My Mom Wants Me To Pretend To Be My Twin On Her Wedding Day r/Relationships

[@dwilcox7706]

The wife is definitely manipulative. So good at it that OP doesn't even see it.

[@Callimo]

OP's got the love goggles on. *Hopefully* their instincts about their wife ring true, but it's a bit of a yellow flag to me...

[@zerobolt9506]

​@@Callimo what gets me is that OP acts like just cause she had been cheated on that she's not capable of doing it too or that's what I felt from how he talked

[@mouse2482]

​​@@zerobolt9506 what gets me is that the OP wasn't actually wasn't wanting anyone to get him to question his own beliefs in his relationship being anything other than what he imagined it was. Especially since it was a woman that he was willing to do anything for and he was looking for ways to make it appear that her not being totally honest about her BFF as being some sort of mistake on her part. To me that was a massive red flag.

[@immapotato1]

@@mouse2482 shows just how manipulative some people are. she has him convinced everything was his decision and that she would actually change

[@mouse2482]

@@immapotato1 true and people often can't see how easily they are manipulated. I try to steer clear of both, those who are manipulative and those who are easily manipulated, as both are walking massive red flags.

[@dawndoe11]

Story 3 - So OP's fiance is willing to ask the sister for OP's hand in marriage... but she's not good enough to walk OP down the aisle? Why tf would future FIL be the one to "give her away" when, technically speaking, she's not "his" to give away?

[@phoenixfire8978]

I think OP should ask her sister to officiate if the future in-laws are so dead set against having her filling the “fathers” role.

[@immapotato1]

after reading the whole thing the entire thing is FIL and MIL's idea. they are paying for the wedding and are probably forcing the Fiance to object. While the dude sounds decent people raised by narcicists often struggle standing up to them.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@immapotato1 this is what I am thinking too…MIL and FIL are the ones with the problem!

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

He does housework, cooking and asks sister for OP's hand in marriage, yet sister walking her down the isle is supposed to be done by a male? This probably comes from his parents so he needs to stand up and defend his fiancée. If it comes from himself, well, why is he doing housework and cooking then, because it's "o so typically female" duty...

[@magnarcreed3801]

She’s no one’s to be given away.

[@selinesbeau]

Even if the twins did this, Jess would always know it wasn't HER in her OWN WEDDING pics.

[@becauselifts9913]

Story 2: Dude may identify as an ostrich, because his head is in the sand.

[@Grace_x68]

👏👏👏Best comment of this simp. Sorry but defending her "honour" was simpish

[@Mimino55-y5k]

Yep, he is a manchild. Wife might not be cheating yet, but she is clearly using him for a fool.

[@TheSergio1021]

Unironic simp behavior. Its not gonna last.

[@shebakoby]

Story 2: The wife making OP drop friends is TOXIC AF, particularly in the context of oh suddenly finding out wife had dated her BFF for 3 years (in the past). This sounds controlling and borne of Cluster B disasterism. OP should go back and get his BFF and be friends again on this basis. Even without the ultimatum, it was manipulative AF, especially if OP's wife literally said, "If you love me you''ll drop BFF".

[@Davtwan]

Honestly, the wife didn’t sound like she was ready for a relationship. She has too many trust issues from her past that she has to take care of first. She sounds more ignorant than manipulative, but that still isn’t good.

[@shebakoby]

@@Davtwan some people are manipulative as a subconscious coping mechanism, it's a learned behavior. Others are manipulative to consciously get what they want. It's sometimes difficult to separate which is which.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

@@shebakoby manipulation by definition is intentional. If it’s subconscious, unintended, or unknowingly done, it’s not manipulation. People misuse that word all the time and it’s so annoying. People are actively hurt and isolated when called manipulative when they aren’t.

[@shebakoby]

@@shadamyandsonamylover ah ok, yeah, you're right, but there's behaviors that can *seem* manipulative, when they're not intentional.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

@@shebakoby that is true. And the outcome can be the same so the treatment is usually always similar. But I think it’s important to not vilify people unnecessarily, since it leads to a scapegoat for blame instead of focusing on how to correct the problems.

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: what bothers me is that mom wants to swap twins but wants OP to be the “disfigured” twin. I’m surprised OP didn’t ream her for her favoritism

[@iasomnium919]

Not to mention what it implies to OP's sister. "This one's disfigured? I'll just switch it out with another one!" Like lady, this isn't a flat tire/spare tire situation. It doesn't matter if two people are identical, twins are and have never been meant to be used like this. She's objectified both of them, and Jess hasn't noticed because OP's been the "imperfect one of the set" until now.

[@carrotisalie]

It is really messed up but the mom only wanted them to swap for photo worthy moments, not lying to all the wedding guests that OP is the 'disfigured' sister

[@immapotato1]

OP mentioned she has guilt issues when she moved in with dad. safe to assume mom instilled it into her for "abandoning" them.

[@ericbsmith42]

@@carrotisalie Even if just for photos that's still pretty messed up. 20 years down the road both sisters and the husband will know the photos were faked, so what's the point? It's only to put on appearances for other people.

