My Employee Quit As I Wouldn't Tolerate Their Self Diagnosed Anxiety

[@sirenvampire0721]

The wife saying that she would rip up the daughter’s posters up if she put the posters back on her bedroom walls, is a big red flag and an emotional abuse tactic.

[@AngelaMerici12]

Indeed.

[@Raxel1447]

I used to draw a lot in high school, and would tape my favorite drawings up on my bedroom wall. I would often come home from school to find them gone; either just the corners would be left, or the drawing would be ripped right down the middle. My mother has always hated my art, and is an alcoholic and a narcissist, so she did shit like this all the time.

[@taylorfrompapalouies783]

Honestly this is how to stunt anything your kid is interested in, Parents who rip up or destroy things their kids like because “they don’t like it” are assholes

[@shavannac2771]

Fr. I’m black and I remember drawing a portrait of one of my favorite singers, Melanie Martinez, that I worked hard on. I showed my mom and she threw it on the floor and said ew because I drew “a white person”. I was so done. I was 15 at the time, I haven’t showed her any of my art since then. Really disgusting and abusive, and low key racist.

[@Raxel1447]

@Ana Ta yeah, I haven't drawn much since then...which sucks, cause I've always wanted to illustrate my own book series. I still want to draw, but I can't bring myself to do it because I think so terribly of myself and my art.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

1) People tend to lose their sense of empathy for those that have shown them none when roles were reversed. Also, given the rarity of the kid's disease and father's apparent character, well, let's just say it wouldn't be the first time I've heard about someone scamming people using their kid.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

I know this is an old comment but yeah I came here to say this! Did he show proof at all? I feel like most people don't ask for proof when someone says their loved one has cancer because who would lie about that? But yeah there are plenty of people who do lie about that every single day. Also it's not like OP said to anyone's face what's the point in donating since she's going to die he just posted it on reddit. And he isn't wrong frankly I bet the dad has already gotten a lot of donations from GoFundMe and Facebook and there are a ton of charities AND hospitals that give completely free treatment to kids such as St Jude's and children's Mercy. That guy has proven he's a terrible person by reporting OP so I wouldn't put it past him to lie about needing the money or the cancer. I bet he's just planning to pocket most of it. The dad is a literal crap human being and I wouldn't trust just handing cash over to him. It's not like OP reported him to the Higher ups for missing so much work when his loved one was dying like he did to OP.

[@emberlynne4963]

This? Yes it's sad the child is sick but Empathy is a two way street?

[@kmwright19]

It's not a two-way street when the callousness is directed at an innocent child. I swear youtubers like you have the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon ​@@emberlynne4963

[@sianchild]

You are correct that you need an actual diagnosis to get reasonable adjustments. Nobody with actual anxiety mysteriously has panic attacks whenever they have work they don't want to do.

[@MrJpaynebb]

OP needs to respond to her publicly on the same form she complained. Staying as neutral as possible he needs to let everyone know that when employees bring proper documentation from a licensed practicing medical doctor/professional which confirms a medical condition he as an employer will make reasonable accommodations for that employee to continue working for him. Stress the licensed practicing medical doctor/professional and reasonable accommodations part so everyone including the public and any potential customers know that you didn't terminate anyone with a documented illness/diagnosis.

[@shavannac2771]

Can he give the girl a cease and desist or some type of law suit for slander???? Because what she said wasn’t true at all.

[@W81HotPotLickin2nd]

i can see how the cleaning could be a trigger, like being screamed at to do chores, but thats not something you can avoid forever, they need to do therapy to cope and eventually be able to do cleaning

[@sianchild]

@@MrJpaynebb I'm not sure it'd be wise to get into an online argument - it wouldn't look very professional.

[@sianchild]

@Mia Smith If that was truly the case then it wouldn't be presenting like this.

[@closeenough7043]

I have horrible anxiety that causes physical tics and panic attacks. No way would I be expecting everyone to just let me throw my work on them due to it.

[@zebnemma]

Same. I have panic attacks and bad anxiety and from the post I could tell she was faking anxiety to not do chores she didn't like... If it was real anxiety it wouldn't just flare up over a small inconvenience like taking out a trash bag like c'mon is she fucking kidding me?! That gotta be the worst case of faking anxiety I ever heard of it's so obvious. I usualy get a flare up of anxiety/panic attack if it's stressfull at work and maybe someone has yelled at me and everything is chaos. So basicaly prolonged chaos brews anxiety. 30 seconds to take out a trash bag is not prolonged chaos she's just lazy and having princess syndrome. When I went home early because of panic attack it was never a specific task that sent me overboard, it was everything combined.

[@johannaweichsel3602]

Yeah, I've got diagnosed anxiety and panic disorder and if I needed to lay down or something because of an attack I would damn well clock out for a few minutes.

[@MemristerBoogieDown]

A year late but… I had an uncle who did something very similar to this. So I waited until I knew he was out on a date and I staple gunned every condom in his dresser drawer to his wall. On the plus side, not only did his date think it was hilarious but she went home early, still laughing. He got me back though. He stomped down all the grass outside of my bedroom window and convinced my dad I was sneaking out. My dad screwed my windows shut…

[@SorenPenrose]

the employer should absolutely not apologize. That is an admission of guilt. Don't do it.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

The employer should sue her ass.

[@nikkideede7972]

Op should go on the post a comment "if you get a doctors diagnosis, then you can come back to work "

[@dbadaddy7386]

"Honey, why don't you take your sister shopping?" When they come back sister's stuff is all packed on the porch. If wife objects, then the husband can make it clear that he'll toss her stuff in the road if she tries to come back in. She can either immediately arrange *and pay for* a signed replacement poster or find a hotel, and have the phone on 911 waiting to press the call button. "Honey, that works both ways. You are supporting your sister destroying our daughter's personal property. Either your sister finds a hotel or I call the police about the malicious vandalism and press charges."

[@katiekates4416]

"It's evil" What, Jesus can't protect you from black paint and posters?

[@faoink]

I'm a christian but damn that's obnoxious 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@CalamityM]

@Ashley Buchanan Straight up loled. No lie. Cheers for that!

[@carteradams43]

@@faoink I'm a Christian but I feel like Katie has a point. the point being that the sister was overreacting.

[@CocoCece08]

And people still watch soap operas where the guy bounces from one bed to another (while still married) while claiming they're Christians.

[@neolord1215]

Yes in dumbass chapter 43 of the bible it clearly states: Jesus is scared of black paint and he hates posters.

[@Jamlf]

Christians have pictures of a dying man on a cross. Sometimes pictures of torture of said man but anime is evil......

[@TiffWaffles]

I know of a few Christians that are like this. Many of them are unfortunately stuck in a cult (Jehovah's witnesses). This group singlehandedly destroyed my family and I haven't had contact with my aunts or cousins for over a decade. When I went to my great aunt's home when I was younger she gave me a list of books that I could read and that I wasn't allowed to read. Bit ridiculous when you consider that I am not part of that church. But I know another girl that couldn't read manga or anime books, couldn't put up fanart... And when her parents found out that she had a DeviantArt account where she was posting her fan artwork or creating her own anime characters, they forced her to remove them and delete her account.

[@supergeeky7529]

truth!

[@TiffWaffles]

@MsYogaGrrrl Right... As if Christians haven't published explicit portraits or other forms of artwork depicting Jesus's torture and Crucifixion and made money off of it. Don't push your beliefs on others. And don't dictate to others what they want to watch or see or be a fan of. If they like anime and manga, then that is their right. Just like it's your right to get off on images depicting the murder of a man sentenced to death by Crucifixion. Just saying.

[@cgi2002]

@@TiffWaffles I have a one up method for you. He wasn't murdered by crucifixion. He actually commited suicide by cop, as he was given multiple outs and chose to die.

[@mrowls4427]

Fanatics exist in all groups some worse than others most religious people are chill it's those fringe people who give any group a bad name

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 2: NTA. The wife is enabling her sister. Also, where was the daughter sleeping?

[@SerratedSun5841]

Good question I didn’t think about that

[@ps.a.5171]

Where’s the sister’s partner?

