My Girlfriend's "Online Friend" Claims He's In Love With Her So I Gave An Ultimatum r/Relationships

[@shadowdarklord1402]

Both of these people in story 1 are not ready for any sort of committed relationship whatsoever

[@LilFeralGangrel]

yeah but that's just how the early 20s roll for a lot of people, they definitely need to work on their interpersonal skills stat before they can genuinely have a functional relationship.

[@hollowkid97]

How is it both? What did he do wrong?

[@peggygiggles4303]

​@@hollowkid97 I mean the constantly trying to have sex when she doesn't want to is not okay like at all. Honestly even before she added a comment him talking aout how he tried talking her into sex until he said yes felt gross to me to begin with

[@kemonono]

@@peggygiggles4303 yeah, when he said he kept pushing I was like ''dude no'', also when gf said that she gave up because he didn't wanna speak but still expected this that and the other so she then mirrored I knew they were both a mess lol

[@hollowkid97]

@@peggygiggles4303 yeah I agree it's not okay. Just seems odd she only stopped liking sex when the emotional affair started

[@Solutad]

Bro I don't care how much you think your girlfriend is cheating on you, you don't get to bully the girl into sleeping with you if she isn't into it.

[@annanas9122]

Exactly

[@InvasionAnimation]

Yeah just cheat back.

[@Movs.]

@@InvasionAnimation She didn't even cheat so...

[@InvasionAnimation]

@@Movs. She did.

[@Movs.]

@@InvasionAnimation No she didn't. She was groomed by an older male, pressured into sex when she doesn't want it, and then a guy talked to her who isn't a POS like her bf and she got confused and started having second thoughts about the relationship. Playing video games with a guy not cheating. Him catching feelings for her is not her cheating. Her realizing her bf is a POS is not cheating. In order to be having an "emotional affair" that involves flirting with each other when at least one is in a relationship, that was not what was going on. She wasn't flirting with the guy. By your logic when a girl talks to another girl for a shoulder to cry on she's having an affair with her. You're clearly young and not remotely experienced in serious relationships.

[@DestinationsChronicles]

OP: "If you really whole heartedly want something you will be willing to put in the effort"... That includes cuddling and communication. Unfortunately OP seems to think that he can just push an "On demand" button and GF has to put out. Get a blow up doll OP.

[@TheEDFLegacy]

This exactly.

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP needs to learn about non-sexual touch and how to romance a woman. He's focused way too much on sex and is making his GF feel like a sex object. He probably doesn't mean it, but she's his human fleshlight. She's definitely having an emotional affair. This online guy "loves" her and makes her feel special. She feels connected to him. He cares about her as a person, not means to pleasure. Anyone's libido would plummet being pressured by OP. Most women can't enjoy a relationship with a man like OP. Ultimately they're incompatible and they need to grow up.

[@Movs.]

He's incompatible with anyone who has even mild self respect

[@BreakingSynyr]

Yeah I literally cannot understand why they did not understand the Spanish crushering her and to having sex She doesn't want to and she cries about it. That's not them having sex that's him forcing himself on her.

[@peterhobson3262]

I definitely got the feeling that the only things OP wanted from his ex-GF was playstation time and sex. She wanted to cuddle and for OP to pay attention to her but he saw cuddling as foreplay. Then this other guy shows up and he's friendly with ex-GF, something that OP wasn't willing to do. Every happy relationship I've ever seen, including my 42 year marriage, involved the couple being friends as well as sex partners. OP and ex-GF weren't friends.

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

However sex is a vital part of a relationship and to pretend it isn’t is childish

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Catherine D’orian Forcing sex or anything else on someone in a relationship is not only childish and wrong it's predatory. And not everyone has the same need or interest in sex, as long as they communicate and get into compatible relationships, that's fine. At the end of the day these 2 people are not compatible and shouldn't be together. Ma'am you really need to rethink this comment, that's what's childish here.

[@audraverela3663]

I am SO glad ppl acknowledged and tried to get OP to see how he views sex is a bad thing. That’s a red flag.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: well, this is a doomed relationship. If you have to have an "agreement" for sex, that's it, without even considering the emotional affair she's having with game guy. Why are she and OP even together?

[@faeb.9618]

it sounds SO gross to just. have a sex agreement like a contract or smth. i cant believe he'd try to make it an agreement for his own sexual needs. also i feel its just so weird how he's saying the guy cheating in games is a red flag like what???

[@gaara8217]

Well.. comment at 6:50 imo jackpot.

[@gaara8217]

​@@faeb.9618, maybe cheating in games equals possible cheating irl... Knowing how to cheat on playstation.. that's hardcore cuz I don't know how n I wouldn't want any of my accounts band .

[@thalia7221]

@@gaara8217 pretty sure they were probably playing minecraft and had cheats enabled lmaooo that’s like the only game i can think of that has « servers » and you can « cheat »

[@vanzy01]

🤷🏿‍♀️ maybe familiarity

[@sandrakobiec554]

“I do get pushy about sex” YIKES

[@laurentiare]

*Story 1 OP:* The first rule of thumb is if an online friend confesses their love to you; and you’re already in a relationship you need to tell them two things: A) I appreciate how much you care for me, however I am in a relationship in which I am committed to. B) We can still be friends, but if you cannot accept “No” for an answer then it’s best we part ways. It won’t do you any good in the long run. OP’s frustrations are valid. *TA:* When it comes to sex, NEVER push someone into having sex if they’re not interested. I’m glad OP acknowledged the part of where he was being pushy. And like other redditors said, it’s best to end it and cut your losses. *ETA:* According to the first reply (SidereusOfTheFallen), I edited my comment above. I can agree that talking things out in a mature manner is best before you start distancing yourself. However, if shit were to hit the fan right off the bat, then yes distancing yourself would be the best course of action. I only meant distancing yourself in the context of the online friend not accepting “No” for an answer. I also want to say that while OP’s frustrations are valid, he is to NEVER EVER push someone into having sex if they’re not interested. Consent is important. As I said above, it’s best to end the relationship and cut your losses. Maybe OP’s GF will find someone who won’t pressure her into sex and respect her boundaries.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

That is not the rule of thumb, the rule of thumb is talking like adults how it isn't possible and ask each other what you want to do from now on and only if things cannot be worked through on both ends you distance yourselves. Emotionally mature people can accept a no.

