My Boyfriend Bought Me An Expensive Trip For My Birthday But I'm Refusing It r/Relationships

[@svevo]

I facepalmed when, at the end, OP said that the talk "went fine because MIL didn't argue"... She didn't argue because she doesn't care for what you said and want; she is going to do whatever she wants if you let her near your child

[@Mayacatxoxo]

As a rock girl, i GASPED when it said she threw away a box of rocks. I would be CRUSHED

[@kitarrah1422]

Geodes no less! 😱😭

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

Right? MIL would never get back in the house after that!

[@CatsOverBrats]

It takes two people to enter a relationship but only one to leave. It doesn't matter if he wants couples therapy and won't accept the breakup. He doesn't get a choice. She's done.

[@tntaylor101]

Kind of humorous when somebody “won’t accept” a breakup. It’s like “Oh ok, so you’ll be pining after me for the foreseeable future? I like that look for you. Byeeeeee!” 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

[@Greenwren]

​@@tntaylor101The "then perish" meme comes to mind 😂

[@paulastiles5507]

LOL! Love your sig handle.

[@tntaylor101]

@@Greenwren Perfect 🙌🏼😂🙌🏼

[@Mewse1203]

It's just so funny that she broke up with him because he only cares about what he wants and doesn't give a fuck about what she wants and his reaction to the breakup is to not guce a fuck what she wants and only cares what he wants...

[@bunnyslippers191]

In Story 2 the fact the MIL was "offended" when OP told her she had been out of line to take her stuff to the thrift store means MIL is still convinced she's right and is going to be a nightmare once the baby comes. She donated a bunch of OP's clothes "because they weren't practical?" In what way were they not practical? OP has the right to wear anything she wants and who wants to wear only things that are "practical," anyway? Besides, there are times when a woman wants to dress up and go out to dinner and wear something not suitable for wearing while she scrubs the kitchen floor on her hands and knees. What about work events, such as the yearly Christmas party at work? Does MIL think OP's life as a woman who wants to look good once in a while is completely over the second a baby starts growing inside her?

[@ThatRPGuywithtoomanyOCs]

My thought was basically, "Practical for what? Everything is practical at different times." Like, a set of scrubs isn't practical for jogging, but practical in a hospital. A french suit isn't practical for baseball, but definitely works in a fancy event. Even old beat up clothes can have a place for things like yardwork.

[@cassandramuthleb2486]

Also, not one thing was said about the fact that mil didn't throw anything of her son's belongings away. How flipping convenient!!!

[@kaykay8855]

The fact that op could fill 3 pages with how many times her ex put his wants/needs over hers, yeah glad she broke up with him

[@SakuraMoonflower]

Mind you, that was all stuff he'd recently done IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS. Those three pages, back to front, didn't cover stuff he'd pulled for YEARS at OP's expense.. I'm glad she's leaving him. He was never worthy of her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 NTA. It's the fact she immediately donated the stuff for me. If she'd just put the stuff in the bin, you could have at least just gotten it out. She massively overstepped. And yea hold husband accountable too

[@kmbaldwin5325]

The part where the husband told OP that SHE had disrespected his mom had me raising my eyebrows. I would be rethinking the entire relationship. Your mom comes in and starts “cleaning” and giving away my things, but you’re calling ME disrespectful??? I don’t think so. You also know damn well that nothing that was donated belonged to her son.

[@shells500tutubo]

@kmbaldwin5325 Yep. Op needs to "clean" out her husband's closet and donate his favorite things. After all, they are just material possessions.

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

You notice MIL is still annoyed but grumpily going along with respecting OP's home and belongings. For now. It would not be a surprise if MIL caused a lot of problems in that marriage down the road.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: So what I'm hearing is that she literally stole from Op, but husband thinks Op is disrespectful and ungrateful? Edit: It shouldn't matter if it was "just stuff", she still took it without permission. That's theft, Op had every right to lose her temper and shouldn't have had to apologize.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I would've told hubby his mother can either have an apology or he can have a wife, but he can't have both. He can only suckle one set of teets at a time.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Most theft consists of "stuff," I don't get this argument. If MIL threw out some of her son's possessions, would that be okay, too?

[@TRONkhfan13]

For 2nd story, I’d be unforgiving. I grew up where my things were treated as lesser and disposable by those above me, and it developed into me having a hard time letting things go and extremely possessive over my shit. I’d go scorched earth and head to whatever goodwill was there and flat out tell them “this woman gave you my things without permission. If you do not return them, I will file a lawsuit and press charges for theft.”

[@sabinemetzger3219]

I also got very clingy with stuff after my grandma came and took things she thought i was too old for and gave them away to my younger Cousins and when i wanted them back i was the selfish spoiled only child. All my Cousins have siblings except me and one other Cousin. Sometimes it was books borrowed from friends and nobody believed me when i said it was my grandma and lost friends

[@tntaylor101]

Right? And tell them that MIL will be back in the morning to purchase everything back from them, and let them punitively mark it all up if they should so deem.🤣

[@kitarrah1422]

This sounds like my parents, too! I'm extremely possessive of my things now, because they (especially my mom) would get rid of my things without asking me. My ex-husband did it, too! 😢 I still mourn the things I loved that I no longer have. I freak out if my parents come into my house and clean or anything, especially when I'm not home!

