My Boyfriends Clique Keeps Pushing Me Out, He Says I'm The One Ruining Us! r/Relationships

[@TheArnaa]

So the ex-boyfriend supported OP being excluded because his male friend is uncomfortable due to their previous relationship but tells OP she’s overreacting and insists on including the woman she’s uncomfortable with due to his past with that woman. What a hypocrite. OP is well out of that hot mess.

[@Hope_this_is_just_a_dream1994]

What's the point of being in this relationship? You can't see him, you can't go on trips, and he doesn't stand up for you. What is the point? Dump his ass and go fund happiness

[@tully6648]

Right? I know it's a social fallacy to believe that one will always be friends with our friends' friends, but when you can't see the person you're dating and none of their friends seem to like you... Why stay? What happiness is there to be had, long or short term?

[@KadeStringer2.0]

You don’t ever read updates do you?

[@Hope_this_is_just_a_dream1994]

@@KadeStringer2.0 I did read the update. It's a personal opinion. A generalization. No need to get all bitchy over a post dude.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@KadeStringer2.0also, a lot of people will comment while listening to the story instead of waiting until it’s over and any fleeting thought you might have had flew out the window! But this comment is generalized and could fit anybody’s situation. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@kausha7135]

​@@stirrednotshaken4823yup! I do this all the time.

[@azuill1126]

The doctor just saying "well, *that's* not where it should be" is a seven word horror story in 99% of cases, but I'm glad that op happens to be the 1%

[@bunnyslippers191]

"Well, *that's* not where it should be," is usually right up there with having minor surgery with a local anesthetic and hearing your doctor say "Oops," "Oh, shit," or, worst of all, "Oh, *fuck!!!*"

[@Ashbrash1998]

Story 1: Red flags were waving when the bf wanted "friends" he had coming over drunk but said OP couldn't do the same. Its the hypocrisy with him and all the other stuff that they need to break up for good.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

If this was me and my boyfriend acted like this, I would just do whatever I wanted regardless of what he had to say about it! Exactly as you said, he is a hypocrite…”Do as I say, not as I do”

[@ronhall5395]

Is this dude even a boyfriend? Why was he drinking all.day then having two.females come over at night to drink some more? Not boyfriend material! So his friend, who.is female had a fight with the guy she is dating, and wants to come over and get drunk.with your boyfriend? Sound reasonable? No! What was the fight about? Oh yeah her BF does not like her spending so much time alone with OPs boyfriend! Yeah, dump the dude. Dump the who friend group. They have some kinky scrap they are doing on these trips. That is why no couples are allowed.

[@syrliawarrior]

My husband went on a trip with "just a friend" I was uninvited by her. He was ok with going. Naturally because he hooked up with her, an ex and a rando while he was gone. If he doesn't fight for you to be included HE doesn't want you there. The fact that he was with his ex says it all

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Girl, I hope that's an ex now!!

[@questions3983]

You said, "My husband". So your still married to him?

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Seriously, I hope this guy isn't your husband anymore. Because everything else is spot on! That was my first thought about why he didn't think it was a good idea for his gf to come along. I mean why would he since he already has an ex coming 😂 Op was very stupid. Parents should do better jobs at raising their kids to spot narcissists, manipulative jerks and abusers.

[@user-lr7dk7mt2w]

​@@jaymevosburgh3660in some cases they don't see it as red flags they see it as normal because many people who are doormats and ignore abuse were abused by people just like the ones they end up with

[@KSull6736]

My thoughts exactly. They are long distance yet he doesn’t take opportunities to see his gf in person? Why? Because he’s getting fucked by his “friends” when OP is not there and probably downplays thier relationship

[@jacearmor5274]

I think the front group is helping to hide an affair. Even if there is no affair, I feel sorry for anyone who dates any of the other members of the friend group. They will probably feel the same like they're being iced out

[@maggpiprime954]

It reminded me of the story where the OP's s.o. was having drugged up orgies at the chalet with the friend group.

[@LunaP1]

Exactly.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Honestly, the four of them sound like a secret polyamorous couple.

[@imweakfordeaky]

@@MasterBuilderDragonmore like a “4 on the floor” pile, or swappers. I can’t imagine being part of a mixed-but-platonic friend group that excludes our partners. It’s sketchy af.

[@carolinenagel7085]

@@MasterBuilderDragon I was tihinking the exact same thing. Not amorous per se, but groupsex, yeah...

[@Oggystein]

Story 2 was kind of funny. No matter how hard you plan for life, you can never prepare for the middle finger of fate

[@GamerGeekGirl651]

Story 1: I was exhausted listening to that story. Why would u stay in that relationship for so long? I’m glad she finally wised up.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

I couldn't get passed her wanting to have a serious discussion with them when they're all trashed.

[@BaeBunni]

sometimes it's better to exhaust some options rather then assume the worst and leave immediately

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

​@@BaeBunniSometimes, yeah I guess, but not in this situation! Op should have left long ago.

[@MrBuns-yi2hk]

Story 1: I wonder why the other girl is having relationship trouble. Maybe it is because she went out drinking with another man and she has a history with that guy. OP is NTA.

