My Narcissistic Suicide Attempt | Jacob (Nameless Narcissist)

[@le_th_]

It's so interesting how internally beautiful narcissists can be deep down inside where what they long for is to be sincerely loved.

[@JellieJoShmo]

I disagree that’s it’s “internally beautiful.” It’s more interesting and disillusioning how utterly in denial they are to THEMSELVES, not just others & how averse to peace and contentment they are. His whole orientation/compass he uses to navigate the world is: what are other people going to think/feel and how can I control that narrative. From my perspective as a viewer I see how all consumed he is by this narrative, meanwhile I (in 29 years) have never heard of him and will probably rarely if ever think about him again. In reality l, the world he occupies is so small (as it should be, he’s just another human being) & yet in his head it seems so much larger than it is. It’s clear that even his journey to be transparent about his narcissism feeds his ego a bit because he gets to embrace the narrative of some monster that hurts people. For me, this video has definitely been eye opening, but in such a way that I see even more clearly that narcissists are just very delusional people that truly don’t have any hold over any of us (unless they physically restrain or threaten us ofc) - they simply activate/attempt to exploit certain character traits (empathy, duty, sense of self) that we define too rigidly in our culture. Like my narc dad might be satisfied that I’ll be hurt when he dies - and I’ve even felt guilt creeping up about the fact that I likely won’t feel a thing because I mourned my childhood and the reality of it already/continue to, but the more I reflect and learn about myself, the abuse I endured, etc. the less and less the man is part of the grief. And through healing and integration and self-definition: I don’t feel any obligation to grieve abusive people. I don’t feel any shame around the contentment I may even feel. Our culture (which narcissists take advantage of) would suggest I’m heartless for it, but I simply disagree. My feelings are mine. My perspective is mine. I don’t have an obligation to care of feel any particular way about anything or anyone. Sounds harsh but it doesn’t feel harsh, it feels authentic & grounded to me. As I’ve been saying lately when someone tries to stress me out (like my narc dad did throughout my childhood): “Not today. Not these adrenal glands.” ❤️‍🩹

[@mosaic.owl.studios]

​​@@JellieJoShmoBravo, so very, very well said. I recently worked in an office (until I requested a department transfer due to the following events) that has a very nasty bully. Extremely narcissistic. Despite this person's toxic rage, constant devaluing of others, sabotaging others' tasks, extreme reactivity, among other maladaptive behavioral patterns, the others in the office continued to make excuses for this person. Even the primary target of this person's bullying kept making excuses for the bully's behavior, despite them reporting that they were vomiting before coming to work on most days due to the way this person was treating them and speaking to them. I approached our supervisor about the behavior on multiple occasions. The supervisor also made these excuses, and would say that this person was now hurt and offended that I was calling out their behavior and that I had limited my interaction with them to strictly only business-related exchanges (never responding to any of their non-business-related attempts at communication). My only response, each time, was... "The sort of people who need to put others down and make others feel small just to make themselves feel bigger and better...do not deserve the time of day from me, period. And I won't apologize for that. They always have the choice to cease these behaviors, and that is the only acceptable solution to this problem." Totally unapologetic. That supervisor later resigned, because for whatever reason, they weren't able to stop the bully (and it's a state government job, so they didn't really have any direct power to fire the bully). I wouldn't back down, I stood my ground. People who need to devalue others to settle some sort of cognitive dissonance within themselves...do not deserve the time of day from me or any other person who respects the other people in the environment, period. I've transferred departments, after telling leadership I would not work in an environment where anyone is being bullied. The bully is still there. And everyone else left in that department is still experiencing distress due to the bully's maladaptive and offensive behavior. Eventually, leadership won't be able to ignore the obvious truth. There is but one common denominator to all the toxicity in that office.

[@pineappleflow2876]

If you can see someone's beauty, i doubt they are a narcissist.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

The have no true self . They exist onto the extent that they are given supply

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

The have no true self . They exist onto the extent that they are given supply

[@Julia-0411-k8x]

Jacob helped me trough his channel in so many ways he is one of the few people I can relate to and his videos helped me understand myself better and helped me in treatment.

[@deejamieson]

Narcissism is the apotheosis of pain, cleverly attempting to disguise itself out of protection. Using offense as defense.

[@liviacarvalho7065]

OMG, I'm so torn. Because, obviously, there are narcissists in our lives, and they harm us BAD, so I feel entitled to leave them, but I also feel so sorry for them and don't wanna abandom them. This is so difficult, I don't know what to do, I hate not knowing what to do :/

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

Wow, my NPD father on the left, i was his carer, my father tried to kill me several times, in the end he tried to have me jailed on false charges..my he burn in hell

[@nycjanedoe]

No one deserves to be in the kind of pain that leads them to end their lives.