[@shells500tutubo]

@@kitarrah1422How are they getting into your house when you are not home? Have you learned nothing?

[@kitarrah1422]

@@shells500tutubo They have a key for emergencies. And I have tried to enforce boundaries. It doesn't work. They steamroll right over me and any objections I make. My dad will even keep moving forward and push past me if I try to keep him from coming in when he has come to help with the yard or something outside. 😔 I have ADD and traits on the spectrum. They don't listen to me or respect me at all.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Even with the breakup he put his wants above hers: She wants to break-up, he doesn't. So his wants go and he won't accept that she doesn't want the relationship cause me, me, ME! So Good for OP. Hope her ex takes the L and just moves on. He is saying he wants to work on a relationship with her when he doesn’t even know who she is/refuses to believe she is her own person.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yep. He clearly doesn't respect OP, and I wouldn't be surprised if he disrespected his next girlfriend. And when he ends up alone, he's going to wonder why or blame women for being alone. 🙄

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly 2.5 YEARS she put up with this crap. At this point, you can't even blame the boyfriend anymore for doing whatever he wants first because she didn't just set a precedent years ago, she set a pattern of allowing his behavior to be "acceptable". No, I am not victim-blaming because, at some point, she stopped being a victim and became an enabler. Overall, 2.5 years isn't so bad when you consider many of the stories we hear on here of people allowing their spouses to control them and ignore their wants and needs for decades. She claimed she still "loved him", but I think she is going to really be happy someday when she finds out what REAL LOVE really is. There is NO WAY you can "Love" someone who treated you as the boyfriend treated OP. You can THINK you "Love" them, but you really don't. Hopefully, she hasn't mentally damaged herself into believing this is the sort of treatment she "needs" in a man, otherwise, she will end up picking the next guy who will treat her very similarly. My wife will sometimes p*ss me off when she gifts me something like a trip for both of us that she KNOWS I WILL LOVE, but she will hate it. I keep telling her to not do that because there are so many other trips we could both take that we will both love and have a great time doing together. It's weird because she seems to get some bizarre satisfaction giving me trips she knows I will love but she will hate even though she will sit there and smile all the way thru it. I tried doing that for my wife once with a trip to Wineries in California and stops at a couple of bars that are owned by people on a show she watches, I think it is called Vanderpump Rules or something like that. She absolutely REFUSED to go because she knows I don't like that show and I don't drink wine. But at least with that, I would find something to interest me at the places we were going such as how wine is made. To me, that is interesting even though I don't drink it. Plus the beauty of the places are right up my alley so .....

[@BaeBunni]

it is legit nuts that you can be that inattentive. Like I'm generally a crap boyfriend but even I can at least remember when a girlfriend tells me "I can't do this/I can't eat this I will get sick" That feels bare minimum atleast.

[@Nevertoleave]

It would be funny if she started dating and he freaked out that she was “cheating on him.”

[@Nevertoleave]

@@thomasjoseph5876 enabled? She repeatedly told him off for doing this stuff.

[@melissawitt3773]

I wanted to breakup with a boyfriend. His solution? “You want to break-up but I don’t, so we’ll have to compromise.” Um…yeah, I don’t think so.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

There's no compromise possible. Compromise means you each give something up and you each keep something. How the heck did he think this was going to work with a relationship??

[@melissawitt3773]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 I didn’t let that topic go any further. I suspect he would say he wouldn’t get to see me as often as he wants, but we would continue to see each other.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I remember that boat story, Mark! The boyfriend's friend chucked OP in the water, but the boyfriend defended him and told OP she was being a baby. She broke up with him.

[@CatLadyElegy]

Yep, I was gonna say that. I remember that story.

[@elyserhyne243]

I remember that one too

[@SkyEcho751]

Don't forget the BF was all *Shocked Pikachu* when she broke up with him. He was only upset that she 'rocked the boat', not that she was intentionally thrown overboard when she had a fear of swimming.

[@rinpaisys]

When op was saying he was still ignoring the breakup, wants to do couples therapy, wouldn’t break the lease coz he didn’t want to, etc I was just like “she should grab that 3 page list and add to it”

[@logirl1975]

Story 2 We're going to see this OP in JustNoMil before too much longer because I promise this isn't the end of it. Neither husband or MIL seemed even the least bit remorseful and still think they did nothing wrong. They're just irritated that OP is making such a big deal out of it.

[@groofromtheup5719]

Yup. The overstepping is going to level up once the baby is born. Count on it. MIL will be continuing to push boundaries until then as well.

[@anwarpine6797]

I wonder if he would have felt different if it was his clothes gone. I noticed his stuff was not included in the list of things thrown out

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Nah Mark, the story where the dude let his friend throw OP off the boat lines up with this perfectly. The ex-bf _knew_ that OP was scared of the water, but he felt like him and his friend's specific plans were more important than OP. He likely knew that the friend was going to throw her overboard, and her freaking out and 'embarrassing him' was more important than OP's feelings and trauma. Tracks perfectly.

[@OnewBiased]

Even if OP doesn't have seasickness, buying cruise tickets without her ever enthusiastically wanting to go on a cruise and where she obviously looks forward to attending a Renfaire is still an AH move from her (soon-to-be ex) bf

[@krazycats564]

I would LOVE to go on a cruise. It sounds so fun, but I'd definitely expect my partner to check I didn't have other plans.

