My battle with Social Anxiety

[@chadicusroboticus3115]

You pose an interesting question: “Who am I?” That really resonated with me. I asked that question to myself a long time ago. I didn’t know who I was. That was scary. I felt like a fraud. I was sure that I was being someone that people wanted me to be. I wasn’t sure if I was being my authentic self. Like you, I was dealing with my sexuality and reconciling that within my own identity. At that time, I was afraid of being gay. I didn’t have any healthy ideas of what being a gay man was. I just saw the stereotypical flamboyant gay men out there. Was that who I was supposed to be? What about the stuff that I thought was me? I eventually got some help and was exposed to this interesting exercise: creating a pie chart of identity. I was told to think about ‘what makes me, me’ and put it into the pie chart. I was able to move around and make slices bigger if I thought some things were more ‘me’ than other things. By the end of the year, I noticed that the ‘gay’ slice in the pie chart was quite small. There were so many other bigger slices of things that made ‘me’ me. My sexuality didn’t define who I was, but it was a part of me. I really discovered myself. It made me more confident in who I was because I learned who I was. We all go through these journeys. I thought I would share my own. P.S. I find it strange that you didn’t like seeing yourself in videos or that you’re that critical about how you look. I wish I looked like you (well not exactly like you - but… pretty) - I was always think my life would be so much different.

[@captainvaughn5692]

I get panic attacks when reading aloud in front of class

[@maxhern503]

Just dropping a line to say that you’re fucking adorable, no matter what you’re going through. Hope this makes you smile.

[@tomasage9649]

As your best friend, which I am honored to say that I am, I have seen you make great strides relative to your social anxiety. Continually challenging yourself to be a more fulfilled individual. I can say with confidence, you are on a journey towards true love and acceptance of oneself.

[@lonerEmpath]

I feel you man, it’s like your searching for something and you’re never content with how your life is and the way you interact with other people

[@Aerocarl]

I am in the same boat my friend. I had father issues myself. And I truly don’t know who I am. The thing is I don’t think I could ever relate to anyone as I should. I will see some minuscule difference and it will be exaggerated in my mind. And then I will pick apart everything I am and tear me apart and figure might as well not even try. My husband is the complete opposite. He loves everyone and just overlooks everything, lot more carefree. My mind is my worst enemy.

[@mikelberke8239]

totally get the social anxiety. getting my ADHD treated has helped so much with it.

[@bigwilliamxo]

Matt you not alone. Lord knows I need help too.

[@Wonder_Explore]

Matt, thank you for sharing. I might be redundant here, but allow me to say: Thank you for speaking about your mental health. This makes me, someone who has issues with anxiety and depression, feel better. Makes me feel not so alone. 🕊🕊🕊

[@christopher3d475]

I was super shy as a kid, and have also had to deal with social anxiety as an adult. It can feel debilitating. But it's a desensitization thing, you just learn by kind of pushing yourself into slightly uncomfortable situations. It's hard but worth it.

[@tomvalveede6808]

The best thing for me when l was struggling with my sexual identity was just hearing the name of a book on TV, never even watched the show, but as the book's title was being said, it Just Cleared Away... Everything! The book's title is, "What you think of me is none of my business!" Up untill then, l had lived only to please others, to be someone who l thought they would admire. And l rarely told anyone about my being gay. Once I heard the book's title, l said No More! This Is Me and l Don't Care if l Live Up to Your Expectations! Self-acceptance is powerful. I didn't have a male father figure who l could confide in. The males in my family would just tell me, "Be a man!" "Be tough!" Or "Beat them up!" Not good advice for me, and No "Instructions!" I was in my mid 30s, and l wasn't girly or sissy, but l Never felt like l had become a Real Man! Mainly because l Was different from the other men l knew! Much, much better now! Thanks for your video!

[@luisespinoza8391]

Getting older I've learned to embrace my awkwardness. I used to work in retail and realized I hated the the negativity of some customers and would internalize it. I have social anxiety as well but I am learning to stop apologizing for it. You are far from an "F" and you are more self aware than you give yourself credit for. Be kind to yourself. 🤗

[@xoDianaDuong]

I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with so many negative customers. I was always struggling with social anxiety so... since I was a teen.. I already knew I DID NOT want to get any job that has to do with retail at all. That was like.. me avoiding it even though it's usually how people get job experience... It really sucks to have social anxiety and feel like you're so 'restricted' from things 'cause of how almost everything is uncomfortable and terrifying to you. Some people will tell me how it's normal to be scared for a new job or worried blah blah but I don't think they understand like.. it's not just 'cause it's some new experience but I just cannot handle being around people for too long, not just negative people.. just people in general.. even if they're nice... well-mannered.. I was lucky that of all the jobs that required me to be in a retail environment or really customer-oriented.. most people were nice and polite and even grateful... Despite that, I still burnt out at some point so it terrifies me to think of having any kind of negative energy come my way.. I already have negative energy I deal with internally -_-

[@deliciousexperience689]

I hated retail I did it for 18 years it made my mental health much worse forcing myself to be present and care about other people all the time when I can't even take of myself or be enough for myself. Completely get that.

[@xoDianaDuong]

@@deliciousexperience689 Random thought: I can't stand when people say that that everyone should work retail once in their life to learn gratefulness and things like that.. I get it if it's just as part of gaining job experience in different areas but there are plenty of people who already knew how to be grateful and appreciative of kind and helpful people.. It kinda sucks though that those who are appreciative tend to be the ones that were abused in the past and/or have social anxiety though. I was lucky to have mostly positive exp but I was still always on edge and bracing for something bad to happen. I don't need negative and abusive retail exp to learn "gratefulness" that a lot of people like to talk about.. Anyway, I can't believe you did that for so long even though it made your mental health worse. I hope you are able to take better care of it now especially not being in retail anymore. I could just imagine people emotionally detaching themselves in that environment to protect themselves to the point the numbness just sticks with them long after.

