My Partner DESTROYED My Most Sentimental Item And Sees Nothing Wrong With It r/Relationships

[@thebigmystery7841]

I like to think her sister saved her even in death. Her candle was the catalyst to finding out what a monster that man was

[@krazycats564]

Carrie still looking out for OP. Very sweet ❤

[@savvivixen8490]

I thought the very same thing! I'm glad OP was able to rectify the whole situation before things got more horrendous than it could have been! 😨

[@mothercabbagepatch3344]

I hadn't thought of that. Such a sweet thought. Is someone cutting onions?

[@okayno4045]

I hope she sees this or hears this somehow

[@cpaul9269]

wow - good call - hadn't thought of that. What a wonderful way to look at it. Cheers to you!

[@BlackTheBerserker]

As I was listening, I was predicting he was trying to destroy the candle because he saw her deceased sister as competition for his affection, and he was trying to get rid of the remnants of her. But good lord he's even worse than I thought, this dude is downright predatory.

[@Ziyanani]

i was thinking during the update the op is much nicer person than I am.. if someone deliberately broke something from my mother to upset me I'd have done more than tell them to fuck off. I'd have to have restrained my brother from murder at the very least

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯 Eeek

[@ginathecookie]

Yep. He needs therapy and to not date for a long time. Like damn.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Op’s ex is a complete narcissist. Only attracted to depressed women in need of saving. With a hero/savior complex. This rabbit hole just keeps getting deeper.

[@jodieg6318]

I don't think narcissist is enough. That guy sounds like genuine psychopath, he's a monster and he knows it.

[@joeegnor658]

I don’t see any evidence for narcissism, sociopathy, or psychopathy here. He might be one of those- but all we see is a predatory kink, manipulation, and what we observe as lack of remorse. That’s hardly enough evidence to declare him anything but an abusive asshole.

[@Barlmoro]

@@joeegnor658 i thin too he maybe had narc tendences but these word are told so often that the lost there weight.

[@jackchop1576]

@@joeegnor658 Some people online think everyone's ex is a sociopath, narcissist, borderline and/or bipolar these days.

[@quartzskull8772]

@@joeegnor658 you don't think the willingness to cause emotional harm is indicative of anything or maybe the lack of remorse?

[@MizTameRumors]

Holy sh*t Eugene is an actual psychopath. The fact he's just so honest about his manipulative abusive insecure bs is amazing.

[@malificajones7674]

Super sick asshole. The whole point of being a "white knight" is seeing the person you're "rescuing" see a full recovery from their trauma. But to deliberately destroy such a precious memento in an attempt to send her spiralling off into grief again... omfg.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Lot of stories were a psycho just flat out drops the mask and thinks they have the op to deep they won’t go away

[@Pavium]

More of a White Knight rather than a psychopath. He does have mental issues but psychopathy isn't the main one.

[@kristinicole2055]

Right we need his info so we can steer completely clear 😂

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Eugene is a psychopath. It’s good that OP broke up with him but like that one comment said it’s horrifying to think that he’ll just continue doing scuffed shit like this to other people.

[@carterpitbull7366]

Any man ‘turned on’ by a woman crying is 100000% psychotic. He enjoyed hurting her, like what the fuck.

[@amalielk]

@@carterpitbull7366 Yeah. Imagine destroying someone's most treasured possession for sexual gratification. He never saw her as a person.

[@dionysus_adores]

He liked being a hero? (More like a villian) Mate isn't ready to be around people in general I shudder to think if he ever has kids or gets married. Will he keep his wife in total misery and the kids would be put through the same hell. This is the kinda guy who would definitely end a beloved family pet to make himself happy.

[@meadowsong8560]

Wow. Eugene is disgusting. Makes me worry what he will do if he can’t find a “damsel “ to rescue. I mean he was already willing to destroy a hugely sentimental item of OPs to throw her back into a depression. I wonder how far he will go to hurt someone to “rescue” them later on in life. Very disturbing.

[@Ayimii]

There is a website that I could probably look up again, but I don't feel like right now that people post their crazy exs to warn other people for future relationships. I don't mean crazy as in the typical AH, narcissist or manipulative crazy that is terrible on its own. I mean clinical or permanent harm kind of crazy. It has volunteers that moderate it, and it requires some type of proof to be posted to it. I believe it was an investigative initiative started by a homicide detective, and the example people put on there is both horrifying and tragic. Be safe out there.

[@travislee3203]

Story 2: I have no doubt that after just minutes of The family visiting, the sister manly wanted everybody to F off And get outside she could sleep! Hovering TWELVE hours later IS JUST OBNOXIOUS to the mother. And missing OP’s Graduation was a garbage move. I’d hold that grudge for a long time.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

Having gone through something similar to OP, I can say it took me a long time to get over my grudge against my family.

[@illbeyourstumbleine]

Mom here, also I do natural and each has lasted the very minimum of 30 hours, I have long labors. I’m saying that after the baby is out I don’t want to host anyone. When I do I will let you know. You show up unannounced and I will ask you to please call next time and see if we are ready for company because we aren’t right now. I wasn’t this way with my first and I got so overwhelmed hosting I had a complete breakdown at week two. There was no one helping really, just there to hang and see the baby, not cook or clean for me, not let me have a bath. They even gave the baby to me when she needed a diaper change! Don’t get me started on the few that asked me not to feed my baby in front of them in my own home. Yes they wanted me to go into another room. I promised never again and 4 more babies I kept to my word and things were so much better, no more breakdowns! Call first, I will tell you if I am up for a guest and if you come expect me to jump in the shower and ask you to start a casserole from the freezer while I’m in there😂

[@despinasgarden.4100]

Story 1: I remember this one, OP's ex is horrible and he's going to make every woman he dates miserable. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel needed by your partner, but wanting them to be miserable and depress so he can swoop in and be the "hero" is just disgusting, specially when he gets sexual gratification from it.

