I'm UNINVITING My Mother-In-Law From Christmas And The Family Is Furious! r/Relationships

[@JayeEllis]

Story 3: NTA - I'd like to know why it is that, half the time, Reddit says, "Why didn't you just leave, then?" but when someone DOES try to duck out quietly, they are making a scene? No, her husband made a scene by not just letting her duck out quietly. Also, what makes ANYONE think it's okay to speak about their partner like that, whether in earshot or not? If I found my partner speaking ill of me, I'd be pretty peeved and want to leave, too. It's better than calling him out then and there. Why should she have 'stuck it out,' unhappy and uncomfortable, instead of going home? What's 'pleasant' about that, exactly? Seems like the smartest solution to me to lick one's wounds in private while letting the rest of the group keep their party atmosphere.

[@teacheschem]

Or, would her husband have liked her to say “I mean the same thing when I tell you that you are the best in ……”

[@audreym3908]

It was more saying that he lied about a certain dish that she makes is "better" than the restaurant just so that he doesn't hurt his wife. People have hidden secrets and little white lies just to protect their SO's feelings than saying an honest truth/opinion.

[@ivyproductions7097]

@@audreym3908 He made fun of her behind her back. It doesn’t matter if it was a “little white lie” he was insulting her as a joke.

[@kingteddieP4]

Reddit always says “YTA for not discussing this with your partner” but in that situation op was just protecting his kid from his vindictive MIL

[@diamcole]

I think it's a fair thing to do even though I would still consider it asshole-ish lol sometimes it's necessary. This seemed like one of those cases!

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Not to mention, when it comes to her mother, she either has zero spine or is one of those “she is who she is” people because she never seems to stand up for her family.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

I think putting his foot down and making a unilateral decision was absolutely the correct course of action, but wifey should have found out that mum wasn't invited before the rest of the family, just so that they can't use it against her in a, "See, see how terrible he is? You should do something about it." sort of way.

[@Rukiah1]

It was understandable he didn't want to invite her but he still should've talked to his wife. People say it's excused right now but he shouldn't have a unilateral right to cut off her family member. Wife was open to therapy so this could've easily been discussed. Or else what other family member will he decide needs to go for some reason or another.

[@lisakaz35]

It sounds like he acted preemptively as if anticipating his wife wouldn't put the child first and protect the kid from a harsh GM/MIL. I've done that -- with my mother. My mother has buckled to what-other-people-think-ism and I got the sense (as a teen) it'd be more important than her kid. So, when a school "fight" (I was attacked but the school wanted to view it as a fight) had a principal tell me how he was planning to alter my class schedule in HS, I told him I wasn't having it. I went especially hard--- on him because I knew my mother would cave and she'd expect me to back down. But I didn't want to. So I knew I had to be hugely defiant to make him think that calling her in wouldn't get me to change. In reality, him changing my schedule would likely have disrupted my pre-college coursework, and I wasn't sacrificing my post-secondary potential to someone who had no academic prospects beyond HS. Therefore, I'm inclined to be generous and think that his apology and getting her help so she got on the same page was the best resolution.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Story 1: My family is religious and they believe in waiting till marriage to have kids. When my cousin had his daughter with his girlfriend, you know what my family did? Accepted that they made a decision and loved their daughter regardless (and spoiled her rotten of course, got to follow some traditions lol). OP, you’re MIL isn’t “a bit of an a hole,” she’s just straight up nasty.

[@brigidtheirish]

Same thing with my Mom's side of the family. Were we disappointed when a couple cousins had kids out of wedlock? Sure. Did we fuss or ostracize them or their kids? No. Helped a bit that they eventually married their girlfriends, but we weren't sure that was going to happen at the time. Heck, we're Catholic, so divorce is also a no-go, but Grandma had made it clear to her kids that if Grandpa had raised a hand to her or them even *once,* she'd be out the door with them and not look back. When an uncle finally made the decision to divorce his emotionally abusive wife, he was afraid telling anyone would result in being judged. The unanimous response? "About time!" Remarrying isn't allowed so long as the marriage is still recognized by the Church (civil divorces don't count), but there's no point in torturing yourself with an unhealthy relationship.

[@peterhobson3262]

@@brigidtheirish When my Catholic SIL divorced her abusive Catholic husband everyone's reaction was relief, we were afraid he'd seriously hurt her or even kill her. When SIL remarried most of her family members attended the wedding. She's been with her second husband for over 25 years now and they seem to be very happy together.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@peterhobson3262 That's beautiful. Your SIL deserves all the happiness in the world.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@peterhobson3262 That's good. Honestly, we'd almost certainly be (eventually) okay with him marrying again. I think a big part of the reason why remarrying even after a necessary separation is forbidden is because it's far too common for people who end up in one abusive relationship to *keep* ending up in abusive relationships.

[@Cjaj2]

Reddit when a wife cuts contact with her husband's family: 😁 Reddit when a husband cuts contact with his wife's family: 😡

[@randomusername3873]

Right? It's always "you have a husband problem, why is he not defending you" But when it's the wife "you shouldn't make decisions without her"

[@teacheschem]

Because wife always discusses problem with husband first. Husband does not always discuss with wife first.😊

[@Cjaj2]

@@teacheschem no

[@ACCER]

I'm older (old enough to probably by Marks mom!) and my husband is even older than I am. I overheard him talking about my cooking. He told his friend, "I don't get it. She just sort of wanders into the kitchen and then wanders back out with an incredible feast.......and it looks like the kitchen was never touched!" Another time I overheard him he said, "I'm the luckiest man in the world. She CLEARLY doesn't NEED me.....she is better educated, earns more money, is a better cook, and is beautiful......but she still chose ME." Likewise, I have never cut him down behind his back, either. So no, it's not the norm to denigrate your spouse behind their back. It's toxic behavior.

[@sylviajones6745]

I couldn't have said it better. You two have a lovely marriage ❤

[@yef122]

Story 1 - why was OP's wife ok with her husband not being invited to things by the mom? I hope with therapy she'll grow a spine and not tolerate her husband and child(ren) being mistreated by her rude mom. Story 2 - as soon as she said "my vision for the day" I was like... yeah, she's a bridezilla 😆

[@thomasplummer8103]

Honestly, the point where I said that was when she felt entitled to the concert ticket.

[@757Bricksquad]

Probably because OP is not being entirely honest in their post, just like 99% of the rest of the stories on these subreddits.

[@mracula1667]

The bridezilla story: OP’s main concern needs to be why she has a fiancé who is completely disinterested in his wedding instead of being pampered by her wedding party. My guess is, she’ll be able to find a different Maid of Honor for her next wedding.

[@HubiKoshi]

Honestly I have a sneaking suspicion that she just blew off any of his suggestions and he just washed his hands off of the whole affair.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@HubiKoshi I think you’re right. Someone that entitled isn’t going to let anyone else have a say in “their day”.

[@judev3197]

He’s either as entitled & ridiculous as she is or he’s just given up on life & waiting for a meteor to destroy earth.

[@peterhobson3262]

Shorter OP: "Oh no, my slave is having her own life instead of catering to my wishes, desires, and whims. How dare she! Doesn't she understand the slave/mistress relationship. If I say 'sh*t' she should squat and make grunting noises!"

[@judev3197]

@@peterhobson3262 😂😂

[@dylanpalmer5151]

Story 2: Another big thing that everyone seems to have missed is that OP's wedding is the DAY AFTER MoH's bday. And, considering OP's claims that MoH is her best friend, I find it extremely targeted.

[@kb1073]

It is the bride and the groom's birthday as well. If she wanted someone to pamper her for her birthday she has a fiancé for that. It's his birthday and she doesn't care all she cares about is herself.

