My Husbands Family Is DISRESPECTFUL So I Just Packed My Bags And Left r/Relationships

[@MarkNarrations]

Me sat here, where is everyone?! Also me: Hasn't posted the video 🤡

[@ArcaneNim]

You cheeky so and so! 😂 ( I'm glad to see you aren't having another migraine today.)

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Lol💜💜🤗🤗

[@MarkNarrations]

@@ArcaneNim Thank you, me too! Haven't had a migraine for a long time so it was pretty awful :)

[@Ospyro3em]

Go home, Mark- you're drunk! 😂

[@mattfischer7140]

Hmmmm… it seems to me you may have met that fellow Jack last night. He makes people do funny things… as does his brother Daniels ;)

[@tully6648]

Story 1: I knew it was going to happen, but it killed me when OP revealed that she was the one that always initiated contact with her husband. Like, she's thousands of miles away with her dying mother, and he can't be bothered to start up a text? The time difference doesn't even matter-he (or any of his family) could have texted her at all. Even a "Sorry about the time difference, but I'm here, let's text back and forth when we can." would've been better than SILENCE. She wanted to feel like part of a family, especially when she was losing hers. They never gave her that. She watched her mother die, but he can't go to the funeral because his mother had her tonsils taken out a week ago? Trash husband. Trash family. I hope OP finds better.

[@Nevertoleave]

I just don’t understand how someone could be like that. My husband was gone for a week on a business trip to the US and we both called each other and texted constantly. We would be on the phone for three hours some nights just idly chatting and doing things like he would be working while I made supper for the kids. I can’t imagine if he had to fly to Mexico because his mom was hurt or sick, she’s going there for the winter this year, and not be constantly check up and asking how she is

[@kyuuchat]

My ex-partner very rarely (like three times maybe) initiated contact with me. I never realized how lonely that felt until I was practically fighting for any scrap of attention I could've been given. People who say "it could've been worse" don't realize that neglect is its own form of hell, because you don't have anyone on your side for you.

[@tully6648]

@@kyuuchat Right? Being the one who always has to start it up makes you feel so unwanted. You wonder if you're ever on their mind. I think of my partner so much throughout the day, and he sends stuff through Discord while I'm asleep (he works midnight - 8AM)... I can't imagine either of us not reaching out if we were thousands of miles apart. Each of us'd be worried the other was dead or something. A long time ago I read the book "He's Just Not That Into You," and I believe one of the earliest points went along the lines of "... if he's not calling you." The author stressed that when you're actually interested in someone, you call. When you WANT to do anything, you MAKE the time for it. It's so basic that it should feel like common sense, but then you've got people like you and OP's ex that just don't get it.

[@Draggonny]

Yep. Family health issues are a great way to spot a good guy from an arsehole. My dad had a heart attack. My ex-husband looked at me like I grew a second head when I wanted to visit my dad in the hospital. The hospital was in the same town we lived in. It was something like a 20-minute bus ride. This year, my sister was hospitalised and hadn't had a diagnosis yet, but it sounded serious (turned out to be blood cancer. She's finished chemo and is about to start radiotherapy). My currant husband drove me there and back in a day to go visit her in hospital and again when she was discharged. She lives 4 hours away in another country. It was really hard for him because she was at the same hospital his dad was sent to when he was dying of cancer about 6 months before, and my husband had clocked from my sister's symptoms that it was cancer before they'd even finished running the tests. I was there for my husband when his father was diagnosed, too. I visited his parents for a week after the diagnosis and then went to the memorial service.

[@ineedhoez]

I know this will sound bad but OP's mom dying set her free. The veil was lifted. She might have stayed, had kids, been a married single mom, and veen trapped. She got out!

[@hothotheat3000]

“That’s just how they are” is code for “no one has stood up to them and so they think their BS is acceptable”.

[@Draggonny]

If I ever hear someone say something along the lines of "that's just how they are" I'm going to respond with "well they're just an arsehole".

[@susankaempfer8427]

My answer to that is always “oh yeah? Well, THIS is how I am.”

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

​@@DraggonnyI have actually said this very thing to someone after they used that bs line to excuse their whole families awful behavior. I can be very confrontational, but I do understand that most people are not and they try to avoid it at all cost.

[@katie6731]

I don't know how many times I was told "that's just how they are" and "arguing does as much good as screaming into a hurricane" from hubs, his siblings, and those of our friends who have known hubs since childhood. They never understood why I couldn't just smile and ask for another helping of abuse, and it hurt every time hubs's parents tore him apart. Hubs and I married young. Neither of us had the spine to stand up to his family. I think I was also a bit shell shocked by how toxic they were (and, I sure they still are). I thought sitcoms about the evil mother-in-law were exaggerated. It turns out that there are people out there who are even worse and who throw more tantrums. It took seventeen years for hubs and one of his siblings to go no contact. Life is so much more pleasant without hubs going through an angry-sad-hurt-shame spiral every time he had to deal with them. I've finally stopped caring so much about what people think of me. It was exhausting trying to be a "good girl" all the time. 🙄

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

@@katie6731 The only opinion you need to care about is your own when in regards to yourself. Nobody else matters as much, unless you care about their opinions. I am happy to hear that you two have cut contact and are finding more peace. And I really hope your husband has realized that all the awful things they said/did towards him were actually just projections of their misery. People like his parents tend to push their self hatred onto other people, sadly it is usually their own children due to proximity. I hope he is healing well 💜

[@Lunasera]

First story: "you could do worse" is such a stupid thing to say. Yes, of course she could do worse but she also could do better. That the same as when something bad happens and someone says "somewhere someone has it worse". Doesn't mean I have to be happy with my circumstances.

[@Erinia13]

That comment pissed me off. This is why people stay in toxic relationships. If you are not treated with decency and respect, just leave because it's going to get worse. All men and women I have met that were in a toxic environment and they stayed because "well it could be worse" " their family doesn't respect me but sometimes they're nice" well all of them regretted it. One of my family members stayed with her momma's boy husband and awful family, and 30 years later, he left her with nothing for another woman from his mommy's church, a woman she approved, so yeah. People need to develop some self-respect and a shiny spine.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Yeah i was like why would you say it like that

[@Tijggie82]

Seriously! That you don't have standards doesn't mean I should abandon mine!