[@carrotisalie]

@@ericbsmith42 yeah exactly

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 I think OP has rose colored glasses on. He's incredibly underreacting to something that IMO is a huge red flag. I suspect her of cheating or at least keeping that open. It's especially concerning that she has these huge trust issues and expected so much, then is keeping this secret

[@blix_xo]

Heck. I went through this even with ex-friend when we got super close. But it was a rule for thee, but not for me. He wanted me to get rid of all my guy friends or anyone I had any close feelings toward, even if friendly while he kept women he messed with, and if I said otherwise, I was controlling him. He's an ex-friend for a reason, among other things, and how can someone forget 3 years of being intimate with someone. Yeah. Come on, man, she's playing him.

[@silverbullet3699]

Okay thank you!!! I was worried because I didn't see this comment until now. I'm glad someone also feels this way!

[@johnowen9349]

She has trust issues, and issues with his trust issues. If he doesn't trust her he's being abusive like one of her exes, if she doesn't trust him then he drops all his friends because he loves and trusts her. He's an emotionally beaten shell of a man.

[@SakuraMoonflower]

Same, TBH. It's just not reasonable to expect your partner to jump through all these hoops, then be dismissive of their feelings when they realize you haven't held yourself to the same stringent standards. That's abusive!

[@wildblue0]

Story 3: If Sis was "father" enough for fiance to ask for your hand, she's man enough to walk OP down the aisle? Why would the FIL give her away? Give her to himself?

[@susankaempfer8427]

And anyway, I’d be like, okay, so the honor is usually been given to a man but all the men in my life have failed me and she at great cost to herself has stepped up. Explain to me why my future FIL deserves this honor more than I do?

[@wildblue0]

@@susankaempfer8427 The other thing is, it's supposed to be the head of the household "giving" the bride to her new family. What right does FiL have to give her to himself? If the head of her household is her sister, it's her sister's right to walk her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 sounds like this childhood best friend who she is still close with was her first everything, but she "forgot" to mention this. I cry bull 💩 I don't think I could ever trust this person again, especially when she wanted me to drop people from my past who I had history with

[@madhatter3994]

I was thinking the exact same thing! I'm best friends with an ex and actually the godmother to his children. We have never forgotten to tell someone we were in a relationship with and its been 8 years since we broke up. She didn't say anything because she didn't want him to know.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@madhatter Exactly! Maybe if they weren't in contact currently it'd be slightly less suspicious, but this is still her best friend

[@brigidtheirish]

Especially since she's apparently made OP drop *every* friend he's ever dated in the past but he's never asked that of her. He "trusts her not to cheat" when she hid a relationship from him and is going to be *alone* with this friend overnight. I wonder how many people she's been cheating with.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

What is funny is that CAH isn’t about putting out cards that tell the “truth” or some “secret” you’ve been hiding. It’s about putting out the funniest, most absurd and outrageous answers. So it seems she used the game to somehow blindside OP.

[@madhatter3994]

@@themayhemofmadness7038 oooo! Good point!

[@piratsnygg]

Story 1: So the mom doesn't think the bride wants to look at her wedding pictures and be reminded of her trauma, but she does think she wants to look at them and see her sister with her husband? 🥴

[@jaccat4336]

Just shows that mom doesn’t see them as their own people. It’s obvious from how she raised them. I could see sister looking at the picture saying “That’s not me it’s OP” and mom responding “What’s the difference?”

[@simac8396]

Story 2: you had to disclose all your sexual relationships and chose to dump your friends because they made your wife "uncomfortable". however, she "forgot" to mention the sexual relationship she had with her best friend and she didn't have to end her friendships for you is very suspect. you are either a doormate or incredibly naive.

[@Azulakayes]

He will be back crying because she has been having a long term affair with her 'bff' 😂

[@johnowen9349]

@@Azulakayes She'll realize she's a lesbian now that her first love has transitioned. And he's a homophobe for not being happy for them.

[@canecorsomami2104]

Yea, how does he not see it. If he voluntarily dropped his friends b/c their sexual past made his wife uncomfortable, but it wasn't a requirement for either party she sure should have been able to tell him. It's also telling in the first part he had concern about all the alone time she spent with her bestie.

[@jaccat4336]

@johnowen9349 And he will go “Okie dokie, wouldn’t want that ” and pay for their wedding 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@tracicolvis7382]

"Because of her, I never walked alone on the worst days of my life so I'm definitely not going to walk alone on the happiest." THIS! This so beautifully sums up their relationship. If I can see that after a few paragraphs then I don't get how her fiance doesn't after knowing them both. I don't care if it's his wedding too. I don't care who's paying for it. I'd die on this hill too.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

What bothers me is that he doesn't see, or care, about OP's feelings on this. He's trying to appease his traditional family. He is supposed to put his future wife ahead of all others now, now cave to pressure because mom and dad are "traditional." Side note: I would bet he's planning on dropping all the household chores once OP is done with school!

