My Date And His Friends "Gatekeeped" My Hobbies Ands Career r/Relationships

[@julia7200]

Something similar happened to me. After I knew that they were being sexist buttholes I just asked them „How is overtime going to be compensated?“ They gave me puzzled looks. „Oh I thought this is a job interview.“

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Here, you dropped this: 🎤. Like a boss!

[@simsgirlgem]

You drop this my queen 👑

[@Germania72]

Story 1: It's only 3 months and she already feels uncomfortable and disrespected. Is it really worth it to continue dating this guy who doesn't even stand up for her? Dating shouldn't be so difficult.

[@meghansantoru1165]

h my mhm m him khlllk like. lvl bc

[@cmsxcb]

From the moment OP said, "We met his friends at Hooters", there was nothing she could possibly reveal that would make her TA. Ritual Satanism - fine! Cannibalism - NTA. Serial killer - hey, we all have faults, right?

[@sandracox4341]

Totally agree

[@itsjustme7487]

Its not going to get better per my experiences.

[@susankaempfer8427]

It’s also hilarious that they seemed to be teasing op’s bf for not being able to get a girlfriend. 🙄 I wonder why.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) The only interest she needs to drop is her bf. And by de facto his friends. Jesus Christ, they’re surprised he’s got a hot girl? Whilst we’re all asking how he even got a girl?

[@dionysus_adores]

Exactly woman don't need to be quizzed gents just like they don't quiz other guys. It still pisses me off that cis guys still act like that

[@artist-scopes8357]

@@dionysus_adores they are also the type of guys telling women what 'is attractive' and just who and what is attractive to women isn't attractive. 🙄

[@dionysus_adores]

@@artist-scopes8357 that too its gross I remember i never liked it. I just hoped it would calm down not a large group of people still doing it.

[@artist-scopes8357]

@@dionysus_adores yeah. Infact looking at the latest example. Pple were mocking the looks from a member of a certain band and the majority of people crapping on him were men. The insecurity of them, the hatered, that women could like something different than them or what they themselves deemed attractive or handsome... It was ridiculous. And apalling.

[@dionysus_adores]

@@artist-scopes8357 I don't know this band. I remember being constantly compared to my sister when she was considered the pretty sister

[@sciencenerd218]

First story: Home-girl better get up and fucking RUN! Like LITERALLY run and don't look back. I would've just upped and walked away from that relationship. Men that "gatekeep" hobbies are scum and ruin the fun of the hobby.

[@shells500tutubo]

I think she should have taken out her phone like she was looking something up, called a Lyft or Uber, then when it arrived just said, "excuse me", and left. They would think she was going to do "girl things" in the bathroom, and when they realized she was gone Dan would have been humiliated.

[@sandracox4341]

@@shells500tutubo, That just gave me an idea. She could have looked at her watch and told Dan, "are we about done here, because you only paid me for an hour" 🤣

[@meechiebaby493]

"I'm just kidding" is the mating song of the Narcissistic Sh!theel-asaurus. You'll find them in the wild everywhere. Beware of gaslighting behavior from the Sh!theel, as it can cause lifelong issues with future Loving-asaurus mates.

[@daisymay6505]

😭🤣👏

[@101Mant]

Men gatekeeping women on hobbies and careers is gross and sexist. It's not kidding around. The only justification you need to be interested in a hobby is you like it. If you passed your interview for your job you don't need another one. And if your partner won't stand up for you they aren't worth keeping. OP should tell him he is the one who failed the test.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Agreed! Only, as soon as I found out we were going to hooters, which would be the first 🚩, I would have turned around and left.

[@WobblesandBean]

I used to work in the video games industry, and I was treated like that EVERYWHERE. It was awful.

[@rachaelclark8465]

I am so sorry you had to experience this.

[@BrokenDiety1]

Men don't gatekeep anything from women. They should, but they don't. The only people that gatekeep women are other women. This story is feminist propaganda trash.

[@fishbowl5308]

@@rachaelclark8465 gatekeeping is horrible qnd stupid but gotta ask is the hooters comment over the girls or the food.

[@GonzoHenson]

That first story.... During the interview (uh, I mean "hang out/date") I would have LOVED to have asked the table, "So, are any of you married or in a long term relationship?" There would have been three likely outcomes: 1. crickets. 2. squirming and lame justifications about how hard it was to meet 'worthy women' or 3. One or two brave souls to raise their hands. To which I would have to ask "WHY? HOW?"