[@jenniferkay9789]

NTA, but truly an ignorant fool, if she ever thought this guy would wake up...

[@LadyBern]

I think the op mentioned that the friend's bf was uncomfortable with the relationship with op's ex. It is funny that the clique is ignoring this or just being willfully blind to the fact that their prioritizing their exclusive circle is jeopardizing outside relationships.

[@kp2223]

​@@LadyBernThey are not clueless to it. They're doing it intentionally because this way they get to keep him for themselves. A click needs People to exclude an o p and the other boyfriend are it.

[@kaname4ever]

Story one: they are all ducking each other...... fudge that boy and his friends go find a guy who lives near you and loves u for you

[@sandracox4341]

First story: this boyfriend has no respect for you, your boundaries or your feelings. Why are you with him?🤷‍♀️

[@JoJoGranum]

First story the thing is about cliques is that they always exclude people and always need someone to exclude. Once the excluded person rejects the clique it falls apart.

[@BruinPhD2009]

OP is like the Meg Griffin of this group. Everyone craps all over her, but the minute Meg stood up for herself, the family fell apart. Only difference here is these chumps will find someone else to torment. Great episode of Family Guy, but the way.

[@BaeBunni]

yea but it sounds like they can bring in another unsuspecting girlfriend/boyfriend to do that. Probably why the first story the girl got dumped because he didn't want to deal with this crap anymore.

[@kp2223]

​@@BaeBunniI was thinking this is what the fight With the boyfriend must be about

[@madambutterfly1997]

The boyfriend who can’t respect reasonable boundaries cliche

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Considering how many "ex's" are in that clique and how often it sounds like they fooled around in the past I have a feeling on the trips none of them leave the motel room. 🤔

[@dream6562]

Op is a red flag, you don't get to dictate who you're gf/bf gets to be friends with

[@kashiialcuin1688]

While I do think that the friend group is all sleeping together. Op also didn't make boundaries in the beginning just commands. The whole relationship is problematic

[@anthonygilmour6236]

@@dream6562 yep a red flag for yourself to work on when you date POS like OPs partner.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

@@kashiialcuin1688 💯% agree

[@tully6648]

Story 1: So by the end of this story I was like "God, this group sounds like a gaggle of super young 20-somethings. Did they just graduate high school or what?" That's when I realized I hadn't really paid attention to the ages at the start of the post, went back to check, and I was FLOORED. These people are all nearly 30 and they're like this? I was expecting pre-25s at most, but 27-28 year-olds? Christ almighty.

[@paulastiles5507]

I know senior citizens who act like this. Sadly, you grow up thanks to life experiences and your response to them, not just due to biological age.

[@KSull6736]

Yep this is people who peak in hs and live off thier little clique thier entire life cause they’re insufferable to everyone else 😂

[@AndyyWithAY]

Having ONE trip with friends who don't want your partner there, might be acceptable depending on circumstances. And if it's an established regular mono-gender trip that's different. I don't want someone's BF or husband infiltrating a girl's trip. But, this is a coed trip and seems like they frequently do this. The BF is the issue. No one who loves you will let "friends" treat you like this. And WTF?! He's allegedly ok with OP dating BF, but their past is why OP can't go. I'm so glad she got rid of him

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

Agreed. It's also fishy that the "friend" OP's bf was banging is allowed to go "despite their past pairing", but OP can't because of her "past pairing? Nah, something else was going on. OP needs to ghost the spineless cheater.

[@Azulakayes]

OP better just leave those toxic a-holes and get a better boyfriend.

[@Swnsasy]

Bingo.. They are extremely immature and childish.. It really doesn't make sense that he constantly puts them over her because they say and have the say and she has none! I would never be in a relationship with someone who puts his friends treating me like crap.. This would always be how it is and the boyfriend will never take her side..

[@ronhall5395]

Her boyfriend really is not that into her. II suspect that night this chick came over she spent the night in his bed. Maybe not doing it, but cuddling all night. While they may not be current lovers, they seem to be headed that direction. A few vacations together is not too bad since she is long distance, but to insist she not attend any is telling.

[@GMAMEC]

I remember hearing a similar story regarding college classmates (a coed group) excluding the wife because they didn’t like her . Some people thought it was ok to exclude the wife. Any group who intentionally chooses to exclude an SO, especially for petty reasons, is a group filled with toxicity and hate.

[@EllieC130]

I'm so tired of hearing that the person who the partner is cheating with doesn't owe the cheated on person anything. I get it, in the past the AP has gotten the brunt of shit in stories (often because misogyny) but some people take it too far. If you know you are cheating with someone who is taken entirely of your own free will (i.e. excluding blackmail or similar situations) you are doing a shitty thing and the onus is on you to stop, maybe not as much as the cheating partner, but you still have an onus.

[@Musiyca]

Exactly. It's not about loyalty to a specific person, it's about morals and principle. Being a bigger person should never fall on the victin, but society should hold that to both people participating in the affair.