[@carlrood4457]

Worse, he's not even just waiting for life to throw one of its curveballs at OP so he can swoop in for the rescue and get himself off. He actively and purposefully did her harm. He likes being the hero, and doesn't even realize he's a villain.

[@teragram38crows49]

I sincerely hope that man never has children. No one needs that kind of their person in their life. Whether as a partner or a parent.

[@Callimo]

​@@carlrood4457Dude is totally in his antivillain arc, for sure 👀👀👀

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@teragram38crows49 Me too. I can't imagine how much harm he could do just to feed his hero complex.

[@aztec0112]

How is this any different than the woman who destroyed her husbands work product, just to see if he would cry. PEOPLE are awful, and it's not gender exclusive.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 2: I hate graduations, I find them to be the biggest waste of time. I've only missed one graduation. Mine. Anytime someone wanted me at their graduation and I had the time to be there, I was there. Child going from the 4th grade to the 5th, I was there, because they wanted me there. This lady has no excuse, and I hope she finds a way to make it up to her chid. NTA

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 OP left out the part where the mom was the sister's personal emergency surgeon who had to be on call. Oh wait-- that's unethical and not what happened. The baby was already born and husband and MIL were by her side. Mom is just being ridiculous. OP got an award and honored her mom and her mom missed it for an asinine reason. Dad was gone 3 total hours NTA

[@agentzapdos4960]

My hypothesis is that the sister was favoured in this situation because making babies is what women are "supposed to" do. Even ostensibly progressive people have this internalized misogyny.

[@AlphaEarth]

@@agentzapdos4960 Few get the chance to celebrate 2 daughters 'achievements' on the same day. Irony is baby mommy didn't need her mother at the hospital, and mother missed out on a ton of praise from her other daughter. Now both daughters and husband are mad at her, all for the sake of attending a 3 hr graduation including travel and pizza pick up LOL. I guess some folks just don't know how lucky they are.

[@frst78]

​@@HEFFATIMThis whole new "no contact" "low contact" with family trend is toxic af. Obviously its hurtful, but just like we were taught in preschool, use your words. This grey stone mentality is manipulative at best and absolutely not productive in terms of interpersonal growth. The mom is in a state of euphoria with the grandchild and has tunnel vision. It happens. She was wrong. Explaining feelings and expectations going forward is what needs to happen. She is owed a huge apology but going low contact is just childish. Wait until your child arbitrarily decides to go no contact with you over an honest misunderstanding or emotionally charged moment and see how you feel then.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

Dollars to donuts mom feels the need to compete with MIL and that’s why she didn’t go to OP’s graduation.

[@VorenusXIII]

@@frst78 ""no contact" "low contact" with family trend is toxic" Wrong. They are great. Never underestimate the power of walking away. "use your words" Words are wind. OP gave her mother the chance to apologize. The mother refused. Fuck her. OP did everything in her power to save the relationship. It's time to just walk away.

[@joeegnor658]

I went in thinking “maybe he just absentmindedly grabbed every candle..” Instead we get the most effed up white knight f**k boy crap I’ve heard in a great while.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

No one absentmindedly light ur dead sister candle

[@mothercabbagepatch3344]

Yes, I was thinking it may have been a silly mistake during a stressful time (storm) The update just got worse and worse. The fact he knows what he's doing and sees nothing wrong with it.

[@amandabaker4678]

I knew that had to be a lie, because OP mentioned he was burning them all DAY while she was at work. I have been through a multi-day power outage that started during a snow storm - even when it's storming, you still have some natural daylight - he didn't need that many candles to be lit in order for him to see during the day!

[@ginathecookie]

I don't think it was absent-minded to begin with given the location

[@Wander85942]

I was upset when my sister almost exploded one of my new candles because she lit and forgot about it. I just couldn’t image how much of a gut punch that loss is. After the update- he’s sick and disgusting.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Jeez

[@arianebolt1575]

Well that's upset because of a dangerous mistake. A little different from upset over deliberate destruction of a priceless object.

[@Wander85942]

@@arianebolt1575 I’m like op I love my candles and it was brand new. That’s what I mean though. If this was a candle with serious sentimental meaning destroyed by some freak playing hero. It’d be like losing them all over again.

[@KarmatheCorgi]

That boyfriend in Story 1 is a disgusting human being... taking advantage of women when they are most vulnerable and using that to be a "white knight" to boost his ego... makes me sick!

[@BMakabre]

I'm a guy, and even I felt physically sick hearing the update. People like Eugene NEED to be locked up in a psych ward.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@BMakabre You're absolutely right! This is DEFINITELY NOT someone who should be allowed to walk among us.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: OP's mom should have been at the graduation. Sister had given birth and likely needed to rest. Dad made the trip to the graduation. Mom missed out.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I feel like mom was trying to interfere with the MIL bonding with the grandbaby. She doesn’t live close by and that right there should have been reason enough for mom to go to the graduation to give MIL time to spend with the baby, but noooo, she just had to stay! She probably has a “I’m #1 grandma” vibe 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@roarkkariyama]

I wish nothing but the worst for Eugene. Hearing him spew that BS made my blood boil. I hope he tries the wrong one and they respond in a way that makes him regret being born.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Or he gets castrated I guess

[@missvoorhees7964]

As a sex worker,this is a real fetish,unfortunately. I blocked a potential client after they told me they'd go as far as telling women they'd get off if they died or blame them for their families deaths just to get them to cry.its called 'dacryphilia' and its horrendous

[@Pippa87]

I went to Google and you know what: I’m having a good day and want to keep it that way. Good for you for blocking him: protect your mental health!