[@sofie6524]

The thing that bothers me though is that this post is told from the boyfriends perspective. This is supposed to be his narrative, yet he still knows he is being pushy about sex. If this is his side of the story that makes him look good, how is the girlfriends side of the story? 1. this could be an affair, maybe physically, probably emotionally. 2. the girlfriend had been feeling pressured by op for longer than incinuated in the post. Im critical because what op explains could sound like coercion, ESPECIALLY the part where he mentions asking her AFTER sex if she regrets it. This to me incinuates she didnt want it at first when he initiated it. That really irks me when OP himself admits to that. Idk, this situation smells fishy and id be interested to hear all parts of this story... whatever the conclusion is however OP's only option is to leave the girlfriend, because any of the two options there are is an option where they should break up.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Except, how serious of a relationship is it if they only see each other once a week??? I used to have FWB that I saw more than that. Neither of them is either willing or able to put in the time and effort to make this relationship work. Distance is probably their biggest issue, then maturity level. She was obviously emotionally cheating and getting the quick and easy male validation she needed from the gamer guy. He was an "online friend" and with them, you can pretend they are whatever you want and need. They are that fantasy boyfriend or girlfriend that is "perfect" for them ..... until they meet in real life LOL. She wasn't getting what she needed from OP and he wasn't getting what he needed from her. They are simply incompatible and neither are able or want to put in all the effort needed. They would rather sit and play video games than live and deal with the real world. Sad.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I think the gamingfriend is a result of their disfunctioning sexual time. She wants to switch between cuddle, hug, sometimes sex, etc. While for him touch means sex. The more he pushes her to have sex, the more she'll distance herself. They're not compatible. She deserves someone who knows the difference between cuddle and sex. He deserves someone with a higher sex drive. All in all, he's TA for forcing sex when knowing she doesn't want it.

[@laurentiare]

@@sofie6524 To add onto No. 2 here, I did not notice that in the OP (I often skim through the long essay-style written reddit posts). The fact that OP asked GF if she regretted having sex AFTER having sex (as I think about it) sounds like she WAS coerced. That’s not how consent works at all. No one should be forced into doing something they’re not comfortable doing. Especially when it comes to sex. OP is definitely the AH here.

[@annanas9122]

Honestly, OP from story 1 kinda disgusts me. All that talk about "holding up her end of the deal" when it comes to sex and that he admits pressuring gf into it... Yikes.

[@ravanpee1325]

GF lost her Libido after she started to commit emotionally cheating

[@Movs.]

That was so cringeworthy, as soon as he started saying that it was obvious he was the problem

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

It’s nice to have a wholesome relationship story after a terrible relationship story. Really cleanses the palate.

[@piratsnygg]

While I agree the gf should have just ended the relationship, holy crap what a sh*t boyfriend (and human being) OP seems like. You can tell by the gross entitlement to her body, and just the way he talks overall, the kind of forums, podcasts, and youtube content he's been influenced by.

[@ceeshnia]

That, and when she did try to break up, he pressured her into staying by sending her an article on how to "fix it" past the "honeymoon stage".

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 They are both immature. OP thinks that sex is the only major thing in a relationship-as opposed to different types of affection and touch affection. The girlfriend should have been very communicative or break it off with the bf if she felt they had too much sex with no affect, or if she liked the gamer dude more.

[@emanx222]

EDIT: I wrote the following before finding out the girlfriend also has a side she wrote on reddit To be fair to the OP, nothing in his post made it seem like sex is the ONLY major thing, just that it's important to him Plus its not like in his pursuit for sex he isn't trying to get his girl off either. His issue is that he is struggling to acknowledge that her libido is different as well as her lack of interest. She on the other hand seems impulsive and like the kind of person that relies on how she feels to get her through things but feelings are fickle and should never be something relied upon for a healthy relationship. She literally kills all effort the moment she feels that way and that's not how things should be. Granted I haven't seen the update yet but just going by the initial post idkm it's a tough one

[@ravanpee1325]

@@emanx222 She's emotionally cheating, so of course her Libido changes towards him

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@ravanpee1325 She made it clear that it started way before she even became friends with the guy. He was pushy and didn't understand her needs so if a person makes you mad and uncomfortable you wouldn't feel attraction towards them. But no, she's a woman so it must be because she's cheating.

[@azadalamiq]

iifc she was according to her edit... he kept pushing.

[@boooo13]

He talked about how he tried to cuddle and those other types of touch at 3:26 but that she brushed him off. Just because he talked about sex a lot doesn't mean that he hasn't been doing other those other things. People have different love language - again we don't know the full truth as we only have a tiny look into their lives - they have lives that are lived outside of the thing they are talking about.

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story : It does seem that OP equates an emotional relationship with sex and only sex, not even cuddling. This may be because of the other relationships with which he has grown up, since we learn how to relate by watching others. He could benefit from talking to a therapist about this to understand more about himself and how he relates to other people. He does not love his girlfriend, as he does not understand what love is. She clearly wants an emotional relationship as well, as any 'normal' person would. OP seems to have a journey to go on before he is ready for an adult romantic relationship.

[@vanzy01]

👍🏿

[@noneedtoknow07]

Story 2: You know I think this is the first reddit story in which everyone is universally happy that they learned their language because someone is usually crap talking about them.

[@huldren3]

Fantastisk OP, stolt af dig! 😊🇩🇰

[@danishdude6750]

Rart med en positiv historie ind imellem.

[@kayq3231]

My sister got hooked on K-Dramas around the same time she reached a conversational level in Spanish. She came up with the idea to use Spanish subtitles instead of English ones and that helped force her brain to think harder.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Jolly good do the same with anime and French subtitles. 😊

[@justaperson4656]

I find it interesting that nobody has mentioned he badgers her for sex *every time he meets her.* They used to meet up twice a week. They used to have sex twice a week. Money issues, they start meeting once a week. Now they have sex once a week. Eventually it becomes once a month, and he still badgers her. This poor young woman is only a booty call to him, and he pretends to care. Her update makes it worse.

[@amandasunshine2]

I know right. This is terrifying, how people are ignoring super important information. 😳

[@ghost-husband]

yeahhh. after hearing her update I was like. yikes. this dude seriously doesn't see the problem with his behavior??

[@truthseeker9249]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone say. My boyfriend and I don't live together. We spend a couple of days together every single week and during those days we always do it. Because hello? We love each other, we desire each other, we're attracted to each other and again we do not live together. So we can't exactly do it whenever we feel like it. We take full advantage of our time together every time we see each other. Why is that a bad thing? This shame for people who have a high libido and physically desire their partner is making me sick to my stomach.

[@justaperson4656]

@@truthseeker9249 ? I'm not shaming him for having a high libido. I'm shaming him for pushing it onto his girlfriend who doesn't. I'm shaming him for believing any physical contact means sex. I'm shaming him for pushing sex onto his girlfriend so much that she began to actively avoid him. You can have sex three times a day for all I care, but you should never pressure a partner who doesn't want it

[@truthseeker9249]

@@justaperson4656 but you shouldn't waste your partner's time if you can't give them what they want either. It's not right and it's just a painful experience for both parties. If you don't want to have sex with your partner when you know they want it then just let them go. Find someone who's more your slow speed with intimacy.

[@thefortnitemum]

My take on the first story he groomed her, pushed his sexual needs on her and so she's seen the other guy as a way to escape her ex. Honestly being pushy for sex in a relationship is never good. They cleary aren't on the same level.

[@bookmice5323]

I don't think you can groom someone who is just 4 years younger.