[@EweOlive]

There's also the nuance of when the AP is a stranger or not. If the AP is anyway acquainted/related to the person being cheated on, then they do have at least *some* expected respect of the relationship's integrity/both parties.

[@madambutterfly1997]

If she had any respect for you, or your relationship with him, she wouldn’t be sitting there trying to convince you that nothing will happen between them.

[@madambutterfly1997]

I don’t believe in “breaks” either were still in a relationship or we’re not. I wait for no one and I’m not gonna sit on my hands in this limbo transitional period where I am somehow single, but also not

[@tully6648]

Amen. "Breaks" cause way too many openings for problems. Either do, or do not.

[@HinataElyonToph]

@@tully6648 [*Ross from Friends screaming in the background*]

[@-ilkis-]

Story 2: I don’t buy that the boyfriend was afraid she would leave him. I think he was afraid that HE would want to leave in the future and felt shitty about it.

[@PrincessLioness]

That’s what I think too. The fact that he definitely wants a child corroborates this.

[@Musiyca]

What if he meant her dieing? You know, cancer makes her "leave". He just didn't say that to not make matters worst.

[@BoxOKittens]

Something similar happened to me back in highschool. My bff had a friend group of girls who hated me for being a lesbian. They pushed me out and made me feel like crap, she let it happen, then called me the a-hole when I finally left her behind. It sucks to realise that someone you loved and trusted never respected you.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Kids aren't something you just "try". Either you do it or you don't. You make the choice to be responsible for a HUMAN BEING.

[@kausha7135]

"They had a fight. She's not safe!!" God, reddit is irritating. This is inappropriate. She can find another friend or a hotel.

[@Jami-Frankie]

The denial in the 1st story is heavy in her!

[@LT-hg7fc]

My friend dated/married a guy for 9yrs and having children kept getting put off for some reason or another. Finally he said he didn’t want kids and she was 39 at the time and they divorced. It was sad because she’s 55 now and never got the children she wanted so badly.

[@Musiyca]

That's a lesson learnt for younger women - if there is no enthusiastic yes about having children then he doesn't want them. "Maybe" in regards of having kids is also a "no". That simple. Additionally, baby fever needs to be treated more seriously. Like, why do you want to *have* a bio kid? Children used to be explained as a result of two people loving each other deeply.

[@candiebarr6745]

That "friend" group are probably all in some sort of relationship together. Why else would they get so upset about adding a 5th?

[@mystearicanohr9521]

Story 2 frustrates me. Like one comment said, husband has options. He could swap her out and have kids with someone else when he’s “ready.” Newsflash, no one is ever ready.

[@BaeBunni]

yea but the problem is unfortunately he won't lose his ability to have kids when he is older so he probably doesn't consider it a problem to wait.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Given that she is preggo now, hopefully BF won't go completely nuts and want to break up. Of course, he'll still be on the hook.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

"He would not be ok with the opportunity to have kids." Yet, he doesn't want to take the only opportunity they have. So he basically admits he'll leave when she's infertile. OP is lucky she got pregnant. Had she left, she would've never met another guy to marry and get kids with on time. She deserves better than the husband though, it's all about his side and how he's not ready. While she's the one getting cancer.

[@WabbitHunter68]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm I wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted kids and tricked her into marriage.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm That’s the part that stuck out to me as well. It’s okay if he doesn’t want kids right now, but with that little tidbit an expiration date was placed on the relationship.

[@lillamacsai7699]

Last story: he is still not ready for children, but had a hallelujah moment due to the universe, as it had taken the decision out his hand. Good for OP, but that fiance... ugh

[@jenniferkay9789]

She's probably already lost it. Sad, but where he's concerned, it would be for the best.

[@StephFish1004]

So OP isn't allowed to be uncomfortable with him spending alone time with someone he got it on with, but it's totally fine for her to be excluded because she used to date one of the friends? This entire group is a walking red flag. Cut your losses OP and leave

[@carolrondou6161]

First story are that friend group high-school mean girls? BF is cheating and his friends are covering for him. OP is the side chick but she doesn't know it yet. I'm glad to hear she walked away. Second story I am so sorry about your diagnosis. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[@Azulakayes]

Or maybe they are having group relations with each other like a bang-clique which is gross. Glad OP noted out of that.

[@CooperGal24]

So everybody's straight up calling OP the AH, but failed to see that the BF's not only a verbally abusing douchebag, but also a liar, manipulative, disrespectful and selfish scumbag. I think OP's way better off just ditching this scumbag loser and moving on with her life. The BF's hurting OP mentally and emotionally, not to mention that BF's intentionally disrespecting OP's boundaries, being neglectful and intentionally pushing OP out of any with him, but HE wants HER to take the times of her life to do what HE wants to do and be with the people he wants to be. "OP's the AH, SHE shouldn't have done this and that!" THIS isn't about what OP did, THIS is about how HORRIBLE, NEGLECTFUL and ABUSIVE the BF is to his girlfriend! ALL RED FLAGS, and OP should just cut ties with the toxic douchebag.