[@Keyonne88]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 Yeah I have a feeling we have a bait and switch situation on our hands.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2, man I get Reddit being toxic so I can't really blame OP for telling those people off. Although, I couldn't help but chuckle when Op said "didn't you read the part that says we normally have a great relationship?", like lol dude, real story or fake every single relationship story on Reddit says that.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

Yeah. Way too many toxic and bad relationships had the unaware partner saying “we normally have a great relationship” or “they’d never cheat” or “I trust them”, only to end up finding out that they were wrong. And I have seen people say “they won’t cheat because they’ve been cheated on before” only for it to turn out that yes, they did cheat.

[@brigidtheirish]

It's like he wouldn't recognize a red flag if he was being strangled with it. "My wife isn't cheating on me." "That would be some irrational behavior." "My wife is not controlling or manipulative." Sure, dude, keep telling yourself that.

[@pippo17173]

At some point, we will get an update where op's marriage will be nuked to orbit because, oh crap, wife is having an affair.

[@ScooterBond1970]

It makes you wonder why these people even bother coming to Reddit for advice at all, if they're just going to dismiss and ignore it. I mean, yeah Reddit often gives garbage advice, but then why bother?

[@dragb9284]

@@ScooterBond1970 victim hood they want to feel like their feelings are justified but don’t want to actually change their situation because that either takes work or their afraid

[@LilChuunosuke]

I'm so glad OP was able to move away for the divorce at such a young age because this is how you set a child up to have an identity crisis & lack a sense of self. OP was literally not allowed to be her own person. She was supposed to be identical to her twin in literally every way. She was expected to live her entire life as a clone of someone else. This is *disturbing* and I'm thankful it didn't do serious permanent damage.

[@piratekit3941]

Jess marrying her husband might be good for her to be an individual instead of a carbon copy. I don't think he was even entertaining the idea of using OP as a body double, if photoshop was what he was suggesting before he saw just how unstable his fiancé was due to the scar. Jess has to get away from her mother for sure - honestly it would have done a world of good if they both had gone with their dad.

[@foureyedelf6151]

Yeah imagine having a golden child among identical twins, and acting like the other is just a spare. Worse, trying to act like OP is being bad and acting out by not being a literal mirror image of her sister in every respect. Woman needs therapy, but it's 2 decades too late. What would have happened if Jess had died in that accident? Would OP's mom have a breakdown and refuse to call OP the right name, refuse to believe that it was her favorite child who had died. If I said what I really feel about this story my account would be banned for over use of profanity.

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

First story's Mom sounds fixated on appearances. Treating the kids like dolls, making it so the twins always had to do things together be a perfect match, then suggesting to swap out the bride with out asking the couple actually getting married for the sake of photos

[@LusterDust]

That is probably one of the creepiest wedding requests I've seen. That mother is unhinged.

[@Enderslegend]

Story 1: I honestly think she should have told Steve and later her sister what her mom tried to do. The mother sounds like she manipulates them against each other and I’m sure somewhere down the line the mother will mention what she proposed but say it was OPs idea. Story 2: Man has his head buried so deep in the sand.

[@Zanzetihunter]

OP in story 2 sounds like one day he is going to come back saying "My wife was cheating on me with her BFF. But I dropped my BFF like trash for her!" I hope for his sake it doesn't happen. But Wife has got him to drop his friends for her because instead of talking out her insecurities, she said she was uncomfortable and he dropped them.

[@TheSergio1021]

I hope for his sake it does happen. It will be the only way he learns to get away from manipulative liars that would rather you isolate yourself than for them to tell you important details of their past

[@plantemor]

My man in story 2 does some impressive mental gymnastics to excuse his wife's shady behavior.

[@InDeathWeLove]

He would probably win the olympics with just how skilled he is. That's gold medal levels of mental gymnastics.

[@andthatsshannii]

Story 3: I always find it funny what parts of tradition people choose to cling onto. I mean, the tradition is that someone from the bride’s family “gives” her to someone from the groom’s family. She wasn’t part of the fil’s family so how is he going to give her away? He didn’t have her to begin with to give. So giving her to his own son has even creepier vibes than the original purpose for the tradition.

[@bautistalover]

Was it creepy if prince charles to walk Megan down the aisle? There’s nothing creepy about it, it’s about the bride not being alone down the aisle. That being said OP has her choice and her future in laws need to respect it.

[@andthatsshannii]

@@bautistalover as I said, the original purpose for the tradition is creepy. It was because women were seen as close to property and therefore needed to be handed over by a male family member. Not allowing the only member who raised her to give her away suggests that they think random men have more right to do it than her own family. It’s creepy when the bride doesn’t accept it or want it, so that’s an idiotic comparison.

[@krisniznik3953]

@@bautistalover Yes, it was creepy. She wasn't his to give. If the bride doesn't have someone she wants to walk in with, it's nice for the couple to walk in together. However, in this case, she does, and the groom's family should respect that!