[@turogamer-oi4nq]

@@ps.a.5171 proabably ran, after he found out she is crazy

[@ACCER]

According to the OP on the original post. The guest room has a smaller bed and the daughter gave up her room to the pregnant aunt and has been sleeping in the guest room. I have also wondered where the husband of the aunt is and how it is he is okay with her being gone for a month at Christmas. I mean it HAS to be a husband....right? A good CHRISTIAN woman like that would not be pregnant if she isn't married.....

[@jamesteegardner2273]

@@ACCER Just what I was thinking. Unless she's super crazy and in a cultlike "religion" like Jehova's Witnesses, Christian religion's don't condone divorce, or pregnancy out of wedlock but Jehova Witnesses fully encourage spouses of the nonindoctrinated to leave and divorce their "evil spouse".

[@RenaRoo123]

Story 3: I have GAD. If I'm having an anxious day I call in sick end of story. Seem like this person is trying to get out of work duties

[@Argonisgema]

first story: NTA. He shouldn't have to donate, its his money. yeah that last line was uncalled for but people are missing the point of his question. "Is he the A-hole for not donating?" No, he's not.

[@ChrisAndCats]

I think the last line happened because of how the guy treated OP with his grandfather. I doubt he would have said that had the guy not mistreated him with his grandfather. Bad behaviour comes back to bite you and all that.

[@Zyart]

Even with the last line, I can't blame the guy. His coworker crapped all over him for dealing his dying grandfather. Now that his child is dying, he's suddenly a saint? Screw that. And screw the entitlement involved in asking for people to donate to his dying daughter. Does it suck for the child to be the victim here? Absolutely, but the coworker didn't give a crap when the grandfather was dying, the fact that it's his own child now, and he's still a douche doesn't change that OP is in no way obligated to donate, or care.

[@RoyalRoses]

Empathy is free

[@claire6650]

@@RoyalRoses And the coworker didnt have any toward him, so yeah

[@darkshadow5581]

@@RoyalRoses so is respect, but clearly they don't feel any towards OP.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

What the ex did to OP is the sort of thing that has driven people to suicide. Terminal illness does not entitle her to forgiveness.

[@marist6734]

As someone who has suffered panic and anxiety attacks that worker really annoys me. She basically was trying to find an excuse to not do that chore and make others do it for her. I have had anxiety attacks at work when it gets too loud and explained to my boss about my situation but I also put the effort to find coping methods so it doesn't affect my work which this co-worker fails to do. If she really did care, she would explain to her manager about what triggers her in order to have some sort of compromise because to me it feels she found an excuse to not do a chore or a boy who cried wolf situation.

[@barbarastorball2117]

It definitely sounds like the coworkers were tired of doing the tasks that she simply didn't want to do. They all saw the pattern as well, op simply cut the employees work day short when this was not an isolated incident.

[@wombat4583]

I do think the manager should have requested a note for accommodations instead of straight up telling her to work or go home though.

[@flowercrown-eevee]

I also have Anxiety and i also have autism. This means that im REALLY sensitive to loud noises or just noisy environments. I work at a pizza place so we have constant phones ringing on busy days. This can cause me incredible stress as the phones constant ringing can drive me NUTS, and when this starts to happen I first try to work through it and if i cant I get sent to the back for a bit. and while its never happened so far if it was bad enough and they told me that if its that bad i should go home early I would as they are probably right. Mental Health is not an excuse to not do something you dont want to do. (Btw i also should mention that i am NOT a people person and really hate interacting with people most of the time and thats like 90% of my job)

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

Op should hire a lawyer to deal with her post. Honestly, it’s probably going overboard but what she did is probably a big risk to both op’s and op’s employees’ livelihood.

[@ItsCamille735]

Story Two: Yeah, accidentally my arse. Posters, especially the kinds that are signed are usually quite thick, it’s hard to just rip them taking them off the wall.

[@HowToPnP]

Story 2: is the aunt gonna pay for the property she destroyed? A poster signed by an artist has e certain vallue to it. A "certain vallue" like several hundred dollars! Story 3: Like I usually say "Everyone has a reason to be an asshole, but I have a medical excuse for mine!" She is self diagnosed and uses it as an excuse.

[@bobot.chimpanzee8612]

Signed posters for the most part aren't expensive. Depending on who's signature and the poster itself it could be worth as little as $10. If it's taped to a wall of a 16 year olds room chances are it's only real value is sentimental and that's can't be replaced with money.

[@aimee4424]

2: if the wife wants to take her sister’s side she can pay for the hotel room

[@OmniscientlyMe]

I don't think you understand how money works in a marriage.

[@shavannac2771]

@@OmniscientlyMe it depends on the marriage. Not all married couples finance the same way.

[@jamesteegardner2273]

@@OmniscientlyMe Or sexual blackmail. Isn't marriage great?! And all you gotta do to leave is lose half of everything that you ever made and never see your kids again! Funny how the feminists haven't gotten around to equality in divorce and child custody yet...

[@phoenixmoon5580]

@@jamesteegardner2273 Feminists have kinda gone a bit full circle in some ways. It is a bit odd and a bit scary. Do they not realise how many women (and supportive men) died, were imprisoned, forced to eat/drink against their will, likely sentenced to death/hanging or killed, were shunned by their communities and families, etc? I am a female, but I would not say I am a feminist. I would like to say that I am for equality for everyone. However, I know I still hold a lot of bias and prejudice that I don't think I'm actually aware of. Any suggestions as to how to find these out (other than therapy/counselling)? Any videos you suggest I watch? I try to actively seek areas of myself to improve and grow, but knowing that you have certain issues that you can't find (despite looking) really frustrates me!

[@jamesteegardner2273]

@@phoenixmoon5580 You want me to help you become a better chameleon? Never gonna happen.

[@commandercox154]

For story 2 I think the wife also needs to stay in a hotel. Like damn

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

2nd Story) I love anime & my mother is semi confused by it. That doesn’t mean she’ll allow them to be destroyed for her own personal opinions. Wtf! NTA 4th Story) NTA. After being diagnosed she’s having regrets. She chose her behavior.

[@tracyroyal6039]

The last line on that first one is where OP became a AH. Not the refusal to donate. That last line was a petty dig and OP knows it.

[@DJProtaganist]

I think this fits better in a revenge type category rather than AITA. In this case the only one not an AH in that story is the little girl. The co worker that complained about OP visiting the grandparent is just as much of an AH.

[@shavannac2771]

I don’t think OP was the AH for his last comment. Mark said himself from personal experience that the donations would’ve only extended her life for about five years. She would’ve been 14 and suffering, slowly dying, in and out of the hospital, unable to make friends because of her weak physical condition. If he felt like there are better things to put his money to than that’s his opinion. The girl would’ve been alive, but she wouldn’t have been living. He was blunt about it and didn’t say it to the child, his coworker, or the father. NTA in my opinion. Was him yelling across the room obnoxious? Yes, but he’s already getting backlash at work and may have to leave his job if the work environment continues to be hostile; so, I think he learned his lesson.

[@Valfara770]

@@shavannac2771 The funny thing is that the OP just said out loud what a lot of people probably think, but wouldn't dare to say because of the screams of "but think of the children!"

[@shavannac2771]

@@Valfara770 fr. There is no cure for that girl. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. It’s a waste of money in my opinion, but I wouldn’t have said that out loud unless someone asked, and in ops case someone DID ask.

[@xplayfan21]

I don't think the OP in story #1 is an A. hole at all even for the last line screw his coworker I do feel sorry for the daughter but for what he's for what the cobra said about his grandfather screw him

[@britnicox3929]

The last one: she threw him away and tormented him, also those ‘mutual friends’ all turned against him at one point bc of her. He owes her nothing but perhaps scorn, cancer or not. Dying is not absolution, and apologies are never required to be accepted

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

Well said!

[@jonb338]

I agree with you, however I'd be really curious to know if it where possible that the cancer had anything to do with a possible personality change. I don't know that it's the case but it's not outside the realm of possibility.