[@LunaMane]

OP from Story #2 really shouldn't take her mother-in-law's word at face value. I have a strong feeling that things won't "work out okay". Now MIL is just going to be sneaky and try to gaslight OP as she does the same things.

[@peregreena9046]

It all hinges on what hubby will do. My guess is that for her next operation, she'll ask him for his opinion, help but most of all, something she can constru as consent to act. Ife he shuts her down, she might try something else. The important part is, he has to back up his wife.

[@jwo122]

yeah the mil crossed the line but the op sounds like a hoarder. of course she's not gonna call herself a hoarder but she definitely sounds like a hoarder. she collects things that she doesn't need or have a purpose for. and the mil is right in thinking that it could be dangerous for a child. she's prioritizing her belongings over the safety of her child. a cluttered house is an dangerous environment for a child to grow up in.

[@margaritap.9459]

​@@jwo122she doesn't sound like hoarder at all. She sounds like an artsy person, who likes pretty and/or interesting things. Not all things have to have "a purpose" or "fulfill a need" the same way we eat for more that just hunger and need for macro and micronutrients.

[@jwo122]

@margaritap.9459 hoarders have to start somewhere. she basically likes collecting useless things that catch her eye. and by the way op describes things it's mostly all stored in one room and not even used for decorative purposes. it appears to be a compulsion for her, which will lead to hoarding.

[@margaritap.9459]

@@jwo122 reading comprehension might not be your strong suit, but making up stories and dishing out unfounded diagnoses just might be it!

[@LordBison98]

Story 2: "The stuff is not as important as a person who can be hurt". I'm sorry, but why husband didn't apply that logic to OP? Why was he ok with HER feelings being hurt?

[@laurenjohnson4566]

Thank you! I was thinking the same thing. Nope, husband problem. What he really meant was: your stuff isn't as important as *my mom's* feelings. 😡

[@tntaylor101]

@@laurenjohnson4566 and further that OP's feelings aren't as important his mom's feelings. 😒

[@fred_derf]

Because he doesn't really care about her.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 2: OP should give away all of her husband's prized possessions and if he protests, shrug and say "I was just trying to help! Be grateful!"

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

2nd story.... next, she takes over how you raise your child. If hubby does not back, you send him home to mummy.

[@colleens1107]

Oh EXACTLY what I wrote. This woman is just yessing her to get back in the house. She doesn’t mean a word of it and I don’t think I trust hubby to back OP up against his mother when he was mad at OP even though his mom STOLE FROM HER

[@aoruplaylists9729]

Story 1 : Even after expressing her want to break up, he still ignores her. Guys like that are infuriating. Wouldn't have bear with it for so long.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

At some point during the beginning of their relationship, she set the precedence for that behavior by him. After that, she allowed it to continue thereby setting a pattern of behavior he believed she deemed acceptable. She went from victim to enabler and then she allowed it to continue for 2.5 YEARS !!! Although, we have heard of others in these stories read here putting up with selfish and poor behavior for much longer so we can almost say she got "lucky" only wasting 2.5 years of her prime time with that loser. She said she "loved him" but just wait until she finally figures out what REAL LOVE truly is. She will be back with another update wondering why she didn't pull the trigger much sooner and how stupid she was to stick with it for so long and enable his selfish behavior. I think the dude was a D-Bag, but in his defense, if she kept allowing his behavior for so long, he probably just assumed she was okay with it even though a "normal" person would have said, "NO, I should not treat my partner like this." Live and learn, hopefully, she isn't mentally damaged and believes she needs another man similar to this guy because she ended up "normalizing" his behavior for so long.

[@DeathWishDiva]

@@thomasjoseph5876 You would not have made this same post about OP if the roles were reversed. I just know it. Oh no, she made a mistake and wanted to believe someone wasn't as bad as they were. We've all done that, and some us never come to the realization, it's good she did. I agree, live and learn but no need to degrade her for a mistake.

[@CyeOutsider]

​@@thomasjoseph5876So basically, blame the victim. Got it.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@DeathWishDiva Stupid is Stupid whether it is done by a man or a woman. So, sorry, your ASSumption is incorrect. She didn't just make one mistake, she made many mistakes for 2.5 YEARS. If my calling her out and stating facts makes her appear TO YOU, as some form of degradation, then that is on you. Facts are Facts and they don't care about your feelings.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@LostSoulchild89 Stop calling her a "Victim". She isn't. She hasn't been a victim for at least 2 years. I will give her half a year of being a "victim" (which is much more than generous), but after that, she ENABLED HIM. SHE gave him the power and belief that his behavior was acceptable. If she doesn't tell him for 2.5 years he is acting selfish and not considering her wants and needs, then THAT IS ON HER. She could have, she should have, left long ago. When were all of these times she "talked to him" before breaking up??? She never mentioned that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Pretty sure one of the AH residents in my neighborhood intentionally tried to run me off the road on my walk this morning. I was walking in the other lane and he drove into that lane causing me to have to abruptly get into the grass. I looked back in the car after it passed to see who it was and he was smiling. Unbelievable.

[@MarkNarrations]

Stay safe andy, sounds crazy

[@lisamac2403]

Be careful your neighbor sounds like a sociopath.

