 8. We were exposed to the same foods and habits. To this day, I'm a 34 year old mom of 3 and have remained lean, whereas my sister is very heavy and not in great health (and she's younger than me). I truly believe it's a brain thing. Think "genetics" over "epigenetics". Nowadays there are things that you can do about it, especially with GLP-1s

[@RachelSings21]

Trust me…he knows and having you talk to him about it WILL make it worse. He doesn’t need to be told.

[@Wintersnow889]

I feel for the mom in this situation. My father is severely overweight and I tried talking to him but it didnt work. It's really hard when you want someone to change but you can't make them. Keep trying to invite him on walks/gym.

[@RayF6126]

Or figure out what's actually fun for him. The only reason I care about my weight at all is horse backing riding is important to me but you couldn't make me set foot in a gym.

[@nleem3361]

As someone who's been trying to loose weight since I was 10 yrs old, I was very aware I was fat and needed to lose weight, I just didn't know how and I tried so hard and so many things and was very active, but was still morbidly obese. Now, thanks to the internet, I've learned how to do a food elimination diet to figure out what I have food allergies to, so I now avoid those foods and the inflammation they cause. I've also found the Keto-carnivor diet and through glucose monitoring, I know I'm insulin resistant, so I don't process carbs well, and a low carb diet is best for me. I also have thyroid issues. Learning these things has made a huge difference. Now I know that if I eat 2 bites of bread/ cheese or eggs, I be retaining water and see a 2 lb jump on the scale the next day. And if I do it for a week, it will be 10 lbs up and my joints will hurt, so I don't do it. No amount of people talking to me about the importance of loosing weight was going to help. I knew it already. What I needed was a plan that worked and to know my body and what foods work well for me. Anyway, the caller admitted that her son has tried a few things and she didn't support them because she didn't think they were good for him. That's so discouraging. He's trying. He knows. He just hasn't found the thing that works for him and he may need lab test too. Hopefully, he keeps trying until he finds what works.

[@cramperella]

As someone who has struggled with disordered eating and weight for a long time, having a family member share their ‘concern’ made me hate myself even more and then hate them for judging me. It caused a permanent rift in our relationship. We need to mind our own bodies. Fat people know they’re fat, know the dangers and struggle every minute of every day. Making people feel loved and valued does way more than ‘concern’ and judgement.

[@veracityhunter7777]

That's what I figured. What I figure is that if the obese person knows that they are loved; they will probably go to their loved ones if and when they are ready to change? I've never struggled with disordered eating, but I have struggled with substances in my youth. It's the only thing I can equate it to.

[@jill9606]

Well said.

[@GwenMotoGirl]

YES! Concern and someone important to me being “worried about” my former disordered eating only sent me farther into the guilt part of the addiction. I’m grateful to be free from this addiction, but no one got me there. I did it. But I did observe someone I respected living a lifestyle that had the results I wanted. I sought info from her, but on my own terms.

[@davidhale4647]

I think she is a good mom She is worried about the weight causing health problems she said

[@davidboyd2963]

Not everyone will react like you did.

[@LinkingYellow]

I loved working out with my mom before she moved away. We didn't do it much, but it was really fun when we did.

[@deed449]

People who are severely overweight already know they have a problem. It’s one of the hardest things to deal with because it’s emotional, physical and mental. I have been morbidly obese and have lost the weight a bunch of times. I can guarantee that NO ONE person wants to be obese. If you can get him to talk about it on his own it would be best. Just listening and spending time may ease his mind. I’ve been there and it’s super hard.

[@joywebster2678]

Instead of meeting for lunch, meet for a nice walk in a pretty park. Don't make your relationship about food places.

[@psychicsusan67]

I have struggled with weight throughout my life. I understand that this woman is concerned about her son. Any person that carries extra weight on their body already knows it they don't need their mother pointing out the flaw. My mother did this to me when my emotional eating situation had everything to do with how over involved that she was in my life. When I finally walked away from the toxicity I no longer have weight gain problems. I have stayed at an optimal weight ever since I cut my entire toxic family out of my life.

[@ering1922]

Iv struggled with my weight my whole life right now I’m down 40 pounds but growing up my mom would tell me no one is ever going to love me cause I’m fat I was always told I was ugly and if I lose weight I would finally be Beautiful from my mom and so much more to the point where I hated myself

[@mightymouse9001]

All dudes clicking the video hoping their mom isn’t blowing them up 😂

[@sunnyday4055]

Keto diet is one of the best diets for weight loss. And is sustainable long term. But it’s very expensive 😭

[@crazeekids9744]

I have a father who has commented on my weight and other peoples’ weight off and on my whole life. The only thing that it did was make me never want to be around him once I didn’t have to be.