[@PyxeledGenesis]

@@bookmice5323 Yes. You can. You can groom an adult as well, the act of grooming is just normalizing sexual/romantic behavior or being overly affectionate in order to be sexually or romantically involved with that person. I really hope you're just a kid because otherwise you sound like a disgusting person based on this and your other comments.

[@serendipitysirens]

@@bookmice5323 she was 16 and he was 20. VERY different maturity levels/life stages.

[@vanzy01]

18 & 22 get off with the grooming accusation. It's just too young adult ending up in a relationship and not knowing how to be in one.

[@christopherriley2462]

​@@serendipitysirens they were 18 & 22 when they first got together

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: It is never, ever, ever okay to coerce someone into sex. Your body is NOT a compromise. If both partners are not ENTHUSIASTICALLY consenting, it's not okay.

[@pragatisingh8467]

so op got with his 'gf' when he was 20 and she was 16... and he manipulates her into having sex with him when she says no... and he has issues with relationships she builds outside of him? Am I reading this right? Isn't this like textbook definition of grooming?

[@PyxeledGenesis]

In some places the age of consent is 16, so while it could be legal, yeah..definitely seems wrong

[@wmdkitty]

Yep. He's a predator.

[@redalerter]

They are 24 and 20 currently as the post was being written. He got together with her when she was 18 and he was 22.but still iick

[@bookmice5323]

A 16 year old girl and a 20 year old male are on the same level emotionally. It's not that big of an age gap.

[@PyxeledGenesis]

@@bookmice5323 What the fuck???? No, they aren't. Please stay away from minors.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: These two just seem incompatible in regards to libido. And completely unable to actually communicate with each other.

[@Azulakayes]

Yup...incompatibility about sex and money break relationships all the time. Sex is too important for intimacy to just be brushed aside or be forced on.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Also what 3rd year in college starts dating someone fresh out of high school? A creep, that’s who

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

At least he actually tried

[@Justaperson354]

@@scourgedarkpaw9949 trying to him is pressuring her for sex. That’s not okay all he wants is sex to the point that she lost interest in sex all together. Pressuring someone for sex is not consent when they say yes it coercion and rape

[@bobi6191]

I disagree, he states that he used to be happy with their sex life. It’s only in the past year that her libido has dropped significantly. My guess is, that’s due to her emotional affair and more generally the distance that has grown between them. The truth is her libido probably dropped because she just isn’t attracted to him anymore. She said herself, she feels like they are “missing the spark”, he’s very right that you have to work at it if you want to keep it alive. They are bad communicators though, that we can agree on. Instead of talking to him, she threw herself into the PlayStation and this other guy, meanwhile he thought that pressuring her for sex would somehow fix things.

[@DameNickum]

Story #1. I have had a boyfriend that wanted sex all the freaking time. No compromise, no sleep for me until sex happened. And not the mutually satisfying sex, one-sided, I do all kinds of stuff and am not allowed to talk or ask if this is good. I grew to hate sex with him, then hated him. I associated him with being coerced, used, and abused. He lived in my apartment, made a mess, and threw garbage into the side porch when the garbage can was full. He tried to fry rabbit in a cake pan because the frying pan was sitting in the sink waiting for me to get home from my night shift and do the dishes and housework before trying to sleep. Sleep if he was not home. If he was there, then sex was just one more thing I had to do before I could rest. Whether they are mature or trying to compromise does not matter. His pushing her and refusing to leave before sex even once or twice weekly is juvenile and abusive. She needs to protect herself from that abuse. No matter if she spends time chatting with this other guy, he’s a safe relationship for her to retreat to. OP needs to find someone who is up for lots and lots of sex. But no other shows of affection. Someone who will have sex, then wander off to read or putter or game while he plays his game. Wow, OP, you are on the sharp edge here; no one has the right to demand sex from another person, and she has the right to send you home un-serviced. You are an idiot, and she feels like a victim.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Hey stranger, I hope you're doing ok. What that ex did to you is horribly, I'm sorry you went through that. Thanks for sharing. It's so important to call out abuse like that, so people see the signs and can get out. Unfortunately I think a lot of women know this coercion into sex thing while being in relationships. The truth is, it's abuse as well.

[@DameNickum]

@@CarinaCoffee Thank you, I’m fine now. I did learn a lot from that awful relationship; I learned that pleasing someone even when you don’t want to is not a relationship, it's an abusive situation. Thanks for caring about me.

[@DameNickum]

@@mendrinfang348 I’m glad to hear it was helpful for you. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I think it’s more common than people think. And that makes me angry, I have three daughters now. I will hurt anyone that tries this with my girls!

[@katalinapedroza3396]

I went through something very similar., and even more similar to the gf of the story. Even through a miscarriage (that was conceived while I was half asleep), he still demanded all the attention and care. I hated him. I fell in love with the closest friend I had. I broke up with the guy once i realized I’d rather be homeless again than keep in my “safety net”. Life got so much better. I’m married with a baby. I just look back and don’t regret anything, even losing stuff/friends just to get away from that guy.

[@Emi_TheWinged]

Yeah, i'm sorry you went through that, that's so awful. The things he said in story 1, half of it is about sex and that he is already compromising so she should just do it. And you want to immidetely threw up. I don't think that was emotional cheating, if anything he was abusing her with the coerction and she just wanted it out of her mind so she "ran away" to the guys to feel like a human being. They just talked, i would become distant with my bf if he was like that as well.

[@micca9559]

Danish is such a hard language to learn (pronucing-wise) so im very impressed that she could pull it off that fast.

[@KE-hr4sb]

I know! It’s like a tongue twister sometimes so I laughed when she said it was similar to English!

[@CarinaCoffee]

I'm German and I was so surprised when it turned out to be Danish!

[@miet5224]

Right! I remember hearing that learning Danish is one of the top 10 hardest languages to learn 😱 As a native i’m super impressed with her for doing this in 6 months! In english there are rules for the exceptions. In danish there are so many exceptions with NO rules for when they occur 🤷‍♀️ silent letters and generally things you ‘just have to know’ 😅

[@CarinaCoffee]

@@miet5224 that reminds me of learning French. It felt like there were more exceptions to the rules, than actual grammar rules 😂

[@imdone9967]

The way the bf talks about pressuring her into sex makes me sick

[@SWeeks698]

Like no means no.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: jesus christ on a bicycle, OPs girlfriend is only 18, he's pushing 25. It's no surprise she's immature but OP reeks red flags, (he thinks ps5 cheats are a red flag, what a joke). sounds like she's tapping out of the relationship because he's such a pushy asshole Edit: called it. I still think she is better off without him rather than the other way around because he still blamed her. He said if _she_ keeps going like this they will grow distant even though she was trying to initiate other forms of intimacy whilst he didn't reciprocate. How is it her fault she grew attached to someone who would give her actual kindness?

[@saratronus]

Yeah it's crazy how we still blaming her and And no people here are putting it on Both of them equally when he was doing something A lot worse. Like girl was pressured to the point of crying like I've been through that It's a horrible feeling.