[@CavalryKnight]

yea OP is pretty dump, she is trying to control him. This is what happens in toxic relationship you become the bad guy. Her boundaries are crossed, and she is telling him what to do instead of walking away.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1: If a relationship is this hard why stay?

[@JoJoGranum]

Well I’d be thinking she should have just dumped him straightaway as well. One thing is, she let the toxicity hit her too. Fortunately she got herself out before it goes worse

[@carlrood4457]

@@heatherdickau5335 In a word, Inertia. In general, people have a tendency to keep going in the direction they're currently going. It takes a lot of effort/energy to change course vs. being drained a little at a time staying the course.

[@AnimeFreakX4]

That first story was clearly boyfriend started dating his ex again. The way he kept excluding op and their long distance thing. Just feels like they were all having fun mocking her and waiting to see how long until she breaks up with him.

[@HinataElyonToph]

Or the entire clique turned into an orgy group

[@slick8086]

Story 1 Update: never make someone a priority, who doesn't make you a priority. She should have left this guy before the update. Don't try to shift the blame to friends, HE is the one who is the problem. He prioritizes them over you, it isn't their, fault it is his.

[@psychickumquat]

Second story: The people lambasting the boyfriend for being "inflexible" are awful human beings. Sure, no one is every truly "ready" for kids, but that doesn't mean the best option is to jump in blind and hope for the best. Talk to a lot of people who had f-ed up families and ask them how just their parents just diving in worked out for them as kids. The boyfriend's concerns are valid and he has a right to not want children at the moment. I bet these same people would be calling OP a horrible monster if the genders were switched here.

[@kweilinwaite4642]

Why couldn't she freeze her eggs... he wasn't ready and I understand the circumstances is messed up but my Spidey senses are telling me it's really convenient that she basically took his choice away 🤔

[@amadddd0]

S2; OPs fiancee wants kids, but just not yet. Her clock is ticking, but when he is ready, she'll be unable. How shitty

[@nuttmare9438]

Story 2. Sometimes fate steps in when tough decisions can't be made. In my case, it's in situations when I've run out of hope and didn't know what to do next. It's a comfort because it does take you out of that place you're stuck in and allows you to move forward. I think it was OP's time and fate intervened

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 2: The universe works in mysterious ways. I'm glad for OP, but I don't know about her fiancé. The way OP put it (IMHO), it seemed like he wasn't that happy about the turn in events. 😕

[@gmun2248]

"It shouldn't feel this hard making the right decision" was what she said when they had a talk. I.e. his decision to not try to have a kid now was making him feel bad & question himself. Some people just have this life plan they expect their life to follow & don't cope well the first time something disrupts the plan. To me, it sounds like he was like that. He wanted to be x age and have $$$ in the bank before starting a family & he wasn't there yet. It just took him a bit longer to see he had to be flexible, or give up something. I don't think there was anything that made him sound unhappy about the pregnancy.

[@Musiyca]

@@gmun2248 OR he felt like that because OP needs cancer treatment, which is constly and can be risky and may result in loosing OP. What if that's his true fear of OP leaving? That's also financial aspect - the treatment itself is expensive, but so is pregnancy, delivery and then raising a child. And funnily enough, that's actually how it works. The right decisions are the hardest ones. Not rushing for biological baby and actually taking care of OP's health is much more important.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: "His male friend at this point cited "our history" as a reason why he felt uncomfortable." Nope. 1) If he's claiming no unresolved feelings, he can't now call past history. 2) They ALL have past history and it's not stopping them from going. They're hypocritical at best, and up to something at worst. What you need to ask yourself, and him, is why their feelings and wishes are more important to him than yours are, and ask yourself if this is a trend you're OK with continuing after you get married, have kids, etc. Because he's made it clear he has no interest in making changes. That said, he's shown you repeatedly that he won't pick you. So YOU pick you, and leave him with to his "friends." S2: "He HAS expressed that he is worried I'll wake up one day and decide I don't want to be with him anymore, and that's one of his worries about trying for a baby" jumped out at me. Rational people don't just suddenly worry that their SO is going to up and decide they no longer want to be together, when there are no problems in the relationship and they're engaged! Is he looking for an out? I hope I'm wrong, that just struck me as off. Though granted, he's probably scared of losing you due to your illness and I can't imagine what is going through his head. OP, if I were in this position and I really wanted kids, I'd probably a) have a good hard talk with several specialists to figure out what my long-term prognosis is. B) Draft a will, including talking to others about possibly taking in my theoretical child in case the worst happens, and if they're willing to even do that, as well as set up a trust/college fund/whatever your finances can handle, and c) do it myself (sperm donor, egg freezing, whatever that meant) and let fiance figure his shit out in the meantime. Life likes to have the last laugh sometimes.

[@dimsufferer9951]

These people are pushing 30 and act like a high school clique

[@damien678]

In story 2, he could have a more anxious personality. He sites being worried about finances when they own their own home and both have well-paying jobs. He's in a position many of us would kill for. It could honestly be that he's an anxious person, that he knows his fertility isn't at stake, he's already one foot out of the relationship, and that he's worried for her health. I'll also say... I've worried about my partner up and leaving one day. This was because I knew I was messing up in the relationship. I wonder if there's another area of their relationship he knows he's neglecting and ignoring, like maybe not enough quality time together.