[@robertx8020]

And then follow up with : yes, I get it ..it must be so hard to get a date for men like you ! But I'm sure we can find a way to blame women for it:" 😂🤪

[@nothereyetlost]

They would’ve lied

[@MingRae1]

Story one. First off I'm 31 and a female gamer, cosplayer, and over all nerd, I get quizzes all the time from people even strangers. It get so bad as to the point that people will list something extremely detailed from when I was a kid. If either I refuse to answer or they think its wrong they will start calling me a lier (loudly) and WILL take it to social. I've learned the best way to deal with it is to start asking them questions instead of answering. If they timed me I do the same and add snapps. If they say anything other then an apology I leave well flipping them off. It's the one thing that burns me. As far as I'm concerned they just rolled a one on the charisma check. And didn't make the saving through.

[@floraposteschild4184]

It's sad how many people think relentless quizzes about work or hobbies are good social conversation. And not only gamers or nerds, either.

[@justinthompson6364]

With so little self-awareness they probably bungled something to do with wisdom too lol

[@kitarrah1422]

Hell. I'm going to be 46, female, and love all those things, too. I hate when people try this crap.

[@xxKuroKajixx]

Same. I’m at the point where I take pride in schooling men in D and D. Especially when they get uppity and start gatekeeping. Been a dm for 11 years now.

[@belphegor8186]

If I met a girl who was into video games, anime, dnd, and bunch of other nerd shit as I am. There would be no quizzes, only questions about her favorite video games, and shit. That's if I can actually manage to work up the courage to actually talk to a girl (or any human for that matter) and not fuck up in the worst way possible.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Here's a tip that worked for me with my mum who tends to interrupt when I'm talking: "Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" It immediately points out the issue and what's wrong without leaving room for excuses about, "Oh, I thought you were taking a pause/done." Use as needed.

[@tephrafalls6321]

Uh oh. A bunch of "bros". Gross. I'll bet you all I own that these jerks wouldn't have behaved like this if Dan had introduced a new male friend instead. They wouldn't have quizzed, they would've given tips etc. Absolutely disgusting. I know some absolutely awesome women who do lots of "guy stuff". There's also some amazing IT women out there.

[@WobblesandBean]

Oh, ABSOLUTELY they wouldn't have acted like that had OP been a man.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 1 NTA: Sounds like an incel finally got a girlfriend and wanted to show her off to his (jealous) incel buddies. Now he can't understand why she's breaking up with him. 🤔

[@clairebear-96]

“I’ll do it this weekend so he has something to talk about on Monday at work” made me snicker lmfao I love her

[@coreymartin6486]

Dan got mad that nobody was on his side....and failed to really accept that he was as wring as he was. His friend at the end showed OP more respect than Dan did.

[@faith-kj4pg]

There's a whole tiktok about this kinda thing that men do. Where they can't percieve women having hobbies outside of male validation and its honestly sickening. There's a guy who will only walk up to girls wearing band tees and quiz them on the band. Why do some men get this idea that unless the women knows what the artist had for lunch on their 9th birthday. Then the interest isn't valid? These are the same guys that will complain when the can't find a girl with similar interests. When it's because they shame and harass them over it.

[@brigidtheirish]

I've run into women who do that sort of thing, too, though they tend to do it to *other women* more than to men.

[@kaylabrownell1268]

I wear NFL shirts (Packers) and I've been quizzed on what I know or asked what the names of the players are, I just go silent and stare straight into their eyes without speaking to them like: 😒

[@faith-kj4pg]

@@brigidtheirish There's a name for that too, its called being a pick me. Women fall into the trap of misogyny and think other women aren't capable of having interest outside of male validation. The pick me craves male validation like drug, because thats what society ingraves into young girls. Literally any women you ask will tell you they've gone through a "not like other girls"phase. Where they feel that they are the only women to have actually thoughts. I could write a whole essay on how men like pussy but don't like women.

[@faith-kj4pg]

@@kaylabrownell1268 I should start doing that, I watch anime and I can't tell you how many guys quiz me on anime, but bring up Dragon Ball Z an anime so widely known its right up their with Mickey Mouse🙄

[@NovaGirl8]

@@faith-kj4pg i like anime myself but while I watched DBZ as a child 25+ years ago, it is not my preference then and now. Not a lot of anime shows in my country back then. I always internally roll my eyes whenever someone mentions DBZ as one of their favorite gateway animes but whatever floats their boat.

