How Do I Know if I’m Ready to Marry Someone?

How Do I Know if I’m Ready to Marry Someone?
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[@Paradise-on-Earth]

"love is a choice, sometimes made minute by minute". Truer words have never been spoken!

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

Say people who haven't been in love. Do you choose minute by minute to love your mom or kids?

[@BanjoPixelSnack]

@@JudePi-jx7yo*sometimes * made minute by minute. And yes, love is a choice. Love is a doing word. I’m sure my mother would say that she loves me but she was still abusive my whole childhood. That’s not love, it’s just words.

[@bluebutterfly5062]

​@@JudePi-jx7yo you don't "fall in love" with your mom or kids. You initially love them out of biological needs and then you build a relationship with them for the sake of your survival. When it comes to a partner, you have to choose to love because that biological-- and maybe even survival--mechanicisms are not there

[@kimmoussa4994]

Man because kids grow and have their families and mine are older so they would understand. Also I just learned the big secret and it’s like he doesn’t want to admit he knows Which I find annoying because I know he does

[@kimmoussa4994]

Man because kids grow and have their families and mine are older so they would understand. Also I just learned the big secret and it’s like he doesn’t want to admit he knows Which I find annoying because I know he does

[@7somekindofsomething]

“Have you taken her out for coffee to get to know her.” Great question.

[@aliciafreitag6682]

She has second relationship within 2 years and calls them long-term... the math doesnt add up here at all

[@mariahkindle4486]

I’m so glad someone pointed this out!!! Lol thank you.

[@TheLuxeTraveler702]

I noticed that as well but maybe to her those have been the longest relationships she had had.

[@pinacolada1393]

Financially each person's debt is inherited between husband & wife. It should be discussed with financial literacy & not emotions to aim for goals.

[@skn907]

Yes, I agree.

[@lbessick1]

Any debt you have before marriage remains separate, unless you add your partner as a cosigner. And debts incurred after you're married that you hold jointly can affect both spouses' credit scores. Common examples of these are mortgages and auto loans.

[@luminous6969]

Why is he always so quick to take everyone at their word about their ex without knowing any details about what actually happened? Just imagine if a guy called in and said his last relationship failed cos she was being manipulative and John just said "WOMEN!! STOP BEING SO MANIPULATIVE!!!!" I'm sure that'd go over just fine............

[@stuemler]

It has to be reciprocal, it has to be chosen, it has to be discussed even though some things will change with time. If you commit to marraige, go get a trusted counselor. Disagree with (insert family/friends name approach to marraige) call it out before "I do"

[@Flash3-22]

Those questions asking if I am ready to marry are GOLDEN. Going to listen to them again. Married 28 years and wish this advice had been available before we tied the knot.

[@LOUBAT1]

In England we say ‘There’s a bat in the cage’ if someone has something in their nose! 🦇

[@janelleg597]

Cage? Why not cave..

[@LOUBAT1]

@@janelleg597 *cave! My typo!

[@ginag8723]

Do we? I've never heard that saying before!

[@megalopolis2015]

I hope Bethany got something out of this call. Today John enjoyed his job maybe a little too much. He had a lot of ground to cover, but kept making fun, reminiscing, and giving advice before the caller had completed her story. She sounds like a great sport and a lot of fun, but is also learning about the serious, value-oriented part of herself. I pray for much success in this, and that, if it's meant to be, that her fella joins in on the adventure.

[@random-nz7dy]

Sometimes I feel like John leans too heavy into that aspect of these calls. Like in this call he should have asked him specific questions about what she's noticing in terms of the financial stuff with him and his daughter. There could be some major red flag things she has learned. Or it could be that there's really not much in terms of a red flag and she's just trying to invade that relationship too early. But he basically didn't question it at all

[@megalopolis2015]

@@random-nz7dy Yeah, he just skimmed the surface on this one.

[@actlikebarbara]

On the flip side of this critique, I think he applied her questions to the principles that can apply to all of us and therefore made it something we can all get a takeaway from.

[@littlelam3691]

@@actlikebarbaraexactly! He can’t get into every detail like he is their therapist and has an hour to spend with them. He has to touch on a few talking points most can relate to and move on.