[@Swnsasy]

Sheesh Andy, please be safe and watch yourself! I'd miss ya 😊But seriously, keep your eyes peeled.. I just saw another story on Reddit that a person in Texas posted on there telling everyone in his area about this person. The police finally caught him thank goodness..

[@aga3852]

Get a dash cam Bc is that is caught? Reckless driving. Well at least if you are in America ;-;

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@MarkNarrations thanks Mark!

[@polarbearhero9803]

OP has blinders on. Her MIL can’t go from nice to controlling that fast. She has always been controlling and OP let her violate her boundaries. The baby will make this much worse. OP will be back in another 3-4 months with MIL giving the baby bottles of water or cereal at 2 months or insisting to name her and wanting to do things her way.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

You're right. It's evident that she knew, but it hadn't affected her in a way that mattered enough until this point, so she just let her cross boundaries.

[@luizad2277]

Story 2: I feel my skin itching just listening to the MIL throwing out OP’s items! I am angry on OP’s behalf! How dare the MIL throw away property that does not belong to her?!

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

Some types of MILs see the DIL as just something they can push around and use. The son and his children, and of course MIL's ego, are all that matter. OP needs to get this sorted out hard and soon before this escalates to a high stress situation that affects her health and the baby's safety. She may want to look for a safe apartment and a storage unit for her belongings. The things MIL stole from her were not junk.

[@GanishTig]

Story 2 - I'd be interested to know if any of hubby's 'stuff' went missing - I'll bet not. OP is NTA, but MiL is marking her territory - I'd be careful around her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP is right to break up in story 1. He literally got her a gift that would make her sick for a time she can't even attend. Trying to resolve this would be a waste of time. He's so selfish and after 2.5 years, if he wanted to change he would

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yep. OP's better off without her ex.

[@DameNickum]

Story 2, If husband is not on board with OP, he should go stay with his mother. It does not matter what her reasons are, she is out of line. I’d be angry as well. My mom is like this, only she will keep 40 paper bags and throw out my first edition books. That’s just not okay. How will she behave with the baby? Toss everything and force you to bottle feed because your breasts are untidy? NTA

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, you never clean or reorganize someone else's space without permission. And you definitively do not throw out their possessions either.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: Brava to OP for seeing the writing on the wall. This is not just a one-time selfish "gift", but a pattern of behaviour which is not going to change. I'm only a little scared for her staying in the apartment after the break up. IMO, she should have checked with the leasing office and arranged a place to stay BEFORE telling him about the breakup and got out of Dodge immediately. This relationship is at a crisis point, and he does not accept reality.

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

Reminds me of my father, though he's cheap and solely thinks about himself. I have a lot of stories about gifts that don't make sense given the individual

[@DerekScottBland]

Story 2 before update - I'm betting that husband told his mother to do this, or at the very least accepted her help knowing this would be the end result. If this is how MIL is, then this is how she raised her son, and he's going insane living in what he thinks is a junked up house full of useless shit. The way he reacted to OP definitely shows he fully supports what his mother did. I don't know if that update is better or worse than what I guessed. Husband says stuff isn't as important as someone whose feelings can be hurt? OP WAS FUCKING HURT! She felt violated because someone came into her home, took her stuff and threw it out! And now it looks like she's going to apologize. Fucking hell.

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey all, happy thursday!! Hope you have a wonderful day!

[@spockezri]

thank you so much, you too!

[@Gingerycarrotkitten]

Hope you and Poppy have a good day too!

[@MariaPlacido-b7s]

Have a happy Thursday Mark, Poppy and Waffle Gang from Toronto Ontario Canada 🇨🇦 😊

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@Leathergirl76]

Have a wonderful and productive day you cheeky so and so 😊

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - So glad OP finally realized what an idiot this BF was. At least now she can go to the Ren Fair and have a great birthday week. Maybe she'll meet a nice sword maker or blacksmith or something at the fair!

[@lisear2926]

Loopy woman just comes into your house and throws your stuff away in the name of cleaning 😑 Oh, how helpful. Your husband's first reaction made me think he needed to get a bunch of his stuff "cleaned up". Anyhoo, I'm glad it all worked out and hopefully mother-in-law has learned her lesson and won't do it again.😊

[@carolroberts4614]

I wouldn't hold my breath. She was annoyed but agreed! What right did she have to be annoyed? She literally stole Op's stuff.

[@luizad2277]

She won’t though. And OP was silly enough to apologise. That just equated in that stupid MIL head that she was right. OP is just kicking the headache down the road instead of cutting her out now

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yep, everything MIL got rid of was OP’s, nothing of the husband’s! Very telling…once baby is born, MIL will be trying to throw OP out too.

[@juresichj]

MIL did not learn her lesson. She may bide her time, but when OP goes to the hospital, MIL will haul away everything she wants to get rid of, re-arrange the house to her specifications, and count on OP's recovery time to cement her presense in the house permanently.

[@impagain]

The last story gives me so much anxiety and makes me so angry. My mom threw away my stuff as a punishment when I was a kid, and my friend's mom donated a lot of my toys when I left them at my friend 's house to borrow, and I only found a few at the thrift store later. I couldn't forgive e this invasion of property and betrayal of trust. Ever.