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 3 is an interesting story for reddit as the judgment really depends on the type of person you are. The stakes are actually kind of low and personally I think op a reaction to husband comment was warranted but I would have reacted very differently. My partner wouldn't have made such comment but if he did I'd have gotten his attention by glaring menacingly until he apologized, let him sit in the discomfort to mark the event and then let it go until we could discuss in private. Bad disparaging comments played as jokes are too common that people don't understand the harm unless its talked about.

[@jonmendelson1104]

I don't see it as a disparaging comment though. If I eat a meal at 1,000 different places and my SO makes the 2nd best version, most likely I'm just going to tell her it's delicious. If she asks me if it's my favorite, there'd be a decent chance I'd tell a white lie in front of her because saying I prefer the restaurant's to hers when I still love hers and don't have any suggestions for how she can do it better doesn't help anyone. He admitted to his brother that he'd told a white lie in front of his wife which is something I'm pretty sure everyone does from time to time.

[@LilChuunosuke]

I just dont understand why reddit is screaming that she made a scene when all she did was grab her belongings & walk out the door. Thats the big thing people are using to call her an AH, but I'm failing to see why walking out of an uncomfortable situation is some big assholish act.

[@Jamlf]

@@jonmendelson1104 A white lie is still a lie. Also, there are a huge range of words that could have been used instead of best and everything would be fine. But that is not even the point, he told his brother the only reason why he said hers was the best is because she is there. So now she knows that he does lie to her and it is insulting to hear something like that. From her husband no less. While I do think she overreacted I can understand why she felt like that.

[@jonmendelson1104]

​@@Jamlf Nearly everyone tells white lies and nearly everyone's aware that other people tell them white lies. People often give hyperbolic compliments as well. "You're the most attractive person in the world." In some cases the person actually believes that, but I'd argue in most cases it's hyperbole.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@LilChuunosuke Exactly. They are adding their own stuff into the story.

[@danisonice.]

A lot of people misunderstood why op was upset in the last story. The husband wasnt joking about her cooking. He was joking about how he has to apease her by lying because you she's too sensitive/defensive/envious/competitive/stubborn or whatever

[@alyssapower5823]

She proved him right about the too sensitive in my opinion

[@guli2594]

@@alyssapower5823 never understood how reacting negatively to a literal insult is considered "sensitive". It's like being stabbed with a needle and being called a baby if you say "ouch".

[@danisonice.]

@@alyssapower5823 yeah, I do think it was an overreaction. She could've gone up to him and tactfully called him out. He probably wouldn't have changed his behaviour if she had spoken to him after the party.

[@danisonice.]

@@guli2594 she didn't just say ouch though, she did a lot more. I don't think the punishment fit the crime. But then again, I guess im not married and don't know how demeaning it is to be the butt of your husbands jokes

[@guli2594]

@@danisonice. That's the sad thing though, because it might not have been considered tactful if she did call him out. The other husbands laughed with Op's husband. What if leaving was actually best? She was upset and hurt and decided to leave instead of possibly affecting the moods of others. And you're right we also don't know the feeling (am also not married) of being insulted by a husband. It's not an easy situation overall. But regardless if the action Op took wasn't right, I still don't think she was sensitive nor wrong to feel the way she did. They both need to do better in the future.

[@caelum8160]

I love how Reddit is so supportive and anti-MIL when the OP is a woman doing things behind her husband's back to deal with MIL bit suddenly when the roles are are reversed it's "That's her mom" and ESH or YTA. No OP isn't TA his wife is for letting her mom treat her husband and son like that for probably years since OP mentioned multiple holidays. He prioritized himself and his kid when his wife didn't, he should honestly rethink that marriage if this keeps up.

[@catsncrows]

I'm so glad OP's wife came around. I hope therapy sticks. I think OP came to a breaking point because parental protection mode kicked in and he didn't grow up part of the horrid family system and had an outside perspective

[@WobblesandBean]

I'd be surprised if it did. People with toxic mothers rarely grow a spine and cut them out of their lives, even if they lose their partners and children by doing so.

[@kimbarnes9809]

My mother and father did not "approve" of my children because I did not marry the man they wanted me to marry. Married military and travelled. I caught her saying something derogatory to my two year old son (we had driven across Canada to celebrate her birthday). I flew off the handle. Under no circumstances was she ever to be around my children alone again. Two Christmas' later we were all together as a family (Hubby deployed) and she gave Christmas presents to all her other grandchildren - for my two boys she gave one coloring book. I looked at her and said that she is no longer their grandmother and I am no longer her daughter. Before Christmas dinner we were gone. I stayed at a cousins that day and drove three provinces home. Spent New Years in our own home playing board games, chugging Root Beer and eating popcorn. That woman never saw my children again. Family is only a word if there is no love behind it.

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - YTA Bex does NOT need to share her day with anyone she doesn’t want. She probably wants to celebrate her day by herself without being breathed down her next by her bridezilla. OP is not entitled to Bex’s birthday, her concert tickets, or her time.

[@brigidtheirish]

2: Who the hell plans for their wedding the day after their birthday? Never mind that it's not only OP's birthday, but her fiance's *and her best friend's.* And she wanted Bex to share a hotel room with her *specifically* so Bex could tend to her "needs" immediately in the morning! What, is OP incapable of dressing herself? Need to be guided to the toilet? I was already thinking she was a bridezilla and then she complained that Bex's husband *didn't offer her his concert ticket!* OP's fiance better *run.*

[@noah2711]

Wait why is no one complaining about the wife, in story one, not standing up to her mother when she wouldn't invite the husband or child? But threw a fit that she wasn't involved in the decision to not invite her mother. Big NTA in my book

[@carolroberts4614]

But That's Just How Mum Is! The same old excuse.

[@rebeccaabram2312]

Wife was deep in the FOG to see how much harm MIL was inflicting on her husband and son and how much you wanna bet that the new granddaughter would be grandma's 'favorite' because she was born in marriage

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Seriously. Just another ridiculous call by Reddit.

[@tom-qj6uw]

Yup, I fluctuated between ESH and NTA and was really bothered by the YTAs. How are Wife and MIL not the bigger AHs than OP?

[@jakemarie828]

Yeah there was some gender bias there. In the comments it did say OP tried to talk to his wife first. It should be on the wife to deal with her mother.

[@Swnsasy]

Being mean to people because 1 of their children was born while they weren't married is the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever heard in my life.. I really hope she doesn't say it's due to her "religion" because obviously it's one she's made up and in her head because the God I was raised learning about would be looking at her like she's a nut job!! Nta dude I'm sorry.. As a married woman I would never have my mother treat me, my child or my husband go through this for YEARS and continue to be treated this way... If the family is mad, OH WELL!!

[@pearbear6418]

Story 2: Massive YTA. Newsflash for OP!!! The world doesn't revolve around you! She has her own life and HER birthday is more important to her than your wedding!

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 1: I've seen wives go behind the husband back against the MIL, and they are praised while the husband is called spineless... Where is that now? No one would be talking to me, my husband or my children that way, not even my own parents. The wife understands her mother is treating her and her family like shit but blows it off as Family. So what discussion is needed? I'm doing it now matter what because that horrible woman will not be in our childrens life acting like that.

[@cuzican1902]

I agree. My mother was mad at my stepfather and lashed out at everyone else including my boyfriend. (That's my mom. All about the drama, loves to cause scenes). But, I immediately told her that is not acceptable as she was very nasty to my boyfriend and he did nothing but be in the wrong place. My ultimatum, sincererly apologize or we're done. Still waiting on that apology (didn't even get a half-assed one). My boyfriend was even willing to do holidays with her because he didn't want to be the cause of the rift. I explained he is not the cause and I have a very reasonable boundary. You don't get to mistreat me or someone I care about because you are in a bad mood and expect to see me again. Mistreatment is not accpetable from anyone, including family.