[@Mira-gu6we]

Yes. There are men who intentionally harm women to feed off of her tears/suffering. Vampiric act.

[@13thMaiden]

Well that's horrifying! Glad you blocked him and keep protecting yourself, sex work is hard work with the loonies out there. Poor OP, seriously some fetishes are damn disturbing!!

[@Plaprad]

This reminds me of a quote from the movie "Broken Arrow". "I don't know what's worse. The fact there's a nuke missing, or that it happens so often there's a word for it."

[@Callimo]

Aaaand this is why some kinks need to be shamed D:

[@Lestaticate]

Story 2: I feel so sorry for OP. I get being concerned for your kid and newborn grand baby, but the parents already saw the birth, no complications, and everyone was going to go back to the hospital anyways, yet the mom chose to miss the graduation. There was no need for the mother to bring up the drama she caused to her recovering daughter, poor thing blamed herself. I’m glad OP’s father and sister have such a tight relationship, I just don’t see how things will work out with the mom after this. I just have a feeling she’ll just keep getting defensive and come up with excuses to justify her actions.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

in my family it was the other way around. My mum had 4 kids under 10 when the oldest gave birth and he was angry my mum wasn't in the hospital, like she could dump her kids that easy.. My mum was the mil, his wife had her mother in the room.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

Honestly from here out the OP needs to put some distance between them and there mom. She start crying wondering why she's not being kept in the loop about OP's potential wedding and kids. I'm betting she's also damaged her relationship with her husband, doughter and new grandkid.

[@recycledapathy7411]

Story 2: I say this as someone who has two kids and didn't complete my college degree. Giving birth is not an accomplishment. Completing grad school is an accomplishment. If Mom's motivation was actually "she had a baby, she needs support," she should have been at the sister's house doing laundry and cooking meals instead of tiring out someone who just gave birth.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Giving birth absolutely *is* an accomplishment! How could it not be?

[@illbeyourstumbleine]

I agree 100%. I know the parents were wanting her to leave them alone to have family time with their new little family. Being in their space at the hospital isn’t help, just like you said, help is doing things for them after they’re home. Even then make sure you’re wanted and needed there. Idc if you are the grandma, you are no longer your daughter’s priority, go away!

[@arielortiz5643]

Story 2: I am sure the mother will not apologize and will try to make herself the victim. She will back down only when OP's father and sister tell her how wrong she was in a non particularly kind fashion. Story 1: Felt a bit weid that he started dating a person that was going through the grief of losing her sister, but never expected that. Poor OP.

[@franciebelcher4594]

100%! OPs ex is absolutely disgusting! The ick factor will gross me out all day.

[@jasonrustmann7535]

He's just bizarre. I can't understand him at all, like, i get wanting to be a "hero" to someone, but part of my wanting to help is getting that someone to a point where they're good and don't need help anymore. But to purposefully try to break someone like that, just to get a boner? What an odd individual. I'd like to hear more about his past that could have made him like this. To be the therapist that eventually deals with him is gonna have a field day lol

[@franciebelcher4594]

@@jasonrustmann7535 not odd. He's psychotic

[@jasonrustmann7535]

@@franciebelcher4594 well yes, without a doubt he's a full blown psychopath. But it's just so unusual for these kinds of stories. But now that i think about it, isn't there a thing called like nurse nightingale syndrome or something? Where someone keeps someone depending on them so others praise them for taking care of them? That's gotta be what's going on here right? Just with the added bit where it gives him wood too. Again, just absolutely bizarre individual.

[@franciebelcher4594]

@@jasonrustmann7535 nightingale syndrome is when a patient develops romantic feelings towards a care giver. Munchhausen by proxy syndrome is when a care giver keeps someone sick, so that the care giver always feels needed and gets attention for "saving" the sick person. I hope that psycho never has kids. They'll end up head cases too

[@themichaelhaginsshows]

Wow. Story 1 guy is SICK. The kind of guy that would kill a dog just to make his girlfriend cry. What a psychopath.

[@TT-fy6hk]

in other story gf deleted 2 hard drives of guy's work just to see him cry... and he forgave her. I don't see the difference. mental cases all around

[@icedragonbreath]

Good thing OP's sister didn't leave a dog behind. He would have killed it to make OP cry.

[@Nyanx4]

I thought the exact same thing. The partner in the previous story wanted tears for her own emotional release, even going so far as to declare OP "inhuman" for not showing that side of himself. Imho, that satisfies the degredation kink aspect of dacryphilia. Both dacryphiles in the stories got the tears they wanted, but only one of them managed to escape their non-con partners. The other convinced himself to go back, and I worry about what she's going to destroy next to get her next reaction. Wishing both OPs a safe (hopefully single for a while) life. People who engage in emotionally harmful kinks without informing their partner are vile tbh. Consent is key, first and foremost.