[@hothotheat3000]

Handing him an itemized list of every single instance in which he disregarded her feelings was the ultimate killshot. There’s no denying it now. The fact that he went quiet for the rest of the night tells me he knows he’s lost, and the counseling thing is a desperate attempt to salvage it. He knows he’s not going to find another person who will tolerate his behavior, which is why he’s scrambling.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 2: NTA, and OP should tell her man-child hubby to move back in with mommy since he hasn't finished growing up. File for divorce and sole custody ASAP.

[@clwbchbabycakes]

Story 2: Wait - you had to call a TAXI for her??? How in the world did she make multiple trips to Goodwill??!!! Something smells funny here....

[@qnkendra1523]

First story- I've been in this relationship- my partner's gifts were very performative talked up to others so I look ungrateful for not wanting it. Ironically one of those things was me wanting to get involved in the local Ren circuit and him choosing a "live steel" troupe and not understanding that I absolutely hate being the center of attention let alone spending my weekends performing. This was after about 2.5 years of being together and just one of many many things he twisted into what he'd prefer. It never got better not even in the remaining 2 years, not when we stayed together for an unplanned pregnancy, not even when our child was born. Everything was about him and what he wanted and how he was seen by others- I was a convenient arm candy and default "bad guy" when he wanted to say no but not look rude.

[@Mkay999]

NTA Story 1: True narcissists will give you a birthday gift that is about themselves. Somehow they’re going through a tough time and need to pick your birthday trip, or they don’t even pretend to need an excuse and blatantly do what makes them the happiest. Your birthday is always the best way to see how a man is to you. Does he stop the second year? He will give the little effort for the rest of the relationship too

[@nicolepsy]

It's also because a cruise is a big gift and will make him look good to the world. If a partner gives you what THEY want you to have, rather than what you want; if they always have to have the last word, give you the silent treatment for days, weeks, or longer and withhold affection...run for the hills immediately! They aren't going to change. Ever.

[@kecward78]

Story 1: Good call getting rid of a BF that selfish. Hopefully, that 3 pages of 'it's all about him' things will cause some introspection and make him realize how selfish he is. If not, then hopefully his next failed relationship will end the same. Story 2: I can't fathom going into another person's home and throwing out/donating things without permission. And even if the boyfriend doesn't see the value in those things, he should know they aren't his mother's to remove.

[@carolroberts4614]

My partner is useless at gifts, but I never know what I want either! I'm not really into jewellery, or hobbies, I'd rather take a weekend trip somewhere, or something like that.Or we pick out something together. This man is a real pain. He just doesn't care what she wants, and goes for what he likes.

[@beingalittleextra]

If someone took my stuff to Goodwill I would literally start sobbing.

[@AngelsAndDemons999]

S1: This OP is no nonsense life partner, and I really love people who don't cave in for expensive things against their own life and wishes. Good for OP, because she saw his controlling nature. Good riddance. No you can't change such personalities. It is a part of their character traits, and it defines them.

[@shells500tutubo]

Story 2- I think I might have waited until MIL went to sleep and then took her luggage and belongings and just tossed them in a dumpster after midnight. Maybe thrown a few of her husband's things in there too.

[@gayeenglund1907]

I just house sat for my daughter just recently and tidied up while I was there. My daughter keeps a lot of things like bread tags etc for future crafts and while I put everything in containers, I wouldn't dream of throwing out anything. I was nervous just organising and was careful to not do anything that could not be undone. I would be more so for an in-law. I think there will be more problems ahead as the actions signified entitlement.

[@mrobinson5201]

As soon as OP said her mother in law threw out her ROCKS, that was it for me! Not the ahole but you husband and his mom are!

[@tamitami9275]

I have gone over and cleaned my adult daughters house several times. That said, the key word here is cleaned. Never would I dream of going in their drawers, closet, or anywhere there may be private things, nor would I dream of getting rid of any of their stuff. I am helping not hindering. What they have or keep in their house is up to them. Doing dishes, throw a meal in slow cooker, dust, sweep, wash windows, throw clothes in washer. I do not understand mommies who think it is their place to decide what their adults should have and not have, or deciding they do not organize THEIR SPACE correctly. SMH! They are not your baby anymore, those days have sailed!

[@lina9535]

Fun fact (or not depending): even after you've been on a cruise, you can still have lingering effects of "waves". My mom and I were on a cruise in August, 20-28th, and even now she has feelings of "motions". Like she is still on that ship, and it wasn't swaying at all, one day out of the 8 it swayed a bit, but it wasn't that bad. Imagine if the OP had gone on the cruise, and got hit with whatever phantom "swaying" my mom has, she'd been feeling seasick for almost 2 months!

[@AndyyWithAY]

He doesn't know the difference between blue and purple?? 🤔 I have several questions. That aside OP handled this wrong. MIL wasn't owed an apology. She needed to apologize. MIL's shenanigans will only escalate from here bc instead of being put in her place, she's getting apologized too. It'll be you should or shouldn't breast feed. Back in my day we did this. She might say tummy time is abuse like that nutter a few days ago. This just was the wrong course of action

[@smapa1185]

Some people have very specific kinds of color blindness and literally cannot tell the difference

[@ginathecookie]

Agreed, Mark. (About after update.) it is very concerning, I hope everything goes well and that he leaves her alone..

[@lindah3803]

Story 2: Question: Did MIL toss any of hubby's things. I doubt it. OP would have mentioned it. MIL did all of that on purpose. Now that OP has confronted her,in the future she will just toss an item here and there hoping to not get caught.