[@tully6648]

Right? And it's like... Okay, so how much worse does it have to get before it's "acceptable" to leave? She seems capable, they don't have a child together, and she's fed up-this is THE best time for her to go if she wants.

[@user-blob]

Absolutely. Completely idiotic statement.

[@alyzu4755]

Everyone calling OP the AH is just wrong. And, I'm sorry, recovering from tonsillitis isn't the same as passing away from cancer. 😞

[@raleighransom4561]

right! I was like. okay it's not NOT a big deal I guess but could we cut the woman whose mother just died a little slack for not knowing the dangers of having tonsils removed?

[@DoritoBot9000]

and even if it were, OP is on her own and needed support from her husband specifically. The mother in law has the whole rest of the family (including her very own husband) there for her. If he is not going to be OP’s life partner then it’s not a real marriage.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

​@@raleighransom4561there are not that much risk. Last year 503.000 operations in the U.S.A. alone 36 deads where the most had prior problems , like heart, long, liver, kidney problems. In short high risk patiënts. It is nothing compared to cancer and dead.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@paulinadeboer3604 Yeah but dead is dead. Period. Focus on the living and then grieve the dead.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

@@magnarcreed3801 yeah and HIS wife needed him more than his mother did.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Death and having tonsils removed a week ago are not comparable in any way, shape, or form! OPs husband should have dropped everything to go to his wife. SMH! He doesn't deserve her one bit.

[@danderson8431]

I hope that the Korean lady enjoys the next chapter of her life.

[@Iflie]

Yeah she sounds nice and just got married to a giant berk with a family that thought she was a mail order bride or something. Not someone who's family. It's even more rude to her culture I think as respect is so important and not speaking against your elders.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@IflieAs a former military member, I have plenty of men, who come back from an overseas assignment, come back with a foreign wife. They are looking for a woman who will do everything they say without complaint or talk back. The women in the US usually stand up for themselves and don’t let men walk all over them. I am happy to see this OP stood up for their own morals and expectations!

[@Iflie]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 I think a huge part of that is that she had options, she was working, knows good english, probably educated. Many women who do marry from a poor family to man they think is rich are providing for family back home and can't leave/ Well some make sure they get a child, then leave and get child support.

[@laurentiare]

*Story 1 OP:* Respect is a two way street. I’m glad OP left the toxicity of her husband and his family.

[@lynnw7155]

She doesn't need a list of reasons for not being satisfied with her marriage. Just leave.

[@foreversearching13]

The minute she said Korean and Mexican and then moved back to his family, I knew this wouldn't end well, and I haven't even finished the story. I say this as an American in Mexico with my husband. My relationship nearly broke irreperably when we lived near his family. The culture clash was too great. And the Korean/Mexican culture clash would be so much worse. The only thing that saved my marriage was moving to another state in Mexico after I had given up and gone back home. It was his compromise. Now we are near enough to visit one way or the other, but yet 3 hours, 3 states, and a giant mountain range between us. Our relationship stabilized once we moved, and it allowed me to get to know my inlaws in small doses because when he is home, he reverts to familial pressure (that's the culture and that he is on the spectrum and they have years worth of knowledge of how to push his buttons and make him dance) and I loose the spouse I met years ago. Now my relationship is much stronger, both with my husband and my inlaws. I've even caused a ripple in the family with others visiting and then going home bringing small changes from my culture/household back with them. I'm 15 years in Mexico, I have seen countless intercultural marriages ruined and it takes more than most have to overcome the culture clash. Not impossible, just much more difficult than many feel is worth it. It took years to get to where we are, and I'll admit there were a lot where I wondered like Mark, just what these people were bringing into my life. Well, after so long, and some distance, it's more good things. And some others have also discovered their marriages work better with space, and those are within the same culture! In this case, I'm not sure the culture clash of respect and how simple things are done would be overcome. It would take a ton of therapy (something I'm big on and we do regularly now). Edit: because I know they are still in the US, but we bring our cultures with us as we move around this big old ball circling the sun.

[@chelsea6539]

​@@foreversearching13I honestly don't think this is a cultural thing. This is basic common courtesy and respect. I've known people from both Mexico and Korea and they're very kind and respectful, even if in different ways. I don't know any culture that wouldn't find the behaviour of the OPs in-laws to be disrespectful.

[@foreversearching13]

@@chelsea6539 I guess it depends on the area of Mexico. It's a huge country with good and bad parts. And good and bad cultural and moral values. After being here for so long, I've witnessed the range of values. Even within the last few years I've seen a change within the family here. But on other social media, if you join any group meant for intercultural marriages to Mexicans who are moving towards his family (generally in Mexico), the few that make it are vastly outweighed by those who don't. And the ones who do usually just end up not living near family and forge their own path. And over time, the family accepts the different cultures and you begin to see change as the younger generation is growing up embracing different ways and a more global world. But if older generation is old fashioned, change comes slowly. And for many in those groups (And I've joined a lot and over the last 15 years have met hundreds, with few still remaining here and others either split or found other solutions, and for many there isn't enough good brought to their lives in this situation. Edit: Mexico and Mexicans are beautiful, but living as a family member with a culture clash is an entirely different experience. I love my neighbors and my neighborhood. I have no issues. It's the family element I am discussing. And in many areas, things are changing to more global thinking. That's where I moved. It makes it easier on us all.

[@skeetskeet7041]

⁠@@chelsea6539someone living on the border here: Mexican people can be incredibly racist. It’s really weird when you consider there are mexican white nationalist groups. It’s not even in that “stay with your own race” types of racism, if you meet a racist mexican family they just don’t like other races (and sometimes even hate being mexican and larp as white people)

[@samanthadetgen5041]

Story 1: as a US American, one of my biggest flags (red or green) is how people treat wait staff and store clerks. I've worked both and seen the worst people could be. The way his family treats people? She's right to run imo. That family is all red flags. The fact her *fugging HUSBAND* won't leave his cushy life to come be with her for her MOTHERS funeral? Tells me all I need to know about him. Even with his mom 1 week post Op, there's no excuse not to be there for your partner.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

They definitely sound like they have no basic respect for anyone but themselves.