[@robertx8020]

this ! And I bet OP talked about this numerous times before and still his wife went on and on with the 'indirect' abuse ... but noooooooo Op should ask his wife again (eventhought the answer would be "no" again! At some point the time to talk is over and it is time for action!

[@mogulmade]

Story 2: OPs fiance is not involved in the wedding so she has turned her MOH into her surrogate partner. This man should ask you to take his woman out? And wants his tickets!

[@krazycats564]

OP is jealous of Lee. She wants his partner because hers is useless

[@jovonpierce7610]

Story 1: I was in a similar situation but with my mom. Hubby and I discussed it and came to a decision together. I can't believe OP'S partner is not pissed about all this and came up with the solution that OP came up with. They need to go no contact with MIL.

[@robertx8020]

The NEED to go NC and they should but OP's wife won't 'because familyyyyyy' Maybe OP needs a divorce to protect the kids!

[@theresaschuebel5151]

In the last story the husband was the asshole. I have had other people tell me that they had heard my own husband make similar backhanded comments like that. In our last 2 years together he was very emotionally abusive towards me. He emotionally cheated on me if not physically. He made a commitment about my weight to his brother and brother in law with my father in law present. You see the 3 if them had thought that father in law was asleep. It was dad that told me wast was said. Father in law has always loved me. He even promised my dying father that he would look after me and love me like his own. The comment not only pissed off his dad but hurt him because my late MIL was a large lady. She struggled for years with her weight and FIL would never have hurt her by making a fat joke or backhanded comment. This man loved his bride so much that for Yeats after her death he gave her birthday and Valentines cards. Gave her fresh flowers weekly and told me at least twice a week that he wasn't done with her yet, that he had needed more time with her and that he was pissed that he wasn't going to have her anymore. That he would give anything to have one more hour with her. Then for him to hear that his own son said that he knew that I was letting myself go on purpose, that I wasn't trying to lose weight. Even knowing that my doctor said that I had thyroid issues. That due to the steroids that my doctor gave me during my pregnancy with our now 24 year old daughter due to my severe morning sickness has played a large part in those thyroid issues. He was always just as angry and even more supportive at times than my own family in the past. So on January 30 2020 he came home to our tiny home on his dad's property after spending most of the week gone staying with the older sister of the chick he left me for and told me and I quote "I am done with you. You have 30 days to pack your shit find a place to live and leave." After 24 years of marriage. His own dad is on my side because for the last two years we were married he saw how my once loving, caring, respectful, supportive husband turned into a complete ass hole. Husband even stopped being respectful to his dad. His family can't understand the man he is now. He has even emotionally abused his once beloved baby sister. She is still seeking therapy for it.

[@Kirby-zp6cg]

That second story. Wow. Just…. Wow. I’m at least glad all her bridesmaids aren’t enabling her and are telling her she’s in the wrong.

[@catharineholton49]

3rd story. In the heat if the moment, it's easy to be hurt enough to storm out. It was probably on her way home, that she started to feel bad about dad. Husband has blown it as far as I am concerned. He has shown the whole family how little loyalty he has to his wife, and he knows it. He's gone into attack mode but he needs to realise that HE is the catalyst for the drama, and apologise. Leaving was not perhaps the best decision, but it's easy to judge when you are not the one being dissed by someone you thought loved you. Its NOT about home verses restaurant food it's about respect and loyalty. Wife was insulted and ridiculed. Not the AH.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: OP is NTA and I hope the wife's therapy sticks, but you never know. And I bet that there will be drama on the day of OP's daughter's birth because, let's face it. MIL loves making drama.

[@robertx8020]

I don't get the YTA comments ..in almost any other sytuation ppl would call the wife TA for not going NC years ago! But ever after all of this the wife still wants 'mother ' in her life! She is either crazy or spineless!

[@randomusername3873]

@@robertx8020 it's a mama's girl, she is already putting her family in a bad spot to keep the monster in their lives

[@monicacurtis3986]

Story 3: In that situation, it would've been better to jokingly say "Oh really?" to put hubby on the spot and wait until after the party to tell him his comments were hurtful and that she didn't appreciate him talking about her like that.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

This is such a weird story. Like, who actually takes their cooking that seriously when held up against a restaurant…? If anything was offensive, it would be the implication that OP can’t handle small, inconsequential criticisms and must be lied and her ego stroked. She does seem a tad over dramatic though, so maybe that’s what he meant by it.

[@smokeyjazz5506]

I agree on throwing it back in his face. What I loved best was not the story itself but the comment from "vivianlight" by stating "It's so frequent in general in married heterosexual couples, especially older ones" talking about the trash talking. I met my wife in Florida and she had many Puerto Rician and Black female friends. Just walking by them and you will know everything about their partner to include the sexual side of things. Both sides trash talk and my wife even said that you should here what women talk about behind their SO's back.

[@monicacurtis3986]

@@smokeyjazz5506 as a personal rule, I don't say anything behind my husband's back that I wouldn't say to his face. I was at a work party with my husband where this one guy kept talking shit about his wife, who wasn't there. This guy was getting on my nerves, so I finally turned to my husband and said "I hope you don't talk about me like this when I'm not around" in front of all their co-workers. Many laughed, my husband swore he didn't, and that guy shut up pretty quick.

[@jakemarie828]

@@monicacurtis3986 completely agree. So disrespectful to talk bad about SOs behind their back regardless of gender.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

@@Rose-yt5hi Yeah, I'm taking this story as he can't say the truth up front without a similar reaction. It's a common manipulation tactic.

[@MisterNightfish]

Story 2: I'm pretty sure cancelling your MOH's birthday for your wedding does make you a bridezilla. That she didn't recognise it when called out just speaks volumes. She truly thinks the world revolves around her and everyone else is just here for her convenience.

[@shebakoby]

and that's not even getting into the concept that they're having the wedding the day after a birthday, I mean, talk about ridiculous timing.

[@techterror1282]

@@shebakoby nah the bride groom have the same birthday as the MOH that boyfriend knew this and planned shit anyways. She is only being called the asshole because of how she worded that post.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@techterror1282 She’s being called an asshole because she is an asshole and a bridezilla. She’s not entitled to anyone’s time the day before the wedding.

[@TailsFan]

@@shebakoby "Why did you schedule it the day before my wedding?" Why did you put your wedding THE DAY AFTER HER BIRTHDAY?!

[@shebakoby]

@@TailsFan IKR

[@C.L.Hinton]

Story 3: I have to say that I am reading the wife's actions differently from everyone else. If I'm in a situation where I'd be tempted to lose my temper or otherwise cause a scene, I remove myself from the situation. You can bet I'd be having a conversation with my partner later. But causing a rift at FIL's last NYE party would be *way* worse, imo. The husband was out of line with his Boomer humor at his wife's expense. He offered no acknowledgement of wrongdoing, just shifting the blame to his wife (whom he hurt). He's TA, not OP.

[@nikkideede7972]

To get back at her husband, Op should say she is completely satisfied with their sex life, or is she

[@jakemarie828]

Yeah idk it depends on how she left. She didn't really say she made a scene, people were reading into that. But times I get my feelings hurt, I usually feel obliged to give an excuse to the jerks so they have less ammo. The husband was definitely an ass, and the people calling OP TA probably have crap marriages full of lies and shade lol.

[@sharontalladira]

Stop with the boomer insults. Your generation is the reason everyone seems to have mental or narcissistic issues

[@robpiskulic1443]

The husband has nothing to apoligize for. He didn't insult his wife. All he said was that the other place is better and stated that he only said hers was the best because of how sensitive she is. She is completely childish to leave that party because she didn't like the fact a actual chef cooked better than her. If you condone her behavior then you are just as childish then you also attack an entire group of people. That is a pathetic way of seeing things and you pushing that behavior she so sad. No wonder why these new generations are looked at as soft because being offended doesn't make you right. Grow up and see the world for what it is.

