I'm Conflicted About Inviting My Parents To My Wedding After I Cut Them Off r/Relationships

[@Endonia-ym3sl]

Imagine prioritising sex over your sobbing child begging you to stay. That would break me too. She was applying lipstick while her son was having a full-blown breakdown. I feel so sorry for OP.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: So Op's parents pushed this image of a "traditional" family, missed out on (what sounds like) several life events, and told him being gay is a disease Yet here they are in an open relationship, which they didn't tell him about thus causing his life to shatter cause he thought his mom was having an affair, and instead of being decent parents and helping him sort through his feelings and process everything, they basically tell him to just get over it and move on because "we're happy this way" Literally two of the most selfish people I've seen as of lately.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@mishratheforsaken]

I’m more annoyed that OP took forever and a day to actually give a real reason why the parents were in the wrong. Like a whole story, and 3+ updates before you finally get around to giving a reason to side with you…

[@veezopolis]

@@mishratheforsaken that's the thing. The story was missing ALL the context and he was getting mad at everyone for not knowing the backstory he ommited.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

@@mishratheforsaken literally this

[@leruetheday377]

Maybe if he hadn't made it out to be exclusively about them being in an open relationship in the original post, people would know why he was so upset. What, are they supposed to read between lines that didn't get written?

[@AndyyWithAY]

Hold up! Hold TF up!!! OP's parents are conservative to the point of having issues with dating out of your race or being gay. A marriage is 1 man and 1 woman. But it's totally okay to bang other people in this marriage?? Reddit is bending over backwards to defend these people, but this is indefensible. Rules for thee but not for me. OP shouldn't have posted on Reddit though. Not the place to understand him.

[@mandalorianhunter1]

Reddit is full of hypicrites and will definitely defend other hypocrites

[@vanzy01]

💯🤦

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

I guarantee you if this was a woman they would not be defending the parents but because this is a man holding onto his boundaries they're going off on him.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Issue is the anti gay and interracial shit wasn't in the post. It was just people butt hurt their sex lives couple be considered toxic to children. Which 99% of poly relationships are toxic to the children

[@ivyproductions7097]

I believe those comments were before he gave more info. He mentions in his last update that everyone is telling him not to reconcile with his parents.

[@-w-1870]

Hearing the whole story, I think I'd have a lot of trouble feeling any love for parents either. Seems like they both lied to OP and repeatedly chose sex with random people over taking care of their own child. They're hypocrites who didn't seem to care how much their swinging affected him.

[@vanzy01]

They don't

[@mindyschocolate]

Who discusses their sex life with their children? It’s none of my business, and frankly, I’d be weirded out if they did talk to me. OP needs to stop moping.

[@owl7072]

​@mindyschocolate The least they could have done was tell him "We aren't happy the way we are, so we've decided to see other people as well as each other". That could have prevented _exactly_ what happened with Op thinking his mom was having an affair. These are the same people who said being gay is a disease, pushed the idea of a "traditional" marriage on him, and missed multiple events in his life in favor of sleeping with others. They're being massive hypocrites and expecting him to get over it simply because it makes _them_ happy. Op has every right to "mope".

[@D123-f9k]

@@mindyschocolate They shattered his worldview, his sense of home and family that THEY built up, then were too selfish to help their child put the pieces back together, lying and skipping out on important moments in the process.

[@rf159a]

I agree 100%!!!

[@MooncrafterUTAU]

Guys I think Reddit was so quick to defend the parents in the first story because OP made it sound like his issues were that his parents were poly, when in actuality his parents used being poly as an excuse to neglect the ever living hell out of their son. It took several updates to get to that point because he threw his anger at the wrong part, and yeah. Therapy works just like that, working through your preconceived notions until you nail down what actually upsets you, in this case the neglect and selfishness.

[@ohreally1997]

Does it make more sense that his parents "used being poly as an excuse to neglect their son" or that OP's parents were neglectful and he inferred their lifestyle as the reason?

[@MdMzzz]

@@ohreally1997 It really doesn't matter. They instilled "conservative" values in him to the point of making a huge deal out of masturbation, all while they never adhered to those beliefs for themselves, and then flaunted their promiscuity in his face. I feel that this is the disconnect that hurt OP the most. The parents aren't even poly. Poly implies a stable family with more than 2 parents. They're just being promiscuous. It's their right to do whatever makes them happy, but teaching completely opposite values to their child and then telling him to "deal with it, we don't care:" at a young age is emotional abuse.

[@emerystheimmortal417]

No it was clear from the first post that the mother ditched him on the night he found out to go back out to have sex The Dad listened to him cry himself to sleep and did nothing. They did not even try to hear him out or make any changes to ease the transition and complete change to the life view they had built for him. They are terrible parents.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Yeah, when I first heard this story the focus was on the parents being Poly. Everything OP says in the original post is focused on them being Poly or whatever they identify as.

[@samiulhuda4001]

poly is ew dude. no need to defend it

[@Russman67]

The parents spent years preaching one thing and doing another. And when the truth came out, rather than trying to reconcile it, they basically said "deal with it" and kept going. OP putting distance between him and them is just the consequences of their actions.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yes. This! And it's also clear to me, that he's also being neglected by his parents. Any child would've been heartbroken by the neglect and being lied to about relationships. You're absolutely right. OP's parents shouldn't have been surprised that he's cut ties with them for not being good parents.

[@GabrielBadwolf]

You’re not crazy for talking to your pets. You’re only crazy if you hear them talk back to you

[@YuriKaroki19]

I'm pretty that's a sign that you're on something lol

[@agentzapdos4960]

A parrot actually might talk back, though! They're talented at mimicry to a point where they almost seem to understand context sometimes.

[@mbyerly9680]

They talk back all the time. It's just not in spoken sentences. We just have to translate their body and eye movements, etc., as well as have empathy to feel their emotions.

[@GabrielBadwolf]

@@mbyerly9680 yes but I meant hear your cat, dog, rabbit, mouse, hamster, rat, (anything but a parrot or other bird with those abilities), etc, actually talk to you coherently in English or whatever language you speak

[@MusketeerGweneth]

@@agentzapdos4960 Also Huskies 😂

[@darlingccs2799]

Story 1: NTA. The OP'S parents were not people who should have ever had children. They prioritized getting laid over caring for their child. He raised himself. They're hypocrites who raised him to believe in an idea of marriage they themselves don't even believe in. Those are some rotten parents who've given him nothing but issues and no money for all the therapy he's gonna need to sort his feelings out. Keep the parents out.

[@gordybrown3667]

It wasn't an AITA post

[@darlingccs2799]

@@gordybrown3667 doesn't change the fact that he's right to exclude his rents and that they are, in fact, axxholes.

[@gordybrown3667]

@@darlingccs2799 doesn't change the fact that it wasn't an aita post so no need for the nta.

[@darlingccs2799]

@@gordybrown3667 like i said before.....NTA.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@Gordy Brown So? This isn't reddit, you can comment that you feel someone is an ah.

[@micheleosullivan4430]

Story #1 The parents in an open marriage weren't the problem. The fact that he had horrible parents, is! This was heart-wrenching to listen to. The fact they had an open marriage was OP's only context/reason why they neglected him so often. Truth is, they failed at parenting because they are selfish AHs. Definitely, not the AH. Story# 2. I talk to my cat all the time. She looks at me like I'm a loony tune, but that amuses me too. :D Thank you for another great listen. :)

[@GreenKnight1982]

The simple fact that they were in an open relationship while raising him to believe in traditional relationships only makes them assholes

[@micheleosullivan4430]

@@GreenKnight1982 Agreed. Do as I say, not as I do. I rarely use the word narcissistic, because it is actually a rare mental condition bandied about too often. But I do think he was raised by neglectful, selfish narcissists.

[@mgen278]

I agree with your assessment of the 1st story 100%. Hopefully he'll be able to get therapy.