[@deliciousexperience689]

@@xoDianaDuong I agree with you. Yeah 18 years. Different places but the same crap experience. Bullying and expectations that were beyond my job description. I gave up in the end. And someone with anxiety like ourselves it isn't a good environment to be in. It doesn't make you as a person having to deal with the general public it just exasperated how I was already feeling. Don't get me wrong I met lovely people and had some genuinely nice customers and I really appreciated those in the middle of anxiety meltdown down that usually came as a result of the stress and pressure if the job. But I wouldn't recommended that area of work to anyone else. It's generally been a horrible experience that I gave my all in and didn't get much back from and I never want to do again. It's not for people with depression or anxiety. :-/

[@xoDianaDuong]

@@deliciousexperience689 Yep... You get burnt out more easily and it's hard to enjoy anything after dealing with that kind of tension for so long.. I remember when I eventually started getting panic attacks at work which was like my worst nightmare coming true.. just anywhere in public. I wish I could just disappear and take a break from existing sometimes.. It's bad enough dealing with the symptoms of illness/disorders but when you got people who aren't understanding/don't understand and everything about this world and your worth is based on productivity and contribution to a system... it makes it even harder to deal with. Sometimes I have to think of the emotional or mental (usually "invisible") wounds and sickness as if it's a physical injury or illness so I am not as hard on myself for not being as capable as others in my ability to do certain things.. but I also think about those people who DO have visible, physical disabilities/illness and are mistreated. I know a lot of us "pretend" and feel like we're constantly in survival mode.. and it sucks that we gotta do that as a way to cope and actually survive (for basic life stuff). If I get burnt out from overloading my brain and nervous system from these external factors (stress from working and not feeling in control/being on guard), I can't even bring myself to tell people the truth.. It's always "just a bit stressed out from stuff" to make it seem like you're simply dealing with "normal" stress-related things that people are able to manage and "overcome". They don't know you're having an existential crisis and suicidal thoughts again or feel like you're dying/a deep sense of dread and doom. I think the suicidal thoughts is more of the usually comorbid depression but yeah... I realized I get burnt out and super intense emotions surface after awhile and it's like a cycle.. after emotionally detaching myself for awhile to deal with things. I sometimes wish I didn't have to interact so much with people in order to survive especially when your mind and body always puts you in defense mode like everyone is a damn threat or potential threat. Sometimes I wonder if I actually like people or that I just always try to please others/be friendly and nice and helpful as some sort of defense mechanism to protect myself 'cause I think that would lead to a "safer" environment... And if they end up being nice and friendly in return.. I feel safer. It's exhausting living like this, not being able to relax even when I am alone 'cause I already think about future interactions... and I'm trying to find ways to not feel so hypervigilant all the time..

[@andrelevesque2405]

Matt my man, you’re too good to be that anxious. You need a better half to help you get through it. Get up and get him!

[@xoDianaDuong]

Ok KZbin has been recommending so many videos lately of people talking about their social anxiety... It's interesting.. Seeing so many different faces across all ages speak about it certainly makes me feel less alone even though I still feel isolated "in real life". Imagine being able to read people's minds and seeing some sort of marker on people to know who suffers from social anxiety.. That would make me feel less alien and I feel like maybe I would be able to make them feel "safer" and more comfortable even though I always try to make people around me feel comfortable and safe.. It's so weird 'cause I can't even do that for myself.... It is great for you to go on video and just speak about anything let alone about something that tends to be really difficult to talk about. You should continue making videos just talking about anything! Also.. example of me trying to get people to feel comfortable and less anxious.. was this one time when I was the first to speak to some new co-workers (their first day) and introduce myself so that they feel comfortable approaching someone at least for help with anything.. and then later on during that shift.. I got a panic attack out of nowhere and guess who were the first two to notice and to try to make me feel calm??? Those same two people I literally just met. The first person said "I understand what it's like" and then the other person told me they also have anxiety.. And I think the first person was first to help 'cause I was connecting to them the most that shift and then the other new co-worker was pretty quiet and came off "shy" but the fact that she opened up to me like that really made me feel less alone.. all this was while I was just "dying", having hard time breathing, having the most painful headache ever.. and just crying from the pain. =/ I'm so grateful for people like that who try to comfort me when I'm in such a vulnerable state and having an attack. It was always my worst fear.. to have an attack while at work.... Anyway, for some reason I just thought about that time and how I wish people would speak up more about that so it's not so.. hidden and misunderstood.. Like if people can just speak up about it then that gives opportunity for others to be educated about it and recognize signs whether in others or in themselves.. I still struggle with being open about my own problems but it makes it easier when I do open up to someone and find out it has helped them open up more too because they are dealing with the same disorder/illness or whatever it may be.

[@StephenHartHartTalks]

Im in my 40's now Matt, and still struggle with how to love myself coming from a childhood with all forms of abuse, but it does get easier, and I realise now that I am worth love. Take care xoxo

[@MattMoore83]

Good hearing from you as always!

[@truthseeker4u254]

Put the effort on worrying about other people into building confidence. Find out your strengths and write them down. Write down what you want to do in life. List your hobbies and interests. For example, learn an instrument. Accept yourself. Don't look back on your past if it upsets you. That's not healthy. I wish you wouldn't say at the end that you are being awkward. There was nothing awkward about it. You are very hard on yourself. If you meet a friend then great. If not, that's okay too. Sometimes things don't work out with others because you need to improve your self-esteem and self-worth. Also, you need to learn not to give a sh*t about what others think about you. If you know you are a good person that is all that matters. Focus on building yourself. Achieving goals and pursuits will build confidence. You will feel so happy that you will not care what others think. Who are strangers that you should worry about them and what they think of you? Stop self-doubting yourself. Stop apologizing. Learn to be on your own and grow stronger. Once you achieve that you will be very choosy who you allow into your life because you took back control of yourself as a human bring. Stay positive and be happy.