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

Tidbit from a psychoanalytic lens: from Freud we learn that we humans have both a life drive and a death drive and the drives are fused - until they sometimes defuse and the destructive drive rises up. Sometimes this results in violence, to self or others. This came to mind when I was listening to him. We all have it inside us. Emotions are distressing yes!

[@ethanshreve1871]

I think that if you combine this idea with some object relations theory you can assume that the individual wants to return to some level of primordial oneness. Like a ‘oneness’ we have pre-birth in the womb of the mother. Idk how this would play out biologically as I’ve seen some people claim that the ‘death drive’ as Freud understood it has some limitations in so far as it doesn’t seem like people have a ‘death instinct’. But that’s not say instincts cannot be redirected towards death. In the case of a narcissist I think he’s saying he likes and maybe still likes the idea of control after death as well as his own narrative of his idea of strength ie overcoming his own will to self preservation.

[@Lave.Nder.]

Это не Фрейд, а первая стремление к смерти описала Сабина Шпильрейн

[@Lave.Nder.]

Ден имеет творческий подход к решению данной проблемы. Очень благодарна. Очень жаль что его Тик Ток канал заблокирован в РФ и мы не можем приборести книги на Амазоне. Но будет интересно почитать, так как Дэн имеет много интересных инсайтов

[@herbieshine1312]

I find it very strange when people haven't/ dont think about or plan their suicide. As jacob says he's always had those thoughts. I relate very much as i can remember being suicidal, or at least wishing i was dead, when i was 9/10 yars old. Those thoughts were very deeply embedded by the time i was 11. It seems strange that people wouldnt and dont think about it. To my mind you "always" have an out, a plan. Thank you borderliner. Im always so pleased when theres a new video from you and miss the more regular ones.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks as always Herbie. Wishing you well. -P

[@therabbithat]

Right? I've been doing it since I was a little child. Undiagnosed ADHD in my case but very happy for people who live without this... habit Herman Hesse would say we are Steppenwolves. Highly recommend the book, even though there's zero resolution, it's a great description. No idea if it was BPD, BP or ADHD, or all three. Maybe not BPD because he got to experience the euphoria like we do with ADHD and BP and I don't know if you ever get that with BPD 😭

[@Camposdarko]

You need help urgently far from normal

[@Camposdarko]

@@therabbithathow are you able to say you have adhd if you are not diagnosed?

[@raquelmorales4419]

My ex did a couple weeks ago and it’s heartbreaking! I knew nothing about narcissistic people

[@dickiedoberdoo3554]

I'm sorry for your loss..

[@Blackmarketmusic13]

There's a chapter in, 'Internal World and External Reality: Object Relations Theory Applied' by Otto F. Kernberg, about middle-aged narcissism which describes and explains that difficulty really well with suggestions of how to manage it. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in this area; it's not a recent book but still relevant and the author has made significant contributions to personality disorder research and treatment.

[@thejassgowda7750]

I lost my brothers, I wish I saw this before cuz until now we all thought it was ocd depression and anxiety but the actual culprit Is NPD. He was a perfectionist of course in every task and had this as his last reserve. I wanna support all you angels sent from above ❤ from India

[@etherealradar]

We hide the experience of peace and creativity in death. We push death far away rather than experience it in a moment. That is danger of persistent fantasy and the prison of memory. Ones ego is a mirror that traps them and the will to death is an avoidance of dissonance. Pain is dissonance, we connect pain and pleasure in order to chase what is predictable rather than grow from that dissonance. What he said at the end was simple but powerful ❤

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

New Borderliner video ?!?! Christmas came early 🎉❤💜

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks for the ever-nice comments; really appreciate you here. -P

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

@@BorderlinerNotes❤❤❤ Great channel/content as always

[@bigaddo]

I have done this, it put me in hospital for a week followed by 3 weeks of a medication change. For me it was more about future fearing and that with me in my current situation people will leave me, I can't have that. I am fearing that I will go down a more harmful path before death in around 40 years. I don't want to harm anymore, I don't want to harm myself.