[@Sherwoody]

When I had my tonsils out, it was day surgery. I had a sore throat for a couple of weeks. They promised me ice cream, but it was too hard to swallow for a couple of days. After that, it was bring me a scoop of every flavour.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Did anybody else also catch that her dear husband didn’t call her once in the 2 weeks she was in Korea in the first time? 2 weeks and no phone call? Please! Sounds like he is busy with somebody else.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 that’s not the case

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@Russman67]

Story 1: When People say the straw that broke the camel's back, they tend to forget That there's a lot of straw already on the camel. This sounds like it's been building up for a while and while OP could have been more animated about telling her soon to be ex-husband and family what she needed, these people weren't even trying.

[@alexvalentine5091]

Especially not husband after that update

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@alexvalentine5091Right? He didn’t even call to check on her when she was with her mother the first time…2 weeks! No effort on his part for sure 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@paulagoeringer9466]

He didn't even call you when you're dealing with your mom's cancer? WHAT?! I wouldn't treat a someone i just met like that. You deserve better. Please take care of yourself. He doesn't treat you like you matter. Find someone who will.

[@androfex]

(pronouns edited from they to she) Story 1: uh...why didn't her husband go with her to support her mother? Like...that's more concerning to me than the entire family disrespectful thing. From the sound of it the husband gave nothing and that's enough to warrant leaving imo. Good on OP for divorcing him.

[@shells500tutubo]

Why are you saying "their"? Op is a she, nothing ambiguous there. I always do a double take when the they/them/their is inappropriately used.

[@locusxe1411]

⁠​⁠@@shells500tutubodude. Shut up

[@someonewho]

@@shells500tutuboI don’t think it’s a misuse. When you’re listening to someone read a story, it’s easy to forget the gender of the author. It’s like when you get a call and you don’t know what gender the caller is, you will refer to said person as ‘they.’

[@someonewho]

@@shells500tutuboit’s even easier to forget when the responses + mark’s commentary is usually in second person.

[@maryseflore7028]

Well, the family was "stationed" in NC, then TX... They're in the army. Could the husband leave the US at all? Probably not. That might be why he didn't go along. It doesn't excuse not calling her, though.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 2: the fact that she ignored OP all night after meeting her says it all. When I meet a friends’ girlfriend for the first time, I make sure to make her feel included and welcome. This woman very obviously has some hinky motives.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Oh yeah she's after her boyfriend

[@Sherwoody]

Either the BF is completely clueless about the professor, or he enjoys the attention.

[@HinataElyonToph]

@@Sherwoody I think he was mostly oblivious, but I think even he admitted when he did notice it made him uncomfortable

[@MegaMegafran]

I got "pick me girl" vibes from the story, inviting herself into a friends group and then keep attending events with her student, I mean that's bad enough but on top of that she ignores the GF when he brings her around? Its like she's trying so hard fit into the group and being clingy about it, the only thing missing is her saying "you dont understand him the way I do" There's so many things wrong with the post I cant even begin to number them, my advise for the OP would be to talk to him and let him know that from an outsiders POV the whole arrangement is starting to look really shady and the last thing he needs is someone questioning if he's getting special privileges for hanging around afterhours with the teacher, I had a university proffesor that gave better grades to the guys in the other class who just "happen" to be his drinking buddies🙄😒 and before anyone asks yes! EVERYBODY knew and whispered about it

[@faeangel7649]

And the fact that she didn't go to the event that she had apparently been so interested in once bf shut her down No wonder her fiance {Who noticeably was not at the events} was also uncomfortable

[@BeardyBaldyBob]

Er, missing your wife's mothers funeral because your own mum had her tonsils out a week ago and is already back at work is just insane. Not surprised she's divorcing him!

[@BoxOKittens]

Never put up with apathy. They're your in-laws, your family. Yes it could be worse, but OP deserves better. The "it could be worse" mindset keeps a lot of people in bad situations.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

Gonna be honest. I’d be massively pissed at my son if he heard his wife’s mom died and didn’t rush to his wife’s side because I had just had surgery for something that wasn’t life threatening. Yes, given all my health issues, I’d probably need to ask for assistance from a friend or something. But it still wouldn’t be nearly as important for him to be with me as it would be for him to be with her. But then again, I’m one of those crazy people that doesn’t yell at workers if things aren’t done quite right, doesn’t believe that family should always be forgiven, even when they are rude and/or toxic, and that boundaries should be respected. You know, like most people with an ounce of common sense, decency and empathy.

[@alyzu4755]

So true! "It could be worse" is such a toxic guilt tactic.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@themayhemofmadness7038 that would be the thing to make me hit my son in the face and I feel very strongly about never hitting my children even if they are adults. But that kind of behavior earns you a hard slap and if my sons poor wife won't give it to him, I will.

[@paulastiles5507]

Not to mention that it encourages Frog in a Boiling Pot syndrome. People allow worse and worse behavior and bigger and bigger boundary-stomping because each incident is "slightly" worse than the last, while the overall progress downward is huge if you look at it over time.

[@rosealicia1782]

I use this analogy when someone brings this up: Imagine you got shot in the leg and someone else got shot in the chest. Paramedics come and they (naturally) assist the one shot in the chest but dismiss your pain because the bullet in your leg isn't as life threatening as the chest wound. Could it be worse? Absolutely. But you're still in pain and need treatment. Not as urgently as the chest wound, but your wounds (physical and emotional) are valid. Those paramedics aren't going to leave you on the street bleeding and with a bullet in your leg. It might take a bit for them to get to you, but they will still address it and take care of you once the more severe case is handled first.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - Someone needs to let the department chair know about what this woman is doing. They will either put a stop to it or tell her that her services are no longer needed. So many colleges have very strict rules on fraternization between teachers and students!