[@aprilfox9205]

Is she 18 now??? Was she 16 when they got together??? 😬 He has uhm...issues.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Eh, she's young, but not every 18 year old plays 2 boys against each other this way. If he'd been 18 too, it just would have come to a head sooner. She was essentially emotionally involved with 2 people at once for a year and never saw an issue. Yes, he's a creep but her response is bad. She should have dumped him as soon as she was uncomfortable. She didn't so that leads me to wonder if she was as uncomfortable as claimed when it happened.Certainly gamer boy would have been pushing her to dump him. She uses a lot of the same language as adult cheaters do when talking about why they do it so I can't help but be a bit skeptical.

[@saratronus]

@Kimberly Sparkles wtf Did we listen to the same story like at all. It's OK to have friends when you're in a relationship 1st of all 2nd of all. She'd made a clear boundary that she wasn't gonna leave her horrible boyfriend for this guy and yes he is a horrible boyfriend who met her. When she was 16 if you do the math. And just a reminder hes about 25 in the story. And in the story she does stop talking to him and distances herself but it's his actions. The boyfriend's actions that causes her to seek out people to help her because of Pushy behavior for crying out loud. He's so pushy that she ended up crying to her. Mom do you know how bad you have to be for that to happen. A girl still lives with her parents and this guy would constantly pressure her into sex. Does that not bother you at all but no she talked to oneother guy That's a problem. Smh

[@valbear2996]

@@aprilfox9205 She’s 20 now and was 18 when they got together and he would’ve been around 22 and is now 24. Still weird though.

[@jenniferfoote5442]

Yeah, no..I lost any sympathy for OP with his constant excuses for why he thinks it's ok to pressure his gf for sex 🙄

[@magma1lord]

Story 1, the guy would force her to have sex with him even if she didn't want to have it. There is a word for that. jesus christ this guy.

[@HaleyJo1992]

Hopefully he'll be horrified with himself as he gets older and realizes how gross that was. Coersion counts as force.

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

​@@HaleyJo1992doubt it

[@Bala_Niranna]

EDIT: fuck it, girlfriend did nothing wrong. She was a teenager probably in her first serious relationship being pressured into sex by an older guy. When you have a shitty partner its common to latch on to anyone whos decent toward you. Was she immature about it? A bit yeah, because shes a teenager!!! Yeah yeah girlfriend is behaving badly but im stuck on ops defending pressuring her into sex. No means no, "there are no regrets" is one helluva gamble to make. This is why we need to teach the fundamentals of consent

[@anonymouse9833]

Exactly this. His version of the story was bad enough, but her side made me so sad and angry for her. She even tried to break up with him and he just sent her an article about the honeymoon phase being over… he’s so out of touch, like a typical abusive partner

[@saratronus]

Honestly in my opinion op showed a lot more red flags than his girlfriend but then again. I have a biased and trauma when it comes to being pressured into sex. So that's more of a red flag to me than online people and since she did try to distance herself from that guy until opie really started pressuring. Her into sex and she used as an escape. So honestly it was the best that they broke up because both these people were not compatible but don't pressure people into sex. Just don't it's not a good idea

[@simonO712]

I have no such trauma and agree with you completely. While she's certainly not perfect, OP seems _way_ worse.

[@saratronus]

@simonO712 yeah, It honestly seems like she tried to distance herself after OP made it clear how he felt and when OP started pushing again she used it as a. Form of escapism but Scranton isn't OK? She should have just broken up but stit's sad and she cried to her mom that's how bad it got. It has to get really bad for that to happen want to mention like the age different. Isn't he almost 25 and she just became an adult? 4 years age difference I believe right?

[@blackdragon3748]

Yeah like once a week that was clearly too much XD he deserves all the emotional cheating. Okay jokes over its a good thing they broke up, they were inexperienced and not in love anyways.

[@spockezri]

that first op is disgusting, the gf's reply was just…he was forcing her into sex and didn't reciprocate any of HER forms of affection. pretty sure a lot of people would have gotten overly attached to someone who was actually kind to them after all that.

[@Movs.]

She wasn't even overly attached to the guy, he's the one who was getting attached to her and she wasn't sure how to deal with it because she's young and inexperienced.

[@animefallenangel]

Story 1 made me feel ill for the (ex)girlfriend. Dude was way too pushy for sex and admitted himself he's not great at just non-sexual touching/emotional contact. My husband has a huge sex drive but understands I don't and doesn't pressure me for sex and appreciates other facets of our relationship together that maintains our intimacy. Glad they separated so they can find more compatible partners.

[@sylvestercat1898]

OP’s attitude towards sex is concerning. Especially the last bit where he still stood by his pushing until you get what you want. Like, that’s valid for certain situations, but it’s not valid towards trying to pressure someone into having sex with you. I mean, I can’t understand how OP can be like, “she never regrets it and has fun once we get into it.” But then a few sentences later, he says that his gf told him that she doesn’t feel anything after having sex with him. It’s just…very dense to put it nicely. He really needs to do something to get out of the mindset of “the only intimacy my relationship needs is sexual.”

[@plantemor]

As a Dane, im very impressed with OP in the second story, because Danish is NOT an easy language to learn.

[@stevanmijailovic9883]

That is what I have heard from a person I used to hang out with some years ago. He was living in Copenhagen and no matter hoe hard he has tried, just couldn't get the hang of it. Until the last update for learning methods I was actually thinking if the story is true or not.

[@mageninja3261]

The contrast of story one and story 2 is such a relief.

[@indiashante1560]

Story 1: Op ignored all the red flags. I guess when you love someone you are blinded somewhat. I would have broke up with her a long time ago. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Edit: being coerced into sex continuously is a huge turn off and I can see why the girlfriend started distancing herself.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

yeah and supposedly cuddling is an "early relationship thing" lmao. i hope he learns how to work with people instead of "fixing" relationships on his own. he needs to learn how to listen. and his ex gf needs to learn how to communicate her needs and wants and to recognize when people aren't listening (or respecting her).

[@AndreNDP]

Yeah, but she's not fixing problems there. If she doesn't want to fuck him and he clearly wants to, relationship needs to end.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Also, when they started dating she was 18 and he was 22. Normally she gaps aren’t a big deal unless you’re in vastly different stages of life. 18 and 22 are very different stages

[@vivekshindhe7336]

Tbvh, something feels off with the entire relationship and what was posted on reddit

[@gaara8217]

Well main thing was the emotional cheating.. everything came cuz of it.. dudes pressuring wasn't the best thing to do but he atleast tried for the relationship . I remember all my friends got the bitching from their gf/wife's cuz they were always playing Call of Duty n not giving enough attention to other things.. lol

[@TimTheEnchanter0]

Story 1: OP is an abusive predator

[@AndyyWithAY]

I was absolutely worried that the BF's family was 💩talking OP behind her back even though they were nice to her face. Glad we got a wholesome one

[@loraleiffxi]

Story 2, I was waiting for the family to start bad-talking about OP, not knowing she could understand them, and their whole relationship ending up getting busted up... It was so nice seeing a happy (learned bf's language in secret) post. Very heartwarming, and made me tear up a little. So sweet.