[@smapa1185]

​@@Nyanx4 I don't really think the wife in the previous story got anything out of it sexually. She was abusive moreso off a misunderstanding rather than an intention of being sexually predatory.

[@Nyanx4]

@@smapa1185 I don't know that we should give her that charitability. I feel like the difference is that she came back to her KZbinr-OP with tears, and the candle-OP's partner came back with blunt honesty. Especially consider that YT-OP _did_ cry for his fiance so she got what she needed from him, whereas candle-OP made the resolve to better herself and continue being strong- the opposite of what her ex needed from her. Additonally, paraphilias aren't always about classic sexual arousal, though that's usually how they're most easily spotted. There are some people with fetishes who literally _can't_ be aroused, for example. _(I know, as an SR-ace person, I'm still confused on how that works, nobody's really given me a good explanation lolol)_ As I understand it, sometimes it's more of a psychological need or a way to control their partners. It's why you should especially be suspicious of those who engage in non-consentual kinks _(not consentual non-con, that's different),_ because sometimes it's less a matter of direct arousal and more about control. Think of feeder fetishes. It's not necessarily always about sex, it's about having the power to destroy their health and force them to rely on the partner for assistance in everyday life. Undeniably a fetish and a paraphilia, but things can go deeper than that. Especially when only one half of the pair is even aware of the situation.

[@kp2223]

Dump him! , how many candles did this man need ?! After the update, i feel vindicated in my gut reaction. He knew exactly what he was doing.

[@copercurlz]

Story 1, that update made this so much worse. That man is a gross person for doing that to OP. He burned the candle to make her "a damsell in distress" again. He only loved her because of that. I hope he never gets another gf because no person deserves that. That comment hit the nail on the head: he is not going to change because he is okay with it. I'm glad OP got away and I feel so bad that she lost her candle because of that awful man. I'm glad she also made a new candle. I want all the best things for OP. She deserves it.

[@carlrood4457]

He gets off playing hero, but is actually a full blown villain.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Me too. Especially after losing her beloved sister and her treasured candle.

[@IrisAsuras]

Story 2: The mom is the AH. I've had children. I NEVER expected people to spend a whole day up my ass at the hospital with my newborn babies. That would have actually been irritating since the mom and baby also sleep. WTF

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: the fact he was turned on by a woman he met was grieving….. that was disgusting….. so he can only get his rocks off on his partner is emotional distress…. He wanted to hurt OP just so we can beat his meat? WTF!

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Eugene is nuts and a danger to others. Unfortunately, he will never want to change because he's a predator who projects damage onto his partners.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

Oh my god, my heart is breaking for the second OP. I can't explain it, but it's the exact same feeling of a kid showing their drawing that they worked hard on to their parent and having the parent just toss it.

[@trout512]

Wow, if I were as messed up as Eugene and was as self aware as he is about it, I'd be in therapy yesterday. Forcing other people to participate unwittingly in fetish stuff is beyond horrific, and the fact that he hops from victim to victim once they get back on their feet just makes it so much worse.

[@nataliestafford6231]

Story 2 - I can't help but have the feeling that the mum was having some jealous feelings about the OP's award. Especially if the mum didn't get any awards when she was learning about the same field and that she feels that OP will even surpass her one day. My first thought when OP said she was following in her mums footsteps was that mum feels threatened by it.

[@pee74332]

Exactly!

[@mothercabbagepatch3344]

I was thinking this too. Maybe the mum is jealous because she is coming to more the end of her career and OP is just starting.

[@wendyhadley2764]

If the mother ever gets around to acknowledging what you said about her in your speech I would be very tempted to say mom don't worry about it , it was all a lie .

[@laurentiare]

*Story 1 OP:* I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister and I wish you the best in life. *TA:* The fact that OP’s ex is THAT self aware of his behavior and sees NO PROBLEM with it?! WTAF. I’m so glad OP got out of that relationship as fast as she did.

[@justozzy5559]

The last story was sad... OP's entire family is so supportive of each other except for the mom.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: If I were you I would dump this guy, he has absolutely no respect for you or your grief. Story 1 (update): Wow "Eugene" is a monster...He did this intentionally to hurt you, good that you dumped this trashbag.. Also great that you took the advise about remaking the memorial candle.

[@ferbobjr4569]

Wow he’s after victims, he doesn’t want them to be damsel in distress or need help because that would mean he wanted to help, he just wants them down and kept down… yuk, OP was lucky to get out, sucks so much that he did that to her but she found a way to keep on her path of healing 👏 well done OP keep remembering your sister and living your life well

[@Prettypoisonswitch]

WOW.... Story 1. Just Holy Sh*t! I have been listening for a long time and that story nearly broke me. I went from just being angry for OP to feeling physically sick by the end of it. That man is beyond disgusting. He is 💯% a Predator! The fact that he is AWARE of IT and is perfectly OK with IT is horrifying!!! My Gods he needs to be on some kind of watch list because that is SO absolutely F*ed up so ,so much! Thank goodness OP is away from him. It is terrifying that he is going to move on to someone else that's vaulnerable and continue this psychological ABUSE! That is what this is and I can't even think about how far he might go to keep someone "relient" on him to feed his Ego. I need to go meditate or watch some cartoons now. And don't you DARE blame yourself Mark! This is completely that inhuman piece of filthes fault!

[@tamar7065]

I felt physically nauseous at the explanation for why he burned the candle. Imagine causing that much pain to someone to satisfy your goddamn damsel kink. OP showed a miraculous amount of restraint. I think I would have ended up in prison after hearing that.