[@cary4603]

The insecurity of not being secure in yourself is a very wide spread issue. I have personally had to look at myself and say we are enough. I have lived constantly with the perception of not being enough. Looked down upon by my own family because of who I had no control of being fathered by. Classmates seeing how different I looked and how different I spoke because of my mixed heritage and how my mother trained me before she was killed. I was pitied by my teachers when they learned of my family history to which I ended up never speaking about ever again to prevent their pity. Sadly that would only lead to a life where instead people looked down on my because of how I looked. I was never enough. I was never “the one” for their group. I was never right for them. Few people even gave me a chance and for those who I excelled beyond despite the segregation, I was made to be a monster and slandered. I had every reason to just shut down. But I will say this now that I made it a point to at least prove to myself that I was enough. If for anyone, at least for myself... I was enough. Rare moments appeared where people were found who did look past my exterior and sought to see and experience the real me and those people have been a true blessing in my life. For the family I lost, I gained new mothers and fathers who shared life with me and invested in me, as I invested in them. It was the lesson I learned from my mother finally found elsewhere. And honestly I still walk on. Despite the perception of others as I have found persons willing to walk with me as I walk with them. Yeah it is painful at times and a whole lot of vulnerability but that is where it also has the most reward. I learned to accept myself for who I am, even as I am still learning who I am and I treasure those who walk with me investing into that discovery of life. Yes, I carry many scars of those who have been the example of what was drilled in me to fear, but the value of what I gained in that vulnerability outweighs the scars. Even the freshest of them. In a way it is about treating life as an adventure. Some of of us begin with a fellowship. Some of us begin on our own with it thrust upon us. Some of us find souls willing to walk through the adventure along side us for a time. Some of us find companions that walk with us to its end. It’s an adventure to be had with demons to be face and beasts to be conquered, songs to be sung and joys to be had. But most of all the adventure starts with a step.

[@MattMoore83]

So well spoken... It's that "Step" we need to take! It's always hard at first.

[@cary4603]

@@MattMoore83 again, thank you for the compliment. Thank you for the discussion points you are sharing yourself. This is community and through discussion we can help one another along. I at least hope I can share something of myself that will be beneficial to the encouragement and development of another.

[@theskyisthelimit11]

For those of us who suffer from social anxiety only we know how difficult it is just to have a voice amongst people. Your not alone 🙏🏼✊🏼

[@LenHealsU]

Matt, don't be so hard on yourself! You are a hot looking guy and you're beautiful both inside and out! And a dynamite exciting personality too! I said this on one of your other videos and I'll say it again: Whoever ends up as your boyfriend will be one lucky dude!

[@marth9660]

Hi Matt. Every word resonated with me. Thanks. I’ve suffered from anxiety/melancholia all my life. It was only in my late 30’s I began to let go of the bitterness and the blame (about my childhood and adolescence) I’d built up and weighed me down. I have a veneer of confidence but it’s stressful to keep up and often I’d just rather not be with people than put the effort in. I sacrificed meaningful relationships and intimacy because of it. But I found that talking to my closest friends about it has really helped (yes I managed to develop close friendships but it’s a special kind of person that would put up with me and how I can be). For some of them it totally explained things about me that had worried them like fitting pieces of a jigsaw together. But this has only happened more recently in the last few years but openness about how I function has really helped people “get” me and the more they get me the more comfortable and safe I can feel around them. I don’t do small talk and I don’t do occasions full of strangers. So I stick to small groups and people I know and if I need to meet strangers I control how many and where so I don’t get overwhelmed. Being gay is the best thing in the world and has been a great gift but adapting to it only intensified my burgeoning feelings growing up. But I managed! Yeh maybe it took me a while but I seldom (until recently) had the benefit of other people’s advice and support when I was younger. I hope you do (and your KZbin family are always there to add to your support and help you). Thanks for being you and sharing your story. 30 years ago I’d have given my right arm to run into someone like you. ❤️👍🏼👏🏼

[@bills.1951]

It is amazing how many of us are affected by social anxiety. It really is a problem of seemingly epidemic proportions. Maybe one of the more positive aspects of social media is that people like us can connect on issues like this. Thank you for sharing Matt!!! You are a great guy!!! I've subscribed, and am looking forward to more videos of your journey!

[@abience]

Man I relate to the mirror thing. I'm 19 now with 100's of pictures of myself but I had zero until 18 y.o. Spent the last year facing fear after fear. Tomorrow I hit the gym for the first time hopefully. I'm a lot more confident. Regardless, I feel it's hard for people like us to be truly stable. It's like expanding a ring/safety zone, which is always closing. Facing a fear pushes it back but if you hibernate for too long that circle closes in on you. I find that I do/always will rely on external factors for a big part of my self worth. Thanks so much for doing this video.

[@JKiNG945]

Thank you for sharing your story, you're helping a lot of people out there, talking about it is the only way to destigmatize mental health issues.

[@c4lb333]

Hi. I'm 21 and you telling your story made me think and realize my own progress and i feel like it helped me find direction to head in my problem with social anxiety. I really appreciate you telling your story.

[@95netta]

i feel like my social anxiety stemmed from my parents supporting me too much, and i feel bad that i feel that way.

[@vishantvenugopal5693]

Same man would you like to talk about it together some time?