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Yeah OP has a husband problem more than an in-law problem. She blamed her in-laws bad behavior on her feeling isolated when it was really her husband’s lack of care that was distressing her. Glad she’s leaving the toxic situation and I wish her the best

[@x77punk77x]

No, it’s both. They’ve conditioned him to be that selfish and crass.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

OP’s response broke my heart, the part that said she was going to try harder because her in-laws behavior was not the fault of her husband. No, but their interaction with HER is his responsibility. That’s a husband problem not a her problem. I’m glad she’s dumping that self centered AH AND his family.

[@vanzy01]

@@GrumpyOldFart2 💯👍🏿

[@ZoeAlleyne]

​@snakebte1 My partner does not have to deal with my family if they disrespect or are rude to him. That is MY job to handle. My dad's girlfriend is....ugh...it is whatever, and I mostly ignore her. But I let my partner know that if she ever pushes him and I don't see it to let me know, and I will shut it the eff down.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1 OP: Gives a laundry list of how her in-laws are disrespectful and rude. Husband: "I don't care what anyone else thinks, and neither should you." (For lack of common courtesy? Yeah, side-eyeing hubby here.) OP: "When no one cared enough to ask about my mother or how I was holding up, I left the room and didn't come back." Husband: "How dare you be so disrespectful?!" Obvious answer: "I don't care what anyone else thinks, and neither should you." NTA, but it sounds like you and hubby are incompatible. He's missing your mother's funeral to "take care of" his mother's...tonsilitis? His first priority should have been taking care of YOU. Divorce him, OP. He's already married to his mother.

[@ceikaiyiacheeksthedirector2920]

For the person who said ESH in the first story, she did brought up the behavior to her husband and he dismissed it. Read next time dude EDIT: Im so sorry to hear about OP's mom but good for her putting herself first

[@mericawillis2338]

Right?! My thought was “sorry…did you read or guess the post? OP clearly brought it up with her spouse”

[@kyuuchat]

I think they meant that she only brought it up with her husband but never actually talked to the family about what was bothering her. So it's not like they would know if the husband wouldn't address it.

[@tifadreamers]

right?? a huge problem with reddit is they're always too lazy to read of they do read and somehow still misses the important context. OP clearly had brought up. and for talking with his family, isn't it HIS job to be the bridge between OP and his family? why should she be the one to face that family and say "I feel disrespected by you guys" and would they even care when one of them mocked her traditional cooking (which I clearly see as a racist act) right in front of her?

[@BruinPhD2009]

Story 2: Nope. Nope. Nope. I’m currently a professor in music at a university. I’ve had some fantastic students that I’ve heard from after they moved on to other classes or graduated. They’ve invited me to see them perform, asked for advice, and letters of recommendation. NEVER would I hang out with them like the teacher in this story. Spending time in an AIRBNB? Absolutely not. I understand that being a young academic can be a bit lonely, professionally, because many of your colleagues are probably older. However, she can’t afford to identify with their ages because there’s still a world of difference in experience and (hopefully) maturity between her and her students. What’s to keep her from seriously crossing a boundary with a current student if she doesn’t learn how to keep a professional distance from them? If she can’t do this, then my advice is for her to stick to her day job. There’s already been enough old leches in academia (who started out just being friendly with their students); we don’t need to grow replacements.

[@user-blob]

Very well said!

[@BruinPhD2009]

Story 1: I could be wrong, but based on using the word "stationed" in reference to living in North Carolina and Texas, it seems like OP's STBX husband is in the military, most likely Army. I'm a retired Army officer and throughout my career, I saw relationships like this one, where some soldiers marry an Asian woman, expecting subservience. Then they're surprised to find out the married an actual person with real emotions, wants, and needs. To their credit, most of the ones I knew actually grew up and helped create good relationships. The ones that didn't were exercises in misery.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Exactly! I saw it plenty when I was active duty too. Guys go to overseas assignments and come home with a wife. They were looking for a cook and housemaid that would do as told with no back talk.

[@CatLoverX74]

Story 2 she is definitely trying to get in the BF pants! Once she showed how she treated his girlfriend I knew that’s what she was trying to do. Glad the BF noticed all this and cut her off.

[@runicflower127]

Yeah I definitely agree with that

[@kieramaccourt8717]

Story 2: I'm sure the university has some kind of code of behavior even for adjunct faculty. Her behavior is inappropriate and should be reported to the university.

[@Bj90216]

At my school NO employees are allowed to have personal relationships (other than family) with students. It doesn't matter their age, if they're in your department, anything. If you have an existing relationship (romantic, friend, etc.) you have to disclose immediately. This applies to adjuncts.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Woooooow, that entire family is as selfish and entitled as they come

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"She sees him as a brother" Yeah, sure. Every time I've ever heard somebody say "they're like a brother/sister to me," it's turned out to be total bullshit. All it does is is make me _more_ suspicious.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yeah big red flag

[@handsanitizer5127]

As a Mexican, we don't claim that family. Sorry OP had to go through that 😢.

[@linnja1]

I come from a Latin/catholic background and am married to a Korean and I have to say the husband is 1000% the asshole here in my opinion. Family units and especially mother daughter relationships are a huge part of East Asian culture from what I’ve observed. His inaction and the fact that he was so apathetic to his wife and her mother grinds my gears. I think he is probably a huge mamas boy that has not ever put his wife before his mother, shame to see it. Some people make adult decisions and adult level commitments while still acting and thinking like children.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 this is weird AF. It sounds like she's trying so hard to be a college student. She's getting drunk with them and going to their accomodation. She gets bored with her fiance's friends?? Normal adults who behave appropriately I'm sure. Then she ignored OP and got drunk at dinner. 1000% she wants to smash. She's so incredibly inappropriate. My petty ass would be reporting her to the school

[@heathermcdougall8023]

25years old? No way is she a"professor". maybe at best a Masters student starting Phnd and some minor tutoring role.mnay Americans take an averge of 6 years to get a good first degree so aged an a erage of 23, and she's 25.? Do you see a recipe for disaster?