[@pee74332]

Why is he marrying her if he feels like she will up and leave him one day? He sounds too immature to be marrying anyone.

[@stellamccoy5259]

S1. OP, you just need to drop this boy and his friends. There is no way in hell I would tell an SO that they couldn't attend a trip because his friends said so. S2. When is it ever a good time to have kids? There will always be excuses. If you really want children, then it may be the time to find someone new. He is not even thinking about you, just himself. NTA OP.

[@Flakey101]

You do realise she would have to meet some one new and convince them to have a child in a matter of months, she does not even have a year to procede with this plan?

[@worldissuesmatter1643]

Story 1 reinforces the idea that you need to move out of your small town. Everyone has a history with everyone and they’re all upset. Move away.

[@jenniferkay9789]

They're long distance.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: While I remain relieved that I ultimately didn't have kids (partly through choice and partly through infertility issues), I always found it irritating that people without infertility issues seem to expect those with them to be their Emotional Support Animals. This poor woman has been going through cancer, yet she's been expected to protect and soothe the delicate fee-fees of the manchild she hasn't even yet married, while he dithered her last chance for children away. Glad she managed to get pregnant, at least under these circumstances, and I hope that it will be a healthy and successful pregnancy. But dang, her fiance needs to step up and grow up.

[@carlrood4457]

First, a long distance relationship require A LOT of time, effort, and consideration to even have a remote chance of success. It requires even more devotion because it's too easy to be distracted by every day life and the relationship isn't right in front of you to focus on. Second, this kind of sounds like a co-dependent group that never got out of "college mode". It's fine to maintain friendships later in life, but mature people understand that jobs, relationships, and even other friendships become more of a person's focus. Drinking all day and getting trashed on a regular basis at 28 is a sign of immaturity.

[@jeanproctor3663]

Story 1 - So it's fine for OP's boyfriend to retain his friendships with these girls that it sounds like he's got off with in the past, from what OP has said but not for her to go on trips with them because they don't want it to be a "couples" thing? She does well to bin him and them off. Let them keep shagging each other! It's only their futures they're messing up. Story 2 - What a nightmare and poor OP! It's not easy when you feel you need to try for children ASAP because of her health concerns, but I'm glad their outcome was a good one.

[@emmathereb]

Yeah I’d tried accepting not being included in the friend group before. He kept me at bay making it about having separate time and it’s good to have outside people blah blah. Then it turned into “I do t want to have to entertain you while I’m with them” turned into me finding out he was extremely jealous of one of his friends and didn’t want me around him at all. It didn’t matter the explanation. Every single one hurt and has no basis in reality or my behavior. Also; talk about happy accidents.,, that could’ve gone bad FAST had they not communicated before finding out

[@user-blob]

S1 is ridiculous. Sounds like all 5 of them have way to much “history” with each other. Don’t they know any other people?!😂 S2: Ffs just adopt and be done. Much drama over nothing.

[@gregorsmirnow6337]

I can't believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment.

[@Alfy1980]

Story 1: I think the group want to be the 4 of them on trips because they are effing around with each other.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Story 2, NAH, Glad it worked out. Ops Boyfriend had a point however, Couples always start off thinking it will be forever, A partner promising it doesn't guarantee anything.

[@cb9825]

Story 1 - everyone is way too old to act like that. If they are not mature now at almost 30, they never will be.

[@thatjeff7550]

2nd Story with woman with cervical cancer cells: YEESH!!! OP needs to have a deep discussion with onco regarding this. Children should be the least of her concerns--cervical cancer is extremely nasty and her chances of surviving it is low. (edit after hearing last of it) Okay, I guess the point is moot. Still though, she reaaaally needs to have that hard talk with her onco. I don't know how her onco is but discussing things with my wife's and later my friend's, getting them to admit to the seriousness of dying from their respective cancers was like pulling teeth.

[@charitynordstrom5734]

Cervical cancer is extremely treatable if found early. Ovarian cancer, however, is rarely detected early and is more often fatal

[@user-blob]

What are you talking about? Cervical cancer is very treatable 😏

[@Tswizzle266]

I was thinking the same thing - you have cancer! Having children when you could possibly die is outside what op should be focussing on.

[@Musiyca]

@@user-blob Yes and? Cervix is your birth canal. Doesn't matter if you treat cancer first then have a baby or baby first then treatment - it's all bad for the woman and hurting way too much. Additionally, this cancer will be hereditory for the child too. Why bringing thich to a child if you can get treatment and adopt later?