[@bautistalover]

@@krisniznik3953 I literally said it was OPs choice. But I don’t think it was weird for a FIL to walk a bride down the aisle, IF it’s something she’s okay with.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: That’s a weird request…. Op It’s not a spare Jess or a stunt double/understudy for Jess. The whole swapping just seems like a hassle, and it seems like the swap was more for Mom’s benefit rather than Jess. It’s like she can’t stand that her perfect matching set of twins aren’t perfect and she doesn’t want that imperfection reflected in her daughters wedding pictures

[@brigidtheirish]

Not to mention that you *can't* have someone say your wedding vows for you. Jess would *have* to be at the altar with Steve for the marriage to be legitimate. Edit: Okay, OP wouldn't be doing the vows, but that's kinda weird, too. No photos of the actual ceremony? Or of the bride and groom kissing?

[@SakuraMoonflower]

Specifically in Jess's wedding photos. F*** OP in particular. The mom is beyond insensitive

[@Cel3ere5]

The request has zero end game. There's no thought behind the snap shot image of standing in the photos. There's no consideration of how it would affect Jess or the guests! Just imagine sitting in the audience and "Jess" saunters down the aisle to "Here comes the Bride" because they seem basic like that, and you're like 'damn, she's gorgeous!' but then... She sits!? And then OP whom you feel your heart flutter for in hearing her miraculous survival story stands in a sleek forest green dress - not even one of the fellow bridesmaids - which you thought she was snubbed for not being apart of the procession because of facial scars she should be championing like the Amazonian she is! - only for *SURPRISE!* _she's_ Jess. _Huh!?_ Theres a chorus of gasps, it's not even from the church choir. The biggest one is Grandmama's followed by an audible *thump.* Uncle Henry fainted!? The relatives who relocated to Costa Rica two generations ago are whispering furiously in Spanish. A French Poodle looks pissed. Even the Revered who normally does funerals looks disturbed.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Cel3ere5 This was *brilliant,* though I think the French poodle would be more like to *take a* piss.

[@Cel3ere5]

@@brigidtheirish thank you. 😆

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 NTA and I'd postpone this wedding for sure. I'm all for tradition, but the bride should be able to choose who walks her. OP has no male relatives and fiance asked sister to marry OP, so she's already been playing the dad/parent role. This would be a deal breaker for me. I would never let anyone dictate to me who walks me down the aisle. If who I want can't be by my side as I walk, I'm not walking

[@pee74332]

The line about never walking alone in the hardest times hit the nail on the head. She absolutely needs to stand by her decision. I hope she reconsiders this match and finds someone who values what is important to OP.

[@tegantalks9612]

Personally if I was OP in story 1 I would be phoning up dad, who seems like an ally, and telling her about mom’s batshit plan.

[@anonymouse9833]

S1: I feel bad for both twins. Imagine if Jess found out her mom wanted to replace her in *her own wedding* because of her injuries, quite literally adding insult to injury

[@ebayrose]

3rd story: I've never understood In-laws walking you down the aisle. No matter how close. Especially if there's a giving away moment. The implications of the groom's father giving away his bride to him are just 🤢🤮

[@vaporean_boylove.0w083]

Yeah, if I was a stranger learning who gave who away, I think there was some blood relation or step-siblings.

[@ebayrose]

@@vaporean_boylove.0w083 historically it was a concubine of the father being given to the son, or his youngest wife being given over because father had gotten too old/ill to sire children so the fertile woman was given over to the next generation. The only giving away anyone should do any more is with the implication of passing from one family's protection to the new family of husband and wife.

[@devegas4910]

Story 2: you don’t just “forget” having sex with your best friend and dating them for 3 years.

[@MuDkipzCHancelLOr]

She accidentally fell on his pecker every day for 3 years, move along now.

[@k87jury]

Last Story: You can get another husband. You can’t get another sister who raised you.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 2: There is no way in the world she "forgot" to say that her best friend that she still hangs out with was her first. OP couldn't admit it because he's used to the unevenness not favoring him. But now it's less an issue of he ditched his friends and more an issue of she could easily still be intimate with her first and he would never even let the idea enter his brain because "he trusts her". And it's nice to say she's trustworthy, but if that were the case then he never would have bothered to post, right? I would think a trustworthy person would be able to discuss this in private and reassure their SO of their reasoning. I hope OP is right in his beliefs because I don't share them.

[@pippo17173]

Wait till the next update as it will be found out that she is cheating.

[@Azulakayes]

​@@pippo17173 💯

[@johnowen9349]

He wanted reassurance, not honesty.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

I’m waiting for the my wife still sleeping with her best friend update 😂

[@Crux_JCr]

I'm waiting for "she built her an art room." Post.

[@simac8396]

Story 3: whenever I hear a bride say my inlaws are very "Traditional" that always means "backward misoginistic assholes". if I were you OP I would make this my hill to die on.