[@ghostcatcoon8175]

​@@robpiskulic1443 it was never about the food dude. It was the fact he lied to her in the first place and then laughed about lying to her with his brother behind her back. I would be upset too if I found out my partner would rather just lie to me than tell me the truth, I would be doubly upset that they joked about it behind my back. Besides she didn't even make a scene, she tried to leave quietly and her husband started freaking out, then she yelled at him. He started the scene, she ended it.

[@imajinallthepurple]

Story 1: Hang on.... Why on earth would the wife even accept that her husband was specifically excluded from family events?!? Wtf?!? I would refuse to attend any event like that. Geeez! 🙄😠

[@joeschmo622]

_"The Husband just joked that a restaurant makes whatever better than The Opie does."_ Uhhh, *NO.* The Husband joked that *he lied* about The Opie making good whatever, because she was there to hear it. That insinuates that The Opie sucks at cooking and he just said that to shut her up and/or give her a fake compliment. That's a pretty shiitey thing to do.

[@teacheschem]

Exactly!

[@veezopolis]

Partners tell white lies to their Partners all the time. This story is ridiculous

[@bautistalover]

Some people can’t take being told they aren’t good at something.

[@owenfautley]

​@@bautistaloverI watch too many shows like that to know its true kightmare kitchen is definitely up there with people like that.

[@bautistalover]

@@owenfautley yup! 😇 kitchen nightmares basically runs on people who can’t accept they aren’t the end all be all.

[@terramarini6880]

No shade on OP in story 1. He already talked to his partner, she did nothing, I too would not see talking as an option either if my spouse wasn't listening. His only mistake was not informing her first that her mother was no longer allowed in his home going forward. Not asking, informing. Lord he has the patience of a saint, putting up with that mess for that long.

[@catT5236]

Story 3: I'll stretch to ESH because of the dying Dad, but if you're making your spouse the butt of a joke don't be surprised if they're upset when they overhear that. I don't think it's really about the cooking but that he was mocking her to his family, it'd be pretty embarrassing to find out this is how he talks about you to them.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: people saying “YTA” literally bypass how OP said MIL was being mean to their son, her grandson, because his birth was outside of wedlock… you know the innocent party. And they called OP TA for not explaining he didn’t want her invited over for Christmas because his wife is mad? Why is she mad at OP for that but not mad at her mom for treating her child like garbage? OP is NTA, but you best be sure to keep both grandchildren out of MIL’s life cause more likely than not she will treat the second grandkid better since she was birthed after marriage. Unfair to grandson, who had no control on when he was conceived let alone birthed. NTA, keep her away

[@loe_chil]

MOH story: when planning my own wedding, I made sure it would be a day that held no previous significance. Why would you want to share your anniversary with your "best friend's" birthday? It would be a constant schedule conflict. You would constantly always have to choose; attend the birthday celebration or anniversary celebration. Forget having your friend choose your anniversary over their birthday.

[@audreym3908]

The MOH birthday is the day BEFORE the wedding, not on the exact day.

[@loe_chil]

Yes I know. My point is still valid. Two parties back to back. What if the moh wants to do a girls trip? What if MOH is hungover and doesn't want to go out for a second day in a row?

[@pReCiOuStHePiMpCeSs]

Story 3 NTA! The husband literally said "was my wife standing there" and laughed. Insinuating that he lies to her face constantly! What don't people understand by this? Not everyone can control their emotions so would they rather her just be at the party upset?

[@ScooterBond1970]

Story 3: Once again we see someone delivering an insult in public and the recipient being told they should have confronted the other person in private. 🤦‍♂️

[@TelManothHexperax]

An insult ? That her plate is not the best in the world ?

[@11Superkevin]

@@TelManothHexperax if you can’t understand what the insult is, this isn’t a conversation you’re old enough to grasp

[@11Superkevin]

& just to help you out, if you have to make a joke that you wouldn’t say in the persons face & only speak truthfully being their back. It makes it difficult to see you as trust worthy

[@veezopolis]

@@11Superkevin that's not an insult

[@jakemarie828]

@@veezopolis the wife is the butt of the joke the husband is making. It's not about the food. If the genders were reversed, the comments would be up in arms about "emasculation"

[@AF-zx3uz]

Listening to this while doing my makeup for work. It's been so busy in hospitality this holiday season in New Zealand and some low-life stole out tip jar yesterday 💔

[@MarkNarrations]

Oh rubbish! Sorry to hear that AF. :/

[@jessicapalmer3455]

Dishonor! Dishonor on the thief! Dishonor on their family! Dishonor on their cow!!!!

[@shebakoby]

@@jessicapalmer3455 "May the mother of their camel spit in their yogurt" - Cpl. Max Klinger, MASH, paraphrased

[@LeeLeesBanter]

@@jessicapalmer3455 🤣😂👍

[@taylorslade961]

@@jessicapalmer3455 Don't bring the livestock into it. The cow is innocent.

[@tinycrimester]

story 1: I just don't understand why some people can't keep their opinions to themselves... i don't approve of a lot of things people do but i don't constantly remind them of it.

[@floraposteschild4184]

Agreed. So many people think everything is either 0: complete support,, or 100: drama with a capital "D" and/or no contact. If I had a dollar for every bad (IMO) decision someone made, I'd be a rich, rich lady. Just keep your trap shut.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I don't think OP not asking his wife makes him an AH. Sounds like MIL is very toxic and wife is too comfortable with that toxicity, she knows nothing else and expects nothing else. Good partners want what's best for us

[@jamalsodipe772]

Communication is the key

[@sazzaxeight3124]

Always hated the "but faaaaamily" mentality I mean the MIL clearly doesn't view them the same way going as far as to exclude and look down upon her own grandchild like that. If it'd been my mum I would've cut her out my life so fast if she treated the people I love like that. Its especially important now with another on the way because you just know she'll only be inviting daughter and wedlock baby to events. Someone should tell her to speak to her pastor or whatever because there's no way this attitude is "Christian".

[@_nikolas_3464]

@@jamalsodipe772 not in some cases Spineless people such as wife Will try to talk you out of taking any action that would potentially "rock the boat" Which makes sense from her upbringing and seeing her first reaction on situation. Yeah when one partner is spineless one with shiny one needs to put their foot down HARD.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@jamalsodipe772 He’s has a duty to protect his child, even from the child’s mother.

[@jamalsodipe772]

@@RuminatingRaptor I agree with you but communication is still key

[@mercycunningham2813]

Story 3: Oh storming out does nothing. You tell him in front of everyone you never made that dish. You always order it from HBs favourite restaurant. You just pretended to make him happy. You are so relieved your cover is blown.

[@kbomb234]

My childhood dog passed very early this morning (looked like a black Poppy). This upload is a good distraction from the grief

[@owl7072]

I'm sorry to hear about that 🥺 it's always hard losing a pet, I hope it gets better for you soon ❤

[@MarkNarrations]

Oh mate, I'm so sorry to hear that, take time for yourself. Much love to you and the family mate.

[@Angry_Red78]

Story 2: I took care of my best friend's wedding as MOH, with the help of her Mum, whilst I was in Afghanistan. I managed leave for the 2 weeks before the wedding (flew back to Afg the very next day). She was the absolute best bride EVER!!! She even got mad at me for doing too much. 🤣 It's the only time I have been in a wedding and it was soooooo much fun. I never knew how lucky I was until reading bridezilla stories!!!

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 3: If you can't say something in front of a person, then you shouldn't say it behind their back.

[@D123-f9k]

I could have a different opinion if I heard the husband’s tone was particularly nasty, but telling your spouse that some dish they like to make is your favorite but then admitting you like a restaurants version more to another person doesn’t reach the bar of making fun of her to me.