[@Musiyca]

I really don't know hwy those ObGyns are still allowed to practice. Everytime I hear that women's health can be fixed by just getting pregnant is so insane to me. Acne? Get pregnant. Thyroid? Get pregnant. Any other hormonal imbalance? Get pregnant. Cancer? Get pregnant. Cancer doesn't stop just because you get pregnant. Doesn't really matter how treatable cancer is. The treatment itself weakens your body, and depending how's your body doing before treatment, you may not make it in the end. So considering having a child at moment like this is highly irresponsible and selfish. Fiance worries about finances not only because raising a child is expensive. You also need to pay thousands for pregnancy and delivery. And then for cancer treatment, which you might not make it. Additionally, cervix cancer is just not safe for pregnancies and delivery. There is a history in this comment section that a woman had to laser cervix, it was so bad already, but she wasn't done having babies yet AND 4 YEARS TOOK HER TO HAVE 2 MORE BABIES CAUSE SHE ALMOST DIED WITH 1ST BABY AFTER THE DIAGNOSIS. This is so irresponsible, selfish and just insane to me. People would half-orphan their children in the name of having 2 more, despite it not being safe due to cancer!!!

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 it seems like you have to choose to have a child or stay with this man. Doesn't seem like you can have both. I think this is over bc if she stays it's very possible she'll become resentful.

[@clairebear-96]

Awww I’m so happy for the OP on the last one, I hope everything works out for them 💛

[@mellttabor2134]

Story 1- while everyone seems focused on the dating between friend all I heard was “ my boyfriend is drinking, my boyfriend is wasted, my boyfriend is drunk” ummmmm red flag… RUN!!! Doesn’t matter if his friends were guys, if he’s drinking a lot with friends they will get up to stupid things AND STAY BROKE. This is not a good relationship and he’s sooooo not putting you and your relationship first. Nope nope nooe

[@damien678]

That one comment outlining the difference between 'boundaries' and 'commands' is very legit. People have gotta learn the difference.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1 I think perhaps one of the girls in that group has feelings for OPs boyfriend, and all the other friends know this so they want to keep OP away from the group. I went through a similar issue when i started dating my husband. There was a group of friends, 2 guys and 3 girls (hubby included) that had been friends since middle school. They were all single, except for my husband (then boyfriend). Each time they made plans as a group to do something they would tell my husband that it would just be the 5 of them and that he shouldn't bring me along. He was okay with that and I was okay with that at the beginning. However, even after a year of us dating they would attempt to still pull the same, "Oh, it's only gonna be us 5 friend group." But my husband put his foot down. And he said, "Absolutely not Christine is going to be my wife soon. She is part of my life, and we are a pair. If you all don't like that, then I won't be going either." They stood down and respected my husband's decision, and things got a bit better. But, one of the girls in the group really went out of her way to ignore me, and would be cold towards me. The other 2 girls were nicer, and I found out through them that she wasthe one always wanting to leave others out so it would just be them 5 hanging out. I told my husband many times that she liked him, but he always said, "No way, she is like my sister." 2.5 years after starting to date my husband and I got married. Of course the other 4 in the friend group were invited. The night after the wedding a bunch of us were hanging out in the hotel bar dancing and drinking. Well, that one girl that was always cold to me came up to my crying, slurring her words about how I ruined everything, and she had been in love with my husband since kindergarten, and now she will never have her chance. I felt more pity for her than anything else. My husband was shocked by what she said. The next morning I suggested he have breakfast with her downstairs and talk to her. He was surprised I suggested it, but said ok. They had a long talk and he let her know that he did love her, but like family and not in a romantic way. She admitted she knew that, but was holding onto hope, but understood now it would never happen. The shocking thing out of all this is 28 years later she and I are best friends. She is married and her 4 kids and my 3 kids have grown up together. Her eldest daughter and my eldest daughter are set to be married in the spring of 2024.

[@HinataElyonToph]

Awww. I’m glad everything worked out in the end. And I get it. Even when you know the person you have feelings for doesn’t see you in that way you can’t help but hold onto some hope, because the alternative rejection and hopelessness hurts like a bitch. But I’m glad she had the maturity to accept it wasn’t going to happen and move on

[@tfrtrouble]

Nobody is ever ready to have a child therefore you should just do it even if you strongly feel you're not ready?! Well that's the stupidest argument I've read in a while. Children are a huge responsibility and you should be committed and sure you want them because of course the challenges will surprise you. If you are not even positive about it to start out with, this is a recipe for miserable and resentful parents.

[@elainapowell5237]

The part that really bothered me was the comment that said he would very likely be on board with kids if it was his fertility and not his wife's on a time crunch. Even OP seemed to agree. That kind of selfishness rubs me the wrong way and kinda made me think that if there wasn't an unexpected pregnancy he would have left her eventually to have kids.

[@damien678]

They at least sound financially ready, he's just anxious and probably not emotionally ready Which is why I think she should get some eggs frozen, or go to a sperm bank

[@mercurialmelody]

That she characterizes how he talks to her as verbal abuse and he pushes back so hard against reason--not to mention the fact they are already long distance--means she's better off letting go in my opinion.