[@doctordetroit1217]

@simac8396 I walked my cousin down the aisle because her dad died when she was very young, and I was her only male relative, well apart from my son but he was only 7 weeks old when she married. If I ever get married I would have her walk me down the aisle, not all traditions need to be enforced.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Yup. Start as you mean to continue. What is it to them if her sister walks down the aisle? This is a statement from THEM. It needs careful examination. It feels too much like an objection on the grounds that only men can own women and give them away.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: how much do you want to bet, op’s mom came up with the idea that op pose as Jesse. Jesse can delay the wedding because, even though op and Jesse are twins there will be an obvious difference between them, when Jesse looks at the pictures she and her husband will know that it’s op and not her. Story 3: it’s op’s wedding too, if she wants her sister to walk her down the aisle then let her walk her down the aisle.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I know people say it's just a day, but it's a very special day I can completely understand wanting to look your most beautiful. OP said the wedding is only 3 weeks away, but if it were further away I'd say maybe do a courthouse wedding and a big fancy wedding later, but definitely NTA. That's a wild suggestion from a mother of all people

[@HaliaStone]

Or the mum could suggest something practical like chipping in for photoshopping if that was something Jessie wanted, since they couldn’t afford it, rather than pitching something so absurd.

[@Rankinen]

Story 3: Traditionally the head of bride's family walks her down the aisle to show that they trust groom to take good care of her and their approval for the marriage. If they think that FIL can fill the role, they are missing the whole point of this tradition.

[@greeneyelove2003]

Story 1 - I think, if OP does eventually tell her sister what their mother suggested, they should both go low or no contact with the mother because the mother is toxic.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: You gotta love the excuse of tradition to justify the fiancé and in-laws' stance. OP's sister is the father and she should be accepted as such. She should be ready to fight them tooth and nail on this

[@terramarini6880]

I know I would have told them all Sis walks me or no wedding. Having future FIL do it kind of gives a neanderthal dragging a breeder home to his son vibe especially because he had no part in her upbringing. But then I find a lot of wedding traditions cringey af.

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 1 - As an identical twin myself, I was horrified! It's obvious that OP's mother is one of those that only saw the twins as dolls for her to dress up, not as two individuals. My parents never did that to us. Story 3 - It's OP's wedding too. It's not right that her fiance and his entire family are bullying her. I'd be seriously rethinking marrying that guy if I were in OP's shoes.

[@madambutterfly1997]

She distrust you because of the lengths you’ve gone to just to prove your love and devotion. My God these people just aren’t satisfied.

[@kklightning5693]

Story 2 OP sounds like a coward how can she tell you to drop people, but you didn’t tell her to do the same? If she couldn’t trust you but you could trust her then this relationship is already going downhill

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

Story 1: So, question… What does OP’s mom think would happen if, after facial reconstruction on Jess heals, she no longer looks like she once did? Seriously… the chances of that happening are extremely high. Minor scars, slight differences in skin tone or the nose is slightly shorter or sharper, etc.? She would end up looking at her wedding photos and be reminded that the pics weren’t of her!!!! That would be a massive reminder of her trauma. Even if she ends up looking exactly the same, she’d still always know those pics weren’t of her, but of OP. Their mom is insane and needs serious help.

[@Tijggie82]

"Whoops, I COMPLETELY forgot to mention my first kiss, first lay and a relationship of 3 years with my (still) BFF, teehee! Silly me!"

[@CarinaCoffee]

Last story: I can't imagine not supporting a partner with such a decision. SO and his family care more about (gender) roles than the actual people. A wedding should be a celebration with the people you care about and that care about you, not some show you put on.

[@mandymagnolia1966]

And like, that should be the decision of the person walking down the aisle. If the fiancé wants someone to walk him down the aisle then he can choose someone, but if OP wants their sister to walk them down the aisle then that should be their decision.

[@CarinaCoffee]

@@mandymagnolia1966 it's honestly such a non-issue I'm loath to think what would happen if OP could and would have bio children. Would the SO be "allowed" to be in the delivery room? Because you know, that's a woman's thing 🙄😑🥴

[@mandymagnolia1966]

@@CarinaCoffee Right? Would he be like “ew no, that’s women only. I’ll be out here. Let me know when the baby’s born and you’re presentable” 😰

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@CarinaCoffee Or worse, feeling entitled to be in there even if she doesn’t want him.

[@CarinaCoffee]

@@mandymagnolia1966 I thought the parents probably making more of a fuss about that than him. But with how spineless he is he'd probably want his mummy there with them.

[@ScarabD]

3:28 but she'll still be reminded of it... she'll know it wasn't her!!!

[@Girl-Supersonicboy]

Mark just showed how sweet and innocent he is with him not knowing what JKYS means. Protect the Innocent Waffle at all costs!

[@January-h1u]

What does it mean?

[@alicewilloughby4318]

@@January-h1u I'd like to know that, too.

[@lauriciaclarke5303]

It means Just k*!! Yourself.... I'm not sorry for whatever happens next with that OP

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

@@alicewilloughby4318 Okay, since you did say you'd like to know, JKYS means "Just K!ll YourSelf" which is definitely something a sweet and innocent waffle is not likely to know. (I only do because I read a lot of reddit and couldn't help but google acronyms that confused me.)