[@SharmClucas]

If I understand what happened, sounds like OP's boyfriend is the youngest in the friend group, and is more desperate for their approval than hers. So messed up.

[@1911odisea]

Story 2: I firmly believe that using your friends as surrogates is ALWAYS a bad idea.

[@sashwing7726]

Not really but it mostly depends on the situation at hand.

[@puli_dreadhead]

@@sashwing7726 I mean when external family gets involved it gets harder. Mark read about a friend that was a sperm donor asking if he can introduce the kid to his dying mother. Another asking if the donor could provide another sample for a sibling but the current partner of the donor was extremely uncomfortable with the idea.

[@sashwing7726]

@@puli_dreadhead that's why it depends in the situation. There a case where all the detail and potential roles are completely hammered out before the the deed is carried out. Usually it those cases where a male figure or rather influence is hoped for but not expected. I have a friend I play a few online games with that had the situation it was a few year after he lost his significant other and agreed to help out a couple that was having trouble in this department. Things worked out for the he's taken the role of an uncle and help when needed.

[@Websterfari]

Story 1: as someone who has taken coding courses in college, guys like that are what made me question my self worth and intelligence. Making me cry after insulting my code and disrespecting my place in college. Honestly, no one should have to put up with that kind of treatment and having those kinds of "friends" around you isn't worth the emotional damage they cause. And if the people you love aren't in your corner when this kind of thing happens, then they might not be worth your love either.

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

Dan and his friends have the emotional maturity of toddlers.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Nothing wrong with Hooters but not a place to have a date. Strike 1. Leting his friends give her the third degree strike 2. Strike 3 parading her out like a prize race horse.

[@bun04y]

I have to disagree with your "Nothing wrong with Hooters" comment. We always said that "we only go to Hooters if we're a quart low."

[@catandrobbyflores]

@@bun04y its just a restaurant that has women dressed in a booty short uniform. Big deal I looked worse at Hotdog on a stick. Just because men can't keep their dirty thoughts to themselves and not be pigs doesn't change that it's a place to eat.

[@simsgirlgem]

I like hooters but I’m a bi girl and I know not to leer at the ladies

[@hobiuary9038]

@@catandrobbyflores everyone knows hooters is meant to be a place for the waitresses to be sexualized by the customers, let’s not pretend it’s not, that’s why their uniforms intentionally have their tits and ass out it’s the entire point of the place, I don’t agree with it, that stuff should be left to strip clubs, it’s literally marketed and promoted as a place to ogle at half naked woman, if you ask anyone on the street about hooters every single one of them will say exactly what I just said, don’t intentionally try to make hooters seem like it’s a regular restaurant when it’s not

[@floraposteschild4184]

Incorrect. There is a severe lack of waiters in tank tops and bootie shorts.

[@Tammohawk1]

Those are the type of guys who will also sit around and moan and groan about being alone and not knowing why when they act like such douche bags. I've dumped guys for far far less. That was such a nice heartfelt story. I'm still smiling from it. I listen to you and Ripe daily. My day is not complete w/o listening to both of the video's you drop daily.

[@aleiah.]

But remember it's our fault they are alone, according to them. Those guys are so close minded that it's like speak with a wall, they want everything and gives cero back

[@Lestaticate]

Story 1: You like baseball? NaM3 Ev3rY pLAy3R eVER. OP's date would rather stick up for their misogynistic loser friends than his own date. Time to take out the trash OP and move on. ( ... Hooters? REALLY?) I don't get people like this. Story 2: ... "Man batter" -- not sure how I feel about this new term. But yes, I agree with the last commenter wholeheartedly. The legalities sound very "whisky" (-- k, I'll show myself out.) I'm glad things worked out for OP though!

[@eldeano9964]

Oh you like history?. Name everything that's happened.

[@marybean2231]

@@eldeano9964 🤣

[@alyzu4755]

I'm truly worried for the future. There are so many toxic people out there, and social media only encourages that behavior. The fact that these guys are in their 30's and treating her like this is horrifying. The company we keep speaks volumes about us. Dan is an AH, and so are his "friends". He's not worth it.

[@juliane.mfarias9285]

1. Why do i feel Dan is the "loser" of the group. That cassually know each other from high school? 2. Happy dance for that update

[@shellchenonceau6987]

Never breakup with someone in person...if they get violent, you are screwed.