[@nana-w4m7t]

Hey, I used to behave in a lot of similar ways and I was just repressing. It becomes easier at least for me to empathize with Jacob here if you imagine him as a representative for a consciousness off screen that is expressing the pain of being unable to add value to their life. They are saying that they understand how to get the value if it were theirs, but its not, so they're like what I used to be just an aesthetic getting what should be their value based on the aesthetics around them, but then when that value (admiration, romance etc...) is consumed there is no internal satisfaction. Not trying to airmchair diagnose anyone, or tell anyone who they are, but very similar to how I was experiencing life and how i was trying and failing to get my needs met.

[@BEAGS19774]

Can we get Charlotte back, please?

[@di_kid00]

Would be incredible if led by a psychologist or mental health practitioner. Already grated by the self-grandiozing storytelling and the pleasure he felt from having this interview. And it would help to see this questioned and compassionately challenged by a psychologist.

[@futureMarc]

As the great Karen Jocobs once said, "I have this urge to join you right now," [kzbin.info/www/bejne/kGiafKR6osR5ebssi=eSbG6Pn14gwcY-0V&t=509] -- no challenging, no disruption of the narrative. i guess that's where a "good" psychologist comes in; to stop, to halt, to redirect the narcissist -- but guessing that would also be when the patient/client got up to leave the session?

[@therabbithat]

What's the point in interviewing someone with NPD and then expecting them to mask it? And a therapist challenges you when it will be helpful to you. Not because they find something "grating" or for the entertainment of others. This stuff is hard. I'm happy with the format where he goes off and works on it in a safe environment and then presents what he learned to us here on KZbin, a much less safe environment (even though this channel is as safe as KZbin can get)

[@di_kid00]

@@therabbithat It’s like being kept up by an abuser for hours at night until you’re left sleep-deprived. The self-inflation (him talking of people finding him attractive), the going on and on about other things of himself, until the host interrupted him to ask about his use of emotional manipulation to end himself, was highly infuriating. Others seriously struggle with self-exit, and he talks of it like a game. And a professional health practitioner is needed to explain the difference.*** According to Dr. Ramani, most with NPD can’t stand therapy. All they want is to able to go on and on about themselves, but therapy is meant to make them BETTER. To heal their narcissism.

[@intodewood0598]

​@@di_kid00 He's not your narcissist. If anything the fact that he's here is already a plus. Assuming he can't change or whatever Dr Ramani says, isn't it alright to at least have him as a casr study?

[@marvinsmith9039]

Great depiction of the suicidal difficulties from a narcissist's perspective.

[@lorrainegordon6745]

Hey Jacob, there a guy who I feel i am one of his most favorite person who i believe is s narcissist. He discard me for the second time because I hurt him. Can we about it? Want to talk to you about rock bottom and therepy.

[@lorrainegordon6745]

I do have Facebook, intergram, Twitter, tictoc, Snapchat, and email

[@lorrainegordon6745]

I do not want him to kill himself but think about therepy and rock bottom

[@lorrainegordon6745]

I want to talk to him about Rock bottom and therepy I mean. Can we talk somehow

[@umayoub5]

1st few second of opening this i recognised the narcissist facial movements my narcissist relative acts same way.

[@darkmom8903]

Hi borderliner notes! I am wondering if you ever heard of the methylation cycle (specifically the COMT mutation) and how it might relate to BPD.

[@SaskiaLightstar]

So brave, vulnerable and authentic. We’re all on our own hero’s journey ❤

[@corygall2340]

It is hard to believe that other people don't have thoughts of suicide, that made me laugh.

[@catherinejanet5806]

ikr, feels like he must be from a different planet

[@LadyCaroline123]

What is the Eyore video?

[@BorderlinerNotes]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/aoCwc2eCrdpoiKM

[@pineappleflow2876]

I dunno would a narcissist be this open?

[@saladfingers.]

bro looks drunk

[@j0.ZEF-Who]

you felt like you knew how other people people would feel - hmm interesting

[@NunYa-db7jy]

Would it still be considered Jacob _mind reading_ if it involves the _future_ thoughts after Jacob's (considered) actions?

[@00st307-m]

Sorry but isn’t the guy on the left NPD not BPD? Feel like that should be clarified FIRST. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen his videos either on YT or TikTok about being diagnosed NPD

[@Seafox0011]

Cluster B is a spectrum disorder. BPD is at one end followed by NPD through to sociopath on to psychopath and finally full schizophrenia.

[@herbieshine1312]

The title does say "narcissist"

[@Wingedmagician]

🙏

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

Jacob is super smart.

[@coraly6821]

Jacob, it's a miracle you are alive. Glory to God brother. From experience, I can tell you that Jesus Christ can provide the peace you long for. Seek and you will find, that's a promise from the Scriptures. May God bless and keep you!