[@Jermbot15]

Story 1. They have the sitcom Friends in England right? So frankly I'm not sure why she's surprised at how this turned out, the insular friend group is going to date amongst themselves until they either settle into any combination of stable relationships and exiled members. Meanwhile she's literally Emily, a recurring guest star who only shows up once or twice a season because she lives in a different country, and who's only dating Ross to add drama to the tired 'will they, won't they' with Rachel. "Rachel" and "Ross" might have fallen back into each other's arms the night she and her boyfriend had that big fight and she found herself at his apartment drunk, but then his girlfriend from Ireland called. His girlfriend from Ireland doesn't understand that the audience really wants the two core cast members to get together, and it spoiled the mood. Roll credits on that episode leaving the audience to wonder, will "Rachel" and "Ross" ever see that they complete each other.

[@brandyb2931]

I was never financially ready to have kids, but we made do. I raised some pretty awesome young adults. If we wait till the timing is perfect, for some of us, that time will come.

[@benmoreno5882]

If there is a cosmic force out there it basically told the dude in story 2 "adapt motherfucker"

[@marshmello3455]

Story 1: the more I heard about this, the less I understood why OP wants to be in this fucking relationship. I kept saying, "Girl! Cut your losses!"

[@joshguerrero8760]

When the friends stare including their BFs and GFs on trips OP's BF is going to realize he has crapping friends and try to come crawling back.

[@margielou6914]

Girl… you are the 5th wheel in those 4’s relationships! They’re a group of “friends” made up of two girls/2 guys… they are double dating

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Example # 8,466 of Why Are You Even With This Person? Girl, ditch the manbaby and go find yourself a fish with less baggage.

[@VeggieMama722]

I find it funny that they use OP dating the friend years ago and to one of the reasons why shes not included but OPs boyfriend looks past his history with his FWB when OP sets boundaries

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: I am so sorry, OP. I went through a very similar situation: during a routine PAP smear, they found severe dysplacia. It quickly spread from being able to freeze a tiny part away from the cervix, to having to laser a lot from there. I already had 3 healthy children, but I was not yet ready to stop, nor was my husband, so we later had 2 more. Baby 4 was born 7 weeks premature, and we almost lost him and me. We waited 3 more years for our final baby. It was high-risk from the onset. Every time I moved, I would start bleeding, a lot. I had to go on total bedrest from the onset. After baby 5 was born, I knew to stop. The tests would continue to come in bad. I have no idea how many D&C's they had to do, but nothing helped to stop the bleeding. 3 1/2 years after the birth of baby 5, I finally found a doctor who did not laugh at my concern of all of the bleeding. He was so angry that no doctor had performed a hysterectomy. He booked it immediately, and 2 weeks later, I had the surgery. They only took the uterus, stating that the tubes and ovaries looked very healthy. I was done having babies. You, however, have not yet started. Talk to your ObGyn and ask if it is remotely possible to keep the ovaries to later harvest eggs, or if you need to harvest before the surgery. If at all possible, have a few eggs frozen, so that when the time is right, you can have an egg fertilized with your boyfriend's/husband's seed, and have a healthy serogate (sp) carry a baby or 2 for you. Good luck, and stay healthy. Edit: Congratulations.

[@Musiyca]

I'm sorry, do I read that correctly? You took a high chance of making your 3 kids half-orphans just because YOU weren't done having more babies? I would somewhat understand going through all that bleeding and pain if someone didn't have kids at all, but to proceed, especially for child no.5 despite almost dying with child no.4, seems purely selfish. Glad it worked out and luck was on your side. Still, it was too extreme for very selfish reasons and very little payout.

[@PuppyKatt]

@@Musiyca Please keep in mind that when I became pregnant with baby #5, I was given the all-clear from my team of doctors. None of us (me or the doctors) had any cause for alarm, until the bleeding started. All of the hospitals and EMT responders worked very hard to keep me and the final baby alive. Until I became bed-ridden, I had no idea how abusive my husband was. I had him ordered out of the house when I was 4 1/2 months along, and CPS hired nurses and nannies to watch me and my children until baby was born healthy, and pretty close to the due date. I was given the offer to abort by my team of doctors AND my Priest. I asked my priest to ask the congregation to pray for us. Never underestimate the power of prayer; when I went for my next checkup, there was no cause for removing the baby from my body, and we are both happy. My abusive husband was of the mentality that wives are meant to be bare-foot, pregnant, in the kitchen. 40 years ago, it was no easy to get out of an abusive relationship, and religious brain-washing.

[@MysticMae21]

#2. Couldnt she have her eggs harvested and frozen and once they were ready she could get them unfrozen and though a sarogate?

[@cpaul9269]

S1 - NTA. I can't believe for one second that she couldn't have found SOMEWHERE else to go....c'mon.

[@ShinePaw101]

Story 2: I get wanting to have bio kids- but the husband is the only one making good points! Also would she and baby even survive the pregnancy? Cancer fucks your body up and weakens you, now that she has a baby in her it’s going to come back faster because her body cant fight as hard! There’s always the option of adopting when the family is more stable. In her want to be a mother her, the baby, or both are most likely going to die now.