[@MrAcheivable]

I think there's potentially a bigger story not caught here he made it a point to ask if she was there and her making a scene implies a bad relationship he can't have an opinion around her that doesn't make her out to be the best at everything either because she has a fragile ego or she could be manipulative and toxic or he could be just the surface level story painting of a minupulative person which also toxic too little here to really dig into unfortunately

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

@@D123-f9k operative words are "to me". OP is not you. We don't know how good of a cook OP is. Either way OP was hurt. Telling a woman to swallow her feelings until later is an exercise in futility if she has reached her breaking point. I personally wouldn't cook for him until he made a public apology, just like hi insult.

[@BigCryptidEnergy]

@@D123-f9kidk I think he was being an asshole, the fact that he fully admitted she was never supposed to hear it and that he says “well was she there when I said it” definitely makes it sound like he was just laughing at her behind her back for fun. I doubt the fact that he didn’t like her dish the best was actually the issue she had so much as it was her husband turning her into a joke so his buddies can have a good laugh.

[@livewellwitheds6885]

why did the wife do nothing when her husband has been constantly excluded? how can she be fine with that? I'm so confused

[@anitaslack9193]

In the last story so many of the comments seem to be missing a major point. I don't think the OP was so hurt that her husband said the restaurant made something better than she did. It was his implication that the only reason he complimented her cooking was that she could hear him. He basically made a joke of lying to his wife when he compliments her, then laughing behind her back about it later. That's what hurt. He's either lying to her face for bonus husband points or he's lying to his brother for chauvinistic giggles, but either way he's lying ABOUT her and laughing behind her back about it. Now, I wouldn't have left the party. I'd have walked right in there and said "Is that right. Well then the restaurant can make it for you from now on because I'm never cooking you that, or anything else, again without an apology. Enjoy your Hungry Man dinners until you learn to respect your wife." But I've spent decades learning how to stand up for myself and getting tired of people's bs. I'd have done it quietly, without making a scene, and then it would be up to him to either suck it up until we get home knowing that he screwed up, or he can make the scene at the party and ruin everything and make himself look bad. But this is all just Monday morning quarterbacking, since I wasn't there and it wasn't me. Still, everybody acting like OP was a spoiled princess having a tantrum because her husband said a restaurant makes food better than a layperson is pissing me off. That's not the problem. The problem is that her husband is a liar and/or a chauvinist mocking her behind her back.

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 3: don't understand the YTAs or ESHs. OP wasn't making a "dramatic exit," she grabbed her coat and left SO SHE WOULDN'T MAKE A SCENE. Guaranteed if she would have stayed, she would have been miserable, and these same people would have said, "why didn't you leave? You ruined everyone else's time, did you have to be so dramatic?"

[@haweka9007]

Story 1: if it was ops wife who uninvited his verbally abusive mother without discussing with him the comments would have been very different. Especially considering that ops wife doesn't sound like she did anything to shut down her mother's comments.

[@Katsufon]

For story 3: I have to say eta but I do have to point out the joke wasnt that a restaurant made a dish better than the op, the joke was "was she around when I said that? Well there you go" was hurtful bc it implied he only said it to make op feel better

[@melodymagickal6508]

The fact he said "stop being such a princess". What else does he joke about? His stupid misogynistic joke is not a joke because of that line. "Was she in the room when I said it?" Lol isn't it so cute and quirky when couples make fun of each other and lie about even the most trivial things behind their backs? No. It isn't. If something I made sucks I expect to be told so and she's an adult - telling her straight up what he thinks is better. One NTA comment mentioned this that the dynamic to act like a "bro" and make fun of his wife is not cute, and is actually not healthy for a relationship.

[@mishratheforsaken]

seriously? Have you never lied to someone to spare their feelings? Like what do you tell your partner(s), to their faces, that they are worse at something then a professional? How has that gone for you so far?

[@melodymagickal6508]

@@mishratheforsaken It isn't the lie to spare feelings- though yeah sometimes that can go to far. I remember the story of the husband who said he liked things he didn't and after years resented his wife-**resented his wife for his lies**. Now this is kind of a different scenario. The fib isn't the problem - the way he joked about it, implying to others that his wife's cooking is trash and deserves to be laughed at behind her back is. Another comment in the video to this was "there's no loyalty here". There was a guy who overheard his (girlfriend or wife) joking about him loosing his hair. He was hurt and I don't remember if he left her or not- but that's the point. Not that he's lying to her but making fun of her which shows overall disrespect.

[@mishratheforsaken]

@@melodymagickal6508 i beg you to PLEASE point to where he actually shit talks her food. Because it really sounds like people are taking "my wife's cooking of (dish) isn't the best in the entire world/ the best of all time" to somehow mean "My wife is so terrible at cooking, she managed to burn water, lol" Like of course you chuckle after the "was she there" comment. it's common knowledge that you use white lies in that kind of situation. Like what kind of idiot openly insults their spouse, while they are standing right next to them? So yeah, you laugh at the obsurdity of someone implying you wouldn't lie in that situation

[@melodymagickal6508]

@@mishratheforsaken Because he didn't specifically. *The conversation implied it*, that at least in comparison her's wasn't that good and they laughed about it. She wasn't hurt about the fact she doesn't make the best in the world.🙄🤦 She was hurt that they're laughing *about* his lie. There's no feelings spared when your Mean Girl giggling about it to family or friends. The real problem here is his escalation, calling her a 'princess' for leaving- further disregarding her feelings and blowing off making fun of her as something that's just going to happen and she should shut up and accept it. Everything he says nice is now in question- is he lying about how good she looks only to laugh to his brother in front of other family how ugly she looks and cackling about it? He didn't flipping spare her feelings with a lie if he's exposing his lie to others when she's "not supposed to be around". The problem isn't trash talking her food, or *lying to her*, it's that he *told the truth that what he said in front her was an obvious lie- but it's okay for him to admit it and laugh about it to others*. General rule of thumb - if you lie to an SO about a thing don't snicker about it to friends and family behind the SO's back. If you knew not to say it to her face in front of others then don't say it to others when she's not there. The truth, explained kindly to her, would have been way better.

[@Chris-qf5do]

I'm a twin and got married the day after my birthday. On my birthday, the bridesmaids and I went to a spa for massages and I paid for my sister's to be upgraded as a birthday gift. We also had our birthday cakes at the rehearsal dinner. (we always get one each, as we like different cakes).

[@Luthelioness83]

Story 2: YTA to the 10th power! Oh no! Say it isn't so! Your MOH has to ask her hubby permission to enjoy her birthday instead of helping you the day before the wedding? I gotta wonder if she just sent this to Reddit while mad and didn't even stop to realize the sheer entitlement it reeked of. I really don't understand all the drama with weddings and I'm gonna say she is the biggest bridezilla in the history of bridezillas.

[@Icalasari]

Story 1 - THANK YOU /u/TechnologyLivid9247 for saying it! People were neglecting the fact that the wife was essentially letting the MIL also abuse _their child_ in this fashion. That MIL _and the entire family_ need to learn, "Either play nice, or don't play at all"

[@tracy238]

Story 3: I would have walked out as well. Her husband is not a nice person. The fact that the FIL is sick and might be his last New Years means nothing in this. Having a sick father doesn't mean you get to say things behind your wifes back.

[@truthseeker9249]

Correct. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@audreym3908]

It was more saying that he lied about a certain dish that she makes is "better" than the restaurant just so that he doesn't hurt his wife. People have hidden secrets and little white lies just to protect their SO's feelings than saying an honest truth/opinion.

[@tracy238]

@@audreym3908 I don't see it that way. If he's happy to say that about her cooking what else is he saying that she doesn't know about. I don't agree with lying for whatever reason, there are ways of getting around things to not hurt your partners feelings that don't include lying.