[@HaruDoneYet]

I talk to my cat all the time too, he even meows back at me like we’re actually talking. He’s a Himalayan Persian so he can be very vocal, especially when he is demanding his treats. We like to joke he is calling us peasants and cursing us out. I also want to point out that depending on the species of parrot they can communicate pretty well with actual words. Some species are even as intelligent as a human toddler. Plus animals can show affection in other ways. Plus I personally think that it was less about stopping a delusional behavior and more about OP judging and making assumptions. I mean they said themselves they don’t really like animals and sometimes a negative opinion can spread to people who do like something you don’t. Like people who don’t like pop music and they criticize anyone who does type of thing. I dunno if that makes sense.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

You're right but you don't give enough credit to the parent's lifestyle for the destruction of the family. Cheating is cheating. People can dress it up and call it an open relationship, swinging, swapping, whatever they want but it still boils down to cheating. Sure the parents might not have felt they were cheating on each other ................ BUT............... When cheating occurs, it takes away the time, effort, and money the cheater spent with their AP that is time, effort, and money that should have been spent on and with the family. The OP was very specific with his story on how HE WAS CHEATED on by his parents. What the OP should have done, (but you can't fault him because he was just a kid), was NUKE THEIR WORLD. He should have gotten pics or videos of the cheating as it happened in his own home. Then, put it out there for all the world to see, family, friends ( a lot of them were probably cheaters as well with some of their spouses probably not knowing it), co-workers, and CPS. I can guarantee you that if one or both of the parents were having sex in their home with others and the OP is able to observe it, it is GAME OVER for the parents. It is sad when this happens and as a Private Detective that specializes in cheating spouses, I have come across a few situations very similar to this. In fact, I have been hired by the children of parents in Open Marriage/Swinging situations. They wanted the proof so they could ask the courts to remove them from the home and put them with other family members. In both cases, the sexual activities did sometimes occur in the home and with the children present in the home. They had been subjected to strange men walking around the home, making food or coffee nude or in just their underwear. Needless to say, when I got the video evidence, the parents lost permanent custody and in one case the mother was jailed because she apparently would sometimes charge men for sex with her. The parents in this story were disgusting and they should never be around young children they are responsible for, ever again. Mainly from their neglect of their own child because of their sexual needs.

[@jadedfox7177]

About story 1: Op isn't upset his parents have an open marriage he's upset his parents didn't pay more attention to him and that is valid. The open marriage only made him aware of what a low priority he was to them as they had time for multiple partners but not for him. Neglect is a reason to go no contact but he put the wrong name to his pain and now everyone is freaking out.

[@micahmussman-watts1478]

Well said

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Exactly this! Even without the extra context I was on OP's side. Mainly because of his parents telling him to just get over their open marriage. They deliberately ignored his feelings and just went back to their lives as if nothing ever happened.

[@tallyp.7643]

he didn't even realize that wasn't the problem. But in the updates, you can tell he started to unpack it more and realized it was prioritizing partners over him his whole life that was the problem.

[@janedoe885]

Exactly this. Seen a lot of people be like 'OH HE ONLY REVEALED HOW BAD IT WAS OVER TIME, MUST BE LYING TO COVER UP BEING ANTI-POLY' but like... his actual story is consistent. His experiences are consistent. Not everyone has crystal clear self-awareness or can pinpoint the exact source of their trauma and why alone. This is a dude who hasn't had therapy talking about a traumatic event he normally doesn't interact with because it's painful. He clearly still hasn't processed this shit. Finding better articulation and precision by talking with other people is really normal. It seems like the guy got some clarity as he went. There are suspicious posts out there for sure, but imo at least this seems like a legitimately hurt person who hasn't unpacked their baggage before.

[@jessicarichards6796]

I have a grey parrot. He knows the words for apple, pineapple, cookies (his nut treats), carrots, strawberry, blueberry, jalapeño, pepper, and those are just the foods. He also knows drink, love, kisses and up-up. He knows what these words mean. He saw me walk in from the grocery store with a pineapple and he did a dance and said “pineapple, yummy, cookies.” He obviously wanted some pineapple.

[@mrs.h2725]

Ppl who hate all animals are just as psychopathic as ppl who hate all children. Not wanting one yourself is fine, but how anyone has the energy to hate half the population of the planet is beyond me lol.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

Yep parrots are highly intelligent

[@madalice5134]

That's adorable. I have a dog and 2 cats and they definitely know certain phrases, like walk, treat, playtime, outside and other rudimentary words. My dog starts jumping around and getting excited of I say 'Hold on' because I tend to say that when I'm checking to make sure my neighbor's aggressive dog is out before taking my Max out to the yard to play.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Who’s a jealous boy? Who’s a jealous boy?

[@TheIronwil]

Poly Parents: I’m not through the updates yet, but OP is completely reasonable here. His parents pushed a religious version of marriage on him, told him being gay was a disease, and then expected him to just accept this? But maybe that could be worked through in time. It’s a lie and was deceptive of them, but to me this probably wouldn’t be the end of the road. But they were extremely neglectful parents. OP thought they were just too busy at the time to be parents to him, and now he finds out they’re something between poly and swingers. It’s extremely reasonable to wonder how many events in his life they missed because they were spending their time hooking up with other people. I’m not sure that’s forgivable.

[@mindyschocolate]

Is he gay?

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@mindyschocolate He'll never be able to explore that since he's bought pretty heavily into the "one man, one woman" thing. Even if he were gay (or trans) he would never know it because it's been hammered into him from birth that LGBTQ+ stuff is "disgusting" or "sinful".

[@jestersreign7530]

They also had an issue when he admitted to masturbation and freaked out on him. So as he put it their sex life is a blessing but his is a sin.

[@TheIronwil]

@@mindyschocolate I don’t think so. It was just another Christian stereotype his parents adhered to when raising OP. I thought it was rich to label gayness as a disease and then engage in a non-monogamous marriage, which is strictly against their religion. The hypocrisy was the problem. If OP had been gay, then I’d have said this behavior was also unforgivable. There’s no way any child needs to hear that kind of condemnation from their parents over their sexuality.

[@lifewithlee6298]

I doubt there even really religious, they are just better at hiding 🫣 who they are from the public ( or think 🧐they are.

[@jackspring7709]

Story 1: I find it incredible that reddit didn't seem to understand that he was saying his parents weren't there for him during any of those important times in his own life: and when they gave excuses for it they were just excuses - they were, in fact, out with their partners during those times. He actually had to spell it out to reddit from A-Z in the end. Smh.

[@Lillireify]

I kinda think that OP needed to have some sort of "come to Jesus" moment where he himself realized that he doesn't hate the polyamory itself, he hates their hypocrisy and neglect he suffered. And it's good that he redefined for himself what is actually his problem.

[@simac8396]

Well, in his first post, he left out a lot of information... he made it sound like his mom was on a date with another man, and suddenly, he's having a full-blown panic attack. That's not normal and a major overreaction.

[@aba1design]

Reddit tends to prioritize being progressive over peoples feelings

[@pyrosfyre789]

It is because, whether it was from the overwhelming emotion or something else, OP lacked the ability to adequately communicate the precise things he had as a grievance against his parents in his initial post. Prior to the first edit it sounded like he was upset at them for being in an open marriage, full stop. Once the edit was done, that was the point where I personally went... "Ah. You're not upset over their sexual lifestyle. You are upset because your paradigm of acceptable behavior in a relationship was just shattered by the very people that instilled that paradigm into you." My initial reaction pre edit was that the OP was feeling disgust towards his parents over their relationship, which is indeed a very immature thing. After the edit, it becomes more clear he's actually dealing with the cognitive dissonance of a shattered world view. Betrayal, abandonment, confusion, helplessness... all those are the emotions I can feel would be reasonable for the OP to feel in that moment.