[@seraphinaporter7222]

@@jonb338 Do you mean the original negative change, or the more recent postive change? I have heard of brain tumours changing people's personalities, but I believe they usually change you for the worse. There are probably exceptions to the rule, but I have a strong feeling in this case that any positive changes are caused by regret, guilt and/or fear of mortality. I also agree with whomever suggested she was just looking for someone to care for her. Maybe she thinks that as she managed to walk all over him once, she could do it again to make her remaining time more comfortable? I suppose we will never really know, like many of these stories. It is fascinating wondering about the truth in some of them, though!

[@jonb338]

@@seraphinaporter7222 I was thinking the original negativity personality change. They were together for a while before she went crazy. Must be hard for the dude to know he was so completly wrong about someone he loved. To me it would probably be a relief if it were just a symptom because otherwise I'd have to fully reevaluate my own ability to judge people. And people's ability to interact is foundational, which is why betrayal is so devastating. Then again if he was just this wrong maybe he does need to reevaluate how he judges people. I knew a guy who's girlfriend kept cheating on him with his best friend, different girlfriend different best friend but 3 times, then he married one of them. He's divorced now and one of the kids is his.

[@CathySW]

Story 4 - Where was she when op had a serious illness that could have killed him? Just because it was a mental illness doesn't make it less dangerous

[@Sakuraqueen]

Exactly!! I am sorry she has cancer but she is a nasty piece of work! Stay far away from her!!

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

@@Sakuraqueen so are his friends. He should be able to say, "I'm not in a good place to make that happen" and that should be it. Any friends that push him more than that are definitely TAHS.

[@schrodingerscat3741]

Story 2: The mother in that story crossed the line into straight up abusive when she threatened to rip up her daughter's posters :/

[@jamestown8398]

At that point, were I in OP's place, I'd be tempted to give her an ultimatum. "If you do then I'll throw you out too. As much as I love you, *our* child is my first priority and if you make me choose then it'll always be her."

[@nekowerewolf9769]

I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket... He said "how far do you think i can kick this bucket?"

[@carteradams43]

glad to see he kept a sense of humor even in his last moments. at least he could go out with a smile on his face. sorry for your loss.

[@nekowerewolf9769]

@@carteradams43 hes not dead. It was a joke.

[@carteradams43]

@@nekowerewolf9769 r/woosh to myself then. Thought the "joke" was just phrasing "my grandpa died" so everyone could understand his joke better.

[@digit5465]

She pushed him away, she has to deal with it. She brought it upon herself. If the cancer was treated and it was gone, she could end up doing what she done again to OP. NTA

[@TheRedowl101]

Story 3: NTA I loved the first comment you picked. Something you learn with mental illnesses is personal accountability. Yes it sets you back but it's your responsibility you cannot put it as excuse for everything, the world won't accommodate to you, you have to find the best way to adapt. University was giving me big anxieties, did i make them change the whole environment? No, that place just wasn't for me. I'm studying my career online now (even before the pandemic) and I'm way happier.

[@leighnisbett9691]

To op in the second story,I would remend a divorce if this is how your daughter mother behaves about her daughters choices and disrespecting you and the household opinions .NTA ,kick both of them out of your life.

[@okwhy8720]

Honestly, first story. I wanna call him the asshole, but I just cant. He was giving the co-worker a taste of his own medicine. The co-worker wasn't empathetic so I dont think he is required to ne.

[@AngelaMerici12]

Exactly.

[@okwhy8720]

@@AngelaMerici12 glad you agreed

[@hubert_cumberdale8630]

Yeah. I mean I don’t think he’s an AH for not donating, but I definitely think he’s an AH in real like based on the way he phrased his post. That part at the end where he said he doesn’t want to donate because she’s just going to die anyway was super rude and unnecessary. Who talks about a 9 year old girl like that?

[@ramnsesallen4375]

ESH was my verdict the OP is definitely an asshole for how he thinks about the child but his coworker reported him for caring for his loved one, also the other coworkers definitely suck the worst they have their noses in OP and cancer parent’s buisness

[@okwhy8720]

@@hubert_cumberdale8630 But to me he isnt the ah because his co worker just got a taste of his own medicine. His co worker showed no empathy so he doesnt

[@JoyZoneYT]

Ahhh...story 2 brings back some memories to me too. I have an entitled aunt, you see, and one day she disliked my "decorations" as being the work of "evil" as well, so I went to a shop, ordered a huge black metal poster of a nun being banged by Satan, reorganized my room entirely, so I could use a wall to put that lovely thing right. in front. of her when she went to bed in my bedroom. She never brought it up afterwards...strange. :P

[@trinaschnell4422]

That last story: NTA. While you are sad that she has cancer, you aren't in a relationship, and is no longer entitled to expect your emotional support. I had a boyfriend that repeatedly told me, both in actions and words, that he knew I needed that emotional connection but that he wasn't going to be that guy. Once I realized it, I cut ties. Then 6 months later, his mom died. He demanded, yes, demanded, I come stay the night, comfort him. I told him no, flat out told him he was trying to make a withdrawal from an emotional bucket he wasn't willing to invest in. Sad that his mom died, but it was a hard decision for me to say no, felt bad for it, but I knew in my heart it was the right decision.

[@ThatsViews]

He couldn't trust her not to screw him over again.

[@brandi5126]

Story 3: NTA. She needed to bring a doctors note if she wanted special treatment. Also if her anxiety is that bad when she is at work then she needs to find a new jobs

[@RoyalRoses]

Story 3: the comment you read is SPOT ON. I have this commenters exact diagnosis. I've worked for 10 year with this diagnosis. I have never once asked for any special treatment. This disorder is my responsibility. The only time Ive asked for help is with my other illness, vertigo. Vertigo is different because its impossible to stand up without falling over which is dangerous for me and whoever I'm working with. I cant drive or stand up without the room spinning and me on the verge of vomiting. The only accommodation ive asked for that is to be sent home and I have had to call a family member to come get me due to not being able to drive my own car. I still feel awful about doing even that. Getting a diagnosis is very simple, the only reason that employee hasnt gotten one is because I can guarantee she doesn't have it. Shes was using pain from real life people so she didn't have to do certain things. People like her are nothing but repulsive to me.

[@wombat4583]

More than skepticism though the OP has been allowing this accommodation and switching with other employees until this point and has never asked for a doctor's note. Instead of requesting one for confirmation one way or another he abused his authority of telling her to do one specific aspect of the job or leave despite having been accommodating her until this point. Another way to view this is my employer has been nice in allowing me not to work with my triggers but is suddenly telling me to leave. I hate when people fake mental illnesses too (which she may be), but I also loathe people on their high horses that they assume people's mental states of people they don't know.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Ditto with mine, chronic migraines. Unless triggered, they're not really a problem. I had one case of an officemate in a very small office who...did not wash herself appropriately during certain times of the month and apparently had an underlying issue. The smell was atrocious. Which set off my migraines (and actually drove our third officemate to change offices). Pretty clear cut? Not when said office decides to ignore the whole thing. I could write an entire Bad Employer piece about that one. It got fun.

[@kaitan4160]

@@wombat4583 "More than skepticism though the OP has been allowing this accommodation and switching with other employees until this point and has never asked for a doctor's note. " the way i understood that is that other co-workers said they would do it and she ten worked a different Task (rotation mentioned). That she lied down in the Dark room here and there etc. But as soon as no other Co-worker wanted to do it she assumed that its okay to just "avoid" the Task for the next 5 Hours till shift ends. I mean she didnt say anything to tell the Employer "hey icant do that Task now" .... she just left and didnt care fo the Job.

[@phoenixmoon5580]

@@BronzeDragon133 Could you arrange your days off to line up when she would be on her moontime/monthly time? Were you able to change offices? Did you contact your HR and occupational health departments? (My Mum has migraines, she gets them with aura. I've grown up with my Mum going through them. Is there anything that you find helps you when you have a migraine (any tips, tricks, devices etc?)? What can people around you do to support you, and make things easier for you when you are dealing with them? Is there any difference as to what people can do to support you, and any tips/tricks you use during the the stages: warning signs, starting migraine, full blown migraine, migraine reducing, recovery phase? I understand this is personal, and please don't feel you must answer. Since I was a young child I just wanted to take the horrendous experience, pain, other sensations, etc away from my Mum, even if it meant I experienced it myself. When other people had aspirations to find a cure for cancer, (since playgroup/infants school) I had the aspiration to find a cure for migraines with aura, specifically for my Mum. It took decades for me to realise I couldn't do that (having regular stern talks and lectures for years from my Mum saying I cannot do anything connected to curing migraines also helped!). Recently (in my 30's!) I made a superficial peace with that. I still want to support and help my Mum, I can't help it.