[@jeaniebee3657]

op is so nieve if he thinks his wife isnt messing around with her bff lol and thats why she never told him that they have a history

[@SailorMya]

She KNEW when they had that first conversation that she was going to ask him to cut those people out so she purposely didn't mention her friend because she didn't want him to expect the same of her!

[@jeaniebee3657]

@@SailorMya i agree..opp is being made a fool of and being gas lit and cheated on..he probably is rich or at the very least makes more money than her if she even works

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta I heard this one before. The mom is unhinged. Wanting only to maintain public image.

[@yonghominale8884]

Story 3: Run OP, RUN!!! Your fiancé is just using you as a placeholder until he finds someone else who can make grandbabies for Mom and Dad. Your relationship isn't real.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Story 2: when OP said people were just wanting to instigate I nearly threw my phone. How do you just “forget” to tell your partner your best friend was several major firsts? Especially when OP isn’t the cut them off type the way she was.

[@damien678]

Story 2: right so she expected him to give up his best friend but went so far as to not mention 3 years of dating because she didn't wanna do the same

[@doctordetroit1217]

Imagine in years to come looking at your wedding photos, and not being in them, besides which anyone who actually knows the twins will be able to tell them apart. I know identical twins and can always tell them apart!

[@ringluvr]

12:19 Story 2: Op is so naive. Bless his heart.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 1: The only way I would be on board with this is if the request had come straight from the sister. And even then I'd feel weird about it.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Second story your wife is so insecure about you having friends of the opposite sex are friends of the same sex that you practically gave them up for her but when it comes to her having relations with previous friends she still keeps them. You need to re-evaluate your priorities and tell her that from here on out everything that you kept private we need to know. If I were you I would call back on because even if she's been cheated on before you're giving her way too much power in the relationship to dictate how things are between you and her when it comes to friendships and others

[@jackchop1576]

I'm a bi guy and this happens with some bi women... they'll want to have women on the side but the moment their BF does the same thing with a man, they lose it.

[@clarehidalgo]

Also sounds like OP's wife's BFF is a mTf Trans person, so wife was with her before she transitioned

[@johnowen9349]

@@clarehidalgo Means she'll discover she's a lesbian soon, leave OP, and he will be a homophobe for not paying for their wedding or something.

[@elizabethrossi7604]

1: What?! WHAT???!!! What is wrong with people?!

[@lsilvaeditor]

Story 3: I wonder, if OP's mom was still alive, would the in-laws still fight about FIL giving her away when she has a living parent, even if said parent is female? Or did FIL just see an opportunity because he himself doesn't have daughters and would probably never get another chance to be the one to 'give someone away'?

[@wmdkitty]

I... she... what? No. NTA. Why would? Oh, god. One of _those_ Twin Moms.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 2: OP's wording seems really off, I think he's trying to convince himself, but I think it's good they could agree on therapy.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

He's trying to convince himself that he's not a cuck.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the first story even with the update I can honestly see that the mother was trying to come with this whole place of good however she would have done more harm had you had decided to go through with it and Jess did not postpone the wedding. However this maybe another year to two years before she can even have the wedding of her dreams. And to be honest I think you need to go low contact for a while with your mom and maybe be best to keep this to yourself because if your sister is going through that major of an identity crisis it's only going to get worse if your mom tells your mom the truth

[@dimsufferer9951]

She wasn't, not really. She just wanted her two perfect identical dolls to be interchanged when one was “broken”

[@PuppyKatt]

Jess is not going through the major identity crisis, Mommy is. Mommy is afraid that if Jess is in her own pictures, she will be reminded of the acciden. If sister poses as Jess, every time Jess looks at the wedding pictures and sees her sister posing as her, she will be reminded of the accident, and be permanently depressed that someone decided that Jess was not pretty enough to pose for her own wedding pics, or too ugly to walk down the aisle. THAT will give Jess a major identity crisis, super depression, and an inferiority comples that she was not pretty enough, and forever think that she is ugly. So very glad that OP said no, and also so glad that Jess and fiance post-poned the wedding. Heal soon, Jess.

[@gmun2248]

Over the past decade, I have had multiple surgeries due to an accident. I have scars. They're not on my face (I'm not sure if that was stated or just implied), but I do have one on the front of my neck, one on my back that had 20 staples & some other smaller ones. As cheesy/ cliché as it sounds, I am PROUD of those scars - now. As time passes, things do heal more & scars fade, plus 'differences' become a part of you. When I show people my scars now, it's part of a conversation about overcoming things, of healing, making peace with your own story - or even better, owning your own story. The things that challenge us in life are ultimately things we overcome, and when we do that, we come out the other side stronger people. I can't imagine photoshopping them out of special pictures, let alone looking at those recorded moments of my life and knowing it wasn't actually me. Even with surgery, there are likely to be things that cannot be completely erased. So what if she end up looking slightly "different' - the stories of our lives are written all over our bodies, whether it is in 'smile lines' - wrinkles around eyes/ mouth, or something more significant from a traumatic event. I think it's an extremely unhealthy idea to pretend life doesn't happen. The mother here is not just insane, but so toxic and damaging to be even thinking of this when her daughter needs support and acceptance more than ever before. I don't mean to minimize trauma - it takes a while to process & we're all different, but EVERYONE should be able to be proud of themselves, whether that refers to overcoming challenges or celebrating accomplishments. I'm so glad the couple seem to be doing the sane, rational, healthy thing. I also think it is sensible of OP to not tell her sister * right now * what their mother suggested. But maybe eventually. Such a crazy story.