[@Yume10605]

@@simac8396 his world has just burnt down first cause he thought his mom was cheating then when he found out the way a family should be his parents had been all but beating into him wasn't how his family was. That's a lot for a teen to work through add to that he was locked in a car. Yeah I can see why op was having a panic attack.

[@aidanlecter4841]

Story 1 I think reddit is hung on the fact the parents were swinging when it's the fact his parents didn't take care of him and had these expectations on him when they failed to meet their standards as parents. I mean how would you feel if your parents didn't do anything but scold you to be better and leave as if they are hard workers when in reality they just can't stop meeting up with people. They scolded him for wanking but they are having relations with other people. I couldn't be in that house either I don't blame op I'm glad he got out

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@elarwen]

Agreed, BUT.. if you go by the original story, where a lot of the votes come from, that is the only impression the OP gave. Based on the original story ALONE, OP would have been the AH. The latter part changes things of course, but his first post gave a very different picture.

[@BlueSkyBS]

Story 1: Toxic polyamory is making your life choices take precedence over the psychological and emotional wellbeing of your children. But more than that, OP's parents' feckless indifference (and occasional hypocrisy) towards their child suggest that.... he should take a paternity test.

[@Lady.B0420]

My parents were open swingers. I hated it. It was disgusting. They disrespected other couples boundaries. I caught my mother giving my boyfriend's dad a bj in our shed. His mother showed up later that night and threw her wedding ring in my mother's face. I never saw my bf again after that. Understandably so. My life became so much better when I cut off my toxic parents.

[@damien678]

Literally all they had to do was explain it to him gently and ease him into it instead of letting his world get flipped and then giving him no emotional support

[@ejtappan1802]

I have four cats. They each have a distinct personality from the others. So, I not only talk to them, but I speak to each of them uniquely, as the individuals they are. I hope the OP in that story has a chance to meet an animal he connects with some day. It would expand his world (and his heart) in a big way.

[@lucialovecraft]

I talk to all of my pets! My cats are all distinctive in their mannerisms, my rabbits are different in their own unique way as well as my parrots ❤

[@tallyp.7643]

Had a parrot that was dad's once and he understood quite a bit and could speak. He would actually just do loud squawks to drown out loud noises elsewhere. One day my stepmom was yelling at her kids and he was really going to town. I was around the corner trying to stay out of the line of fire, so I heard it all. She was so angry and not thinking she went in the room and started yelling at the bird to shut up and stay out of it and marched out. I actually heard the bird do the sound we used to do under our breaths when making fun of someone complaining (the neh-neh, neh-neh, neh-neh noise). I had to bite my tongue to not laugh b/c she didn't hear it, but told my dad when he got home. Never heard him do it again because they moved out shortly after that, but it was too funny. I have fish, a whole flock of parakeets, 2 dogs and a cat that lives outside and adopted me a few weeks ago (would be WW3 in my house if she came in--those dogs wanna hug her with their teeth, I know). I talk to all of them quite often. No, I don't hear conversations in my head, but because of my empathic nature, I get a good read on most of them (except for the cat--hadn't had one in 20 years and so I'm rusty w/ cat behavior). But with the dogs it's easy--we can get a good idea how each other is feeling and I can talk to. The only time getting their attention doesn't work is when they have "target fixation": the cat, squirrels, rabbits, other dogs, the mailman, neighbors they wanna get pet by, etc. Otherwise, they listen VERY well to me.

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

Your understanding of love is different from a 10 year olds Growing understanding. If her older brother can spot an issue where the little sister is expecting some reply that maybe her parents might give when she says I love you, then obviously the way you talk to your pets and the way she does is different

[@angelaa7388]

I totally understand OP in story 1. I discovered my father was having extramarital affairs when I was 13. I was the one who discovered him. It felt like I was the one being betrayed. Just like OP, he didn't have time to be around for my milestones, but he had time to go around with other women. No one seemed to understand why it hurt me, because I wasn't the one being cheated on, but I felt betrayed anyways. It was like the person I believed my father to be all my life never even existed at all.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

What I'm getting is that the parents decided that their sex with other people was more important than their own child. That's really fucked up

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Even his mom going out in public with her lover is like a very weird move. Is it because they don't care or because they're that sloppy?

[@pippo17173]

@Aaron seems more sloppy if anything. I am gonna assume they are also hiding it from the church they probably go too.

[@Can_think_of_a_name]

How did they decide that? They're allowed to have their own relationship it's got nothing to do with OP

[@pippo17173]

@무지개 your right. Too bad they lied to op about pure Christmas conservatives values that screw him up in the head instead of giving him a talk about it. There is nothing wrong with open relationships. What they did went beyond awful.

[@Can_think_of_a_name]

@@pippo17173 How though? How is their private sex life a betrayal to him?

[@QueenSucho]

Almost 30 years old with a son. I talk to my dog pippen all the time. Full blown conversation. Ask opinions, discuss work. She doesn't know what the heck I'm saying but she watches me and listens and it's nice

[@neonlights3739]

Aw Pippen is such a cute name!!!

[@QueenSucho]

@neonlights3739 I rescued her off the streets, she was skin and bone. And to this day she loves anything that remotely resembles food. So I named her Pippen from lord of the rings because "what about second breakfast?"

[@Violet-fj3lr]

The picture painted in the parrot story is honestly the sweetest thing. That's such a pure loving moment, how do you get anything but the warm fuzzies from hearing the parrot kiss her back? I think animals pick up a larger vocab than people assume is possible. I had a dog that used to tilt his head to the side when he didn't know a word. By the time he got old, it was really only science words and things a dog could never get context for that would make him do that. Everyday conversation isn't necessarily above them just because they can't speak your language back in response.

[@tallyp.7643]

OP's mind would be blown if he watched some "Tico and Frank" videos. That bird can SING (and dance)! Takes some real learning to do that. Hell, what does OP think language is? Agreed upon sounds and meanings specific to certain cultures, when you boil it down. Has he heard of Jane Goodall? Sheesh! Speaking of Disney movies, I think we just found Grumpy.

[@celestialangel666]

Story 2: My dad had to stop saying a certain word because our dog understood and got super-excited. We always have multiple names for our cats and give them affection. Our current dog is nervous but we do our best to keep her safe. Yeah, moody 16-year-old needs to get over himself. Glad that Poppy was able to stare at you enough to help you figure it out for the game mod!

[@lsmmoore1]

And he needs to update his basic understanding of animal science to the 21st century. His understanding seems back in the 90's, when people WERE saying parrots only mimicked you (and the science already showed that wasn't entirely true but it hadn't been robust enough so all the animal shows said that). Whereas now, science does say parrots have some understanding (not advanced, but some) understanding of human language if they are taught it, allows for the possibility of prairie dog language, and stops just short of directly referring to orca whales (the only other animal known to show cultural patterns on a human level, as in cannot be compared to any animals other than themselves and humans) as people

[@tallyp.7643]

I can't say the word "bath" around my dogs or they'll take off and hide somewhere in the house. Instead I have to subtly get the towels out and set things up, wait a while, and then I get a dog at a time. One I just hold onto his collar and walk him in there (especially if he's been scratching--he hates it, but knows he'll feel better afterward). The other gives me the most pitiful "what did I do and why are you punishing me?" face and goes limp, so I have to haul her 45 pound butt into the bathroom myself. Funny that last time, after I shut the door, she actually jumped into the tub for me, like "Let's just get this over with." I think it's mostly the "drying off" part they hate the most. (and they're getting one today, but I'm not gonna say it out loud--hee hee).

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

@@lsmmoore1 so put it on a scale, 1-10 how close to a adult human does a parrot feel love? Or a 10 year old?