[@novasite7795]

Same life, Matt. Anxiety, depression, and I can't "click" with others. I don't have a bad life, but I feel like I'm in limbo. For me I feel like life is a game like Monopoly and I'm still standing on START. Other people my own age have gone around the gameboard for decades and I'm still holding the dice too terrified to roll the dice just once. Hang in there. Celebrate the positive!

[@MattMoore83]

Thanks buddy! :)

[@101amazingdude]

hey matt. for what it’s worth, i like you. you’re the type of person i would’ve wanted to be friends with in high school, a little shy and to himself, but cool once you get to know him. you may have realized the need to work on yourself in your adulthood, but you’re here now. it isn’t too late. i can tell you’re a down to earth and kind guy so i have no doubt you will overcome this. (btw i found your channel via your storytime about crushing on a straight friend, which i really enjoyed). take care

[@mentalthrillness]

Hey Matt! Welcome back! I have a recommendation for you that may address a lot of your issues. Take an Improv Comedy Class! It totally killed my social anxiety. I took classes for 2 years because I enjoyed the process and the people so much. It made me more confident. It taught me how to talk to strangers using Improv tricks. It's very social and you meet new people. It's gay friendly! Plus, you laugh your ass off for a couple hours one night a week! Just a suggestion.

[@MattMoore83]

Hahaha.. Seriously though, I have done this and it does wonders. I just won't do it around others. LOL.

[@oquefizhoje]

Matt... everyone feel a certain degree of discomfort when watching themselves on video. First our own voice is not the same when your hear it from you or from a sound record. Second we only see us from a mirror with image displayed horizontally inverted. So when you see in a video record you just see what other see... so the one who don't recognize in vedeo is us not the others. But i think you nail it... some guys don't like themselves and dont know why. You can try a therapist, like i did just to understand things you aren't aware off. From my point of view i see a handsome young man, very attractive and sexy too. But i understand that you don't see that and you are unable to feel it in you. The therapist will help a lot because you and he/she will try to answer many questions.. until you figure what really put you on this hard and painfully journey. I wish you all the best. Go for it. Hugs.

[@95netta]

Its honestly great to see how open people are with shearing their own insecurities, its great because it lets other know that they aren't alone/ I just think about my parents and they would never be so valuable about there personal issues like this, and even a few years back when I told them I felt like I had social anxiety ,and there response to me was to not have anxiety, as if that helped. It gives me hope that the next generation of kids will be more compassionate and understanding that we all struggle and its O.K to not be O.K. :)

[@jimmurray7826]

You have come so far matt, with a developing personality. Don't forget we were in a competition changed society with covid 10. Be brave

[@ihsuFM89]

I deal with the same thing and I don’t think I will never NOT have it. Especially in my current work environment. My coworkers are some of the most rudest and disrespectful individuals I’ve ever experienced in my life. They have no qualms mocking me out in the open in front of other coworkers, ignoring me when I need assistance or help with something, and they love to boss me around when the boss isn’t in the room. I’m naturally quiet in groups but am fine one on one. My trust in people has been shattered to pieces and am slowly learning to live with this. I don’t know, it’s just my way of surviving and coping by isolating myself and throwing myself into listening to music, watching movies and whatnot. One of the biggest things that has helped me is focusing on my physical health. I love working out and am slowly adjusting my diet as well. This has sort of given me a boost in confidence, but only a little. I feel once that I reach my goal weight, then I will feel more like my own person. This goes along with reversing years of binging on junk food and soda which hurt me, but I never want to go back to that. As far as friends go, I have one and she is fine. It’s actually the longest I have ever had a friend *about a year*, but even then I am unsure about her since she is on and off when it comes to communication and meeting up. She always has these excuses when I know in my heart she has time. But like I said before, if she didn’t want to be friends with me then I would be fine since I’ve been a lone wolf my whole life, but be honest with me about stuff like that instead of just stringing me along like some puppet.

[@JustinSennyondo]

Give yourself some grace...an "F" is way too harsh for all the work and effort you're putting in. You seem to be one beautiful, authentic, and introspective soul.

[@cmmndrblu]

"being emotional is part of being a human being." Well said. It's odd isn't it, how we can accept others more readily than ourselves. These videos are helping me immensely, simply because I am watching another human with similar problems be open and authentic about them. It gives me hope and it gives me courage.

[@goso03]

“I think I rock it.” Yes, you do ;) I just wanted to share an opinion, that every human being has unique qualities and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you think you have insecurities about yourself, then embrace them or not. Whatever you feel doing, that’s the right decision for yourself. It’s not your job to make sure other people see you in a certain “acceptable” way - it’s their responsibility to or not to form an opinion on how they see you with their own eyes.

[@kennethkauzlaric8948]

You are not alone in this. Reaching out and getting help is a great thing.

[@deliciousexperience689]

I have just subscribed to your channel. I'm Daniel from the UK. I completely understand and empathise with you. I am going through the same thing as we speak. I'm 40. Never had a bf or partner. Struggled with my sexuality. Had an eating disorder. Had depression since I was 14 and also anxiety disorder which in the past 2 years has become actual horrible panic attacks that are getting worse. I don't socialise. I don't like crowds of people. I can just about cope with interacting 1 on 1 with people. I was let go from my job because of my anxiety and depression with not a care or thought to why I wasn't coping despite explaining my situation trying to manage a shop in a pandemic. This pandemic has just compounded the issue. I almost lost my dad last year. I lost my mother and my sister ten years apart as well as a few college's and a friend. I have done everything to try to combat my depression and shyness without therapy or medicinal help. I was ashamed about being gay my whole life until my 30s and all ive done is made peace with it myself but the shame is still there. And here we are. So Matt you are not alone. I commented on instagram about society and gay society and how it's a myth that gay men have lots of sex and are promiscuous because for me that has never been a reality and now I have completely given up. I don't look at myself in the mirror. I hate my body I feel disgusting next to other men. I never take my top off or wear shorts. Very low self esteem. I couldn't even conceive of working out and looking after myself in that way. So yeah I empathise with what you say about yourself. But you seem to be doing better the than me. :-/

[@skyking6989]

As an extreme introvert with add and aspergers it can be hell man. The right medication and threapy has helped tremendously. Biggest thing I learned is it's not you it's them!