[@EandE_ASMR]

I dont usually like to share, but these videos have been the only thing to help me get through leaving my 6 year toxic relationship with my kids and my sanity intact😅😊😊😊❤❤❤Things are starting to get better and I'm listening to your videos while packing for a little camping vacation ⛺️☀️💛😊

[@ArcaneNim]

Congrats on getting out! I hope things keep getting better for you. ❤

[@EandE_ASMR]

Thank you😊☀️

[@jenniferfoote5442]

This internet stranger is extremely proud of you ❤

[@carolroberts4614]

So glad you're getting things sorted out! I had the same thing many years ago( more than thirty!) so I know that relief! All the best to you and your kids.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Hi stranger on the internet! This waffle is very proud of you for doing this and protecting yourself and your kids! You got this!

[@sgtjarhead99]

GF in Story 2 is a keeper.

[@naomimia3368]

Story 1: The op sounds like my ex. We broke up. He was too emotionally immature... just like this op. She needs to run! Run sis!

[@jumangijim8129]

They both suck

[@thehaveninthehand]

We Danish people don't blame people for not learning our language, it's on the top 10 hardest ones to learn. Especially in just a few months. It's different if you've lived in the country for a decade and haven't even tried, but that's rare. There's this nice African woman who lives near me, she fled her home country with her three children due to civil war a decade or so ago. Since all but one of her kids are grown now, the youngest taught her enough Danish to go down to the community centre where she gets better and better every week. We're all so proud of her.

[@z0mb1egutzz]

That poor girl. Pressuring someone into sex is rape. She was being manipulated and abused and I hope she finds someone who treats her better.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1 The OP girlfriend is lucky she escaped from him. He is toxic.

[@ravanpee1325]

She's emotionally cheating the whole time, what are you talking about

[@InvasionAnimation]

shes a cheater.

[@pragatisingh8467]

these lilboys are so mad that people are siding with the girl who gave up on her emotionally absent 'boyfriend' who pressured her into sex. God forbid society expects them to be loving and understanding towards their partners and not see them as sex objects.

[@heatherdickau5335]

He was bullying her. When she said he would not leave until they had sex and she would cry to her mother said enough. She was not cheating.

[@InvasionAnimation]

@@pragatisingh8467 A gardening tool is a gardening tool.

[@rubymeaddle]

Dudes who expect sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy in a relationship are doomed

[@TsukiKageTora]

The last line of story 1 update 3 is scary tbh with the context of the pressuring the GF into bed every week

[@NorthernShinigami]

You push for sex because it's "important to you to feel connected to the person" But also you don't like to cuddle, at all, and refuse to talk about your feelings... yeah. No. As the girl in the relationship, cuddling after sex makes ME feel loved and connected to my partner. i'm not compromising about that. And not talking about feelings... it's the foundation of a relationship. no feelings, no cuddling before or after, just plain sex. so I'm a hooker then. That's the vibe i'm getting from the guy. why even date, just get a sex doll. I'd break up so fast.

[@lorianabanana6066]

The original OP in story one reminds me so much of my abusive ex who ended up being a p3do and a predator who @ssualted me. When we got together I was almost 18 and had like zero sexual experience- which is unusual where I'm from especially for girls. Most of my friends had been active since they were like 14 to 15. And I looked much younger than I am (still do). So I was the perfect victim. I was naive and looked like a child but we were the same age so perfectly legal. He was OBCESSED with sex. Later I realized that he had groomed me for months. And when I still resisted his advancements he slept with my BFF and then blamed me because he 'had to get it somewhere if not from me.' Then one day he got ahold of some pain killers, and he figured out that if I was intoxicated he could weasel and whine his way into getting what he wanted. I thought I HATED sex because it was so impersonal with him. No cuddling, no talking about real things, only doing what he wanted to do. And he was CONSTANTLY pushing my boundries trying to push me into not just having sex but forcing me into different acts I had no interest in. Sound famillar? After awhile it felt so awkward and cold. He was very invested in controling what I did and who I talked to. So he'd insist we hangout and I'd just watch him play video games or chat online while he ignored me until he'd get bored and try to force me into sex- only to get pissy when I said 'no'. Even if I gave in he'd still be pissy I wouldn't do xyz. Sound famillar? And it's not the gaming. My current partner LOVES gaming, it's his main hobby. But he'll cuddle with me, talk to me, do things for me etc all while playing. Anyway he ended up hitting me and forcing himself on me. I was stuck at his house hours from my home with no car. It got to the point where he wouldn't take 'no' as an answer anymore. And when the whining, begging and negotiating didn't work he resorted to physical force. I see SO MUCH of my ex in OP. The coldness, lack of affection, the way it doesn't even occur to him that his GF has her own wants and needs. The control of her and her body. He thinks he gets a say in who she talks to and what she does. But when she IS with him- he ignores her!!!! And he looks at sex like it's a chore that she OWES him. He doesn't care if she's into it or not. I wonder how he'd feel if someone kept trying to force HIM into something he wasn't into?? Somehow I doubt he'd be okay with it. This is abusive AF. Nobody is 'owed' sex- ever. Sex is important and if you aren't being fullfilled it's fine to leave and find someone else who is a better fit. But what you don't do is try to twist someones arm and force them into giving up their bodily autonomy. OP is already thinking like an abuser. He thinks he has ownship and control over his partner- but they don't get to control him. He looks at sex as a 'duty'- it isn't. And he is SO COLD to him partner- I see zero empathy or love. OP needs one of those life size 'Real Girl' dolls. Then he can bang it whenever he wants and just shut it up in the closet when he's done. No cuddling, no will of it's own, no online friends. He needs/wants a THING, not a PARTNER.

[@sagesaria]

The way OP talks about sex feels kinda gross ngl

[@maddy8328]

Sex is not the only major thing in a relationship OP. If she's not in the mood, she isn't. That's it. You don't do a agreement for sex, you just have sex. That "agreement" isn't ok and it's pressuring. She is most likely lying to you that she liked it due to your pushiness. It honestly sounds like OP is using her for sex. EDIT: from the girlfriend's side, it really established to me that OP just sees her as a sex machine. Truly disgusting. Hope she leaves him

[@VeranaXS]

Your comments would be good if not for the fact they didn't have problem with sex before, only after her emotional affair started

[@Movs.]

I can't imagine anything less of a turn on than sex being a part of some "agreement", how disgusting.

[@GremlinTime]

First story: Girl RUN! RUN SO FAR AND SO FAST!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

[@hothotheat3000]

Putting in effort to learn about someone else’s culture and language is a HUGE deal. That means so much to people when you talk to them in their mother tongue. Just learning a few phrases can mean the world.