[@lsmmoore1]

@@MrAlwaysOnTen I'd figure, about similar, since love is tied less to the higher intelligence of humans, but more to a certain broader degree of intelligence in general along with the ability to form any kind of intraspecies social bond whatsoever (especially considering intellectually disabled people feel love too). Also, parrots pair-bond, and if aromantic people are any indication, the thing that causes pair-bonding is likely a direct analogue of what we call romantic love. Even dogs, though they don't experience anything that can be reasonably compared to romantic love, don't seem to love us any less than parrots could, in spite of the fact that they are definitely less intelligent than parrots. And science hasn't developed an exact love scale anyway - and frankly, if they did, a lot of abusive humans and social climbers (also human) in the current society would rank pretty low on said scale (because high levels of love don't tend to be transactional, after all).

[@dannietea]

I genuinely hope Story 1’s OP is in therapy and doing better.

[@catsithx]

Funny they said he is over blown how op flet. Yet they mad he left them. They are selfish people they don't deserve shit. They only cared about themselves. Op did the right thing by cutting then out for his own sanity..

[@mindyschocolate]

He IS overblown. And judge mental. They don’t need his permission on how to have a relationship that works for them. It is absolutely NOT his business, nor his say so. His parents are adults. He’s manipulative. If he wants to cut contact over something so petty then he doesn’t deserve his parents. He’ll regret that later.

[@catsithx]

@mindyschocolate nope he will be better without them. He just needs to move on from them.

[@bryanroy3316]

@@mindyschocolate Yeah, how dare a kid not be okay with his parents sleeping around and missing his birthdays because they’re busy getting pounded by strangers.

[@DemonessMark]

@@mindyschocolate As I said to Kendon0923, The thing you are missing is that the people he s judging are the SAME people who DELIBERATELY TAUGHT those beliefs to him. THEY are RACIST (evidenced by the fact that they did not like OP dating someone from a different culture) and HOMOPHOBIC (OP mentioned that his dad asked if he was gay and made it clear that relationships are only acceptable between A MAN and A WOMAN- singular in both cases) and tried to make OP the same. Now, with that knowledge, you can't blame OP for his reaction as a teen, who had been TAUGHT BY HIS SPERM/EGG DONORS THAT WHAT THEY WERE DOING WAS WRONG, especially as he had not seen much of the real world being a teenager in a repressive household. I was raised with similar beliefs, which I no longer ascribe to at all, and even now I would flip out if I found my parents doing this, not because I would think it's wrong but because THEY DO! Learn some empathy.

[@suem8591]

@mindyschocolate no, he is not. They were awful parents who were not really there for him. The only judgemental ones were the parents who were actually racists and homophobes.. oh yes and hypocrites. Did you read the same story as me?

[@shizanketsuga8696]

It's absolutely weird if you don't talk to your pets unless you're actually unable to. I think everybody who has a cat, dog, bird or other communcative animal knows that they react to speech, certain trigger words and how your voice sounds. Pet's aren't random items you possess. They are living beings who need affection, and talking to them is one way to give it.

[@lynnw7155]

Absolutely. People who don't like animals/think talking to them is wrong make me uncomfortable...I think they are missing some essential human emotion.

[@crowdemon_archives]

I literally talk to my fish and chicken, though obviously the chicken are the more chatty ones lol (also I can't hear fish talk since they're more... Underwater chatter I guess?)

[@blackrose2522]

I feel for OP I was Engaged to a sex addict and it was awful! We had a baby, and I seemed to go to every event, but he would miss it trying to get his rocks off. Imagine having 2 parents like that. Sad

[@C0C0N0T]

I think from the very start, story 1 op was bad at explaining the situation. The problem isn't that his parents have an open marriage, it's that theyre BAD parents; neglectful and abusive aholes. He could have spare himself a lot of frustration if he explained why he had such a strong reaction to his parents seeing other people

[@beeppboopp]

Exactly. He framed the initial post as if he was just disgusted with the idea of open marriages, NOT with the hypocrisy or neglect his parents have had. He may be weird about non traditional marriages, especially because of how it seems his parents raised him, but then that's wrong. His problem isn't the open marriage itself, it's everything surrounding it.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

It was also be weird for your parents to have an open relationship. I know people pretend to be open minded about that shit but the image of your mom getting her back blown out by a stranger is fucking weird.

[@Spagettigeist]

Considering his upbringing... he probably couldn't articulate it very well or might not have realized the problem's root and just tried to explain it the best he could using the words he could.. which was the open marriage that is clrearly visible, instead of the underlying problem of neglect and bad indoctrination. Sometimes it takes years of therapy to get to a point where you are able to sort out your feelings like that, so I can't blame OP for explaining it badly. They've gone through a lot and I hope they find a real family with the family they have chosen.

[@kayleekeen4238]

Unpacking true thoughts and feelings take time. OP probably only uncovered those feelings after looking deeper into how he felt, which kinda isn't possible when you're repressing thinking about the event. It's also easy to look at something after it's done and say "well you could've done that better". Point is, yeah, saying the reasoning in the first place could've been easier, but OP couldn't realize the actual reasons behind why he felt that way until he stopped repressing the event and thought about it.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

Spot on! They could have going out all those times to play Bingo, or cooking clubs, or anything. It’s not the poly relationship; it was the neglect. But holy moley, the whole “gay is a disease” and “don’t date outside your ” from the “traditional marriage” parents is certainly the 💩on top of this hypocritical sundae.

[@kiwifreund]

Story 1: I know that the OP is in a smaller town, but if you are near a university with a psych grad program, the grad students often have to work on gaining hours that go towards their degrees. Universities will often have programs set up for the general public to receive counseling either for free or a very reduced rate (my local university charges $80 per semester). The grad students are monitored by their instructors, but really the best part is that they are very fresh-minded. They haven't been in the trenches for decades and aren't burned out, which can happen with healthcare workers. I had really positive experiences going through my university, and we were able to do our sessions online.

[@emcustard]

Story 1: It blows my mind that the parents simultaneously put on the front of a nuclear family while going out with their extramarital partners IN PUBLIC! OP walks in on mom and some dude having sex, and they don’t even sit down to talk about it and unpack what is at best an embarrassing moment and at worst a traumatic one.

[@ashleystefanson6276]

Story 1- OP’s feelings are completely valid. It’s easy to say he is over reacting when you’re not in his shoes. He also was a child still not an adult when he found out. He feels betrayed by his parents and they told him get over it.

[@jaimedritt4622]

Exactly. And as a child he walked in on his mom having sex with a stranger on their couch. It's kind of hard to get over it when his parents were openly having sex with strangers in his living room. That's really....ewww.

[@tallyp.7643]

Not to mention, that had to be humiliating as hell. He found out about his mom in a public place while hanging out with his friends, so you know THEY know something's going on. I can only imagine how awkward convos would be with his TEEN friends after them seeing just the tip of the iceberg OP had to deal with on the quiet.

[@queenluciefer]

I asked my cats and they also agree that OP 2 is TA lol But yes, I definitely tell my cats I love them. They actually start to purr & slow blink at me when I tell them I love them, especially when I kiss them too 🥺 & sometimes they'll chirp or mew, throw themselves onto the floor, & roll over to show me their belly while purring as well 😭 my little cat will even start purring & slow blinking at me just because I happened to enter the room or walked into her vicinity 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 Animals definitely understand & can feel your affection ❤️ & they 100% have ways of communicating to express that the sentiment is reciprocated 😭❤️🥺 Edit: also, the fact that you chat with Poppy like that is just too cute! haha

[@kristinewatson3702]

Story 2: my cat says YTA. He thinks OP resents not feeling included in the enthusiasm for the Parrot his family has. Furthermore he believes that this may be a sign of a larger issue of the OP feeling generally like an outsider in his own family and suggests that OP reflect on that and maybe have a conversation with his parents about it. Mr Grumps always has such great advice. 😹

[@PrincessMerleen]

Story 1: After listening to the story in its entirety, I've came to the conclusion that the parents are incredibly selfish. Not for having an open relationship, you do you. But for their relationships coming before their childre; and for forcing the "typical" marriage life down their childrens throat. When they, themselves don't live in a typical marriage.