[@tspencer661]

IMO, this mom needs counseling. She needs to learn how to love her son as he is. She sounds like she is a controlling/critical mom. How do I know? Because my mom is the same way. She teased me about my cellulite when I was 15. She always mentions whenever I’ve gained weight. She gets excited when I lose weight. Once she told me that I needed to talk to my doctor about normal weight obesity. (I see my doctor annually and he’s never said that I’m obese.) She even mailed a letter to my cousin telling her that her daughter is too fat and that my mom would be happy to purchase the girl sports equipment. I’ve dealt with it for 48 years. My mom is 82 and set in her ways. She’s not going to change. I’ve accepted that. I wish this mom the best of luck in changing her approach with her son.

[@Upstream5402]

I'm glad her diet was highly monitored. I have a friend who always struggled with her weight. I didn't see her for a few months, but when I did I was amazed at how much weight she had lost on a keto diet she had put herself on. She was almost normal weight and looked great and seemed very happy. But, over the course of the next year, I noticed the weight was steadily creeping back. During this time, she said she was now on a semi keto diet. So basically, a traditional diet plus the addition of an over abundance of almost unlimited fats seemed to be doing more harm than good. By a year's time, she appeared to weigh more than when she had first started with keto. So, my question is, what does the mainanence plan look like for after attaining a desired weight on keto? Would you have to remain on a strict keto diet the rest of your life?

[@manylaughs9002]

Do good, feel good. Not the other way around.

[@redzin8818]

Almost get the idea that the mom is making it about herself...

[@veracityhunter7777]

Maybe, idk but she's also in pain. That's the thing about addiction; it hurts everyone in the life of the addict.

[@ntakovacj3644]

Have you ever had a younger family member who was becoming more and more unhealthy to the point you knew that they could die before you? It isn't about yourself -- you want to save them before they drown and they already know you love them with all your heart. Not mentioning it isn't in the cards because time isn't on their side. Wait for them to take action themselves? What -- wait for them to stop taking poison? I think your comment is OK if you haven't been there, watching your younger sister, child, husband, slowly lose their health while they flail around treading water, lost, unable to change.

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

Support him with his weight loss journey.

[@janellmartin7066]

Ummm fyi...my son manages a gym and is always asking his mommy to come work out with him 🤣 That being said, it's so hard to be a mom and feel helpless when you see that your child need help and there's nothing that you can do.

[@literarymary4933]

I was left alone a lot as a kid (only child, no kids in neighborhood), and eating and watching tv was my only coping mechanism. It’s all there was to do. I lost all the weight at 18, but I was always the fat girl growing up. Weight is often a sign of some other dysfunction inside. 😢

[@jst6r]

Being anxious doesn’t make you a “crazy person”

[@tjj5337]

Hard work is what pays off in life with everything. Laziness doesn’t get you too far…. The average person does let themselves go.. Joining a gym does nothing if you just go in and flap your arms around… lol.

[@jackidezell3401]

Lol my adult daughter works out with me! 😂

[@Gabster1990]

Not trying to blame the parents but this is why we teach our children good eating habits.

[@jeromehenry4484]

It was interesting that caller mentioned she & husband both tended to gain weight but would get back on a diet to loss the extra weight. Caller knows her son inherited weight gain genes from both parents, so why is she surprised? Both parents did not mirror healthy CONSISTENT eating habits to their son (quite the opposite). Now she wants to be critical but disguise it as being concerned about his health, nobody is fooled by her tactic.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

But it was the parents. His weight issues started when he was a kid. His eating and health habits were learned from them

[@catholicfemininity2126]

Yeah, you gotta sense there is a problem BEFORE it gets out of control. Like that poor 18 year old boy that died from anorexia and nobody noticed cause he wore hoodies.

[@joywebster2678]

And having them move young, be involved with sports , then having few bad snacks in the kids life, sets them up for healthy living.