[@ajzephyros7454]

unless you do it somewhere public where they can be quickly neutralized and booked for assault

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@ajzephyros7454 honestly, people would be fools to step in between a domestic situation. "White Knights" get screwed over more times than not when the battered woman turns on her savior, so forget the neutralization, but at least you'd get your revenge when he is behind bars.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

People that gatekeep hobbies and feel the need to quiz people to see if they’re authentic when it comes to liking something needs to grow the hell up…. That annoying crap is why women stay quiet when it comes to sharing their nerdy interest and shy away from getting “respectable“ jobs because men can’t handle it. Dan constantly responding with one word replies/I don’t know‘s tells me he wasnt really listening and was just responding for the sake of putting out a response. Really shows how much of a little boy he is.

[@hothotheat3000]

You did him a favor by explaining exactly why you’re done and sending him the post.

[@bethanyhutter5433]

Story 2: Awww. How wholesome. I love love stories.

[@erikahammer4337]

Story 1: Drop the man. His friend realized they all crossed the line, and no one took the que.

[@yobabycolin2933]

This.

[@freakchickisa]

Also, his friend did nothing at all, not a good look either

[@jay2thaudy]

Story 1: These are the next guys that are flummoxed that no girl wants to be around them.

[@Darth_Nycta_13]

Story 1 OP is completely justified because I would feel the same. Expecting everyone to be an expert in everything they do or are interested in is unrealistic and honestly shows a severe lack of maturity on the bf and his colleagues' end. OP needs to find someone who likes her likes but is way more chill about it.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Yep. I play a MMORPG and have for 15 years. I'm not a great player, probably not even a "good" player, but I have high stats because I'm a stubborn wench and just keep plugging along. I'm also 70, have multiple physical issues, including arthritis in my fingers, and just can't move my fingers as fast as I could. There's a *lot* of the game content I don't know because they keep adding more and more and I just can't physically sit and play for hours and hours. I do what I can and am comfortable with and just slowly keep piling up the XP (Experience Points) til I make another level in whatever skill. I play my way, which is mostly what they call "skilling" rather than a lot of combat, but I enjoy myself and have fun. Back in the day I got screamed at ingame by idiots, so I learned to just turn off my public chat so I can't see what anyone other than people on my Friends List and my clan members are saying and just do my thing.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Less than a minute in break up! You should not feel this tense about your hobbies. Hobbies are for fun, not anxiety.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Exactly! Wtf?! They’re all near or in their 30’s and single. Gee! Wonder why?

[@jettanyx1]

@@musicallydisneyamvs6731 yea. If she hadn’t had said things like working in an engendering firm which I know you need education for id have though these guys were 13-15 years old

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Story 1 - I thought maybe she was just being hazed, and they did this to everyone, including BF. The update proved that wrong. Even if they were, it would still be reasonable to leave him, but his responses to her make it so much worse.

[@floraposteschild4184]

That was my first thought, but their ignoring or interrupting her afterwards sealed the deal. Also, Hooters.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

@@floraposteschild4184 I mean, ignoring and interrupting could've been a deliberate part of the hazing, status reduction and all. Hooters was super sus, tho.

[@femboy__bunny]

I would have broken up with that man the moment he let people insult me.

[@femboy__bunny]

Like coming back: I’m a gay boy. I’m super gay. I’m high and dry when it comes to men lately. I still wouldn’t date this man if he was the last homosexual on this earth.

[@dianeessex300]

She was in love with him but didn't want to mess up his (at the time) relationship. That's the best kind of partner you can have, IMO. She's already been putting his happiness above her own.

[@lynnw7155]

Yes! Being long-time friends is the best way to start a romantic relationship.

[@WyntheRogue]

1st story: Gods I feel for the OP so hard, it's hard to believe that people are so socially inept they assume that only one gender or the other like particular hobbies or subjects. Ladies can like hobbies related to sports, cars and all things nerdy where some dudes can enjoy crocheting, baking or anything that's often perceived as feminine. Gatekeeping is so asinine and only chases potential new people to enjoy these hobbies and careers with. Story 2: Great googly moogly whose cutting onions in here?! This was really heckin' wholesome which I will always Stan a wholesome story. I hope OP and his now partner enjoy a happy life together. ^_^

[@kathydurow6814]

I've been watching too many of these....I read "great googly moogly" and immediately thought "Reddit Brew". 😂

[@bunnyslippers191]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who teared up a bit at Story 2. *sniffles and dabs eyes*

[@robertx8020]

Just ask them "why are your GFs /wives not here?