[@audreym3908]

@@tracy238 so how would you say about her dish then?

[@bbwsenpai2562]

Hey Mark! Me and my newborn love listening to your videos to wind down

[@MarkNarrations]

Aww hello to you and the little one! Hope you have a lovely relax :)

[@mindyschocolate]

S1: why are they still talking to that mean woman? I’ve had dumped her years ago.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Story 1: NTA wife sounds like a pushover who will never go against mommy.

[@darkage1524]

Story 3 i find it funny that people are saying "i wouldn't react poorly when this happens to me and wait till after the party" like hell you would sorry but people react to poor behaviour and being hurt with hurt feelings or sadness if your partner made fun of you behind your back and you caught them you'd all throw a fit

[@jessamynroguski9649]

Yeah ive had my fair share of storming out of a situation where i felt hurt, but its more of an "i need to escape before i have either a panic attack or a full breakdown where someone's getting a chair beamed at their head" Recently stormed out of a resturaunt while having dinner with friends because they were treating me like a child when i was the oldest one at the damn table I know i can be immature at times but they took it too far, and they even admitted that

[@darkage1524]

@@jessamynroguski9649 it's actually normal for upset people to storm off it's when they don't you should be worried

[@nelsontorres6855]

In story 3 the joke wasn't really even about the wife or her cooking. He didn't say it was bad in any way he said the restaurant made it better but in front of his wife he won't admit that. The joke was more about how husbands will say things to make their wives happy even if they aren't true.

[@onepieceisking5493]

Story 1, NTA. For years that witch did all she could to exclude op, say horrible things to op, even cancelled last minute on New Year's because of "plans" which I call BS. That was more like " I hate you and wanted you to miss your big plans that you had for months". After all the crap she's done I'd be uninviting her from my life. Update, hope the wife learns that just because that witch is family doesn't give her the right to treat her, her husband and her kid like THAT. Not surprised that the witch refused to come after seeing that is going to start fighting back. That witch really NEEDS to get over herself.

[@kitarrah1422]

Story 2: Hearing Mark trying so hard not to bust out laughing while reading it was hilarious. 🤣 That is definitely a bridezilla, but it seems like she's always like that. The entitled attitude! Wow...just wow.

[@clairebear-96]

Listening on my way to work today - which I’m very excited for since I haven’t been to work in almost 2 weeks! I love that we get a paid week off for christmas but I miss the babies I take care of soooo much! Happy new year and hope everyone has a great wednesday!!

[@kentario1610]

I recently told my brother the story about the girl whose friends trashed a hotel room and ditched her to become a modern slave, he asked me to send the link, and now more often than not when I peek at his screen I see the distinctive Mark Narrations backgrounds.... Hmm.

[@podunk_woman]

S1, maybe OP's wife needed a shocking situation to open her eyes. Yes, he should have talked to her first, but I'll bet he has many times before and got the "but she's my mom, I can't leave her out." Guarantee it's not the first time

[@adrestiaceaser3011]

Story 3: NTA. Wtf are those commenters saying? OP didn't deliberately cause a scene. Her husband said something mean about her behind her back and she didn't want to be around him anymore, so she got her stuff and left. Do they really expect her to just spend the rest of the party upset?

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

She didn't even cause the scene; he did by chasing her and asking what she was doing. He could have allowed her to slip out quietly, made excuses for her and talked it out at home. At a family party, her purse was likely in a separate room with coats or something; it's likely that she could have collected her thi gs and gone without a word had he not raised a fuss.

[@adrestiaceaser3011]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Exactly. If I'm at a gathering and I see someone leaving, I don't bat an eye, unless it's the host, and even then, I'll just be like, "Huh?", but you know what I and everyone else will pay attention to? The person chasing after them, yelling at them.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 2: I would think that week would be busy enough celebrating three birthdays, and you plan a wedding on top of that? It's almost like you wanted a scheduling conflict.

[@My-name-is-Kit]

These almost always pop up right before my lunch break. Perfect timing. Thanks, Mark!

[@lapsedgoth]

As someone who has a kinda crappy MiL I'll say sometimes you don't have the opportunity to discuss before removing someone from your life. She isn't entitled to your home and hospitality for any reason, and she sure isn't giving it to you. If my husband doesn't want someone I love over, he can withhold invitation and we can discuss whether that stands or not later. I love and respect my husband enough to respect his feelings and I'd want the same from him. Nta for (first story I think). You can't sit around and wait for your spouse on every decision, you have to give them some space to set their own boundaries and you work around those boundaries as a team.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 hard NTA. The fact he cried violating privacy let's me know this was malicious not a "joke". This may have OP reevaluating the entire relationship. What other compliments has he given that were actually lies. OP may be va sensitive person. I think if anyone disrespected FIL, it was the husband for sure.

[@agingophelia9812]

She didn't overhear that a restaurant cooks better than her-- she heard her husband pretending he has to lie to her that's she's the greatest to keep the peace, so that he could score some sort of ego points with his brother. She was shocked and hurt, and couldn't play brave soldier in front of the ILs. So sue her. if her hubs needed her support so bad, why did't he treat her with kindness? He's the AH that ruined things.

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

Based on her reaction... maybe he does have to lie to her to keep the peace.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@ladynevermore9910]

Thank you don't know me but I did need to hear this, thank you. You are appreciated and you are awesome 💖

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@ladynevermore9910 glad I was able to be here for you m8 much love 🤗🤗💜💜

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Just sitting here listening to the giant storm we are having and Mark. Stay safe please, peace.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 3: usually reddit is all about "remove yourself from the situation" etc. But here OP is supposedly TA? The problem isn't the food quality, the problem is that hubby said he lied to his wife and made a joke about it. Being bro and talking shit about your SO and then admitting you're lying to them (on the regular) is showing so much disrespect. I'm not surprised that it was also the women in the kitchen at that occasion. This dynamic is bad and outdated, all that was missing was one of the demanding more beer be brought to them. And instead of apologising hubby doubled down and called her a princess. You don't need to take disrespect from anyone, especially not if you're slaving away in the kitchen, only to be the butt of a joke. In this situation I'd have probably give my SO a death stare and said "well if you feel that way you can go help put in the kitchen then" and gone to the bathroom and then talk about it more in private later.

[@kbf9644]

Last one: ESH The scene made was ridiculous. That being said, a lot of people seem to skip over that his “joke” was telling his brother his compliments and bragging about her were lies because she was there. In her mind she had to wonder what else he’s said about her in her presence that were also lies and then wondering what he’s actually saying behind her back.

[@NottyAries]

Story 1: NTA. If the wife let her mother treat her husband and child like crap, she doesn't deserve a day in if the mother comes for Christmas.

[@mogulmade]

Story 3: Op feels rightfully hurt because she found out that her husband's compliments have been lies. Especially with the "men watching TV and women in the kitchen". It's not about the restaurant being "better" ... He didn't intend for her to hear so who knows what other "jokes" she is the brunt of so he can look cool. Plus it sounds like Op is always cooking for this idiot if his brother even knows about her food. NTA.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Not only that, it implies that clichéd, "I have to lie to my wife to keep her happy or she won't shut up." sort of attitude that Boomer marriages seem to encourage.

[@terramarini6880]

She can just never make him that dish again, wait till he asks why and then casually drop the bomb that you heard him trashing the dish. Keep doing this with everything he trash talks, he'll learn. Be like the lady whos husband yelled at her for being late because of a flat tire, she never drove again and her husband was sooooo sorry but she stood firm, you honey, are doing ALL the driving from now on. Groceries, kids school, kids extra curriculars, kids b day parties, vacations, back to school shopping, banking, Dr. appointments, can't have a drink when out to dinner cause she won't drive... All on him, hahahahaha!

[@jonmendelson1104]

@@terramarini6880 I think I missed the part of the story where he trashed her dish.