[@laurag502]

i went on a cruise someone bought for me because i felt bad, fully knowing i get horrible motion motion sickness and dramamine just makes me high as a kite. i was MISERABLE. couldn’t eat, constantly vomiting, lost 8 pounds by the end (i don’t have 8 pounds to spare). i hated every second. the one night i made it to the festivities i got sexually harassed and followed by two drunk dudes. it was a nightmare. one of the biggest regrets of my life is not saying i don’t like cruises and that i don’t want to go.

[@littlegreycat]

My grandmother used to do stuff like that MIL to my mother. She's definitely NTA but also unhelpful help isn't of any use.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Expensive but unwanted gifts are a known manipulation tactic. It’s designed to produce a sense of obligation on the part of the receiver while at the same time being a backhanded insult to the receiver’s wants and needs.

[@spockezri]

imagine putting effort into making something your girlfriend would hate cute, but not putting in enough effort to get even one thing she would like edit: the AUDACITY to say "well i always liked them so i thought you could push through it"!!

[@BlankPageEmperor1334]

(Story One) Deeply baffled as to what OP ever saw in her ex. He's selfish, dangerously insensitive, and manipulative, sure, but he's also dense as a brick! How they even made it to two and a half years together I'll never know.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: This starts off as a classic example of why surprise birthday gifts often backfire and then sails off to full-blown Planet Narcissist. It's not just that he got her a gift without her knowledge, something he would like but couldn't be sure she would (though that's not great). It's that he got her a gift he *knew* would make her sick and actively miserable. That past story Mark referenced about the BF's friend throwing OP into the water and her nearly drowning? I thought of that, too. It's also that he intentionally booked said "gift" in the same week he knew she was taking off to go do something she really, really did want to do. Okay, so he's kind of a jerk about letting other people enjoy fannish things for not supporting her in the RenFaire stuff, but booking a competing birthday gift that she *actively* *hates* at the exact same time as the RenFaire she planned to attend is actual sabotage and very controlling. Huge red flag. I wasn't surprised at all when he turned into a creeper after she broke up with him. She needs to get out of that lease sooner than later before she turns into the star of a future entry of Forensic Files.

[@JanetVargas-nx4mt]

Please get an final update on the birthday cruise story. I need to know she's ok. My ex-husband did very similar things to me. Jerk!

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. I'm 100% disabled because of my allergies. Like pine scented cleaner will put me in the hospital. One Christmas I bought my husband a Amazon parrot, because that's something he's always wanted. I gave him a list of 2 perfumes that I can wear. 2! He bought red door that I can never wear without a hospital stay. I threw it out of my RED door of my house into the yard. Know exactly how this woman feels. Stay safe please, peace.

[@dizzysdoings]

When my MIL died, my husband insisted on bringing everything that no one else wanted home because he didn't want it to go to a thrift store. We didn't have the room. Our house was already overfilled and I had been working on getting rid of stuff for years! But I didn't argue with him. He passed away last year. I've been working on getting rid of stuff. Guess where all of her stuff went?

[@lynsthoughts3576]

My mom cleaned my house ALL the time, she NEVER threw away ANYTHING without asking me. NEVER.... You never DECIDE what someone should or should not keep. She went inside closets and drawers. She's an asshole. Husband is an asshole. MIL DESERVED to be kicked out. Period end of discussion

[@AnnoyedGuy-mo8he]

I live for these narrations.

[@aduckofsomesort]

Why would clothes in a closet or a coin collection be a hazard to a baby? Dishes in a cupboard? Family memorabilia?

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I’d like to point out that some people act like because they “bought something for you” they pretty much own you. I’ve only gone on dates with guys like this where they bought me dinner and assume that they’ve “bought” me for the night. I’ve told guys that I don’t ever kiss or show physical affection on the first date and sometimes it can take a while but because they bought something for me they think it’s okay to ignore that and kiss me without my consent and more. I refuse gifts or anything like that directly because of this now. People are so entitled.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I love how everything he started spitting out was so similar to what a commenter wrote pretending to be the bf. Like they were so spot on. It's so sad how we're so used to these things that we can predict so easily nearly word for word what the person will say as their defense.

[@19nmiller1]

I generally subscribe to the theory "dont prescribe maliciousness to actions which can be explained by ignorance," but in the case of story 1, I feel like it has to be purposeful at that point. Maybe the (ex) boyfriend is so oblivious and self-indulgent that he genuinely thinks OP will like it/grow to enjoy it, but I can't shake the feeling that he's purposely trying to push her away from her interests and control her with his money. Especially at the end when he's trying to trap her in the relationship and disregard her autonomy. Either he truly is the most ignorant yet good-intentioned idiot or, more likely, he views OP as a blank plaything to be molded to his tastes. Im really glad she broke up with him, but I'm with you that I'm definitely worried about her safety. The most dangerous time to leave a controlling partner is when you say youre leaving.

[@akkiko]

As someone who recently had to go on a cruise I really did not want to- they are not the perfect end-all gift. Yes they’re luxurious, yes you get to go places, yes it’s a once in a lifetime experience… but if you don’t want to be there and have no interest in the tourism, you’re basically trapped in a strict regiment of joyless activities. Listen when someone says they don’t want to go on a cruise lol

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: OP's ex boyfriend is a HUGE A-HOLE. 3 pages front and back of times he put his needs ahead of her in the last 6 months. Heck No!