[@teardropsdude]

This is motivational. You are very ahead of where most people are. Your awareness is also at a good place. I'd like to share a lot however it's not about me. You continue to inspire. Based on the comments already made, we all can relate. Continue to smile 🤙

[@travisrolando8205]

You are definitely truly adorable Matt!! You look really great too! Big hugs!!!

[@GarySmith-cp8mp]

You really sound like a great guy , dealing with your childhood is a big step. Making videos on KZbin is great!…something I could not do. Keep it up

[@travisrolando8205]

Thank You for sharing this Matt! You're definitely not alone when it comes to this. I unfortunately still do suffer with it in a big way too.

[@brianc6218]

Your situation sounds just like mine. It’s seems like everyone else around me can interact socially so easily. Then there’s me that just seems to overthink every single interaction I have from being at work or seeing my neighbors outside. It doesn’t matter it’s always just awkward. I was hoping I would just grow out of it someday or just change and it may have gotten somewhat better over the years but it just seems like it should not be this difficult

[@muhammadrum7307]

It is always nice to hear you talking and expressing your opinion, Matt! I can relate to your experience.

[@DrDman2000]

I’m 21 now and I have felt this exact same way. Especially when you mention the “artificial self.” Anytime I hear a compliment from another person (“you’re a good guy” “you’re a good friend”) I don’t feel worthy of those sentiments, and it feels like that person only likes the “me” that I created for them. And I can’t fathom them liking the real me because I either feel I don’t know who I am or that I hate who I am :/ Something that actually helped me was watching Bojack Horseman 😂 Theres a line in one episode that essentially says “I don’t believe in good or bad people. I think all you are is what you do.” And I like that idea, because it means I can be a person worthy of love by BEING that person. I don’t know if that makes sense, but for me that’s kind of liberating. Maybe we should reject the idea of the artificial self altogether

[@jb8331]

A little late but.. I think that when one is so deeply insecure about themselves vis-a-vis their looks, orientation, career path, life trajectory, etc - it becomes impossible to define who you truly are as a person, because your nature is to question/second-guess everything you think or do. It may seem cliche but for all your struggles with social anxiety regarding relationships and friends, you really need to focus first on accepting yourself and recognizing your worth as a human being. And to become comfortable with the fact that you're not the person you build yourself up in your head- and that's ok. I am like you- in my 30s with no network of friends outside work, an extreme introvert with a very specific set of interests which makes it difficult to interact and relate to others in my own age group. I was also told repeatedly as a child how bright I am and how much potential I had once I grow up - and now, after spending 7 years in college and walking away with no degree, I work in a call center and I felt so long like a total failure But I am much more comfortable with who I am now than I was even a few years ago. I always felt like I was in limbo - that I was really this other person inside and if I could just figure out how to bridge the gap from who I was now to who I felt that I could be in my head, then all would be ok. But that person I had in my head wasn't really me, it's who I WANTED to be, not who I ACTUALLY am. Coming to terms with that is the start of the journey towards overcoming depression and managing anxiety. You are a smart, well-spoken, handsome and (seemingly) kind person- and that's enough in this world. Turn your awkwardness into your superpower - your interests, if they are uncommon, can make you unique. Own your social weirdness - don't think of them as setbacks (even if they are to you)- own them as the things that make you stand out as a unique individual. Instead of being the "retard" you can be MATT. As far as therapy is concerned- they can be great at helping you manage your insecurities and help with techniques to improve your social awkwardness, but don't overlook the power of medication as well. I am not a pill-pusher, but for me talk therapy only went so far. It definitely improved my depression and personal growth, but I still suffered from extreme anxiety. Medication has drastically improved my quality of life- not that it works for everyone, and the medication I take is low-dosage, but still I wouldn't be where I am today without it. Finally, realize that you will never fully leave your insecurities behind, but you can control how much of an impact they have on your quality of life. Ok sure I don't look like Chris Evans, and I don't have the career path I thought I would, and I'm still shy and awkward when it comes to dating- but I still have value and I can still make someone happy. I just need to make myself happy first!

[@lpforever6273]

Always good to hear an update--you are talking through so many difficulties here. Totally fine to be yourself; smart move to cope with whatever elements of the issues could be dealt with through the YT channel. So many of us live without any mirrors!!

[@avabates8318]

It's ok. I just recently found myself. Prayer also works💕

[@cary4603]