[@reygonzalez8706]

@@jonmendelson1104 Exactly! He did not trash her dish. He seemed to just exaggerate her expertise on it, which is not uncommon when you are talking to others about your SO skills on some things. We don't know the context of when or why he said this, probably it wasn't only family there when he exaggerated about his wife skills. It could have been an ego booster for is wife. Yes, the joke was tasteless and even somewhat hurtful, but nothing you cannot talk and resolve in private. But now even doing some tasteless joke make you a miso*ynist. And yes, she acted like a princess. She could have made him pay for that mistake in many other ways (like many women tend to do), but she decided to make a drama and now she is the villain for the family and the damage could be irreparable.

[@mogulmade]

@@reygonzalez8706 No way. He asked his brother, "Was she there when I said it" meaning, you know I lied cause she was in the room. Like "duh"...

[@Silence-1170]

Hi waffles hope y'all are doing well! Stay safe and stay positive waffles! Just enjoying time relaxing at home!

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey Silence hope you and the fam are all good!

[@Silence-1170]

@@MarkNarrations we are! Life is being slow right now but I don't mind it. I enjoy as much time with family as I can!

[@livewellwitheds6885]

story 3 if your "guy talk" is private because you know others will be harmed when they hear it, you are TAH....

[@randomusername3873]

And as usual the family can watch Op and wife never being invited for multiple events and say nothing, the moment the opposite happens they are furious. Why do people keep up with this BS? It's clear that mil and the entire family hates them, why do they keep them in their (and most important, their son's) lives?

[@evavocative6975]

Good Morning Mark and all you guys listening!

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey there Eva, hope you're doing well!

[@evavocative6975]

Hey Mark, doing good! I'm baking Potato Chip Cookies, I know it's not cake you might prefer though. I saw the Bridezilla post as it was happening, I couldn't believe the audacity of OP expecting that she'd get the ticket her friend's husband had for her birthday . Sounds like most of her friend group are done putting up with her as well.

[@HarryVibes36]

OPs wife in S1 has a spine made of paper. DOORMAT.

[@emm_uhh]

Isn't there usually a wedding rehearsal before the wedding the day before? Or at least any wedding I was in. Also was part of a DYI wedding and spent the day before making charcuterie boards and cleaning chairs

[@emilybarclay8831]

S1: why do all these grown adults need to be TOLD that their spouses are being abused in front of their eyes? If she can’t see that, no level of ‘communication’ is gonna do shit. Why do people need their spouse’s permission to stand up for themselves when their spouses fail to do so?

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Wait “A bit of an asshole? A bit?” I can understand some partners are in the fog but it’s concerning it seems to not be hitting her how damaging is this to kids. What OP did is excusable. NTA.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Last story: NTA. If OP chooses to stay with the man-child, she should cease cooking for him entirely. He can go to that precious restaurant that he loves so much.

[@jonmendelson1104]

I'd argue OP is the asshole. He never said he didn't like her meal, he essentially just admitted that he'd use a white lie in front of his wife rather than start a pointless fight. If he ate the meal at 1,000 different places and his wife's was the second best, unless he had specific suggestions to improve hers, nothing is helped by him saying "I like yours, but this other place does it better" so he told her it was the best in front of her. It's like if your SO asks you if your ex was better in bed than them, you don't say yes even if it's true. If OP had been intentionally having the conversation in front of her, I could see it being taken as him being passive aggressive and complaining about her version of the meal, but I don't see that being the case since he didn't realize she could hear him (and no, I'm not trying to say that she was eavesdropping/complain about her overhearing it).

[@meOW0131]

Story with the delusional bridezilla: she's a delusional bridezilla.

[@michaelmathes1991]

My son and daughter in law have three kids together and are not married and I could care less. I love all my grandkids and my daughter in law is wonderfull.

[@LilChuunosuke]

*Story 3:* Was gonna say NAH until the husband made the princess comments and pulled out the emotional manipulation. First off, why is everyone saying OP caused a scene by leaving? All she said was that she grabbed her belongings and walked out. She didn't say she yelled. She didnt say she stomped. She didn't say she announced her departure. She just left. How is that a grand display of assholery? OP is allowed to be upset that her husband secretly hates her food. Husband is allowed to be upset she left after eavesdropping. It really wasn't that big of a deal. Until the husband started calling her names & blackmailing her over her dying FIL. He literally could've said "I'm sorry, honey. I shouldn't have been making jokes at your expense or lying to you. But I still wanted you to get recognition for your cooking because it IS still delicious & you deserve praise for it." It could've been DONE after that. But the husband escalated. NOT OP. Walking away from a situation that makes you feel upset and uncomfortable is not the same as causing a scene.

[@wessexdruid7598]

This.

[@jeffreed2848]

He never said he hated it. Thats the problem here. He just said that a restaurant made a fish dish better than his wife but he tells his wife that hers is his favorite. Nowhere in that does he say he dislikes or hates her dish, only that the restaurant is better

[@praeeo]

I agree, nothing said that she made a scene leaving, seems more the husband saw her reaction and he added to the overall scene; however, I didn't get the impression she EAVESDROPPED either... she was passing by and heard the convo. I would be upset, too... he was degrading in how he delivered it to his brother and wanted to take him to a place that would actually make it better... Husband was condescending to her on all levels. I would have been shocked, too, but if I had time to react, I would have leaned in on my way to the bathroom and told the BIL that he could just wait to go the restaurant to get the dish and looked at the husband and continued on my way. The husband is a gaslighter and an AH. It would have affected the rest of my evening and the way I would view the husband. BTW, I'm not saying leaving was the right thing to do either... I would have just gone and hung out with the FIL and spent some time with him. I would have had words w/ husband later!

[@susanprather1021]

Next time walk in and join the joke by saying " just like I say to you, you're the best I ever had"

[@megzarie]

@@jeffreed2848 well except he's lied to her about her food tasting better only to then trash talk about her behind her back. "You're weren't supposed to hear that. It's just guy talk" is not a valid excuse for people being shitty to their partners. It wasn't about the food necessarily but the intent of lying to his wife about her food tasting the best and then turning around and putting her down. He may not have out right said it, but he might as well have said "lol i hate my wife amiright fellas? 🤣🤣🤣" Like if the husband was truthful to his wife then he could've told her that the restaurant that he liked served best spaghetti in town, then it's less of an insult because obviously there are professional chefs out there that can make better spaghetti than the average homecook. Instead the husband decided that it was better to lie and disrespect his wife than it would be if he had simply told the truth. (For clarification, they didn't say what kind of dish it was, so I said spaghetti because Spaghetti is easy to make and I've been thinking about making it for work next week. Sue me i guess)

[@laurenramsey60619]

op not ahole her husband is for ignoring her feelings

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: ESH -- MIL for being an interfering wacko, wife for not putting her foot down about her parents years ago (what's wrong with her father, I wonder?) and OP for letting it drag on for so long and then suddenly making a grand gesture, apparently without having a serious discussion with his wife. Time for some marriage counselling about setting healthy boundaries and communication.

[@vivkesh6513]

I’d tell the mother in law you don’t invite divorcee’s because they’d be a bad influence on their child

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 1: I'm more mystified that both OP and wife were still putting up with MIL even this long. And I'm kinda shocked the wife wasn't the one to suggest this. Isn't she tired of her mother's BS by now? If MIL so often hosts events without OP, couldn't she just plan her own party in response? Why is she even mad? The very fact that the solution was to limit contact, and that immediately improved the situation, should indicate that the contact itself is the real issue. Not who decides what. That's a smokescreen.

[@dracawyn]

Story 2: no one going to talk about the OP scheduling her wedding to be one day after her best friend's birthday? So that, from now on, her friend's birthday is almost definitely going to be overshadowed by OP's anniversary?