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Six months of dating is not long enough to think you know someone. The purpose of dating is to evaluate one another's suitability as a long term companion or spouse. He has an adult daughter he is financially supporting. As you get to know him better through your courtship, observe if he stops the money train and instead chooses to focus on your future together. By virtue of the comment that his daughter has him and her grandfather "wrapped around her finger", that isn't going change simply because you marry him. The change has to be demonstrated before you enter into marriage. If he is unwilling or unable to do that, you are looking at the blueprint of your future with him. Only you can decide if that is something you can live with long term.

[@milana2020]

I’m late but is over a year, to a year and a half long enough? Or too short? Especially if it’s over the phone and never once a meet up?

[@chelseajones2112]

@@milana2020 I can’t imagine being able to assess whether you want to marry someone without having met in person. I’m not suggesting you have to have sex, but just being in someone’s general vicinity will be pretty telling about if you have any chemistry at all. What if their mannerisms and pheromones that they give off repel you, or visa versa? And then sometimes it takes a while of being around someone until your head clears and you realize you can’t stand them. Just something to consider.

[@mukayirangajeanne3844]

You can even know he / she is the right one in 1 week. If he or she tells the truth and being honest, time doesn't matter

[@milana2020]

@@chelseajones2112 I’m just now seeing this. But thank you for the advice lol. I have a “friend” I was gaming with for a while and he ended up falling “in love” with me. I found it difficult to develop feelings the way he did. He felt it was foolish of me to want to wait in person to assess the bond, considering he’s a 2 hour drive away (different states) but neither of us have a car. It’s been almost 2 years of talking otp and he expressed how it pains him to know I don’t feel the same way he does but me personally I need to be in your presence to feel things. It’s difficult over the phone.

[@coolstuffaboutlife]

As a single man, I see this as an absolute win

[@random-nz7dy]

Not sure why John didn't ask more questions about the financial concerns between him and daughter. 6 months into already be invading that relationship is off, unless there's an obvious red flag. Seemed like a critical part of the call And we got zero specifics. Also he asked why her previous relationship didn't work and all she said was "He wasn't a grown up" and absolved herself of all responsibility in that relationship and again we got no specific as to what she actually meant by that. I feel like too much of the call went to John kind of joking around with her and these critical issues had zero specific attention

[@Drifter-tw4kt]

Daphony does this way too often... .hard to watch

[@Ninabeana13]

6 months really? And already asking this question, that’s too soon. You’re not even over the honeymoon phase yet!

[@tonirome3920]

6 months relationship and you're trying to come between him and his daughter.. you're the red flag .. it's none of your business until he asks you for money for her or if you move in together and he can't pay his portion of bills.

[@zeal4god402]

She said she wasn't trying to get between them. She considers him husband material and doesn't want him taking care of his grown daughter financially so much that it interferes with their financial goals. Maybe the daughter is unwise with her personal finance and has to keep running to daddy for so much. There are details we dont know though so we can merely speculate

[@tonirome3920]

@@zeal4god402 that's his daughter.. that will always be his daughter.. if he wants to rescue her a million times that's between him and his daughter.. if she is married with children that's his daughter.. if she a trust fund baby and get money every month and ask him for more that's his daughter..

[@tonirome3920]

@@zeal4god402 it's up to dad to put his foot down not hers.

[@7somekindofsomething]

@@zeal4god402 also true. I see both sides here and don’t think we know enough about the situation to know where to land.

[@ChrisTopher-xu2dh]

Given she is considering marriage I think it’s wise for her to consider how she feels about it. Assuming that his money will become their’s, she’ll get a vote on what happens (ideally)

[@nikan7704]

Wow. The comment section is super high quality with this one.

[@ADL2006]

I feel like this video is targeting me...

[@soni05131]

If you are questioning it, don't!

[@marciabernard3820]

That man don't want to marry you

[@pmeehan_3]

So the guy is immature just because she said he is. That makes no sense.

[@citrustaco]

Yes, because we are only hearing one side.

[@cabalogia]

Believe ALL women you buzzkill🙃

[@luminous6969]

Well, yeah, no explanation/details/evidence needed, if a woman says a man is bad, then by definition he's bad because men bad.