[@BronzeDragon133]

@@phoenixmoon5580 In the end run, I went into a screaming fit in HR. That finally worked after about 20 complaints. :-) My migraines are chronic and used to be about 25 a month, with some triggers (scent, very bright lights suddenly, mostly things I could avoid or mitigate). Modern meds and a great neurologist reduced that to 2 to 3 a month, almost always minor and short (I can function easily through them) and with my triggers barely mattering except in extreme circumstances like the one above. Just ASKING what you can do to help helps, really. But no, we mostly just drug ourselves if we can, tolerate it if we can't, and simply need a dark, silent room if it gets that bad. Fortunately, mine usually don't any longer.

[@Smoshypalooza]

Story 2: definitely NTA. Had a relative act the same way but she complained about my clothes which were of rock bands and my anime drawings on my wall. She complained that I need to go to church more and that it’s dark that I wear black clothes but my mom was on my side through it all and said that I was expressing myself and I wasn’t hurting anyone.

[@yorukage5926]

Can someone give this man s damn hug he obviously needs it \(T_T)/

[@thoughtfulbandit1638]

Story 4: the pessimistic side of me says "she just wants to hurt him again"

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

The realist in me 100% says she likely is. People say I'm pessimistic but I find that reality is often more disappointing and pessimism is just a side affect to the truth.

[@Nevir202]

Pretty sure in the first story he’s just saying, “It’s not like it’s a matter of life or death, so that my giving a donation might save a life.” which is a fair enough point, though even if it would, nobody is entitled to demand money from their coworkers. Considering all the fake cancer stories I’ve seen, and given what a prick the guy is, wouldn’t even be surprised if it’s not true. 🤷‍♂️

[@TiffWaffles]

Just because somebody is a prick doesn't mean that they lie about something as serious as their child suffering through cancer. Also, unless my hearing is going, OP only mentioned that coworker only reported him one time. While it is a shitty thing to do, maybe OP was cutting out of work early without telling anyone and leaving his co-workers to pick up his slack. While it is shitty and could have been addressed by the other co-worker without getting the superiors involved, it seems that OP didn't even tell his own co-workers what was going on in his personal life. Do I agree that he should have been reported for visiting his sick (and possibly dying family member)? Absolutely not. However, unless this was repeated behaviour, co-worker isn't a prick. Now, about the daughter of co-worker being sick with cancer, it isn't OP's obligation to give money even if the two were on good terms. However, his lack of empathy makes me wonder if he's a good person. He sounds bitter and really cruel. Though, who knows maybe OP has regularly donated to facilities that research cancer... But he can't take out his resentment towards his co-worker on a child. A simple: No, I am not in a good place financially right now to make any donations, but I am sorry that his daughter is suffering through cancer. Would have been suffice.

[@TiffWaffles]

About the fake cancer claims. Search up on KZbin fake cancer and you will come up with a plethora of stories talking about people that have faked their cancer diagnoses. It makes me angry.

[@Nevir202]

@@TiffWaffles He’s not taking shit out on a child, kid isn’t there. You asserting that he should lie to be polite though, while he’s being harassed for money by an asshole coworker? That makes me wonder about your character. Completely confused by you asserting the asshole CW wouldn’t lie about cancer, followed by you admitting that people do it all the time. 🤔

[@niueansaiyan09]

I was reading another comment in regards to the first story, and I somewhat agree. The co workers daughter will have to go in and out of hospital for treatments and won't be able to experience a social interaction. She would have no friends due to process in which she has to undergo in order to prevent the cancer from killing her. OP isn't obligated to donate if they know that the money would extend her lifespan by a few years, only for it to be taken away at any moment. The only I don't understand is why not much people are talking about how this is going to affect the daughter in the long run. Verdict changed from YTA to NTA

[@Nevir202]

@@niueansaiyan09 Ya, it’s hard to say in therms of the kid, I guess it would depend on their outlook when it comes to a hopeless situation. Personally, I think I’d just want pain management, but lots of really sick kids seem to be relatively upbeat and might want all the time they can get. 🤷‍♂️

[@jinxstheories4263]

Question...am i the only one who is curious if the ex in story 4 actually has cancer? How can we be sure she didnt lie about it? She seems like the type of person to do that.

[@jazz-cat00]

And considering she was able to manipulate their friends against him, they were probably in on it in some sick game to mentally torment him even more

[@seraphinaporter7222]

@@jazz-cat00 I would so love to say that no one would be that cruel to someone they once (or claimed to have) loved....but I can't 😞

[@75SuperMario]

Story 1: NTA - I laughed out loud when OP wrote his inner thought at the end. It was a pleasant surprise as it would definitely not garner any sympathy from posters--which is clearly seen in the skewed responses. At the end of the day it was an inner thought that was not spoken out loud to his coworker and if he had not mentioned it at all there wouldn't have been as much outrage.

[@avian1971]

Story 1: The OP was treated like crap by his coworker when his grandfather was dying. The coworker was a sneaky snake when he ratted him out to management to get him in trouble and putting him at risk of losing his job. That is zero sympathy for the OP’s suffering. The OP said out loud, and in front of the coworker, that he is not donating. The OP was just returning the favor.

[@Cecelia021]

Story #4: forgive on your own terms ONLY. It's your decision, which means even your mental health is much important and you might not know what the ex has in mind

[@barbarastorball2117]

It possibly that the ex wants someone to take care of her even though she left op out of the blue. The ex has friends and she should use them as a support system.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Even if you don’t donate, you have to understand. Even if the kid doesn’t make it, the guy still uses the money for pain management and treatments to make his daughter’s life more comfortable

[@redmuller8149]

This is a bit unrelated, but I love how much work was put into this video. This is the first video I've watched on this channel but the organization between chapters and the little animations throughout make it really engaging and I love it.

[@AnonyMous-lh3cm]

Story 2) NTA. The sister in law is a guest. She needs to act like one. If she is not comfortable with the daughters decoration she is free to sleep on the couch or go to a hotel and pay for the comfort she craves. He also needs to advise his wife that her sister is her guest and their daughter is their daughter and he will always support their daughter before he will appease her sister.

[@UzumakiDonnoHinata]

S3 NTA. ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) accommodations require signed documents from a physician. She may have anxiety around cleaning, but she needs to see a Dr for that. If the Dr says she can't do it, then accommodate. Otherwise, no. I have diagnosed chronic migraines, OCD, general anxiety, and severe recurrent major depressive disorder with psychotic features (MDD 19 I believe). If I need to get out of something, I get my Dr to write a letter. Just as it's supposed to be. If she isn't willing to go to the dr, then OP isn't legally required to provide even reasonable accommodations, which doesn't mean paid time off in the form of a 5 hour paid break.

[@justine8387]

I think the employer could have handled it much better in terms of public relations and staff relationships. She should have quietly spoken to her when she was not displaying the behaviours that are problematic. Being empathetic kind and saying that they have noticed this pattern and if the duties can't be performed by her employee then she can understand better how to manage the issue. The other thing she should have done was surprise changed the duties. One day when the employee was feeling well ask her to do those jobs. Just simply call them employee over and say it is her turn to clean. Explain to the person rostered than the employee has been sick the other few times and needed to take her turn now. It would be interesting to see how this plays out.

[@maruwatchesyou8281]

Story 2: it boggles my mind how some people can call themselves a parent, i hope op kicks both of them out and gives his daughter's room back Story 3: no absolutely won't accommodate a self diagnosed anxiety, if i do not have an official doctor's note then you have no anxiety in my eyes

[@gambolarts9520]

As someone who has multiple mental health issues I completely agree. If you work and have a disability YOU NEED the paperwork to back it up. I spent so long getting paper work for multiple jobs i had and most were understanding but that was because I could back it up with my doctors notes and documents for this reason. This employee just seems lazy and if she does have anxiety she is dealing with it very very poorly. She shouldn’t be using it as an excuse not to do certain stuff she doesn’t like when it’s apart of her job.