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

This lady: Lemme smash. Op's BF: No Ron.

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

She's... literally the same age as them. Its not that strange... the weird part is having a 25 year old professor.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

The have to report her like yesterday. She is going to temper with his grades. The minit she Saif he could be my best student gave that away... act NOW

[@kyuuchat]

@@fantasystaplesuwu1554 Once you're a teacher, even if your student is older than you it's a boundary that you shouldn't cross. They are a part of your work life, not your personal life.

[@HiltownJoe]

She sees him as her brother. That is an answer way worse than "he is just a friend". You might think brother puts him as far away from love interest as possible, but it is actually her saying "we are so incredibly close, I am basically his family and you are just his girlfriend." And all this on the basis of a relatively short friendship.

[@cecils.4570]

Story 1: as a 43 year old Mexican women RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!

[@mutegirlsirius8940]

Respect goes both ways, if one is broken the other dont have the right to respect the one who broke that way.

[@kahluakarnage]

Edit 2: lo siento mucho. Lo bueno que tu mama te tuvo a su lado en sus ultimos momentos. Pero tu esposo, se paso de la ralla. Mejor sola que mal acompañada. Translation: i am so sorry. At least you were with your mom in her final moments. But your husband has crossed the line. Its better to be alone than in bad company. I am mexican, we constantly go out and get kbbq. We love Bulgogi. They are just rude. Edit: finished the story, and no. You are right. They do not respect you, and niether does your husband. Once again, I am Mexican. My family will check in on their in laws. My mother speaks to my MIL who doesnt speak spanish and vice versa, so they communicate with an over abundance of cute stickers and gifs on fb messenger. 😂❤. So if they wanted too they would. Not even a call, a hug when you came back, no comfort? That is horrible. They are definitely all about family, they just don't consider YOU family. You do not leave family out to dry in a time of need.

[@k_grim8064]

Story 1: Are you effing kidding me? OP is abroad taking care of her mother with cancer, and the first time her husband reached out is to tell her that HIS mom has effing tonsilitis? Drop the man; he obviously doesn't care about anyone outside of his (bio) family.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 2: That professor is highly inappropriate. They better report her to the administration. Professors should not be socialising with students at all.

[@bcase5328]

Yes, she may be about the same age and have like interests but, the professor student line isn't one to cross, doing so risks your future career. Nothing is happening and she might not intend to try anything but, the appearance is enough to bring administrative troubles. Those kinds of trouble can end job prospects.

[@theresablack9261]

That first op had me frothing at the mouth. My family is pretty tight knit and we've even been pretty supportive of the folks who married in, so hearing this gobshite of a man just be like "sorry gotta take care of my mom who has already recovered and can't go to support you sorry..." It makes me want to choose violence. How dare he not go to support his wife who just lost her mom! If this happened with my family, we'd come together to make sure that she doesn't have to cook for a while with how much food we'd be bringing. Good on her for divorce.

[@jeaniebee3657]

omg the update to the first story is horrible omg tonsilitis for his mom is more important that his wife needing hi after her mom passing, im sooo sorry OP

[@simonbrushes]

Story 1: Never ceases to amaze me how many people don’t know who they wed.

[@wangdangatomictango]

Dust is international. How your partner treats waitstaff is exactly how they'll treat other people. Theyre not disrespectful. Theyre racist, entitled, and completely selfish. Op1 deserves better and I hope she divorces him.

[@ZombieSazza]

“You could do worse” Jesus Reddit is cancerous sometimes. OP is being constantly disrespected by her in laws, her husband disrespects her, and they’re harassing her, how in the world is that acceptable at all where you’d tell someone “eh, just deal with it” Happiness is fleeting in this world, if leaving your crappy husband is how you find happiness and respect, then leave him, do what’s best for you.

[@colleens1107]

Story two: she attempted a whole bunch of times to address this awful behavior, nothing got fixed, and no one cared her mom had cancer. The tipping thing and staying well past closing would have me up in arms too. I worked retail and I hated when people just loitered after closing after a long shift

[@warsolender1077]

I think you mean story 1 😅

[@Yeahno-ey3rb]

Story 2: The Professor story: The Professor needs to be reported to the university for unethical and unprofessional and it should come from OP's boyfriend and his group of friends.

[@BVBloom]

1st story; The fact that OP's husband never initiated communication with his spouse, the entire time she was away on that first trip taking care of her mother...that makes me so sad and angry for her. My own spouse would have been calling me nightly to check in, offering emotional support, and talking to his boss about arranging some time off so he could come join me in person, at least for a few days... OP doesn't have a life partner in him, at all. The inlaws are what they are, and you can limit contact with them, but if your SPOUSE is treating you this way, that's just beyond unacceptable. Edit; HE DIDN'T EVEN COME OUT FOR THE FUNERAL???? OH FUCK THAT GUY, HOLY SHIT...!!

[@NovaGirl8]

S1, TF with that SIL? I'd love some homemade bulgogi. These people are just uncultured.

[@13thMaiden]

Uncultured swines all of them I tell you! (Seriously who hates bulgogi?)

[@NovaGirl8]

​@@13thMaidenand it was as authentic as you can get as she was born and raised in Korea. I bet it was her own family recipe.

[@ladyv5655]

OP's husband is an AH and he comes from a family of AHs. Better to leave them all in the past.

[@TheShadeKat]

Currently at work listening. I’m an embroiderer. I work with large machines sewing out designs and sometimes get to dabble in making them. It’s a lot of work and I’m very happy to listen to you read as I work. Thank you!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Thats so cool

[@ILive4Irony417]

That's what I do for work too! I'm listening to him while at work!