So I slept on this and this came to me this morning reflecting about what you shared. You gave yourself an “F” for your effort to stretch yourself. This is where there is a point of important reflection. This could be you being overly critical of yourself, or you being brutally honest with yourself. What is the difference? One of those is helpful and the foundation for change while the other is self destructive for the reason to just destroy. In order to really grade yourself and provide yourself a measurement for growth, you will need to lay down benchmarks to achieve. These benchmarks must be realistic for you to attain and develop healthy habits for yourself. My personal example for this is my own journey of weight loss. I needed to set realistic bench marks that I could achieve to reach my goal. Set aside time for activity every day, check. Manage what I eat, check. Establish a routine check on my weight status, check. Setting up activity time was the easiest for me as I had time with everything happening because of Covid. But what was difficult was the dietary aspect and I needed to work on it. I had to limit fast food, shift to healthier options and explore options that I could enjoy. I had to manage how much I ate and when I ate to establish mindful healthier habits that helped me by becoming my new normal. This wasn’t some fix it “diet”, this would become how I will continue to operate. I even had to look at why I ate what I did and why I did. Being honest here, but there were definitely emotional ties to eating as a way to just feel okay and unfortunately I was not active enough for my body to burn up the calories and resources I was consuming. Having the daily to weekly checks on my weight helped to provide a barometer for my day and week. I went from 230 to 198lbs since February and I have a whole new approach to how I eat and what I do for activity that I enjoy now as it helps me maintain the lifestyle I want to have. I am swimming in my old clothes lol and in need of a new wardrobe now but that change was a part of my goal and it feels great to have achieved my bench marks. My adopted little brother and I wrestle around all of the time and he now jokes with how small I am. But part of this was so that I could be more active with him. I could move mountains before but climbing them was rough lol. Now we can climb mountains, go bow shooting and have adventures more easily. Getting off topic... I achieved all of that by making healthy benchmarks to achieve. And I have taken that habit to how I confront my own anxieties. Take manageable, accountable and repeatable steps. There is a song I know that has a lyric in it that states: “do something every day, that scares you.” It was an intriguing recommendation of wisdom to take. Confront fear by doing one thing everyday that scares me. Jump in the shower running cold water. Talk to someone while at the grocery store. Say no to my adopted parents when asked if I am hungry lol. My adopted mama bear is always trying to make sure I am fed when I come visit. Anyway, I just wanted to share that having healthy guidelines can help you give yourself an accurate grading system for yourself and help you establish healthy new norms for yourself. Checks and balances are good for honest personal reflection and development but those “checks”/“benchmarks” must be realistic and attainable. Lastly, finding people who can walk with you in this can help. Accountability can help you reach those goals as those who are walking it with you can motivate and encourage you. They can even be that honest voice for you when you are too hard on yourself or going to easy. You are not alone in this and you don’t have to walk through this alone.

[@adventuresofperseus945]

The good thing i see is that ur actually realizing something that needs healed. Whether u say it or not. Like self acceptance, and ur childhood. But that is a step closer to inner healing. I've been doing it since I was 21 yrs old and still have alot to heal. Also with my childhood and self acceptance. Whether I think i do accept myself but deep down I know I dont. I also was raised to think men never should show emotions and its weird for me to see it, when it does happen. I don't know how to react to it. And also being what I am isn't supposed to be acceptable. So honestly I'm what u would say incognito.

[@hot22boi901]

I relate to everything you just said that I’m trying to over come today.

[@TheJwbone00]

I understand how you feel. I really don’t know who I am and I don’t like the person I see in myself. I finally had my first session with a therapist today and I think he will be able to help me. I think watching your videos will help as well. I hope you get the help that you need.

[@MattMoore83]

This is awesome. The first session can be overwhelming (well for me at least)! I hope it will help you out James.

[@TheJwbone00]

@@MattMoore83 Thanks, Matt! The therapy and your videos are helping!

[@paulcognito]

Before you meet with the therapist, make sure you have the things you want to acknowledged written down, on a notebook or something. Also try to spend the last 10-15 mins of the session to discuss an action plan and concrete steps to take until the next session! A therapist is money well spent, but definitely use the resource for what it is - beyond someone that can listen to you rant.

[@sjaelfre]

Very interesting video. Thanks for sharing, being relatable.

[@einstwareinlicht]

You got this, Matt! We're in this together!

[@cary4603]

So some open honest discussion on social anxiety. This is honestly great. You are dissecting what this is and how this came to be. My honest advice is to face it. You don’t know who you are and you see where you created an alternate self. There is where I can relate and share on. Here we go... I grew up with shame of who I was. I was the son of a murderer, womanizer and abuser, and this person was completely unknown to me. The image though was cast on me as a young boy and I was treated with the hostility of that “heritage” at times even by my own family. I became so closed off about sharing me because I did not want to expose anyone to the potential risk of the “monster” I potentially was. So I kept people at a distance and created walls to keep people out of my head. I was a social mute, only reaching out to protect others from being treated like myself. I played barbies with my sister so she would not be alone but outside of that I stayed to myself. I took care of my infant cousins to make sure they knew they were loved but locked my own thoughts up as to not upset those around me. I did not even go near anything about my sexuality. To this day I am still an introvert after everything that happened in my family. But one thing I did learn from my mother before I lost her was how to look out for others and face my fears. She usually accompanied me even but let me confront my obstacles. An example is swimming out in a pool. She took me out with her and then at the deeper end she looked at me and let me learn to swim on my own. I was frightened but she was their with me to coach me through and lend me a hand. I would not get a grasp of swimming for years to come but what she did their laid down a foundation for me that I want to share with you all. I did learn to swim eventually and it came from me willingly diving into the ocean to escape being chased on the beach. But the foundation came from learning to confront my fears. Where does that leave me today? Well I have spent my life working hard to undo the shackles of beliefs and doctrines held over me as a child. I could list the many skewed beliefs that were constantly aimed at me to try to force me to conform and fear others and what they can do to me. At the age of 17 though I abandoned art school with a scholarship to join the military. I abandoned virtually everything I was taught and told to believe. And I sought to explore the world and face my fears. I did look for companionship along the way as through my mother’s example, facing things did not need to happen alone. But even if I was to be alone I would confront my demons and do battle. I have a lot of stories their I can share from. The thing is, the fear is their. Being brave is about facing that fear; being bold is about standing despite the fear. Every time, we can learn new ways to deal with it.