[@valbear2996]

Story one i relate to so much. I don’t wear band/anime/cartoon tshirts as much anymore because I would always get people who would try to quiz me when I would go out. Then tell me im “not a true fan” because I didn’t know all the band members names, how many times they’ve tours, have never been to a concert, when each episode aired, don’t have a ship in the episode, etc. You can have hobbies, a career, and interests and not know everything about something. ESPECIALLY if you have just started said hobby and career. Op’s boyfriend and his friends in story one infuriated me. Edit: obviously not the same thing, just a very similar circumstance. Also edited some errors.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. There's always going to be some folks in a fandom who try to gatekeep regardless of their gender or the gender of the person they're gatekeeping. Unfortunately, the particularly *nerdy* fandoms seem to attract gatekeepers like flies on a rotting carcass. There are times when I wish I didn't have such nerdy interests because, *Good LORD,* the communities turn toxic fast.

[@valbear2996]

@@brigidtheirish it’s ridiculous. Like let people enjoy things. One of the reasons why I don’t associate with the fandoms of anything I like.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@valbear2996 *I know!* What's sad is that I'd *like* to share my enjoyment of things with people, but I'm scared to. Fandoms very nearly ruined Final Fantasy and Star Wars for me, already.

[@valbear2996]

@@brigidtheirish I feel you, almost any new anime or tv show has been ruined for me. Even a few bands. I can’t even mention I like them without people cringing or going super fan girl/boy about them and trying to compete with me about said thing. I like nerdy things, but I’m not going to spend my entire life learning about every single tiny, minuscule fact about said nerdy thing nor am I being cringy for liking said nerdy thing. I’m so glad that there are at least a good handful of people who understand this. 😅😂

[@brigidtheirish]

@@valbear2996 Or when I *do* get into the minutia (which I often do because I'm kinda obsessive) and start talking about it only for people tell me I'm wrong, or I'm trying to hard, or... I actually *own* the Final Fantasy VII Remake. My brother got it for me as a Christmas present. I haven't played it in part because I'm scared I won't like it and even *more* scared that I *will* and won't be able to talk about it.

[@WolframKKM]

Story 1: If I ever end up in a situation like that, I hope I have it in me to fight back with extreme condescension and sarcasm. What are they gonna do? Call me out for being an ass? Kettle meet pot dickhead 😂

[@forsomenotreally]

last story: so sweet and wonderful. Something like that happened in my family, one of my cousins finally asked out the guy she was in love with, it only took them 45 years to get together

[@aubreystalcup5452]

Story 1: he'll totally tell his friends that he dumped her because she was too sensitive and emotional.

[@nathanhinman9069]

Story 1: OP dodged a huge Marinara Flagged bullet (btw I WILL be using Marinara going forward since some commenter told me I need help for using the term lol). Dan and his friends were complete AHs and the vitriol he threw at her was his true self. What a maroon Story 2: Was nice, really nice. Nothing but well wishes for the new couple and hopefully when they're ready their future family. Gotta love optimistic outcomes

[@sandracox4341]

My husband has a group of friends that kind of did similar stuff the first time I met them. I stood my ground and turned the tables on them. Now we are best buds and I give as good as I get with them.

[@nenislucio23]

Honestly the 1st story reminded me of that one tik tok video that went viral a few months ago. 1 girl was sitting in the college classroom and a bunch of guys were there as well. The guys started speaking grossly about women and sexual stuff. Very misogynistic remarks. It was horrible. Can’t believe there exist guys like that 😓

[@user-lr7dk7mt2w]

I saw that tiktok and it gets worse there was an update that she got kicked out of the school after reporting it but I'm not sure what happened after that I hope she found a good lawyer

[@KCCAT5]

I saw that it was the definition of power and it was classic how she put him in his place

[@alenasenie6928]

Story 1: The friend seemed like the kind of people that have the capability of being good but have been beaten into submission by society rules, I have seen people near that breaking point, acting different of what they are because they don't fit into the larger group, outside a toxic group he will be a good person, in the toxic group it means they are mostly the bystander that sees things are wrong and does nothing. Is hard to just say that everyone should just be themselves because this also applies to bad people doing good things because peer pressure.