[@LisaApril]

Last story: this is not something that the bride should have to compromise on. Who the bride wants to walk her down the aisle is her choice alone. If the fiancé asked the sister for his girlfriends hand in marriage then the sister should also be able to walk her down the aisle. This is some double timing that the bride should not tolerate. This should be a dealbreaker for her because no man should dominate his bride this way. She should focus on her studies and forgo this marriage. She will find someone who truly understands her life and her values.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: OP says they have good communication about everything but failed to understand that the wife left out how she lost her virginity and to who when disclosing all their past relationships. That is not “everything” OP. It’s a red flag because the second you have an issue with her friend, she wouldn’t let her go over you like you had, stupidly, for her.

[@madambutterfly1997]

So the pictures will look nice? she’s not gonna end up looking like Quasimodo after the surgery my God

[@DoritoBot9000]

Why is it always about the pictures instead of living the event?

[@QuietRage]

I misunderstood Story 1 at first and thought this was OP's mom's wedding and she was being a typical bridezilla, but HOLY CRAP what actually happened is SO MUCH WORSE. She somehow managed to insult both of her daughters at the same time by insinuating the bride is too ugly now to be in HER OWN WEDDING PHOTOS and acting like their interchangeable and disregarding their unique identities. She KNOWS its wrong, otherwise why would she not approach the bride about the idea first? No wonder the dad divorced her! I hope OP gently explains what their mom tried to do once her sister is feeling better and in a more secure place.

[@aphelion4616]

Story 1: Everyone knows about the accident, so they know what she would look like in the pictures. So asking to swap out the sisters was just stupid. (EDITED: For spelling and grammatical errors.)

[@nutty77]

If OP's sister cannot walk her down the aisle because it's not traditional... traditionally future FIL can't walk OP down and give her away, because traditionally OP is joining his family, so he can't 'give her away'

[@AndyyWithAY]

That white guy blinking gif was real time footage of my reading the title. WTF!

[@sophiahumphrey4686]

Story 1: The mother is out of line. She does not care about them. Perception is everything to her. Go no contact with the mother. Story 3: OP can pick her own wedding party. It is her wedding too, Trying to make her future FIL walk her down the aisle. Her sister is a big part of her life and the fiance should respect it. If they are so adament about having the sister walk down the aisle, you should stand your ground. I hope they do not give you an ultimatum about this.

[@GIChiyo]

Um...she still would be "reminded of her trauma when looking at the pictures" because she would know it was OP in them and not the sister, like wtf is that logic?????

[@TheNormExperience]

Ok, but seriously, while it wouldn’t be at all practical, an engagement gauntlet would be SO badass! 😂

[@Raaslen]

Story 2: "my wife is not controlling or manipulative", dude is not wearing blinders, he took his own eyes off. Story 3: the difference between OP's fiance and sister tells exactly who is in the right and who is in the wrong. I won't say it's a huge one, but OP's fiance reaction is a red flag.

[@jjmitch1411]

For story 2, I wouldn’t be surprised if she coerced him to do that and gave him all the materials needed

[@Akichan07]

ALL HAIL MARK NARRATIONS THE SUPREME WAFFLELORD 🙌

[@erasus0307]

Story 2, op has been BP so hard. That their gaslighting themselves

[@brigidtheirish]

3: Why would the *father-in-law* give OP away? He didn't raise her. He's not even a blood relative of hers. If the fiance can ask her sister for permission to marry, he can accept her sister walking her down the aisle.

[@LordBison98]

Story 2: "My wife isn't manipulative!" he says as he dropped all friends because "she felt uncomfortable" meanwhile she literally hid her relationship, and says how she is distrustful of him, gaslights him and stuff.

[@Siinwu]

2nd story, it reeks of bullcrap, she has been cheating on OP for years, if not physical, darn well emotional, OP has been trained/whipped.

[@beebs4283]

The absolutely standoffish response from op in story 2 makes me think a part of him knows everyone has a point about the alarming red flags, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it so he got mad.