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 1 - Before the update, I just knew that burning the candle was a deliberate act. OP's ex is horrific! My ex also had what I called a "white knight gene", but without the creepy "I'm only turned on when she's in a depressive state" aspect. In his case, he wanted to jump in and do things for people to rescue them. OP did well to cut things off as soon as she learned that, and not fall into the sunk cost fallacy with him.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I see this week's theme is destroying your partners hard work/ important items. I'm not mad at it. Ready to get involved

[@dillongage]

😂 throwing down the gauntlet eh? Somebody has to put these people in their place.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@dillongage This heat has me in my rage era 💥😂

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: Impressive. Mom managed to insult both of her daughters at once.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

Oh right, this guy. He's lucky she didn't have a big brother that'd be happy to bend his knees backwards for being such a creep. What bugs me about these kinds of stories is the creep never faces consequences. I'm both recent stories you posted the victim loses.

[@dillongage]

Consequences for what? He did nothing but prey on her naivety and (no offense) stupidity. Thats not illegal. I feel bad for OP, but these kind of White Knight/savior types are always super easy to spot. This is why women need one man close in their life, be it father, brother or friend, there has to be atleast one. Any man would be able to point out how creepy he was. Intentionally dating a mouring/deppressed woman set off alarm bells in my head immediately. No man would willingly subject himself to that level of stress when there are millions of other women who arent emotionally devestated. The inverse is true for men. We need atleast one woman in our lives who will smack us across the face and tell us to think with our head instead of our cock for once.

[@Pippa87]

@@dillongage so it’s actually her fathers fault all this happened.

[@quartzskull8772]

@@dillongage things don't have to be illegal to deliver street justice you just have piss off the wrong person

[@Mira-gu6we]

He is out there victimising more women. Thats what hes doing. Shes lucky he left without causing her harm.

[@Mira-gu6we]

​@@dillongage woww you make men sound absolutely repulsive. Thanks for being truthful.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 this was done with malice and unforgivable. There was a surplus of candles. Even if it was the only one, he should have ASKED OP for confirmation or gone out and bought candles. That candle should've never been option when there were more.

[@dillongage]

Edit: Oh, I just now got to the update where he openly admitted to his insanity. WTF is wrong with this guy. Even if it isnt malice; the alternative is just that Eugene is dangerously stupid and doesnt listen when OP talks. There's NO WAY Eugene met OP while she was only 6 months into mourning, and she didn't tell him about the candle. Option 1) Eugene is intentionally a POS. Option 2) Eugene is the dumbest man alive. Either way, OP is better off without him.

[@Knives7777]

there is no way this wasnt on purpose.

[@dwilcox7706]

He didn't even need to go in her office. He totally did it on purpose. What's wrong with people that they can't let other people have something that means something special to them?

[@xelectrix]

Also, why would you need so many candles? Maybe 2 or 3 in the room you are in. You don't need to light up the entire house (OP said he was lighting candles in another room when she came home).

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@xelectrix Yep, back when I was younger, we would carry the candle with us if we had to leave the room. Why did he need to light up the room light there was a lamp on? No electricity means no computers, no tv, no electric stoves for cooking, etc. The only thing this guy could do is look at his phone or read a book (which I don’t get the vibe he did much of). If so , he only needed a few for that!

[@AndyyWithAY]

A lot of men are Captain Save-A-Hos and there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel needed. But what he did is downright predatory. I knew from the jump this was done with malice, the people giving him the benefit of the doubt were naive.

[@dillongage]

"Captain Save-A-Ho" 😂 where do you come up with this stuff? I'm trying to be mad at OPs Ex and you're making me laugh.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Dillon Gage I can't take credit for that one. Pretty sure I got it from Twitter.

[@Zhort-rk9nd]

​@@dillongage it's the title of a hip hop song from the 90s.

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: the boyfriend 100% did this on purpose, no one ever needs a candle that badly nowadays with phones that have torches attracted to them. He easily could have gotten upstairs and gotten the other candles. Too many people are allowing their partners to be emotionally abusive and manipulative towards them

[@dillongage]

"Torches" I found the British guy everyone.

[@RyanWebb-j2v]

He literally admitted to it obviously he did it on purpose. What are you talking about?

[@arianebolt1575]

@@RyanWebb-j2v I think this was posted before the update.

[@crem-crem4070]

@@dillongage I’m South African Ugandan

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Before update: I agree it was intentional. OP mentioned the candle is next to her sisters picture. There's no way he could accidentally forget the importance of the candle. After update: what a terrifying ending and absolute disgusting human being.

[@icedragonbreath]

Story 2. Sounds like the mom is actually jealous of OP. OP going into the same field and now her mom feels like she's not a daughter anymore, she's the competition.

[@Julienna]

STORY 2 - There is some obsession about the baby and OP´s mother stayed at the hospital because of some power play/jealousy of the other MIL and sister´s husband. She wanted to be the most important person there and then for whatever selfish reason. She does not care about OP nor her sister. This was about something else. OP will eventually find out. Congrats OP to your success and to a loving father and sister.

[@slushyslushfund9626]

The scariest thing about the ex in story 1 isn't that he realizes he's only attracted to damsels and is fine with that. Don't get me wrong, that's scary. But what I find terrifying is that he was willing to inflict new distress to re-damsel OP and didn't see anything wrong with that. I am so worried for his future damsels.