[@katie6731]

Story 1: My husband is in that field. He met a woman while she was attending a conference at the lab where he interned. The old boys' club was being particularly awful to her one day, so hubs (then fiancé) took her out to lunch to let her decompress and vent. They kept in touch. She and her husband made hubs an offer to work on their team before he'd even finished his last semester of school. She and her husband became hubs's mentors. It's been over twenty years and several companies, and hubs still works with that kickass woman and her husband. They're also our dear friends. It's incredibly stupid to treat women as incapable of working in STEM fields. Those women who have fought through the misogyny in school and the hiring process are often tough, smart as hell, and have interesting stories to tell. They are also extremely valuable as mentors. 😁

[@gks9149]

story 1: the literal definition of getting the ick. people are themselves when they are around their friends.

[@TheFlowerchild712]

Story Two made me squeal with happiness. It's so wholesome. And I'm a sucker for "happy endings".

[@Logitah]

Story 2 made me squeal. I'm so happy for them!

[@HituraRael]

Dude handling that phone call sounds a LOT like my 4 year old niece when confronted about cutting up her mothers curtains. "Why are you sorry?" "I dont know" "What did you do?" "I dont know" "Did you cut up your mothers curtains?" "Yes" "So what are you sorry for?" "I dont know"

[@kellywaters643]

"hi dan, I've decided to go in a different direction. I appreciate the time for the interview. thanks"

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 2: in the US even with a contract a family court judge can disregard the contract and make the donor a legal parent. It’s happened before, there’s legal precedent. The mothers didn’t even ask the judge to do it, the state just did it themselves.

[@lorifiedler13]

OP should tell Dan "I thoouyou and your friends were more mature. You all acted like frat boys."

[@BoxOKittens]

That first story was painful. I've been in that exact situation with guys, even over the smallest of things. They'll group around you and start 'quizzing' you all while acting like it's just a conversation or just a joke. Makes me want to commit murder every time lol

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP needs to break the cycle we women who go into STEM deal with all the time with men in our fields. Not all nerds are "nice guys" so she should just drop her idiot BF and his immature boys club and find a smarter and more respectful man that will respect her intelligence, talents and skills.

[@brigidtheirish]

Quite right. Mom and Dad met because they were part of the same small group of computer science majors back when coding was done in *binary.* Mom got the degree, Dad didn't (in part because hypnotherapy to deal with his test anxiety worked *too* well). Mom's also the one who owns the power tools and has a black belt in soo bak doh. Dad isn't threatened by any of this. He *brags* about it!

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@brigidtheirish My wife is the one to take the kids fishing.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@groofromtheup5719 Awesome! I rather like fishing, too. Good spots are few and far between around where I live, unfortunately.

[@LaineyBug2020]

I wouldn't ghost him, just reply to all of his texts with 🤢🤮 But I love how she broke it down point by point for him and made him answer her. Brutal!

[@mariannharvey4804]

Story 1: Proud of her for standing up for herself! She knew he was someone she couldn't see herself with. He showed his true colors. She was honest with him and cut ties and moved on! Story 2: Yeah, surrogacy among friends is a bad idea. Those two were a bit blind to each other's feelings. But, So happy they got their happy ending!

[@Silverstar98121]

Story one: this whole thing was doomed from choosing Hooters for dinner.

[@katiecakesl4691]

Story 1) aside from the red flags, ops bf clearly sees her as more of a trophy than a partner. Gross.

[@coreymartin6486]

How is his co-workers grilling her about work related questions "trying to get to know her"? Your identity has a personality, not dictated by knowledge. Dan sounds egotistical and he was creepily trying to "coach her up" like he was her parent. The friends are incredibly insecure....and I hope they don't have leadership roles.

[@AllistorMichelle]

story 1: i'm sorry but thats a 100% "nice guy" you got there as a bf. dump him and explain why to him before blocking him. gross behavior i'm glad op did explain why they broke up with their [ex] bf. and with the update showing how the ex responded confirms mt thoughts of him being one of those gross cringy "nice guys"

[@briant7134]

Story 1: good call by OP. Bet that man baby will crawl his way to some MRA/incel forum and whine about how mean “females” are to nice guys like him. Story 2: not sure how long between when they confessed to each other and when they eloped, but I’m choosing not to be cynical and believe this will be happily ever after for them

[@Sakuraqueen]

The last story gave me hope with humanity 😅😅 Thanks Mark.

[@steelheart538]

If his friends keeps treating every woman he dates like this, Dan is going to be single for a very long time.