[@zulaikagould9230]

Story #1 , this couple not compatible. They both need to move on.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

If you have “friends” who confess their love for you, and you are in a relationship, you have to distance yourself from that friend. Having online friends is fine, unless they want to be more than friends and you’re in a relationship. And secretly meeting up with someone who’s into you, and lying about it and being secretive is a huge red flag. Although his language is also kinda off. It could just be how he wrote it. Ok. Both were in the wrong. But I feel he was more in the wrong. She did admit it became an emotional affair. And he was WAY too pushy. Story 2: If you date someone, it is a really nice thing to learn their native language. And I don’t necessarily think practicing in secret is wrong. I would probably do the same and only start using the language when I’m a little more confident in it.

[@StefenBruh]

I wouldn't say he was worse. She was worse. At least OP articulated what he wanted, from what she wrote it sounds like she didn't listen to what he was saying, tried with actions that didn't oan out and dropped it entirely, started searching elsewhere instead of addressing the issue or *gasp* breaking up. Let's string someone along because.... He asks for sex too much.

[@meghanmckenzie5273]

Story 1: op needs to take a class on communication.

[@ravanpee1325]

Why is the girlfriend in an emotional affair with another dude?

[@Movs.]

@@ravanpee1325 Because her bf is a creep who started dating her when she was still a minor and pressures her for sex until the point of her being so upset she cries. And there wasn't any evidence of any emotional affair, you're basing that purely on his word and even he admitted he overreacted so....

[@Bala_Niranna]

Its kinda hard to sympathise with op when hes just being a sex pest. Ive been in the girlfriends position as far as that part goes and it just turns whatever feelings are left into disgust

[@greydaze234]

2nd story: I went to a seminar in college about the science of learning a new language. What I remember from it is that there are 2 main factors in the likelihood of successfully learning a language. The 2nd most important determining factor is the age you're learning it- if you start learning (or even just hearing) the language before puberty, you're much more likely to successfully learn the language. The main determining factor in success is if you have a passion, a why, to learning the language.

[@saharadsouza]

I’m currently making mini envelopes for the 100 envelope saving challenge and Mark passes the time so quickly

[@malinnguaqv.kleisthansen5643]

Story 2: I'm Danish and it was really cool to hear a reddit story about our language. I hope the couple continues to be very happy.

[@shannond1511]

Why would she initiate sex if it’s not pleasing for her?? Sounds like there’s all sorts of problems with their relationship even without this “game guy” she prob started the friendship with him because he’s a guy that she can feel close to without the threat, let’s be honest, of being badgered into sex. And there is no “holding up her end of the deal” when it comes to sex. She might even be ace, and this sounds like they are fundamentally incompatible whether she’s actually ace or just low libido. I can tell you that he’s certainly made sex seem like a chore already with how pushy he is about it and it’s crazy the way so many men are comfortable forcing their way sexually with someone that doesn’t want it and doesn’t even enjoy it when it’s happening, there is nothing more irritating than a guys who think “touchy equals sex” btw, what are you a horny 13 yr old??

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

It also seemed to me even before the girlfriend’s side that OP was fixated with having sex no matter how the girlfriend feels.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

She’s having an emotional affair. It’s common for people in affairs to stop having sex with their real partner because it feels like ‘cheating’ on their affair partner.

[@hollowkid97]

If you listened. They only started having less sex when the emotional affair started

[@ZoeAlleyne]

They used to have sex before she stopped listening to him, neglected his concerns, his emotional and physical needs and his comfort while he tried to do anything and everything she wanted in order to try and get sexual intimacy once per week. I am extremely low libido but you have absolute brain rot if you think that someone wanting a normal, healthy sex life is a "horny 13 year old".

[@Kris-wo4pj]

​@@hollowkid97 yeah after she stopped trying with him cuz he only wants sex and after she went crying to her parents about him constantly harrassing and not leaving unless she does what he wants. Dude doesnt know what no means. Hes really close to getting a charge for sexual harrassment and assault.

[@amyspeers8012]

I’m an American living in France and have been learning French. At 55, it is more difficult than when I was younger, but I have lovely neighbors that help. And Danish is not easy to learn, or so I have been told.

[@sophdog2564]

I'm currently learning Irish! I'm not fluent by any means, but I did impress some Irish speakers in a bar while I was there on spring break (they were impressed that an American knew any Irish at all lol)

[@Windxchild]

Story 2: I have been doing the same as OP, but with Swedish. It started with just a daily Duolingo class, when I was bored during quarantine (I don’t have a Swedish boyfriend, but I have Swedish friends, so I thought it would be fun to learn). Then I started listening to songs and reading short stories in Swedish. Now I am at a level where I am able to listen to podcasts and conversations, and write my friends in Swedish. My pronunciation still sucks though. I do have to say, I am fluent in English and Dutch, and have a good understanding of German, which are all similar to Swedish. So that helps too

[@alexalexiou7410]

I love it when the episode ends with a wholesome story! ☺ I speak several languages but mostly because I took lessons when I was a kid. However, a thing that helps me learn new languages as an adult is watching movies and series with subtitles. I try to pick things that could potentially have the words I studied so far. I am doing this slowly and my friend says that my accent is improving but if I studied as diligently as OP I'm sure I'd be fluent by now lol Anyway, thanks for the episode Mark! I'm catching up on the ones I missed!

[@RiverWoods111]

The second story: I can imagine how wonderful it felt to be able to speak to his family and friends, and have them all so impressed that she took the time to learn their language. What I also saw, was OP's boyfriend and how special, and how proud he must of been that she loved him enough to learn to speak his language. I totally want to learn a new language, but I can't decide if I want to learn Spanish because I am from California and there are so many Spanish speakers. French because it sounds fun, but I have no reason to learn it. German, because my brother-in-law is from Germany and he and his family all speak it. I have been thinking it might be fun for my sister and I to learn to speak German together to help each other. OH, don't mind me babbling on and on and on...

[@JMF527]

I agree with second OP I think everyone should work to be bilingual. No matter the other language. I am 41 sat down recently to learn Korean because i wanted a language i had some bases in, was an ally to my country and was less common to know here in the US to get more opportunities work wise. It is had and slow going but rewarding

[@Lady0Grayson]

An online friend confessed his love for me, and "kissed me" without consent. We are a fantasy roleplay community, and you know what I did? I opened a group. With him, me and my boyfriend. And opened the group with "I stand next to Boyfriend's name, hold his hand and stare at Online friend. I lift my hand and wipe my lips" My boyfriend stood up with me. And we both spoke about how his advances were NOT appreciated. If he wanted to be friends, fine, he was an amazing dude. But one more disrespect to my relationship, and it was over. Since then it's been around six months, and my online friend not once has mentioned any feeling more than friendship, and even less try to "touch me" or even less "kiss me" That's what you do when your relationship is strong

[@linroos5252]

I find the first story rather disturbing, but even worse is the amount of people defending it. I'm asexual and the idea that you have to submit to sex for a relationship to work is absolutely horrifying. For me, a working relationship is about staring at the wall and wondering what to eat. It's about poking your partner in the side if they start to snore. It's about giggling uncontrollably at a joke no one else would find funny. About holding each other when the world feels horrible and unfair. Sex should NOT be the pillar to base a relationship on. (edited for grammar)

[@TheBailingling]

I went grocery shopping and am currently doing food prep while listening to your videos. Next up on my chore list: bracelet making and possibly knitting (both for donations to an organization).