[@rihannathompson8993]

I cannot imagine having a *signed poster* from my favorite band (tøp btw) and someone having the audacity to tear it apart. I’d be broken. Something that means so much to me destroyed by someone who can’t understand it. I’d be infuriated, that’s something that would take a long time to forgive

[@purpleiguana208]

Story 4: NTA. It's not OP's job to light himself on fire to keep his ex warm.

[@voxkine9385]

Story 3: I’d actually contact a lawyer. She not only failed to perform her job, but threatened legal action. However, this in and of itself isn’t worth getting a lawyer for. What IS worth finding a lawyer for is the potential defamation they are spreading online. Your employees are correct in worrying about a loss of business, but an apology could be construed as an admission of guilt potentially, so saying “sorry” and hoping it goes away might be able to make things worse. Consult a lawyer and see if there is anything truly defaming you/business. If she is claiming she has a disability on social media and then saying you held that against her and didn’t accommodate them, all while not actually having a disability/disorder, I’d guess it would be a fairly easy case to get them to take the posts down. Bad PR on social media can snowball, so I’d nip this in the bud yesterday.

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

Completely agree with your points. I am sick to death of self-diagnosed anxiety and panic attacks, this does a huge disservice to genuine sufferers whose lives are blighted by their symptoms. The vast majority of the self-diagnosed lot are suffering from what used to be called life!! Things happen that you don't like - deal with it. Act like an adult and get on with it. Too many things are now used as an excuse to avoid doing anything people don't like. I will scream if I hear the phrase, "I have anxiety" one more time. We all have anxiety, it's human nature. Some people are more anxious or suffer from anxiety attacks - a completely different thing. Stop hijacking a genuine and debilitating illness for selfish ends.

[@mpmansell]

Story 2. NTA. Were I OP, after his wife reacted like that, the SIL would be thrown out, and I would find out how much the poster was worth and sue her for its replacement.

[@nuclearphoenix177]

*Reason to watch marks videos:* *High quality content* *Waffle gang* *Beautiful looking man* *Multiple stories* *Nice tattoos* *He’s perfect look at him*

[@AngelaMerici12]

1st. NTA Why?? Don't expect people to be empathetic if you first treat them like crap, and in SIMILAR situation! Life often comes late with karma.

[@HackiePuffs]

Normally I would agree but this situation also involves an innocent CHILD who has nothing to do with the situations the coworker was being a jerk and their life being on the line.

[@AngelaMerici12]

@@HackiePuffs The guy didn't show empathy when the grandpa was dying. Life bites back in the most interesting ways.

[@bobot.chimpanzee8612]

That's not a similar situation by any means. Adults losing a grandparent is expected losing a child is not. If you want to go spend time with your dying grandparent you can take some time off of work instead of skipping out of work early without permission. And to say things about a child like op did, yeah he's a total asshole.

[@MissMystery1412]

I’ve lived with varying degrees of anxiety (diagnosed, among other conditions that make it worse so yayyyyy) my entire life and I can tell you that most people with anxiety are extremely aware of how to manage it without imposing too terribly on others. Rough days happen and taking time to calm down is important, but it doesn’t just magically happen like she’s trying to make it seem. If, for some reason, the cleaning was what gave her panic attacks, any reasonable adult would’ve quit the damn job or confronted the boss about the situation by that point. My anxiety is even WORSE when I have to ask people for accommodations like that, so I can’t even imagine doing it so consistently. OP is right in think that she’s trying to manipulate them, and it’s super shitty to take advantage of coworkers like that. I’ve had friends that use their mental illness to get what they want, and it sucks to be involved with that :/

[@hiro4344]

Daughter's room.... What is the sister in law doing? Sleeping with the light on?

[@skye2578]

just woke up from a small surgery and the first thing i did was go to watch these videos. i love em.

[@owl7072]

Story 2, 7:11 : I love the moments where Mark gets heated, really shows he cares about what he's saying

[@kierstenfish9324]

I remember working a job and just seeing and hearing things and having extreme panic attacks and being the only worker in the kitchen, and few others to take over it was hard to find a replacement. I was given a few days off and although the manager was mad initially I talked with them and got a doctors note as requested and I was allowed to slowly get back into the rhythm of work. I started meds and was getting better. I stopped taking meds cold turkey, went back on the main ones and learned to cope and become a functional worker. I was literally so motivated I was the only part time employee with overtime every 2 weeks so that means 80+ hours over 14 days. usually was at 96 hours after the 14 days. I worked so hard I gained a lot of respect and was given the option to apply for a managerial role and would be the youngest one ( not even a week after turning 19) and having been there for only 6 months to accomplish it within the region of stores. I turned it around and turned myself around. one thing that helped was I changed therapists and requested one that helps me make a game plan and problem solve and cope. I don't want them to just listen I want to act immediately and I felt great.

[@sarahbriggs8109]

If I was the husband in that second story, I'd immediately and without question start divorce proceedings. I have a huge collection of signed photos and if anyone destroyed even one, I'd turn on them and never forgive them. Destroy my things and you're out of my life. Permanently.

[@okayoc1545]

story 1; yta, so you know your insurance is bad and doesn’t help that much. if that’s the case, when/if the daughter dies that family will have to grieve AND be in crippling debt. that’s family just wants to worry about their daughter, not money too.

[@Becks-and-books]

Story 1: I'm just thinking about the OP being reported for leaving early. If they were reported it's because they left early, without being authorized to do so, and most probably getting paid for the time he was gone. OP is lucky he wasn't fired for that. There's more behind the story. YEP you want to be at your loved one's side at the end of their life, what I'm saying there is that OP should've worked with HR, not walk out without getting approval for it. also, my twin got cancer when she was 9. She luckily survived, but we knew a few children who didn't make it. Their time on earth was valuable and giving them the best chance at surviving was what they deserved. Also, them being comfortable in their last days.... You don't have to donate, but like... be descrete about it and be an adult about it

[@thePanda_huma]

Listening to these videos is so relaxing ❤you are truly appreciated Mark. Thank you for all the videos you make for us.

[@annajapiassu306]

huge signs of emotional abuse on the second story. that poor girl does not deserve this treatment at all

[@mercurialmelody]

You're such a genuine heart. Keep up the great work! 🧇

[@wiljotheartist9932]

Nothing better than watching Marks video after school

[@davidaras1086]

I’ve read about one person that beat mesothelioma here in the U.S.A , “but” they had a complete heart, lung , and pleural sack transplant. Not something that’s done everyday.

[@alexismyers6053]

Honestly, if I was the OP in the story about the daughter's room, SIL would be looking for a hotel room and so would the wife. And if i was the daughter, i would have told my parents either the aunt goes and I get my room back HOW I WANT IT or I stay at a friends house until she's gone AND the parent(s) sincerely apologized.

[@tamsinmoore2111]

I have a major anxiety disorder along with other bits and pieces. I have only once asked for some accommodation from an employer. I was working a call centre and there was an ancient dot matrix printer. The screeching noise it made whilst working would bring me to the very edge of an anxiety attack, I usually wouldn't be tipped over but it's still a very uncomfortable mental state to be in and it showed. I told my boss what was happening and the next day they had it in a close to complete noise cancelling box. I was grateful and much more comfortable. But looking around my flat, I think I'm playing the mental health card regarding cleaning, and it's only me and the cat!

[@xylopylo]

I just found your videos and I like how you say your opinion, read comments out of all opinions and let the audience decide their own opinion. Other reddit reading channels either do no opinions or no comment readings or are very very harsh with their own opinions being the "right" ones.

[@DingoTheDemon]

Story 2: I think OP is an asshole for putting up his wife's sister in his daughter's room. In my opinion, children are entitled to their own space and privacy. If you can't accommodate a space for a guest to sleep in your house without compromising the space of another person who lives there, don't invite them to sleep there! Also, OP had to have known before putting his SIL up in his daughter's room that she wouldn't like the decor. I can't imagine he didn't see this coming.