[@MoveForwardMMA]

He can only go off what he knows

[@thegenxgamerr]

You do the research and look for marriage outcomes in your research. It’s much better for women than men, but you’re going in to an institution that during the modern era has an ever increasing rate of unsuccessful outcomes. Why would you do that?

[@tethergobrrr]

You getting your stats off 4chan?? Marriage sucks, sure, but you should revisit your research on who it sucks most for.

[@thegenxgamerr]

@@tethergobrrr No WebMD, I dont know what 4chan is.

[@megalopolis2015]

Not as many people are doing marriage right. Dr. John is coaching people to do it the right way. Mutual Love for Life, it's a grand thing.

[@RachelReaiah]

Marriage has different definitions for people. For myself, I approach marriage from a biblical perspective. John needs to stand on the principles of his faith. I find him often wavering and somewhat hesitant to confess his faith

[@emmarose6590]

Agree

[@seaurchin4451]

I agree. I think he doesn’t want to offend people or perhaps lose an audience. But I think he should lean more on his faith.

[@JP-ll8iy]

@@seaurchin4451 he should def lean into his faith. It’s one of the things that attracted me to his show & the Ramsey family contents.

[@paulo7507]

yeah but not everyone calling in is a christian

[@tethergobrrr]

I wouldn’t be able to take him seriously if he did that. Unprofessional in a secular context like general counselling. (If a counsellor I was seeing irl brought faith into a session with me I’d probably report them. )

[@CalebAstle]

HAHAHAHA BAGS OF GUMMY CANDY, so relatable

[@thatsawrap8]

John this is some solid advice 👌

[@littlelam3691]

Does she think the daughter will be herself just hanging with dad’s gf more than she is with her father?

[@David-wo9un]

Was it necessary to throw shade on the ex? Couldn’t she just say it didn’t work out? Maybe he didn’t want to marry her for one reason or another; he’s not necessarily a bad guy just because he didn’t commit to her.

[@SaystheTruth3]

Exactly! I bet her ex would tell a totally different story lol!

[@msjoby89]

Are you her ex? 😂😂

[@luminous6969]

Yeah it's not like anyone would ever admit that it was partially or entirely their fault on the radio, much easier to just call him a child and leave it at that 🙄 And of course John just believes it and tells us all to grow up instead of asking why she waited so long just to get with a terrible guy.

[@Jane5720]

If you’re asking the answer is no

[@SOI-wl2lo]

What an exceptional call! So helpful!!

[@askquestions1236]

money. adding a twist to make it cool.

[@joeriveracomedy]

There were 2 women I wanted to marry but I realized I wasn't getting anything out of it. Mutuality isn't a thing anymore.

[@cathyl7944]

Two? There are billions of women in the world. Don’t let such a tiny sample make you bitter about all of them.

[@joeriveracomedy]

@@cathyl7944 project much? I would get married just not the 2 I referenced. Are you single? Debt & baggage free? Most girls in my age range don't meet those basic requirements. Bitterness or basic observation?

[@littlelam3691]

@@joeriveracomedywell, yeah. If they have lived life long enough you won’t find zero baggage. Just get strong enough to help carry it.

[@annpinheiro2918]

I had a grest relationship with my dad ...i could never oppose my husband to give his daughter...my dad used to come from my hometown and give me money till i wss 26 years i wasnt to earning that well but my dad knew and always pitched in to give me money he died i guessed he would do give me money till i lived...

[@elizabethlopez9932]

Great advice!

[@jonquindiagan682]

Keep up the good work!

[@kathygarcia4012]

There won't be any doubt in your mind when you really in LOVE ❤

[@Patrick-l6p]

40 is warm

[@positvelyexpectant1383]

Doctor John I normally can go with it, but the constant interjection of 'gross' etc is off putting and a tad unprofessional for the setting. You're not counseling children.

[@JustinCase780]

The guy may want to go to Frank the Tanks therapist to ask a few questions first.

[@kcc3985]

I’ve only listened to two min of this show and it sounds bad already. If you’re sure, this wouldn’t be a question. Period.

[@deannagillett2186]

Yes, you should know that you know.