[@maggievicat3843]

When my siblings came to me and told me they were concerned about my weight then took me out to buy a bike I was furious! How dare they think they have the right to say boo to me because they were very much contributors to my weight gain which went back to childhood when I was a skinny kid but just never good enough to join in with them. After the fact (Months later) I was able to see they were frustrated and scared for me but bc there is a history of judgement they were the absolute last peop!e I wanted to hear from. They have never been supportive they never asked how they can help. Whenever weight watchers has a sale I get an email like omg I never knew going for a walk and eating less would lead to weight loss! When there is a large amount of weight to lose for at least some of us it is much more mental/emotional issues than just eating too much and not moving g enough. It's my friends and recognizing that I have issues then working with an amazing therapist that helped. I personally needed unconditional non judgmental support until I was to ally able to bet where I needed to be. I didn't need anyone watching and judging my every move.

[@privateinfo1711]

Ive always had people tell me I'm skinny. Now that I'm post menopausal, Im slightly overweight. I have never appreciated hearing people's opinions on my weight.

[@0seve291]

My son just turned 13 he hates going to the gym with me 😂but he does cause I can make him plus it’s only once a week so

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

Can I suggest one of those weight loss camps for adults for your son

[@bettysmith4527]

Nope, only person that can help your son, is your son. He needs to be ready to face whatever mental health issues have lead to the over eating!

[@Alvin-xs7db]

When she said he was struggling since he was a kid my 1st thought was "What was she feeding him?". Parents are screwing their kids over from the beginning.

[@licoreen]

My husband remembers being 250 lbs in junior high. His older sister used to dote on him and take him out for for fast food, donuts, etc. He said he lost a lot of weight when he joined marching band, not only from the exercise of band practice but because he was busy and less available to hang out with his sister.

[@Guitarlvr01]

By even bringing it up she comes across as conditionally loving him. I don’t know of a time when a parent criticizing a kids body ever “helped.”

[@anthonylozano8035]

calm down snowflake. If my kid is overweight, I'm tellin him to lose the pounds. I will love him unconditionally and I want the best for him. Encouraging to support a kid through their lazy habits is enabling that kid. & will leave him or her obese, lethargic, and unmotivated. Also don't make that kind of assumption on a mom who generally cares about her son.

[@blade9819]

I don’t think her concern for her son indicates conditional love. She just doesn’t want to lose her son. Dr.John gave her excellent advice on how to approach the conversation going forward.

[@snoozyq9576]

it definitely helps to address an issue lovingly rather than ignore it. that's why interventions exist

[@Guitarlvr01]

@@anthonylozano8035 by your logic, all of her comments should’ve worked by now.

[@ldtriton]

Its not about his "body" its about his health and value of life.

[@pookysboutique]

I lost my brother to morbid obesity by way of a massive heart attack. I tried for years to get him to work on himself to no avail. It was something he needed to do but refused to do it. 😔

[@Ja50nkAt]

It's about mind control, if you control your mind you can control your weight. No doubt it's hard and requires discipline, you probably won't feel good the first 2-3 months of exercise and your body will give you signals to eat but obviously you don't need to if you have a lot of body fat. It's about forcing the body use fat as fuel instead of glucose. And forget about fast food that stuff is terrible for you, make home cooked meals with plenty of vegetable and fruits, you know REAL FOOD.

[@julias6782]

I wish I had this video ten years ago when I was trying to get a few women in my family to get this.

[@Michelle77Va]

I worked out with my mom years ago. Nothing wrong with that!-

[@ericmoore9444]

The mom should have been nicer to him growing up.

[@carrie9657]

Who wants to work out with their mom? Well, my son does! We go to the gym together and if it wasn't for him, I might not be as motivated.

[@Shelby-jv7ij]

Awesome

[@sarcasm2960]

If staying alive and healthy is not enough motivation for him to get himself straight then you can't do anything for him. Just wait till high cholesterol and high blood pressure issues come around. Being on those medications aren't great and dandy.

[@mary_syl]

The gym is the last thing someone with lifelong obesity needs 🙄 It's at the very last step. It's not where sustained weightloss will happen for this guy. He needs to heal his relationship with food FIRST!! If there's trauma or depression, he needs to do that work first and re-learn how to deal with stress and anxiety etc. Food is a fundamental release for many obese people, similar to other addiction behaviors. I hope he gets a good therapist down the line so he can start his journey back to health for real 👍

[@bcc7777]

On the contrary, I've heard genetics have little to nothing to do with obesity. It can learned from overweight or unhealthy parents. There can be thyroid problems, but an "overweight family" is overweight because of habits.

[@thedavesiknow4598]

She seems super hyperfocused on his weight. Does she do anything with her son?That doesn't involve his weight? Or is every interaction That she has with him about his weight? I don't like her but I hope she figures it out.

[@fire12731]

Disagree with John that adult kids don’t want to work out with moms.