[@RedCeltay]

Morning everyone, bot that last story was a doozy, 😊 she had more patience than I would of. I'd be stressed out every time I left my home that she would toss a few things out. So little by little it's all gone. I would of made her go to the thrift store the next day and get it all back for starters.

[@tntaylor101]

Right. Retrace everywhere she went, bag everything she can find, and explain to them it’s stolen goods and the perpetrator will be returning to purchase it all in the morning. (Give them time to punitively mark a few things up, should they be so inclined 😉) Oh wait. It was 9pm. Early morning road-trip with MIL and MIL’s credit card it is, then. 😂

[@therealdeathnote3]

The ex from the first story is a narc there was a plan and he tried to ruin it on purpose.I am glad op is safe from that controlling person.

[@michaelmcanally5783]

OP1, honestly, with all the fiascos being reported on cruise ships these days, I don’t know why people would want to go on a cruise.

[@michaelmcanally5783]

Well, OP2, I do think you need to reevaluate your rocks, if they’re something that a kid could pick up and put in their mouth. The news is rife with children choking and throwing things that shouldn’t be around kids.

[@lina9535]

I also believe I just read an update to story 1 like yesterday

[@krazycats564]

My mum always tries to throw away my stuff but only when I ask her to help me clean and even then although she rolls her eyes she lets me object to her throwing out my fabric scraps. If anyone were to do that while I was gone oh my god I would lose it.

[@NottyAries]

Story 1: if you get someone a gift they don't like, it's not a gift. I don't like cruises either and would be pissed if my boyfriend bought me expensive cruise tickets instead of what I actually want.

[@hollyberry0602]

Story 2: No. Just no. That was OP'S STUFF! As someone who has a pretty cluttered but decently organised and functional bedroom, I can say if anyone sold, donated or otherwise disposed of MY THINGS? Dead to me. There is nothing wrong with having a lot of things so long as everything is put away, displayed nicely or isn't in the way of having a functional space. And from what OP said, it seems their house was perfectly functional. My stepdad is pretty minimalist and HATES how "cluttered" my room is. But he knows if he ever got rid of anything of mine, my Mum would back me up instantly. Why? Because it's my stuff in my space, I pay my fair share of board too. This isn't the MIL's house. It's OP's house. Therefore OP and her husband are the only ones who get a day in what does and doesn't get thrown away. Organising OP's stuff into bags ready to donate is one thing, but to already have taken it and donated it before OP could even say no? Absolutely awful.

[@charliesangel1]

Story 2 I think MIL should of waited for OP to get home and let her sort through things MIL deemed junk and OP then should of told her how she feels about her doing this the fact MIL went through her stuff and took it to goodwill and hubby had no problem with it sends alarm bells going through my head and it's stuffy as it is as I have a cold. But in the end OP handled it with grace and humility, however I wonder if MIL will truly change...

[@sargampareek2774]

Thank you for the sensible comment. I don't know why people jump the gun, suggesting police report. OP did say that she has a good relationship with MIL. MIL majorly overstepped and OP's reaction was quite harsh but understandable. Glad she decided to talk. Whether MIL takes the opportunity and corrects her behavior in the future is on her now.

[@charliesangel1]

@sargampareek2774 I think the reason why people jumped is because of the fact it was jus mostly OP's stuff. And the police report thing...depending on state country etc dunno if that will help. But yes MIL should change for the betterment of her future of seeing her grandchild etc.

[@TT-fy6hk]

@@sargampareek2774 omg, let me come to your place and take two end tables, writing desk + some rugs (and sentimental things from a drawer) and and tell you they will harm the baby that will not walk for first 2 years of their life and you be gracious enough to turn the other cheek.. (don't call the cops so I can do it in a week again) Doormat much?

[@TT-fy6hk]

ppl rarely change and it takes years, she didn't even apologize, or understands what she did wrong but got offended. No she will not change but I'm sure op will not have 90% of her belongings by the end of 6 month stay.

[@aduckofsomesort]

Why is mother-in-law‘s feelings more important than his wife’s?

[@frozenheart7133]

I had a boyfriend of 4 years that just could not get the point at all. Gift giving is my love language, and the first time he gave me cash for a holiday, I lost my shit on him. 4 years later it never got better, it was always always trash gifts at best. We kept seperate finances but everything we did, I paid for. I got so sick of it. He was supposed to cover $300 of the disney vacation, he didn't and he wouldn't even buy his own food. That on top of the terrible sex and gifts, what a joke. Id rather be single.

[@kmbaldwin5325]

Even if the 2nd OP was a hoarder, going in and just getting rid of her stuff would be inappropriate and possibly have catastrophic consequences for OP’s mental health.

[@indymom9232]

For the second story.Mother-in-law never said she was sorry. She will not change.

[@anario7415]

I listen to you everyday at lunch. I giggle with your cheeky expressions. Like you when the post involves a "Mark" I think oh no.

[@RebaMedia]

Story 2: It's always "just stuff" until it's his own stuff he cares about. "Oh Can't have this PS5 here! Video games are bad for kids! Oh and these power tools are too sharp!" I'm sure he'd have a verrrryyy different tune if his mother took his stuff to goodwill to never be seen again. Also I'm sure the mom would just "LOVE" OP going through her house and tossing shit willy nilly. She had every right to blow up at them both and shouldn't have apologized for being upset that she was STOLEN from. The MIL knew exactly what she was doing.