[@65kasara]

That is besides the point, they didnt even bother t explain what is what and how it happend, they leglected him for themselves and legit when guy was on the brink of hanging himself they were like "you forgot the soap mate", honestly not only would i tell then to get bent (mostly to the father since the mother was already doing that) but also would sue them for neglect.

[@BeepBopyoureaHeepHop]

my parents are polygamous. they told me at 16 years old with my sister and at first i said “that’s weird idk how to take my parents dating and fucking others.” but the reason now idgaf is bc my parents were open to answering questions i had. they didn’t lie to me and didn’t expect me to just accept the idea immediately. and finally, MY PARENTS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR IMPORTANT LIFE EVENTS. I never had to think “they weren’t at my graduation, were they gone to do so and so” i thank my parents for that

[@fluidwolf]

Honestly a kid should really never have to think about their parents sex life. But sitting them down and talking about it when they are old enough, being open to answering questions, and still actually being the parents they need is a very good way to handle it I imagine.

[@stephanien6237]

Your parents are actually married to multiple partners? (polygamy = man with multiple wives) or do you mean polyamorous?

[@LilFeralGangrel]

​@@stephanien6237 prolly polyam, people often write polyamory as polygamy.

[@Dmitrisnikioff]

You were abused.

[@neru1584]

​@@Dmitrisnikioff??? How were they abused??? The parents explained to them what their lifestyle was and didn't leave them out in the dark, cared about them and didn't neglect their needs and went to important kids events. Like is abuse just being a good parent now??

[@kayvon5926]

When I had parakeets I was told to talk to them, that it was good for their mental health. They loved listening to the radio. They didn’t talk, but one learned the melodies of certain songs.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

Yeah parakeets can learn to talk but it's not as easy as for them as it us fpr larger birds lime macaws.

[@tallyp.7643]

Sometimes when it feels too quiet, I'll pull up a KZbin vid of parakeets chatting and singing for hours. I'd do that for noise while I took the dogs outside to pee. Perks them right up, especially on overcast, really dark days when they seem so lethargic. It makes them playful and they'll try to imitate the sounds. One time I pulled up a video on parakeet mating that someone made (was trying to discern the behavior, since I was new to parakeets and trying to discern their sexes). Had the video playing and I could see the cage where I was sitting. I guess the sounds from the video sounded familiar because they started mating while the video was going on. I couldn't help thinking, "did I just encourage them with "parakeet pr0n?

[@christophermills7693]

story 1: parents keep telling themselves about open marriages to justify their addiction to the dirty deed.

[@GreenKnight1982]

If the parents want to practise polygamy ( polyamory same thing) that is their right to do however they cannot force people to be accepting of it and it is their Childs right to cut them out of their life over it if they so choose to do so. And not being accepting polygamy/polyamory is in no way bigotry.

[@MizTameRumors]

OP's issue isn't his parents being in an open marriage. It was his parents neglecting him and prioritizing their sex lives.

[@chs75]

Two things can be true.

[@emileriksson6654]

Story 2 massive YTA. Whenone of our cats died our dog, his best friend, found him on the couch. He knew instantly, and for 6 months he was depressed. He would go to the cats favourite hiding spots and just lay down and sigh, whine and fall asleep. OP just doesn't want to accept that the parrot actually has REASONS not to like them.

[@forsomenotreally]

Why were people giving OP such a hard time about his reaction to his parents? OP has the right to not want those people in his life. Also, how selfish are those parents? They put sex above their child. I wouldn't want those parents in my life especially when I start having children.

[@Yume10605]

I don't agree with this but it seems that people are desperately trying to defend open and polyrlationship. That they don damage kids and over all are toxic. And so cause op was upset his parents where in an open relationship that makes him bad.

[@jamestown8398]

It's because Redditers have a habit of valuing their pet causes above everything else. In this case, they decided that virtue signaling their sex-positivity was worth more than helping a suffering man cope with his horribly neglectful childhood.

[@fluidwolf]

@@Yume10605 People can't seem to see the nuance that you can be sex positive while understanding that things like poly and open relationships are outside the norm for a reason and things can end up like this situation where someone ends up hurt and damaged because of sex mattering more to his parents and these commenters than he does.

[@Jacob-he3sn]

TBH, until the 2nd edit, I didn’t really get why the OP was still upset myself. Of course OP has every right to cut out anyone he doesn’t want to be with, but it was still a confusing post at first. To me it sounded like he hated that his parents were in an open marriage, and at the same time wasn’t bothered by the fact that that was how they lived their lives. After the 1st paragraph of edit #2, things started to click for me.

[@Yume10605]

@@fluidwolf yup and very simply these types of relationships are hard on kids. Taking away the other shit op's parents did. Open and polyrelationships are hard on kids as it does disrupt the family unit for the kids.

[@adiarobinson4743]

He wouldn’t have been is against their lifestyle if they didn’t put their lifestyle over being parents. It was more important to have relationships outside of their family than it was to do things and be there for him and that is what he doesn’t like. You can’t spread yourself too thin trying to do everything something or someone gets left out and for his parents it was their child. That is why for me it can’t work I want to be a priority not a afterthought

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

So as a 16 year old (a child), this get dumped upon him, and when he freaks out, quite understandably, they can't give it up for over a month..? Would her vag have sealed up, or his knob dropped off if they had stopped, or at least been discreet enough that he didn't realise? Hope it was worth losing their son over.

[@brigidtheirish]

And obvious enough that he probably worried about others noticing them and teasing him over it.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@brigidtheirish Yes. It sounds like he was completely traumatized, but his parents could not have cared less.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@jaimedritt4622 Yeah. And why the hell would his sperm-donor have *asked* him if he's gay? Never mind asking *more than once!* The hypocrisy is *rank* in them.

[@MrThisIsStupid92]

I love the 2nd story cuz this guy clearly has no internet or access to any form of information. Parrots and many birds are scarily intelligent and can comprehend many things. Like I remember my family used to have this green parrot, and that damn bird was petty and held grudges over the smallest thing, he loved my grandma the most and had this deep hatred for one of my cousins.

[@lsmmoore1]

Or he's reading the lay skepticism you see of animal intelligence. A lot of laypeople who express skepticism of animal intelligence seem to use understandings of animal science that are at least twenty years out of date. Or on the occasion it is up-to-date, they debunk things that had a big pop science following but weren't seen as nearly as earth-shattering by actual scientists in the first place (i.e. Koko the gorilla, who was never actually claimed to be fluent in sign language and able to have a one-to-one conversation with deaf people, she was just claimed to be able to use a fairly consistent system of hand signals the researchers called sign language, and for that it's the researchers' understanding of the signals that's relevant, not the wider understanding of said signals, because the idea there is really to see if gorillas can understand and use some consistent form of communication, nothing more than that, so there was never as much there to debunk as people thought).

[@tallyp.7643]

My dad's parrot (passed a few years ago) would actually tease the family dogs. The first one was a dachshund and he would wander into the room to eat any sunflower seeds that were thrown on the floor. The bird would wait and he'd go "come here... come here, doggie. Come here." The dog would look around and if he said it again, the dog would run out of the room. With the 2 dogs I have now, he would actually try to get their attention. He had a mansion of a cage and would just abruptly drop to the bottom with a thud. That would set the dogs off and they'd bark and run toward the cage. I could tell they were thinking "Hey, is that green chicken dead yet? Can we eat it?" They'd see it get up , climb up to it's favorite perch, and it would actually cackle at them as they walked off in frustration. He bounced around on the perch, looking like he was entirely too pleased with himself. It was like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football, watching these 3 animals interact.

[@kylacrump8617]

There's a update to story 1. OP's dad said that he never wanted to be a father and wondered what his life would be like if OP was aborted. Si they were bad parents.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, they neglected you as a child in favor of their own intimate needs. In general it is a bad idea to have an "open marriage" if you have kids. Story 2: YTA, you are extremely ignorant, and yes parrots can learn to understand and contextualize words. Depending on the species it is, it may be able to put together simple sentences. Also parrots like most animals, feel and display affection.