[@kathya1956]

I wonder who is responsible for guy’s weight?

[@sunnyday4055]

My dad would mention my weight every time he saw me. Every single time i ate he would comment. I was a teenager it felt like my dad was ashamed of me as his wife. Like I’m nothing but a trophy daughter to brag about and show around. My mum never mentioned it she would always cook me healthy food and tell me i need to watch my sugar levels.

[@johnbumper2724]

Intermittent fasting helped me

[@COINsimp2024]

Why do people who aren't overweight think we need their help? Trust me, you cannot make lose the weight. We will either do it or we won't.

[@barbararobbins1601]

i agree with you. you don't have to tell a drowning person their hair is getting wet.

[@zabe428]

They do not know or assume their help is wanted. But loved ones want to help their person in a general sense to get healthier so to increase mobility and quality of life. You see a loved one struggling to get thru the day..and if you are up to it, why wouldn’t you want to offer your support and help, and be their cheer buddy. It’s not easy to walk alone in life.

[@bufficliff8978]

People care about you no matter how little you care for yourself 🤷‍♀️ It's the same with any emotional, mental, or physical disorder. People caring about you will always be a thing. You're not special or excluded from standard humanity just because you're fat. People at a healthy weight have every right to care and be worried about you just the same as an emotionally healthy person has every right to care and be worried about a depressed person. No one can save anyone, but people at a healthy weight have the right to care, and it's natural for people to want to help. Cascading someone from that is denying an element of your humanity and theirs because of your own ego.

[@COINsimp2024]

@bufficliff8978 most of the country is fat at this point. It's not the big illness you think it is.

[@krism6260]

​@@COINsimp2024 what you wrote reads like a contradiction to me.

[@ashleyscott6161]

The realization that her son is the most aware of his weight is pathetic. So self-absorbed of her to not put herself in his shoes even once. And she starts crying when John makes her think of it from his perspective. Yikes.

[@tjj5337]

Everyone glorifies being overweight…. being overweight is NOT HEALTHY! A good body has to be earned, you can’t buy it. I love the fact that it’s not easy …. If it was easy everyone would look good…..

[@jasonmorris9900]

Thats facts because if it was easy everyone would look good I love it😅😅

[@annaberstein]

she is crying b/c she realizes she has not been a positive mom for her son.

[@AuntieCheri]

Didn’t this Mom cause this?

[@JB-wp2gn]

He probably has a gut microbiome that is keeping him fat and craving sugar and carbs

[@hanshawks5088]

Stop buying him food 🤪🤪🤪

[@lovetodaylisa3967]

Mc Donald's and obesity

[@lomane5327]

Stop excusing childhood obesity i see my niece getting lil rolls on her i straight up tell her were going for a run so you dont end up like honey boo boos momma

[@jodylittle6213]

I hate when doctor make of fat people and don't listen that people need help.

[@myopinions1]

She seems like she can't get control of herself so she is trying to control her son. If she got healthy and he saw her results he would reach out to her and follow her example. But she isn't setting a good example.

[@tjj5337]

Fat people have every EXCUSE in the world to not exercise! (I don’t mean if you are disabled). Nobody can do it for you. In Massachusetts, we have the highest obesity population. The difference between fat people and slim people is one word PRIORITIES! We make time to exercise and we treat our bodies right with proper nutrition. I have struggled with dyslexia,ADHD and I can figure it out. I also have no family or support system, But I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I don’t feel sorry for lazy, unproductive people. Sorry folks.. A slim body has to earned.

[@alb7727]

Well some people are not lazy my dear friend, they've been through hell and the only way they know how to cope is to eat their pain away, eat their emotions so don't just be an asshole because if they tell you their stories, you're not going to even look at them in such judgement eyes, trust me on this.

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

I am obese and not lazy engaging in lots of walking and swimming and hiking and weight lifting. I am a food addict.

[@tjj5337]

I cannot stand when people blame the Pandemic for being fat! I got off my butt and went walking and cycling and didn’t gain an ounce. Ha ha and I didn’t eat like a moron either.

[@karenmassey8354]

She could just tell him he’s fat. That’s what my father did to me. I proceeded to lose 30 lbs and am no longer chubby.

[@amyjohnson2284]

Glad that worked for you. That probably doesn't work for most people. Just makes people feel like crap, which isn't very motivating. Also sounds like it's probably a bigger issue than 30 lbs.

[@karenmassey8354]

@@amyjohnson2284 But it worked. If someone doesn’t want to lose weight then that’s their choice.