[@shavannac2771]

Fr, the wife is lowkey abusive to the daughter. The daughter is gonna hold a ton of resentment for her.

[@jennysmith38]

It's more than likely the wife insisted her sister have the daughters room

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

@@jennysmith38 No another person said the guest room was too small and the daughter being a kind soul offered it to her pregnant aunt. So the daughter is in the guest room.

[@jennysmith38]

@@Mew_Mokuba_Akari ok, didn't hear that, I was obviously distracted, as I was making my brekkie whilst listening

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

@@jennysmith38 No I didn't hear it either. It was said in a comment further up in the video comments when someone questioned where the daughter was sleeping.

[@amanofmanyparts9120]

I used to run a small business with just a few employees (including my late wife) where *everyone* took their turns on all duties. Some cleaning duties were less than nice, but the rota was the rota! Once I was called away from one of them to do what only the owner of the business could do - interview a prospective new hire - and asked the latest recruit to take over the job. She refused, outright. I had no choice but to fire her on the spot for gross insubordination. On the plus side, she wasn't the hardest worker we'd ever had, while her replacement was a joy to employ/work alongside.

[@DarkAngel65989]

Story 1:OP is the Ah, I get that OP is mad now that the coworker is getting sympathy from everyone now that his kid have it. But didn't gave a crap to OP when they were dealing with a simiar situatuon. It doesn't give OP the right to say that about a kid. OP is not the Ah for not donating. Story 2:OP is not the Ah, it's there home, it's the daughter's room. The SIL is an ah, the wife is ah, the wife enbaling her sister. I wouldn't be surprise if the wofe and daughter doesn't have a relationship once the daughter is older. Story 3:OP is not the Ah, if the worker aniexty is that bad then they shouldn't work and get help from professinoal. OP try to accommdate the worker but still it wasn't enough. Story 4:OP is not the Ah, the ex's made OP feel isolated, taking away friends from OP, tourmenting him. Now expect to be shower by his love, no way OP should just ignore her, this is the conquerence of her action (not the cancer.)

[@skylar6301]

As a fan of many things, the story about the posters made me so mad, posters have SO much significance ESPECIALLY when they're signed, I mean, the parasocial relationship between musical artists and fans is so special, and maybe I'm influenced by Kpop where the fandom is much closer to the artists (especially one of my biases, Bang Chan, who goes live every week one day on the weekend to chat and listen to music with fans) but it's AMAZING to feel like you're close to someone you have a parasocial relationship with who you're a fan of. About the anxiety and self-diagnosis, I can see both sides- if they live in the US, diagnosis can be cost-prohibitive, so dismissing it because "it's a self-diagnosis" when we don't know the financial status of that person is really not great and we don't know if she even can afford the financial hit, but at the same time it is a bad way to handle it and there are so many better ways to handle it. I've been unable to get a diagnosis because when my parents could afford it they didn't (my mom thinks I'm autistic, I'd say probably yeah but I also suspect anxiety issues and executive dysfunction, but neither of us are professionals) and now I can't afford it, my dad might be planning on helping me with that but I'm not sure because he and I are bad at communicating with one another sometimes because I'm too shy and he thinks I should work on getting over that by learning to go to others when I need something and I'm bad at expressing how hard that is for me. I understand the feeling of anxiety rising because of certain tasks needing to be done, I have a pile of dirty laundry in my room spilling out of my hamper because the thought of washing them makes me feel exhausted and anxious and since I don't NEED those clothes I'm slowly working up to washing them, but if I needed them I'd find a way to work through those feelings and get it done rather than putting it off past the point of no return because I know I have to pretend to be functional sometimes and that's on me even if it's not fair for it to be on me to pretend I'm not struggling with things I am struggling with just because society doesn't make reasonable accommodations. The person in that story was trying, and if I was in the other person's shoes I'd have tried to work with OP a lot more, I don't think it's a "someone's an asshole" situation so much as a "people aren't given coping strategies for potentially debilitating issues because of stigma" situation. I only began learning coping strategies once I came out to myself as trans and started existing within LGBTQ+ spaces where mental health is taken more seriously than in most spaces, I learned them not from my parents or from school but from my fellow LGBTQ+ folks, it's really hard to learn coping strategies when you don't even know what to look for. It's a sad situation and a difficult one for sure, and I don't fault the OP for how they behaved.

[@LadyLeomon]

1) ESH, his attitude sucked when someone loved had cancer so he can’t expect you to be all giving and stuff now BUT what you said was out of line. 2) NTA, choosingbeggar crossed with entitledguest! Kudos for standing up for your daughter. 3) NTA, she’s taking the piss and the co-workers probably don’t want to admit they’ve been played and didn’t see it! 4) NTA, tell her there’s no need to mend fences or whatever her words were because you’d have to still care about her to want that! Thanks for new vid Mark 💙🐱💙

[@Ash-op2ql]

As a legitimately disabled person, physically that is and not self diagnosed, her “accommodations” are not the legal standard within reason. For me it was stuff like I can have a different office chair or not be required to stand/walk around the sales floor. That does not me when I’m not feeling well I get to leave for long periods of time multiple times a week and not do my duties. If your disability affects your work performance beyond just slightly, that’s not “accommodations within reason” and the manager was fully within their right to ask the employee to clock out. She’s basically getting paid to sit on her butt, when a new hire (if she were to be removed) would be more productive. That’s if she was diagnosed too. Which she isn’t. Self diagnoses isn’t exactly complete hogwash. Some people need it as a stepping stone to actual diagnosis, or have to use to because a lack of resources to psychiatric care. So, she still could ask for certain accommodations even without an official diagnoses and one would hope most bosses would be understood. But this is clearly a pattern for a lazy worker. And that shit makes me mad. It is so hard to even just get hired, let alone get reasonable accommodations for people like me in my situation and chicks like this ruin it and give mental illness/the disabled a bad name. It took me over a year to get a job I could physically do, with the hours I needed that wasn’t an hour drive a way. Yes, I am lacking in training higher education, but there were jobs I was well qualified for and I wouldn’t doubt me checking the disabled box got me overlooked.

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

I'm confused Did op just start leaving work without any sort of permission/notification ? Because they wouldn't have been reprimanded if there was permission right?

[@lennaedaley8676]

It seems like that was the case. But I still would have the same attitude about the coworker (except for the kick the bucket comment)

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

@@lennaedaley8676 it's very possible that he didn't know and thought that op was skipping out early which could make others have to pick up the slack

[@phoenixmoon5580]