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

My question to you guys is…do you also speak out loud when you hear something that outrages you too? I clean a catholic school working by myself and find myself speaking my outrage and disgust aloud more and more. If someone were to walk up to me while I’m working, they would think I was crazy! 🤣

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 mood

[@ILive4Irony417]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 All the time lol My coworkers are always asking what did I hear this time

[@HB-C_U_L8R]

2nd Story: How she treated the OP says it all. She is either trying to sleep with BF or just seeking inappropriate attention. Either way OP should have another conversation about BF putting more distance between himself and the professor.

[@lesleygreen273]

Bet the mother in law did not say a thing about OP's gift. That was the husband's idea. He managed to totally wreck that with not going to his MIL's funeral and not be there to support his wife.

[@rf159a]

First Story: I know exactly what OP went through. I lost my dad to cancer and it horrendous!!

[@Mapache095]

Story 1 has me flabbergasted with people telling OP she’s wrong. Bro, the husband’s family behaviour is atrocious!

[@NotWorthBeans16]

It's not even about whether or not tonsillitis is dangerous. The mother in law is recovered enough to be back to work, as well as has multiple family members to look out for her while OPs husband is away. I think she'll manage. If I were MIL, first off I'd be asking all about my DIL's mom throughout this whole process even if we didn't have the best relationship. I would be telling my son to go to the funeral and warning him if he doesn't his wife is as good as gone and he better be prepared for that. If mother in law can't allow this, than OP is exactly right she has a husband problem and is dealing with it accordingly. What a complete Mama's boy.

[@ZombieMinion1992]

Oof that last story. She is either after the boyfriend or really desperate for friends. I know people who latch on to anyone who is even a little friendly and won’t take a hint when someone is just being nice. Kind of sad.

[@coreymartin6486]

2nd story.....yeaaaaaaah no! She's definitely sus. I feel bad for the professor's fiancee.

[@ZombieSazza]

That professor wants to sleep with OPs boyfriend. He’s made it clear that he has a girlfriend and he respects her feelings, and in response the professor… pretends she doesn’t exist, is rude, gets drunk and loud, it’s just so bizarre. Deffo wants to sleep with him and is beyond out of line. If she keeps contacting OPs boyfriend despite being told “I’m in a relationship, please stop” then I’d be contacting the college/university about her behaviour. Chances are she’s done this to other students who felt afraid or ashamed to say anything.

[@JokesInBase13]

I was willing to give the former Instructor in the last story the benefit of the doubt because some people are just awkward as heck, but when she chose to give OP the cold shoulder in person, that sealed it. She's not just cluelessly awkward, she's downright rude and it seems intentional.

[@Soothar]

Nah. The OP did a lot of damage if not destroyed a friendship she valued and at minimum damaged the friendships with the rest of the group with accusations. How would you feel and act?

[@laurenevers8644]

Always interesting to see the comments of people who don't understand healthy boundaries and blatantly inappropriate behavior 😉

[@krtheluna332]

Story 1: Those In laws are terrible. And op’s Ex?Husband was awful to her. Her mom just passed away. Go and be with her to support her and say goodbye to your MIL! (I understand tonsillitis can be dangerous, but if the mom is already working again, I’m sure that means she is fine) I’m glad OP is divorcing her husband and moving on with her life. I wish her all the best! Story 2: That Professor crossed many boundaries! And she def wanted to sleep with OP’s bf. Not even saying hello? How rude!

[@macylouwho1187]

My daughter’s boyfriend is set to immediately have a job at his university the minute he’s done with his doctorate as a professor there. He will be around 25 when this happens. They already gave him an office there, as he works there part time tutoring other students. They’ve told him not to leave to seek employment elsewhere because he already has a job there with that university. He will be getting his master’s degree soon, because he’s basically done with that one. She’s going to go to his ceremony soon for that. The kid is basically a math genius-talking to him is like speaking to a computer, he is so smart.

[@HBoyle]

Story 1: bulgogi is delicious, so already a red flag. my fam isn't Korean but we literally always have kimchi and gochujang stocked in the fridge because we use them all the time. (I'm talking the big family sized jars.) For them to not show any compassion for her mother who is literally fighting/passing from cancer is just disgusting behavior.

[@TheSilverLioness]

Mexican here, we do not claim the inlaws in the first story. I know that type of people and believe me, we absolutely despite them, glad OP got out of that.

[@JoltaeAndwae]

Story2: I'm sorry- she has not one but TWO presumablly good jobs but she wants to go stay at their AirBnB? Naaaah goodbye.

[@cryptiecreep]

"Like a brother", okay Professor Pickme. I normally hate that term, but ignoring the only other woman and only taking to the boys? That's textbook behavior

[@mandyj2809]

Story 1: I was on the fence until OP said her husband had not initiated contact ONCE while she was home visiting her sick mother.

[@dwtardisallonsy]

Story 2-POV from me, a woman who is 25 and a PhD student who is also a part time professor: this is super inappropriate. I cannot imagine joining my undergraduate students for these kinds of social gatherings (even if I’m not currently teaching them). They’re still in my department. They’re still my STUDENTS. There is no good explanation or reason to be hanging out with them this frequently and casually. I would never invite a student to my home late at night, especially alone. I would never have a lone student with me in any social situation at all. ESPECIALLY because I am too close to them in age. Those lines between Professor and student are already blurred because I’m so young and they recognize that. It creates an environment where bad things can happen and is highly unethical in like every imaginable way. I honestly think OP should probably file a complaint where their partners school. I genuinely think this is grounds for an investigation into potential misconduct by this professor. Adjunct or not, she’s his TEACHER. There is a big difference between being a fun and sociable professor and engaging in inappropriate relationships with students outside of class. God, even the idea of doing what she’s doing makes me feel really weird and icky

[@RoseKoneko]

If I heard a stranger had a mother who was diagnosed with cancer I’d apparently show more concern than her in-laws. OP is not an asshole, wtf Reddit?

[@metamorphstorm]

Silence can hurt more than words. My 'family' completely ignored me in a time of crisis too, and that's why I now say I don't have a family. There's a lot more to why I cut them off, but that was the thing that made me open my eyes and really see what they were like. I was eating crackers the day after I came home from the hospital after having my tonsils out, so I don't think someone with a whole week to recover has much excuse to miss anything, especially something so important. I've heard it's worse for adults than for kids, though.