[@MaryTongx]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

[@MaryTongx]

@Joseph Green its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

[@83gemm]

Very few of these stories can still make me scream, “Oh my GOD!” but Eugene in story 1 did. Imagine being totally ok with saying, “Babe, I HAD to devastate you so I could get it up again.” Jesus there are some psychos just walking around out there.

[@stan8479]

I don't think Eugene is all mentally clear himself, if his savior complex is so big that he can't have normal relationships because of it. That guy has big, big insecurities that he needs to project onto others... Very toxic.

[@kentario1610]

Awww I had a good feeling about OP2's sister after she apologised for something not her fault, and then she gave her a little celebration at home! That's so sweet.

[@Reality_TV]

Story#1: Wow! She dodged a bullet! Good getting away from crazy! Story#2: The mother sounds jealous! The mother seems resentful about her daughter's accomplishments. She knew she could go, because the father went. She did that on purpose. The sister and dad are awesome. I would tell the mother to not worry about it. I'd make it clear that I would cry on the shoulder of dad's mistress when he decides to get rid of her. LOL, but then I'm petty.

[@ajarfullofjoy]

What an emotional vampire! He feeds off of the pain of his significant others. When their pain starts to subside, he sinks his teeth in to create more pain. Then runs away when he can't feed off of her anymore. Ew

[@catsithx]

Story one: so if he destroyed something like that. Op should destroy his gaming rig. Fair. Or his car.

[@dillongage]

"And thats why catsithx went to prison kids"

[@catsithx]

@@dillongage he had it coming!!!! *is dragged away by cop*

[@Plaprad]

Nah. Then she'd get in trouble. But... Accidents happen.

[@aphelion4616]

The fact the guy in the first story will find someone he can continually terrify to feed his own complex and delusion is absolutely terrifying to contemplate.

[@messinalyle4030]

Yes, it is scary as hell that OP #1's boyfriend was this self-aware and yet had no interest in changing. What would have been twice as scary would be if he was that self-aware, but intentionally never articulated his motives as clearly to her as he did, and just kept her around for years and years in order to fuck with her head, emotionally incapacitating her and keeping her a "damsel in distress." Once he laid his cards on the table, at least she was free to go. The trash took itself out. And it ended with her feeling happy rather than feeling like someone who had just been dumped. There's something liberating about someone disrespecting you so deeply that it becomes impossible for you to take it personally or internalize it. You just look at their actions and say, "Nope, this had nothing to do with me--they're just a piece of shit."

[@fluidwolf]

The mother in story 2 called the OP selfish but the mother was literally the only one in the story being selfish. Literally everyone else agreed that it would have been perfectly fine to go to the graduation and she should have, including the father coming, and the mother chose to spend even more time with the kid that was already there for half a day and would continue to be there after. Missing a probably once in a lifetime graduation where OP was specifically honoring her. I can't imagine how awkward and crappy it must have felt to have a speech set up to honor their mom only to have mom value you so little that she didn't even show up for it.

[@sarahlyon157]

Story 1, I went onto my husband's Sims game and made some tweaks to the Sim he had made to look like me (I was 19; got married young). He was super upset when he realized and I apologized, realizing belatedly that he viewed it as his art. To not apologize over what he did is insane.

[@sidepai]

As someone who has had something similar happen to me as the first OP it seems to be stupidly common. My ex tried getting rid of the item I have. I was thankfully able to retrieve it with little problem, but it was mind-blowing to me at the time. Hopefully 1st OP will be able to find someone who won't be a psycho in the future.

[@Empress58]

Story 1 had me thinking about the “a woman written by a man” skits and how one of the tropes was that the girl was always crying or in mourning (lost her sibling or parent to the villain or something like that). Now I realize that is just one of many fetishes men have of women. Disgusting.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 1 had me in tears. I had a brother who was 19 years older than me, he passed away when I was 10 (am 35 now) and I still miss him. I don't think you ever "get over" grief, I think you just learn to live with it. It doesn't go away, but you get used to the pain of the loss. I wish I could send OP a massive massive hug. I wish I could tell OP that her sister was so lucky to have such a caring older sister. Sending all the love to OP. 💔

[@Foxxnsocksart]

“They’re definitely gonna love me now that I did this.” 😒 Edit: WTAF listen to the full story.

[@browniewin4121]

1) What a tragic loss of OP's sister. That sentimental candle should never have been considered a candle to be used because it was a keepsake, and he very well knew it's significance. He was disrespectful and very unkind and I think there is no excuse for him to be so cavalier about ruining it and not making a very sincere and heart felt apology. I do hope OP dumps this guy, he is bad and wrong whether it was a really stupid mistake for which he should feel remorse, or deliberate in which case he is vile. OP needs either no one, or someone better in her life than this guy. After update: This guy is a perverted creep with only wanting someone who is hurting for him to be able to feel he is "a hero" OMG, he is despicable, to learn why he did what he did, it is vile and sickening He is a predator feeding on someone's misery and promoting it. 2) I'm sorry for OP to be discounted by her mother who really didn't need to miss the graduation as the baby had already arrived and she could have been away from the hospital for a few hours. It's good dad and sis are on OP's side. That OP's mom chose not to be there to see her daughter receive an award and listen to her speech makes me feel sad for OP and also angry on her behalf for how her mom told her she was selfish for expressing her hurt and disappointment. NTA. 3) Good for mom & sis for having OP's back and telling mom she needs to apologize.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Story 2 pre update: i can almost feel mom told the sister either as a way to make OP feel even more guilty or this is part of a pattern where she tries to pit the sisters against each other.