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Of course he doesn't listen. She said she's given this boundary repeatedly. This means there's been zero consequences, so he doesn't give an eff at this point. He's all full of himself just knowing op won't do anything

[@AndyyWithAY]

Thankfully I was able to productive today. I made some copycat Pillsbury sugar cookies. I'm going go try my hand at creating some caramel apple cookies. My brother ate the ones my bought and now we can't find them anywhere. I'm all in my feels right now bc I'm in the middle of a video YT recommended on one of my faves gone too soon.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

I'm so sorry that that happened and good luck with the carmel Apple cookies 💜💜🤗🤗

[@Mandage90]

S**t man, cp3 is horrible. I had cp3 cells a few years ago and it was terrifying. I hope op and her husband enjoy being parents, and after she’s about to have the treatment she needs to remove those cells x

[@utha5034]

And HE LIED! 2 friends coming over.

[@coreymartin6486]

People saying op was wrong or that everybody was wrong.....are absurd and likely hypocrites. No way would they like their s/o doing what bf was doing. No way.

[@wmdkitty]

Good luck to OP in Story 2, she's gonna need it.

[@marysmith-ps7uj]

Hon, drop him and go no contact with this group of still teenagers. Years down the road you'll laugh at their " We're only friends!" crap. Expand your horizons, make friends elsewhere. Somewhere out there is your true soul mate. It's not this guy for sure!!

[@kiaboss9945]

Story 2: clever girl 👏👏

[@helenlewis2510]

1st op sounds like a side piece who doesn’t know she’s a side piece.

[@Braenn666]

First story smells like "fcking clique". I'd say they're just sleeping with each other and OP isn't invited because they know she wouldn't approve of this (hence bringing up the past by the other guy).

[@keifferlindsey965]

If you wait for the perfect time to have a child, you’ll never have them.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Story 1: The fact he immediately dismissed it is the red flag for me. Maybe you can't always avoid being around an ex/hookup partner, but I know my partner would TALK to me, and we would find something we could both work with. And vice versa.

[@NixiePixie22]

so who else smiled stupid big with a gasp with story 2's update? 😊 many blessings to OP & hubby of story 2❣👏🏻🎊

[@Denuhm]

Story 2 sounds extremely convenient. I don’t trust OPs narrative.

[@imweakfordeaky]

It seems like the vast majority of times, a long distance relationship is doomed. It seems almost inevitable that one or the other will eventually cheat.

[@missamanda2703]

As a woman who carried I child undetected cervical cancer is almost always deadly. I carried my son for 7 months i had a early labor because of tha same issue. I had my son while i could and carried until he was safe. 31 weeks and had a hysterectomy. I am alive haven't bought a tampon in 20 years and have a 21 year old baby boy. Or so I think. 😂 He says he is an adult. Always my baby.

[@toothless3835]

An IUD falling out is exactly why I won't get one. Yikes.

[@mikeharris4763]

I just don't get why some of people who post stories just don't walk away when the answer is so clear when write them down

[@porter0311]

4 of them in a special friendship sounds more like 4 dudes getting gay with each other. In which case they all need to quit stringing along their girlfriends and get their collective asses out of the closet.

[@kannlowery]

She was in a relationship….he wasn’t. It was certainly time for her to walk away.

[@JMac7395]

STORY 1: OP is an approval seeker. OP seems to have this need to be liked, especially by people who she knows don't care for her. It's clear that the bf cared nothing for OP & their relationship, but it was too much of a coward to end it. Wouldn't be surprised if his childish friends influenced his behavior. Cliques like that are very toxic & controlling. If someone within the group tries to emotionally or mentally grow, they get ridiculed, mocked & bullied back in line smh

[@jemase7931]

Afraid she will leave. He is lying.

[@SwayTree]

I think that in the last story the guy was fine with having a child, he just got freaked out that it became "now or never" and felt preasured. So he came up with a random reason. It is normal when situation changes so dramaticaly so quickly. He needed few days to deal with his feelings and in the end he was like "ok, let's do it". And when the burden of decision was taken off of him he was happy with the situation. Sometimes making a decision is scarier than the consequences.

[@unheimlichbeaner]

Bet the argument was over them being out drinking together and the boyfriend being upset with it

[@pustulio007]

I loved the last story. Glad OP was able to get pregnant and able to work things out with her husband :)

[@mbyerly9680]

"Nature will find a way." Jeff Goldblum, JURASSIC PARK.

[@Flotton]

Much love all, happy Monday

[@erickaennis2738]

Story 2. I think the relationship is not going to make it if they don't try for a baby now. Her resentment is going to grow towards the fiance. A part of her will never get over it, or forgive him. Sad really. And this is his fear. Hope he can handle it. He still wants kids in the future, with who? Not OP. I think this is a deal breaker.

[@stuffedninja1337]

That silence is deafening.

[@rosebellewaihenya4888]

Why is she such a doormat, the bf really doesn’t care about her.

[@hdeodh]

S1: Calling someone irrational is verbal abuse? Why is OP trying to have a serious conversation with someone who is wasted? OP knows what she has to do S2: Ummm .. strange coincidence that the birth control fails while the partner was on the fence about having kids

[@angelicakaufman7183]

This is the perfect situation to play What's good for the goose

[@RoseKoneko]

I hope in the last story that it all goes well while she’s pregnant.