[@NotWorthBeans16]

Professor definitely wanted some extra credit. She played it cool because she thought OP wasn't gonna show up and things would just go back to normal for her. But since OP did show up she realized she couldn't manipulate the situation. 😂

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

Was going to say that it’s extremely odd that she would expect her INLAWS to call her in Korea or that they would even call her mother, who they may have met once or twice. I would never text anyone except my partner or close friends asking how they are. Her leaving out that not even her husband check in on her was the real problem. He clearly doesnt care about her that much so she will be better off without him.

[@judev3197]

1st story: NTA. OP DID speak up for herself. Reddit always screams that the rule is let each person in a marriage handle their family. OP said she’d ‘get into it’ every time with her husband & he’d just say this is how they are. Y’all have rules that change depending on your mood I guess. OP’s husband & his family are just rude trash & OP you did the right thing. Be where people love, respect & need you. Edited to add: after the update….omg OP, your husband’s reaction to your mum’s death was just disgusting. I can’t imagine saying to the person I supposedly love that I can’t be there for them at possibly the worst time in their life. There was no one else among this whole family of AHs to nurse your MIL through her recovery from minor surgery, especially after she’d sailed through it & was on the mend? What a waste of a man. OP I am so sorry about your beautiful mum. 🌻 x

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#2 Professor is out of line especially inviting her girlfriends along to stay at the ABB boyfriend and his friends stayed at without asking. The boyfriend needs to shut that crap down.

[@faeriefire78]

My husband had a tonsillectomy when we were in our 20's. From what I remember it was basically a terrible sore throat that petered out after about a week and a half. It's understandable that OP's husband couldn't leave her side for something as petty as OP laying her mother, whom she'd seen deteriorate before her eyes, to rest and being there for his wife when she's going through something so awful. Thank God MIL was surrounded by all of her family who could support her during this excruciatingly difficult time! 🙄

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Is OP married to my ex? No one should ever get used to abuse and have their feelings devalued solely because of ’family.’ The excuses of ’that's just how they are,’ ’you're too sensitive,’ ’they're just kidding,’ ’you need to lighten up,’ ’be more mature,’ ’be the better person.’ I've heard it all before. The way I got everyone to understand that I wasn't going to put up with their crap anymore was just at screaming everyone at a family get together, where there were, once again, had I treated been treated like I was the resident court jester and whipping boy for everyone's amusement. Naturally, someone told me to calm down and I yelled back telling them that they don't get to tell me to calm down after they pissed me off. Then I went down the laundry list of all of their atrocious behavior that I have been subjected to over the years. I ripped everyone to shreds letting them know that their false selves were just covers for what toxic, narcissistic, backstabbing grifters they really were. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, I wasn't very popular after that. Didn't make a difference to me. I was always the black sheep of the family. At least, at that point, I had rightfully done something to earn my title.

[@cheskydivision]

To be fair the in laws are not required to call op while they are out of country dealing with family issues. Op should be more upset that hubby did not call while op was in Korea.

[@stevenfrost3469]

Story 1: Honestly, in-laws don't have an obligation to call, but NTA.

[@piratsnygg]

Jeez, some of the comments in story 1. Where's the compassion? The one telling OP she's not allowed to complain, since she hadn't said anything earlier. Uh, but she did? "You don't get to...blabla.." Yes she does. Even if she hadn't brought it up, she gets to feel the way she feels when her inlaws suck. Why is it always on the "victim" to be the bigger person, and put in enormous emotional work? Nah, at some point you just want to tell unpleasent people to eff off.

[@lorianabanana6066]

The European commenter who says they 'nEvEr TiP pEoPlE fOr DoInG tHeIr JoB' needs to stay TF in Europe and NEVER go to other countries if they can't bother to tip correctly. Look I get that in Europe it's different and wait staff is paid enough so that tipping isn't seen as mandatory. However in America (and other countries) waitstaff is NOT paid the same amount. It's waaaay less then minimum wage because tipping is just expected. I used to work in a very upscale resturant during college. It was nice because I could just work weekends and still make enough money to cover food, gas, clothes- things that my college money didn't cover.... And I rememeber we HATED when the random tourists from Europe would come in and pretend like they didn't tipping was a thing. They KNEW. The commenter KNOWS. But they always tried to play dumb. Would they try to rob a Walmart by pretending that they don't have Walmarts in Europe so they didn't know paying the cashier was a thing? No??? Jesus effing Christ TIP THE WAITSTAFF!! It's a hard, thankless job and it's not the waiters fault that the whole tipping process is broken. If you can't afford to tip then you need to go to McDonalds or cook at home PERIOD. Other services where tips are expected- valet, tailors, hairdressers, tattoo studios, most beauty treatments- anything where someone personally serves you. Just tip mmmmkay??? If you don't then you are a cheap AH and I WILL judge you.

[@cheskydivision]

Lol of course the bf throws op under the bus instead of just telling professor that he feels their friend ship is uncomfortable.

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 1: NTA. These are the types of people that ONLY care about their own family dynamic. Anything outside of that isn't worth their time & that in itself makes them terrible. To not even once ask how OPs mom was doing & tell her SHE'S disrespectful?! Big nope. I hate people that say "well you know you could do about a lot worse" Fuck off. These people are horrible, they treat anyone who's not in their "clan" like shit & that includes OP. Also, that Redditor being European & trying to say something about tipping... don't. If you've never been to the States or don't know someone from the States working a servers job then you have zero merit in your "opinion" Person needed to stfu. After Update: "my in-laws behavior is not the fault of my husband" while true, he also didn't say anything to them & agreed with their behavior!! OH HELL NO!! Your wife's mother just DIED & you're only concern is your mom's friggin tonsillitis!!?? That's not a partner I'd want in my life. Your mom's fine, your wife is not! Good on OP for making the choice to leave. Again that man is not a partner. Story 2: Good on the bf for upholding OPs boundaries. Ignoring OP throughout the dinner, getting increasingly drunk & skipping out on the event. Yeaaa, something hinky is going on with her.