[@flamiaminu5536]

Oh my GOD. OP's ex made me feel angry like I haven't been in a while. I applaud the collected way she reacted to that information, because if it had been me, I would have ended up in jail, and him in a morgue.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

I agree with Mark. That there are people out there like this is absolutely terrifying!

[@willSugar]

Story 2 was a definite NTA. There really is no need for the grandparents to be at the hospital 24/7 in fact it is really tiring to have to deal with visitors when healing from child birth and I bet the sister would have appreciated the break.

[@naturalPaths]

Story about graduation: Mother did not choose sister, she chose herself. It was a grandma competition (in her head). She didn’t want the other grandma to be there when she wasn’t - as if that would make MIL a ‘better’ grandma or something. I don’t think mother was who OP thought she was.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Thank you! These were my same thoughts…she wanted to interfere with MIL’s bonding with the baby 🤦🏼‍♀️ She should have gone to graduation to give the other woman time to do exactly that since she doesn’t live close by. She gives off vibes of being #1 grandma!

[@rebeccay480]

1st OPs ex is disgusting 🤮 2nd story: NTA the mom is unreasonable. It was only a ceremony that'd take a few hours.

[@renee0_0]

Some of the most horrific human beings in this world think that they are nice guys and that there's nothing wrong with them.

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: So true, it's scary how people like that exist S2: NTA even if OP didn't give a speech. I hope OP her dad and her sister either get through to the mom or cut contact with her for being an ahole.

[@willh1655]

There is no way possible for lighting that candle "on accident." You don't go down into another room that you rarely go to and grab your ladies most prized possession and light it when you have a dozen candles elsewhere. It is literally impossible.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Story 2: Why on earth would they need to spend an entire day at the hospital after the sister had a problem-free birth, and both she and the baby were fine? I sure wouldn't want family there with me all day and night after going through childbirth! I'd want to rest and bond with the baby. I suspect the OP's mom was feeling some rivalry between herself and the MIL, wanting to establish herself as the favorite grandma, which is stupid because the baby's too young to pick favorites anyway.

[@sandrag3854]

Story 1: the reply from 70ms had me tearing up. Such a beautiful idea!

[@maurer3d]

Story 2 (before update): NTA, your mother could have easily done both things, been there for the birth (and a few hours), leave to go to your graduation, then go back to the hospital again. If your sister was still in labor when your graduation happened I could see one parent staying at the hospital, but the big even had already happened.

[@patheon9541]

story 1 update: just watch the next "damsel in distress" the ex dates is gonna spread gossip on how much of a piece of crap he is and then his ass is gonna be isolated...if not her then possibly the next but it's a matter of when will he be isolated

[@raycollete8457]

In story one, I feel in a way that her deceased sister was almost protecting her? That candle is the reason that she was able to see him for who he really was in the end- what he did was completely fucked up and so is he, but God only knows what else it would have been if it wasn’t that candle… I’m glad she was able to salvage some of it though, and that he left her life.

[@void9938]

The first commenter brought me to tears. What an amazing human.

[@linkinlady06]

In the first story WTF kind of predatory BS is this!? He actively sought her out because she was going through a terrible time apparently "needed saving"? And the only reason he wanted to be with her is because she was a Damsel in Distress? I always knew there were different types of predators in the world but this is the first time I've ever heard some BS like this and I am completely disgusted by it! It's bad enough that you pray on a person who is experiencing loss or some type of traumatic event but the fact that he got mad that she was actually bettering herself and trying to move on for him!!!!..... you know what I'm good....I'm good with being single because this sh*t right here man SMH

[@rivertam7827]

The line about not wanting to have sex with OP because he was no longer the hero actually made me physically ill 🤢

[@Cel3ere5]

I have a book of exteme sentimental value from a deceased loved one. If something happened to it, deliberately, by a person, I'm pretty sure I would black out from blind, unaltered rage. If hands flew, that'd be the least of that person's issues.

[@targaryenxmandi]

Wow. A guy who was turned on by women who are depressed or upset? How can someone so heartless do this to OP? She's grieving over her sister and Eugene had the audacity to burn her sister's candle? OP made the right choice.

[@maddy4362]

The ex who was only into damsels in distress is kind of terrifying

[@jeanproctor3663]

Story 1 - Bloody hell, that was a rollercoaster wasn't it? And that now-ex is an awful monster! I'm glad that OP has got rid of him - he's seriously warped and not at all in a "nice" way! Story 2 - OP is definitely NTA and I'm glad that her sister and Dad both talked to her Mum and told her she needed to apologise. So glad she has them on side and that her Dad went to OP's graduation.

[@YouTubeChannel-ru8ed]

Op’s ex is DISGUSTING like that is vile and disrespectful and absolutely awful and very scary. I would seriously expose him completely because that’s disturbing

[@yamiarisu49]

I know I said this in a previous video with the similar situation like this, but destorying items by weaponize incompetence in a HUGE RED FLAG. A good person will literally do everything but destory something.

[@ronniec427]

Story 2: Even if OPs mom is of the opinion that graduations are dumb, even if OP was just walking and not giving a speech, OPs mom should have come. You do things for the ones you love because those you love think they are important and those you love are important to you and therefore you should make the effort.

[@vamp567]

Story 1: What a psychopath...