[@MattMoore83]

If you want to learn to swim, you have to jump into the water. I was told this growing up. I need to live by this motto. Fear.... ugh.. I totally agree with you. We have to face the fears head on. Thank you for sharing this part of you. I am sorry you had a terrible father but it sounds like you have made a lot of progresss.

[@cary4603]

@@MattMoore83 , thanks for the compliment. Every day is an opportunity for progress, and technically we are always growing. My biological father is definitely something else but that is beyond and behind me. Sadly he is my past, a step used to shape the person I am today, and I look forward to what the future holds as I continue to grow and learn and experience life. That also means that I too have to continue to wade out into deeper waters, facing my fears, and “learning to swim”. Thank you for being someone to really be able to begin to talk to.

[@alexanderirizarry-camarill6277]

Matt, buddy you look good! I’ve always thought you represented that positive side of being gay. You’re masculine, not fake, don’t follow the stereotypical definition of being gay. You’re a dude, good looking have other interests who just so happens to be into guys. That’s a big turn on. I always loved how you can get playful with buddies? Like how you played around with Tomas? I could imagine this...a nice date with you would be going for a hike, having a good time talking and laughing. Getting in some playful wrestling, which of course might lead to some hot kissing.just being friends and let the future take its course. I wish you could see what I see. I can appreciate what you shared about growing up with your dad. I can kind of relate in that my dad used to tell me there are certain ways a man should act, yeah that talk? One time he even had the nerve to tell me to race a couple of friends down the road and back again, just to see who swished compared to who ran like a man? It’s embarrassing to write that down now, because it makes that memory real and my dad was from some other time? Just wanted to let you know it’s good seeing you once again. I guess Instagram wasn’t enough...for me that is. Be well stay safe and believe me when I say you look good. Didn’t even age a day? Alex from Los Angeles. Yeah that guy? 💙

[@jerickosoria5084]

Thank you for sharing. I can really relate to your experience .

[@c0t0d0s7]

Your biceps look awesome. 💪 As someone who also has social anxiety, I feel comfortable giving you props in a YT comment, but I wouldn’t have the courage to tell you in person.

[@geno5169]

I do understand how you’re feeling and you go through.I had my vision through the age of 48.then it started getting blurry so I of course I went to a special eye doctor here .he said my eye vision was crappy .then I seen one in Pittsburgh.she said I have no optical nerve .low vision is all I have now.

[@FreeTheCreativity]

You are really cool!👍 It's amazing that you are honest!

[@walterbrown8294]

Doing this video... give yourself an A+. Seriously.

[@sage4nowty129]

You seem to be too hard on yourself. And that's a characteristic of people with anxiety. Try to appreciate yourself more, I know it's not easy. All the best to you!

[@JayySuavve]

Sometimes I'm not sure whether I don't know who I am, or if I don't accept who I am. Probably both. Lack of an identity from a young age led to me becoming a social chameleon. Scared to be seen as to whom I really was so I mastered blending in. But it also drains you, trying to be cool with Personality A without getting seen by your other "friends" Personality B. And when they come together it's the most awkward thing. Blending is draining so I don't even try, I just exist. Gaining any kind of confidence and identity sounds like something that maybe some alternate reality version of myself could achieve, but not me. Why try to have friends when you're just... Average. I know my biggest enemy is myself, but it seems like it's going to take more than myself to defeat this anxiety. Idk. Wishing you the best though 👌🏽

[@marveldcextinctionwrestler7773]

I Feel ya, I've also suffered Something like Social Anxiety

[@stevenmichaelpalazzolo3503]

Hope you get a therapist you like and is easy to work with. And yes you are still “ Rocking it” 🙂

[@fr7455]

I have social anxiety in not only straight spaces, but more so in gay spaces. I always feel as if I don't measure up compared to the other guys, or that I am always saying or doing the wrong thing. I heard you talk about your interests, and I think you alluded to finding difficulty in people who share them. I was just curious what they are. I have a set of interests that I could talk all day about as well, but I think they are quite narrow, which causes me issues in finding comonality with people. Lastly, I watch a lot of videos on youtube about social anxiety. There was a character on the show "Star Trek the next Generation" that I think put social anxiety in a nut shell for a lot of people who don't understand it. I included the link below. Glad I stumbled across your channel, and I send you positive vibes in your journey dealing with social anxiety. kzbin.info/www/bejne/mnatpn6PlKaDf80

[@adrienglish25]

I grew up in São Paulo, which despite being a liberal city, I've experienced prejudice a few times. It took me many years to come to terms with myself and know I'm worth it. I think I've learned not to pander to people and live the way I feel.

[@andrebeaulieu8807]

don t ever give up you are beautiful! ❤

[@sage4nowty129]

I would not grade you an F; you are being too hard on yourself!! I would grade you a B+ for your awareness and your effort!!

[@Koopatroopa006]

I feel like I'm experiencing a lot of the issues you are. I feel like I spent my whole life being a chameleon - conforming to what other people want so I can be liked by them. Since I struggled to connect with people my whole life I just faked it, and now at 40 I dont know who I am.

[@DCeeee]

This is a reflection video and it is the first step to solving a problem, in my opinion.

[@abdelkaderelbachir3817]

Shit we are all the same 😒

[@geno5169]

So when I go to Walmart I can’t read anything on there self’s .I can’t drive anymore.