Regarding the self diagnosed anxiety story: I would have a sit down, private office meeting with her. I would ask if the timing of doing the chores was just at the wrong time, and if some could be changed (e.g. do things earlier in the day, and/or remain afterwards to do the chores maybe changing her work start time to earlier/later so that she still works the correct hours but won't have to be too concerned regarding the waiting around to do the chores later). I would also check as to whether being overwhelmed by the amount of tasks caused the anxiety, or the forgetting of a task, or the fact that tasks keep changing. I would have a list of all the cleaning duties, as well as her other job duties, and I would break each task down. (e.g. taking out the trash would become 1. Collect items needed (see list) and wear any personal protective equipment as necessary. 2. Take bag out of bin. 3. Pick up any items from around the bin that should be in the trash. 4. Tie up the bag. 5. Put new bag in bin. 6. Take trash to outside bin/dumpster/disposal area. 7. Remove any personal protective equipment (dispose or clean according to policy) and wash hands). Then I would go through each of these tasks and ask her if there was an issue or trigger for each task. For example, if taking the trash to the outside disposal area was the anxiety causing issue, then she could do all the other tasks for that chore. This would mean that you maybe have someone else do that bit, but then she would do another 'part' of another task in place of that. If there were tasks that she liked to do to completion (e.g. clean the break room, wash up the equipment etc), then you could have a team meeting at another point and ask if anyone liked doing/wanted to do those tasks. If there was no one wanting that task, then others could pick their preferred tasks or parts of tasks, and then rotate the remaining ones. I would also provide a copy of the broken down cleaning tasks, and then ask if there is any parts that certain people liked to do. Also, I would double check with the team that the total quantity of preferred tasks or part tasks is an equal/equivalent equal and fair for the rest of the team. Should it be seen as useful, I would have a checklist of all the tasks (either as a team one where when a task is done someone initial it or maybe organise it by team names that would be a tick and sign when all done, or just do one for specific employees for their specific unchanging tasks). This would mean that everyone is aware of what is being done, who has done what task when, and people won't feel panicked or concerned with trying to remember. Also, I would like to record the audio and video of the meeting for future records, as well as for other reasons such as to show that I am trying to understand and provide tailored accommodations regarding difficulties and trying to come to a compromise. All the paperwork could be filed and 'archived' incase it is required. Alternatively it could be a digital version that would be saved at the end of each day before the device is turned off and possibly recharged during the cheaper rates. (A touchscreen ipad/tablet would be perfect for this, especially if you do a back up save and/or email a copy elsewhere). (Note: I have severe anxiety and several other various health conditions diagnosed by a relevant healthcare professional, and they have been verified due to being referred to various specific health professional specialists for additional care/expertise on the conditions and symptoms. I have had and currently am on various types of treatment to manage my conditions. Due to the severity of the individual conditions, as well as them combined, I am unable to work and I'm registered as disabled. I am barely able to do basic self care tasks to a base level standard or frequently. (Yes, I know. YUCK and TMI! I think the information is important because you don't know me!). Despite this, for me, there is a difference between a symptom and my behaviour. I may have a symptom that means I get overwhelmed by anything I can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. This does not mean that I can then smack someone because they are asking me if I'm ok at a volume that is the low end of normal conversation volume, but is too loud for me. I may have a symptom of anxiety that makes me feel like I am suddenly unsafe in a shop and need to leave. It is perfectly fine for me to walk out of the shop, calm down, and depending on how I am return later on. It is completely fine for me to purchase the items I have now, walk out, calm down, and maybe return to complete the shopping later. It is fine (but very very annoying to the employees, but technically fine) to leave a trolley/basket/random items somewhere in the store and walk out. It is completely horrendous and NOT fine for me to walk out with items that I have not purchased! It is even worse to then blame that action on anxiety. I actually get anxious about that potentially happening. So I end up looking down at my hands and opening then so anything I have drops to the floor before I reach the alarms near the door, incase. I ask random people or my support worker if they see anything attached to my back or my clothing anywhere. I check if they are holding a basket for me, as I have a really bad memory! I even check with them that I've paid for everything or that I have nothing on me, before leaving! That is anxiety because I am trying to not be a 'technically bad but it was my [condition]' type of person. Yes, health conditions can get people behaving weirdly. There are compromises to do the weird behaviours but also obey the law, or at the very least try to!).

[@JP-eh4ee]

|Story 2: I hope wife's OP will read the reddit post and realize how much of an AH she and her sister is Story 3: I dont think that worker has anxiety. I think she is just lazy. If I suspect I have anxiety i would get it diagnosed ASAP Story 4: Where were his former friends and his ex when OP was sick? I hope they think back and remember what they did. They didnt even apologize

[@mkbcoolman]

Story 3: My eldest daughter is diagnosed bi-polar with anxiety/panic attacks. Her anxiety is crippling if she's off her medication and isn't taking care of herself properly. Even when she is taking care of herself, she generally gets very anxious in crowds or is doing cleaning tasks. Well, she works at Target, which means she has to confront her anxiety on a daily basis. Her two most dreaded stations are working the customer service desk and disinfecting carts, but she has at least one shift a week doing each of those. My daughter has a very bubbly and kind personality, and her management LOVES her and would have her working the customer service desk all the time if she could. Simply put, she just gets it done. The accommodation? Her managers only give her one shift a week in each dept that gives her anxiety, and this is because she sat with them to explain her medical situation. They offered to let her just run self-checkout for every shift, but she told them no, because she needed that exposure because they force her into situations she would otherwise avoid. Management did exactly that, increased the hours she was getting, and additionally gave her a raise. She has had maybe a dozen full blown panic attacks working with asshole customers, but her co-workers and supervisors have learned to spot when it's happening and will give her 10-20 minutes to sit alone and regain her composure. Then she just gets back to work. She overcomes, and the light of confidence in her eyes when she gets home makes me so proud. Long story short, good management will do everything in their power to accommodate employees who perform. Most don't need much. Having a plan in place and knowing she has the opportunity to step away for a few minutes acts as kind of a safety net. Just knowing it's there is often enough.

[@zebnemma]

I could argue that people that decorate their home with "live, laugh, love" is evil. But does that give me right to go and rip it off the wall and destroy it? According to auntie in story 2 it is yay!

[@sevengemsstudios9262]

Story 1: Gonna go with ESH, except the daughter who is innocent. OP is TA for how he speaks about the daughter, and loudly proclaiming that he won't donate. The dad with the dying kid is TA for what he did to OP and then turning around and expecting to be given the same empathy he refused another. The coworkers are AH for asking about if OP was donating in the first place, it's no ones business and it feels like it was orchestrated to get OP to feel put on the spot when they saw he wasn't donating. Story 2: ESH except for the daughter who had her space violated. OP is TA for even letting the SIL stay in his daughter's room AND telling the daughter to just tape her poster back together. Do they not have a guest room? Is there no other family that can take her? The teenage daughter should not have to give up her space for someone else. Full Stop. OP is not the biggest AH though, that goes to the Wife and SIL each. The Wife is TA for threatening to rip up her daughter's posters and siding with the SIL, and the SIL is the biggest AH of all. Being pregnant and a Christian is no excuse for being a trash pile human being. It's not her house nor her room, and she should never have been put in there to begin with. Where is the baby daddy in all this and why is he not helping? What about SIL's parents? God this makes me angry. That poor daughter had her property destroyed. Story 3: NTA, you don't have to provide accommodations to a self-diagnosis, but if she were to get a doctor to diagnose her then you would have to make certain reasonable accommodations which the doctor would recommend. But even then you only have to follow what the doctor tells you. (I personally have accommodations for weight-based issues) But you cannot be expected to take her out of the cleaning rotations just to accommodate for her. If someone cannot do their job because of their anxiety, then they absolutely should not be doing that job, and need to either find a way to work through it with the help of a professional, or find a new job. What does she do at home when things need to get cleaned? Does she hire a maid service, or does mommy and daddy come and clean for their little princess because cleaning supplies are scary? It sounds to me like she's taking advantage and faking it, because her anxiety only crops up when it's time to clean, and no other time at all. I agree that self-diagnosis is not a diagnosis. Story 4: NTA. OP was thrown aside in a horrible way and what the ex did was beyond fucked up. But now that she has cancer, she wants the comfort and love that she threw away? No. No, no, no. You do not need to have her back in your life. Stay away.

[@sgibson5610]

Mark!! I was having a terrible day but than I heard waffle!!! Now it's all better!! 🤗

[@mbyerly9680]

All those workers who refused to do the "anxious" worker's detested chores have no right to whine when the owner doesn't either.

[@Abby_Normal_1969]

Totally agree. Reasonable accommodation does not mean an employee can arbitrarily decide what she will or will not do.

[@phoenixfire8978]

I’ve had to ask for reasonable accommodations before. It really helps to think of accommodations as “the tools I need in order to do my job”. And when asking for accommodations thinking of several possible solutions that could work beforehand . I know my capacities and abilities better than an employer and coming up with solutions shows them ways they can best utilise my abilities. Being proactive also goes a long way in minimising resentment, especially with coworkers.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: SIL is a guest in that space. There is such a thing as a sleeping mask and some music. It's awful to walk into someone's space and say "I don't like it so I'm going to damage your property until I'm satisfied." If her mother doesn't stand up for her this will also cause a bigger rift in their relationship.

[@sammymb07]

Mark, I'm sorry if this is annoying, but could you please add eating disorders to your trigger warnings list?