[@gordybrown3667]

First story wasn't an AITA post

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@@gordybrown3667 Get over it.

[@jennywhite2462]

When you have kids you have an expectation to put their needs above your own. OP told them this bothered him when he was a teenager all they had to do was stop for a few years until he was out of the house. In my opinion they should if put his feelings above their own. He shouldn't have been worried about who his parents were sleeping with. I can only imagine what went through his head.

[@jaimedritt4622]

Also, he mentioned that he walked in on his mom having sex with a stranger on their couch. Ugh. No kid should ever see that. I can definitely understand why he was bothered by this. If they're doing this where he can literally see them, they're bringing him into it and that's all kinds of messed up.

[@fluidwolf]

@@jaimedritt4622 Yeah this is all kinds of messed up. The indoctrination, the neglect, the lack of care, this poor dude grew up having a certain worldview thrust into his head while the parents actively neglected OP in favor of getting with as many people as possible. Poly relationships honestly are already something that is hard to do correctly without children involved, WITH them it becomes even more difficult to properly maintain since the child should be what comes first. It gets increasingly stupid when the parents drill a certain worldview into the kids head that they don't even follow and he randomly finds out by finding his mom with some random and thinking his mother is cheating on his father and having his parents not even caring how this all effects him. Sexual freedom is one thing but when you become a parent some things really SHOULD be compromised on a good bit for the sake of the child. Practicing what you preach should be a thing too. Not that what they preach is good but it at least would be consistent and they wouldn't have to have their world shatter finding out their parents care more about screwing randos then OP.

[@tallyp.7643]

@@jaimedritt4622 especially when he thinks about how his mom freaked out when he admitted to playing with himself. How the hell is he supposed to process the front-row view of infidelity after remembering that?

[@Shortypants1215]

Story 1: that was heartbreaking! Absolutely right to keep that door closed. Story 2: as the proud mom to a standard poodle, I talk to my girl all the time. ❤️🐩

[@trinitylane2202]

I don't know how long OP's parents had an open marriage but if I were OP I would wonder if his father was his actual biological father.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Even though, yes it is their parents' marriage and they should be allowed to live their lives and I respect people who want to be in open relationships, but I just can't help but feel sorry for OP. I'm convinced that he needs therapy and I'm so glad that he has decided to go to get the help he desperately needs. And it's also clear to me, that he's also being neglected by his parents. Any child would've been heartbroken by the neglect and being lied to. I honestly don't blame OP for not wanting to leave his parents behind. Those parents are very selfish and hypocritical. Shame on them. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

[@bgcorporation]

Story 1: Even without the additional context the OP was not an Asshole. With additional context, wow, those parents are scumbags. They rather wanted to get laid than help their child. That's some messed up right there.

[@Chantal_P-v4x]

Story 1 - This is honestly the saddest thing I've heard in a long time. And it's clear to me just listening, that OP is not just upset about his parents' relationships - that alone if handled better would probably have been just fine eventually... a case of 'to each their own.' OP is crushed and badly broken because of legitimate emotional neglect - parents who simply weren't available to him when they should have been. I was sure, based only on the title and the first few lines that yes, indeed he was overreacting, and that he should accept their lifestyle and move on with it. And yes that should IMO still be acceptable. But is he right to cut them off for the bigger issue here? Yes. Because they should have been there years ago while he was having panic attacks and crying alone in his room.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: Reddit was too hyper focused on defending sexual freedom that they missed and ignored what OP's initial post was about. Even before all the edits it was clear in the first post that OP was deeply traumatized by his parents actions and the nonchalant attitude they had towards OP.

[@snow2267]

EXACTLY! Kids get scared and upset when something they don't understand is happening. It's a parents' job to explain these things so they're child can develop emotionally and develop into stable adults. It's even worse here because he was raised to have a different worldview. They didn't do their jobs as parents after the fact. Good parents put their kids first. They put themselves first. Helping OP should be first, and they should have put their desires aside for the time being.

[@scarletspectre153]

Op's parents: marriage is supposed to be X. Also Op's parents: how dare you criticize us for engaging in a lifestyle we told you is sinfull.

[@fluidwolf]

"Do as I say, not as I do" pretty much. It's honestly a pretty hypocritical mindset of holding others to standards you don't keep yourself to. Made even worse when it's a child finding their parents guilty of the same kind of thing they drilled into their head was wrong.

[@MrBuns-yi2hk]

Honestly if you can't be with your partner without sleeping with other people, maybe you shouldn't be with your partner.

[@sgtwhisker26]

It sounds like they chose sex over the well-being of their child

[@mandalorianhunter1]

Some people defended the parents and some tried to pull the whole poly phobic crap. OP was justified. The parents are horrible

[@BruinPhD2009]

Exactly. The issue isn’t their sex lives, it’s the hypocrisy, lies, and abandonment (physical and emotional) they heaped on OP. I think we all have a moment when we realize our parents are human and fallible, but OP’s moment with his parents was just over the top wrong in so many ways.

[@thundercricket4634]

Open relationships are powder kegs just waiting for a spark to set them off. Finding out ones parents are doing such a thing would feel like living in a house that was wired up with explosives and just hoping that nothing goes wrong to bring everything crumbling down around your ears.

[@mandalorianhunter1]

@@thundercricket4634 agreed

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- Shame on his parents for neglecting him and shame of the redditors try to guilt and shame his for his feelings.

[@carolroberts4614]

They were absolutely awful!

[@my3sons757]

There is a famous dog on KZbin named bunny who uses buttons to communicate with her family. The buttons have pre recorded audio words and bunny steps on them to "speak." She proves animals do indeed understand us far more than we realize.

[@nikkiwhray1598]

I have a parrot who can ABSOLUTELY understand what I am saying! Depending on the type of bird, they can have the IQ of a 5 year old child. My African Grey says at least 100 words, and uses phrases at the correct time in an appropriate way. She even curses like a salior when she's mad!

[@shay4068]

I’ve never seen so many people call a 16 year old an a**hole lmao

[@thebigbadwolfe_27]

I’m a kid of the 60’s/70’s and one of the girls I went to HS with had parents that were in an open relationship. But the thing is, she knew from an early age, everyone knew. There was no secret, no pretending to be this perfect shining example of monogamous marriage. My friend knew that her parents weren’t the norm. They were hippies, free love and everything that goes with that lifestyle. Oh, and they were there for every important milestone of her's and her brother's life.

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

Story 2: Animals absolutely understand. I've been trying to get my dog to sleep in my room again for weeks now but he's always off with his nanna. 😅

[@dancing0nthe3dge]

Story 1: oh Hun you have PTSD and that wasn't a panic attack, it was a flashback

[@Russman67]

Story 2: OP doesn't like the parrot. Everyone else in the house likes the ferret. For some reason he decided to step on his sister's happiness. Why I have no idea. YTA And my house cat said that the parrot probably doesn't like him either.

[@tallyp.7643]

I'd bet my last paycheck that this was the kid that other parents despised because he'd make sure to tell their kids that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real when they were in Kindergarten.

[@FanFicnic]

Wow it’s incredible how Reddit helped OP sort through his experiences and figure out why this discovery shook him. And JEEZ that kid had every right to bounce. Glad the community was able to eventually help him.

[@sarahloveless1726]

Honestly even without the hypocrisy I feel like when your kid is bawling their eyes out, ESPECIALLY at an age where they demand to be treated like an adult, it should hit you like an acme iron that you're effing up big time.

[@tallyp.7643]

The non-emotional, barely-there reaction of the parents chilled me when I heard that.