[@ajzephyros7454]

Story 2 know what I actually kinda did see it going that way. To ask a personal friend to be a sperm donor for a surrogacy instead of just using a certified agency and anonymous donor it's way too weird to have come out of nowhere

[@rmhartman]

"why are you guys asking me all these technical questions? I thought y'all were more advanced than that ."

[@theminisimmer]

Story 2 was so sweet and wholesome. It's like OP was living in a roomcom. He shouild write a novel about it, I think it'd really sell.

[@thebigmystery7841]

When I was dating my bf I made a joke about Mortal Kombat off handedly. He was so happy that I liked one of his favorite game series that he ran to me and kissed me pationately. Then went home and enjoyed hours of playing video games. He told me he never had a girlfriend that was remotely interested in MK and was just so happy to be able to share his intrests. Open your heart to your loved ones intrests and hobbies and you might get 11+ years of love in the future like I have. 💜💜💜

[@mariem8705]

S1- op, drop him or else this is your future… being belittled, hazed and mocked.

[@jessicamowry1372]

First story: NTA what that action is called is Mud Checking and is always a way of fucking with people and is almost always at least passive aggressive if not aggressive and there is a story of it turning fatal in the Hell's Angels MC. Best to not put up with it and not inappropriate to answer the person doing the mud checking with F-off.

[@AryonaSamoto]

I love happy stories, so glad OP told his best friend how he really felt about her and that they're now married🙌

[@AlyssMadigan]

The last story is literally adorable.

[@MsBELLE7]

Mark I just listened to a video of yormjrs from 3 years ago and oh my gosh I could just hear the growth and how much happier you are now! It made me so happy to hear your opening when I started this one and it just hit me. So if no one has told you lately you have done so well, your parents are so so proud of you wherever they are right now. As well as all of us are also so so proud of you!

[@zachf748]

*_Story #3_* Can’t blame you… He let his friends just absolutely grill you, making you feel extremely uncomfortable.. And their whole intention was to try and humiliate you. To make you look like a fool for “pretending to like those hobbies (I guess?). NTA. Your boyfriend is as bad as they are for letting them treat you like that.

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 1.... the first bad sign was the pick of restuarant... that's like walking your pet pig around a slaughterhouse "just for fun". Edit to add I'm glad op gave him the gears. His reaction, though not ideal, wasn't the kind of double down defense I was expecting so he might.... might take this as a lesson in mindfulness in his next relationship

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: Ugh, she just faced to biggest problem with the gender hazing people experience. I remember one post where the OP tried to talk to a random guy about a field, dude tried to correct her on how a certain article should be interpreted, and the girl was the one who wrote the article and KNEW he was wrong. OP JUST started in this field and this is how you push someone out of said field. S1 update: Well, Dan's an idiot, and the one friend who looked down seems like the only savable person in the group. Ashamed guy actually wants to have normal conversation but is stuck playing work place politics and dealing with sexist coworkers. Glad OP knew to not stick around with Dan the 'man'. Story 2: Oh this is stupid complex, OP should NOT donate to her. It's a bad idea to do all this if he is in love with her, even if it's just the idea of her. Donating is a bad idea if you don't do it through a company to protect him. S2 Update: Wow, that commenter was right that once they started a relationship that she would shelve the whole "donate so I can have a kid" thing, probably because she feels like they would have their whole lives to look forward to, so why rush it. Glad that it turned out okay for OP.

[@cherylwaldrep6174]

I love a happy ending!!! Thank you for the story and your time to get stories out to us listeners.

[@voidstepstudios5133]

Ngl i feel bad for the one guy who apologized to op in the first story. I have been in toxic friend groups like that before and would follow what they were doing because all of them were doing it, but i managed to pull my head out my ass and get away from them after seeing it wasn't worth it. I hope he comes to the realization and ditches them like I did.

[@cami1700]

Last story's update is so friggin cute. I'm glad that they are getting married!

[@eldeano9964]

1st story: I would have annoyed the tech bros by asking them if their tesla is 'that new prius?'.

[@rasheedabasheer4046]

Story1: I remember this from a couple years ago. Glad it is still in circulation. Adorkable misogyny must be named and shamed for as long as possible.

[@Indyawillis85]

That last story was so freaking sweet! I'm tearing up a little bit 🥰

[@virtualatheist]

He showed her who he is and she did the right thing... She believed him.