[@tishataray]

Good ques

[@JR-ze3nn]

The daughter will always be a problem. She will always ask him for money. Believe me. My now ex fisnce had a lot of problems over it. On date two I asked if she independent and he said yes. Later I found out he still paid for her and her car insurance, her furniture. and would send her money. He had to cut her off and she hates me. We argued a ton over it which led to other issues. I had always heard from friends to not date men with daughter. I have now jumped on that train.

[@AB-dd4jz]

The answer to this question is easy, you look up if the law changed recently and men are suddently not shafted by the system, you understand that's not the case and won't be the case for the remaining of your lifespan, you decide to not marry. Easy as pie !

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

Don’t rush to get married. I got married at 36 and wish I would have waited at least 2 more years, and that was after dating for 8 years!

[@Lauren-vd4qe]

dont even THINK about having kids; we r in the end times, 2 thess 2 we are in the great falling away now...the state/gvmt will take your kids away, dont have them.

[@dawnr6381]

I don’t think how old you are or how long you date has anything to do with a successful marriage. I got engaged at age 18 after 5 weeks of dating, this July we will be married 33 years. For a marriage to last you need good communication and mutual respect.

[@Lauren-vd4qe]

@@dawnr6381 oh for the vast majority of people age is definitely a factor and length of dating also is. a person wd b very unadvised to b married in their teens, and most responsible parents wd strongly advise their offspring to wait a year before they marry a person. generalities of course, but very good advice. I married a person my mother told me not to, after few months, she was right of course. divorce came quickly.

[@zeal4god402]

Lauren and dawn have a point. Ideally on average it is better to postpone marriage. There are far too many people not emotionally/mentally/financially ready for marriage even in their 20s and who haven't found a suitable person yet. Their discernment of character of potential partners need improving too and are more likely to choose wrong. Other people are highly mature and competent to handle marriage prior to their 30s and find that amazing person early.

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

@@dawnr6381 good for you but this is not the case for MOST people. All the people from my high school that got married at 18 are now on their 2nd marriages or not married co-habitating with someone, it's a mess.

[@johniii8147]

If you have to ask the question you are not.

[@Spaceman99966]

I know Dr John is nice , but first serious relationship at 34 is something wrong with you

[@zeal4god402]

I'm glad she found a man now and not a boy in a man's body 😂

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Yeqh it hurts to look at the 23 year old and think wow i should have married back then not i about to be q grandma

[@NinjaKiwi12058]

How about nobody marries and is in a better financial situation!! Shocker, I know but marriage leads to bad finances and bad sexual intimacy. Who would have thought that!!?!?!

[@djpuplex]

For a women it's when there's no better options that are willing. Just being honest.

[@melmel7011]

Thank you for the honesty

[@sophisticatedchatonartistr5475]

The simple fact that this is a question tells a lot about her. She’s the wife type!

[@7somekindofsomething]

Really?..

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

I so wish he wasn't getting tattoos.... Why hasn't Dave stepped in and fixed this?

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Dave has no authority of John getting tatted plus he had some before he started Ramsey. It doesn’t bother us so it really doesn’t matter! It’s his personal choice on his body!

[@nonyelumdivinefavourobi9804]

Are you opposed to HIS tats on HIS body?

[@keeganwebb7777]

Don't worry, his relationship advice is still the same. :)

[@seaurchin4451]

@@Mrs.Butterworth it’s sarcasm. He doesn’t actually think love is gross lol!!

[@djpuplex]

His tats aren't safe.

[@th3dudeabides1]

Never get married men, you WILL LOSE EVERYTHING you care about

[@7somekindofsomething]

Sad reality. So many of my male friends including myself have been heavily emotionally abused and used financially in our last relationships.

[@madambutrfly23]

Be a good husband and it won’t happen. The only men who worry about losing money either don’t have it to begin with or their narcissists who don’t like dealing with consequences of divorce.

[@th3dudeabides1]

@@madambutrfly23 that is so naive

[@luminous6969]

​@@madambutrfly23 Good men get divorced and lose half too. Women have the option to do that whether he is good or not, but men are finally waking up and realizing that marriage needlessly puts you at risk so it's best to just never get married. David's Bridal is going out of business cos so many men are taking a stand and saying no to marriage.

[@Sexymomma2020]

How will.i know if i ready