[@susanvanophem4569]

OP, what a wonderful story about learning Dutch. You are a wonderful partner. Jackie Chan learned English by listening and singing country songs. Hugs

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 2: I like nice wholesome stories, here and there.

[@jeaniebee3657]

i felt bad for the guy in the first story till he started practically demanding sex from his girlfriend, then he became the AH, then it got worse when he seems to force her to do it..so after hearing the girlfriend side he is R wording her then leaving basically.omg the more this guy talk in his post the more of an idiot he sounds like lol and i have to come back and edit my comment, this is edit 4 lol it keeps getting worse and worse he needs to stfu and leave this girl alone, i bet he is under 18, whaaaa she isnt giving me sex what she isnt paying for my food whaa i get awkward boners whaaa im indifferent to cuddling, he is a child he needs to frow the hell up.i think its a bs ending and i think she dumped him not for the other guy possibly but because of the way he is towards her..after her post i dont see her really wanting to be" ohhh i dont think ill ever forgive myself for not listening to you i feel so horrible you were soo right i should have listened to you" lol yeah yeah he is lying through his fingers

[@LovesGaming37]

He was one step from raping her

[@Movs.]

No this is just how many grown men act, this guy is in his mid 20s he's not a child. He just acts like one

[@Allmightyimortal]

As much as I don't want to defend him, are you sure your obvious misandry isn't clouding your reply. Both were wrong and both shouldn't of been in this relationship. He should not of pressured her for sex and he agreed with that in the end. Honestly both of them seem more mature than you

[@terramarini6880]

He actually thinks he has a magic wand that can hammer the love hormones back into her. Probably thinks sex with him would cure anything. You're puking? let me get at that from behind! You're dizzy? Just lie back and relax while I "fix" it... Guy is an oxygen thief.

[@jeaniebee3657]

@@Allmightyimortal lol whaaaaat lol my obvious misandry lol omg now you're the AH lol you justify this guy pressuring even forcing his libido onto the girlfriend. "oh you are not giving me sex so you don't love me" lol omg or "i need sex to feel connected to my partner" lol "but I'm indifferent to cuddling". the dude straight up contradicted himself with that crap lol. and you are just crazy to assume i have misandry issues lol i actually love men and have been with my wonder partner for 20 years lol and he is a great cuddler still and great intimate partner but doesn't lose his crap is I'm not in the mood and i don't lose my crap when he isn't in the mood lol. im still laughing at your assumptions seems you are the misogynist in the conversation.

[@ILJ68]

Every time I go travelling, I learn AT LEAST one phrase. This phrase has opened so many doors for me. Quick background info 1st. I am naturalised British. I was born American and did not immigrate until I was 29, so I’ve pretty well kept my American accent. Here is the phrase: I am a stupid American, I can only speak a little (language on Country I was visiting), could you please speak English. Everyone laughs. In the Scandinavian countries, I’ve been told to not worry about it as most everyone speaks English, but I tell them it is important to me to try and make an effort, and everyone I’ve interacted with appreciated that. The only exception was Finnish. I just couldn’t get my mouth to make the correct sounds. Mandarin no problem, Xhosan, (the “click” language of Nelson Mandela’s tribe in South Africa, yep, had to work at it, but could do that one too. Finnish? Forget about it! 😂 Funny story from this. I’m in Paris. Americans are not exactly Parisians favourite type of tourist. I’m in a nice restaurant. There’s nothing in English on the menu. So I use my phrase to ask for help with it. The waiter exploded in laughter. He asked me to wait and brought over a busser who was obviously a mate of his and told me to say what I said again. I did. The busser is now hysterical. He goes into the kitchen. The head chef is now at my table (my friend who was with me is a Muslim who wears a head scarf, was shaking her head, but as a born and bred Glaswegian, was trying hard not to laugh) and I’m asked to say it again. I do. The chef cracks a smile and then helps us with the menu. He asks us to trust him telling my friend that anything he brings out will be Halal. I said absolutely! I got a house white and my mate a non alcoholic drink, an amuse buche and dessert all comped and was told we made their day. So yeah, learn language when travelling. It really does make a difference.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Oh I'm German and we have the stereotype here that the French hate it when you don't speak their language 😅 I'm sure that doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm definitely brushing up on my French before I visit next time.

[@Alteusgirl]

to reply to your question at the end: i learned dutch as an adult, it was very confusing because i had a good level in german and some bases of swedish. Sadly my level in german has gone down but i'm still fluent in french and english, very good in dutch and decent in german. i still can grasp a tiny bit of swedish but not much.

[@HackiePuffs]

24 and 20 “for over 2 years” so before she was even 18?? And oh my dog these comments “she’s using both of you” as if she’s not in a borderline abusive relationship that pretty much sounds like she was basically groomed into and it’s taking her a while to see it. I doubt people would jump to “she’s cheating” if it was a female friend. Also ultimatums are NEVER a good idea. How are people blaming this poor girl?!

[@Movs.]

Pretty typical honestly

[@pragatisingh8467]

imagine being so cornered you run crying to your parents because your 'boyfriend' would not leave unless you had sex with him. People are giving him too much grace here. He is a groomer.

[@northernexe880]

​@@pragatisingh8467 yet the parents never intervened why is that is it because she lied in her post and it didn't actually happen. Also she was 18 when they got together he couldn't be a groomer 4 years is a normal age gap for 18 year olds.

[@Tijggie82]

@@northernexe880 "Yet the parents never intervened..." because ultimately it's her choice to be with the guy. Especially since she was an adult. When people are in an abusive relationship, they have to leave themselves. Otherwise they will just go back.

[@HackiePuffs]

@@northernexe880 as if people become immune to manipulation once they’ve been on earth for a certain amount of time smh

[@jeanproctor3663]

That second story was beautiful. I'm so glad the OP's boyfriend and family loved what she was doing. And isn't she a great advert for Duolingo too?

[@caelum8160]

*Story 2:* My gosh I could never be in a situation like that, If I was in OP's shoes or his GF's shoes it wouldn't matter that would have been over in a heartbeat. Incompatible people can make it sometimes under certain circumstances but most of time it doesn't. Pressuring your partner into sex when don't want to is disgusting, and so is emotional cheating. Also I felt like something is missing tbh, because OP's ex didn't mention the fact that her online friend confessed to her and actively tried to alienate her from OP in her response and those are VERY important things to bring up

[@kkcuzz]

Man this relationship was over a long time ago.