[@kingteddieP4]

It’s not annoying man it’s a valid question

[@jspace20]

Thank you, I completely agree

[@pastelbell]

It's not annoying, it's actually a valid question

[@magiv4205]

I second this! Never suffered from any kind of eating disorder, but it seems like a very valid question.

[@MeepChangeling]

Serious question, not trying to be a jerk but... The idea behind Trigger warnings is to help people avoid things that cause them trauma or injury, right? Well mentioning religion at all in any way makes me have flashbacks to being abused. Yet there are no trigger warnings for "contains religion". Should there be within your philosophical stance? If so, when do you stop? Because it honestly seems like people should cut to the chace and put up "WARNING! This post contains reality, where life has things in it that are not sunshine and rainbows.". I get sieasure warnings. I get rape warnings. I get graphic imagry warnings. I don't get the rest of them.

[@DingoTheDemon]

Story 1: I mean, if his grandpa was gonna die anyway, what was the point of visiting him? I'm surprised nobody turned that logic back around on OP. As shitty as it is that the coworker reported him, my guess is that OP was also cutting out of work early without telling anyone, otherwise he wouldn't likely have been written up.

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

This. He clearly didn't have permission to go if he got in trouble. How do we even know the coworker knew what he was doing, either? If OP had talked to their boss, they would have probably understood.

[@nordette]

Spending time with loved ones before they die isn't the same as Spending money

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

@@nordette What are you even talking about?

[@nordette]

@@WatsonAndDaughter she said if his grandpa was going to die anyways what was the point of visiting him and that she was surprised no one turned that logic back around on OP. She was comparing him spending time with his dying grandpa with him not wanting to "waste" money trying to save someone dying. Im saying spending money and spending time are two different things and aren't really comparable.

[@cynicalminion]

2: the wife siding w/her sister regarding that kind of emotional abuse isn't just enabling. it's the wife using her sister to back up her holier-than-thou attitude toward the daughter and her interests, and go 2-on-1 against the OP.

[@jemase7931]

That signed poster is probably worth something. It may be court time.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Story 3: Even if this wasn't a mere coincidence and she actually experienced debilitating anxiety around these chores, she should either get a job that won't trigger her anxiety with such severity or speak to a medical professional and get on anxiety meds so that she can handle doing her job. A lot of times, bosses do try to avoid providing proper accommodations for people with disabilities, but this isn't one of those cases. This sounds a lot like someone taking advantage of disability accommodations so she doesn't have to do things at work she doesn't like.

[@MellyAria]

I agree about the self diagnosis thing. I have a few mental issues I think I might have, and if I talk about it I make it people aware it isn't diagnosed yet. I am trying to get a diagnosis done though. Also I hate people who use problems they have to get out of work completely. I do have anxiety and it doesn't make me unable to work. I don't think anxiety can get that bad that you are unable to function for a day.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

Story 2 Kick her ass out. I had my brother stay as he was homeless (long story he was moms golden child) due to his attitudes about how I run my home, We have since been no contact

[@ambermills1581]

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, i dont function well on the medication possibly due to another condition so I only take a light med that is honestly not enough. I do get stressed and overwhelmed easily. I go, I freak out, i het back to work. Very rarely can i not do my job due to anxiety. I do expect reasonable accomodations like being allowed to have my freak out moments but not "I dont have to do my job because anxiety". (I have had to leave work early due to my anxiety but I do have a few tells that I can pop in and say "hey, this might be an issue", very rarely dose it come out of nowhere with absolutely no warning.) It nice to have a warning sign of a panic attack.

[@danrossell6375]

Auntie is a GUEST in your home. Why is he staying with you? Doesn't she have a place of her own? Self diagnosed: You made an accommodation. You told her she could trade tasks with another employee, but that is on her not you to accomplish. Ex w/cancer: NTA, she made her bed now she can lie in it. You owe her nothing!!

[@trainerlesseevee478]

Story 1: dudes TA for his behavior and last comments. Big time. Story 2: my stepdad did something similar to me when I was like 9/10. I had a bunk bed for some reason(my sis was like 1 so couldnt sleep in it) I put blankets/sheets around the bottom part and would hide/play in it. My stepdad hated it and one day he lost it and literally broke my bedroom door down and ripped the blankets down and refused me to put them up again. I was traumatized and extremely sad that my safe space was ruined. Story 3: self diagnosis is not a reason to not do her job. I've had anxiety/panic attacks at work but always got my work done in the end Story 4: he's not the AH because he doesnt want to be around a toxic person. They broke up. Period. He has no obligation to be at her bedside now that shes sick. Her friends are AH for being "outraged" at OP for not wanting to be with her. It's not like he wished cancer on her, chill out and leave the poor man alone.

[@firegoddess143]

My friends dad used to say just because someone is dead or dying doesn't make them a saint.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 1: ESH, except for the 9 year old girl. The girl's father sounds like one of those people who gives no fucks about anybody else's hardships until those very same hardships come home to roost. And the OP is taking out their hostilities on the wrong person. Story 2: Both the wife and the SIL can share the doghouse. Don't even offer to let them just share the couch. Story 3: Fire anybody who is using retaliation as justification for creating a hostile work environment for everybody else. Story 4: Reap what you sow. The ex planted acres upon acres of discord. And now she gets to enjoy her bountiful harvest.

[@zerobolt9506]

Mark for story 3 your right don't doubt yourself here.

[@seekingeudaimonia6884]

I have multiple mental health conditions, bpd, depression and anxiety. I find doing tasks at work, especially ones that don’t involve others, helps my anxiety, any cleaning task, give it all to me. We had someone with a knife destroy my workplace while I hid in the bathroom bawling my eyes out, barely able to move or speak, I hid in the bathroom for a half hour after he was gone, I was so traumatized, because of past abuse this triggered every flight response in my body and brought me right back to those times, I had panic attacks every hour for weeks. I still finished out my shift that day, terrified he would come back all day because my boss didn’t want to involve the police. Anyone not at my work told me to go home(besides my boss, even though I was fully having panic attack and bawling my eyes out), and my boss knew I was traumatized, but getting back to work was the only thing I could do to not fall to pieces completely. I locked myself in any room I was in, and jumped every time someone came in a room for weeks after, I still don’t feel safe months later and still jump and freak out when someone sneaks up and I don’t see or hear them. I understand everyone’s mental health is different, but my point is, you take your time aside but you get back to your job and you don’t put it off on someone else. Like I don’t understand, if you had anxiety, wouldn’t you feel horrid putting your job on someone else, feeling like your boss would fire you for not doing your job, that your coworkers might get mad or hate you for putting those duties on them, wouldn’t you be paranoid that your boss would think you are faking because it always happens at cleaning task times so you push yourself to do it. Having anxiety, that’s where your brain goes so you push yourself, because you don’t want to upset others because you don’t need the added anxiety of feeling like you aren’t good enough at your job due to your anxiety and you’ll be fired or people will be mad.

[@TheIronwil]

Story 2: As a child, my room getting taken from me so an older relative could use it... rubbed me extremely wrong. I never displaced one of my kids like that. If someone complained, I was unmoved. Their room is THEIR ROOM. Making a kid give up their room lets them know that nothing is really theirs, and even their own room can be taken away at any moment. Gives them trust issues. Then there's the inevitable theft and/or damage of items, as all the kids of the relative also now have access to all his stuff. In my case it was mostly damage, but there was theft involved.

[@drasiella]

Story 1: NTA, last comment was harsh, but true. Story 2: The amount of entitlement from a brainwashed witch. I would make her regret touching my stuff. NTA! Comfort your daughter as by the story its obvious she wont have a mother anymore. Story 3: NTA, she should come back with a paper stating her mental condition, until then she can go pretend somewhere else. This is why nobody wants to hire people with genuine mental health issues. Story 4: Do not give her another bullet to shoot you with. Good riddence, props to OP for not being guilt-tripped by his ex. Bye bye!

[@itsmellslikeupdoginhere5756]

YES Thank you for calling out self diagnosis that use it as an excuse, and don't actually get it diagnosed. I have dealt with self diagnosed people sometimes [back in the day when it was a noticable problem] before and they use it as an excuse for being a rotten jerk to everyone.