[@catlover2223]

Ooooo. Hadn’t thought of that. Good point!

[@Vivi_LaRue]

It’s the day after the bride and groom’s birthdays as well. They all have the same birthday.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

“Be they’re THE MOMENT I wake up”?! What is she, the Queen of England?

[@indianspartan76]

Story 1: Oh duck that! Whenever a husband doesn't support his wife against a 'just-no-MIL' reddit shrieks, "there's a husband problem waaah." Interesting that there are no top comments calling out the wife. How very telling

[@audreym3908]

Yep

[@AKASANJEEWA]

3rd story, so if the husband is having an affair in secret and if the wife turn up and caught him red hand, would she be the ass hole for spying on him? I don't think she is the ass hole, even for "ruining" the day for his family. Ppl are allowed to be emotional specially when her husband was joking about her behind her back. Not everyone remember to take a step back and have a second thought every single time. Remember she is also emotional at the moment because of her FIL.

[@abigailpulliam6996]

Story 3: She didn't make a scene!! She quietly walked out!

[@Grimangell135]

That last story YTA rating is ridiculous. People saying it was tasteless and cruel for her to leave are giving in to the pity party that is the New Years Eve. Regardless of the fact that this was "guy talk" this was only one instance of her catching it. Who knows what else has been said. Her husband lied to her face, then stabs her in the back. Yeah, it's a simple comment. No, it wasn't done as a joke. It was meant to harmful as it wasn't said in OP's presence so people need to get off the husband's willy about OP owing an apology to the family and him. Perhaps if he didn't want to suffer the consequences of his stupidity, then maybe he shouldn't tell such BS about his wife.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 3: OP's husband is the A-hole. If OP was so hurt that she was going to cry, then it is better that she left. She didn't make the scene, her husband did. Father-in-law probably didn't give a flying fig if she was there.

[@sagesaria]

THANK you. Everybody saying she was "making a scene," I was like "...she's trying to leave quietly and her husband called it out." If her leaving ruined everything and it was so important that she say for FIL's last New Years', maybe the husband shouldn't have made hurtful jokes about her at a party. And everybody downplaying his 'joke' and saying she overreacted because he wasn't being THAT critical...he LITERALLY SAID "was she in the room when I said it?" How is that NOT a mean-spirited comment?! I'm so sick of reddit victim-blaming and telling people that they reacted "incorrectly" to being hurt.

[@simac8396]

@@sagesaria Husband says to his brother, " lets go to this restaurant, they make the best (unspecified Dish) in the world"....brother says "I thought your wife made the best dish?" husband says was she in the room?". this seems like a harmless joke, his wife is a good cook but not as good as a 5 star restaurant. my partner is a brilliant cook but he understands he's not as good as a 5star chief at a 5 star restaurant. the wife...either op is super sensitive and her whole self worth is wrapped up in her ability to cook which makes the joke funny because she flipped out OR there is a lot of missing information.

[@belial3781]

​@@simac8396 the problem is, he didn't imply that she's a good cook, just not as good as a restaurant chef, he implied that he only compliments her cooking as lip service when she is in hearing range and doesn't actually mean it. He implied that she's so vain that she needs this kind of over the top compliment to feel validated. The bottom line is, you should never, ever make a joke at someone's expense, least of all when they are not around. Overhearing that kind fo thing makes you feel devalued, like you are easy to fool, an idiot for believing whatever compliment was given and it creates a rift between you and everyone else who is privy to the joke at your expense. It makes you think, what else about me are they making fun of, and how often does this happen. in short, it makes you feel like crap and alienated and removing yourself from that situation is imo a good, drama-free solution. Unless, of course, someone confronts you and calls you childish for not wanting to be the butt of jokes said behind your back...

[@BigCryptidEnergy]

@@simac8396disagree, the joke was clearly at her expense and I really don’t think her upset had anything to with the fact that he preferred the restaurant dish over hers, but rather that her husband was willing to make her the butt of the joke when she wasn’t there for a laugh. I work in the food industry, I would not be upset if my recipe for a dish was not somebody’s favourite, or even if they didn’t like it at all, everybody has different tastes and that’s completely fine, but hearing somebody make that joke about me that I was obviously the butt of and that I was obviously never supposed to hear would upset me, especially if it was coming from my partner. It was laughing at her not with her.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - While I agree, in general, decisions need to be made as a couple, we all reach a NO point, and have to unilaterally draw a boundary, whether we have agreement from our partner or not. My home is one of those boundaries. Sounds to me like this line is at least four years over due.

[@WyntheRogue]

1: NTA: You're an awesome daddo and husband for putting a hard no on MIL's self righteous and toxic antics. I'm glad you and your wife were able to solve this through communication and she's getting the much needed therapy. It sounds like your wife was subjected to verbal abuse and getting scapegoated behind closed doors and had numbed herself to cope with it. You're helping her with the fog and I wish you the best for your growing family. Story 3: I'm going against the grain and saying NTA. Even if it were "guy talk/banter" it can easily misinterpreted/taken the wrong way by the recipient being talked about. The way it was worded it sounded like OP reacted from a place of hurt as not everyone can differentiate joke from normal conversation and not everyone can keep up a poker face or internalize if upset. OP did the right thing and left to avoid going off on her husband,yes it sucks that the NYE party became awkward for the sick FIL's household but at the same time, OP can't help being born with ears overhearing said conversation at a party. I'm sure her husband didn't mean to hurt her feelings but in hindsight knowing you're amongst family including your spouse,reading the room would be ideal. Not divorce worthy obvi BUT definitely need to sit down and have a serious chat as communication is key. If he makes a fuss,he can cook his own dinners for a little bit and see how much of a bone head he was being.

[@karendaniel620]

Story 3: ESH She ruined what is probably FIL's last NYE. But I wonder how often OP is the butt of the joke. BIL took it in stride and even laughed with husband. This suggests to me it's a normal thing.

[@mishratheforsaken]

I really don't understand why people feel that it's some kind of offensive joke. Like are you going to tell your partner every time you see/taste/etc... something that surpasses them? "Hey hun, saw someone on the street that was WAYYY hotter then you" OR "If you like that, you should try (restaurant) they make a WAYYYY better version of it" (said while the cook is standing right there)

[@babymac1379]

@@mishratheforsaken Or you could literally say nothing instead of lying to someone's face and laughing about them behind their back later.

[@mishratheforsaken]

@@babymac1379 ah yes. so instead of having the fight over "lying" to someone, you can just have the fight where you NEVER compliment anyone (because lets be honest, there will always be someone who did (thing) better. And it would be "wrong" to "lie".) I'd wish you luck living in that sad SAD world that you have constructed within your mind. But that would be a lie, because deep down I know you will never be able to, with such glaring trust issues.

[@babymac1379]

@@mishratheforsaken This is a ridiculous argument to me. You can compliment someone and say they did something great without lying and saying it's the best ever. And you DEFINITELY don't have to laugh at them behind their back. The fact that you say I'm living in a "sad world" because I believe you can be kind without lying is hilarious.

[@mishratheforsaken]

@@babymac1379 If you are unable to understand hyperbole as hyperbole, then that sounds like a personal problem. If you take offense at overhearing that the hyperbole that was given to you (as a compliment), was (again) just hyperbole, then you have much bigger issue you should be confronting. The only thing i will give some ground on, is the possibility that we are defining "laugh" differently. To me i see the husband giving a light chuckle at being asked a stupid question. IE "Why didn't you insult your wife's cooking to her face" *laugh* "Because i'm not an asshole, who insults their wife". I think you are defining it as a laugh with a lot more malice behind it.

[@dianeessex300]

Story 1: Wife already knew her mother was abusive to her husband AND HER 4 YEAR OLD SON. She should have told her to kick rocks years ago.