[@anwarpine6797]

Just thinking about how much of their private things she went through to get rid of someone’s clothes 🤢 if I got home to find my rock collection gone I would have been mad enough to light a fire, those things are expensive!

[@autumn557]

You come into MY house and throw away MY things? You’re lucky your blood isn’t decorating my walls now.

[@joeschmo622]

A coin collection? Rocks? Geode collection? Antique desk? I'd tell The MIL: _"If you ever want to even _*_HOPE_*_ to see the kid before he/she turns 18, you'd better get down to Goodwill _*_TODAY_*_ and get _*_ALL_*_ my stuff back, and I'll also be siccing the cops on you for theft."_ And then I'd tell The Husband: _"Go'head and say _*_ANYTHING_*_ other than 'yeah, mom, go right now!', and I'll be serving up divorce papers, too."_

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

2nd Story: Divorce worthy!

[@beccaf262]

“They’re just things and that’s not as important as someone’s feelings being hurt” what about OPs feelings?? It’s not necessarily the things themselves either is the memories or the emotions they bring you. They can remind you of people you love or happy memories attached to them.

[@haroldvazquez]

" he said he likes cruises" he didnt have a single consideration for her. Sad.

[@StephFish1004]

Story 2: Yeah this isn't over. That update sounds like the updates we get from other stories before things go horribly borribly wrong. I am concerned

[@joshuapierce3085]

It was the boyfriend's friend in that story. The boyfriend stood by and watched then tried to blame OP for not getting over it because it was just a joke.

[@Swnsasy]

Hey Mark, I use to say, Oh no! Running ass backwards riding a ducks feathers! 🤣🤣That means I'm really shocked LOL...

[@annhans3535]

She took the rocks? Wait. MIL has to go, she took the rocks. Heck no, husband might have to go too.😂. I love my rocks.

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Last Story) MIL declutters OPs house w/o permission. OP better keep close tabs on her MIL. OP stated that her MIL seemed annoyed but agreed to her boundaries. I don't know how long it will take for MIL to revert but revert she will, her annoyance will win out eventually and OPs things will either start disappearing a little atca time or she'll come back and a bunch more stuff will be gone all at once. If her DH takes her side and gets serious with his Mom, that would definitely reinforce OPs boundaries. MIL's insistence that putting kitchen stuff where she feels is perfect and better than OP's placement is very telling.

[@RRW359]

If you buy something as a surprise you have to be willing for the person you buy it for to reject it. If you don't want your partner to say no to it ask them first and if they don't want it don't buy it.

[@briansmaller7443]

MIL chucking stuff story - OP NTA. We have a cluttered house (in the same sense that the OP had one). When we had kids we just made sure everything that could be dragged off tables or shelves was out of reach of little hands until they got big enough to understand what "No! Don't touch that!" meant. Sure, a few things got broken over the years but that was too bad for us. Not really the kid's fault. Hell. Raised two kids and not one of my warhammer models got so much as chipped,

[@Voodoomaria]

Story #2 My partner's Aunty was like this, LOVED thrift shop/garage sale junking. She had tons of stuff strangely enough matching the things OP describes. She thought of her house as yes, cluttered, but so kitch, very bohemian, quirky but nice. That's what SHE thought. Her Husband, and children were living in a purgatory of stale smelling tasteless cast-off garbage, the other relatives thought she was one more stuffed angel doll away from becoming a hoarder. The house was dusty, musty, mouldy and stale smelling, Cobwebs in all the corners you couldn't reach because of the boxes of junk in the way. It was NOT a healthy house to raise a child in. And all this ignoring the MONEY she wasted on that cr*p, Unbelievable. That's side one of the story. Side two is, NONE of the family would even THINK of discarding a single dented Easter Basket of hers because IT WAS HER PROPERTY. No, Nobody else valued it [and when she passed it ALL went into a rubbish skip] but it was HER PROPERTY, and it would be WRONG to take it away from her without her permission. Mother-in-law crossed a boundary, and she paid the price for it.

[@PRO-1official]

Story 2 NTA - you should never throw out someone else’s belongings in their very own house unless you get permission. Mother-In-Law was way out of line.

[@carrissa8867]

I can relate yo story 1 it's hard when you put your partner first and they put themselves first my husband got himself a tattoo for my birthday one year like wtf

[@jemcrosbie]

Mark when you were reading the list of ‘junk’ I was waiting for ‘and a cuddly toy’!

[@fhuber7507]

2. OP's MIL committed theft. 100% needed to be prosecuted. And "hubby" defending it means hubby needs to go along with the MIL.

[@shylavender]

OP’s ex in story 1 is STILL putting his wants and needs over hers, by refusing to accept the breakup. Like for crying out loud, even when she’s quite literally spelled out for him what the issue is, and that’s why she’s ending things, he STILL does it! I really hope she escapes from him for good. He is beyond selfish and exhausting.

[@starlingswallow]

Story one: when 0P told him she wanted to break up and he is refusing to move ahead with it and saying he wants to do couples counseling, blah blah blah, she should've said "you are not listening to me, again. I want to break up with you and you're making all these excuses and wanting to do counseling and crap. You are proving my point that you are not hearing what I want to do and refusing. BYE!"