[@nataliebateman1151]

The girlfriend sucks for emotionally cheating but op sucks more for pressuring her into having sex with him

[@sailorjupiter4]

oh damn, now i feel bad… i’ve been learning spanish on duolingo for like 2 years and still can’t carry (1) conversation… also about an hour daily… but i guess i really need to watch movies & listen to music/podcast like op did too…

[@ceeshnia]

The majority of people aren't going to be able to learn a language from duolingo alone, especially if there is little connection to the real world. I would suggest Easy Spanish here on youtube; I watch the German ones, and it helps with conversational language. They have an app that goes along with it, but I haven't been using it as for me it is supplemental to my German class to help my listening ear and culture submersion.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Different people need different types of learning, maybe watching Spanish stuff on Netflix with subtitles might be more beneficial to you? Also some people learn languages easier than others. And age also matters, the older you get, the harder it becomes.

[@bluefox2844]

Aww the last story was so cute and heartwarming

[@Sherwoody]

Story 2: nothing says Jeg elsker dig ( I love you) more than learning it in their language.

[@luvondarox]

S1 OP & GF don't live together and he drives to visit GF twice a week. He expects sex twice a week. He started visiting only once a week, and offers a "compromise" of sex "one at week *at least"* regardless of reason. He's said absolutely nothing worthwhile about her other than "she won't sex me!" Even "she used to like to cuddle, but now she won't" sounds like OP trying to turn cuddled into a segue into _sex._ "I'm really pushy about sex, but once we start getting into it, she doesn't say she _doesn't_ like it! So her first (dozen) No don't count, right??" He wonders why GF accuses him of only wanting sex. Gee. I wonder why. These two are incompatible.

[@goatkiller666]

Story 1: Men need feminism too, because otherwise we get men like OP thinking they’re being fair by demanding sex less often. Story 2: I thought that was an AITA post, and I spent the whole time thinking, wait, what part of this is assholish? Nope, just a get it off my chest post. NAH.

[@ozbelltemp]

This is what happens when a 20+ year old starts dating someone under 18, it's creepy and they aren't mature enough for an adult relationship. I doubt he was ready for one also

[@Iflie]

i was at University in Amsterdam and there were loads of foreign students. I met one norwegian girl and she learned the whole language well enough understand everything at Uni in one year. She moved with a dutch boyfriend so total immersion. Our queen also learned dutch in a very short time. It's possible but takes work. I don't think I'd be able to do it but my brother for sure could, he's always had an ear for languages. The only reason I'm good at english is because on dutch tv they mainly showed english tv with subtitles and so as a kid you can't read but hear english in context all the time. If you want your child to know other languages, just set them in front of the tv in that language.

[@Zeracheil]

Story 1: Dated a guy like OP.. worst relationship I ever had. Every touch meant sex.. you want to talk about the fastest way for a woman to check the fuck out (unless she has a sex drive equal to his). Make it so that every innocent touch.. a hug, a kiss.. a simple hand hold = sex. Nope GF dodged a bullet on this one.

[@HiThere-yr9eg]

Story 2 makes me hopeful! My 5 year old son and I are wanting to start traveling the world and learning at least a little of the languages before we go. This was great info and really motivating.

[@Mamaki1987]

Awwwww, the second story made me tear up. It is so wholesome.

[@kxs7267]

Loved the positive language story! Impressed by the progress she made, and how committed she was. (Need to pick up my crochet again!)

[@Louves192]

Wow story 1 is a mess. The gf is terrible for having an emotional affair, but OP is far worse for coercing his gf into sex (which is... there is another word for that. It starts with an r...). He doesn't even seem to realize that was a bad thing? Glad they broke up. Hope the gf is okay.

[@hollowkid97]

She only stopped liking sex when the emotional affair started

[@GLoLChibs]

Oh sod off it's not r.

[@xelectrix]

OP's last sentence hits a bit different, knowing all that.

[@mracula1667]

Exactly. There is no intimacy if one person has been pressured to just let grin and bare it. This was so frustrating because OP learned nothing and the girlfriend just blamed herself in the end.

[@WyntheRogue]

@Goddess Miranda.Cosgrove Prior to that OP kept pressuring her into it when she clearly didn't want to. His entitlement set off the chain reaction. Cuddling/hand holding does not always mean an initiative for sex [dude seems to have that perception in his head] Either way they were clearly incompatible but OP was the bigger asshole at the end of the day.

[@tamarapetersen3779]

I'm currently learning Latin, it started as part of my BA degree, but I really enjoy it. I'd also like to learn Classical Greek, Irish Gaelic, Danish and probably Italian. I did German at high school but haven't retained too much of it.

[@SunnyD74]

I took French in high school, but live in a non-French area so never used it. When I started dating a man from France who spoke five languages, I picked up duolingo as a refresher and figured it would be nice to talk in his own language sometimes. The first time I said anything to him in French, he mocked my accent and pronunciation and told me I sounded ridiculous. It made me feel terrible and I’ve had a hard time trying again. However, I can still say “Il y a une araignee au plafond” when needed. That was one of the first signs I was dating an abusive narcissist. The last was when he left me behind on a hiking trail, and I fell and broke my leg. Listen to those early red flags, people!!

[@CarinaCoffee]

That's so shitty of him! If my partner studied German for me, I would want to help them get better, not put them down for even trying. I'm so sorry that happened to you, he sounds like a shitty person, glad he's in your rear view mirror!

[@lizzietheelf]

I hate all the people in story one. Op is a huge asshole for pushing sex and not communicating with his gf. Gf for having an emotional affair with her online friend, ditching her bf for online friend and not communicating to bf. Lastly, online friend for trying to get with a girl that is in a relationship already. All of them suck.

[@Etsuk0]

Story 1 has red flags on both sides, but oh dear god the line "I have to initiate sex as she doesn't like rejection" has my skin fucking crawling.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. I find it very disturbing that he feels the need to coerce his girlfriend into having sex with him. That is never ok. Someone needs to sit him down and have a nice long talk with him before he finds himself in legal trouble. 2. I want to know when the wedding is.

[@lucialovecraft]

Good luck to OP learning Danish! It’s a very tricky language I’m learning French and Irish ❤

[@crimsonbehemoth]

Story 2: if the bf hadn't already decided on marriage, then her learning the language like that surely sealed the deal in his head

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 1: They both weren't giving what the other needed/wanted in the relationship, He wanted to have more sex and yes Sex is important in relationships, I know I like to have it with my husband. But She also wanted more emotion in the relationship, which is also very important. He wasn't giving that to her. So to put it simply, this is the best case of Incompatibility, these two just can't offer what the other needs and it's good they broke up.

[@Enderslegend]

Story 1: Plenty of people have addressed why they both suck and should not be in a relationship, but I 100% do not believe her that she didn’t do something with the other guy. 1) She lied about it. 2) he was in a different state and just hopped over the border to hang out with her for a couple hours? Unless the situation was that she was 5-20 minutes away from his friend and there just happened to be a state border between them, she was doing some sketchy shit.

[@jessicawolitarsky139]

I’m in my late 20s and I’m working on learning Spanish for my students! Some of them are learning English, and it’s so rewarding to be able to try to talk with them and explain things in both English and their own language!