[@ponykazy3725]

14:16 gave me a much needed chuckle after story 1

[@nairbvel]

If I was OP in the 1st story, "Eugene" and his photos would figure largely in my social media posts, as well as those in more specific survivors' groups that I would make a point of joining to post his info in. Nothing specifically defamatory, just his own words and a couple of identifying photos.

[@Mewse1203]

Ex in story 1 is 🤢🤮. The fact that he was willing to victimize her to get his locks is despicable.

[@CatLoverX74]

Story 1 what a disgusting piece of garbage that boyfriend is!! He is an absolute monster! 😡 I’m glad OP was able to make a new candle and with it find peace. I’m happy that monster is out of her life just feel sorry for his next victim 😢 Story 2 that mom was the one being selfish. There was absolutely no need for her to be at the hospital. The sister needed rest and even told the mom to go. Idk the mom’s motives but I hope she at least sees how wrong she was and apologizes.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Mom has a grandbaby and OP has been replaced in her affection. From now on Mom's focus will be on that grandbaby to the exclusion of all others until the next grandbaby arrives.

[@nydiajohnson3632]

OP in the new candle try to do this. T he process is simple - print out your photo, wrap it around the candle, add a layer of wax paper then use a hair dryer to apply the photo onto the candle. Use your favorite photo or artwork, create a photo collage, or even use your favorite quotes or expressions. That will make Carrie’s Candle unique.

[@meimei51793]

7:24 okay teared up a bit that is such a sweet solution to such a terrible situation. “She made the vessel you made the love “ T_T

[@cjb2749]

That dude is MESSED UP, but I'm glad to hear that he at least KNOWS it. A lot of people spend a good portion of their mental energy trying to duck and dodge reality, and hold on to whatever makes them feel ok about who they are or what they're doing. Hopefully now that he has acknowledged his toxicity within himself, he will start being upfront about it with potential partners, as well as taking steps toward fixing his damage

[@bollocks42o]

I’ve been in a similar situation to the graduation OP. My older sister gave birth the night before my prom, and I had a mini-meltdown in my room upon finding out that not only had my mom not woken me up to be in the delivery room (she didn’t approve of my sisters decision to have me there) but all my female relatives that were in town to take photos and help me get ready, were at the hospital all day… leaving me to get ready alone. My sister felt terrible, I felt terrible, and it was just a shitty situation. Looking back, I feel silly for being upset but also sad for my tiny self.

[@VesnaVK]

This is so much like the wife who destroyed the OP 's video data because she wanted to see him cry.

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Story1: Its a powerful means of abuse that can't be tied back to you - tricking your partner into hurting themselves.

[@sadraccoonboy]

Man what a freak that first boyfriend is 😕 like that comment says, for him to be aware of the thing he’s doing going only after women in low points of their lives is so wrong and gross

[@brie1162]

3:38 We have an “ofrenda” in our house, we have candles and pictures of our deceased family. My husband isn’t familiar with our culture on a deep level, he just knows the meaning and why we have it. He has never tried to move it take things down to “get out of the way”. If he needs to move things to clean or to make sure things won’t break, he does, but then puts things right back.

[@elenasimon1270]

Story 2. Buy a copy of the graduation ceremony. Give it to your mother for the next celebration. Mother’s Day, Christmas or her birthday. She needs to hear your speech!

[@KyrieChii]

Bless the sister in that last story... It's so nice to see people not being self centered AHs. Mom absolutely fucked up. Story 1: That.... is so gross. His predatory behavior, destroying a sacred keepsake intentionally to hurt her so he could swoop in & 'rescue' her, he's a freaking nightmare. I'm o glad OP has a shiny spine & a great support system.

[@dillongage]

2:42 im sorry OP, but anyone that believes in "love at first sight" is not ready for a relationship. It demonstrates that you're easily blinded by your emotions.

[@kemonono]

I mean yeah but at the same time...She was not herself whatsoever at the time, plus she wasn't actively looking...not to mention clearly he was manipulative [saviour brain smh] so I'd say we can let it slide

[@dillongage]

​​​@@kemononohat just proves my point more. This guy was an obvious creep and she couldnt tell. I'm not saying its her fault, but people need to start going to therapy, not seeking comfort in others.If you're deppressed, mourning, etc. Stay single. Work on yourself. Until/unless OP truly moves past her sisters death, she will never be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

[@Diahrrea_Jones]

Chastizing someone for not making good decisions when they are emotionally devestated and overcome with grief is so gross and just blames the victim. She was going through one of the most emotionally painful periods of her life and felt totally lost. Eugene took this as an opportunity to prey on her vulnerability. He came in with a hero complex, swept her off her feet, and made her feel safe, loved, and protected, when she had nothing else to hold on to. Of course, it must have felt like love at first sight; Eugene was emotionally manipulating her. That's what abusers do. They seek out damaged people and prey on their vulnerability.

[@kemonono]

@@dillongage I never said I disagree if that's what you mean, it's true 100% I'm just saying I give her a pass on this one, as for her not maintaining a healthy relationship...I don't get it everything was ''fine'' [you know what I mean with the ''] aside from the candle incident. I wish it was as easy as ''oh I'll just get therapy and get better'', sadly there's too many factors to it, I would love to just make myself better like that but it aint gonna work for me lol

[@Diahrrea_Jones]

@Dillon Gage How would you know if she's in therapy or not? That's a really big assumption to make, considering you have 0 evidence to back it up. Plus, she wasn't seeking anything in others; an abuser came along and decided to prey on her emotions and manipulate her into a relationship.