[@ForeverLumoz]

Story 1: so the mil is a week out from surgery, doing well, is back at work and have her husband there. But OPs husband won’t go to a funeral because he needs to take care of MIL. Riiiight. Makes no sense! Good on OP to go for divorce

[@boxbox5371]

Sounds like the professor likes the boyfriend…. Yikes such a creep

[@theScytheofGod]

A professor at 25? Highly doubtful.

[@NewYawkahBroad]

Story 1: How did OP *not* notice this before she married this dumpster fire? This is an entitled group of toddlers. My daughter had her tonsils out as an adult and serving in the military. She did just fine.

[@x77punk77x]

Story 2: Isn’t this against the institution’s code of ethics? What the hell? How can that so-called professor subjectively assign scores/grades after acting like a sorority member with her own students. Immature af.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

"Like a brother", is her way of putting him on an equal status as her, as in boyfriend - girlfriend, not as a Teacher, Mother or Superior. In other words, she's got the hots for your boyfriend.

[@thefairybug40]

"It's just the way he is!" or "You know how she is!" is a deflection, not a reason or justification. It doesn't excuse actions -- it's basically just a way of saying "You're right that they're an asshole, but I expect you to just tolerate it." FUCK THAT.

[@hothotheat3000]

If our partner doesn’t defend you, they don’t love you. Period. A man is not going to allow his woman to be disrespected if he loves her.

[@fhuber7507]

1... OP is NTA and better off without toxic EX and toxic EX-in-laws

[@msmaam2040]

OP in story 1 should just divorce at this point. It's not a "no going back situation" but it looks like the in-laws cannot and will not acknowledge their own behaviours and attitudes and will not be accountable for it. It's also so wild that the husband reached out to OP for pity and sympathy for his mom but has zero thought for OP. The husband is a product of his family and it'll be hard task to work things out. It's much better to just leave and start anew.

[@carolynv8979]

My Dad’s been an adjunct professor in accounting for years. Her behavior is NOT normal or acceptable.

[@lalalachris]

“You can do worse” As an American who was surrounded by people like that in my hometown…you can do Wayyyyyyyy better. They were disrespectful by American standards but at the same time, this kind of thing is way too common. They don’t care about OP or her family, but they expect OP to cater to husband and his family. I doubt this has anything to do with a South American culture either. Those of South American cultures have such family centric views that they would have been calling OP I’m mad at the comments that dismissed the husband dismissing his family’s behavior. People who dismiss bad behavior support it. Doesn’t matter if they claim they don’t, they dismiss it once therefore support it. Somebody dismissing bad behavior (not calling it out even if they can’t do anything about it) is a huge red flag.

[@EnDB]

The family is nothing but disgustingly disrespectful. Anything they perceive as disrespectful should be fine since it's all they know.

[@J.Clemons]

100% NTA, you have a right to divorce for no reason, and here you have a LOT of reasons.

[@kumikor3392]

Story 1: NTA and divorce expeditiously. Reddit comments sometimes suck. My mom and her MIL HATED each other, but the moment my mom's Mom got cancer again, my mom's MIL was there for her, making food, driving, shoulder to cry on, etc. OP's husband and the family freaking suck

[@TessuDraws]

As a European, I HATE IT when other Europeans go "I don't understand the US tipping culture so I don't see it as a big deal". I'm a European, we don't tip here but even I understand that tipping is very important in the US. And even if I didn't understand it, I wouldn't go "I don't get it so I deem it not important". Like... That's not how anything works. Just because you can't understand something doesn't make it a non-issue. If you don't understand the tipping culture of the US, it's incredibly easy to just, you know, look up. You're already on the internet, Google it.

[@meghanmckenzie5273]

The professor definitely wanted to cheat with the bf. Good on bf for listening to OP.

[@Whistlesonthewind]

Never say,” my girlfriend is uncomfortable with our relationship.” Never expose your partners weaknesses. Never give the other person inside info on your partner in that way. Instead, let that person know that YOU are putting up boundaries.

[@pearlofthedarkage]

This is good advice.

[@marecort3697]

My father has cancer and is on chemo drugs. He was told that eating with metal utensils causes the metallic taste to food, so he only eats with plastic utensils. This is his third time with cancer, and has never had an issue with metallic taste.

[@tpinksky11]

My initial reaction to story one was that OPs family is inconsiderate, but it’s nothing excessive. But then as I listened on I realized the issue isn’t the in-laws, it’s the deadbeat husband who makes excuses. Really, individually the things the in-laws did are not a big deal (I wouldn’t expect my in-laws to call me after surgery, or if a family member was sick) but when you combine them with the fact that OPs husband also treats OP with the same disrespect, and it’s no wonder OP feels like no one is in her side. NTA for story one, husband is a huge AH.

[@YinYangAngel55]

Story 2: "He's like a brother to me" Last time I checked, sisters don't usually want to hook up with their brothers.

[@lorifiedler13]

Or when he berated her fo leaving the room during dinner. "I didn’t think anyone would notice left the room."

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Why people thinks that OP sucks or is the AH, while her mom is sick AND dead, and her husband and in-laws are the main AH? She just wanted to avoid bad situations like she had in 4 years of being married, that's all! And the audacity of the husband of not wanting to go to OP's mom funeral because his dear mommy had a lil surgery.. a week before? That's so sad, cruel, unfair and REALLY disgusting ! You had one job, which was: Supporting your wife while she's grieving ! He couldn't even do that ! Good riddeance! Good job, OP. Please, OP.. Take care of yourself and divorce this jerk.. Edit: Tonsillitis surgery is way different than dying from cancer, it is a painful surgery (i know people who had that)... but ffs.. the husband is still a jerk for this..

[@EvilAzn3000]

For story 2, I do find the professor's behavior 100% inappropriate. Doesn't matter if they're friends or not. It's not appropriate in both a professional and personal scenario. A higher-up or senior professor needs to monitor that professor