[@kreuger2062]

"nobody asked" my guy you posted this on the Internet asking for help. "My girlfriend is not controlling" MY GUY SHE MADE YOU DROP YOUR BEST FRIEND. is this guy seriously this dense?👁️👄👁️

[@casey8016]

18:38 has me crying

[@kausha7135]

Story 2: why did OP even ask if he didn't want feedback 🤦‍♀️

[@Kirby-zp6cg]

Story 3: The wedding is both of their’s, but it’s OP that is being walked down the aisle. The fiancé can have his father walk him down the aisle if he’s so adamant about it, but OP gets to decide who she wants to walk with.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 3- Fiance and the inlaws can go... Make love to themselves... with 2 foot long pineapples 😂. If honouring someone who gave up their life to raise you is an issue, then that's a sad state of affairs. Tradition and keeping up appearances aren't as important as expressing your love and gratitude to someone you care about. OPs sister sounds like an amazing person. Someone has been chopping onions again! 👀👀

[@Russman67]

Now THAT is a visual. 🤣

[@jaccat4336]

I was friends with a pair of identical twins since pre k, they looked so alike it was amazing. But everyone always knew who was who because their mom encouraged them to have their own identities. She always dressed them differently and each had their own distinct look and personality. They would have different activities too (one liked music while other was into sports). OPs mom is nuts, your children are not dolls.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Mom is 80s slasher film bonkers. Like, come on. OP would only be TA if she agreed to do it.

[@myrabeth77]

The wife in story 2 is a manipulator, and her husband is her crowning achievement.

[@alexfunniman5335]

Story 2, it's going to suck for that guy when he finds out she's cheating,

[@shadyKpopFan]

18:37 😢 this made me tear up That's so beautiful to say and it's so sad she's been put through that

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

Story 3: different cultures have different traditions, in some cultures its perfectly acceptable for a mother to give the bride away, and OP's sister basically is her mom.

[@jam1494]

OP in story 2 probably typing reddit updates from a phone bought for him by his wife's gf/bf and doesn't want to ruin a "good thing" lol.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: I'm sorry, but how does Jess feel about the fact that her own mother doesn't think she's good enough to be in her own wedding ceremony/photos 🤔 Like, obviously I'm upset for Op, but _damn._ Jess got into an accident and now she's essentially being told that she's too "ugly" for her own wedding. No wonder she's having a breakdown over this is _that's_ what her mom is focusing on.

[@albertgongora6944]

My first story but the mother is batshit crazy and hopefully there's an update where the original poster tells her sister and brother-in-law about the situation about how the mom wanted her to be replaced by the original poster to basically stand in for her big day hopefully we get that full update for that

[@JMac7395]

STORY 1: The mom clearly doesn't view OP & her sister as human beings. She view them as her personal living dolls. The swap idea is utterly ridiculous & inconsiderate. #1 OP might accidentally end being legally married to the Jess's fiancée. #2 Jess will come to resent OP for being robbed of intimate memorable moments at the wedding. STORY 2: OP clearly lives in a world of denial & dismissal.This is a red flag from the gf. Also I'm beginning to doubt the claims of the gf having troubled relationships in the past. Her actions of being controlling, manipulative & a liar makes think she's played this game before

[@Actually_Zahren]

Story 2: yea, no. You don't just "forget" the person you had your first kiss and first time with, especially if you're having a conversation about previous partners. I also don't agree with OP that the wife isn't manipulative. She's very clearly using her past trauma to manipulate OP. I can see OP "needing" to give up their friends because it makes wife uncomfortable, and wife not giving up any of her friends because that'd also make her uncomfortable, and OP would just go along with it because "it's more important that the wife is happy"

[@owl7072]

Story 2: It's the "'I never asked her to drop her friends because I trust her' then not even considering/realizing the implication that she doesn't trust him _at all_ by making him drop his friends" for me.

[@vladimirprostran1896]

Story 2: “I dropped my best friend because I thought it made my wife uncomfortable” Honestly, if a friend said that (s)he had done this, I would go low contact immediately with this person. People like these are not worthy of friendship.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 2: This relationship has so many red flags. "If you love me you'll drop your friends" is absolutely toxic bullshit. BUT it's ok because OP has permission to reach out to those people that got cut out. If I were those friends I would just ignore OP.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

S3: yes, it’s his wedding, but it’s her wedding too, so why is the only option to give in to him? That’s just him getting his way, not a compromise.

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 3: _RUN._ Do not marry that man.

[@mirror2760]

She doesnt OFTEN gaslight me. There shouldnt be gaslighting involved in a relationship whatsoever. If the dense OP is aware enough to realize that it's often how much does he actually miss. Gotta give props (not really) to the wife tho that was an S-tier story and our love blind OP believed it,

[@taetannim3581]

Story 3: OMG, best sisters ever. This is the best story you've ever read!

[@destinysphinx27]

Story 3: FIL is suppost to welcome her into the family not give her away

[@Rael0505]

OP from story 2 is in denial about how toxic his wife is

[@weirdbutloved]

Last story: I'm really confused on how the future father in law can give her away. She is not his to give, but his to welcome. That role is for a family member of the bride. Traditionally father/brother due to them being head of the house hold, but it makes zero sense for a member of the family she's joining to be the one to give her away.