[@sarahloveless1726]

@Tally P. RIGHT if you're going to ignore your CRYING CHILD you have NO right to be a parent

[@chasefrost1401]

The last story OP is a killer of happiness

[@kbf9644]

How could OP not think all of that additional info was relevant? 😳 Bag that, OP. That is abdication of their parental responsibilities to get laid and completely warrants your response and subsequent cutting of ties with them. Yes, therapy for your sake (even if you need to view it as for your fiancée) will help immensely so you can free yourself from them entirely and start your marriage happy and healthy.

[@fluidwolf]

Probably because they are young and really not able to parse everything himself enough to understand things to that degree. From what Im aware with therapy it is pretty common to not really get to the root of the issue for a good while and not realize or be able to link various things together that were contributing factors to the end problem. It takes time to realize how things all fit together or sometimes to even know what the full issue even IS. I imagine for a kid whose entire worldview was just shattered that it's even more difficult.

[@JikeriJokeri]

I love talking to my bunny! Even when he doesn't really understand what I'm saying, it's nice to see he's still listening me. His little years move around. And he has def picked on few words I say to him, which makes my life easier when I tell him it's time to go to sleep, buuut he doesn't always listen that even. Sometimes his ears are just decorations on his fluffy head.

[@maggpiprime954]

S1 I was having a lot of trouble taking OP seriously with his descriptions of his panic attacks: Until I finally understood that it wasn't him being a puriteen (now adult), but the result of his parents' hypocrisy and narcissistic disregard to his entire world view being turned on its ear. THEY made him this way. Without care or foresight. I also suspect that the few examples of extreme censure of his budding sexuality doesn't begin to describe what else they did to him. They made a power play in his complete indoctrination and it backfired in OP's face, with only minor consequences to them. "Rules for thee, and not for me," indeed. They literally shattered his paradigm. I don't think I like OP, but his rigidity of character is a result of artificial influence. It's going to take him a _lot_ of therapy to mitigate that deliberate damage. And the saddest part is, WHY? They didn't have to do _any_ of that. They could've been normal and taught him healthy understanding of human sexuality in its broad range of expression so that he could choose his own fit. There was no reason for any of it other than some perverse control, or obscure mind game.

[@VR0180]

I agrée with all this. He still comes off as a whiny, self righteous douche. I can see why he turned out that way with parents like that 😒

[@britnicox3929]

1: it is interesting how your brain can latch onto one thing when it’s something else that you’re upset about because you’re not done fully processing the entire situation and the implications. When it looked like OP was trying to get them to stop living their lives how they wanted to, what he was actually asking them was “please make me your priority for once in your life.” All kids deserve parents, not all parents deserve kids 2: can’t birds actually express themselves though? like they may not be able to get complicated things but they can fly up and be like “what are you doing” or say “I love you” and then reach forward and ask for a kiss. And even then dogs can come up to you and ask for food or water they can get excited about a tree or going outside etc. i do think he’s jealous of the parrot tho

[@battlesister1559]

OP found out his parents are hypersexual degenerates and redditors bullies him over it because he felt awful over that. But after those edits? God damn these broke me... I hope his wedding goes smoothly and he has a good life.

[@whatismylatestobsession350]

First story: As a polyamorous person, who started out in an open-relationship (where it was primarely sex), I would not tell my child that I was having random hook-ups. However, I would also prioritize them. I wouldn't go out in public and be flirty. And I wouldn't teach them that monogamy was the ONLY way of living. My child grew up with knowing some people love more than one person, but I have never prioritized anyone more than I prioritize them. The situation is different now, with being polyamorous, because that is a thing I want to talk about with them - but I still don't prioritize my non-live-in partner over my child. I was really shocked and disgusted about the way OP described his parents at first, but then it unravelled that it wasn't the open marriage that was really the problem - it was the parents themselves, and their selfish actions.

[@alexlibby5087]

Story 2: YTA softly as OPs a teenager However after I developed CPTSD; more than one trauma therapist suggested a pet - one reason being that I could discuss and openly process life events w/o judgement or overdumping onto another person. When my GSD popped into my life I would sit and brush her (rescue; so it was also great for her poor coat and to learn to trust a person) and talk to her. She really helped me through a rough time!

[@professorrosenstock5026]

I just finished a conversation with my parakeet. I see why the parrot dislikes him.

[@RenEmell]

"No, I don't think it would be. But they did ask me numerous times if I was gay. Specifically my father. They told me how it was a disease." Never have I heard such conflicting sentiments in one breath-- fuckin gave me whiplash

[@vitterling]

Story 2: this kid should see me talk to my fish all the time. I'm like 90% sure they can't even hear me inside the tank. (They do recognize me when they see me, though.)

[@JasperCatProductions]

Pretty sad the 16 year old is jealous of the parrot. Sounds pathetic, he wants to hurt a child. Animals feel our love.

[@carolroberts4614]

I've always talked to my pets! And the kid's pets too! They know what NANNY!! means, too. I used to talk to the dog when we were out walking. In fact, they look up at you for conversation when they're on the lead.

[@devlyn873]

Story 1: their lifestyle wasn't the issue, their hypocrisy and being bad parents was. Nta Story 2: I've always talked to my pets. Everyone i know with a pet talks to them. He's definitely not only the AH but underestimating how much animals can understand us.

[@tallyp.7643]

He's probably really salty that the bird doesn't like him much. But I'm sure the bird is projecting OP's distaste for it, too. Some animals have incredible empathy and can get those vibes. I always tell kiddos "if you're not comfortable with petting the dog/cat/whatever, then don't do it. Wait til you are comfortable around them or they're not so rambunctious and you feel you can be near each other. They know when you're afraid of them or don't like them, so they'll get defensive."

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm with OP. If I found out my parents were swingers, I'd be disgusted too. You can't stop people from living their life, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. And it seems like his parents were absentee, so that just makes things even worse. They can bang other people but not raise their children

[@dementesf]

There is another story around that is much like this. I do have a friend couple that is into swinging, and when they got a kid, they stopped. They'll eventually get back to it, but they feel they need to keep the environment stable for their kids sake.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If I knew someone and they didn't talk to their pet I'd worry they they were a sociopath or serial killer. That's just abnormal and uncomfortable to the point I wouldn't be able to trust that person or feel comfortable. How are you going to foster a relationship with your pet without talking??

[@brigidtheirish]

I know, right? OP's "reasoning" reminds me of stuff I heard people say about kids having imaginary friends and talking to their toys. You know, stuff *normal* kids do.

[@notscorchingsands9718]

Don't think op wanted a pet and his family completely ignored that. Nta

[@NerdAlert42]

Story 2: parrots are super smart. That birb probably understands a lot of what's being said. They're the only animal that can have a full blown conversation with someone!

[@teyarose]

Story 1: shockingly NTA, poly relationships are valid but these parents are very clearly assholes. Any sexuality is fine between consenting adults but the moment it affects others, it's an issue. I don't know how i could justify abandoning someone i love while they're having a panic attack. OP needed therapy and they failed to get that help for their child. Also, missing birthdays??? Come on now... that's like bare minimum. I think OP needs to work through feelings of disgust around poly relationships and separate that from the absolute failure of parenting that went on. It wasn't because of the sexuality, it was because they're shit people. You could replace hookups with gambling, drugs, or knitting. It doesn't really matter the activity, it matters that the parents choose to abandon their child for something else. It's extra frustrating with the whole conservative preaching thing, though.

[@tallyp.7643]

That 'traditional marriage values" hypocrisy was the arsenic-laced icing on this shit-cake. Hope OP's fiancee keeps helping him along, he gets some good therapy to help himself (the book "Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" could be a great help, too... opened my eyes a bit), and has a fantastic marriage and family of his choosing that give a damn about each other in good times and bad.