[@Uneclipsed]

Story 1- Dude really blew it trying to please his male friends instead of his hot, smart, hardworking, shared-interest girlfriend. He hung her out to dry so he’d look good to his colleagues and still thinks they can come back from that? Nah.

[@KiSsInTHERainxo]

Story 1: they're lucky she didn't report them all to HR at their jobs

[@colleens1107]

Bravo. Good job for getting rid of this guy. He was a giant red flag and I’m so glad she didn’t let it get swept under the rug. Soo many people ignore these flags during the honeymoon phase and then are stunned when they find their partners are utter crap. News flash: they always were. Bravo OP for dumping the dude who couldn’t believe Reddit took the side of OP even though they were clearly out of line in how they treated op

[@nicolepsy]

Last story- I always love a happy ending‼️🥰

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

I have an online friend who's had this kind of problem, it's why she doesn't talk to most of her family

[@artygirl66]

Good on the one guy for apologizing for his part in it and stopping early after realising how crappy it all was. Only man worth keeping in the whole group.

[@Uneclipsed]

I mean not really. It’s good he had enough insight to recognize what was going on, but he didn’t step in after his realization and only apologized after she reached out to him. Dudes like the buttholes who kept quizzing her take complacency as permission to keep doing what they’re doing. Glad he felt guilty, but hopefully he’s learned enough to step up next time this happens.

[@nobinary2296]

I am so sorry. I would have loudly talked down to them. At a level where neighboring tables could hear. They wanted to make a bunch of comments, in private, and gang up on someone they deemed "weak". I would smile really wide and tell all the waitresses about their comments, even call across the room, and show them what it feels like to be uncomfortable. That kind of thing doesn't fly with me. People like this are big and bad in private. They always shut up when you're bringing them to other people's attention. I also recommend speaking to them like a Mother or school teacher. It really does a number on them. Psychologically. I would also recommend using any pet names they used on people they were being creeps about. Stare them in the eyes with the biggest and sugary sweet smile you can.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story two, second comment: I guess they don't know that divorce happens and stepparents are a thing. They are incredibly dense and naive

[@kathydurow6814]

Awww....why ruin a nice story with doom & gloom. Yeah, life happens, a car or disease could get one of them tomorrow too (his bestie already knows that, ovarian cancer, still wanting to have a child). Take the good when it comes and celebrate it. Put up basic defenses against the bad, then let it go. Worry is a waste of imagination.

[@Gymtoshi]

Story 1: he’s too immature to be in a relationship

[@kittyparker4076]

Mannn she ended it like a BOSS🥰

[@dawnmrodgers]

Wow that last one had me in tears!

[@mariajw4803]

They're not joking. They're trying show her dominance and they think it's funny.

[@lavishgoblin]

story 2 was freaking adorable

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - love how OP went straight for the throat of now ex bf. Hope ex bf learned an important lesson on how to treat a girlfriend and keeps co workers away from them in future or he will be a bachelor for the rest of his life.

[@TheNormExperience]

Story 1 - I effing HATE people like this because they aren’t trying to get to know you, or have a conversation. They decided beforehand that you can’t possibly know what you like, and then rapid fire asked questions to confirm their judgement. It’s not kidding, it’s not joking - it’s an attack against OP because they want to be able to say, “See? We knew she was just a poser!” Unfortunately as a female with “male” interests this happens more often than not, and it’s a very good marker to show you who is worth sharing your time and interests with, and who simply wants to use you as a prop for something besides simply who you are as a person.

[@imstillhereithink7306]

Story 1: Yeah, this was a DTMFA situation. I'm very pleased to hear that she already did

[@aikikaname6508]

Also to note about coding. Very few people remember random queries off the top of their head. In coding you understand the basic principles and have an idea what to Google when you need specific syntax, and know enough to be able to research the gaps. What they did is doubly ridiculous because most people don’t just rote know all the syntax off by heart- that’s not what makes a coder

[@Flakey101]

As you said often basic principles are enough. I have not seriously coded (ie got paid for it) since the early 90's, so I am not really familiar with half the programs some of my coder friends even use, but we do not mind talking shop while I am around, because most of it is disscusing possible approaches to a problem, which 90% of I can follow easily. Going deeper into the fine detail is rarely done even if I am not around.

[@Belch500]

Story 2: LETS GOOOOOO

[@MochaxMatcha]

AWWWW STORY 2 WAS SO PURE