[@kyleenglot9184]

Social Anxiety has been a major inhibitor in my ability to date and form relationships. People say why are you single? You're cute and super nice.... I am but my social cues are sometimes lacking. I sometimes think I may be a high functioning Autist though even though i've never had a diagnosis. I always feel embarrassed on dates because when people ask me about my interests and passions I feel embarrassed by them for some reason. They are often very niche and odd things that most people wouldn't think of so I get anxious in the belief that my interests might bore them or even turn them off... So that's why I am single... Lol

[@cary4603]

I would offer to you a proposition that in an honest relationship of any kind, your unique niche interests are the unique “markings” that differentiate you and make you honestly special. It is a very clear visual revelation of the character of a person with how they respond to your niche interests. It’s an open display of their character which can help evaluate if who they actually are past the veneer people can put up. So honestly, do not be afraid of your niche interests. They make you unique and mature persons can take what you have to offer and walk along side you in it even if they do not share those interests. We can grow in character when we are willing to share in the differences of others. I hope I made that clear.

[@dannyrey3403]

Hey Matt, you should come up to New York sometime, I think you're a cool guy and I would definitely like to hangout with you....💪😜👍

[@MattMoore83]

I plan to visit Manhattan within the next few year if this pandemic ends.

[@HACUNA89]

Excellent vid

[@NickRyanBayon]

Omg it's been so long since I saw you. How are you man? You still looking sexy as ever, it looks like things have improved for you! I'm glad to see you doing so well 🖤🖤

[@paulocl2]

Hey, Matt! I don't know if I am repeating myself. There is an American counselor I like a lot, and she deals mostly with narcissistic abuse and self esteem issues. As I am not a native English speaker, I like her videos because she is funny, she curses a lot and speaks a very clear English. Maybe you are victim of abuse and have c-ptsd. Would you take a look at her videos? Her channel is "We need to talk" and her name is Kris Godinez. Her videos of this year are being sponsored by a on line psychotherapy service and, because of this, she doesn't curse any more. She is my free therapist and she is way better than any of the six therapist I have seen in my life. Be very careful finding a therapist because many of them are clueless and many more have personality disorders themselves - she says so and this was my experience. Maybe you will find her a little silly, but I do love her. Give her a try.

[@federicoguerrera5535]

Hey Matt, do you still have a pobox or mailing address where we can send you something? Is it the same we can find in your videos of 2017?

[@MattMoore83]

It is not. I do not have one. I have had a terrible experience with out Post Office. A lot of theft going on. :/

[@federicoguerrera5535]

@@MattMoore83 that’s unfortunate. I would have loved to send you a couple of items via Amazon. Hope you will consider open a new one in the future.I have one here on campus and it is very safe.

[@dirtyunicorn6973]

I Love You so much I justed want to hold you and hug you and listen to everything that you are feeling like I'm doing now I don't know if you notice but it seems like when your alone by yourself you get shy and nervous I can tell you are doing it with us I'm Add/Adhd and I always felt different and weird but that's the best parts I love about me because I'm one of a kind and so are you and everyone watching this video it's okay be yourself life is to short you deserve to be you stop worrying and caring what others think I will love to see you in your next video please dress what makes you comfortable and act weird or crazy or shy just be you let us help you get throw that dark tonal and see the light at the end I think it's good your going to get help I did but I'm going to be honest it's not going to work into you let go and be your true self and I see it and it's so beautiful I can't wait to see you and everyone watching this video and people that are not find their true self and live so happy and healthy I want to hug and kiss every weird and crazy or whatever you think you are your amazing and awesome and you are that tool to get over the bridge you justed need to let go do everything you love every day and you will get closer to finding your happiness I want to hug you and kiss you because it's so cute how weird and shy you are but try things that you will never had tryed and I 100% understand about Daddy issues I had them me and my father anyway I'm Gay and it was hard but I had to get older and started fixing my life but when my Dad died this year new year's day and all that pain I went through with my Dad and when he died every thing went away you are amazing and I Love you so much I can't wait to see you become this amazing guy I Love you😘💋❤💋😍

[@MattMoore83]

You are sweet! :)

[@dirtyunicorn6973]

@@MattMoore83 I Love You omg you are so sweet and so different I can't wait to see how your amazing journey turns out I'm sending you lots of Hugs and Kisses all over Lmaooooo🤘😘🤘

[@wensiewlee]

😍😍😍😍

[@ovidiogarza7462]

Thank you, u are so handsome and beautiful

[@MACGWEEDORE]

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

[@saphirosh]

love 💙

[@jimmyyves7924]

In case you're insecure about your masculinity, I think you should relax, the paranoia lives in your head. I'm not sure if that's really you or your character, but from the view of an outsider, you strike me as a masculine guy like any other, if that makes you feel any better. Whether you try to please others or not, people will always mind others' business and tell you how you should live your life. So if you want to be more of yourself and accept yourself, don't try to fit yourself by others standards of masculinity. Create your own. Once you stop giving a fck about what someone thinks of you, it gets easier and easier with every new person you ignore.

[@oceanwonders]

💖

[@robslams2324]

why take vaccine?

[@pogodziej]

How did you get the vaccine? You're so young! =\

[@MattMoore83]

State Dept. :) I got the Pfizer.

[@laceylouloulou]

If you had a headache and you could take an aspirin to feel better...would you? If you were anxious or depressed and there was a pill you could take that would help you feel better..why wouldn’t you take it? Just sayin. Wellbutrin saved me.

[@MattMoore83]

I understand your perspective. My concern is how much medication do I need? If I were taking pain killers everyday, I'd wonder if I am not addressing the source of the problem. Ozzy Osborne was on all sorts of meds. He got off a lot of them and totally improved. So, I guess there is a balance. I just avoid meds if possible.

[@jeremiahallyn4603]

I think you look great 😍✌

[@oquefizhoje]

He needs to feel what you just said but ipn his lifetime he was unable to feel that. Why? Why is the motivation to search for answears deeply in his mind.

[@mikenelson1624]

👍✨💫🙌

[@davidpachecogarcia]

What an interesting video…🤔