[@samvoss6697]

I talk to my pets all the time. I rant about bad work days, praise their good behavior, say hello/ goodbye, discipline if I need to, etc. it’s perfectly normal

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@samauraipc16]

Story 2. I talk to my fur babies all the time. A great deal of times it's better than talking to humans. All pet owners know there's a bond where words fail and you just know what they're saying. My bunnies have expressions that you can tell the attitudes. My cats are toddlers and I'm constantly telling my tortoise to stop eating his dirt and he will look up at me and ask why.

[@romonaelrod7870]

Woo hoo early for the waffles. Hiya Mark and Poppy and all of you cheeky Waffle loving so and so's.

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

Also, I remember seeing a response to a post about something like "what was the wtf moment when you realized animals might understand us better than we thought?" A girl responded saying that one day, she had a REALLY rough day at work, and she came home sobbing. He parrot flew over and landed on her shoulder and started saying "it's okay" over and over soothingly. She said that she would say that to him any time a loud noise would scare him, but he had never repeated it before that moment. Yeah, he probably didn't know what the words meant, but he understood that she would say it to him in order to comfort him, and he realized that she needed to be comforted this time, so he did the only thing he knew to do.

[@jleftwing9771]

Wow the reddit commented in the first story can be stupid

[@lyragwen1895]

Op would think I am crazy, I talk to my dogs all the time. Example: I tell them I'm going to the store and I'll be back soon. They go to their kennels on their own knowing I'm leaving and definitely will be getting a treat when I return. Key word "store" = treat.

[@lyragwen1895]

I do that too and my dogs know the word store so they run to their kennels because I always give them a treat before I leave.

[@partyshoes2917]

Story 1: NTA no one has to accept anything about anyone nor do they have to keep a relationship with someone or something they don't accept....... People seem to have forgotten that probably why they're always crying and moaning on social media about how they or their beliefs are not accepted

[@brigidtheirish]

Yes and no. I mean, being racist is obviously bad. Treating someone as less of a person because of sexual orientation, religion, ethnic group, or whatever is bad. It's *actions* that we're free to not accept or support. As a Catholic, marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman. Having sex outside of marriage is not condoned because of the sacred nature of that bond. Same-sex marriage, same thing. We're to treat such people with the dignity and respect owed to all people, but not support their actions. It's kind of like the "friends don't let friends drive drunk" thing, except that, ultimately, there's nothing we can really *do* to stop them.

[@partyshoes2917]

@@brigidtheirish you don't have to show dignity or respect to anything or anyone but if you go with that attitude there may be consequences for you but that's just the way it is

[@brigidtheirish]

@@partyshoes2917 I don't *have to* in that I'm not *compelled* to do so. Free will does exist, after all. Not being a jerk is *highly recommended,* though.

[@partyshoes2917]

@@brigidtheirish you can happily live life being a jerk

[@brigidtheirish]

@@partyshoes2917 Given how miserable those determined to be assholes in these videos seem to be, I rather doubt that.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1… If I were OP, I wouldn’t want them around my children.. this isn’t a normal family dynamic .. not anything I’d expose my kids to..OP should just close that door and keep it closed.. Story 2..The parrot will probably say, “OP’s an AH,” when it starts talking..I talk to my animals.. it’s better than talking to the wall ..

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: I heard this story before, op is still NTA. Op’s parents cared more about their sex life than their kid.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

It’s completely irrational and unreasonable for him to dictate their sex life when it has No effect on him whatsoever.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

@@swearimnotarobot3746 did u even listen to the update?

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@RandomTrinidadian I’m listening to it now. I replied to this during the original story. Not the updates.

[@kaykay8855]

@@swearimnotarobot3746 if you actually read the post, op was more upset about his parents missing important events in his life than who his parents were f*cking. His reaction to his parents’ open marriage but op’s physical and emotional reaction should have told them their son needed support, so let’s call our partners and tell them that our son needs us and maybe some therapy so we can explain our relationship better.

[@veezopolis]

​@randomtrinidadian1335 you mean all the context they kept from the post?

[@shanebrown4146]

I was in a Poly relationship & 3 years later narried,I told my GF 1st date "I am seeing other people" as I was already kinda dating someone who 20 years later we are still close friends. My son grew up with my girlfriends/her bfs & 1 GF-OP is delusional trying to control his parents lives-PS,many of us at EVERY game,activity,museums ect

[@victoriapyles7752]

Story 1. Honestly I think the op is focusing too much in the poly and not the actual abandonment/neglect. And they sound like typical bigots “rules for thee not for me” people. Story 2. Yes, yta. She is already aware lmao he sounds like the most unempathetic person ever.

[@brigidtheirish]

Story 1: Probably easier to focus on that than the abandonment. Story 2: And what he calls "obsession" sounds like being a responsible pet owner! Oh, they're buying toys and *food* for the living creature under their care? They're spending time with the *intelligent living creature* under their care? What does OP expect? Them to treat the parrot like an inanimate object? Does he have *ANY* idea how much attention most parrots *need?*

[@ivyproductions7097]

Their polyamory is directly tied to their neglect. They instilled these restrictive values about marriage is then completely shatters his worldview without a care for their son. OP was having a panic attack, begging on his knees for his mother to stay with him and she leaves him alone to have her fun. They missed his birthdays and games to have sex with people, they were never there for him. I’d be pissed if my parents has sex instead of coming to my birthday party, but their lies made the betrayal even worse. Their polygamous is one of many reasons why OP’s parents failed him, not because they’re poly but because they cared more about getting their socks knocked off instead of the mental well-being of their son.

[@romonaelrod7870]

I don't currently have any pets but when I did I talked to them. I talk to my brothers dog and cat. They do understand some things that we say. Parrots are very smart,as smart as a young human child. Cats and dogs have learned to use human language by using speech buttons.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: At least to me, I feel that OP is initially focusing on the wrong thing. He’s hammering in so much on the polyamory when the TRUE issue is that his parents are neglectful hypocrites. They tried to restrict who he can love but also have an open relationship. They skipped out on parts of his life to bang other people. They shamed him for his sexual feelings but expect him to tolerate theirs at his expense. The problem is not that they have an open relationship, but that they prioritized it over OP’s well-being. Now, a lot of redditors defended the parents, but, to be honest, from the way OP wrote the initial post with no context of the deeper relationship he has with his parents, it came across as if the ONLY problem he had with them was that they had an open relationship, rather than all of the ways they neglected him. If he’s started off by giving more context, I think people would have sided with him more.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@drako8343]

OP is an AH. Because that is way too much stuff he left out from his first post that he only posted because everyone called him out for still being a child when he’s a grown ass man at this point.

[@lievechloe5061]

I talk to our dog (also named Poppy) all the time! She understands it when I tell her my mom is almost home. She'll wait by the door for her to come in. We recently got a new puppy and they love to play. She's tiny and Poppy is huge. But Poppy definitely understands when I tell her to be careful and not bite Rosey's head off lol

[@queencars802]

I think Reddit is looking at it all wrong. All they had to do was sit OP down when he was old enough, driving and out and about with friends, explain their relationship isnt a "normal" one. They do what makes them happy and it works. They hope he wont judge but it's an open marriage. Being with others gives them something the marriage couldn't but they always come back to one another. It is worrisome though because they ignored his distress, they downplayed it and said he overreacted, and they just handled it poorly. Sounds like OP isnt a priority to them at all

[@carolroberts4614]

And never was! Disinterested to a high degree!

[@jamestown8398]

They needed to do more than that. They needed to actually be there for OP during his life events, instead of missing them in order to have casual sex with strangers. They had time for hook-ups but not for their son.

[@fluidwolf]

@@carolroberts4614 Considering they legitimately taught him that their own style of marriage is sinful Im not even sure I can call them disinterested. Their lifestyle and what they try to drive into his head literally run counter to each other. I can only imagine them TRYING to screw the kid up because that sounds malicious.

[@bloodybutterflygaming1242]

Story 2: It's a perfectly normal expression of affection for one's pet to tell it "I love you". Most pet owners do it. We know it doesn't understand us, it's said purely for a matter of our own expression of our affection.